November 1, 2025 • 27 mins
Tami Anastasia is a dementia care expert, educator, and speaker who has dedicated her career to guiding family and professional caregivers through the challenges of dementia. She works alongside those living with dementia and family caregivers, helping them navigate the emotional, practical, and relational complexities of the caregiving journey.
Her work is rooted in the belief that no one should feel alone in the caregiving journey. Through her writing, speaking, and counseling, Tami strives to create a sense of community, connection, and commitment among caregivers—values that inspired new her book, Dementia, Caregiving & Personal History: How to Help, Cope, Connect & Heal.
https://www.seniorcareauthority.com/resources/boomers-today/
Her work is rooted in the belief that no one should feel alone in the caregiving journey. Through her writing, speaking, and counseling, Tami strives to create a sense of community, connection, and commitment among caregivers—values that inspired new her book, Dementia, Caregiving & Personal History: How to Help, Cope, Connect & Heal.
https://www.seniorcareauthority.com/resources/boomers-today/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
You are listening to Boomers Today with your host Frank Sampson.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to Boomers Today. I'm your host, Frank Sampson. Of course,
each week we bring you importance and very useful information
on issue facing baby boomers, their parents and other loved ones.
And as I do on every one of our shows,
I thank all of you, and I thank all of
you because so many of you have shared our podcast
(00:42):
individual shows with family and friends. So many of you
we get all the stats, and so many of you
listen to the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, iHeartRadio, Audible,
or you could just ask a Luxe and Siri or
Siri to take you to the Boomers Today podcast, or
(01:04):
some of you go to our website at boomerstdayradio dot com.
So I again thank you so much for all of that.
But I do know why you're sharing our shows with
family and friends, because we have the best guests, and
I'm not going to disappoint you. Today we have with
(01:25):
us Tammy Anastasia. Now Tammy I've known for quite some time,
probably if you really dig into the archives. I've had
Tammy on the show before when I first started, right
Tammy and just thrilled to have her back again. Tammy
Anastasia is a dementia a care expert, educator, and speaker
(01:45):
who has dedicated her career to guiding family and professional
caregivers through the challenges of dementia. She works alongside those
living with dementia family caregivers, helping them navigate the emotional, practical,
and re relational complexities of the caregiving journey. Her work
(02:07):
is rooted in the belief that no one should feel
alone in the caregiving journey. Through her writing, speaking and consoling,
Tammy strives to create a sense of community, connection, and
commitment among caregivers. Values that inspired inspired her new book,
Dementia Caregiving and Personal History, How to Help Cope and
(02:33):
Connect and Heal. And we're certainly going to be talking
a little bit about her book in a while. So Tammy,
thank you so much for joining us, and thanks for
coming back to the show.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
My pleasure.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Frank, it's always a pleasure to see you. And we
do go way back, and I love that we have
those roots.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, so you know, somebody with your level of expertise,
I always like arting out with a question that you know,
we can't educate people enough on. So that's why I
ask it, And that is the term dementia, which I
know that term is used in the title of your
(03:15):
new book. But some people get dementia confused with Alzheimer's
Louis body. They hear about various types of dementia, but
maybe you could give us an overview of that so
people understand what the differences are.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah, no, that's a great question. So we have a
category called cancer. Cancer has umpty million different types of cancer.
When it comes to cognitive impairment, and the cognitive impairment
has to be severe enough that it interferes with your
ability to perform daily activities. Instrumental daily activities instrumental be
(03:57):
you know, paying bills, going to the grocery store, driving
to and from. So what happens is dementia is the
category of cognitive impairment that interferes with your ability to
perform daily activities. And then you have a over one
(04:17):
hundred or two hundred types of different dementias. Alzheimer's happens
to be a type, Louis body happens to be a type.
Vascular dementia happens to be a type of dementia. So
think of it, you know category cancer types of cancer,
dementia category, and then Alzheimer's Louis body are all types
(04:41):
of dementia. All types of dementia are going to have
cognitive impairment where it's severe enough, and that's the key.
It has to be severe enough that it interferes with
your ability basically to live independently. And that is what
classifies diagnosis of dem because to rule out it, to
(05:03):
make a diagnosis of dementia, we rule out a ton
of other things that could explain what could.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Be going on.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
So by the time a diagnosis of dementia is made,
we want to make sure it's not driven by something
else medical. So there's a lot of testing that will
go on. Family history will look at cognitive testing, so
it's not just a very just a pat answer. There
(05:30):
is a lot of looking into what's happening that's causing
these symptoms. Now for families, what gets confusing is families
will say, well, my loved one can give you details
of things that happened fifty years ago, forty years ago,
but they can't give you information what happened an hour ago.
Don't remember our phone conversation we had an hour ago.
(05:53):
And that's because where the damage is done in the
brain is going to determine also what type of dementia
they may have. So the symptoms, what you're seeing, what's happening,
really important that you document what you see happening because
this can allow clarity for you and clarity for the doctor.
(06:13):
A lot of times families will go in well i've
noticed this, or i've noticed that, keep documentation of the
symptoms you're seeing because we're looking to see are they increasing.
If it's a dementia, it's not going to go backwards,
it's not going.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
To get better.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
If it's a dementia, it is progressively going to get
worse over time. And then caregivers start questioning themselves, right like,
oh you know, maybe you know they had a good
day and now you start questioning yourself. You want to
document the date, the time, and the behavior you're observing
so that when we go through the physician, they have
(06:50):
this documentation that will provide clarity for both the caregiver
and the doctor.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So in your analogy with cancer, it's a good analogy.
Somebody who's been diagnosed with cancer, they usually know, well,
it's cancer of this organ, or it's cancer of this
area of your body. Many times people will get a
dementia diagnosis, but they don't know what type, like the
(07:17):
various types you just brought up. What suggestions do you
have to those listening that who has a loved one
that has been diagnosed with dementia? Should they be pushing
harder to try to get that specific diagnosis? And how
is that something? How is that done?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Actually, there's that really comes down to sort of a
personal family decision. I have many clients in my private
practice that they don't they don't care what type at
this point, I have to deal with the symptoms anyway.
Some people really really really want that diagnosis specifically, you know,
they want to know the type because they want to
(07:57):
be better prepared for what's coming down the But there
are it's really an individual decision. So what I can
say is, if you really really want to know the
specific diagnosis, you're going to have to push hard. If
the doctor just says, oh, they have a diagnosis of dementia,
you're going to have to advocate and say, I'd really
(08:17):
like to know what type. How can we run more
tests to determine Because the bottom line frank Is really
to even make a definitive is often in an autopsy, right,
So you know, right now we're just looking at the symptoms,
we're looking at the testing, we're looking at the big picture,
the family history.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So families who.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Want a specific diagnosis will need to be persistent on
getting that information.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, well, once you want to have that diagnosis, I mean,
I mean, I can understand why people say, hey, you know,
we got to deal with it doesn't really matter. But
as you know, there are certain medications that might work
better with a certain type of dimension than another type.
All right, So because of that reason, once you once
(09:08):
you advise that you should try to get a specific
diagnosis if possible.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, I mean, if you know, you bring up a
great point, especially with Louis body. There's certain medications that
Alzheimer's medications are they don't respond well too. So you know,
again everybody's different, and I won't I won't force anybody
to have to find out definitively what it is. A
(09:36):
couple of things though, too, to keep in mind, where
are they in the progression and if we're seeing symptoms
that are in the indicative of a certain type, certainly
I might mention. You know, it sounds like they might
have vascular. Vascular is different, right. Vascular has to do
with the blood circulating in the in the body into
(09:57):
the brain, So each one might have different kind of characteristics. Initially,
the progression is going to always be it's going to progress,
But some families just really feel they don't feel the
need to have to know this specific type.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I understand, I understand. Yeah, So I had the opportunity
to take a look at certain parts of your book,
and congratulations on that and thank you. So you know
when you are you know, you work on a consultant
the basis with families. When you do that, you put
an emphasis, of course in your book about why personal
(10:38):
history matters in dementia care. So is that kind of
where you start with a family, is learning as much
as possible in the personal history?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
That is a very good question.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
So how I start is when somebody reaches out to me,
my first thing is what's the immediate need? Why did
they reach out to me? Often it's behavioral issues. Not
sure how to deal with these behavioral issues, and so
then I'll ask them, you know, tell me what's happening,
tell me what the person with dementia is saying and doing,
(11:08):
and it will trigger me to ask certain things that
might help them to understand why what might be going
on based on their past. So, for example, I have
a client moved his loved one into a care community,
and the care community is having to deal with I'll
be a good girl, I'll be a good girl. I'll
be a good girl, be a good girl, like just repetitively.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
And now she's.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Getting anxious and they're thinking, well, listen, we can't quiet
the behaviors. So when he told me what was happening,
I was able to go exploring.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And that's what I do. I'll go to explore what's.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Beneath the behavior. Right, All behavior is a form of communication.
All behavior is communicating a need. So, long story short,
it turned out that her father was alcoholic and he
would always say when she was a bad girl, he
would put her out in front of them at night,
put her out in front of the house and make
(12:03):
her sleep outdoors. And when she was a good girl,
he paid a lot of attention to her and said, oh,
you're a good girl today. So what I'm saying, Frank,
is this came to the surface when he moved or
loved one. She felt like she was a bad girl.
She's being punished, and now the care community and him
can talk about what a good girl she is and
(12:24):
how much they appreciate her and enjoy being with her,
and her behaviors have subsided. Wow, because we're meeting those needs.
And if we understand the past underneath the behavior, we're
probably able to provide them with care that meets an internal, deep,
deep need that has formed as a result of their past.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Gotcha, gotcha. It makes a lot of sense. So also,
you know, you put in your book that the behaviors
are often biographical and not random. So what do you
mean by that?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Yeah, so what happens a lot of times, and it's
just sort of our default. We focus so much on
the behaviors, right, We focus so much on being difficult,
or they're being clingy, or they're being needy, they're following
me around everywhere. We focus so much on treating the behavior,
(13:21):
but we don't think, I don't think we spend enough
time understanding the roots of what could be causing this behavior.
We kind of dismiss it to, oh, that's just dementia,
when in reality, at least in my private practice. I
would say ninety five percent of the time there is
some past connected with the behavior to some degree. So
(13:45):
when I say biographical is let's understand the behaviors communicating
a need and then what in the past has reoccurred
that could be resurfacing And I'll tell you why it resurfaces.
I've lost my ability to repress or suppress memories that
are back there. I've lost my ability coping mechanisms that
(14:06):
allow me to cope with certain things, and now these
raw emotions come to the surface because I don't have
the coping mechanisms to repress or block out what may
have happened in the past, and it resurfaces because it's
raw emotion.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Got it? Got it? Okay? Well, great, great, thank you
for that. So yeah, we're gonna just take I promise,
just a real quick break here, just to recognize our sponsor,
and we come back. I want you to share with
everybody a little bit more about your book and how
they could get it, and then we'll continue our educational
discussion here. Okay, okay, So do you happen to know
(14:49):
anyone who may be concerned about an older driver, well,
senior care authorities beyond Driving with Dignity program is a
facilitated self assessment program for older drivers. This program has
been designed to serve as a vital tool to facilitate
older drivers and their families as they make appropriate decisions
regarding the future of one safe driving career. If the
(15:11):
individual is a safe driver, then an advisor will provide
him or her with strategies and how to remain a
safe driver is they progress through the aging process. If
driving retirement is the appropriate decision, then the individual and
their family are offered possible alternatives, resources and a specific
(15:33):
plan to ensure a smooth and successful transition from the
driver's seat to the passenger seat. So to learn more,
you could go to www dot beyond Driving with Dignity
dot com. That's www dot beyond Driving with Dignity dot
com to connect with the Senior Care Authority advisor in
your area and just to let you know those of
(15:54):
you that within the healthcare industry, Senior Care Authority provides
a program where you could receive CE credits for and
it's called driving under the Influence of Dementia, So we
talk about that as well. So anyway, we're back now
with Tammy Anastasia who's a consultant advisor has written a book.
(16:20):
So we want to learn more about that book. Tell
us Danby, tell us more about it.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Sure, So I've got two books out. My first book
was Essential Strategies for the Dementia Caregiver and this one
is Dementia Caregiving and Personal History. Again, because of the
work in my private practice, I wanted to give caregivers
and professionals a much better understanding as to what can
(16:47):
be going on behind the behaviors. So the book is written.
The theme, the underlying theme of the book and what
really motivated me to write the book was I think
we can use the dementa journey a way to heal
old wounds, wounds in the person with dementia, and also
as a caregiver, our buttons are going to get pushed,
(17:09):
we may have unresolved issues about the person we're taken
care of, and how we could use the dementia journey
to heal our wounds as well going through the journey,
and then of course after the journey, how do we
take all of that we've been through and have gone through.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It's so transformative. So the first part.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Is all about again what we talked about earlier was
understanding the personal history behind. Because let's say you have
I have a client and mother went to five foster
care homes. So you can imagine now when we go
to move mom, mom is hysterical because she feels she's
being moved into another foster care home. And in those
(17:48):
foster care homes she was not well cared for. But
now we get her into a home and we can
give the language that she may never have gotten. Frank,
she may never have heard. So the dementia journey allows
us to give them words and care and language to
make them feel safe, make them feel loved, to make
them feel secure, and maybe by the time they pass,
(18:11):
we have done something for their soul. Then the middle
is a middle part of the book is the second
part is all about the caregiver and what they've been
through with this person pre dementia and now dealing with
a changing brain, changing personalities, changing behaviors. Cognition can't be logical,
(18:32):
can't be rational, and some of their behavior may push
my buttons from the past. You know they're being difficult.
They you know, an alcoholic parent and they're not alcoholic now,
but the dementia behaviors push those alcoholic quote unquote triggers. So,
how can we use now dementia to heal what you've
(18:54):
been affected by in your past and make this more
healthy and avan and be more beneficial for you and
the person with dementor.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
So tell us the name of the book again and
how they could get it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Okay, So it's Dementia Caregiving and personal History how to
help cope, connect and heal. And you can get it
on Amazon and we're in the process of making it
an audiobook, so hopefully very soon you'll.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Have it audible.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Wonderful, wonderful, great. So you're talking about behaviors. So and
you brought up something earlier that you know, you said
that an adult child might see you, let's say a parent,
maybe you had some strange behaviors, but then they're having
a good day and sometimes maybe especially a family member
(19:48):
might be in denial a little bit right and think
he you know, mom will be fine or dad will
be fine, or whatever the case may be. So can we,
you know, can we talk about just various things that
behaviors or things that people should kind of look out
for where they go, you know, maybe they should consult
(20:12):
with something like yourself or if they need to go
to a neurologist or whatever the case may be. You
could certainly give advice in those situations, But at what
point types of behaviors that you think that, hey, maybe
there is something there. It's not normal.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Yeah, So when a person is in denial, often it's
because they're really not ready to address it or deal
with it. And we see this a lot with the
sound that we call it the sandwich generation. Right, the
adult children will see things in the spouse parent will
just not be ready. So what I tell people is
(20:51):
number one, trust your gut. If something feels off, most
likely it is off. And here again, write down the
things that you're absord that are off. What will happen
between two spouses, Now, this is where the adult child
will see what's going on.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Often, the we call them.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
The caregiver's spouse will want to protect the spouse that
is showing cognitive issues.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So both for the adult children, you want to write
down these are things that we've observed about Mom, These
are things we observed about Dad.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We have these concerns.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
By any chance, Mom or Dad, have you notice these things?
If not, could you just could you let me know
if you start noticing these things, because what happens with
the caregiver's spouse who is in denial. If they start
feeling you're trying to what's the word, get in their face,
(21:47):
they will push back and the resistance will be even
more enormous. So with clients, I will often help them
deal with the resistant caregiver's spouse because their resistance is
there for a reason, So we have to spend more time.
You know, gosh, mom or Dad, I've noticed these things
and I kind of have some concerns, and I don't
(22:08):
know if you have any concerns or fears. And then
the flip side of that, frank is if they do
see it.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Now we have to try.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
To align with the caregiver's spouse and say, well, what
is this like for you, Like, what do you see happening?
Or do you have any concerns? We have to be
more open ended to align with the caregiver's spouse rather
than really pushing them hard, because I'll see more and
more resistant when we.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Try to push hard.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
So in my practice, I'll coach adult children how to
deal with the caregiver's spouse, and then sometimes the caregiver's
spouse will call me and just say, you know, I'm
not sure, and then here again I'll help them be
I'll guide them on things to look for, things to
be concerned about.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, when we just came back from break. One thing
I didn't ask you, which I'd like to ask you
now is maybe tell people your web site where they
could learn more about getting assistance from you.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh great, thank you.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
So it's ww Tammyanastasia dot com. It's t A M
I A N A S T A S I A
dot com.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Great. And I know, of course we met and you're
in California, I know, not too far from where I am.
But you know, with technology today, are you able to
help families even that are not local in your area.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
As a matter of fact, I know COVID was horrible
for us. One positive thing about COVID is that now
I can I can talk with clients via Zoom anywhere.
So I have clients in many, many different states and
even different parts of the world to tell you the
truth because of zoom and so I can see people
in person. If they're local and they want to do
(23:56):
it in person, we can do it zoom.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And I also do it by phone.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Right great, great, good. So you know we do. We've
got a couple of minutes left, but I'd like to
maybe dedicate that time and you could get your input
as it relates to just keeping people keeping loved ones safe.
So I know you talk about that in your book
as well, about safety and patterns, So maybe you could
(24:22):
expound upon that.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, so I'm going to talk safety both physical and
I'm also going to talk safety emotionally. So we have
developed what we call I call emotional patterns of safety.
And so again, if we're going to look at the
dementia behaviors, a lot of times an emotional pattern of
safety is kicking in. Let me give you an example.
(24:47):
So someone who is constantly repeating questions asking where you're going,
where you're going, where you're going, when you're coming back,
where are you going? If we look at that from
an emotional standpoint, that pattern is needing a lot of
reassurance that you know, so I'm asking you it can
come off as being very clingy, but in reality, what
(25:07):
they are really needing is to feel very close and
a connection to you. The emotional safety is I need
this reassurance You're not going to leave me when I
hear that a lot. They often come from a family
where they were left, they were neglected, they were abandoned.
So this reassurance of a pattern of safety is needing
(25:30):
you to understand I have this need and you need
to reassure them. Then you have the physical safety of
them bolting out of the door wandering off. You have
physical safety of you know, fall risk, and you have
to now look around the home and see what we
can do to make it more physically safe for them.
(25:51):
You know, clutter is a big one, and people who
are hoarders, who are who have dimensioned. I don't say
that with any judgment and our criticism, but we just
have to make sure that the home is safe for
the person physically. If we have any stairs, grab bars right.
If we have any stairs and they are a high
(26:13):
fall risk, we may need to convert a room downstairs
becomes the bedroom so they don't go upstairs. So we
have two degrees of safety. The emotional safety of what
we're going to see in behavior often indicates I need
more reassurance and feel secure. So people instead of asking
why are they being so difficult, the question becomes how
(26:36):
can I help support them feel safer? And more secure,
not logically.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
But underneath.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
What is it they need to hear is you know
I love spending time with you. We're in this together,
this language. And then the physical is again where we've
got to really reevaluate the home. We've got to reevaluate
their behaviors there both safe physically and we respond in
a way that's supportive emotionally.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Great. Dammy, what a pleasure having you again. Thank you
so much for joining us on Boomers Today. Check out
our book, Dementia, Caregiving and Personal History. Check it out
on Amazon. Thank you for joining me, and thank you
everybody for tuning in, and please be safe. We'll talk
to everybody next week.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
You've been listening to Boomers Today with Frank Sampson. To
learn more about today's show, visit Boomerstodayradio
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Dot com and join us next time for another edition
of Boomers Today.
You are listening to Boomers Today with your host Frank Sampson.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to Boomers Today. I'm your host, Frank Sampson. Of course,
each week we bring you importance and very useful information
on issue facing baby boomers, their parents and other loved ones.
And as I do on every one of our shows,
I thank all of you, and I thank all of
you because so many of you have shared our podcast
(00:42):
individual shows with family and friends. So many of you
we get all the stats, and so many of you
listen to the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, iHeartRadio, Audible,
or you could just ask a Luxe and Siri or
Siri to take you to the Boomers Today podcast, or
(01:04):
some of you go to our website at boomerstdayradio dot com.
So I again thank you so much for all of that.
But I do know why you're sharing our shows with
family and friends, because we have the best guests, and
I'm not going to disappoint you. Today we have with
(01:25):
us Tammy Anastasia. Now Tammy I've known for quite some time,
probably if you really dig into the archives. I've had
Tammy on the show before when I first started, right
Tammy and just thrilled to have her back again. Tammy
Anastasia is a dementia a care expert, educator, and speaker
(01:45):
who has dedicated her career to guiding family and professional
caregivers through the challenges of dementia. She works alongside those
living with dementia family caregivers, helping them navigate the emotional, practical,
and re relational complexities of the caregiving journey. Her work
(02:07):
is rooted in the belief that no one should feel
alone in the caregiving journey. Through her writing, speaking and consoling,
Tammy strives to create a sense of community, connection, and
commitment among caregivers. Values that inspired inspired her new book,
Dementia Caregiving and Personal History, How to Help Cope and
(02:33):
Connect and Heal. And we're certainly going to be talking
a little bit about her book in a while. So Tammy,
thank you so much for joining us, and thanks for
coming back to the show.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
My pleasure.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Frank, it's always a pleasure to see you. And we
do go way back, and I love that we have
those roots.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, so you know, somebody with your level of expertise,
I always like arting out with a question that you know,
we can't educate people enough on. So that's why I
ask it, And that is the term dementia, which I
know that term is used in the title of your
(03:15):
new book. But some people get dementia confused with Alzheimer's
Louis body. They hear about various types of dementia, but
maybe you could give us an overview of that so
people understand what the differences are.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah, no, that's a great question. So we have a
category called cancer. Cancer has umpty million different types of cancer.
When it comes to cognitive impairment, and the cognitive impairment
has to be severe enough that it interferes with your
ability to perform daily activities. Instrumental daily activities instrumental be
(03:57):
you know, paying bills, going to the grocery store, driving
to and from. So what happens is dementia is the
category of cognitive impairment that interferes with your ability to
perform daily activities. And then you have a over one
(04:17):
hundred or two hundred types of different dementias. Alzheimer's happens
to be a type, Louis body happens to be a type.
Vascular dementia happens to be a type of dementia. So
think of it, you know category cancer types of cancer,
dementia category, and then Alzheimer's Louis body are all types
(04:41):
of dementia. All types of dementia are going to have
cognitive impairment where it's severe enough, and that's the key.
It has to be severe enough that it interferes with
your ability basically to live independently. And that is what
classifies diagnosis of dem because to rule out it, to
(05:03):
make a diagnosis of dementia, we rule out a ton
of other things that could explain what could.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Be going on.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
So by the time a diagnosis of dementia is made,
we want to make sure it's not driven by something
else medical. So there's a lot of testing that will
go on. Family history will look at cognitive testing, so
it's not just a very just a pat answer. There
(05:30):
is a lot of looking into what's happening that's causing
these symptoms. Now for families, what gets confusing is families
will say, well, my loved one can give you details
of things that happened fifty years ago, forty years ago,
but they can't give you information what happened an hour ago.
Don't remember our phone conversation we had an hour ago.
(05:53):
And that's because where the damage is done in the
brain is going to determine also what type of dementia
they may have. So the symptoms, what you're seeing, what's happening,
really important that you document what you see happening because
this can allow clarity for you and clarity for the doctor.
(06:13):
A lot of times families will go in well i've
noticed this, or i've noticed that, keep documentation of the
symptoms you're seeing because we're looking to see are they increasing.
If it's a dementia, it's not going to go backwards,
it's not going.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
To get better.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
If it's a dementia, it is progressively going to get
worse over time. And then caregivers start questioning themselves, right like,
oh you know, maybe you know they had a good
day and now you start questioning yourself. You want to
document the date, the time, and the behavior you're observing
so that when we go through the physician, they have
(06:50):
this documentation that will provide clarity for both the caregiver
and the doctor.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So in your analogy with cancer, it's a good analogy.
Somebody who's been diagnosed with cancer, they usually know, well,
it's cancer of this organ, or it's cancer of this
area of your body. Many times people will get a
dementia diagnosis, but they don't know what type, like the
(07:17):
various types you just brought up. What suggestions do you
have to those listening that who has a loved one
that has been diagnosed with dementia? Should they be pushing
harder to try to get that specific diagnosis? And how
is that something? How is that done?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Actually, there's that really comes down to sort of a
personal family decision. I have many clients in my private
practice that they don't they don't care what type at
this point, I have to deal with the symptoms anyway.
Some people really really really want that diagnosis specifically, you know,
they want to know the type because they want to
(07:57):
be better prepared for what's coming down the But there
are it's really an individual decision. So what I can
say is, if you really really want to know the
specific diagnosis, you're going to have to push hard. If
the doctor just says, oh, they have a diagnosis of dementia,
you're going to have to advocate and say, I'd really
(08:17):
like to know what type. How can we run more
tests to determine Because the bottom line frank Is really
to even make a definitive is often in an autopsy, right,
So you know, right now we're just looking at the symptoms,
we're looking at the testing, we're looking at the big picture,
the family history.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So families who.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Want a specific diagnosis will need to be persistent on
getting that information.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, well, once you want to have that diagnosis, I mean,
I mean, I can understand why people say, hey, you know,
we got to deal with it doesn't really matter. But
as you know, there are certain medications that might work
better with a certain type of dimension than another type.
All right, So because of that reason, once you once
(09:08):
you advise that you should try to get a specific
diagnosis if possible.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, I mean, if you know, you bring up a
great point, especially with Louis body. There's certain medications that
Alzheimer's medications are they don't respond well too. So you know,
again everybody's different, and I won't I won't force anybody
to have to find out definitively what it is. A
(09:36):
couple of things though, too, to keep in mind, where
are they in the progression and if we're seeing symptoms
that are in the indicative of a certain type, certainly
I might mention. You know, it sounds like they might
have vascular. Vascular is different, right. Vascular has to do
with the blood circulating in the in the body into
(09:57):
the brain, So each one might have different kind of characteristics. Initially,
the progression is going to always be it's going to progress,
But some families just really feel they don't feel the
need to have to know this specific type.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I understand, I understand. Yeah, So I had the opportunity
to take a look at certain parts of your book,
and congratulations on that and thank you. So you know
when you are you know, you work on a consultant
the basis with families. When you do that, you put
an emphasis, of course in your book about why personal
(10:38):
history matters in dementia care. So is that kind of
where you start with a family, is learning as much
as possible in the personal history?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
That is a very good question.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
So how I start is when somebody reaches out to me,
my first thing is what's the immediate need? Why did
they reach out to me? Often it's behavioral issues. Not
sure how to deal with these behavioral issues, and so
then I'll ask them, you know, tell me what's happening,
tell me what the person with dementia is saying and doing,
(11:08):
and it will trigger me to ask certain things that
might help them to understand why what might be going
on based on their past. So, for example, I have
a client moved his loved one into a care community,
and the care community is having to deal with I'll
be a good girl, I'll be a good girl. I'll
be a good girl, be a good girl, like just repetitively.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
And now she's.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Getting anxious and they're thinking, well, listen, we can't quiet
the behaviors. So when he told me what was happening,
I was able to go exploring.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And that's what I do. I'll go to explore what's.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Beneath the behavior. Right, All behavior is a form of communication.
All behavior is communicating a need. So, long story short,
it turned out that her father was alcoholic and he
would always say when she was a bad girl, he
would put her out in front of them at night,
put her out in front of the house and make
(12:03):
her sleep outdoors. And when she was a good girl,
he paid a lot of attention to her and said, oh,
you're a good girl today. So what I'm saying, Frank,
is this came to the surface when he moved or
loved one. She felt like she was a bad girl.
She's being punished, and now the care community and him
can talk about what a good girl she is and
(12:24):
how much they appreciate her and enjoy being with her,
and her behaviors have subsided. Wow, because we're meeting those needs.
And if we understand the past underneath the behavior, we're
probably able to provide them with care that meets an internal, deep,
deep need that has formed as a result of their past.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Gotcha, gotcha. It makes a lot of sense. So also,
you know, you put in your book that the behaviors
are often biographical and not random. So what do you
mean by that?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Yeah, so what happens a lot of times, and it's
just sort of our default. We focus so much on
the behaviors, right, We focus so much on being difficult,
or they're being clingy, or they're being needy, they're following
me around everywhere. We focus so much on treating the behavior,
(13:21):
but we don't think, I don't think we spend enough
time understanding the roots of what could be causing this behavior.
We kind of dismiss it to, oh, that's just dementia,
when in reality, at least in my private practice. I
would say ninety five percent of the time there is
some past connected with the behavior to some degree. So
(13:45):
when I say biographical is let's understand the behaviors communicating
a need and then what in the past has reoccurred
that could be resurfacing And I'll tell you why it resurfaces.
I've lost my ability to repress or suppress memories that
are back there. I've lost my ability coping mechanisms that
(14:06):
allow me to cope with certain things, and now these
raw emotions come to the surface because I don't have
the coping mechanisms to repress or block out what may
have happened in the past, and it resurfaces because it's
raw emotion.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Got it? Got it? Okay? Well, great, great, thank you
for that. So yeah, we're gonna just take I promise,
just a real quick break here, just to recognize our sponsor,
and we come back. I want you to share with
everybody a little bit more about your book and how
they could get it, and then we'll continue our educational
discussion here. Okay, okay, So do you happen to know
(14:49):
anyone who may be concerned about an older driver, well,
senior care authorities beyond Driving with Dignity program is a
facilitated self assessment program for older drivers. This program has
been designed to serve as a vital tool to facilitate
older drivers and their families as they make appropriate decisions
regarding the future of one safe driving career. If the
(15:11):
individual is a safe driver, then an advisor will provide
him or her with strategies and how to remain a
safe driver is they progress through the aging process. If
driving retirement is the appropriate decision, then the individual and
their family are offered possible alternatives, resources and a specific
(15:33):
plan to ensure a smooth and successful transition from the
driver's seat to the passenger seat. So to learn more,
you could go to www dot beyond Driving with Dignity
dot com. That's www dot beyond Driving with Dignity dot
com to connect with the Senior Care Authority advisor in
your area and just to let you know those of
(15:54):
you that within the healthcare industry, Senior Care Authority provides
a program where you could receive CE credits for and
it's called driving under the Influence of Dementia, So we
talk about that as well. So anyway, we're back now
with Tammy Anastasia who's a consultant advisor has written a book.
(16:20):
So we want to learn more about that book. Tell
us Danby, tell us more about it.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Sure, So I've got two books out. My first book
was Essential Strategies for the Dementia Caregiver and this one
is Dementia Caregiving and Personal History. Again, because of the
work in my private practice, I wanted to give caregivers
and professionals a much better understanding as to what can
(16:47):
be going on behind the behaviors. So the book is written.
The theme, the underlying theme of the book and what
really motivated me to write the book was I think
we can use the dementa journey a way to heal
old wounds, wounds in the person with dementia, and also
as a caregiver, our buttons are going to get pushed,
(17:09):
we may have unresolved issues about the person we're taken
care of, and how we could use the dementia journey
to heal our wounds as well going through the journey,
and then of course after the journey, how do we
take all of that we've been through and have gone through.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
It's so transformative. So the first part.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Is all about again what we talked about earlier was
understanding the personal history behind. Because let's say you have
I have a client and mother went to five foster
care homes. So you can imagine now when we go
to move mom, mom is hysterical because she feels she's
being moved into another foster care home. And in those
(17:48):
foster care homes she was not well cared for. But
now we get her into a home and we can
give the language that she may never have gotten. Frank,
she may never have heard. So the dementia journey allows
us to give them words and care and language to
make them feel safe, make them feel loved, to make
them feel secure, and maybe by the time they pass,
(18:11):
we have done something for their soul. Then the middle
is a middle part of the book is the second
part is all about the caregiver and what they've been
through with this person pre dementia and now dealing with
a changing brain, changing personalities, changing behaviors. Cognition can't be logical,
(18:32):
can't be rational, and some of their behavior may push
my buttons from the past. You know they're being difficult.
They you know, an alcoholic parent and they're not alcoholic now,
but the dementia behaviors push those alcoholic quote unquote triggers. So,
how can we use now dementia to heal what you've
(18:54):
been affected by in your past and make this more
healthy and avan and be more beneficial for you and
the person with dementor.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
So tell us the name of the book again and
how they could get it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Okay, So it's Dementia Caregiving and personal History how to
help cope, connect and heal. And you can get it
on Amazon and we're in the process of making it
an audiobook, so hopefully very soon you'll.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Have it audible.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Wonderful, wonderful, great. So you're talking about behaviors. So and
you brought up something earlier that you know, you said
that an adult child might see you, let's say a parent,
maybe you had some strange behaviors, but then they're having
a good day and sometimes maybe especially a family member
(19:48):
might be in denial a little bit right and think
he you know, mom will be fine or dad will
be fine, or whatever the case may be. So can we,
you know, can we talk about just various things that
behaviors or things that people should kind of look out
for where they go, you know, maybe they should consult
(20:12):
with something like yourself or if they need to go
to a neurologist or whatever the case may be. You
could certainly give advice in those situations, But at what
point types of behaviors that you think that, hey, maybe
there is something there. It's not normal.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Yeah, So when a person is in denial, often it's
because they're really not ready to address it or deal
with it. And we see this a lot with the
sound that we call it the sandwich generation. Right, the
adult children will see things in the spouse parent will
just not be ready. So what I tell people is
(20:51):
number one, trust your gut. If something feels off, most
likely it is off. And here again, write down the
things that you're absord that are off. What will happen
between two spouses, Now, this is where the adult child
will see what's going on.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Often, the we call them.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
The caregiver's spouse will want to protect the spouse that
is showing cognitive issues.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So both for the adult children, you want to write
down these are things that we've observed about Mom, These
are things we observed about Dad.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We have these concerns.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
By any chance, Mom or Dad, have you notice these things?
If not, could you just could you let me know
if you start noticing these things, because what happens with
the caregiver's spouse who is in denial. If they start
feeling you're trying to what's the word, get in their face,
(21:47):
they will push back and the resistance will be even
more enormous. So with clients, I will often help them
deal with the resistant caregiver's spouse because their resistance is
there for a reason, So we have to spend more time.
You know, gosh, mom or Dad, I've noticed these things
and I kind of have some concerns, and I don't
(22:08):
know if you have any concerns or fears. And then
the flip side of that, frank is if they do
see it.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Now we have to try.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
To align with the caregiver's spouse and say, well, what
is this like for you, Like, what do you see happening?
Or do you have any concerns? We have to be
more open ended to align with the caregiver's spouse rather
than really pushing them hard, because I'll see more and
more resistant when we.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Try to push hard.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
So in my practice, I'll coach adult children how to
deal with the caregiver's spouse, and then sometimes the caregiver's
spouse will call me and just say, you know, I'm
not sure, and then here again I'll help them be
I'll guide them on things to look for, things to
be concerned about.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, when we just came back from break. One thing
I didn't ask you, which I'd like to ask you
now is maybe tell people your web site where they
could learn more about getting assistance from you.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh great, thank you.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
So it's ww Tammyanastasia dot com. It's t A M
I A N A S T A S I A
dot com.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Great. And I know, of course we met and you're
in California, I know, not too far from where I am.
But you know, with technology today, are you able to
help families even that are not local in your area.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
As a matter of fact, I know COVID was horrible
for us. One positive thing about COVID is that now
I can I can talk with clients via Zoom anywhere.
So I have clients in many, many different states and
even different parts of the world to tell you the
truth because of zoom and so I can see people
in person. If they're local and they want to do
(23:56):
it in person, we can do it zoom.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And I also do it by phone.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Right great, great, good. So you know we do. We've
got a couple of minutes left, but I'd like to
maybe dedicate that time and you could get your input
as it relates to just keeping people keeping loved ones safe.
So I know you talk about that in your book
as well, about safety and patterns, So maybe you could
(24:22):
expound upon that.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, so I'm going to talk safety both physical and
I'm also going to talk safety emotionally. So we have
developed what we call I call emotional patterns of safety.
And so again, if we're going to look at the
dementia behaviors, a lot of times an emotional pattern of
safety is kicking in. Let me give you an example.
(24:47):
So someone who is constantly repeating questions asking where you're going,
where you're going, where you're going, when you're coming back,
where are you going? If we look at that from
an emotional standpoint, that pattern is needing a lot of
reassurance that you know, so I'm asking you it can
come off as being very clingy, but in reality, what
(25:07):
they are really needing is to feel very close and
a connection to you. The emotional safety is I need
this reassurance You're not going to leave me when I
hear that a lot. They often come from a family
where they were left, they were neglected, they were abandoned.
So this reassurance of a pattern of safety is needing
(25:30):
you to understand I have this need and you need
to reassure them. Then you have the physical safety of
them bolting out of the door wandering off. You have
physical safety of you know, fall risk, and you have
to now look around the home and see what we
can do to make it more physically safe for them.
(25:51):
You know, clutter is a big one, and people who
are hoarders, who are who have dimensioned. I don't say
that with any judgment and our criticism, but we just
have to make sure that the home is safe for
the person physically. If we have any stairs, grab bars right.
If we have any stairs and they are a high
(26:13):
fall risk, we may need to convert a room downstairs
becomes the bedroom so they don't go upstairs. So we
have two degrees of safety. The emotional safety of what
we're going to see in behavior often indicates I need
more reassurance and feel secure. So people instead of asking
why are they being so difficult, the question becomes how
(26:36):
can I help support them feel safer? And more secure,
not logically.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
But underneath.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
What is it they need to hear is you know
I love spending time with you. We're in this together,
this language. And then the physical is again where we've
got to really reevaluate the home. We've got to reevaluate
their behaviors there both safe physically and we respond in
a way that's supportive emotionally.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Great. Dammy, what a pleasure having you again. Thank you
so much for joining us on Boomers Today. Check out
our book, Dementia, Caregiving and Personal History. Check it out
on Amazon. Thank you for joining me, and thank you
everybody for tuning in, and please be safe. We'll talk
to everybody next week.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
You've been listening to Boomers Today with Frank Sampson. To
learn more about today's show, visit Boomerstodayradio
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Dot com and join us next time for another edition
of Boomers Today.
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