Jessicas Birthday and Jessica Cooks Dinner

This week, Princess finishes up The Newlyweds.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hey, guys, Princess here I can welcome to another episode
of Bad dumpkin Og edition the I skipped the last
week edition. What happened, guys? A lot of things are
happening right now. It's just it's a lot of stuff.
There's a lot of stuff. I appreciate everybody in my
DMS and phone and email wishing me, checking in on me.

(00:32):
I appreciate that. I haven't always been able to appreciate
something like that, but I am healing and I appreciate it.
It's just it's it's tough. It's tough. But let's do
something to take our minds off of it. Let's talk
about newly Wits. Before we talk about Newlywitz, let's talk
about something else, all right. So remember this podcast, the

(00:56):
episode you listen to is the free podcast. It's the
free episode. And and sometimes that get skipped. Why because life,
life's on me and I gotta do what I gotta
fucking do. But remember that if you are someone who
cannot get enough of the free feed, like who on

(01:18):
weeks after skip or like next week's Easter, you're not
gonna get an episode. You're gonna get a rerun from
the Patreon on over here. When that happens. When that happens,
you're like, I wish I could get a Princess episode.
Well you can over on the Patreon at patreon dot
com backslash, Bye Bye, Pumpkin. I was about to say

(01:41):
bye Princess. Maybe that should be the name of my podcast.
Actually that's happened before. I've thought that thought before, I
know it's by Pumpkin. I have like three hundred episodes
over there, A lot of episodes. I what are my
five years into this podcast? There are a lot of
fucking episodes over there, guys. And like this past week,

(02:04):
what I talked about this past week, I don't even remember.
Oh Lord, did I hold on? Sorry, I'm back. I
talked about The White Lotus. I talked about the ending
of The White Lotus season three. Before that, I did
in Ama, where I talked about a lot of shit, Okay,
a ton of stuff I think I talked about. I
talked about the Target boycott. I talked about uh, Justin Baldoni,

(02:28):
Blake Lively shit. I talked about Justin Selena and Haley shit.
I talked about interview with the Vampire. I talked about
a lot of stuff. When I am And the week
before that, I did an episode on the All the
Queen's Horses was a documentary about a woman who bankrupted
the town to buy horses she stole, she embezzled from

(02:48):
her town, bankrupted them so she could buy like four
hundred fucking horses. And so there's a lot of fucking horses,
bro a lot.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
A lot.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
I remember what I said in there, but I did
compare her to Beyonce on a horse, singing of sixteen
candles and with a burken bag, and people still not
thinking we should check the books, you know what I mean.
But still I talk a lot over there. I am
never you never don't get an episode over there there
because people pay. It's five bucks a month, which egles
out to like a buck and a quarter per episode.

(03:19):
I know them fucking episodes are worse more than a
dollar in a goddamn border, I know it. But you
know that's that I'm doing all that favor. If you
go over there, you subscribe, you will get a bonus
episode every week, no matter fucking what, no matter if
it's a holly, no matter what, you will And if
you subscribe for ten bucks a month, you also get
a very long episode every month called Princess Diaries. Why

(03:41):
I just talk about my shit, my stuff, how I feel,
what's going on, and my parenting. You know. You know
why is my eight year old google lea mean he did,
and I was like, what did you put in the
What did you put in the Google search? He's like,
I wrote Princess Jones Curtis and there you were. I'm like,
what the fuck? What do you just you have access

(04:02):
to we just asked me. It's like, no, I'm googling,
you bitch. But I talk about things over there I
don't necessarily talk about on the free feed. So yeah,
guys like, like, I love that we get a free
episode every week, and I want to continue doing it.
There was a time when I thought I couldn't continue
doing it, and that was but I'm still doing it.

(04:26):
I'm still doing it, and so I love that we
get a free episode every Sunday. But sometimes you're not
going to because of holiday or because Princess is in
the shit. And so if that, like, if you're like, bro,
I need to see I need to hear more from Princess,
you gotta go over the Patreon. I also do bonus

(04:47):
episodes over on Apple Podcasts plus whatever that shit is called,
where you can subscribe to bonus episodes. They're also over there. Yeah,
I suggest you do that. It helps support this this show.
It means I keep getting to do the show right,
because I'm a busy bitch. And the truth is that,
like if I did not have people that paid me

(05:07):
money going where is my episode? I don't know that
I still be doing the podcast. I would have given
up when it got hard, you know, call me lazies.
That's what it would have happened. When I was prioritizing things,
I would have been like, not this podcast, right. But
so the people who subscribe can really show a lot
of support to me, and I really appreciate that. And
if you'd like to do that and you'd like to
get more Princess, that's how you do it. Another way

(05:30):
you can support me is by leaving a four start
a five star review on Apple Podcasts. There are other
places leave reviews. It matters the most there. I don't
want to matter the most there, but it does just
because of the way podcasts were invented and stuff like that.
And leave a review. I don't read the review, so
I won't know what you said, but give me a
five star review. Even if you want to say something mean,

(05:52):
give me a five star review. This is helpful for
other people are type of people, right, the people who
like it when I bring up Broke Down Palace twice
a month, right, which I brought up in the bonus
episode this past week, and I was like, I'm never
not thinking about Broke Down Palace. I should do like
a recap of the movie. I should do an episode

(06:14):
on that movie. But like our people are people they
giggleway shit that that remember watching Doug and that are
constantly making a joke out of something. Our type of people.
We wanted them to know that this is over here
and that they can come listen to Yeah. And another

(06:35):
way you could support me, maybe just maybe say something
nice to me. So times I know I've trained running
out to talk to me, but like, remember, I don't
I do this podcast in my closet, in my bathroom,
in my bedroom, right, I'm like three or four doors
remove from everybody else. In the dark. Sometimes it's just
me at the dark, lacks self, scared of myself because

(06:57):
I have a really good imagination, like a really I
can imagine any fucking thing and in the dark, I'm like,
that is a ghost. I see it with my own
it's real. It's real. And then you know, to the
lights on, it's like none of that shit's happening. But
I'm like, ah, so, so maybe not the dark too much.

(07:18):
Like I remember once I was doing a podcast. I
was like, I get this closet because something is moving
in that corn. I don't know what it is. I
think it came from the spirit world. But why are
we talking about this shit? Oh? I was saying, I
do this podcast on my own in like, and I
don't get a lot of feedback from people. It's because
I really train people not to talk to me. But yeah,

(07:39):
like a nice kind word here and there really changes
the directory of the day. So I appreciate that. And like,
if you like this shit, support it. You know, I
have a best you can not everybody has money. Everybody
can not everybody can afford five bucks a month. I
know that that sounds like a crazy thing to say,
it's the truth. And I've been in places where I

(08:02):
candn't afford five bucks a month, not another five dollars,
So I understand that when you can't sign up for
the bonus episodes, So I'm gonna try to keep the
free feed going. I'm gonna try, but there's gonna be
some times when I have to prioritize other things over it,
and for that, it's just how it is. But this
is the last episode of our season, seventeen of by Pumpkin,
which is about newlyweds I.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
As we always do, we.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Do palate cleansers after our seasons, So that means that
the next well, the next episode you hear is gonna
be a rerun. It's gonna be about justin Simpson's book
that I did, oh gosh three years ago. I re
listened to it to make sure we're the insane thing,
fucking crazy and it because who knows what the fuck
I was saying three years ago. And for the Patreons,
I'm gonna play it on the main feed and those

(08:48):
of you who aren't subscribed to the Patreon will get
a new episode, and then we'll start doing some palate cleanser,
some bonus uh, some bonus content on the main feed
will be happening next couple of weeks. Remember Mother's Day
is very close, and I will be all for Mother's
Day if no other day I would be all forul
Mother's Day. By the way, if anybody listening to this

(09:12):
is somebody in my world that wants to buy me
a Mother's Day gift, I'm not speaking for everyone. I'm
speaking for me. Don't you dare buy me anything of
my children's names on it that is not a Mother's
Day gift. Maybe if it's from a child, a child
under eighteen, because so they don't know any better. But
I don't want any jewelry with all my children's name
on it. I don't want it, or if I do

(09:34):
want it, it's it's a very specific period of time
i'd want it. I don't want to be inundated with
gifts that have my children's names on them. I don't
want stuff that has my name on it. That's weird personally.
If y'all like it, I love it. If y'all want
to walk around with a shirt that says Braden's mommy,

(09:55):
feel free to fucking do it. But I don't do
that because I'm not just Turtle Cheeks, Bunny Monkey and
Bear Bear's mommy. I'm Princess, and so I want shit
to says Princess, And actually I don't want shit, says
Princess on it because I don't like when people know
my name and I didn't give it to them. I'll
let you know when you can call me by my name, right, don't.
I don't like that, which might have been why when

(10:16):
I asked Bear Bear what he googled, he was like,
I don't want to say it because I want because
of privacy. I'm like, we're in a car alone. What
you're suspended? Bro? Like, by the way, I'm like Pickampa's
other brother. He's suspended. He's waving out the fucking window
like Princess Diana, Hey, miss so and so, Hi, Miss
so and so, and they're like, oh, it's Bear Bear.
I'm like, don't wave it name, he's nothing. Suspend it, Okay,

(10:39):
suspend it. But anyway, He's like, I don't want to
say it. I'm like, we're in a car alone, you
can say. He's like I said, he looks around Princess
Jones Curtis. I'm like, why is that a secret? He's like,
you don't want everybody know your name? Does that baby
know me? He does, but she also does I don't
want himucking googleing me either.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
What else did we say here?

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Uh? Yeah, like for Mother's Day. I don't want that,
and I also don't want to see no children on
Mother's Day either.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
How can it be Mother's Day?

Speaker 1 (11:07):
You still expect me to mother and at my children's age,
although two of them are teenagers, once slide into kingdom
real soon, like at my age, I'm not around my
children and not mothering them. Right that's not that's not
a thing. So maybe when they're adults, but right now,
I don't wanna be around to fucking gis my Mother's Day.

(11:28):
Me and my mom last year we did this. We're
gonna continue. The tradition is that, well maybe she don't
wanna be around. No, that's not my mother feels. My
mother feels like on Mother's Day we had a connection.
Well I don't whatever hever. I don't remember being born.
That's a memory you hold, not me. I wasn't there.
I mean I was there, but not really, not like that.
So every year me and my mother, like before Mother's Day,

(11:49):
we have a lovely lunch with mothers, and no children
are allowed unless you have the children. Unless you have
children and won't take a step kid, I don't care
unless you have children, don't come to this. My niece
keeps trying to come, but she is unqualified, unqualified for this.
For this lunch, we have a good time, and we're loud,
and we have some drinks, some of us my mothers

(12:10):
don't drinks anymore, which is good for her, but that's
none of my business. And we chill. Okay, there are
no children there, all right, maybe me, but I'm not
a child anymore. And that's how it is. And then
when I show up to see these fucking kids on
Mother's Day, well, we don't even do that on Mother's Day,
cause on Mother's Day we respect each other's privacy. So

(12:30):
on Mother's Day, my phone is off. Leave me the
fuck alone, bro, I did it. I did all the things.
I did all the things this year. I went hard.
All right, Leave me the fuck alone alone. I don't
want I don't want nothing. I don't want no handmaide thing.
I'll take it because there were children. I love them,
but mister Curtis, I don't want no handmade shit. I

(12:52):
don't I don't want nothing with their names on it.
I don't want nothing with their birth dates on it.
I don't want none of that shit. Okay, what you
can do is you can take me too. You can
go pick me up a very expensive plate of brisket
from the new brisket place down the street. You can
leave me alone, let me watch my shows, let me
go to sleep, let me read my smutty romance books.

(13:13):
By the way, I just finally read fifty Shades of Great.
I never read it when it came out. It just
seemed real cheesy and it just wasn't my thing. I
was like, you can't it came up. I was like, oh,
I can read it. I read it, girl. It was
very cheesy. It was very bad. It was very very bad,
very very very very bed. I will stick to my

(13:37):
smutty historical romances, thank you very much, because at least
I can be like that was a different time. Listen,
Sometimes you just gotta catch a dick in the courtyard
so you can get married and your mother doesn't have
to be put out by the Duke of Arlington or
whatever during the and then you have to make an air, right,
so you have to have sex with them, So you
have to make it so you guys start doing that.

(14:00):
But as soon as you make it air, you'll never
see each other again. You both promise that, you both
promise you did, so it turns out you kind of
like doing it to them and then you guys fall
in love and get it. Get it. Yeah, that's great. Also,
the best ones are like the queer ones where it's
two ladies who have to get married this year because
then they'll be old maids or what are they like

(14:21):
they're like thirteen, they're like they're like eighteen years old,
like just eighteen years old, and they have to get
married right now. They're gonna be some old maids and
they don't really want to get married, but things are
rough and they have to do. They have to do
it for their families to stay out of poverty. But
also there's a spart for doing the two of them
and suddenly they're holding hands under the table at a

(14:43):
meal and okay, that's that's enough of that. But like
I'm into all of it, and I and reading Fifty Shades,
I was like, eh, I can see how you know
I've written erotica. I'm not doing much right now, but

(15:04):
I've done a lot of ghostwriting. I don't say a
lot because it makes it sound like I'm think I'm
somebody I'm not, but like I've done a bit of
that and so I feel like fifty Shades was very
I was like, oh, this is very fine. It's not

(15:25):
it's not written well though, but it's fine. It's fine,
it's fine. What am I talking about? Oh? On Mother's Day,
I want to be in my room reading a smutty
queer historical romance. Somebody runs away at a horse. Somebody
does that, and somebody's to chase them, and then they're

(15:46):
in the rain, like come on, come on. I also
hear that Bridgington is Bridgington's is it? Season is not
gonna be season three or four. I think season four,
Bridgington is gonna do Bennett's Ben Adett story, which is
my favorite. That's absolutely my fucking favorite of them all.
So uh, I'm excited about that coming. But until then,

(16:08):
you know, I'm just reading my nasty well what I did.
What happens is I go on like I go on
like sprints, So I'll read a bunch of thrillers, a
bunch of thrillers. You know, somebody parents were killed twenty
years ago, and she was always the prime suspect that
she left town. But then she has to come back
to town because it's like a really big house and stuff.

(16:30):
And she's pregnant. Both her and her husband lost their jobs,
but the real killers might still be out there, but
she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm like, we
should talk about it. There's people cond try to kill
that sort of stuff, that sort of thing. And I
like to read a lot of murder mysteries, right, and
the cozy mysteries. Love a cozy mystery. I'll do like
ten fucking cozy mysteries and like, you know, fifteen fantasy
novels in a row, and then I'll roll back to

(16:52):
my smutty historical romances. I only can read like five
those in a row, because it's because we're doing a lot.
We're doing a lot over there. I don't Yeah, this,
I had nothing to do what I was talking about,
And actually, let's stop talking about this stuff. Let's start
talking about the show. So today we're doing our final

(17:12):
Newlywed Show, final of season seventeen, and the next couple
of weeks we'll be doing reruns and palate cleansers because
of Easter and Mother's Day. Okay, so I'll be doing
some documentaries out there. I'll be doing some seasons of
episodes that I couldn't do some seasons of reality shows.
I can't do episode by episode. I think some fun

(17:32):
stuff is coming. So I'm excited about that for you
guys and me cause I have fun talking about it.
The next season, season eighteen of by Pumping, is going
to be on Celebrity Fit Club. Is it fat Club?
It's Fit Club? I guess. I don't know. That's what
we'll be talking about in season eighteen. I'm pretty sure
we're doing the season with kay Fed and his ex

(17:57):
is Screenshow on that that season o't I'll I'll check
the season uh before and I'll post it on the Instagram,
which I know I have to get better about. I don't.
I don't like posting on social media when people make me.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
I don't when I have to.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
I don't like that. And social media is like horrible
and I don't like I don't like being like, well
you need to. I don't like that shit. And so
what happens. I get in a rhythm and I am
posting things, and then I'll get into one speed bump
and that's the first thing that goes anyway. I will
I will put on the s I'll put it on
the Instagram. What se what season of Celebrity Fit Club

(18:35):
will be talking about next year. Next season, I'm by Pumpkin,
and after that, I think I have some ideas of
where I wanna go. We'll have to talk about it.
But yeah, let's talk about Ooh, hold on, sorry, mister
Hurdis just got home with a lot of food for me.
But that's okay, that's okay. I'm busy, and that food
will be there when I'm ready, alright, so let's talk

(18:56):
about it. We're doing the last two episodes. It's see
it's episode nine ten if you were watching along with
me on YouTube on that playlist, it's episode eight and
episode ten. I just think they were put in there incorrectly.
They're called, uh, Jessica's Birthday and Jessica cooks. So we

(19:16):
start off with Nick fighting hornets or bees or whatever
with a hose near his house, and he mentions later
that he's doing that so that he can water the.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
The lily's or ivy over there or something.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
Nick is just one of those people that when he
thought of like owning a home, he's very Midwest in
this way. It's very tritional his way. He talked about
owning this home, he was gonna like build a shit
in the back, and he was gonna like mow along himself.
But I know he doesn't mow the fucking lawn in
that fucking house. You can't because it's not that coming

(19:53):
from a Bob the Bildsha, somebody who's always like doing
some shit. I know this sounds hypocritical, but this is
something I've had to learn over the years for myself,
is that my time is worth something. It is worth something.
There used to be a time when I had no
money and a lot of time, and so I'd be like, whatever,
how many hours I have to put it into this?

(20:14):
It's fine, this is this is not what my life
is like anymore. And so when I spend ten hours
doing something that I don't have a lot of time,
you know, And I guess Nick has a lot of
time seeing you doing shit. Anyway. We saw that last
well not last week, but the week before with that video.
I guess he got a lot of time on his hands.
I don't know. This year, for one of my friend's birthdays,

(20:37):
I made her a tote bag like it looks like
a one of those boat tope bags, right. I got
a blank off of Amazon and I created like a
little logo not it wasn't too much in Canva. And
then I printed it on transfer paper from my cricket

(20:59):
and I ironed it on and like use my house
have a cricket like heat press. I use that. And
I've made it for her and I sent it to
her and she really liked it. And the reason I
gave it to her is because she wears the backpack
to work. And I'm just of the belief that over
the age, over the age in when you are enrolled
in a school, you should not be wearing a backpack.

(21:20):
I don't like backpacks for adults. I don't like that.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
I mean, maybe if you're going on a backpacking I
just don't think. I just don't think you have any
business being thirty five with a backpack on a regular basis.
That's me, I know, I know. This is what I
mean by like, you gotta let opinions wash over you. Okay,
everybody has opinions. Y'all have all kinds of opinions. I
don't give a fuck about, because, like, I can't let

(21:48):
somebody's feelings like affect how I'm doing. Somebody I don't
even fucking know the effect times that's crazy. And so
when I and I know this because I also have
crazy fucking opinions, like the fact that if you eat
a hot dog on a not hot dog bun.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
Then your life isn't shambles, Like that's.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
What I believe. And so my husband doesn't believe that
that motherfucker eat a hot dog on a white piece
of bread. And in fact, he'll be like, I'm gonna
girl some hot dogs, like if you don't have the bun,
don't bother with me, Like y'all eat that shit on
on white married Jane bread and leave me to fuck alone. Okay,
that's a wild opinion. And I just said a very
And that's the other thing I think I trigger people

(22:28):
because sometimes I say it in a definitive voice, like
I'm very sure about this, and I am very sure
about this for me. For me, you don't have no
business with a backpack on, You really don't. You probably
don't have no business with a backpack on, especially if
you're a woman with a large chest. Take that fucking
backpack off. Okay, stop stop, like just just just just

(22:53):
just just just just just just no. And so she
lives in Texas, and I sent her the and she
was really happy about it. I did not spend a
million hours on that, and I wanted to do something
that I knew my friend could use. I put her
like her initials on and I put like a little
logo thing on it. And you know, a woman can't

(23:14):
have too many tote backs, It's not possible. And then
like spring break starting, my kids are out of school.
So this week I'm going to make a bunch of
like handmade treats for my kids teachers to give that
I want to give about Monday they come back, and
then I'm gonna take some to some relatives and maybe
give some to the kids that hang out in front

(23:36):
of my house. Like I never wanted to be a house.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Where all the kids go play.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
I don't. I don't want nothing less than this world
than that shit right there, But they're always, Like I
live in a cul de sac and the kids are
always and I have a basketball hoop and I'm about
to go get my kids in a trampoline again, and
I just feel like I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Have a lot of kids over here, a lot of
kids over here.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
So I'm gonna give out treats to the kids that
are out there. And this is just something I that
I can do with my kids. And I like to
give their teacher stuff throughout the year because I know
I don't wanna be with the mad hours a day,
not in the fucking least, So I try to do
nice things like uh, I give them gift cards at
the holidays, and I try to give them a gift

(24:21):
card for we leave school, and like throughout the the
the year, I make stuff for them. So I'm gonna
be doing that. That's gonna take some time. It's not
gonna it's the time is worth my time if I
had to, if I was making treats. And this is
another thing my friend does, and the holidays she makes

(24:42):
treat she makes she makes so many fucking goodies and
so many brownies, so many things that like she's like
running around like chicken with her head cut off. The
moment I'm doing that, that's too much. That's too much.
So like my time is worth something, my body is
worth something. I remember when I first bought my house,

(25:04):
it was a new development. So what happens if you
buy a house at a new development? People just show
up at your door over and over and over and
over over it's real wild and I'm not buying shit.
And I told that man and he's like, well, you
need a security system. I said, I don't need a
security system. Everything I owned, this house is from big
lots and he was he laughed at that, and he
was like, what about you. I said, I'm worth absolutely nothing,

(25:24):
absolutely fucking nothing, Like don't worry about me. And I
was joking.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
But there have been times in my life when I
was like, my life is not worth anything.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
You know. Uh. When I used to work at a
restaurant at a busy mall during the holidays every year,
they would have to take me into that fucking h
office and tell me, cause people get robbed in the
mall parking lots. They would have to take me in
there and be like, listen, if somebody's trying to rob
you for your tips, and I finished, it'll be like

(25:54):
I'm gonna fight them to the death. What the fuck
I'm gonna do? Like, I you have no idea how
much is in this apron. This might be twenty seven
dollars in this aprin and I need this twenty seven dollars.
And if I have to fight you until the life
leads out of my eyes. That's what I have to
fucking do because I am not worth more than twenty
seven dollars. And I have healed quite a bit since

(26:15):
those events happen, and my time is worth money. Excuse me.
My time is worth something. My life is worth something,
and fighting some killer bees for hours.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
On a Sunday afternoon is not.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
It's not the business. It's not the business. Uh. I'm
so happy. I've gotten better. I'm so fucking happy. But
Nick continue to heal. Jessica's birthday is this episode. They
want her to give her a Mad Hatter theme, and
jess it's confused about it. She's like, does this has
something to do.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
With else in wonder?

Speaker 1 (26:53):
And they're like, we're explaining because it'll be like an
un birthday because the Mad Hatters. Everything's upside down just
because like, okay, but is that is that Alice? She's
I don't think she's seeing the movie. I don't know.
She doesn't have these references. But that theme is very
two thousands, early two thousands, you know what I mean.
I'm glad to decide to scrap everybody wearing a hat

(27:13):
or you can't get in. Like when they're talking about
the idea. It's so that would mean everybody be wearing
like party dresses, hats, and there'd be like up is down,
down is up, like kind of the core and everything.

(27:35):
I think that's a little too much. And I also
think I know some of you love the dress on
theme for parties and you want everybody to show up.
Black people love a white party, you all. You love
a nineties theme, you love a Beyonce through the Aras theme.
And I just want to say that as a person
who didn't want to come anyway, right, I don't want
to leave the house anyway. The fact that you are

(27:58):
adding more barriers to that I would get there is
why I'm not there, and so and and and I
maybe you're thinking, good, I didn't want you there in
the first place. God bless you, baby, because I didn't
want to come. And now you have a Now you
got me out here looking for shit to put on. No, no, no, no.
All right. So then they have a trouble with the

(28:18):
soft shell crab they ordered, and they didn't understand. I
get so. I never had soft shell crab. I never
had that. And I guess what they do is they
like what I don't. I don't know I had a
lot of crab. I've always you know, I live off
the Chesapeake Bay, so I've always uh lived eating a

(28:39):
lot of crab, eating a lot of shit like that,
eating a lot of seafood and stuff. But I've never
had soft shell crab. And I just why did you
order it? If you didn't know you liked it? What?
Why as a former person who worked in hospitality and
as a and just as a person that that that
that likes to eat with other people, why why you
ordered shit you ain't never had at a restaurant?

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Is this the time to experiment?

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Hm? How's this shit costs? You? Are a thirty dollars
soft shell crab? That little crab in one of and
you think you think now it's the time to try
something new? Hm. I don't know that's coming from somebody
who need the same shit everywhere? Should go or whatever.
Next scene, they're in the pool. Nick is asking for
a hummer and Jessica doesn't know what a hummer is

(29:27):
and did they talk about him going to home depot
to get what he needs to battle the bees? And
she says, like, why don't you call an exterminator because
you were probably gonna die out there, and and she's
and he's like, Oh, you wouldn't come out to save me? No, Nick, no,
cause we didn't ask you to come out there and
fuck with them bees. That's mother nature right there. My
question was always like, did you have to fuck with

(29:50):
those bees? Like I think I'm misunderstanding what's happening? Why
do you need the b or are the bees around
the sprinkler? Are they I'm not sure? But if you
didn't have to fuck with the bees, leave them a
fuck alone, you know what I mean? Uh? But so

(30:10):
they go through, did we get a scene of them
wandering through home depot? First of all, Jessica looks fucking beautiful,
has in a stitch of fucking makeup on her hair
is wet from a shower, I think, And she doesn't
have a stitch of fucking makeup on her And at
twenty twenty five, there is no fucking way Jessica or
anybody else will be filming a reality TV show with
not a stitch of fucking makeup on. Even if they're

(30:31):
going to the home depot. I don't know what home deepot,
but letting film in there now. But even if they
were going to an off brand hardware store that they
got that they got permission to the film, and I
don't believe it. I don't there's no they got she's
twenty three years old. Because maybe that's part of the reason.
I mean, most of the reality shows we're watching, people

(30:53):
are like forty five, I don't know, but they go
to home depot and like watching them water through hold
home depot and trying to get stuff, and Jessica's super bored.
Like I was like, ooh, you have tapped into like
couple's culture going to fucking home depot, Iqia, cost Co, Sam's,
BJ's whatever, going in there and wandering around and arguing

(31:16):
over whether or not you need one hundred and seventy
rolls of toilet paper. I've talked about this plenty of times.
I'll say it again. I don't I have a membership
to Costco and Sam's Club. I don't like to go
in those places though that's for mister Curtis. I don't
like to go in those places. And the reason I
don't like to go in there because it's a lot
of commitment. You buy one hundred rolls of fucking toilet paper,

(31:37):
you're saying something, You're saying I'm still gonna be alive
and I don't know when my tickets gonna be punched.
It just it just just like what if I die
tomorrow and I still have all this fucking toilet paper
like just hanging over my head, like who needs this
much mustard and ketchup? Nobody needs as much mustard and ketchup? There,

(31:57):
mustard and ketchup or not going out of style? Just no,
And I just felt like that mister Curtis loves going
in there, he loves cooking like he got.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
A family of twenty.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
He was cooking like he had a family of twenty
when it's just me and him and Zoom. But me,
I can't have that many baked beans just hate over
my head every time I walk past the cabin, big
go all them fucking bake beans I bought, saying what
you gonna do with us? What you gonna do with us?
What you gonna I'm thinking about what to cook the
baked beans? Like we right here, You got a lot
of you got a lot of cans and baked beans.
What you buy us for? If you didn't want you

(32:29):
shouldn't left us at the fucking store. So somebody else
can get us. You brought us home, and now you
all of a sudden you don't like big beans. Well,
I don't evenly like babies like that. I got this
my mom. My mom yesterday was talking to me about
how she tried on her clothes and her closet make
sure she miss everything. Sure, And she says, I have
fifty dresses and twenty seven skirts. And I said, what

(32:52):
the fuck do you need with fit you were from home?
What do you need fifty dresses and twenty seven skirts?
I have to get dressed every day? And how many
pans she got? My mom's got like sixty pairs of pants,
maybe seventy.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
I was like, due, who needs.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
All those fucking clothes? She's like I do? I do?
I do? Are you changing your clothes multiple times a day?
This is that time she told me she had forty
pairs of shoes. And I was like, I don't know
what to say. I don't know what to say like that.
You didn't raise me like that. I don't know where
you got that from, because you certainly didn't give it
to me. And I told her, I was like, listen,
you need to do something about that before you die.

(33:23):
And she's like, what do you mean? I was like,
cause when you die, I'll be running around like a
chicken with my head cut off. You are already made
the beneficiary of like some fucking policies didn't told me.
I tell my brothers and to like think about them
and give them money if they needed Well, how the
fuck am I supposed to know if they need it?
What if I think about them and they don't need it?
That what? That? So you made me do do that?
And then I'm the only one that lives around here,

(33:44):
so obviously I'm gonna be doing like a bulk of
the work afterwards. And I can't imagine me running around
like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to
get your ass bury, trying to get shit taken care of,
trying to figure out what to do. And then somebody goes,
you know, there's fifty dresses in the closet. I'm gonna
lose my fucking shit because I fucking tore to get
rid of the fucking fifty dresses. Now I got fifty
dresses over my head. She's just hanging on my head

(34:04):
like all hours of the day. I go to the bathroom,
they go fifty dresses hanging over my head. I try
to go to sleep fifty dresses hanging over my head.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
Like, what am I gonna do with fifty dresses?

Speaker 1 (34:13):
She's like, well, you could pack it up and take
them to the to the good will.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Oh that's cool.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
Another another, uh, another ch another task for me to do,
for me to do carting your shit to the good
will when you can taking there right now? Hm. She's like,
you could have a yard cell. No the fuck I couldn't. No,
I couldn't put up a sign tell people to come
any place I am to buy things. No, I couldn't.
Obviously you don't know your daughter. Imagine me making a

(34:38):
sign start there. Imagine me making a sign this says
buy some shit over here, and then I have to
lay out all your fucking dresses. I'm not even thinking
about the skirts and the shoes and the pants. Okay,
She's like, you could wear some of them. I know
I couldn't. Me and my mom are not the same size.
My mother's fucking six feet tall, and uh she's everything

(35:00):
about her is like narrow her she got she barely
got ankles and shit, I we are not made in
the same font, Mama. We are not you're one of
those stands se ref's and I'm serrefe like a motherfucker.

(35:20):
She didn't get that. Well there's no funds, but still
I do. Listen, this is not gonna work. She's like, okay,
well then you could have your brothers do it. I'm
I am the only confident person you ever raised. I
just want you to know that I am the only
competent person you ever raised. I think God every day.

(35:40):
I did not grow up in the Gilded Age era
where some man, one of my relatives will be in
charge of my money and whether I ate or not,
because none of them are qualified. None, not a one.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
And you're like, what about this one.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
No, none of them are qualified to make sure I
eat every day, okay, and to make sure my money
isn't lost in a scam. Okay, Free Princess. Those fifty
dresses working by fucking girls, she said to me. When
I said in the beauty stories on the phone with her,
and I yelped at the beauty shop, people were looking

(36:15):
at me. I was like, sorry, sorry, sorry, my MoMA
just got fifty dresses for no motherfucking reasons. She don't
go nowhere. I don't know she's talking. What am I
talking about? Having a lot of stuff like going to
Sam's Club and like so that stresses me out. But
like watching Nick and Jessica walking around that home depot

(36:36):
and like they tapped in the core couples content there,
and that is how a lot of people spend their weekends.
And I have had many an argument in the fucking
lows or home depot, you know. Cute. One of our
first arguments, being miss Chris Ever had was we just

(36:58):
moved into like the hood hood like this is the
place where we moved in where somebody was taking a
shower room and moved in and he wanted to paint
a room, kind of make it more own. I said, okay,
we can do that. So we do, and we go
to get the paint and.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
I saw a paint.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Color that was called orange dream Sickle, which is like
a soft kind of orange. Right, how going to be
a salt orange?

Speaker 2 (37:24):
And I was like, what about this?

Speaker 1 (37:25):
And he goes absolutely not. And because he said absolutely
not like that, I was like, I want this fucking paint.
So the two of us are arguing over the paint
and I was like, you know what, fuck it, don't
worry write it don't want to ride it, and so
I leave. I walk away from him. He comes back
with the paint and I was like, why did you
buy this paint? And he goes because you must have

(37:46):
really wanted and said no, I want to talk about it.
I didn't like the way you told me no like that,
and he's like, well, we bought it and it's for
like three times what fucking white paint would have cost.
I'm like why, and I said, take it back, no
takebacks on orange stream sickle. We get to the house,
he starts paying the wall. Baby, it's still colored, and
I had to think about it and think, and I

(38:08):
was like, I think I might have been hungry.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
I think i've with a cream sickle.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
I think if you had not like come at me
like that, I wouldn't have had to fight with you
about it, and I would have just been like, you know,
let's just think about this. Let's go get some ice
cream or something. Don't come at me like that, bro,
because then am I have to argue my point whether
or not I believe in that point again at all.

(38:38):
I can shake my eye like this right, but don't
back me in a corner, because then then then I
have to Then then I have to paint every room
in this house orange Dreamsickle. And then every time somebody
comes over, I have to be like, don't you like
to color? Well, they're like, this looks like a nightmare.

(38:58):
I have to be like, this my favorite color.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
This is what I want.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Everything in my house is colored to be orange stream sickle,
even though this hurts my eyes and I'm having nightmares
now because you backed me in a quarter in a
fucking home depot. But that's what happened, and what you
should have said is so she started arguing, is do
you want something to eat? Because the answer was yes,
eat to this day, mister Curtis Bradiation, like, listen, you

(39:33):
you had the opportunity. You had the opportunity for me
to back down, and you didn't take it. So I
want and I also left. I didn't tell this is
this other thing I didn't want. I didn't necessarily want
him to buy it. I wanted to say, look at this,
and then when he said that, I started arguing with him,
and then I left the situation and he bought it.
So I wouldn't be mad, but but I was mad. Anyway,

(39:55):
We're still together all right. So when they leave home Depot,
she seems kind of she's annoyed there, like there is
nothing to do there unless you're actually looking for stuff.
And I go to home people all the time because
I actually am the nick of the relationship, like let's
do this, let's do that. I like trying new shit.
I like trying shit I ain't done before to see
if I can fucking do it. And it's truth is

(40:15):
I can't do almost any fucking thing almost some things
I'm definitely not qualified for, but I can do almost anything.
So so, but anyway, they leave and when they get back,
she goes to workout, and he goes to Battle of
Bees and he's spraying the bees and a tense music's
playing in the background, and then Justine's over again.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
I feel.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Me and David were like they never speak to Justice
because he's the ugly one. Look, you know, all these
people are hot bodies. And then Justice, they don't even
like him. Apparently they do. He's over all the motherfucking times.

(41:00):
Sometimes I'm wrong, sometimes I'm wrong. And the next scene
it's it's actually a birthday. She's got a lot of
friends coming from home, like Stephanie and Cooper and Casey
is there. She says he's a road manager, and I
was interesting. I was like, she's a robe manager. And
I realized because after I finished Washington these two episodes,

(41:21):
I was just waiting around for something for a call,
and so I watched I Popped in season two in
season three, and I was like, oh, okay, Casey does
become her assistant. Like in season three, she's moving to
La to become her assistant. So Ashley's there, little Ashley
Simpson at to ease, looking every bit as she was

(41:41):
living in a shadow.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
I was like, oh, yeah, I wouldn't notice you either.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Ashley like okay, okay, it's interesting to see how she's
like come out of that. We get a shot Jessica
on the phone saying twenty three is old. It's almost
twenty five, and twenty five is almost mid twent twenties,
and I was like, oh, another Jessica ism twenty five,
she has turned twenty three. Twenty five, twenty five does

(42:05):
feel incredibly old when you're twenty three, it does well. Obviously,
thirty feels like you might die before then, and you might.
And the idea of forty or fifty is like like
I know that. I was like very clear about I
just had a vision for my life until I was
like forty, and I was like, oh, I don't have

(42:26):
a vision for the rest of it.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
I guess I have to die now.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
I mean I didn't, but I I could only think
that far, even when I was thirty five, I could
only think to forty. I couldn't think about what happened
after that. And I still I I don't think I
really have a vision for my life anymore. I told
you guys, I'm on uh Latina TikTok because I like,

(42:49):
I liked a bunch of pachata videos and because I'm
trying to get better about understanding Spanish when it's spoken
to me and not when it's written down. I'm trying
every time I hear Spanish, I'm trying to breathe and
just like pick out, see what I can pick out
of it. So I am like staying for the Spanish video.
So and also I think it's because of the pachata

(43:12):
and also because some of the recipes TikTok thinks I'm
not just a Latina, I'm a Mexican Latina, and so
like I'm seeing a lot of videos of people being like,
we're moving back to Mexico due to the hostile US
government or whatever, and I'm like, are we? And then
and then they're like, I'm going on the journey of
setting up and like moving and setting up and stuff.

(43:35):
And I was like, maybe I need a little fuck
in Mexico when I get older. I've always wanted to
retire to Montreal, but no, no, I don't. I think
I want to retire to Mexico. Everybody retires to Costa Rica,
so maybe not Costa Rica, but I think I want
to retire global South. I think I want to go

(43:57):
there when I'm no longer working and stuff like that.
And watching all those videos of what am I no
longer I love to work, But watching all those videos
of everybody, like people like moving back or moving there
for the first time and stuff, I'm like, this might
be good for me. I don't know. But no, I

(44:19):
don't have any fucking plans. And I can understand how
Jess get twenty three. It's like, I'm almost middle aged.
It feels like this isn't it. Hmm. I wonder what
you say about that now. Also, she got so many flowers.
She did a little bit about it. I guess she
loves fresh flowers in her house. Flit, fresh flowers in
your house will change the whole fucking thing. I used
to go to Trader Joe's like once a week and

(44:40):
get like flowers and make a little arrangement, and that
was part of me trying to live a little slower.
And I just don't live around a place where I
can get fresh flowers that I like pretty easily. Uh,
Trader Joe's is a bit of a truck for me,
and I don't know if I want to be making
that truck once a week. We'll have to see, but
just by because I like fresh flowers and mister Curtis

(45:03):
buys them for me. Part of the vocabulary in our
marriage is putting flowers on your table, and that is
like mister Curtis would bring flowers home and put them
out on the table, and it was a sign for
him to be like he thought about me, and as
long as they were flowers in the house, then I
would know he had thought about me. Because he's not
very verbal with his love and things like that. He's

(45:25):
very demonstrative, which is good for me the way, but
also like sometimes you want to be verbal. Nobody has
all the nobody we all have all the love languages. Okay,
we all have all the love languages. When they talk
about like which one is yours, they're talking about which
one do you most often move to? Everybody likes all

(45:47):
of those things. Okay. So even though like my love
language is acts of service like gifts, and sometimes like
verbal verbalizing, those things are very important to me too.
And really, just a few years ago is when I

(46:07):
started really doing a lot of flowers and I put
them in. I put them in the kitchen and in
the living room and in my bedroom next to my bed,
and mister Curtis had mentioned, like, what's up with that,
because you're buying a lot of flowers, you know, I
usually buy them for you. And I said, I want
to put flowers on my own table sometimes too.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
I want to Also, I.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Don't want to, not that you're not doing a good job,
but I don't want to wait for you to give
me things. I want to give it to myself too.
It was part of me trying to be a little
bit more. It was part about me trying to fill
up my own cup and not waiting for other people
to do it, and not being dependent on other people
to do those things for me. I made a long

(46:43):
list of things that when other people do them for me,
I feel loved. And I started coral trying to figure
out how could I do that for myself? Like I
feel loved when I get a nice when mister Curtis
takes me out to a nice dinner. Does that'd be nice? Nice?
But a dinner and like just holds my hand and
we hang out for a little bit. So what am

(47:05):
I getting from I'm getting quality time. I'm getting like
a slowness to life that I don't always have. I'm
getting food, which I love. I'm getting just you know,
just quality time. So how can I give myself that
quality of time? I'm not afraid to go out by myself,

(47:25):
and I do that more than I've ever done it before.
I just kind of chill and I bring my book
and I just hang and I eat something and I
don't eat it fast, like I have somewhere to be.
I chill, I have a nice drink, I walk afterwards maybe,
and I just make sure I do that for myself.
And it's not that mister Curtis wouldn't do it for me,

(47:47):
but mister Curtis cannot be the end all be all
for everything in my fucking life. He cannot. He that's exhausting.
I can't do it for him either, So who and
when I don't have like a ton of in person
friends in this area, I'm working on it. We'll figure
it out. But when I was in Austin, I would
do that with my girlfriends.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
We wouldn't do much.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
We go to a nice meal, have a cocktail, take
a nice walk, and just enjoy each other's company and
quality time together. That was enough.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
I can do that with other people, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Go back to Jessica's flowers. I love all her flowers
in there, she says.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
She loves love.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
It's like, yeah, it's it's it. I don't know it
just to me, it elevates a room, like it's like
the cherry on top. It's like the extra thing, Like
your room is clean, right, everything's where it's supposed to
be awesome. It smells nice. Yeah. Then there's also like

(48:47):
some banganass flowers over there. I like that. They did
a little bit where she kept getting in getting and
getting it. So then they all leave and they go shopping,
and then Nick says, something I was like, was I
misunderstanding the Hummer thing before? So they did a g
a fashion show sponsored by GM. Why is GM sponsoring
a fashion show? I don't know. I don't know. I

(49:10):
just feel like this is something Jack donege. You would
talk about it on thirty Rock, like GM would like
be in charge of fashion shows and stuff like that. Anyway,
So if you participate in the fashion show, they gave
you three months with a GM vehicle and they chose
a Hummer. So they're riding around the streets in a
fucking Hummer and that is very early two thousands. And

(49:31):
he's like, this was made to chase to the climb mountains,
Like what mountains?

Speaker 2 (49:36):
So what mountains are you climbing? You know, I drive
a bigger car.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
I've drive a minivan, but I do that because I
got enough people to fit in the minivan. If I
did not have that many people, I would not be
driving this huge car. I don't understand people who want
to be in like, well, my man, event's not a huge,
but it's bigger than like a sedan or whatever. I
don't understand people who want to be in like these
huge like t v's and like they want to, like,

(50:02):
but when do you get on the mountain?

Speaker 2 (50:04):
This seems like a waste of time. I think, feel
like you can get in like a Geo Metro, which is.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
My first car, my first car. It wasn't maybe it
was a Chevy Metro, uh, but it was a Geo Metro.
It's the same fucking car. I yeah, I feel like
you could, you would deal with that because I mean,
it's only you and Jessica in the car anyway. Uh.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
But was that the hummer he was talking about in
the pool?

Speaker 1 (50:31):
All right? Now? I feel like Jessica, I feel like
it's a bunch of question marks over my head. I
don't know. Jessa makes it makes everyone listen to a
live reading of a play that she and Cooper wrote
in high school. It was about two sisters driving and

(50:52):
then get into a fight about whether they go to
church or whether they go to a party and how
Jesus don't give a fuck about nobody and she want
to go to the party, and the other girl was like, no,
the Lord has risen and they die. They definitely went
to a Christian high school because they die in the

(51:16):
in the car accident and go to Hell and they
make everybody listen to them read this play. Jessica. I
know it's your birthday, but why are you trying to
hurt us? Why are you trying? You could only get
away with this on your fucking birthday, and actually couldn't
get away this on your birth Hand me the paper,
I'll read it. Two high schoolers wrote this, and just

(51:39):
because tells us at the time, they had to do
They had to act out their play. So they were
on two chairs in the front and they got into
the car wreck and she was wearing a mini dress
and a thong and like everybody saw her. Hu haa, okay,
this is this is this is okay Jessica. So Jesse

(52:03):
is yall drif jessup for her party? Ken Pavis Pavis
is there and she also shouts at her her makeup artist,
and Nick is just downstairs, going when are we going?
When are we gone? When are we going? Nobody told
you get dress this early, Nick, Nobody told you. I
don't like late people either, but you live with somebody
who's late, so you gonna have to do what you
gotta do. That's the thing. Like a lot of the

(52:24):
stuff Nick is annoyed about, because when we get to
the next episode. When we get to the next episode there,
I was like, I think I'm on the next side.
A lot of the things like Nick is annoyed about
is are also things I would be annoyed about. But
I would not have married somebody who runs hours late
all the time. I just wouldn't do that. Or if

(52:47):
I did marry someone who runs hours late all the time,
Because here I am talking all big and bad when
I know I married my my complete opposite in every way.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
You have to adjust some things.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
And the truth is I would I would get dressed
and I would go play fucking Breath of the Wild.
I played go play a video game until they were ready.
I would get dressed and I would grab my kindle
and I would cozy up on that couch and I
would read whatever smutty historical Romanzo's reading for the hour
and a half. I am going to enjoy this time.

(53:19):
You are not gonna stress me the fuck out. But
so why I do understand how he's feeling, like because
he's talking to Leo on the phone and his sister
in line. He's like, yeah, I know the party started
an hour ago, but we're still like getting ready. Also,
you don't be an a party the moment. The party
is from six to nine. All this is an adult's
birthday party at a club, So I'm assuming the parties

(53:40):
technically from nine to midnight at the All right, that's
that's a more appropriate or time spand that I would
think for this type of party. If the party starts
at nine, you're not to be there at nine on
the dot. Yes, I know. I like to be on time,
but I often have to hide. I have to drive

(54:01):
because I be on time everywhere and other people view
time differently than I do. I have to drive my
car and I park it around the corner and I
read for thirty minutes, and then I could be when
you show up too early, it's too it's it's it's rude.
So if you and I ever have plans to meet somewhere, right,

(54:21):
and I'm I'm a very anterest about being late, I
and You're like, come over my house at seven, the baby,
I've been at your house since six fifteen around the corner,
scared that I'm going to be late. And I also
know I should not show up there at seven seven
you know, seven? Oh oh, So I will time it.

(54:42):
I will drive closer to your house and show up
at like seven seventeen seven twenty nine. Depends on what
I'm there for. But I know that I look psycho
when I ring your doorbell at exactly seven oh oh,
because then you're like, well, she standing out? Was she
around a corner reading the book in her car? And

(55:03):
so it's all, yes, but I don't want you to
know about it, Okay, don't want you to know about it.
People are like, Princess, how do you read somebody books?
That's how That's how I'm everywhere too early. But yeah,
if the party starts from nine to twelve, the fact
is you didn't think you were gonna show up at

(55:24):
nine ozhzho. You didn't think that, Nick, I know you're
not allowed to do that. And also, like if you
were anxious about being late like I am, because I
was late all the time as a kid. My mother
had me walking in halfway through shit all the fucking time.
I'd be like I'm late. She'd be like, oh, just
go in there, and I have to go and there.
Everybody look at me and like it's very stressful for

(55:45):
me to be late. I don't like being like a
fucking my whole fucking day. But that's a me thing, right,
That's an inside me thing, isn't it. That's something that
I need to deal with. I do I care if
Jessica gets to the party at nine pm? I really don't.
What's going on is my body and my like, my

(56:05):
emotions are being affected by past trauma about being outside,
and so I'm getting more and more upset and more
and more anxious and more and more frazzled over something.
This isn't my party, it's not my birthday. And if
I really really want to go, I just go. But
I want to arrive with Jessica, so that's gonna be fine.

(56:28):
And so knowing how Jessica is also she's getting like dressed,
UF she looks great and she's wearing like huge eyelashes.
I thought she looked really cute. Knowing that she's up
there making a miracle and it's her birthday and stuff,
I need to I need to regulate my own emotions
instead of putting them out on other people. Nick did

(56:48):
not scream at her or anything like that, but he did.
He was just pacing a lot. I need to regulate
my own emotions. How do I do that? How can
I distract myself. Well that's not really regularly, but listen,
however you get it done. All cope skills matter around here.
So how what do I need to do? I need
to go out here and fight these fucking bees for
no reason. Again, let's do something useless with her time.

(57:11):
That's fine. Like when he wanted to fight the bees,
Jessica wasn't on the front porch being like this is
a lot come in the house now. She was like
something in him need to fight those fucking bees. So
let them do it anyway. They get there and literally
no one's wearing hat, thank god. And Drew put up
some playing cards. Jiialia put up some playing cards like

(57:34):
decorations or whatever. Okay, that's fine too, uh. And there's
a Misshaping cake, which those are the only things that
are mad hat her themed. We see Pink who is
dressed like a Saint Louis Rapper who's name. I don't
like to stay more because I finally realized that it
was like, Rachel, did you know what I'm talking about?

(57:57):
And Lance Bass is there and either Tyrese or Neo,
I don't know if from behind it was somebody black,
somebody very dark black, and seemed to have a ball head.
So one of those two, Nick says to the camera
that every time she gets older, he feels less like
a pervert. Actually, that's not how time works. I feel you,

(58:17):
I feel you. I think her birthday is actually the
next day because I mean just gets zooited at this party.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
She is drunk, drunk, she don't need have her shoes
on it.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
And by the end of the next day is actually
her birthday because she's getting presents and stuff the next day.
And her parents bought her a wallet that matches, that
matches her emotional support Louis Vuitton bag, and Ashley or
really her mother Tina bought her a coin person that
matches it and like Tina wrote Ashley's name on it.

(58:53):
But she's happy with this, so you know, that's that's
the most important part of a gift, that the person
being happy with it. Nick takes her outside to show her.
He's like, I want to show you something, and he
shows her. He there's some metal box over there, and
he pulls the top off and there's like a a

(59:14):
honey comb, like the thing that bees make, and he's like,
isn't this cool?

Speaker 2 (59:20):
And she's like it looks moldy and old, and I'm like,
what is this? Because bees just don't.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Do that in a box for fun, you know what
I mean? That's usually somebody is keeping bees like they are,
they are.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
Managing bees and that's how they do that.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Is was that the sprinkler? Is that the box the sprinkler?
And that's why he couldn't do it? Also, Nick, why
did you put your mouth on that? Are you? I'm
with Jesca said, I don't put your mouth on that,
Like what's wrong with you? But I like to understand
what's going on here? Was that? Was that the sprinkler?

(01:00:05):
Or was that an old bee keeping little set up
that Nick killed? What's going on In the next episode?
Nick is mad because they eat out for every meal.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
You guys are young and in Hollywood, why wouldn't you eat.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Out for every meal? And sometimes when you're only feeding
one person, eating out for every meal is like cheaper.
It ends up being cheaper unless you're the type of
person's gonna eat something for three days in a row.
And that's what happens when you cook. And not everybody's
like that. Most people don't want to eat the same
thing over and over again, just because says they go

(01:00:42):
to grocery store but never eat at home, or then
they're never at home so stuff goes bad, or they
never eat at home and he's like, no, because you
want us to eat out. So he decides to eat
cereal and she's like, why can you make you something?
But she's got yoga and a many patty and she's
going to go to the store for that. Jessica tells
us that before they got married, Nick wanted her to

(01:01:04):
be more of a woman, and that's when she's leaned
into cooking and she learned how to cook. She didn't
really cook before Nick. Yeah, because you were like eighteen
when you met Nick, I didn't want He wanted her
to be more of a woman. Like that's what we're
defining womenhood by. I wasn't much of a cook as

(01:01:29):
when I was younger, even though I was like, definitely
very interested in food.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
But it's because, like.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
My parents, I grew up in an ingredient household, not
a snack household. There were very few snacks in our home.
People are definitely my parents fed me. They I can
say they neglected me all they want to. They neglected
me emotionally, not physically. They fed me, but to feed
me they would have to defrost some chicken and like

(01:01:54):
go on a whole thing and do a whole thing,
which is fine in the grand but I everything was cooking,
Everything was cooking, so I and I also did not
have chores like that. Growing up, I didn't have any
chores outside of my own room and like cleanup athrough myself.
I didn't have any chores. Nobody ever asked me to
do anything around the house. What they asked me to

(01:02:17):
do is to lead them alone, go to my room.
And my parents are both cooks. They both know how
to cook things and are very good at it. My
mother grew up having a night of the week that
she would cook for her family of eight. Her mother
would be sitting at the table after her job and
would direct her or whatever daughter to cook a meal,

(01:02:37):
and she'd say, you gotta do this, you gotta when
that turns, you gotta do this. Or if you left
the kitchen, she would say, you can't cook from a
living room, you can't cook from your room. You gotta
cook in the kitchen. And my mother hated that. She
hated that you couldn't go outside to play. You couldn't
go back out to when she was a teenager hangout.
She couldn't do any of those things until everybody was done,

(01:02:58):
because then you had to do dishes for that day.
And my mother just didn't I guess she didn't want
that for me. She felt like there was too much.
And also, my parents are the type of people who cook.
They cook very well. Okay, when I say very well,
I mean they cook for other people and people want
them to. But there are type of people that don't
want you in their kitchen when they're cooking. And so

(01:03:19):
I grew up not really knowing how to cook anything,
not really. I didn't spend a lot of time in
the kitchen, and when I got out on my own,
I ate out a lot. I didn't really cook anything.
And I think I started cooking when I was thirty.
I was in Chicago. Yeah, it was in Chicago when
I was thirty, I think so. And I started cooking

(01:03:39):
one because I was broke, and two because I was like,
some of this food I want, but how do they
even make it? And I would learn how to make something.
The first thing I learned how to make make like
from scratch, like I don't need like I don't need

(01:04:03):
any help to start. It is chili. It's because I
like chili. I really like chili. I like chili. I
like to put it. I like to put it over rice.
I like to put like tortilla chips in it. I
like chili. And I learned how to make chili without
I just got a recipe and I started making it
like once a week, and it got to the point
like I can make chili now. I don't need to
talk to anybody about how to make chili. And like

(01:04:26):
I understood, Like that's when I first started understanding that
I don't need exact ingredients to cook something like I
can freestyle. It's not a big deal. Like that's how
I really learned the ins and outs of like cooking.
Like even for Girl Scouts, when we're doing like uh,
we used to do father daughter bake offs. My dad
would bake the thing and would tell me to get

(01:04:50):
out the kitchen. He'd be like, yeah, go to your
room or something like go somewhere, and I'd be like, well,
I want to bake too, and he'd be like, you
being here makes this harder. I hear myself sometimes saying
that to my kids, and I like, I'm trying not
to say stuff like that, but he wasn't wrong. Like
when I cook, I like to be by myself. I
like to put in earbuds and listen to a podcast

(01:05:11):
and just handle it. But that's how I started cooking. Really,
I was like thirty and it started. And then I
figured out how to make alfredo. I like alfredo. When
I make it. It's a white liquid. Guy will not
eat generally other places. But I figured out how to
make it, and that made it a safe food for me.
I don't don't ask me to explain the mechanics of this,

(01:05:34):
I asked my psychiatrist. I don't fucking know. And I
learned how to make that. There are other things that
just I just so over the years, what would happen
is that I would be like, I want to make this,
How do I make this? And I started making it
and I started making it weekly, and so anyway, that's
how I learned to cook. My kids tell me they

(01:05:54):
love my food all the time. My husband tells me
and listen to My husband loves to cook too, but
he's always frying, checking too the morning. But like it
was only through practice and as I watched this episode.
I was like, how much practices Jessica have, Like it's
only through practice that you understand why the chicken sticks
to the pot, Like when she's cooking and the chicken

(01:06:16):
sticking through the pot. And said, I'm like, that's probably
the first time you've used that fucking pot, huh. Like yeah,
and you've got like a stainless steel pot and like
that heat is up to eighty five thousand, and yeah,
chicken's gonna stick to the pot, babe, Like it's only
through trial and error. My oldest son wants to be
a chef. He's about the inner high school. That's still

(01:06:38):
his plan. And here he can do an associates in
high school, like he can earn in a high school
credit in a college credit the last two years. And
what he'd liked to do is he liked to get
like a culinary arts degree. He'd like to be halfway through,
but it's how he finished his high school. Then he'd
like to finish at like a culinary school. I don't
know if that's how he's gonna do it. I don't
know anything about going to culinary school, so so I'll

(01:06:59):
have to like like understanding that's what he wants to do.
And we talked yesterday again. I'm like, you do not
have to do that if you don't want to. If
you ever start thinking I want to do something else,
I think, then that's okay. Then then you can do
You're not locked in. Don't worry about it. You're fucking
fourteen years old. But so he goes to he so,

(01:07:24):
but he loves to cook, and so we often set
him up with like small projects projects he can fuck up,
or like we live in an open conceptout so I
can like so he can be around where I'm cooking,
even though I don't really like people in the kitchen
I'm cooking, and he could be I could be like,
you see what I'm doing here, this is why I'm
doing this. You only learn from experience. And my other

(01:07:45):
kids I cook with them sometimes too. But spaghetti, I
love spaghetti. My kids, he's spaghetti twice a week in
in this economy, might I start eating it three times
a week? But I learned how to make spaghetti because
I was like, that is something that I am when
we need and it just came from experience. So I'm
trying to give my kids a little bit experience. But

(01:08:05):
it's hard for me because the kitchen is like when
it's time to cook, I just want to be on
my own. I want to zone out, and I just
want to get it done because I like to cook
and I like to clean at the same time as
I go, clean as I go, put this away as
I go. When I'm done. I don't want no fucking
dishes except for the dishes I used to cook. And
the dishes is about the use to serve and so
I can get a little militant in the fucking kitchen,

(01:08:27):
is what I'm trying to say here. But yeah, Jessica, one,
you don't that doesn't make you a woman in too.
You just need experience. And again I've brought this concept
a lot. Your best and highest use. What is Jessica
Simpson's best and highest use? What is the thing that
Jessica does well that she does best in the group,

(01:08:49):
and that also Jessica would be at her highest use?
And cooking is not it?

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
Cooking is not it?

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
I don't know, you know. So, Jessica says, I've been
married nine months and she wants to know if she's
more independent yet She's like, do you think these nine
months have been doing me good. And then he's like
kind of ground setter. He doesn't say much, and she's
looking for validation, and we get jazz music as she

(01:09:24):
looks through cookbooks to figure out what to make that night.
So she goes off, she does the things she's gotta do,
and when she gets back, it's nine pm. They're supposed
to go to a movie at nine and forty five.
They won't have time to make food or go to
the movies, you know. And she's saying that the food
she's gonna cook won't be ready till eleven o'clock. I'm like, god,
what are you cooking for two hours? I tend to
lean towards easy meals, things that are filling, because I'm

(01:09:48):
feeding a lot of people and think and I'm just
not I don't have that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
Complicated of a fucking palette.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
So like, well, sometimes I like, like, I love capers
because I like vinegary pickoli thing, right, But and some
of my kids do too, but not all of them.
If I'm gonna make a meal that hits for the
whole family, I can't fill it with fucking capers, you know.
Like so, so I'm like Jessica that guy would have

(01:10:14):
would have been thrilled for spaghetti perfect fucking spaghetti, which
is easy for redact perfect but still so she's from Texas,
tex Mex. Tex Mex is excellent. Uh. And when I
looked ahead to season two and three. Season three, they

(01:10:36):
went to Casa Vega, which is that restaurant that that
what's his name, Jeff Lewis was renovating and they would
go to Cassavega and beg for food lots, and I
was like, I need to go over there. Like text
Mex's is, it's not easy. Text Mex is not easy,

(01:10:58):
but it's pretty feeling. Like you can make enchulae, although
depending on enchilaze are made on the stove. I don't
know when they became like a dish, a pan dish,
but I like them in the pan too because it's
like a it's kind of it's almost like a lasagna.
I don't know how remake this fine, but like there

(01:11:20):
are lots of easy things to make on the stove,
like like you would have made fucking tacos. Tacos are easy,
easy to make. Uh, I don't know. I asked Nick,
what does mom make growing up? He's gonna say tune
a fish caps roll some shit. So anyway, they don't
have time. He calls Drew and Lea to confirmed the time,
like are we still going to the movies? And he's like, so,

(01:11:42):
do you have time enough to eat? And everything they
already ate, and then Jess because like Leah had a
home cooked meal on the table. You don't know that
Liah might have went the wing stop, or Drew might
have went the wing stop or Drew my dad at
home cooked meal. You don't fucking know that. And she
did we get all this sad move. She's like, I
suck that she had food on the tip. I had
food in a grocery sack, my bad wife. I promised

(01:12:03):
to make you a beautiful dinner. He's like, it's okay.
He doesn't sound like it's okay, but it's okay. So
they decide don't cook tonight if it's gonna be ready
a levenpm. Who the fuck wants to eat eleven pm?
And so the next day she's gonna cook and Nick
keeps coming in the kitchen and ask her about it,
and she is messing, she's burning shit up. That chicken
is sticking to the bottom of that stainless, still paying girlfriend.

(01:12:26):
It's popping the shit out of her. She's stressed out.
Nick says, it's good when it's done, so that's all
that matters. I'm happy for her. That seemed like a
hero in two hours. Jessica ah oo. Jessica's favorite movie
is Pretty Woman, Babe. That is not how it ends

(01:12:53):
for most sex workers. I think people like Pretty Woman's
a Disney movie, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:12:58):
I think pretty Woman. I think people.

Speaker 1 (01:13:04):
Like to move over the part that she's like a
woman of the night and she's not just she's not
taking out calls right. When people like romanticize like sex work,
they often think of it as like a rich man
sends a car for me to pick me up, and
then he takes me out to his business dinner, and

(01:13:24):
then like that's what they're, that's what they're and then
like he gives me a diamond ring and then we
fuck in the car and then he pays me a
million dollars and I go home. That's when people like
when people are romanticizing sex work, which is a fear
it is. Sex work is work.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
It's hard.

Speaker 1 (01:13:39):
It's fucking customer service, guys. If you don't want to
be on the phone's at cocks cable. You certainly don't
want to be on your knees at a fucking brothel.
You do not, You do not. But why would I
say that?

Speaker 2 (01:13:53):
But Julia Roberts's character and pretty woman is not doing
even what we romanticize as for sex work.

Speaker 1 (01:14:04):
She's walking the fucking Bulevard. Baby, She on them streets.
They run it from cops, They fighting bitches in the street, pimps.
Girl that is not walking the streets is almost the
like there are levels to this, and I don't want

(01:14:25):
to say levels like oh, this one's better than the other.
What I mean is that, like when I think about difficulty, right, toughness,
walk in the streets. It's pretty low down there. And
the only thing I think of when I think of
like being rougher would be like walking the streets and

(01:14:49):
and like having to take that money directly to a
dealer or something like that, or having to like, oh,
you know what, I guess, I guess like like sex trafficking.
I mean, sex trafficking is such a broad thing. I guess.
I mean, like, you know, being in a cage somewhere
is probably the look.

Speaker 2 (01:15:08):
But like, dude, Juliet Robbers's character.

Speaker 1 (01:15:10):
Wasn't far back, wasn't far up from that? I know
she says, I choose who I choose?

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
When do you what about what the rents?

Speaker 1 (01:15:17):
Do you choosing or you're being or you have to
or you have to do it? I don't Sex work
is work, and I believe there's a market for it.
I just don't want people to romanticize it. I don't
want people to act like like, oh, I could do that.
You I don't know if you could, right, there's a

(01:15:38):
certain temperament. You might be able to do it for
a couple of nights. I don't know if you could
do it long term. Them them bitches have been doing
this for years and years and years. That's another breed
of person. Okay. Uh, Like I said, if you can't
work at Costcape can be on the phones to cost Kaba.
If you can't wait tables to Denny's, I don't know
that you can do sex work because it is fucking

(01:16:00):
customer service. That's what it is, fucking customer service. But yeah,
like I think when people think about that, they they
skip over the fact that she is like walking the
fucking boulevard and he picks her up. They think they

(01:16:22):
like kind of erase that part and make it into
like she's just a normal girl. And he's like, I'll
pay you to hang out with me. That that's what
they I don't know, but babe, poor girl, pretty fucking woman, huh.
But Nick is trying to be romantic, so he's gonna

(01:16:44):
take her to San Diego and take her to a
hot air bullet take her in a hot air balloon,
which is what she always wants. Did they do that
Pretty Woman? I haven't seen it in a while. I know,
Jason Alexander. You know, so buddy doesn't have access to
none of my children have access and streamings versus to
certain types of movies. But Bunny was outside of her
room and she was choosing on the TV and mister

(01:17:05):
Chris was with her and they were supposed to watch
a movie together, and so she chose Pretty Woman. And
when he told me that, he's like, so what you
do He's like, oh, me and Bunny watch Pretty Woman.
And then I was like, you watch fucking pretty Woman?
And he's like yeah, and I was like, he's like,
she chose I said, she chose it because she can
read the words pretty woman, and he's like, yeah, I
was like, that's about a prostitute that is walking the

(01:17:27):
streets and a man offers to give her a lot
of money for a week, and then a lot of
things happen, and then eventually, uh, he decides he wants
to be with her cause she's trying to go to
school and something like that. He's like yeah, and he's like,
what about the rape, the attempted rape in it? He's like,
there's no attempt at rape. Jason Alexander attempts to rate
Julia Roberts in this fucking movie. Yeah, what about the

(01:17:48):
pimp that beat up kid? He's like, that didn't happen.
We didn't see it on screen. But she shows up
all fucked up and kids on drugs. I don't know
if Julia Roberts is, but I wouldn't blame her if
she fucking was, because again, that's hard work. That's that's
it's mental. It's hard. It's fucking hard, guys. I keep
saying that, and I know someone's to be like, have
you done it? No? I can't.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
I would.

Speaker 1 (01:18:11):
I would starve if the only way I could get
money was selling my pussy, I'd be starved. Because I'm
so lazy and I'm bad at customer service, so I
don't work in it. Yeah. Like, and mister Curtis was like,
that didn't happen, and I was like, what do you mean.
He's like, well, now I think about it. Default. Yeah.
And the thing is is like in terms of like

(01:18:31):
movies and mature content, it's not like I try to
I don't like my kids to access that content on
their own. But again, the Last of Us is coming back.
We're gonna watch it because kids want to see it,
but we watch it as a family, and like I
can guide discussions about what we're looking at. I can
talk about the themes. I can say, what do you

(01:18:54):
see wrong in these situations? How do you feel about that?
What do you think they could I it's like being
you know, it's like being an English teacher. It's like
Dead Poets Society. I forced them to think about stuff.
But that's because I can guide these conversations. I don't
like them. My fourteen year old is getting access to
higher level stuff, but mostly everybody else isn't. And I

(01:19:16):
don't like them to have access to content like that
on their own. That's what I don't like because I
don't want them to ever miss the signs like mister
Curtis did apparently about what's going on in Pretty Woman.
I want to talk about how I want to talk
about those power dynamics. I want to talk about, like

(01:19:37):
I want to point out when Kit's got a fucking
black guy because that pet beat her up. I want
to talk about that and took her money and stuff.
I want to talk about what it means when Julia
Roberts's character decides not to stay with him and then
he chases their down the street. You know. I want
to talk about those things because it's important that I

(01:19:57):
do and do my kids love watching things, not all
the especially not Disney movies, because I'll be like, do
you guys know what I'm like? And that's an example
of anti Semitism? Do you know what that is?

Speaker 2 (01:20:11):
Okay, let's talk.

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
About let's talk about blood libel. Do you know this?
And I know sometimes you get annoyed with me, but
it's my job to place things in context, to have
discussions about things, especially turtle. Turtles not want to talk
about sex, but we gotta talk about it. We have

(01:20:33):
that conversation about it. I'm not gonna force you all
the time. I'm not gonna like, every time you ride
the car room, I'm gonna be like, let's talk about
her beasts. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not
gonna do that. But we gotta have these conversations, and
you gotta be ready for them, and you gotta I'm
teaching them to be vocal.

Speaker 2 (01:20:48):
I'm teaching them to think.

Speaker 1 (01:20:48):
I'm teaching them that their opinions matter. I'm teaching them
and I'm putting things in context for them. It's the job.
It's my whole fucking job. And mister Curris fell sleep
in the job. I cannot believe you let her. And
I can't believe Jessica just was probably watching that. She
was six years old old. Jessica anyway, and do some

(01:21:12):
sort of interview, and an interviewer ask her why, like
it's your first year of marriage, you're doing an album,
your drop your you got a book coming out, you
got a movie come out? What movie was it? By
the way, somebody told me, I can't remember if I
said this. Last time I was doing this, someone explained
to me that the book was called I Do and
it was just pictures from like wedding and getting ready
for the wedding or whatever, which is I don't know,

(01:21:33):
a coffee table book. What movie was it? Though? She
says because she wants to get out of She wants
to get out of the way so they can start
having kids before Nick turns forty. Nick is old. He's
like twenty nine, he's old. I would not say that
if Jessica was tweeting. I'd be like, Jessica's a baby.
But Nick at the side of you're old, and so

(01:21:57):
she wants to be her kid's world and she feels
too selfish right now to have children. I want people
to take that narrative out of whether or not you're
having children. Not having children cause I'm selfish is like
a wild thing to say. What is selfish? I think
when people say selfish, they mean like, I'm focusing on myself.

(01:22:20):
Who the fuck are you supposed to be focusing on?

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
And I don't believe a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (01:22:27):
These are the same people I hear saying, oh, I
can't have kids cause I'm selfish, or the same people
that would go to the fucking matt for a dog,
or care for a sick friend, or like their mom's
main source of support you're not a selfish person because
you're prioritizing what to put your time in your energy.
That's not selfish. I also don't think having kids is selfish,

(01:22:49):
cause I know a lot of people are like, oh,
they just want to mini them, and I know a
lot of people want that, But I don't think wanting
to procreate makes you a selfish person. Biologically, every animal procreates.
There is no animal that doesn't that. There's no living
thing that doesn't want to make more of itself. That's

(01:23:11):
a biological imperative. Fine. I just know that we are
more than when our biology tells us. So when someone
says they want to pro create, I'm like, cool, that
sounds fine. I mean that makes sense. I mean those
babies though, I love a ba a bad bitch baby
on TikTok. I love a baby in a wig. I
love a baby giving sass. I love a baby accidentally

(01:23:32):
like giving you the finger. I love that shit. But
those babies are so cute. You know why babies are cute?
So we don't kill them, so we don't leave them
in a bush somewhere. That's a biological thing. When you
look at those babies, you're like, oh, that's a biological
thing happening to you. The ah, that's a biological thing
happening to you. So when people are like, oh, I
wanna I wanna have kids, okay, that's I don't think

(01:23:54):
that's selfish. And somebody's like, I don't wanna have any kids,
I don't think that's selfish either. Like you make I'm
in space, in in your world for what's important to you,
and you get to choose what's important to you, get
to choose how to do it. In fact, this whole
thing life, you get to choose. You get to build
your life the way you want to. I have five
fucking kids. They're all adopted. And people often think that

(01:24:17):
my life runs a certain way, and it doesn't. It
doesn't run like that because I built the life I
want it. I prioritize what I want and that's what
I build, and.

Speaker 2 (01:24:28):
Like you can too. And so if you want to
have twenty.

Speaker 1 (01:24:31):
Three cats, you do need to check if you need
a permit in your county. But if you want to
have twenty three cats and that makes you fucking happy, like,
who the fuck is anybody else to be like you
shouldn't have twenty one I wouldn't have to. Okay, well,
nobody asked you did you want to have twenty three cats?
Because I wouldn't have fucking twenty three cats either, And
I also wouldn't live next door to somebody had two
andy three cats. But that seems to be their business.

(01:24:54):
I don't I didn't like to Jessica said that. I
don't like. But again, I know, I know, I want
to Jessica's like now. I wish Jessica had a little
thirty minute a little thirty minute party for the party
type show. I one off. Jessica's like now because I
don't like her calling herself selfish. I don't like I
don't like her saying she wants the kids to be

(01:25:14):
the center of her world. That's another thing people like
when you have kids. They'll be like, Oh, my friends
have kids, and that's all they think about. Now. That's
because if you don't think like that, people talk shit
about you. People talk shit about you. Oh, you should
be worried about your kids. Where are your kids? Where
are your kids? People ask me where my kids are
all the fucking time, all the time. I can go

(01:25:34):
back to Texas real soon and I have like a
conference I have to go to this year, and now
I'm back in Texas in December. And every time I'm
away for a work trip, people know I have kids.
They might know because they're close to my friend. They
hang out with my friend that I work with, who
knows my like my with with my family, But most

(01:25:55):
people don't know how many fucking kids have Unless they
ask me. They'll be like, well, where are your kids?
What the fuck you think my kids are with their
other parent? First of all, I didn't want to come here.
I don't want to go nowhere. Y'all make me, and
then you want to know where the fuck my kids are?
Leave me alone? Like people think they have to act

(01:26:15):
like that. People think their entire Instagram has to be
but their children. People think everything they talk about is
to be their children. Because if you don't, people are like,
where are your kids? Oh you out here shaking the ass?
Where are your kids at? Well, my kids are asleep
and my aunts is shaken. Leave me alone. But it's
so funny. Same way I feel about like when gay

(01:26:37):
men talk about women not being like sexually satisfied or
sexually open or sexually liberated, a lot of women aren't
because when they are. Society beats them up about it.
They're punished for a lot when people with kids don't
don't like center their lives around having children. That's because

(01:26:58):
when you don't, you get pushback from it, push, push,
push back. In the first few years, you kind of
have to because they're gonna die if you don't. But
even after that they're like, what do you mean you're
on vacation, where are your kids? You wanna go by
yourself somewhere, but where are your kids? And then two
years later like, you're so fucking born, you never do anything.

(01:27:19):
Everything else is about your Well, what the fuck? Which
one is it? I'll tell you which one it is.
Stop listening to people, Stop listening to people. Bill what Bill?
What feels good to you?

Speaker 2 (01:27:27):
Do not worry about what it looks like.

Speaker 1 (01:27:30):
I know it's hard. I have a hard time with
it too, But stop. Maybe I'm not saying it right,
maybe it's not. Don't worry what it looks like. Make
what it looks like further down on the priority list.
Prioritize how it feels rather than what it looks like.
Because everybody got something for you all the time. No
matter what you do, there's something out there, that's gonna

(01:27:53):
be like, you didn't have any kids, Well, then you
must be selfish and you're dried up, o fucking prune. Meanwhile,
you juicy as fuck. Well, you only had one kid
and you are a baby mama and you've been married
to somebody for thirty years and good blah blah, and
this is worse. Everybody got something to fucking say about
every fucking thing. Seriously, do what feels good? Do that?

(01:28:15):
Why am I talking about this? Oh? I didn't like
we j Justicnna said about that. She also, but she
didn't give the right answer. The real answer to why
she's doing all that the first year of her marriage
is because the first year of her marriage was a
big pr boost for her. Her Jessica and Nick getting
married may she called them sea level, and I would

(01:28:37):
call them B minus level. I don't know if C
is right, is perfectly right, but definitely down there there
they are B minus celebrities who on their own are
not very interesting, you know, But that relationship and the
lord they told about that relation, the story they told
about the relationship, and them getting married in Jessica being

(01:29:00):
a virgin and Nick bi this all swirled and swirl
and swirl into a good pr bump for them. So
Jessica is getting offered projects she was never gonna get
offered otherwise. And so yeah, she has to do them
right now because if she were to wait five years
when people don't give a fuck about that anymore. And
keep in mind, she's in the first season of this

(01:29:21):
of this reality show. She doesn't know it's about to
be a hit, right, she doesn't know they're only gonna
get more and more famous because of this reality show
and really her performance on it. If so in her
I mind, maybe in Joe Simpson's mind. Is the thing people,

(01:29:42):
if you wait until people forget about how interested they
were and you getting married, you're gonna lose some opportunities.
That's why she's doing it all the first year. That's why.
That's the real answer.

Speaker 2 (01:29:53):
I'm not saying.

Speaker 1 (01:29:54):
I'm not saying she doesn't really want kids or anything
like that. Maybe she'd I mean, she has kids, so
maybe she did want them. I'm not sure when she
had her kids. I know in the books she talked
about she had those kids real quick with him, like
like she was with that guy, and then like two
months later she was pregnant or something. It was real,
real quick. Uh so yeah, I don't. I don't know,

(01:30:18):
like if that if if she didn't want kids. I
think she did. But uh, right now, she's busy. She
gotta work, she gotta make this money while she can.
So at the end of the interview, the interviewer goes, so,
you guys are on your way to San Diego. It
was a surprise, and Nick tries to play it off,

(01:30:38):
and Jessica is very confused. She's like, what are you
talking about? And Nick tries to play it off like
he's not upset, but he is fucking upset, and he's like,
we're gonna go away to San Diego. We're going away.
So then whether else. Nick is outside cleaning the driveway
and Jessica ask him why is he using a hose
to clean the driveway. I don't know, I've I've at

(01:31:01):
this point, I've had many driveways. I don't I've never
cleaned the driveway. What FORO, She's like, when it rains
to the clean he looks at her like she's stupid.
What was stupid about that? What am I cleaning this for?
Is it have like a lot of leaves on it?
And it's making it like, it's making it like a hazard,
like like if you have a slant up your driveway
and there's a lot of leaves on it, it can
make it like harder to grip the tires. Why are

(01:31:24):
we cleaning this? What's the purpose of this? I think
the purpose is you using that fucking hose. That's what
I think it is. I think you feel manly with
a hose. I think we didn't talk to your therapist
about this. What would Freud say about this? Right now?

Speaker 2 (01:31:37):
You winging that hose around, feeling your manhood?

Speaker 1 (01:31:40):
What do you say about that? But you know, Jessica
don't even know how to don't even know how holeses work. Like,
She's like, slack, What do I do with it? How
do I give you more slack? A kink in my hose?
What does that mean? I'm like, Jessica, I fear. Jessica's
never like used a hose for anything, like Okay. He

(01:32:03):
tells her. Yeah. She's like, but I'm not understanding. Are
we going away? And he's like, yeah, we're going to
Mexico And he tells her not to kind of throw
her off like Sedona. Sedona is Dona in Mexico. No
in Sonata. Sorry about that. Somebody I know's going to Sedona.

(01:32:26):
So he's like, yeah, get your passport because we're going
to in Sonata. And then she can't find it. She's
looking everywhere. She's asking him about it there, and she's like,
did someone steal it? In the way he looks at
her like, bitch, please, It was very funny, but I
won't want to buy to look at me like that.
He looked at her like you were the dumbest person

(01:32:47):
on her. He's like, what do you think makes more sense?
They you did someone stole your passport or you lost it?
And she's like, why had my passport? So I was seventeen,
Why would I lose it now? I don't know? That's
a cock. So finally he's like stop looking for her.
They're looking everywhere, every She's all through the fucking house.
He's like, stop looking at it. We aren't going to Mexico.

(01:33:10):
He's so mad, and he's like, I tried to trick you,
but I'm tired looking for something that doesn't that we
don't even need. Ah. He's so fucking mad. Jessica's confused
as fuck. Like he's like, we're going ten minutes, like
ten minutes away. He said that. I was like, are
they ten minutes from San Diego? Where the fuck do
they live? Are they ten minutes from San Diego. I

(01:33:34):
don't have a good understanding of geography, California geography, but
I feel like san Diego is I feel like more
than tim minutes from where they are were I thought
they were Calabasas or they're not Calabasas. I don't know
what's going on. I mean, I'm just suing us. Fucking Jessica.

(01:33:54):
When they get in the car, she's into the passenger seat,
she holding this paper mapped to get the insult. It's
not it's a math quest, guys' math quest. He put
it out from fucking math quests. I guess he did
the deter to like kind of throw off the scent,
because he grabs and he bass, and he says, you
don't need that. We're not going to Mexico, sorry, and

(01:34:19):
and she's still confused. But if they drive away, she
finds her fucking passport. Y'all need to put that fucking
passport where your Social Security card and your ID and

(01:34:39):
your birth certificate is and your mayor certificate is I'm
sure you have a safe in that big, big mansion.
Go ahead and put it. Go, go put it in there.
That's where those things need to be at so you
always know where it is. I haven't Cordeine folder. It's
really cute. It's got all these flowers and stuff. It's
my style. And every one of my family has a tab.
And in that tab your birth certificate, your uh, your

(01:35:05):
Social Security card, and any other important paperwork, your adoption paperwork,
any paperwork is clipped to its do each other. The
adoption paperwork doesn't say shit. It says the initials of
their former names and what their names are now that
they that we have adopted them. That's all it says.

(01:35:25):
It's I guess it would be revolutionary if you were
if you didn't know you were adopted. But I don't
know why people do that. But anyway, but it's still
it's in there. They end up going to del Mar Racetrack.
I don't know where that is, but I know Chris
Janner has a lot of stories about being a teenager.
They're dating grown ass men like Robert Kardashian. That's what
I know. Uh. Jessica sees the racetrack and He's like, oh,

(01:35:48):
is this about horses? I don't want to ride? And
Nick laughs at her because he's like, did you think
they were gonna let you ride like on the racetrack
or whatever, which I don't know. They don't have pony
rides in the back of the dawn war Why wouldn't they.
That's that's another source of income. I guess they don't
have no ponies there because I guess ponies don't. They

(01:36:09):
call it playing the ponies, but I guess the ponies
don't actually race. But if I had a racehorse and
I had said, well, I guess the ponies need to
be trained to be racing, maybe I put the old
ones out there. No, they probably mad. Like imagine you're
a racehorse and you gotta get retired and then and
then you still have to go to the race track

(01:36:29):
every day, and you're like, man, I want to go.
I want to race, And they let all the young
bucks go out there and race, and your asses in
the back and they putting fat kids on you to
ride around the song. Yeah, I'd be mad too. I
bus all them kids off. I knock the kids off
and run them over. That's what I like. You ain't
gonna be using me of a race horse. I'd be pissed.

(01:36:55):
They had to put me down. They have to send
me to the glue factory because I'm not doing this.

Speaker 2 (01:37:02):
The horses bark?

Speaker 1 (01:37:03):
What do they do? What noises do they make? Have
never been around a horse like that?

Speaker 2 (01:37:08):
They winny?

Speaker 1 (01:37:08):
I guess what are they do when they're mad? Hor?
Do they like? Beare their teeth at you? What does
a horse do in their horse? Are prey animal? I
guess they don't. I guess they run. The bitches run
when they're mad. That's what I do. I wait for
them to put a horse a kid on me, and
I take the off ring. I knock that kid off,
and I'll be like, do not use me for this.

(01:37:37):
This is what I mean. When I got too much
of it imagination, like I was really in that horse's house.
I was just really upset right now because I made
that shut up. They don't do that. Do that? They
don't do that. But if they do that, it's fucked up.

(01:38:02):
This is one time I was at a target with
my husbands, is years ago. We walked past the kitchen
supplies and it was like a lazy Susan and I
was sitting there, I was like, why they fuck they
call us a lazy Susan. And I just started thinking
and thinking about a woman named Susan a long time
ago who every time like she like feed her family.

(01:38:24):
You know, she probably lived on a farm or something,
you know, and they was having like eighteen kids so
they could work on the farm and shit. So she
had a she had a big old family. Probably half
of them died and stuff. You know, keep having them
even though some some take them don't. So you got you.
So maybe she don't have eighteen, maybe she got like
nine kids, because a lot of them kids are dead
and she so every night she gotta make she gotta

(01:38:45):
make some dinner for her and you know, she gotta
feed these people. They're working hard. You got these babies
out here doing like plowing fields and shit. These babies
are hungry. So all the kids are there and the
husband's there and all. So her parents lived there because's
what people used to do. Your parents used to come
live with you. So your parents ooh, it's not even
her parents, it's his parents. Sol. She really don't want
him there, but they you know, you do what you do.

(01:39:06):
And every time it's time to eat. She brings out
the food everybody's eating, but every time she sits down
to eat, they go, do you have some ketchup? Susan,
she gotta go back in there and get the ketchup?
Sit down, and they were like, oh, we need salt,
and just go back in there. I want some more potatoes.
Well the potatoes are here, Well you got any potatoes
in the bats? She gotta go in the back and
get potatoes, and like every five fuck she can't even

(01:39:27):
fucking eat because everybody asking her for shit. And then
and so she tells her husband about this. He's like,
where are you mad? And she's like, because I can't
even eat. I have to. I have to, like you know,
everybody's always asking for stuff and passing things. You know,
I made the food. I feel like I'm done at
this point, you know. He's like, I got something for you.
So he goes on in his back and his woodshed

(01:39:49):
one day when he's not milking the cows, and he
builds like a like a tray that goes in a
circle that you put on the table so that you
could put all the things on this thing. You bring
it out, you put it on the table, and then
people could turn it around and access all this stuff
and Susan doesn't have to keep going back to get

(01:40:10):
stuff and then reaching and doing all this stuff. And
you know, at first, Susan's like, that's cool, thank you,
thank you, you heard me, you heard me, and now
you're trying to help me. And he's like, yeah, and
this is what we're gonna call it, the lazy Susan.
And he's great, ain't giving it to her? And shit,
and you just.

Speaker 2 (01:40:29):
The lazy Susan.

Speaker 1 (01:40:30):
Yeah, for with you being lazy, That's what he says
to her. I was so mad at this story.

Speaker 2 (01:40:43):
And I made it up in a target.

Speaker 1 (01:40:45):
I made it up. This is not what happened. I
was standing in a turk all my husband was loaking
cookie you dips and stuff, and I made this story
and I was pissed for the rest of the fucking days,
like what is wrong with you? And I was like,
I'm just saying why he called a lazy su He

(01:41:06):
like he took a gesture of love because I told
him the story, and he was like, is that true.
I was like, no, it's not true. Just make it up,
I said, But what are you gonna be like that
this is why he used to kill the men. This
is why people used to die with a shotgun. Mysterious
went off a horse, threw them off. This is you know,
a former resource didn't want you riding them anyway, threw

(01:41:26):
them off, Like that's what was Oh, he accidentally got
strict nine in is men dying and mysterious injuries.

Speaker 2 (01:41:35):
But like, why would he have to do all that?

Speaker 1 (01:41:39):
I was real, guys, that was big mad for the
rest of the fucking day. And yeah, like I said,
I have a very good imagination.

Speaker 2 (01:41:47):
I believe that shit.

Speaker 1 (01:41:50):
Anyway, while they're watching their horse lose, he gets a
call about how the hot air balloon ride isn't gonna
happen because the weather is inoperating, so they have to
move it to the morning, and Nick tells her about it,
and they plays sad music because it's surprise didn't work out,
and he's like kind of shitty about it, like she
did it, she didn't do the weather, like he's She's like,
I would have never guessed that, and he's like, well,

(01:42:11):
now you don't have to. It's like okay, Nick, calm
down because you're bad at planning. And they go on
a cruise instead the sunset, by the way, just because
wearing the wrong shoes the whole time, because this is
a prize. This is why I don't like surprises, because
if you told me where it was going, I would
wear proper footwear. She's wearing fucking heels, sleem backs. I
think I don't know she's wearing. She's wearing something completely,

(01:42:31):
and she's wearing a sweat a sweatshirt, and I don't
know if that's her sweatshirt. It says Nick's on it,
like the New York knits, but then the k is
taken off, so it says Nick's like the possessive of Nick.

Speaker 2 (01:42:43):
We should be so on brand for her to fucking wear.
But like, I don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 (01:42:49):
But she's wearing that and some jeans and some heels
that are dick that are like falling into the ground,
like singing to the ground. He does often carry her,
but she's like she's okay. And then for the boat,
the boat's fiberglass, right that like you don't want to
be stepping on that with heels on. You need to
you need to take that off. The in the barefoot

(01:43:11):
of the cruise, I'm just saying like, I don't know,
tell her what to wear, tell her, give her something,
or if you see her in that, just like maybe, hey,
this is gonna be a flat stay babe, and you
might get muddy because we're it's mud everywhere at the
fucking racetrack. So she They go on the boat at

(01:43:32):
sunset and they sing you or my sons shine to
each other. Fine? Are they great singers? They can sing? Actually,
I was on TikTok and I saw a video of Nick.
I can literally hear my dog outside this door. I'm coming.

Speaker 2 (01:43:49):
I'm almost done, Jesus.

Speaker 1 (01:43:52):
She's like, let me in, bitch. They but Nick was
like covering a song.

Speaker 2 (01:44:01):
I don't know what song it was.

Speaker 1 (01:44:02):
It was an inappropriate song for him to cover. I
don't know what it was. It was a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know. But his hand's going and his face
is going and he's doing it and I was like,
and the person that reposted it was like, he sings
just like Jessica's. She's like a.

Speaker 2 (01:44:29):
A lot of hand and breath and shoulder.

Speaker 1 (01:44:35):
Like there's a lot of.

Speaker 2 (01:44:39):
His mouth was open like a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:44:43):
I'm giggling. I don't know how to sing these sing
at least they can't sing still anyway. Then when he
gets that when they get he does get off one
surprise for the day, and that is her. Like when
they get back to the room, dinner is on the
balcony for them. It's being served to them, which is cute.

(01:45:07):
You know. They have dinner and they talk about her
being a better wife by cleaning the house and cleaning up,
but she says she doesn't have to. She has a
husband that does that, and they all giggle and nick
like it's like hardy her heart. They do a lot
of talking during there, like like like he's like, she's like,
this was a great night. I guess she likes being surprised.

(01:45:28):
This was a great night.

Speaker 2 (01:45:30):
And he's like, don't think it's over.

Speaker 1 (01:45:32):
She's like, you have more. He's like, yeah, we're gonna
go to the Tijuana Donkey Show and she doesn't know
what that is and he's like, well, a donkey has
sex with a woman and he's and she's like, she's
like narrowing her eyes. She says that's not real because
she believes a lot of shit. And then she goes,
I don't want to be gullible like this and this

(01:45:54):
is part of like why Sometimes I'm like, I think
that was Jessica.

Speaker 2 (01:45:57):
I think, yeah, she played it, but I do think
she was like she I think.

Speaker 1 (01:46:01):
That's I think that was her natural personality. And I
think that she did play it up quite a bit.
And as we get in the second and third season,
she is playing it up a lot because she knows
what they want. But I don't know, like I do.
I do think she doesn't know a lot of things
they we we end with them, like running a bath

(01:46:25):
with rose petals in it, So I guess they don't
fucking the bathtub all of the worst places a hotel bathtub.
Is it a good bathtub? I don't know. I just
feel like they're more comfortable places to do all of
that at. So the next morning they do go on
that balloon, I don't know if it's the next morning.

(01:46:47):
It seemed like they were wearing the stand clothes, Like
are those the only shoes she brought? Like why is
she still wearing that sweatshirt? Maybe that's a different parties.
I don't know. I don't know why did y'all bring
up clothes? Like what's happening here? Or maybe it's not
the next morning. I don't fucking know, but they do
go up on the hot air balloon and they have
a good time. Would I go in the hot air balloon?
Probably not. Those things blow up all the time. A

(01:47:08):
lot of things happen in hot air balloons a lot
of times. I don't know that I would go in them.
And like, I'm thinking, like my kids going in a
hot air balloon. No, I don't like that, Disney We're
gonna do a hot air balloon rye. But it was
it was shape like a hot air balloon, but it
was not a hot influence like it was like fake
hot air balloon. I was like, okay, that's fine, Like

(01:47:31):
you are working this thing, not not heat like trying
to make this balloon go in the air. I just
feel like they crash a lot like helicopters. I don't
I don't think I want to be in a helicopter.
In fifty Shades of Great, it was in a helicopter
a lot, and I just felt like from the beginning,

(01:47:51):
I was like, this shit's gonna crash, and it did.
I don't think that's sexy me being in a helicopter
while you fly to helicopter and looking at me, googly eyes. Actually,
please look at whatever you're supposed to look at, sir,
where every wherever you're supposed to be looking at. Please
look at that. Please look at that, Okay, like instruments

(01:48:13):
or the window. Don't look at me, mister Curtis. Me
and mister Curtis have been in one car accident and
one run off the road almost like crashed into something.
Why because he was looking at me? Because well, first time,
I was telling a very funny story and I don't
tell that story anymore because that crash really almost ruined
our lives. But I was telling a very funny story,

(01:48:35):
and he was looking at me, laughing at my story,
and he thinks I'm not funny. He says, I'm not
funny all the time. Then why were you laughing so
hard you crash our fucking car? And the second time
it happened where we ran off the road. I don't
I don't know what I was saying, but I started saying,
you need to slow down. That car is not moving,
that truck's not moving, that truck's not moving, that truck's

(01:48:56):
not moving. And then he realized the truck wasn't moving.
He had to like skid off the road or whatever.
So yeah, I don't want to be no helicopter to
look at the controls. How did that get in here?

Speaker 2 (01:49:10):
I must have been drugged.

Speaker 1 (01:49:11):
Anyway, They in the season with her telling him he's
the best husband in the world and him saying that
she's not a bad one. So this is in the
Bipumpkins season seventeen. Hope you guys enjoy it. What so,
so what we watched all these shows and so what

(01:49:32):
I think that. Do I think Nick and Jessica should
have gotten married? No, because I think they that she
was entirely too young to get married. I don't think
he was super young, but I think I think that, uh,
she was too young to get married. And I don't

(01:49:54):
think that they were in the right spaces and they're life.
Do I think they loved each other. I've seen like
throughout There's been a few times throughout this season I
was like, I think they're into each other.

Speaker 2 (01:50:02):
I think he's into her sexually.

Speaker 1 (01:50:04):
Probably she is very beautiful, and I think she's into
him sexually and that he is the type she feels like.
She found her prince charming, right. But here's the thing,
I think he felt like once he married her that

(01:50:25):
whatever happened, the two of them would just work it out,
which is I guess how people think about when they
get married. I've been thinking a lot about this lately
because I'm trying to make sure I'm blocking dating content
from my FYP because I you know, I like to
be nosy, so I used to be all on people business,
but I'm blocking it from FYP because I just don't
want to see it because I've noticed that a lot

(01:50:48):
of people misunderstand, like they don't put people in their
right places, like advice for somebody that is dating, which
is I'm when I say dating, I mean that you're
just going out. There's not like a whole lot of
commitment in there, and then there there can be like

(01:51:09):
commitment and that's when you guys are like boyfriend and
girlfriend or boyfriend and boyfriend or whatever, and then like
they're so there are different stages. So when I so
when I see people giving it's not the dating content
I don't want to see. It's the comment. When I
see people giving marriage advice to people that are dating,

(01:51:30):
I'm like, why she's only known him three months? What
do you mean she got a compromise or she don't
have to compromise on nothing. She don't know this motherfucker.
She don't have to she it's she really should stop
calling if he if he like ghosted her on that day,
he really she really should stop, she should block my
and move on. But then I but they'll I'll see

(01:51:50):
people being like, yeah, but you know, to be in relationships,
to compromise and love each other's flaws. I don't even
know this person. But then I'll see people talking about
their horrible fucking marriages. And some of them are horrible,
I'll give you that. Some of them are harble, some
of them are just like, we need to fix a
few things. And somebody will be like, if my if

(01:52:11):
anybody I was with did that, I just get my
stuff and leave. And I'm like, this lady been married
to this man for ten years. It's a little harder
than just like, pack up your shit and leave. I mean,
you got they got four fucking kids, and they own
a house, and they've been together for a decade and
a half and married for a decade. She could leave him,

(01:52:31):
not saying she shouldn't, but it's a little harder than
he gave me to it this morning, Like my husband
gives me to itch all the time, and I just
have to like move past it because we are spiritually,
legally and financially in a contract together and so we
haven't hit the threshold of where I'm about to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta let the itch go. But that

(01:52:51):
itck is a perfectly fine reason not to go on
another date with somebody, you know what I mean. And
yet people are giving her that advice and I just
want to and I'm just like, nobody knows how we're
to put people in their lives right. You need to
put people in their place. And I don't mean that
like dress them down, I mean literally moved them to
the place they are in their life. There is being

(01:53:15):
married to somebody requires you to work harder than dating somebody.
It requires you to work harder than just living with someone.
I saw someone, uh, I forear her name, but she's
Mecca's cousin, and she was talking about how she has
a boyfriend I guess now, and she was Sabrina. Sabrina
was saying he told her that boyfriend title on me
much because if her best friend was getting if it

(01:53:36):
was his birthday and her best friend was graduating. She
didn't even finish. She was like, I'm gonna go to
my best friend's graduation because you're just you're a boyfriend
who has a birthday every year. We can celebrate it.
But I'm gonna be out of town for my best
friend's graduation who I've known for twenty years. And I'm like, yeah,
that makes sense, that makes sense. And she said, if
we were married, maybe we'd have to have some conversation
about that, but for now, we're just dating exclusively.

Speaker 2 (01:54:00):
That's that's I'm putting you where you belong.

Speaker 1 (01:54:03):
And I'm not saying that when you're dating somebody exclusively
you shouldn't be, like, you know, caring about their feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:54:09):
Obviously you should, but also.

Speaker 1 (01:54:12):
That person is not your I hate that we made
gay people use partner for their for their for their
other half, for the person that they're with, because we
ain't partners if we've been together five and then and
then obviously people use it to destigmasize partner, right like

(01:54:34):
so that it's not like every time somebody says partner, like,
oh you're gay, because I mean, I don't think people
that doesn't matter. But also like trying to normalize trying
to you know, but like, bro, you've been dating that
person for five months, it's not your partner. That's not
your partner. Y'alln't even live in the same city. What
the fuck you talking about? Y'all can break up today

(01:54:56):
and not much will change about how you have to live. Like,
y'all break up today and the only thing you got
to do is block them on everything. That's not your partner, Bro,
that's not that's that's somebody you spend time with. And
I I'm just saying, like I've said this before, we
don't give you know, husband or wife. Uh, we don't

(01:55:20):
give husband or wife perks to people that were just dating.
And I think a lot of people think that means
that like, oh, you should get married, or getting married
is the most important thing. Actually it doesn't matter at all.

Speaker 2 (01:55:29):
What I mean though, is that, like.

Speaker 1 (01:55:34):
I've only known you a short time, we're just dating.
We don't even live together. Is a different spot than
I've been living with you for three years and we
intended to be married, or intended at least spend our
time together. If we're not gonna get married or whatever,
or we have kids together, Like these are different levels
of commitment to somebody and how you interact with conflict

(01:55:58):
with them will be different. And so many people don't
understand that my husband went on a golf trip and
and didn't and and and or I went away and
my husband had all the kids in the house. Was
fucked up when I came back. And the comments are like,
get out now, and I'm like, I don't if she
can't have a conversation first like this, if this was

(01:56:21):
their second yeah, definitely get leave what he's in the bathroom,
but don't come back. But she but no, her level
of commitment to this person, I means she's got to
have a conversation with him, she's got to try to
come to a resolution with him, she's got to give
him a chance. She has to do those things because
of the level of commitment. I mean, she didn't have
to do shit. But I'm just telling you, Like when
people are like, why didn't be Beyonce didn't leave jay

(01:56:43):
Z and because she's a dumb bitch, Beyonce is not
a dumb bitch. Beyonce hot jay Z is good for business.
Jay Z is the father of her children, or at
least her child at the time. Jay Z and her
had been together for what a decade at that point,
maybe more. Jay Z and her have a very public relationship,

(01:57:04):
and when she talks about the shit that happened, when
she talks about eliminating, she talks about crashing out and
how they came back together and how she decided to
get to do this right and now she decided to
do this. Those are not decisions you can make in
ten minutes. When you've been with someone for ten years
and you have a kid with them and they're literally

(01:57:27):
your business partner. They're literally your business partner and your
life is all entwined them, that's not a conversation. That's
not something you can make for ten minutes. However, then
we see, like I don't want to even name anybody,
but we see two influencers relationship demising online and they've

(01:57:48):
been together about a year and they kind of live together,
but he has his own plate and stuff, and people
are like, no, you have to fight for this relationship,
do you Well, how much fighting? Because it depends because again,
we're putting people in their space where they belong. We
put people where they belong, and we treat them with

(01:58:09):
the commitment. The level of commitment. I'm not saying being
mean or like, oh fuck them. I'm saying, like, we
give people a level of commitment in the space that
they belong and it's so fucking hard to watch. I
don't comment on TikTok. I don't even like comments on
TikTok because I just don't want to. But it's so
fucking hard to watch people giving someone a space in

(01:58:35):
their life that they did not earn and giving them
grace that they don't need to, or on the flip side,
trying to leave, trying leaving situations because you're you're afraid
of being taken advantage of, so instead of like trying

(01:58:57):
to work on this, instead, everything that happens, every piece
of conflict that happens, is like I'm getting my shit,
I'm leaving someone says something this week, and I'm on
the further end of that spectrum. I'm the person that like,
I'm Viola Davison that meme, I got my bag and
I'm leaving like I got a bad pack all the time,
and I have to force myself to like breathe and

(01:59:20):
where what is the position in my life that this
person has breathed? And I'm leaving because I don't want
them to leave me. That's why I leave everywhere. And
so I breathe and I try to think of what
is this person's position and what do I owe to
them and to myself? This week, somebody puts something, somebody

(01:59:44):
says something on a video that like, really I had
to write down and have like post it notes of
things that I want to remember. They said, you got
something good, not perfect, because nothing's perfect and if you

(02:00:05):
abandon something every time it's not perfect, then you'll never
have anything good. And that really hit me because I
know that I have that I have this toxic lean
towards perfection. I want everything to be perfect, that need
to fix, that need to like tweak things, and I

(02:00:25):
bet you it could be better. That is me striving
for perfection which does not exist, and driving myself crazy
many times because of it. And how many things have
I abandoned because they weren't perfect and then I ended
up with nothing. It's it's it's similar to done is

(02:00:47):
better than perfect? Right. I try to live by that
because I want things to be perfect. I try to
just like, but what can you do? Like anyway? All
that to say, I'm not think that Jessica and Nick
shouldn't have got shouldn't have gotten divorced. I think they
shouldn't have gotten married. I think that it makes sense
that it took them a while to figure that out, though,

(02:01:08):
because once you've given someone a level of commitment where
you are mixing finances and mixing your life with them
and your family with them, it's not just a marriage,
it's the like shit they could have been in a
long term relationship. And it's I still would have said
the same thing. It takes more than ten minutes to
make that decision. You need time. But I'm glad they

(02:01:31):
did it. I think she's getting divorced from her current
husband too, and I'm happy for that too, because I
always think when somebody's getting divorced, they must have I'm
assuming they didn't. They didn't just decide that this morning.
You know, they've been through a lot before they're ready
to like up in their entire lives, you know. So
I'm glad that she's I'm glad that they're done if

(02:01:54):
that's what they need to be done. And I hope
her kids are okay. She I hope she's okay as
far as Nick and Vanessa I think they're gonna live
together forever. I think Nick naw I got lost. Sorry.
I think Nick is the type of person that he assumed.
He that when he got married to Jessica, they would
just be married.

Speaker 2 (02:02:12):
He assumed that.

Speaker 1 (02:02:15):
If they were having issues, right then they would just
argue about it and then like not speak to each
other for three days. I don't know that he assumed
they would come to a conclusion together and being back
in love. I think he assumed that they just that
that would be the end of it, and you just

(02:02:35):
don't talk about it anymore. That's what he That's what
he gives me. And I know that Jessica left him
after having an emotional affair with Johnny Knoxville. I know
from the book she says that she believes. She doesn't
say straight up, but she's basically says that there are
rumors he was cheating on her, and she didn't believe everything,

(02:02:56):
but there's a lot of things she did believe, and
she doesn't understand why, if if it wasn't true, he
kept doing it. And I don't know exactly what she
means because I don't remember catching that shit, but I'm
sure it was that I'm sure Pere's healthon was writing
about it. But and this often happens for women, They
go and they have even an emotional affair doesn't even

(02:03:19):
have to be physical. She I think she had a
was it physical before after she got I don't know
next week when when you get the rerun, I will
mention it in there, because she definitely said so in
her book. I think it was physical after waither Away,
she started off having an emotional affair with Johnny Knoxville.

(02:03:41):
And that happens with women a lot. What happens is
you get your emotional needs filled somewhere and you're like, oh,
I could do better than what I have, which is
I'm true. Okay. Women don't usually leave until they've thought
about it for a very long time or they have
experienced something goes no, no, no, this marriage is not good.

(02:04:04):
I know that now, Like famously, everybody, well everybody I
famously it said that, like Christine left Cody from Sister
Wives because her older her older kids started getting married
and she started experiencing those relationships through them and started

(02:04:29):
thinking about her own relationship and was like, I don't
have anything like that. And it happens to a lot
of people, and I think that's really what happened with
Jessica and Nick. He says. He he said, it's like
horrible to be told like that your marriage isn't gonna
work through like a third part, like her father told
him the marriage wasn't gonna work whatever. I yeah, I

(02:04:51):
think that's bad too. But he's just the type of
person that assumes that you get married and you just
have to be unhappy for the rest of your life,
even if that's what it is, like you fight it
out until one of you caves and just is unhappy,
and he's willing to do that. So when I think
of Nick and Vanessa, I'm sure they have a nice marriage.
I'm sure they are medium happy or medium miserable like

(02:05:13):
most people. I just think it's people like will tell
you when they're upset, but not necessarily when they're super happy,
because when they are super happy, that's bragging, right, But
they won't tell you, but they'll they'll talk about the
things that are hard, but they don't talk about the
things that are like giving them life, because that's bragging.

(02:05:33):
So like, I'm like, so everybody seems medium miserable all
the time, you know, everybody in the world. I'm like, Oh,
you hate your job, and you hate the person, you
hate your roommate, you hate your dog, you hate like
because that's what people are telling you, not necessarily the
great things that they love. It's just human nature. But
I'm assuming Nick and and Vanessa are fine, right, But

(02:05:57):
if they weren't, I don't believe would leave her because
he's a type of person that gets married and is like, well,
we just now, you're just gonna be married now. We're
just gonna be here to now. Okay, maybe I sleep
in a different room for twelve years, but we're just
gonna be married now, right, all right, we just live
together now. We're just together now. Okay, we're both sleeking
with other people, but we're married. That's that's what.

Speaker 2 (02:06:21):
That's what he gives me. And a lot of people
are like that.

Speaker 1 (02:06:24):
I'm happy. I'm not like that. I'm mostly I don't
know if it is mister Curtis like that. I don't know.
I don't think mister Curtiser ever leaving. I think i'd
have to leave him, and he like I think he
might want to leave people. I have to leave him stiff.
I don't know I'm gonna ask him when I'm done
doing this. Uh. That's it, guys. That's all for the

(02:06:44):
newly weds. Thank you for coming along this journey with me.
I appreciate everybody who understands about last week, and I'm
happy I did this this episode because man, a lot
of times I'll be like, I am not in a
g great mood, I don't want to talk about anything.
I don't give a fuck about Jessica's emotional support, and

(02:07:05):
we have a time back then I get on here
and I have a good fucking time, even when it's
by myself. So thanks for making it possible. I guess
waiters