09 - Burglars Club - A Romance in Twelve Chronicles by Henry Augustus Hering

Step into the world of Victorian London, filled with humor, crime, and adventure. Follow a unique group of men who, having exhausted lifes pleasures, form a Burglars Club for some much-needed excitement. Here, membership comes with a price - a city burglary as an entrance fee, set by their president. Every other year, each member needs to maintain his subscription through a provincial line. This gripping tale skillfully intertwines the thrill of crime with the charm of camaraderie.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter nine of The Burglars Club, A Romance and twelve Chronicles.
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit libyvox dot org. Read by Matthew Swada, The Burglars
Club by Henry Augustus Herring. The Horseshoe and the Peppercorn

(00:21):
The President rose and Read. March twenty ninth is the
anniversary of the Battle of Taunton. For valor on that
desperate field, John de Molliby received from Edward the fourth
the Barony of Takester and an appropriate grant of land
in Yorkshire at a yearly rental of a peppercorn and
a golden horseshoe. That rent is still paid by the

(00:43):
Barons now Earls of Tadkester. His late lordship used to
bring his annual acknowledgment to town in a state coach
with outriders, but the present peer takes it to his
sovereign by motor car attended only by his chauffeur. In
this paragraph, my lords and gentlemen, continued the Duke we

(01:04):
see indicated the quest of our distinguished fellow member Captain
Prescott Cunningham, whose subscription is now due. What is the quest,
mister President inquired Cunningham, Am I to capture the peer
or the motor car? Neither Sir replied, his Grace of Dorchester,
you will kindly produce the horseshoe and the peppercorn intended

(01:25):
for the King on the twenty ninth. Our meeting is
arranged for the twenty eighth, so that we may return
the trophies in question and enable his Lordship of Tagster
to continue in possession of his remarkably low rented state.
The right Honorable John de Mallaby d L f R
s M, a eighteenth baron and seventh Earl of Takester,

(01:47):
lived chiefly at his Westmoreland seat, Kirkdale Castle, with an
ancestress in the time of George the First had obligingly
brought into the family in addition to her own good looks.
A certain mister Shaw arrived one day of March last
at the Golden Lion Inn, Kirkdale, and there spent a
few days talking much with the landlord and frequenters of

(02:10):
the inn, and taking walks in the neighborhood of the castle.
On the latter occasions, he might have been seen gazing
somewhat disconsolately at the battlemented walls, which had several times
defied an army. Once, when he was so occupied, a thin,
grisly stooping gentleman had passed, and with him a handsome,

(02:30):
dark eyed girl. He learned that this was the Earl himself,
a scientific and somewhat eccentric widower, and his only child, Ava,
a debutante of last season Prescott Cunningham. For so was
this mister Shaw designated in the more accurate books of
the Registrar General, soon gave up any idea of entering

(02:51):
the castle in his quest of the peppercorn and horseshoe.
The task of finding them there was too big. He
had learned that on these annual occasions Lord Tadkester, accompanied
by his chauffeur, left the castle in his motor car
four days before the King received them. He also learnt
full particulars of the route followed and of the halting places,

(03:14):
and it was his final plan of campaign to waylay
his lordship on the road, and, unashamed to rob him
of the articles desired. Having spent three days in coming
to this conclusion, Cunningham moved on to Bolton Abbey, through
which village he knew that his Lordship would pass on
his way to Harrowgate, where he would spend the night
of the twenty fifth. At five o'clock on the day

(03:37):
in question, the Tadkester Panhard drew up the Devonshire arms
at Bolton Abbey, and Cunningham saw to his amazement that
instead of the Earl and his chauffeur, it contained his
lordship and a lady, his daughter. Cunningham groaned in spirit.
To tackle two men single handed might be counted sporting,
but a woman hang it all mine. Host hurried to

(03:59):
the door to assist his guests. Has your lordship lost,
mister Ackel, he said, I hope not, replied the Earl
a Shiel hurt his hand with a backfire this morning,
and I sent him on by train to Harrowgate to
have it attended to. You got my note dinner at
six to the minute, my lord. The intervening time was

(04:21):
chiefly spent by the Earl in confidential communion with his
motor through the intermediary of a spanner and an oil can.
While he was so engaged, the Cunningham was lounging near
the door, reflecting on his bad luck. Another car drove
up and two loudly dressed men emerged from their wraps.
They entered the hotel, drank thirstily and talked without restraint.

(04:44):
Lady Ava Dumalibi passed through the hall soon afterwards, struck
by her beauty, One of the motorists, with the comradeship
of one sportsman to another, addressed some remark to her
with a generous smile and a casual hat lift. Lady Ava,
showing a trace of surprise, stared icily at the man
and passed on hoity toity, said the motorist, without any

(05:07):
sign of shame. But I'd like to have the breaking
in of you, miss, wouldn't you, Sammy, addressing his companion,
too expensive, said Sammy, give me a four year old
like I bought today from Sir William, and I'm happy.
You're a bloomin materialist. That's what you are, Sammy retorted
the other, A bloomin materialist. He lingered lovingly over the

(05:29):
rounded phrase and drained his glass again. Twenty minutes later,
the sound of a gramophone percolated the house. Lord Tadkster
was at dinner. It was his daily custom to dine
to the accompaniment of music. When at home, his private
band officiated. When he was on his travels, a musical
box or gramophone supplied the necessary melody. This was an

(05:50):
eccentricity of the peer, who had decided, after long and
recondit diagnosis, that music assists the digestion, and that certain
music is more suited to a particular food than another.
Therefore he swallowed his soup to a dreamy prelude, his
fish to a fugue. The entree was expedited by Beethoven.

(06:11):
The joint disappeared to a triumphal march. Sweets demanded a
waltz cheese nothing more than a negro melody, But with
wine and dessert were combined all the possibilities of grand opera.
Cunningham had learnt particulars of all this when at Kirkdale,
and now he listened to the program emanating from the
private dining room. No doubt, owing to the absence of

(06:32):
a shield, the music occasionally gave out, but by the
intermittent tunes, Cunningham was still able to gauge the progress
of the meal. The emission of a sonata denoted limitation
of the repast, and when the strains of Lucia de
Lamarmot throbbed on the air, Cunningham mounted his motorcycle and
took the road that led through blubber houses. A run

(06:56):
of three quarters of an hour brought him to the
confines of have almost within the sight of Harrowgate. It
was here that he had decided to waylay the motor car.
It was a lonely spot. Indeed, moorland, grim pasture, land,
lean fir trees, stone walls and limestone road was all

(07:17):
that met the eye. All was cold and stern. Cold
and stern was his business that night. And there, close
to the wood granted by John o'gaunt to one Havaa
and tenanted since Doomsday by the winds of the centuries,
he waited. The air was spring like, but the weight
was long and weary. The only satisfactory thing about it

(07:39):
was that he had time to note the small amount
of traffic on the road. A solitary dog cart was
all that passed. In an hour. The moon rose in
cold splendor, the stars appeared. Cunningham knew only one of
them by name, Beetlejuice, a red star. The Apex of
a triangle of which three stars formed the base. The

(08:00):
name had struck him as remarkable, and he once had
called a bull pup after it. For a moment he
thought of his dog's untimely end. But was the Panhard
never coming? Perhaps there had been a puncture, and in
the absence of a chauffeur, Lord Tadcaster was stranded. Possibly
he had returned to Bolton Abbey or taken a train forward,

(08:23):
or since he was short handed, he might have altered
his route and gone by the easier road through Oatley.
In that case, he Prescott Cunningham was lost to the
Burglars Club. Ah, there was a toot of a motor
in the far distance. Again repeated it was the Tadcaster
tout a base twentieth century substitute for the cry that

(08:45):
on the field of Taunton in fourteen sixty one led
another John Dumalibe to a barony and an estate. Cunningham
recovered his cycle, bestraddled it, and gently mounted the rise
in front the Panhard dab the hill, its actolene lamps
glaring like a man o war's searchlights. Cunningham advanced his spark.

(09:08):
The motor responded and sprang eagerly after the car. They
were leaving him behind. He slowly opened his throttle valve.
Now he was making paste. He was gaining on them,
yard by yard, hand over fist. He was only one
hundred yards behind. Now fifty twenty five. Could he do it?

(09:30):
The psychological moment had come. He drew his revolver and
aimed at the near back tire of the car in
the front ah he had missed. He hit it with
his second shot. It split with a rousing bang. The
car listed and dragged. It swerved across the road in
violent curves, but Cunningham saw by the slowing of the

(09:52):
speed that the driver had thrown out his clutch. At
last it stopped. What's the meaning of this outrage, you see, scoundrel,
cried the infuriated motorist. Softly, my lord, said Cunningham, now
on his feet and advancing with revolver in hand, I
am covering you. You observe a highwayman by George, exclaimed

(10:14):
the peer, and Edward the seventh on the throne, a
highwayman on Castors. Your lordship evidently recognizes the situation, said Cunningham.
This will save time and trouble. I hope. I suppose
you want my purse, replied the peer. This comes of
traveling without my chauffeur, he added plaintively. By George, if

(10:35):
a shield were here, he'd worry you. If I were
ten years younger, i'd tackle you myself. Regrets are futile,
my lord, said Cunningham. But a purse will not satisfy me.
Oh you want two, do you, Ava? I'm afraid you'll
have to give him yours as well, shock and luck
for this to happen the first time we've traveled alone.

(10:57):
I oughtn't to have let you come. Don't worry dad, please,
said lady Ava. I'm sorry I haven't got a purse,
highway man, she continued, contemptuously, throwing back her thick veil
to see what manner of man this could be. But
the few loose sixpences I have in my pocket are
quite at your service. You may keep calm, madam. Cunningham replied,

(11:20):
with as much dignity as the occasion would permit. I
do not ask for money. I simply want the loan
of a peppercorn and golden horseshoe until the twenty ninth.
By George, he must be an antiquarian highwayman or a
curio collector gone mad, said his lordship. Do you think, sir,
I'll give you what I'm taking to the King. His

(11:40):
Majesty shall have them and from your hands on the
proper day. I simply ask for the loan of them.
Till then you must think that I'm a fool, said
the Earl. In an instant, he had grabbed the hoop
of one of the heavy actalene lamps and pulled it
from its socket. Take that, you blackguard, he yelled, flinging

(12:01):
it with all his force at the cyclist. Cunningham dodged
the missile, which crashed to the ground with light extinguished.
Hands up, my lord, he shouted, or I fire. The
disconfided peer obeyed him. You are quite at my mercy,
said Cunningham, sternly. The peppercorn and horseshoe at once, if

(12:21):
you please, or I shall have to use force. I
trust you will avoid a scene before your daughter. You
may lower your right hand to your pocket. The Earl
did as he was bid, drew out the precious packet
and handed it to Cunningham. Thank you, my lord, he replied,
You are wise. I promise you they shall be returned

(12:41):
on the morning of the twenty ninth to what address.
I don't believe you, retorted the peer, but I stay
at Clarages. Now, if you've anything of a sportsman about you,
you'll go on to the Queen Hotel at Harrowgate and
tell my chauffeur at your pettibond to come with a
repairer at once. We can't spend the night here. I've

(13:02):
got a spare cover and tube in the tonu, but
I can no more fit them than fly. My finger
nails are far too brittle. I will convey your message
with the greatest pleasure, my lord replied Cunningham. I sincerely
regret the inconvenience I have caused, though you may not
think so. For a moment, there was a pause, and

(13:23):
Cunningham could have gone, yet he hesitated. The moon shone
down upon a desolate moorland glade, lighting up the green
sward by the trees. The excitement of the adventure, the
flush of jewelry, a pair of bright eyes, and the
memory of some half forgotten romance stirred his blood. One
final favor, my lord, he said, no more, Sir, by George.

(13:46):
If I were ten years younger, you carry a gramophone
with you. You are remarkably well informed as to my luggage, Sir,
I do, but it's too bulky for you to carry away.
They're cheap enough a man of taste like yourself ought
to be able to afford one of his own. I
don't want to take it away, my lord. I simply
want the favor of a dance tune and a lady's hand.

(14:09):
For a moment, the earl looked puzzled. Then he exclaimed,
by George Claude Duval up to date, No, Sir, I'll
be hanged if his lordship stopped. Suddenly, he was keen
of hearing, and as he spoke he had heard or
thought he heard a distant car. Even if it meant
a dance with his daughter, he would detain the man
until assistance arrived. In a moment, he had altered his voice.

(14:34):
On second thoughts, Sir, he said, I don't know. After all,
it's a tradition of your er profession. Perhaps you will
oblige the gentleman. Ava As he spoke, he pressed the
girl's hand so that she might know that something lay
behind his words. Where's the gramophone? He asked, while searching
for the instrument. His Lordship actually started whistling, lest the

(14:58):
highwayman should also hear that car. Ah, here it is,
he said aloud, then in a whisper to his daughter
car coming distract his attention. In his anxiety, his Lordship
even hummed as he hurriedly manipulated the instrument, Inserting the
first record that came to hand. He wound up the
toy in a baritone voice, saying, rack costly, Egypt, my Cleopatra.

(15:23):
I ain't no flatterer, but this is true. I'm agoing
to tell her Egypt if you don't want me in
a trice, Lady Ava had found a more suitable record,
and after a momentary pause, the instrument struck up the
darky cake Walk, as played by the New York Municipal
Band at Manhattan Beach, Long Island, USA. May I have

(15:47):
the honor, asked Cunningham, hat in hand with a low bow.
Lady Ava inclined coldly and took off her wraps. The
man was certainly polite. He led her as though she
were a princess, and any misgivings were soon at rest.
It was a quaint scene. It is doubtful if beetlejuice

(16:08):
had ever looked down upon a quainter. The furs formed
a sombray background. The moon illuminated the green sward in
front and on it. A highwayman and a lady motorist
stepped to a catching dance tune emanating from a gramophone
on a panhard motor controlled by a peer of the realm.

(16:28):
The light of an actolene lamp shone like a gigantic footlight,
illuminating the front of the green stage. The floor was
not an ideal one, though cattle had cropped it close
and the winds had swept it dry. But the pair
were accomplished dancers. Thrice they had paced the length of
the floor. Now they turned again, hand in hand, with

(16:50):
heads thrown back and uplifted feet. There was the unmistakable
sound of an approaching car. Cunningham must have heard it,
but recklessly he continued to dance with a toot. It
hove into sight, and Lord Tadkester turned his own horn
into a prolonged howl, signifying unimaginable trouble. This and the

(17:11):
unusual scene at the side brought up the uncoming car
to a smart halt. They backed abreast of the panhard robbery, Help,
cried the earl. The two occupants of the new car
hardly heard him. They were lost in astonishment. As the
dancers reached the verge of the road in the full
flare of the light, they were greeted with a round

(17:33):
of applause. With a snap, Lord Tadkester turned off the gramophone.
Well I'm jiggered, said one of the newcomers. If it
ain't little hoity toity. The peer had jumped from the
panhard help me to secure this highwayman, he said, pointing
to Cunningham, he has robbed me. The man who had
just spoken also got down, but his companion remained on

(17:56):
the car, stolidly surveying the scene. Come along, said the
peer to his recruit. I think we can manage him
between us. Stow it, old man, said the motorist. You
call her the highwayman, and I'll look after the lady.
He brushed past the earl and with proferred arm, smirked,
May I have the next dance? Miss lady? Ava drew back.

(18:18):
The man came still nearer. Instinctively, she touched Cunningham's arm
for protection. Stand back, sir, he commanded, who the juggins
are you, sneered the man. This old buffer says you're
a highwayman, but you seem to think you are a
bloomin bobby. You get and let me have my partner
for the high kick Lancers. If you come one step nearer,

(18:39):
I'll thrash you, said Cunningham. The man needed no further encouragement.
He even dared to touch lady's arm. A second later,
he measured his length on the turf. His friend tumbled
from his seat with anxious chivalry. Ere you leave my
pal alone, he said, rolling up to Cunningham. Shut up, Sammy,
said the other, rising slowly to his feet. Now look here,

(19:03):
mister highway man, he continued vindicatively. You've had your score,
Now I'll have mine. Either this lady has a hop
with me to my own time and tune and gives
me a kiss at the end, or or what Or
I ride on to Harrogate and give the police information
of highway robbery. There's your car, said Cunningham. Right on.

(19:25):
He's not likely to wait for the arrival of the police,
said the Earl, ruefully, yet anxious for the departure of
these impossible helpers. I shall be back with a bobby
in twenty minutes. The man rejoined, and we'll telephone to
every town in the district so that he can't escape.
I'm not fighting for myself tonight, so I'd rather do

(19:46):
it in proper legal style. I'll bring a solicitor if
I can find one. Now, young feller, he continued, you'd
better consider well. It'll be a twelve month's touch for
you for robbery and six for salt and battery. Are
you going to let your friends sacrifice himself on the
altar of nonsense? Miss? I think our steps would soot

(20:07):
each other amazing. Cunningham advanced on him, threateningly. If you
dare to speak another word to the lady, you'll find
yourself on the ground again, he said. The man retreated
before him and Sammy fled right. Oh, said the former.
You've made your choice. It's plank and skilly for you.
Now get up, Sammy. He bundled his friend into his

(20:29):
seat himself, followed, let in the clutch and they disappeared.
Oh I'm so sorry, said the girl. Please don't worry
about it, replied Cunningham. The whole thing is the result
of my own folly. It serves me jolly well right
if I suffer for it, hadn't you better try to
escape now? She asked, only remembering his protection of her.

(20:49):
Cunningham shook his head. I think not, he replied. It's
probably all a ruse on his part to get me away.
Then he might return and and annoy you by George, Sir,
said the earl. I like your spirit. What the deuce
do you want with that peppercorn and shoe? Give me
em back and I'll say no more about it all.
Cunningham smiled a little sadly. I'm afraid I can't, but

(21:12):
you shall have them on the morning of the twenty
ninth without fail. Perhaps you'll believe me now. Then, after
a pause, he added, I'll make a dash for it
if they aren't back in a quarter of an hour.
In that case, I shall conclude that they really have
gone to give the alarm. The minutes passed, Lady Ava
bit her lips in thought. Cunningham looked alternately from her

(21:36):
to beetle juice and the moon. The peers stared stolidly
into space. Look here, said Cunningham. Suddenly, aren't we wasting time?
Why wait for assistance? I think I can put on
a new tire, if you will allow me, where are
your spare tubes and covers and your jack? His lordship
accepted the offer with a locrity, and the two men

(21:57):
were soon busy round the wheel. Cunningham seized work for
a moment to take Lady Ava her furs and assist
her into them. She sat down on a tree stump,
holding the remaining lamp and turning its lights on the work.
She did this mechanically, all the while she was thinking gravely.
Suddenly a smile passed over her face and she nodded approvingly.

(22:20):
The men were so busy that they did not pause
at the sound of the returning car. Sammy's friend was
better than his word. They had barely been gone fifteen minutes.
That's the highwayman, that's the young feller. Arrest him for robbery,
shouted the motorist as he brought his car to a standstill,
and the policeman sprang down. Is that the charge, sir,

(22:41):
said the policeman to Lord Tadcaster. What the Earl would
have replied is uncertain, for before he could answer, Lady
Ava had intervened robbery. What in the world do you mean?
She cried, standing up and flashing the light on the policeman.
That gentleman has taken me off my beat to arrest
a man for highway robbery. That gentleman is mistaken, replied

(23:03):
the girl. We've had a breakdown. Surely that is the
person who promised to send assistance from Harrowgate. We want
a repairer, not a policeman. Don't you believe her? Cried
the motorist, ask the old one. Is that so, sir,
inquired the officer. You have heard my daughter, replied the earl,
astonished but loyal, of course it is so. The motorist's

(23:25):
mouth opened, but no words came forth. He was absolutely
speechless at this change of front. Anyway, there's an assault
in battery, said his friend. Hopefully he knocked him down,
pointing to the protagonists of the drama for insulting a lady,
I think, said cunningham. Er snorted the driver, recovering his speech,

(23:46):
sold again, Sammy, and with a frightful hoot, they passed
into the night. Well, I'm blowed, exclaimed the policeman with
intense disgust. And here I am miles off my beat.
My friends won't be long before they are to start again, officer,
said Cunningham, and they'll no doubt give you a lift
to Harrowgate. In the meantime you might relieve the lady

(24:07):
of the trouble of directing the light. Thank you, he
whispered to Lady Ava as he took the lamp from her.
Her eyes met his and smiled. The new tire was
at last adjusted. The Earl, Lady Ava, and the policeman
got on board and sped away, Cunningham accompanying them on
his motorcycle. In the outskirts of Harrowgate. The policeman resumed

(24:29):
his interrupted beat the richer by an unusual experience and
a sovereign at the town itself, Cunningham said his adius
A thousand. Thanks for your generosity, my lord, he added,
you will not find it misplaced, and with a low
bow to Lady Ava, he took the road to the right.
The Earl watched him go regretfully, for after all he

(24:50):
had the horseshoe and peppercorn. What Lady Ava's feelings were,
she could not have stated precisely. The Earl of Todcaster
and his daughter A arrived at their hotel in time
to stop a relief expedition organized by the anxious Achil,
and under his care they resumed their journey the next day.
On the evening of the twenty eighth, Captain Prescott Cunningham

(25:13):
renewed his subscription to the Burgler's Club, and at nine
a m. On the twenty ninth, there was delivered at
Clarridge's Hotel a registered packet containing a peppercorn and a
golden horseshoe, with the eighteenth Baron Tedcaster, presented to his
sovereign that afternoon at Buckingham Palace. Later on in the day,
a couple of new tires with mister Duval's compliments and apologies,

(25:37):
also reached the pier. Here the story ends for the present.
This happened last March. Cunningham now attends every possible dance, dinner,
and reception, hoping that someday Lady Ava and he may
meet again. And as for Lady Ava, does she not
dream daily of witching moonlight, a greensward dance, and a

(25:57):
brave and gallant partner. End of Chapter nine