Ep 157 | SeaQuest DSV: "The Regulator" - Boob Tube Boys

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Secrets of the universe, dear listener, on today's episode, you
will learn the secrets of the universe, how we were
all formed and made. And this selection of people right
here to discuss the secrets of universe with you are
more than qualified to explain the science of it all.
Brian Vaughan is here with me. Give me a science fact.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Did you know that the average bat coming up to
one pounds of mosquitoes per day?

Speaker 3 (00:31):
That's my fact. He stole that from me.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Hmhmm huh.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
We used to be to go to the website. It's
I said that.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
It says it's somewhere on there. Well, Spencer Hendrix, what's
your fact? Give me At'll give you.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
A different one. Let's see. Did you know that dolphins
are nature's miracle?

Speaker 1 (00:45):
That is a fact too. We know that to be true.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
They actually cure every statistically all brain problems you might
be having, unable to sleep, just general sadness. Dolphins Roman
the pool dolphin fixes it.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
My science actoid for you gentlemen and listeners out there
is that horses cannot vomit. Really, their system of that
goes one way.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Neither can rats.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Rats can't vomit either.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
Nope. That's why if you poison them, they're dead because
they can't puke that up.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Huh. The same thing with horses. You know, you leave
your horse poison out, they get into it.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
You see that a lot like the horse's wife is
trying to collect the insurance money.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Okay, if you're thinking of you don't need much poison
for a wracky. You would need a lot of poison
for a horse.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Like a book, and a poison like a keg with
like a skull and crossbones on it over a horse.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
It's like an actual toxic waste barrel.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Ye. The skull is a horse's skull. The crossbones are hoofs.
They have hoofs on the end.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
That sounds awesome, but also the idea of those horses
are plaguing my farm. I gotta get rid of them somehow.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
And you know the fucking doth raki over there, like, yes,
do it kill them? We can't cross the sea. I
wish we could. Perhaps we would establish ruling west Ros.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Speaking of eating some hearts, we're going to discuss a
show that ate the hearts of America. Yeah, that worked.
We're discussing sequest DSV. This is my show I picked
it because it is my show. I think I'm the
only preciated in the world that has watched is no, Brian,
it was created by Rockney s O'Bannon.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
That No, that's not real. You created it.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
But we're discussing sequest DSB. Before we do, we'll do
the thing we always do. I'll talk about the creation
of it that we know the cast, and then get
into our episode, which today is season one, episode ten
The Regulator. Hm, why could it be named that?

Speaker 4 (02:33):
For?

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Brian? Did you have any knowledge of sequest DSV going
into this had you ever watched it?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
All of my sequest knowledge, and I mean every second
of it, it has been you throughout my life saying
do you know about SeaQuest and me being like, no,
I don't know about SeaQuest talking Dolphin, Yeah, and I
don't know how because this is one of those types
of shows which I kind of pride myself on being
familiar with, sure, which are dumb shows from the nineties.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Well, Spencer, same thing. Did you know of this show
at all?

Speaker 3 (03:05):
Didn't know it existed, never heard of it?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Does that?

Speaker 3 (03:08):
In fact? What channel was it on NBC? Just an
NBC show? Was it a daytime thing.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
No, it aired Sunday nights. This was a prime time
This is we're trying to make this a flagship show
for NBC, and let's just get into that.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Really, I wish it had been on Mussy TV, like
right between Seinfelden Friends.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
There's honestly not a lot out there about the lead
up to the creation of SeaQuest. It failed so Bad's
not a.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Book written on that.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Oh, so many people who were involved with it don't
want to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Plus a lot of the paperwork probably got wet.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
But really the only thing we know for sure is
that this was the brainchild of producer writer Rockney S O'Bannon.
He has featured prominently in the credits, and the whole
entirety of Sequest from the very beginning was a massive clusterfuck.
Everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Can you really quick sing that guy's name to the
tune of rock Me ondaas.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Oh, rockneyes Obannon.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Somehow works works perfectly real quickly. I want to say,
this reminds me of what they do in parts of
Silicon Valley, where Cooley has this thing that they're trying
to do and they realize it's not going to work.
So they try to just hire somebody to attach his
name to it and place the blame. You think they
did that to Rockney O'Bannon.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
It's entirely possible, but this is going to be horrible.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Let's get this guy.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, Obannon of course created everything, but then he ended
up leaving, possibly after the pilot. There's conflicting information out there.
He might have left right after the pilot finished. He
might have left halfway scene enough, but he had yes,
and there's an interview out there where he discussed how
sequest was going, even though he was no longer there,
and he had some opinions on it, we'll put it

(04:43):
that way. So I don't know that he was there
that long. Yet throughout the run they made sure to
prominently feature made by Rockne.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
You don't like it, it's this guy's thing, Blame him,
and you won't van this show.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
You said it was a mess. It looks like a mess.
Anything about it seems like a just disjointed mess.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Well, the whole thing was greenlit thanks to Steven Spielberg
attaching his name to it. I'm sure you saw that
in the credits. He was an executive producer. He really
didn't have a whole lot to do with it, but
I can tell he said, as a kid he had
such a love for underwater stories because of twenty thousand
leagues under the sea. He would play with his toys
like he was captain whatever. From that, I mean he

(05:23):
made Jaws well, and he made Jaws of course because
he was fascinated with it. He wanted to make another
like Ocean movie, but could never come up with a
good idea or story for it. Everything he came up
with was more suited to television. So he was really
excited when this came around, signed on as a producer
and got NBC an Ambulin and all that stuff to
put some money into the project. And in fact NBC

(05:46):
approved this show for a twenty two episode first season run,
which they never did. This is the nineties. They would
do six episodes and then pick it up. They said
at the very beginning twenty two episode season one point
three million dollars budget per episode.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
And this is kind of similar to Er, which is
a show that I think people would consider to be better.
But in that that was also Spielberg and Michael Crichton, right,
And like this was an era when names attached could
get you just a pretty big rope, so you could
get a full season in money to do what you wanted.
And I don't think people consider that enough to not
just the full season order. But when you get a

(06:21):
name like that attach you get the money to actually
do what you're thinking of, not have to you know,
half asset in a way.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Yet I mean, yes, one hundred percent. But in this case,
rockneya s'bannon actually said, this hurt everything because suddenly there
was a studio that was so invested. The suits were
getting in the way and they would change stories. They
put the budget, even though it was huge, to certain
places that may not have necessarily been necessary. They did
a lot more on the set that they needed to do.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
You see that in movies a lot when they believe
something might be a hit. And that could be the
difference between this and Er, for instance, because I think,
like the pilot Michael Crichton wrote it, they're not going
to mess with it, right, you know, whereas this.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
One, this is a Perton thing. Yeah, they'll get their
fingers there, rock.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Me a s obannon, They're gonna do whatever they want
to that guy.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Then they did, well, the pilot comes out, they filmed that.
It was basically a two hour movie, and it featured
the story of Captain Nathan Bridger becoming the Captain of
the sequest. He was initially the architect of it and
had retired from the Navy, but was convinced to join
after the previous captain almost started World War Three. More
on that later.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
I can see why they didn't want that guy.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Girl.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh wow, see I assume violence.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
The pilot though, does come out, and it's pretty successful,
forty nine million viewers for it, just as like a TV.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Movie, which couldn't even happen now, like the most popular
thing couldn't hit that.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
But critics were not as happy about it. They complained
mostly about how kind of boring it was. It was
a little dull, and how no character, aside from Roy
Scheider's main character, was even remotely like nice Relkable. They
were all kind of petty. So that really was a
little bit of a black eye right out of the gate.
But because they had so many viewers, NBC Universal what

(08:00):
he said, we're in good shape.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Were you one of those forty nine million dealers? Did
you watch it right from the get go?

Speaker 1 (08:05):
No? I actually picked this up. I think halfway through
the first season or so. There's a moment in this
episode that I vividly remember as a child, and then
I definitely remember some of the season three stuff that
I read about both the episodes we cover on season one,
and it's really a different show. But we'll get into
that in a sec two. But yeah, I wasn't here

(08:25):
right at the beginning, but I do vividly remember watching
the show with my grandpa and he got into it,
which was kind of interesting, But anyway, I loved it
the basic lot of the whole thing. Actually, let's go
ahead and do that now. The story goes that in
the faraway year of twenty eighteen, the world has run
out of natural resources. Close well, they've run out of

(08:49):
natural resources on the hard part, but they learned that
the soft, wet part has natural resources, so let's go there.
So they start to colonize the sea. The problem is
is you in can't control everybody, and there are factions
cropping up and nations fighting each other in the waters,
and you know, there's maritime law and all that. So anyway,
they dissolve the un The world says, this is not working.

(09:12):
Let's get ri to that. Let's start something else. So
they start the UEO, which is the United Earth Oceans Organization.
Now I'm going to repeat that because I said two
O words if they only use one for the acronym,
and that is true United Earth Oceans Organization, which they
shortened to UEO, and it bothers me. I wonder why

(09:34):
they did that, stupid What if they did UEO squared.
That's cool.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
There's a local community college Ozark's Technical Community College, and
then it goes by OTC.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, same thing should be two.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
Seas since as the two o's, they should have done
UEU movie. Just calling the two o's together there.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
And it's sassy or now, which kind of gives it
an air of authority. And as I said in the
pilot episode, the world nearly plunges into war thanks to
the commit and the sequest DSV submarine And by the way,
that's deep submersible vehicle. That's what the DSV stands for.
The captain that almost started World War three was Captain
Marilyn Stark. You know Winter's Coming that.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Kind of start. Oh not the Iron Man con Nope,
not that kind.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
She attempted to show strength and almost fired like rockets
at other sea ships that the government told her don't
fire at those. So anyway, they were leaver of command,
and they convinced Captain Nathan Bridger to come back, and
that's of course Roy Scheider. More on him later. The
UEO then refits the SeaQuest to be a peacekeeping and
science vessel, so they're going to get it out there.

(10:39):
It's in charge of the ocean and it's the peacekeeper.
But also dolphin can talk, so let's do science. That's
basically it there. Roy Scheider actually joined the cast of
this show because he felt like he owed it to
Steven Spielberg. Because of of course, Roy Scheider was the
star of Jaws, which then catapulted his career, and he

(10:59):
kind of liked the idea of SEQUESTDSV honestly in writing,
you know, this idea of this science vessel explores the ocean, Okay,
sounds great, except then the writers started dicking around with
it and it changed.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah. On the surface, it reminds me of the Babylon
five idea, a little bit of like a neutral place
in a somewhere we're usually not space in that case,
c in this case, well, Season.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
One didn't do terribly A lot of the stories were
things about scientific exploration, that sort of thing. It languished
a bit in the ratings. It didn't do quite as
well as that pilot did, but it was okay. However,
for the second season, producers decided they were going to
make drastic changes to the show because, again one point
three million an episode, they wanted ratings out of the gate.

(11:43):
So for season two, they moved the production of the
show to Florida and told their star Roy Scheider, who
was already kind of wary because at the end of
season one they started getting a little science fiction ey.
There were aliens introduced, stuff like that. He was kind
of aware of that. He didn't like that. He wanted
the more grounded in reality signs tific stuff. But they
told him, when we go to Florida, we're going to

(12:04):
have more people based stories. We're going to learn about
the people on the ship and their lives off of it.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
And the people of Florida, like Florida.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Man, he's out there, he's probably trying to eat a
dolphin because it cures everything. So they told Scheider again,
this is going to be good. You're gonna like this,
but behind the scene, you lied to him that they
did lie. The production company were wanting to shift even
harder into the sci fi nature of the show, and
this is the season season two that produces such things
as aless He's out here, a deadly demon whose soul

(12:32):
takes over other people's bodies and is spread through the
air pool, A group of aliens. Again, they showed up
in season one, but they were prominent in season two.
A massive prehistoric crocodile.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Wait, yep, where did they say where that's from?

Speaker 1 (12:47):
No, it wasn't from Florida.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Are they found it in the seats? Okay? I just
wanted to make sure no accents, none of that's no crossover, no, nope.
And then these Frankenstein people, like people who weren't real,
but they were constructed.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
Like bolts and all mostly maybe not showing, but they're
in there.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
They do have like patches on their skin and face
and everything like Vidallegal to be up a little bit. Yeah,
of course, because they're Frankenstein's. Season two suffered even worse
ratings of season one and featured a very cranky Roy
Scheider who again he was pissed off and while actively
filming this season, he's maybe five six episodes in he
gave an interview in which he said the following things.

(13:26):
I'm ashamed of this show. It's trash. It's total, total
children's trash. I feel betrayed. I feel I've not been
told the truth. This year, we were moving to Florida,
and I was told we were going to present human
beings who had a life on land as well as
on the boat. We've had just one script that did that,
and the other shows are Saturday Afternoon four o'clock, junk

(13:47):
for children, just junk, old tired time, warp, robot crap.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
I don't think that the show fares much better, and
it's brief Time on Land that will cover next week.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
No, he continues to say, it's not even good fantasy.
I mean, Star Trek is doing this stuff way better
than we can. To me, the show is now twenty
one Jump Street meets Stardreko, a little pun there, and
then finally try the comedy Roy Well, he said, I
think I'm developing an ulcer. I just asked for three
tons from the makeup guy, and again he's filming this

(14:19):
season of the show.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
So I think it's safe to say that he did
not like it.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
No, but producer Patrick Hasberg, in response to Scheider's interview, said,
I'm sorry he's such a sad and angry man. SeaQuest
is going to be a terrific show, and he's lucky
to be a part of it. I got a side
with Roy Scheider.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
I mean, now we have the benefit of hindsight, but
also I think it was obvious.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Finally, having had enough, Scheider requested to be released from
his contract for the third season, but NBC only agreed partially.
They told him he has to show up a handful
of times so we can wrap up some storylines, and
he agreed, So he really only appears I think in
three or four of the thirteen episodes in third season.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
How do they get rid of it?

Speaker 5 (15:00):
Do you know?

Speaker 3 (15:00):
How do they write him out of the show?

Speaker 1 (15:01):
Well, at the end of the second season, the sequest
disappears or explodes or something, and then in the beginning
of the third season, it's ten years later and at
woof there it is it comes back and Joxer's on there.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Well, I think they missed a big opportunity to have
and get eaten by a shark.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
I was hoping they'd have the exact same thing that
happened in the last cap and he tried to start
World War three.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
And they replace it. It just keeps going. The show
actually did replace him with a new lead character. They
brought in Michael Ironside. Hell yeah, yes, he had demanded
several concessions to agree to come on board. Pun yeah,
dip the seat. The requirements basically boiled down to this
show can't have any more of that dumb shit. In fact,

(15:47):
Ironside was even quoted as saying, I am not talking
to that dolphin.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
I think he also asked for his own bucket of fish.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
These changes did result in a vastly different version of
the show for the third season. It focused less on
environmental and scientific stuff like the first season, and significantly
less on the sci fi stuff of the second, but
instead focused on political machinations throughout the earth. It became
like a political thriller, and like fans of the show
have summed it up as like this, I saw this

(16:15):
on Reddit. Season one was too cerebral, nobody liked it.
Season two is too stupid, nobody liked it, and then
season three too late. By then it's rude.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
I just want to clarify there are people I don't
know if these are fans online that believed these episodes
that we've been watching were a bit too cerebral.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Okay, hold on of note, I would like to point
out the two episodes I picked were clearly the dumbest
of the season.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Oh yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
So these are a little weirder than some of the
other stories in season one.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
This one does make some interesting points about I couldn't
even get there, man.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Oh well, all right, well, let's discuss the cast and
then we can get into this episode here. And it's
mostly an ensemble cast. There's a lot of people in here.
As I mentioned earlier. Roy Scheider plays Nathan Bridger. He's
the mastermind behind and captain of the sequest submersible vehicle.
Scheider is most well known as Chief Brody and the
Steven Spielberg Helm Jaws, but he is a classically trained actor.

(17:13):
He had notable roles in such movies as The French Connection,
All That Jazz, another famous one from way back when,
and of course Dracula three coldon Legacy.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
He's the second lead in The French Connection. I know
this from my period of hackmania, which is when I
just watched a bunch of Gene Hackman movies. It's still
kind of ongoing. It doesn't really ever stop.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
He's in a lot a lot of movies.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Yeah, I would think that something like Hackmania would never
truly end.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, it actually continued last week with No Way Out
from the Eighties with Kevin Costner, which is really good.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
And it'll always live on in your heart. Roy Scheider,
by the way, is legit. The reason I watched this
show in the first place because when I was a kid,
if I watched a movie or a show and I
liked the show, I would glom onto those actors, and
if they showed up in something else, I would go, well, obviously,
I'm going like this.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
It always felt really important to me if someone was
in a movie I liked and then they were on
TV too, I was like, oh wow, then this show
must be legit.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I loved him in Jaws, Joss was one of
my favorite movies as a kid, and it's a great movie,
so I love it as an adult.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
When I was about thirteen or so, I legitimately with
no irony attached, was doing that with Nicholas Cage Nice.
I enjoyed Face Off, I enjoyed What's that other one
he did around that type period on Air and Air
I think it was before Oh it was the Rock.
I loved the Rock, So when Connair came out, he
was like, I can't wait to see con Air. I
did that, so I know the exact feeling.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
I think it makes sense with him like in every way.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
Well, and now I've come all the way back around
to enjoying him again as an adult.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Mean too, I think there's that circle of being like,
this guy's fun and then be like, what is he doing?
I have to watch it, but what is this? And
then eventually no, this guy's great.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
I think watching Roy Scheider here as an adult coming
back and watching SEQUESTDSV, I have two thoughts essentially. One,
they made his face too tight, because he's definitely had
a facelift and it is taut and wrinkly at the
same time. Long face, but that's not the most important.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Number.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Two, I think he's America's grandpa. He is very warm
in this show, and I want to listen to what
he has to say. Like maybe I don't agree with
all his political views and I think he's old fashioned,
but I think he's a good guy, very even.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Keel true like, if you disagreed with him, I think
he'd want to have a reasonable conversation.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
And he has that warm, grandfatherly voice. I just I
like Roy Scheider.

Speaker 3 (19:25):
He has a lot that he conveys with his face
without speaking, even though there's a lot there. Yeah, he
still does it. He's a very good eye actor.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
Jonathan Brandis plays our young computer whiz kid Lucas Wollincheck
I believe is how it said.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
He's one of the cast members that is the most
nineties looking.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
And I feel like I've seen that kid in a
lot of things through this time period.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
He had that run until you know, unfortunately died.

Speaker 5 (19:50):
Well.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah, that's putting it lightly. He was a child model
actor before landing the role of Lucas as a teen,
where he became a heart throb. He was on posters.
Katie remembers him as.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
The Yeah, he was one of those I remember him
being like a I didn't actually know what he was
from at the time when I was a kid, but
I remember the name like he was one of those
names that like with JTT and Devin Sawah.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
His career languished quite a bit, particularly after SeaQuest in
November of two thousand and three, after his role in
the two thousand and two war drama Hearts War was
pretty dramatically cut down and reduced. Brandis was found hanged
in the hallway of his la apartment, and he died
the following day at just twenty seven years old. Admitted suicide.
It's a terrible story. I almost went I can't believe

(20:33):
you've committed suicide.

Speaker 3 (20:35):
I can't pull you out of this one.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Jonathan Brandon, Jonathan Jonathan.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
The idea of Neil Breen, say that too, Jonathan brand
That really got to me.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Let me get you down from.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
Your pill habit for paintaking. Next up, Dawn Franklin plays
Commander Ford. He's one of the few characters to remain
through every iteration of Sequest all three seasons. He's had
a pretty long and varied career, mostly in television. He
appeared in the hit Boobtube Boy's favorite show Bones.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
It is one of our favorite shows we covered on
the podcast. I think that's actually true.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
Plus things like Seal Team featuring Bones's David Boreanist Tie.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
It All Together, which we have not done yet.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
And of course he has had his four episode run
in Bosh that I'm sure we'll discuss at some point. Well,
we love to talk about Bosh Ted Raimi's up next
and oh boy, welcome back Ted. You have not been
into bTB episode for almost one hundred and fifty of
these bad Boys. He of course played Joxer and Xena Warrior,
Princess and Hercules legendary journeys. In sequest, he plays a nerd,

(21:40):
which I'm sure is a huge leap for him, and
the role is Lieutenant Timothy O'Neill. He's also one of
the other few cast members to remain through almost every
episode of the show. However, I will say for the
rest of these two episodes that were covering sequest, I
will be referring to him as Joxer. Yes, of course,
it's only right.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
He's very toned down, yes Quest, compared to his Joxer work.
We didn't really.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Get any Tenethy O'Neill centric episodes in our two No,
that's fine. John Dikeinyo features prominently in this episode as
Lieutenant Benjamin Krieg. He's the supply officer of the SeaQuest.
Dikenyo is currently an acting coach, offering tutoring to aspiring
child and adult actors. Alike, and he's had a few
roles throughout his career, most notably as someone named Ulysses

(22:25):
and zena warrior princess, as well as an eleven episode
stint on Jag. I don't know how long Jag ran,
but that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
One hundred years or so. This is the second most
nineties looking person to me. He has the look to
me of a late eighties early nineties stand up.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Well, and you've seen him and stuff before. He was
also in thirty four episodes of the Disney Channel show
Corey in the House, which features Rondell Sheridan.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
I forgot about that.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Do you remember the show though, because I pointed I
love Rondell Shara.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
This is the thing we joked about his children.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
But again, you guys might actually recognize him as Todd
gack On Seinfeld.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
He was.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
He's the guy who would bet women to a stupid
bet and then if he lost, he'd have to buy
him dinner. And that's how he wroped updates. Yeah, that
was him. Stacy Hyduk is up next, and she plays
Lieutenant Commander Catherine Hitchcock, who serves as fodder for somewhat
of a sexual awakening for a young Van because in
this you know more later. We'll talk about it later.

(23:21):
But outside of a few multi episode runs on some shows,
Hidek has mostly done one off appearances on television shows
including Melrose Place, Charmed, er CSI to Mentalist. But she's
also done over four hundred episodes of Days of Our Lives, which,
as we've said in the past, might be a lot,
might not be.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
So she's probably met several people from family matters.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Roy st Applegates is up next, and he's got a
name like he looks.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I love his name. It's a great name. And his character,
his name is like nervous Crockett.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Man, a low crocker. He's a security chief for the
SeaQuest and he's just kind of a round faced, little
Southern dandie of a man.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, I really like him. I don't know why. I
don't know what he was in the movie Alligator, which
I have seen and I think you also Van have seen.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
That sounds about right.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
And he also looks a little like David Keckner in
this slight way, but much much more than that. If
everyone would look up the wrestler J D. Drake right now,
if someone would just look this guy up.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I'm gonna do it right now.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I mean, this just looks like Royce d applegate to me.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
See if I named a wrestler that, I would make
them like a like an ivy leaguer. I don't know
that's what the name.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
Like a snooty ivyger.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
And he looks like that guy because the ears too.
He's got those little holdy ears.

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Wow. Yeah, look it up. He sure does. Ladies and gentlemen.
He mostly much like the rest of the cast. I've
had a bunch of TV roles, but he has been
in quite a few movies long career for Royce d applegate.
He was in things like Twin Peaks, Falcon Crest, of course,
the Renal Rains Show, what's his name, Lorenzo Lamas.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
No, it's just Reno Rains, Home Improvement.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Starts, Geeing Hutch. But some of his movie roles which
were so somewhat surprising and impressive were O Brother, Where
Art Thou under Siege? Two Dark Territory Steven Seagall.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
I've seen both of those movies, and he was.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
The voice of the I Love You dog in the
Eddie Murphy Doctor Doolittle movie.

Speaker 2 (25:14):
You know mentioning, oh brother rfl. He does seem kind
of Cohen Brothers E like a side character would certainly do.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
He just has a character actor of face. It's a
great character director face.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
And he, unlike some of the peripheral cast members, he
feels very confident in his Lyne deliveries.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
He feels like an actor.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
Yeah, Sir.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
Stephanie Beacham plays doctor Kristen Westphalen. She's the scientific voice
of reason on the show and tutor to computer with Lucas.
Beacham has had a long career that is still going strong,
and her most famous role is that of Sable Colby
television series Dynasty, as well as its spinoff series, The Colby's.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Who's Gonna take Over the Ranch. I don't know what
Dynasty is about Jack, That's what I assumed.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
He shot him. Oh wait, was a Dallas.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
This is Dallas, But I do conflate those two in
my head.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
Again, She's had a long career, so I won't highlight
much outside of the fact that she was in something
called Wrap Grandma in twenty twenty one.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
I bet it's really bad.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
That can't be good. And finally, although we do not
see them in our two episodes. They actually come aboard
in season two. I wanted to point them out. In
sequest DSV, we have the brothers Peter and Michael de Luise.
You might recognize the name Peter de Luise as that
of the thick lunk pinhol from twenty one Jump Street
didn't want to get a haircut. He does in this

(26:32):
he's bald. He is one of those genetically engineered people.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
Oh, just like in real life.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Actually, the first of the brothers to arrive was Michael.
He plays Anthony Piccolow, an ex Cohn who is involved
in a government program where they will grant an early
release to the cons provided the prisoner allows them to
conduct scientific experiments on them. In his case, he has
gills and he can breathe underwater, and so they thought, well,
let's just send him a sequel subtle work.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
My friends call me Tony Woodwind.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
According to producers, though, they say that Michael is the
most human of the crew because he's the most unsophisticated.
Oh that's rude, which that take kind of clashes with
his brother Peter day Luise, who plays Dagwood, which is
called in the show a gelf.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
And that's the guy that likes sandwiches and dates Blondie.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
Correct, Now, this one's a gelf or goober everyone would
like to fuck as I'd like to call it. That's
not right. No, the acronym is genetically engineered life form,
so yeah, it's boring. But anyway, Dagwood was the prototype gelf.
He was the first one to find sentience, and they thought,
let's make him the janitor of SeaQuest. So they did,

(27:42):
and then in his first episode, Jockxer had like a
turbine fall on him and Dagwood lifted it off of him,
and so he gained everyone's trust. He's like an idiot,
like a five IQ dummy, and so they play that
off for laughs and it's jarring to look at. But yep,
they're in sequest.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yesay, no, dom Delouise though he makes an appearance. Oh okay,
I stand correct.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, Dad shows up and he does like a cameo
and I his name was like Pickles or something. It
was not good. So I'm sure at the very least
that was a loud experience, having all three Dailuise people there.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
I don't know how they even recorded that. I think
it would be like opera singers you know where the
glasses shatter, that sort of thing.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay, well, let's get into the episode. This is this
is something. Let's put it that way. You're about to
meet the regulator, and lest I ruin it by saying
pretty cool, dude, It.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Takes a while to meet the regulator though, even once
you kind of have met him.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
All right, Well, the episode begins. We have a soundtrack
full of horns. Gives us a sense of wonder, Spencer,
not whimsy.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
Wonder, I'd say more wonder. I agree.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
We find the titular spacecraft, the SeaQuest, fifteen hundred kilometers
south of Madagascar, and it is scooting through the turbulent sea.
My friends, when we're suddenly inside the vehicle watching several hot,
sweaty people get some pipes off the sea lings.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Sweaty and hot might be how you describe them.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Alan Thick is not here, my friend, I wish he were. Okay,
he's America's dad. Roy Scheider is America's grandpa.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
Yeah, if you had him on the ship as like
second in command or third Ford can still be there.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
Well. Ford is here in the sweaty room, and he's
showing us that the temperature is over one hundred and
two degrees. It is hot. There's some guy here who
I can't identify. This might be or tease, but I
couldn't quite get a good look at him. But then,
most importantly of all, there's Lieutenant Commander Catherine Hitchcock here
and she is sweaty. And I saw this and instantly

(29:35):
my brain said, oh, I remember this as a young lad.
And this definitely was one of my coming of age
moments where I went kind of like, looking at this.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Like me and Terry Hatcher and the New Adventures of
Lois and Clark Superman or whatever that I don't remember
what it ordered. All those words are in.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
The problem is as an adult seeing this is like,
now can put all this into words? And one thing
I noticed is that Stacy High kind of looks like
Ted Raimie in a few ways. Potentially the mouth makes
even more sense now, and so I started to think,
wait a minute, am I attracted to Jockser.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
You might be like one of those things where he's
so annoying that you're like, you know, he's won me over.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
I'm Gabrielle in this situation. Yeah, okay, well it all
makes sense now. Anyway, these sweaty people. They're all here
because it turns out some sort of air conditioning chip
is busted, and so we're finding out that there's a
shortage of these chips.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Thermal chips. God, I don't know anything about sequest DSV parts.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
I know they're a fifty cent item, that's true. But
Captain Grandpa he's here. He says that. He says it's
a fifty cent item, and why do we have anymore? Well, backlog, bureaucracy,
that sort of thing. So he says, all right, everybody
in this area shut it down. Let's close it. People
can double bunk until we solve this.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
When he does this, I thought we were headed in
a different plot direction, like where there's maybe a will
they won't they couple forced into that. I didn't know
the show, you know, the time I'm watching this. Of
the two times that I did, I thought we were
kind of going towards like a SITCOMI plot.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, sure didn't do that, did it?

Speaker 2 (31:08):
It does a very different thing.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
And Captain Bridger by the way, is wearing a turtleneck
and like a sport coat. He's fine, he's dressed for
the sea. He's dressed for the sea. But he's in
one hundred and two degree room. The others are profusely sweating.
He's fine. Old guys are like that though. Yeah, they
either sweat too much or not.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
Yeah, or they're always like you're in a room and
you're like, why do you have the thermoset set to
eighty six?

Speaker 3 (31:30):
I think they just have gotten used to it, and
by the time you have been that temperature for that long,
you just can do.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
It and your bones are dying.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
And it also could be that, you know how, they're
really sensitive, the elderly to cold temperatures. Maybe that with
and other races with heat, they're totally fine.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah, they would just be like on fire.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
Yeah, older people just trying to kind of like swamp me.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
Maybe that's why they don't give a shit about climate
chains or like I like it and yeah, not cool
with other people from different places, but they're fine with No,
we're not saying it's about old Roy.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
It seems like he's.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
Cool with that.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
I imagine him having a racist inclination.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
He really wasn't. He was a theater guy, so he
was around theater types and those people tend to be
creative types, tend to be a lot more open.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Only two things That guy doesn't like big Shark, and
the second thing is being on this show.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Later on, these soldiers, who are then being moved into
other quarters, are working the where in to their new rooms.
When the floppy old dwarf man Chief Crocker shows up.
He gets mad and yells at everyone for some reason.
I think he thinks they're being rowdy. They're really not.
They're fine.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Maybe he's kind of trying to preempt it. He knows
this crew.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
But he then does as sign two of the soldiers
to each bunk. First up, we've got room A one
nineteen that happens to be where Jockser lives. He pops
out and he's eating a toothbrush.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
That's what I put in two.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
But he says, come on, gud make yourselves at home.
He seems fine with this, He's glad to have friends Ted.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
Raimi, God bless him. Like sometimes he's a little over
the top for me. But I will say he makes
decisions in every scene he's in. I'll leave my mark
on this scene. I'll do things people have never done,
even if I don't have a line.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Everybody moves on to the next room, which just says
supply on the door, not supplies supply, And after a knock,
the goblin like face of Lieutenant Benjamin Kreeg shows up.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
He's got a tall head too, kind of like Roy
Schneider does shier. I don't want to disparage him, but
he would yell at you and call you names.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
No, he would be like, I understand, son, people make mistakes,
but please work on it. But I have never played
Leonard Krailman. Kreeg shows up and he protests this whole thing.
He says, I'm the supply manager. This is supply room.
There's a lot of good stuff in here. His jump
ropes everywhere. I can't have people in here. I'm responsible
for it. And so Crocker says, oh, are you saying

(33:45):
Mars and Olden here they're going to steal from you
or whatever? He says, I'm just saying I have to
be careful. Crocker says, don't worry Mars and Olden. They're
two of my top security men. You've never been safer.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, Royce c d Applegate totally dads all over Ben
Kreig here. That's a dad move to be like, oh,
you wish for this well, monkey's paw here, you get
this instead, It technically is what you wanted.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
I do kind of feel like the security people look
competent when he sends them in the room. They look
like they know what they're doing.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
They're large, they look kind of mean.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yeah, real serious, nobody would fuck with these guys. I
don't think this Ben Kreig character has already annoyed me
by this point. He's chandlering a bit. He has that
kind of attitude, which at the in the nineties this
was very popular.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah, to have one of these guys. Yeah, And there
was an article I read It was really weird because
they were going through the verse twelve or so episodes
of sequest talking about the bad ones, the good ones,
et cetera. This writer, and I don't have a clue
what was this was nineteen ninety four or whatever, kept
saying stuff like, every time legitimate Benjamin Kreeg shows up,
I am just delighted. John Dekino is such a force.

(34:52):
He is so much fun to watch in this show.
And I don't have anything against him.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
No, he's not I mean, he's not bad. He just
is to me, this certain nineties archetype that I kind
of had forgotten existed until we started doing this podcast,
and now it pops up all the time.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
We get into the intro sequence here and I'm going
to pull a Hail Mary and say, let's talk about
it next week because we get a long episode here,
So intro stuff will save for seven days from now. Sorry, listeners,
you have to wait to find out. Spencer says I
didn't watch it, and Brian says.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
I watched this five times that if you think about
what a nineteen ninety three this zip yeah credit sequence
would be. First off, imagine that Aerosmith has just released
Get a Grip, which has crazy Amazon and crying on
it was.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
This Aerosmith thing. Maybe people should go to patreon dot
com slash boot two Inc. That's a good idea, And
here our bonus show, Yes yeah, about Aerosmith.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Aerosmith is retired from doing that, and then we talked
about it. It's free our patreon.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
You can give us money if you want. You don't
have to. It is free though. But back on sequest DSV,
we returned to a blot of noises, just noises, and
those noise and noises, there's a sitar, a wind chime,
a guy doing the own kind of thing, and then
there's somebody clapping a bunch. It turns out wearing Krieg's room,
and he's got his new roommates olden than Mars. They're

(36:11):
in here, they're the ones making the noise.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Well, when I first heard the clapping again, it kind
of reaffirmed what I thought might have been happening with
the plot previously. Oh sure, but that wasn't what it was.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
There's some SeaQuest fucking going.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, it wasn't. Jocks are plowing somebody me Apparently he's
what we discovered earlier. But Kreeg is mad about this noise.
He says, hey, guys, I'm trying to sleep, and Mar's
the bigger one who's doing the push ups. He's doing
push ups where he claps in the middle. He says,
I lost count and so he has to start over.
So cree screwed himself over and he's a little weasel.

(36:43):
He backs down, but he knows something has to change.
This can't stay like this.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Should put some headphones on, I'm sure by the future
in the sea they have them.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Well, meanwhile, Captain Bridger's having some orange juice to go
along with his plate of gray vomit food Barry Grandfatherly.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
I wasn't those supposed to be like Gruel, I guess Gritz.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
He was disgusting, and he's fucking around with it. He's
like trying to flick it, and.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
It clearly congealed into like a very dense material.

Speaker 3 (37:10):
I am glad that, even just for the acting sake,
that he never does eat any of that.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
In that scene, he seems to find it gross despite
having prepared it for himself.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
He almost flicks it at the screen he wants to.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
He is currently having a big zoom call and watching
the screen. He's on hold with UEO Acquisitions, and I'll
repeat that is United Earth Ocean Organization.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Ueou oue killtofu.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
This is songs about them. This all concerns Krieg, who
has just arrived as well. So he sits down and
eventually a mister Naiir answers the call, and Bridger says, hey,
we're out of thermal chips. And basically this whole scene
exists solely for old people watching it to go, oh,
look at the bureaucracy.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah right, this is a customer service sequence essentially, and
like all of these sequences, you end up kind of
being like, why are they mad at this guy? At first?

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Well, mister Nier says, oh, I don't fulfill orders, call fulfillment,
and he says, well, transfer me, and oh I can't
transfer you. Well, I want to talk to your man.
It's the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
And every time they, like Kreeg, is asked for some data,
for instance, like identification numbers, he is so off put
by having to provide identification, like they're not even asking
for much.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Basically, we do find out that it's going to be
another three weeks before we get one of these thermal chips.
They're going to have to live in this double bunk
situation for a while. Jockxer may like that, but Kreeg
does not. So Kreeg says Bridger, Look, there is one
other option. I can call the regulator, who is a
notorious salvager and I don't get that part for you.

(38:47):
But Bridger says, no, no, no, no, no way, the
regulator is a thief. I want nothing to do with
this guy.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
At this point, my ears have perked up. I am
ready to watch the rest of the episode. I've kind of,
you know, been sleep walking through these first five minutes
or whatever. But once I hear the Regulator.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
You hear someone whose name is the something.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yeah, you go hm hmm.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
Well, and I have another thought where immediately like what
this guy does sounds that this happens a lot in
these shows. That sounds like it should have been the show. Like,
let's see, let's the Regulator is scavenging and making a
living under the ocean. That's what we need to see.
This is the character that we build the show around,
not what we did, so.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Much more interesting. And there's an air of mystery for
at least twenty minutes about him.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Well, we'll get to that in a second. Because Bridger
has said no, we cannot deal with the Regulator, he
in heads back to his quarters, where he finds Lucas,
who's forced to bunk with him.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
This is one of my favorite parts of the episode.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Well, Lucas is listening to some rock and fucking role gentlemen.
He has tuned his weird smoke TV to be all
shredding all the time. A hologram is something, it's very weird,
and there's a guy just ripping it on his guitar.
I have some questions of flying.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
This is a man from the late eighties or early
nineteen nineties playing.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Guitar twenty eighteen.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, but it appears to be hair metal. I really
like the Jonathan Brandis air guitar acting whenever Nathan pops
in there. All this is so cheesy. It just I want.
I love scenes about music that are really bad and cheesy.
They're my favorite thing.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Well, one look at this, and Captain Nathan Bridger says,
maybe going through the regulator isn't a bad idea. So
he turns around and he says to Kreig, I don't
want to hear about it.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Do we gotta do? But I can't stand another second
of this racket, if you know what I mean. There's
the music of these kids, these days from forty years ago.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Lucas pops out of the room. Then after Bridge's gone
and says to Kreg well, and then Kreig gives him
an okay sign. This is all part of their plan.
They work together do this. Ooh sneaky, you guys up
for a tour?

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Yeah, you know we're gonna take a tour. And I
did want one because I need to get the lay
of the land, having ever the lay of the sea,
having never seen this show.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Well, that's exactly what we're going to get, because as
we head to the layer of the regulator, it is
here that we hear a voice say things like this,
you cheated me.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
We had a deal.

Speaker 5 (41:14):
I'm at the forefront of technology, and you bring me
the rear end of.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
Software, rear into software. Yeah, couldn't say.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
But and this is kind of the stuff that gil
Foyle was saying to Kamil nan Gianni too. You bring
me the rare end.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
Of software right out of Mike Judge's mouth.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yeah. I think Mike Judge was a sequest. No, I
can't even Basically, we.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Hear the regulator yell at some guy for not bringing
the right computer software, and the other guy denies it.
And the whole time this is happening, the camera pans
around the room for slowly for a while, like two minutes.
And I have a list of things that we're going
to look at. Did you guys write any of them down?

Speaker 2 (41:54):
I figured you would do this. Let me say though,
that when it started doing this, I hadn't looked at
IMDb or anything. And this is going to be a celebrity.
It takes so long. Yeah, the pan to the guy's face.
He's a a career yeah, and to me he now
is a celebrity.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
What we do see as we look around the room
a parrot, a clock, a bunch of keys mounted on
a plaque, big toy boat, old ass computer and ape
wearing pants doing the home alone, ah face real pairt
and ape too, shiny gold lenses, a globe, various orbs,
paintings of Saturn. A globe but within it a different globe,

(42:30):
so it's like a double globe.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
All admit I thought that was cool, even though I
don't understand the practical reason.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
And then those things that boats have that are tied
to a string and you throw them out to water
when people are drowning or whatever life preserver that's it.
And then a globe, but this one's full of planets,
which doesn't really make sense. And then a giant pool
of acid in the middle of the room. That's the
last thing we see.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
In the future, we'll all have those.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Finally, after seeing all these things and listening to the
regulator say this guy cheated him, and also hearing a
lot of ape sounds, we see a massive gloved hand
grasped around the throat of some guy and the regulator
once again shouts you cheated me, and then flings the
guy into the pool of acid as he screams, no,
but it's it was an acid. It was water. And

(43:16):
then I thought to myself, Am I the only person
that thought this was acid? Did either of you guys
think that.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
I thought it was something? Or or there would be
a shark in there or something.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
It looked bad. It didn't look like it was just water.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
It doesn't seem like much of a threat to scream
no over, to just get your clothes wet.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Okay, good because that guy maybe not because he splashes
a little like it might be acid. You'd splash an
acid briefly, they wouldn't last long.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
We're all sort of trained by James Bond movies too
to think that, yeah, if there's a pool, something bad's
in there, though only villains have indoor like office pools.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
Or I just had this idea where you know, you
guys have been wanting a shark should have been like
acid shark, Like there's.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Acid sharks made of acid?

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Yeah, he come on, are even okay?

Speaker 1 (43:59):
So the water's at but he lives in acid.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
The shark can survive and even thrive in acid.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Yes, you thought you could have handled the acid batman,
I was born of it.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
That's what Christopher Lloyd could have said.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
In taxi, the regulator says to this guy, go back
to your boat, you bottom feeder, because it's also like
a sea pun like a like a what feeds on
the bottom of catfish?

Speaker 2 (44:22):
They do that.

Speaker 3 (44:22):
That's one of them.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Blobfish they're on the bottom in the deep ocean. Sawfish
fish with a pH or fish. Those things get to
be like forty feet long. And that's what people think
were dragons, like when old sailors would see or fish
wild like oll it's a dragon logical conclusion. What about
them flatfish? They got eyes on the same side of it?

Speaker 2 (44:43):
What about dragon hawks? What' Sean Connery?

Speaker 1 (44:46):
All right? Well, the man dives under the water, and
just then a phone rings and we watched the bebooted
feet of the man himself walk towards his desk. He
grabs his ape along the way. Who we learned his
name Vern, It's a good name for an ape. And
complaining to himself, he says, why do I have to
deal with the twenty first century equivalent of the flat
Earth society? See?

Speaker 2 (45:06):
This is bad writing because he didn't know that that
would still be prevalent. I guess that there would still
be a large chunk of people who believe things like that.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Yeah, this means two things. Number One, the show thought
that the Flat Earth Society would no longer be around
by twenty eighteen. And then number two, it also knew
that even in nineteen ninety three we knew the Flat
Earth Society was garbage.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Well, but recently there's this at least American trend of
deciding everything that is wrong in garbage is actually great
and correct despite being easily disproven.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
The Regulator plops Vern down in the desk chair in
front of his zoom camera and he says, sit there
and act tough, which Vern does.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
Vern is tough before.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
He answers the phone call, which reveals to us that
this is Kreeg alongside Lucas calling him up to ask
for the thermal chips. The Regulator gruffly asks them what
do you want? But when they look up, what do
they see? They see Vern? They see an ape. They
think the Regulator is an ape.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Which at first I think you'd be like, this is
really cool. It couldn't get any cooler.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
What if we're watching and reading this all along, and
it turns out Vern is the regulator and he just
has this meat puppet doing his bidding.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Yeah again, that sounds like the premise that you would
want to build a show around.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Right there, Krieg says to the ape, I need a
specific chip I need here's my location. And the regulator
reveals his price. Five hundred UEO credits a tank of
nitro and two hundred pounds of bananas.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Let's gouging them a little bit.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
I really love the banana thing being added in there.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
And it's also not just for Vern. The regulator clearly
wants somebody he loves bananas.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
That has showed that.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Later, well, I went to convert to bananas dot com
and two hundred pounds of bananas is eight hundred bananas.
It's a lot of banana.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
That is a lot of bananas, although they don't quite
have that many.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
Is that really a sit? Yes, convert to a site.
I didn't make that up, and yes I looked for it,
and yes I convert.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Okay, good they hell.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Kriig scoffs. At this price, he says, this is crazy.
But at that Vern picks up the remote. Vern the
Ape's gonna end the phone call. He's like, I don't
deal with you cheap asses. But then Krieg wu lens
and he says, I'll get you what I can, but
I may not have access to two hundred pounds of bananas.
And the regulator proves he's kind of a forgiving man.
He says, okay, give me what you got. May not

(47:24):
be two hundred pounds, that's fine, I just need all
the bananas you have. The two agreed to the deal,
but before the call ends, the regulator says blood, and
the score turns tense as the camera zoom's in a creak,
and he goes, yeah, I know blood. They really don't
touch on this.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
I didn't get it.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
I think a blood oath.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Maybe I guess maybe that's something in the show, like
a phrase.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yeah that's true. Maybe it's something we don't remember. Yeah,
but either way, it's something the regulator does.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
By the way, if the regulator made that deal with you,
if he said all of that as you have, how
many would you be getting?

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Zero?

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Okay? He get like.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Five occasionally, might have a bundle.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Yeah, I like to get a bunch. You know, he
can have five.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
I do know where he can find some more that
I could also help him find some more if need be,
which is in King k Rules Kingdom.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
I think you've done a Donkey Kong banana reference at
least the last three shows.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
So you're starting to buy for the metal gear solid reference.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
Here it's my entry into the video game mentions column.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
It's cute.

Speaker 2 (48:23):
Try you know you.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
Got your work cut out for you.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm not gonna get there.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
I hope you do.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
I'm also a little hampered by the fact that I've
only played like five video games.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
Most of them have bananas, and yes they will.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
The seas are turbulent, my friends, which is why we
must take a break before we talk more about dolphins
and jocks are and the regulator. We next find the
docking crew hard at work, as it appears to the
regulators here, he's arrived at the SeaQuest and he's ready
to come aboard. Kreeg is neurotically scampering around making sure

(48:58):
everything's ready to go, as Lieutenant Commander Hitchcock and Chief
Crocker watch and scoff at him as he counts the
envelope full of money. Again.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Well, it's like if the president was visiting or something.
You know, everybody needs to be on best behavior.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
Yeah, Well, they confront Krieg about him being crazy and weird,
and he says, look, you've heard of the Regulator's reputation, right,
this is not a guy you want to short change
to this Crocker reveals he's none too impressed with the Regulator,
and he says, of the vagrant scavenger, he puts his
pants on, just like the rest of us. Lieutenant Jillis
Kreeg responds with the perplexing line, well, you haven't seen

(49:31):
his pants, have you bear? No one else is able
to respond, though, fortunately because.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
That's not true either. His pants are like the only
thing we've seen.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
The door opens, The door announces that the door is opening. Sorry,
first docking has commenced. It begins to open. The soundtrack swells,
camera zooms in and we see two hairy ape feet.
So once again, I think the show is hinting that
we're eventually going to find out that the Regulator is
vern the ape, but either way. Then a couple of

(50:01):
big boots step in front of the ape and there's
this long jacket almost scraping the top of his boots.
It's pretty cool so far, but we were getting there.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yeah, you're like, is this the Undertaker?

Speaker 3 (50:11):
Definitely had those vibes, very Undertaker vibes.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
He did tombstone that guy later too.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
Yeah, he has that urn. Well he hasn't run, that's good.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
As he steps down into the SeaQuest, we finally go
toe to toe and get a good look at the Regulator,
who by now has vern wrapped around his neck like
a backpack.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
Yeah, they're best friends.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Wearing blue space pants, a long brown trench coat, a
blue and yellow vertically stripe button up dressed shirt. A
little out of place, but it's fine.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
Maybe it's from I don't know why. I think that's
maybe the early nineties.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Okay, Sure, he's got mad Max gloves, a cowboy hat,
and some weird blue tinted like goggle glasses. They're not goggles,
they're not glasses, or somewhere in between.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
They almost look like he's gonna fly an old timey playing.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
Like he's the Red Barn. Yeah, everyone just stares in
awe at the Regulator. He steps onto the ship and
Kreeg actually gulps. He legit goes glop before Chief Crocker
tells his man, Hey, get over here, fuel up the regulator.
He's again remember what I said about his pants.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
Can we call him glaggles if they're part classes park goggles.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Works for me. He's got some gloggs, no reason not to.
The regulator, who I might add, is at least twelve
feet tall. He's huge. He sits down the stairs as
Kreek tries to greet him, but the regulator doesn't stop.
He keeps like intimidate, pushing Creek back.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
Yeah, his momentum is carrying him forward.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
The regulator definitely knows how to enter a room. He's
practiced well.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
The undertaker knows how to make an entrance. You got fire,
you got purple light, you got coffins.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
The bells have to ring out so many times.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Sometimes a motorcycle to them.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Druids.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
Kreek hands the regulator is five hundred UEO credits and
reveals that they manage to gather up one hundred and
thirty eight pounds of bananas. That's quite a bit, which
is every banana they have on board. That's five hundred
and fifty two bananas per to bananas couck on shock.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
They had that many bananas?

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Why did they have that many bananas. They're not staying fresh.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
I mean, the sequest is a big chip. We've seen that,
But how big does have a whole banana room?

Speaker 3 (52:09):
Do they eat?

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Just while you're forgetting that this is the faraway Yere
of twenty eighteen. Maybe they've come up with a way
to preserve bananas.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Okay, that might be the best part about the future.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Yeah, all the banana technology in twenty eighteen that came about.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
You know those banana keepers you can buy at the store.
You put an individual banana in there. Oh, and it's plastic.
They just have better banana keepers. Maybe they just make
a lot of banana bread. What the fuck do you know, Brian.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
I don't. I don't know what happens in twenty eighteen.
We haven't gotten there.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Creeg introduces Crocker and Hitchcock, and when the latter holds
out her hand saying please to meet you, the regulator
slowly turns to Facer with a little smirk on his cheek.
He reaches out a hand that has gloved but fingerlessly,
taking hers into his, giving it a firm shake and saying,
my pleasure, Commander. But he doesn't share the same moment
with Crocker, I wish he did instead. Those two glare

(53:00):
each other. They are already no. The Regulator says, I
don't like this authority, and Crocker says, I don't like
this scuzz bucket. Who thinks he's a buzz A couple.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
Of bulls locking horns. He said scuzbucket, wrong, scuze buckets.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
That's why it was in my vocabulary. I didn't even
think of that. The Regulator reaches into one of his
mini pockets on his arge coat and he pulls out
the thermal chip, the little fifty cent piece they need,
but before he hands it to Kreeg, he quickly snatches
it back in his hand and says, I'd like to
tour of the ship first. Crocker STIPs in front of
the big man and says, this is a heavily classified
military ship. I cannot let you tour this thing. And

(53:37):
the two just trade jabs for a little while. Crocker
says comparing the Regulator to tourists would be an insult
to tourists, and then Crocker also gives him the once
over and says, you don't look like you're dressed to
board the good ship. Lollipop, which I think was an insult.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
I don't really know what that means at all, but
I think the Regulator's dressed to do whatever the hell
he wants to do.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Well, he pushed right through Kreeg. I bet he can
push through this little dwarf guy. Everyone can see how
Tensus is getting though, so an unlikely hero steps in
to diffuse the situation. It's Vern, Vern the ape. He
decides it's a good time to make a run for it,
so he just bails off down a hallway, which catches
Crocker's eye, and the weird dwarfhillbilly takes off after the
ape in a case of man chasing after his closest relative.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
I really like that Vern is wearing like basketball gear,
like he's getting ready to do sport.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
Well. I bet he could play basketball. Have you've seen them? Arms?

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Just be good. It's got really long arms. He could dunk.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
Eventually, the whole group chases off after Vern, with the
Regulator even calling out his name to try and nab him.
But the little ape and a T shirt and pants,
he's too wily for their human arms and legs, and
he even hides on the ceiling to avoid his pursuers,
and written in my notes is solid snake would be proud.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
There we go.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
But while all of those monkey shines are going on,
Lucas and doctor Westphalen are in the dolphin room.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
What there's a dolphin room.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
It is, right, it's just that room with the tank
that that Darwin is.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
But again, at this point, if you're saying this for
the first time, you get to this part and you're like,
they're at it? What what?

Speaker 1 (55:09):
How is this happening? No, Apparently Darwin the dolphin can
have free access to the sea. He can get out,
but also he can swim in here and chat. Presumably
there's a little sea tube that he can go through,
which would be dangerous for all these people.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
I would think that get in there.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
You think people are in that sea tube, Well, they
could get down in the tube if they're in his pool, right,
But I don't think I think there's a sign that
is do not get don't go.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
This is a this is a dolphin too.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
We have a human tube and pool in another place.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Darwin's kind of like a free range dolphin, a little
bit like he's got a little contained.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Indoor outdoor cat.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Yeah, it's yeah, yeah, it's perfect.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Lucas and doctor Wes Fahler are here in the dolphin room.
They're working with Darwin the Dolphin. They're trying to use
his magic computer device that translates his dolphin thoughts in English.
And apparently the heat has fried their hard drive or
something because they have to re record a bunch of
lines to train it. And I think this is a
good opportunity to point out that there is no reason

(56:05):
that Darwin's voice should be so stupid, because it's a
machine translating. It's not his tone, it's not him speaking.
It is a machine, and yet they make it like
dar Why that's probably what.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Humans would do though, you know, every time we get
a chance to do anything, we make it stupid. But
another thing I'd like to point out is Jonathan Brandis
doesn't care about this talking dolphin shit. He's like, this
is normal, this is old hat. All this goes on
all the time. I wish something really cool would happen.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
Luca is here. He is showing Darwin flash cards. Like
I said, they're trying to train the computer. The flash
cards have a picture on them, and like, for example,
there's one real buff like guy who looks like Guile
from Street Fighter as a silhouette, and he says man,
and then so Darwin has to say man back. So
Darwin does man and they do that for a bit.
So we've got ape ape boat bount of course, man man.

(57:01):
But they get stuck on dolphin because when Lucas says
dolphin and holds up the Dolphin card, Darwin goes nawn.
He says, his own name.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
What an idiot? If you show me that big, muscular guile,
I wouldn't say Brian, I'd be like, that's a man.

Speaker 1 (57:17):
Well, Lucas gets frustrated and he's like he's teasing me.
He knows the answer. This dolphin is smart. Don't be
a dick, Dolphin. But we have to do this because
of the computer, Darwin. I'm not doing this to be
mean to you. The computer has to be fixed. So
he asks him Darwin, hey, we have to do this, okay,
And Darwin's response is no. Wes Phalen. However, she's here,

(57:40):
and she is an experienced scientist, and she knows when
it's time to step in and solve some conflict with
some brilliant insight, and she certainly believes this is the
time to do so, so she snatches up the flashcards,
turns to Darwin, and she explains the whole thing in
a way dolphins, apes and even us humans can understand.

Speaker 6 (57:58):
Nahrah Man, Lucas, Lucas Man Man.

Speaker 4 (58:08):
Lurcas.

Speaker 6 (58:14):
Darwin Dolphin. That's it.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
Excuse me, you shouldn't Lucas Man, Darwin Dolphin, Lucas.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
Man, Jeremiah loves you. One fucking chaotics one to the other. Well,
you may have.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
Caught at the end of that clip there that someone
had entered the room that shouldn't be there. And that's
someone is in the shape of the coolest motherfucker ever
to set foot on the submarine. It's the regulator. He
has wandered into the room as Lucas and Westphalen were
celebrating their success with Darwin, and he is just standing
there watching this talking dolphin with his mouth agape. When
Wes Falan tells him he shouldn't be here, all the

(59:05):
regulator can say is that dolphin talked.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
He's amazed at the dolphin. Meanwhile, Lucas is looking at
the regulator like dad, like he he's never seen a
guy he's looked up to like this.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
Yeah, the regulator is not the only person in awe
in this room, because Lucas has taken one look at
that trench coat and cowboy hat, and he says to himself,
almost under his breath, very cool, before rushing up to
meet the man himself. Lucas introduces himself and puts a
hand up like he's going for a high five.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
Almost that's not what they do.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
But his fingers are spread And while I briefly thought
the Regulator was going to spurn Lucas, I thought he
might be like, oh, you're not cool enough for me.
The regulator is he sees it. This young lad is
maybe beneath him, but he doesn't matter. He knows he
needs to inspire the next generation right on. So he
reaches up and they intertwine fingers and like look each

(59:57):
other deeply in the eyes, and they're each other's hand
like a couple holding hands. And it was weird to
look at it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
The way they entertwined fingers vertically is something I'm not
sure I've seen in a way that made the webs
of my fingers feel violated when I watched it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Yeah, like itched inside.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Like if someone came up to me and did that
without warning. I just don't like it's like getting a
finger wedgie.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
It was too close to the way he greeted Lieutenant Hitchcock.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
It's not the exact same thing, but it was too
close to that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Do we know how regulators typically do it? It's normal,
could just be how he does it with everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
Might just be this. But then the regulator locks eyes
with his adoring fan and introduces himself, So it is.

Speaker 4 (01:00:39):
The regulator.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Is something about being called the regulator and introducing yourself
as the regulator is delightful to me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Oh, it's great. Yeah, I wish that they had never
said a name other than that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Still holding Lucas's hand, the regulator leans in and softly
as if he was trying to make his point but
also not be too gruff about it, insinuating he respect
and dare I say as adoration of the young man
in front of him, says you shouldn't hold creatures against
their will, meaning Darwin the Dolphin. Crocker gets a jab in, saying, oh,
you're willing to talk, obviously implying Vern is not here

(01:01:13):
of his own free will, completely ignoring the fact that
it's probably Vern who is the regulator, as I've said,
But Lucas reveals that Darwin is free and he goes
out on his own feed and at this west Phalen
scolds him for giving out information on Darwin. Again, this
is all classified. The world doesn't know. We have a
talking dolphin.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
No, and this is not the kind of guy. As
it turns out, you necessarily want knowing science information.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
The regulator does seem to pay that factoid no mind.
He says instead to the boy, you're on the edge
of the future. Lucas. Don't let these uniforms, these squares,
these pewons and leaves, don't let them hold you down.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
A little bit of mad stand in him here.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
A little bit Hitchcock manages to turn the regulator away
from the dolphin room, saying, hey, we've got unfinished business
to attend to. We need that thermal chip, and once
they finally gotten him away, a still gobsmacked Lucas says,
exactly what we're all thinking, which is absolutely superb.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Is that a phrase that's ever been used like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
I has when you talk about the regulator? That's true,
that's clunky, Like I don't know, nineties kids were sitting
around going man, this ninja turtle toy is absolutely superb,
now if he had said tubular. Meanwhile, Captain Bridger is
departing some sort of subway cab thing and looking at
a big map when he crosses pass with a brightly

(01:02:30):
dressed ape scampering around the submarine that they happen to
be in, and his response to this is to turn around,
look at the ape and say to the ape, excuse me?
Who is an ape? By now has climbed into the
subway cab and pushed a button to shut the door
and take off, but not before he gives a big
goofy grin to Bridger.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Well he does know this ape, as we come to
find out, yes, at this point, though we don't know that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
At this point we think that this man who is
on an enclosed submarine just saw an ape that he
didn't was on board his submarine.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
And wasn't like terribly surprised.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
He was mostly fine with it. He was a little perplexed,
but not enough to do anything. Well, I guess he
kind of does, because he calls up Crocker on like
some calm thing and said, hey, there's a monkey in
the mag lift. And Crocker's response is not to explain
I know, or say anything like that. He instead just
says port or starboard, sir, and that, and then when
he gets the answer, he goes, Okay, we're on our way.

(01:03:25):
That's that. Those are ship words means left and right.
I don't know which one is which, but it is.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
I thought I knew and then decided I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Or maybe it means front and back.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
No, it means left and right. I just forgot what
which one is which?

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Okay. Vern has since arrived in the dolphin room or
Lucas has managed to get his thoughts off of how
cool the regulator is, and he's back to training the
computer with Darwin. They go through the whole boat and
mount thing.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
This dolphin's kind of dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
I mean he really is, well, I don't know. We
find out next week he's ethereal and understands the universe
on Yeah, he's the great dealer.

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
No, it was just general bullshit philosophy, though that always
works as an answer. It's within you deep thought.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
There.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
Well, Verne is here listening to this. He climbs a
board of stool check out his new dolphin friend. And
I bet they would be friends, and I'd watch a
show wearing ringked and rote a dolphin.

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
Yeah, I just now criticized the dolphins philosophy as bullshit.

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
We were all thinking it that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:24):
Dolphins philosophy as bullshit.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Well, dolphin philosophy since really the Middle Ages has been
really all over the place. You know, some of these
dolphins are kind of existentialists in how they view it,
and I get that, But then you have other dolphins
who place way too much value on the outcome of something.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
As Verne is here and he's checking out Darwin all
hell decides to break loose.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
No, this is a cow.

Speaker 1 (01:05:01):
And that sound was Lucas falling out of his chair,
which I guess is the thing you'd do if you
saw an ape on your submarine.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
Hearing that, that's just a lot of noises.

Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
You know what I name that clip ape ape ape.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
I think that describes it accurate.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
Wes Phalen calls for security, who all arrive and they've
got snares and all sorts of weapons and stuff to
deal with the tiny, harmless ape. But then the Regulator
and Crocker arrive and old reg I'll call him that
once or twice. Oh, Rag, We're we're familiar with one another.
He walks over to Vern the ape and slings them
around his shoulders, and the regulator whips out a device.
It's got a big red button on it, and he

(01:05:35):
tells everyone back the fuck up, because all these guys
are here coming after Vern, and Crocker yells at him
to put the volt what does he call it? Put
the voltage disc down?

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Do you guys have a voltage disc?

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
Yeah, there's a couple in there. I don't know what
they do, but I hope.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
They're used for frisbee golf.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
This all results in a brief standoff, but before anyone
can make a rash decision, in the background, Captain Bridger
has arrived and he calmly approaches the regulation and the
scavenger lowers his voltage disc, taking off his glasses and
giving a wry smile to the grandfatherly Captain bridgerd greets him.
He says hello, Leslie, and the two exchange niceties. Yea,
they know each other. It turns out.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Lots of history here, I guess.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
Bridger gets the regulator to hand back something that he
swiped off of Hitchcock. I don't know if it was
a code or something, and then he tells Crocker to
escort the regulator back to his ship and see that
he leaves immediately. The best part of all of this
is that Bridger says he recognized Vern earlier on the
subway cart and offers up a nice, pleasant goodbye Vern
at the end.

Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
And throughout the whole episode, actually, Bridger kind of has
this thing with Vern where he's like, you're better than
this Vern. You get like you could have such a
bright future if you'd get away from the regulator.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
You hang out with this guy. Crocker tells the regulator
you and your monkey this way, and the regulator pulls
a total Gail Anderson and says he's not a monkey,
he's an orangutan. And then Darwin further clarifies by saying
amph loudly, we know he knows that word. Crocker leads
Verne and the Regulator back to the docking area, and
as the regulator leaves, he and Ape both give an

(01:07:05):
ice big smile to the security chief and descend on
to their ship. But before they get too far away,
Brocker realizes, oh shit, they stole my weapon. The regulator
took my gun. He yells for the crew to stop
the regulatorship, like, I gotta get my gun back stop him,
but the crew says he's too far along, there's nothing
we can do.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
This is like Yosemite Sam not having a gun. I mean,
he's kind of similar.

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Brocker leaps in action and demands his military police force
climbing a smaller weapon like loaded submarines and give chase
and out in the sea. Crocker fires a warning shot
and continues to chase the much cooler man in his ape.
But before anything can happen, Captain Bridger radios to his
man and says, hey, let the regulator go.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
And he frames it as in like this is a
waste of our time and energy. But really what he's
saying is you can't beat the regulator.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
He says, this is the price of doing business with
the regulator. You just have to let it happen. And honestly,
you're burning up more fuel and would cost to replace
your gun.

Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
The other price is the five hundred euro credits or whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:08:05):
And the binanch also bananas.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Who do you think paid for the credits? Do you
think Kreeg paid for that?

Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
Do you think the queen?

Speaker 1 (01:08:10):
Oh that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:08:11):
There is a queen of this yes, King Triton.

Speaker 3 (01:08:14):
I need to point out the Regulator is really good
at stealing. He got very good five things in that
brief time he was on the ship. Whatever you want
to say with the Regulator.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
By the time we're done with this episode, what stands
is that he is one of the better thieves we've covered.
No one ever knows he's done.

Speaker 1 (01:08:30):
It, and we've covered Autolicus, king of thieves we have.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
Yeah, we've covered.

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
Lyridict, Cleopatra near Joxer.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
Who else have we covered. I feel like we've had
a lot of thieves.

Speaker 3 (01:08:39):
Oh, we had the cat Burglar and Magnum night Writer.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
Oh he was night Writer. You're right.

Speaker 3 (01:08:44):
Yeah. With Geena Davis's episode, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
Crocker turns around, he gives up on his chase of
the Regulator heads back to SeaQuest. But on the regulatorship
we find out that it was actually Vern who swiped
Crocker's gun. Vern hands it to the Regulator and the
Regular's like, hell yeah, Vern, good job up, furthering your
theory that Vern is the regular, Vern's the brains of
the operation. Also, in the shot where the Regulator and

(01:09:07):
Vern are strapped into their submarine in the background, you
see a bunch of those bananas, which is a good touch.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Yeah, that is really funny.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
A little later, Lucas is packing up his things from
Captain Bridger's quarters as the captain puts on his robe
after having clearly just taken a shower. And this does
not factor into the plot at all. I kind of
like it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
No, I like that too, anything like this where you're
where some care was put into, Like, well, we're starting
the scene with people doing real stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:09:31):
And he's a real actor. He could hold it off.
And old men are always wearing robes and he's always
washing himself.

Speaker 3 (01:09:37):
Oh there's something that seems competent about that, Like you know,
it's not necessarily related to the story, but you know
you can pull it off. And yeah, you need the actor,
you need the cred to make us seem like that happen.
And it's rare in this show that they do that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
I can practically smell like the old man after shave
in the room.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
But anyway, Lucas asks Bridger how he knew the regulator,
because he's very curious to know because he thinks this
guy's cool. Bridger correctly surmises that Lucas was impressed by
the Regulator, and Lucas says, well, he was pretty outrageous,
Am I right?

Speaker 2 (01:10:07):
I like that one. That's just like the superb thing.
Did anyone say that at least pretty outrageous?

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
They have a bit of a squabble with Lucas, implying
Bridger wants him to be a good soldier, you know,
do what he's told kind of thing, but Lucas is
he's not going to listen to the man. He's a
real wild card. Bridge's annoyed at this, and he tells
Lucas you better call up the Professor, which, to someone
who doesn't know that is a weird line to say,
and I didn't. Even after watching this, I still didn't

(01:10:34):
quite understand it. But it turns out the Professor is
a hologram program given to Roy Scheider's character to converse with,
or bounce ideas off of, or ask information from. So
it's just a hologram computer like a serie. As Lucas
boops and beeps the Professor machine into action, the rest

(01:10:55):
of the cast arrives and Bridger tells him you all
might want to be here to see this. Once everyone
is in place, he asks the Professor to pull up
the biography of a Leslie Farina.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
I don't see why that's relevant.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
AKA the regulator Brian and the professor boots up and
he offers this pertinent information.

Speaker 4 (01:11:13):
Blessings of God be upon you, oh great Empress Suleiman
your power.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
Wait, no, I don't think that's right. Oh, sorry, wrong clip?
All right, right, let me try this one.

Speaker 4 (01:11:24):
Blessed Isabella, Servant of God, Holy Queen of Castile and Leon.

Speaker 1 (01:11:29):
I don't think that's the right one either.

Speaker 4 (01:11:31):
Welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
Oh, I got one more. This must be it.

Speaker 4 (01:11:34):
The people bow to your esteemed will o, wise and
illustrious king, a sherbanapal of a city.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
Huh. I don't think that's right now. I don't actually
have a clip of this guy.

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
This is W.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
Morgan Shepherd, and he did the Narration for Civilization five,
so that was him talking about Queen Isabella of Spain.

Speaker 2 (01:11:53):
Well, it's not too different the kind of stuff he
says here.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Hey, it really isn't. Yeah, No, this guy is awesome.
I saw him in Babylon five a couple of times too,
a soul taker who's still souls. And then he played
a narn captain who went down with the ship what
the professor actually tells everyone is the story of the regulator.
He was a leading aquanaut of the nineteen nineties, whatever
that may be.

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
What do you mean, I aquaox went a big thing
in the nineties.

Speaker 1 (01:12:18):
Tell me about it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:19):
Well, everybody here we go. Yeah, everybody was. It was
like a c sport where you kind of you were
you had to have an ape. Oh, that's actually how
Vernon the regulator met, so ape on the back. Yeah,
you both have snorkels in and you you bat a
fish back and forth and you try to get into
a goal. And the goal was a shark's mouth.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
So it's hockey, but with a fish and the shark
and an ape under water.

Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
Very dangerous for the goalie.

Speaker 3 (01:12:42):
And it didn't last I guess no.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
The goalies all got eaten by the sharks.

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
They couldn't play anymore. Yeah, and the score the league
was eaten. Those sharks are greedy. They're getting fish bat
in their mouth and they eat goalies.

Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
Most defunct sports leagues they fold due to financial pressures there,
but this this one was consumed.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
Well, there was that S being Bloopers video all about it.
The S stood for shark or c wait. Oh in ESPN,
I thought you meant in bloopers, like the s at
the end of it, implying they were multiple, and you're
like that sends for the c that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:13):
This is a really long acronym. Bloopers, B l O O.

Speaker 1 (01:13:19):
P E R boys, lauding, oceanic orb, pushing everyone really softly.
Oh no, it's shark.

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
You forgot the point. Pushing everyone really shark. You know, bloopers, man,
the regulators really shark.

Speaker 3 (01:13:40):
I mean they did that with the monsters become wizard. Yeah,
that is so wizard, Grandpa. Why not shark?

Speaker 1 (01:13:46):
Pretty shark guys.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
I'm okay with it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
Okay, we're going to have to do that for me.
That's fine, all right. Well, it turns out the regulator
a k A. What was the hell's's name, Lewis Farino.
It's in here somewhere, I say a lot. Leslie Farina, Yeah,
the regulator. He was at Duke University when mammals took
their very first quote breath from a liquid substance. But

(01:14:09):
shortly after this, Leslie Farina was banished by the legitimate
science comedian Your quotes that one too.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
A couple of things I love about this information. There's
a point when they say, look, he was born in
nineteen seventy five and graduated college in nineteen ninety two,
and Lucas very bravely goes he was seventeen, and the
computer goes, good job, Lucas. It's like, wait, this is
your genius. My second favorite part of this is it's
kind of like if you hear a really impactful band

(01:14:36):
or see a movie that sticks with you forever in college.
But for the regulator it was more one very specific
scientific idea. Rest of his life dedicated to yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
Yeah, Well, he again was banished by the legitimate science community,
and the professor explains this was four quote being too
cool for those fucking squares. Now, what actually happened is
he was banished for trying to surgically attach a small
version of the Hemo sponge, which is the device that
allowed the test animal to breathe liquid to a mysterious mammal.

(01:15:09):
According to the professor, he did that to quote advance
his theory of spherical evolution. Remember those words, Well, we'll
come back to that. A few short years later, Farina
designed aquasphere one, which was the very first undersea colony
that was referred to as trench Town because it failed

(01:15:29):
to draw any actual colonists. So I ask you, gentlemen,
is trenchtown an insult? It seems to be.

Speaker 2 (01:15:35):
Why it does sound like an insult, Like it sounds
gross or something like a trench you know, you just
dug it out down there, Like, oh, this place is
a real trench town. M okay hmm, really half assed,
just dug out so you could shit in it or
hide from an enemy.

Speaker 1 (01:15:50):
Sounds to me like a place where you got the
regulator hanging out with his ape. And that's a cool
place to me.

Speaker 2 (01:15:55):
Well, you didn't say that part that sounds cool.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
But Trenchdown failed. The legiti scientific community said no to
French drinks down, I think, which is France.

Speaker 2 (01:16:05):
It's where I think if they would have under like
had a better city planner.

Speaker 1 (01:16:10):
Like uh Mark brand Anilitz. Yeah, he'd was there, he
could get he could help out the regulator and urn
the ape. He's sorry too, But the professor continues, revealing
that in two thousand and three, Farina's houseboat burned down
while a suicide note was received by the New York
Times indicating the death of Leslie Farina. The regulator killed

(01:16:33):
himself on a houseboat. No, less, that's the way to go,
they'd be on the sea. You're not liable for laws.

Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
But I was confused as to how you could if
you have a house. But aren't you legally required to
be some sort of private eye or something or pervert?
I think yeah, that too, someone down on their luck
for either legitimate or illegitimate reasons.

Speaker 1 (01:16:53):
Bridger criticizes Farina, saying this guy he had no friends,
he was brilliant, but scientists hated him for his ethical
mistake and him doing a whole fake suicide thing. That's sad,
or isn't it, Lucas, It's sad you won't be like
this guy turns out at your old grandpa. He's pretty cool. Huh, Lucas, Huh,
Grandpa's fun.

Speaker 2 (01:17:10):
And you can't tell a team like, oh, it's really
uncool to fake your own death. I mean, that's pretty awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:17:16):
Well, none of this has really impacted Lucas the way
that Bridger hoped, and in fact, Lucas still basically says
the regulator rules and he empathizes with Farina's actions, But
one thing does have him puzzled. What spherical evolution I.

Speaker 2 (01:17:31):
Have the same question.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
Well, Bridger explains.

Speaker 3 (01:17:33):
He says, I don't know if he ever truly does.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
He explains a spencer, he says, searching for the center
of the universe. Duh m hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:17:42):
That doesn't sphears seem like an actual theory or like
anything that would be.

Speaker 1 (01:17:48):
No moving on. Lucas responds with a hearty hell, yeah,
this fucking rules. This guy has principles and he sticks
to them.

Speaker 2 (01:17:56):
And I noticed Lucas had at some point put on
sunglasses and litis stick. Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:18:01):
Well, this causes Bridger to mumble to himself about kids
these days and rabble, rabble, rabble, all.

Speaker 2 (01:18:05):
These kids in twenty eighteen listening to Megadeath.

Speaker 1 (01:18:08):
Being in love with the Regulator. Meanwhile, speaking of the Regulator,
he and vern are sitting in their submarine. They're chomping
on some nanners, which is pretty adorable. No, I might
add that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:18):
I like the progression of like you see him in
the ship with them in the background, and this time
they're eating them.

Speaker 3 (01:18:22):
It really seems like that was the Regulator's biggest takeaway
from this whole thing is like he mostly did it
for the bananas.

Speaker 2 (01:18:28):
And the underlying thing here that the Regulator likes bananas
so much too, that he can't just give them all
to vern like he could be eating something else. But
he just must really like.

Speaker 1 (01:18:36):
Them their partners, I would think burn shares. What they
do next, however, is not adorable. The Regulator isn't just
floating around eating bananas is ape for fun. He's actually
here for a reason, and he's near the SeaQuest he
fires a net at Darwin as Darwin the dolphin is
leaving to go feast on whatever dolphins eat flesh, and

(01:18:57):
so he captures Darwin against his will. What a hypocritical
thing to do.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
And I think the show is wrong. I think they
should have had it be where the regulator gets, he
wins and is good.

Speaker 1 (01:19:08):
We'll stop watching Brian and you will forever believe that
because it doesn't go well for him here and out.
But we're back at the Regulator's layer. And I might
add that that is legit what the show.

Speaker 2 (01:19:19):
Calls call it. Yeah, it appears on screen.

Speaker 1 (01:19:21):
There's a text card and it says his lair and
how far they are from the Mariana Trench or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:19:25):
Something about Matta Gascar.

Speaker 1 (01:19:27):
He has traded in his cool trench coat, hat and goggles.
Would we call him blaggle glaggles. He took those off.
He is now wearing suspenders, an axel rose headband, and
some good old fashioned lunatic ranting. He is Darwin kept
in his acid pool in the middle of the room,
and he's loudly talking about how smart he is and
how dolphins are also probably smarter than humans, and this

(01:19:47):
particular dolphin is going to help improve his theory on
spherical evolutions, which.

Speaker 2 (01:19:52):
No one has ever thought dolphins had more intelligent capabilities
than a human.

Speaker 1 (01:19:57):
No, we just know they're smarter than most animals.

Speaker 2 (01:19:59):
Yeah, but the regulator, you know, one of our top scientists,
though he's not quite sure. I like how you describe
this because on this section I had the regulator announces
things out loud to himself. This whole section is he's
kind of a leatherhead.

Speaker 1 (01:20:11):
It's a little bit leatherheaded. Yes, the regulator does keep
talking directly to Darwin and begging him to answer his questions.
He doesn't know that Darwin needs the vocode or the
voice thing. He thinks Darwin could just talk like a
special dolphin.

Speaker 2 (01:20:25):
It's like thinking Peter Frampton could just talk Vern.

Speaker 1 (01:20:28):
Sits nearby, and he studies all of this with a
bit of an error of curiosity about him. The regulator
just cannot understand why Darwin isn't responding to him. He
decides to take out a notebook and draw some shapes
that'll help, and he says up, down, left, right, you know,
two dimensional, three dimensional, hoping it'll cause this dolphin to
reveal the secrets of the universe. It doesn't.

Speaker 2 (01:20:49):
This is all disappointing to me too, because all this
build up about about the regulator being one of the
top scientists in the world, and he's coming across kind
of like kids in a trench coat the science verse.

Speaker 3 (01:20:59):
I really felt at this point they're stripping away the allure. Yeah,
the regulator. At first he got to be really cool,
and then you see the warts underneath.

Speaker 1 (01:21:06):
We watch him yell at a dolphin.

Speaker 2 (01:21:08):
Never meet your hero, speak English.

Speaker 3 (01:21:11):
I will say. The regulator draws a really good sphere.
It's a perfect circle. He doesn't even hesitate.

Speaker 1 (01:21:18):
If you told me that fucker had whipped out a
protractor with a compass thing on it, I.

Speaker 2 (01:21:22):
Would believe you.

Speaker 1 (01:21:24):
Vern drags over a bucket of fish. He's got that
and he flings him in the pool for Darwin to eat.

Speaker 3 (01:21:29):
That's the only thing Darwin actually responds to this whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:21:33):
Hell yeah, because he's a dumb fucking animals just sped
me a fish.

Speaker 2 (01:21:38):
Why are we not focused on Vern, who seems like
a genius?

Speaker 1 (01:21:42):
Vern could have helped the regulator solve spherical evolution all along.

Speaker 2 (01:21:46):
Yeah, and they met. Verne's voice would sound a lot cooler,
wouldn't luc Man.

Speaker 1 (01:21:54):
Back on the sequest, Doctor wes Phalen is plugging in
some batteries to some sponges, and yes, it's a real
thing she is doing. They're in aquariums and Captain Bridge
is here playing with lab equipment. Crocker and Lucas arrive
to tell Bridger that they haven't seen Darwin in a while,
and they're very somber. They're like, we haven't seen Darwin.
This is big news. They don't think a shark has

(01:22:14):
gotten to him, but there is a tuna ship nearby
that could have caught him and turned him into delicious
delicious can tuna. They don't know, Bridger says, keep calling
for him, but I don't really have any other idea.
What else to do is search for him, and this
pisses everybody off, particularly Lucas, although no one else seems
to be offering up any ideas about what to do
to try and diffuse the situation. Doctor Westvalen tries to

(01:22:37):
explain to Lucas why she's attaching car batteries to sponges,
but the young kid cannot get his talking dolphin off
the brain, which is how it should always be. Only
you don't know what you got till it's gone, right, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:22:50):
I think part of this, too, is more we're supposed
to see Lucas as this like brash rebel. Now that
he's encountered the regulator, he's like, I'm not listening to
any authority.

Speaker 1 (01:23:00):
Well, he does say things like I could use the
sponges to wash my car if I had a car.

Speaker 2 (01:23:06):
Which are cars a big thing at this time when
you live in the sea.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
I don't think you need one anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:23:11):
Maybe cars are submarines. We just pay we didn't have cars, right,
we have submarines, yeah, but no cars. Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (01:23:21):
Lucas is in full teen rebellion, like the full stereotypical
I'm gonna throw a tantrum and get my way I'm
a teenager.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
He really should have flipped his bangs.

Speaker 1 (01:23:31):
Ridgard does take all of this in stride, right up
until Lucas calls the sequest a whale, in which case
Bridger loses his shit and he's like, cool it, you're
coming with me.

Speaker 2 (01:23:41):
Why is it that that set him off? My ship
is thin and attractive.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
My ship does not eat krill.

Speaker 2 (01:23:46):
Nothing attaches itself to the underbelly of my ship, even
though it totally does.

Speaker 1 (01:23:51):
Nor does my ship sing a song sweetly into the
ocean and can communicate over hundreds of miles.

Speaker 2 (01:23:57):
My ship has never been recorded to help people sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:24:02):
Bridger and Lucas meet with Kreeg in the supply room
and Bridger says he needs Leslie's phone number, to which
everyone in the room right. He goes, who Leslie? What
are you talking about? And he goes, Ugh, the regulator,
And I feel like Roy Schneider hated having to say
the regulator too. Lucas says, what you think the regulator
can help us find Darwin? Kind of innocently. Bridger goes, no,

(01:24:23):
I think the regulator took Darwin, but Lucas snaps him.
He says, no fucking way, regulator told me that you
shouldn't trap creatures.

Speaker 2 (01:24:31):
I think he says, shove it up your ass. Gramps.

Speaker 1 (01:24:34):
They do find the regulator's number and dial them up.
He answers, and he says, talk to me. Although again
we're focusing on Vern. He's done the same trick. Vern
is here. We think Vern's the regulator again symbolism.

Speaker 2 (01:24:45):
They could have just texted.

Speaker 1 (01:24:47):
No texting wasn't allowed around twenty eighteens.

Speaker 2 (01:24:49):
I forget.

Speaker 1 (01:24:50):
We only had submarines. That was our only technology, and
the banana storage things and Jockxer that was one of
our big teche where it's in America at least. Do
you remember when Elon Musk got famous for bringing Jockxer into.

Speaker 2 (01:25:03):
The whole created Joxer.

Speaker 1 (01:25:04):
Well, someone else created. He took credit for me, and
he had a lot of money going into the whole
thing too. He didn't really come up with any of
the ideas for it, and then later he came up
with the idea to dig a hole in the ground.
Ridger tells the regulator, I won my fucking dolphin back,
and the regulator moves Vern out of the way to
speak to the captain face to face. He says, I
didn't take you dolphin, and also, you shouldn't be experimenting

(01:25:26):
on animals like that. I should know. I got in
trouble by the legit scientific community for grafting. What are
the gills on some mammal?

Speaker 2 (01:25:34):
You know? That should have been an early sign the
way it was described in that video to that debriefing
that maybe the regulator doesn't actually know what he's talking about,
because it was just like he tried to smash a
body part onto an animal. It doesn't even sound scientific, Duke.
He said, it's a sphere evolution. Everything turns into a circle.

Speaker 1 (01:25:52):
Eventually he does hang up on Bridger, which pisses him off,
but Bridger did get what he wanted. He tells Lucas,
go get all that dark Darwin voice data you can
from the computer. You can unscramble at your computer, kid,
go do that. So Lucas does, and then he calls
up Joxer and says, I need you to scan Darwin's
frequency on this zoom call I just had with the regulator,

(01:26:13):
And everybody rushes into action to save their dolphin friend.
After some time, Joxer tells Captain Bridger that he does
terrible news. He says, I don't have enough of a
sample here, tell if the dolphin in the video is
Darwin or not. And Bridger goes, wait a minute, what
did you say? Jokxer says, there's the dolphin noises in
the video. They're there. This is enough for Bridger to go, well, fuck,

(01:26:36):
he's taken my dolphin.

Speaker 2 (01:26:37):
He doesn't have some other dolphin in there. This kind
of reminds me of the Nick the Hacker scene when
he has to do the voice analysis and turbulence three.

Speaker 1 (01:26:43):
It's just as scientific. Lucas is a bit perplexed that
someone as cool as the regulator would stoop so low
as to take Darwin. So he wants to come along,
and Bridger, being a good grandpa, says, yeah, come on,
let's go in a very irresponsible decision.

Speaker 2 (01:26:57):
Part of Lucas still doesn't quite buy it, the idea
that the regulator could steal Darwin. I mean the regulator.
He fights for all that is right. He doesn't listen
to those suits Man.

Speaker 1 (01:27:08):
Warren g Nate Dogg. They would never steal a dolphin.
Oh wait, that's regulate. Sorry, messed it up.

Speaker 2 (01:27:14):
Well, that's what regulators do.

Speaker 3 (01:27:16):
Regulators be regulating. This one really doesn't No, he doesn't
really do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:27:22):
He mostly looks cool for a bit and then rant's
about spheres.

Speaker 2 (01:27:25):
I think looking cool is his main thing he does.

Speaker 1 (01:27:27):
He's good at that.

Speaker 3 (01:27:28):
He's pretty dumb.

Speaker 2 (01:27:29):
I think he's an idiot.

Speaker 1 (01:27:32):
As the crew rushes off to confront the regulator, Crocker
hands out a bunch of ear plugs everybody while Bridger
quizes Lucas about how tough he has it. They do
some character building and talk about how Lucas is in
a weird spot because there are no other kids on sequest.
There's only old people, Jockxer and a dolphin that talks,
so I have no people to really identify with, and

(01:27:53):
Bridger eventually basically says, you're a weird kid, and I
hope you don't wind up like the regulator who also
was a weird kid.

Speaker 2 (01:28:01):
Did you guys ever get versions of this speech as children?
I did of the like you're doing well and a
lot of things, but make friends.

Speaker 1 (01:28:10):
A little bit, yeah, like why are you hitting that
with a stick?

Speaker 2 (01:28:14):
Well, you don't have to sit in the corner all
the time.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
Well, speaking of the regulator, he's busy saying a bunch
of weird shit about Greek coins to the dolphin and
has the great line you sleep with one eye open,
you know things, and that is a real Dolphin fact.
They have to sleep with one eye open to look
for predators.

Speaker 2 (01:28:31):
I just assumed this was a sort of quoting James
Hetfield sort of thing. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:38):
But by now Bridger and the crew have arrived and
they bang on the big, big cea door at the lair,
demanding Leslie let them in. But the regulator says, Leslie
is dead. I saw it on the news, so you
can't come in.

Speaker 2 (01:28:53):
I wish he would have winked to Vern after saying that.

Speaker 1 (01:28:56):
We Bridger does is. Bridger realizes who he's dealing with
is basically a weird kid. He goes, all right, the regulator,
please let me in. He says, open the door or
we will drill through it. The regulator then takes like
a remote and locks the giant door. He turns back
to Darwin, realizing he has to hurry to figure out
the answer to spherical evolution, He asks him more stuff

(01:29:18):
about it, but Bridger meanwhile, it's a great idea. He goes, hey, Vern,
can you hear me? I got a lot of bananas,
and the second the word bananas comes out of his mouth,
Vern hits the button to open the door. Vern knows
he wants bananas. This causes the regulator to turn to
Vern and say, et two, Vern, you would turn on
me for bananas.

Speaker 2 (01:29:38):
Yet again, though, I think this is showing a higher
state of cognitive reasoning than Darwin has.

Speaker 1 (01:29:44):
Now inside the room, the security guys pull out their
guns and at the same time, the regulator pulls out
his voltage bomb or whatever it was called, and Lucas
calls him out for taking Darwin, before also scoffing at
all of the regulator's paintings which are in the background
and how dumb spherical evolution is. But the boy is curious,
so he asks, how can Darwin help you find the

(01:30:04):
center of the universe? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 (01:30:06):
Because maybe the regulator does have a good like this
is such a big boon for humanity that it was
worth all the damage it would cause.

Speaker 1 (01:30:13):
Right, maybe there's a reason the regulator has a cool
video handy he is, so he hits a button on
his remote and he narrates along, telling Darwin, Lucas, all
of us at home exactly what the fuck. Sphericle evolution is.

Speaker 5 (01:30:26):
Harmony can only exist in perfection, and perfection can only
be found in the sphere. The Earth is a sphere
turning on its axis, revolving a perfect sphere around the
spherical Sun, like all the spherical planets.

Speaker 6 (01:30:39):
That's incorrect.

Speaker 1 (01:30:41):
The planets turned a elliptical path around the Sun and
illution of nature.

Speaker 5 (01:30:45):
The Solar system circles through the galaxy, and the galaxy
circles through the universe, eventually ending its journey where it began.
No end a perfect circle. And at the center of
the circle. The center of the universe is Hominye. And
so it is with Matt. In order to evolve, he

(01:31:06):
must finish where he began. That is spherical evolution.

Speaker 2 (01:31:12):
I don't like that you're just playing Joe Rogan clips
on the podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:31:16):
Well, I mean it's better than flat earth stuff, I guess.

Speaker 2 (01:31:19):
Right, yeah, But now it's the same principle of like
I'm bored and I guess I don't have anything to do,
so I'm going to just take disparate facts and smush
him together. It's like Jim Carrey in the number twenty three,
Like I'll just say things with the number twenty three
and pretend they're connected, as if we didn't invent numbers
and things don't add up to the same one.

Speaker 1 (01:31:37):
Sometimes Lucas does say something very perplexing. Next, he points
to the guy who was bunking with Craig earlier in
the episode and doing the push ups. Mars, I think,
and he says, this guy's here, his name is Mars,
and somehow this is a dig at spherical evolution. Did
any of you understand it, you know, like this hundreds
of you.

Speaker 3 (01:31:57):
Just glossed over that, not at all.

Speaker 2 (01:31:59):
I was just confused by this as that blood thing earlier.

Speaker 1 (01:32:02):
That's true. Maybe they just cut content. I don't know.
The regulator gets disgusted and he goes, ugh, you bought
the mainstream, didn't you. Pioneer? What does he call him? Pioneer?
I don't know, with a pioneer, of course, being Lucas,
who responds with, hey, I don't have fake suicide to
sleep at night, and the regulator quickly retorts, well, you're young,
there's still time.

Speaker 3 (01:32:23):
That's funny, you'll have your fake suicide.

Speaker 2 (01:32:26):
You could still do something cool one day, don't worry.

Speaker 1 (01:32:29):
When Lucas asks how the regulator could rationalize stealing his dolphin.
Bridger blames it on spherical evolution, because why not, saying,
man once came from the ocean and in the end
they must go back. And the regulator gets fucking excited
and he goes, you know what, you're right, Dolphins did
just that. He says, they evolved go back in the water.
And guess what, He's right this deck they didn't get

(01:32:50):
out of it. But did it technically, yes, because we
all came from the primordial soup, I'll evolve in a dolphin,
and dolphins their distant relatives were like little deer, so
they were land deer because they're mammals.

Speaker 2 (01:33:02):
That's kind of missing the point again. It's another one
of these things where the regulator, I hate to say it,
he's really grasping at straws here.

Speaker 1 (01:33:10):
Well, he continues explaining his plans, but Bridger says, hey,
there's a problem. Darwin doesn't speak English, idiot, he speaks dolphin.
And what the regulator heard was the machine that they
had devised to translate darwin squeaks and electrical pull like things.
This paints the regulator into a corner, so he responds
by pulling the gun that Verne took from Cocker in

(01:33:30):
the episode earlier, and he threatens Bridger. He says, make
him talk. So Bridger does this like clap dance thing
that signals for Darwin to submerge, So he does, and
the crewman grabs the regulator's arm as he pulls the
trigger and it fires that gun thing up in the air.
Only this gun wasn't like a projectile gun. It was
some sort of sound weapon which shoots noise, I guess,

(01:33:51):
And this is what the ear plugs were for. It
all ties together.

Speaker 2 (01:33:55):
Meanwhile, Bridger's like, I wish I would have had those
ear plugs back when Lucas was listening to that music.

Speaker 1 (01:34:02):
The only person who was impacted by the gun was
the regulator himself, and he falls to the ground clutching
his ears. He's caught, He's done for. Only it turns
out the regulator wasn't the only person the gun impacted.
Because Bridger asks Lucas, how's Vern? Is he okay? Lucas says, well,
Vern's okay, But he does discover that the mammal that
Farina put the gills on is Vern all along.

Speaker 2 (01:34:24):
Yeah, See, the regulator is insane.

Speaker 1 (01:34:26):
It's not cool. Man, you cannot put gills on Vern,
you know, leave Vern alone or any rang of tan.
You couldn't do it to client either from every which way,
but loose and the sequel the other one. Bridger chastises
the regulator for this and tells him to forget what
you thought you heard, which of course was Darwin speaking.
And the regulator says, I know what I heard, but

(01:34:48):
as always one I know doesn't matter. The world beats
me down. The world beats down old Regulator from time
to time. He begrudgingly walks over to control panel and
pushes a button which then allows Darwin to swim freely
out into the ocean. He set him free. Lucas has
a bit of a realization, and he tells Ridger, you
know what I understand. Someday I could wind up a

(01:35:09):
weird freak like the regulator, and I do feel a
little bit of empathy towards him, So would you please
show him how Darwin can talk? This is going to
eat him up from the inside. Lucas is a good
kid overall, and this is a real.

Speaker 2 (01:35:22):
Like Again, the Regulator does not come across as terribly bright.
It's like he met the Wizard of Oz and he's like,
there's really a wizard back there, like you, He's gonna
go insane if you don't just show him. Yeah, there's
a vocoder, which, by the way, have existed for a
long time.

Speaker 3 (01:35:37):
It's like a Penny mood too, like, oh yeah, this
guy's really stupid. Just give him this one thing.

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
Let him open a present a day early.

Speaker 1 (01:35:44):
He might fake blow up his boat again. Ridger ponders
this request for a moment and then reveals to the
regulator that Lucas would like him to come back to
SeaQuest as there's someone I'd like you to talk to.

Speaker 2 (01:35:54):
Does he want to play?

Speaker 1 (01:35:56):
Does he say ape?

Speaker 2 (01:35:58):
Does he look tither bowl very tall? I'd win.

Speaker 1 (01:36:02):
Later on, in the dolphin room, Lucas is explaining how
the dolphin computer learns to translate dolphins' vocalizations, and eventually
he lets the regulator talk directly to Darwin and he
gets the dolphin to repeat his name back to the man.
Although they don't do the cool thing they go Luis
Farina or Leslie Farina. They don't go the regulator, which

(01:36:22):
I would be okay hearing Darwin's stupid voice say.

Speaker 2 (01:36:25):
I don't think he can do that many syllables.

Speaker 1 (01:36:27):
The regulator excitedly begins asking Darwin if he has an
understanding of his species history, asking the wet mammal, why
did the dolphins return to the water. Darwin's response to
all this is Darwren swam.

Speaker 2 (01:36:41):
Meanwhile, Vern's raised his hand over. They're like, I actually
read a book on this.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
I have a PhD in this. The regulator takes one
last crack at it and he asks Darwin if he
knows where the center of the universe is, and Darwin
responds nash. Regulator grins. His whole life has been leaning
up to this moment. The whole universe, the spherical universe,
has conspired to bring him to this moment. He's essentially
learning the answer to the golden question, what is the

(01:37:07):
meaning of life? His is where is the universe spheres?
That's his question. He leans in closer and asks Darwin
where is it? Where is the center of the universe?
The soundtrack swells. Darwin raises his big dolphin beacup out
of the water and he says to the regulator, in
fine of you. And then the regulator realizes true love

(01:37:30):
was inside all along, and he smiles a rice smile.

Speaker 2 (01:37:33):
I would have been like I was ripped off.

Speaker 3 (01:37:36):
Yeah, that's not a good answer.

Speaker 1 (01:37:38):
Everyone in the cast acts like this is profound, not
like it's the dumbest thing, not like it's a Hallmark card.
The wait, that's not all. We are not done with
Sequest No, because I wanted.

Speaker 2 (01:37:47):
To say real quick before you get to this last part.
Uh huh. Up until this point, I thought this is
a dorky show. But I bet it gets cool after this.

Speaker 1 (01:37:56):
Right, Yeah, we're gonna show skateboarding.

Speaker 2 (01:37:57):
Or yeah, like lightning or something. A dinosaur.

Speaker 1 (01:38:01):
As the credits roll of every episode in the first
season of Sequest DSV, a man in a turtleneck sweater
with a sport jacket over it and a SeaQuest baseball
cap on introduces himself as Bob Ballard from the Woods
Whole Oceanographic Institution. What he's not words, it's stupid. He's
here to throw some cool factoids at us as we leave,

(01:38:23):
and he reveals it. Apparently there's a thing where people
can breathe liquid and one guy did it for forty
five minutes once. That's a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:38:30):
Because it's Bob Ballard's thing, you know, he's going to
show you a little bit of real science behind this
fictional thing, I guess.

Speaker 3 (01:38:35):
Ooh, and also bats can eat over a pound misk
like that has anything to do with the.

Speaker 2 (01:38:41):
Bats of the sea.

Speaker 1 (01:38:42):
Also, he reveals that the depth of the ocean is
twelve thousand feet yet the deepest diver's ever been it's
a little over twenty two hundred feet now, though I
think that has since been broken by Jake's Cameron. How
far he got, yeah, like forty thousand with the assistance
of Bob Ballard was not even kidding really in the nineties,
in the late nineties is when I first became familiar

(01:39:03):
with Bob Ballard. So you knew this guy, Yeah, because
of Titanic.

Speaker 2 (01:39:07):
He was showing up everywhere around that time, like with
James Cameron and everything. I don't know if James Cameron
worked with his research center and that's how he got
down there and how he you know, became obsessed with
the ocean with the abyss even before. But yeah, there's
Bob Ballard has been involved with like entertainment based deep
sea stuff for a long time.

Speaker 1 (01:39:27):
Does this mean that James Cameron is the real world
the regulator.

Speaker 2 (01:39:32):
I think he might be.

Speaker 1 (01:39:33):
Does he have an ape or is it a no ve?

Speaker 2 (01:39:36):
Well, let me think about what all these had? Or
an aliens not an alien, no.

Speaker 1 (01:39:41):
Just aliens? Or fuck that's all the James Cameron ones
I have, like Titanic.

Speaker 2 (01:39:46):
He hasn't done that many because he takes forty years
between movies, and I mean why.

Speaker 1 (01:39:52):
Well, the first season of sequest DSV did feature Bob
Ballard giving ocean facts at the end of the episode.
The second season they said, Bob Ballard, get fuck out
of here. We'll have jocks or do it, so they
had the cast do these facts like.

Speaker 2 (01:40:04):
No one can turn off the TV fast enough. You
are not exactly a natural screen presence. Bob. I actually
do find him likable for some like him cheerfully just saying,
you know, boring science facts. After this TV show about
a talking dolphin in the Regulator.

Speaker 1 (01:40:18):
Well you know what they did for the third season,
they said fuck it and they stopped doing all of that.

Speaker 2 (01:40:22):
We're done with facts on this show.

Speaker 1 (01:40:24):
So that's it for season one. Episode ten of the
Regulator also might be called episode nine de Beting one
platform You're on, because the pilot was his episode zero
on Anyway, whatever, we'll be back next week, we're going
to be talking more sequest DSV. It is season one,
episode eighteen, High to and Seek. It's weirder than this one,
somehow weirder. Also not as fun, but we will get

(01:40:45):
into them. We'll get into it. If you like us,
go check us out on Patreon dot com, slash bootoo ink.
We got the bonus stuff on there. It's free or
you can pay us. We're also available on YouTube. We
are available on various social media platforms including Instagram, blue Sky, whatever.
Just look us up, you'll find us. And the website
is www dot because you have to include that otherwise knowing.

(01:41:05):
Get there bootoo ink dot com. Great stuff on there.
Any last words of sea advice before we get out
of here.

Speaker 2 (01:41:12):
Guys Hi, I'm Brian Vaughan from the National Podcast Association.
A podcast was originally a term for a radio broadcast
distributed through iPod devices, though it has since outgrown that distinction.

Speaker 1 (01:41:28):
And the regulator just cannot understand why darphin darphin something
now made the name stupid?

Speaker 2 (01:41:34):
Or what are you doing later?

Speaker 5 (01:41:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:41:41):
We dar all my long baby

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Ep 157 | SeaQuest DSV: "The Regulator"

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep 157 | SeaQuest DSV: "The Regulator"