Ep 165 | Baywatch: "Bash at the Beach" - Boob Tube Boys

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I hope you brought your oil with you, because it's
time to get our hot, happy, hairy bodies oiled up,
ready to wrestle on the beaches of America. And that's
because once again we are returning to the beaches of Baywatch.
I'm your host, Fanly and the gentleman who I have
asked to be oiled with me here are Brian hulk Vaughn.

(00:27):
You look a monkey brother, Uh huh, Spencer, macho man, Hendricks.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Slim gem snap into it.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
I did the wrong guy. It's fine, it works. No
one will know.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
How do you actually do a macho man? It's like
it's kind of like, kind of like what you did
basically what I just did.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yeah, I was supposed to do a whole So why
did they all?

Speaker 2 (00:46):
I mean, but they all kind of don't talk like
a regular person. I think we can agree. I mean, so,
what's the key? If you were to if someone was like,
how do I sound like a wrestler? What should I do?
What would you say?

Speaker 1 (00:57):
I yell for number one?

Speaker 3 (00:58):
Okay, yeah, yeah, lots of yelling. You and I Your
throat might be open right now.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Cut that shit right off. Yep, yep, you need to basically,
just take whatever you are and turn it all the
way up and then break the dial. Keep going.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
Sure wrestler one final note steroids.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Oh yeah, that helps a lot too. Well, the reason
we're talking about wrestlers and all that stuff, and I
forgot to do my joke. Even my joke was going
to be that I named you guys wrestlers, and I
was going to be like, I sure wish there was
one of these wrestler guys I could make my name
go along with Can't.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
Do it though you could, though, I think, nope, can't
do it. No, so impossible.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
We're talking season six, episode fifteen, Bash at the Beach, which,
by the way, Bash at the Beach happened to be
the name of WCW. That's World Championship Wrestlings premiere event
to the year. Well, I guess second tier event the
premiere event is what is it called Stark rank.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
I think you could argue Bash at the Beach was
bigger though at that time.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
But Stark was created as the Wrestlemanian Yeah yeah, so
this is more the survivor maybe Summer Slam. This is
more the Summer slams okay.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
And I would also like anyone at home to know
who doesn't know that Stark doesn't just have one R.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
No, it's two rs. It's that star filled it's our filed. Anyway,
we're covering this episode and guess what it features? WCW wrestlers.
Guys I've kind of half ass mentioned like Hulk Hogan,
watch a Man, Mandy Savage, the task Master, Kevin Sullivan.
These guys and more will show up in Vader and

(02:33):
you may be asking Jimmy Heart the Mouth of the South, Well,
he's there, but we're not going to talk about him.
We're not going to mention him where you're going to
see him prominently. But that's it. We don't get to
talk about him. These guys more show up. Why they
show up at the beach on Baywatch? To be honest,
I couldn't find any reason for it.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
No, they never got into that, did they.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
No other than somebody I guess said hey, can we
get wrestling and Baywatch to like gel together? So I'm
going to be honest, Yeah, yes, yeah. The answer. As
it turns out, by far, the most recently covered show
of all of our Boob two Boys Rewind episodes is
this one Baywatch. It was episodes eighty nine and ninety.
I chose them. They were a lot of fun. The

(03:13):
first one had what was the first one, not the
eel that was it was the serial killer roaming the beach.
That's right, Jacob Kilmer. Of course, yes, it's worthy of
checking out, even though I completely forgot it. Apparently very
good episodes. We love them. I was trying to decide
what shows to cover for Boob Two Boys, Rewind Renegade
was a no brainer. I did that immediately. I stumbled

(03:34):
across this being an episode that Whole Cogan was in Baywatch,
and I said, fine, the answer is right here. I
have to do that. And it was the right answer.
As it turns out.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
You had no choice once you're on the IMDb episode's
list and you just see Whole Cogan I mean in
a bay Watch setting.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
And because I already covered the creation of Baywatch and
the stars and so on and so forth back in
episodes eighty ninety ninety, I'm not going to do it.
Let's just get into this episode. Well one caveat first.
To set the stage for this episode. I think it
might be worthwhile to explain to the listeners out there
are varying degrees of wrestling knowledge and wrestling fandom. It

(04:14):
really is a tale of two extremes, with me in
the middle, but a little closer to one of the extremes.
Let's start with the basic extreme and go with Spencer here. Spencer,
you watched wrestling like when you were a young child.
But that's it.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
That's it, And I delicately going to say that probably
is the way it should be. It should probably be
a thing that you leave behind in childhood forever. But
that's okay. I understand there is a certain level of
appeal when you get past the silliness of it. You're
kind of like, okay, I can handle this loveless silliness,
and I appreciate it because it's so stupid and the

(04:46):
rest is fine. But I didn't do that as an adult.
I was like, this is cool. I actually liked the
wrestlers because I was seven, so I was like, this
is so fun. I love them. I want to be
like them. I didn't really think that, but I was
fully into it. I had the action figures. I had
like the memorabilia had a ring. I'd get the figures
and I'd smash him against each other and probably have
them say lines at each other. I'm as seeing you

(05:06):
have a brutus the barber Beefcake. I don't know if
they made an action figure.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
It was a facilitiac Brian.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
If they did, I would have had it. I had
so many of them. I just liked the classic ones.
I was a Hulk fan. I was a Holkster.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
So of these characters, characters, people whatever that show up,
how many of them did you recognize?

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Well?

Speaker 2 (05:25):
I mean I knew rec Flair, and I knew obviously Hulk,
Hogan and Macho Man. The other ones not so much.
I did recognize. I don't know who that.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
That's exactly what I thought, because I believe Vader himself
a very well known and popular wrestler. I think though
he is the next tier of like you would have
had to pay attention to it in a different way
to know who that guy was.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yeah, that's fair, and I'm in the middle. I basically,
I think a lot of people have my story as
far as wrestling fandom, and the most common one it
is I came about in the Attitude era, or what's
known as the Attitude era.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
Which as did I will get that out of the way.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
And we watched of course, you know the rock Stone
cold mankind those people, and I loved it. That was
great and we were really cool. We played a collectible YEP.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Trading card game called Raw Deal.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
And honestly still did as of a barely recent amount
of time right now. And I think I quit watching
around two thousand and two or so. It's just I
grew out of it and moved on. I since have
had minor spurts where I'll watch a little bit, particularly
Brian and I did in like twenty fifteen or something
like that. Yeah, you are on the other end of

(06:31):
the spectrum. You are a wrestling fan freak. You watch it.
You're an AW guy. Yeah, I take it. I watch AW.
I watched Japanese wrestling, and I watched British wrestling.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
You did take some time off, right though, and then
rediscovered it, right, Yeah, I took.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
A long time. Well, yeah, you quit about the same
time I did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
When you and Van got back into it, you were like,
I'm staying on this. I did. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
It became a thing that so strangely for me, same
exact hiatus as Van. I think we started getting curious
about it again around the time of the WWE network, right,
because then you could go back and watch old stuff.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
We were curious what Expoc had been up to.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
It turns out a lot, yeah, lots of good guy anyway,
As it turns out now I don't speak for his
actions of the past anyway.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
We got a little more into it. Then we would
go to our friend Justin Hughes front of the podcast
Justin Hughes's house to watch monthly current pay per views then,
and that was fun. We would all get together and
do that and at some point, like a reasonable person
with a life, Van lost interest and me while my
life got much busier than it had been, I left

(07:36):
the state.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
I was doing a lot of things at once. I
doubled down on wrestling inexplicably as something that I found
to be a sort of a unique yeah, an escape
and a unique art form, especially in its current form
that I don't think there's really anything like, and that
it's like part soap opera, part weird performance art, part

(07:59):
very range now level of athleticism where a lot of
it's ad lived and it doesn't have to be boring
in the ways it used to be if you're versed
in what it is. But I also understand that there's
no real reason anyone should that I should try to
convert anyone to that.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's my own cross to bear. Well, there you go.
That will influence what we say about this episode of
Wrestle Beach, which is essentially what this should have been called.
Oh will it? Because I'm kind of willing to bet.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
This is kind of one of my theses here that
regardless of your level of wrestling interests or fandom, you
might think the same general things.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
About everything that goes on in this episode of Baywatch.
That is true, and this is a very different type
of wrestling than anything that exists basically at any other
point in the world. I'm not sure what differentiates what
we see here from anything you would see in a
Baywatch episode that just people kind of rubbing against each other. Well,
guess what some people stay on in the darkness. It's

(08:57):
time to get into bay Watch, guys. The theme song
plays there. There's oily wet bodies, there's no eels. There's
just no like serial killers or bigfoots, or runaway tug
boats or insect people. I think the intro section for
Baywatch doesn't tell the whole story of Baywatch and fothers.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
For sure, I want to bring this up. We watched
this as preparation before we did this, right Van, you
saw firsthand. I was upset there was no cold open,
wasn't I you were?

Speaker 1 (09:25):
You questioned? You were like I thought there was a
cold open and there sometimes are.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
I felt a little bit shorted. I don't feel like
this kind of episode, with all this promise, should just
go straight into the theme song when it starts. I
want to see what am I watching for Give me
a little tape?

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Now?

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Do you think though that? And this is I don't
think I agree with this. This is just to be
Devil's advocate. Do you think that it would even be
appropriate for Baywatch to have a cold anything, let alone open?

Speaker 1 (09:48):
Well, you don't want to be cold on the beach.
Why would you be at the beach? We're cold. Here's
the thing, though, I can see taking it this way.
The show says, we got a lot of stuff to
give you. Let's get that intro out of the way.
Time to wait, get rid of this stuff. So they do.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
It's kind of like, look, I'm I don't really want
an appetizer. I don't want to fill up on that.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
Well, after the intro. This week's episode begins in just
true fashion and we see two greased up, muscled men
who are both extremely concerned with their hair loss as
WCW Wrestling superstars Macho Man, Randy Savage and hul Cogan.
They're puttering around on some jet skis out in the
ocean or the beach or the river. I don't know

(10:27):
what it is. I'm assuming ocean. This is saltwater, right, you.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
Got to be the ocean to fit both of them.

Speaker 1 (10:33):
Well, we hear not see Hulk Hogan say hey, Macho O,
racehot to the pier brother, and then we hear not
see Macho Man respond with let's do it, brother, and
to just kind of zip around the water. They're having
a grand time. You know what, we've got its world
champion right here in the studio with us. Bryan has
pulled out his championship belt as Justin Hughes's championship belt.

(10:55):
If I'm not mistaken, No, this is just a replica
one that was fifteen dollars at Walmart. But I did
pretty shiny. I did find it appropriate to wear. I've
not yet found an episode of the podcast where I
could wear a title belt. Sure, well, this is certainly
one of them, just one.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
And I also would like to mention that I'm wearing
a Randy Macho Man Savage T shirt which was gifted
to me by the girlfriend Kate. Yes, I have one
in the closet too. I should have worn it, but
we got matched.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
Justin Hughes's belt, by the way, lost a gym at
one point and he was able to order a fresh
gym and they replaced it on his belt.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
It's like that big of a deal. Who's an expensive effel? Yeah,
it's like a legitimate thing. He has an aw belt
now too, that weighs forty pounds. Maybe I don't it's
the heaviest thing. It's you look at it and it
looks like this, and then you hold it and it's like,
now this. I could see you interfere in a match
with this. Somebody with it, someone's going to the hospital.

(11:53):
Do you think that the real belts are heavy like that?

Speaker 1 (11:56):
I don't know. I had a spinner John Cena one
probably was. I assume them that.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
They actually are, because what of those guys care the
guys were talking about in this episode, do you think
they care what a thing weighs?

Speaker 1 (12:06):
I bet you between zero and two hundred pounds. They
don't know that it's all the same.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah, they did barely fit on those jet skis. I
noticed that it just doesn't look right. It's kind of
like it's the concept of like a bear on a unicycle.
It's just like that. They just they look kind of
like they're more machine than man already, and they're putting
them on a machine and something's not right.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
And going through the whole world is like that for them.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
I mean, they are just hawks of ham traveling through
space and time.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
You're trying to fit through doors. You're not just gonna
open a door. If you're hule that's not possible. You
just rip that thing right off you barrel through a door, exactly.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
These are people who wore zoobas and fanny packs by necessity,
too big to fit into real clothes.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Well, these give each other a bunch of shit via
dialogue dubbing, and they say things like, huh, I thought
you were Mocha man, And then the Mancha man says
you're gonna beat me in my dreams, and that's all
you know what, fuck it, let's just let's just play it.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Off to.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Hulk. Suddenly he's very invested in this race. He suddenly
gets distracted. Do you guys know what it could be
that could distract a twelve time world heavyweight champion, Because
I'll tell you it's a sexy bikini babe. It's the
only thing. And there she is, she's on her own
jet ski and she appears and says via dubbing, hey, Hulkster,
you're sure looking good. And he proceeds to slow weed

(13:29):
down to get real close and ogle her and then
does this, Wow, I gotta be honest, I don't like
hearing Hulko and make mown noises. There's a tape of that.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
He circles this woman to like a shark, like a big,
inappropriately blonde shark, and.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
He doesn't blink. He keeps his eyes on her the
whole time as he cert and he has his fin up.
And I realized I should have said this at the
top of the show, but I'll say it now. I
have too many clips. I have a naia.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
There'd be no way to get around here on this thing.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
There's just nothing I could do about it. I have
nine clips, those two of them, seven more to go.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
I like to think that you can just kind of
hit us with that when you just did whenever you want.
It's only a couple seconds, and we get a little
Hulk Hogan moaning, yeah, put it in there whenever really
mess with it a button and it just automatically plays
that one.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
I could do that. I could establish the hulk Hogan
moan button. It feels like taking a big boot anyway.
After getting his fill of ogling out of the way,
Hulk Hogan says, see, I gotta go catch macho, and
then he jet skis away from the bikini glass. Meanwhile,
Yasmin Bleith is busy watching Hogan from the beach via
her binoculars. And it's a good thing too, because, in
his haste to catch the other half of the mega

(14:41):
powers the Hulkster, he hit a big wave and he
stood up, and so he makes a bunch of more
grony noises and this time gets launched off the jet ski,
but he's not out of the water yet. Should I
do there? As a pun because the jet ski has
decided it would like to impersonate Yokazuna and it is
doing its own bonds, I drop on the Hulkster, who

(15:01):
lets out a like a sturdy bah and before it
bunks him over the head. This is enough to knock
the mustachie out hero unconscious. But fortunately for him, every
single lifeguard in the area that also happens to be
blonde and have giant, heaving breasts, they're here and they're
rushing out to save him.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
This is where it's unfortunate that Macho Man is nowhere nearby,
because almost no one in the world is more qualified
to specifically drag whole Cogan like across ground, which is
what needs to be done here.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Isn't that kind of like his job is description.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yea, yeah, guy specifically too. I also wanted to add
that it's a good thing macho Man didn't stop to
look at the speech babe too, another Miss Elizabeth situation
might have developed.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
I guess it makes sense that you have twelve heaving breasted,
blonde women because you need that many to drag him ashore.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Yeah, and I mean, Hule Cogan's own breasts are enormous.
They're heaving, not in a you know, I mean they
look solid steel, but you maybe actually steel.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Who knows, well, they looked like solid steel that the
outside has burned a little. Yeah, Yeah, it's kind of crispy,
or maybe there's a layer of wax that's kind of
melting a little bit, because look the guys, I have
it in my notes forty three at the time. That's it,
that's all.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, I thought interesting, right fifty five.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I did too. Who do you think the youngest wrestler
in this is that appears that he's Vader?

Speaker 2 (16:25):
Vader is probably a good twenty seven.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
He's fifteen. Vader is the youngest. He's forty one. Still,
they're all forty one.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
They're all pretty much.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
Everyone here is in their forties, with the exception of
no Jimmy Hart's probably even.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
In his forties. He's in his seventies by then. Yeah,
he just is a vampire. I think. Agreed. Now it
makes sense by the way that we're talking about old
wrestlers and it's WCW at this era. Well, you mentioned
the macho man Brian. You know what he's doing right now?
He is literally jet skiing around and saying oh yeah
to himself, I himself, you hear it, snooping. But he

(17:02):
suddenly realizes he can't see Hogan, so he rushes off
to the beach. By now, the sexy women have drag
Hogan onto the beach, and many more sexy women scamper
out onto the water to help the original sexy bikini
women lug him on shore. There's like a forty five
of them. Upon ripping off his life vest, Pamela Anderson
CJ and Yasmin Beliefe Caroline begin doing CPR, with the

(17:24):
former being forced to do the mouth parts and the
latter desperately trying to remember how to count and doing
the you know, one, two, three on the chest.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
But after three he's done. Though, you have to stop.
It's over.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
That's true with wrestling rules, but Yasmin doesn't know that. Now. Finally,
after Hulk lets out like a b and spits out
some water, he coughs and catches his breath. He's trying
to stop the wrestling match when he coughs and spits
out his watch, yeah or anything. That's why Triple Ah
spits it out first. Yeah, so they can't stop it now.
This whole time he's been in view of all these

(17:57):
bucks and lifeguards, but it at this moment they stop
look at him and go, oh my god, this is
hul Hogan.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
This brings to light a point. It's possible that when
you're saving someone's life, you don't recognize them until after
their life has been saved, So it could be anyone.
It'd be like you know your husband or something like, oh,
I know you now that you're alive.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
That's the only way you could explain this, because I
think you'd know it was hul Cogan, whether you even
knew who that was. If you saw that guy or
you heard that voice, you'd like, that's someone named Hulk Hogan.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, you would be able to tell that from any
distance in the beach too, Like you could see it
when he was way back there, and you know, you're
with the Sharks and cham Man, You're like, there's Hulk
Hogan back there.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
I did also really expect Hulk Hogan to like hulk
up when he came back from drowning.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
That's a missed opportunity, it really, I somehow did not
think of that brother.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Is that like when he's invincible? Yes, like when he
shakes his head.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
And then he hulks up.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, you might as well bunk his head on a
block and gotten a star.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Am I imagining this? Does he wave his finger or
is it just a h Does that? Okay?

Speaker 1 (19:01):
I wasn't you know what else he does? He says
the inn word about that. Yeah, doesn't care for people
of color, even though he is a man of color
based on his skin color, it is a color, whether
it is, it's not natural.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
He is not the same pigment as anyone in this show,
or probably anyone.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
No, I think is it possible? Sorry, I never had
this thought in my life before. Is it possible for
a spray t hand to become permanent? I think it
would after too many times, because he looks like a
baked blaise or something like that. When they introduced that
other like olay fattening agent or something, Yeah, and they

(19:40):
became extra greasy potato chips. That's Hulk Hogan.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
And he also does always look a little slick physically,
and that might be by design.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Do you think he got any skin damage from the sun?
Which the thing is, is he wearing protection?

Speaker 1 (19:56):
Not in any sense of the word. Brother Hogan scans
the many beautiful women staring at him now and says,
what do you know? I did get to heaven. I'm sorry, No,
you're not going to heaven. Look that's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
I'm not a religious person, but if that thing's around.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
You're not there under anybody's criteria. It is not Hulk
Hogan getting there. CJ tells Hogan he was lucky because
he was hit by a ski, and he condescendingly says, Darling,
I've been hit by a lot harder than that in
the Ring.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
I do wish she would have been like what like
she wanted specifics, like what's harder than a jet ski?
Mister Holgan, he.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Probably got hit by a jet ski in the ring.
Someone bashed him with it. It was me versus jet ski.
McGill cuddy in nineteen ninety one, Helen is south. It
was just Hulk riding a jet ski on the mat.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
I'd just like to point out that I just called
him Holgan, and if he's listening, I'm sorry. I apologize,
mister Hulk.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
He's gonna sue us again. It's gonna be the Gawker
situation all over. Oh no, guess what. He's not getting
a billion dollars from us.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
It was at the pay per view please, in the
sea where I was fighting only different watercrafts.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Brother, we're fifteen. If there was one. Bischoff tried to
book me losing, but that doesn't work for me, brother,
I drown him in that lake. Brother, Eric Bishoff's alive. Nope,
this is, by the way, all actual whole Cogan storytelling.
It's provable exaggeration, stuff you can readily google and fight
out answers to in a fraction of a second. I

(21:23):
guess that might have worked in the eighties. As Hogan's
helped to his feet, Macho Man is aggressively skiing onto
the beach and CJ says that's Macho Man and then
neely with her big nicole kidman eyebrows helpfully adds Randy
Savage and they both say they're closet wrestling fans, just
as Macho Man arrives and fuck you guys, I'm playing
another fucking clip.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, this is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
I like these odds.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Uh huh, Hey, holkster, what's the deal, brother? Talk to me.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
It's not like you to leave me hanging and just
checking out the babes and just leaving me out there.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
I mean, I'm not mad, brother, I'm just a little
upset and disappointed in you. I will reiterate that the
amount of womens it makes it more likely that Marcho
Man's going to bang today. Oh yeah, huh. Hogan says
they should have a little talk, you and me, meaning
the mantra. Man, he's sin you know you cut it
off on the little talks. These are loud Mantchum says,

(22:21):
let's do it right here, brother. But then they just
kind of walk off together. I thought they were gonna fight. Nope, buds,
we have time for some drama. You guys ready for that?

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Oh yeah?

Speaker 1 (22:31):
If what was that? Then? If super drama? Oh okay.
We're introduced to a beat plot of the episode, and
it exists to do two things. First, to give the
soap opera crowd something to tug at their heartstrings, because
I doubt will hok Hogan win his match does it
for them? Maybe this does. And second, it gives David
hassel Off something to do because he apparently wants nothing

(22:52):
to do with the wrestling subplot. He's not involved at all.
And I think there's a reason for I.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
Would not be surprised because this is the same person
who's like, I can't believe what I do in Night
writers not Scorsese level and critics eyes.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah, this is not backed up by any sort of fact.
This is just my complete guest. I think he either
found working with Hulk Hogan to be difficult because they're
both stupid alpha bros and he didn't want to do it,
or romantic tension on that, or he found wrestling and
all that stuff to be beneath him. I think that
could also be it. Yeah, that was actually my first thought.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
I feel just speculation, and sorry David Hasselhoffen's we're not
necessarily in the mark here, but I just feel like
he might be so vain, like he doesn't want to
be in the same scene with guys.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
That are, yes, Jack, that could be too prime.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
In their life, like Hulk Hogan. You know, I feel
young maybe five year olds. I feel like maybe he
was like, I don't need someone demeaning me that way.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
Well, it is tough when you're a guy who people
considered such a heart throb in your younger years and
you're aging and you know you're in shape, but yeah,
you've experiences, yeah of course, but you're then you're standing
next to people who are on steroids and lift weights
all all day long.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
That's all they do, that's their existence. Yeah, but whatever
the reason, hasselhoff is here talking to Stephanie Holden that's
his former love interest in local buff pole of a woman.
She's packing a delicious picnic picnic basket, if you will.
It's complete with gingham, picnic cloth and champagne and the Hoff.
He teases her about a romantic outing with who we
learned to be Hasselhoff's best friend Tom. Stephanie Gush is

(24:24):
on Tom, and Hasselhoff brags about all the crazy stuff
ian Tom used to get up to back in the
day when there were young bucks causing chaos in a way,
he testifies about what he used to do. He tested
with Tom. This is wrestling. I had to tie in.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah, it's got another tie in too. It's a double one.
It's a double on tundra. I don't know if the
rest about Tom's name has been revealed yet.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh fair enough, So well, we need to get to
that date. Guys, we've hinted at it is Chekhov's picnic basket.
We got to immediately show what the picnic basket shoots,
so we do. Stephanie, she's awkwardly sprawled out on her
side on a bench blanket. Bunch of seagulls are in
the background, like ravaging a dead fish or something, and
speaking of bloating, festering corpses. Tom, he's right here behind her.

(25:08):
He's also awkwardly on his side running a hand up
and down her back. And now we can see the
champagne bottles in the picnic basket Stephanie brought. But it
also appears the only food she chose to pack is
a plate full of concord grapes. I see you have
two champagne bottles there and the strawberries. Now it's grapes,
but except no one's eating any grapes. It watches just

(25:30):
like Colombo. It's the same show, really, both critically acclaimed. Also,
they brought a boombox. What kind of music do you
think they had in there, Paul Abdul, I think it
was a soundtrack to Baywatch. The two talk about how
romantic everything is here, but just as the greasy haired
Tom goes in for a kiss is beeper, it goes off.
It's very nineteen ninety six beeper.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
And this is a real close up of this pager,
the page net pager right, is that what the too? Well,
you know, it's a real page This is page net.
Only doctors have that.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
But it doesn't like say anything like I thought Beeper's
pagers had like an LED screen that could say call this.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
I think it just kind of tells you that somewhere
someone is trying to get hold of and that's all,
you know, the rest of us for you to figure out.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
So when my parents had them, the idea was there
would be a code and that's how you would know
who it was from.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
So like, so then you call whoever whoever's reaching you.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
Yeah, you page them and enter your code and they
know to try to get a hold of you or
something at Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
If you get the page and then and then you
have to go do the rest. You have to call
them and be like, why'd you page me?

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Definitely one of modern technology, shortest lived little things that
everyone thought they needed for I don't know, eighteen months.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
If that, and then cell phones there would have been
a very short time period when they were out that
I would have felt really cool if I had one,
but I was too young, you know.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
We brought up Friend of the Show, Justin Hughes. He
had a pager. He had a beeper.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
I bet he thought he was pretty good about that.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
He did. It was hooked on his belt and we'd
be playing baseball. It would go off and he'd read
it and it would say call and then a number,
and that's all you got from it.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, it's not helpful.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
It's like, what if texting was shitty?

Speaker 3 (27:00):
I mean, just what if texting was something you actively
wished your phone didn't do and it was more confusing.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
Stephanie does laugh a little bit. She's upset. It's an
upset laugh.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Because she's about to get a lot more upset.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Was she spoiler?

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Tom?

Speaker 1 (27:13):
I thought you had the day off And Tom says, not, babe,
When you're the best damn dermatologist the beach has ever seen.
You never have a day off. You're always on call
for a skin related emergency.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Did he feel like he needed to really drive the
point home at this point in the relationship that he
is a doctor. That seems like they haven't covered the
yet and he wanted her to.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Know this guy would say that the first time they met. Oh,
of course, but no, he's just.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
I feel like the sweater tied backwards around his neck
does that homework for us, Like it tells us this
guy is a doctor or a finance guy.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Well, he also looks like he has too many teeth
for his mouth.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
Yeah, he clothes, as is the case with a lot
of clothes around this era. Something about wearing dress clothes
that are three sizes too big does nobody any favors.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Especially on the beach. Yeah, what are you doing, Tom?
It always makes the guy look like they're wearing their
dad's clothes.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
I really like this idea that he has too many teeth,
and that's he tells her that at this point in
the date. Honey, I have thirty six teeth.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
It's something I need to tell you. I got forty choppers.
It just it looks like he's struggling to contain his
myria out of mouth bones, Like there's just way too
much sexy. Saxophone music continues in the background, though, and
the two.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
Yeah, good work. Soundtrack unconvincing of this.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
Well, if it weren't there, this would be a horror.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Scene, especially with all those teeth.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
Well, the two begin to chew on each other's mouths
before he gets a bit uncomfortable. And I don't mean
because of the mouth chewing. I mean because of the
way they're lying, Like his arm falls asleep, so he
kind of sits up. She thinks he's going in to
do something, so she leans into it, but he's not.
He's sitting up, so they have to course correct, and
she like presses her face into his chest and then

(28:53):
he rubs her head. It's bizarre. The whole thing is absurd.
But now sitting up, he runs a hand alonger figure
and he says, you got great legs, you know that,
almost a line from the room. But what's this? He
takes a few seconds to look at her gams when
he finally notices the enormous, swollen, festering mole on the

(29:14):
back of her cat. No one's ever noticed before. It's
huge and red. It's disgusting. It is wild, and you
know they made it big because of television in nineteen
ninety six, but it's too much. When you're looking at
this thing on a fourcas mean really fake too. It
looks like some sort of monster movie edition. He goes
right in the doctor dermatologist mode and the answer how
long the mole has been red around the edges, which

(29:35):
is a weird thing to ask, and then chastises her
for being out in the sun all the time as
a lifeguard. The sexy mood is completely destroyed by this point,
so he tells her to come by his office first
thing tomorrow morning, and she says sure, and then sighs
and looks away from the camera. And what an uncomfortable
moment to just be a seal on the beach.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
You wouldn't want to oversee or hear any of that.
Thankfully we have another plot though.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Oh, let's get back into it, because Hulk Hogan has
meanwhile bought out the entirety of the Denim store, because
he comes romping on the beach with a sleeveless denim
collared shirt that he's cut the sleeves off of. It's
tucked into his inn exceptionally tight denim pants, which are
themselves tucked into blue snake skin cowboy boots. And yet
he was never the Blue Meani or the blue Blazer.

(30:20):
And he finds CJ sitting here on the beach eating
her lunch Pamela Anderson, of course, and that consists of
like four pieces of celery. That's it, There's nothing else
in this bowl. He apologizes to her for being reckless
the day before, and he tells her a joke about
the jet ski being total after it hit his thick
orange body. She doesn't even laugh, She just kind of
goes you're faking, and he says, yeah, that's it. Well

(30:43):
you had to.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Wonder for a second, because it is sort of like, look,
if something made kind of out of plastic hits a horse,
what happens to it?

Speaker 2 (30:52):
I do wish she would have when he has to
tell her that he's just joking, I wish she would
have been like, well, you're kind of a monster. He
casually stares that with him.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
I'm scared every time you run at She inches away.
He adds a poorly dubbed line here when it's back
to her and reveals that he heard the Baywatch lifeguards
are volunteering a lot of time at the Venice Boys
Youth Center.

Speaker 3 (31:15):
It is one of the clunkiest red lines I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
It's bizarre. This is apparently his old stomping grounds. This
is where he worked out when he was a teen hogan,
when he was teen. Terry BULLA, I think it is.
I bet he do' just like that. He had to have.
He was orange back then. And it's here that Baywatch
basically reveals the laziest trope in all of entertainment. The
old local place is about to be shut down by

(31:38):
greedy developer slash owner slash Rick Flair, and it's up
to whatever scrappy band of heroes is put in front
of our faces to win back the thing via an
arm wrestling competition, car wash wrestling match, dunk tank contest,
mini golf marathon, dance off, or whatever it is. Bulk
and skuller up to whoo Hulk does name drop a

(31:59):
sonny and not that.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Such, No, not, actually, she's not doing well.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
This sonny is the manager slash caretaker slash good hearted
old man of the business. It's being threatened and without Sonny,
Hulk would have likely wound up in a leg drop
them gang. Years ago, A repeatedly says only two options
brother hard drugs and death on the streets or pro
wrestling via gym practice. It's baller scorpion, Bryan, It's one

(32:23):
to two.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
It's the big choice we all have to make. At
some point they.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
All come at baller scorpion. The vocation to either do
drugs or be a pro wrestling I'm gonna tell you
right now, those are not mutually exclusive. The big problem, though,
is nobody can figure out who bought the Venice Beach
Boys Club. The only thing they know about this mysterious
buyer is that he is said to be stylin and profiling.
That's it. Hogan, Macho Man, CJ and some other Baywatch people.

(32:50):
They head to the said boys club and we get
a pan shot of all sorts of muscly people and
then some young boys and they're all working out. Also,
both Hogan and Macho Man are and full wrestling gear,
like yellow and red for Hogan, black and white for
Pacho Man. That might be real, though I think they
might have just walked around like that at the time.
It's possible. I mean I could see Macho Man wearing
those like frilly jackets and frilly fuzzy boots just everywhere.

(33:14):
Home here to pay my parking ticket on sir, this
is a court of law. You didn't dress up for it. No,
I wore my best fuzzy boots. Oh. And also there
are huge crowds of people standing around, and they're like
hip high fences separating the crowds from the wrestlers and
the little boys.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Something like wastelandy about the whole thing because it's just sand.
And then there's a bunch of people of sweaty lifting
weights and people gawking from behind Shane Link fence.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
And like Concrete and ninety degree angles ever wear. We
get our first look at Sonny though he comes waddling
his way onto the screen. He greets Hulk Hogan. He's
wearing a Hawaiian shirt and Sonny, by the way, is
played by Jack Carter, who's legendary old man actor. He
was in everything from the Colgate Comedy Hour in the
fifties to eighties horror schlock like Alligator to Parks and

(33:59):
rec in the two thousand. He's just in a ton
of stuff. Sonny shakes hands with the Hulkster and Macho Man,
and he tells Cody of the Bay Watchers that he's
grateful for all to help the lifeguards give the kids here.
Cody takes a moment to introduce a couple of dorks
to Hogan and Maho Man, which is slightly funnier considering
they've all been working out together for a while, so
presumably they've already met each other. But anyway, Hogan tells

(34:21):
them to work hard, always call their parents, chew their vitamins,
but the kids ask him, how can we continue to
train hard when we're about to lose our Jim Beach
whatever this thing is. Sonny chimes in and says, you kids,
don't you worry about this. I'm an old man, and
I say, forget about your problems and hopefully we'll figure
it out. Eventually. I'll figure something out, even though he

(34:42):
by this time is already lost. The other guy's already
bought the business. It's over. Yeah, we're done here. Hulk
asks him, Oh it's true, then, right, Sonny. Somebody already
bought the thing, and Sonny says, yeah, it is true.
I ain't making money like I used to. Hogan waxes
about his childhood and how this was his sanctuary. Yet again,
Macho Man decides it's time to take another crack at

(35:02):
stringing words together and hoping they make sense, and he says,
I've well. He says, I have no idea what I
would have done without this place, but it ain't a
pretty picture. Brother. I kind of mushed him together with
that one.

Speaker 3 (35:16):
Why I appreciate Macho Man in this episode more than
everyone else is I truly get a sense of like,
I don't know what he's gonna do here, because sometimes
he says stuff where I still don't know what he means.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
He's a wild card. For sure, Sonny Hulk and Macho
Man look around for a little bit. That's it. Scene
over well, back at Baywatch, HQ, Hasselhoff is busy wrapping
up a jog sash. He runs into Stephanie, who's a
big bandage on the back of her leg where that
festering mole was, and she asks Mitch aka Hasselhoff if
she can work at headquarters for a few days. He's

(35:47):
puzzled by this because typically Stephanie loves to be on
the beach. She doesn't want to be in the stuffy,
weird office building that they write things down at. What
do they do other than print papers about eels? That's
what I was going to say, So I don't know.
That's the only thing I remember happening in there. Well,
she spills the beans on her leg biopsy and the
lecture by Tom, and you know, he's the top dermatologist

(36:09):
in town. So in the beach and the beach, so
something is up here. She doesn't know if she has
cancer or not, but it's a scary situation. Stephanie is
languishing on the negatives of untreatable skin cancer, so Mitch
tells her don't focus on the negative focus on the positives,
and Mitch then decides to grab her by the back
of the head, give her a big friend hug, you
know the kind where they do it from the side

(36:30):
so your genitals and breasts don't touch. That's what he does.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
He can't stop touching her, just pawing all over her
or I submit, most anyone that he shares scenes with,
he really.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Does just grab it whatever's in front of him. He's
like a baby. You know, baby's always grab whatever gets
in their hand. That's Hull Cogan, that's David Hasselhoff.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I like to think that also Hasseloff gets wide eyed
and makes a little like noises he can't control first,
and then he's excited.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yeah, visus pants. Macho Man's busy lifting weights on the
foreclosed beach gym again constantly, as Sonny, Hulk, CJ. Cody
and various onlookers cheer him on. I get, I don't know,
would you do better lifting weights if someone was cheering you? No,
I just can't imagine.

Speaker 3 (37:15):
There's a scenario where I do well at that.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
But a honk honk from a car horn gets all
of their attention. Who the heck is that? Brother? Says
Hogan and we see a stretch limo driving its way
up towards him.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
Now does it seem to be from the Carolinas at all?

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Probably the south one? Did? I guess it? Really interesting?
I think that's right, Charlotte, North Carolina.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
No, oh, that's yep, has to be.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, because his daughter, Charlotte Flair, she's named after Charlotte
the city is from. Huh No, that's not her name. No,
it's Ashley.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
Yeah, so I guess she just made that call or
someone did, Probably Vince McMahon did.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Likely Also, isn't Flair like that? He spells it flai r. Yeah,
that's his real name, but it's like fl e hr. Yeah. So,
with vitriol in his tone, says, that's the developer who's
taking over the beach gym and kicking out all these
little Hulk maniacs.

Speaker 3 (38:06):
Sonny, Okay, if you've known Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage
for this long, you might also know who these other
guys are and be able to stop saying the developer
this whole conversation, it's a mystery developing. What figure four
leg locks?

Speaker 2 (38:22):
I would like to have seen his stretched limo that
pulls out the horn. The horn makes out whoa noise?

Speaker 1 (38:28):
God damn it, Spencer and that opportunity.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Yeah, that go back in the past and make them
do that.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
It's us again, rewriting old TV shows to be marginally better.
Hulk says about Sonny's, you know, saying, this guy's gonna
destroy the gym. Hulk says, we'll see about that. I'm sorry,
he says, we'll see about that, brother, and everyone's like,
hell yeah, show them who's boss. Hulkster and the large
orange men stomp off towards the limo and we get

(38:55):
even more disembodied adr work, and Macho Man says, without
moving his mouth, I'd like to hear what he's got
to say, which could just be an honest like, huh,
that's just how he's talking. I wonder what Rick Flair
has to say. Let's hear him out. Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
I do actually wonder, sincerely what the need for all
that dubbing was. Did they just maybe not have time
to get them to read all the lines.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
I think it's just they weren't actors and they didn't
understand properly enunciate, so in the moment they're bleeding things out.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Let's let the camera go, Yeah, fix that later, and.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
After the fact they're like, your lying, Really, we couldn't
hear it.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
You'll have to do a whole other day of dialogue.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Which is them standing in a studio mumbling.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
It is no wonder it took as long as it
did to rehabilitate the idea of wrestlers being able to act,
because we didn't start off from a high point here,
did we no being able to get to varying degrees
of success here? But you're you're Dwayne Johnson's and you're
John Cena's and Batistas.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Well this was after Thunder and Paradise has failed to
whulk Hogan TV show and like, what what's that like,
major mom or whatever?

Speaker 2 (40:03):
He oh yeah, like mister mom or mister mom.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Yeah, major Dad. That was a TV Yes, I know,
I've almost made you cover it. He's a dad.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Should never When I was like eight, Suburban Commando came
out and I was really excited to watch that.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
I think that's the one where the Undertaker's the villain
probably is like an alien or something, and he's not
an actor either. Turns out he's also kind of a scumbag. Yeah,
he is also another guy. You don't have that guy
talk so much. Nope, not good at it, not necessary.
Don't give him a bike or gimmick. Just stop that.

Speaker 3 (40:34):
Also in real life, don't let him talk so.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Much there either. Nope, give him a podcast and let
him ramble. It's still better than I stumbled across the
Kevin Nash podcast on YouTube once. Yeah, it's horrible. How
can anyone listen to that? I'll give you an example
of what it is. It's him sitting in a chair
leaning back, gone, yeah, man, I don't know. It was
like stuff happened or wherever. I don't know, Like he
has nothing to say.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Nothing, And people make excuses for it, like, well, what
would you sound like on a podcast if you were
always stoned out.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Of your mind? And I will answer her with a
lot more talkative than that. Well, some elderly taiko white
tt guy looking guy. He's the driver of this car.
He pops out, He opens the back door to limo
and who steps out again? These are the greedy developers.
Why a small, broad chested man in a faded, powdered
blue power suit with forehead tattoos and a blonde skullet.

(41:26):
It's Kevin the task Master Sullivan, Brian, what do you
know about this gimmick the task Master.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Yeah, so he was like helping out Satan and stuff.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Right, there was weird like demon stuff.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
That's one of his tasks was to handle all the
demon's pretty big task. Pretty big task. And we see
him here as Van described and wearing a suit but
with a face paint to replicate face tattoos. I mainly
know more about his personal life and it being a
real you know, tangentially related to a very bad tragedy.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Well, he was married to the woman who became Nancy
ben Waugh. Woman woman, Sorry that I forgot that's what
she went by in WCW. She was a manager or something. Anyway, Famously,
Kevin Sullivan was the booker for WCW. Spencer, the guy
who you know, made the storylines and told people you're
gonna lose here, you're gonna win hear, that sort of thing.

(42:18):
And he famously was in a feud with Crispin Waugh,
who's the guy who killed himself and his family a
few years ago. Anyway, he is in a feud with
Crispin Waugh in which Chrispin wa steals woman Kevin Sullivan's
real life wife, and so back then kfabe was real.
So Sullivan told Ben Wah and Nancy his wife to

(42:40):
travel together and hang out together because in the same
hotel rooms. So she like this. Well, of course she
cheats on him with Chrispin Waugh divorces. Kevin Schultv took
a diving headbutt, married Chrispin Waugh and years later, of
course was murdered alongside of their son and horrible stuff.
But the basic concept is Kevin Sullivan booked his own divorce,

(43:02):
which is amazing somehow.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
It's one of the many instances of especially at this time,
of strange parallels between things going on in wrestling TV
shows and in these people's lives.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
By the way, Kevin Sulvan also had a brother who's
also a wrestler, and he went by Evad because he
was dyslexic, and his name was Dave Evad Sullivan. That's
all I know about the thing that I knew. Yeah,
it didn't last too long because nobody liked Evad, but
it happened. But he's not alone the taskmaster. Kevin Sulvan
is not the brainchild of this development group. By Sheer

(43:37):
Pounds he's far from alone. Someone's even wider hair steps
out from behind him, and it's that dastardly son of
a bitch nature boy Rick Flair. But wait, that's not all.
It's not just Rick Flair and the Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan.
Behind Flair comes the extremely large and extremely pink b
masked body of none other than Big Van Vader, and

(44:01):
he went by just Vader and WWF right, I think so?

Speaker 3 (44:05):
I think it was, Yeah, I can't remember which was which,
but I think it was in WWF that he was
just Vader.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Well, Sullivan and Flair obviously dressed for business in their
fancy suits and ties. But Vader says, no fucking way
to that.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Do you think this is possible? Because Vader really was
at the point where it's like, how do you get
a a sport code around that?

Speaker 1 (44:22):
That's expensive to make that much fabric? Yeah, because he's
wearing a black A shirt and jeans along with his
aforementioned bondage mask thing. It doesn't cover anything. No, it's
just like straps. There was once a Cane versus Vader
mask battle and the loser had to unmask. There's no
STA for Vader. Yeah, Caine's mask covers his face. Vader's doesn't,

(44:44):
but and of course Vader lost.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
I wish they would have had Hogan and Savage have
a hair versus hair match because it's like, who even cares?

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Man?

Speaker 3 (44:53):
I want you guys both need to give up.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Just move on, guys. Hogan especially like what is we
see it at the end of the episode when he's
real grease.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah, you can really tell there. He kind of hit
it as much as he could up until that point,
but at the end of the episode it's just on
full display.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Guys. There is simply no way I could do this
scene justice. So instead let's just listen to it via
a clip. I like to call on contre de gion
Rick Flair, So you're the developer. I thought you'd be
in a pond, hiding under the scum.

Speaker 5 (45:28):
Where you feel at home.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
To see you again and not too man.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Last time I saw.

Speaker 5 (45:34):
Your face, man goes under my shoe.

Speaker 4 (45:38):
What are you doing with your time now that you're
a washed up bets wrestler, Flair, you know.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
What they say, brother, those who can do, those who
can't don't.

Speaker 5 (45:47):
Well off.

Speaker 4 (45:47):
That's the case.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
You'll appreciate this first stagger.

Speaker 5 (45:50):
The man I fought the property.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
You got here a week you'll all be mine.

Speaker 5 (45:55):
But today I'm here because I've closed the gym down bigh.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
So honestly, and I mean this, this comes from Van's heart,
not Big Van Vader's heart, Little Van, not Vader's heart,
because objectively, you were much smaller than him, and I'm
a fairly big guy. I believe this whole WCW Baywatch
episode came about because some executive at NBC, possibly Brandon Tartakoff,

(46:22):
we don't know, you have been, was told by a
friend or someone that Baywatch was schlocky and the actors
were bad. It was a not quality television. So Tartakoff
or whoever this executive is said to this person, you
want to see schlock and terrible actors watch this because
compared to Rick Flair and Hulk Hogan and Macho Macho

(46:45):
Man's not as bad. He's just weird. The Baywatch actors
are Thespians. You can easily have Macho Man play someone
who's like a kind of oh a drifter, you know.
But that's about it. But to Flair's threat to close
down the Jim Big Boy CJ says softly, you can't
do that, but Flair does flair things.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Oh, little lady, that's we're wrong. I'm the nature boy.

Speaker 5 (47:12):
I've got the document soon, the lollby condos and lollby mine.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
That's the first of at least nine lows in that scene.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
You're undercutting it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
Yes, One of my favorite things is when wrestling demands
that one of the wrestlers say something like document because
it feels so out of place.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
Hogan, ever, the clever schemer. He knows Rick Flair is
a weak spot, and that week spot is his vanity.
The Holksture Challenge is Flair to a bout of champions
Mono imano oiled stretched hairless chest against oiled stretched white
hairless chest, a candid discourse amongst equals. The battle will
be one on one. Winner take all all the property

(47:55):
that Rick Flair bought to apparently develop real estate on
will be the prize. Brother. But Flair is no simple brute,
my friends. He knows there must be something in this
competition for him, so he says, oh, man, doesn't that
sound delightful? But what's the collagi racial Hogan, He's supposed
to say collateral, but he doesn't say collateral, he kind

(48:15):
of chokes on it. So the big tangerine man says,
don't worry, Flair, I'll put up my share of the
champions purse with the greatest treasure in all the land,
a prize worthy of hearts of men, the WCW World
Heavyweight Championship. Flair is upset about this. I guess based
on his reaction, it seems like this is a bad thing.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
I don't know, and I really appreciate how when we
listen to the audio, I can't really tell either, and
I can't even tell what's a man and what's an animal.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
Well, because Vader's in the back, I'm going the whole
time in ground.

Speaker 4 (48:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
Someone says, yeah a lot, but it's not Randy Savage.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
Flair's response is to go get screaming and go wait
a minute, I call the shots. This is now a
team fight. It's gonna be me Invader against you and
Macho Man, and I want Macho Man. A team will
win both matches where all bets are off. This is
winner take all. Hogan says, well, who's head do I
have the pleasure of ripping off Flair? And Vader STIPs

(49:14):
forward and bleats out something about being Vader time, and
actually he's gonna be doing the head ripping off, not Hogan. See,
but that's not what Hogan said. Well, Hogan says in
the least charismatic way any human can say it. He says, you,
I was hoping to have a match where I keep
my eyes open Vader, and he's doing this weird soft

(49:35):
speak that I think he thinks is how people talk.
But because he spent so long going, look, you're gonna do, brother,
he doesn't know how people talk because he cannot act.

Speaker 3 (49:44):
Oh, I don't think he knows how people talk, and
I don't think he's known for a long time. I
also don't think he knows when he's Hull Cogan or not.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Well, if you didn't think this scene was absolute chaos already,
it certainly devolves into that. Now Vader politely grabs a
basketball from a nearby team while the Taskmaster cackles at
Hogan a bunch, and then Vader, with the basketball between
his hands, pops it and screams and snarls, and he
stares directly at Hogan, which is admittedly a solid power move.

(50:15):
Someone did that at me, i'd be scared.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
I'm getting the fuck out of there if that happens
at me, but I don't have twenty four inch pythons.

Speaker 1 (50:22):
Well, he flexes his bright pink body and growls a
bunch like he's Kirby after taking too many steroids, and
that thus made him rationally angry. But fuck it. Here's
even more audio of what's happening on this prime time
episode of television. This is airing at seven pm on
a Tuesday night or whatever. The country has gathered around
the boob tube to listen to this.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
By your neck.

Speaker 4 (50:52):
Saturday on the beach and bring NASCAR papers player.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Good, come on right now? Who the man is basketball.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
Better in your mind?

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Oh my god, what is happening? Oh wow, that's a
lot to take in right there.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
You bring those scroll papers? Brother, Yeah, what a great line.
That's my favorite line in the episode. I also like
how again, you could tell me this was like at
a dog fight and part of that was dogs, and
I'd believe it.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
Okay. Well, after Hulk and Macho Man and Cody all
the other good guys leave the scene, Vader is left
stomping around and growling in the background. While Kelvin Sullivan
might be the worst actor of all these guys he
might be, which I don't know how that's possible. It's bad.
He tells Flaiir that Hogan is too good for Vader.
He's just way too agile for that big man. But

(51:51):
Flair has a trick up his sleeve. He doesn't really
wear sleeves. He's got a trick up his pants. He's
going to make the Hogan Vader match take place inside
five tons of steel. Baby, It's gonna be a steel
cage match. Hogan ain't gonna know about it till it's
too late. It's going to be trapped in there with Vader.
And by the way, Vader, I think does a thing here.
He reads a line better than anyone has read a

(52:14):
line the whole time. He gets it in the sense
that he's put on this big spectacle of growling and
smashing the basketball. He walks over to Claire and goes,
I don't think that Trump's gonna go for that, bro
Like he says it like a human would talk, and
it weirdly made me go, I think it's the only
time he speaks.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
Also, yeah, everybody else is sprouse yeah or says ayah.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
But I don't know how what's the deal with this?
How is Flair going to sneak in a cage provision?
Is he going to just like phone Hogan and be like, Oh,
I'm not Rick Flair, I'm the professional guy, and UN's
not going to be a steel cage match.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:51):
Who is it that is that he is making this
happen with. Probably Eric Bischoff, not Sonny. He wouldn't want that,
and he owns the stable blishment.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
Telling you Eric Bischoff a ceiling on a motor Soca.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
And it's dumb like ACDC knockoff song or I'm back. Yeah,
speaking of wrestling people who just won't stop being around
making money off their little podcasts and stuff.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Okay, guys, it's time to get sensitive. We gotta stop
this wrestling. I was being sensitive. Well, it's gonna get
real sensitive because we find ourselves at Mitch's house where
the man himself wearing a baggy T shirt it's three
four size is too big, and he's standing at his
fireplace admiring a framed picture of Stephanie that he has
on his mantle. By the way, it's black and white
and she's in her swimsuit. Weird thing to have on

(53:38):
your mantle. But whatever, this.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Feels like they came up with this decision and they
just used like a photo from shoot or something.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
Yeah, it's like a magazine shot. Yeah, but they cut out,
made black and white and stuck in a frame. Anyway,
Tom arrives at the house and it turns out Mitch
has invited him here to chat. The two sit down
and Mitch tells him that he saw Stephanie today and
she mentioned the purulent oozing mole she had on her leg.
But Tom immediately tells Mitch she can't talk about this,
after all, there's doctor patient confidentiality, but Mitch calls him out.

(54:07):
Mitch says, hey, isn't also against the rules to work
on somebody you're dating that you love and care for.
Tom just like, yeah, okay, I'll talk about all LUs.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
Their milk carton drinking buddies.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Oh that's what they are. They suck down that milk together.

Speaker 3 (54:22):
I've never heard that until watching this episode of Baywatch.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I think someone was really reaching Like the race. They're like, oh,
you know what what of all guys that are super
what's a bond they share?

Speaker 1 (54:32):
They drink milk together?

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (54:34):
Are always talking about together? Oh you remember that time
we drink that milk and I had this fucking awesome
too percon the other night. Well, you know I had
to sip afterwards. We're prole seriously, milk twins, who're milkmen? Yeah.
When Mitch presses and asks Tom off the record, what
do you think, of course, about Stephanie's cancer, Tom simply
can't look him in the eye, tells Mitch all he

(54:56):
needs to know. C The sad woodwind noises before we
hear the wrestlers cut their beach related promos. Let's listen
in as our friends at the Oh Crap Podcast cut
their own promo as we take a short break.

Speaker 3 (55:20):
Greeting fellow poopers, I'm Brittany and I'm Mike, and you
are cordially invited to check out Oh Crap, Our Misfortunes
and Foibles.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
It's a podcast about poop stories from hilarious, disgusting, embarrassing
to even heartfelt.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
After all, everybody poops. I know I do, damn right,
So join us for some shits and giggles. Literally find
us on Spotify. The next morning, at the house where
all the Baywatch babes live together, Stephanie has woken up
and sees Caroline oiling our dams with some anti sun
juice or sunblock, if you will, and Stephanie inspects the

(55:57):
bottle before chastising her friend for using weak sunscreen. It's awesome.
Oh she uses math. She busts out, and she's like,
if you did this for ten minutes and then the
sun ate away the screen, you'd only have eight out.
It's too much. It is not just the wrestlers who
have unrealistic dialogue here, Like everybody is asked to say
stuff people don't say, and say it weird too. And
we've seen two other episodes of Baywatch which were stupid,

(56:20):
but not to this degree.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
Yeah, this is somehow dumber than the Murder Eel one
or the Beach serial Killer one.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
I'd say by a lot too.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
Yeah, it's not glose.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
The script for this episode, can you imagine? It's a monstrosity.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
It should be thrown out.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
I have another thing to say about Baywatch right now,
which is this is one of the really truly I
now feel elite dog shit shows that we've watched in
a sense that like, this is one of those ones
where I'm not bored by it because it is just
it's dumb in a candy way, kind of like Walker.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
After using all that math to call out Caroline, Stephanie
turns away from her friend, which reveals the covering her
putrefied spoiled mole. After being pressed about the bandage, Stephanie
tells her friends she might have cancer and I'm frightened.
The two women try their hardest to be serious in
this episode of Baywatch, where between bouts of discussing skin cancer,
we see Rick Flair and Vader and then they hug

(57:16):
it out and Caroline tells her friend she's strong and
she'll make us through this no matter what.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
Stephanie's sunscreen freak out scenes are probably my very.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
Favorite thing in this episode. It's right up there and
they rapidly progress as we go, as you'll see. Meanwhile,
at the beach, Hulk Hogan runs over to CJ while
wearing very tight bicycle shorts with his batchell bubbled out,
and he mentions how everything's all set after he and
Macho Man beat Vader and Flair and win a bunch
of money that's also involved. Apparently the Boys Center will
be saved. CJ does say about Vader he's huge, which

(57:48):
is right, but Hogan isn't worried and convinces CJ that
he will in fact kick Vader's butt. Then he adds
a part in here. I don't know if you look down, brother, Sarah,
but I'm really I'm walking a halsie down here. It's
really armorv got this thing shoved in here. Brother. Don't
get too close to your'll rub against it. You don't
want a dune roll or anything. But as the two

(58:10):
of this are discussing all everything, a couple of young
boys are busy playing on some algae covered rocks, and
the first one, Carter, as we find out, says, hey, watch,
I'm going to catch a swim. But then he slips
on a rock and falls into the water, trapping his
leg under said rock, which is very clearly made out
of foam. As it buckles and squishes as it goes

(58:30):
under his feet. Carter's friend begins to wave and scream
for help. Luckily for him, Hogan and CJC them in
rush into action. So you think the rock is gimmicked,
You don't think it's real. I think it's a plug
rock for sure. As a two run past the mom
andter kid on the beach, the kid says Mommy, Mommy,
I just saw Hulk Hogan. But the mom here is like, kid,
shut the fuck up, stop lying about seeing Hulk Hogan.

(58:53):
You're always saying this. CJ helps Carter to keep his
head above water. Carter's little kid, of course, Wan grunts
and lifts the foam rock off the boy, all while
triumphant casino video game for the snees sounds play in
the background.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
I do think it's funny they couldn't even get Hogan
to do his grunts in real time.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
No, they had to ad r those two and it's
I think they recorded him eating going to town on
some sort of bowl of cheese or something, chickens while
they're alive. Brother.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Yeah, he needed to throw in a brother there for
me to be convinced as.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
I won't fight the rock again for another twenty years now.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
Was my thought too, is like that could have been
the reveal after they get rid of the rock. It's
actually the rock.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
Somewhere else on the beach. Stephanie is losing her fucking
mind as she's now decked out head to toe and clothes,
wearing sweatpants and a jacket, so only her feet, hands,
and face are uncovered on the beach. As she's putting
on sunscreen for probably the fifteenth time this morning, she
notices a couple of very, very red teenage girls sunbathing
in front of her lifeguard stand and s, seriously, these

(01:00:00):
girls are so red they look like Vader. And then
someone around here is like, the best soundtrack decision is
to like play Hitchcock music over. This really sets the
mood because Stephanie marches her ass down to the red
girls and she yells at them for apparently using baby
oil as a sunscreen. Was that a thing people did?
It's probably what old Cocin was going around telling people

(01:00:21):
to do. Rue.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
I might be remembering it a little more dramatically because
Stephanie was so worked up here. But did she call
them like a couple of lobster bitches.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
But that's the thing, though, putting baby oil on is
like olive oil. You're just baking yourself in the sun. Yeah,
So they are like.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Their hand accelerant or something. I don't know, maybe it's
a flavor in. Let's give it a try, first chance
we can.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
We'll lather ourselves up and olive oil and get outside.
That sounds like that, So baby oil.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
There's nothing about that that sounds good. There's no way
you can make that sound good. It sounds like you've
made oil from babies or babies have produced it somehow.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
Well that's how they make it, Bryan.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
It's oiled for a baby, specifically. Yeah, only put it
on a baby. I've got to oil up my baby.
And I think that legit is the answer. But why
are you oiling? Oh yeah, what do they need to
be oiled for?

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
You got to get them through?

Speaker 4 (01:01:11):
That is it? Like?

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
I don't know. I don't know a lot about babies.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
It's a good bankrupty.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
They have like a gauge like a car where you
got to pull it out and see how oiled the
baby is. Stick for a baby?

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
Yeah, what kind of baby does your oil take?

Speaker 1 (01:01:24):
Wait? What then? Yeah, well I gotta change my baby's
oil today. It's over three thousand miles. Yeah, it's really
starting to sputter. Honey, Why is our baby so dry?
He needs to be slicker. Get the baby oil, pits oil.
They really should branch out and make baby oil. I
wonder what the pet boys would think about this. Tars

(01:01:45):
like us, babies love us? Oh wait, really, brothers, no,
we hate each other. Look at our old timey faces.
Come buy some oil. Our heads are entirely round.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
We're dead now that somehow being something about babies? Is
this the great con pep boys for.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Babies, peoy. Stephanie's reign of terror continues as she paces
through the beach, yelling at people to put on sunblock
and hear the son no one to say if it's
out to get us the siden. Fortunately she recognizes how
insane she's being, because an indeterminate amount of time later,
she's back at home, lamenting Caroline. There's a knock at

(01:02:23):
the door, though it's Tom and his mouthful of bones.
The two meat eyes across from the room and they
pause a moment before Stephanie says, it's cancer, isn't it?
And surely, as I'm sitting here watching this Baywatch episode,
I'm thinking they're just toying with us. It's not going
to be cancer. There's no way this show. Is he
quit Babel cancer that far it's cancer, Spencer cancer.

Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
Oh no, Now, at least we have what's killing in
the name of See this doctor's name is Tom Morella.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
Yeah it is. It's been mentioned already, and.

Speaker 3 (01:02:54):
I've already done a couple of these, but I'm gonna
have to keep doing them.

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):
There's also the stark reality when Stephanie's talking about the
post mortem of her beach freak out, and you know,
she melts it down a little bit, and her confession
during that's like, got you got carried away yellow, A
few people killed, a couple people.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
Strangled and held their heads under the water. It's amazing
I got away with it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:15):
And the sun was gonna get him anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
Tom tells her what's going to come next. If it's localized,
it'll all be okay, we'll just chop it out of
your leg.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Well what if it's not localized, Well.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
That's what Stephanie asks, and Tom says, well, we just
need to do more tests to see if it's metastasized.
And Caroline has no idea what the word metastasized is,
so she asks and Stephanie blankly stares ahead and says,
it means to see if it's spread throughout my body,
my thin, lanky, taut body. She thinks about how fleeting
life is and the things she's done right and wrong,

(01:03:48):
and Tom comforts her as best as his big mouth can.
But enough of that shit. Let's rock who will shakes
with the clinch of his fist. He's a four shuper wretch,
set up his nats. He's a son of gun. These
business will kill the child leaders. Don't over run.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
A steal.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
He's a CHAMPI because you know he's captain when the
John gits, he's Yeah, guitar solo.

Speaker 3 (01:04:35):
So far it's one note, Well there's a second.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
One look strum at once you bend the fuck out
of it. That's all you need. Man. I basically agree
with that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
What you don't see as Hulk Hogan was playing that Solda.

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
Like that Rick Dearrenger something. No, he plays bass, Yeah,
and he claims that Metallica wanted him to be their
original bass player. This is a real relame. He I
didn't know that because remember they needed a new bassist
or whatever. And Metallica has responded by saying.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Oh no, I was gonna say, is there any way
that that's correct.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
Metallica had Less Claypool like auditioned to be their bassis
and they said, nah, not good enough for us. Why
would they take Hulk Hogan that's their bassist.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
They missed a real big vocal opportunity to have the
following thing happen. Yeah, yeah, brother, But I don't know
if it would have been worth it for the fact
that I don't think he can really play bass.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
Also that would be distracting the whole time because he
had stage he wouldn't take off the orange and yellow. Yeah,
I'm only gonna wear orange and yellow, and I'm six
foot seven. Also, I need to be in front, brother.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
Maybe asking a little bit of like what's your bands?
You know, what's your theme? What are some of the
things you do? Does it work if I'm up there
with you? Look at me, Look at you, guys? Does
it fit if you no?

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Gotta have a feather bowl on? And again I need
to be up front and center like all non singing
bass players. Hush little baby, don't say a word. Brother,
I can'tnot say a word. Would you say that was
the ear cup that Van just did? The whole Cogan
ear cup? Basically, this whole Tougher than Tough song is

(01:06:07):
a workout montage because we needed that to show that
Macho Man and Hull Cogan work hard. Would say it bad, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
I don't know. Fifty five sixty percent workout in this episode, yes,
and the.

Speaker 3 (01:06:19):
Rest of it's just noises, including this song, which I
think is up there among the stupid songs written for
a TV show episode that we've watched.

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
I'll tell you where it is. It lies somewhere on
the scale near Tech Sarcanas Santa. Yes, but not. But
it's not working man, It is not working man. You
didn't see what you just mean.

Speaker 3 (01:06:38):
No, the two greatest perhaps dumb songs from Walker Texas
Ranger in the same episode, and it's.

Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
Not even Love Conquers All. I'd say, do you think
it's anywhere near the quantum Leap songs Rock the Redhead
or something.

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
Weel one d percent? I think it's in that right there.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
Okay, that's a good spot for it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Well, there's a lot of stuff going on in this
Montage's wait, a whole bunch of kids running alongside Hulk Hogan,
one of them doing like a backflip or something. He's
somersaulting around. That was pretty cool. I don't know why
he was doing it. Even Hulk Hogan was like, Wow,
look at this kid. Oh, surely no wrestlers will be
able to do that in the future. Brother, Well, they
can't do it. Now because they all either look like

(01:07:18):
me or they're obese, and that's it. Those were the
two wrestlers. Those were the two kinds, really tall and
jacked or really tall and fat. There's also the American flag,
lots of close ups on Hogan's wrinkly face and neck. Eventually,
at the end, a huge crowd of people watch and cheers.
Hogan and Cody and Macho Man and the other Baywatch
lifeguards all climb up like five stairs and it's like

(01:07:40):
the end of Rocky. As he's running up the Philadelphia
Museum stairs. I had a note here, why is everyone excited?

Speaker 5 (01:07:47):
Tough?

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
That's why what happened?

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
What this is well before Hulk Hogan's He'll turn in
real life nice, so I think this would have been
a great time for it. He decides to announce in
a Watch episode that his wrestling crew is going to
take a turn.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
He climbs up the steps and shouts a slur.

Speaker 3 (01:08:05):
I'll tell you what would have done it right then
and there he carries that belter on the whole time
just turned to CJ and.

Speaker 1 (01:08:09):
Decker with that. It's the nineties, you could do that and.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
It would work to get people against you. Yeah, people
can be like, fuck this guy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
He actually doesn't want that boys club back. After all.
Whatever it is that he's trying to save.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
He's not tougher than tough. Our first idea before Hollywood
Hogan was beach bitch Hogan. Hogan and Savage bumped their
fists in the air and all the lifeguards all high
five to one another. The crowd continues going wild in water.
Are they cheering for you, asked Ibrian. I don't. I'm
so CD. They worked out, so let's cheer. They work out,
and then ran to the top of some step They

(01:08:42):
worked out one time, and it was clear that they
were all celebrating something. Yeah, people are pumping fists in celebration,
but that's it. Back to Cancer Girl, Mitch has taking
Stephanie to the beach to walk around, and she brings
up this one time in the past where she and
Mitch were on a cruise and she went murder and
then was shot and thrown overboard, but luckily Mitch caesars

(01:09:03):
she's flung over the side, so he jumps over to
save her. Anyway, that did happen on an episode of Baywatch,
she was shot and thrown off a boat she makes
it doubly weird some of her reactions in this episode.
If she's been through that also, like shark attacks, that's happened.
I don't know, it's probably happened a lot anyway, as
it did happen, she says to Mitcheer when all that
went down, you promised me that you'd never leave me

(01:09:26):
and everything would be all right as long as you're
there with me. And this is a weird thing to
level at the man who's trying to comfort you because
you have cancer. He didn't give you cancer now.

Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
And it also sounds childish in a way, like, you know,
in a literal sense.

Speaker 2 (01:09:38):
Like why let me have cancer?

Speaker 1 (01:09:40):
Yeah, like a little kid would ask that. It reminds
me kind of like when we've watched some evangelical films
and people ask questions like, as fully formed adults as
Stephanie is here, how could God let this happen? It's like,
fit do the math, buddy. We know she can do
math too.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
Yeah, why does God say he's good and then a
bad thing happened?

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Well, that's us not adding up. I'm gonna have to
go back to the drawing board.

Speaker 3 (01:10:04):
Wait, what all did you spend your mental energy on
and not get to this one yet.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Well, I have the question, what if God was one
of us, just up, like one of them? Whoa just
a stranger on a bus, Brian trying to make his
way home.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
Is anybody calling on the phone? Maybe the Pope in Rome.
I know that song and I understood that reference.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
I remember the cover because it was a big controversy
because she had arm pitch.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
Oh yeah, oh did she?

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
She had her arms above her head, And I remember
the boys in school were like, it's so gross, and
it's like, it's not my thing, but who cares? Yeah,
if you want to have furry pitts, who cares? I do? Mine?
Are running wild? Brother?

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
You know who's the arnt macho man? Randy Savage? Not
a single follicle down there.

Speaker 1 (01:10:49):
Oh defeated every single one of them in The Sinner
of the Ring one, two, three long. He'll give me
a sponsorship with Joe at Not a single man in
this show has body hair, not a one, not a
Baywatch lifeguard, not a rest straight off hold go on.
Mitch clutches Stephanie tightly, and he says, don't worry, Stephanie,
I will always be here for you. Enough of that nonsense.

(01:11:10):
We should pivot right back to the bash at the
beach stuff. It's time for the event. CJ is standing
in front of the camera is what I'm assuming is
a national, no international camera crew. This is a big deal.
It's recording her talk about the event. And she says
that Hulk Hogan, all these guys, they're here to save
the boys Club. And guess what, I'm not alone here

(01:11:31):
to save it is Hulk Hogan, the WCW heavy heavy
the weight champion. She butchers the line and they're just like, yeah, yeah,
keep going it in that I get it over by now.

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
I'd assume Hulks harassed half of the crew and has
like stomped through.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
A set on accident or something. Yeah, they're done with him,
so they're just like, let's finish this well. Hulks arrives.
Sonny is now here showing off his journalistic side. He
takes the place of mean gene Oakerland would normally have
any interviews Hogan for the camera, and we finally, forty
minutes in this episode, get a traditional Hulk Hogan promo.

Speaker 5 (01:12:03):
You're going up against one of the neatest bone crushes
and down watch your strategy, Hulk.

Speaker 4 (01:12:07):
Well, you know something, brother, What he doesn't understand this
in hull Commania is gonna be running wild, dude, and
with the largest arms in the world, saving the fattest
boys called the w C Way time on in a
paywatch paves what's in my back? I'm gonna break him
a half brother? So what you're gonna do? Vader and
Flair when hull Commania runs wild on you?

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
The moan and flex is the best part of that one.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
Picking up a theme where he thinks hull Comania is
gonna run wild.

Speaker 1 (01:12:36):
Helto seems to be confident. Is that what you got
from that? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
Is that how he usually is? Or is he doubtful? Sometimes?

Speaker 1 (01:12:43):
Typically he's meek in his promos.

Speaker 6 (01:12:45):
Why one thing about Hulk Hogan a very reserved guy
you're thinking of, like maybe before he got his big
when he really took off and he was he was
a little less confident, and that's when he had a
more affable nickname.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
They called him Hulky Munky ho Hulky.

Speaker 1 (01:13:02):
But that's not all. We don't just get a traditional
Hulk Hogan promo. We also get a traditional macho man
Randy Savage promo. It's worth pointing out by the way
that Macho Man is all decked out in his red
and yellow gear. It's got frills on the arms, cowboy
hat looking thing that says macho across the front of it,
and at any given moment that he has been on
screen this entire episode, particularly right now, he's holding several

(01:13:24):
slim gems. They're just in his hands. So let's listen
into his promo.

Speaker 4 (01:13:28):
How do you feel about your match today, Julia, I'm
glad you asked me that question. I am the Tower
of power, too sweet to be sour monkey like a monkey.
This guy's the limited space is the.

Speaker 1 (01:13:40):
Place o.

Speaker 5 (01:13:43):
Man?

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
Yes, what's your plan?

Speaker 4 (01:13:45):
Cody?

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
My plan is no plan yet.

Speaker 4 (01:13:48):
I live on the edge, living on the edge, right
at the edge of a lightning bolt across the sky.

Speaker 2 (01:13:54):
Do you know why, Cody?

Speaker 4 (01:13:56):
No?

Speaker 5 (01:13:56):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
The Boys Club because of sun all right, I think
I know the answer to this question, but I'll ask
it anyway. Who did better? Well, I mean it's easily
by a mind.

Speaker 2 (01:14:08):
It doesn't hurt that Cody played his part perfectly. He did, Cody,
Do you know what I'm talking about right now?

Speaker 1 (01:14:14):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:14:14):
I do not that's even a mean gene way to
play that, to be like what the fuck is this?
And the thing again about Macho Man is like what's
he saying about space and stuff?

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
Like anything that rhymes?

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
At least he is willing to just like do some stuff,
whereas Hulk's just saying, here's what you're about to see,
and I'm confident I will do well.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
But yells that I do like.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
How both of them have questions like what is your approach,
what's your what are you gonna do? How are you
gonna go about this? And they don't. They don't have
the answer. They're not gonna do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
It's kind of like when you interview a real athlete,
no one says anything. I wish they did this like
baseball players. Yeah, this kind of interview would be great.

Speaker 3 (01:14:53):
Like I want to hear people asking like show, hey Otani,
how is something?

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
And I want this him. I want him to respond
this way. I wanted to see him flex he could.
He's a strong man, not as strong as these people.
But also you know, he's not on a lot of steroids.
But unfortunately, unfortunately for the Mega Powers, the Towers of Power,
as montre Man Randy Savage said, bad guys are also here.
They get to cut their own promos. So let's hear

(01:15:18):
what Rick Flair has to say.

Speaker 5 (01:15:20):
Oh hold, no, Moncho Man, all those little thingy watch
letkars the way I figured Path Basker, we'll get rid
of our red because the ow is the more their color.

Speaker 1 (01:15:32):
You can't hit the head toe of toe in the past.
Have the whole world what you're gonna do to your opponent.
Macho man, Randy.

Speaker 5 (01:15:40):
So much already knows today he's got a deal with
an atava head right here on this beach. Macho man,
I'm gonna hit you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:50):
Like a human torpedo.

Speaker 5 (01:15:52):
Then I'm gonna style control file off into the sunset.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
All right. So that was coked out, pretty hardcore from
Rick Flair. There did he manage to usurp the macho man?
Mancho Man is still better? No, Moncho Man is still better. Yeah,
I was a little too concerned about Rick Flair's breathing.
He constantly goes, yeah, nonsense uff. He never had breadth

(01:16:17):
to begin with, and that's drives me nuts. I have
the weird sound thing where certain sounds drive me crazy.
And it was non stop during all their promos, but
Rick Flair was the worst. I don't even have that,
and I found myself just fixated on it. Okay, So
as we get into the actual matches quote unquote here
that take place, I will tell everyone that this stuff
was all filmed during the previous WCW pay per view

(01:16:40):
event Bashed at the Beach, which took place several months
prior to the filming and release of this episode. The
fact that television is you know, edited and all that
means that this caused a few minor issues over the
grand scale of things. Chiefly among them was the fact
that Vader Big Van Vader had actually been fired from
WCW between the filming this and the airing of it,

(01:17:02):
so he's already in WWF as Vader doing his stick,
but they just had to air it as it was.
What happened was apparently Vader got in a fight with
this very famous wrestler named Paul Orndorf backstage popped his
head like a basketball. Paul Orndorf is not bigger than Vader.
I can tell you that he also had nerve damage
and only had one arm, and he beat the shit

(01:17:23):
out of Vader. So it was apparently very embarrassing for Vader,
but he left WCW and went to WWF instead. But
all of the in ring action was actually filmed at
the event. Everything we see except for maybe one or
two different cuts, which you can tell because they faced
the sky so he can't see the crowd and how
they're not there during their reshots. All everything else was

(01:17:44):
filmed during the actual pay per view, and if you
went back and watched that pay per view, you would
see the fight from this show happening in their normal match.
Rick Flair is introduced to the ring first, and he
comes out in his big pink robe, adorned with flowers
in his name and with a cascade of booze. He's
the heel, He's the bad guy. Nobody likes him. He's

(01:18:04):
going to take over this Wonderful Boys Club. Next up
is macho Man Randy Savage, his opponent whom the ring
announcer refers to as one of the most famous names
in wrestling, which is accurate. And he's got a fistful
of slim gyms, which the crowd cheers for as he
flings him out into the adoring fans, and the ring
posts are all slim gym yep. And I will say

(01:18:25):
it is a little disappointing that we only get Baywatch
background music and not the actual theme intro songs for
the wrestlers. But what are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (01:18:33):
That was my big issue with the whole thing, as
I wanted from the get go, when the wrestlers are introduced,
I wanted the show to take a second, let's hear
their song, that sort of thing, do.

Speaker 1 (01:18:41):
The full real presentation. Now making his way to the
ring after a disembodied macho Man says let's get it on.
The match starts with a flurry of punches between the
two men, and somewhere along the way, the editor at
Baywatch decided that they would spruce up the fight by
adding Batman punchy snack. It's wild, It's like it's sound effects,

(01:19:04):
and it is bizarre.

Speaker 2 (01:19:05):
And this is.

Speaker 3 (01:19:06):
Already wrestling from thirty years ago, done by old men.

Speaker 1 (01:19:10):
Good. It's not good. Flaire gets a boot up and
it takes Macho Man of the mat, where the blonde
battye grabs the prone savage by the boot and says,
now it's time to go to school. And then he
goes for his devastating submission maneuver it's his finishing maneuver.
This is what ends their matches, the figure four leg lock.
He gets it log oh wait, never mind. No, Instead

(01:19:32):
he gets a crowd shot and then Flair punches Macho
Man some more. That's what happens, which is a weird
thing for him to just give up on the finisher
to do a punch. He had it there, but then
he punched. But Cody and CJ they boo because Flair's
taking the lead. If you will. Here he gets Macho
Man back down to the mat but with a valiant comeback,
Savage gives Flair a bonk that sends him over the

(01:19:52):
top rope to the outside of the ring. We then
get a nice little cameo here, Brian, did you see
some of these guys?

Speaker 3 (01:19:58):
I mean I remember seeing the mouth of the house.

Speaker 1 (01:20:01):
What the mouth of the house? What is he the
mouth in the South South? No, he's not the mouse,
he's buddy out. Oh yeah, mouth of the South. Well
there we go. Just keep it there. I'm not gonna
try to say it again. Jimmy Hart, Yeah, Jimmy Hart's here.
We also see the Nasty Boys. I don't know their
individual names, but they're there. They're also good buds with Hogan,
so is Jimmy Hart. They're like all best friends in
real life, which is why they're always wherever Hogan is,

(01:20:23):
he goes, good job brother, and then they come along.
But we also get to see Hacksaw Jim Duggan. I thought, okay,
yeah he was there, see him. I knew you.

Speaker 2 (01:20:32):
Yeah, I had his figuring Zacktricker, So I do remember him.

Speaker 1 (01:20:35):
Did he have a plank of woods?

Speaker 2 (01:20:36):
Oh yeah, with it kidding me, of course he did.

Speaker 1 (01:20:38):
I've seen some like old clips with him in it,
and what is going on. He's like a super patriotic
guy that's just a dumb dumb but he has a
two by four. He hits people.

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
That's the main thing, the two by four.

Speaker 1 (01:20:49):
That's his personality stick. Hey look that's all they needed. Then.

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
For sure, it wasn't much. It was very flimsy kind
of materials. And I remember the Big boss man. His
was just he had the nightstick that is a cop
sunglasses nightstick. Beat people.

Speaker 1 (01:21:04):
Pob County, Georgia if you have anyway, there's also one
of my favorite old wrestlers that I don't know anything about,
just because of how he looks arn Anderson.

Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
Oh yeah, that guy's as wide as he is tall,
and he's.

Speaker 1 (01:21:17):
Just bald on top, and he looks like somebody's dad. Yeah,
he's very good. He was a manager in aw recently too, Yeah,
for like a couple of years. I know, his career
got cut short because of some injury, but he was
regarded as a technical, awesome guy, and he did booker stuff.
But again, he just looks like somebody's dad, and he's
apparently very good at it.

Speaker 3 (01:21:36):
No, and he did look like and he weirdly looks
like somebody's dad who, like, I do think you'd be.

Speaker 1 (01:21:41):
Afraid of him. Oh yeah, he could beat your ass,
but he doesn't look like like hul Kogan or anything. Well,
they're all wearing weird tied eye pink shirts and they
grabbed Flair and toss him back in the ring as
Savage jells get him in there, but Flair takes advantage
of this spot and he tosses Macho Man over the
top and outside of the ring. Saw An Orange tossed
Savage back into the ring, and Flair now has the advantage,

(01:22:04):
but a huge surprise back body drop by Macho Man
puts him in a great spot to take advantage of
the bad guy and put him out for good. A
few more punches here, another back body drop there. Finally
the Macho King has the opening he needs. He quickly
scampers his way to the corner turnbuckle up on the
top rope. He's now in position to give his finisher,
his ultimate move. It's revered throughout all of wrestling history.

(01:22:27):
It's the elbow drop. He signals for it, he leaves,
and it's an axe handle, and then he just wins
kind of.

Speaker 3 (01:22:34):
Lands on him or something, and that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
It's over. Just like that's it that. I don't even
think they count to three. Yeah, I don't think. I
don't think we see any counting in any of this.
Macho Man then says, look at this hot dog, come on,
and then that's it's it's over. Crowd cheers, Sonny pumps
his fists. The three kids that work out at the
beach gym raise their hands in the air. They're halfway

(01:22:56):
to their goal. They won the first battle. Hogan, he's
in his tent kind of pretending to jump a little.
Did you see what he was doing here? It looked awkwards.
I'm assuming it's some sort of Hulk Hogan workout technique,
but it just looks really goofy.

Speaker 2 (01:23:10):
Can he jump?

Speaker 1 (01:23:11):
I don't think he could get off the ground. I
don't think, so he has to climb. He can't lift.

Speaker 3 (01:23:15):
I've never jumped, and his knees legitimately probably were already
very bad.

Speaker 1 (01:23:19):
Well sure anyway, CJ and Cody warned the Hulkster that
Flair is coming, and just then the villain STIPs to
the curtain to the tent. Hogan calls out Flair, telling
him there's one down, one to go, but Flair is confident.
He tells Hogan that he still has to deal with Vader.
The big Man's going to take him down. Take that
championship right off his waist, which, by the way, Hogan
was doing his leap exercise thing wearing the title belt.

(01:23:43):
Were you out with size huh? Not with the title belt?
You know, I do have that one that's a fanny pack.

Speaker 3 (01:23:49):
Oh that's right, you should start exercising in it. I'll
get on that when you do all of your working
out and lifting weights, which I do frequently all the time.
CJ notices a bunch of guys bringing together pieces of
a large cage structure, and she warns whole Cogan. He
says to Flair, look a cage wasn't part of the deal, brother,
and Flair says, guess what, it's Vader time, and then

(01:24:10):
he storms off, but not before whoo.

Speaker 1 (01:24:13):
Throwing in there. I don't even think he knows he's
doing it. It's the for macho man, except in Flair,
for the brother for Hogan. Ominous music plays. As the
cage is locked into place, an announcer says from Boulder, Colorado,
weighing at at four hundred and fifty two pounds, it's
big Van Vader. And as he says this, a large

(01:24:35):
pink soft man comes clomping out toward the ring, wearing
his traditional helmet. And do either of you want to
touch on? What the fuck the helmet is? What is
this psych a hell goat or something. I don't really
know what it is. It looks really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
I liked it.

Speaker 1 (01:24:49):
It's impressive.

Speaker 2 (01:24:49):
When I saw that, I was like, I think maybe
I respect Vader now.

Speaker 1 (01:24:52):
Well, what you missed is that that helmet, which it's
the same one, can like shoot flames out of it,
which he doesn't do every time, but sometimes he'll be
wearing it and you know, and then flames come out
event exactly. That's for your main events, not your Baywatch events.

Speaker 3 (01:25:09):
I hope you address the horrible mistake made in hul
Cogan's introduction.

Speaker 1 (01:25:13):
Oh I'm getting there. Vader gives the patented hands signal,
which is the same as Spock does in case you're
a star trek fan puts his pointer finger and his
middle finger together and then separates his pinky and ring finger,
which are then together to form a sort of V
with the hand. What does the V stand for, guys,
Vader van van van Vader. I'm going to start doing

(01:25:34):
the V s should it's mine now, especially before you
do your finisher?

Speaker 2 (01:25:38):
Of course, isn't that patented? Like didn't he probably have
to reach out to Leonard anymore about that? And I
can use that.

Speaker 1 (01:25:45):
Well, this is the nineties. I think you'd get away
with anything you wanted. Now you have to. But he's dead.
So I stole it from his body. Believe it or not,
I'm saying I took person. Yeah, I ripped his hand
out of it.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
Oh yeah, I know, I thought you just meant intellectual property,
but you meet me. Actually he still hand.

Speaker 1 (01:26:01):
After doing the patented hand signal. Vader, as he's getting booed,
yells to the crowd, what time it's Vader time. There's
a clock on the wall, says Vader time.

Speaker 2 (01:26:13):
Now I want that clock just as a ves.

Speaker 1 (01:26:15):
Oh it's like Vader Vader fifteen, Vader twenty. No, it's
empty except for one spot, just Vader. Everything else that
doesn't care. It's just the Vader time. And then when
it hits Vader time, the clock says, pow them, and
then it goes to the whole thing. But now it
is time to bring out the hero. Vader's the heel,
he's the bad guy. We bring out the Hulkster, to

(01:26:37):
which the announcer refers to as the total package bullshit,
the King of Hulkamania and the living lesson legend of wrestling.
And as Brian hinted, I also take offense to him
being called the total package because that's Lex Luger. Guys.

Speaker 3 (01:26:52):
Yeah, and I mean, come on, that hadn't almost been
intentional or something.

Speaker 1 (01:26:56):
It was a slight against him. Yeah, I think I agree,
because that's.

Speaker 3 (01:26:58):
Such a well known thing at that time, even though
Lex Luger at the time looked like a really jacked
baby speaking of that sort of these face looked like
a small baby's face.

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
Well, what's he looking like now? That still?

Speaker 3 (01:27:09):
But his body's normal size now a little turtally, a
little totally.

Speaker 1 (01:27:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:27:13):
My other question though, is do we really want to
consider Hulk Hogan to be like a versatile wrestler, like
he's really just got the land thing?

Speaker 3 (01:27:21):
Neither should we consider Lex Luger to.

Speaker 1 (01:27:23):
Be But that was Luger am way better than Hogan.
Well sure, but I mean but Hogan's bath. Yeah, anyway,
and I also don't like Luger. Let me get that
out there. That is not I don't I didn't sit
down to get and go. I can't wait to see
this so jacked he can't move man do a torture rack. No,
thank you. You do sometimes think that now though, Do

(01:27:44):
you remember that one time, Brian, that I spent like
four hours just sending you pictures of Lex Luger.

Speaker 3 (01:27:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:27:49):
It really was probably that long, one after another for
like four foot in a long time. I thought it
would be over.

Speaker 3 (01:27:55):
It'd be like a bad diarrhea, right, I was in
a dark there'd be more.

Speaker 1 (01:27:59):
I was not in a good place, and I needed
to lugure you and I did you know we took
umbrage with the total package. I also did not realize
that Hulkamania was a monarchy. They referred to him as
the King of Hulka Maenia. Yeah, he is really fast
and loose with how he describes Hulko Maine.

Speaker 2 (01:28:14):
Well, he did warn us it would run wild.

Speaker 3 (01:28:16):
He did, and he has always claimed that. Though he's
maintained that throughout the years, I've never heard him so
adamantly maintain that it rules. Also, he says that several
times I guess he ran a little too wild.

Speaker 1 (01:28:30):
Well, and by the way, Hogan is accompanied to the
ring by a man we've mentioned he is the most
eighties man you've ever seen. It's Jimmy Hart. He's dressed
in Hulk Hogan regalia as well. Dennis Rodman's here, He's
dressed in Hulk Hogan gear. Here's the thing, though they
don't mention either of these guys in Baywatch, somehow you
get glimpses of him. And this is because the Baywatch

(01:28:51):
story has nothing to do with them. The wrestling events
story of Bash at the Beach did. In fact, Dennis
Rodman interfered and hit I believe it was the Zodiac
aka Buddhist the barber Beefcake as a serial killer with
a steel chair and celebrated the win with Hogan.

Speaker 3 (01:29:07):
Dennis Rodman probably did that in basketball, some hit people
with steel chairs.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
I would buy that he did that for sure. Do
you remember when Dennis Rodman and I think it was
Hulk Hogan teamed up against was it Karl Malone in
Diamond Dallas Page. Yeah, that's a real thing. That's exactly
right wild. But anyway, Hogan is yelling nonsense and we
can't really hear via the dubbing, but he climbs over
the cage, rips off his paper thin shirt per tradition,

(01:29:31):
and then he makes his way into the ring using
his shirt to choke Vader. And I will reiterate, Vader
is the heel. Here Hogan is supposed to be the
good guy face and here he is choking him with
a shirt. This seems a little often, it is weird.

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
I mean, you can do it when you're Here's the
thing about Hulk Hogan in these weird It works when
he's against Andre the Giant, because it's like with that
dynamic of like this guy has to do whatever the
fuck he can.

Speaker 1 (01:29:56):
That guy's so big.

Speaker 3 (01:29:57):
But the problem is hul Cogan's like six seven or something,
so against most people. If he's using anything, it's like asshole.

Speaker 1 (01:30:05):
Hogan kind of drags Vader around using the shirt for
a bit as Jimmy Hart yells come out get him,
and the crowd cheers. And he didn't have a bull horn.
Sometimes he has a bullhorn. Doesn't he hit people with that?
I'm pretty sure? And jim Cornette has a tennis racket.

Speaker 3 (01:30:18):
If anybody used a bullhorn. In addition to what we've
already heard in this episode, I think my ear drums
would have ron shirt.

Speaker 1 (01:30:24):
Hogan gets Vader in the corner and climbs up the
big Man, giving him a tin punch before stomping on
his head for good measure. With Vader stunned, Hogan hits
him with an axe handle smash, which, if we remember,
just ended the previous match here. It's just a flyaway move, yeah,
because Randy Savage didn't do it. The task Master and
Flair are yelling from their tent and support of Vader

(01:30:44):
before they turn and yell at one another, and then
that's the last we see them for a bit. Hogan
rips off Vader's mask, revealing the overcooked egg underneath, and
punches him in the head some more before lifting the
big man up for a body slam. This in the
match is a big deal. Anytime Hogan body slams a
big man, it's always a big event of the match.
The problem is he hurts his back. Oh, Hogan is

(01:31:07):
a forty three year old man, as you said, Brian,
and Vader is four hundred and fifty two pounds. That's
gonna hurt your back. You pick up a four hundred
and fifty two pounds cooked ham, it's gonna hurt you
every time I do. It sucks.

Speaker 2 (01:31:18):
That's even bigger than Yo Yo. Four hundred and fifty
two pounds. That's how much was he four and twenty seven?

Speaker 1 (01:31:24):
I think that's right. Wow, Vader's bigger than Yo Yo.
Not even a person, we learned Invader Holmes. While that
says in convenient, As Hulk moans in pain, Vader goes
to the top rope and hits a big splash. Then
he chokes the smaller oranger man before going for a pinfall.

(01:31:46):
But it's just a two count as Hogan kicks out
and he avoids the loss. Suddenly the music in the
mood turned triumphant. As Hogan makes it to his feet
and tells the prone Vader, he says, get up, Vader,
because you're going down. That's redundant. Don't get up to
go down. I kind of have to know you're right.
You gotta gotta get up to get down. I always
forget you.

Speaker 2 (01:32:04):
Do several times. Today you've forgotten.

Speaker 1 (01:32:07):
But then he punches him in the head a few times.
The editing kind of skips and jumps around with white
flashes here as we hop through time. Hogan punches Vader
with bad sound effects a bunch. Vader gets the advantage again.
There's more punches and stuff. Vader runs Hogan into the cage,
falls on him a couple of times, but suddenly Hulk
hulks up. He does his thing, He shakes his head
and shimmies and all that stuff. He goes for an

(01:32:29):
Irish whip. No he doesn't. He actually then he punches
him in the head. It's not quite an Irish whip.
It's a weird cut. But out of nowhere the leg
drop his finisher, his vaunted finisher. This is it one
two three? Get wait, no, Okay, it's not. Oh he's
punching him again, so okay, that wasn't the finish never.
Oh no, he's just doing that in the middle for fun.
Oh wait, he's hulking up again. Or alright, let's okay.

(01:32:51):
Maybe he's gonna do another leg drop. We get, we
get flexing, a stomp, a body slam, Irish whip into
a big boot. Now he's gonna hit the leg drop.
This is when he always does it. After the Irish
big boot. Here we go, here comes he's gonna Oh no, wait,
he's already won. It's just over the Yeah they didn't count.
Oh yeah, you don't see it. End, it's just is over.
The answer, just says Hulk. Hogan wins. Okay, well all right,

(01:33:12):
everything's fine. Then let's celebrate with Flair and the task Master.
They're not going to celebrate. They're pissed off in their tent.
Hogan triumphantly holds up his belt and yells hol Comania rules.
We did it for the kids, we did it for
the youth center. What you gonna do woo? And then
the crowd goes nuts. He stole a woo from Rick Flair.
I'll add that Hulk Hogan, Jimmy Hart, Dennis Rodman, they

(01:33:32):
all had back to the tent. Except those aren't the
people who come into the tent. Actually it's c J. Cody,
Sonny the Holkster, and Macho Man and Flair Taskmaster. They're
already here. Hogan tells flair' all take that property deed.
Now you know that s grow bring that U scrow
to the match Flair, which Flair has in his hand.
He's just clutching scrolling a pole. Match it. You know

(01:33:56):
how a weeen have it. Yeah, there you go. Matra
Man snatches up the deed and the heroes give it
to the old man Sonny, as Hogan says, here you go, Sonny,
the property, your dream, everything, man, it's all contained here.

Speaker 2 (01:34:07):
That's another opportunity for a heel turn when you say,
they give it to the old man, Sonny. And then
after they get the d they turn around and they
beat the shit out of Sonny, lays him out, and
they take over. It's theirs.

Speaker 1 (01:34:16):
Now you thought this was gonna be a youth center
at our rage, this is gonna be a senior care home.
Sonny kisses the paper as the crowd suddenly bursts into
the tent cheering as Vader and Flair yell things that
the good guys, Hogan and the fans spill onto the beach,
where the Holster triumphantly holds up the championship belt for
all to see.

Speaker 3 (01:34:35):
This is two times, people just running after whole, Cogan
as he raises the thing. I guess he at least
did do something this time.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
Yeah, this time it's after the event. The last time, Yeah, oh,
you worked out a bit, but that's it. They watch
is over right wrong, because we've got a bee plot
to resolve, and the BEA doesn't stand for benign. Turns out,
Mitch and Stephanie are perched up on some rocks looking
out at the ocean, and Hasseloff continues to console the
potential cancer riddled woman. They look over to see Tom

(01:35:03):
trudging his way through the sand towards them with a
sad look on his face. Stephanie stands up and says
it's time. But she doesn't say it's time. It's not
that different different kind of it's time. Mitch claps her
on the shoulder and tells her I'm here for you, Stephanie.
They turn to face the best damned dermatologist in the
beach and asks Tom, has the cancer spread? Tom pauses

(01:35:24):
in hales and dryly tells her that yes, the cancer
has spread. Stephanie turns her back and begins to cry,
and Mitch asks if Tom, if he's sure this is
this right? You sure she's got cancer? He says, I
am sure, and then three hold each other as the
camera pans back. Sappy music plays in the background. And
that's it. The are you sure? What's he gonna say?

Speaker 2 (01:35:44):
JK, gotcha, first thing you ask a doctor, just get
that second opinion from that same person.

Speaker 1 (01:35:51):
And remember last week we had that hilarious prank Jim
played on his wife where he pretended to get shot
while working late at work. This is a second great
prank the U have cancer psych all the funny ones.
But that's it for Baywatch Colon bash at the Beach,
slash the cancer filled lifeguard. We got through the episode, guys,
it is wild. One quick little update because I'm sure

(01:36:12):
you're curious to know Stephanie does have cancer in the
story of Baywatch. Eventually she has surgery for it, performed
by doctor Tom Morella. He's also a surgeon. Apparently, that's
how it works when you're the best damn dermatologist in
the beach.

Speaker 2 (01:36:25):
If you're a dermatologist, you automatically no surgery stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:36:28):
He proposes to her during the whole process.

Speaker 2 (01:36:31):
All that sounds like taking advantage of the vulnerable state.

Speaker 1 (01:36:34):
There anesthetic maybe, And I don't know if she says
yes then, but eventually at least she does say yes,
and they get married, and in fact they have their
honeymoon on a cruise. They take a cruise. You remember,
last time she's on a cruise she got shot and
thrown overboard. That doesn't happen this time. What happens this
time is a hurricane hits and she sees a kid
like on the deck in the middle of the hurricane,

(01:36:55):
and a sale was falling down, so she rushes over
to push the kid out of the way and it
smashes her to death.

Speaker 2 (01:37:01):
Okay, well, so they really did not ever go light
and drama for Stephanie.

Speaker 1 (01:37:05):
No, And the entire thing I watched, the clip of
it is a little too funny for what happen, I
would imagine, so would this is a little like the
helicopters in the R too, where it's like too many
cruise things, guys, too many all right, We've now watched
three episodes of Baywatch, Yes we have. We mentioned it. Before.
We had the serial killer Jacob Kilmer, we had the Eel,

(01:37:26):
the serial killer, the Eel, and the Santa Ana Winds
which made everybody horny and crazy, and then now we've
had Hull Cogan at the Beach. We didn't get a
single Baywatch episode featuring nu Me, the buff old Man,
and it pisses me off. He was in over one
hundred and fifty of these things and we still haven't. Yeah,
it's not fair. We'll we'll get him though. You remember
at the end of Colombo Spencer there's a Christmas one.

(01:37:48):
I hope we can do another one so we can
see blah blah blah weah. I hope we can do
an episode of Baywatch later on down the road in
which we see nu Me. We need to remedy that.

Speaker 3 (01:37:57):
We also gonna ask us if we preferred any of
the three episodes.

Speaker 1 (01:38:00):
Yeah, that was next up. Of these three, which one
stood out to you as your favorite? I mean the
one I will always look back on the most fondies.
That Eel one.

Speaker 2 (01:38:08):
You can't beat the Eel.

Speaker 3 (01:38:09):
That episode is nuts from start to finish and more
all of its plots are.

Speaker 2 (01:38:15):
Yeah, see this one is It's too easy if you
wanted to pick this one as the best one, because
it just kind of throws all this wild shit at you.
And there's wrestlers everywhere. I don't know if you guys noticed,
there's wrestlers all over the place. So I can't pick
that one because it doesn't have enough like on its
own merit, on its non wrestling merit. Eels, we got
the eel, we got the eel, we got.

Speaker 1 (01:38:37):
That guy with the metal detector, the one he's that
I have the law of the say on my time.
That was amazing. Hoby was in it.

Speaker 2 (01:38:43):
Toby's great. Yeah. There was just more going on in
that one. I mean apart from maybe not an actual
like verbal content like in this one, but there's just
more going on in the story.

Speaker 1 (01:38:52):
There's a little more Hasslehoff and we got to see
him wrestle that eel. Yeah, and use an electrical defibrillator
to kill it. What a wild episode.

Speaker 2 (01:39:00):
That's one of the times that I was laughing the
hardest imagining David Hasselhoff and going at the eel.

Speaker 3 (01:39:06):
The print out on the Electric Eels is also really amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:39:09):
The one that just says eels. It just says like
electric eels, and there's just pictures of them. And this
is supposed to be like helpful for them to figure
out what's going on because it was from like the
local scientific institute. Yeah, they didn't even go to in Karta.
All right, here is my defense of this episode. I
don't believe this, but if I were to say this
was my favorite, I think you could do it on
the sole basis of the b plot, which doesn't.

Speaker 3 (01:39:32):
It's so funny to the Stephanie lecturing everybody about sunscreen.

Speaker 1 (01:39:36):
Is as the ominous music plays bad, it's wild. I
do think I agree it's the eel one. I do
think we're being a little mean to the Jacob Kilmore.
I think I might have it at number two and
this at number three.

Speaker 3 (01:39:50):
And that's not necessarily a slight to this, you know,
beefy wrestler filled episode.

Speaker 1 (01:39:55):
It's more just these are all wild.

Speaker 2 (01:39:57):
I would say this one lived up to the It
did what I thought it would do. It just kind
of it was so in your face with all the wrestlings.

Speaker 1 (01:40:05):
It's styled and profiled. Yeah, all right, well that's going
to do it for Baywatch coverage. I want to thank
everyone for tuning in. We will be back next week,
but guess what, it's not going to be Rewind. We're
done with Rewind. We covered our six shows. We are
going to take a special week of something that we
missed and we're going to cover creepypastas. We do it

(01:40:28):
every year. We missed it in Halloween because of real
life issues. We're going to give you creepypastas that we
have written and each other are going to read. We
do this every year. They're amazing. We have what three
years of them out there now, yeah, the fourth year.
Some of my favorite episodes and some of our fans
get in touch with us and they're always like, oh,
I love these episodes. They're great, So we look forward

(01:40:48):
to doing it. We're all three writers in some capacity.

Speaker 2 (01:40:52):
Not like that Ken Franklin guy, not likely, right, We.

Speaker 1 (01:40:55):
Actually write, and not like Jim. We're not as successful
at it. But I do often write about missus and
maybe you'll make one of your stories about it one day.
We'll see. But we are going to write creepypastas which
are notoriously bad and present them here if you like
what we do. Check us out on boto ink dot
com or website where you can find all sorts of information.
We are available on YouTube dot com slash butto ink.

(01:41:17):
All the old episodes are getting put up there, as
well as bonus music stuff and all kinds of extra content.
And speaking of extra content, go to patreon dot com
slash buto ink where you can hear all the Aerosmith
stuff you need to hear. And I like how that's
what we focus on every time with patri We also
answer advice questions. Yeah, things like that. Yeah, lots of

(01:41:37):
cool stuff on there. It's all free. If you want
to subscribe and give us some cash, that would be great,
we would appreciate it. But if you don't, it is
available for free. Trust me, just listen to the stuff.
You don't want to miss a thing, all right, Before
we get out of here, gentlemen, what do you think
is the scariest thing you could encounter in the sea?
Vader that got me?

Speaker 2 (01:41:58):
I would say, something that does belong there, so you
know you get here belongs in the sea. I'd say,
you know, if you get like an eel, it's like, oh,
that's scary, but I expected that so I was. I
was ready for it. I'd see like a bear. You
don't want to see a bear Sea bear Bears.

Speaker 1 (01:42:13):
If you saw the rest of the wrestler glacier, it'd
be like, well, yeah, I mean, let's makes it body water. Yeah,
he's doing his ninja poses on the ice.

Speaker 2 (01:42:21):
I think it's better to be scared than to be surprised.
This is a philosophical thing to end this note on.

Speaker 1 (01:42:26):
It was deep. The real answer angry tugboat. Okay, the
business we are touching on Baywatch Season x's X. It's
from the wature guys. We don't do numbers anymore. We're
being very trendy. I thought Season Epsidon was the best.

(01:42:48):
Is Season X like this shitty bullshit conservative edge lord.
Then it'd wears sunglasses and takes pictures in its truck.

Speaker 3 (01:42:56):
Yeah, and it just says stuff, lock man, I should
be able to do whatever I want.

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Ep 165 | Baywatch: "Bash at the Beach"

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep 165 | Baywatch: "Bash at the Beach"