Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
So beginning of the new year, Yeah, everyone is usually
really excited about like all their resolutions. Like, what are
some of the things that you are deciding is going
to be different for you in twenty twenty four?
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Okay, So I've been doing this before the new year,
but I don't even want to say. I don't like
the word diet, but lifestyle change. Okay, I like really
have to get on it. I've been working on it,
and you're saying I've never seen an ab Okay, Yeah,
it's like, come on.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You know, I have convinced myself that God doesn't have
that for me. I'm like part of the team. Pregnancy
is just like abs got blown up on the spot
before they could even emerge.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Yeah, how are you getting your abs? Like what is
your eating?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Just really honing in on lifestyle change, like being super
meticulous and particular on what I'm putting into my body.
So you know that starts internally with self control and discipline.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So I'm still trying to master that. Everything goes back
to the inside.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yeah, once you fix that, the hour will follow.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Are you an emotional or an emotional starver? Emotional eater?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Like I'm happy eat I'm sad.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Eat Okay, let's celebrate eat everything everything. There's a meal
connected to everything. I feel like I would lose weight
if I would just stop eating when I'm not hungry.
But sometimes I've been doing that. Yeah, I think it
makes a big difference.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I saw this trick like when you're you know how
you're full, pour water on your plate, like mess the
food up.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
So you can't just do it. I know.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
When you did it because you're full, stop, push the
plate away, you're no longer hungry. Stop eating when you're satisfied.
So yeah, self control, discipline, in boundaries, and no more
people pleasing. I am done with that.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
When did you recognize that you like have a people
pleasing mentality?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Have you always known it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I've known it for a while, but recently in a
situation a relationship that I had, I was like, this
is really bad like that. You don't say no, you're
brushed off under the rug and eventually it's all gonna
come to a head.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
What made you become a people please? Are you wired
that way? Or is that a trauma response?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
For sure? Trauma response.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had to go all the way back to where
it started, and it started in my household, and it's
rooted in wanting to be liked and not ruffling feathers
and making sure that everybody happy, like you like me,
you know, it's rooted in wanting to have validation.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
And be liked.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I feel that I have been am was is a
people pleased? Yeah, all of those things. I can't tell
if it's about being liked or trying to manipulate belonging.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Explain that.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So I cannot tell if I am doing it because
I want people to like me, or if I am
so desperate for a sense of belonging that I'm manipulate
myself or the situation in order to have a sense
of belonging.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Wow, I think sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
What we're calling is I want to be liked, is
really I want to feel like I belong to. And
so whatever music I need to listen to or not
listen to, whatever actions I need to take or not
need to take, I'm willing to do that because at
the core, I'm looking for a sense of belonging.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Oh that's not a EA.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You know, I do a lot of processing. Okay, So
do you think that's true for you? Sense of belonging?
Do you think it is about being liked.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I think it's about being liked.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Really, Yeah, I've always I've never felt like an outcast
or it felt like I didn't belong or I'm sure
I've had those moments.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Let's not say I've never.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
But for the most part, I can walk into a room,
walk into a situation, walk into an environment, and fully
be myself. Like I don't feel like I have to
adjust or change or feel like I have to fit
in in that you know, in that box. But I
just feel like I want people. I was prayerful about
that this morning, like God, let it, let it go.
Whether I'm on a blog, whether it's a group of people,
(04:05):
whether I walk it, if they don't like me, it
is okay, I'm trying to please you.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
How do you battle with that, though, with the reality that,
as a public person, do somewhat need to be liked you?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I mean, but I think it's more focusing on the
people that do more focusing on my community and the
people that I'm called to, and not focused on it's
really a small percent. It's like you have millions of
people that do like you. Even if it's not millions,
you have tons of people that do. Focus on those
people and stop trying to convince the people that don't that, oh,
(04:39):
I'm a good person, Oh but my heart is pure,
I'm relevant.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, focus on the people that you're called to, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, So I have a question, but I don't know
how to ask it.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Do you think that if you were not focused on
pleasing people or people liking you, that the relationships that
you have do you really think that that is what
was sustaining them? Was you acting in such a way
that you diminished yourself because if you were full of yourself,
do you think that it could not withstand your authenticity?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I feel like things that I should have said in
certain relationships on day one I said five years later,
years later.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Had you said them on day one with the relationship
had progressed? Or do you think the relationships end because
you wait to give them everything you should have.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I think possibly it could progress, and if it didn't,
it's a protection. We're not supposed to be in each
other's lives. If I can't show up as my full
authentic self and not filter what I'm saying, or have
a safe space to feel like Okay, just let that go, okay,
brush that under the rug.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Don't you do that? For years?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
It's like you're dimming your light to this person or
pour into this person. And like we were talking about
off camera, eventually you're not a victim.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
You're a volunteer. You continuously choose.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
To do that over and over and over, whether it's
a romantic relationship, a platonic or relationship, a business relationship.
And eventually I saw a pastor say this Shawnee's husband,
I can't think of his name. Yes, he said, you
don't have anxiety. You're not depressed. You're you're not being yourself.
That's what causes anxiety. That's what causes depression when you
(06:16):
dim who God called you to be and who you
are to please everybody else. So once you can fully
walk into that light and be yourself, it's a freedom
attached to it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
That's so I've got a book coming out in April
and it's called Power Moves, And I'm second guessing. I
think anytime you're working on probably content or anything that
you're releasing to people's like, it makes sense in my head.
I hope it translates what I'm hoping translates in the
book is that it's called power moves, and the expression
of what power is changes based off of what situation
(06:47):
you're in. So when I'm preaching, there's a certain level
of power that fits for that moment, but I don't
bring that person home. And then I'm talking to my
kids the way that I talk to someone when I'm
delivering discernment. And so being sensitive enough to understand what
is power in this situation, I think comes from really
releasing ourselves from the expectations and opinions of other people.
(07:08):
That allowing ourselves to say what is authentic to me
in this moment, and can I stand by that? So okay,
but listen switching gears. Okay, So whenever there is a
friendship group and I'm saying a group because you created
a friendship group and we were all a part of it.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Now, I don't believe that we have to choose sides.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
That we can still be friends with everyone, but a
part of us feels like we need to choose sides.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Pick a side, black or white, up and down.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
It's like relax, relax, you know what, I've never I've
always seen duality in so many things, and I think
that has been a gift of mine also a downfall
because well I could see that, and I could see that,
I get what is it? In certain situations you do
(08:09):
have to pick a side. And I'm not saying I'm
not totally relating this to the friend group, but I've
battled with that, especially because I'm the nucleus of the
friend group. You know, when you bring all these that
I'll often in relationships in business, I bring people together.
So when I'm the nucleus and I not make a
(08:29):
decision or you know, go through, I'm like, that's not
what we're doing anymore. I'm like, well, y'all trusted me
as a visionary when everything was good, you trust me.
You got to trust me as a visionary in my
character when everything's bad, you have to trust my character.
You might not always trust my decision making, but you've
always trusted my heart. That's why we've been friends for
a decade, or been friends for eight years or seven years.
(08:49):
So no, I'm not perfect, but my heart has always
been the same. So I need you to trust that
in this season too, So I battle with that. But
like I said, I think do is a gift of mine.
But now I'm to the point where I'm like, I
need to start being more direct in black and white,
and that comes from knowing yourself and truly who you are.
(09:10):
And you posted this in your caption today, standing on business.
Don't send me that picture my feet decision let me
standing on business. Sometimes you got to stand on business.
Sometimes it is black and white.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Yeah you know. So now I'm struggling with that a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
How what if standing on business kept you from having
or would have kept you from starting to know for
your podcast and then ending the know for your podcast.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I think ending the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Our podcast was built on friendship, and our friendship wasn't
on a solid foundation. We weren't seeing eye to eye.
So I feel like God allowed removed me from that.
I resigned from it and really asked God what to do.
It wasn't an impulsive decision. It wasn't like I don't
want to do. It was prayer, fasting, and I really know,
don't feel like I know. God spoke to me and
(10:02):
was like, you know, it's time to go on separate paths.
So I'm proud of my decision. I stand by my decision,
and I'm proud of myself for making a major decision
and we walked away from not we I walked away
from some major things, you know, and I'm proud of it.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I'm proud of it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
It should be, especially for someone who you said, you know,
being a people pleaser since you.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Were a young person.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
My god, it was difficult to then say, even though
I know continuing going with please a lot of people,
I'm choosing to step away.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Choosing to step away because I know it's right in
this season, you know, and our foundation was the friendship
and it.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Was too rocky.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
How did you end up in a situation where the
friendship didn't have that foundation?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I think back to, like I said, my childhood trauma
of people pleasing finally setting boundaries in space, and it
caused a little rockiness. You know. You know when you
say five years later or say this doesn't work for
me five years later or years later in a relationship,
that's going to cause conflict because you've been okay with
(11:08):
certain things for.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
So long, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
So And like I said it, I'm not a victim, right,
I'm a volunteer. In any relationship, you have to speak
up for yourself and have to have open communication. And
if you constantly people please and don't set boundaries over
and over.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
You're choosing to do that.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, you're like, well, I'm anxious, I'm not speaking up.
You're choosing that. So eventually you have to get to
the root of why you're doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's hard, I think in friendships find out that we
need to reintroduce ourselves most of the time after we've
already had the friction of not having connection. Yeah, I
had a really hard friendship breakup that I think it's
still hard for me.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You told me about that some difference.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
For years we weren't So she was the first teen
mom that I'd ever met, and she was like in college,
and she was just all of these things that made
me believe that you can do this. And so she
definitely met me at a time where I was still
trying to figure out my identity, and we grew up together.
And I think that as I changed and as she changed,
(12:14):
that I still want it because I can only speak
for my part. I still wanted that bond that we
had before, but I also wanted all these other bonds.
I met my husband. Now I'd moved to a new city,
and it's like, how do I maintain what we had
and I couldn't, yeah, and I didn't know what it
could become. Yeah, And I think eventually it came to
a space where we just let things go and we
(12:34):
tried to kind of like circle around each other.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, but it just never clicked again. So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I think that sometimes things are definitely over, yeah, and
there's a slow fading away, and then sometimes you just
need space. How do you know the difference for yourself?
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Sometimes you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
But I feel like in this season, it's definitely like
separation over, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
But I don't know what the future holds.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I don't know that, but I know in this season
we had to go on our individual separate paths, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
And that's okay.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Like freedom and peace does not mean you're not angry,
you're not sad, you don't have feelings, you don't have emotions.
There is a freedom, a liberation to sticking up for yourself,
standing by what you know God told you. And people
will try to come distort God's voice. They will try
to say, well, he didn't say that. I don't.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I don't know about all that.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I know what he told me, and I have to
walk in obedience no matter what it looks like to
anybody else, my free this is my soul. My freedom
is attached to this, and I have so much freedom,
so much peace. But that doesn't mean it's not hard.
I have days where I cry, days where I grieve.
I'm grieving a relationship, you know. So yeah, I'm free,
though it's so hard, so hard. I'm about to cry
(13:52):
right now. I'm like, I thought you wasn't gonna make
me cry.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
It's so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
But man, I'm telling you, if you be obedient to
what God is telling you to do, they're so much
attached to your freedom and your peace.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
How do you define freedom?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I feel like I'm back to who God called me
to be, no limitations, no anxiety, no overthinking.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
I just feel like I'm walking.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I'm being myself, my full authentic self that I've always been.
That's what got me to this point. But sometimes dimming
that light and people pleasing you're not that and back
to that's what causes anxiety, That's what causes nervousness, that's
what causes no peace, Just that feeling inside of you
that is not calm and peaceful.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I have that back, and it's like night and.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Day Okay, so you're living your life out loud. Yeah,
so many people to see.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yeah, coming on.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I feel like, over the course, how long has it
been since you've really begin to share vocally your faith journey?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh, I was watching my old YouTube ten years ago
when I moved to Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
I was sitting there on the YouTube pray and talking.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And I've always been in my faith, always talked about God,
but rededicating my life to Christ has been a year.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Okay, so it was November twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
What happened? What made you rededicate?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Just asking the ofugh questions, like the friendship that I
just came out of. She the way she articulated God
and spoke about God and her relationship with God, it
made me yearn for a relationship with Him, and I
truly believe that that was one of her purposes in
my life, like to bring me to Jesus Christ. Like
(15:35):
she really had an articulation and understanding in a way
to articulate who God was to her. And it made
me want to know more about God because I always
had religion but not relationship. Yeah, And I asked myself
the hard questions, my dad's a pastor.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
So I grew up in the church.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I was an usher two seats please, like, Oh Jesus,
I'm sleepy, Why do I have to usher today?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
But grew up in the church.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
But I asked myself start asking myself questions, why are
you Christian? Why do you believe in Jesus Christ. Why
aren't you Buddhist? Why aren't you atheist? Why do you
not just believe in the universe? And I asked myself
all these questions. Is it because you were raised that way?
Or is it because you truly had an encounter and
a relationship with Jesus Christ and you know him for yourself?
Speaker 4 (16:22):
And the answer wasn't good enough for me. It was
because I was raised that way.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
So I started to seek Jesus Christ for myself, a
relationship with him for myself. And he blew my mind
so quick because I don't have time for this. I
am the way, the truth is the life clear, you know,
I need you to come on with it. It happened
so quick, and it was so once I started to
see him. It's in my bio Jeremiah twenty nine thirteen.
(16:48):
I lived by that verse because I've encountered it and
I've lived it, and he showed me who he was
like that, and I never asked another question.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, so how does that fit within the context of
your world and your lifestyle and your content. How do
you marry this conviction, this liberation into a world that
especially you know, I'm a preacher, so that's you know,
it's a little bit more fitting in my world. But
you're a comedian, you're an actor, you have all of
(17:18):
these different touch points.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
How do you incorporate that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I think it's different and more difficult for me because
I'm in the limelight because people are seeing me transition,
right y'all the cameras are on me. Most people just
transition and they get to do it without cameras or
Instagram or It's like when you see somebody go from
I guess culture to kingdom, slowly moving in that direction,
(17:43):
like really a lifestyle change back to lifestyle change and conviction,
it's just going to look wild to people, Like my
stories might be club Bible.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Why It's like, it's like.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I'm slow transitioning, you know what I mean? And I
think when God convicts me, I just have to listen.
Like April twenty fifth, he said, be sober. I have
never been convicted on drinking or anything like that ever
in my life. I was just like, Oh, I'm a
social drinker, I'm an alcoholic. I'm not I'm not talking about
for you. I'm not saying everybody that drinks is that's
(18:22):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I'm fit saying for me.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
When he convicts you individually, you just have to be
obedient that, obedient to that and listen as you go
on your journey. He told me April twenty fifth, I've
been sober since. I don't know what that looks like.
That's for everything. That's a now thing. He needed me
sober in that season. But he talks to me, I move.
So I'm moving step by step with what God says,
not what the world says, not what Instagram says. Is
(18:46):
the more I focus on my vertical relationship with him,
I will move accordingly to where he wants me to go.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
So, do you have any clues about where you're headed next?
So like that one expression of your life and identity
through the podcast has come to an end. Yeah, but
we're in a new year, new season things. What are
you looking forward to?
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Stand up.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I love comedy. I've been doing stand up for five years.
I've been doing movies and acting. I want to get
into more film and I'm really excited I go on
tour this year. So and I'm working on I'm battling
with that, Like the jokes and the things I've been
saying for five years.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Oh my god, I'm like, I can I say that?
Can I say that?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
What?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
You would never be able to come to my show?
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I can't wait to be therein the bad because if
I saw you at my show, I'd be like, you're
just gonna do an altar call?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
We cannot, you know. So, But working on that.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
When I was saying those jokes before, it was who
I am, it was it was self expression. It was
who I was in that season. Now when I say
certain jokes, I'm like, I'm acting. This is not who
I am in this season. So working on getting my
comedy in my art form to align with who I
am in this season.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
What do you think my people are?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
You know, I love God, but I'm not going to
change who I am because like there would be some
people who are like, hey, like God knew who you
were when he met you. Like when you rededicated your life,
but you know you don't why should you change?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Wee if I didn't change, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Don't think the old media.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Ooh thank you Lord, Oh my goodness. You changed because
you're growing, you're healing, you're evolving, and the closer your
relationship gets with him, He's going to perfect things in you.
The person who you were is not who God called
you to be. It was a part of yourself, a
part of your journey. I had to go through those
things so that people could see me like she's been
(20:47):
through some stuff. She's relatable. I can trust her because
she she knows what that's like. You know, some people
might not go to church, they might not want to
listen to the pastor or whatever, but they're going to
relate to my story as be you know. So I
think God uses that and grace to me through that
season of my life to bring me here to just
(21:08):
articulate my relationship with him, articulate my testimony, and show
that who I am right now.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
And who He's calling me to be is truly who
He called me to be.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I heard once that thin that comedians are often as
sad as people.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Is that true.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Ooh, we I think I'm pretty happy.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, I don't know any so I just thought i'd ask.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
But I do think it stems from pain, like when
I was younger. Maybe that's back to people pleasing if
there was an argument or a fight in the house,
or nervousness or anxiety, or I'm in an uncomfortable situation,
I'm telling a joke, I'm making somebody laugh, I'm being goofy.
So it stems from not wanting to feel pain, you know.
(21:51):
So I think we turn our pain into comedy. I
had two deaths last year, and I've never been to
a funeral as an adult, and I talk about that
in my stand up and I get them. Really, I
hone in on the message and then I have a joke.
You know, It's a part of life. So I take
my pain and I turn it into comedy. So I
do think comics are very creative in how we, you know,
(22:13):
articulate our pain.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Man, we make fun of.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
It, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I I think, like many people were really hurt by
the loss of your friend, Yes, yes, what is it
about her life and legacy that you're gonna continue to
carry out through your life?
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Jackie was the most consistent friend I ever had. And
I know you're gonna have bad days. I know some
days you might not be able to show up as
your best self. But she was the same every day.
I just love that she let her light pour out
no matter where she was. If she's like, yeah, I'm sad,
I just cried, but what are you doing, girl, Let's go?
You know, just very happy all the time. She showed
up as herself all the time. So she was a
(22:54):
phenomenal mother. Phenomenal mother, I mean, y'all, Jackie was, Oh
my God, just a light. And the way she talked
about God before she passed away, that's what gave me
peace in her passing, Like the way she was building
her relationship with Him, which is so beautiful. Some of
(23:16):
her last posts were all about God like, so that's
what we need to focus on, y'all.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
This life is so temporary.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Jackie's son was still breastfeeding when she passed away. Y'all,
you don't have time. You do not have time. I'm
telling you. She had three kids, two girls, a baby boy.
You didn't think she thought she was gonna watch those
(23:43):
kids grow up, go to prom, go to school, have careers.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Her life was still taken. You do not have time.
Find your purpose, find your gifts, and walk in what
God is calling you to do. Stop wasting time in
that toxic relationship. Stop wasting time. You don't have time.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
So it was just beautiful to see what Jackie did
with the last of her time. She was really focused
on God and that made me have so much peace
in her passing, because that's really all that matters.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Man.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
While you're sitting here talking, I'm thinking that you had
two friendships that I know of that the public may
know of, and one by choice and one by force.
What similarities in this grieving process of having to let go,
whether it's something that you have to do as a
(24:35):
decision or something that you have no choice in. What
lessons are you learning about releasing people from the roles
that they once held in your life?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Wow, that's good. I think letting go of control like
letting God truly take control. And before anything, I asked
Him and go to him. I don't feel like I
lived like that before.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Of ditches and turns and confusion and things can be
eliminated if you just ask God first, Like did he
even say to do that? Did you ask him why
this person is in your life? Did he say start
a business with this person. Did he say be romantic
with this person? Did he say to date that person?
Speaker 4 (25:20):
You know? So asking God.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
And truly letting him lead every aspect of my life.
God First is not just a quote. It is a lifestyle.
You have to ask him, why is this person in
my life? Show me what you know their value is,
Show me how it can be valuable to them. Maybe
it's temporary, maybe it's a lifetime thing. Maybe it's an associate,
maybe it's just business. Really releasing control, letting God control
(25:47):
and lead me, you know, And sometimes I don't have
the answer. Sometimes I ask him questions and I feel
like I don't hear him. So just wait in that
waiting season. Been excuse me and that waiting season, being
patient and letting him have control. You don't have control,
you know, letting him lead.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
You can I ask you for someone before we close out.
Someone may be listening. They're like, I want to ask God,
But how will I know when God's responding? How will
I know what it feels like when God says something
back to me? What would you say to them.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
He speaks for me? It's different ways Sometimes it's a knowing.
From the crown of your head to the soles of
your feet, every fiber in your body knows. He will
give you that answer. And it's a knowing. Some mighty
say intuition, that's the Holy Spirit. It's a knowing. Other
times he's spoken to me. It's been through people literally
(26:37):
articulation and things. They don't even know what's going on,
and they're just spewing into me. I'm like, Wow, you
know that's God. I've been asking for this and he
speaks through people. And then listen to things. If it's
in your mind or through people, would God say that,
you know, like certain negative things I've thought, I'm like,
well maybe this God wouldn't say that though, Yeah, I
(27:00):
would show you to be forgiving God. This is that?
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Why know?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
That's the angry thought. That's not God either. So monitoring
your thoughts. But like I said, a knowing and he's
spoken through me through other people.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I think one of the things that I want to
unpack And maybe next week's episode has a lot to
do with us creating a space to hear from God. Yeah,
because I think it's sometimes we want to hear from God.
While doing our own thing. Like God, I want to
hear from you, but like I'm on need thunder lightning
so that you can grab my attention instead of creating
a space to just listen and to hear from God
(27:37):
and to practice stillness and oneness, because I think once
you practice it, it's easier to get it.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
On the go.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
But it's hard to go from like doing your own
thing to trying to hear from God without there being
a real intentional pause in between you.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, and like you said, being still. Sometimes in prayer,
I'm just like, God, tell me what you want to
tell me. All just sit there and wait. Sometimes it's nothing.
Sometimes it's like was.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
That my husband? I think I saw a man?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
But you know, like you said, the more aligned you
are with him, he'll show you.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
You just have to seek, seek, seek.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Okay, So we're talking about surrender in twenty twenty four,
and I'm just wondering, what is it that you are
laying down in twenty twenty four or maybe just this week?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Okay, what are you.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Laying down and what are you laying hold of? You
know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So in order to lay hold of something, which I
believe surrender is all about like I'm laying hold of
God's identity. I'm letting go of control, like one of
the what is one of the things that you're laying
down and what are you picking up and exchange?
Speaker 4 (28:39):
Yeah, that's a good question. Laying down.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
You know what, I'm gonna let go of the idea
I had for my career, Like I still see arenas,
I still see stage, I still see.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
God has shown me so much. I'm a visionary.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Everything I see has tons of it has already come
to pass. So I know when He shows it to me,
I just have to keep going till I get there.
But I don't know what I'm gonna be saying on
that mic. Could be preaching, could be not not that
you said.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Lay down not and then you picked it up and
so you need to lay it back down.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
I know, I know you could be a word, could
not be a little could possibly be.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Not, he stressed me.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I'm just saying, think about it. Worship leading. Okay, fine,
I'll go appreciate worship leading.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I would be like, where is Sarah brand Do y'all
hear me?
Speaker 3 (29:39):
No?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
No, not that, y'all.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
You the one said you, the one said not that.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Jokes or something. Okay, I don't know. A panel.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
A panel, that's a start. That's how it starts. That's
how they get you. That's how they get you. I
will get up there and embarrass the King can't for
me from the blogs to that. No, I'm laying down
my idea, though I don't know what it looks like.
I know he's calling me higher, but I know I
was also.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
Place. I feel like I'm gonna let him continue to
show me.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
But I was placed in this industry to be a
seed and a vessel for people that maybe not would
have not had the encouragement or you know, the desire
to seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. So I know
I was placed in this industry, the entertainment industry, for
(30:34):
a reason. But what I thought I was going to
be doing it looks totally different. I know I'm not
doing that.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Wow, girl, y'all know less airful know the Lord?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
They like this protesting protest loud made me think some
could pop off. I can't even look at you right now,
I know, I wonder why not. Sarah's thank you for
sharing your life, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Letting me out of here.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
I'm sweating. I love you so much and thank you,
like you.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Have changed my life through social media, of course, but
when I met you. Now I'm gonna cry again. Sarah's
so cool. You just embraced me. You had no idea
who I was or personally social media. Yeah, but I
text you the other day, I'm like, can you just
pray for me? She prayed for me, y'all, Like who
she is on social media is who she is in person.
(31:33):
I love you so much for that. You have no
idea how you showed up for me in a time
where I was so hurt and broken and I'm still
going through it, and you just showed up. You loved me.
You let me in your home, and you just spoke
into me. You look me in my eyes when you
talk to me, You encourage me like you are such
(31:59):
a gift. Thank you. Thank you for your obedience. Thank
you for letting God use you as a vessel. I
know it's so much pressure. I know you're only human.
You're a young black woman, so I know all the
odds are against you. But you are so needed. You
are so special, and you have been such an impact
in my life. In the small amount of time I've
known you, and I just thank you for what you're doing,
(32:19):
not only for me but for the world. You are
so needed and you are so called and I love you.
I know you know that, but thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Don't do that. I'm all now, you're trying to make
me cry so much.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I know you know that, you know that, but you
are just I'm in awe of who you are. Just
being in your presence, people have to walk different, they
have to talk different, they have to come correct when
they come around you, because your aura is just so bright,
and you're so touched by God, and it would be
a blessing to even be a little bit of who
you are in this lifetime.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
I look up to you so much. Thank you, I
love you. I like she's cool.
So beginning of the new year, Yeah, everyone is usually
really excited about like all their resolutions. Like, what are
some of the things that you are deciding is going
to be different for you in twenty twenty four?
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Okay, So I've been doing this before the new year,
but I don't even want to say. I don't like
the word diet, but lifestyle change. Okay, I like really
have to get on it. I've been working on it,
and you're saying I've never seen an ab Okay, Yeah,
it's like, come on.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You know, I have convinced myself that God doesn't have
that for me. I'm like part of the team. Pregnancy
is just like abs got blown up on the spot
before they could even emerge.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Yeah, how are you getting your abs? Like what is
your eating?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Just really honing in on lifestyle change, like being super
meticulous and particular on what I'm putting into my body.
So you know that starts internally with self control and discipline.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So I'm still trying to master that. Everything goes back
to the inside.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yeah, once you fix that, the hour will follow.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Are you an emotional or an emotional starver? Emotional eater?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Like I'm happy eat I'm sad.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Eat Okay, let's celebrate eat everything everything. There's a meal
connected to everything. I feel like I would lose weight
if I would just stop eating when I'm not hungry.
But sometimes I've been doing that. Yeah, I think it
makes a big difference.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I saw this trick like when you're you know how
you're full, pour water on your plate, like mess the
food up.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
So you can't just do it. I know.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
When you did it because you're full, stop, push the
plate away, you're no longer hungry. Stop eating when you're satisfied.
So yeah, self control, discipline, in boundaries, and no more
people pleasing. I am done with that.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
When did you recognize that you like have a people
pleasing mentality?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Have you always known it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I've known it for a while, but recently in a
situation a relationship that I had, I was like, this
is really bad like that. You don't say no, you're
brushed off under the rug and eventually it's all gonna
come to a head.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
What made you become a people please? Are you wired
that way? Or is that a trauma response?
Speaker 4 (02:14):
For sure? Trauma response.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had to go all the way back to where
it started, and it started in my household, and it's
rooted in wanting to be liked and not ruffling feathers
and making sure that everybody happy, like you like me,
you know, it's rooted in wanting to have validation.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
And be liked.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I feel that I have been am was is a
people pleased? Yeah, all of those things. I can't tell
if it's about being liked or trying to manipulate belonging.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Explain that.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So I cannot tell if I am doing it because
I want people to like me, or if I am
so desperate for a sense of belonging that I'm manipulate
myself or the situation in order to have a sense
of belonging.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Wow, I think sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
What we're calling is I want to be liked, is
really I want to feel like I belong to. And
so whatever music I need to listen to or not
listen to, whatever actions I need to take or not
need to take, I'm willing to do that because at
the core, I'm looking for a sense of belonging.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Oh that's not a EA.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You know, I do a lot of processing. Okay, So
do you think that's true for you? Sense of belonging?
Do you think it is about being liked.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I think it's about being liked.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Really, Yeah, I've always I've never felt like an outcast
or it felt like I didn't belong or I'm sure
I've had those moments.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Let's not say I've never.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
But for the most part, I can walk into a room,
walk into a situation, walk into an environment, and fully
be myself. Like I don't feel like I have to
adjust or change or feel like I have to fit
in in that you know, in that box. But I
just feel like I want people. I was prayerful about
that this morning, like God, let it, let it go.
Whether I'm on a blog, whether it's a group of people,
(04:05):
whether I walk it, if they don't like me, it
is okay, I'm trying to please you.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
How do you battle with that, though, with the reality that,
as a public person, do somewhat need to be liked you?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I mean, but I think it's more focusing on the
people that do more focusing on my community and the
people that I'm called to, and not focused on it's
really a small percent. It's like you have millions of
people that do like you. Even if it's not millions,
you have tons of people that do. Focus on those
people and stop trying to convince the people that don't that, oh,
(04:39):
I'm a good person, Oh but my heart is pure,
I'm relevant.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, focus on the people that you're called to, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, So I have a question, but I don't know
how to ask it.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Do you think that if you were not focused on
pleasing people or people liking you, that the relationships that
you have do you really think that that is what
was sustaining them? Was you acting in such a way
that you diminished yourself because if you were full of yourself,
do you think that it could not withstand your authenticity?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
I one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I feel like things that I should have said in
certain relationships on day one I said five years later,
years later.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Had you said them on day one with the relationship
had progressed? Or do you think the relationships end because
you wait to give them everything you should have.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I think possibly it could progress, and if it didn't,
it's a protection. We're not supposed to be in each
other's lives. If I can't show up as my full
authentic self and not filter what I'm saying, or have
a safe space to feel like Okay, just let that go, okay,
brush that under the rug.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Don't you do that? For years?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
It's like you're dimming your light to this person or
pour into this person. And like we were talking about
off camera, eventually you're not a victim.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
You're a volunteer. You continuously choose.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
To do that over and over and over, whether it's
a romantic relationship, a platonic or relationship, a business relationship.
And eventually I saw a pastor say this Shawnee's husband,
I can't think of his name. Yes, he said, you
don't have anxiety. You're not depressed. You're you're not being yourself.
That's what causes anxiety. That's what causes depression when you
(06:16):
dim who God called you to be and who you
are to please everybody else. So once you can fully
walk into that light and be yourself, it's a freedom
attached to it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
That's so I've got a book coming out in April
and it's called Power Moves, And I'm second guessing. I
think anytime you're working on probably content or anything that
you're releasing to people's like, it makes sense in my head.
I hope it translates what I'm hoping translates in the
book is that it's called power moves, and the expression
of what power is changes based off of what situation
(06:47):
you're in. So when I'm preaching, there's a certain level
of power that fits for that moment, but I don't
bring that person home. And then I'm talking to my
kids the way that I talk to someone when I'm
delivering discernment. And so being sensitive enough to understand what
is power in this situation, I think comes from really
releasing ourselves from the expectations and opinions of other people.
(07:08):
That allowing ourselves to say what is authentic to me
in this moment, and can I stand by that? So okay,
but listen switching gears. Okay, So whenever there is a
friendship group and I'm saying a group because you created
a friendship group and we were all a part of it.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Now, I don't believe that we have to choose sides.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
That we can still be friends with everyone, but a
part of us feels like we need to choose sides.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Pick a side, black or white, up and down.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
It's like relax, relax, you know what, I've never I've
always seen duality in so many things, and I think
that has been a gift of mine also a downfall
because well I could see that, and I could see that,
I get what is it? In certain situations you do
(08:09):
have to pick a side. And I'm not saying I'm
not totally relating this to the friend group, but I've
battled with that, especially because I'm the nucleus of the
friend group. You know, when you bring all these that
I'll often in relationships in business, I bring people together.
So when I'm the nucleus and I not make a
(08:29):
decision or you know, go through, I'm like, that's not
what we're doing anymore. I'm like, well, y'all trusted me
as a visionary when everything was good, you trust me.
You got to trust me as a visionary in my
character when everything's bad, you have to trust my character.
You might not always trust my decision making, but you've
always trusted my heart. That's why we've been friends for
a decade, or been friends for eight years or seven years.
(08:49):
So no, I'm not perfect, but my heart has always
been the same. So I need you to trust that
in this season too, So I battle with that. But
like I said, I think do is a gift of mine.
But now I'm to the point where I'm like, I
need to start being more direct in black and white,
and that comes from knowing yourself and truly who you are.
(09:10):
And you posted this in your caption today, standing on business.
Don't send me that picture my feet decision let me
standing on business. Sometimes you got to stand on business.
Sometimes it is black and white.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Yeah you know. So now I'm struggling with that a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
How what if standing on business kept you from having
or would have kept you from starting to know for
your podcast and then ending the know for your podcast.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I think ending the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Our podcast was built on friendship, and our friendship wasn't
on a solid foundation. We weren't seeing eye to eye.
So I feel like God allowed removed me from that.
I resigned from it and really asked God what to do.
It wasn't an impulsive decision. It wasn't like I don't
want to do. It was prayer, fasting, and I really know,
don't feel like I know. God spoke to me and
(10:02):
was like, you know, it's time to go on separate paths.
So I'm proud of my decision. I stand by my decision,
and I'm proud of myself for making a major decision
and we walked away from not we I walked away
from some major things, you know, and I'm proud of it.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I'm proud of it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
It should be, especially for someone who you said, you know,
being a people pleaser since you.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Were a young person.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
My god, it was difficult to then say, even though
I know continuing going with please a lot of people,
I'm choosing to step away.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Choosing to step away because I know it's right in
this season, you know, and our foundation was the friendship
and it.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Was too rocky.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
How did you end up in a situation where the
friendship didn't have that foundation?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I think back to, like I said, my childhood trauma
of people pleasing finally setting boundaries in space, and it
caused a little rockiness. You know. You know when you
say five years later or say this doesn't work for
me five years later or years later in a relationship,
that's going to cause conflict because you've been okay with
(11:08):
certain things for.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
So long, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
So And like I said it, I'm not a victim, right,
I'm a volunteer. In any relationship, you have to speak
up for yourself and have to have open communication. And
if you constantly people please and don't set boundaries over
and over.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
You're choosing to do that.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, you're like, well, I'm anxious, I'm not speaking up.
You're choosing that. So eventually you have to get to
the root of why you're doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's hard, I think in friendships find out that we
need to reintroduce ourselves most of the time after we've
already had the friction of not having connection. Yeah, I
had a really hard friendship breakup that I think it's
still hard for me.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You told me about that some difference.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
For years we weren't So she was the first teen
mom that I'd ever met, and she was like in college,
and she was just all of these things that made
me believe that you can do this. And so she
definitely met me at a time where I was still
trying to figure out my identity, and we grew up together.
And I think that as I changed and as she changed,
(12:14):
that I still want it because I can only speak
for my part. I still wanted that bond that we
had before, but I also wanted all these other bonds.
I met my husband. Now I'd moved to a new city,
and it's like, how do I maintain what we had
and I couldn't, yeah, and I didn't know what it
could become. Yeah, And I think eventually it came to
a space where we just let things go and we
(12:34):
tried to kind of like circle around each other.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, but it just never clicked again. So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I think that sometimes things are definitely over, yeah, and
there's a slow fading away, and then sometimes you just
need space. How do you know the difference for yourself?
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Sometimes you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
But I feel like in this season, it's definitely like
separation over, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
But I don't know what the future holds.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I don't know that, but I know in this season
we had to go on our individual separate paths, you know.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
And that's okay.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Like freedom and peace does not mean you're not angry,
you're not sad, you don't have feelings, you don't have emotions.
There is a freedom, a liberation to sticking up for yourself,
standing by what you know God told you. And people
will try to come distort God's voice. They will try
to say, well, he didn't say that. I don't.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I don't know about all that.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I know what he told me, and I have to
walk in obedience no matter what it looks like to
anybody else, my free this is my soul. My freedom
is attached to this, and I have so much freedom,
so much peace. But that doesn't mean it's not hard.
I have days where I cry, days where I grieve.
I'm grieving a relationship, you know. So yeah, I'm free,
though it's so hard, so hard. I'm about to cry
(13:52):
right now. I'm like, I thought you wasn't gonna make
me cry.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
It's so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
But man, I'm telling you, if you be obedient to
what God is telling you to do, they're so much
attached to your freedom and your peace.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
How do you define freedom?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I feel like I'm back to who God called me
to be, no limitations, no anxiety, no overthinking.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
I just feel like I'm walking.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I'm being myself, my full authentic self that I've always been.
That's what got me to this point. But sometimes dimming
that light and people pleasing you're not that and back
to that's what causes anxiety, That's what causes nervousness, that's
what causes no peace, Just that feeling inside of you
that is not calm and peaceful.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I have that back, and it's like night and.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Day Okay, so you're living your life out loud. Yeah,
so many people to see.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yeah, coming on.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I feel like, over the course, how long has it
been since you've really begin to share vocally your faith journey?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh, I was watching my old YouTube ten years ago
when I moved to Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
I was sitting there on the YouTube pray and talking.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And I've always been in my faith, always talked about God,
but rededicating my life to Christ has been a year.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Okay, so it was November twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
What happened? What made you rededicate?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Just asking the ofugh questions, like the friendship that I
just came out of. She the way she articulated God
and spoke about God and her relationship with God, it
made me yearn for a relationship with Him, and I
truly believe that that was one of her purposes in
my life, like to bring me to Jesus Christ. Like
(15:35):
she really had an articulation and understanding in a way
to articulate who God was to her. And it made
me want to know more about God because I always
had religion but not relationship. Yeah, And I asked myself
the hard questions, my dad's a pastor.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
So I grew up in the church.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I was an usher two seats please, like, Oh Jesus,
I'm sleepy, Why do I have to usher today?
Speaker 4 (15:57):
But grew up in the church.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
But I asked myself start asking myself questions, why are
you Christian? Why do you believe in Jesus Christ. Why
aren't you Buddhist? Why aren't you atheist? Why do you
not just believe in the universe? And I asked myself
all these questions. Is it because you were raised that way?
Or is it because you truly had an encounter and
a relationship with Jesus Christ and you know him for yourself?
Speaker 4 (16:22):
And the answer wasn't good enough for me. It was
because I was raised that way.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
So I started to seek Jesus Christ for myself, a
relationship with him for myself. And he blew my mind
so quick because I don't have time for this. I
am the way, the truth is the life clear, you know,
I need you to come on with it. It happened
so quick, and it was so once I started to
see him. It's in my bio Jeremiah twenty nine thirteen.
(16:48):
I lived by that verse because I've encountered it and
I've lived it, and he showed me who he was
like that, and I never asked another question.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, so how does that fit within the context of
your world and your lifestyle and your content. How do
you marry this conviction, this liberation into a world that
especially you know, I'm a preacher, so that's you know,
it's a little bit more fitting in my world. But
you're a comedian, you're an actor, you have all of
(17:18):
these different touch points.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
How do you incorporate that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I think it's different and more difficult for me because
I'm in the limelight because people are seeing me transition,
right y'all the cameras are on me. Most people just
transition and they get to do it without cameras or
Instagram or It's like when you see somebody go from
I guess culture to kingdom, slowly moving in that direction,
(17:43):
like really a lifestyle change back to lifestyle change and conviction,
it's just going to look wild to people, Like my
stories might be club Bible.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Why It's like, it's like.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I'm slow transitioning, you know what I mean? And I
think when God convicts me, I just have to listen.
Like April twenty fifth, he said, be sober. I have
never been convicted on drinking or anything like that ever
in my life. I was just like, Oh, I'm a
social drinker, I'm an alcoholic. I'm not I'm not talking about
for you. I'm not saying everybody that drinks is that's
(18:22):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
I'm fit saying for me.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
When he convicts you individually, you just have to be
obedient that, obedient to that and listen as you go
on your journey. He told me April twenty fifth, I've
been sober since. I don't know what that looks like.
That's for everything. That's a now thing. He needed me
sober in that season. But he talks to me, I move.
So I'm moving step by step with what God says,
not what the world says, not what Instagram says. Is
(18:46):
the more I focus on my vertical relationship with him,
I will move accordingly to where he wants me to go.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
So, do you have any clues about where you're headed next?
So like that one expression of your life and identity
through the podcast has come to an end. Yeah, but
we're in a new year, new season things. What are
you looking forward to?
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Stand up.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I love comedy. I've been doing stand up for five years.
I've been doing movies and acting. I want to get
into more film and I'm really excited I go on
tour this year. So and I'm working on I'm battling
with that, Like the jokes and the things I've been
saying for five years.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Oh my god, I'm like, I can I say that?
Can I say that?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
What?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
You would never be able to come to my show?
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I can't wait to be therein the bad because if
I saw you at my show, I'd be like, you're
just gonna do an altar call?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
We cannot, you know. So, But working on that.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
When I was saying those jokes before, it was who
I am, it was it was self expression. It was
who I was in that season. Now when I say
certain jokes, I'm like, I'm acting. This is not who
I am in this season. So working on getting my
comedy in my art form to align with who I
am in this season.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
What do you think my people are?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
You know, I love God, but I'm not going to
change who I am because like there would be some
people who are like, hey, like God knew who you
were when he met you. Like when you rededicated your life,
but you know you don't why should you change?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Wee if I didn't change, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Don't think the old media.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Ooh thank you Lord, Oh my goodness. You changed because
you're growing, you're healing, you're evolving, and the closer your
relationship gets with him, He's going to perfect things in you.
The person who you were is not who God called
you to be. It was a part of yourself, a
part of your journey. I had to go through those
things so that people could see me like she's been
(20:47):
through some stuff. She's relatable. I can trust her because
she she knows what that's like. You know, some people
might not go to church, they might not want to
listen to the pastor or whatever, but they're going to
relate to my story as be you know. So I
think God uses that and grace to me through that
season of my life to bring me here to just
(21:08):
articulate my relationship with him, articulate my testimony, and show
that who I am right now.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
And who He's calling me to be is truly who
He called me to be.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I heard once that thin that comedians are often as
sad as people.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Is that true.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Ooh, we I think I'm pretty happy.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, I don't know any so I just thought i'd ask.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
But I do think it stems from pain, like when
I was younger. Maybe that's back to people pleasing if
there was an argument or a fight in the house,
or nervousness or anxiety, or I'm in an uncomfortable situation,
I'm telling a joke, I'm making somebody laugh, I'm being goofy.
So it stems from not wanting to feel pain, you know.
(21:51):
So I think we turn our pain into comedy. I
had two deaths last year, and I've never been to
a funeral as an adult, and I talk about that
in my stand up and I get them. Really, I
hone in on the message and then I have a joke.
You know, It's a part of life. So I take
my pain and I turn it into comedy. So I
do think comics are very creative in how we, you know,
(22:13):
articulate our pain.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Man, we make fun of.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
It, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I I think, like many people were really hurt by
the loss of your friend, Yes, yes, what is it
about her life and legacy that you're gonna continue to
carry out through your life?
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Jackie was the most consistent friend I ever had. And
I know you're gonna have bad days. I know some
days you might not be able to show up as
your best self. But she was the same every day.
I just love that she let her light pour out
no matter where she was. If she's like, yeah, I'm sad,
I just cried, but what are you doing, girl, Let's go?
You know, just very happy all the time. She showed
up as herself all the time. So she was a
(22:54):
phenomenal mother. Phenomenal mother, I mean, y'all, Jackie was, Oh
my God, just a light. And the way she talked
about God before she passed away, that's what gave me
peace in her passing, Like the way she was building
her relationship with Him, which is so beautiful. Some of
(23:16):
her last posts were all about God like, so that's
what we need to focus on, y'all.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
This life is so temporary.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Jackie's son was still breastfeeding when she passed away. Y'all,
you don't have time. You do not have time. I'm
telling you. She had three kids, two girls, a baby boy.
You didn't think she thought she was gonna watch those
(23:43):
kids grow up, go to prom, go to school, have careers.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Her life was still taken. You do not have time.
Find your purpose, find your gifts, and walk in what
God is calling you to do. Stop wasting time in
that toxic relationship. Stop wasting time. You don't have time.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
So it was just beautiful to see what Jackie did
with the last of her time. She was really focused
on God and that made me have so much peace
in her passing, because that's really all that matters.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Man.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
While you're sitting here talking, I'm thinking that you had
two friendships that I know of that the public may
know of, and one by choice and one by force.
What similarities in this grieving process of having to let go,
whether it's something that you have to do as a
(24:35):
decision or something that you have no choice in. What
lessons are you learning about releasing people from the roles
that they once held in your life?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Wow, that's good. I think letting go of control like
letting God truly take control. And before anything, I asked
Him and go to him. I don't feel like I
lived like that before.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Of ditches and turns and confusion and things can be
eliminated if you just ask God first, Like did he
even say to do that? Did you ask him why
this person is in your life? Did he say start
a business with this person. Did he say be romantic
with this person? Did he say to date that person?
Speaker 4 (25:20):
You know? So asking God.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
And truly letting him lead every aspect of my life.
God First is not just a quote. It is a lifestyle.
You have to ask him, why is this person in
my life? Show me what you know their value is,
Show me how it can be valuable to them. Maybe
it's temporary, maybe it's a lifetime thing. Maybe it's an associate,
maybe it's just business. Really releasing control, letting God control
(25:47):
and lead me, you know, And sometimes I don't have
the answer. Sometimes I ask him questions and I feel
like I don't hear him. So just wait in that
waiting season. Been excuse me and that waiting season, being
patient and letting him have control. You don't have control,
you know, letting him lead.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
You can I ask you for someone before we close out.
Someone may be listening. They're like, I want to ask God,
But how will I know when God's responding? How will
I know what it feels like when God says something
back to me? What would you say to them.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
He speaks for me? It's different ways Sometimes it's a knowing.
From the crown of your head to the soles of
your feet, every fiber in your body knows. He will
give you that answer. And it's a knowing. Some mighty
say intuition, that's the Holy Spirit. It's a knowing. Other
times he's spoken to me. It's been through people literally
(26:37):
articulation and things. They don't even know what's going on,
and they're just spewing into me. I'm like, Wow, you
know that's God. I've been asking for this and he
speaks through people. And then listen to things. If it's
in your mind or through people, would God say that,
you know, like certain negative things I've thought, I'm like,
well maybe this God wouldn't say that though, Yeah, I
(27:00):
would show you to be forgiving God. This is that?
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Why know?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
That's the angry thought. That's not God either. So monitoring
your thoughts. But like I said, a knowing and he's
spoken through me through other people.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I think one of the things that I want to
unpack And maybe next week's episode has a lot to
do with us creating a space to hear from God. Yeah,
because I think it's sometimes we want to hear from God.
While doing our own thing. Like God, I want to
hear from you, but like I'm on need thunder lightning
so that you can grab my attention instead of creating
a space to just listen and to hear from God
(27:37):
and to practice stillness and oneness, because I think once
you practice it, it's easier to get it.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
On the go.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
But it's hard to go from like doing your own
thing to trying to hear from God without there being
a real intentional pause in between you.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, and like you said, being still. Sometimes in prayer,
I'm just like, God, tell me what you want to
tell me. All just sit there and wait. Sometimes it's nothing.
Sometimes it's like was.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
That my husband? I think I saw a man?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
But you know, like you said, the more aligned you
are with him, he'll show you.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
You just have to seek, seek, seek.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Okay, So we're talking about surrender in twenty twenty four,
and I'm just wondering, what is it that you are
laying down in twenty twenty four or maybe just this week?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Okay, what are you.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Laying down and what are you laying hold of? You
know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So in order to lay hold of something, which I
believe surrender is all about like I'm laying hold of
God's identity. I'm letting go of control, like one of
the what is one of the things that you're laying
down and what are you picking up and exchange?
Speaker 4 (28:39):
Yeah, that's a good question. Laying down.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
You know what, I'm gonna let go of the idea
I had for my career, Like I still see arenas,
I still see stage, I still see.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
God has shown me so much. I'm a visionary.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Everything I see has tons of it has already come
to pass. So I know when He shows it to me,
I just have to keep going till I get there.
But I don't know what I'm gonna be saying on
that mic. Could be preaching, could be not not that
you said.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Lay down not and then you picked it up and
so you need to lay it back down.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
I know, I know you could be a word, could
not be a little could possibly be.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Not, he stressed me.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I'm just saying, think about it. Worship leading. Okay, fine,
I'll go appreciate worship leading.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I would be like, where is Sarah brand Do y'all
hear me?
Speaker 3 (29:39):
No?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
No, not that, y'all.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
You the one said you, the one said not that.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Jokes or something. Okay, I don't know. A panel.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
A panel, that's a start. That's how it starts. That's
how they get you. That's how they get you. I
will get up there and embarrass the King can't for
me from the blogs to that. No, I'm laying down
my idea, though I don't know what it looks like.
I know he's calling me higher, but I know I
was also.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
Place. I feel like I'm gonna let him continue to
show me.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
But I was placed in this industry to be a
seed and a vessel for people that maybe not would
have not had the encouragement or you know, the desire
to seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. So I know
I was placed in this industry, the entertainment industry, for
(30:34):
a reason. But what I thought I was going to
be doing it looks totally different. I know I'm not
doing that.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Wow, girl, y'all know less airful know the Lord?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
They like this protesting protest loud made me think some
could pop off. I can't even look at you right now,
I know, I wonder why not. Sarah's thank you for
sharing your life, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Letting me out of here.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
I'm sweating. I love you so much and thank you,
like you.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Have changed my life through social media, of course, but
when I met you. Now I'm gonna cry again. Sarah's
so cool. You just embraced me. You had no idea
who I was or personally social media. Yeah, but I
text you the other day, I'm like, can you just
pray for me? She prayed for me, y'all, Like who
she is on social media is who she is in person.
(31:33):
I love you so much for that. You have no
idea how you showed up for me in a time
where I was so hurt and broken and I'm still
going through it, and you just showed up. You loved me.
You let me in your home, and you just spoke
into me. You look me in my eyes when you
talk to me, You encourage me like you are such
(31:59):
a gift. Thank you. Thank you for your obedience. Thank
you for letting God use you as a vessel. I
know it's so much pressure. I know you're only human.
You're a young black woman, so I know all the
odds are against you. But you are so needed. You
are so special, and you have been such an impact
in my life. In the small amount of time I've
known you, and I just thank you for what you're doing,
(32:19):
not only for me but for the world. You are
so needed and you are so called and I love you.
I know you know that, but thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Don't do that. I'm all now, you're trying to make
me cry so much.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I know you know that, you know that, but you
are just I'm in awe of who you are. Just
being in your presence, people have to walk different, they
have to talk different, they have to come correct when
they come around you, because your aura is just so bright,
and you're so touched by God, and it would be
a blessing to even be a little bit of who
you are in this lifetime.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
I look up to you so much. Thank you, I
love you. I like she's cool.
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