Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, sis, thank you so much for this opportunity. I
have to say when you promoted this, I was like,
oh my gosh, I need to hop on that because
I have a question that I would love your insight
on and I think that you'd give really good insight
on it. So thank you so much for this opportunity.
So my name is Aquila Driver, and I am a
spiritual being uniquely handcrafted by our loving Father, and I'm
(00:32):
having a human experience as a fun, loving and creative
woman of color. I am twenty seven years old and
I'm married to my husband. We've been married for six years,
and we have four children. And I'm a creative I
love to make videos and make people laugh and also
be able to encourage those around me. I like to
take pictures. I like to do short films and little
(00:55):
commercials and comedy sketches, and I love to screenwrite. And
these are things that are really near and dear to
my heart, which kind of rolls into my question.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
My question for you is.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
This, how do you navigate your prayer to God that
is really big that you don't understand, You don't know
how it would even work, Like it's so big that
it would take quote, huge, huge, God ordained situation, and
(01:30):
I just don't know how it would work. And I
love God and my relationship with him is very important
to me. Like, and it's so interesting that even though
that's the case, why I'm still having this hold up,
you know, like something that is still like holding me
back from asking. And truthfully, you know, there's some things
(01:51):
I could think, whether it's like fear not really knowing,
or what if he does answer now I don't know
how to handle it, or you know, things like that,
But I still want to get past because it's very
important to me and my family that you know, I
follow God's plan for my life truly and authentically. So yeah,
I hope that made sense. Thank you again for the opportunity,
(02:16):
and I hope to hear from you.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Okay, so you have to tell me what's going on.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Okay, So you know, in the midst of all this
going on, my husband I both were laid off. My
husband was let go. I was laid off for my
job here. But they end up bringing me back short
a little bit ago. And but during this time, I've
(02:42):
had an opportunity to learn myself, to learn thing that
I think I wasn't paying attention to otherwise because I
was so busy all the time. That it gave me
an opportunity to recognize the areas that, you know, my
faith is lasting, or where my confidence is just not
up to where I would want it to be or
(03:02):
what I thought it was, you know what I mean.
And while I was home, I have four children, and
it was it was a lot, but it was also
super fun, Like I felt that I was able to
really be creative and get back into creating content, which
I do, and I was able to actually like really
(03:25):
hone in on my relationship with God and kind of
start working that into my life, like how I can
learn more about the Bible, but in a creative way
that's kind of broken down for how I can understand it.
And it made me form some questions, and it also
made me have to recognize that what face looks like
(03:51):
for me, like having to identify what face like looks.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Like for me. I think what you're asking me is
how do I come to a space where I don't
mind asking God to literally, Now, this is going to
be different than what you said, but this is what
you're saying in my estimation, is how do I get
to a place where I can ask God to be God,
because what you're asking God to do isn't necessarily big
(04:16):
for God. Because God does big. He only speaks in big.
But it is still big for you. For some reason,
there is a distance between what you say you want
and maybe what you believe you should have, And I'm
wondering if there's a breakdown between. This is my heart's desire,
but I don't necessarily know that I feel worthy enough,
(04:38):
or I don't even know if I have the right
to kind of ask for those types of things. And
so I'm trying to overcome me so that I can
give God permission to do what like God does big,
Like that's what he does. I mean, he created the
world in six days and took a day off, Okay,
So asking him to help you relocate your family for
your husband a fine purpose for you to build your family,
(05:00):
Like that's big for you. But that's God just being
who he is in your life. And so I'm a
little bit more curious about just your relationship with God
and maybe your relationship with self, with the authority figures
in your life. And have there been moments in your
life where you felt like you did not have the right,
(05:22):
or the permission or the resources to really lay hold
of what it was that you wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
This past year has been a whole journey to understanding
my identity, which is now like I have my identity statement.
But I think it's so interesting because the more that
I dig, the more that I find like, oh, you know,
so God, go back to this part and recognize that
maybe that is true. And I have had that has
(05:54):
been my thing was worthlessness and not feeling work. That
has been a thing that I'm constantly working with. So
it's interesting you say that because I think that that
could be it. It's just another dimension that I just haven't
really seen. I think that when you deal with something
like that for a long period time, it shows itself
(06:14):
in little areas that you don't even necessarily recognize that. Yeah,
so I appreciate you brings me up because I definitely
think that that could very well be the disconnect.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So I think instead of praying that God would give
you those things that the prayer has to become for
God to give me me, to give me your version
of who I am and your version of what my
life looks like, that you would reveal to me the
areas in my life where I am experiencing brokenness are
(06:47):
maybe not feeling worthy, and that you would give me
your thoughts in your perspective over my that version of myself,
you know, because we pray prayers, but then we don't
necessarcessarily attach our full faith with it, because there's a
part of us that doesn't want to be disappointed, doesn't
know if we really deserve it, and so it is
(07:09):
a prayer, but we don't own it that way. And
I'm just reminded of Samuel's mother, Hannah, just praying to
God that he would give her this child. And we
have to consider that this wasn't the first time that
she considered wanting to have children. That scripture tells us
that this was something that was painful to her, but
she got to this place where she didn't just want
(07:32):
it anymore, but she attached all of her faith to it.
And so I'm wondering, how do we get to a
point where we attach all of our faith. Well, we
have to confront the doubt, and we have to confront
the fear, and then we position God properly. God wants
to see you, Blessed God, wants to see your family
built up. He wants to see you flourished. He wants
(07:52):
to see the Kingdom come to your life, to your brokenness,
to your family. He wants all of those things for you,
and we have to be willing to receive that. Do
you feel like you struggle with receiving love and affirmation?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So something happened to me where I stopped feeling like
I had worth or value or that I deserved good
things for me. That happened when I became pregnant as
a teenager. I felt like I didn't deserve what the
girls who were waiting until marriage. God. I didn't deserve
what the girls who did things the right way God.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
So I.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Intentionally removed myself from the expectation of good things happening
to me because I felt like I had done something
wrong or bad and that I didn't have a right
to ask for those things anymore. And that mindset produced
people in my life and relationships in my life that
thought the same way about myself that I thought. And
(08:49):
so when I realized that, you know what, I don't
want to pay for this mistake for the rest of
my life. I don't want to feel it like I'm
being punished for the rest of my life. I want
to learn to exc at me for who I am,
and so that for me meant I can do bad
all by myself. If I'm going to be in this situation,
then I'm at least going to learn to take care
of myself and take care of my own soul. And
(09:10):
so when I got married, I started seeing that, you know,
he would say things to me and I was just
kind of be like, no, I'm not, like, you look
so up pretty. I'm like, no, no, I don't. No,
I don't like I mean, and I could be like
bond it like old T shirt shorts, and he's like, man,
you're beautiful, Like there is no way that I look
beautiful right now. So like I don't. But that is
my perspective of myself and to receive that this is
(09:34):
his truth, and to receive it as truth, and to
not take my truth and insert it over his truth,
to recognize that he has a perspective on me that
I don't see right now, and so I want to
live in his truth for a minute. And when I
live in his truth, I ask myself, then let him
say that to the part of you that doesn't believe it.
(09:56):
Don't let them say it to your walls, don't let
it say don't let him say it to your excuses.
Let him say it to the part of you that
doesn't believe it. And when I let him say it
to that part of me that doesn't believe it, I
feel like it heals a piece of me little by little.
And then so when I'm in the mirror and I'm
looking at myself and I'm like, ooh girl, cool sculpting,
(10:19):
ooh girl, you need a little life over. Ooh girl,
look at those marks on your face, I ask myself,
who's talking to you in that moment? Who's got the microphone?
Is that your insecurity? Are you letting insecurity have the microphone?
What would you say instead? If you were in a
place of wholeness, What would you say instead, if you
(10:39):
were God looking down at you right now? And I
allow those thoughts to talk to that brokenness. And so
when we talk about God giving you you, we really
want him to restore the pieces of you that feel
unworthy of the very things that your spirit is saying.
Your spirit, You've got your spirit and your flesh at war,
and your spirit is saying I want to build this family.
(11:01):
Your spirit is saying I want to stay home. Your
spirit is saying, I believe that my husband can have
the resources for me to be able to take care
of our family while he goes out into the world.
Your spirit is giving you a clue of what's in you.
But your spirit and your flesh are at war because
there's a part of your flush. It's like, now you
know you're dreaming too big. Now you know that's not possible.
Why do you think you should be able to sit
(11:22):
at home while everyone else is struggling. Maybe you've never
seen this in your family before, Like, why would you
think that you're going to be able to break this mold.
Our flesh tells us all types of things, and sometimes
we let the flesh just talk. We just let our
insecurities talk, We let the fears speak, and we have
to start talking back.
Hey, sis, thank you so much for this opportunity. I
have to say when you promoted this, I was like,
oh my gosh, I need to hop on that because
I have a question that I would love your insight
on and I think that you'd give really good insight
on it. So thank you so much for this opportunity.
So my name is Aquila Driver, and I am a
spiritual being uniquely handcrafted by our loving Father, and I'm
(00:32):
having a human experience as a fun, loving and creative
woman of color. I am twenty seven years old and
I'm married to my husband. We've been married for six years,
and we have four children. And I'm a creative I
love to make videos and make people laugh and also
be able to encourage those around me. I like to
take pictures. I like to do short films and little
(00:55):
commercials and comedy sketches, and I love to screenwrite. And
these are things that are really near and dear to
my heart, which kind of rolls into my question.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
My question for you is.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
This, how do you navigate your prayer to God that
is really big that you don't understand, You don't know
how it would even work, Like it's so big that
it would take quote, huge, huge, God ordained situation, and
(01:30):
I just don't know how it would work. And I
love God and my relationship with him is very important
to me. Like, and it's so interesting that even though
that's the case, why I'm still having this hold up,
you know, like something that is still like holding me
back from asking. And truthfully, you know, there's some things
(01:51):
I could think, whether it's like fear not really knowing,
or what if he does answer now I don't know
how to handle it, or you know, things like that,
But I still want to get past because it's very
important to me and my family that you know, I
follow God's plan for my life truly and authentically. So yeah,
I hope that made sense. Thank you again for the opportunity,
(02:16):
and I hope to hear from you.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Okay, so you have to tell me what's going on.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Okay, So you know, in the midst of all this
going on, my husband I both were laid off. My
husband was let go. I was laid off for my
job here. But they end up bringing me back short
a little bit ago. And but during this time, I've
(02:42):
had an opportunity to learn myself, to learn thing that
I think I wasn't paying attention to otherwise because I
was so busy all the time. That it gave me
an opportunity to recognize the areas that, you know, my
faith is lasting, or where my confidence is just not
up to where I would want it to be or
(03:02):
what I thought it was, you know what I mean.
And while I was home, I have four children, and
it was it was a lot, but it was also
super fun, Like I felt that I was able to
really be creative and get back into creating content, which
I do, and I was able to actually like really
(03:25):
hone in on my relationship with God and kind of
start working that into my life, like how I can
learn more about the Bible, but in a creative way
that's kind of broken down for how I can understand it.
And it made me form some questions, and it also
made me have to recognize that what face looks like
(03:51):
for me, like having to identify what face like looks.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Like for me. I think what you're asking me is
how do I come to a space where I don't
mind asking God to literally, Now, this is going to
be different than what you said, but this is what
you're saying in my estimation, is how do I get
to a place where I can ask God to be God,
because what you're asking God to do isn't necessarily big
(04:16):
for God. Because God does big. He only speaks in big.
But it is still big for you. For some reason,
there is a distance between what you say you want
and maybe what you believe you should have, And I'm
wondering if there's a breakdown between. This is my heart's desire,
but I don't necessarily know that I feel worthy enough,
(04:38):
or I don't even know if I have the right
to kind of ask for those types of things. And
so I'm trying to overcome me so that I can
give God permission to do what like God does big,
Like that's what he does. I mean, he created the
world in six days and took a day off, Okay,
So asking him to help you relocate your family for
your husband a fine purpose for you to build your family,
(05:00):
Like that's big for you. But that's God just being
who he is in your life. And so I'm a
little bit more curious about just your relationship with God
and maybe your relationship with self, with the authority figures
in your life. And have there been moments in your
life where you felt like you did not have the right,
(05:22):
or the permission or the resources to really lay hold
of what it was that you wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
This past year has been a whole journey to understanding
my identity, which is now like I have my identity statement.
But I think it's so interesting because the more that
I dig, the more that I find like, oh, you know,
so God, go back to this part and recognize that
maybe that is true. And I have had that has
(05:54):
been my thing was worthlessness and not feeling work. That
has been a thing that I'm constantly working with. So
it's interesting you say that because I think that that
could be it. It's just another dimension that I just haven't
really seen. I think that when you deal with something
like that for a long period time, it shows itself
(06:14):
in little areas that you don't even necessarily recognize that. Yeah,
so I appreciate you brings me up because I definitely
think that that could very well be the disconnect.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So I think instead of praying that God would give
you those things that the prayer has to become for
God to give me me, to give me your version
of who I am and your version of what my
life looks like, that you would reveal to me the
areas in my life where I am experiencing brokenness are
(06:47):
maybe not feeling worthy, and that you would give me
your thoughts in your perspective over my that version of myself,
you know, because we pray prayers, but then we don't
necessarcessarily attach our full faith with it, because there's a
part of us that doesn't want to be disappointed, doesn't
know if we really deserve it, and so it is
(07:09):
a prayer, but we don't own it that way. And
I'm just reminded of Samuel's mother, Hannah, just praying to
God that he would give her this child. And we
have to consider that this wasn't the first time that
she considered wanting to have children. That scripture tells us
that this was something that was painful to her, but
she got to this place where she didn't just want
(07:32):
it anymore, but she attached all of her faith to it.
And so I'm wondering, how do we get to a
point where we attach all of our faith. Well, we
have to confront the doubt, and we have to confront
the fear, and then we position God properly. God wants
to see you, Blessed God, wants to see your family
built up. He wants to see you flourished. He wants
(07:52):
to see the Kingdom come to your life, to your brokenness,
to your family. He wants all of those things for you,
and we have to be willing to receive that. Do
you feel like you struggle with receiving love and affirmation?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So something happened to me where I stopped feeling like
I had worth or value or that I deserved good
things for me. That happened when I became pregnant as
a teenager. I felt like I didn't deserve what the
girls who were waiting until marriage. God. I didn't deserve
what the girls who did things the right way God.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
So I.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Intentionally removed myself from the expectation of good things happening
to me because I felt like I had done something
wrong or bad and that I didn't have a right
to ask for those things anymore. And that mindset produced
people in my life and relationships in my life that
thought the same way about myself that I thought. And
(08:49):
so when I realized that, you know what, I don't
want to pay for this mistake for the rest of
my life. I don't want to feel it like I'm
being punished for the rest of my life. I want
to learn to exc at me for who I am,
and so that for me meant I can do bad
all by myself. If I'm going to be in this situation,
then I'm at least going to learn to take care
of myself and take care of my own soul. And
(09:10):
so when I got married, I started seeing that, you know,
he would say things to me and I was just
kind of be like, no, I'm not, like, you look
so up pretty. I'm like, no, no, I don't. No,
I don't like I mean, and I could be like
bond it like old T shirt shorts, and he's like, man,
you're beautiful, Like there is no way that I look
beautiful right now. So like I don't. But that is
my perspective of myself and to receive that this is
(09:34):
his truth, and to receive it as truth, and to
not take my truth and insert it over his truth,
to recognize that he has a perspective on me that
I don't see right now, and so I want to
live in his truth for a minute. And when I
live in his truth, I ask myself, then let him
say that to the part of you that doesn't believe it.
(09:56):
Don't let them say it to your walls, don't let
it say don't let him say it to your excuses.
Let him say it to the part of you that
doesn't believe it. And when I let him say it
to that part of me that doesn't believe it, I
feel like it heals a piece of me little by little.
And then so when I'm in the mirror and I'm
looking at myself and I'm like, ooh girl, cool sculpting,
(10:19):
ooh girl, you need a little life over. Ooh girl,
look at those marks on your face, I ask myself,
who's talking to you in that moment? Who's got the microphone?
Is that your insecurity? Are you letting insecurity have the microphone?
What would you say instead? If you were in a
place of wholeness, What would you say instead, if you
(10:39):
were God looking down at you right now? And I
allow those thoughts to talk to that brokenness. And so
when we talk about God giving you you, we really
want him to restore the pieces of you that feel
unworthy of the very things that your spirit is saying.
Your spirit, You've got your spirit and your flesh at war,
and your spirit is saying I want to build this family.
(11:01):
Your spirit is saying I want to stay home. Your
spirit is saying, I believe that my husband can have
the resources for me to be able to take care
of our family while he goes out into the world.
Your spirit is giving you a clue of what's in you.
But your spirit and your flesh are at war because
there's a part of your flush. It's like, now you
know you're dreaming too big. Now you know that's not possible.
Why do you think you should be able to sit
(11:22):
at home while everyone else is struggling. Maybe you've never
seen this in your family before, Like, why would you
think that you're going to be able to break this mold.
Our flesh tells us all types of things, and sometimes
we let the flesh just talk. We just let our
insecurities talk, We let the fears speak, and we have
to start talking back.
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