Ep 160 | Father Knows Best: "Kathy Makes Magic" - Boob Tube Boys

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, it's boobto boys. Rewind part two. As you can
tell by that old timey sounding thing, we rewound maybe
a bit too far. We're all the way back into
the fifties. I'm going to be talking about father knows
Best this week. I am Spencer. I'm the one who
makes us usually do father knows Best. We've had one
extra choice of that that had nothing to do with me.

(00:28):
But I'm usually the person, the instigator, the father knows
best guy, as everyone calls me. In my life. I
have Brian, I have Van. They're both here. Van. Would
you say you know best?

Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'd say that I certainly know the best. As a
giant white man living.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
In the nineteen fifties, you'd fit right in.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
People look right up to me with my strong chin.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Brian, I don't think you'd fit in the fifties.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Well, I think i'd fit in the fifties just fine.
I know how to polish a counter, and we're underneath
the thing. Can tell my husband gets home from his
job at the.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Office, Honey, that tool's too small.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
Oh my so is yours.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Hah Wow, some risk a father knows Best humor. That's
what i'd like to see.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Like Bud talking about Dix.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
Oh, gee, man, I always bust too soon with a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
My saxophones cut, Why am I doing this?

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Boys?

Speaker 2 (01:19):
I hear I am, I'm riv and I'm back and
father knows bess.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
My friend Joe wants to come over so we can
look at Poorno's together.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Is that okay? They're only one step removed from that
in the fifties. I guess this is kind of like
boys being boys in that porn. No way, like that's
the best they could come up with different time in
TV history. We covered a lot of that kind of
thing about Father and his best last time. Not gonna
talk a lot about the show. It's background, the cast,
some of it was actually in.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Our Yeah, if we played the intro a little longer,
it would have done all the job.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
You heard Robert Young and someone else. This is a
nice American fifties family, wholesome as fuck.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
They smile and they point.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
We added Joe in this episode. He wasn't in those
two or three we've done before that.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
It's a nice reminder that there actually was a time
in television where there was actually no consideration of it
being art, Like there was no attempt at it.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I can't resist coming back to the show because it's
it's just such low hanging fruit for us. Everything is
everything that comes out of all the characters' mouths is
not on purpose, but it is funny to us. And
it's so dated, of course, and it's also very easy
to do because the episodes are like plays. They stay
in one room for the most part, they do their
rapid fire, corny dialogue, and then we move on to

(02:33):
the next scene where more of the same stuff happens.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
There's nothing to like, you know, turn over and interpret
in your mind.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
No, it's no analysis necessary at all.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
There's nothing going on under the hood, and Father knows best. Ever,
it's on the surface and you don't have to activate
any part of your brain.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
I kind of like, whereas last week lots going on
under the hood, lots of activated brains.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Such card joke. I guess it works.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Oh well, yeah, I got it's a good one.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Huh. How about that? So this one this week is
Kathy makes Magic. As I said in our preview that
we talked about last week. It's a season two episode seven,
aired October twelfth, nineteen fifty five. Kathy thinks she has
put a magic curse on Bud.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
I wish she had.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
We have many times discussed we are fans of Kathy,
not so much Bud. I think that he has a
chance that maybe he kind of grows out of being
annoying shit later in the show.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Probably not, Oh, I probably not. I think he has
an adult That guy was an annoying shit. Yeah, because
you really comes across you're playing yourself like you can't
play a character if your kid come on.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, he is easily the most annoying to me. I
don't mind Betty, She's fine.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
I don't like Betty.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
She's there to just kind of bound everyone else to
bounce off of the lines off her though she doesn't
do much. Bud is actually kind of annoying to me.
I don't know he's grading.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Bud is a prankster teen. I don't like prankster teens. Look,
I'd rather a teen walk up to me and slash
my tires and then some team be like I'm gonna
pull a prank and say, gosh. I don't know, Bud
is annoying. He's just he's a character that's supposed to
be like kind of a you know, like he's just
like Kirk Cameron's character in Growing Pains like kind of

(04:07):
a He's supposed to be wild, but he's a church
boy and it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
I agree with that. There's no sense that Bud is
actually in danger of doing something that's like bad, but
sometimes they act like he has. They're like, ah, Bud,
you're kind of a Chud.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
That's a Bud too, Bud, the Chud, Chud too, Bud,
the Chud. I messed it up?

Speaker 1 (04:27):
How could you miss such?

Speaker 3 (04:31):
I never did see Bud one but underground dweller.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
This episode. Instead of going any further into the synopsis,
I just want to start with the very first clip
that the plays.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
No, we can't do that. You forgot. We have a
special game we have to play.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
See I knew about this game, but I didn't know
you wanted to hit us with it right away.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, like all of our games, we've done this thing
a hundred times before. I think we've done it in
all of our.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Father Now, well we can do it one hundred and
seven times.

Speaker 3 (04:58):
Van, will you hit the music for this game and
then I'll kind of explain it. Oh, magnifico, that's right.
It's time for Boda bing Bought a Hoom Mob Hits,
Bass Hits or Bullshits Edition?

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Well guess what, guys, I'm a middle aged white man
and I like prestige television, and I co host a
TV podcast. Naturally, eventually I was gonna watch The Sopranos,
and that has started. I am about done with the
second season. It's very good as it turns out as
people said that it was. I see its influence on

(05:38):
television going forward. It's also chock full of New Jersey
gangster types with crazy names, and that's what brings us
to Bada Bing Bought a Hoom Mob Hits, Bass Hits
or Bullshits Edition. This is a game we play. It
usually has different rules. This week, though, I'm gonna say
a name, It's gonna resemble a name at least, and

(05:58):
you two will work together to tell me if this
person is a Sopranos character, a dead professional baseball player
active during the eighteen eighty eight season, or something that
is bullshit that I made up.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
I do have to say, Spencer and Brian, that I
do enjoy that we have come to the point where
we now do games that have nothing to do with
the episode. We're covering.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
What do you mean? We've done this every time we
cover Father does Best. It's super relevant.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
All right, So we're working together though, right.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
But yep, and the first name I'll give you, guys,
Polly Walnuts.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
That's sopranos. I'm pretty certain that's a soprian name.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Polly guy. But is it Polly Wallace.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
That's a good point.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
I think unlikely. I don't know. It doesn't sound very scary.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
All you know what, you're convinced.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
What do you know about it?

Speaker 2 (06:51):
Polly Walnuts? Okay, No, you don't fuck with Polly Walnuts.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
And it's not a baseball player, that's I wish.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
That's for sure, as Polly Walnuts with a double off
the wall.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
So you guys say this is bullshit?

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Sounds like it.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
It's a mob hit. Polly Walnuts is a Sopranos carrot
is He is an old man with slipped back hair
who wears a track suit lets his gray chest hair
puff out whenever he wants.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
This isn't the guy that looks like the grama from
the Waltons, is it?

Speaker 3 (07:15):
No?

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Because he's in the sopran.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Yeah, yeah he is. Well, here's another one.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
Cupid Child's baseball. Yeah, that sounds like a baseball player.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
I think you're right.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
He was the Phillies second Basement in eighteen eighty eight.
Cupid Child's his arrow of an arm. Never did miss
uncle junior boy, I don't know. It could be a soprano.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
It sounds like sopranos.

Speaker 3 (07:39):
It is, oh, it is. Now biologically it's debatable whose
uncle he really is. But he's Tony Soprano's uncle. But
in mob terms, you know, we're all family here.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
The Olive Garden, in the Olive Garden.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
Or at the bottom being strip club, which is the
thing they own. Vinny Chunks, Bunkie.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
I don't think it's real.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Let's go with let's go bullshit.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Okay, you got me, that's real. Yeah, but that is
an Italian sounding name. You have to give me that.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Mostly the byoncy part. I guess Tony two.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
That's that's true. Pretzels Getsian b baseball or fake or sopranos.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
Three?

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Oh boy, you know you went baseball right out of
the gate. Let's go with your instinct baseball.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
That's true. He was a pitcher for the eighteen eight
Detroit Wolverines.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Wow, that's badass.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Basb. Why do you think cool?

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Like tigers are awesome, Don't get me wrong, but everybody
knows about tigers. Wolverine's a little more mystical and foreign.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
Or you know, an X man, because every episode we
have to talk about an X Man.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
We hit our quote at the day, Johnny Sacks, like Saks. Okay, uh,
do you want to say Sopranos.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Or fake Let's go with your instinct on this one.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Okay, Sopranos, Yes, Johnny Sacks. He's a higher up level bus.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
See.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
I was gonna ask if it was like sa Chs,
like Goldman Sax or like Steve Steve Sex who was
a baseball player.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Would have been many generations one hundred years later. Yeah,
the Sacks baseball line is untainted through the centuries to
that one guy who was like fine, he was.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
Good, more hype around him than anything else.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
And then he kind of couldn't throw the ball or
something he got the he got the infielder's blast disease
or whatever's.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Sleeping with the fishes. What do you think about Silvio Dante?

Speaker 1 (09:34):
That sounds like another Sopranos guy.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yes, but it's also so on the nose. But a
lot of the Holly Walnut. That one is just you
know what sopranos, fine it is, it's it's little Stevie
van Zandt.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
That's who plays that.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
I actually saw his other like post Sopranos show that
now briefly tried to make a thing. I don't think
it lasted. That Lily Hammer show. Oh he was the
guy on that, Yeah, he was the main he. Yeah,
he got a shot at his own show there. Basically,
I think it only went like two seasons. It wasn't
that good.

Speaker 3 (10:04):
It apparently wasn't as good as a soprano.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
No, I don't think it was. He did play like
this exact same kind of guy though. That's what that
guy does. He looks like he should play that guy
to guy.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
I don't know if you guys know this, but I
woke up this morning got myself a gun.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
One of the pure charms of the Sopranos is everyone
in it. If you saw them outside of the show
book that is a gangster just looking at him. Okay,
Ice Box Chamberlain sounds.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Like a baseball player.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Don't you think I was leaning fake or baseball? So sure,
let's go baseball player, you.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Guys, ruled this. He was a member of the Louisville
Colonels in eighteen eighty eight.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Cool or like Kate col Popcorn.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Cononel was a pitcher and outfielder, so he played both
sides of the ball.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
What year, eighteen eighty eight.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Years wasn't real? Baseball was not real?

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Then?

Speaker 3 (10:50):
Well, how are you to explain this person who might
be a baseball player, Blondie percell baseball player?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Right, considering how he introduced.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
That, Sure, yeah he is. He played for the Orioles.
They were still around. Okay, we're getting these the last few,
and it's gonna get really hard. The big bank robber.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Bullshit, sadly, sadly, he's now.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Me just a third appearance. I hope it actually is
just a character in the Sopranos. After all this time,
I wish no it's fake.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
I oh man, eh, we gotta and now we listened
to Tony on this one. We got to hit the
big bank rob before he hits us.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Tony Soprano's got a lot of money. How well, he's
got the big bank robber under his guy.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
People think he is the big banker rober or it
was the cleanup hitter for the bridegrooms in the eighteen eighties.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
And now the big bank robber steps. It's late. I
don't know why we're calling the game. The technology doesn't
exist to do that.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Yet. He is the pitch, the swinging.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh, it's a ground ball, you know, the only thing
people do in the eighteen hundreds.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Oh, but that one went further.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
We haven't even invented the triple.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Nonetheless, the home run yet.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
Phenomenal Smith.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
That is the most anti climax.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
It sounds like a like a devilish lefty, like a
finesse guy who had a really good spitballer. So it
sounds like it could be a baseball player.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Maybe a splitter that woh disappears.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah, I could see it being a baseball It's.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Fake, but why not, let's go baseball player.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
He is a baseball phenomenal Smith. He split the eighteen
eighty eight season between the Orioles and the Philadelphia A's,
because Philadelphia had two baseball teams at this time.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Did you only look at the eighteen eighty eight.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
I specified that in the rules of the game.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
I wasn't listening.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
Now, why did I choose eighteen eighty eight? You might
be asking Yeah, what I thought, what would be the
year that Van would like the best?

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, I do like that.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
Now you mention it only.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
A baseball season that will ever have three eights in it?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Well, thirty eight eighty eight, when that happens, I like
how I skipped twenty eight eighty eight to go straight
to thirty eight eighty eight.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
See, you guys correctly guess that phenomenal Smith was a
baseball player. What about Big Pussy.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
That's a Sopranos character. I remember because my dad and
sister were watching that show at all time period, and
my dad had to try to find a way to
say that character's name.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
So your family doesn't normally say that phrase except for when.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
One, especially not my my scholarly father. He's not going
to just casually be like big Pussy.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
So do you think he sat there and thought about
it for a while.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
He tried to pretend he couldn't remember the name. He's
like the big guy, the big guy that has that name.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
And so your sister said, oh, you mean big Pussy.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
That's exactly how it went.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
Yes, knowing them both, Yeah, that sounds right. Okay, Skyrocket Smith, we.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Get the second Smith. Here we went from phenomenal to skyrocket.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
I'm gonna I don't think it's real.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
I think he's giggling a little too hard.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
You can go bullshit, bullshit, he's.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
A real damn it really.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
The same year he spent time at first base for
the Louisville Colonels. So Skyrocket Smith in Phenomenal Smith. No,
I take that back, Phenomenal Smith was an oriole slash.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
A okay, but you know it's a fascinating year in baseball.
I sure was.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
I really wish it were k e r in als
like popcorn.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
That is a stupid.

Speaker 3 (13:58):
Small units of baseball. That's what that would be representing.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Not even the one you want. You want popcorn, you
don't want the little kernels.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
The Colonels and the colonel too. I like popeyes. Only
one more and then we can talk about I get,
what are we talking about? Fathers, little pussy.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
I don't think so. Surely they wouldn't have gone for
I don't. I don't think they would do that. And
it's not the baseball player, and they'll bring in their
barrel chested closer. Little pussy throws.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
One hundred and five miles per hour.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
I like the idea of it being little Pussy and
he throws like two hundred and they just call.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, look, he's changing what it means to be pussy.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
It's a tim Linsecomb case. Yeah, that little guy thrown hard.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
Okay, what about.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
Little Pussy though? Did you guys decide he's fake?

Speaker 1 (14:43):
I think let's go fake.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
He's real. He's also in the Sopranos. He's a relative
of the they did. They they're not brothers, and they're
both there from the start, but.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
It's in the same family. A Pussy, I guess. I
don't know, you have a nephew.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
They with their roles, do they look like yeah, okay,
you know they do.

Speaker 3 (15:01):
Little Pussy's not really much of a character. He's just
mainly mentioned. But you know it did work, So that's
been He had another startling edition of Bota being bought
a home mob Hits Base Hits Her Bullshits edition Spencer,
Let's do the real podcast, Marmy.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Look what I'm got.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
A magic set, a real genuine voodle magic scept The
instructions say this will give me real magic power.

Speaker 4 (15:30):
Honest. I just weigh the wand and say some magic
step and I can change people into animals and make things.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
Sits appear and all that. Would you want me to
change you into it?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Now, you're just going about your business, beating your wrench
that's too small under the sync, trying to fix the
drip when you're a little Kathy curled bulldog of a dollar,
Your little child comes in and says that to you.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
There's more to it, though, because she's holding the magic
kit and she is, and I'm not joking, prodding her
mother with that as her mom's working under the sink
as if it's some sort of weapon.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
But mom doesn't react because this is her daughter. I'm
sure this shit happens all the time. She just accepts
Kathy jabbing her with a.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Box of magic. And she's also got like a little
hat Kathy does, right, She's got like, oh yeah, a little.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
She puts it on.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
It's a little turbine thing that because you know, magic
used to be racist.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
I have to say this episode of Father Knows Best
very quickly establishes itself as something that seems illegal. Several
things about it, which between Kathy's turbine that she puts on,
between the words that come out of her mouth which
sound like again that racist gibberish nonsense, and then the

(16:42):
episode's promotion of a vice that we no longer promote,
but we'll get to that. Also, I checked on that
House episode that was taken. I got to thinking about
stuff that like shouldn't be in TV shows anymore. We
covered a House episode with a stupid hostage situation. It
is back up on Peacock now interest after being taken down.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Well, you know America as a society, you know our
our values ebb and flow.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
I wonder who was spearheading the initiative to get that
back on Brandon tarticle.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
Probably whoever played the bad guy, probably wasn't Hugh Laurie.
He was probably like, please take that off the internet.
I wouldn't like to be affiliated with that episode. Look
at me, big bed a big beard now and that's
not how he talks on the show. And the show's
a kind heat another painkiller. Helen Hunt.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Nailed it.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
So Margaret and its like we said, she's working on
the sink with the wrench, a woman badly and she
tells Kathy if she's going to turn her into anything
right now, she needs to turn her into a plumber.
Oh fuck a plumber.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
That accent comes right out.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
I don't declare I need a plumber. So who does
housework and used to full ass dress like not not housework,
I mean mechanical work too.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
I'm actually kind of surprised they even depict a woman
doing that, and they do later kind of make it
sound like she shouldn't. But I didn't even know that.
I thought that was taboo.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
I don't understand why I don't just call mister fix It.
Get him over here. Yeah, you'll tell you a story
about how to better.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Your self and have weird orphans in it, but things.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
That happen to like his people in Prussia.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
And then he fixes it. And on Christmas too, Christmas Eve,
he's available, mister fix It. Give him a call. If
you guys are listening to this, tell him the book
Two Boys sent.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
You get ten percent off.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
So we talked to Kathy's got her questionable magician gear on.
She's put that on. While she's talking, she sprinkles some
powder on Margaret. She reads the spell from the instructions.
It concludes with telling Margaret you should now be a rabbit.
Margaret remains human.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
We've all been there. This is one of the rights
of passage, as a child, try to turn your parent in.
When animal doesn't work, you're discouraged.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yep, Kathy mows the state of children's toys today. They
don't make toys like they used to.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well, yeah, because they used to be handmade out of
like human hair, that was all the toys.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
I found that confusing too, because yeah, sacraments were like
the only joy. There hadn't been toys but for like
five or six years at this point, probably.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Right, kids are supposed to be labor. Yeah, I have
to think that might have been intended. Is the joke there,
like maybe Kathy's like, oh, we just now created this industry,
and Kathy is joking about it.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
I think the joke is Kathy's too young to know
what that's also being it because chosen this era love
that exactly, jock like a kid trying to think they're
wise or whatever. They think it's the best joke.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
They also do this thing where Kathy keeps demanding Margaret
looker in the eyes because that's some way the magic trickle.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
Work, which that's how she gains control.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
So well, no, it's a big problem in the wild.
You were not supposed to look at Kathy in the
ice they see it as an act of aggression and
will attack, and also.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
Being face to face with it. You know how we
talked about in our last episode Kit versus Car squaring
off and how that's a bad idea because of Carr's
ultimate strength. Same deal, the density of a Kathy head.
You don't want to accidentally catch like even friendly fire.
Should she head lean Ford and head?

Speaker 2 (20:00):
But you right, She's like the Juggernaut from X Men.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Thank you. While Kathy is doing all this bemoaning about
the plight of the children's toy industry and how much
worse they've gotten in her life over the course of
all five years of it, we noticed that a book
of matches is moving. I think it's matches on the
counter all on its own. Kathy sees it as she
waves the wand and seems to get this idea in

(20:26):
her head. Oh, this wand actually does work. It may
not have turned my mom the plumber into a rabbit,
but it did move the matches, So something's happening here.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
This is a much more effective comedic moment when we
see it like one hundred years later in the office
whenever Jim and Pam pull the fake.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, what does Dwight say to that, we're all quiet
and hushed. There's something effort. Yeah, I remember Dwight's response
being just ten.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
Of ten, unlike in this fun and best episode where
they don't do anything. No, the audience laughs. But that's
much like with Everybody Loves Raymond or something that's no barometer.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
We do turn the camera from the other angle. That's
just Bud, just Bud doing bud shit.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
Okay, but what is Bud doing Because the matches move,
he's not touching them.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
You seem to have a string, So how did he
do that?

Speaker 3 (21:16):
It's my understanding that the nineteen fifties string was one
of the main sources of entertainment. Well, he must have
last owed the match box with his string. So we
find out later that Bud feels he needs to extract
these matches from the kitchen on the Sly. I don't
think he would have had to be this on the.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
Sly about it. No, surely that you can make something
up that you need a match for. Yeah, you can
burn the garbage that she would have been thrilled exactly, Oh,
you're doing your chore. But she's spent a whole episode
that we covered originally in our first run, this lecturing
Bud about burning the trash the whole time.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
In between ruining a minorities business father knows best Robert Young.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Bud really just wants the match is in secret because
he and this unimportant character named Joe that they just
forced in this episode to get someone else in.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
The little kid that looks like every other fucking little
kid in the nineteen At least they.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
All have distinct names though, Jim, Joe, Bud, Buh.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Joe and Bud are doing bad things sort of for
for fifties boys, and they need the matches for that.
We get a sense of what little scheme they're cooking up.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
They're going to play the trombone together.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
They are going to do that. There's Joe's trombone case
is here? Should I try to make a trombone? Since
I did such a good saxophone, Let's see how the
saxophone was. Well, that's the same thing. That's how these
I think these more go like.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
That's exactly right because you pull the thing. And because
when I was thinking of in my head, I was
like like one of those noises, what's a tube is burn?

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Right? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (22:52):
Like it's really it's really just kind of farting along lodding.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, it kind of helps. I think that the drum,
the bass drum or something it's most supposed to provide
some foundational support, doesn't do a whole lot else you
can't feel it. You can't do like a melody with
a tube, I don't think. But the trombone maybe sits
more in the middle. I don't know. I was a
woodwind person, so I'm not really familiar with brass instruments.
I'll tell you what. Let's hear an obo. It's so ugly.
It sounds like it sounds like somebody's scraping a knife

(23:18):
on glass a little bit. With an obo, it's like,
so it's up there though, yeah, it's higher or in
the flute range, but it's uglier. It's like an ugly flute.
I don't know. We only have like two obo players,
so I'm not really intensive. And they're new.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
I watched a documentary like of all the instruments in
the the what are those called classical groups?

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Sure, the obo is one of the newest ones.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
It was creating like blame instruments. I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
So this trombone case, we've determined what it sounds like,
and what a tuba sounds like, and what an obo
sounds like. We know all about that. They're not actually
using a trombone for musical purposes.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Man, what's a digiti do sound like?

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Why are you would get a little reverberating thing?

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Well, you gotta really blow on that tube.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
Thought I was catching unawares. No I was not. You
were prepared for that.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
I could see the koala when you made that round.
Have you ever heard of kala? No?

Speaker 2 (24:13):
They sound horrible. They just yell. There was this YouTube
video you can find it, and it's this kuala fell
out of a tree because they're dumb as shit. They
have like acorn brains and STDs, lots of chlamydia, and
it's just screaming. It's just sitting there going like ah,
and that's it for like five minutes. It's just pissed
off koala. The guy puts it on the tree to
hopefully shut it up, and it doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
Speaking of marsupials, I often call my cat wombat.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
I just call them that because they're dense little things.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
I knew there must be a reason, but I hadn't
looked at one in a while, and I googled them. Yeah,
I call them that for a reason.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Have you ever seen the one long teat inside of
a kangaroo's pouch. It's kind of gross.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
I've never looked in there.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
You wouldn't climb inside one of them, you know, comes
up to you hop right in.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
I've actually kind of afraid of kangaroos. They're mean too.
They're all muscly. Think they're seven feet boxing. Yeah, they
do fight.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
They kind of free roam and at the Kansas City
Zoo they're just kind of walking around.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, I want to check that out.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
I saw a video once kangaroo got too close to
a guy's dog and he was afraid for his dog.
So we went up and he squared up with the
kangaroo and he popped it in the face.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
And then people got mad at him.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Who do you hit it?

Speaker 2 (25:22):
It's like fuck you, Like, I don't advocate, but he could.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
I don't think you felt. It was just kind of
like I'm gonna leave now. It didn't hurt him. It
was just kind of surprised and left. So it worked.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Kangaroos are typically hunted by dingoes, and so their strategy
to fight back. I swear I've said this exact thing
on this podcast is they will lead the dingoes into
a pool of water where the kangaroo is tall enough
to be above it, the dingo isn't, and then the
kangaroos will drown them.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
We have talked about this. I've got an Australian fact.
What do you do? What do you call a cocktail
in Australia like a mixed drink?

Speaker 2 (25:55):
I don't know, spoid, I know it's a spider. What
do you call a horse? From bab Thank you? Look
at that spider brumbee?

Speaker 1 (26:03):
You right around on it.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Oh, it's the Prime Minister's favorite spoider brumbee eight legged horse.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
Very feast o. You kitched to kiss Catis last night.
Now we're switching Kisskis. Seeing you teached about it.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
You'd be upsetting both the New Zealand culture and Australia.
Yet this is horrendous. There's none of those things in
the trombone case. By the way, everything we just mentioned,
none of that comes into play in this episode. No, no, no,
it's just a bunch of fancy cigars that Joe stole
from his dad's den. His dad's fifties dead. These are
real Cubans, real Havana Cuban cigars, which hard to come by.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
Would you, guys, none of us smoke cigars, never have.
I have smoked like two cigars in my life. If
you were presented with a Cuban cigar, like some very
expensive like you, they're you know, big in media throughout
our lives, would you try it?

Speaker 2 (26:57):
Absolutely? I would never try a cigar. I would give
it a shot.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
I think I would throw up from it, but I
would try it.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
So why do they say that cigars are actually less
harmful to you than cigarettes? Why do they say that
you have less additives?

Speaker 3 (27:09):
Yeah? I believe it's all that, Like, I mean, if
you smoke enough of them, obviously, sure, but I think
there's less of the like car sentogens and stuff that's
put in there.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, I guess you can't have You can't have like
twenty cigars a day like you do cigarettes.

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Yeah, exactly. Oh my god, I think you would just
immediately power down.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
We're gonna find out what happens when you have too
many cigars in this very episode. Actually, so Joe has
stashed these these cigars in the trombone case. What do
we think about the presentation of stashing the cigars in it.
I thought it was pretty clever. That's like the only
thing about their plan that I was like, Okay, I
really really liked it.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
It reminds me of a time when I got a
used guitar from someone that we all know, Brian Smith,
a very nice young man.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Did he have cigars in that?

Speaker 3 (27:52):
Well? Underneath the guitar there's a compartment in the case
piography there was a bag of white powder in it,
and I was like, I was like, what is this?
And it turned out to be some sort of like resin,
like some sort of like would like I looked up
what it was and it was like from whoever he
got it from? And it was from some somebody that
played like some other instrument ors.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Oh sure because like bowed instruments.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah, habit.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Briefly I was like, whoa big time secret reveal. And
then also briefly I was like, I'm going to have
an interesting weekend.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Nothing would surprise me war in this world. And finding
out Brian Smith at a cocaine like tops that'd be
like top five things that I'd be like, well, you know,
I didn't call that one. I guess I need to
rethink some things.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
So Joe and Bud got a plan. What are they
gonna do with all these cigars? And smoke the shit out?

Speaker 3 (28:39):
I think that's real keen.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
So the boys plot away outside while Kathy wanders over
with the wand she's now pretty sure is even better
than advertised. Bud tells her get the fuck out of here, shrimp,
I hate you, Kathy threatens, not far off. Bud is
so fun paraphrasing, but yes, he's like he pulls kind
of a Matthew Perry a little bit and friends when
he tells feb Harmonica to go to better oh yeah,

(29:02):
that she should be depressed and die.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
And Kathy it should be mentioned as dumping salt around
her in the yard and repeating the same incantation as
if this is hereditary or something.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
She's like willy nilly magicking.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
What if this had turned into something truly horrifying? Well,
she summons a demon.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
She does seem like she wants to. She threatens immediately
like I can turn you into whatever I want. I'm
magic now, I can do this.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
This is our what is this our fifteenth or sixteenth time?
We've covered Father no his best some we're on there.
One of the things I've noticed right away, and this
actually I think is a more of a staple of
older shows, is sibling relationships are portrayed as very antagonistic,
like me, yeah, angry and mean.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
I like to think that we're at this point in
the nineteen fifties America, we hadn't come that far from
not all the siblings are gonna make it to adulthood. Yeah,
there's gonna be. You gotta kind of shrap and claw
and prove you that you deserve to be one who
does coal a few from the pack.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
But this is one of those things that I think
in changes pretty drastically down line in media when they
realize that most siblings at least want to like one
another and not loathe one another.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
But they play this off like it's the cutest thing.
Our kids fucking hate each other. Yeah, it's hilarious.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
And then Betty does the same thing. She comes in
as snotty as fuck.

Speaker 3 (30:14):
They all hate one another individually.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Well, and I noticed this a lot the tone of
the early Simpsons episodes. How it's comical that Homer chokes
Bart to the point where he almost kills him.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Which one hundred percent is an intentional throwback to like
this kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
It's the exact same concept. Yeah, like there's a little
bit of murder in every family. It's kind of what
we try to imply here.

Speaker 3 (30:35):
You know, it's also kind of the Simpsons entire joke
behind Itchy and Scratchy of this like horrible thing that's
presented as children's entertain like family friendly entertainment.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
And you know, we mentioned the four types of eyes, right,
Bud's got the hillbilly eyes, so ones that are too
close together.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
Maybe that's why I don't like him.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Could be Bud's the kind of kid you look at
him and goes this kid drunk and he's not.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
But you wonder why is he wobbling so button Joe
argue who gets smoke first? Not for the reason you
think though, but clearly because they don't want to and
are just doing this to be cool or no.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
How, Yeah, we have to realize that this tells us
these are good kids. They don't do horrible things.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
Like that way. Anyone who is a do good or
watching in the fifties, which is a lot of the audience,
probably won't think that Bud and Joe are actually assholes.
They were like, Oh, those little they don't know what
they're getting into. Also, though probably most people who watch
the show at that time would have been totally fine
with cigars.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
Yeah, and the way this episode plays out surprised me
a bit, absolutely, And then I got to thinking about it,
and I think that's why smoking was allowed to be
in the show. I think it was considered so commonplace.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Of course, your son's gonna try it.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
I think if you had an episode two Day where
a fifteen year old was caught smoking, they would they
would be treated way differently, and for good reason.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
I get it.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
But when I first moved to Philadelphia, I was still
smoking cigarettes and I would go out to do that
on my work break, and I worked with a lot
of people younger than me, and they'd be like, that
is fucking gross.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
Oh yeah, Like the younger generations, one of the things
they seem to have gotten right is that nobody smokes anymore. Yeah,
it's wild, and.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
I will never not think it's cool. It's the to me, like,
I'm not gonna do it again. Coolest fucking thing you
could ever do. Give me a leather jacket and some cigarettes.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
I love any movie scene that incorporates smoking. Well, it
just works. It's always like it looks awesome.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
It just makes me feel like a detective and when
I see it.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Meanwhile, Kathy's back at trying some magic with her wand
that's spoiler. She's going to do that for a while
until she starts thinking that she's murdering people. This time,
she's found what looks like I can't tell if this
is actually a family pet or just a neighborhood stray,
but either way, my second favorite character. It's an adorable
little kit and clearly a very little.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
Cat and a very malleable actor. This kit and very
cute like it finally rolls over and purrs.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
She tries to get the kitty to turn into a rabbit,
I think is what it is. She doesn't have any success.
Jim comes home and what appears to be the family
hearse and he pulls into this giant black car with
just bodies all over the back seat.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
And he honks, by the way, does he always I
don't remember, announce his arrival.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
I think he does.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
I think honking cars used to be a big source
of entertainment for people.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
I think he's proud of it too, because he talks
to Kathy for like thirty minutes, and in the days
in the car he doesn't get out.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
You know what when Robert Young, when Hank Neva showed up,
he honked a bunch in that episode two, So I
do think it's I'm home, I better honk a bunch.
And you're right, Brian, it's the new technology. Everybody's fascinated
with new technology. Back then, a horn was new technology.

Speaker 3 (33:29):
Tyted to hear what everybody sounded like, Like, maybe maybe
Bob's is different.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
Don't they do something with that uga and the green
truck and the Waltons two? Oh yeah, it's a big deal. Yeah,
and take place like the year five, the thirties, sometime
in the Great Depression.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
The other thing I would like to say about Jim,
who's ostensibly the main character of Father Knows Best, but
he isn't. I would argue that he gets the least
green time in like every episode we've covered.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
He only shows up and is always cheerful and above
it all.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
He's just he's a nice guy.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
But he also like is always kind of like talking
to people with a level of insincerity. Yeah, kind of
like you're stupid. I know the real level of what's
going on.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
He really does act like he's on a different plane
from everyone else.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
And this is the thing that just aggravates me kind
of societally about like the fifties, when I think about him,
like a guy who thinks he's master of his domain
for real, that is, I think still like we understand
to make fun of that in TV shows now to
a certain degree, like at least in King of Queens,
we know Kevin James is you know, a dufis We're
supposed to acknowledge that. And honestly, Jim doesn't ever like,

(34:38):
you know, Margaret's the one fixing the sink, the doctor
comes in and helps solve a problem. They're like everything
that happens has nothing to do a Jim. He's just there.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
In this case, he just sits there in the hearse
and talks to Kathy for a while and then does
just got like, yeah, good job, wait to do your magic.
Kathy doesn't offer anything to her, doesn't really do much
besides just listen cheerfully. By the time Kathy turns around
back to the cat, she just hear's a bird. That's
all we hear. Now, So she thinks Oh, okay, I've
turned Fluffy into a bird.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Yeah, it's on that water dish Fluffy was at and
it's like, wow, I can do match.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
No other explanation I can think of.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
Well, it's not she was doing. She was going for
the rabbit, but it's a bird. So it's kind of
like it didn't work. But it did in this sense.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
She did also say at one point, I don't care,
just turn into a cute little bird or whatever you want.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
She says, turn into whatever you want when she gets frustrated,
so she thinks, oh, when I said that.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
It was just that he didn't want to be a rabbit.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
Hey, Spencer, it's break time.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Back with Bud and Joe. They've been smoking up a storm.
They're both looking worse for the wear. They won't admit it.
Joe says, hey, Bud, like we should take a break,
and Bud says, no, I love this. This is the
best fun I've ever had. Inside the Anderson House, Margaret
tells Jim about her big news for the day. While
he was working, she was dealing with the drip under

(36:00):
a kitchen sink. Marcu's done the best she can, but Hay,
now that Jem's home. Let's get the job done right.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
When Jim looks over and goes on, I see your problem, dear.
Your wrench is too small. Jim, you picked up a
crescent wrench. They adjust it's perfect for the job.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
I gotta say you, guys, Jim looks old as hell.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
He does.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
We've talked about it before, but he just looks like
he's seventy.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
His suit doesn't fit either, it's too big. He looks
kind of gangly in it.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
Kathy takes this time to burst inside to let everyone
know about her cat to bird change. I mentioned she
can't get the catbird to come out of the tree.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
That was a weird Nickelodeon show, wasn't it. Cat Bird? Okay, bird,
You've got to.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
Hope the top half is the bird so it can fly.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
And so it has cat poop.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
Yeah, it shits in a box.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
Kathy wants to lure the catbird out of the tree.
Doesn't know what food do you use? So decide, Well,
she's got a great idea. She's going to get a
breaded pork chop man.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
That's just out in the fridge. Yep, it's not in
tupperware or plastic wrapper. It's just a sitting in the fridge.

Speaker 3 (37:01):
Also, I do enjoy the fifties noess of Like, there's
probably rows of breaded foods prepared to be cooked for
like three hours by this poor woman who's not allowed
to have an interior life.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Because all she does is cook meat for Jim, who
eats meat, and that's it.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Meanwhile, as far as we know from the four episodes
we've seen, we have assumed Gym's at work trying to
organize banquets for an old man.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
By the way, Kathy's plan on this guys the bread
pork chop. This is because the bird will eat the
bread exterior first, and then by the time the bird
gets through the bread and is eating the meat, Kathy's
gonna turn it back to the cat by that point.
So it's it's best for both animals. It's pretty clever.
You know.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
If a little girl actually came up with this, I'd
be like, that's cute.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
You'd be like gem and market then, because they're both
just thrilled that Kathy thought of that, Like, oh my god,
her daughter, she has this crazy imagine.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
I wish that I had not watched any of the
episode and I had just turned it on In this
next scene, when Kathy is yelling and waving a pork
chop at a.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Tree, that's the time for us to introduce Betty to
this episode, where she comes home inquires what's going on.
Kathy says, well, can't you see him trying to get
the cat down from the tree. It's a bird, So
Betty says, that's not a cat. You're having a psychotic break, Kathy.
We need to go inside, Kathy says Betty. I'm just
going to have to turn you into something too, because

(38:18):
at this point Kathy's is losing it and making threats
to everyone.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
Much like how Car Well, much like how the two
Hoboes got their taste of power, and in particular Tony,
who really went mad with power. Kathy now has this
power more than her bulldozer power, and is waving it
in everyone's face, threatening her siblings.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
You can tell because she thinks it works. She's getting confidence.
She says something in here that is metal as shit.
It's like woe be to my enemy or something.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
I wrote down that it's starting to look like Kathy
is becoming a bit of a tyrant with her magic.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
Kathy's that exact kind of person like like an Elon
musk where don't let them have it, like it's just
going to be annoying for everybody inside.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Jim, as it turns out, despite his confidence, is having
no luck with the sink. He's actually made it worse.
He does tell Margaret it's probably her fault and now
he's gonna have to get a plumber to unfuck her shit.
And then Bud returns from his cigar marathon ready to
puke just all over the place, and that's when Margaret says, like, Bud,
what's wrong with you? What have you been up to?

Speaker 2 (39:20):
I mean, aside from everything that's wrong with you.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Jim takes this time to aggressively offer a banana split
to Bud, and he calls it a snack.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Well, this family has some sort of weird ice cream fetish.
We've also cranked.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
They drank it themselves. They want to make sure it
goes to use.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
It also speaks to a real thing from people of
this generation where they just don't believe in anything but food,
like eat it'll fix cancer, like they.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Did eat or eat. I especially like that it's a
banana split, like the most indulgent thing you can even
think of, and He's just like, here, have a banana split,
you'll feel better.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, the nutrients they'll fix what wrongs you just here
do that, and no cigars. But here have these five cigarettes.
After your banana split, you'll feel better.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
In eat the heaviest food imaginable. You'll feel great. Here.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
I'm gonna dump some chicken parmeers on top of your
ice cream.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Bud runs off as quick as he can because this
sounds disgusting to him. Jim's concerned it like by now
he's finally getting something actually is wrong with Bud.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
I have to really quick add that. I really empathize
with Bud here. In our younger years, sometimes drinking would
be tough, and in our friend group, everyone would be like,
I just need to eat some breakfast to soak this up,
and I would be the guy running away, like, don't
talk about food right now. I never could eat after
after a drinking night.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
I'm not really sure I get that concept either. There's
some foods that people are like, oh, it's hangover food,
and it's like, no, that's not really a thing, and.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
I'm like, no, hangover food means you can't eat for
a day.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
The next day, I do like like a cheeseburger is all.
I don't know. It doesn't do anything for me. The
only thing that ever worked for me was just the
drinking more hair of the Dog. It'll it'll go away then,
I mean, you gonna just kick the can down road.
Didn't feel bad the next day.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
And so the only thing never worked for me big
fat bananas.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Oh yeah, hangover.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
Food fixes everything. I broke my toe banana split.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
What about that old classic rock song hair of the Dog?

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Do you remember that? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (41:09):
So now y'all massive were the son and that's all
it is.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's so funny you bring up so you bring up
that Hair of the Dog song because at the same time,
based on what we were talking about, I was thinking
about the Banana Splitz group.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Oh yeah, the kids thing. Yeah that did songs, huh,
not bananas and pajamas. No, they come down the stairs.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Which is a whole other deal. And what about the
Big Purple People Lead, Flying Purple People.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
You got a one on one horn Flying Purple People Leader,
because it was you know, the forties or remember that
song came out everyone every man talked like that and
that was it.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Well that is that's just before this. So that was
probably considered one of the two or three better songs
at that time.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
There were only seven or eight.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
I think we're setting a BTV record for diversions this episode,
and I'm proud of us.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
There's not much else we can do already.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Halfway through this episode itself is nothing.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
There's not much, and like I said, we're almost kind
of done. There's only two more developments that we even
can talk about.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Well, we could get into Bud's character development.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Is there some This is when Jim is actually worried
because Bud, you know, this is a growin boys. It's
always hungry. Why is he not hungry? He must be dying.
It's a big deal. And Jim goes upstairs to be like, Bud,
are you sure that you don't want to eat a
banana split?

Speaker 3 (42:26):
One minute ago you said no, Let me lean over you,
just six inches from your face.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
This is the take charge worried father. I'm gonna fix
it because I'm I'm an assertive male sort of thing.

Speaker 3 (42:37):
And dads were very concerned about their kids in the fifties.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
And by the way, his idea of I'm going to
fix it is I guess I'll call the doctor to
do all the work. He doesn't do anything, like Brian said, no.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
When he's just called the plumber for the sink.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
It's very weird to see like a TV show and
like a house call be a thing, not a joke
or anything. Because we need to do a house.

Speaker 1 (42:58):
Call, call the doc who just comes over immediately.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
To imagine that, like I need to. I keep thinking about,
like I really should do a physical. At some point,
I'll just call him to come over here and do it.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Do you think that'd make it any easier if they
would come to you.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
No, but like the idea of a fucking doctor being like, yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
They would have like a little hat right in the
little bag the suction.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Yeah, I think that we don't know what is. We've
talked about it before. We'd think it's fake.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
And the bag with the medical cross on.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
It want one real bad.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Well, we like bags around here.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
We're a bunch of horny little box boys. I would
not go that far so wild.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Jim and Bud are upstairs talking about how Bud feels
totally fine, just doesn't want to be in a split. Downstairs,
Margaret and Betty are kind of brandishing some flat wear,
like doing the doing the women's work that they are
supposed to be doing. Kathy races in crying because Fluffy
the catbird flew away and now it's too late to
change her back into a cat. She's stuck in bird
for him forever. Jem returns from checking on Bud to say, oh,

(43:56):
he's still sick. He won't eat. Bud claims that he
can see spot apparently these are some of his symptoms.
Budkinsy's spots in front of his head and also behind him.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
Audience love that, I don't know why, and.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Then Jim adds his eyes are red, his face is
green is another thing that's going on with But.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
Now the show's in black and white. So my thought was,
we don't know. In the fifties were people green.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
That's true, you know, I heard Charlie Chaplin was green.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Kermit saying famously that it ain't easy being green.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
And that little frog what was its name? You know,
the little one?

Speaker 3 (44:29):
Oh yeah, he shows up sometimes like Terrence or something,
Miss Piggy.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
But Kathy overhears this part about the red eyes, green
face and thinks, oh shit, that curse when he said
a whole bunch of mean things to me, and I
told him that I hated him and I was going
to curse him. It worked, and now but is sick.
She starts to cry, thinking how she's a murderer. Now
she's a little magic wielding murderer.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
First kills always the hardest.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Margaret tries to comfort her, but it's not gonna where
Cathy says, there's just too much evidence. The catbird thing,
the bud thing, and also Betty when she came home,
Kathy told her she hoped she got hit in the head,
and a paper hit her in the head coincidentally, so
Kathy is pretty sure that she's doing all this.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
That one also is especially like I felt like the
writing was bad, Like, come on, guys, come up with
something a little more plausible than getting hit in the
head with the news.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
It wasn't even enough for me to put in the
notes that it happened.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Yeah, I've forgotten the word until you said it. Like,
it's just so. The only reason they do it is
so that every member of the family has a hex
put on them by Kathy so she can confirm her
own magic bias.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
And this is after school or whatever, by the way,
this is later in the day. Why are you just
getting the paper.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
Then well, look, there's only one paper boy for the
whole town. I do love that we're seeing paper boys,
We're seeing doctors doing house calls. Just these are the
pleasures of father knows best, absolutely seeing a world that
is dead.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
So Jim has an idea here, as is always the
case in these shows, he's the one with the solution.
He says, look, Kathy, you didn't kill Bud. You didn't.
You didn't put a curse in anyone. Joe was here.
You said this horrible thing to him too. I'm sure
Joe's fine. We'll just give him a call. He'll be fine,
and then you'll know that you didn't do any of it.

Speaker 3 (46:06):
So that logic is also faulty, because if Bud's sick
and Joe was hanging out with him, he could just
be sick too, or sick.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Well, the whole family gathers around. They gather around ye
old telephone. They check in on Joe, and we get
one of those calls that Van did the last time
where they dial it and then Jim immediately one second
later says, oh, no, Joe's sick and the family doesn't
know why.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
He's also told me his whole childhood story.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Just instantly missus Phillips just rapidly spit that out. I
guess when when he called so this just confirms Kathy
for sure is and she's curse everyone. Camera zooms in
and distraught Kathy, and then they awkwardly cut that scene
because we have to now show someone else in the
family taking their turn. Margaret's tried, Jim's tried, we got
to get some Betty doing it. And this is kind

(46:53):
of falling into what Van was saying about not liking
Betty is Betty's got kind of a questionable approach and
how she tries to absolve Kathy of the problem, like
being like, you're stupid, little kid. There's no way you
did anything with magic. It wouldn't work, you wouldn't be
able to And sure she's correct.

Speaker 3 (47:09):
Betty has some of Jim's air of superiority that she
puts on, and I think that's what is kind of
annoying about her.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
It's funny, though, because this is a situation where Betty's
actually behaving in such a way that even Jim calls
her out and he's like, Betty, you're being kind of
a bitch. Chill what are you doing to Kathy in there?

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Well, and remember in the Mister fix It episode when
Kathy's throwing a fit because she said something mean about
Aunt Neva. Yeah, Betty like puts her hand over her
mouth and pushes her into the bed.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
She is too mean. Everyone is too mean.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
With what I think, she knows she can't physically hurt Kathy,
So it's like, you know, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
It's like how you can cattle prod a cow because
they don't really.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
They don't really feel that, or like how like vampire bets.
You know, they're not really vampiric, but they do bite
open the skin of cattle and then drink the blood.
Cattle don't even feel it, like they're just like, I'm
a big cow who knows, much like Kathy's like I'm
a big magician.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
We know that the whole family is suffering from something.
Every character is having problems. No one has a solution,
not yet, but Margaret does. She's decided, she's figured it out.
This is what's gonna fix Bud, feed him, She's gonna
make wait.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
Wait, wait, how don't we cross this bridge before?

Speaker 1 (48:19):
Well, no we didn't. We did a banana split she's
gonna do it hot. She's gonna do hot chicken broth instead.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
And also none of these people are overweight, Like, if
you're real skinny casually eating ice cream Sunday is, I
don't think you'd be thin.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Not surprisingly, but Angrily rolls away and refuses to eat
the hot broth that she tries to bring him. Doesn't work.
Everyone's still sick.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
Okay, So the words kitten and chicken are said in
this episode, and every character that says them says it
the same fifties mid Atlantic way chicken kitten, Like they
cut the e, the penultimate e before the end of
the word, so it just makes it sound like almost
like a modern business spelling like k I T t
n ye kitten or A I c kN Actually I

(49:02):
think chick fil a does that, so adds up.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
You know, Chick fil A is launching their own streaming service,
like they're going to be creating content.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
I think church services are already on YouTube and stuff.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
Maybe they can merge with Pure Flicks and create oh yeah, weird.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Well it's supposed to be family friendly and they're going
to be doing like reality TV content and crap like that.
I just read this Wow, No, this is real because
even though everything else is down, like fast food's doing
well because when the pandemic hit, it fired everybody, yes,
and then never rehired everym back. This one just said, well,
nobody wanted to work anymore.

Speaker 3 (49:36):
I worked in fast food when the pandemic hit, and
I had to hear this as I was forced to
physically lay people off in the position. I mean, I
had to hear people openly saying to me, like, you know,
nobody wants to work, and it's like, I don't think
you understand the situation.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
Meanwhile, every corporation is making more money than they ever had.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
And everyone who said that to me is of course
like a retired Oh yeah, like sitting on their pile
of cash, like, ah, this country's onto shit.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
I did my thirty eight hours a week and bought
my four houses, and now I'm mad kids don't want
to work.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
I haven't looked into it, but I assume it all
works the same way and it's not changed. This has
been our episode's edition of everyone rants about America.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
Good Mayo banana split sounds good.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Actually I would buy it on that.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
I like ice cream. I'm okay with bananas. I don't
want them together.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
I'm hot chicken broth.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
I'd take that over a banana split right now.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
I love a good broth with a podcast. I like
the nice consumme boo that in there. Let it dribble
down my chin and then talk. Father knows best.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
I like to kind of just wipe it on my
face like Neil Breen in his coffee.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
It's good for your cores exfoliation. Sure. Elsewhere in the
Anderson House, Kathy's still crying in a room and does
for the rest of the episode. She begins to gather
a few of her things. We don't know right away
what she's doing here, but she's got a baseball myth
that is fifties. Looks like a ice box Jones could

(51:04):
use that mit. I don't remember his name, Ice.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Icebox Chambers, Ice box Chamberlain. Okay, and it is a mit.
This is not a baseball glove.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
This is a baseball I don't think you can get
that anymore. It's so fifties. A piggy bank, which also
you wouldn't probably see anymore. And a last second inspiration
some flowers that she had in a vase in a room.
She takes all of this and heads to Bud's room,
where he is still comatose in his bed. She stares
over him sadly decides to leave the flowers on his chest,

(51:32):
and I guess now we learn that she's just giving
him stuff. Is is goodbye because she's accepted he's gonna
die and she's mourning him morbid. She offers the piggy
bank next and says, well, if you hurry, you can
still buy something before you die, and b it's not
really interested. He's kind of not not feeling well enough
to buy anything before he dies. The mit comes last,
and she says this is stares anyway, which is kind

(51:54):
of funny.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
Well, I can't think that was funny because Kathy, again,
she has stolen this. She is a little monster, and
that's what makes her great.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Giving it back before he dies, I guess will absolve
her of the guilt.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
She's making amends.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
None of this does seem to cheer up Bud, especially
when Kathy does try to offer a banana split for
his last meal. They've really thrown that banana split in
there a lot. Back in her room, Kathy is at
her breaking point. She sweeps everything off her bed, ing emotionally.
You know what it reminded me of is that Scrubs
episode where doctor Cox kills all those patients and he
just starts destroying, just trashes the room.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Well, that seems more of a reason to do that.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Well, Kathy's killed, like her whole family, so she's thinking
along those lines. She's, oh, no, no, it is not
the episode where doctor Cox is a serial killer.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
Wait, that's the three namer guy that was in the
Steven Skull movie, right that one. Mean, listen, Sally, that
is the only bit I can do.

Speaker 3 (52:46):
John McGinley, who I almost just said, Jahn c riley,
But I did the same thing.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
You got pretty much the entire character down here. He
mixes some patients up and they'll get the wrong inness
and they die.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
That's a problem.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
He smashes shit in the room, and Kathy kind of
channels this a little bit, except she's just clearing off
for bed so she can pray. She just wants to
pray to God and says, anger, pray.

Speaker 3 (53:07):
She says, I've had enough of this mystical, unprovable magic shit.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
I've killed my whole family. Please don't kill Bud, fix it.
And then a really courageous act of braveness for a
five year old girl or whatever she is, says, and
if you can't fix Bud, I'll go instead, but maybe not,
and then says, wait to say it, I don't, but
it's too late. Bud's already come in the room as
she's starting to try to walk her prayer back, and

(53:33):
he says, hey, I'm feeling a lot better Kathy than
Kathy thinks. Shit, it's in me. Now I'm gonna I've
got what he had. Well, I'm not long for this world.
And now Kathy acts like instead of Bud's time just
about being up, it's herd time. So she has one
last request for Bud to keep in mind in the
event she dies shortly, which he will, which is, if
a bird comes scratching at the window, let it in

(53:55):
because that's her kit and fluffy, which I did like
because Bud is very confused and.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
Probably rename it feathery. No one calls their birds feathery,
No they should.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Or like, what's that texture you know it has? Like
I don't know what the adjective you'd use, kind of
like fluffy describes fur.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I do think a bird can be fluffy too, you
have to have fluffy.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Particularly like if they're trying to scare away a snake
or something and then they poof up. I have fluffy bird.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
When I get so, I think we agree we can
just leave the bird name fluffy. Then fair enough adjourned,
as she concludes by asking for a banana split because
they wanted to go to that well another time.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
A fat banana. She specifically asked for a fat one.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Well, she needs some calories. She's she burns a lot,
destroying whatever it is she walks past, she needs to
refill it.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
And this kind of cements that, really, all this banana
split talk has just Kathy wants one.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
But agrees to do this just because he's relieved to
be feeling better. I think it is more confused than
anything else. Down in the kitchen, Jim is going to
town grading a whole bunch of cheese and remarking how
this day has been weird and maybe there really is
some voodoo going on. Betty interrupts ask Jim, hey, can
you go look for the trombone in the backyard, and
Jim just looks at her like she's crazy and says,

(55:10):
I guess why would I do that Betty says, Joe's
mother's just called. He let us know Joe lost his trombone.
Thinks it's in the backyard here, and I think it's
gonna rain. So just this whole long thing about how
the trombone's in the backyard and we don't wanted to
get rusty with the rain, so we need to go
get the trombone.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Because Jim has to be because he's the father Fait,
he's the patriarch. He has to be the one that
finds the cigars and the trombone. But it's pretty funny
that Betty also basically adults, like Joe's mom just called,
will you go out and look for the trump? Like,
just go fucking look for it, Betty, You're two feet away.
Your yard is tiny.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
I think she's old enough to take that on.

Speaker 3 (55:45):
Yeah, twenty she's easily trombone aged.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
And as Spencer was saying, the details are not necessary,
no at all.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
It's like they had way longer conversation about this trombone
than they did when she's like, my son's dying.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
Yeah, it's very You can tell that TV writing with
its infancy and that they were churning these fuckers.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
Out turning them out like that cheese Jem's grady.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
Right, and that ice cream from the last time or
a few times ago.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Speaking to which they do an incredible handoff where Jim's like, okay, final,
go to the trombone. Betty just takes the grain and
starts at the same immediately, how much cheese do they
need grated? Look?

Speaker 2 (56:23):
How much cheese from Kathy?

Speaker 3 (56:25):
This family is like one organism. Each won a different lamb.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Well oiled machine. The Anderson's just grating cheese and crank
and ice cream all day.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
We haven't even gotten to the part of the episode
that I found most absolutely horrifying, but we're close to it.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
All this chaos happening, Bud Enters announces he needs to
make a banana split for Kathy. Betty's thinking, okay, well,
you're clearly not well because you hate Kathy and you
would never make her a banana split, but says no,
I mean I'm fine, but Margaret, you need to go check.
He doesn't call her Margaret, this is mom, but he
tells Margaret she'd better go check on Kathy because now
Kathy seems a little bit off. Now phone rings again,

(57:05):
Bud grabs it this time it's Joe calling from under
a sheet at his house. Joe warns Bud his mom
has just called and told Bud's family to search for
the trombone, which we know all too well, and he's
worried at whoever finds it. They're gonna find out about
the cigars we have the pop leave them there?

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Why not clean up?

Speaker 1 (57:22):
They were near death, sick, too sick to clean up
the crime.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
You would never as a team leave behind so much
agregious so you.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
Would die first. Yeah, even if you were feeling sick,
you'd be like, I can't let my dad catch me
with that.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
Maybe that's because we're all quite nefarious. Whereas obviously Bud,
despite being your prankster, he's a good boy. He didn't
think of that. I don't know. I'm trying to rationalize this,
but no, I don't think he ever would leave that.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
I think he's stupid. I think that's Bud's problem, or
maybe honest.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Yet another one of those father knows best oversights that
we've we spotted a few of those over.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
The court trade mark Father Knows best Oversight Robert Young.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
I wish Jim said that like several times throughout the episode.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Yeals name, it's real, but it's a real.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
Name, nodding and with that cheerful look on his face.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
Robert Young and Margaret just kind of horrified.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
Jim, get the wrench, honey, what a man.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
Joe orders Bud to get out there first so that
they don't get caught, offers him one last warning, Hey,
I know it's been several hours, but don't forget that
they can smell tobacco on your breath, so just be
careful with that. Just as Bud tries to go outside
and grab that trombone, the doctor arrives paint his house call,
doing his thing we talked about. He's arrived to take
a look at Bud, so Margaret whisks him out of

(58:41):
the kitchen and leaves Jim to search for that trombone unimpeded.
You know what this means is that Bud's secret is
not going to be hidden much longer. Guys, this is
where I at the what we would call the climactic
point of a Father Knows Best episode.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
And that's what it is, what a climax.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
So Bud frantically roots through their cabinets, with Joe as
at ice ringing through his ears. It's very dramatic. Yeah,
and he's like, I've got to find something, mince or
whatever we have in the cabinet.

Speaker 3 (59:05):
Something to mask that breath.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Margaret and Betty are looking at Bud like he's weird
and content warning for me. Since Bud can't find anything
to mask his breath quick enough, he just happens to
settle on a raw on a whole raw onion that
Betty is holding in her hand, getting ready to grub.
He takes a big old bite.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
I'm grimacing, and it's not a put on thing, because
when I think about that, it is just.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
I like onions. But no way, it appeared to be
a true chomp. It appeared that the butd actor really
did take up.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
He got a good audible cock you know that, that
chomp noise.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
I now regret that I did not make a SoundBite
of that, just that we could see your reaction, the
visceral reaction to.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
The Yeah, I'd have to just pretend it was an apple.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
It would be my second favorite, well it yeah, it would.
Nothing can top probably my very favorite personally chosen sound
bite in all these episodes of Clint Eastwood smashing Grandma's
teeth with the glass. Oh drinking, Oh rowdy, rowdy. Outside,

(01:00:09):
Jim is making progress in his search, complaining a loud
about this is actually there, as you guys know, he's
complaining a lout about how trombones are worse than pianos.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
He's leather heading to no one's there but him.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
He shines his fifties flashlight right over the cigars and
inspects them suspiciously.

Speaker 3 (01:00:25):
I bet that flashlight like emitted weirdos there somehow.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
And it took like sixty batteries in last.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
Night, like five minutes.

Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
It's like your noble After you use it, it gets hot.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
It's fortunate that Jim just immediately pointed in the right
spot because he was running out of battery in that thing.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
I do love how he's outside for all of one
second and his like ten by ten yard complaining I
hate trombones.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Pianos are way better than trumphone.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
He'd left the piano in my yard, I'd find.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
It way quicker.

Speaker 3 (01:00:56):
Also actually incorrect that pianos are simpler to deal with.
You have to hire a person to come to your
house to make it be in tune.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Also, I do like the idea of Joe having brought
one to the house, like wheeled the grand piano to
the Anderson's house for the day.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
And if you're going to be making music, what the
fuck can you do with one trombone versus a piano?

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
And just knocking the door, mister Anderson, where can I
put my piano? Mister Anderson? Where may I put my piano?
It's Hugo weaving at the door or mister Anderson, yes,
microphone descends Jim.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
By the way his face, we get the full Father
knows best experience with him here when he gets the cigars.
At first he's confused, and then he gets into dad
mode where he's like, oh, I know what I'm gonna
I'm gonna have a talking to to that boy. F
He's in his element.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
The show, however, does not take the time to compute
the fact that it makes Jim look like a fucking
moron by being confused even for one moment.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
I have to say Joe's reminder to Bud about how
they're gonna smell like smoke? What have come up already?
They've been huffing cigars out there, They're gonna smell like smoke.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
We should add that while cigarette smoke is very strong.
You could maybe get away with it, sure, change your shirt,
brush your teeth.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
But cigar smoke, Yeah, it's on you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
For a week.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Somehow Margaret and all of her mom dom does not
realize her son has been out there smoking cigars. I
just don't think.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
And you have to assume. Like the window would be down,
you could smell it up, and I'd say, you just
have to assume, because there's probably a pie cooling on
my window.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
Someone's aunt, not Neva, but someone's aunt came over and
brought him a pie at some point. There's no question
Aunt Nva.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
She only brings conflict.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Hope she's dead now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
They seemed to Kathy and Neva resolve their differences. We
saw that they patched.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
It up without resorting to any physical violence.

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Inside the doctor can't figure anything out with but Margaret
suggests that the doctor might as well look at Kathy too,
since we don't know anything more about Budd and Kathy's
got whatever button had earlier.

Speaker 3 (01:02:57):
He well, just take care of all of us while
you're here.

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
Well that's it. Do you think like you get charged
for a kid? What's the cost thing here?

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
I assume the whole thing's complimentary. This is fifties America,
and you're a well to do, firmly middle class family.
It's on the house. We're just gonna treat you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
Everybody's in the same little wealth club.

Speaker 1 (01:03:14):
The problem is that I've been observing with this doctor
is I don't know that he's very good.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
I don't know that he's a doctor.

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
Could be, yeah, that could be why the services are complimentary,
because he's just kind of no.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
We're always calling doctor Conrad over and he says he
doesn't know.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Somehow Bud's little weak, fake cough doesn't alert him to
the fact that something doesn't seem you're hiding something, but
and you smell like you ate an onion. None of
it seems to matter to him. He's like, I don't know.
He's fine. I guess, or he will be, or he isn't.
And then Margaret says, let's go look at Kathy. Since
you couldn't figure out one, let's figure out the other.
This would seem to let Bud be free to where

(01:03:50):
he can now go find the cigars and rescue his
own flight from the making, which it's about to happen,
but unfortunately it's too late. Jim is already in the
full father knows best moment, his prime mode. He's armed
with the trombone, he's inside, he's in his.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Best stand up material for the situation.

Speaker 1 (01:04:08):
So I said that this confrontation that Jim is about
ready to hurl at Bud, I think it's better than
any of Colombo's gotcha moments.

Speaker 4 (01:04:18):
But I know you boys are quite resourceful. But I'd
like to ask the question, can you use this as
a holder? Aren't you in danger of burning your ear?

Speaker 3 (01:04:35):
It's one of the funnier things ever on TV.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
I guess because it's the mouthpiece right for the trumpet
or whatever. Wow, is that a trumpet?

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
Trombone? A boy, it's a trumpet? Due. Yeah, it's more
like it's the sad funeral song too, isn't it. It
can do it all. A trumpet can do it all.

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
Trombone is jack of all trades instrument.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
Let's do it for themselves these days, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
So yeah, it's bad news for Bud. I think Bud
has been told at this point. Jim is like, ha,
you thought you could outsmart your father. You can't.

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
No one could. I'm Jim white Man of fifties America.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
This is where I think Jim and this scene is
smug as fuck. Yes, these super super parents.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
Much always so smart.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
He is this especially the Jim tells Betty the call
missus Phillips. This is kind of his last burn here,
let her know they found the trombone. I guess we
won't tell her what's wrong with Joe because nobody likes
a squealer or something.

Speaker 3 (01:05:32):
So this is how I tie it into the Sopranos.
Nobody likes a rat squealer. Somebody squeal into the authorities.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
This took me by surprise because I thought he would
tell But then also you think, oh, it's the fifties,
everybody smokes. It's just like, oh every kid does this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:48):
Actually, really you play it off in Spencer. I know
you're gonna get more into this as they fully resolve it,
but like, I was very surprised that even right now
at the outset, Gym's not mad at all. No, he's
Bud's upset that he's caught.

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
But he seems more kind of amused. Yeah, and like
he thought, oh, Bud, you thought you could pull that
one over. Yeah, like I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
And it's actually the correct response really to just be like, well,
kids are gonna try this kind of thing, Like, I'm
not gonna be mad about it. He's sick already, you know. Yeah,
And if that's what you want, if you just want
your kid to learn your lesson, well he already did
so in this very weird way. This feels so much
more progressive to me than like an eighties or nineties sitcom.

Speaker 1 (01:06:27):
That's fair. I actually I thought Jim seemed more kind
of just like whatever. It's kind of you're dumb, You're stupid. Yeah,
it's not. I'm not mad. He could have done the
thing where it's like, all right, now you're gonna smoke
every one of the stars, or you're gonna eat ten
banana splits, some kind of punishment, but he doesn't really
seem to have one.

Speaker 3 (01:06:44):
Some of those could sew backfire and someone if they
did them to me, which obviously I'm an adult. You're
gonna eat every slice of that pizza, Okay, yes, I
have to. You're gonna have to smoke that whole thing
of weed. Well, you know what, you I don't want to,
but I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (01:07:00):
We have to note that Betty's in the background, by
the way, this whole time, also looking smug. She's very
happy that Bud got in trouble because, as we know,
the kids just absolutely hate each other, and she's always
happy to see Bud get in trouble for anything.

Speaker 3 (01:07:12):
So less do you think the two older siblings, because
they're closer in age, liked each other. They do not.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
Nope, Jim's peacock and straighting around the house because he's
solved a case here and he's such a good father detective.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
Oh that's right, just one more thing, that's how he
would do it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
All the while, the Doctor has looked at Kathy upstairs
and it is coming down with Margaret while Jim is
doing his little parade around the house.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
Yeah, I bet the doctor is a real, realistic explanation
for where Kathy's going.

Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
It's real medical, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
I'm still stuck on Robert youngis Colombo and how fundamentally
shitty that would be, Like what a boring show that one,
and like misunderstanding of the character entirely like that it's
supposed to be like a scruffy like underdog versus the
most boring middle aged middle class man.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
So the Doctor does have is van alude to some
really sound medical opinions. To share on Kathy, but Jim
actually interrupts him when they meet at the stairs and says, well, doctor,
I'm afraid that I have a little bit of a
medical breakthrough of my own to share with you. Guys,
pulls out the cigars. The three of them have a
great laugh at how stupid.

Speaker 3 (01:08:15):
Bud is kind of disappointing that the medical breakthrough wasn't like.
Jim pulls out his pocket like another hand or something.

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
I've polio. If only FDR we're around now.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
It's got like a little vial. He's like, I've been
working in the lab at my insurance company.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
Margaret actually gives us a little bit of an ominous
tone about Kathy's situation, where she says, okay, well, at
least we have sawd Bud's case. I wish we had
the same news about Kathy. The doctor will talk about it.
And the doctor says, all right, well, what we've got
here is we're up against a case of child's faith. YEP,
makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
One of the big ones. That's actually we talked earlier
about how a lot of kids in the past you'd
be worried about which ones you'd lose, so you'd have
a bunch.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
Well, children's faith big kill.

Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
Her sixty percent? Yeah, all went down.

Speaker 3 (01:09:03):
Sometimes, you know, typhe a weight or whatever, but sometimes
children's faith.

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
This faith he's referring to is because Kathy is absolutely
convinced she's going to die. She's accepted it, she's made
peace with it, and there's no convincing her that you're fine,
you're not actually gonna die.

Speaker 2 (01:09:17):
And he's implying that she's going to die because she
believes it. Yeah, it's so weird, writ her Will the
piggy bank goes to bud.

Speaker 1 (01:09:25):
Indeed. Actually, Kathy is calm in her room and on
her bed and seems like she's just ready to shuffle
off this mortal coil. No big deal. It's time and
we all got to do it sometime, and now's the
time for Kathy. When suddenly, the loud, loud meow is
a Fluffy interrupt her thoughts. She excitedly races to her
window to let her in. Puffy's not a bird no more,

(01:09:48):
She's just a regular cat. I'd be happy to see
Fluffy too, honestly, I was, in fact downstairs. The doctor
says they need to figure out some way to get
the death idea out of Kathy's head before she dies.

Speaker 3 (01:09:59):
And we're gonna have to do it really quick because
the episode's about over.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
We got like two minutes.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
Doctor, I've brought my drill. Let me get into that brain.

Speaker 3 (01:10:06):
We must release the devil.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
It's right at this time, though, as they're discussing this,
Kathy's who's renewed after finding Fluffy, races down the stairs
to announce she's feeling all better and doesn't want to
die anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:10:17):
Well, doctor, thanks for coming over, but it seems we
don't need to pay you now since you didn't do
any He didn't.

Speaker 3 (01:10:22):
That's perfectly fine. It's the fifties. All the suburban families
just jerk each other off and support each other by
doing services and going to dinner parties.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Well said. After a fade to black, the episode gets
a wrap up scene, which is pretty useless, but they
probably had a minute that they needed to kill. So
we're in the kitchen and Betty's on the phone again.
You guys think that it's about thirty eight percent of
Father Knows Best as a whole as them on the phone.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
Apparently, but also on the phone having conversations that are
too fast.

Speaker 3 (01:10:51):
Yeah. Well, it's like we're always complaining about people are
on their fucking phones all the time.

Speaker 2 (01:10:55):
It's always been that way.

Speaker 1 (01:10:57):
So Betty's in the phone again. This time it's kathy
friend Patty Davis. I wanted to make sure to get
the full name. Yeah, Patty Davis.

Speaker 3 (01:11:03):
I also put down full Patty Davis. Why did they
say both names?

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
No, just because Kathy knows a lot of Patty's. You know,
she's tons of friends.

Speaker 1 (01:11:11):
So Patty Davis wants her magic setback that she gave
Kathy because you know why the wheels fell off the
roller skates that Kathy traded Patty Davis. And Patty Davis
is like, okay, well I want what I gave you back.

Speaker 3 (01:11:22):
Kathy loosened that shit on purpose.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
Oh yeah, or just it happened because of her body.

Speaker 3 (01:11:27):
That could be too natural centripetal force or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
Heavy use of skate.

Speaker 1 (01:11:32):
So just as Kathy takes the phone, she spots Bud
stuffing his face with the banana split we've been talking
about the whole episode.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
We finally got it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
It is Bud who ends up beating it after all,
now that he feels better, So Kathy starts to threaten
him immediately and says she starts to get into what
she wants to happen, and then's like, I just did this.
I thought he was gonna die for real. I don't
want to go down that road again. That was a
dark place and a bad time in all of our lives.
I'm not doing that until I conclude this transaction with

(01:12:00):
Patty Davis. And she gets on the phone to Patty
Davis and says, hey, when I if I agree to
give you this back, I'm not magic anymore, right, And
Patty Davis, clearly on the other line, immediately says yes.

Speaker 3 (01:12:10):
So I like to think first she said, well, you
are magic as a friend to me, but not in
terms of as you would phrase it, Kathy whoo doo,
whodoo powers.

Speaker 1 (01:12:18):
And in the midst of that, Kathy would have just
been hanging up, because that's all that happens is she
just clicks and it's like okay, good, good Kathy.

Speaker 3 (01:12:26):
She even hangs the phone up very aggressively.

Speaker 1 (01:12:28):
It like explodes.

Speaker 3 (01:12:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
So now that Kathy's off the hook and not magical anymore,
we end our episode with Kathy turning to Butt and
saying it hope you break your.

Speaker 3 (01:12:38):
Head, which is funny objectively.

Speaker 1 (01:12:40):
And then the loving parents Gem and Margaret Arm and
Arm watching as their children threaten each other and hate
each other, and they think that's wholesome and loving.

Speaker 3 (01:12:49):
And that fucking music play.

Speaker 1 (01:12:51):
And fiend that's all for father knows best.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
So, yeah, that was seventy years ago.

Speaker 1 (01:12:57):
Guys.

Speaker 2 (01:12:58):
That was really just Kathy stomping her ass around. That's
what the whole half hour was.

Speaker 3 (01:13:02):
Yeah, Kathy was the star of the show, and she
pulls it off. You know, she does command every scene
because while the others have a very stayd acting style
of the time, Kathy just says stuff and just stomps
when she walks.

Speaker 2 (01:13:16):
She can carry a scene physically and not physically.

Speaker 1 (01:13:21):
There are a lot of episodes I had to reach
for the Kathy centric one. There are a lot of
episodes that are tailored around Bud and even Betty, which
I've got to think would be really, really boring. Yeah,
one of the highest rated ones is one involving Bud
taking up boxing.

Speaker 3 (01:13:36):
Sounds awful.

Speaker 2 (01:13:37):
Kid's like forty pounds was he gotta do?

Speaker 1 (01:13:39):
Well? You never know, you might learn a good one
to two combination from probably Jim I would imagine he's
not very good until Jim helps him.

Speaker 2 (01:13:47):
Of course, a prominent boxer, and of course.

Speaker 3 (01:13:50):
Who could forget the Ben the Great Allie Anderson fight.

Speaker 1 (01:13:54):
I had to do what I did and pick a
Kathy one. It wasn't we didn't have the many to
choose from.

Speaker 3 (01:13:58):
He did good.

Speaker 1 (01:13:59):
It's only thing I could have done.

Speaker 3 (01:14:00):
This was also fun because it gave Kathy something to
do that was just really out there, Like the idea
of Kathy and Magic works really well because Kathy's sense
of reality is already kind of teetering on the edge.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
We learned a lot about trombones too, and Obo's a
whole bunch of instruments. We had some breakthroughs ourselves, I think.
So it was good going back to this world the
Father knows best, maybe the last time. It's possible, no
doubt it. Well, it's possible. We'll see, we'll see.

Speaker 3 (01:14:28):
So far, we've revisited shows mainly that we find like
certain characters amusing. They're not necessarily like high quality shows
or shows we got wrong that we might when we reevaluate,
I'll be curious that's true if Van introduces a show
that's like really like misunderstood. It's actually like very high quality.
Maybe we misjudge it. We'll see what he picks later.

(01:14:49):
But I just noticed that pattern between you and I.

Speaker 1 (01:14:51):
Spencer. Yeah, and on that note, actually, Van, I have
been wanting you to introduce to the audience what we'll
be covering next, and that was a great time for that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
They were podcasters and good at their job, but they
committed the ultimate sin and selected a bunch of shows
that weren't Renegade. Before long, they were on the run
of Bounty Hunters, Outlaws, Renegades, which I already said once,
but I'm getting my point further Hammer. No, that's right,
we're covering Renegade again. And you're right, Brian. It's a

(01:15:23):
show that's what a nine and a half out of
ten on IMDb.

Speaker 3 (01:15:26):
But we were wrong. It's actually a ten and a
half exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
It's that good. No, we are heading back to the
world of Renegade. This was one of my earliest shows
I covered, I believe in the teens.

Speaker 1 (01:15:37):
As far as episodes go, it was.

Speaker 3 (01:15:39):
It was a twenty twenty one show, I know.

Speaker 1 (01:15:40):
Definitely sure. It's one of those shows that when we
started this you just couldn't wait too long, right, Like
I have to get renegad.

Speaker 2 (01:15:46):
Reason because it's awesome for lawful as the good reason. Well,
guess what, guys, this episode is an all timer, I think,
particularly because we bring in a guest star who steals
the show.

Speaker 3 (01:16:00):
You mean an Academy Award nominee.

Speaker 2 (01:16:03):
That's rights James Cameron. No, not that one.

Speaker 3 (01:16:07):
There are no underwater episodes of Renegade.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
I bet there are.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
There's a beach one that's kind of like Point Break
where there's just like Outlaws Surfer that Reno has to
infiltrate the Outlaws Surfer group. It's amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
Why do I think Lorenzo Almas is better suited for surfing?

Speaker 2 (01:16:22):
He fits in quite well. Let me back up. This
is season three, episode fifteen, Stalker's Moon of Again, the
nineteen nineties syndicated show Renegade. The description is when Bobby
investigates eight, and that's Bobby six Killer in case anyone was.

Speaker 1 (01:16:37):
Wondering, or if you want to be formal Robert six Killer.
Of course, he is one kind of.

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):
In my personal hall of fame of characters we've.

Speaker 2 (01:16:44):
Covered absolutely well. When Bobby investigates a campus stalker and
gets taken hostage, Reno and Cheyenne start searching for Bobby. Now,
what they don't state is that the hostage taker is
James fucking Cromwell, and he's real good this It is
an absurd, crazy episode and I can't wait to talk here.

Speaker 3 (01:17:04):
There's a phrase people on the internet used to say.
They probably still say. It's kind of annoying. I just
don't like repeated social collective phrases. But where someone might
say this person understood the assignment, Sure, well, James Cromwell did.

Speaker 2 (01:17:16):
He certainly did.

Speaker 3 (01:17:17):
He is not coming into this as some sort of
like heavy handed drama role, and he is not half
asking it. Oh, he understands. He is in a silly
television show and being asked to play like an over
the top serial killer. And he does with that what
someone of his caliber could do.

Speaker 2 (01:17:34):
Absolutely and it's gonna be a lot of fun to cover.
We'll be back next week to do exactly that. Renegade
Season three, episode fifteen, Stalker's Moon. By the way, the
moon doesn't make an appearance.

Speaker 1 (01:17:45):
So if you like this kind of stuff, you like
this episode, you like Father Knows Best, you like Renegade,
you like everything about us in the Boob two Boys.
Check out our back catalog if you somehow have just
now stepped into it and caught us. At this point,
we've got a lot of episodes. You can go listen
to the old Father Knows Best ones, the old Renegade ones.
Last week we did Night Writer. Go back and listen

(01:18:05):
to the old night Writers. We have so much content.
I don't even believe we did it all. Sometimes it's incredible,
So go back and listen to that. Check us out.
We are also uploading some of the back catalog on YouTube.
If you want to listen to your podcasts and a
video format site, you can do that. It's available while
you're listening to all those Get on your podcast platform

(01:18:26):
of choice. Give us a five star review. Personally, I'm
a pocket cast guy. I think you should probably give
it a try and rate us on pocketcasts on a
pocket pal too, that's what we're calling. I assume. I
assume you can rate on pocketcasts, right, Okay, I haven't
done that yet, so yeah, rate in whatever app you're using.
Find us anywhere online. We try to do some social
media stuff. We have some cool drawings we put up

(01:18:48):
every week on our Instagram. We are working on integrating
into the huge new platform Blue Sky that's just going
to take over the world. And we're all there and
we are going to post event. I think Brian did,
but just one and I I'm just there and I
had to read it.

Speaker 3 (01:19:05):
If you guys want me to read it, I love that. Okay,
hold on, it's it's really good.

Speaker 1 (01:19:09):
I joined it. I just haven't said.

Speaker 2 (01:19:10):
There's something about Aerosmith. That's all I remember. Yeah, but
that's not surprising.

Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
Because it's on it's on brand for us, and because.

Speaker 2 (01:19:18):
Over at patreon dot com slash Booto, Inc. You can
hear an Aerosmith bonus show.

Speaker 3 (01:19:23):
Okay, so this is the sort of content you might
see on Blue Sky from people like us. I can
only have one first post on here. I better make
this count. Stephen Tyler took the place of al Pacino
and Brian De Palma's nineteen eighty three crime thriller. They'd
have to double up the F in the middle of
the movie's title scarfface. Thank you. See that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:19:46):
It's perfect. And that's the kind of stuff you can
find on Blue Sky or on anywhere you find the
boob too Boys. Check out our website to boot two Inc.
Dot Com And there's all sorts of stuff there. We
are all over there, and that I promise you just have
to look for us and crazy. It's a I ordered
for your efforts. In the meantime, there's something that I
did not tell you guys, that I'd like for us

(01:20:06):
to quit recording and go do it's really exciting. I
brought over just a whole big pile of trash. We
can burn it. I'm gonna go out there and we're
gonna burn it for hours and on end.

Speaker 2 (01:20:16):
When he says say hello to my little friend, it's
his penis. It's Stephen Tyler.

Speaker 1 (01:20:21):
There's a little

Speaker 3 (01:20:21):
Scarf on it.

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Ep 160 | Father Knows Best: "Kathy Makes Magic"

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep 160 | Father Knows Best: "Kathy Makes Magic"