March 23, 2025 • 14 mins
💖 Is love just a feeling, or is it something we actively practice? In All About Love: New Visions, acclaimed author and social activist bell hooks challenges everything we think we know about love—how we give it, receive it, and why we so often struggle to sustain it.
🌟 In this episode of BOOKKAST – Bestsellers in Minutes, we explore:
✔️ How childhood experiences shape our understanding of love
✔️ Why love isn’t just about romance, but about justice, honesty, and commitment
✔️ The role of patriarchy in distorting love’s true essence
✔️ How to heal past wounds and build deeper, more authentic connections
✔️ The difference between love and care—and why most of us confuse the two
🔥 All About Love is not just a book—it’s a manifesto for a more loving world. Whether you’re struggling in relationships, seeking self-love, or simply wanting to deepen your understanding of love’s transformative power, this episode is for you.
🎧 Subscribe to BOOKKAST for daily deep dives into bestselling books! 👉 Don’t forget to like, comment, and share if this episode resonates with you. Let's spread the love! ❤️
🔔 Subscribe for more book insights
🌟 In this episode of BOOKKAST – Bestsellers in Minutes, we explore:
✔️ How childhood experiences shape our understanding of love
✔️ Why love isn’t just about romance, but about justice, honesty, and commitment
✔️ The role of patriarchy in distorting love’s true essence
✔️ How to heal past wounds and build deeper, more authentic connections
✔️ The difference between love and care—and why most of us confuse the two
🔥 All About Love is not just a book—it’s a manifesto for a more loving world. Whether you’re struggling in relationships, seeking self-love, or simply wanting to deepen your understanding of love’s transformative power, this episode is for you.
🎧 Subscribe to BOOKKAST for daily deep dives into bestselling books! 👉 Don’t forget to like, comment, and share if this episode resonates with you. Let's spread the love! ❤️
🔔 Subscribe for more book insights
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to book Cast, where we deliver bestsellers in minutes.
Today we're taking a deep dive into the world of
Bell Hooks and her book. It's called All about Love
New Visions.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Oh yeah, I love this one.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
It's a really thought provoking look at love, something I
think we could all use a little more of.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
These days, absolutely, and Hooks really challenges us to think
differently about love, you know, to go beyond those sort
of like Hallmark card notions and dig into what it
really means to love and.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Be loved, and especially she kind of takes aim at
how our culture doesn't really give us a lot of guidance.
I mean, we're bombarded with images of love, but are
they really the kind of images that are helpful?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Right? It's like all hearts and flowers and fairy tales.
But then real life is so much more complicated. And
Hooks kind of calls that out right from the start.
She says, we actually talk very little about love in
a meaningful way.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, that's so true. We all want it, we sing
about it, yeah, but do we really understand it. I Mean,
Hooks argues that love isn't just a feeling, it's an action.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, That's one of the biggest takeaways for me. It's
a choice we make. It's not something that just happens
to us.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So we're not just falling into love, we're actively.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Choosing it exactly, and that requires a certain level of
uh like, intentionality and commitment. It's about showing up for
the other person, not just in the good times, but
also when things are tough.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So it's not always going to be romantic dinners and
candle light.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
No, sometimes it's about doing the dishes or you know,
just listening when your partner's had a hard day.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
In Hook's outlines what she sees is the essential elements yeah,
of genuine love.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, she lists care, commitment, trust, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Wow. That's quite a list, it is, right. It makes
you kind of stop and think, like, have I really
been embodying all of those things?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Well, and Hooks doesn't shy away from her own struggles
with love. She actually gets pretty personal.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
In the book Oh Yeah. She talks about her own
childhood and how that shaped her ideas about.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Love, where she talks about her family being caring in
a lot of ways, but also you know, there was aggression,
there was even humiliation, so.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's like she got those mixed messages about love.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, and that's something I think a lot of people
can relate to. Like, our families may have loved us
the best way they knew how, but it might not
have always been healthy or you know, truly loving.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how do we break free from those patterns? Yeah,
especially when they're so ingrained in us.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, that's where I think Hook's message about self love
is so important. She really emphasizes that you can't truly
love others until you learn to love yourself, which.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Is so much easier said than done for a lot
of us.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Oh for sure. I mean it's a constant practice, and
it requires us to kind of confront those negative beliefs
that we have internalized.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Over the years, like those voices in our head that
tell us we're not good enough or we're not worthy.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Of love exactly. And Hooks encourages us to challenge those
voices to start speaking to ourselves with kindness and compassion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And that's where those practical tools she talks about can
be so helpful, like affirmations and journaling.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, those are great ways to kind of reprogram our
thinking and start to believe in our own work.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Because if we don't believe in ourselves, how can we
expect others to believe in us?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Right? And that's why self love is the foundation for
all other love. It's about recognizing our inherent worthiness and
nurturing our own spiritual growth.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
And I think that's where the connection to self esteem
comes in.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Oh absolutely. Hooks argues that living consciously, taking responsibility for
our actions, asserting ourselves, and finding purpose all contribute to
a stronger sense of self worth.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah. When we feel good about ourselves, we're better able
to give and receive love in healthy ways.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Exactly, We're not coming from a place of neediness or insecurity, and.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
We're more likely to attract people who will treat us with.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Respect and who will support our growth and evolution.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
And one thing I found really interesting is this idea
of livelihood that Hooks talks about.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh yeah, that's a crucial piece.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
How does that fit into the picture of love? Well.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Hooks believes that the work we do should align with
our values and passions. It's not just about earning a paycheck,
but about finding a sense of purpose and meaning in
our daily lives.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So it's about creating a life where we feel.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Fulfilled, exactly. And when we feel fulfilled in our work,
we bring that energy and that joy into our relationships
as well.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's like we're not draining ourselves in one area of
our lives, yeah, and then trying to make up for
it in another. Right.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
It's about creating a more holistic sense of well being.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
So love isn't just something we experience in our personal lives.
It's something that permeates all aspects.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Of our beings exactly. It's in our work, our relationships,
are communities, and.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Even our interactions with strangers.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's like a way of being in the world. It
is a way of approaching life with an open heart
and a willingness to connect with others in a meaningful way.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And you know what's interesting is that Hooks doesn't limit
love to just romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
She emphasizes that love should be present in all our connections.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, in our friendships, our family relationships, even our interactions
with strangers.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And that's a powerful shift in perspective. It is because
it makes you think about how you show up not
just with the people you're closest to, but with everyone
you encounter.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Exactly. It's about bringing that same level of care and
compassion to all our interactions.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, let's be real, love isn't always easy. You can
be messy and complicated and sometimes even painful.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And Hooks doesn't shy away from those realities.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
No, she doesn't.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
She actually criticizes the way we normalize as functional relationships.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, she encourages us to recognize the red flags of
unhealthy behaviors and to demand more from our relationships.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
It's like she's giving us permission to walk away from
situations that aren't serving.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Us exactly, and to set boundaries and to prioritize our
own well being.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And this reminds me of something else Hook's critiques, which
is our culture's obsession with narcissism and greed.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Oh yeah, that's a big one.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's like we're so focused on ourselves and getting ahead
that we've forgotten how to truly connect with others.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
And that focus on individual's success often comes at the
expense of it, especially those who are marginalized or less fortunate.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So it's not just about our personal relationships, it's about
creating a more just and loving society as.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
A whole, exactly. It's about recognizing our interconnectedness and taking
responsibility for how our actions impact others.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So it's like a call to action. It is a
challenge to choose love as a guiding principle for how
we live, work, and engage with the world.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I love that, and I.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Think this is a perfect place to pause for now.
We've covered so much ground already and there's still so
much more to explore in Hook's work.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Now we haven't even gotten to her ideas about romantic love.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Oh that's a whole other deep dive. But for now,
we'll leave you with this thought, how can you bring
more love into your life today? What small act of
kind is can you offer to yourself or does someone else?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
That's a great question to reflect on.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
We'll be back soon to continue our exploration of all
about love. Until then, keep those hearts.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Open and those mind's curious see time. Okay, so we're
diving back into Bell Hooks and all about love, and
I think one of the areas where she really pushes
us to think differently is romantic love.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, this is where it gets really interesting. I mean,
we all have these ideas about what romantic love is supposed.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
To look like, right, and Hook's challenges a lot of
those assumptions, like the whole notion of falling in love.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Oh yeah, that's a classic. But she seems to think
there's something wrong with that idea.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Well, she doesn't necessarily say it's wrong, but she does
suggest that it can be kind of misleading, like it
makes love seem passive, like something that just happens to us.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Instead of something we actively choose.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Exactly, So she's.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Saying we need to be more intentional about love.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yeah, she encourages us to approach romantic relationships with the
same thoughtfulness and care that we would any other major life.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Decision like buying a house or choosing a career exactly.
So it's not just about following our hearts.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, it's not just about blindly following our emotions. It's
about considering things like compatibility, shared values, long term goals.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
So it's like we need to use our heads as
well our hearts.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yes, exactly, it's about making conscious choices.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But some people might argue that that takes all the romance.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Out of it, right, Like where's the fun in that?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Like it's supposed to be this whirlwind of passion.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, I think Hooks would say that that kind of
whirlwind can be exciting, but it doesn't always lead to
lasting love.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
So it's about finding something deeper.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, it's about building a strong foundation based on mutual
respect and understanding and a willingness to grow together.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So it's not about finding someone who completes us.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
No, it's about finding someone who inspires us to become
our best selves.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And that kind of love requires effort, It requires commitment,
It requires vulnerability, which can be scary. It can be,
but it's also incredibly rewarding because.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open ourselves
up to the possibility of deep connection.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And that connection can bring us so much joy and healing.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
And this brings us back to self love.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Oh yeah, that's always a key ingredient, because if we
don't love and respect ourselves, how can we expect others
to do the same. Exactly, when we know our worth,
we're less likely to settle for partners who don't treat
us well, and.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
We're more likely to attract people who will love and support.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Us for who we truly are.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Well. And it's interesting that Hooks doesn't just focus on
romantic love.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
No, she sees love as a much broader force. Yeah,
she talks about the importance of community, of friendships, of family,
of connection with the wider world.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
So it's not just about finding the.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
One, it's about cultivating love in all areas of our.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Lives and recognizing that love can.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Exist in so many different forms.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
But of course, we live in a world that doesn't
always make it easy to love, right. We're bombarded with
messages that tell us to focus on ourselves, to strive
for success, to accumulate wealth and possessions.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
And Hooks is very critical of those messages. She argues
that our culture's obsession with narcissism and greed actually gets
in the way.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Of love because it makes us focus on what we can.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Get instead of what we can give.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And it creates a sense of scarcity.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Like there's not enough love to go around.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
But Hooks believes that love is abundant.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It's a renewable resource, and the more we give, the
more we receive.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
So is it's a cycle. It is a cycle of
giving and receiving that can transform our lives and our communities.
And you know what I find really powerful is that
Hooks doesn't just offer critiques.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
No, she also offers solutions.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, she gives us concrete ways to cultivate more love
in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Like practicing gratitude, being present with the people we care about,
making time for connection.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And she reminds us that love is a practice.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
It's something we have to work at every single day,
and it's not always easy, but it's always worth it.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Because love is the most powerful force in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
It has the power to heal, to transform, to connect us.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
All And I think that's a beautiful message to leave
our listeners with. You know, one thing that really resonated
with me from Hooks is how she talks about the
role of fear in our relationships.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Oh yeah, fear can be such a powerful force.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
It can really hold us back from experiencing love fully.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Absolutely. I mean, think about it. How often do we
let fear dictate our choices in love?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
All the time? Right?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
We're afraid of getting hurt, afraid of ejection, afraid of
being vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And so we build up these walls around our hearts, and.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Those walls might protect us from pain in the short term,
but they also prevent us from truly connecting with others.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It's like we're trading intimacy for safety.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Exactly, and Hooks argues that that's not a good trade off.
She believes that true love requires us to be vulnerable,
to step outside our comfort zones, to risk getting hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, that's a scary thought, it is.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
But she also reminds us that the rewards are so
much greater when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We
open ourselves up to the possibility of deep connection, and
that connection can from so much joy and healing.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
So it's about finding that balance between protecting ourselves and
staying open to.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Love, right, And that's where self love comes.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
In again, because when we love and accept ourselves, we're
less afraid of rejection.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
We're more willing to take risks because we know that
our worthiness isn't dependent on someone else's approval.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And that brings us to another important theme that Hooks explores,
which is shame.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Oh yeah, shame can be such a destructive force in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
It can really make us feel unworthy of love.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Absolutely. Cooks believes that a lot of our shame stems
from childhood experiences where we may have been told either
directly or indirectly, that we weren't good enough.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And those messages can stay with us for a long time,
even if we're not consciously aware of them.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Right, they become part of our subconscious programming, and they
can sabotage our relationships in so many ways.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
We might push people away, or self sabotage, or settle
for less than we deserve.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Because we don't believe we're worthy of true love.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
It's like a self fulfilling prophecy exactly. But Hooks offers
a way out of that cycle.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, she believed that the first step is acknowledging our shame,
bringing those hidden parts of ourselves into the light.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So it's about being honest with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
And it's about being gentle and compassionate with ourselves even
when we make mistakes, which is not always easy, No
it's not, but it's essential for healing because when we
can accept ourselves with all our imperfections, we can start
to let go of the shame and we can start
to believe that we're worthy of love.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Just as we are exactly. And that's such a powerful message.
It is because it means that we all have the
capacity to love and be loved.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
No matter what our past experiences may have been.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And you know, one of the things that I find
most inspiring about Hook's work is her vision of a
world where love flourishes.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Oh yeah, that's a beautiful vision.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
A world where love is not just a personal feeling,
but a force that shapes our communities, our institutions, our
society as a whole.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
A world where love is the guiding principle for all
our actions.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And I think that's a vision worth striving for absolutely,
because is the most powerful force in the world.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
It has the power to heal, to transform, to connect.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Us all, and it all starts with each of us
choosing love in our own hearts and in our own lives.
That's right. So there you have it, our deep dive
into Bell Hooks all about love. Her work is a
powerful reminder that love is a choice, it's a practice,
and it's a transformative force that can change the world.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And you can find more enriching deep dives like this
right here on book.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Cast Deaf Sellers in minutes.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Until next time, keep those hearts open and those minds curious.
Welcome to book Cast, where we deliver bestsellers in minutes.
Today we're taking a deep dive into the world of
Bell Hooks and her book. It's called All about Love
New Visions.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Oh yeah, I love this one.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
It's a really thought provoking look at love, something I
think we could all use a little more of.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
These days, absolutely, and Hooks really challenges us to think
differently about love, you know, to go beyond those sort
of like Hallmark card notions and dig into what it
really means to love and.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Be loved, and especially she kind of takes aim at
how our culture doesn't really give us a lot of guidance.
I mean, we're bombarded with images of love, but are
they really the kind of images that are helpful?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Right? It's like all hearts and flowers and fairy tales.
But then real life is so much more complicated. And
Hooks kind of calls that out right from the start.
She says, we actually talk very little about love in
a meaningful way.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, that's so true. We all want it, we sing
about it, yeah, but do we really understand it. I Mean,
Hooks argues that love isn't just a feeling, it's an action.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, That's one of the biggest takeaways for me. It's
a choice we make. It's not something that just happens
to us.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So we're not just falling into love, we're actively.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Choosing it exactly, and that requires a certain level of
uh like, intentionality and commitment. It's about showing up for
the other person, not just in the good times, but
also when things are tough.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So it's not always going to be romantic dinners and
candle light.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
No, sometimes it's about doing the dishes or you know,
just listening when your partner's had a hard day.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
In Hook's outlines what she sees is the essential elements yeah,
of genuine love.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, she lists care, commitment, trust, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Wow. That's quite a list, it is, right. It makes
you kind of stop and think, like, have I really
been embodying all of those things?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Well, and Hooks doesn't shy away from her own struggles
with love. She actually gets pretty personal.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
In the book Oh Yeah. She talks about her own
childhood and how that shaped her ideas about.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Love, where she talks about her family being caring in
a lot of ways, but also you know, there was aggression,
there was even humiliation, so.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It's like she got those mixed messages about love.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, and that's something I think a lot of people
can relate to. Like, our families may have loved us
the best way they knew how, but it might not
have always been healthy or you know, truly loving.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how do we break free from those patterns? Yeah,
especially when they're so ingrained in us.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Well, that's where I think Hook's message about self love
is so important. She really emphasizes that you can't truly
love others until you learn to love yourself, which.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Is so much easier said than done for a lot
of us.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Oh for sure. I mean it's a constant practice, and
it requires us to kind of confront those negative beliefs
that we have internalized.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Over the years, like those voices in our head that
tell us we're not good enough or we're not worthy.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Of love exactly. And Hooks encourages us to challenge those
voices to start speaking to ourselves with kindness and compassion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And that's where those practical tools she talks about can
be so helpful, like affirmations and journaling.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, those are great ways to kind of reprogram our
thinking and start to believe in our own work.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Because if we don't believe in ourselves, how can we
expect others to believe in us?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Right? And that's why self love is the foundation for
all other love. It's about recognizing our inherent worthiness and
nurturing our own spiritual growth.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
And I think that's where the connection to self esteem
comes in.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Oh absolutely. Hooks argues that living consciously, taking responsibility for
our actions, asserting ourselves, and finding purpose all contribute to
a stronger sense of self worth.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah. When we feel good about ourselves, we're better able
to give and receive love in healthy ways.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Exactly, We're not coming from a place of neediness or insecurity, and.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
We're more likely to attract people who will treat us with.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Respect and who will support our growth and evolution.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
And one thing I found really interesting is this idea
of livelihood that Hooks talks about.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh yeah, that's a crucial piece.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
How does that fit into the picture of love? Well.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Hooks believes that the work we do should align with
our values and passions. It's not just about earning a paycheck,
but about finding a sense of purpose and meaning in
our daily lives.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So it's about creating a life where we feel.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Fulfilled, exactly. And when we feel fulfilled in our work,
we bring that energy and that joy into our relationships
as well.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's like we're not draining ourselves in one area of
our lives, yeah, and then trying to make up for
it in another. Right.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
It's about creating a more holistic sense of well being.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
So love isn't just something we experience in our personal lives.
It's something that permeates all aspects.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Of our beings exactly. It's in our work, our relationships,
are communities, and.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Even our interactions with strangers.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's like a way of being in the world. It
is a way of approaching life with an open heart
and a willingness to connect with others in a meaningful way.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And you know what's interesting is that Hooks doesn't limit
love to just romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, not at all.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
She emphasizes that love should be present in all our connections.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, in our friendships, our family relationships, even our interactions
with strangers.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And that's a powerful shift in perspective. It is because
it makes you think about how you show up not
just with the people you're closest to, but with everyone
you encounter.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Exactly. It's about bringing that same level of care and
compassion to all our interactions.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, let's be real, love isn't always easy. You can
be messy and complicated and sometimes even painful.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And Hooks doesn't shy away from those realities.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
No, she doesn't.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
She actually criticizes the way we normalize as functional relationships.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, she encourages us to recognize the red flags of
unhealthy behaviors and to demand more from our relationships.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
It's like she's giving us permission to walk away from
situations that aren't serving.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Us exactly, and to set boundaries and to prioritize our
own well being.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And this reminds me of something else Hook's critiques, which
is our culture's obsession with narcissism and greed.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Oh yeah, that's a big one.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's like we're so focused on ourselves and getting ahead
that we've forgotten how to truly connect with others.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
And that focus on individual's success often comes at the
expense of it, especially those who are marginalized or less fortunate.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So it's not just about our personal relationships, it's about
creating a more just and loving society as.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
A whole, exactly. It's about recognizing our interconnectedness and taking
responsibility for how our actions impact others.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So it's like a call to action. It is a
challenge to choose love as a guiding principle for how
we live, work, and engage with the world.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I love that, and I.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Think this is a perfect place to pause for now.
We've covered so much ground already and there's still so
much more to explore in Hook's work.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Now we haven't even gotten to her ideas about romantic love.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Oh that's a whole other deep dive. But for now,
we'll leave you with this thought, how can you bring
more love into your life today? What small act of
kind is can you offer to yourself or does someone else?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
That's a great question to reflect on.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
We'll be back soon to continue our exploration of all
about love. Until then, keep those hearts.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Open and those mind's curious see time. Okay, so we're
diving back into Bell Hooks and all about love, and
I think one of the areas where she really pushes
us to think differently is romantic love.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, this is where it gets really interesting. I mean,
we all have these ideas about what romantic love is supposed.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
To look like, right, and Hook's challenges a lot of
those assumptions, like the whole notion of falling in love.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Oh yeah, that's a classic. But she seems to think
there's something wrong with that idea.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Well, she doesn't necessarily say it's wrong, but she does
suggest that it can be kind of misleading, like it
makes love seem passive, like something that just happens to us.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Instead of something we actively choose.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Exactly, So she's.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Saying we need to be more intentional about love.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yeah, she encourages us to approach romantic relationships with the
same thoughtfulness and care that we would any other major life.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Decision like buying a house or choosing a career exactly.
So it's not just about following our hearts.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, it's not just about blindly following our emotions. It's
about considering things like compatibility, shared values, long term goals.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
So it's like we need to use our heads as
well our hearts.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yes, exactly, it's about making conscious choices.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But some people might argue that that takes all the romance.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Out of it, right, Like where's the fun in that?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Like it's supposed to be this whirlwind of passion.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, I think Hooks would say that that kind of
whirlwind can be exciting, but it doesn't always lead to
lasting love.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
So it's about finding something deeper.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, it's about building a strong foundation based on mutual
respect and understanding and a willingness to grow together.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So it's not about finding someone who completes us.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
No, it's about finding someone who inspires us to become
our best selves.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And that kind of love requires effort, It requires commitment,
It requires vulnerability, which can be scary. It can be,
but it's also incredibly rewarding because.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open ourselves
up to the possibility of deep connection.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And that connection can bring us so much joy and healing.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
And this brings us back to self love.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Oh yeah, that's always a key ingredient, because if we
don't love and respect ourselves, how can we expect others
to do the same. Exactly, when we know our worth,
we're less likely to settle for partners who don't treat
us well, and.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
We're more likely to attract people who will love and support.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Us for who we truly are.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Well. And it's interesting that Hooks doesn't just focus on
romantic love.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
No, she sees love as a much broader force. Yeah,
she talks about the importance of community, of friendships, of family,
of connection with the wider world.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
So it's not just about finding the.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
One, it's about cultivating love in all areas of our.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Lives and recognizing that love can.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Exist in so many different forms.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
But of course, we live in a world that doesn't
always make it easy to love, right. We're bombarded with
messages that tell us to focus on ourselves, to strive
for success, to accumulate wealth and possessions.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
And Hooks is very critical of those messages. She argues
that our culture's obsession with narcissism and greed actually gets
in the way.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Of love because it makes us focus on what we can.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Get instead of what we can give.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And it creates a sense of scarcity.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Like there's not enough love to go around.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
But Hooks believes that love is abundant.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
It's a renewable resource, and the more we give, the
more we receive.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
So is it's a cycle. It is a cycle of
giving and receiving that can transform our lives and our communities.
And you know what I find really powerful is that
Hooks doesn't just offer critiques.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
No, she also offers solutions.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, she gives us concrete ways to cultivate more love
in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Like practicing gratitude, being present with the people we care about,
making time for connection.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And she reminds us that love is a practice.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
It's something we have to work at every single day,
and it's not always easy, but it's always worth it.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Because love is the most powerful force in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
It has the power to heal, to transform, to connect us.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
All And I think that's a beautiful message to leave
our listeners with. You know, one thing that really resonated
with me from Hooks is how she talks about the
role of fear in our relationships.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Oh yeah, fear can be such a powerful force.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
It can really hold us back from experiencing love fully.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Absolutely. I mean, think about it. How often do we
let fear dictate our choices in love?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
All the time? Right?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
We're afraid of getting hurt, afraid of ejection, afraid of
being vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And so we build up these walls around our hearts, and.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Those walls might protect us from pain in the short term,
but they also prevent us from truly connecting with others.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It's like we're trading intimacy for safety.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Exactly, and Hooks argues that that's not a good trade off.
She believes that true love requires us to be vulnerable,
to step outside our comfort zones, to risk getting hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, that's a scary thought, it is.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
But she also reminds us that the rewards are so
much greater when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We
open ourselves up to the possibility of deep connection, and
that connection can from so much joy and healing.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
So it's about finding that balance between protecting ourselves and
staying open to.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Love, right, And that's where self love comes.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
In again, because when we love and accept ourselves, we're
less afraid of rejection.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
We're more willing to take risks because we know that
our worthiness isn't dependent on someone else's approval.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And that brings us to another important theme that Hooks explores,
which is shame.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Oh yeah, shame can be such a destructive force in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
It can really make us feel unworthy of love.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Absolutely. Cooks believes that a lot of our shame stems
from childhood experiences where we may have been told either
directly or indirectly, that we weren't good enough.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And those messages can stay with us for a long time,
even if we're not consciously aware of them.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Right, they become part of our subconscious programming, and they
can sabotage our relationships in so many ways.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
We might push people away, or self sabotage, or settle
for less than we deserve.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Because we don't believe we're worthy of true love.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
It's like a self fulfilling prophecy exactly. But Hooks offers
a way out of that cycle.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, she believed that the first step is acknowledging our shame,
bringing those hidden parts of ourselves into the light.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So it's about being honest with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
And it's about being gentle and compassionate with ourselves even
when we make mistakes, which is not always easy, No
it's not, but it's essential for healing because when we
can accept ourselves with all our imperfections, we can start
to let go of the shame and we can start
to believe that we're worthy of love.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Just as we are exactly. And that's such a powerful message.
It is because it means that we all have the
capacity to love and be loved.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
No matter what our past experiences may have been.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And you know, one of the things that I find
most inspiring about Hook's work is her vision of a
world where love flourishes.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Oh yeah, that's a beautiful vision.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
A world where love is not just a personal feeling,
but a force that shapes our communities, our institutions, our
society as a whole.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
A world where love is the guiding principle for all
our actions.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And I think that's a vision worth striving for absolutely,
because is the most powerful force in the world.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
It has the power to heal, to transform, to connect.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Us all, and it all starts with each of us
choosing love in our own hearts and in our own lives.
That's right. So there you have it, our deep dive
into Bell Hooks all about love. Her work is a
powerful reminder that love is a choice, it's a practice,
and it's a transformative force that can change the world.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
And you can find more enriching deep dives like this
right here on book.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Cast Deaf Sellers in minutes.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Until next time, keep those hearts open and those minds curious.
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