October 9, 2025 • 47 mins
How do you turn pain into purpose and create a life of authenticity and freedom?
In this episode of the Business Roundtable Podcast, host David W. Carr sits down with Aaron Mastny, founder of Inner Alchemy and leader of the Rebirth Retreat Center in South Carolina. Aaron shares his powerful story of moving from addiction, trauma, and shame to healing, transformation, and authentic leadership.
Aaron’s journey—from heroin addiction and survival mode to coaching men and women in reclaiming wholeness—offers raw insights into the power of courage, vulnerability, and connection. Today, he helps people break cycles of survival, regulate their nervous systems, and step into true identity with love and purpose.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Connect with Aaron Mastny:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamaaronyou
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/aaronyou
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/business-roundtable--6049255/support.
Watch more episodes on YouTube and subscribe here:
https://www.youtube.com/@steward_your_business
Connect with Steward Your Business:
Website: https://stewardyourbusiness.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidwcarr
In this episode of the Business Roundtable Podcast, host David W. Carr sits down with Aaron Mastny, founder of Inner Alchemy and leader of the Rebirth Retreat Center in South Carolina. Aaron shares his powerful story of moving from addiction, trauma, and shame to healing, transformation, and authentic leadership.
Aaron’s journey—from heroin addiction and survival mode to coaching men and women in reclaiming wholeness—offers raw insights into the power of courage, vulnerability, and connection. Today, he helps people break cycles of survival, regulate their nervous systems, and step into true identity with love and purpose.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How trauma and unprocessed emotions shape behaviors and leadership
- Why men must move beyond the “lone wolf” mindset to brotherhood and connection
- How nervous system regulation and emotional awareness drive resilience
- Why vulnerability is a gateway to authentic influence, not weakness
- Practical tools for facing shame, fear, and hidden pain head-on
Connect with Aaron Mastny:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamaaronyou
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/aaronyou
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/business-roundtable--6049255/support.
Watch more episodes on YouTube and subscribe here:
https://www.youtube.com/@steward_your_business
Connect with Steward Your Business:
Website: https://stewardyourbusiness.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidwcarr
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Welcome back to the Business Roundtable podcast. I am your host,
David Carr of Steward your business bringing people together to
accomplish great things. And this week we have another fantastic guest,
Aaron Masthney, who I've known for years. Actually, I'm excited
to have him on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome erin, Thanks David, happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I'm really excited absolutely, yeah, well definitely. I mean you
and I have been through quite a bit over the years.
You and I met through a mastermind called Wake Up
Lawyer back in the day and have continued to be
in connection. And I think I'm excited for our listeners
to come in because we're have a conversation today that
we really haven't delved into on the Business Roundtable podcast before.
(01:13):
And again, I'm grateful to have you here because what
I've I've titled this really is a way of understanding
who you are and Aaron, you've done a lot of
work in this space and getting through a lot of
traumatic experiences quite honestly, and how do we show up
with power presence and really living on our full purpose?
(01:33):
And so, Aaron, before we get into the meat of
the conversation today, and I want folks to know a
little bit more about you, about and your journey and
why do you do what you do today with intern Ouchemey.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, you know, David, it was when we met. I
guess it's been about two and a half maybe three
years ago in this men's group, and a lot of
times I think, as men, right, we feel isolated. We
feel like, especially in America and culture, we need to
do these things by ourselves and figure it out on
our own. But what I was craving for at that
time was connection with powerful men and just a little
(02:10):
bit of backstory about what happened previously. I you know,
I had a team of two thousand people and my
wife and I were the lead distributors of this company.
But all my income went away, so I lost every
like all the income I had was gone, and I
was like, wow, like I need to double down on myself.
And so although I was like not making money, I
(02:30):
jumped into a container that wasn't the cheapest. And what
I realized was I started getting into this deep subconscious
work because although I'd been leading a lot of people,
I realized, like I could give someone medicine to fix
their issue, but if they didn't think they were worthy
of it. In a lot of ways, we self sabotage.
So I started really diving deeper into into subconscious reprogramming work.
(02:53):
But even before that, I mean, what brought me to
that place was, you know, I was I used to
be a heroin addict. I was adicted to pornography and sex,
and I was addicted to gambling. And this is coming
from my early twenties and then my teens, and it
was driven by sexual trauma that I experienced growing up
as a kid. And so uh, in a lot of ways,
(03:14):
When my best friend passed and I was at his
funeral and I was speaking at his funeral, Although I
stopped being a heroin addict at that time, it didn't
stop my shame. It didn't shop stop the stories of
what I was making up. And so for the past
twenty five years, I just turned fifty, just had a
newborn baby. I'm just learning how to bring my attention
(03:36):
back to myself and love all my parts.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah. No, well, and that's so important. I hope everybody
is listening. This is something that isn't just theory out there.
This is something lived and Aaron has lived it and
he's sharing with you. And that's why we have people
on the Business Round People podcast. Quite honestly, Aaron that
I know personally have developed a relationship because I want
folks to listen in and say, Okay, this guy is
guy's gone through stuff now sharing and showing me a
(04:02):
path forward where I might be stuck. Right. We want
to help people avoid some of these stakes or challenges
that we've gone through. So you mentioned, Aaron, you know
this gone through quite a bit, how you know, talk
a little bit about this, the price you paid, if
(04:23):
you will. We're trying to be somebody that you weren't.
You were trying to do this. And again, I feel
like a lot of people, maybe they're not heroin addicts,
maybe you know, but we all have some kind of sedation.
We have some kind of whether it's you know, scrolling
on the internet, the food, we alcohol, whatever it is.
And because we have trauma, we have so talk a
(04:44):
little bit about that for those folks that are like
in that place perhaps right now in some degree, you know,
before the clarity, we're going to get into the clarity
about the breaking. But you know what, because you and
I were the same way we came. I came awake
a boy or for another reasons. I wanted to improve
my marriage, particularly at that point, but I wanted to,
you know, there was things I were doing. We're not healthy.
(05:04):
Talk a little bit about the guy that's stuck there, right.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, you break it up a little bit, David's just so,
but I think I go ahead, I got the just
can you hear me?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Okay, you're good, You're good?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay, So what I heard you saying? You're breaking up
a little bit there, But you know, walking through trauma.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yes, right, yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And I mean we have eight billion people on our planet.
Everyone has their own individual relationship with their experience. Right.
So what I've recognized and learned, as you know, becoming
a therapeutic coach and learning how to help people walk
themselves back home to themselves is really resolving mother father wounds,
(05:48):
generational trauma that came from our grandparents. And what happened
was the core of it's really lack of feeling love
or safety. And every time I experience that pain, right,
that pain stored in my nervous system, my mind picked
up a part to try to get away from that pain.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Right, So some people have controller parts, some people have
people pleaser parts, some people have avoider parts. We all
have these different parts, and they happen when we're kids,
not because they're bad, but because they wanted to try
to get away from the underlying sensation that at that
time when we were kids, we didn't know how to
process it. We just did. We didn't have the capacity
(06:28):
or of capabilities to do so. So they say, what
happened to you when you were a child was not
your fault. But as we get older, it is our
responsibility to learn how to be with the parts of
ourselves that in a lot of ways, our mind is
trying to get away from itself, which is very tricky.
It's call it tricky. Like you know, people talk about
(06:49):
the ego, people talk about, you know, the mind, and
a lot of ways the mind is designed to get
away from the pain. And that's not bad, but that's
what it becomes, a very deeply unconscious habit that we're
not aware of.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right and and Aaron, I mean speak I mean a
little bit too. Some people, you were trying to get
away from the pain, but we're trying to solve it
in a we don't know the tools, like you said,
we don't especially when you're young, and then you kind
of get used to the pain and you're staying in
the pain, and it's like, wait, this isn't healthy. Talk
(07:25):
a little bit about your journey from you know, where
you you finally were able to break free of that pain. Aaron.
You're like, hey, I don't want to I don't this,
I don't want to be experienced in this pain anymore.
You said, you like, I broke for you of the heroine,
but I broke there were still some other areas in
my life, but there was still pain. Speak a little
bit to that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, I mean, they say statistically seven out of ten
people are in a normalized stressed state. So most people
don't even recognize or realize that they're in survival because,
like you said, it's become normal.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So a lot of men like overachieving were, like you
know in the United States, like oh, if I'm successful
or I make the money, so we drive and strive
to become successful and then only to get to that
point and the pain is still there because we're driven
by the trauma.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
So I work with professional athletes, I work with billionaires,
and they can't turn it off, not because they're bad
it's because it's so deeply embodied as a way of
being right, and in the mind will lie to you
all day long. It'll tell you like, oh, if I
do this thing, then I'll be loved and accepted. Now that,
(08:37):
in a lot of ways, in my opinion, is distortion,
and that distortion is coming from trauma that is not
being recognized, and it's hard to Sometimes people don't even
know if I was adopted. I work with people that
are adopted, very successful doctors and surgeons, and they don't
remember the adoption. But I can tell you this, they
absorbed that trauma, that feeling of rejection. And so you
(09:00):
have men that are really angry and frustrated, or you
have people that are like people pleasing and they're like
overly emotional. So none of it's bad or wrong. It's
just in a lot of ways, it just hasn't been
identified properly, and we're trying to do something from survival
to get away from it, which keeps us stuck in
a loop. It's it's like a cycle we just keeps
(09:21):
saying in this right, so like yeah, So to kind
of put in perspective, one of my deepest traumas growing
up was. You know, I was teased and bullied for
being Asian in an all white school down in South Jersey,
in the in the Pine Bearns. So I had like
this deep insecurity of being loved and accepted. So I
(09:43):
wanted to be loved and accepted.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
One of my first friends all of a sudden became
sexual towards me. Now I didn't understand what was happening.
I was confused, But my mother brought me up in
a religious context of home sexuality was bad and wrong.
So I didn't want to share that trauma. So I
kept it a secret. Okay, And then I did got
(10:08):
into sports. I got into like overachieving, and but again
I was being driven to get away from it. And
then so when I found things like heroin and alcohol
and substances, all of a sudden that helped me to
numb out my pain.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Right. And so.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
It wasn't until much later in life, even a couple
of years ago, when COVID hit and I was traveling
the country with my wife. This guy reached out to me,
the guy that was sexual towards me, and he apologized,
Oh wow, and I was like, And so I actually
met up with him in person with him and his
wife in Las Vegas. We went out to dinner and
I said, hey, what happened did you? Were you sexually traumatized?
(10:46):
Where did you learn to Where'd you pick up that part?
And he goes, no, Actually, I wasn't abused by my parents.
He goes, what happened was a father sexually abused his son,
and that son was sexual with all the kids in
the neighborhood. So and then that he was sexual towards me.
So in a way, like we picked up the part
of that violation. Yeah, right, and then all of a
(11:09):
sudden that became one of my deepest wounds being violated.
So it's interesting even in like the context of like
doing like sales or like working with people, if I
feel like I'm violating someone at the slight and they're uncomfortable,
I kind of pull back and I go into a
people pleaser part. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah. So the key is we can never go the
amount of love that we can our loving awareness and attention,
There's no limit to that. So even before this call today,
I worked with another therapy to coach because I felt
like I'm at my next limit, I'm at my next plateau.
We hit that next kind of block, and I noticed,
(11:52):
like I want to give myself away for free. I don't.
I don't feel worth of it. And I mapped it
out and boom. I got to be with that little
kid today, that little wounded little boy, and I talked
to him and as I unpacked the emotions, he's like, Hey,
there's nothing to be ashamed of, divine wisdom. Intelligence. That
(12:12):
was like a part of me. But I was robbing
myself of not actually getting that lesson because I would
avoid it.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah, well a lot of us avoid that. Yeah, you're right, Aaron.
I mean, you're digging in. And that's again why I
felt like I wanted to have you on here, because
you're you're coaching people, but you're also being coached, just
as I am too. It's both ways. It's right, it's ongoing.
All of us need that. We all have blind spots.
I mean, and so I when you say this is powerful,
(12:43):
because why I want folks to listen in today for reading,
particularly because I get to work with lots of different
leaders and you know, folks, but if there's this deep
level of trauma, like you're saying, Aaron, We're always going
to try to fill that hole in unhe healthy ways
if we're not conscious of it, like you said, we're unconscious,
we're asleep to it at some point and we don't
(13:05):
even realize how much there is. But talk a little
bit about you know, your journey then from from suppression
and you've you're getting this breakthrough. You talked about this
even today. This is going back to your to your
your young self. But where you're like now when you
have that realization, and one of the things we have
in our wake up way or from it is stop
(13:26):
lying and start telling the truth. Right. So it's a
way of like, hey, you're no longer defined by that
guilt or that shame, but like you said, that moment
of that's not who I am anymore. That happened to me,
but that's not who I am anymore? Right erin right?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, Well, so if you think about it, are different
levels of consciousness is like different layers, and we all
have a certain map. So in a lot of ways, when
I work with someone, I map out their consciousness so
they can make different connections. Okay, now, in a lot
of ways, my mind, her mind, as soon as like
(14:01):
we start thinking about like a past negative experience your mind.
My mind will do everything it can to get away
from it. So I have a very strong disassociative avoid part.
I was diagnosed adhd.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh yeah I got that too, Yes, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You know, life really comes down to your where you
put your attention and what is my intention? Right, So
my intention with this talk is to hopefully have someone
hear this and be like, oh wow, Like Okay, Aaron
was able to overcome his deep trauma. I can have
the courage to do the same and it doesn't have
to be painful. The mind makes up a story, has
(14:39):
fear of that Paine, right. So when it comes down
to it, we're either living in love or living in fear.
Mm hmm, love and acceptance or resistance judgment and fear.
And the judgmental mind is my survival mind. That's my humanness.
That's not a bad part, but in a lot of
ways that part prevents me from healing the deeper layers
(15:01):
within myself because we judge for me, I judge myself.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
That I might ye over.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
The critical of itself. Some people have a wound of
judging other people. Okay, In a lot of ways, we
just picked up what was done to us from like
how are our parents judging? How is my mom judging?
How is my Those judgments aren't even ours, they're beliefs
that were we absorbed.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Mm hmmmm hmm.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So yeah, yeah, so the so the first name of
the game is to have awareness of the of the
parts that are driving us, that are they're trying to
help us, but at the same time they're creating certain
negative states or we might have negative experiences, or we
have negative core beliefs, and those beliefs in a lot
of ways, they picked up sensations and emotions that we're
also trying to get away from. That doesn't allow us
(15:47):
to process what happened.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
We're unconsciously trying to get away from our internal experience.
And the addiction is I want to get something external
to like you said before, fill the void. Fill the void,
so yeah, field or get masked the pain.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, I would imagine Aaron. It takes, you know, so
if somebody finally can at least recognize, Okay, I'm doing
something unhealthy, it's not serving me, And then then there's
a lot the question of Okay, who do I trust?
How because this is good you. Obviously you're sharing some
things you've done through a lot of trauma. You've done
a lot of work. It doesn't have that stranglehold that
(16:26):
at once did on you. But imagine folks like you said,
there's a lot of guilt and shame with that that's
been unprocessed. And so what is your way? Aaron, I'm
engaging somebody that says, okay, if they hear this and
they're like, man, I know, I recognize it. I'm not
doing something's healthy, but I don't know. I mean, I'm
(16:47):
gonna be I'm opening the door to something and now
not a people. Maybe I've never shared this before. A
very few, very few people know this about me. How
do you get into the room with a person like that? Aaron?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, So that's a great that's a great point because
you meet people with where they're at, and we talk
about it in therapeutic coaching. We all have a what's
called a window of tolerance. Okay, So your mind and
your body is very intelligent to try to keep you
away from what you can't handle. That's why in like
(17:22):
the you know, psychedelic medicine world, sometimes people go into
psychedelic medicine, it takes them directly into their trauma. It's
too far, too fast. They bypass their protector parts, and
they actually can become more traumatized if they're not if
they're not careful, they don't have a reference of what's
going on internally. Does that make sense, Yeah, So in
the beginning, in a lot of ways, it's just getting
(17:43):
to know the parts of yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So some of us have like a part, Oh, man,
I don't like this part of myself, and oh this
this part eats too much food, and all this part judges. Right,
we have all these different parts and layers of ourselves.
So at the end of the day, it's finding out
each one of them has a positive intention. So here's
the trick. When you start getting to know the different
parts of yourself and you can appreciate where they're coming from,
(18:08):
meaning they're trying to help you, you have a different
experience with yourself. Instead of judging it, which creates a
negative experience, you actually have appreciation. You get to actually
bring yourself what I call it, you're coming back into
wholeness within yourself. So in a lot of ways, when
your part was born, when you it came from trauma,
(18:29):
meaning lack of love or lack of safety, mother, father wounds.
A lot of ways, you picked up a part that
got separated a long time ago, and that part thinks
it needs to go get something to feel whole because
it felt the separation when you were a kid. Does
that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Ye?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, yeah, So how do we do it well? First
is seeing recognizing what are these because what your thoughts are,
your beliefs aren't even real. Their thoughts are not real,
but they create your felt experience that's in your body,
in your nervous system. So I teach a whole twelve
module course based off of seventeen years of trauma research
(19:07):
on how to reset your nervous system, because if you
don't feel safe in your body, doesn't matter what you
tell yourself. That's why everyone has really good psycho education.
They can know and understand these things their concepts. But
until you learn to experience and feel safe in your
nervous system, your mind will all will be all over
(19:29):
the place. So in a lot of ways, it's seeing
that the mind is causing the issue, pausing the mind,
and then bringing your loving attention and awareness back to
what is calling forth your attention, which are the sensation.
So we have feelings, but then we have feelings about
the feelings. The feelings about the feelings are the interpretations
of the feelings. In a lot of ways, it's preventing
us from actually healing.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It sounds like we're almost like sabotaging ourselves Aaron Like.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
For sure, the humanness part of us is the part
the human part of us, because that's what the human
part is designed to do. The human part is designed
to be in survival.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
But if you you sharing a belief of like there's
a divine intelligence that goes supersedes this this body, all
of a sudden, you have a consciousness that to me
is connected to divine source. You have a direct link
to bringing your awareness to the part that's calling forth
(20:27):
your attention. You can heal all of your trauma and
your parts by bringing it to it and loving it
and accepting it. But we have not been taught how
to do that because we're conditioned to do the opposite.
That's why the game is so difficult in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Right, We're conditioned yet just to figure it out on ourselves,
lean only on our own understanding. Like you're saying Aaron,
and we're we're you know, wherever you are on your
religious spectrum. I mean, if you think your end all
be all the answers, that's that to me is scary
that I'm I mean a meaning meaning that there's that
(21:00):
I know all I don't know, I know, I know
know all things. I know that I'm limited in my understanding.
Like you said, Aaron, But if you believe that there's
something beyond you, a divine source God, that's I have
that faith of my background, but something beyond you, then
you can say, okay, well then there's something that can
come from that can be I can be transformed, right,
(21:21):
you can be you can take this and I'm not
it's not just limited to me, because if it's just
limited to me, I feel like I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Well that's that's the opposite of connection, which is addiction,
which is I'm I'm by myself, I'm on my own,
like that's the ultimate. When I was suicidal. There's twice
when I was, you know, addicted to heroin, and another time
when I lost all my money and resources. I was
in a Ponzi scheme with twenty six friends and family,
all my best clients is back in twenty ten. It
(21:49):
brought me to my knees and I was trying to
people please a bully, which was my trial. So I
was just and I was like, I was an ultimate victim.
I was like, well, you know all this money and
you know I didn't get what I wanted. Why did
I do that? Because my mind made up a story
that if I pleased this person, that that would solve
(22:11):
the internal problem. That was a major lesson, yep. And
it wasn't until I walked into a church and the
scam artist that that was there was sitting in the
back of the church and I ran into him. Six
months after I started kind of in recovery mode. And
it was crazy because I looked at him, I'm like,
what are you doing here? And he was like, oh,
(22:32):
I'm trying to find God. I'm trying to find Jesus.
And I'm like, bro, why don't you give me my
money back?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Then?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
And here's the even crazier part. So we're sitting there
in this church and the pastor starts telling a sermon
and he starts telling our story. He goes, I know
there's a scam artist out here. I know he took
money and he did this, and I'm looking at this
guy and he's looking at me, and I'm like, wait
a second. I'm like, did he confess to the pastor?
That's why I thought. I was like trying to be
(22:59):
a lot about it. So I went to the past
or afterwards, I said, Hey, what did this guy tell
your story? He's like no, It's like, I was like,
you're telling my story. He's like, that's what God was
telling me to share. And then a week later, this
guy's name is Renegade Fox. You can look him up.
Wasn't a very nice guy, but at the first time,
(23:21):
that was the first time I took responsibility. I'm like,
he didn't steal from me. I was like, I actually
gave him what I needed to do to have something
so painful show up to bring me back to myself.
And then when so he asked me to forgive him
and get baptized with him in the following week across
I used to live in North Beach, Miami, Florida, as
an old Native American park, and so I said, I
(23:45):
agreed to it, not for him, I agreed to it
for my to forgive myself for what I had done.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
And so at the time, I was married to another
woman and I got home and it was her brother
that died from the heroin addiction. She had never fully
recovered from that, so she, you know, she was drinking
and we're deep in addiction. Anyway, She's like, what where
were you?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
And I was like, oh, I ran into renegade at
church and she's like, well, did you kill him? Did
you murder him? It's like in her mind, in my
mind too, he destroyed us. And I was like, oh,
I'm actually going to get baptized with him in the
ocean next week. And she's like, what's wrong with you, dude?
And I'm like, I was like, I don't know, but
I just had to let this go, yes, And that
was when I let it go. And when I say
(24:29):
let it go, I mean I had my car rebode,
I had no money and I couldn't even borrow money,
but I trusted God would take care of me. And
it just got me to the next part. It's like,
I was just grateful for my breath, grateful for it
that I could walk and I could talk, and I
started rebuilding myself. But you know, these things are not accidents. Unconsciously,
(24:50):
I was driven to address what was in myself and
until I faced it within myself, I created things externally
to show me what was happening internally.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
It goes. It's really relationships a great reflection. Yeah, kids
are a great reflection. I mean, every life is going
to reflect back to you where you're at.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Well, you've you've definitely come a long way. I mean
you've integrated you know, the masculine. I feel like you've
included your faith, spirituality, intuition, obedience. You know, you've integrated
these things and taking it from a place where you
could have you could have been, you could have stayed
in that pain and anger and victim and hey, you
(25:34):
did this to me. And I see a lot of
people that that do that. They go through life very angry, upset,
and it's almost becomes their identity to a degree. Right,
it's like almost self And I don't think they would
say this, but if you if we really dig into it,
it's a self imposed prison. They put themselves in prison,
(25:56):
and they have the key. The key, there's a key
to get a lot. They can are they can really
like step out of that. But they's like no, I'm
going to stay in this. This is mine.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah. You bring up a great point, which is in
a lot of ways, we get addicted to how we
felt the pain that we experienced as kids. So this
is you'll see this all the time. You know, someone
chooses to be in an abusive relationship, why do they
choose to be in an abusive relationship? Everyone's like, what,
he's hitting you or she's hitting you, or they're abusing you.
(26:27):
Why And they don't even know why. They're like, but
I can guarantee you if I talk to that person
and ask like, hey, where.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Did you pick that up?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
How will you? What did you experience as a little kid?
And they absorbed it as like this was normal, then
they search it out because that's what their reference point is.
They have no like that's why. It's like you tell
like certain men sometimes it's like, hey, just go love yourself,
and they have a really strong controller part. They don't
(26:53):
even know what that means. I mean, they're like, oh,
go make more money, right, you see what I'm saying.
It's yeah, go go be more successful. That's that's me
loving myself because that's their default of like, let me
go get something to prove I'm worthy.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
What if you learn how to just actually bring your
attention and actually give that directly to yourself as a
habit right to get something, to try to prove it.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
That's that's the rue, because you said to me, like
for this this gentleman, it wasn't for him. It was
because look, I'm I'm submitting because it's better for me.
I'm trying to get this deeper truth of who I am.
And I'm yes, it's painful, but I recognize that this
isn't I knew I needed to do this and and
get into in a healthier place because a lot of
(27:40):
guys don't, like you said, they want to start performing,
they want to do something else, and they're not willing
to you know, submit like you. You you you had
legal rights, if you will, Aaron, you had, You had
the grounds to persecute this guy, to go after this guy,
but you decided, no, I'm gonna submit this. I'm gonna
lay it down. Even though I had the the right
(28:00):
quote unquote right to do it. Is it going to
serve me in the end?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Well, you know, you did bring up another part of
the story, which is I did address it with the authorities.
Uh huh, so I did. I did submit all the
paperwork because he it wasn't I wasn't the only person
that he took me, a woman one point one million
a half million over here. So we submitted everything to
the FBI. Here's the funny interesting. I call it tromedy.
(28:26):
I called traumedy because it's like, once I start to
resolve these things, kind of like I can I can
learn to love and appreciate my parts versus like hating
them and resenting them. But ten years later, when we
were on the road trip with my wife after COVID,
the FBI agent reached out to me and said, hey,
you know that guy, his real name was Wayne Carswell,
so you know, like I Wayne. He's like, we finally
got him and put him in jail. And at that point, I,
(28:48):
you know what, it become a distant memory. And I
kind of was like actually, actually not kind of. I
was grateful for the gift that he taught me to
how to learn, because I was a pivotal moment in
my life that brought me to my knees to learn
how to bring my attention start to unpack my parts
back to myself. MM hmmm, how can I come back
(29:10):
to myself? And in a lot of ways, I think
the world, you know, this generational trauma thing that you know,
is becoming more and more popular in terms of like
oh my gosh, like okay, maybe I things here that
I picked up as kids. Maybe there's some ways that
I can resolve these things. It doesn't I don't have
to go try to get something to resolve it. What
(29:31):
I think I can start learning to do that for myself.
And it's it's simpler than we think. The mind wants
to get really complex. Yeah, it's not as hard as
we make it.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah. So yeah, and that's what you know, that's where
folks can can work with you through in an alchemy
to take that you know, inner fracture like you said,
and really get identify that and then you know you
can take take the action on that. I think one
of the thing I've like I love about you, Aaron,
is that you can coach. You hold a mirror if
(30:01):
you will, and you're helping men get there there do
they do the work because you can't? You cannot. Isn't
we have people around as they're trying to fix somebody
or change something. You can't. I can't change right, you
can't change you. You can't fix it. It has they have to
be wanting to.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Do that, right, So obviously there there's got to be
a willingness. Someone has to have courage, right, have courage
to face them. If you ever studied David or Hawkings
power versus force, there's a different levels of consciousness. The
lowest one is shame. Right, there's guilt, and then there's fear,
and then there's anger.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Anger is a powerful emotion if we use it to
push ourselves, motivate ourselves. And then there's courage and then
courage to face your pain. And shame is learning how
to be with it. Yes, but most people don't have
been conditioned to get away from it. They don't they
don't know how to be with it. So in a
lot of ways, having a guide I call it like guides.
(31:00):
I feel like we're all guides in a way, right,
Like you've learned certain skill sets. You're good at business,
you're helping you good at helping people in an organization
and teamwork and leadership. You you help to guide people
that don't have that skill set, right, all, what I
really help men do and women too. Masculine women, I
would say more so than feminine women. But masculine women
(31:21):
and men is how to process their emotions. Because I
think about it, who taught you how to process your emotions?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
No, but that's how we think about it.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
That's that we experience ourselves. So wouldn't it be helpful
to learn that? Like I mean, I don't know. To me,
that's you know, we spend so much time on other things.
But it's like most of us are looking for the experience.
We're looking for love, we're looking for safety, we're looking
for peace, we're looking for joy, happiness. What if how
(31:55):
you're relating to yourself is your key to unlocking your
greatest joy that you're holding the key? Yes, right, yeah,
you're the only one that can actually open it.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Yes. So what what what I hear you saying, Aaron,
is that some guys are like, well, I just want
some kind of strategy. But the way I'm going to
use the word is a reckoning if you will, that
you're bringing them a reckoning to to you know, to
really get these through these feelings, identify these feelings so
that they can get past the block. Now this is
(32:29):
this is a I really like you said, an experience
most guys I know, I didn't. I couldn't name more
than happy, sad, glad, mad. Maybe I mean really like
going to the extent of the emotions and talking and
working processing through them like you said, Aaron, and really
having all like I said, For me, it's a reckoning
like kind of like getting through this and saying, Okay,
(32:51):
now I'm unlocked that one like you said, Like I mean,
there's there's like you said, there's different levels, there's layers there, right,
but hey, there's one.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Right right, right right, So it's every time you learn
how to as a habit, what if you could learn
how to bring your attention back to yourself. Now that
might sound kind of like overly simplistic, because there's different
parts of you that typically don't want you to go
to the deeper parts within yourself. That's why. And like
(33:20):
if I'm like, okay, we start talking about something that's
uncomfortable for you, all of a sudden, the parts that
like you start feeling that stuff, your mind's going to
be like, wait a second, let's get away from this,
Like let's talk about something else, or let's do something else,
or let's we don't do that, especially in men in
our culture, if you were emotional, it's like the fear
(33:41):
of is like I'm going to be weak. Right, there's
like a story of like, oh if I show you
my feelings, that means you could use it against me.
But where did that belief come from? Right, Like from
our fathers. It came from our grandfathers. It came from
like war, it came from try, it came from all
this stuff that's no longer happening in this moment, but
(34:06):
it did happen. And so because it wasn't processed from
the past, we carry it forward and until someone says,
wait a second, I have the courage to address this
and learn from it and actually like create a different
experience internally with it. All of a sudden, it releases
itself and now you have another piece of yourself back.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, that's so beautiful. And that before we were recording,
I was telling you, I saw you did a photos
Facebook post and you know, your son has are on
your chest and you're talking and you're so calmly and
you're talking about this and how you're showing up now
as a father and talk a little bit about that.
I mean, just you know, the energy is different, and
(34:45):
it was it was beautiful by the way. I really
appreciate that. And and so you just share some great
wisdom there. But it's you know, you've really created a
new you know, legacy. I see Aaron in the way
that you're showing up and leading really from love, from abundance. Yeah,
being a blessing and serving so many people.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Now, yeah, you know so because of of what because
of my trauma, and I think a lot of us,
every human being on the planet, because of the negative
experiences they they've they've gone through. Actually, we all build
resources to overcome that. Like it's almost a very it's
like a it's a beautiful thing to notice. Like Dave,
(35:27):
Like if we were sitting here and we had more
time and I started asking you questions about stuff. You've
created a lot of amazing things because of your pain. Yeah, okay,
so you have all these resources, maybe in business and
things of that nature, but maybe in health or like
relationships you might have neglected a bit. So the key
is to know that you have resources and learn how
(35:48):
to bring them to the areas where typically we avoid
or we don't address. Now you mentioned my son, So
my son even there's a great book. It's actually right
here on my desk, talks about says why love matters.
So this book right here talks about like the science
of what we're talking about, which is even in your
(36:09):
in the belly, like before Ezra was even born. Okay,
first trimester, we don't remember that. Typically I don't. I
can't remember the first trimester. I don't know if you can.
But no, like first.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
First trimester, when he's been conceived, he's determining our baby
if whether or not is it safe to go into
the world, or is do I need.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
To protect myself. Now that isn't determined on him. That's
determined on his environment. That's his mother. If his mother,
my wife is in a disregulated survival state, how how
do you think he's going to feel?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, it's right to him. Right.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
So when he was born, we did it at home birth.
We didn't do it in a hospital. We didn't do
any you know, vaccines, And I'm not saying anything like
against what people want, you know, believe in, but we
put it. We did in a very natural setting, holistic,
ballistic way. And I mean, I got to tell you
(37:11):
this kid, we call him my nickname for him is easy.
E that was our declaration. He's easy. Now he does cry,
obviously he's a baby. But I would say if his
needs are met, he's just looking for safety and he's
just looking like and he is just absorbing his environment.
So the key with parenting, what I'm learning is if
I don't address it internally, he's going to show it
(37:32):
externally right right, And there's no hiding it. Like he's
a perfect sponge to show me where I'm at. And
the motivation now that more than ever, is like it's
not just me anymore. It's not just even me and
my wife. Like, if you want to, you know, take
on one of the biggest challenges in your life, I
(37:53):
would say, you know, have kids, get married? Yes, that
is for sure?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Eron, Well, I mean, here's reality, because just use that.
You know, it is an indicator. I'm not saying it's
the only indicator, but I think you know, ask people
how are they doing in their marriage or how are
they doing with their children, and and is there a
lot of trauma there or not? And you know you're
going to see a level of how healthy the person is.
(38:21):
For me, even starting my own business, the reason I
had delayed that for many years is because I wanted
to get healthier, I wanted to have a stronger marriage,
and I felt like, hey, if I'm going to go
into another realm and I don't have this one done,
it's it's just gonna it's gonna cascade. So like the
better like you said, you've got, you got healthier, put
you in a better place to be a better marriage partner, now,
(38:41):
better father, now better businessman. Uh, you know all of
these things. But it's like you got to put your
house in order, and I feel like, you know, this
is where I think you're so important, Aaron, is if
you're if you're trying to do all these things externally
at a high level and not going into the foundation,
that's not going to make that much I mean it'll
make some different instance, but it's not gonna make that
(39:02):
much difference to where if we go down to the
foundation of who you are, getting that resolved, like you said,
am I allowed to my safe? Am I protected? Then
you know we can we can go from the inside
out instead of the outside in. Right.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, if I don't feel
safe in my nervous system, I'm going to be making
up a lot of stories, and my parts are going
to try to find something externally to calm my nervous
system down. That becomes an addiction in my opinion. M right,
So let's start with the source. Like, let's start with
(39:36):
feeling safe in the body, and a lot of us
have not been taught how to do that.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Mm hmmm. Right.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
So if we can make that a fundamental piece of
like imagine, and we start doing that internally, the next
generation of kids, how are they going to feel if
we're feeling safe right, right?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
And if I stop trying to chase safety or get
safety and start learning how to be it internally, all
of a sudden, I don't have to work so hard
to try to do all these extra things that are
not relevant to really what's most important to my family,
to my friends, to my nucleus. Right, it's so, it's so.
It starts with me, it starts with you, It starts
(40:19):
in the game starts inside out, but the mind wants
to make it outside in. That's why it's so. Mind
is so tricky because I know it happened.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yeah, Aaron, I know we were going along because there's
so many good things I know, but we're gonna we're
gonna close into the podcast, and I love that you're
bringing so many great points here. We've covered a lot today. Well,
I have a question. We here one more questions before
we're close wrapping up. But what would you say for
the man right now who's really hiding in his own life,
(40:50):
if you will, what would you challenge him in this moment?
You know, hey, you're hiding back.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's a great it's such a great question. So,
the wounded masculine, I don't think it's talked about a lot.
You know, well maybe it is a little bit, but
wounded masculine, wounded feminine. But so many men right we
are called we call it the lone wolf syndrome. In
my men's group. I got to do it by myself.
(41:19):
So going back to the conversation of the opposite of
addiction is connection. Okay, So my wife and I have
a retreat center called Rebirth. It's in Travelers Rest, South Carolina,
where in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, beautiful place.
We do all kinds of transformational work there. But we
just formed a men's group last couple of weeks ago.
(41:40):
And why do we form a men's group, so men
could come together, connect and have a safe space to
be what, to be honest, to share the truth, to
talk about the frustrations, to talk about our feelings and emotions,
not from a place of like, you know, victim, Like
(42:00):
oh I'm a victim. It's like no, like this is
how what I'm experiencing. So we can release it and
and there's something in the power of community. There's something
in the power of a brotherhood and a sisterhood when
we hold each other and we can support support one
another authentically, not even like I need to fix you.
It's more like, let me just be with you so
(42:21):
you can move through this experience and let you know
you're not alone.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Absolutely, so we're not your Your challenges, your feelings and
sensations and experiences are very similar to mine. They're just
wrapped up in a different story. So can we be
honest about it, unpack it so then we can come
back to the moment and actually go into creating what
we truly desire, what we what we're worthy of. But
(42:50):
it's hard to do that if we're constantly being pulled
back into the past and trying to get away from
the past. See what I'm saying like, let's release that,
let it go, learn how to do that as a
as a group. And so the short answer to your
question is search out people that you that you admire,
(43:11):
resonate with, find groups of men that you can trust,
and start to learn how to just connect.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
And just like that's what I did when I did
so go into the recovery rooms. I thought I was
all by myself, and then I sat in a room
with people that had similar addictions and I'm like, holy fuck,
these are my people. It's like they know exactly where
I'm at because they're going through the same ship.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean we we want no I agree
with you. In today's world, ah, you know pseudo Okay,
sow pseudo connection because we have all these things electronic connection,
but it's really not truly true connection, like you're saying, Aaron,
like you and I showed showed up a month after
month in person. I mean we were online too, but
(43:56):
we we had different, multiple modes of connection, and you know,
and and to me, having a retreat and experience is
super powerful. So if anybody has not gone on, you know,
something like that, I highly recommend it. And Aaron. We're
going to put links into the show notes so folks
can follow up with you, but how they can get
plugged into your community or work with you. So if
(44:19):
you're listening here, please check out the show notes and
also leave any comments you have. We'll make sure Aaron
gets them so that way he can respond and follow
up with you. Guys, have any questions or feedback on
any of the things we've talked about here. But Aaron,
as we're wrapping up the podcast, is there. You know,
I asked you my question, but I want to give
you the opportunity if there's anything else that you wanted
(44:39):
to share key takeaways or thoughts or something. As folks
are listening in today and they're like, man, this Aaron guy,
He's covered a lot of stuff, and you know that
you would want them just to walk away listening from
this podcast and then that they should just you know,
internalize something actually that they should take. What would you
just want to impart eron if nothing else at the
heres the podcasts?
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, I mean I think the biggest thing what I'm
even just continuously working towards is to being you know,
this authentic expression. And I believe we're all expressions of
the divine. The thing that gets in the way is
our humanness. And if we can learn to love and
(45:24):
accept the humanness of ourselves, then that that.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
And how do you do that. You do that with
your consciousness. You do that with your loving awareness. We
all have it, all have it, and no one can
take that away from you. So the key is to
learn how to bring that awareness and attention and learn
how to do that as a habit and actually clear
out the sensations and stories that aren't in a lot
(45:50):
of ways, not even yours, because then you.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Can leave that baggage, right, leave that baggage.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
And let it go and let it be, and then
all of a sudden, you just become more free, and
you become more of who you truly are, and you
can express yourself authentically. And a lot of us that's
all we're waiting for. We're just waiting for each other
and for ourselves just to wake up to the fact
that we are the ones. You are the one you're
looking for.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Aaron, thank you so much for just
coming on the podcast and sharing your journey. I hope
there's a little different than we normally cover on the
Business Rundew podcast. But here's the reality. You're going to
be a much better person overall in business than every
part of life if you follow the advice and the
guidance that Aaron is providing you today and be free
(46:35):
of the guilt and the shame and all this baggage
that you don't need to carry with you. Be free.
I mean that that is fantastic and very much needed
in today's world.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Erin Yeah, I and I appreciate you, David even opening
up this conversation, right, two more more people to help
people like start to realize, like, if you could give
yourself what you're looking for, you don't have to work
so hard to strive and fleet yourself to get it.
That's the key.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Yeah, So thank you for being on the podcast, Aaron. Yeah, man,
my pleasure. Yeah, I appreciate you guys all listening. And
of course we really appreciate when you guys share the
podcast like and subscribe to leave a comment or review.
It really means a lot, helps us reach more listeners
and helps make the world a little better place today.
(47:24):
And again on behalf of Aaron and myself, we really
appreciate being on the Business round Table. Podcast, come back
again to the next episode. Until then, be well, take
good care, Thanks everybody for listening, and today so long
everybody
Welcome back to the Business Roundtable podcast. I am your host,
David Carr of Steward your business bringing people together to
accomplish great things. And this week we have another fantastic guest,
Aaron Masthney, who I've known for years. Actually, I'm excited
to have him on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome erin, Thanks David, happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I'm really excited absolutely, yeah, well definitely. I mean you
and I have been through quite a bit over the years.
You and I met through a mastermind called Wake Up
Lawyer back in the day and have continued to be
in connection. And I think I'm excited for our listeners
to come in because we're have a conversation today that
we really haven't delved into on the Business Roundtable podcast before.
(01:13):
And again, I'm grateful to have you here because what
I've I've titled this really is a way of understanding
who you are and Aaron, you've done a lot of
work in this space and getting through a lot of
traumatic experiences quite honestly, and how do we show up
with power presence and really living on our full purpose?
(01:33):
And so, Aaron, before we get into the meat of
the conversation today, and I want folks to know a
little bit more about you, about and your journey and
why do you do what you do today with intern Ouchemey.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, you know, David, it was when we met. I
guess it's been about two and a half maybe three
years ago in this men's group, and a lot of
times I think, as men, right, we feel isolated. We
feel like, especially in America and culture, we need to
do these things by ourselves and figure it out on
our own. But what I was craving for at that
time was connection with powerful men and just a little
(02:10):
bit of backstory about what happened previously. I you know,
I had a team of two thousand people and my
wife and I were the lead distributors of this company.
But all my income went away, so I lost every
like all the income I had was gone, and I
was like, wow, like I need to double down on myself.
And so although I was like not making money, I
(02:30):
jumped into a container that wasn't the cheapest. And what
I realized was I started getting into this deep subconscious
work because although I'd been leading a lot of people,
I realized, like I could give someone medicine to fix
their issue, but if they didn't think they were worthy
of it. In a lot of ways, we self sabotage.
So I started really diving deeper into into subconscious reprogramming work.
(02:53):
But even before that, I mean, what brought me to
that place was, you know, I was I used to
be a heroin addict. I was adicted to pornography and sex,
and I was addicted to gambling. And this is coming
from my early twenties and then my teens, and it
was driven by sexual trauma that I experienced growing up
as a kid. And so uh, in a lot of ways,
(03:14):
When my best friend passed and I was at his
funeral and I was speaking at his funeral, Although I
stopped being a heroin addict at that time, it didn't
stop my shame. It didn't shop stop the stories of
what I was making up. And so for the past
twenty five years, I just turned fifty, just had a
newborn baby. I'm just learning how to bring my attention
(03:36):
back to myself and love all my parts.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah. No, well, and that's so important. I hope everybody
is listening. This is something that isn't just theory out there.
This is something lived and Aaron has lived it and
he's sharing with you. And that's why we have people
on the Business Round People podcast. Quite honestly, Aaron that
I know personally have developed a relationship because I want
folks to listen in and say, Okay, this guy is
guy's gone through stuff now sharing and showing me a
(04:02):
path forward where I might be stuck. Right. We want
to help people avoid some of these stakes or challenges
that we've gone through. So you mentioned, Aaron, you know
this gone through quite a bit, how you know, talk
a little bit about this, the price you paid, if
(04:23):
you will. We're trying to be somebody that you weren't.
You were trying to do this. And again, I feel
like a lot of people, maybe they're not heroin addicts,
maybe you know, but we all have some kind of sedation.
We have some kind of whether it's you know, scrolling
on the internet, the food, we alcohol, whatever it is.
And because we have trauma, we have so talk a
(04:44):
little bit about that for those folks that are like
in that place perhaps right now in some degree, you know,
before the clarity, we're going to get into the clarity
about the breaking. But you know what, because you and
I were the same way we came. I came awake
a boy or for another reasons. I wanted to improve
my marriage, particularly at that point, but I wanted to,
you know, there was things I were doing. We're not healthy.
(05:04):
Talk a little bit about the guy that's stuck there, right.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, you break it up a little bit, David's just so,
but I think I go ahead, I got the just
can you hear me?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Okay, you're good, You're good?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay, So what I heard you saying? You're breaking up
a little bit there, But you know, walking through trauma.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yes, right, yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And I mean we have eight billion people on our planet.
Everyone has their own individual relationship with their experience. Right.
So what I've recognized and learned, as you know, becoming
a therapeutic coach and learning how to help people walk
themselves back home to themselves is really resolving mother father wounds,
(05:48):
generational trauma that came from our grandparents. And what happened
was the core of it's really lack of feeling love
or safety. And every time I experience that pain, right,
that pain stored in my nervous system, my mind picked
up a part to try to get away from that pain.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Right, So some people have controller parts, some people have
people pleaser parts, some people have avoider parts. We all
have these different parts, and they happen when we're kids,
not because they're bad, but because they wanted to try
to get away from the underlying sensation that at that
time when we were kids, we didn't know how to
process it. We just did. We didn't have the capacity
(06:28):
or of capabilities to do so. So they say, what
happened to you when you were a child was not
your fault. But as we get older, it is our
responsibility to learn how to be with the parts of
ourselves that in a lot of ways, our mind is
trying to get away from itself, which is very tricky.
It's call it tricky. Like you know, people talk about
(06:49):
the ego, people talk about, you know, the mind, and
a lot of ways the mind is designed to get
away from the pain. And that's not bad, but that's
what it becomes, a very deeply unconscious habit that we're
not aware of.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right and and Aaron, I mean speak I mean a
little bit too. Some people, you were trying to get
away from the pain, but we're trying to solve it
in a we don't know the tools, like you said,
we don't especially when you're young, and then you kind
of get used to the pain and you're staying in
the pain, and it's like, wait, this isn't healthy. Talk
(07:25):
a little bit about your journey from you know, where
you you finally were able to break free of that pain. Aaron.
You're like, hey, I don't want to I don't this,
I don't want to be experienced in this pain anymore.
You said, you like, I broke for you of the heroine,
but I broke there were still some other areas in
my life, but there was still pain. Speak a little
bit to that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, I mean, they say statistically seven out of ten
people are in a normalized stressed state. So most people
don't even recognize or realize that they're in survival because,
like you said, it's become normal.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So a lot of men like overachieving were, like you
know in the United States, like oh, if I'm successful
or I make the money, so we drive and strive
to become successful and then only to get to that
point and the pain is still there because we're driven
by the trauma.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
So I work with professional athletes, I work with billionaires,
and they can't turn it off, not because they're bad
it's because it's so deeply embodied as a way of
being right, and in the mind will lie to you
all day long. It'll tell you like, oh, if I
do this thing, then I'll be loved and accepted. Now that,
(08:37):
in a lot of ways, in my opinion, is distortion,
and that distortion is coming from trauma that is not
being recognized, and it's hard to Sometimes people don't even
know if I was adopted. I work with people that
are adopted, very successful doctors and surgeons, and they don't
remember the adoption. But I can tell you this, they
absorbed that trauma, that feeling of rejection. And so you
(09:00):
have men that are really angry and frustrated, or you
have people that are like people pleasing and they're like
overly emotional. So none of it's bad or wrong. It's
just in a lot of ways, it just hasn't been
identified properly, and we're trying to do something from survival
to get away from it, which keeps us stuck in
a loop. It's it's like a cycle we just keeps
(09:21):
saying in this right, so like yeah, So to kind
of put in perspective, one of my deepest traumas growing
up was. You know, I was teased and bullied for
being Asian in an all white school down in South Jersey,
in the in the Pine Bearns. So I had like
this deep insecurity of being loved and accepted. So I
(09:43):
wanted to be loved and accepted.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
One of my first friends all of a sudden became
sexual towards me. Now I didn't understand what was happening.
I was confused, But my mother brought me up in
a religious context of home sexuality was bad and wrong.
So I didn't want to share that trauma. So I
kept it a secret. Okay, And then I did got
(10:08):
into sports. I got into like overachieving, and but again
I was being driven to get away from it. And
then so when I found things like heroin and alcohol
and substances, all of a sudden that helped me to
numb out my pain.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Right. And so.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
It wasn't until much later in life, even a couple
of years ago, when COVID hit and I was traveling
the country with my wife. This guy reached out to me,
the guy that was sexual towards me, and he apologized,
Oh wow, and I was like, And so I actually
met up with him in person with him and his
wife in Las Vegas. We went out to dinner and
I said, hey, what happened did you? Were you sexually traumatized?
(10:46):
Where did you learn to Where'd you pick up that part?
And he goes, no, Actually, I wasn't abused by my parents.
He goes, what happened was a father sexually abused his son,
and that son was sexual with all the kids in
the neighborhood. So and then that he was sexual towards me.
So in a way, like we picked up the part
of that violation. Yeah, right, and then all of a
(11:09):
sudden that became one of my deepest wounds being violated.
So it's interesting even in like the context of like
doing like sales or like working with people, if I
feel like I'm violating someone at the slight and they're uncomfortable,
I kind of pull back and I go into a
people pleaser part. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah. So the key is we can never go the
amount of love that we can our loving awareness and attention,
There's no limit to that. So even before this call today,
I worked with another therapy to coach because I felt
like I'm at my next limit, I'm at my next plateau.
We hit that next kind of block, and I noticed,
(11:52):
like I want to give myself away for free. I don't.
I don't feel worth of it. And I mapped it
out and boom. I got to be with that little
kid today, that little wounded little boy, and I talked
to him and as I unpacked the emotions, he's like, Hey,
there's nothing to be ashamed of, divine wisdom. Intelligence. That
(12:12):
was like a part of me. But I was robbing
myself of not actually getting that lesson because I would
avoid it.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah, well a lot of us avoid that. Yeah, you're right, Aaron.
I mean, you're digging in. And that's again why I
felt like I wanted to have you on here, because
you're you're coaching people, but you're also being coached, just
as I am too. It's both ways. It's right, it's ongoing.
All of us need that. We all have blind spots.
I mean, and so I when you say this is powerful,
(12:43):
because why I want folks to listen in today for reading,
particularly because I get to work with lots of different
leaders and you know, folks, but if there's this deep
level of trauma, like you're saying, Aaron, We're always going
to try to fill that hole in unhe healthy ways
if we're not conscious of it, like you said, we're unconscious,
we're asleep to it at some point and we don't
(13:05):
even realize how much there is. But talk a little
bit about you know, your journey then from from suppression
and you've you're getting this breakthrough. You talked about this
even today. This is going back to your to your
your young self. But where you're like now when you
have that realization, and one of the things we have
in our wake up way or from it is stop
(13:26):
lying and start telling the truth. Right. So it's a
way of like, hey, you're no longer defined by that
guilt or that shame, but like you said, that moment
of that's not who I am anymore. That happened to me,
but that's not who I am anymore? Right erin right?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah, Well, so if you think about it, are different
levels of consciousness is like different layers, and we all
have a certain map. So in a lot of ways, when
I work with someone, I map out their consciousness so
they can make different connections. Okay, now, in a lot
of ways, my mind, her mind, as soon as like
(14:01):
we start thinking about like a past negative experience your mind.
My mind will do everything it can to get away
from it. So I have a very strong disassociative avoid part.
I was diagnosed adhd.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh yeah I got that too, Yes, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You know, life really comes down to your where you
put your attention and what is my intention? Right, So
my intention with this talk is to hopefully have someone
hear this and be like, oh wow, Like Okay, Aaron
was able to overcome his deep trauma. I can have
the courage to do the same and it doesn't have
to be painful. The mind makes up a story, has
(14:39):
fear of that Paine, right. So when it comes down
to it, we're either living in love or living in fear.
Mm hmm, love and acceptance or resistance judgment and fear.
And the judgmental mind is my survival mind. That's my humanness.
That's not a bad part, but in a lot of
ways that part prevents me from healing the deeper layers
(15:01):
within myself because we judge for me, I judge myself.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
That I might ye over.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
The critical of itself. Some people have a wound of
judging other people. Okay, In a lot of ways, we
just picked up what was done to us from like
how are our parents judging? How is my mom judging?
How is my Those judgments aren't even ours, they're beliefs
that were we absorbed.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Mm hmmmm hmm.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So yeah, yeah, so the so the first name of
the game is to have awareness of the of the
parts that are driving us, that are they're trying to
help us, but at the same time they're creating certain
negative states or we might have negative experiences, or we
have negative core beliefs, and those beliefs in a lot
of ways, they picked up sensations and emotions that we're
also trying to get away from. That doesn't allow us
(15:47):
to process what happened.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
We're unconsciously trying to get away from our internal experience.
And the addiction is I want to get something external
to like you said before, fill the void. Fill the void,
so yeah, field or get masked the pain.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, I would imagine Aaron. It takes, you know, so
if somebody finally can at least recognize, Okay, I'm doing
something unhealthy, it's not serving me, And then then there's
a lot the question of Okay, who do I trust?
How because this is good you. Obviously you're sharing some
things you've done through a lot of trauma. You've done
a lot of work. It doesn't have that stranglehold that
(16:26):
at once did on you. But imagine folks like you said,
there's a lot of guilt and shame with that that's
been unprocessed. And so what is your way? Aaron, I'm
engaging somebody that says, okay, if they hear this and
they're like, man, I know, I recognize it. I'm not
doing something's healthy, but I don't know. I mean, I'm
(16:47):
gonna be I'm opening the door to something and now
not a people. Maybe I've never shared this before. A
very few, very few people know this about me. How
do you get into the room with a person like that? Aaron?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, So that's a great that's a great point because
you meet people with where they're at, and we talk
about it in therapeutic coaching. We all have a what's
called a window of tolerance. Okay, So your mind and
your body is very intelligent to try to keep you
away from what you can't handle. That's why in like
(17:22):
the you know, psychedelic medicine world, sometimes people go into
psychedelic medicine, it takes them directly into their trauma. It's
too far, too fast. They bypass their protector parts, and
they actually can become more traumatized if they're not if
they're not careful, they don't have a reference of what's
going on internally. Does that make sense, Yeah, So in
the beginning, in a lot of ways, it's just getting
(17:43):
to know the parts of yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So some of us have like a part, Oh, man,
I don't like this part of myself, and oh this
this part eats too much food, and all this part judges. Right,
we have all these different parts and layers of ourselves.
So at the end of the day, it's finding out
each one of them has a positive intention. So here's
the trick. When you start getting to know the different
parts of yourself and you can appreciate where they're coming from,
(18:08):
meaning they're trying to help you, you have a different
experience with yourself. Instead of judging it, which creates a
negative experience, you actually have appreciation. You get to actually
bring yourself what I call it, you're coming back into
wholeness within yourself. So in a lot of ways, when
your part was born, when you it came from trauma,
(18:29):
meaning lack of love or lack of safety, mother, father wounds.
A lot of ways, you picked up a part that
got separated a long time ago, and that part thinks
it needs to go get something to feel whole because
it felt the separation when you were a kid. Does
that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Ye?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, yeah, So how do we do it well? First
is seeing recognizing what are these because what your thoughts are,
your beliefs aren't even real. Their thoughts are not real,
but they create your felt experience that's in your body,
in your nervous system. So I teach a whole twelve
module course based off of seventeen years of trauma research
(19:07):
on how to reset your nervous system, because if you
don't feel safe in your body, doesn't matter what you
tell yourself. That's why everyone has really good psycho education.
They can know and understand these things their concepts. But
until you learn to experience and feel safe in your
nervous system, your mind will all will be all over
(19:29):
the place. So in a lot of ways, it's seeing
that the mind is causing the issue, pausing the mind,
and then bringing your loving attention and awareness back to
what is calling forth your attention, which are the sensation.
So we have feelings, but then we have feelings about
the feelings. The feelings about the feelings are the interpretations
of the feelings. In a lot of ways, it's preventing
us from actually healing.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It sounds like we're almost like sabotaging ourselves Aaron Like.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
For sure, the humanness part of us is the part
the human part of us, because that's what the human
part is designed to do. The human part is designed
to be in survival.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
But if you you sharing a belief of like there's
a divine intelligence that goes supersedes this this body, all
of a sudden, you have a consciousness that to me
is connected to divine source. You have a direct link
to bringing your awareness to the part that's calling forth
(20:27):
your attention. You can heal all of your trauma and
your parts by bringing it to it and loving it
and accepting it. But we have not been taught how
to do that because we're conditioned to do the opposite.
That's why the game is so difficult in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Right, We're conditioned yet just to figure it out on ourselves,
lean only on our own understanding. Like you're saying Aaron,
and we're we're you know, wherever you are on your
religious spectrum. I mean, if you think your end all
be all the answers, that's that to me is scary
that I'm I mean a meaning meaning that there's that
(21:00):
I know all I don't know, I know, I know
know all things. I know that I'm limited in my understanding.
Like you said, Aaron, But if you believe that there's
something beyond you, a divine source God, that's I have
that faith of my background, but something beyond you, then
you can say, okay, well then there's something that can
come from that can be I can be transformed, right,
(21:21):
you can be you can take this and I'm not
it's not just limited to me, because if it's just
limited to me, I feel like I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Well that's that's the opposite of connection, which is addiction,
which is I'm I'm by myself, I'm on my own,
like that's the ultimate. When I was suicidal. There's twice
when I was, you know, addicted to heroin, and another time
when I lost all my money and resources. I was
in a Ponzi scheme with twenty six friends and family,
all my best clients is back in twenty ten. It
(21:49):
brought me to my knees and I was trying to
people please a bully, which was my trial. So I
was just and I was like, I was an ultimate victim.
I was like, well, you know all this money and
you know I didn't get what I wanted. Why did
I do that? Because my mind made up a story
that if I pleased this person, that that would solve
(22:11):
the internal problem. That was a major lesson, yep. And
it wasn't until I walked into a church and the
scam artist that that was there was sitting in the
back of the church and I ran into him. Six
months after I started kind of in recovery mode. And
it was crazy because I looked at him, I'm like,
what are you doing here? And he was like, oh,
(22:32):
I'm trying to find God. I'm trying to find Jesus.
And I'm like, bro, why don't you give me my
money back?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Then?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
And here's the even crazier part. So we're sitting there
in this church and the pastor starts telling a sermon
and he starts telling our story. He goes, I know
there's a scam artist out here. I know he took
money and he did this, and I'm looking at this
guy and he's looking at me, and I'm like, wait
a second. I'm like, did he confess to the pastor?
That's why I thought. I was like trying to be
(22:59):
a lot about it. So I went to the past
or afterwards, I said, Hey, what did this guy tell
your story? He's like no, It's like, I was like,
you're telling my story. He's like, that's what God was
telling me to share. And then a week later, this
guy's name is Renegade Fox. You can look him up.
Wasn't a very nice guy, but at the first time,
(23:21):
that was the first time I took responsibility. I'm like,
he didn't steal from me. I was like, I actually
gave him what I needed to do to have something
so painful show up to bring me back to myself.
And then when so he asked me to forgive him
and get baptized with him in the following week across
I used to live in North Beach, Miami, Florida, as
an old Native American park, and so I said, I
(23:45):
agreed to it, not for him, I agreed to it
for my to forgive myself for what I had done.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
And so at the time, I was married to another
woman and I got home and it was her brother
that died from the heroin addiction. She had never fully
recovered from that, so she, you know, she was drinking
and we're deep in addiction. Anyway, She's like, what where
were you?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
And I was like, oh, I ran into renegade at
church and she's like, well, did you kill him? Did
you murder him? It's like in her mind, in my
mind too, he destroyed us. And I was like, oh,
I'm actually going to get baptized with him in the
ocean next week. And she's like, what's wrong with you, dude?
And I'm like, I was like, I don't know, but
I just had to let this go, yes, And that
was when I let it go. And when I say
(24:29):
let it go, I mean I had my car rebode,
I had no money and I couldn't even borrow money,
but I trusted God would take care of me. And
it just got me to the next part. It's like,
I was just grateful for my breath, grateful for it
that I could walk and I could talk, and I
started rebuilding myself. But you know, these things are not accidents. Unconsciously,
(24:50):
I was driven to address what was in myself and
until I faced it within myself, I created things externally
to show me what was happening internally.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
It goes. It's really relationships a great reflection. Yeah, kids
are a great reflection. I mean, every life is going
to reflect back to you where you're at.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Well, you've you've definitely come a long way. I mean
you've integrated you know, the masculine. I feel like you've
included your faith, spirituality, intuition, obedience. You know, you've integrated
these things and taking it from a place where you
could have you could have been, you could have stayed
in that pain and anger and victim and hey, you
(25:34):
did this to me. And I see a lot of
people that that do that. They go through life very angry, upset,
and it's almost becomes their identity to a degree. Right,
it's like almost self And I don't think they would
say this, but if you if we really dig into it,
it's a self imposed prison. They put themselves in prison,
(25:56):
and they have the key. The key, there's a key
to get a lot. They can are they can really
like step out of that. But they's like no, I'm
going to stay in this. This is mine.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Yeah. You bring up a great point, which is in
a lot of ways, we get addicted to how we
felt the pain that we experienced as kids. So this
is you'll see this all the time. You know, someone
chooses to be in an abusive relationship, why do they
choose to be in an abusive relationship? Everyone's like, what,
he's hitting you or she's hitting you, or they're abusing you.
(26:27):
Why And they don't even know why. They're like, but
I can guarantee you if I talk to that person
and ask like, hey, where.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Did you pick that up?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
How will you? What did you experience as a little kid?
And they absorbed it as like this was normal, then
they search it out because that's what their reference point is.
They have no like that's why. It's like you tell
like certain men sometimes it's like, hey, just go love yourself,
and they have a really strong controller part. They don't
(26:53):
even know what that means. I mean, they're like, oh,
go make more money, right, you see what I'm saying.
It's yeah, go go be more successful. That's that's me
loving myself because that's their default of like, let me
go get something to prove I'm worthy.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
What if you learn how to just actually bring your
attention and actually give that directly to yourself as a
habit right to get something, to try to prove it.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
That's that's the rue, because you said to me, like
for this this gentleman, it wasn't for him. It was
because look, I'm I'm submitting because it's better for me.
I'm trying to get this deeper truth of who I am.
And I'm yes, it's painful, but I recognize that this
isn't I knew I needed to do this and and
get into in a healthier place because a lot of
(27:40):
guys don't, like you said, they want to start performing,
they want to do something else, and they're not willing
to you know, submit like you. You you you had
legal rights, if you will, Aaron, you had, You had
the grounds to persecute this guy, to go after this guy,
but you decided, no, I'm gonna submit this. I'm gonna
lay it down. Even though I had the the right
(28:00):
quote unquote right to do it. Is it going to
serve me in the end?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Well, you know, you did bring up another part of
the story, which is I did address it with the authorities.
Uh huh, so I did. I did submit all the
paperwork because he it wasn't I wasn't the only person
that he took me, a woman one point one million
a half million over here. So we submitted everything to
the FBI. Here's the funny interesting. I call it tromedy.
(28:26):
I called traumedy because it's like, once I start to
resolve these things, kind of like I can I can
learn to love and appreciate my parts versus like hating
them and resenting them. But ten years later, when we
were on the road trip with my wife after COVID,
the FBI agent reached out to me and said, hey,
you know that guy, his real name was Wayne Carswell,
so you know, like I Wayne. He's like, we finally
got him and put him in jail. And at that point, I,
(28:48):
you know what, it become a distant memory. And I
kind of was like actually, actually not kind of. I
was grateful for the gift that he taught me to
how to learn, because I was a pivotal moment in
my life that brought me to my knees to learn
how to bring my attention start to unpack my parts
back to myself. MM hmmm, how can I come back
(29:10):
to myself? And in a lot of ways, I think
the world, you know, this generational trauma thing that you know,
is becoming more and more popular in terms of like
oh my gosh, like okay, maybe I things here that
I picked up as kids. Maybe there's some ways that
I can resolve these things. It doesn't I don't have
to go try to get something to resolve it. What
(29:31):
I think I can start learning to do that for myself.
And it's it's simpler than we think. The mind wants
to get really complex. Yeah, it's not as hard as
we make it.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah. So yeah, and that's what you know, that's where
folks can can work with you through in an alchemy
to take that you know, inner fracture like you said,
and really get identify that and then you know you
can take take the action on that. I think one
of the thing I've like I love about you, Aaron,
is that you can coach. You hold a mirror if
(30:01):
you will, and you're helping men get there there do
they do the work because you can't? You cannot. Isn't
we have people around as they're trying to fix somebody
or change something. You can't. I can't change right, you
can't change you. You can't fix it. It has they have to
be wanting to.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Do that, right, So obviously there there's got to be
a willingness. Someone has to have courage, right, have courage
to face them. If you ever studied David or Hawkings
power versus force, there's a different levels of consciousness. The
lowest one is shame. Right, there's guilt, and then there's fear,
and then there's anger.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Anger is a powerful emotion if we use it to
push ourselves, motivate ourselves. And then there's courage and then
courage to face your pain. And shame is learning how
to be with it. Yes, but most people don't have
been conditioned to get away from it. They don't they
don't know how to be with it. So in a
lot of ways, having a guide I call it like guides.
(31:00):
I feel like we're all guides in a way, right,
Like you've learned certain skill sets. You're good at business,
you're helping you good at helping people in an organization
and teamwork and leadership. You you help to guide people
that don't have that skill set, right, all, what I
really help men do and women too. Masculine women, I
would say more so than feminine women. But masculine women
(31:21):
and men is how to process their emotions. Because I
think about it, who taught you how to process your emotions?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
No, but that's how we think about it.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
That's that we experience ourselves. So wouldn't it be helpful
to learn that? Like I mean, I don't know. To me,
that's you know, we spend so much time on other things.
But it's like most of us are looking for the experience.
We're looking for love, we're looking for safety, we're looking
for peace, we're looking for joy, happiness. What if how
(31:55):
you're relating to yourself is your key to unlocking your
greatest joy that you're holding the key? Yes, right, yeah,
you're the only one that can actually open it.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Yes. So what what what I hear you saying, Aaron,
is that some guys are like, well, I just want
some kind of strategy. But the way I'm going to
use the word is a reckoning if you will, that
you're bringing them a reckoning to to you know, to
really get these through these feelings, identify these feelings so
that they can get past the block. Now this is
(32:29):
this is a I really like you said, an experience
most guys I know, I didn't. I couldn't name more
than happy, sad, glad, mad. Maybe I mean really like
going to the extent of the emotions and talking and
working processing through them like you said, Aaron, and really
having all like I said, For me, it's a reckoning
like kind of like getting through this and saying, Okay,
(32:51):
now I'm unlocked that one like you said, Like I mean,
there's there's like you said, there's different levels, there's layers there, right,
but hey, there's one.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Right right, right right, So it's every time you learn
how to as a habit, what if you could learn
how to bring your attention back to yourself. Now that
might sound kind of like overly simplistic, because there's different
parts of you that typically don't want you to go
to the deeper parts within yourself. That's why. And like
(33:20):
if I'm like, okay, we start talking about something that's
uncomfortable for you, all of a sudden, the parts that
like you start feeling that stuff, your mind's going to
be like, wait a second, let's get away from this,
Like let's talk about something else, or let's do something else,
or let's we don't do that, especially in men in
our culture, if you were emotional, it's like the fear
(33:41):
of is like I'm going to be weak. Right, there's
like a story of like, oh if I show you
my feelings, that means you could use it against me.
But where did that belief come from? Right, Like from
our fathers. It came from our grandfathers. It came from
like war, it came from try, it came from all
this stuff that's no longer happening in this moment, but
(34:06):
it did happen. And so because it wasn't processed from
the past, we carry it forward and until someone says,
wait a second, I have the courage to address this
and learn from it and actually like create a different
experience internally with it. All of a sudden, it releases
itself and now you have another piece of yourself back.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, that's so beautiful. And that before we were recording,
I was telling you, I saw you did a photos
Facebook post and you know, your son has are on
your chest and you're talking and you're so calmly and
you're talking about this and how you're showing up now
as a father and talk a little bit about that.
I mean, just you know, the energy is different, and
(34:45):
it was it was beautiful by the way. I really
appreciate that. And and so you just share some great
wisdom there. But it's you know, you've really created a
new you know, legacy. I see Aaron in the way
that you're showing up and leading really from love, from abundance. Yeah,
being a blessing and serving so many people.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Now, yeah, you know so because of of what because
of my trauma, and I think a lot of us,
every human being on the planet, because of the negative
experiences they they've they've gone through. Actually, we all build
resources to overcome that. Like it's almost a very it's
like a it's a beautiful thing to notice. Like Dave,
(35:27):
Like if we were sitting here and we had more
time and I started asking you questions about stuff. You've
created a lot of amazing things because of your pain. Yeah, okay,
so you have all these resources, maybe in business and
things of that nature, but maybe in health or like
relationships you might have neglected a bit. So the key
is to know that you have resources and learn how
(35:48):
to bring them to the areas where typically we avoid
or we don't address. Now you mentioned my son, So
my son even there's a great book. It's actually right
here on my desk, talks about says why love matters.
So this book right here talks about like the science
of what we're talking about, which is even in your
(36:09):
in the belly, like before Ezra was even born. Okay,
first trimester, we don't remember that. Typically I don't. I
can't remember the first trimester. I don't know if you can.
But no, like first.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
First trimester, when he's been conceived, he's determining our baby
if whether or not is it safe to go into
the world, or is do I need.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
To protect myself. Now that isn't determined on him. That's
determined on his environment. That's his mother. If his mother,
my wife is in a disregulated survival state, how how
do you think he's going to feel?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, it's right to him. Right.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
So when he was born, we did it at home birth.
We didn't do it in a hospital. We didn't do
any you know, vaccines, And I'm not saying anything like
against what people want, you know, believe in, but we
put it. We did in a very natural setting, holistic,
ballistic way. And I mean, I got to tell you
(37:11):
this kid, we call him my nickname for him is easy.
E that was our declaration. He's easy. Now he does cry,
obviously he's a baby. But I would say if his
needs are met, he's just looking for safety and he's
just looking like and he is just absorbing his environment.
So the key with parenting, what I'm learning is if
I don't address it internally, he's going to show it
(37:32):
externally right right, And there's no hiding it. Like he's
a perfect sponge to show me where I'm at. And
the motivation now that more than ever, is like it's
not just me anymore. It's not just even me and
my wife. Like, if you want to, you know, take
on one of the biggest challenges in your life, I
(37:53):
would say, you know, have kids, get married? Yes, that
is for sure?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Eron, Well, I mean, here's reality, because just use that.
You know, it is an indicator. I'm not saying it's
the only indicator, but I think you know, ask people
how are they doing in their marriage or how are
they doing with their children, and and is there a
lot of trauma there or not? And you know you're
going to see a level of how healthy the person is.
(38:21):
For me, even starting my own business, the reason I
had delayed that for many years is because I wanted
to get healthier, I wanted to have a stronger marriage,
and I felt like, hey, if I'm going to go
into another realm and I don't have this one done,
it's it's just gonna it's gonna cascade. So like the
better like you said, you've got, you got healthier, put
you in a better place to be a better marriage partner, now,
(38:41):
better father, now better businessman. Uh, you know all of
these things. But it's like you got to put your
house in order, and I feel like, you know, this
is where I think you're so important, Aaron, is if
you're if you're trying to do all these things externally
at a high level and not going into the foundation,
that's not going to make that much I mean it'll
make some different instance, but it's not gonna make that
(39:02):
much difference to where if we go down to the
foundation of who you are, getting that resolved, like you said,
am I allowed to my safe? Am I protected? Then
you know we can we can go from the inside
out instead of the outside in. Right.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, if I don't feel
safe in my nervous system, I'm going to be making
up a lot of stories, and my parts are going
to try to find something externally to calm my nervous
system down. That becomes an addiction in my opinion. M right,
So let's start with the source. Like, let's start with
(39:36):
feeling safe in the body, and a lot of us
have not been taught how to do that.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Mm hmmm. Right.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
So if we can make that a fundamental piece of
like imagine, and we start doing that internally, the next
generation of kids, how are they going to feel if
we're feeling safe right, right?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Right?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
And if I stop trying to chase safety or get
safety and start learning how to be it internally, all
of a sudden, I don't have to work so hard
to try to do all these extra things that are
not relevant to really what's most important to my family,
to my friends, to my nucleus. Right, it's so, it's so.
It starts with me, it starts with you, It starts
(40:19):
in the game starts inside out, but the mind wants
to make it outside in. That's why it's so. Mind
is so tricky because I know it happened.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yeah, Aaron, I know we were going along because there's
so many good things I know, but we're gonna we're
gonna close into the podcast, and I love that you're
bringing so many great points here. We've covered a lot today. Well,
I have a question. We here one more questions before
we're close wrapping up. But what would you say for
the man right now who's really hiding in his own life,
(40:50):
if you will, what would you challenge him in this moment?
You know, hey, you're hiding back.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's a great it's such a great question. So,
the wounded masculine, I don't think it's talked about a lot.
You know, well maybe it is a little bit, but
wounded masculine, wounded feminine. But so many men right we
are called we call it the lone wolf syndrome. In
my men's group. I got to do it by myself.
(41:19):
So going back to the conversation of the opposite of
addiction is connection. Okay, So my wife and I have
a retreat center called Rebirth. It's in Travelers Rest, South Carolina,
where in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, beautiful place.
We do all kinds of transformational work there. But we
just formed a men's group last couple of weeks ago.
(41:40):
And why do we form a men's group, so men
could come together, connect and have a safe space to
be what, to be honest, to share the truth, to
talk about the frustrations, to talk about our feelings and emotions,
not from a place of like, you know, victim, Like
(42:00):
oh I'm a victim. It's like no, like this is
how what I'm experiencing. So we can release it and
and there's something in the power of community. There's something
in the power of a brotherhood and a sisterhood when
we hold each other and we can support support one
another authentically, not even like I need to fix you.
It's more like, let me just be with you so
(42:21):
you can move through this experience and let you know
you're not alone.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Absolutely, so we're not your Your challenges, your feelings and
sensations and experiences are very similar to mine. They're just
wrapped up in a different story. So can we be
honest about it, unpack it so then we can come
back to the moment and actually go into creating what
we truly desire, what we what we're worthy of. But
(42:50):
it's hard to do that if we're constantly being pulled
back into the past and trying to get away from
the past. See what I'm saying like, let's release that,
let it go, learn how to do that as a
as a group. And so the short answer to your
question is search out people that you that you admire,
(43:11):
resonate with, find groups of men that you can trust,
and start to learn how to just connect.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
And just like that's what I did when I did
so go into the recovery rooms. I thought I was
all by myself, and then I sat in a room
with people that had similar addictions and I'm like, holy fuck,
these are my people. It's like they know exactly where
I'm at because they're going through the same ship.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean we we want no I agree
with you. In today's world, ah, you know pseudo Okay,
sow pseudo connection because we have all these things electronic connection,
but it's really not truly true connection, like you're saying, Aaron,
like you and I showed showed up a month after
month in person. I mean we were online too, but
(43:56):
we we had different, multiple modes of connection, and you know,
and and to me, having a retreat and experience is
super powerful. So if anybody has not gone on, you know,
something like that, I highly recommend it. And Aaron. We're
going to put links into the show notes so folks
can follow up with you, but how they can get
plugged into your community or work with you. So if
(44:19):
you're listening here, please check out the show notes and
also leave any comments you have. We'll make sure Aaron
gets them so that way he can respond and follow
up with you. Guys, have any questions or feedback on
any of the things we've talked about here. But Aaron,
as we're wrapping up the podcast, is there. You know,
I asked you my question, but I want to give
you the opportunity if there's anything else that you wanted
(44:39):
to share key takeaways or thoughts or something. As folks
are listening in today and they're like, man, this Aaron guy,
He's covered a lot of stuff, and you know that
you would want them just to walk away listening from
this podcast and then that they should just you know,
internalize something actually that they should take. What would you
just want to impart eron if nothing else at the
heres the podcasts?
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, I mean I think the biggest thing what I'm
even just continuously working towards is to being you know,
this authentic expression. And I believe we're all expressions of
the divine. The thing that gets in the way is
our humanness. And if we can learn to love and
(45:24):
accept the humanness of ourselves, then that that.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
And how do you do that. You do that with
your consciousness. You do that with your loving awareness. We
all have it, all have it, and no one can
take that away from you. So the key is to
learn how to bring that awareness and attention and learn
how to do that as a habit and actually clear
out the sensations and stories that aren't in a lot
(45:50):
of ways, not even yours, because then you.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Can leave that baggage, right, leave that baggage.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
And let it go and let it be, and then
all of a sudden, you just become more free, and
you become more of who you truly are, and you
can express yourself authentically. And a lot of us that's
all we're waiting for. We're just waiting for each other
and for ourselves just to wake up to the fact
that we are the ones. You are the one you're
looking for.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Aaron, thank you so much for just
coming on the podcast and sharing your journey. I hope
there's a little different than we normally cover on the
Business Rundew podcast. But here's the reality. You're going to
be a much better person overall in business than every
part of life if you follow the advice and the
guidance that Aaron is providing you today and be free
(46:35):
of the guilt and the shame and all this baggage
that you don't need to carry with you. Be free.
I mean that that is fantastic and very much needed
in today's world.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Erin Yeah, I and I appreciate you, David even opening
up this conversation, right, two more more people to help
people like start to realize, like, if you could give
yourself what you're looking for, you don't have to work
so hard to strive and fleet yourself to get it.
That's the key.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Yeah, So thank you for being on the podcast, Aaron. Yeah, man,
my pleasure. Yeah, I appreciate you guys all listening. And
of course we really appreciate when you guys share the
podcast like and subscribe to leave a comment or review.
It really means a lot, helps us reach more listeners
and helps make the world a little better place today.
(47:24):
And again on behalf of Aaron and myself, we really
appreciate being on the Business round Table. Podcast, come back
again to the next episode. Until then, be well, take
good care, Thanks everybody for listening, and today so long
everybody
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