January 17, 2025 • 47 mins
Billified welcomes the multi-talented Orlando Jones – actor, writer, director, and comedian – for an unforgettable conversation that reveals the man behind the memorable roles. Known for his work in "The Replacements," "A Different World," "MAD TV," "Herman's Head," and as the charismatic 7UP spokesperson, Orlando sits down with Bill, Kevin, and Mark Ipolito for a candid discussion that will leave you wanting more.
In this episode, Orlando opens up about his fascinating family legacy, including his father's career as a Philadelphia Phillies player and his uncles' time in the NFL. He shares intimate details about life as a single father, juggling his daughter's needs with a packed creative schedule that spans multiple Hollywood projects. From his approach to comedy to his daily routines, Orlando gives listeners a rare glimpse into how he manages to do it all with unmatched style and grace.
As Bill declares, Orlando Jones is "the coolest motherf*cker he's ever met" – and after this episode, you'll understand exactly why. Get ready for an authentic conversation, unexpected revelations, and genuine laughs with one of entertainment's most versatile talents.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/billified-the-bill-moran-podcast--5738193/support.
In this episode, Orlando opens up about his fascinating family legacy, including his father's career as a Philadelphia Phillies player and his uncles' time in the NFL. He shares intimate details about life as a single father, juggling his daughter's needs with a packed creative schedule that spans multiple Hollywood projects. From his approach to comedy to his daily routines, Orlando gives listeners a rare glimpse into how he manages to do it all with unmatched style and grace.
As Bill declares, Orlando Jones is "the coolest motherf*cker he's ever met" – and after this episode, you'll understand exactly why. Get ready for an authentic conversation, unexpected revelations, and genuine laughs with one of entertainment's most versatile talents.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/billified-the-bill-moran-podcast--5738193/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
No, Mamaron.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Man behind me, come one me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I forgot Marisa Tome.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Two three?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay? Did they change the theme songs? Orlando? Okay, it's
Orlando Jones, who is one of the funniest people you're
gonna see. And you can see him at comedy at
the Carlson tonight for two shows Tomorrow night for two shows.
Uh get get tickets to this. But Orlando, to me
is so much more than someone who's just funny.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I I the way I saw it was because you
you were writing them for this show. Yeah, And I'd
love to go back and just kind of get the
trajectory of how all this happens, because uh, if I
you didn't your dad was he a player or what
was in Major League Baseball player? Your dad was a
player for the Phillies, Phillies organization with in the era
(01:07):
of like a Tug McGraw.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, nineteen before I was born, so probably be Oh see,
he was in Long Beach at the FIM team I
think probably in sixty five sixty six or something. Okay,
then went up to show in sixty seven and then
got hurt, and then I was born, and then he
wasn't at the birth. So you know, my mama was
fit to be tied. Sure, you showed up a couple
(01:31):
of days late with a baseball uniform, and she was.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Like, this negro, ain't playing no baseball two days late?
Speaker 4 (01:39):
You in here with a baseball you?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I know he did.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I know you did one of them situations. So my
mom was like, not halving baseball under no circumstances.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Wow, So what was that like playing? Because to get
to the the you know how good you have to
be to suck at any major league level? Right? I
always say that about the NFL. I know guys who
have had a cup of coffee and I go, do
you know how good you have to be for everybody
to go? That guy sucked? Right? Right? So your dad
(02:12):
makes it to the highest level that you can play, yes,
And what was that like for you? Growing up with that?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I mean, so every male in my family played professional sports.
They did, played professional football, a professional baseball. It's really
the family business really. So the expectation was that I
would go on and be a professor. Basketball was the
game that I liked, so they assumed I would be
a professional basketball player. I was an All American, you know,
I played with Kevin Garnett, Nike, All American BC, All Stars,
(02:39):
all that madness. So wow, I said I was going
to go at eighteen to California, and my uncle Larry
and my uncle Lamar called a family meeting, uh to
discuss it. Of course, Okay, So I walked into Lamar's house.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
He's like, ehh.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
But like I have now the Dada say, Okay, your
daddy saying you moving to California. Your daddy, your daddy
says you won't be an acho.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
That's what your dad.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Everybody know.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Everybody know, Hollywood play the white man, the sports pay
the black man. So unless you wanted them to Hollywood boys, Yeah,
why is you going to California? And I was like,
I don't understand what the big deal is. And that's
when the Martian it's a simple question. You won't know
if you were diabetic.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Do you have sugar in your tank?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
That's what you want to know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
That's what right? Are you gay?
Speaker 6 (03:38):
Yeah, that's the legitimate question.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yes, Oh god, this is funny, like where is unc unc?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Uncle? Is our one uncle? Six foot six, two hundred
and forty looks like they carved the mind of stone
gay as the day is long, in no way effeminine,
and had knocked out every one of them with one punch,
to which they said, well he ain't here right now
because he had, you know, yeah, crowd practice could making him.
I said, what do you mean, He said, choir practice.
He's not a member of the church. I say it
(04:05):
the choir pract What I said, what he's saying is
he had the cop practical cause he heard it back
the other day messing around. I said, it sounded a
lot like he said, a choir practice.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
To me, that's what it sounds a lot like what there.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Ain't nobody said, Kyle, or practice. He said, a cop practice.
Coud he heard it back. You're always making up some
stuff Hollywood and I literally kind of ignored their shenanigans.
And I moved out to Hollywood, and I got a
writing job on a different world. I flew out, I
met the EP and I got hired by Deborah All
and Susan Fails, and I became a writer on Cosby's
(04:41):
one hour block of television on NBC.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That's amazing, But go back to basketball. You're playing at
such a high level. I have a son who's fourteen
waking up today nervous. Finally got on the basketball team,
going to be in his first game tonight. Had to
wear a college shirt. We had to pick out the
right fit for all this stuff. But you're playing at
a high level, you must have had interest from colleges
and things. Oh yeah, sure, and you didn't. I just
(05:07):
this was a greater pull for you.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I'll to be honest with you, man, I was really leaning,
probably more towards sports, if I'm being really honest in
some ways. And my debate teacher was this woman named
Gladys Roberts She's the only teacher I ever had that cursed.
And she called a meeting with my dad because I
had a basketball game and I was going to miss
this debate tournament. And she called my dad and she said, John,
(05:31):
I just want to have a conversation with you. I
bout on land Yell and this thing that you're doing
where you're pushing him into sports is not where he excels.
So I'd like you to cut the sheet. She said
this to your old man, I like you to cut
the sheet. Gladys robertson like fucking ballsy irish.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Why Later I loved her.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I love her, she said, I like you to cut
the sheet. I like you to bring him to this
debate tournament. And my father was like, first of all,
you're trying to push him no fucking where. And secondly,
I'll bring him. And my father came and saw me perform,
and he's like, kid, you're a gifted athlete, but at
this over here, she's right, you're something else. So whichever
(06:12):
direction you want to go, let's go. I won the
national championship Yale.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You won the national championship at debating.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
And dramatic and humorous interpretation performing the Butter Bottle Book
by Doctor Seuss, which sadly I still know.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
So once it's it, once it's it, can't I go
do it at schools because it's it's it's you know,
it's on the last day of summer, ten hours before
a fall, my grandfather took me out to the wall.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Or for a while he stood silent, Then finally he said,
with a very sad shake of his very old head,
are as you know on.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
This shot at the wall, lived in Yukes.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
On the far other shot of the wall.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Lived at Zouke.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And it's hot time and a terrible hob zuks new
because a neighber zuke house in a neighbor zook town.
Ember zooke each his bread with the butter slide down.
But we ukes, as you know, when we breakfastress up,
spread our bread, Grandpa said, with the butter side up.
And it goes on and on as he describes nuclear
war and the choices that we need to Yeah, and
won a Pulitzer Prize for it in nineteen eighty four,
(07:10):
and I won the national championship.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Wow. So that's that impact on a student as a substitute.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't
think so.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I don't think that's fired but red hots or white hots.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
But this is where like to me, I was thinking
of there are a lot of comics that have tried
to go into acting or have gone into acting, right,
and they do.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
There's a type cast we can do.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I think Kevin Hart for for most part a little
bit type cast. But then there were guys like Robin Williams. Sure,
and if you knew his background, he was julliard and
all that stuff, and I would say that you're of
that cloth to me, yeah, you really, I mean you
bring you're a storyteller, you bring these characters to life.
(08:05):
I mean, we can go anything from the replacements, which
was hilarious when you meet the players and you find
out who the cop is now, that whole thing is
so funny. Yes, yes, Clifford, frank But I think there's
even an independent film that I read about and I
have not seen, and I would love to see Till
Death do his part.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Oh sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely action movie.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, but even there, like it's those are not roles
that you would normally see someone who as the comedic
chops that you have.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, I for me, it's always been about varying the
type of storytelling as an entertainer, and frankly, my superpower
was that I could become anybody I wanted to become.
That was as an actor. Yeah, most people play themselves yep,
right right, They just play a version of themselves, no
matter what.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
De Niro's been doing that forever, and every.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yes and Will is always pretty much a version of Hell,
and Denzel is always pretty for the version of having
been Afflecks. They're always a version of themselves. And I
thought that's kind of like lazy to me to a
certain degree because a lot of times when you're playing characters, like,
characters have very specific proclivities, ticks, secrets, and I think
(09:21):
that the characters resonate more when the audience can lose
themselves in and see themselves in the character sure, as
opposed to just seeing your ass all the time, you know,
reading the lines and collecting your check as an actor.
To me, it doesn't it doesn't go deep enough. Really,
it doesn't. It doesn't take you out of it journey.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
That's a deep artistic.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
It is what to me, it is what. That's what
the art form really is. Whereas stand up is a monologue,
and that's about how honest, how honest can you be?
Like how much bulls you can rally? You can you
can placate the audience, right, you can you can play
the game. You can play them man game or whatever
the game is that you're playing, right, Or you can
(10:03):
get really real about life and try and get down
to its essence and use the last bastion of free speech, yep,
for what it was meant to be used for, which
is to fucking connect us, right. Or you can use
it to push rhetoric that divides us. It's easier to
push the stuff that divides us. It's harder to be
honest about your own flaws and your own shit and
(10:26):
find a way to laugh and connect us all.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Is that your attraction to comedy? Yes, I always thought
comedy was the greatest I've said that. I think that, Uh,
some of comics today are modern day philosophers.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
That's always what it was.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
That's what Carlum was doing was doing.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
That's what br Lenny Bruce was doing. That's what Shelley
Burnham is doing. Yes, that's what it is, right, I
really think that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it's a way to make it more palpable is
to bring laughter. That is correct. We see the flaws
in ourselves, and I always like when I leave a
show that I leave almost thinking a little bit.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
If you didn't then they slaying some jokes and you
paid cash, but you didn't get nothing to talk about
on the way home in the car with h and
you ain't getting nothing to chew on later. Yeah, so
why you listening to that monkey? They didn't give you anything.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
We got to write you a better set. I need
some help in that de just yes, they again, but
when did you know you were funny? Because that's the
thing is like when You've got a whole family of
athletes and people. To be able to do this, you've
got to have that inner confidence that I can, you
(11:39):
know what I mean. And maybe the athletic side of
your dad pushing himself and all your uncles and everybody
playing at the highest level. You're just like that. That's
just the expectation I expect.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yeah, I expect that of myself. But also I don't
my falling foot on my face. I don't. I don't
need to be perfect shit about that. And I think
I mostly realized it because I was making my mom laugh, right, yeah, yeah,
And my mom is not for the faint of heart,
you know what I'm saying, Like, so you know, please,
my mom is please. You do not want to come
up on the wrong side of that black lady. You've
got a myriad of problems that ain't even worth it.
(12:09):
You know how many times I seen her in the
TJ Max doing a return and the wall says no exchanges,
no refunds, no exception, Honey that I mean no, nohe
go and get the manager police and bring the manager
over here so I can talk to them. Because you know,
I'm a good customer. I'm an extremely good customer. And
I'm going to return this today when I'm am no
sense and you're talking and I tell you to go
get the manager.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Why are you still here?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
You can't win, You can't win. So I joke that
I speak fluent fluent black woman. Yeah, and I have
learned this, and it's not just true of black women.
I think it's true of women. Women don't talk about
what they say. They talk about what they don't say.
It's the sounds they make. That's four paragraphs to fuck you.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Right, that's all that is.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
And the more strange is that sounds.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Get the more trouble.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You're right, that's an essence you have here, Cardi b oh, yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
That's a book.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
That's a book, that is.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
And she ain't taking the restaurant either.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Your son all kinds and if they leave work and
they say the following.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
All right, y'all have a good day, you too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Maryland the add on of Maryland.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Maryland, tank asshole Maryland. Six different kids from eight different motherfuckers, Maryland.
Got your titties out at work every day there and
they're stick going out and every day think I'm gonna
train you to take my job Maryland. Oh, fuck you Maryland.
Fuck you. Every day I leave this bitch Maryland rendered
as Okay, y'all have a good day, you too, Maryland.
(13:58):
That's what they do, not say.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Okay, that's so funny, so funny.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Hearing the part that they didn't say. Because when they
left the room and you're a little kid and you're
with your mom, Yeah, she tells you all this, shiit
to me. I know he didn't have time. And then
you go, okay, so that's what was really going on there. Yeah,
And after a while you come to realize once you speak,
you know, you speak the language, you know how to duck.
(14:27):
I'm really good at.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Is your mom still alive?
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Your mom my parents are still married there, yea.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And so they've seen your success.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yes, And I talk about my mom and stand up
much to her dismay. She can't stand it. Yeah, she
hates it. I call it Scarlett O'Hara and blackface. It's
fucking true. Okay, so sweet and surpe with fucking knives
underneath that.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Well, that's the southern thing. Where'd you grow up?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Born in Mobile, Alabama, grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, Tallahassee, Florida, Orangeburg, South.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Care Yeah, okay, because my my son just moved back
with me and he was in Athens, Alabama, outside of Huntsville. Yeah, yeah,
which is more northern Alabama. Yeah, so you were down
more to the south and the Yes.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yes, yes, you your son's down there in the real
La Alabama.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yes, he would. Well, he's back here with me now, Ahay,
he did, but he was there for four years. Four years.
It was It was interesting.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It's a different culture.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It is a different culture. I went to see him
a couple of times. You know, my whole life has
been in New York State, either here or down by
the city. By New York City. I didn't know any
of this stuff.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
No, No, it's easy for you to get confused. You
gotta learn the difference between fenna and fixing. If I
say I'm fixing to whoop your eyes, I got plenty
of stuff to fix for I get around whipping your as,
so he's pretty much safe. But if I say I'm
finnah slapping ship out of you, you best duck right there,
(15:57):
because it's finna happened, because that's what fine means.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
So it's so funny you say that. I just said
my son uses fixing, fixing and Finnan all the time.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
They're part of the language.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, and he's been here since August September really with
me and uh, you know was born here originally when
he my mom or my mom his mom and I split,
she went it down because her brother was a West
Point graduate when he left the Army government job. Huntsville area, right,
So they're doing a lot there. It's expanding big. I
(16:29):
think one of the big things that happened down there
was a BUCkies went in on the way to Huntsville,
just outside Athens, and they had a pop up concert
with some country star. I think it was Nicole Kidman's husband.
What's it. Yeah, Keith Urban did a.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Pop up at at the BUCkies by the way, on
behalf of Keith Irber and I'm offended. Go ahead somewhere
Keith Aper.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Just said what the hell he did?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
What?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I'm sorry, just messing. And I like Keith Urban's music.
I'm not as familiar with that.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I understand how you might have been more attractive to
the chest puppies. Yes, yes, yes, Nicole Kidman and missed
Keith And by the way.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I mean another one who's doing a ton of movies
these days. Nicole Kidman's in like a ship ton of work.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
She listened. She is a beast. She stays in it.
I mean ever since she was naked on, stays in London.
She's been with Tom Cruise back in the day. She is,
she has been with it. I know her as Q
Tip's girlfriend. So I'm trying to trying to wrap my
head around this whole. You went from hip hop from
(17:38):
track off west the country. This Australian girl travels, Yeah
she does, she does, Yeah, and an equal opportunity employer.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
So God blessed. So are you still writing your own
stuff now?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Of course yeah, I mean besides the stand up is
my thing.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm producing a bunch of I mean,
I've always writing, so that's always kind of been the job.
You know, you get thrown into it at different times.
Sometimes you know you don't want to, but you do,
which is what happened on American Gods. But you know,
they asked me to write, and suddenly I write and
produce the show. And I wasn't really planning on that,
but I'm a neo Gamon fan and I thought I
understood the mythology well enough to do that, So I
(18:18):
did it. So I write and produce a lot, fix
a lot of stuff come in and you know, play
fixer or write something. I helped, you know, Nick Cannon
launch wild'n Out he did.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I love that show. I have loved that show for
years with my absolute favorites.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I love you know, I did the first episode of it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I have sling now and it's doing for I don't
get to watch a lot of TV these days, and
we're all life. It's the golden age of television, though,
is it not really a way? Like every if you
have a project, you have an idea, if you can
get it.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Moving, it was that that that era has now passed, Okay,
but it was the golden age because they stopped making movies.
They were really kind of yeah, and they started doing
either cheap horror comedies with Jennifer Aniston, oh Larry right,
(19:09):
or they stop making action comedies like you know, the
Rush Hours and forty eight Hours and those type of movies, right,
and they all turned into like you know, Marvel movies
with comedy, right, and suddenly Iron Man is just right,
and you're like, what happened? So they kind of moved
away from it, and all of those interesting writers moved
(19:30):
to television because that's how you got your movie. You
took your movie and you redeveloped it as a series.
Oh right, And then it started to go to pay
TV and premium television, and that's how we wound up
with where we are right now.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Well, there seems to be just so when I say
golden Age, so many opportunities. Now I even see that
two B's has an original yes, right, and they were
just sort of recycling shows. You could get all your
TV shows for free, But now they have an original
movie comming. So all I'm saying is there seems to
be more opportunity. Are we getting better stuff? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well you're not, and there is, and there is an opportunity, right,
It's kind of two sides of the same coin. So
I would put it to you like this right to
b has made its money grabbing other content and then
making ad dollars off of it, right, And what everybody
came to realize was advertising business and television business are
(20:21):
the same business. It's really television is the advertising business.
So if you don't have a way to collect advertising dollars,
you're going to have a problem. So you saw Amazon
add in an advertising tier. You see Netflix adding advertising.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Tear Max, which I pay for correct now running edge, Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So that they all finally realize that it's always been
the advertising business, right. So in the advertising business, there
are things that a brand wants to be attached to
and things the brand doesn't want to be attached to.
So that means the riskier, more crazy content is always
going to be lessened in the advertising model and in
the non advertising I'm just getting my mind he paid
(21:00):
from subscribers every week model. I can do House of
Cards and kill a dog in the first episode, but
you ain't killing no dog in the first episode with
any sponsor.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
No, you're not attached to you, right, and that that's
not happening there. To me, that's the controller of free speech.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
That is correct, And that is why I say stand
up is the last bastion of free speech. And even
here it's limited because in the digital world, people can
get offended by anything and take what you said in
the moment out of context, put it out into the world,
and suddenly a lynch mob is coming for you.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Even with AI, they can even said that they can
make you say it. That's right.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And I tell people all the time like honestly, like
I don't give offense and like it's a gift. I
wrap up and handed it to you. Okay, of fence.
You see, you don't include me in the decision making process.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You know that's interesting because I will often say it.
I've said on the podcast, there is no meaning to
life other than the meaning you give it. There's no
meaning to any moment other than the me you give it.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I threw bitch in the air. You claimed it as
your own. I wasn't talking to you, bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I was just talking.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I was just so. I wasn't directed at you, Okay.
Like swimming in the ocean, if you get bit by
a shark, well that's where the shark lives. That's why
they make swimming pools. Yes, And I often think the
same thing with that.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
You went into their house, right.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
They got a pool. Right over here, they got nothing
starting to pool. You don't want to get bit by
a shark. You came into a comedy club, you got
into a conversation with someone who's trying to be provocative.
Expect that they might say something that perks your ear
and making.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Has anything ever come back like that on you kidding?
Speaker 7 (22:43):
Just today, just today?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Tell him about the email when we was at the
other show that I got, the woman was saying, Hey,
what is her Lando show? Is there any profanity in
his show? I got an email asking about that.
Speaker 7 (22:55):
Today this morning. I'm like and I answered very professionally.
I said, you know, he's not overly profane.
Speaker 6 (23:02):
But there will be some words that are definitely considered rated,
are right?
Speaker 7 (23:06):
You know, our shows are geared towards twenty one.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
The idea that you think about now, if you ask
that same person who your favorite comedians are, they'll list
off seven ten people, nothing but curse.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
But by the same token, I need to be a
special kind of clean because I don't want to, you know,
impugne her ears because she's never heard these words before,
and it would be me soiling her integrity.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Well, the problem is for him, some people don't understand
that there's a thing Google Like, no one ever went
to a Friday night and said, hey, honey, let's go
to a music show tonight, and then when you sit
down and go, gee, I hope it's jazz.
Speaker 7 (23:39):
You know.
Speaker 6 (23:39):
You know what I'm saying comedy needs to be genified,
and it takes you to actually go to Google and say,
who is this person? I mean, the greatest quote of
all time is Lenny Bruce. And a comedy does not
need to be polite.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
No, no, it's not meant to be. It's your job
to pointing out the absurdities on the wrongs right and
how we act. I mean, I still think All in
the Family is one of the best shows. I'll see
the clips of that, only because you're showing the absurdity
of somebody thinking right the way they thought it was.
(24:17):
We all knew somebody, yes, and we all knew somebody
who was that way, and that's what made it funny
because and we got to see and maybe made a
difference and we went, oh shit, I don't want to
be that guy. My thinking's flawed.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
The funniest part about this show is that's what they
thought they were doing, That's what normally thought he was doing,
and then they realized that wasn't the case. Most people
just agreed with it, yes and no, yes and no.
I am of the opinion. I enjoyed the fact that
I think people are entitled to their own opinion and
they really don't need to agree with you, right, and
they can hold views that you disagree with, like who
(24:53):
gives something? Really like if we can't do that, Like, listen,
there's somebody in your family and in yours two and
in yours two that falls into a category that somebody
else would think that they were less than because of
their views.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yes, but that ain't how you know them.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
You know them as a person who loved you and
cared for you and.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Took care of people.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
So which are they? The one who actually was there
for you? Are the monster that this stranger says? They
are right? And we all have that right, but we don't.
We don't act like those people have a place to
live in anymore. And I believe that they do have
a I love those people, right, I tell people all
the time, I love racists. Please, I think racism I do. Listen,
I know I know plenty of people who are kind
(25:34):
of racist, but that don't mean they're bad people. And racism,
I believe is misdiagnosed. This is just my belief. Okay,
Racism is an extra benefit you get. Racism does not
mean you're an asshole. It means you get this extra
benefit because you're this that's you're white, so you get
an extra benefit. Oh yeah, that's all it is. It
(25:55):
doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you're
a jerk. It doesn't mean anything to do with your character. Yeah,
but now people have made it into this word where
you say it, and now it's this label you get.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
You like, I don't want to be racist.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Be racist.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You didn't ask for the benefit, Yeah, you never. Not
a white guy in this room was born and was like,
give me this extra benefit.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Oh there's gonna be held at that. Not a samele
one of you asked, right, But you got.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
It whether you wanted it.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Oh, I can tell you I got it. And I'm
more more aware, maybe hyper aware these days. My brother
in law is his dad was the diplomat from Somalia. Okay,
so my niece and nephew are mixed, and my sister
is Irish like me, Rachel by Rachel, and very very
(26:44):
worried about little things. There was a time in preschool
we're going back to little kid he would strip off
all his clothes and be naked, and my brother in
law would pick him up and was very upset because
he said the rules are different. Other was like, oh,
it's laughing, it's a little boy. It doesn't matter, and
he goes, no, the rules are different. The rules are different.
(27:06):
Now that's yeah, See, that's ship. I'd never when you
talk about because I think people get offended and angry
when you say white privilege. What the fuck do you
mean white privilege? I just have to work. I sacrifice
that white I could take that ship, I could take
my clothes off and everybody goes, look at the cute
little toddler.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Right, Or the fact that you do something and you're
seen as somebody's son. Yes, yes, so you're seen as
a human where somebody else do something and they're seen
as not right.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Right, But again, that is ship. That though, but people
don't see it never gets talked about.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
And never ever but the truth.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
We always want the conversation, but we never have it correct.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
But I think because we miss diagnosed, we miss defined racism.
So now white people think racism is this horrible thing
that's getting thrust upon them, when it's really just a
privilege that you fucking have that you really had no
say so in getting or not getting a gut inscribed
into the law, And that's what it is. So to me,
if we saw it properly, it would be easier to
(28:07):
see the other person as human, not the other person
as this Right.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
It's amazing, I do exactly because you know, I'm thinking, like,
I feel like I could walk in anywhere, Mark, I
feel like I could walk into Oak Hill Country Club
and fit in, and I could walk into wherever and
never be questioned.
Speaker 6 (28:26):
Let's go to the nineteenth ward today and see how
you no, but in my bubble right in my bike again,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
But you're right. At the same time, there would be
that I wouldn't. I wouldn't fit in.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Those are isolated places right of the world. You straight,
you're good, Right, I have to be more conscious of
what that is. But it doesn't mean I necessarily can't go.
And and here's the most important part. Right, no matter
who you are, you got to cross the bear, okay,
trust Okay, kids in Gaza across the bear, different different,
different kids, and some all you got across the bear.
(29:03):
And right now, rich kids in Los Angeles who just
had their entire lives burnt up, right, say what you
want them might be rich kids who had to move
to their second home, right, But the sucks. It doesn't
mean that they're not going through something, right, but you
got to see people as human and what they can't
see all the shit around.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Where do you live, by the way, since you brought
the I.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Live in Joshua Tree in Beverly Hills, So I left
the fires still burning and came here.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Okay, yeah, I just want you to close to your
home and all. Oh yeah, I could see it, yeah
because we had we talked to Slayton the other day.
Oh yeah, and it was just like twelve miles from
Bobby's house. Yeah, he was saying it came close. And
he said he's up on a cannon where the winds
at times can hit sixty seventy.
Speaker 7 (29:43):
He said, it was like Hurricane Wins.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Yeah, on the seventeenth floor of a high rise right
on Wiltshire and Beverly Hills. And I can literally see it, like,
and the winds were one hundred miles an hour faster
than the Santa Ana's normally are. And look fire started
and and you know it burnt up one of the
richiest places in town. And now those folks.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Well, the crazy thing is, like, I mean, even with
the fire, hydras and think you're not expecting an entire
neighborhood to burn a house a house, But I got it.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
But think about it, think about it. They've been a
drought in California. How long? Twenty five years California. Okay,
all right, these sons of biscuits didn't bury no power
lines like y'all do here.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
All right, this is what I've been saying.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Okay, they didn't.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Bury nothing, but they got all up about Okay, s
C and Gen left the power on even though they
knew one hundred mile an hour winds were coming. And
what did those hundred mile and hour winds do? Knock
over those They knocked over the power lines, and what
did they do? They fell in the brush. And what
happened the brushes? The drought for twenty five years? And
then the fire happened. And guess what stoked the fire,
the wind, and then it blew and burned and blew
(30:49):
and burned. Now that's not really a politician's fault. That's
really more about.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It wasn't It wasn't a guy eating a cat. Yeah,
started a fire with the thing.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
That's what a Hollywood fire started.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
The cat. It was reality, yes, real life.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
The guy eating the cat was in Hollywood, and he
was like, this cat is devicious, but it would taste
bad if it was more charge. So he was fat.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
It said Hollywood on damn fire.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Okay, because there's arson right and loving, Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
There is, there's both. But I've wondered. Look, power lines
are still above ground here too. I lived in the
neighborhood in Pittsford that had him above ground web. Yeah,
and the newer ones they start putting them Underground's right?
Is there too much rock in the Malibu area to
bury those power lines? Because that's the stuff that I mean,
(31:39):
Malibu gets winds all the time.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Look, the topography is what it is. You're talking about
mountains going into ocean. The topography is really crazy. And
see in California and this stuff was built a long
time ago, like they're talking. When I first moved to California. Dude,
I saw houses hanging off the side of the mountains
and they were like going in and have a good time.
And I don't know the hell.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Four holding up there? Had it wrong with you? Half
this house is hanging off the side. We'll be fine,
Like how do I know that?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I don't know? Y'all like that and and then the
mudslides came and those houses slid. Yeah, they did, right,
So I wasn't altogether nuts. No, these things were built
a long time ago. And you can't convince me, though
built from better materials, that the building codes were as
such that they were really thinking about the world as
it is today.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
So when I look at these areas that are, you
know they have some foliage las the desert, it is
a lot of the foliage they brought in, frankly, right,
and going out into the ocean, you're going to get some.
But you know it happened, right, But we've been watching
Remember when the floods happened in North Carolina? Yes, remember that, Yes,
and rednecktro Ti.
Speaker 5 (32:48):
I lost everything, tried to find my truck is gone
off from my wife.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
It's like a country song. Everyone nobody gave ship, nobody.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Nobody, no, but he did give a shit, right, absolutely right.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
So here I am. Now these horrible people, many with
your friends of mine, you know. And Mel Gibson lost
his house, like I'm devastated. I mean, it's just I
cry every day because I just don't give a shit.
I know, I lost all of my stuff and to
black mold in twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
That's the worst.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
Then I got hit by a hurricane in twenty sixteen,
lost everything again. And then I got hit by again
in twenty eighteen. Where was the Where was the hurricane
when you get to North Carolina? Oh God, So I
got hit shit. I didn't care when I lost my
own shit because I realized it was just stuff. After
the first time, I was like, I'm gonna have to
get over this, you know what I mean. But so
(33:43):
I didn't care when I lost my own stuff. So
I don't feel bad about not caring about other people stuff,
especially when you got to move to your second home
in the four seasons and sort it out for a year.
Like these are not regular people.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
These are not regular people. Are not regularly But some
of the neighborhoods were more.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Readina that traditionally black man hood. There about six or
seven fires. There are plenty of places where real people
lost their stuff. I am not convinced that the government
is going to step in and help them.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I don't needs that they need.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
I agree with you, I believe, and that's true even
for the rich people. I don't believe they're gonna get this.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I think that it's going to be a pain in
the ass to try to rebuild. Try to rebuild anything,
get a fucking permit for anything in la anywhere, but
l a try it.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Try try to do anything in California, and it's gonna
cost you more. It's California.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
It's then when they do rebuild, if they are underground. April.
Speaker 7 (34:33):
Yeah, her house was right smacked in the middle of everything.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
She shall be a picture.
Speaker 7 (34:37):
Every single building around her building completely destroyed.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
Her building did not burn down, but she says it's
still inhabitable because just the area all you can't She's like,
you're not even going to be able to go into
this areawhere years Oh yeah, there's a lot. She's like,
there's nothing in that apartment that I own that's going
to be good. It's all going to be saturated with smoke, smell,
all my clothes water.
Speaker 7 (35:01):
But it's like, I'm not even going back.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's gone.
Speaker 7 (35:04):
She's like, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
That's amazing, he's gone. My parents house burned down, but
it was just their house. And what you lose isn't
the stuff. The stuff you can replace, Like you said,
you can get plates, you can get the couch, you
can get what you can't replace or all the pictures,
the memories.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
But since we went digital, it's it's all on a
cloud and you're trying. So that's not your issue. To
the point, I look at it this way, the one
thing in this world that is special, for real, for
real is you. You're really the one of one, right, and
taking care of that one of one for me is
number one. They can make more ease and moidise and
moretos and more ease and more those they just manufacture more, right,
(35:46):
So they'll manufacture more and you'll move on with your life.
But hopefully you got out with your life, which is
the most important thing. And that's what I hope for them,
is to be able to rebuild in a happier you know,
space and place, what have you.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
But that is one of the coolest motherfuckers I've ever Yeah,
I'm sorry, that is. You are one of the coolest.
Speaker 6 (36:05):
You get life, man, I've been hanging with him all day.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, I love it. Yeah, oh Ben, he probably you're right.
It's definitely a downgrade.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
Fact alone, I disagree, but.
Speaker 6 (36:19):
I gotta tell you, hey, man, I've been booking in
probably about I don't know maybe twenty years, maybe fifteen,
I don't know, from the old club. And he's one
of the best hags, best human beings.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, that's comedy for me, right. Comedy is when we
get to do this, We get to share ideas, we
get to see each other, we get to laugh, yeah,
hopefully stay in touch. And then we have some kids,
and then the kids feel some connection because we had
a connection, and they help each other move through this
ship back called life. That for me is it. I
don't know what else this s billshits about.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
I don't either. I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
If you're looking to share, he's looking. His dream is
to write a Hallmark movie. You want to share an
idea with.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
All you got to do is make it a Christmas
because I know Christmas. This is always a Hallmark movement.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
I know all the stuff you've done. I mean, what
a career dude. When you look back Mad TV and
you go on, no idea for Saturday Night Live sketch comedy,
Where did that come from? Because that's a different animal.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I did it with Mad TV already. I felt like, yeah,
I did it, and you know in the nineties, so
you know I got that sketch comedy thing. I scratched
that itch. Yeah, I'm probably I got two new nonscripted
shows that I'm doing on networks which are coming out
this year, The hot List and takes on History. And
then I have Family Business, New Orleans, which is launching
(37:35):
on BT and Netflix in January this month. And then
I have a new movie coming out called Trouble Man
with Michael Ji White and La La Anthony, Mike Apps,
Method Man and what have you, and Okay, that's hitting
the theater. So I tend to just look for try
and find stuff that's more interesting, Yeah, and try and
find a character that I haven't hopefully played yet already,
something like that.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
And what about right here on? I mean, as we
said before we started, a barrier to entry's gone. You
can do a movie on your iPhone, so to speak.
We saw these independence right. It started in the nineties
to a certain extent that where Witch Project is what
I'm thinking. But yeah, you're probably right the seventies. But
these kind of things that and when you got a
(38:16):
head like yours, man, you could write.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
You know, I write a lot for other people. Yeah,
a lot of my job. Beyonce, his father Matthew Knowles
and her previous manager. I write all of his stuff.
I'm his writer. Really yeah, yeah, you know, I'm probably
writing six or seven shows and running two or three
right now, just the sort of you know, in the
writing producing see dude. So yeah, for me, it's a
lot of fun. I mean there's just you know, there's
(38:38):
the acting world and there's what you do there. And
I've had a marketing branding company for you know, since
I was eighteen years old. So Homeboy Homeboys Productions was
the original company. We then transition to a company called
Legion of Creatives. We won the first Virtual Reality Emmy
for working in VR and ar Wow and now company
(39:00):
now I work with rebranded as a drive Bys always
in my company drive By Entertainment. So drive By and
PHM Media are the two that I work with the most.
And yeah, we're you know, we're developing a bunch of stuff.
We sold a bunch of stuff and writing and show running.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
What is a date in your life? Like if you
don't mind my asking, like a.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Gat earlier up at four four, four fifteen or so
in the morning in the morning. Yeah, get my daughters
to school. Holy that jazz. Get the girls dropped off
by eight point fifteen. Yeah, usually my youngest. And then
I'm usually rolling calls from eight thirty to ten thirty,
and then I have to kind of sit down and write,
(39:45):
depending on what deadlines i'm on, probably until around two
o'clock or so. Pick the girls up from school, get
them back and settled and doing their homework and whatnot,
and then five point thirty, get and are ready and whatnot.
Girls go to bed, and then I write from probably
about nine o'clock until midnight.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Or so, and then you get up again at four.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Then I got it. Yeah, that's my Did you.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Write all this ship down? Captain out?
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Look? Can't you.
Speaker 4 (40:14):
Can't figure shit out?
Speaker 1 (40:15):
No, but he's he's writing seven shows. Here's the thing, Okay,
So I just read an article that was fucking up
my head a little bit about how important sleep is. Yes,
and then you can't get caught up on sleep and
that you really need the eight hours and stuff. So
I've been trying to do that, but I feel like
if you really got a motor, you can't sleep.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Look, after four or five hours, I'm just gonna wake up.
It just kind of is what it is. That's just
my body. Yeah, and you know you got a factor
in that. I'm I'm vegan. I've been vegan for thirty
seven years. Okay, I'm gluten free.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Okay, I'm starting to believe that all that helps tremendous.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
And I don't eat night shades, and my body is
pretty much still. I still feel like.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I'm doing things like tomatoes or.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yes, eggplant, peppers in particular pepper peppers really yeah, because
they're inflammatories. That's why Tom Brady was always talking about
him and Giselle never eat peppers. That write a whole
book about it. It's because peppers are got it for Christmas.
I did get it for Christmas and other nights, well
you when you get around. So yeah, So it's no
night shades, right because of the INFLAMMATORI So I've been
(41:22):
doing that for thirty seven thirty eight years. So I
have a lot of energy. That's just my natural energy thing.
And when I get tired, don't get me wrong, I'll
just shut it down and sleep. But it's scheduled, and
to be fair, I have a team and they keep
me organized. And the luxury for me is do you.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Have a partner of the girls you're doing it all yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
You single parent, Well, no, I'm a single parent me
and my extra divorce. Yeah, yea, yeah, we share customers,
a lot of the girls and everything. That's it.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
And then of course if I don't have the girls,
then yes, it changes. Just hanging with my girl and
I've got you know, I've got all day to work
right in those days. So with my life being that
way and uh and wanting to be a super involved
parent because my daughters are my life, like I love them.
They're HILARI yes, but they're amazing. How eight and fourteen?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Oh, perfect, dude, the best, perfect, the best.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I remember moments that I'll never forget. I'll never forget
with that. I remember coming home from Sleepy Hollow. We
work nights on Sleepy Hollow. And I pull up to
our house and in front of the bay window is
my daughter and she's standing on a chair in the
dining room giving me the middle finger. It ain't even
sup o'clock.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
In the fucking morning, the middle I love that.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
I close the door. I walk up to the house.
Manna Senna Fenna, whooms, some ass was about to have
She comes off the chair and she goes daddy, I
cut my finger.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
She's holding the middle finger like that.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I'm like, of course I do. Oh boo boo, daddy,
going to get better. I pick her up, I kiss her.
I take her into the kitchen and my ex wife
is standing there. She goes put her down right now.
I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now? Why
are you so mad? She goes, your daughter told me
to kiss her ass this morning, okay. And then she
(43:12):
heard you pull up in the driveway, and she went
and pulled out a chair in the living room and
told you to kiss her ass with the middle finger.
And then you came in and she lied and said
she cut her finger and made you kiss her ass again.
That's a smart kid, I And she said it's funny, daddy, Yes,
And I went, you're right, it is funny. And that's
when I knew I was getting divorced because my disrespectful
(43:39):
I'm like, okay, but it is funny.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
You get none of that fourteen year old teenage sass.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Though, Yes, but I welcome it. She's smart. You're supposed
to say something smart, bat I want to say something
stupid back. Yeah, I mean, be respectful, but you can
have a thought. I mean, I'm not mad at you
for that.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
That's what I always think.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Yeah, I get my kids and I get along really
really well, you know. I mean, she knows what the
rules are. I don't have to say nothing.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
I've become as an older parent now right. I have
two older sons in their early twenties, but with my
fourteen year old, I think of myself more as a matador.
I see something I don't like you doing, I'm not
gonna yell. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not going to
tell you like my parents, you need your head examined.
I'm gonna wave a red thing and go, come on
over here, let's try this. Let's get over here. So
(44:22):
you feel like you have some power and you're making
some decisions, let's just make them right. But I don't
need to yell you.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Look, they're little humans, yes, and if you don't respect
the fact they're little, ye, they're just gonna tell you
to screw off because little humans. So I just try
and be like, look, i'm not hitting. I made the
same mistakes you made, so I'm not here to tell
you I'm perfect. I'm here to tell you can keep
that bullshit up. And this how it's going to end
up got nothing to do with me, Popa exactly getting
your knees if you won't to Yes, yes, that's what
(44:49):
I say.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
I always say the same. That's a funny thing because
I always say you need to skin your knee, you
to learn, because you need to hit it is.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So listen, if my ex wife had skinned her knees,
she wouldn't have been the paint and asses she was.
She married me and I covered up all the problems.
So by the time we got divorced, she was talking
like she was a genius. And I was like, bitch,
you had a job the whole time we known each other.
I don't know what you're talking about right now. Used
to spend money. That's what you are very very good at.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
That.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
I didn't stop you from a career, right, But you've
never been allowed to skin your knees, right, So I
was like, Yo, go skin your knees, Go figure out,
go go you know, go fall down the covers right
well works.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
For everything from the UH seven up commercials through Orlando Jones.
Catch them at the comedy at the Carlson two shows tonight,
two shows tomorrow night, and you can get tickets by calling.
Speaker 7 (45:42):
Nope, go to Carlson Comedy dot com. The phone is,
come on, you got this computer.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
Because these shows are gonna shell out and you're gonna
miss out because I I don't know this for a fact,
but I would think that you're gonna leave there feeling
better than you walked down. He helps up.
Speaker 6 (45:59):
I mean, every single person last night was gunt wrench
bent over in their seats.
Speaker 4 (46:05):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
The guy is I did an hour twenty last night too,
so wow. Yeah, when people come out and do the
Thursday night with me, I like to give him a
real show. So I did an hour twenty last night.
I probably keep it tight. The first show will definitely
be probably forty five to an hour, but the second show,
you know, we mess around. Who knows how long a you.
I've got like three hours of material, so I don't
(46:27):
really need.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
To one of the most talented human beings you're gonna see,
go check out Orlando. Certainly a pleasure to meet you, man.
I thanks really, really really enjoying talking to you. Yeah,
we will wrap it up for Kevin Muir with some
funny lines in there picking at me. It's easy done
for Mark and Bellito, and of course for Orlando. Go
(46:50):
catch him at comedy at the Carlston. I'm Bill Moran.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
Cold else I didn't know what to do. I turned
the TV on rule a letter to you and you start.
Didn't buy the tagging it upon the R inter state
seem they were looking for a kind of light with tendor.
Speaker 7 (47:12):
See please
No, Mamaron.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Man behind me, come one me.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I forgot Marisa Tome.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Two three?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay? Did they change the theme songs? Orlando? Okay, it's
Orlando Jones, who is one of the funniest people you're
gonna see. And you can see him at comedy at
the Carlson tonight for two shows Tomorrow night for two shows.
Uh get get tickets to this. But Orlando, to me
is so much more than someone who's just funny.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I I the way I saw it was because you
you were writing them for this show. Yeah, And I'd
love to go back and just kind of get the
trajectory of how all this happens, because uh, if I
you didn't your dad was he a player or what
was in Major League Baseball player? Your dad was a
player for the Phillies, Phillies organization with in the era
(01:07):
of like a Tug McGraw.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, nineteen before I was born, so probably be Oh see,
he was in Long Beach at the FIM team I
think probably in sixty five sixty six or something. Okay,
then went up to show in sixty seven and then
got hurt, and then I was born, and then he
wasn't at the birth. So you know, my mama was
fit to be tied. Sure, you showed up a couple
(01:31):
of days late with a baseball uniform, and she was.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Like, this negro, ain't playing no baseball two days late?
Speaker 4 (01:39):
You in here with a baseball you?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I know he did.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I know you did one of them situations. So my
mom was like, not halving baseball under no circumstances.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Wow, So what was that like playing? Because to get
to the the you know how good you have to
be to suck at any major league level? Right? I
always say that about the NFL. I know guys who
have had a cup of coffee and I go, do
you know how good you have to be for everybody
to go? That guy sucked? Right? Right? So your dad
(02:12):
makes it to the highest level that you can play, yes,
And what was that like for you? Growing up with that?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I mean, so every male in my family played professional sports.
They did, played professional football, a professional baseball. It's really
the family business really. So the expectation was that I
would go on and be a professor. Basketball was the
game that I liked, so they assumed I would be
a professional basketball player. I was an All American, you know,
I played with Kevin Garnett, Nike, All American BC, All Stars,
(02:39):
all that madness. So wow, I said I was going
to go at eighteen to California, and my uncle Larry
and my uncle Lamar called a family meeting, uh to
discuss it. Of course, Okay, So I walked into Lamar's house.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
He's like, ehh.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
But like I have now the Dada say, Okay, your
daddy saying you moving to California. Your daddy, your daddy
says you won't be an acho.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
That's what your dad.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Everybody know.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Everybody know, Hollywood play the white man, the sports pay
the black man. So unless you wanted them to Hollywood boys, Yeah,
why is you going to California? And I was like,
I don't understand what the big deal is. And that's
when the Martian it's a simple question. You won't know
if you were diabetic.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Do you have sugar in your tank?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
That's what you want to know.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
That's what right? Are you gay?
Speaker 6 (03:38):
Yeah, that's the legitimate question.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yes, Oh god, this is funny, like where is unc unc?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Uncle? Is our one uncle? Six foot six, two hundred
and forty looks like they carved the mind of stone
gay as the day is long, in no way effeminine,
and had knocked out every one of them with one punch,
to which they said, well he ain't here right now
because he had, you know, yeah, crowd practice could making him.
I said, what do you mean, He said, choir practice.
He's not a member of the church. I say it
(04:05):
the choir pract What I said, what he's saying is
he had the cop practical cause he heard it back
the other day messing around. I said, it sounded a
lot like he said, a choir practice.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
To me, that's what it sounds a lot like what there.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Ain't nobody said, Kyle, or practice. He said, a cop practice.
Coud he heard it back. You're always making up some
stuff Hollywood and I literally kind of ignored their shenanigans.
And I moved out to Hollywood, and I got a
writing job on a different world. I flew out, I
met the EP and I got hired by Deborah All
and Susan Fails, and I became a writer on Cosby's
(04:41):
one hour block of television on NBC.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That's amazing, But go back to basketball. You're playing at
such a high level. I have a son who's fourteen
waking up today nervous. Finally got on the basketball team,
going to be in his first game tonight. Had to
wear a college shirt. We had to pick out the
right fit for all this stuff. But you're playing at
a high level, you must have had interest from colleges
and things. Oh yeah, sure, and you didn't. I just
(05:07):
this was a greater pull for you.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I'll to be honest with you, man, I was really leaning,
probably more towards sports, if I'm being really honest in
some ways. And my debate teacher was this woman named
Gladys Roberts She's the only teacher I ever had that cursed.
And she called a meeting with my dad because I
had a basketball game and I was going to miss
this debate tournament. And she called my dad and she said, John,
(05:31):
I just want to have a conversation with you. I
bout on land Yell and this thing that you're doing
where you're pushing him into sports is not where he excels.
So I'd like you to cut the sheet. She said
this to your old man, I like you to cut
the sheet. Gladys robertson like fucking ballsy irish.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Why Later I loved her.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I love her, she said, I like you to cut
the sheet. I like you to bring him to this
debate tournament. And my father was like, first of all,
you're trying to push him no fucking where. And secondly,
I'll bring him. And my father came and saw me perform,
and he's like, kid, you're a gifted athlete, but at
this over here, she's right, you're something else. So whichever
(06:12):
direction you want to go, let's go. I won the
national championship Yale.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You won the national championship at debating.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
And dramatic and humorous interpretation performing the Butter Bottle Book
by Doctor Seuss, which sadly I still know.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
So once it's it, once it's it, can't I go
do it at schools because it's it's it's you know,
it's on the last day of summer, ten hours before
a fall, my grandfather took me out to the wall.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Or for a while he stood silent, Then finally he said,
with a very sad shake of his very old head,
are as you know on.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
This shot at the wall, lived in Yukes.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
On the far other shot of the wall.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Lived at Zouke.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And it's hot time and a terrible hob zuks new
because a neighber zuke house in a neighbor zook town.
Ember zooke each his bread with the butter slide down.
But we ukes, as you know, when we breakfastress up,
spread our bread, Grandpa said, with the butter side up.
And it goes on and on as he describes nuclear
war and the choices that we need to Yeah, and
won a Pulitzer Prize for it in nineteen eighty four,
(07:10):
and I won the national championship.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
That's amazing.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Wow. So that's that impact on a student as a substitute.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't
think so.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I don't think that's fired but red hots or white hots.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
But this is where like to me, I was thinking
of there are a lot of comics that have tried
to go into acting or have gone into acting, right,
and they do.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
There's a type cast we can do.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I think Kevin Hart for for most part a little
bit type cast. But then there were guys like Robin Williams. Sure,
and if you knew his background, he was julliard and
all that stuff, and I would say that you're of
that cloth to me, yeah, you really, I mean you
bring you're a storyteller, you bring these characters to life.
(08:05):
I mean, we can go anything from the replacements, which
was hilarious when you meet the players and you find
out who the cop is now, that whole thing is
so funny. Yes, yes, Clifford, frank But I think there's
even an independent film that I read about and I
have not seen, and I would love to see Till
Death do his part.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Oh sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely action movie.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, but even there, like it's those are not roles
that you would normally see someone who as the comedic
chops that you have.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, I for me, it's always been about varying the
type of storytelling as an entertainer, and frankly, my superpower
was that I could become anybody I wanted to become.
That was as an actor. Yeah, most people play themselves yep,
right right, They just play a version of themselves, no
matter what.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
De Niro's been doing that forever, and every.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Yes and Will is always pretty much a version of Hell,
and Denzel is always pretty for the version of having
been Afflecks. They're always a version of themselves. And I
thought that's kind of like lazy to me to a
certain degree because a lot of times when you're playing characters, like,
characters have very specific proclivities, ticks, secrets, and I think
(09:21):
that the characters resonate more when the audience can lose
themselves in and see themselves in the character sure, as
opposed to just seeing your ass all the time, you know,
reading the lines and collecting your check as an actor.
To me, it doesn't it doesn't go deep enough. Really,
it doesn't. It doesn't take you out of it journey.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
That's a deep artistic.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
It is what to me, it is what. That's what
the art form really is. Whereas stand up is a monologue,
and that's about how honest, how honest can you be?
Like how much bulls you can rally? You can you
can placate the audience, right, you can you can play
the game. You can play them man game or whatever
the game is that you're playing, right, Or you can
(10:03):
get really real about life and try and get down
to its essence and use the last bastion of free speech, yep,
for what it was meant to be used for, which
is to fucking connect us, right. Or you can use
it to push rhetoric that divides us. It's easier to
push the stuff that divides us. It's harder to be
honest about your own flaws and your own shit and
(10:26):
find a way to laugh and connect us all.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Is that your attraction to comedy? Yes, I always thought
comedy was the greatest I've said that. I think that, Uh,
some of comics today are modern day philosophers.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
That's always what it was.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
That's what Carlum was doing was doing.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
That's what br Lenny Bruce was doing. That's what Shelley
Burnham is doing. Yes, that's what it is, right, I
really think that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
And it's a way to make it more palpable is
to bring laughter. That is correct. We see the flaws
in ourselves, and I always like when I leave a
show that I leave almost thinking a little bit.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
If you didn't then they slaying some jokes and you
paid cash, but you didn't get nothing to talk about
on the way home in the car with h and
you ain't getting nothing to chew on later. Yeah, so
why you listening to that monkey? They didn't give you anything.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
We got to write you a better set. I need
some help in that de just yes, they again, but
when did you know you were funny? Because that's the
thing is like when You've got a whole family of
athletes and people. To be able to do this, you've
got to have that inner confidence that I can, you
(11:39):
know what I mean. And maybe the athletic side of
your dad pushing himself and all your uncles and everybody
playing at the highest level. You're just like that. That's
just the expectation I expect.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yeah, I expect that of myself. But also I don't
my falling foot on my face. I don't. I don't
need to be perfect shit about that. And I think
I mostly realized it because I was making my mom laugh, right, yeah, yeah,
And my mom is not for the faint of heart,
you know what I'm saying, Like, so you know, please,
my mom is please. You do not want to come
up on the wrong side of that black lady. You've
got a myriad of problems that ain't even worth it.
(12:09):
You know how many times I seen her in the
TJ Max doing a return and the wall says no exchanges,
no refunds, no exception, Honey that I mean no, nohe
go and get the manager police and bring the manager
over here so I can talk to them. Because you know,
I'm a good customer. I'm an extremely good customer. And
I'm going to return this today when I'm am no
sense and you're talking and I tell you to go
get the manager.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Why are you still here?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
You can't win, You can't win. So I joke that
I speak fluent fluent black woman. Yeah, and I have
learned this, and it's not just true of black women.
I think it's true of women. Women don't talk about
what they say. They talk about what they don't say.
It's the sounds they make. That's four paragraphs to fuck you.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Right, that's all that is.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
And the more strange is that sounds.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Get the more trouble.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You're right, that's an essence you have here, Cardi b oh, yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
That's a book.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
That's a book, that is.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
And she ain't taking the restaurant either.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Your son all kinds and if they leave work and
they say the following.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
All right, y'all have a good day, you too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Maryland the add on of Maryland.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Maryland, tank asshole Maryland. Six different kids from eight different motherfuckers, Maryland.
Got your titties out at work every day there and
they're stick going out and every day think I'm gonna
train you to take my job Maryland. Oh, fuck you Maryland.
Fuck you. Every day I leave this bitch Maryland rendered
as Okay, y'all have a good day, you too, Maryland.
(13:58):
That's what they do, not say.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Okay, that's so funny, so funny.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Hearing the part that they didn't say. Because when they
left the room and you're a little kid and you're
with your mom, Yeah, she tells you all this, shiit
to me. I know he didn't have time. And then
you go, okay, so that's what was really going on there. Yeah,
And after a while you come to realize once you speak,
you know, you speak the language, you know how to duck.
(14:27):
I'm really good at.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Is your mom still alive?
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Your mom my parents are still married there, yea.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
And so they've seen your success.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yes, And I talk about my mom and stand up
much to her dismay. She can't stand it. Yeah, she
hates it. I call it Scarlett O'Hara and blackface. It's
fucking true. Okay, so sweet and surpe with fucking knives
underneath that.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Well, that's the southern thing. Where'd you grow up?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Born in Mobile, Alabama, grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, Tallahassee, Florida, Orangeburg, South.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Care Yeah, okay, because my my son just moved back
with me and he was in Athens, Alabama, outside of Huntsville. Yeah, yeah,
which is more northern Alabama. Yeah, so you were down
more to the south and the Yes.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yes, yes, you your son's down there in the real
La Alabama.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yes, he would. Well, he's back here with me now, Ahay,
he did, but he was there for four years. Four years.
It was It was interesting.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It's a different culture.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It is a different culture. I went to see him
a couple of times. You know, my whole life has
been in New York State, either here or down by
the city. By New York City. I didn't know any
of this stuff.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
No, No, it's easy for you to get confused. You
gotta learn the difference between fenna and fixing. If I
say I'm fixing to whoop your eyes, I got plenty
of stuff to fix for I get around whipping your as,
so he's pretty much safe. But if I say I'm
finnah slapping ship out of you, you best duck right there,
(15:57):
because it's finna happened, because that's what fine means.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
So it's so funny you say that. I just said
my son uses fixing, fixing and Finnan all the time.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
They're part of the language.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, and he's been here since August September really with
me and uh, you know was born here originally when
he my mom or my mom his mom and I split,
she went it down because her brother was a West
Point graduate when he left the Army government job. Huntsville area, right,
So they're doing a lot there. It's expanding big. I
(16:29):
think one of the big things that happened down there
was a BUCkies went in on the way to Huntsville,
just outside Athens, and they had a pop up concert
with some country star. I think it was Nicole Kidman's husband.
What's it. Yeah, Keith Urban did a.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Pop up at at the BUCkies by the way, on
behalf of Keith Irber and I'm offended. Go ahead somewhere
Keith Aper.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Just said what the hell he did?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
What?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I'm sorry, just messing. And I like Keith Urban's music.
I'm not as familiar with that.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I understand how you might have been more attractive to
the chest puppies. Yes, yes, yes, Nicole Kidman and missed
Keith And by the way.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I mean another one who's doing a ton of movies
these days. Nicole Kidman's in like a ship ton of work.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
She listened. She is a beast. She stays in it.
I mean ever since she was naked on, stays in London.
She's been with Tom Cruise back in the day. She is,
she has been with it. I know her as Q
Tip's girlfriend. So I'm trying to trying to wrap my
head around this whole. You went from hip hop from
(17:38):
track off west the country. This Australian girl travels, Yeah
she does, she does, Yeah, and an equal opportunity employer.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
So God blessed. So are you still writing your own
stuff now?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Of course yeah, I mean besides the stand up is
my thing.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm producing a bunch of I mean,
I've always writing, so that's always kind of been the job.
You know, you get thrown into it at different times.
Sometimes you know you don't want to, but you do,
which is what happened on American Gods. But you know,
they asked me to write, and suddenly I write and
produce the show. And I wasn't really planning on that,
but I'm a neo Gamon fan and I thought I
understood the mythology well enough to do that, So I
(18:18):
did it. So I write and produce a lot, fix
a lot of stuff come in and you know, play
fixer or write something. I helped, you know, Nick Cannon
launch wild'n Out he did.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I love that show. I have loved that show for
years with my absolute favorites.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I love you know, I did the first episode of it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I have sling now and it's doing for I don't
get to watch a lot of TV these days, and
we're all life. It's the golden age of television, though,
is it not really a way? Like every if you
have a project, you have an idea, if you can
get it.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Moving, it was that that that era has now passed, Okay,
but it was the golden age because they stopped making movies.
They were really kind of yeah, and they started doing
either cheap horror comedies with Jennifer Aniston, oh Larry right,
(19:09):
or they stop making action comedies like you know, the
Rush Hours and forty eight Hours and those type of movies, right,
and they all turned into like you know, Marvel movies
with comedy, right, and suddenly Iron Man is just right,
and you're like, what happened? So they kind of moved
away from it, and all of those interesting writers moved
(19:30):
to television because that's how you got your movie. You
took your movie and you redeveloped it as a series.
Oh right, And then it started to go to pay
TV and premium television, and that's how we wound up
with where we are right now.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Well, there seems to be just so when I say
golden Age, so many opportunities. Now I even see that
two B's has an original yes, right, and they were
just sort of recycling shows. You could get all your
TV shows for free, But now they have an original
movie comming. So all I'm saying is there seems to
be more opportunity. Are we getting better stuff? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Well you're not, and there is, and there is an opportunity, right,
It's kind of two sides of the same coin. So
I would put it to you like this right to
b has made its money grabbing other content and then
making ad dollars off of it, right, And what everybody
came to realize was advertising business and television business are
(20:21):
the same business. It's really television is the advertising business.
So if you don't have a way to collect advertising dollars,
you're going to have a problem. So you saw Amazon
add in an advertising tier. You see Netflix adding advertising.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Tear Max, which I pay for correct now running edge, Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So that they all finally realize that it's always been
the advertising business, right. So in the advertising business, there
are things that a brand wants to be attached to
and things the brand doesn't want to be attached to.
So that means the riskier, more crazy content is always
going to be lessened in the advertising model and in
the non advertising I'm just getting my mind he paid
(21:00):
from subscribers every week model. I can do House of
Cards and kill a dog in the first episode, but
you ain't killing no dog in the first episode with
any sponsor.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
No, you're not attached to you, right, and that that's
not happening there. To me, that's the controller of free speech.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
That is correct, And that is why I say stand
up is the last bastion of free speech. And even
here it's limited because in the digital world, people can
get offended by anything and take what you said in
the moment out of context, put it out into the world,
and suddenly a lynch mob is coming for you.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Even with AI, they can even said that they can
make you say it. That's right.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And I tell people all the time like honestly, like
I don't give offense and like it's a gift. I
wrap up and handed it to you. Okay, of fence.
You see, you don't include me in the decision making process.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You know that's interesting because I will often say it.
I've said on the podcast, there is no meaning to
life other than the meaning you give it. There's no
meaning to any moment other than the me you give it.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
I threw bitch in the air. You claimed it as
your own. I wasn't talking to you, bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I was just talking.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I was just so. I wasn't directed at you, Okay.
Like swimming in the ocean, if you get bit by
a shark, well that's where the shark lives. That's why
they make swimming pools. Yes, And I often think the
same thing with that.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
You went into their house, right.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
They got a pool. Right over here, they got nothing
starting to pool. You don't want to get bit by
a shark. You came into a comedy club, you got
into a conversation with someone who's trying to be provocative.
Expect that they might say something that perks your ear
and making.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Has anything ever come back like that on you kidding?
Speaker 7 (22:43):
Just today, just today?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Tell him about the email when we was at the
other show that I got, the woman was saying, Hey,
what is her Lando show? Is there any profanity in
his show? I got an email asking about that.
Speaker 7 (22:55):
Today this morning. I'm like and I answered very professionally.
I said, you know, he's not overly profane.
Speaker 6 (23:02):
But there will be some words that are definitely considered rated,
are right?
Speaker 7 (23:06):
You know, our shows are geared towards twenty one.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
The idea that you think about now, if you ask
that same person who your favorite comedians are, they'll list
off seven ten people, nothing but curse.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
But by the same token, I need to be a
special kind of clean because I don't want to, you know,
impugne her ears because she's never heard these words before,
and it would be me soiling her integrity.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Well, the problem is for him, some people don't understand
that there's a thing Google Like, no one ever went
to a Friday night and said, hey, honey, let's go
to a music show tonight, and then when you sit
down and go, gee, I hope it's jazz.
Speaker 7 (23:39):
You know.
Speaker 6 (23:39):
You know what I'm saying comedy needs to be genified,
and it takes you to actually go to Google and say,
who is this person? I mean, the greatest quote of
all time is Lenny Bruce. And a comedy does not
need to be polite.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
No, no, it's not meant to be. It's your job
to pointing out the absurdities on the wrongs right and
how we act. I mean, I still think All in
the Family is one of the best shows. I'll see
the clips of that, only because you're showing the absurdity
of somebody thinking right the way they thought it was.
(24:17):
We all knew somebody, yes, and we all knew somebody
who was that way, and that's what made it funny
because and we got to see and maybe made a
difference and we went, oh shit, I don't want to
be that guy. My thinking's flawed.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
The funniest part about this show is that's what they
thought they were doing, That's what normally thought he was doing,
and then they realized that wasn't the case. Most people
just agreed with it, yes and no, yes and no.
I am of the opinion. I enjoyed the fact that
I think people are entitled to their own opinion and
they really don't need to agree with you, right, and
they can hold views that you disagree with, like who
(24:53):
gives something? Really like if we can't do that, Like, listen,
there's somebody in your family and in yours two and
in yours two that falls into a category that somebody
else would think that they were less than because of
their views.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yes, but that ain't how you know them.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
You know them as a person who loved you and
cared for you and.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Took care of people.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
So which are they? The one who actually was there
for you? Are the monster that this stranger says? They
are right? And we all have that right, but we don't.
We don't act like those people have a place to
live in anymore. And I believe that they do have
a I love those people, right, I tell people all
the time, I love racists. Please, I think racism I do. Listen,
I know I know plenty of people who are kind
(25:34):
of racist, but that don't mean they're bad people. And racism,
I believe is misdiagnosed. This is just my belief. Okay,
Racism is an extra benefit you get. Racism does not
mean you're an asshole. It means you get this extra
benefit because you're this that's you're white, so you get
an extra benefit. Oh yeah, that's all it is. It
(25:55):
doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you're
a jerk. It doesn't mean anything to do with your character. Yeah,
but now people have made it into this word where
you say it, and now it's this label you get.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
You like, I don't want to be racist.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Be racist.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You didn't ask for the benefit, Yeah, you never. Not
a white guy in this room was born and was like,
give me this extra benefit.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Oh there's gonna be held at that. Not a samele
one of you asked, right, But you got.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
It whether you wanted it.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Oh, I can tell you I got it. And I'm
more more aware, maybe hyper aware these days. My brother
in law is his dad was the diplomat from Somalia. Okay,
so my niece and nephew are mixed, and my sister
is Irish like me, Rachel by Rachel, and very very
(26:44):
worried about little things. There was a time in preschool
we're going back to little kid he would strip off
all his clothes and be naked, and my brother in
law would pick him up and was very upset because
he said the rules are different. Other was like, oh,
it's laughing, it's a little boy. It doesn't matter, and
he goes, no, the rules are different. The rules are different.
(27:06):
Now that's yeah, See, that's ship. I'd never when you
talk about because I think people get offended and angry
when you say white privilege. What the fuck do you
mean white privilege? I just have to work. I sacrifice
that white I could take that ship, I could take
my clothes off and everybody goes, look at the cute
little toddler.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Right, Or the fact that you do something and you're
seen as somebody's son. Yes, yes, so you're seen as
a human where somebody else do something and they're seen
as not right.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Right, But again, that is ship. That though, but people
don't see it never gets talked about.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
And never ever but the truth.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
We always want the conversation, but we never have it correct.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
But I think because we miss diagnosed, we miss defined racism.
So now white people think racism is this horrible thing
that's getting thrust upon them, when it's really just a
privilege that you fucking have that you really had no
say so in getting or not getting a gut inscribed
into the law, And that's what it is. So to me,
if we saw it properly, it would be easier to
(28:07):
see the other person as human, not the other person
as this Right.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
It's amazing, I do exactly because you know, I'm thinking, like,
I feel like I could walk in anywhere, Mark, I
feel like I could walk into Oak Hill Country Club
and fit in, and I could walk into wherever and
never be questioned.
Speaker 6 (28:26):
Let's go to the nineteenth ward today and see how
you no, but in my bubble right in my bike again,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
But you're right. At the same time, there would be
that I wouldn't. I wouldn't fit in.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Those are isolated places right of the world. You straight,
you're good, Right, I have to be more conscious of
what that is. But it doesn't mean I necessarily can't go.
And and here's the most important part. Right, no matter
who you are, you got to cross the bear, okay,
trust Okay, kids in Gaza across the bear, different different,
different kids, and some all you got across the bear.
(29:03):
And right now, rich kids in Los Angeles who just
had their entire lives burnt up, right, say what you
want them might be rich kids who had to move
to their second home, right, But the sucks. It doesn't
mean that they're not going through something, right, but you
got to see people as human and what they can't
see all the shit around.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Where do you live, by the way, since you brought
the I.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Live in Joshua Tree in Beverly Hills, So I left
the fires still burning and came here.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Okay, yeah, I just want you to close to your
home and all. Oh yeah, I could see it, yeah
because we had we talked to Slayton the other day.
Oh yeah, and it was just like twelve miles from
Bobby's house. Yeah, he was saying it came close. And
he said he's up on a cannon where the winds
at times can hit sixty seventy.
Speaker 7 (29:43):
He said, it was like Hurricane Wins.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Yeah, on the seventeenth floor of a high rise right
on Wiltshire and Beverly Hills. And I can literally see it, like,
and the winds were one hundred miles an hour faster
than the Santa Ana's normally are. And look fire started
and and you know it burnt up one of the
richiest places in town. And now those folks.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Well, the crazy thing is, like, I mean, even with
the fire, hydras and think you're not expecting an entire
neighborhood to burn a house a house, But I got it.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
But think about it, think about it. They've been a
drought in California. How long? Twenty five years California. Okay,
all right, these sons of biscuits didn't bury no power
lines like y'all do here.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
All right, this is what I've been saying.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Okay, they didn't.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Bury nothing, but they got all up about Okay, s
C and Gen left the power on even though they
knew one hundred mile an hour winds were coming. And
what did those hundred mile and hour winds do? Knock
over those They knocked over the power lines, and what
did they do? They fell in the brush. And what
happened the brushes? The drought for twenty five years? And
then the fire happened. And guess what stoked the fire,
the wind, and then it blew and burned and blew
(30:49):
and burned. Now that's not really a politician's fault. That's
really more about.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It wasn't It wasn't a guy eating a cat. Yeah,
started a fire with the thing.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
That's what a Hollywood fire started.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
The cat. It was reality, yes, real life.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
The guy eating the cat was in Hollywood, and he
was like, this cat is devicious, but it would taste
bad if it was more charge. So he was fat.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
It said Hollywood on damn fire.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Okay, because there's arson right and loving, Yes.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
There is, there's both. But I've wondered. Look, power lines
are still above ground here too. I lived in the
neighborhood in Pittsford that had him above ground web. Yeah,
and the newer ones they start putting them Underground's right?
Is there too much rock in the Malibu area to
bury those power lines? Because that's the stuff that I mean,
(31:39):
Malibu gets winds all the time.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Look, the topography is what it is. You're talking about
mountains going into ocean. The topography is really crazy. And
see in California and this stuff was built a long
time ago, like they're talking. When I first moved to California. Dude,
I saw houses hanging off the side of the mountains
and they were like going in and have a good time.
And I don't know the hell.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Four holding up there? Had it wrong with you? Half
this house is hanging off the side. We'll be fine,
Like how do I know that?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I don't know? Y'all like that and and then the
mudslides came and those houses slid. Yeah, they did, right,
So I wasn't altogether nuts. No, these things were built
a long time ago. And you can't convince me, though
built from better materials, that the building codes were as
such that they were really thinking about the world as
it is today.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
So when I look at these areas that are, you
know they have some foliage las the desert, it is
a lot of the foliage they brought in, frankly, right,
and going out into the ocean, you're going to get some.
But you know it happened, right, But we've been watching
Remember when the floods happened in North Carolina? Yes, remember that, Yes,
and rednecktro Ti.
Speaker 5 (32:48):
I lost everything, tried to find my truck is gone
off from my wife.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
It's like a country song. Everyone nobody gave ship, nobody.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Nobody, no, but he did give a shit, right, absolutely right.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
So here I am. Now these horrible people, many with
your friends of mine, you know. And Mel Gibson lost
his house, like I'm devastated. I mean, it's just I
cry every day because I just don't give a shit.
I know, I lost all of my stuff and to
black mold in twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
That's the worst.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
Then I got hit by a hurricane in twenty sixteen,
lost everything again. And then I got hit by again
in twenty eighteen. Where was the Where was the hurricane
when you get to North Carolina? Oh God, So I
got hit shit. I didn't care when I lost my
own shit because I realized it was just stuff. After
the first time, I was like, I'm gonna have to
get over this, you know what I mean. But so
(33:43):
I didn't care when I lost my own stuff. So
I don't feel bad about not caring about other people stuff,
especially when you got to move to your second home
in the four seasons and sort it out for a year.
Like these are not regular people.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
These are not regular people. Are not regularly But some
of the neighborhoods were more.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Readina that traditionally black man hood. There about six or
seven fires. There are plenty of places where real people
lost their stuff. I am not convinced that the government
is going to step in and help them.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I don't needs that they need.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
I agree with you, I believe, and that's true even
for the rich people. I don't believe they're gonna get this.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I think that it's going to be a pain in
the ass to try to rebuild. Try to rebuild anything,
get a fucking permit for anything in la anywhere, but
l a try it.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Try try to do anything in California, and it's gonna
cost you more. It's California.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
It's then when they do rebuild, if they are underground. April.
Speaker 7 (34:33):
Yeah, her house was right smacked in the middle of everything.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
She shall be a picture.
Speaker 7 (34:37):
Every single building around her building completely destroyed.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
Her building did not burn down, but she says it's
still inhabitable because just the area all you can't She's like,
you're not even going to be able to go into
this areawhere years Oh yeah, there's a lot. She's like,
there's nothing in that apartment that I own that's going
to be good. It's all going to be saturated with smoke, smell,
all my clothes water.
Speaker 7 (35:01):
But it's like, I'm not even going back.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's gone.
Speaker 7 (35:04):
She's like, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
That's amazing, he's gone. My parents house burned down, but
it was just their house. And what you lose isn't
the stuff. The stuff you can replace, Like you said,
you can get plates, you can get the couch, you
can get what you can't replace or all the pictures,
the memories.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
But since we went digital, it's it's all on a
cloud and you're trying. So that's not your issue. To
the point, I look at it this way, the one
thing in this world that is special, for real, for
real is you. You're really the one of one, right, and
taking care of that one of one for me is
number one. They can make more ease and moidise and
moretos and more ease and more those they just manufacture more, right,
(35:46):
So they'll manufacture more and you'll move on with your life.
But hopefully you got out with your life, which is
the most important thing. And that's what I hope for them,
is to be able to rebuild in a happier you know,
space and place, what have you.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
But that is one of the coolest motherfuckers I've ever Yeah,
I'm sorry, that is. You are one of the coolest.
Speaker 6 (36:05):
You get life, man, I've been hanging with him all day.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, I love it. Yeah, oh Ben, he probably you're right.
It's definitely a downgrade.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
Fact alone, I disagree, but.
Speaker 6 (36:19):
I gotta tell you, hey, man, I've been booking in
probably about I don't know maybe twenty years, maybe fifteen,
I don't know, from the old club. And he's one
of the best hags, best human beings.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, that's comedy for me, right. Comedy is when we
get to do this, We get to share ideas, we
get to see each other, we get to laugh, yeah,
hopefully stay in touch. And then we have some kids,
and then the kids feel some connection because we had
a connection, and they help each other move through this
ship back called life. That for me is it. I
don't know what else this s billshits about.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
I don't either. I agree with you.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
If you're looking to share, he's looking. His dream is
to write a Hallmark movie. You want to share an
idea with.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
All you got to do is make it a Christmas
because I know Christmas. This is always a Hallmark movement.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
I know all the stuff you've done. I mean, what
a career dude. When you look back Mad TV and
you go on, no idea for Saturday Night Live sketch comedy,
Where did that come from? Because that's a different animal.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I did it with Mad TV already. I felt like, yeah,
I did it, and you know in the nineties, so
you know I got that sketch comedy thing. I scratched
that itch. Yeah, I'm probably I got two new nonscripted
shows that I'm doing on networks which are coming out
this year, The hot List and takes on History. And
then I have Family Business, New Orleans, which is launching
(37:35):
on BT and Netflix in January this month. And then
I have a new movie coming out called Trouble Man
with Michael Ji White and La La Anthony, Mike Apps,
Method Man and what have you, and Okay, that's hitting
the theater. So I tend to just look for try
and find stuff that's more interesting, Yeah, and try and
find a character that I haven't hopefully played yet already,
something like that.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
And what about right here on? I mean, as we
said before we started, a barrier to entry's gone. You
can do a movie on your iPhone, so to speak.
We saw these independence right. It started in the nineties
to a certain extent that where Witch Project is what
I'm thinking. But yeah, you're probably right the seventies. But
these kind of things that and when you got a
(38:16):
head like yours, man, you could write.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
You know, I write a lot for other people. Yeah,
a lot of my job. Beyonce, his father Matthew Knowles
and her previous manager. I write all of his stuff.
I'm his writer. Really yeah, yeah, you know, I'm probably
writing six or seven shows and running two or three
right now, just the sort of you know, in the
writing producing see dude. So yeah, for me, it's a
lot of fun. I mean there's just you know, there's
(38:38):
the acting world and there's what you do there. And
I've had a marketing branding company for you know, since
I was eighteen years old. So Homeboy Homeboys Productions was
the original company. We then transition to a company called
Legion of Creatives. We won the first Virtual Reality Emmy
for working in VR and ar Wow and now company
(39:00):
now I work with rebranded as a drive Bys always
in my company drive By Entertainment. So drive By and
PHM Media are the two that I work with the most.
And yeah, we're you know, we're developing a bunch of stuff.
We sold a bunch of stuff and writing and show running.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
What is a date in your life? Like if you
don't mind my asking, like a.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Gat earlier up at four four, four fifteen or so
in the morning in the morning. Yeah, get my daughters
to school. Holy that jazz. Get the girls dropped off
by eight point fifteen. Yeah, usually my youngest. And then
I'm usually rolling calls from eight thirty to ten thirty,
and then I have to kind of sit down and write,
(39:45):
depending on what deadlines i'm on, probably until around two
o'clock or so. Pick the girls up from school, get
them back and settled and doing their homework and whatnot,
and then five point thirty, get and are ready and whatnot.
Girls go to bed, and then I write from probably
about nine o'clock until midnight.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Or so, and then you get up again at four.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Then I got it. Yeah, that's my Did you.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Write all this ship down? Captain out?
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Look? Can't you.
Speaker 4 (40:14):
Can't figure shit out?
Speaker 1 (40:15):
No, but he's he's writing seven shows. Here's the thing, Okay,
So I just read an article that was fucking up
my head a little bit about how important sleep is. Yes,
and then you can't get caught up on sleep and
that you really need the eight hours and stuff. So
I've been trying to do that, but I feel like
if you really got a motor, you can't sleep.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Look, after four or five hours, I'm just gonna wake up.
It just kind of is what it is. That's just
my body. Yeah, and you know you got a factor
in that. I'm I'm vegan. I've been vegan for thirty
seven years. Okay, I'm gluten free.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Okay, I'm starting to believe that all that helps tremendous.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
And I don't eat night shades, and my body is
pretty much still. I still feel like.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I'm doing things like tomatoes or.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yes, eggplant, peppers in particular pepper peppers really yeah, because
they're inflammatories. That's why Tom Brady was always talking about
him and Giselle never eat peppers. That write a whole
book about it. It's because peppers are got it for Christmas.
I did get it for Christmas and other nights, well
you when you get around. So yeah, So it's no
night shades, right because of the INFLAMMATORI So I've been
(41:22):
doing that for thirty seven thirty eight years. So I
have a lot of energy. That's just my natural energy thing.
And when I get tired, don't get me wrong, I'll
just shut it down and sleep. But it's scheduled, and
to be fair, I have a team and they keep
me organized. And the luxury for me is do you.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Have a partner of the girls you're doing it all yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
You single parent, Well, no, I'm a single parent me
and my extra divorce. Yeah, yea, yeah, we share customers,
a lot of the girls and everything. That's it.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
And then of course if I don't have the girls,
then yes, it changes. Just hanging with my girl and
I've got you know, I've got all day to work
right in those days. So with my life being that
way and uh and wanting to be a super involved
parent because my daughters are my life, like I love them.
They're HILARI yes, but they're amazing. How eight and fourteen?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Oh, perfect, dude, the best, perfect, the best.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I remember moments that I'll never forget. I'll never forget
with that. I remember coming home from Sleepy Hollow. We
work nights on Sleepy Hollow. And I pull up to
our house and in front of the bay window is
my daughter and she's standing on a chair in the
dining room giving me the middle finger. It ain't even
sup o'clock.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
In the fucking morning, the middle I love that.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
I close the door. I walk up to the house.
Manna Senna Fenna, whooms, some ass was about to have
She comes off the chair and she goes daddy, I
cut my finger.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
She's holding the middle finger like that.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
I'm like, of course I do. Oh boo boo, daddy,
going to get better. I pick her up, I kiss her.
I take her into the kitchen and my ex wife
is standing there. She goes put her down right now.
I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now? Why
are you so mad? She goes, your daughter told me
to kiss her ass this morning, okay. And then she
(43:12):
heard you pull up in the driveway, and she went
and pulled out a chair in the living room and
told you to kiss her ass with the middle finger.
And then you came in and she lied and said
she cut her finger and made you kiss her ass again.
That's a smart kid, I And she said it's funny, daddy, Yes,
And I went, you're right, it is funny. And that's
when I knew I was getting divorced because my disrespectful
(43:39):
I'm like, okay, but it is funny.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
You get none of that fourteen year old teenage sass.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
Though, Yes, but I welcome it. She's smart. You're supposed
to say something smart, bat I want to say something
stupid back. Yeah, I mean, be respectful, but you can
have a thought. I mean, I'm not mad at you
for that.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
That's what I always think.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Yeah, I get my kids and I get along really
really well, you know. I mean, she knows what the
rules are. I don't have to say nothing.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
I've become as an older parent now right. I have
two older sons in their early twenties, but with my
fourteen year old, I think of myself more as a matador.
I see something I don't like you doing, I'm not
gonna yell. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not going to
tell you like my parents, you need your head examined.
I'm gonna wave a red thing and go, come on
over here, let's try this. Let's get over here. So
(44:22):
you feel like you have some power and you're making
some decisions, let's just make them right. But I don't
need to yell you.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Look, they're little humans, yes, and if you don't respect
the fact they're little, ye, they're just gonna tell you
to screw off because little humans. So I just try
and be like, look, i'm not hitting. I made the
same mistakes you made, so I'm not here to tell
you I'm perfect. I'm here to tell you can keep
that bullshit up. And this how it's going to end
up got nothing to do with me, Popa exactly getting
your knees if you won't to Yes, yes, that's what
(44:49):
I say.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
I always say the same. That's a funny thing because
I always say you need to skin your knee, you
to learn, because you need to hit it is.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So listen, if my ex wife had skinned her knees,
she wouldn't have been the paint and asses she was.
She married me and I covered up all the problems.
So by the time we got divorced, she was talking
like she was a genius. And I was like, bitch,
you had a job the whole time we known each other.
I don't know what you're talking about right now. Used
to spend money. That's what you are very very good at.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
That.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
I didn't stop you from a career, right, But you've
never been allowed to skin your knees, right, So I
was like, Yo, go skin your knees, Go figure out,
go go you know, go fall down the covers right
well works.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
For everything from the UH seven up commercials through Orlando Jones.
Catch them at the comedy at the Carlson two shows tonight,
two shows tomorrow night, and you can get tickets by calling.
Speaker 7 (45:42):
Nope, go to Carlson Comedy dot com. The phone is,
come on, you got this computer.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
Because these shows are gonna shell out and you're gonna
miss out because I I don't know this for a fact,
but I would think that you're gonna leave there feeling
better than you walked down. He helps up.
Speaker 6 (45:59):
I mean, every single person last night was gunt wrench
bent over in their seats.
Speaker 4 (46:05):
It's great.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
The guy is I did an hour twenty last night too,
so wow. Yeah, when people come out and do the
Thursday night with me, I like to give him a
real show. So I did an hour twenty last night.
I probably keep it tight. The first show will definitely
be probably forty five to an hour, but the second show,
you know, we mess around. Who knows how long a you.
I've got like three hours of material, so I don't
(46:27):
really need.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
To one of the most talented human beings you're gonna see,
go check out Orlando. Certainly a pleasure to meet you, man.
I thanks really, really really enjoying talking to you. Yeah,
we will wrap it up for Kevin Muir with some
funny lines in there picking at me. It's easy done
for Mark and Bellito, and of course for Orlando. Go
(46:50):
catch him at comedy at the Carlston. I'm Bill Moran.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
Cold else I didn't know what to do. I turned
the TV on rule a letter to you and you start.
Didn't buy the tagging it upon the R inter state
seem they were looking for a kind of light with tendor.
Speaker 7 (47:12):
See please
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