May 15, 2025 • 28 mins
Step into the world of Victorian London, filled with humor, crime, and adventure. Follow a unique group of men who, having exhausted lifes pleasures, form a Burglars Club for some much-needed excitement. Here, membership comes with a price - a city burglary as an entrance fee, set by their president. Every other year, each member needs to maintain his subscription through a provincial line. This gripping tale skillfully intertwines the thrill of crime with the charm of camaraderie.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter eight of The Burglars Club, a romance in twelve chronicles.
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. Read by Matthew Swarda. The Burglars
Club by Henry Augustus Herring, Chapter eight, The Lion and
(00:21):
the Sun. The visit of His Royal Highness Ali Azi Mirza,
nephew of the Shah, accompanied by the Grand Vizier Hassan Kuli,
is fresh in our memories. The mission of the Prince
was to invest a distinguished personage with the insignia of
the Lion and the Sun, in order to mark the
Persian monarch's appreciation of the Garter, which had been recently
(00:45):
conferred upon him. The mission duly returned, with its object accomplished. Outwardly,
everything happened as was anticipated, and there are but few
who know how nearly we approach to a war with
Russia as a consequence of the visit, while still fewer
are aware that such a calamity was averted by a
cadet member of the Burglars Club. In the unwritten annals
(01:08):
of the Club, the incident stands out prominently. It is
well that it should be recorded before it is forgotten.
The special mission was due to arrive in London on
the tenth of the month. It was to leave on
the sixteenth. Lord Denton had placed his town house at
the disposal of the Prince and his retinue. During their stay.
On the fourth, mister Burkett Rivers, a cadet member of
(01:31):
the Burglars Club, received an intimation that his entrance fee
could be paid on the thirteenth by the production of
the insignia under the order which the Prince was bringing
with him. On the evening of the eighth, John Parker,
a footman and the employ of Lord Denton, called by
request on mister Rivers at his room in the Albany.
You wish to see me, sir Ah Parker. How are
(01:54):
you getting on very well? Thank you, sir. You are
going to have great times. Parker. When does Lord d
And leave tomorrow? Sir? Are all the servants staying behind?
Only about half of us, sir? The Persians bring their
own cooks and men quite so are you remaining yes,
sir good? I want you to let me take your place.
(02:14):
Parker opened his eyes very wide. Beg pardon, sir, he said,
feeling sure he had misunderstood the last remark. I want
to take your place as footmen and Denton House while
the Persians are there. If you will help me to
do so, Parker, there's ten pounds for you. Parker scratched
his head. I should like the ten pounds, sir, but
I don't see how I'm to get it. They'd never
(02:37):
mistake you for me, sir, though we are about the
same build. Mister Bradshaw would spot the difference at once.
Who is mister Bradshaw the butler, Sir, he's pretty well
left in charge of the house. Listen, Parker, the Prince
comes the day after tomorrow at eleven o'clock in the
morning of that day. You've got to be taken ill.
(02:57):
Tell Bradshaw you can't work and you think it something infectious.
Tell him that your cousin James Finney, who is only
staying on with me till he hears of a place,
would jump at the job. Send me word and I
will turn up at once. Mister Bradshaw might know you, sir,
I don't think so. I've never been at the house. Besides,
I shall shave off my mustache anyway, Parker. I'll take
(03:21):
care you lose nothing by it, even if I should
be found out. John Parker left a quarter of an
hour later, ten pounds richer than he came. In his pocket.
He carried a letter which eventually reached mister Rivers by
special messenger at noon on the tenth. It ran, dear James,
come immediately. I am ill, and mister Bradshaw says you
(03:41):
can take my place. Your loving cousin. John Parker, with
his mustache shaved off and attired in a painfully respectful,
ready made suit, Rivers, presented himself at Denton House at
one o'clock. He found mister Bradshaw in a highly wrought condition.
So you're Parker's cousin. A pretty mess. He's landed me.
I hope he's not very bad, sir. I hope he is.
(04:03):
I hope he'll die, said mister Bradshaw vengefully. You've lived
with mister Rivers, Yes, sir? Can you announce visitors? Yes, sir,
go to that door and announce the Lord mayor Rivers,
or rather James Finney flung open the door and announced,
instentorian accents his worship the Lord Mayor of London, you
(04:25):
has shouted, mister Bradshaw. You only worship him when you're
in the prisoner's box. I spect that's where you met him.
Call him his lordship when he's a whizit in now
again James obeyed. Bravo, that's better, said another voice. It
proceeded from a mite of a man who had approached noisily,
and who now stood rubbing his hands approvingly. But it's
(04:47):
rather late for rehearsals, mister Bradshaw, isn't it, he added.
Parker's taken ill, said mister Bradshaw, savagely. He sent this
screw to take his place. So thoughtful of park murmured
the little man, what's your name? And where do you
come from? Addressing the candidate for office, James Finney, Sir.
From mister Burkett Rivers. Mister Burkett Rivers, reflected the other. Ah,
(05:12):
to be sure, mister Burkett Rivers, the young millionaire drives
a team of spanking bays at the fore in hand
meets attache at the constantinopley or something, came into money
and left the service, which as he stopped in it,
I believe a very active young gentleman. Oh, yes, I've
heard of your master. You're late Master James Finney. The
(05:33):
little man was studying him intently all the time. Then
he fixed his eyes on rivers hands. He lifted the
right one, looked at it, and passed on. There was
a loud ring, and a footman entered with please, mister Bradshaw,
there's the gentleman, come from the embassy. The butler hustled
to the door, go up to Parker's room and changed
into his things at once, and then come down to
(05:56):
me in the all he said to Rivers. Yes, sir
replied beg, pardon, mister Bradshaw, who is that small gentleman?
Watch just left us. That gentleman, said mister Bradshaw, with
swelling dignity, is mister Marvel from Scotland Yard. So you'd
better be careful, finny. Prince ali Azim, accompanied by the
(06:16):
Vizier and a numerous suite, arrived that afternoon, and the
whole household was thenceforth kept busy attending to the once numerous,
in particular of the Persians. River's chief duties were to
attend to the hall door and to help to wait
at meals. He did his work to the satisfaction of
mister Bradshaw, And never a day passed without mister Marvel,
(06:38):
who was installed as the protecting angel of the establishment,
staring fixedly at him, and then passing some word of
commendation in a tone that brought the blood to his face.
A shocking habit you have of blushing, James, Finny, the
little man would say, as he toddled away. And all
the time the new footman was trying to find out
(06:58):
where the Order of the Lion and the Sun was kept.
It was the twelfth before he ascertained that it was
one of the three desk patch boxes kept in a
bookcase in the library. The burglars meeting took place on
the thirteenth. He must purloin it before then that very night,
if possible. At five o'clock, the vizier was taken ill
some of Parker's leavins. I'll be bound, said mister Bradshaw.
(07:22):
Same symptoms, looks all right, and talks of despair and
of pains and shivers. Won't have a doctor neither. If
the wizard pipes out, Finney, your precious cousin'll be responsible.
At eight p m. The Prince and his suite, with
the exception of the invalid Vizier set out for the
Alhambra and supper at the Carlton. Mister Marvel, as usual,
(07:43):
followed closely in their wake. At nine o'clock, James Finney
was off duty now or never, he thought, He watched
his opportunity, and then, unperceived, entered the library, and there
hid himself behind a curtain, intending to wait till the
household was asleep, and then to open the desk patch
box from his bunch of skeleton keys. He had been
(08:03):
there perhaps half an hour when the door opened, and
to his amazement, the vizier entered. He was followed by
a servant bringing coffee and cigarettes. There were cups for two.
The minutes passed slowly. The Vizier looked impatiently at the clock,
then strode up to one of the windows, pulled back
the heavy curtain, raised the blind, and looked out rivers
(08:26):
pulses quickened. What if the vizier were to come to
his window, ha exclaimed the persian, replacing the curtain and
resuming his seat. The door opened and a beam muffled
object made its appearance. The vizier rose, the servant withdrew
and the object emerged from its wraps. Rivers knew the
man at once, he had met him at the Constantinople.
(08:47):
It was Count Moronov. The vizier bowed. The newcomer, responded,
and then gave a sigh of relief. Peste, but it
was warm, Vizier, he said, I am delighted at least
to have the honor and the supreme pleasure of meeting you.
Your excellency, replied the Vizier, the fame of Count Moronov
has for long inspired me with an intense wish that
(09:09):
we should meet. Allah has at least granted the desire
of my life. Will your excellency seat yourself. Here is
the coffee a la turka. The Count drew up his
chair and took the proffered cup. As he lit a cigarette,
his eyes traveled appreciatively over the portraits of a dozen
dentans famous in the service of their country. It is
(09:29):
fitting we should meet here, he said, surrounded by these
illustrations gentlemen who look on but cannot move. It is prophetic.
It is kissmet, said the Vizier, gravely, kissmet, assisted by
two statement returned the Count exactly, but I mustn't lose time, Vizier,
as our moments are precious. He put his hand into
his breast pocket and produced a document. Here is the
(09:52):
draft of our understandings, arranged so far as is possible,
with three thousand versts between us. Now we must discuss
us the final details. I have indicated my suggestions, and
if they meet with your approval, it will be possible
for us to sign before you leave London. The Persian
watched the smoke rings float upward. There is no haste,
(10:13):
he said. Fruit ripens slowly under gray skies, as our
poet sings. Quite so, Quite so, said the Russian, conscious
of an error this year, the next will do. Our
treasury has many drains upon it. We are not anxious
to add to the number. The Vizier smoked imperturbedly. The
skies are gray here, he said at length, But this
(10:34):
London holds some wonderful men. When I met yesterday an American.
He is young, his hair is still flaxen. Yet he
spoke of money as though it grew on rose trees.
Half a million roubles are as nothing to him. He
gave that sum for an Italian picture, an old, shabby
looking thing, such as my master would not place in
(10:54):
his ant rooms. He owns oil, mines, railways, banks. Allah,
what does that flax inhered youth not own? My heart
ached at the number of his possessions these Americans talk,
replied the count. Half they say is false, half exaggeration
seems no doubt, said the Vizier. But not always. I
know this man is rich. He is one of the
(11:16):
new kings of the earth. We have already had a
transaction together, and he sighed contentedly. There are kings and kings,
replied the Russian. There are also emperors. Your excellency is
now in negotiation with one who controls the destinies of
countless millions men and roubles. When I last saw his majesty,
he said, tell his excellency the Grand Vizier, that I
(11:39):
would his wisdom could be added to that of my counselors.
When he wishes of my heart respecting the new treaty
are consummated, he will honor me by accepting half a
million roubles. The Persian gazed reflectively into space. Your master
is great, he said, and he is generous. His rewards
make glad the hearts of poets. He is the joy
(12:01):
of the poor, would that I were a poet or poor,
so should my voice praise him? Also? The Russian's eyes gleamed,
but he continued suavely, So is my royal master. Half
a million roubles shall be his when the treaty is signed,
five hundred thousand more when the Russian flag floats in
the Persian Gulf. The Persian leaned back, resignedly. Great is
(12:22):
the power of your master, he said, As Russia is
bigger than America, so does his power exceed that of
the flaxen haired gentlemen I met yesterday. The Americans are
numbered by tens, your master's subjects by hundreds of millions. Besides,
it is always more agreeable to deal with a first
class diplomatist. Let me look at the draft. Count Moranov
(12:44):
handed over the document. The Vizier read it slowly. The
terms were fairly comprehensive. Behind his curtain, rivers breathed hard
at their audacity, and his blood tingled at the thought
that it rested with him to checkmate this daring move.
The states man discoursed frankly, and there was no disguise
of the object in view. India was eventually to be
(13:05):
attacked by Russia, who was prepared to pay for facilities granted.
The northeastern province of Persia was a necessary factor of
the scheme, and a railway was to be commenced at
once from Ostrobod to Meshid. But the most striking part
of the plan was the acquisition by Russia of a
port in the Persian Gulf. The Isle of Kisham was
to be seated to her. The only discussion between the
(13:27):
two statesmen was with regard to the island of Ashurida
in the Capsian The Vizier demanded its evacuation by Russia
in partial payment for the Kishim, but more particularly as
a sop to the Persian people. After much demur this
was finally agreed to by Moranov, in addition to the
annuity of two million rubles granted to the Shah. The
(13:48):
Vizier folded up the document. My secretary shall transcribe this tomorrow,
he said, and we can sign after our return from Windsor. Strange,
is it not? He soliloquized that our former negotiations came
to a head when the English mission brought the Garter,
and our new one is to be consummated while we
are in the act of returning the compliment when men
(14:08):
such as you and I get together, my dear Vizier
began the Russians sententiously. Then he stopped short, for the
door had suddenly opened. The Persian turned angrily and then
rose to his feet as a tall, richly dressed man entered.
It was the Prince ali Azim. Vizier said the Prince abruptly,
whom have you here, your physician. The Vizier's face had
(14:31):
assumed a blaand smile, and instinctively he endeavored to cover
the treaty. But the Prince saw the movement. Why hid
the perception, Vizier, he said. The Russian's face grew livid,
but the Vizier regained his usual composure. Your royal highness,
he said, Permit me to present his excellency, Count Moranov
ten thousand pardons. Count, said the Prince, slightly, returning the
(14:55):
Count's profound inclination. You will perhaps understand my mistake when
I tell tell you that the Vizier is far from well.
He has no doubt concealed the fact from you, but
he was too ill to accompany me this evening to
the hall of music. Hence my surprise at finding him here.
I fear that his extraordinary zell for affairs has led
him prematurely from his bed. I am sure that you
(15:18):
would not wish him to trespass unduly on his strength.
Your Royal Highness's surmise is correct, said Moronov. It would
indeed be an international calamity were the Vizier to break down.
I hope I have not hastened that end. He again
bowed profoundly to the Prince, refused the Vizier's offer of
assistance with his wraps, and then, with a cold adieu
(15:39):
to him, left the room. Now, Hassan coolly thundered the
Prince when they were alone, What intrigue is this? Your
Royal Highness's suspicions are uncalled for. Moronof and I are
old friends by correspondence. We had never met personally, and
he naturally seized this opportunity. I did not know he
was in England, said the Prince. The Russian ambassador incidentally
(16:01):
referred to him today as being in Petersburg. I left
you in bed, full of toothache and indigestion. I return
unexpectedly and find you deliberating with a Russian who is
supposed to be five hundred far socks away. Give me
that paper. The Vizier reluctantly produced it, and the Prince
read it through Ah, he said, as he refolded it.
(16:23):
I see you are making a cat's paw of me again.
My mission here is to do away with any ill
effects consequent of our treaty with Russia. You will remember
that when we were fooling the English mission in Tehran,
I knew nothing of the treaty just concluded with Russia,
my uncle, and you delighted to keep me in the dark.
Yet all the time it was me who did the work.
Was it his majesty, the Shah who played at billiards
(16:46):
and cards with the English? Was it you who fought
them at lawn tennis? Bah? I laugh at the thought,
But I played at all. I lost my money at
cards and billiards, and I suffered defeat at lawn tennis
till the perspiration rolled down me and my legs gave way.
And you smoked and laugh and got all the profit.
I who worked got none. Now I have come over
(17:10):
land and see, with the order of the Lion and
the sun again, I do the work again. I know nothing.
I find you intriguing behind my back. You treat me
as a child, but you forget that some day I
may be shaw you play with fire. Vizier, Your Royal highness,
I beg you to believe that I have acted for
what I thought was the benefit of our country and
(17:30):
your own pocket, added the prince, How much plunder do
you get out of this? The Vizier held up his
hands in horror. Your Royal Highness, he said, is nothing
ever done disinterestedly from pure patriotism? Not by Hassan Kuli,
sneered the Prince. Please save yourself useless declamation. You may
as well know my terms at once. The price of
(17:51):
my acquatiance in this matter is one million rubles. The
Vizier gasped one million roubles. He exclaimed, Does money grow
so far as I know it does not, replied the
Prince acidly. But you may as well spare yourself unnecessary questions.
These are my terms. Arrange with Moronov tomorrow, or take
it from your own profit. I care not which, but
(18:14):
unless a portion of the money is forthcoming before we
leave this cursed land, I will you will betray us.
I do not explain my intentions to Viziers, replied the
young man haughtily, you understand me, I hope here is
your treaty. He tossed the document on the table and left.
The vizier threw himself on a sofa and groaned aloud.
(18:35):
He lay there long, so long that Rivers behind the
curtain was stiff and weary. And there was the Vizier,
now apparently dozing at intervals, perhaps going to make a
night of it. Suddenly he rose, took the draft of
the treaty, went to the despatch boxes, and placed it
in one of them. His body intervened between River's view
(18:56):
of them, but the watcher followed his movements as best
he could. Then the Vizier turned to the door and
clicked out the light. As he passed through. Rivers stretched himself,
but he did not venture to stir from behind the
curtain for some time. At length, he stepped out, turned
on his portable electric light, crossed the room, and stood
before the desk patch boxes. There were three, all exactly alike.
(19:20):
One held the insignia of the Lion and the Sun.
That was yes the bottom one. The treaty was in
the middle one. The top one was unimportant. Rivers lifted
out the middle one, an essayed to open it with
his keys, but in vain. Then he tried the bottom one,
that containing the Persian order, but with no better success.
The box would have to be forced open elsewhere. Yet
(19:42):
he dared not carry it across the hall. Other means
had to be found for getting it out of the room,
and the way had occurred to him as he stood
behind the curtain. One box he might pass safely through
this instrumentality, but only one two would court defeat. Which
box was he to take, the one that the order
of the Lion in the sun, the object of all
(20:03):
his scheming, or the other one in which lay the treaty.
River's mind had taken its resolve at the instant he
had seen the draft place therein. Since Moronov had appeared,
he had lost all immediate interests in the Burglars Club.
Whether he became a member or not was of little moment,
But it was a matter of national importance that the
Foreign Secretary should see the draft of the treaty. The
(20:26):
Earl of Ankoates was hard to conceive of anyone's dishonesty.
His own honor was so untarnished that he refused to
believe less of others. He had declined to take hints
about the former treaty between Russia and Persia, and now
with the Shah's mission at his door, he would probably
refuse to believe that this was another blind covering of
further and boulder intrigue. Lord Ancoates must see the treaty.
(20:51):
Rivers took the middle box across to the window, then
drew up the blind and waited. The red coated sentry passed.
Could he manage it before the soldier was round again? Ah?
Here was his chance. He opened the window gently. Hi,
he called out to the passing hansom. The man pulled up,
got down and came to the window. I want you
(21:11):
to take this box straight to Lord an Coates. He
lives in Eaton Square. Tell him mister Burkett Rivers sent it,
and he must open it at once. I will see
him in the morning about it. He's a sovereign. If
Lord an Coates gets it within an hour, I'll give
you another sovereign tomorrow. Here you are cut along drive
like blazes. As the man mounted his seat, the sentry
(21:33):
came around the corner. Rivers cautiously closed the window and
drew the blind. He then pulled up a chair behind
the curtain and went to sleep on it till four o'clock,
when he made his way to his own room. First
thing in the morning, he sent a message to John Parker,
who turned up in good health at ten o'clock and
claimed his post back. Half an hour later. Rivers left,
(21:53):
assured of mister Bradshaw's offer of the next vacancy in
the household. He drove straight to the Albany and then
to Eaton's Square. The Earl was at the Foreign Office
within the hour. His lordship received him well. Mister Rivers, said,
Lord Ancots, producing the despatch box from a safe, What
is the meaning of this? It explains itself, my lord, indeed,
(22:14):
said the statesman dryly, what do you think it contains?
The draft of a new treaty between Russia and Persia?
Open it? Rivers did so, and instead of the draft,
there on a purple velvet cushion was the glittering order
of the lion and the sun. Rivers was stupefied. Was
there nothing else? He asked in bewilderment, No, sir, and
(22:37):
perhaps you will now explain how you came into possession
of this And why you sent it to me? It
is surely the property of the Persian mission. Lord Ancote's
demeanor was not reassuring, but Rivers plunged boldly into the manner.
Last night at Denton House, Count Mornov visited the Persian Vizier.
He commenced, how did you know that I saw him?
(22:58):
I was present at the interview. Unknown, of course, He
brought with him the draft of a treaty supplementing the
last one. It had chiefly reference to the acquisition of
a Russian port in the Persian Gulf. Ah, said Lord Ankoates.
That's a bold move. Go on, please. The Vizier placed
the draft in one of the three dispatch boxes like this.
I thought this was the one, and I sent it
(23:20):
here so that your lordship could read the treaty for yourself.
I deeply regret that I made a mistake in the box,
but I can give the gist of the treaty from memory.
Please do so. Now. River's memory was good, and the
words of the treaty had burnt themselves on his brain.
He recited the terms without hesitation. The minister heard him
in silence making notes. Thank you, Rivers, he said at
(23:42):
the end, you will please let me have that in
writing in time for tomorrow's cabinet. Then he got up
and paced the room. It is an unfortunate situation. I
think we shall be able to meet the political side
of it. But the investiture takes place at Windsor tomorrow,
and this discovery is, to say the least embarrassing. However,
we have to thank you for being forewarned. You evidently
(24:05):
anticipated this move. I'm afraid not, sir. It was as
much luck as anything else on my part. But you
were at Denton House. I was there on other business,
said Rivers frankly. Lord Ancoates look grave well, mister Rivers,
he said, I will not inquire too closely about what
other business was. You have rendered his service to the state,
(24:25):
which will not be forgotten. Now, what about this, pointing
to the box. I will see that the vizier gets
it at once, Rivers hesitated. Only then did he remember
he now had in his possession what he wanted. He
could pay his entrance fee. I will see that it
is at Denton House by the morning, he said. Lord
(24:46):
Ankoates watched him intently. Does the Burglars Club meet tonight?
He said quietly. I beg your pardon, stammered Rivers. Lord
Ankotates laid a kindly hand on his shoulder. I was
only told of that institution within the hour, he said,
until a moment ago. I didn't believe the information. Take
my advice, Rivers, and leave it. Its existence. You see
(25:08):
is known to some of the outside world. As a friend,
I warn you that you will be watched tonight. Don't
spoil your career. Why did you leave the service? Oh?
I remember, But you're not satisfied with merely killing time?
Are you? Will you come back to us? The first
secretaryship at Vienna is vacant. Would you take it? River's
face beamed. I jump at it, my lord, Then be
(25:31):
ready to start in a week. Never mind, thanks, I
am still your debtor. Now about this box, you might
be unable to restore it. We must adopt other means.
Lord Ankots opened the door of an adjoining room with
come forward, please, and the little detective whom Rivers had
last seen at Denton House that very morning, entered briskly.
I believe you have met before, said Lord Ankoates. Rivers
(25:54):
was too astonished to reply, Yes, I have met James Finney.
I beg pardon, mister Burke, Rivers, said the detective dryly.
Mister Rivers has explained the mystery very satisfactorily, Marvel said,
Lord Ankoates, the box should be restored without delay. Will
you do this please? Mister Marvel tried to look please,
but signally failed in the attempt. Certainly, my lord, he replied.
(26:18):
There was a knock at the door and a clerk
appeared with a card in his hand. I must leave
you now, said the Minister Rivers. Next week. Remember, I
am much obliged for your assistance, mister Marvel. With this,
the Secretary for Foreign Affairs left the room. The detective
took up the box. How on earth did you come
into this matter, mister Marvel asked Rivers, very simply, sir.
(26:41):
When Lord Ankots got the box, he telephoned to Scotland
Yard and I was sent for at once. As a
matter of fact, I opened the box for his lordship.
You're sure you wouldn't like to restore it yourself. The
vizier is ill in bed and it won't be wanted
till tomorrow. Sorry to disappoint you, mister Marvel, Rivers laughed,
but I'm sure it's safer in your hands, mister Marvel
(27:03):
nodded grimly. Sooner or later, Sir, sooner or later, he said,
as he walked to the door. But don't try to
be a footman next time. With these enigmatical remarks, the
interview terminated. On the following day, the Investiture of the
Lion and the Sun took place at Windsor. After the ceremony,
Prince Ali Azim and the Vizier had a private interview
(27:26):
with the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. It was
noted at the time that the Persians emerged looking singularly subdued.
That evening, in reply to a friendly question addressed by
the leader of the opposition, Lord Ankot took the opportunity
to assure the House that the paramount influence of England
in the Persian Gulf would be maintained at any cost,
(27:46):
and a month later the Union jack floated by the
side of the Arab Sultan flag on the castle Towers
of Muscat. This was the answer given to the Russian intrigue.
That it was so effective and complete was owing to
the action of mister Burkett River. Sometime a cadet member
of the Burglars Club end of Chapter eight,
Chapter eight of The Burglars Club, a romance in twelve chronicles.
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. Read by Matthew Swarda. The Burglars
Club by Henry Augustus Herring, Chapter eight, The Lion and
(00:21):
the Sun. The visit of His Royal Highness Ali Azi Mirza,
nephew of the Shah, accompanied by the Grand Vizier Hassan Kuli,
is fresh in our memories. The mission of the Prince
was to invest a distinguished personage with the insignia of
the Lion and the Sun, in order to mark the
Persian monarch's appreciation of the Garter, which had been recently
(00:45):
conferred upon him. The mission duly returned, with its object accomplished. Outwardly,
everything happened as was anticipated, and there are but few
who know how nearly we approach to a war with
Russia as a consequence of the visit, while still fewer
are aware that such a calamity was averted by a
cadet member of the Burglars Club. In the unwritten annals
(01:08):
of the Club, the incident stands out prominently. It is
well that it should be recorded before it is forgotten.
The special mission was due to arrive in London on
the tenth of the month. It was to leave on
the sixteenth. Lord Denton had placed his town house at
the disposal of the Prince and his retinue. During their stay.
On the fourth, mister Burkett Rivers, a cadet member of
(01:31):
the Burglars Club, received an intimation that his entrance fee
could be paid on the thirteenth by the production of
the insignia under the order which the Prince was bringing
with him. On the evening of the eighth, John Parker,
a footman and the employ of Lord Denton, called by
request on mister Rivers at his room in the Albany.
You wish to see me, sir Ah Parker. How are
(01:54):
you getting on very well? Thank you, sir. You are
going to have great times. Parker. When does Lord d
And leave tomorrow? Sir? Are all the servants staying behind?
Only about half of us, sir? The Persians bring their
own cooks and men quite so are you remaining yes,
sir good? I want you to let me take your place.
(02:14):
Parker opened his eyes very wide. Beg pardon, sir, he said,
feeling sure he had misunderstood the last remark. I want
to take your place as footmen and Denton House while
the Persians are there. If you will help me to
do so, Parker, there's ten pounds for you. Parker scratched
his head. I should like the ten pounds, sir, but
I don't see how I'm to get it. They'd never
(02:37):
mistake you for me, sir, though we are about the
same build. Mister Bradshaw would spot the difference at once.
Who is mister Bradshaw the butler, Sir, he's pretty well
left in charge of the house. Listen, Parker, the Prince
comes the day after tomorrow at eleven o'clock in the
morning of that day. You've got to be taken ill.
(02:57):
Tell Bradshaw you can't work and you think it something infectious.
Tell him that your cousin James Finney, who is only
staying on with me till he hears of a place,
would jump at the job. Send me word and I
will turn up at once. Mister Bradshaw might know you, sir,
I don't think so. I've never been at the house. Besides,
I shall shave off my mustache anyway, Parker. I'll take
(03:21):
care you lose nothing by it, even if I should
be found out. John Parker left a quarter of an
hour later, ten pounds richer than he came. In his pocket.
He carried a letter which eventually reached mister Rivers by
special messenger at noon on the tenth. It ran, dear James,
come immediately. I am ill, and mister Bradshaw says you
(03:41):
can take my place. Your loving cousin. John Parker, with
his mustache shaved off and attired in a painfully respectful,
ready made suit, Rivers, presented himself at Denton House at
one o'clock. He found mister Bradshaw in a highly wrought condition.
So you're Parker's cousin. A pretty mess. He's landed me.
I hope he's not very bad, sir. I hope he is.
(04:03):
I hope he'll die, said mister Bradshaw vengefully. You've lived
with mister Rivers, Yes, sir? Can you announce visitors? Yes, sir,
go to that door and announce the Lord mayor Rivers,
or rather James Finney flung open the door and announced,
instentorian accents his worship the Lord Mayor of London, you
(04:25):
has shouted, mister Bradshaw. You only worship him when you're
in the prisoner's box. I spect that's where you met him.
Call him his lordship when he's a whizit in now
again James obeyed. Bravo, that's better, said another voice. It
proceeded from a mite of a man who had approached noisily,
and who now stood rubbing his hands approvingly. But it's
(04:47):
rather late for rehearsals, mister Bradshaw, isn't it, he added.
Parker's taken ill, said mister Bradshaw, savagely. He sent this
screw to take his place. So thoughtful of park murmured
the little man, what's your name? And where do you
come from? Addressing the candidate for office, James Finney, Sir.
From mister Burkett Rivers. Mister Burkett Rivers, reflected the other. Ah,
(05:12):
to be sure, mister Burkett Rivers, the young millionaire drives
a team of spanking bays at the fore in hand
meets attache at the constantinopley or something, came into money
and left the service, which as he stopped in it,
I believe a very active young gentleman. Oh, yes, I've
heard of your master. You're late Master James Finney. The
(05:33):
little man was studying him intently all the time. Then
he fixed his eyes on rivers hands. He lifted the
right one, looked at it, and passed on. There was
a loud ring, and a footman entered with please, mister Bradshaw,
there's the gentleman, come from the embassy. The butler hustled
to the door, go up to Parker's room and changed
into his things at once, and then come down to
(05:56):
me in the all he said to Rivers. Yes, sir
replied beg, pardon, mister Bradshaw, who is that small gentleman?
Watch just left us. That gentleman, said mister Bradshaw, with
swelling dignity, is mister Marvel from Scotland Yard. So you'd
better be careful, finny. Prince ali Azim, accompanied by the
(06:16):
Vizier and a numerous suite, arrived that afternoon, and the
whole household was thenceforth kept busy attending to the once numerous,
in particular of the Persians. River's chief duties were to
attend to the hall door and to help to wait
at meals. He did his work to the satisfaction of
mister Bradshaw, And never a day passed without mister Marvel,
(06:38):
who was installed as the protecting angel of the establishment,
staring fixedly at him, and then passing some word of
commendation in a tone that brought the blood to his face.
A shocking habit you have of blushing, James, Finny, the
little man would say, as he toddled away. And all
the time the new footman was trying to find out
(06:58):
where the Order of the Lion and the Sun was kept.
It was the twelfth before he ascertained that it was
one of the three desk patch boxes kept in a
bookcase in the library. The burglars meeting took place on
the thirteenth. He must purloin it before then that very night,
if possible. At five o'clock, the vizier was taken ill
some of Parker's leavins. I'll be bound, said mister Bradshaw.
(07:22):
Same symptoms, looks all right, and talks of despair and
of pains and shivers. Won't have a doctor neither. If
the wizard pipes out, Finney, your precious cousin'll be responsible.
At eight p m. The Prince and his suite, with
the exception of the invalid Vizier set out for the
Alhambra and supper at the Carlton. Mister Marvel, as usual,
(07:43):
followed closely in their wake. At nine o'clock, James Finney
was off duty now or never, he thought, He watched
his opportunity, and then, unperceived, entered the library, and there
hid himself behind a curtain, intending to wait till the
household was asleep, and then to open the desk patch
box from his bunch of skeleton keys. He had been
(08:03):
there perhaps half an hour when the door opened, and
to his amazement, the vizier entered. He was followed by
a servant bringing coffee and cigarettes. There were cups for two.
The minutes passed slowly. The Vizier looked impatiently at the clock,
then strode up to one of the windows, pulled back
the heavy curtain, raised the blind, and looked out rivers
(08:26):
pulses quickened. What if the vizier were to come to
his window, ha exclaimed the persian, replacing the curtain and
resuming his seat. The door opened and a beam muffled
object made its appearance. The vizier rose, the servant withdrew
and the object emerged from its wraps. Rivers knew the
man at once, he had met him at the Constantinople.
(08:47):
It was Count Moronov. The vizier bowed. The newcomer, responded,
and then gave a sigh of relief. Peste, but it
was warm, Vizier, he said, I am delighted at least
to have the honor and the supreme pleasure of meeting you.
Your excellency, replied the Vizier, the fame of Count Moronov
has for long inspired me with an intense wish that
(09:09):
we should meet. Allah has at least granted the desire
of my life. Will your excellency seat yourself. Here is
the coffee a la turka. The Count drew up his
chair and took the proffered cup. As he lit a cigarette,
his eyes traveled appreciatively over the portraits of a dozen
dentans famous in the service of their country. It is
(09:29):
fitting we should meet here, he said, surrounded by these
illustrations gentlemen who look on but cannot move. It is prophetic.
It is kissmet, said the Vizier, gravely, kissmet, assisted by
two statement returned the Count exactly, but I mustn't lose time, Vizier,
as our moments are precious. He put his hand into
his breast pocket and produced a document. Here is the
(09:52):
draft of our understandings, arranged so far as is possible,
with three thousand versts between us. Now we must discuss
us the final details. I have indicated my suggestions, and
if they meet with your approval, it will be possible
for us to sign before you leave London. The Persian
watched the smoke rings float upward. There is no haste,
(10:13):
he said. Fruit ripens slowly under gray skies, as our
poet sings. Quite so, Quite so, said the Russian, conscious
of an error this year, the next will do. Our
treasury has many drains upon it. We are not anxious
to add to the number. The Vizier smoked imperturbedly. The
skies are gray here, he said at length, But this
(10:34):
London holds some wonderful men. When I met yesterday an American.
He is young, his hair is still flaxen. Yet he
spoke of money as though it grew on rose trees.
Half a million roubles are as nothing to him. He
gave that sum for an Italian picture, an old, shabby
looking thing, such as my master would not place in
(10:54):
his ant rooms. He owns oil, mines, railways, banks. Allah,
what does that flax inhered youth not own? My heart
ached at the number of his possessions these Americans talk,
replied the count. Half they say is false, half exaggeration
seems no doubt, said the Vizier. But not always. I
know this man is rich. He is one of the
(11:16):
new kings of the earth. We have already had a
transaction together, and he sighed contentedly. There are kings and kings,
replied the Russian. There are also emperors. Your excellency is
now in negotiation with one who controls the destinies of
countless millions men and roubles. When I last saw his majesty,
he said, tell his excellency the Grand Vizier, that I
(11:39):
would his wisdom could be added to that of my counselors.
When he wishes of my heart respecting the new treaty
are consummated, he will honor me by accepting half a
million roubles. The Persian gazed reflectively into space. Your master
is great, he said, and he is generous. His rewards
make glad the hearts of poets. He is the joy
(12:01):
of the poor, would that I were a poet or poor,
so should my voice praise him? Also? The Russian's eyes gleamed,
but he continued suavely, So is my royal master. Half
a million roubles shall be his when the treaty is signed,
five hundred thousand more when the Russian flag floats in
the Persian Gulf. The Persian leaned back, resignedly. Great is
(12:22):
the power of your master, he said, As Russia is
bigger than America, so does his power exceed that of
the flaxen haired gentlemen I met yesterday. The Americans are
numbered by tens, your master's subjects by hundreds of millions. Besides,
it is always more agreeable to deal with a first
class diplomatist. Let me look at the draft. Count Moranov
(12:44):
handed over the document. The Vizier read it slowly. The
terms were fairly comprehensive. Behind his curtain, rivers breathed hard
at their audacity, and his blood tingled at the thought
that it rested with him to checkmate this daring move.
The states man discoursed frankly, and there was no disguise
of the object in view. India was eventually to be
(13:05):
attacked by Russia, who was prepared to pay for facilities granted.
The northeastern province of Persia was a necessary factor of
the scheme, and a railway was to be commenced at
once from Ostrobod to Meshid. But the most striking part
of the plan was the acquisition by Russia of a
port in the Persian Gulf. The Isle of Kisham was
to be seated to her. The only discussion between the
(13:27):
two statesmen was with regard to the island of Ashurida
in the Capsian The Vizier demanded its evacuation by Russia
in partial payment for the Kishim, but more particularly as
a sop to the Persian people. After much demur this
was finally agreed to by Moranov, in addition to the
annuity of two million rubles granted to the Shah. The
(13:48):
Vizier folded up the document. My secretary shall transcribe this tomorrow,
he said, and we can sign after our return from Windsor. Strange,
is it not? He soliloquized that our former negotiations came
to a head when the English mission brought the Garter,
and our new one is to be consummated while we
are in the act of returning the compliment when men
(14:08):
such as you and I get together, my dear Vizier
began the Russians sententiously. Then he stopped short, for the
door had suddenly opened. The Persian turned angrily and then
rose to his feet as a tall, richly dressed man entered.
It was the Prince ali Azim. Vizier said the Prince abruptly,
whom have you here, your physician. The Vizier's face had
(14:31):
assumed a blaand smile, and instinctively he endeavored to cover
the treaty. But the Prince saw the movement. Why hid
the perception, Vizier, he said. The Russian's face grew livid,
but the Vizier regained his usual composure. Your royal highness,
he said, Permit me to present his excellency, Count Moranov
ten thousand pardons. Count, said the Prince, slightly, returning the
(14:55):
Count's profound inclination. You will perhaps understand my mistake when
I tell tell you that the Vizier is far from well.
He has no doubt concealed the fact from you, but
he was too ill to accompany me this evening to
the hall of music. Hence my surprise at finding him here.
I fear that his extraordinary zell for affairs has led
him prematurely from his bed. I am sure that you
(15:18):
would not wish him to trespass unduly on his strength.
Your Royal Highness's surmise is correct, said Moronov. It would
indeed be an international calamity were the Vizier to break down.
I hope I have not hastened that end. He again
bowed profoundly to the Prince, refused the Vizier's offer of
assistance with his wraps, and then, with a cold adieu
(15:39):
to him, left the room. Now, Hassan coolly thundered the
Prince when they were alone, What intrigue is this? Your
Royal Highness's suspicions are uncalled for. Moronof and I are
old friends by correspondence. We had never met personally, and
he naturally seized this opportunity. I did not know he
was in England, said the Prince. The Russian ambassador incidentally
(16:01):
referred to him today as being in Petersburg. I left
you in bed, full of toothache and indigestion. I return
unexpectedly and find you deliberating with a Russian who is
supposed to be five hundred far socks away. Give me
that paper. The Vizier reluctantly produced it, and the Prince
read it through Ah, he said, as he refolded it.
(16:23):
I see you are making a cat's paw of me again.
My mission here is to do away with any ill
effects consequent of our treaty with Russia. You will remember
that when we were fooling the English mission in Tehran,
I knew nothing of the treaty just concluded with Russia,
my uncle, and you delighted to keep me in the dark.
Yet all the time it was me who did the work.
Was it his majesty, the Shah who played at billiards
(16:46):
and cards with the English? Was it you who fought
them at lawn tennis? Bah? I laugh at the thought,
But I played at all. I lost my money at
cards and billiards, and I suffered defeat at lawn tennis
till the perspiration rolled down me and my legs gave way.
And you smoked and laugh and got all the profit.
I who worked got none. Now I have come over
(17:10):
land and see, with the order of the Lion and
the sun again, I do the work again. I know nothing.
I find you intriguing behind my back. You treat me
as a child, but you forget that some day I
may be shaw you play with fire. Vizier, Your Royal highness,
I beg you to believe that I have acted for
what I thought was the benefit of our country and
(17:30):
your own pocket, added the prince, How much plunder do
you get out of this? The Vizier held up his
hands in horror. Your Royal Highness, he said, is nothing
ever done disinterestedly from pure patriotism? Not by Hassan Kuli,
sneered the Prince. Please save yourself useless declamation. You may
as well know my terms at once. The price of
(17:51):
my acquatiance in this matter is one million rubles. The
Vizier gasped one million roubles. He exclaimed, Does money grow
so far as I know it does not, replied the
Prince acidly. But you may as well spare yourself unnecessary questions.
These are my terms. Arrange with Moronov tomorrow, or take
it from your own profit. I care not which, but
(18:14):
unless a portion of the money is forthcoming before we
leave this cursed land, I will you will betray us.
I do not explain my intentions to Viziers, replied the
young man haughtily, you understand me, I hope here is
your treaty. He tossed the document on the table and left.
The vizier threw himself on a sofa and groaned aloud.
(18:35):
He lay there long, so long that Rivers behind the
curtain was stiff and weary. And there was the Vizier,
now apparently dozing at intervals, perhaps going to make a
night of it. Suddenly he rose, took the draft of
the treaty, went to the despatch boxes, and placed it
in one of them. His body intervened between River's view
(18:56):
of them, but the watcher followed his movements as best
he could. Then the Vizier turned to the door and
clicked out the light. As he passed through. Rivers stretched himself,
but he did not venture to stir from behind the
curtain for some time. At length, he stepped out, turned
on his portable electric light, crossed the room, and stood
before the desk patch boxes. There were three, all exactly alike.
(19:20):
One held the insignia of the Lion and the Sun.
That was yes the bottom one. The treaty was in
the middle one. The top one was unimportant. Rivers lifted
out the middle one, an essayed to open it with
his keys, but in vain. Then he tried the bottom one,
that containing the Persian order, but with no better success.
The box would have to be forced open elsewhere. Yet
(19:42):
he dared not carry it across the hall. Other means
had to be found for getting it out of the room,
and the way had occurred to him as he stood
behind the curtain. One box he might pass safely through
this instrumentality, but only one two would court defeat. Which
box was he to take, the one that the order
of the Lion in the sun, the object of all
(20:03):
his scheming, or the other one in which lay the treaty.
River's mind had taken its resolve at the instant he
had seen the draft place therein. Since Moronov had appeared,
he had lost all immediate interests in the Burglars Club.
Whether he became a member or not was of little moment,
But it was a matter of national importance that the
Foreign Secretary should see the draft of the treaty. The
(20:26):
Earl of Ankoates was hard to conceive of anyone's dishonesty.
His own honor was so untarnished that he refused to
believe less of others. He had declined to take hints
about the former treaty between Russia and Persia, and now
with the Shah's mission at his door, he would probably
refuse to believe that this was another blind covering of
further and boulder intrigue. Lord Ancoates must see the treaty.
(20:51):
Rivers took the middle box across to the window, then
drew up the blind and waited. The red coated sentry passed.
Could he manage it before the soldier was round again? Ah?
Here was his chance. He opened the window gently. Hi,
he called out to the passing hansom. The man pulled up,
got down and came to the window. I want you
(21:11):
to take this box straight to Lord an Coates. He
lives in Eaton Square. Tell him mister Burkett Rivers sent it,
and he must open it at once. I will see
him in the morning about it. He's a sovereign. If
Lord an Coates gets it within an hour, I'll give
you another sovereign tomorrow. Here you are cut along drive
like blazes. As the man mounted his seat, the sentry
(21:33):
came around the corner. Rivers cautiously closed the window and
drew the blind. He then pulled up a chair behind
the curtain and went to sleep on it till four o'clock,
when he made his way to his own room. First
thing in the morning, he sent a message to John Parker,
who turned up in good health at ten o'clock and
claimed his post back. Half an hour later. Rivers left,
(21:53):
assured of mister Bradshaw's offer of the next vacancy in
the household. He drove straight to the Albany and then
to Eaton's Square. The Earl was at the Foreign Office
within the hour. His lordship received him well. Mister Rivers, said,
Lord Ancots, producing the despatch box from a safe, What
is the meaning of this? It explains itself, my lord, indeed,
(22:14):
said the statesman dryly, what do you think it contains?
The draft of a new treaty between Russia and Persia?
Open it? Rivers did so, and instead of the draft,
there on a purple velvet cushion was the glittering order
of the lion and the sun. Rivers was stupefied. Was
there nothing else? He asked in bewilderment, No, sir, and
(22:37):
perhaps you will now explain how you came into possession
of this And why you sent it to me? It
is surely the property of the Persian mission. Lord Ancote's
demeanor was not reassuring, but Rivers plunged boldly into the manner.
Last night at Denton House, Count Mornov visited the Persian Vizier.
He commenced, how did you know that I saw him?
(22:58):
I was present at the interview. Unknown, of course, He
brought with him the draft of a treaty supplementing the
last one. It had chiefly reference to the acquisition of
a Russian port in the Persian Gulf. Ah, said Lord Ankoates.
That's a bold move. Go on, please. The Vizier placed
the draft in one of the three dispatch boxes like this.
I thought this was the one, and I sent it
(23:20):
here so that your lordship could read the treaty for yourself.
I deeply regret that I made a mistake in the box,
but I can give the gist of the treaty from memory.
Please do so. Now. River's memory was good, and the
words of the treaty had burnt themselves on his brain.
He recited the terms without hesitation. The minister heard him
in silence making notes. Thank you, Rivers, he said at
(23:42):
the end, you will please let me have that in
writing in time for tomorrow's cabinet. Then he got up
and paced the room. It is an unfortunate situation. I
think we shall be able to meet the political side
of it. But the investiture takes place at Windsor tomorrow,
and this discovery is, to say the least embarrassing. However,
we have to thank you for being forewarned. You evidently
(24:05):
anticipated this move. I'm afraid not, sir. It was as
much luck as anything else on my part. But you
were at Denton House. I was there on other business,
said Rivers frankly. Lord Ancoates look grave well, mister Rivers,
he said, I will not inquire too closely about what
other business was. You have rendered his service to the state,
(24:25):
which will not be forgotten. Now, what about this, pointing
to the box. I will see that the vizier gets
it at once, Rivers hesitated. Only then did he remember
he now had in his possession what he wanted. He
could pay his entrance fee. I will see that it
is at Denton House by the morning, he said. Lord
(24:46):
Ankoates watched him intently. Does the Burglars Club meet tonight?
He said quietly. I beg your pardon, stammered Rivers. Lord
Ankotates laid a kindly hand on his shoulder. I was
only told of that institution within the hour, he said,
until a moment ago. I didn't believe the information. Take
my advice, Rivers, and leave it. Its existence. You see
(25:08):
is known to some of the outside world. As a friend,
I warn you that you will be watched tonight. Don't
spoil your career. Why did you leave the service? Oh?
I remember, But you're not satisfied with merely killing time?
Are you? Will you come back to us? The first
secretaryship at Vienna is vacant. Would you take it? River's
face beamed. I jump at it, my lord, Then be
(25:31):
ready to start in a week. Never mind, thanks, I
am still your debtor. Now about this box, you might
be unable to restore it. We must adopt other means.
Lord Ankots opened the door of an adjoining room with
come forward, please, and the little detective whom Rivers had
last seen at Denton House that very morning, entered briskly.
I believe you have met before, said Lord Ankoates. Rivers
(25:54):
was too astonished to reply, Yes, I have met James Finney.
I beg pardon, mister Burke, Rivers, said the detective dryly.
Mister Rivers has explained the mystery very satisfactorily, Marvel said,
Lord Ankoates, the box should be restored without delay. Will
you do this please? Mister Marvel tried to look please,
but signally failed in the attempt. Certainly, my lord, he replied.
(26:18):
There was a knock at the door and a clerk
appeared with a card in his hand. I must leave
you now, said the Minister Rivers. Next week. Remember, I
am much obliged for your assistance, mister Marvel. With this,
the Secretary for Foreign Affairs left the room. The detective
took up the box. How on earth did you come
into this matter, mister Marvel asked Rivers, very simply, sir.
(26:41):
When Lord Ankots got the box, he telephoned to Scotland
Yard and I was sent for at once. As a
matter of fact, I opened the box for his lordship.
You're sure you wouldn't like to restore it yourself. The
vizier is ill in bed and it won't be wanted
till tomorrow. Sorry to disappoint you, mister Marvel, Rivers laughed,
but I'm sure it's safer in your hands, mister Marvel
(27:03):
nodded grimly. Sooner or later, Sir, sooner or later, he said,
as he walked to the door. But don't try to
be a footman next time. With these enigmatical remarks, the
interview terminated. On the following day, the Investiture of the
Lion and the Sun took place at Windsor. After the ceremony,
Prince Ali Azim and the Vizier had a private interview
(27:26):
with the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. It was
noted at the time that the Persians emerged looking singularly subdued.
That evening, in reply to a friendly question addressed by
the leader of the opposition, Lord Ankot took the opportunity
to assure the House that the paramount influence of England
in the Persian Gulf would be maintained at any cost,
(27:46):
and a month later the Union jack floated by the
side of the Arab Sultan flag on the castle Towers
of Muscat. This was the answer given to the Russian intrigue.
That it was so effective and complete was owing to
the action of mister Burkett River. Sometime a cadet member
of the Burglars Club end of Chapter eight,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!