October 13, 2025 • 18 mins
Centers on Daud, an immigrant navigating the complexities of life in England while wrestling with his past in Africa. The narrative explores themes of racial prejudice and cultural displacement, as Daud encounters both overt hostility and subtle condescension. His relationships, particularly with Catherine and his friend Karta, illuminate the challenges of connection and identity in a foreign land. Furthermore, the text touches upon post-colonial experiences and the lingering impact of empire, contrasting idealized notions of England with the harsh realities faced by immigrants.
You can listen and download our episodes for free on more than 10 different platforms:
https://linktr.ee/book_shelter
Get the Book now from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Pilgrims-Way-winner-Nobel-Literature/dp/1526653478?&linkCode=ll1&tag=cvthunderx-20&linkId=8d114a08b0590cee6e482d230f9bea03&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl
You can listen and download our episodes for free on more than 10 different platforms:
https://linktr.ee/book_shelter
Get the Book now from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Pilgrims-Way-winner-Nobel-Literature/dp/1526653478?&linkCode=ll1&tag=cvthunderx-20&linkId=8d114a08b0590cee6e482d230f9bea03&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the deep dive. Today we're plunging into Abdul
Razaker in this powerful novel Pilgrim's Way.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Yeah, it's quite a book, it really is.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We've got a lot of material here, excerpts detailing the
experiences of Doubt, the main character, and.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Our mission basically is to follow his journey right, get inside.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
His head exactly. Imagine arriving somewhere new, full of hope.
Maybe instead you just face prejudice, loneliness, this deep feeling
of not belonging. That's Dodd's world. So we'll trace his path,
looking at his experiences, his internal thoughts. It's this exploration
of identity, displacement and that search for well, for home.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And what's striking is how Gurna just throws us right
in no gentle introduction. Now you're immediately seeing the impact
of racism, subtle or overt on his daily life. It's
less a plot, more like snapshots, yeah, vignettes.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Each one
building this picture of an immigrant struggle.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Which brings up that big question straight away, how do
you co how do you survive when just being there
seems to antagonize people? And how does that change you inside?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, that antagonism hits dout immediately. Think about those early
pub scenes. Gurna describes, Oh yeah, the grin, the grin.
He sees this old man smiling in a pub, and
instantly Dowd thinks, that's the one that won an empire.
A pickpocket's smile meant to distract.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
It's incredible shorthand, isn't it. Garney uses that one detail
to show us Dowd's whole mindset.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Right, Everything is filtered through that lens of history of colonialism,
makes real trust feel almost impossible.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Exactly. It's not just some grumpy old man, it's symbolic.
It's history staring back at him, and Gurna keeps that
pressure on. Those pub experiences are just rejection after.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Rejection, like being refused cigarettes and matches, and the way
Gurna puts it, Dowd feels this profound antagonism he aroused
by his mere presence.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, and he replays it, doesn't He thinks of all
the clever things he could have said.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Always too late, that internal battle.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Then there's the seven compasses denied spaghetti even though others
are eating it, and.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
His reaction shouting God save the Queen. As he runs away,
it's almost funny but also deeply sad, like a desperate plea.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Totally then getting chased out by the burghers, these sort
of smug townspeople, just with stares and comments.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
But the one that really seems to hit hard is
the cricketers.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Hmmm, because he felt okay there for a bit, yeah,
with the.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Cricket stuff around, something familiar. But the landlady asks him
to leave, says she's afraid her husband might get violent,
leaves him saddened and shaken. It's those quieter, almost domestic
kinds of exclusion that seemed to cut the deepest sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Absolutely, and all these things big and small, they just
add up. Gurna shows how it becomes this constant background
noise of being less than human.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
The psychological toll must be immense, which forces him inward,
right onto those lonely walks home.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, those walks are revealing. It's a warm June evenings
are empty, but he feels exposed, worried about darkest alleys,
unseen threats.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
But his mind is racing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh yeah, he pictures this, this colonial figure back from
the empire, walking the same soulless streets, maybe thinking about
torturing people back home.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Such a vivid, dark imagination, But then he immediately contrasts it,
reminds himself about the practical things England does.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Have, paved streets, running water, onions in the shops. Right,
that pull between this brutal past and this functional yet
hostile present.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
And his view of the landmarks like Saint George's Tower,
the cathedral, they're layered two.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
The slow clock is okay, a bearable eccentricity, but the.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Cathedral impressive, flood lit. But he's never been inside, not
in years.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Of living there, because of the skinheads.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Exactly being chased through the cloisters, them yelling gives a
kiss nigger, and the bitter thought that those same skinheads
probably had been inside the cathedral.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
So the symbol of sanctuary is actually a site of
trauma for him. It's powerful stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Then there's the near miss in the park, the wreck right.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He's wary of dogs anyway, sees a man with a
big one.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
The man grins, and Dowd just bolt runs away, stops
by a stream and shouts curses at this skinny figure
in an overcoat.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
That feeling of powerless rage again, and.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Even getting home isn't really a sanctuary. The cathedral bells
are ringing, but his room.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
The landlord who talks about piano keys racial harmony, but
lets the floorboards rot and wants more rent for fixing them.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, exploitation behind a mask of tolerance. The house is silent, miserable.
The TV's just noise, no escape really.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
So even his own space reflects that feeling of being used.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Compromised, and this isolation just fuels his memories right. Thinking
about letters home, he hasn't written.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Letters from friends who sound so optimistic about England, which
just feels like mockery to him given his reality.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
He remembers the warm, golden beaches, but knows it's partly delusion,
like from tourist brochures, and he thinks.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
About why his generation felt this pull towards England, the
legacy of colonial education, hankering for the land of their teachers.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Grinna even brings in the tragic story of roberta Velo,
the Malagassy poet. It connects Daud's personal pain to this
wider historical pattern.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It's crucial his job at the hospital too, being an
orderly cleaning.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Up mess Puss and way grim grim, but.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
It's also where he finds some connection. However, Small sins
Sir Wilhemina Shelton, the Jamaican nurse.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
She reminds him of his mother, Yeah, and he.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Likes her style. How she challenges the surgeons. He wonders
how she ended up so far from home too, sees
that shared displacement.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
There's that initial distance, but he calls her Auntie, flatters
her a bit and breaks the ice, shows his little
social navigation.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Then Catherine Mason arrives right.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
First meeting outside the I Theater. He still got his
mask on, which she finds funny.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
He tries to be cheerful, but she seems a bit older,
maybe a bit awkward compared to the others. Gets her
medical terms mixed up.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
A protractor instead of a retractor. Yeah, and Gurna gives
Catherine her own layers, her own inconsistencies. Sister Wintor says
her dad's a colonel, but.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Katherine correct that later says he's a solicitor. Wanted her
to study music, not physics, so she's also not quite
fitting the mold in her own way.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It sets up a parallel maybe a reason they connect.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I think so, and she opens up fairly quickly admits
she hates.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Nursing, calls it boring, hard and dirty work, long hours,
terrible money, very blunt.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, talks about disappointing her dad, her brother mocking her music.
It shows she has own pressures, her own sense of
not quite measuring up, even if it's from a very
different world than doubts.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
And maybe that shared feeling, that slight sense of being
out of step makes Doud feel he can you ask her.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Out, which is a huge deal for him. Gurna gives
us that great internal.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Monologue, Oh yeah, thinking about how it works back home,
all indirect versus just asking.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
He literally has to imagine this whole pastoral scene glades
bird song, just to work up the nerve.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
And then he says no because she's expecting a phone call.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Sends him right back into that spiral, writing imaginary letters
to famous thinkers, blaming his mum's hygiene obsession for his
own cowardice.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's fascinating how he processes everything through this intellectual historical filter.
It's his defense mechanism.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Absolutely, and his daily commute is another place we see
this admiring the neatness of a street, a man picking
up dog.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Poo, envying the man's focus, his purpose, while Doud feels
so adrift, disheveled.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
He waves at some gloomy guy in traffic, writes an
internal letter, don't you care, sees a girl stare, and
the immediate thought is black boy lusts after white flesh.
You have been.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Warned, constant vigilance, always anticipating the negative judgment.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Then Carter arrives his friend from Sierra Leone.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Carter brings a different energy. Jokes Cunning mocks his own
hopes for England.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
But also real anger, ranting about the craven conquerors who
won't even look you in the eye and admit their hatred.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yet he's homesick. Two for the smells of Freetown, even
the bad ones shows that complex pull of home, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Definitely? Krta is like Dowd's externalized rage, while Dowd internalizes
Carda lets it out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
I see this at that Quaker party for foreign students.
Dad's got this funny cynical view of Quakers anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Burning witches and so on.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, and the party itself West Indian nurses, Malaysian students
Karta lurking in black clothes. Discussing multicultural exchanges feels a
bit awkward, a bit.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Forced, like a performance of integration. We also meet Marie briefly,
Dowd's German apair. Carda seems quite interested, a.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Little glimpse of Dowd trying to build some kind of
personal life amidst it all, and Gerna throws in that
bit about Dowd's father too.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Getting angry about his teacher introducing African writers like Soyinka and.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And Googy Yeah, wanting Dickens and Shakespeare instead. God of
Thunder indeed shows that internalized colonial mindset again, the older
generation's perspective.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Such complex layers of identity, and that complex He really
comes out with Lloyd.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Oh, Lloyd ugly doesn't care how he looks, announces he's
in love. Carda just insults him, and.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Lloyd hits back with racist stuff, calls Carda a smelly wog,
but Dowd notices he only does it for Carda.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Like he's playing a role, even though he might actually
be racist deep down. And yet Lloyd keeps bringing food.
It's so weirdly codependent.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It really is. Then Carda just explodes about the slave trade,
fifty million kidnapped, you made monkeys out.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Of us, just raw fury, and Lloyd's pathetic response, what
has all that to do with me? Shows that massive disconnect.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Dowd thinks they'll actually fight. Carda says, I'll kill that
Baszard one.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Day, But Dowd can't bring himself to kick Lloyd out.
He senses Lloyd's own loneliness, his own rejections, feels he
has to offer him refuge.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's a really fascinating messy relationship Gurna creates there, shows
how shared marginalization can forge these strange bonds.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Definitely a key relationship. When it's that tension, things with
Catherine start to develop.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Again, she moves wards, which disappoints doubt Initially he sees
her later acts a bit cold first, yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
A defense mechanism, But then he spots her alone in
the dining hall, takes a chance, sits with.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Her, persists even when she's reluctant at first, and it works.
Her eyes sparkle gives him.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Hope, and that dining hall scene itself is so evocative.
The smell of stewed meat, the worn out look of
the staff.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That makes Dad wonder do I look like that?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And missus Coop the supervisor, always asking if he's from
the psychiatric hospital, treating him like a case.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Gowd calls her the lark of Bloemfontaine. In his head
imagines her lecturing bore war prisoners, that cynicism again, seeing
through the surface kindness.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So fueled by that little spark with Catherine, he tries again,
asks her.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
To dinner, goes through the whole internal debate again, cultural
propriety versus just asking, gathers his courage.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Her reaction seems positive, flushed neck veane fluttering. He imagines
this huge victim for black.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Humanism offerings pires the works. His imagination is something else,
and then she.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Says no again, same reason, expecting a call back to panic,
back to the letters, blaming mum's hygiene obsession. It's almost
comical how cyclical his anxiety is.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It really is. But they do talk more. She asks
about his past.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And he admits carefully about evening classes university, but leaves
out the failure. Admits he lied to people back home, made.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Up stories about his dad being sick meningitis elfaniasis, just
to explain needing money shows the shame.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And then he confesses about the hunger he felt as
a student, stomach rumbling in class, skipping meals, even stealing food, and.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
His dad's brutal response when he asks for help drink
his blood. Catherine, shocked, mentioned social security.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
But Dawd says lying was just easier. Highlights that gulf
in their experiences.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
But eventually they do have that beautiful night drinking wine
under the stars.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
He still wants to talk cricket England, getting thrashed. She
hates it. Classic walk.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
He wants to show off Ricardo the barman descended to Pizarro.
She refuses this stuffy.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Hotel, so they walk through the rundown streets. Makes him anxious,
but then he takes her to the Black Dog.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
The pub that holds bad memories for him. Racial taunts.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, he tells her why it's significant. It feels like
a big step, sharing that vulnerability, facing that fear with.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Her, definitely active trust. He gets home, feeling relieved like
he's dodged the racist monkeys, starts another letter to his
dad he'll never send.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Meanwhile, Lloyd keeps turning up late during the cricket unwonted
Dowd feels awkward about gloating over England, losing in front
of this.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Heathen he's Lloyd pacing outside sometimes. Yeah, realizes it's not
some random threat, just Lloyd waiting.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Lloyd even brings some poems and eventually manages a sort
of apology for the racist remarks. Talks about being lonely.
Gerna makes him quite pathetic.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Really, yeah, he almost feel sorry for him despite everything. Carda,
though still discussed.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Calls Lloyd a stupid, ignorant turd. Dowd stays out of it,
now learnt that lesson.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Dad's also cooking more learning from a book, though there's
that disastrous roast chicken.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For the Norwegians. Yeah, a bit of light relief, but
Dowd still dreams of escape, hiking the Pilgrim's Way.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Thinking take caffin with him, have fun, but still avoids
the cathedral. Feels like a pygmy near.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It until Catherine insists they go. Pushes him, but then
her world interfears again.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
The call with her mom, distress about Dowd, and then
the reveal about Malcolm.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Her doctor boyfriend and seeing him for months. Part of
that hospital crowd nurses passed around. Catherine feels squalid.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
And Malcolm's reaction to Dowd is pure racism. Hmm. Nigger
wog can't understand how she could touch him. He's close
to home for Catherine to the social pressure.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It shows she's not immune. She's torn about Malcolm, but
Dowd convinces her to stay half joking about enraged doctors.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
That night, Dowd dreams his father died covered in flies.
Wakes up crying, fearing his dad's anger, and Catherine comforts him,
a real moment of connection.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
They even start a project, Catherine cleaning the garden, suggesting planting.
Dowd gets excited about Pepper's a little bit of hope,
maybe grounding.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
A small symbol. Yeah, but Cart sees it differently when
he returns.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
What's depressed since is Catherine's influence, says the English have
got you like Dowd's losing something.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Dowd then tells Catherine that really dark story the landowner's
daughter and the vagrant boy in the orchard.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Who kills her mutilates her chilling. Dowd says he doesn't
know what it means, but it feels unsettling.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Their relationship also faces more public castle. Katherine is angry
about the stairs, the beauty and the beast comment.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Tells a guy a fuckhead. Then she gets assaulted in
a phone box. I want to fuck you.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
DWD thinks it's telephone box syndrome, something he's experienced to
vulnerable spaces.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Carter then drops his own bombshell, the affair with his tutor, Helen,
plans his leaving party, worried she's getting attached, frets about
wearing all white, his own mess.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And that party, Oh wow, chaos, Paula telling Katherine it's
Dowd's huge black penis. She's after that. No one will
want Catherine.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Later, Catherine laughs it off, but admits she feared being
despised by black men, revealing her own buried fears.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
The party's just full of desperation. Sam the South African exile,
drunk and crying about Sharpville.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Matthew, Helen's partner, asking Catherine about sex and contraception, some
random guy hitting on her, whispering I love you. Carda
and Helen wrapped up in each other, just fracture.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's a real pressure cooker and then it boils over
the attack.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Yeah, Dowd feels happy suggests cutting through a churchyard, bad idea.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Six of them, nigger spook, He trips, they beat him.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Catherine tries to fight back, grabs a stone, but gets punched, kicked,
throws up Dowd's left senseless, brutal, just shattering.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
He's in casualty. Sister Agnes Kirk visits.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Catherine helps him home, but when he complains about the pain,
she snaps stop making such a fuss about a.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Few bruises as shocking shows the trauma affected her deeply too,
maybe or the limit of her empathy under stress.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's jarring. After that, England lose the cricket again, and
Dowd dances laughs mockingly. The attack seems to shift something.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
In him, and he finally goes into the cathedral, Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Not seeing God, but seeing human ingenuity, resilience, sees the
pilgrims bringing their suffering and pain there, connects it to
his own struggle.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
That feels like a huge internal shift, reclaiming the symbol,
finding his own meaning in it.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
But the family disappointment still hangs over him. His dad's savings,
his failure, the terse letter, his mum's silence, punishing silence.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
The weight of expectation. Catherine calls from home. Malcolm's still around,
but she chooses Dowd breaks it off with Malcolm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And Dowd reflects then on being a stranger, not on
exile with a purpose, but shipwrecked, free but functionless, irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That distinction is so important, shipwreck adrift, powerless.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
They visit Lloyd's parents again, still awful, mister March, going
on about your people mixing the blood. Lloyd's ashamed, decides
to join the army, another escape attempt, and.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Cartera's final visit looks down, gives doubt, advice, admits his
own mess with Helen. Their goodbye feels final, heavy, Everyone
seems adrift.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
So Dad's story it's more than just you know, experiencing racism.
It's this constant, grinding, internal battle, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Against the scars of displacement, the humiliation, always feeling like
the outsider.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
From that first grin to the graveyard attack, it's just relentless, dehumanizing,
even as he tries to connect, find some meaning.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And connecting it outwards. You see how Gerna links Dowd's
personal identity struggle to collective memory, to colonialism, migration.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
All those internal monologues, the imagined letters, rethinking symbols like
the cathedral.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
They're always He's wrestling with these huge forces. It really
makes you question belonging and how you define yourself when
the world world keeps trying to define you differently.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So for you listening, what does dowd struggle mean? That question?
He asked himself? What is it to be a stranger?
Free but without function?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It makes you think beyond just obvious prejudice, doesn't it
that subtle indifference, maybe that feeling of irrelevance in a
busy world.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, what does finding home really mean? If you're always
seen as the stranger? How do you carry the past
but still build a future? Is a home out there
or is it something you have to build inside
Welcome to the deep dive. Today we're plunging into Abdul
Razaker in this powerful novel Pilgrim's Way.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Yeah, it's quite a book, it really is.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We've got a lot of material here, excerpts detailing the
experiences of Doubt, the main character, and.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Our mission basically is to follow his journey right, get inside.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
His head exactly. Imagine arriving somewhere new, full of hope.
Maybe instead you just face prejudice, loneliness, this deep feeling
of not belonging. That's Dodd's world. So we'll trace his path,
looking at his experiences, his internal thoughts. It's this exploration
of identity, displacement and that search for well, for home.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And what's striking is how Gurna just throws us right
in no gentle introduction. Now you're immediately seeing the impact
of racism, subtle or overt on his daily life. It's
less a plot, more like snapshots, yeah, vignettes.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Each one
building this picture of an immigrant struggle.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Which brings up that big question straight away, how do
you co how do you survive when just being there
seems to antagonize people? And how does that change you inside?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Well, that antagonism hits dout immediately. Think about those early
pub scenes. Gurna describes, Oh yeah, the grin, the grin.
He sees this old man smiling in a pub, and
instantly Dowd thinks, that's the one that won an empire.
A pickpocket's smile meant to distract.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
It's incredible shorthand, isn't it. Garney uses that one detail
to show us Dowd's whole mindset.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Right, Everything is filtered through that lens of history of colonialism,
makes real trust feel almost impossible.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Exactly. It's not just some grumpy old man, it's symbolic.
It's history staring back at him, and Gurna keeps that
pressure on. Those pub experiences are just rejection after.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Rejection, like being refused cigarettes and matches, and the way
Gurna puts it, Dowd feels this profound antagonism he aroused
by his mere presence.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, and he replays it, doesn't He thinks of all
the clever things he could have said.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Always too late, that internal battle.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Then there's the seven compasses denied spaghetti even though others
are eating it, and.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
His reaction shouting God save the Queen. As he runs away,
it's almost funny but also deeply sad, like a desperate plea.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Totally then getting chased out by the burghers, these sort
of smug townspeople, just with stares and comments.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
But the one that really seems to hit hard is
the cricketers.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Hmmm, because he felt okay there for a bit, yeah,
with the.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Cricket stuff around, something familiar. But the landlady asks him
to leave, says she's afraid her husband might get violent,
leaves him saddened and shaken. It's those quieter, almost domestic
kinds of exclusion that seemed to cut the deepest sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Absolutely, and all these things big and small, they just
add up. Gurna shows how it becomes this constant background
noise of being less than human.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
The psychological toll must be immense, which forces him inward,
right onto those lonely walks home.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, those walks are revealing. It's a warm June evenings
are empty, but he feels exposed, worried about darkest alleys,
unseen threats.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
But his mind is racing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh yeah, he pictures this, this colonial figure back from
the empire, walking the same soulless streets, maybe thinking about
torturing people back home.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Such a vivid, dark imagination, But then he immediately contrasts it,
reminds himself about the practical things England does.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Have, paved streets, running water, onions in the shops. Right,
that pull between this brutal past and this functional yet
hostile present.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
And his view of the landmarks like Saint George's Tower,
the cathedral, they're layered two.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
The slow clock is okay, a bearable eccentricity, but the.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Cathedral impressive, flood lit. But he's never been inside, not
in years.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Of living there, because of the skinheads.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Exactly being chased through the cloisters, them yelling gives a
kiss nigger, and the bitter thought that those same skinheads
probably had been inside the cathedral.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
So the symbol of sanctuary is actually a site of
trauma for him. It's powerful stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Then there's the near miss in the park, the wreck right.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
He's wary of dogs anyway, sees a man with a
big one.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
The man grins, and Dowd just bolt runs away, stops
by a stream and shouts curses at this skinny figure
in an overcoat.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
That feeling of powerless rage again, and.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Even getting home isn't really a sanctuary. The cathedral bells
are ringing, but his room.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
The landlord who talks about piano keys racial harmony, but
lets the floorboards rot and wants more rent for fixing them.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, exploitation behind a mask of tolerance. The house is silent, miserable.
The TV's just noise, no escape really.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
So even his own space reflects that feeling of being used.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Compromised, and this isolation just fuels his memories right. Thinking
about letters home, he hasn't written.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Letters from friends who sound so optimistic about England, which
just feels like mockery to him given his reality.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
He remembers the warm, golden beaches, but knows it's partly delusion,
like from tourist brochures, and he thinks.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
About why his generation felt this pull towards England, the
legacy of colonial education, hankering for the land of their teachers.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Grinna even brings in the tragic story of roberta Velo,
the Malagassy poet. It connects Daud's personal pain to this
wider historical pattern.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It's crucial his job at the hospital too, being an
orderly cleaning.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Up mess Puss and way grim grim, but.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
It's also where he finds some connection. However, Small sins
Sir Wilhemina Shelton, the Jamaican nurse.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
She reminds him of his mother, Yeah, and he.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Likes her style. How she challenges the surgeons. He wonders
how she ended up so far from home too, sees
that shared displacement.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
There's that initial distance, but he calls her Auntie, flatters
her a bit and breaks the ice, shows his little
social navigation.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Then Catherine Mason arrives right.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
First meeting outside the I Theater. He still got his
mask on, which she finds funny.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
He tries to be cheerful, but she seems a bit older,
maybe a bit awkward compared to the others. Gets her
medical terms mixed up.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
A protractor instead of a retractor. Yeah, and Gurna gives
Catherine her own layers, her own inconsistencies. Sister Wintor says
her dad's a colonel, but.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Katherine correct that later says he's a solicitor. Wanted her
to study music, not physics, so she's also not quite
fitting the mold in her own way.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It sets up a parallel maybe a reason they connect.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I think so, and she opens up fairly quickly admits
she hates.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Nursing, calls it boring, hard and dirty work, long hours,
terrible money, very blunt.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, talks about disappointing her dad, her brother mocking her music.
It shows she has own pressures, her own sense of
not quite measuring up, even if it's from a very
different world than doubts.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
And maybe that shared feeling, that slight sense of being
out of step makes Doud feel he can you ask her.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Out, which is a huge deal for him. Gurna gives
us that great internal.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Monologue, Oh yeah, thinking about how it works back home,
all indirect versus just asking.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
He literally has to imagine this whole pastoral scene glades
bird song, just to work up the nerve.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
And then he says no because she's expecting a phone call.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Sends him right back into that spiral, writing imaginary letters
to famous thinkers, blaming his mum's hygiene obsession for his
own cowardice.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's fascinating how he processes everything through this intellectual historical filter.
It's his defense mechanism.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Absolutely, and his daily commute is another place we see
this admiring the neatness of a street, a man picking
up dog.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Poo, envying the man's focus, his purpose, while Doud feels
so adrift, disheveled.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
He waves at some gloomy guy in traffic, writes an
internal letter, don't you care, sees a girl stare, and
the immediate thought is black boy lusts after white flesh.
You have been.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Warned, constant vigilance, always anticipating the negative judgment.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Then Carter arrives his friend from Sierra Leone.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Carter brings a different energy. Jokes Cunning mocks his own
hopes for England.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
But also real anger, ranting about the craven conquerors who
won't even look you in the eye and admit their hatred.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Yet he's homesick. Two for the smells of Freetown, even
the bad ones shows that complex pull of home, doesn't it.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Definitely? Krta is like Dowd's externalized rage, while Dowd internalizes
Carda lets it out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
I see this at that Quaker party for foreign students.
Dad's got this funny cynical view of Quakers anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Burning witches and so on.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, and the party itself West Indian nurses, Malaysian students
Karta lurking in black clothes. Discussing multicultural exchanges feels a
bit awkward, a bit.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Forced, like a performance of integration. We also meet Marie briefly,
Dowd's German apair. Carda seems quite interested, a.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Little glimpse of Dowd trying to build some kind of
personal life amidst it all, and Gerna throws in that
bit about Dowd's father too.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Getting angry about his teacher introducing African writers like Soyinka and.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And Googy Yeah, wanting Dickens and Shakespeare instead. God of
Thunder indeed shows that internalized colonial mindset again, the older
generation's perspective.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Such complex layers of identity, and that complex He really
comes out with Lloyd.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Oh, Lloyd ugly doesn't care how he looks, announces he's
in love. Carda just insults him, and.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Lloyd hits back with racist stuff, calls Carda a smelly wog,
but Dowd notices he only does it for Carda.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Like he's playing a role, even though he might actually
be racist deep down. And yet Lloyd keeps bringing food.
It's so weirdly codependent.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It really is. Then Carda just explodes about the slave trade,
fifty million kidnapped, you made monkeys out.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Of us, just raw fury, and Lloyd's pathetic response, what
has all that to do with me? Shows that massive disconnect.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Dowd thinks they'll actually fight. Carda says, I'll kill that
Baszard one.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Day, But Dowd can't bring himself to kick Lloyd out.
He senses Lloyd's own loneliness, his own rejections, feels he
has to offer him refuge.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's a really fascinating messy relationship Gurna creates there, shows
how shared marginalization can forge these strange bonds.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Definitely a key relationship. When it's that tension, things with
Catherine start to develop.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Again, she moves wards, which disappoints doubt Initially he sees
her later acts a bit cold first, yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
A defense mechanism, But then he spots her alone in
the dining hall, takes a chance, sits with.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Her, persists even when she's reluctant at first, and it works.
Her eyes sparkle gives him.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Hope, and that dining hall scene itself is so evocative.
The smell of stewed meat, the worn out look of
the staff.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That makes Dad wonder do I look like that?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And missus Coop the supervisor, always asking if he's from
the psychiatric hospital, treating him like a case.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Gowd calls her the lark of Bloemfontaine. In his head
imagines her lecturing bore war prisoners, that cynicism again, seeing
through the surface kindness.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So fueled by that little spark with Catherine, he tries again,
asks her.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
To dinner, goes through the whole internal debate again, cultural
propriety versus just asking, gathers his courage.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Her reaction seems positive, flushed neck veane fluttering. He imagines
this huge victim for black.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Humanism offerings pires the works. His imagination is something else,
and then she.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Says no again, same reason, expecting a call back to panic,
back to the letters, blaming mum's hygiene obsession. It's almost
comical how cyclical his anxiety is.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It really is. But they do talk more. She asks
about his past.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And he admits carefully about evening classes university, but leaves
out the failure. Admits he lied to people back home, made.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Up stories about his dad being sick meningitis elfaniasis, just
to explain needing money shows the shame.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And then he confesses about the hunger he felt as
a student, stomach rumbling in class, skipping meals, even stealing food, and.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
His dad's brutal response when he asks for help drink
his blood. Catherine, shocked, mentioned social security.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
But Dawd says lying was just easier. Highlights that gulf
in their experiences.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
But eventually they do have that beautiful night drinking wine
under the stars.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
He still wants to talk cricket England, getting thrashed. She
hates it. Classic walk.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
He wants to show off Ricardo the barman descended to Pizarro.
She refuses this stuffy.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Hotel, so they walk through the rundown streets. Makes him anxious,
but then he takes her to the Black Dog.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
The pub that holds bad memories for him. Racial taunts.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, he tells her why it's significant. It feels like
a big step, sharing that vulnerability, facing that fear with.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Her, definitely active trust. He gets home, feeling relieved like
he's dodged the racist monkeys, starts another letter to his
dad he'll never send.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Meanwhile, Lloyd keeps turning up late during the cricket unwonted
Dowd feels awkward about gloating over England, losing in front
of this.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Heathen he's Lloyd pacing outside sometimes. Yeah, realizes it's not
some random threat, just Lloyd waiting.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Lloyd even brings some poems and eventually manages a sort
of apology for the racist remarks. Talks about being lonely.
Gerna makes him quite pathetic.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Really, yeah, he almost feel sorry for him despite everything. Carda,
though still discussed.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Calls Lloyd a stupid, ignorant turd. Dowd stays out of it,
now learnt that lesson.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Dad's also cooking more learning from a book, though there's
that disastrous roast chicken.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For the Norwegians. Yeah, a bit of light relief, but
Dowd still dreams of escape, hiking the Pilgrim's Way.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Thinking take caffin with him, have fun, but still avoids
the cathedral. Feels like a pygmy near.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It until Catherine insists they go. Pushes him, but then
her world interfears again.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
The call with her mom, distress about Dowd, and then
the reveal about Malcolm.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Her doctor boyfriend and seeing him for months. Part of
that hospital crowd nurses passed around. Catherine feels squalid.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
And Malcolm's reaction to Dowd is pure racism. Hmm. Nigger
wog can't understand how she could touch him. He's close
to home for Catherine to the social pressure.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It shows she's not immune. She's torn about Malcolm, but
Dowd convinces her to stay half joking about enraged doctors.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
That night, Dowd dreams his father died covered in flies.
Wakes up crying, fearing his dad's anger, and Catherine comforts him,
a real moment of connection.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
They even start a project, Catherine cleaning the garden, suggesting planting.
Dowd gets excited about Pepper's a little bit of hope,
maybe grounding.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
A small symbol. Yeah, but Cart sees it differently when
he returns.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
What's depressed since is Catherine's influence, says the English have
got you like Dowd's losing something.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Dowd then tells Catherine that really dark story the landowner's
daughter and the vagrant boy in the orchard.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Who kills her mutilates her chilling. Dowd says he doesn't
know what it means, but it feels unsettling.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Their relationship also faces more public castle. Katherine is angry
about the stairs, the beauty and the beast comment.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Tells a guy a fuckhead. Then she gets assaulted in
a phone box. I want to fuck you.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
DWD thinks it's telephone box syndrome, something he's experienced to
vulnerable spaces.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Carter then drops his own bombshell, the affair with his tutor, Helen,
plans his leaving party, worried she's getting attached, frets about
wearing all white, his own mess.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And that party, Oh wow, chaos, Paula telling Katherine it's
Dowd's huge black penis. She's after that. No one will
want Catherine.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Later, Catherine laughs it off, but admits she feared being
despised by black men, revealing her own buried fears.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
The party's just full of desperation. Sam the South African exile,
drunk and crying about Sharpville.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Matthew, Helen's partner, asking Catherine about sex and contraception, some
random guy hitting on her, whispering I love you. Carda
and Helen wrapped up in each other, just fracture.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's a real pressure cooker and then it boils over
the attack.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Yeah, Dowd feels happy suggests cutting through a churchyard, bad idea.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Six of them, nigger spook, He trips, they beat him.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Catherine tries to fight back, grabs a stone, but gets punched, kicked,
throws up Dowd's left senseless, brutal, just shattering.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
He's in casualty. Sister Agnes Kirk visits.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Catherine helps him home, but when he complains about the pain,
she snaps stop making such a fuss about a.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Few bruises as shocking shows the trauma affected her deeply too,
maybe or the limit of her empathy under stress.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's jarring. After that, England lose the cricket again, and
Dowd dances laughs mockingly. The attack seems to shift something.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
In him, and he finally goes into the cathedral, Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Not seeing God, but seeing human ingenuity, resilience, sees the
pilgrims bringing their suffering and pain there, connects it to
his own struggle.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
That feels like a huge internal shift, reclaiming the symbol,
finding his own meaning in it.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
But the family disappointment still hangs over him. His dad's savings,
his failure, the terse letter, his mum's silence, punishing silence.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
The weight of expectation. Catherine calls from home. Malcolm's still around,
but she chooses Dowd breaks it off with Malcolm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And Dowd reflects then on being a stranger, not on
exile with a purpose, but shipwrecked, free but functionless, irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That distinction is so important, shipwreck adrift, powerless.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
They visit Lloyd's parents again, still awful, mister March, going
on about your people mixing the blood. Lloyd's ashamed, decides
to join the army, another escape attempt, and.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Cartera's final visit looks down, gives doubt, advice, admits his
own mess with Helen. Their goodbye feels final, heavy, Everyone
seems adrift.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
So Dad's story it's more than just you know, experiencing racism.
It's this constant, grinding, internal battle, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Against the scars of displacement, the humiliation, always feeling like
the outsider.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
From that first grin to the graveyard attack, it's just relentless, dehumanizing,
even as he tries to connect, find some meaning.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And connecting it outwards. You see how Gerna links Dowd's
personal identity struggle to collective memory, to colonialism, migration.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
All those internal monologues, the imagined letters, rethinking symbols like
the cathedral.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
They're always He's wrestling with these huge forces. It really
makes you question belonging and how you define yourself when
the world world keeps trying to define you differently.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So for you listening, what does dowd struggle mean? That question?
He asked himself? What is it to be a stranger?
Free but without function?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It makes you think beyond just obvious prejudice, doesn't it
that subtle indifference, maybe that feeling of irrelevance in a
busy world.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, what does finding home really mean? If you're always
seen as the stranger? How do you carry the past
but still build a future? Is a home out there
or is it something you have to build inside
Popular Podcasts
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com