Season 2 Episode 2: Sorry For Existing: The Guilt of Being First

Charla uncovers the invisible weights we often don’t have words to describe.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the Bragmancia Podcast, where healing isn't
just a buzzword, It's a lifestyle. I'm your host, Charlotte E. Adams, wife, mom, daughter, attorney,
licensed therapist, heart centered hypno therapist, founder of Bromancia Counseling Group,

(00:26):
which is located in Farmington Hills, Michigan, where healing blooms
one soul, one story, one pedal at a time. And
I'm a fellow traveler on this wild, beautiful journey called life.
Every Wednesday, we get real about mental health, emotional wellness,

(00:49):
and the kind of growth that starts from within. Whether
you're deeply invested in personal development or just beginning to
explore what healing means than to you, this space is
for you. Here we blend science and soul, therapy and

(01:09):
truth telling because healing should be intentional, rooted, and yes,
deeply transformational. So take a deep breath, settle in and
join me each Wednesday as we glow up, grow deep,

(01:30):
and gently let go. Hello and welcome back to the
Brigmancia Podcast. I am your host, Charlotte Adams. This is
Season two, Episode two, so we're moving right along. We're

(01:53):
gonna start it at the Charlotte Corner and in the
Charlotte Corner today, I want to let you know that
your nervous system isn't just reacting, it's remembering. When you
find yourself overwhelmed or shutting down, pause and ask what

(02:19):
part of me still needs to feel safe. Healing begins
not with fixing, but with witnessing. Your presence is the medicine,
all right. So the episode title today is sorry for existing,

(02:43):
the guilt of being first. So again, welcome back to
the Brognancia Podcast, and as always, we're diving into the quay.
It's emotional truths we carry, those invisible weights we often

(03:07):
don't have words for. So let me set up this scene.
You're at a restaurant. You've been seated, you've ordered, and
your food has just arrived. You're relaxing into the moment
until you look toward the entrance and a crowd is forming.

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People are standing waiting for a table, some of them
making direct eye contact with you, glancing at your plate,
maybe even checking their watches. Suddenly your hot meal doesn't

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feel so relaxing anymore. You start chewing faster, drinking your
drink like it's a race. We say things like, let's
wrap this up if you're with someone, or we can
just grab dessert at home. Why because part of you
feels guilty for simply being served first, for being in

(04:17):
the way of someone else's turn. That guilt, that discomfort,
that is not just about the table or the timing.
That's an old wound talking. It's the voice that says,

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don't take too long, don't take up too much space,
don't be the reason someone else has to wait. And
it's everywhere. You feel it at the nail salon, at
the DMV, in a waiting room at the airport, even

(05:01):
in line at the grocery store when someone behind you
only has two items and you're with a cart full
of items. It's the subtle but powerful sensation that says,
my presence is delaying someone else's life. And for many

(05:23):
of us, especially those who grew up with hyper awareness
of other's emotions or who were told to always be
considerate to the point of self eraser, it can feel unbearable.
But let me gently remind you you are not an obstacle.

(05:52):
You're not being served at the expense of others. You're
just taking your turn, just like they will, just like
someone did before you. This need to rush, to apologize

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for existing, to feel bad for being seen. It's a
trauma's response, a learned pattern, one that tells us our
comfort comes after everyone else's needs are met. But what

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if we learned that, What if we could enjoy your meal,
If you could enjoy your meal, we can enjoy our meals,
the service, the moment without shrinking. What if you let

(07:00):
yourself stay present even while someone else is waiting. You
deserve to be nourished, to be served, to be steel,
and the world will not collapse if someone has to

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wait their turn. So, whether you're at a crowded restaurant,
a packed salon, or anywhere else where, the urge to
apologize bubbles up inside you. Try this mantra, and I

(07:41):
like that the sirens are sounding right now because it's
just notification that is not urgent. The mantra that I
want you to sit with. Say this out loud to
yourself whenever this feeling comes up for you. I am

(08:05):
not in the way. I am allowed to be here.
I am not the problem. Because brugmancys, you are not
the problem. You're a person. You're allowed to have needs,

(08:30):
and you're allowed to have your moment without guilt. Here's
a guided reflection. Take a deep breath in and exhale
it slowly. Let your shoulders drop, your jaw, soften your belly, relax,

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and now imagine yourself at that crowded rest, strunt again,
or whatever scenario resonates with you. You're in your moment.
You are first notice what arises in your body as
you see others waiting. Do you feel urgency, guilt, pressure

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to hurry? Now, gently whisper to yourself It's okay to
be here. It's okay to enjoy this. I am not
in the way. I am allowed to receive. Let those
words settle in your body, feel them like warm sunlight

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on your skin. Stay here, stay present, stay whole. Take
one more breath in and release the urge to shrink
or rush. You're not selfish, You're simply living. To take

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this even more deeper, here's a journal prompt for you.
When do I feel like I'm in the way? And
what does that feeling teach me about? How I see myself?
Write about this freely, don't censor or judge your words.

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Explore how early messages about being too much or being
a burden or inconvenient may still show up in your
everyday life. Then ask yourself what would it look like
to honor my presence instead of apologizing for it. Okay,

(11:00):
that's all for today's episode. If you've ever felt this
quiet guilt for simply being first, I hope this helped
you feel a little more seen. If it did, please
share this episode with someone who might be carrying that

(11:20):
same invisible weight, And as always, until next time, take
up space, take your time, and take care.