Open Book

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi, guys, Princess here and welcome to another bonus episode
for by Pumpkin. I want to start off this episode
by we need to go to the Red table. Okay,
in fact, though the red table isn't here, like you
can't see it because there's a big elephant in the

(00:30):
room and we couldn't fit the elephant and the red
table in the room. Let's talk about Kara. Okay, Kara
the Berry, Kara the Barry, went on one of her
forty episodes a week on her podcast Everyone's Business But
Mine and claimed that I Princess discreet Jones Curtis, No,

(00:54):
I'm my name is not discreet because I'm not. But
Princess can't keep a fucking secret Jones Curtis and claim
and I put out into the world private discussions from
our text that got Kara blocked by Chloe O. J. Simpson.

(01:19):
Now listen, guys, I can't keep a secret. I really can't.
It's not it's not that I can't keep a secret,
it's that I just don't have a lot of reference
for what a secret is. Like I'm just not I'm
uninterested in trying to keep secrets like it's it's just

(01:42):
not my thing, okay, So like I would be fully
willing to admit if I somehow had gotten had like
let the cat out the bag that Kara likes to
talk about Chloe Kardashian, Simpson, Orenthal, whatever her name is. Fine, Yeah,

(02:05):
Like if someone accused me of that, I would have
to look into it because it sounds like me. But specifically,
Kara is talking about how she thinks that true Thompson,
who you guys all know, I am going for custody

(02:25):
of as bad vibes, okay, And she's saying I took
our private conversation about these bad vibes and put it
out in the public, and that is how she got blocked. Guys.

(02:46):
I had to go find the tweet where Kara absolutely
fucking tweeted this on Blue Ivy's fucking Internet and asked
her did you cause it was her she was taught
talking about it publicly, Like listen, like I said, I'll
take the blame. I'll take the blame. I personally just
have no use for secrets, and so if I don't

(03:10):
know it's a secret, like you gotta be like this
is a fucking secret. I'm sure I've left the Canada
bag for a lot of fucking things. I'll take the
blame Mia Copa, Mia Copa, Mia Copa, but this was
not me, and she is, you know what, she's bullying me.
She's bullying me. Kara has a bigger podcast than I do,

(03:35):
she makes more money on Patreon than I do, she
has more guests, more people follow her on the internet.
I just don't know why she wants to bunch them.
I don't know. Maybe there's something going on inside her.
I'm not sure, but I am looking forward to a
public apology, as public as when she made a public

(03:59):
accusation when it really was just her. You guys know,
I love True Thompson. Okay, I feel I just feel
like people aren't taking care of her enough. I feel
like people love to dunk on her and being like
she's the ugliest Kardashian kid. But it's really about the
fact that she's the most identifiably black Kardashian kid, even if,

(04:22):
even if, even if it's not a conscious thing, I
think it's a subconscious thing. I just do. And I
think she's absolutely fucking cute, and I think she's actually
high up if we're ranking Kardashian kids. I think she's
pretty high up now, Chicago's got to be at the
top because she looks like a fucking Pixar drawing. But

(04:47):
I'd put True definitely three or four. You know what.
Let me just do a quick ranking out of the
children right now, I just feel like Chicago. I'm gonna
put Stormy right under Chicago. Personality wise, I don't think
she's that cute, but I do think she's got like

(05:10):
way more personality and her personality mix are super cute.
I put True right underneath there. Then Psalm, then North,
Please don't tell North she's so vicious. Then North, No, no, No,
Saint kills you know what, Saint before Psalm, then Psalm,
then North, then Dream. You know, North does a lot

(05:36):
of talking, talks a lot of it about Dream, but
they're very close in terms of ranking. And then it's
not everybody, m m m m. And then right underneath there,

(05:56):
I'm gonna put Rain, then I'm gonna put me Sin,
then I'm gonna put Dolce and Gabana, which are the
dogs they used to have, And then'm gonna put Penelope
because listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, it's Penelope. Penelope gonna
have a wonderful career as an artist, writer, gluten free,

(06:20):
Instagram model. Sure, sure, sure, sure, that's it. I don't
I don't have anything else to say. She's gonna have
a great career in twenty years. Everything I look at
is gonna be her her for some new brand or
her I don't know, gluten free toothpaste or whatever. Yeah,

(06:44):
it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. But if
I had to rank the kids, I'm sorry she's at
the bottom. Somebody's gotta be last. I'm sorry, Penelope. And
the fact that people really think it's true who looks
like a little brown ball of butter and sugar and
spice and everything nice? I mean, get the fuck out
of here. But listen, I didn't say that. Kara said

(07:07):
the shit. Kara said she had bad vibes, even though
she's like it's bad vibes around her. No, what she
said was true. Thompson has bad vibes. She didn't say truth.
Thompson has a funck boy daddy and a mama's who
face keeps changing. No, she said she has bad vibes. So,
and not only that, Kara has had her neck on

(07:29):
Chloe Kardashian's neck. She's had her foot on Kloe Kardashian's
neck for years, years, So I mean, it's not my
fucking fault. It's not my fault. Chloe blocked her. Hmm. Anyway,
I just want to like give you guys an update.
What else is going on? My nine year old cheeks

(07:54):
throwing up a lot? You know something, if you don't
have children, let me let me tell you something. People
don't tell you about kids, Like, they'll tell you all
kinds of things about kids. They'll tell you about childbirth
and about how much that you that you can actually
love a person this much. You really can love a
person a lot, Okay, And they want to tell you

(08:15):
about that. They want to tell you about mom guilt
and blah blah blah mom. Yeah, yeah what. The number
one thing you know about having children is that they
will be vomiting for no reason, like, no no warning,
They just vomit sometimes. And if you are like me
and don't want to even be in a vicinity of

(08:41):
someone vomiting, like I am terrified, I could never develop
like bolimia, even though, like when I was in high school,
all I did was watch movies about bolimia and like
eating disorders and be like, man, I wish I could
develop an eating disorder. I now know how stupid that
that feeling was, but I at the time, I was like,

(09:01):
I feel like I could do this and be smaller
and be skinnier. But the problem is I'm scared to
throw up. It's like the worst thing they ever happened
to me. And so like, I just don't. I don't.
I just don't. A few times I've thrown up, but
you know, I just it's one of the scariest things

(09:23):
I ever happened, is if I have to throw up.
And so the ease of which these children will just
vomit and not hold it in and not I don't know,
take themselves outside and eat some grass like dogs or whatever.
They just just vomit. So Cheeks is doing that. He's fine,
He's just I don't know. I think he ate too

(09:45):
much yesterday and he just it just went blood. What
else is going on? I mean, honestly, not a whole lie.
You guys didn't get a bonus episode last week, and
you didn't get a main episode because you know, I
was in a natural disaster or whatever the fuck They're
calling it, and I did do a Princess Diaries episode

(10:09):
so that you guys had something. I did that on Saturday,
so if you didn't listen, to go back and listen
to it. I talk about the experience with the Adages
and the you know, all the shit that went down.
And but I had always planned to do an episode

(10:30):
about I'd always planned to do an episode as a
palate cleanser in between bonus series because we just finished
the Couple's therapy one, which I thought was great. I
actually had a lot of fun recapping it. By the way,
I had a dream that Farah Abram and I were
in a loving, committed relationship and it was great. She
was an amazing wife. We were so happy together. We

(10:53):
just I don't know, it was just great and nothing
really happened in the dream except we were just in
love and we were like go to farmers' markets together
and like bake pies and watch your favorite shows on
Netflix and make love to each other. It just it
was just, I don't know, a life. And in the dream,

(11:13):
she had like determined that her entire family was toxic
and like finally cut them off, like no no contact
whatsoever between Michael og debs and she got off Sophia too.
Sofia was toxic too, And in the dream I remember
being like mentioning Sofia once and Fair just being like

(11:35):
I don't need that drama in my life and me
being like, okay, like I don't want to push, but yeah.
So we finished that series and I wanted to do
a palate cleanser in between because we've got a new
series coming up. Apparently apparently we're going you guys voted
on Patreon and and not let me go look at

(12:00):
it real quick. I know, you guys love when I'm
just like, like, I should have this information ready, but
sometimes I just don't even think to do stuff like that.
But let me just look at that post. It was
back on February eleventh. February eleven wasn't that long ago,

(12:21):
but it feels like forever. By the way, was today
it's Wednesday night. Yet last Wednesday night there I was
snowed in and could not leave my home because the
ice and snow was so bad and it had no
electricity and my water had just gone out. And today

(12:41):
it was seventy eight degrees Global warmings, real, guys, So
February eleventh, and I had like four options, the Rachel
Zoe Project, Workout, you know, Jackie Warner shit, the Mother
Dollar Experiments, that celebrity edition, which was the one with like,

(13:02):
what is it Heidi from the Hills and I run, la,
what's her name? Was a chin? Natalie None? And I
think what's the other one? Courtney Statten, who I think
we are going to find did very soon. So that

(13:25):
was an option. And then Intervention eight or nine selected
episodes and it says like one hundred and forty six
people voted. That is a lot of y'all didn't vote.
A lot of you guys didn't vote much like in
the presidential elections. So but anyway, the winner was Intervention.

(13:47):
If yours didn't win, if like you really wanted the
Rachel Zoe Project or Workout or the Mother Daughter Experiment,
don't worry. When we finished this bonus series, I'm going
to throw another option in there. But and the rest
of these other ones that didn't win will be there.
And so you know, get your Stacy Abrams work on

(14:13):
these gerrymandering districts, get voter participation up, and get the
one you want in there. Okay, all right, So that
means that next week we start a series of intervention episodes,
which you know, I always enjoy intervention episodes. I'm gonna

(14:36):
do my best to pick some ones that are important
and like important to the Cannon, but also not necessarily
ones you would have heard on a lot of different podcasts,
you know. So yeah, like that's happening next week. And

(15:00):
this week we're gonna do a palate cleanser. We're gonna
talk about Jessica Simpson. I recently read, listened to, not
read because I wouldn't have read it. Jessica Simpsons book,
Open Book. And you know, I love, I love a
celebrity memoir, mostly because I'm nosy, I'm a boss, I'm
a behind the Sames bitch. I really just want to

(15:21):
know what happened when, you know, back behind the Curtain,
And Jessica Simpson's book was like I just read. I'd
read Mariah Carey's. I mean, I'd listened to Mariah Carey's.
So I have audible now, which is for my husband
because my husband has dyslexia and is not a reader.

(15:44):
But what I would say, in the last couple of years,
I introduced him to audiobooks and he's been like tearing
through books. It's really nice because someone who reads a lot,
especially in the fantasy genre, he also loves fantasy. I mean, honestly,
he loves anything a teenage girl would love. Like he
loves like vampires and werewolves and witches and stuff. You know,

(16:08):
if like a vampire and a werewolf for fighting over
a witch, He's like into it. And so it's been
nice that a lot of books I've read, or a
lot of series I've been into, I've been able to
like suggest that to him, and he's and you know,
he's at work all the time and he's listening in
the audiobooks and we've been able to connect over that

(16:28):
content to him. It really feels like, I don't know,
he's just been f he's felt like really good about
it because he you know, he'm looking behind me, like
he's behind me. He's asleep. But he's just not been
a reader all his life, and he's now like really

(16:51):
getting into like books and stuff. And normally I get
my books from my audiobooks from the library. I used
a Libby app. I don't know if you guys know
what that is. It's l I B B Y. I'm
assuming it's uh. They personified a shortening of library and

(17:12):
once you're next to your library, it'll show you what's
available right now, you can check out things, you can
listen to it right in the app. I really like
Libby a lot, but my husband is not a library
nerd like me, and you know, he wanted like audible

(17:34):
was just a much better option for him. Okay, so
we got that, and then I went on to listen
to Mariah Carey's Mariah Carey's Memoir and a couple of
other ones, and then I saw Jessica Simpsons. I was like, I,
you know, that's cool. I like, I feel like I

(17:55):
I felt like I could get some stuff out of
Jessica Simpson's memoir. But so here's the thing. It's about
nine hours long I think audiobook. And when you compare
that to Maria Carrey's, which is I believe twenty two
hours long. I mean, Mariah Carey was really all over
the place, but it wasn't that long for me, and

(18:23):
so I think it's like an easy thing to listen to. Also,
like audio books is I can't really do it with
fiction yet cause cause people reading to me is annoying
to me. And I'm afraid the fiction books will be
people reading to me. It really need to get over that.
It's It's how I came to podcast late because I
I do not like people to read to me. And
I just felt like listening to podcasts would be a

(18:45):
lot of people reading scripts. And now like the more
produced podcasts are people reading scripts, the partcast stuff, the
Wondery stuff, there are people reading scripts, but I just
assume it would be like someone reading a book to me,
and I just was not into that. I really hate

(19:07):
people reading to me. So but nonfiction I read parenting books,
self help books, and memoirs. Is really it's great for
me because I'm running around all day long, driving kids around,
doing dishes, laundry, and it's nice to have an audio

(19:29):
book in my ears as i'm doing it. Like Bunny
broke her bed for the second time and I had
to buy a new bed, or what I bought was
a new platform rail because I'm not spending money on
a new bed for someone keeps breaking their bed. And
I mean, I didn't spent the money anyway. She had

(19:50):
to pay for it, but out of her allowance she
kind of wiped her out. But I mean you have to, like,
you can't keep breaking beds. We just can't do this.
And so today I had to put it together. It came.
I had to put it together. It didn't take very long,
but I had an audiobook that I could listen to
while I'm doing it. I like to go shopping and
listen to audiobooks, Like when I go to the grocery store,

(20:12):
I don't actually want anyone to go with me, because
I could just listen to podcasts and audiobooks. I don't
know it was. I would recommend you consume this content
this way because I don't know. Let me let me
just move back a little bit here, because I'm not

(20:33):
saying I didn't enjoy the book. The book was fine.
It was fine, but it wasn't amazing. And I don't
know if I would have continued with it if I
were to actually have to sit down and read it.
And when you're sitting down reading, you really can only read.
That's all you can really do. Maybe you've been a

(20:54):
baptub maybe you're doing while you're waiting for something, but
it's not like you can do four things at want.
And with the audiobook, it just kept going and I
was working I was doing all kinds of stuff. I
realized that sounds like I didn't like the book. It
was The book was fine, It was fine. Normally I

(21:16):
want people to read their own audiobooks, especially performers. So
comedians are usually really great. Kathy Griffin's audiobooks are great.
Usually like actors and performers and stuff. Oh I remember
I told you guys, I recently listened to Demi Moore's audiobook.

(21:37):
Maybe I'll do an episode on that. But like usually
anyone that's used to like entertaining someone, So even singers
and stuff are usually really good, and they should they
should do it because, especially if you're a celebrity, we
want to hear your voice. However, Jessica Simpson's voice. You

(22:10):
know how when you go to c Colestone creamrine, they
ask you do you wanna get a size like it
or love it? Or you know what I'm saying, I
would get a barely tolerated for Jessica Simpson's voice. She
didn't have a bad voice at all, but the way

(22:31):
she pronounces words, and she a lot of times I
wondered how long it took them to record this because
she cried a lot sometimes she was slurring, which Okay,

(22:55):
we'll get to that. And I'm not saying she talks
about her I don't think she calls it an addiction.
She talks about her drinking issues in this book, and
so I'm not implying that she was drunk while doing
the audio book. I am saying she was slurring. And
I wonder why she was slurring, and I wonder why

(23:18):
the technician, because when you do an audio book, it
takes a while, because especially with these celebrities and stuff,
you're just in the room and they're reading, and they're
having you go back and do things. And I wonder
why I didn't have her go back and do it.
I wonder where she recorded it and she And then

(23:39):
another part of me goes, maybe they did have her
go back and do it, but they had her go
back and do it so many fucking times that this
is the best one they got. For some of you,
you're like, yes, I want to listen to Jessica Simpson
cry and slur, but no, not for me. I also
found myself thing a lot about Jessica and like, would

(24:03):
she and I get along? And I'm gonna say no,
I don't mean like we'd be mortal enemies. But will
we be friends? Like will we click? And no, I
don't think so. Just the way she describes herself, like
she talks about being a type of person that like

(24:28):
would help all the girls get dressed in high school
to go out to proms and stuff. And now she
has like a set of nine mom friends that she
hangs out with and they're all best friends. And I mean,
I guess we have Texas in common. Although I've been
living here seven years, I don't miss I don't know

(24:48):
if I'm a Texas person. Am I a Texas girl?
M M? I don't own any cowboy boots. So I'm
gonna say no. But I just I I listening to
what I was like, I could tell she would get
on my nerves. I also think, Okay, I'm gonna try

(25:18):
to say this, and I'm gonna try not to be
offensive because I know I'm not trying to be offensive.
This is a very churchy book in that Jessica is
a Christian, and Jessica is not just a Christian, she
is a what I call a public Christian, and that

(25:42):
her faith is very important to her brand. It is
front row center, and you know that's that's fine. She's
a pastor's daughter and she I mean, this is who
she is. I I found myself wanting to fast forward
through some parts because she would be talking about how

(26:14):
the point of the point she was trying to make
was how her face guided her through where she guided
her through her life, and how she listened to signs
and how she feels like she was put places because
of God. However, I did not want to listen to

(26:36):
her talk about God. Is if they are personal friends
and she is the only like the way she described
it is if as if she is a very special
person because she has a personal connection to God that

(26:59):
other people don't have. And while I understand what her
intention was there, it came off to me as if
she were trying to justify certain mistakes she had made
in her life as being that God told her to

(27:22):
do that. I'm not trying to offend anybody, Like I know,
I know, I have all kinds of different listeners and
I don't I don't know it just it wasn't for me.
But I did listen to it, and I was like, okay,
Like sometimes she'd be like, you know, I don't know
it just now was this different than what I think

(27:44):
Jessica Simpson's like, No, this is what I think Jessica
Simpsons like I when I think of Jessica Simpson, I
think of an uber, sexy virgin, and she talks a
bit about that that brand, in that kind of that
image in her book. But I think of someone who

(28:05):
is always praying, always talking about God in booty shorts
and okay, so that's so those are like my my
general impressions of the book. Would I tell you guys
to read it? Yeah, I think I think that if

(28:29):
that's your cup of tea, I think that it's a
great book for that. And I also think that if
you're like someone, if you're someone who sees yourself in
so let me let me, let me, let me take
a left turn here. Let me talk about Taylor Swift
for a minute. So Taylor Swift is incredibly popular and

(28:51):
beloved and just really one of the most famous people
on earth and will be for a very long time.
And what I think a lot of people really love
about Taylor, besides the fact that she is an uper
talented person, what a lot of people like about her

(29:12):
is that they see themselves in her right. They think
of themselves as a tailor. And it makes sense because
if I were a white woman of a certain age

(29:34):
with certain experiences, I don't I think it will be
very easy for me to see myself in Taylor Swift.
And so that relatability for certain people doesn't just make
her fans, but it makes her beloved. That do you understand,
Like you can like her music and everything, but if

(29:56):
you see yourself in that person and you see all
these similar larities and where they are in life, then
and you kind of grow with it, like it makes
you a stand. That's that's that's how people get there.
And so the people who adore Jessica Simpson, I bet

(30:16):
that they see themselves in her and her public persona,
which is super sexy, Christian, Southern Texan, goofy girl. And
I think that what makes I think that, what makes

(30:39):
it hard for me to find that connection is that
that's not how I see myself. Also, I want to
just like check myself real quick because I did not
ask myself what I like Demi Moore. I listened to
her book. I never asked myself what I like Bobby Brown.
I know I won't, But when I listened to Robin's book,

(31:00):
the one that was Best Friends with Whitney Houston. I
didn't ask myself I like her, So a good question
to ask myself is why and do I think I
should have to like Jessica Simpson when I don't ask
myself about other people like that? You know? But you know,

(31:20):
I don't know the answer to that, because who the
fuck am I? I do want to? So let's start
the beginning. Jessica starts with her childhood. Unlike Mariah Carey,
Jessica does not go back and forth, up and down,
sideways and backwards. Mariah Carey told her story, it seemed
like just whatever the fuck she felt like talking about
that day, and the Ghostwrider was like, all right, well, well,

(31:43):
let me see if I can make this cohesive. So
Jessica was born in Texas. She is definitely a Texas girl.
She is her mother and father, her father Joe Simpson.
What is her mother's the mother him like Dina or something.
Let me, Paul, let me look that up. Her mom's

(32:04):
name is Tina. I knew it was something like I knew.
I knew it was something like Tina, Joe and Tina.
She's the oldest she's born in nineteen eighty me too,
and she actually she's just a couple of weeks older
than me. Jessica Simons older than me. I don't know.

(32:28):
It doesn't seem right. And maybe it's because I'm thinking
of Jessica Simpson in like two thousand, then maybe that's
what I'm thinking about. But she doesn't seem like she's
older than me. She can't be older than me. So
Joe's a preacher, and specifically he's a youth pastor, which
means that I think that's important to her to Jessica's

(32:52):
origin stories, because if your father's a pastor and he's
spending most of his time interacting with adults, then you
won't be there, you know, because why would you be
And I'm not saying I mean, obviously you go to
his church, you do, you do all that, and you're
a member of the church, and you're a member of

(33:13):
like and participate in your activities. But because he's a
youth pastor, he all the things he does is with children,
probably very in various ages. And so Jessica spent a
lot of time with her father because because he was

(33:35):
she was a target audience. So when she's like eleven, twelve,
fourteen years old, and her father's I don't know they're
having a lock in for Christ. Do you guys remember lockins?
I don't think they do that shit anymore. You remember
lockins where you go to like the youth activity center
or your church or I guess did they do him

(33:56):
in schools? I never had one in the school, And
to be honest, I didn't really go to lock ins
because I didn't like to be I didn't like to
be locked in. I wanted to leave when I wanted
to leave. I don't funny of the night, but where
they essentially you spend the it's a party where you
spend the night. But like if he's doing like a
lock in for Christ, I mean, Jessica's gonna go. So

(34:19):
she's been a lot, so she's very close to her father,
but she talks about that. When she was small, I'm fourish,
I think she wanted to go to McDonald's. Her mother
was driving and her mom wasn't listening to her, and
so she stood up and grabbed her mother's face while

(34:41):
she was driving to tell her to take her to
meet Donalds. And that caused Tina the crash and apparently
Jessica developed a stutter from this crash she hit her
head or something, and so in an effort to combat

(35:04):
the stuttering, like she didn't stutter when she sang, so
she would do more singing. That sounds like a made
up story, but the partner doesn't sound made up. Is
that eventually they had to go get her some help
for this stutter, but she kept singing. Important to know

(35:26):
is that like she's been singing since a young age.
And another really important thing that happened in her childhood
is that she was molested. Uh, she was molested by
another little girl, I an older girl that was a
family friend. You know, her family was friends with her

(35:47):
mother family, and she would spend the night and the
girl would molest her while they were sleeping in the
same bed. And it went on for years and eventually
she told her parents. But it was a a formative experience, obviously,

(36:09):
I think I don't. I don't think people who talk
about their molestation talk about it like it did not
affect anything that ever happened to me. Maybe some people do,
but or maybe people that are molested and don't believe

(36:29):
that it's a part of of an experience that forms them.
Don't really talk about it. I don't know, but I
just it was for Jessica. It brought a There are
a lot of things about Jessica Simpson that she can
trace back to that molestation. Like she talks about that

(36:51):
she didn't wanna hurt anybody's feelings. It's one of the
reasons she didn't say no, she didn't move, or she
didn't tell anybody. She didn't wanna hurt anybody's feelings, which
is such a like, it's a real thing. Women, girls,
young girls are socialized not to hurt other people's feelings,
to go along, to get along, to do things. It's

(37:12):
easier to just do what the other person wants, even
in situations where you have the power to say no.
We're socialized at being nice and doing those is more
important than then sometimes our safety. When she talks about that, like,

(37:34):
it's incredibly authentic when she's talking about that experience, and
I don't I don't think Jessica tells us what happens
after she tells her parents. She told her parents in
the car on the way back from visiting that family,
and it's been happening for years, she said once it

(37:57):
even happened, like her younger sister acts. They were all
in the bed and Jessica put herself between the girl
and Ashley to make sure that nothing kind of as
a shield. And the way she describes telling her parents,

(38:20):
so her mother was a little shocked or they were shocked,
but also they were like, I knew something weird was
going on, and that's it. And I guess they just
didn't take her over there anymore. I'm for other things
that happened. Jessica makes mention that she talked to her

(38:42):
mother to clarify the memories from when she was younger.
I wonder if she talks to her mother to clarify
that memory, like what happened next? What then? What? But
it becomes the form of experience in high school. By
the way, the Simpson family is always moving because Joe

(39:04):
Simpson is always getting jobs at new churches. And so
although they stayed in Texas, I suppose she didn't maybe
she mentioned move into Oklahoma or someplace anyway, Mostly in Texas,
they moved a lot. They would. And even though he

(39:24):
was a pastor, he had a lot in common with
these people that talk about being raised by con artists
or people just shy being a con artist, like constantly
on the move, constantly with a new scheme, constantly with
it just seemed like Joe always had a new idea
and he'd give you like a month and be like,
we're gonna move. That too, has a has an effect

(39:47):
on you. When you think about Jessica, I think about
the fact that she's been on the move forever. She
doesn't talk about settling down, really so down until after
her marriage to nicolshay So. In high school or maybe

(40:09):
it was middle school, because she only went to one
year of high school, one month of high school. In
middle school, she is at a new place. She's become
a cheerleader. A lot of times, when you see young
pictures of Jessica Simpson, you are looking at like a
yearbook photo for middle school. When you see high school

(40:30):
pictures of Jessica Simpson, you are well, No, she got
signed when she was seventeen. Ther seventeenth birthday was when
she started when she got discovered quote unquote. So I'm
not sure, but I think the memories we have of

(40:54):
a young Jessica Simpson, like first famous Jessica Simpsons is
what would be a high school Jessica Simpson and those
pictures of her new yearbook are like middle school, but
she's on she's on the cheerleading team and cheerleading squad
or whatever, and she's good friends with, uh, you know,
a girl on the squad and spending the night and

(41:15):
having fun and everything. And one night she's at the
girl's house doing a sleepover and the girl is talking
about someone a friend, being molested, and Jessica is concerned
and says, well, you have to say something, you know,

(41:35):
you have to tell someone because that happened to me,
and she relays her story of being molested by an
older girl. Now, also, I want to point out that
a lot of time, when you think of child molestation,
we do not think of women as perpetrators of that.
And it's not that they aren't, it's more that it
doesn't fit the narrative that people want to talk about.

(42:01):
Women do molested children. Women do commit those types of crimes.
It may not be at the same as the same
frequency as men. But even then, you know, so much
of these crimes are unreported, just like a lot of
like male domestic violent female on male domestic violence is

(42:29):
not reported, or even when it is it's not taken
very seriously. Like I wouldn't trust the quote unquote stats
on this because I just think that I think that
people are not are not looking for girls to be

(42:51):
molesters and are not looking for this type of like
to some people, I'm sure if you told them something
like that happened, they think you misunderstood something or you know.
And so I wouldn't trust the nationally recognized stats on
this because I bet it's really underreported, and when it
is reported, it isn't taking this seriously. But Jessica did

(43:13):
describe her experience to the friend, and she said that
even as she told her the story, like normally, it's you.
Not normally, in many occurrences, if you tell someone that
you've been molested or harmed like that, they they're like,
oh my god, I'm so sorry, or they try to
hug you, or they you know, they try to comfort

(43:34):
you in some way. She says, the girl didn't. And
then later what happens is that this girl has a
crushed on this boy, who in turn has a crush
on Jessica, and he makes it clear he's got a
crush on Jessica. And when that happened, the girl got
really upset and apparently told everyone that Jessica was a

(43:58):
lesbian and that she had tried to molest the girl
and that she had admitted to being a lesbian. And
basically what happens is that Jessica's ostracized from the team people.
The rumor gets all around school. People start leaving anti

(44:19):
gay literature religious literature on their like at their home.
Jessica Simpson is the victim of a hate crime. Apparently
not only like people believe that she is a lesbian
and decide to ostracize her for it. This also becomes

(44:43):
a big deal for Jessica. Jessica, even though she's got
a girl squad now, for a long time, she didn't
really trust women. She didn't like being around women, which
also makes sense. She's very sheltered. She spent a long time,
much of her like formative years of just around her
parents all the time, so that's important to know about

(45:05):
her childhood. The other things in important knows that her
father was really interested in furthering her career, so she
would sing it at you know, obviously they're a church family,
so they would she would singing it church functions and stuff.
People were really not people. I don't want to say that,

(45:27):
but there was. She did. She did get a lot
of pushback because fourteen fifteen years old, she you know,
she looks like she's a young woman. She's got breasts,
she's very pretty, and people felt like she was distracting
them from being being godly in that like she her
body was a sin, like her being up on the

(45:49):
stage singing and daring to look like a woman and
inspire LUs to other people, which Jessica points out, and
the the hypocrisy of that about how we she's at
fault because they feel lustful, and how her mother would

(46:10):
have to dress her up and put her in like
vest or vest and and and and basically just dress
her like dress her like a female stand up comedian
in the eighties, like just big dress big big like
button up shirts and vest and and and how like

(46:33):
difficult it was. But you know, Joe is very invested
on in having Jessica uh singing and like you know,
getting her out there, and Tina is just a little
like more practical. I also think of Tina as someone

(46:54):
who married Joe, and like she's very religious as well,
and she just believes that she's to try to stay
with her. You know that it's important that she makes
the marriage work. Jessica talks about how, uh, there's a
marriage man. I don't know if she meant this literally
a marriage handbook passed down in her family with just

(47:16):
one page and the page said, uh, hang in there.
One of the things I hate about that, like about
that idea that people get married and you should just
stay married no matter what is it implies that if

(47:38):
the person you married is not the person you've got now,
you've made a bad choice. Like if you you know
you should have, you should have chose better, you should
have You gotta get people to know people. But also
in those types of religions that like pope that like

(47:58):
push that sort of thing you, you also need to
get married very young. So not only am I supposed
to get married a't like eighteen nineteen fucking years old
to the first person that looks at me twice so
that I can have sex. Then also if I choose
that person because I don't know, my loins are on

(48:18):
fire and it's the first nice person. The first person
is nice to me, ever, and it turns out that
they've I don't know, got addiction problems. Are violent with
me or just not a good match. You know, it
doesn't have to be all this lifetime movie shit for
it to be a bad marriage. It could just be
that you guys have want different things. And so if

(48:40):
I marry this person turns out that I just just
like work, just stay in their marriage and just be
unhappy for the rest. Like it just doesn't make any sense.
But you know, so Tina marries Joe, and you know
she's she's in there. But a lot of what Jessica
talks about, her father's full steam of head and like

(49:03):
really pushing and her mother is like kind of dragging
her feet. Also, if you don't know, Joe Simpson's gay
or at least bisexual, he's dating men, and I wonder
what it's like. No, I don't wonder what it's like.

(49:23):
I don't want to wonder what it's like. But I
just we should imagine what it's like to be married
to a guy who is very wrapped up in his religion.
That's who he is. He is known as the pastor.
He's known as the youth pastor who also though is
very much a Florida businessman, he's involved in a bunch

(49:45):
of shit and also likely struggling with his sexuality. And
I feel for Twena in that way. I mean, I
feel for Joe too. I feel for anybody who you know,
maybe he came to sexuality, to the sexuality later, cause
that is possible, but also I got a feeling it's not.

(50:07):
It seems more likely that he did what he had
to do, so I feel for him too. But they're
just I guess the point of this is that the
two most important people in Jessica's life have always been
kind of at odds, you know, kind of like a
push and a pull. So what happens is that Jessica,

(50:34):
let's talk about the Making Mouse Club. Jessica auditions for
the Making mouse Club. She uh, she's looking for to
get a record deal, she's looking to like be in
thing like she's she's fully on the child star route,
and she auditions to be in the Mickey Mouse Club.
The way she talks about the Making mouse Club is
auditions is I was very happy to like, I was like,

(50:54):
oh good, this is this is good stuff because when
when I've heard the lore of the Making mouse Auditions
from Christina Aguilera information and from Brittney information stuff, it
makes it sound like that, like the auditions was one day.
Jessica talks about it as a boot camp. It was
a she was gone for a little while there with

(51:15):
her parents, and she, you know, she had a great time.
She really loved everyone. She got along great with Christina.
Brittany shows up later and I believe it's twelve kids maybe,
and they're only gonna take nine or ten. And throughout

(51:39):
the process where they're like learning dances and doing things
and stuff, people keep telling her father and her mother that, like,
you gonna have to like Jessica's really good because it's acting, singing, dancing,
and let listen, Jessica's no dancer, okay, but she she
can fucking sing. Jessica's got a great voice. And apparently

(52:00):
her acting was stronger than her singing. I mean then
her dancing, and I'm saying apparently it's I have been
watching Jessica Simpson video since I started listening to this audiobook.
It's absolutely better than her dancing. Jessica when she is dancing,
looks awkward. She looks like, I want you to go
back and watch Irresistible, which is where she was at

(52:25):
her not her skinniest, but it was she had been
asked to be at her skinniest. She later got at
her skinniest for that. Fucking boots are made for walking video.
But even look at the irresistible video. Look at the
boots are made for walking videos. She looks awkward moving,

(52:47):
She looks like she doesn't always have control of her body,
and the boots are made from walking video. She is
squatting on the ground in front of Willie Nelson. I
guess she's is she torking? I don't know. It looks
like she's taking a poop, is what she looks like
she's doing. But you know, I digress. So but throughout
this boot camp thing, people are telling her father that, like,

(53:13):
you need to think about getting a place in Orlando
because you're gonna have to move here. Like it's looking
really good for Jessica. And what happens is, you know,
like you know what happens. They they do the final audition,
like the final thing, and Jessica doesn't make the cut.

(53:37):
Actually she doesn't know she doesn'tde the cut. She goes
back home to Texas and you know, all the kids
in school don't believe her and stuff, and she gets
a letter and it says that they didn't take her,
and in fact, apparently I know she when she thinks
of it, she thinks of her as blowing the the

(53:57):
final audition or whatever. But apparently she was so bad
that they took one less kid than they intended to
because they just didn't want her. And you know, that
becomes like, if you know how we talk about villain
origin stories, that would be I know, I just talked
about molestation and being bullied in school and being treated

(54:19):
and like literally having a whole town think you're a lesbian,
and like adults acting like papering your house with anti
gay literature and stuff. But if that, if if Jessica
Simpson were a villain, that Mickey Mouse audition, that Mickey

(54:41):
Mouse Club audition would be a would be her villain
or origin story. You know, the Mickey Mouse Club, that
reboot that went on from I think it was ninety
four to ninety six. It was like a three just
like a a two or three year program. I remember

(55:02):
watching it I and it was like packed with a
ton of stars. It's Carrie Russell, Ryan Goslin, Pretney Spears,
justin Timberlake, Jacse. I don't know Rona Barrett is some
one that people don't always talk about, but I mean,

(55:23):
Bennett is one people don't always talk about. But she
was in there, Tony Luca, Christina Aguilera, I almost forgot
about her. It. It was full of stars, the people
that we know now you know, and so it was

(55:57):
hard for Jessica not to make it. But what happends
up happening is she she ends up looking them to
do a gospel a gospel album. She actually gets signed
to a small black record label, Black Gospel Record latter

(56:21):
and that falls through, and then her father brought bar
sudy five hundred dollars from her grandma to make an
album called Jessica. They just make it, and she's doing
you know, she's on the circuit. She's doing festivals and
revivals and much like a Christina Aguilera, she is showing

(56:47):
up anywhere to sing, and you know, she's the type
of person you go to the County Fair and you know,
while you're eating your deep fried tweakie, there would also
be like, oh, there's a headshot of Jessica Simpson. Who's
that like that sort of thing, and she's gonna be

(57:07):
playing on stage eighteen or whatever. So what happens is
that she gets she gets discovered. On her seventeenth birthday.
She is down in I don't know if she's in
Mexico or if she's like near the border in Texas.
I think she's near the border. She's near the border

(57:28):
of Mexico in Texas and she's at an orphanage and
she is down there doing some volunteer work and an
an R person wants to see her so badly the
person's pregnant, drives all the way down there this here
and tells her she wants to take her around to

(57:48):
the record companies, and she does. She takes her around.
This is her seventeenth birthday. She takes her around, and
she goes to one and they just signed Brittany, and
she goes to one and they just signed Christina Aguilera.
And she ends up with some offers, but she ends
up taking the one from Columbia because she's such a
big fan of Mariah Carey and Tommy Mattola has just

(58:10):
separated from Mariah Carey. She actually was really nervous. She's like,
he's heard Mariah Carey sing in the in the shower,
and I'm like, girl, you need to go back and
read that that memoir because I don't think you heard
too much of her singing in the shower. So she
gets signed, and the moment she gets signed, Tommy Mottola

(58:32):
is like, you need to lose like ten fifteen pounds,
like seconds after she gets signed, and she's like one
hundred and eighteen pounds, and so basically they're like, you
need to be in one hundred and three. Just because
Sibson is very small. I think she's like five to
one or so, she's very short. I don't think people
really notice that because she's always in the heels. But

(58:53):
you know, she got on diet pills. When she was
on them for twenty years. She describes her parents as
like they just didn't know any better. They basically let
people convince them to do things that if she'd had
like more experienced managers would be like, well, actually, no,
we're not gonna have this seventeen year old girl go
on a crash diet to get to one hundred and
three pounds, So we're not gonna do that. Like, you know,

(59:19):
it's the first time her weight is brought up in
the memoir, but it is like all up and through
it So what happens is that she her father borrows
two hundred fifty thousand dollars from a local businessman to
move her family to LA. Now this is when Jessica

(59:39):
becomes the family business. They pull Ashley out of school.
Ashley's at a ballet school. I think she's at the
American Ballet Academy. You know, you guys know that movie,
the one with Zoid Zaldana and the white girl with
the eyes. You know what I'm talking about. Even I

(01:00:01):
couldn't follow that one. One of my good friends, Michelle,
who started off as a work friend and became like
an actual good friend, has always said that that, uh,
talking to me is like playing password, where I just like,
I just like give a bunch of clues that you
have to figure out what the fuck I'm talking about,

(01:00:23):
and I will just say things like, you know, the
white girl's eyes in the movie, and she's actually very
good at guessing. I'm miss Michelle a lot at this, Pandy, Oh,
I mess her, what does it saying? Oh? So they
take actually have an American Ballet Academy and they all
moved to uh fucking Louisiana, I mean LA. And it's

(01:00:47):
becomes the start of Jessica being the family business. Now
Jessica has been. They have been pushing Jessica for years
at this point. And remember that her father's a youth
past her. He has been getting job at a job
and and part of his thing is that he brings

(01:01:07):
a lot of youth to He gets the youth for
justicipation up in church, and Jessica is a big part
of of his of his work. Like, the family has
been in the business of Jessica for quite a while. However,
when she gets signed, they kind of all they've already

(01:01:35):
been I mean, I want to saying is they've already
kind of been in the business of Jessica, but it
really becomes the business of Jessica. So they moved to
La all right. This is also when she meets Casey Cobb,
which I know a lot of people won't care about that,
but as someone who watched Newly Weeds, I always thought
Casey Cobb was her friend from back home. But she's not.
Casey Cobb worked in an r not is there are

(01:02:00):
She worked at Columbia. She was like an intern at first,
and she had a job there. And Jessica never finished
high school and so Casey. Now she did work in
A and R. Casey was assigned to call her and
make sure she's doing her classes, and they would talk
on the phone, and she was a real motivator for her.
And later she became Jessica's sister, but she was still

(01:02:23):
working at Columbia while she did that. I really thought,
I don't know. I thought Casey Gobb was like her
best friend for megal. But this is where she enters
the story. I don't want to take a moment here,
and I want to talk about the Beyonce connection with
Jessica Simpson, which makes sense, but also I was like,

(01:02:44):
oh fucking yeah, Jessica Simpson and Beyonce are from the
same era. Beyonce was in Destiny's Child and the an
r REP that got her her deal was working with
Destiny's Child, and they were both Texas girls at the time.

(01:03:06):
They were j uh. Jessica was about Dallas and and
you know, Beyond Save represents Houston, and so they met
and and would interact and they had a lot in common.
Both their fathers had left their businesses. Her father was

(01:03:27):
in the business of preaching and Matthew Knows was was
working in Xerox and had left their businesses to kind
of manage their daughter's career. They both had a mother
named Tina, who would be in charge of clothing and
doing like was. They both were had little sisters that

(01:03:49):
were dancers, backup dancers for them, and she, Jessica would
do grad nights. Later, she would do grad nights at
Disney with Desney's child. They went on tour together. I
believe that if Beyonce saw Jessica Simpson somewhere, she would

(01:04:12):
be like, Jessica, that's weird, right, that's not That is
not how before I listened to this book, how I
would have envisioned things. HM also be k one thing
that V I also. I'm just skipping ahead, but uh

(01:04:33):
Ashley is married to Evan Ross, who is Diana Ross's son,
and his sister is Tracy Ellis Ross. I mean as
many siblings, Chutney is one of 'em. I don't know.
I love a person named Chutney. So, but Jessica Simpson

(01:04:54):
goes to Thanksgiving at Diana Ross's house. She does. Jessica
Simpson probably has a couple pieces of tupperware, a couple
of pieces of Dona Rossi's tumpaware another thing to think about,

(01:05:14):
just to think about anyway. So I wanna talk about
Nick and Jessica because Nick and Jessica thing comes around
very soon after she gets signed, because she is looking
at a manager that manager manages ninety eight degrees and

(01:05:35):
they go to meet to talk to the manager and
he's in an event with his with his other group
ninety eight degrees, and she meets Nick there. Nick is eight.
I mean, uh, just cause eighteen, Nick is twenty five,
which is a seven year difference. And listen, I know
how you guys get. I don't know not you guys,
but I mean the general public. Kids win. We point

(01:05:56):
out the fact that grown ass men and young ass
win just is never is almost never a good idea,
almost never. And let me take it back, I don't
want to say a good idea because that's it is
predatory and that I know that when you're forty one
and you're dating a forty eight year old, I don't

(01:06:21):
there's not a whole lot of difference there. But it's
because you guys are in the same stage of life.
A seventeen year old and a ten year old are
in very different places. So it's an eighteen year old
twenty five year old, especially nick Lache, which we'll get
to it. But I knew he was at the time.

(01:06:43):
I knew he was older than her, but I didn't
know how much older you I thought. I don't know.
Looking back at pictures, he looks way older than her.
He looks like he looks like somebody dad shuffled in there.
And I know he's supposed to be hot. I mean,
he doesn't do it for me. I'm sorry he doesn't
do it for me. He I don't know, he doesn't

(01:07:04):
do it for me at all. I can't explain why.
But he looks like her, he's so much older than her.
But they mean, you know, she's got a big crush
on him. This is really her first boy. This is
the first boy she's ever liked. She's never had because

(01:07:27):
one she's sheltered, she's a preacher's daughter, but also because
she's doing performances and things like that. She's kind of
on her own. She's with her parents a lot. She's
not even in school very much. She's this is the
first like boy she dated. So one thing to remember

(01:07:50):
is that the two of them, like Jessica is very dead,
said on the fact that she she wanted to be
a version, she was very Christian, and she doesn't never
had sex before they were married. I believe her because
of all the other things she says in the book.
I think that if she did, she would just say
so at this point. And the fact that he was
twenty five. He's a grown ass man. And you know,

(01:08:15):
if you listen to me talk, I'm constantly talking about
how twenties, how your twenties are, are a time for
you to be stupid and do dumb things. But I
do think twenty five is grown and a sheltered eighteen
year old is not grown. They also they didn't go

(01:08:38):
public super quickly, but when they did go public, it
became an important part of their image. They did duets together.
She was on tour with them where people or girls
would throw trash at her on the stage, which was
just like, oh my god. They they had the first

(01:08:59):
have her team Vogue cover. That relationship was incredibly important
to furthering both their careers, and at the time, Nick
is much further ahead than Jessica is. Nick is He's charting,
the group is charting at like number two, He's got
platinum out, he is people recognize him places. He was

(01:09:19):
recognizable enough that she get on the computer and google
him or whatever the fuck we were doing in two
thousand when were googling. Maybe maybe she was asked Jeeves Ah.
To be honest, she was probably on MCON, but still
he was famous enough that she could do that. So

(01:09:46):
again they have this brand of being the sexy version
virgin and him being like the older frustrated prince charming,
and people would ask him about any interviews and she
would have to. And she says they would do interviews
together and people would ask her about it and then
kind of look at him like you serious about this?
You really don't do it to her. I when I

(01:10:10):
sometimes think of the way we used to talk to
to people, especially teen pop stars, and like the two thousands,
it is incredible. And I'm not saying that we're doing
much better these days, but but I think that like
people have to be sneakier to ask about things like that,

(01:10:33):
Like you have to brochure a different way, and whereas
back then they just be like, so are you a virgin?
Are you a virgin? Please tell us the status of
your vagina, Like that's how they would talk to people
But as much as Jessica talks about that being uncomfortable,

(01:10:53):
one thing you remember is that it was absolutely a
part of her brand. Her being seen with be Like
that relationship coming out was part of what helped her
make her more famous. She says that Nick was the
first person to touch her breasts, so she went to

(01:11:14):
Vicky's Secrets and bought a special bra for the purple
bra and eat with her mom because they were gonna
get the bra so he could touch her boobs. If
Bunny ever asked me, I feel like, girl, I want
to be close. I don't want to be this close,

(01:11:35):
like like I want to answer any questions you have.
I want to be here for you. I don't want
to be this close, not at all. By the way
I was talking the Bunny about sex, I've been talking
more about sex with the kids. I let it go
longer than I should have, but mostly because my kids

(01:11:56):
are younger, are a lot younger, and stuff. I just
don't know a lot of stuff, like they don't know
who Kylie Genner is. When I was making those Kyliejenner tacles,
I was raving about they don't know who Kylie gener is.
They have no fucking clube. They and I don't know
if it's just them. You know what, it's not just
them because I had a lot of foster kids come
through here and there. They were just a lot more experience,

(01:12:18):
And they too thought Jojo came from YouTube. They didn't
know that she was a dancer. They didn't think of
her as a dancer, thought ever as a YouTuber. What
I'm saying is my kids are like in general, they're
a lot younger than their ages, even though they've been
through a lot more than sometimes kids their ages. But
I was telling I was talking to Bunny about it,
just giving like basics and like because I want to
be clear what sex is and what it is, and

(01:12:40):
then like who has sex and who doesn't, like children
don't have sex, like stuff like that. So I was
talking about it. She just looks at me and goes,
you don't do that, Like y'a donall do that? D
you Like, wow, that's you do that. I'm just imagining

(01:13:02):
Bunny being like, I need you to buy me a
purple bros so somebody can touch my breast. And I'll
be like, yeah, me too, so your dad can touch
Like I don't wanna be that close. I don't wanna
be that close. I don't wanna be that close anyway.
But she says that when she handed to the salesperson, Jessica,
she haded to the salesperson, she said, this is gonna
be the first time someone's touching my boobs. And I
was like, oh wow, because dude, dude, in twenty twenty one,

(01:13:29):
pe du salesperson will be on Instagram live right now
being like, yeah, I just saw this. Uh Jessica Simpson check.
You know she sings that song I Wanna Love You
Forever with that boyfriend of hers with the big blockhead
looks like a Lego piece. Yeah. Him, dude, he's set
in her boobs tonight. Like she says, she's a Christian

(01:13:50):
but not up top, so like I, I don't know.
I thought it was very interesting. Is in terms of
like Nick, Joe hated him, and Joe hated him for
a number of reasons. He was the first boyfriend, He
was the first person that she was like into. And

(01:14:13):
also Nick was older and he had his own experience
for the music business, and so he would he'd be like, Oh,
you're gonna go do this, so you know, you shouldn't
have to wait two hours here and do blah blah blah,
and he would give her a lot of information and
so sh Jessica admits that, like, you know, before then
it was just daddy and then after that it was
more like it was more like, well, Nick says, well

(01:14:35):
did you check? Well, Nick, things I should do this? Well,
what Joe hated him and had a lot to do
with control. I think Joe and Jessica had some inappropriate relationship.
And I'm not saying that like he did anything there.
What I mean though, is that like emotionally, there were

(01:15:06):
some inappropriate connections there that can come to you when
you when your kid is your is the thing that
feeds your family, and you're all involved in like what
she looks like and whether she's lost five pounds and
what her breasts are doing on stage, and I just

(01:15:26):
think some boundaries were cross and Nick showing up to
be like her night in shiny armor really like knocked
you off his pedestal. So the thing though, is that
why did they get married? They got married for three reasons.

(01:15:49):
One they wanted to have sex. Two, Nick really wanted
to be married Nick, like when his younger brother Drew
got married to Why I forget her name, but they
were like high school sweethearts and like got married. Nick
was really he just wanted to be married to have kids.
He really was. Normally they paint women this way, just

(01:16:14):
being like, you know what. Nick had a lot in
common with McKenzie Edwards on Team Mom. He really did,
like just the aesthetic, the the I'm getting married very young.
I just want to have kids. I just want to
have this perfect we He really just it's so interesting.

(01:16:35):
It's not like what you think of as a man
that age. And actually, let me take that back, because
when they got married, when when all this was going down,
he was like twenty seven, he was almost thirty. And
he really I mean, and I said, I said that,

(01:16:55):
like I actually believe that thirties old and that oh
my god, what are you doing? I think thirties old
enough to know better a lot of times. But that's it.
That's it. The thirties are great. You don't need to
like do anything by the time you're thirty or even
like start doing things just I mean, I guess you should.
There are some things you should stop doing, Like I

(01:17:17):
don't know, I think your twenties are for making all
the mistakes in the world. Just make as many mistakes
as you want to have sex with anybody who want
to who wants to have sex with you. Consent is important,
but you should, like, just try a bunch of shit,
Fuck up a bunch of shit. It's gonna be fine.
I think as you move into your thirties, because you

(01:17:37):
allowed yourself to have all the experiences when you were twenty,
in your thirties, you know better about a lot of things.
You're like, I don't want to do that. Last time
I did that, this happens. And so that's what I
mean when I say he was almost thirty, I just
meant that, like he was entering a different again. He's
in a whole different space than she is when he's
twenty seven. She is twenty a goddamn baby and should

(01:18:03):
be doing all kinds of things, and yet he's moving
into a different space. And Nick, he's just the type
of person wanted to get married and have a bunch
of kids and just want to be settled down and
like really want to be a husband and a dad.
And you know, she's too young to get married, and
her father doesn't want to. Her father's like, please, don't,
you're not gonna get married to your at least twenty one.

(01:18:24):
Don't don't think about that. Blah blah blah. He's in
a long term relationship with a girl who he's not
having sex with, who is also like they're very busy.
They're not the only time the time that they spend together,
they are working together, like when they're doing duets, are
hosting New Year's Ever on the cover of te Vogue,
and blah blah blah. And you know, so, like she says,

(01:18:50):
they spend a lot of time in hotel rooms and
on the phone as their relationship and he wants to
get married, So that's part of it. And the third
thing that contributed to them getting married is nine to
eleven because they had kind of broken up, taking a break,
although like she was all on TV going, I'm single,

(01:19:11):
but I'm in love with Nick and she's kind of
dated a choreographer or whatever. But he's in New York
and they also were still talking all the time. He's
in New York doing a tribute to Michael Jackson, and
not in love happens, and to them, it felt like

(01:19:33):
a sign that said, like, if you are in love,
you need to be together because so many people just
lost family members. I think people feel that way. In
this pandemic, half a million people are dead. And that's
a low number because I'm sure there are a lot
of place people that are not been attributed to coronavirus
that have died, even if even if you believe everything's

(01:19:54):
been reported correctly, when you think about people with secondary
things that couldn't be treated because hospitals were overwhelmed, you know,
stuff like that. So I think a lot of people
feel that right now that like, here we are in
this pandemic, we can't even touch sometimes we can't even
touch the people we love. And I think a lot

(01:20:16):
of people feel like life's too short, you know, like
love the people that are here right now. And so
that pushed them to get married. So they got engaged
their father or father, her father was angry about the
whole fucking thing. And they get married. And here's the thing,
because Jessica Simpson has been on this tour with Nikola

(01:20:39):
chet and they've been in love. I watched this that video.
I think it's called where you Are, Where it might
be it's not a walk to remember? What's the other
one where the girl was dying? Leelee Sobieski, she looks
like Helen Hunt said, Sobiesky, I don't know Helen Hunt
Junior and Chris, I don't you guys can't see me.

(01:21:05):
I'm gesturing and I don't even know what I'm gestering
for because I want to say, Chris, they used to
be engaged to the lady. They used to be married
to Tom Cruise. Anyway, they were in a movie together
and she was dying. She had some leg cancer or
some shit bone cancer. Josh Harden's in it, Michael Rooker's

(01:21:26):
in it. I remember his fucking name. I don't remember.
He's the dad in it. But that move, that song
where you Are was on the soundtrack, and they're like
in the video and it looks like Nicholache is a
ghost like they were. They were like a public couple

(01:21:48):
in which a lot of things hung on their relationship
and not just not just publicly being together, like money,
they made money together, their images went together, and so
when they just got engaged and just look me walking
around here saying I'm a virgin, I'm a verge trying
to get married. R Like, as she pointed on the book,
she just was like, Hey, I'm gonna get m I'm

(01:22:11):
gonna lose my virginity on this day, basically, and I
mean it was a big deal. So they get married.
By the way she describes her first time is awkward.
Whose isn't Whose isn't? And but she really wanted to
be She had a fairy tale in her head and

(01:22:34):
I don't know that I've lived up to that. But
they get married, and one of the great things that
Joe Sipson does, even though he's an as the whole time,
he acts like a wild animal at the fucking wedding.
He's being mean, he's making faces, he's trying to get
her to run off at the last second. There's also
no prenup and I think that I think they purposely

(01:23:00):
did that no prenup. I think that's how she describes it.
I'm if I might have forgotten that part. So they
get married, and one of the things Joe does for
the couple is he gets the show on MTV called
The Newlyweds. He he's our manager, he's you know, he
makes it happen. She was executive producer, so it means

(01:23:20):
that he can you know it's He pitched them as
a documentary about their first lives geting married. People wanted
to know about him their you know, their first year's
being married, and the Osbourne have been a big hit
and done so much for for them that it seemed
like a win win and Nick was I mean her

(01:23:41):
her label didn't want her to do it, but Nick
was fine with it. And he just wanted his manager
to also be an executive producer so that someone will
be looking out for him. So that's where that's where
he gets a new lea it's from. And there are
people who will say the newlyweds ruined their relationship. I

(01:24:07):
don't know if that's true. I think being on reality
TV puts things under a spotlight and can and ruins
a lot of relationships. I don't think it helps relationships.
I don't I if I was in a reality TV show,
I probably would look like a demon last night. Because

(01:24:29):
my husband. My husband has a d D. Okay, I've
always known that, but as I started fostering kids that
have ADHD, I started learning more about it and I
was like, he he he's almost textbooks sometimes and he

(01:24:54):
has a hard time going to sleep at night. He
stays up and like shutting his mind off to go
to sleep. He also like suffers from a lot of
brain frog and things like that, memory issues. And the
problem is, I'm a good sleeper. I take my ass
to fucking sleep. And so but the what he's his body,

(01:25:16):
his mind isn't ready to turn her off. And and
so what he does is he brings all this weird
energy around me. I'm ready to go to sleep. He's
looking at shit, checking in the closet, doing stuff on
the bed, suddenly fixing this, pulling this out, cooking this,
talking to me, wants here. And last night we got

(01:25:36):
into it because like he's like, I'm not sleeping at all.
I think I'm gonna go to work because they're really
behind there because of everything that happened to freeze and
all that shit that happened last week. And so he's
and it's the plant, the dairy. The plant at the
point runs twenty four hours. So he's like, I'm gonna
go into work because they're behind, and I'm gonna go

(01:26:00):
in there and help them like catch up a little bit.
I was like, Okay, then fucking go. And he's like,
why are you mad at me? I'm like, I'm not
mad at you. It's that it's sleepy time now and
you keep talking to me. You're all up in, You're
digging shit out, You're opening drawers, you wanna fold this,
you wanna you wanna talk about this? Do you want
to make a grocery list? I don't want to make

(01:26:21):
a grocery list. I'm fucking tired. Get away from me.
And I ended up like basically kicking came out of
the house because I was like, go to fucking work.
I'm like throwing stuff, like throwing socks and shit, like
put these socks on and get the fuck out because
I am exhausted and I can't be around you right now.

(01:26:42):
I don't get this. My mind doesn't work like this,
and so like if that had been on camera, I'm
sure if people would have been like, I can't believe
Prince is such an asshole. She knows that he has
add she knows that his brain just works a little
differently than hers, and she's she can't be a commodating,
she can't be empathetic. She's like kicking him out of

(01:27:04):
the house if he went to cheat it on it,
Like imagine the comments under the video on YouTube, you
know what I mean. But in general, we fit together
pretty well, and so like, even if Jessica and Nick
fit together, well, the point of reality show is to

(01:27:27):
show me friction. You gotta show me a story. There's
gotta be rising action and conflict. Excuse me, there's gotta
be conflict, rising action, some shit happened at the top
then falling. Act like there's a structure to it, because
you're telling me a story, and multiple lives don't follow that.
So if it doesn't follow that, they gotta make it

(01:27:49):
follow it. But Nick and Jessica were never a perfect couple.
Like I said before, they didn't really know each other.
They spent all this time they were mostly they were
either long distance relationship over the phone and shit or
working together. They never just like been at home and

(01:28:12):
stayed home together at the same time, Like I said,
he was much older than her. He grew up in
a single parent family. He was doing laundry he was
like eight years old. Jessica has been the family bread
winner for quite a while and the center of a
lot of things. And I think especially on the show

(01:28:33):
they picked, they showed her as being like, oh, she
spoiled and she doesn't want to do laundry, and she
doesn't want to, But why would she not how to
do laundry when it was important that she go perform
at some fucking festival. Anybody in the house can do
fucking laundry, but only one of us can go sing
and make this money, you know, Like, what the fuck

(01:28:55):
are you talking about? Sure should they have, Like she
knows something, but she spoiled. Yeah, but there's a reason
for that. And so they have a difference of opinion there,
Like they're I definitely understand Nick and that, Like I

(01:29:15):
like to do things for myself too. I like to
save money. I think NICKDT twenty seven knew that he
was a little old to be a boy bander and
ninety degrees is is going away and he's trying to
do a solo thing. He's trying to save money, and like,
I think he had a better idea of as And

(01:29:38):
Jessica describes them their C level celebrities. They're they're middless celebrities,
and so what that means is that they don't have
a ton of money. Jessica's doing all this work because
she's like not turned down the opportunities. And Nick is
frugal and I'm frugal too, and like I'm gonna put
a backsplash in my in my kitchen and never had
one next month, but I'm gonna do it. And my

(01:30:00):
mom every time I tell her about some project I'm
working on, she's like, when did you go to handyman school?
Just fucking hire somebody, But it's cheaper and I can
get more if I do it myself, if it's reasonable.
And so I'm with Nick on that. But Jessica, that's
not how she sees the world. Also, he wants a

(01:30:23):
traditional marriage. That's how he's always seen, which is interesting.
He wanted to be a famous person and like seeing,
but also he wanted to live in rural Ohio and
have a white bacon pies and stuff. And I just
while I watched the show, it made it seem like
Nick was the normal one. He just wants the normal stuff.

(01:30:43):
But I was like, that doesn't It didn't seem reasonable Nick,
And so she's never there and she, you know, like
I said, Jessica didn't have like a lot of like
house skills, but even if she wanted to, she couldn't
have because she was working all the time. So like
she described, she would like go grocery shopping and then

(01:31:04):
by the time she was actually able to make dinner
be two weeks later. The ship would be bad. The
fucking salad would be bad because she wasn't there and
he'd be mad at her, and I'm like, well did
he Why didn't you make a fucking salad? He was
at home. So those are like the main reasons that
didn't work out. Also, because of this show, Jessica's life

(01:31:28):
heated up and Nick's didn't. And the reason was because
the show was a run away success and Joe and
Jessica was the star of it. She was They called
him Jessica's but she was always saying dumb shit, she
was always falling down. She was funny, and she was
she was even though Nick was the straight man and
people were like, that's reasonable. He seems like such a

(01:31:50):
nice he was. She was more fun to watch. And
also in terms of like sponsorships and stuff like that,
which is what happened. So once the show starts heating up,
Jessica starts getting more her her music starts going further.
She starts getting a lot of sponsorships, which is mostly
like a woman thing. Even now, let's think about it,

(01:32:13):
when you think of influencers, you think of mostly women.
I'm not saying there aren't men influences. There are, but
in terms of like who's gonna make the money, it's
women selling to other women. So she starts getting more opportunities.
And remember before they were a package that people will

(01:32:34):
be like, let's get Nick and Jessica the host New
Year's Eve. Now they're like, let's get Jessica. And the
first major thing that happened was that she was on
the cover Rolling Stone and he was really excited to
be there, and her dad was like, actually, they just
want Jessica. And so her career starts heating up and
his is going down. And again Nick is a traditional guy,
you know, and he doesn't like this, and he acts out,

(01:32:58):
and you know, they move further away, and also he's
got a real hmmm derision for her, like he thinks
she's stupid and he doesn't like her. As they should

(01:33:21):
watch the show, like the marriage is probably over by
season one. I think they did three season They may
have just done two, but now they did three. He
he doesn't like her, and I think that what happened
is that he didn't realize he didn't like her because
he didn't have much time with her. She's pretty. They

(01:33:43):
make a cute couple. Everyone's swooning over them. He's like, yeah,
this will work. And I think Jessica has some traditional
values too, in theory and in practice not so much.
So what alright, w Before I get into like what

(01:34:10):
really brought the marriage to it, let's talk about whether
Jessica's stupid, because this is when this all comes out,
like Jessica was a chicken or the sea blah blah
blah and a platama Puss and the buffalo wings and
na na nah. She's Throughout the book, Jessica talks about
how stupid she is, and the question has always been

(01:34:32):
is Jessica stupid? Or is she playing stupid to to
further her own agenda? And like is she like a
genius behind all that? I would tell you now, Jessica's stupid.
She's not just Becau's not smart. But why would she be?

(01:34:56):
She again, n nobody was like Jessica. Make sure you
get your make sure you read proost right. No one
was like Jessica. Let's do some critical thinking here. Jessica
is a very beautiful woman who can sing, and she's
good at that. She's good at performing. Why, because that's

(01:35:18):
what she was doing. What did they say about the
ten thousand hours? I think it's actually I think it
actually it has been found to be a myth. But
the idea that if you can do something over and over,
I think ten thousand hours, like the specificity of that
number is a myth. But the idea is that if

(01:35:38):
you do something a lot, you become good at it.
And what did Jessica do a lot? She sang and
performed a lot and looked pretty and put on outfits
and entertained a lot. Did she write book reports a lot? No?
Did she realize it now? And that doesn't even make

(01:36:00):
her stupid. But what I'm saying is this is that
Jessica making gaffs right, not understanding what things are, misunderstanding,
misspelling stuff all that that's all real. She tells a

(01:36:21):
story about how she was an Arthur ashevant. She thought
John McEnroe was Arthur Ash, maybe him, What was it now?
I think it was John, but Arthur Ash was a
dead black man. Like she just didn't know stuff. And

(01:36:42):
I believe her when she says that when she mispronounced it.
I believe that what I think is Jessica. That light
behind her eyes is that Jessica plays into that she's
a very beautiful woman. But if she also if she's
also someone who falls down a lot, who mispronounces things
and and burps and farts and stuff, it makes more relatable.

(01:37:03):
In fact, Joe Simpson wanted her to be more relatable
this whole time. Her label have been kind of pushing
her a sexy barb and that show just like I
was just talking about how you can see you're a
certain woman, can see herself in Taylor's with a lot
of people, all of sudden you can see themselves in Jessica Simpson.

(01:37:24):
And it was, as she said, they were also rans,
right ninety degrees was not in Sync or Backstreet Boys,
Jessica Simpson was not Christina Aguilera or she was in
Brittany or Christina, and so they were like lower celebrities.

(01:37:44):
But that show made them really famous. And suddenly they're
getting gigs at bar Mitzvah's and fucking corporate events and
sponsorships and covers and and merch and and suddenly they
were wanting. And it had a lot to do with
the fact that Jessica that version of Jessica. So do

(01:38:09):
I think Jessica Simpson is stupid. I don't think not
knowing things makes you stupid. I think the inability to
learn makes you stupid. So let me go back. I
might it's not that she's stupid. I think that she is.
She being true to herself and not knowing stuff. Yeah,
I think she is. But I think that lean in

(01:38:30):
bit and that smile and you know, a dimple and
a and a wink, that is the genius of Jessica Simpson,
you know, and that she leans into that shit. You know,
Jessica's star Roars Nicks fell. He was trying to go solo.

(01:38:51):
He couldn't sell shit, you know, He'd always been a
better selling artist than her, even like one of his
singles was the theme song. They couldn't sell shit what
So by the time they get the season two, they
are they are really understand what the gig is. Now.

(01:39:15):
Before they they kind of let people come in whenever
they wanted to, and like the you know, the producers
and stuff. She said they would get burn marks in
their backs from having the mic pack off for so
fucking long. They were just like reasonable and it just
got to the point as their marriage started to crumble,
that they really kind of just did whatever they thought
would be necessary to get off the fucking camera and

(01:39:35):
get the people out, because they would try to stay
for as long as possible. She also talks about how
like they would try not to fight on camera, and
I mean even though they did, but they would hold
like their most vicious stuff. It wasn't as authentic as
they wanted you to believe. What no reality show is,
you know. So then what happens is that she talks

(01:39:59):
about how on the second season is the start of
it's their first anniversary, and how the show shows Nick
doing all these great things for her, but he didn't
it was production. He didn't even know. By the third season,
they're sitting down at anniversary dinner. They're going to sit

(01:40:22):
down at a university dinner and before she can, like
a PA brings over a tabloid to show her some
stuff about Nick because they want her to fight with
Nick right before the anniversary dinner. At this point, they
were being you know, they've gotten very famous at this point,
and so they've got paparazzi around them all the time
Nick is leaving, they get in the fights and he'd

(01:40:44):
leave and turn off his phone. And I mean, I
think that the initial impression of Jessica and Nick is
that Nick was the mature one and Jessica was flighty
and stuff. But there's no all or nothing. And the
fact is he did a lot of immature shit. And
I bet his eagle was hurt. I bet he was sad.

(01:41:04):
I bet he was tired of their daddy, her daddy
always involved and stuff. I bet a lot of shit
got to him. But I remember at the time that
the fall of that marriage really being like people being like, well,
just got too big for bridges and didn't and didn't
want to be like with him anymore. But the real

(01:41:25):
fall of that relationship was them and as and as
what happens in many relationships, as I will tell you,
I'm a shingler. Like I said, I have said before,
I often leave relationships immediately go into another one because
I'll stay someplace until I have a reason to leave.
And what happened and that Jessica went down to film

(01:41:47):
Duke's and Hazard. By the way, I'm I've rewatched these
boots on Mayperwalking, which is from that movie. There's a
Confederate flag in that fucking and the music video. It's
on top of the general league, which obviously but in

(01:42:11):
twenty ten was it twenty three? I don't know, but
at that time they really thought it was. It could
have been twenty ten. She was thirty and twenty ten
if she's the same age as me, So let's say
two thousand and four, two thousand and five, probably closely

(01:42:31):
when she did this. In two thousand and four they
remade Dukes of Hazard and put the olymptic Confederate flag
in there. Anyway, so she goes to do duc she's
Daisy Duke. This is when Jessica is that her skinniest
we will talk about her way. But so she's down
there and she's away from Nick. It's also when Ashley

(01:42:55):
Ashley starts to do her own things, so her parents
are with Ashley and not her, and so she kind
of like had a little college like experience down there.
She's living in you know, a rented house and hanging
out with these guys. And Johnny Knoxville is in the movie.
So Sean Aston said, Sean Aston, No, it's not Sean Aston.

(01:43:18):
It's too old to be in that fucking movie. Sorry, guys,
I gotta look it up. Who's in Dukes of Hazard
mm Sean William Scott, there you go, and Johnny Knoxville,
Willie Nelson's in it, Burt Reynolds, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So

(01:43:44):
here's the thing. Jessica ends up having an emotional affair
with Johnny Knoxville. She there's nothing physical, but they do
a lot of hugging and a lot of flirting and
a lot of hanging out and a lot of late nights.
Sure they made out. She didn't say so, but I'm
sure they did. And that is the end of her

(01:44:07):
marriage because there is someone showing her the intention she
wished she got for Nick Nickase he's doing he's doing
another record or whatever, and he's like filming that, and
and they're fighting all the time, and they both accuse
each other or cheating on each other. The tabloid shit
was all around. Like I understand what Jessica's saying is

(01:44:28):
that she didn't believe all the tabloids. It's not like
she was like every time there's a tabloid that was
like Nick caught cheating with a born star, and she
was like, oh my god, this is real. But it
seemed like he was constantly in positions like that, and
she wondered, if he wasn't cheating, if he wasn't doing

(01:44:49):
it on purpose, how do you keep ending up those places?
I would have wondered the same thing. And so what
happens is after dukeson hazard they separate, she goes love
at her mom's house house, and I mean, it's a
big fucking deal. They put out a statement and everything.
I think in twenty twenty one, they wouldn't put out
a statement unless one of them was about to show

(01:45:11):
up with a new person. I don't think they would
put out a statement. I think she'd just go to
her mom's house and we'd be all up in the
Instagram going how many days since there was a picture
with Nick, Like that's what would happen. But it causes
a media frenzy. I mean there's helicopter over her mom's
house all that shit. So you know, and Nick doesn't
want to get divorced, but he also doesn't want to

(01:45:32):
be married just because he doesn't like her, And she
kind of like held strong and was like, I'm not
I'm not going to like I don't think you. Let
I think I love you, but I don't think you
like me. And you know, she he cried, he would

(01:45:53):
come over there. They She even talks about how they
had sex right after, not right like they had sex
posts after their breakup, and what happens at the breakup
is this justin it kind of moves on. She does

(01:46:16):
her first album after that was I Figure was it
called a public Affair, But none of the songs were
like breakup songs. They weren't chronicling her relationship with Nicky.
She really just kind of moved on. Not with Johnny Knoxville.
Johnny knox was still married. He went back to his wife.
Although they did text each other and they emailed. Excuse me,

(01:46:38):
this is BlackBerry time when people would email you and
so text you or b BM you, it ras emails
on their BlackBerry now, so people would just like literally
just be like, hey, send your email, said hey, how's
it going. So it being desired and having that connection
made her ready to leave. He just was like, actually,

(01:47:02):
I have feelings for somebody, and I want those feelings
with my marriage, and if I can't get that, then
I'm gonna leave it alone. But you know, Jessica, it
was a lot of stuff. They were like, you know,
they didn't have a prenup. They had to. You know,
she was making a lot more money than he was
at that time, and he like fought her tooth and

(01:47:23):
nail on, like the house and the money and all
this other stuff. I mean, she had to go get
her shit when he wasn't there. He wanted to keep Daisy.
She had that little that little flu food dog, Daisy.
Why do you want to keep her fucking dog? You know,
he probably thought it was her dog, his dog because
he fed it more because he was home more. But
doesn't make it your dog. But okay, this foo food

(01:47:49):
dog she used to carry around her fucking purse. You
thought that was your dog and you want to keep Okay. Honestly,
like I said, I think the trouble that Nick gave
leaving the marriage was because he didn't want to leave
the marriage and he was like upset about it, and
she had to pay him a certain amount of money
and her dad was like fighting it, and she finally

(01:48:11):
was just like, just give it to him. I'll make
it back, and she did, but he kind of went
on the the justin Timberlake, I got broken up with
tour and he did a little documentary about her, about
her leaving him, and he was so sad and his whole,

(01:48:32):
his whole what was the name of his album was
something like What's Left of Me? Like I'm nothing left,
I got nothing left. It was all like crying ass
songs about Jessica leaving him, and he really like leveraged
that to try to get some for it didn't really work,
to be honest, it didn't really work, and she was

(01:48:53):
just like, but again, I think that she had been
out of that marriage for a while before the marriage
actually went. You know, women can be like, I don't
want to use stereotypes here, but men will cheat on
you fifty fucking times and be so hurt when you
look at somebody else. Women do this, We often like

(01:49:15):
emotionally cut off from you first, and then by the
time we're actually cut off from you, it's over with.
We're done with you. At least I am like that,
emotionally leave first and then physically leave after that. And
that's how Jessica really fell. And she you know, she
came out with her first thing. It was a public affair,

(01:49:37):
you know, it was kind of like a it's the
time she'd been she was really being followed by a
lot of paparazzi and stuff, and it was kind of
like a girl's night song. It was set in a
roller ring. It had the randomst people. It had Andy
Dick in there. Andy Dick was in this. Fucking Maria
Manudos was in there. Christina Applegate m uh, Christina Mullion

(01:50:04):
and Eva Longoria were cast as her friends. Christina at
this point, Jessica's like twenty four to twenty five years
old maybe and Christina Applegate was thirty five. I'm not
saying they couldn't have been friends. I'm just saying it
didn't even say that they ran in the same fucking circles.
Christina app Applegate has been doing shit for a long

(01:50:29):
time in Hollywood, like she actually I think she was
like sixteen on, married with children, and she was an
original pussy gag do when Robin Anton did that shit.
She has been in so many yea, I don't know
if you guys have ever seen like She's just been
in a lot of shit. Samantha Who is an amazing
fucking show. It's very funny. It's about a woman who's

(01:50:52):
like a complete fucking bitch. FA gets like hit by
a car or something like that, gets amnesia and it
has to like pop back into this life a new person.
She's like a regular, like pretty nice person, but she's
lived her whole life as a bitch, and like she
did like because she was such a mean person. She

(01:51:14):
would like walk in a place and people just throw
drinks in her face because she's she's made an enemy
out of everybody. And it was like, I don't know,
it was a funny show. It didn't have a lot
of episodes. She was in another show with fucking the
guy that's married. They used to be married to the
woman who was on Parks and Racks. They were in

(01:51:34):
the show she had, that show she did, she had
to leave because she got breast cancer. She had breast cancer.
She's I don't know. Christina appricate's been around a lot,
and just I was like, y'all don't look like y'all
even know each other. Christina Milian, Kristina Milian is black famous,
and what that means is that a lot of you
don't know who the fuck I'm talking about. And the

(01:51:58):
idea that Jessica Simpson, who was very famous at this time,
was hanging out with Christine I don't know. Eva Longoria
even long Gooria is only a few years older than
Jessica Putt. I was like, did you guys get a
white girl, a Latina and a black girl or an
Afro Latina? And we're like, just put them all in

(01:52:21):
this music video. I don't know, weird, weird, weird weird. Actually,
now that I think about it, this might have been
around the time Christina Applecay was in the Sweetest Thing,
which is a very good movie. I don't know how
she got in this video anyway, So Jessica went out
kind of like left that marriage and moved on fairly quickly.

(01:52:43):
In the book, though, she she does talk about sleeping
with him one last time and he played her like
right after his album came out. And the thing is
Nick got married to Vanessa starts with him. I can't
say it. I want to say Milano, but I don't
think that's it. And she was in his video, so

(01:53:06):
it stays the reason they met on the set. So
when Jessica writes that she slept with him one last time,
is she telling us that she slept with Nick while
he was with Vanessa? Mmm? Anyway, So I want to

(01:53:27):
like that was the most interesting part of the book
for me, because this is how I know Jessica Simpson,
and I wanted to know more about that marriage. I
would like I would love for Nick to write a book.
I don't think he's written a book. I looked. I
want him to write a book because I want to
hear how he says that marriage ended, and I want

(01:53:49):
to hear him explain that he married Vanessa very quickly.
I mean he went on a date owned with Kim Kardashian,
by the way, because remember that that at the beginning
of like, I don't know if it's at the beginning
of Keeping with the Kardashians or I read it somewhere else,
but she like, I feel like it was on the

(01:54:12):
fucking show because I remember her like bringing cupcakes to
the day and he'd been recently re separated and like,
and at the time, Kim Kardashian landing on nicholasche would
have been a big fucking deal for her. Meanwhile, Nicholas

(01:54:33):
Shey in twenty twenty one couldn't carry Kim Kartashian's purse.
Damn things shange guys think slip all around anyway, So
I wanted to talk. I want I wish that I
wish Nick wrote a book so that I could read
the book and find out how he just decided to
marry Vanessa because he just wanted to be married and

(01:54:53):
wanted to have some kids, and how she too wanted
to sit on the couch and drink beer, and how
she was like, yeah, let's go ahead and move back
to Cleveland or Ohio whatever. I don't know, the next
big lake. So she talks about most of the loves
she talks about in this book. She talks about kissing
Justin temper Lake and how he and Ryan Gosling had

(01:55:15):
a bet when they were back at the Making Mouse
Club about who was gonna kiss Jessica first. And this
is after his break up with Brittany. And can you
imagine if Justin temper Lake started dating Jessica fucking Simpson
after that breakup with Brittany? Can you imagine? Girl? So

(01:55:46):
she talks about that. The next biggest thing she talks about,
I mean, the Justin temper Lake wasn't big. It was
just a small thing. The next biggest thing she talks
about is dating John Mayer. I was less interested in
this part, just mostly because John it went exactly the
way I thought it went, John Mayer is deep, okay,

(01:56:10):
so like he's a type of artist who like, I mean,
he's just he's like a faux intellectual and sits around
talking a lot, and he really thinks he's the smartest
person there. But he's he's an absolute fuck boy. And
he really made Jessica feel stupid and she just was

(01:56:33):
like really in love with him, Despike when she died
in her dark, she really just I mean, he was
a fuck boy. And what he would do is like
on and off her. He would break up with her.
She was gonna start drinking at this point. I'm gonna
talk about it, her drinking in a bit. He would
break up with her all the time. He would say
this because they're drinking, but it was most it was

(01:56:56):
mostly because he wanted to feel control over her, and
he would get back together with her. And he was
telling people in their interviews that he he would only
sleep with girls he already knew he'd already slept with,
because he didn't he didn't want the burden of introducing
John Mayer to a new person, like I don't know wrong.

(01:57:17):
When John Mayer said his dick was a was a klansman,
he had the David Duke of Dix because he didn't
date black women. I don't care about John Mayor dating
black woman who fucking cares great, So you can't give
us an STD awesome. But I don't know he he

(01:57:39):
I've always thought kind of thought of him as a dick.
And how Jessicas describes him, they were on and off,
on and off, on and off, and anytime she was
like trying to move forward from that relationship, he would
just kind of show up. Like all fuck boys do.
They have like a homing device and they're like, oh
that bitch. Wait. They like lick their finger, put in

(01:58:00):
the air, like feel the wind, like is that be
ch happy? Is she happy? Shit? Let me call her.
That's how he basically would do. And it was hard
because she, like she felt stupid. She would like have
to listen, she would have to have people proof read

(01:58:20):
her text messages. You know, she couldn't. It was I
feel bad for her in it, and she said they
had an extremely sexual relationship. Now what I want to
talk about here is how Jessica spends the first part
of this book talking about being an uber Christian and

(01:58:43):
just she wasn't gonna have sex to to marry. Sex
was so special, and then after she she just kind
of skips over after she gets married. How did it
change was because she was already married. She wasn't a
virgin anymore. How did she go from I'm an uber
Christian like to I was like fucking a lot of

(01:59:05):
dudes in Hollywood? How does she do that? She really
just bumped right over it like a fucking speed bump.
She was we were up in the air, Duke Sadrsta
and she didn't even say shit. So but they had
a very sexual relationship, and that sex was how she
could relate to him. She would just listen to him

(01:59:26):
a lot, talk and talk and talk and talk and
fuck him. You know. That's why he called her sexual
napalm in an interview, John he's a dick. It's fitting

(01:59:47):
that Andy Cohen hangs out with him all the time.
But an important thing about John is that John broke
up her and Tony Romo. Now I didn't know who
the fuck Tony Tony Romo was. I know he played
something with a ball. Had to look him up. It's football.

(02:00:09):
He's got a doofy face, that's and I guess he
was very important to football at some point the Cowboys.
I don't know, I should call my mom. She's a
huge Cowboys fan. She calls him her boys like they're
her fucking children. So Jessica started dating him. I guess

(02:00:31):
her father introduced her. Actually, nope, I'm gonna talk about
her dad in a separate little thing for two hours
into this shit, I have been talking. Let me, let
me get through this. Uh. So she talks to She
meets Tony. He says that he is if someone asked

(02:00:56):
him whose dream girl was on like an interview, and
he said Jessica Simpson and her dad also knew him,
and they met and they and she she met him,
but he was a really big, fat kind of guy,
like his house was like full of dudes all the time.
And she said that he just like put up bed

(02:01:16):
sheets on the windows that are buying curtains and stuff.
And also the fans hater because he played terribly the
first time, like the worst ever in his fucking life.
The first time she came to a game, and she
was bad, Like you know exactly what they do with
like Chloe Kardashian as if Chloe has any fucking semblance

(02:01:38):
on how anybody fucking plays and you know, I blame
Chloe Kardashian for a lot of shit. I don't like,
this is annoying, but he didn't want you know, at
this point, Jessica's doing those uh vote, She's mostly doing
her Jessica Simpsons collection, which is a billion dollar company

(02:01:58):
of like a four accessible clothing which started, as you know,
it just started. People wanted to buy one to wear
things she had, but she had very expensive things, and
like people would ask her about this shaw and when
she mentioned that, I knew exactly what fucking shaw she
was talking about. It was like kind of a weak
colored shaw that she would wear all the time on

(02:02:20):
the fucking show. And she told she'd be embarrassed to
tell people where she got it from. She got off
from Barney's and it was very expensive. And so she
started making like shoes. Steve Madden and I think helped her.
She had a collection and she brushed down on the
clothes and it was something her her mom did and
she made a lot of money doing it, and it

(02:02:40):
became it's what Jessica Simpson is really known for. Sub
Jessica makes her money now quietly, doesn't have to tour,
does a photo shoot, once a year, twice a year
when introduce new lines and she is involved in it.
I mean she fucking putting together patterns. No, but you
know she's she's involved in it. So she was mostly

(02:03:03):
doing that and so and acting. So she was doing
like basically they were giving her like Goldie Hawn remix.
I think she did a remake of that Armor movie
she was in. I think that Jessica could definitely been
in the remake of Overboard like that. Like she was

(02:03:25):
doing like movies like straight to DVD bullshit or like yeah,
straight to fucking DVD. I was gonna say one day
in the theater, now straight to DVD. She was doing
stuff like that, and Tony didn't want her to have
love scenes. He didn't want her to kiss anybody on
the screen. And that combined with the fact that when
people were like when they were talking so much shit

(02:03:47):
about Jessica on the news, all of you know, she
loves she's a big Texas girl. She's going through all
this stuff where the State of Texas a's her because
they think that she is ruining their football team. He
doesn't really stick up for her. He doesn't when they
talked about interviews, he doesn't go Actually, I played badly
because I play badly. You know, who I'm dating doesn't

(02:04:11):
have anything to do with my what how I play.
He doesn't do that. And also he really want he
he just didn't really want her to. He thought her
business was like even though she was self sufficient, he
thought she was just like I don't know, it was

(02:04:31):
like a hobby or something. But John Mayer breaks them
up because John mayor should She was so on and
off of John Mayer the text and like it was
such a tox of relationship that she kind of had
an agreement with Tony that she would let him know
any type share in contact with John Mayer, like if
he's if Johnson a text trying to get back in,
she would show it to Tony if he called she Well.

(02:04:54):
The other thing is John is hanging out with her
family because John has a relationship with whichever Madden that
Ashley had that baby with. I think she was married
to him and everything, so he would come around her
parents and stuff. And I don't understand just this relationship

(02:05:15):
with her mom is hard for me. I know she
loves her mom, she feels for her mom. They're very close,
but she mentions that her mom tended to take Nick's
side in arguments, and even though her mom said that
John Mayer, the relationship with John Mayer is was like terrible.

(02:05:36):
If my kid was in a toxic relationship with someone
and finally broke up with them, was doing someone else,
I would not hang out with their ex. And I'm
not saying I have a drop kicking when I saw him. No,
but we're not going to barbecues together. I'm not hanging
out bruh. So I don't know what they were. And

(02:05:59):
it just made things with Jessica and at some point
John sometimes he's doing interviews about her, and at some
point John contacts her. She doesn't cheat with him, but
because she doesn't mention it to Tony, he breaks up

(02:06:21):
with her because he finds out later and he feels
like it's a lot and he feels like he can't
trust her. And the last person she talks about being
a relationship is her husband. Excuse me why I look
at my browser because he's another person. I don't know
who it is. His name is Eric Johnson. Eric Johnson's

(02:06:45):
something to do with football. I don't know. She's married
him and they have They got together very quickly and
decide to have a baby very quick Again, I wish
she would talk about how and the way she talks
about that virginity stuff is almost in present tense, like

(02:07:05):
she still believes that. Yet she went on a sexual
run Springer after she got married. Then she had debate.
She decided to get pregnant first with her husband. I
think they might have had two kids at that point
before they got married. And again, I don't give a fuck.

(02:07:26):
I don't care. I virginity is a construct. When she
talks about in the book about how she thought she
was gonna be different next night and all this other stuff,
I'm like, no, not really, but but she doesn't believe that,
and so I don't know. I wish he'd talked more
about it. But she ends up marrying him. They have

(02:07:49):
three kids, and of course he's very smart. He went
to Yale, and she says that he's smart in a
way not like John made her feel like she he
would talk down her and he would just make her
feel stupid all the time. Okay, so those are th

(02:08:09):
like this is the reason most people read this book
is to get Ah the low down on all the loves.
But another thing we wanna talk about is her drinking.
We start off this book with her having a kind
of nervous breakdown because she has fired her f her
her father and her realize she drinks all the time.

(02:08:32):
And throughout the book so we hear about her first
drink ever, cause she's Baptist, and Baptists say they don't drink,
but plenty of Baptists drink. But her family grew up
like when she grew up, her family didn't drink or anything.
And the first time she had a drink, she was
twenty years old. She was on vacation with Nick, and

(02:08:53):
she says that she started feeling the effects a lot,
and she was like wobbling down the hallway and talking
to people. She ran through a screen door shit And
after the after the marriage, she talks about drinking more
and more and more. In fact, she says that her
relationship with John Mayer was affected by it. He said,

(02:09:14):
the reason they would break up all the time is because,
or at least is what he told her. I don't
know what he said publicly, is that she was drinking
and she wouldn't be present and she would forget things.
And I'm like the way Jessica phrases it like not
present and what I'm thinking as someone who has been
around people who have I'm not gonna say alcoholics because

(02:09:39):
over the years I've gotten better being like, oh, you're
an alcoholic. I think it's tough for you to say
whether you're an alcoholic. I'm gonna say that you've you,
I've seen you have issues with alcohol, and I've been
around people like that. And the stuff Jessica is describing
might be cute the way she's describing it, but it's

(02:10:00):
very different when you're the person, when you're the other
person in the room. And so one's always and like
every every uh every time you see them drinking, whether
it's from a coffee cup or a solo cup. And
she talks about the glitter cup, the glitter sip cup
that she has with a straw or whatever. It's always
got alcohol in it. You can't go anywhere unless you

(02:10:21):
can drink. You forget things, you act differently, you act
a full someplace and don't even remember you did it,
Like I don't know. I have a family full of alcoholics,
and that's not me. You call the alcoholics, does them? I
got a lot of family members in AA. I got
a lot of fucking family members who can drink, and

(02:10:46):
just hearing her describe how other people describe her drinking,
I was like, it's probably worse than that. You don't
think that because you don't remember. You don't remember, You
don't you think it's you think you're just being Jessica
Sam said, when you fall into the pool. Meanwhile, sober
people that are there saw you fall into a pool,

(02:11:09):
and you think you're getting the party started, and really
you just look sloppy. I don't know. She talks about
how she just got to the point where she didn't
want to drink anymore. And Ksey Cop, who has been
like you know her, Jimminy Cricket throughout the fucking book
and throughout her life, just this guiding star, best friend

(02:11:32):
type of person, was like, Yeah, let's do it. And
she ends up going. Then she doesn't. I don't think
she goes to rehab. She asked someone to come there
to help detox her. She tells her husband she's not
gonna go, and she's on the floor of her room
and all the women it's it's Halloween, I guess, And
Halloween's a big deal for her, and she's usually all
around with the kids and doing things. And she actually

(02:11:58):
when she talks about her kids, she this is one
of the reason I don't think i'na hang out with hers,
cause she sounds like somebody who like overdoes everything. And
she was stressed me out and like just small things
like you guys have seen me on Twitter and even
on this podcast stressing out about small things with my kids.

(02:12:22):
And that's as far as I can go. I can't, like,
I definitely can't be around like a cake gossling type
because I don't care about a lot of stuff. And
and Jessica strikes me as somebody like that, someone who
like like they get real crazy around Halloween, they get

(02:12:43):
real crazy around birthdays. And and she's got her girl
gang and then she's always having the parties and and
she's but one of the reasons she knows she's not
good is because she's it's Halloween and she can't do anything.
She's like depressed and she's having a breakdown. And so
when she oh. Also another thing is that for her

(02:13:05):
not her fortieth some birthday, she went off, she was
leaving and she was gonna go get like some plastic surgery.
Jessica is also very honest about plastic surgery she's had
throughout this journey. And the doctor called while she's on
this vacation, was like, you can't because your liver's fucked up. Bitch,
you drink it too much. Like I really enjoyed her

(02:13:28):
characterization of the doctor because the doctor's like, girl, no,
I know that you've been clear, but no, you can't
because your liver's fucked up. Will do you drink it
over there? And if you listen to what Jessica says,
she doesn't drink anymore. She's better now. I'm who am

(02:13:50):
I to say? What else I want to talk about
with her? I want to talk about her weight. Her
weight is a huge theme throughout the book. Like I said,
she started on diet pills when she was eighteen years
old and was on them for twenty years. She's getting
light bul all the time. Her as she gets older,

(02:14:11):
her weight is going up and down. Her entire that
career pre pre getting married, was all about her weight
all the time. She her mom would like her mom
would be the one that would have to be like,
we need to go on Atkins, I'm gonna take a
long walk. Do you want to go? Like it's hard

(02:14:35):
listening to it. She she describes how Tommy Motola would
tell like basically like she needs a six pack. That
video irresistible, which again you should go back and watch
and watch how awkward she looks moving like I cannot
believe they made her dance. She looks so fucking stiff.

(02:14:59):
She looks but she was down to one hundred and
two pounds and everyone kept telling her she looked amazing.
Dukes of hazards. I think she's at her skinniest. And
if you go back and watch that, boots are made
for walking video. First of all, she's as dark as
a roasted chicken. She's not good at dancing. Still, you

(02:15:23):
know they got her pushing her tish and all that
she is incredibly skinny. She talks even like if you
don't even watch Newly Weeds, there are scenes where her
mom is like, well, you know, Jessica's not doing well
because you know she's on the diet. She can only
have cheese and turkey. You know you're hungry. You get

(02:15:45):
pissed off, and she admits that like a fight she
had been making stuff would sometimes be would be feel
by the fact she was absolutely hungry at some point
she had to go through media training, which really didn't
take because they would put her in interviews and she
would talk about hunger she was. Now she wasn't allowed

(02:16:07):
to do anything. As we get to she describes an
incident which I don't remember, so I had to go
look it up. But she was doing like a little
I didn't know, in a chili con. She was performing
at a chili contest or some shit, and they got

(02:16:28):
there are a lot of pictures of up pictures from her,
like so from below, and she looked frumpy and like
the internet was like the media of the Internet was
like Jessica Simpson is set And I looked at the
picture and it's not a flattering picture. They're not flattering
pictures of her. She doesn't look good in them. But

(02:16:52):
as she describes in the book, she's like a size
four in those in those pictures. And I believe her
because all it takes like it's just an unflattering photo,
but everyone ran with it. She's super fat, you know.
Keep in mind her weight has always been up and
down her entire life. It's been a thing, and it's
something that she beat herself up about. Something her parents

(02:17:14):
like that's thing about having like parents that are part
of your team. You know, you want a mom who
you tell her you don't think you're you're you don't
think you're skinny enough, and she tells you that like

(02:17:35):
she answers you like a mom. She doesn't say, well
did you do yoursel up today? Like that's not There
are obvious fissures in their relationship because because of the way,
like her mom will be in charge of making sure
that she stayed on the actings die and shit like that.

(02:17:57):
You know, Jessica talks a lot about body positivity and
one thing she did she does say that I really
gave props to her for, is that after that incident,
there were lots of people want lots of interviews. People
like everyone was talking everywhere like they were on a view.
It's just a conceipts and fat. Look at her, you know,

(02:18:19):
not listening, not like taking accunt just gonna send it.
This fucking five feet tall and a cheeseburger today could
make her look bigger like her body is. But she
did not do interviews defending herself. She did not do

(02:18:42):
interviews saying I'm actually a size four. She like, she
didn't do that, and I appreciate that. She said that.
One of the things wan she she wants she's been
lots of different sizes that she's she guys to make
her collection size inclusive. I don't know. I don't shop it.

(02:19:03):
I don't know if it is. I hope she doesn't
think size and coclusive means up to a size ten.
But she She says that she makes an effort in
interviews to not talk about her weight, but to talk
about how she feels about her body. She says, I

(02:19:25):
like how I look. She talks about her body in
positive ways in media messaging, and I, you know, I
do appreciate that. She now. She also talks that she
had a deal with weight Watchers not long after that.
I think it's after she gave birth to her first kid.
She got pregnant right away with the second one. I

(02:19:46):
think there are people that will be like, well, you
can't be body positive and also be a memo and
also be chilling weight watchers, And I like, I guess
I'll let her. I'm like less strict on that. It
depends on what you're talking about, like and forgive me, guys,

(02:20:07):
I might be talking out my ass. I don't know
what weight Watchers is like, so maybe it was bull
it was hypocritical or her to then like be a
weight watch and Wait Watchers ambassador. But I I just
feel like it's not mutually exclusive to say to myself,

(02:20:28):
I'm I gained quite a bit of weight during this pregnancy,
and I'm also going to work on losing that way.
But at the same time, I'm going to like talk
nicely about my body, treat my body well, not go
on crash tides. At least just try to work on counting.
Like it's I don't think those two things are mutually
exclusive now. But again, I want to be clear that

(02:20:49):
I am never gonna wait Watchers. I don't know what
they doing there. And also I don't know if she
was like walking around being like like holding up jans,
being like I used to be fat. I don't know
if that the way she describes in the book. I'm like, Okay,
I'm not mad at her for it. Anything else I
want to talk about. I want to talk about Ashley.
Jessica does not talk a lot about it Ashley in

(02:21:10):
this book. When she does, it's always glowing powerful things
about how small, strong and smart and how free your
sister is, and how she feels a certain responsibility for
the fact that Ashley had to leave dance school and
kind of was like her backup dancer and was in

(02:21:32):
her shadow and stuff. And I think she's referring to
the fact that actually did feel like she was in
her shadow. She has a song called living in the
Shadow and so, which makes sense. The family business is Jessica,
what is Jessica wearing, what is Jessica eating? Where's Jessica
going to Jessica get to the studio to just get
her singing lessons like that type of shit. And I

(02:21:57):
don't think I'm being unkind or unfair when I say
that Ashley Simpson looks different than Jessica Simpsons. Jessica saidth
is very beautiful. I don't. I don't think she's had
to try that hard to be beautiful. She is beautiful
and Ashley, Ashley looked different. And I'm not saying Ashley

(02:22:21):
was ugly. I'm saying that the wind there was no
there was no like wind machine when Ashley walked in
and the wind blew her hair, and everyone goes, damn,
who's that? Where they did that with Jessica? You know,

(02:22:42):
they had similar noses, but Jessica got like a kind
of a better version and Ashley got a nose job.
I don't know if you if you go back and
watch Ashley Simpson's reality TV show, you do see Ashley

(02:23:03):
calling herself a boy and kind of being the anti
Jessica because she she just grew up in her shadow
and Jessica's one thing and Ashley had to try to
be something else. But Jessica doesn't talk a lot about

(02:23:24):
it Ashley in this except for in glowing positive ways.
And I think I'm assuming they're close, but I could
be wrong. I also want to talk, but I think
I'm done. I just want to talk about her dad
real quick. And I have been talking about her dad
this whole time. The book starts with Jessica firing her

(02:23:46):
dad and how that brought her to a nervous breakdown,
and how that like she fires her dad because over
the years, her dad has made some bad deals and
put her in some bad situations and promised things that
Jessica didn't know about. And and also at the time

(02:24:14):
he had divorced, he was just divorcing Tina. Now we
rewind back when Jessica left Nick her father told her,
I wish that I could be as brave as you are.
And Jessica was upset by that because at the time

(02:24:38):
her parents were still together, and I don't know who
wants to hold a secret like that from their mom. Well,
dad told me you want to leave you, but he can't.
He's not brave enough. Like it's an awkward position to
be put in. Also, she talks a lot about how

(02:25:01):
when they came to la they were like very country
folk and Baptists and and they didn't know much and
as the years went by, she would hear her father
curse thing she never heard her father cursing. There her
parents started drinking. She told the story about how like
basically ready it ran with Jessica was, you know, a Baptist,

(02:25:25):
and when she would go on tour with Nick and everything,
like she had to deal with his screaming, hordes of
women chasing after him, and he had to deal with
all the Baptists that with her, her with her, and
how he was drinking a beer and like one of

(02:25:45):
her her family friends like ringed him out for it
and was like, this is not what you show children
like and like just really crazy stuff. But you know,
within a couple of years they're drinking too, and her
father is becoming more and more different, Like I think

(02:26:14):
there is a like is her dad shady? Yeah. She
talks about how they borrowed that two hundred and seventy
five thousand dollars was just three what was it four
times at two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, which was
like four times what he made a year or something
like that, doing various like side gigs and pastoring, And

(02:26:35):
how when the guy want because they they signed a
contract saying that they would get points on the album
after she made a certain amount of money. He was
they had she had to pay for it out of
her money from the album, and how her dad was
trying to stiff the guy and being like these are
dropping a bucket, he doesn't need it, like he was

(02:26:59):
shit and shady and throughout the years. I also think,
although she's less subtle about saying this, that she blames
him for ways that shoes treating the industry, the weight
stuff where she was just up and down, and how
they were constantly telling her to be sexier or sexier, sexier,
and how and that she needs to be like she

(02:27:21):
needs to show more skin, be like be super sexy
but also be a vital like that sort of stuff.
And how he talked about her body and length. I
think she resents him for all that stuff and when
and actually I guess they broke up when. I guess

(02:27:45):
the parents broke up right after she had a baby,
right after she had her second baby. I think her
second baby's name Ace. First kid's name, Maxwell's a girl.
She's so cute, and it's her husband's middle name. I
like the name better knowing that it's her husband's middle name.

(02:28:06):
Like Jessica the child rings. The childbirth stuff was like
a little difficult for her. Jessica had a fallopian tube
taken out. I guess when she was younger, she had
assist rupture and when she was after she was she
was singing after she was signed, and it was just
a little more difficult for her to get pregnant then

(02:28:27):
it would be for someone who had not had that surgery.
And so like she don't like she'd only get pregnant
every other month or something like that. And I think
her bait her second baby was born really small, and
she just basically I don't know if it was after
the last kid or what. But she basically because she's
got two daughters and a son. She basically when her

(02:28:52):
parents broke up, was like, I cannot be involved in this,
you know, And there they are choosing sides, and you know,
both her parents moved on really quickly, and because the
reason they move really quickly because they hadn't be married
in a long time, not really, and they didn't even
work together anymore because her dad was on the music

(02:29:15):
and the and the acting side, and her mom really
that business that Jessica Simpsons collection is for her. Her
mom always was like making stuff and in the fashion
and that's where her mom did most of her work.
Her mom still branches out and like basically runs that.

(02:29:36):
So she's a fire and her dad and she it
becomes a full circum moment because she ends up playing
him with her new stuff, Like she found out that
her dad had been like rude to people like just
and honestly, she probably should have done it before if

(02:29:57):
she had fired her dad after she went during a
divorce from Nick, like after that been negotiated, Jessica Simpson
might be in a different place. As I was looking
at her videos on YouTube, I'm struck by like She
talks about how she was always kind of like behind Jessa,

(02:30:20):
Brittany and Christina and she was I put Jessica and
Mandy Moore in the same category, although yeah, I put
them around the same category. But her discography is kind

(02:30:45):
of all all over the place, and she does a
lot of re like the boots are made for walking.
She did take my breath away. She did that sample
from Jack and Diane and I think I'm in love
And I don't know, Like it feels like all her

(02:31:06):
shit was was dated the second it came out, like
it would come out on Monday and by Tuesday, and
by Tuesday you were like, what is this from the eighties?
Like it was. I don't know. And I think that
if she had a different direction, she might have. I
honestly think Jessica Simpson should have been a country music star.

(02:31:28):
I think she'd be in the whole different. I think
her whole spill would have been different, I think. And
did she try to pivot the country I I feel
like she did, but I think she should have started there.
But yeah, like she does not talk about her dad
being gay, probably because she doesn't want to. I would

(02:31:53):
think I would think, you know, how some people have
really hard issues with their kids coming out. I would
think your parents coming out would be even harder because
of how you look at them. I also don't know

(02:32:14):
how open Joe is with everything, although I mean, you
guys saw him on that vanderprumt Rules cameo where you're
taking pictures of Tom. Like, I think, if you hang
out with Joe and you know Joe, it's very obvious
that he dates men. I don't I don't think he's

(02:32:40):
hiding anything. I just don't think he's made the announcements.
You know. I don't know, and I think I don't
know this is true, and so I almost don't wanna
say it, but I'm going to say I get a
feeling that Joe trades on Jessica a lot and has
been for a long time. I mean, obviously, but I
bet Joe's running around West Hollywood telling people he has

(02:33:02):
contacts with models and stuff, and that's why he's running
around with these young men. I bet. I bet there's
a sleezy el. I mean, there's always been a sleazy
element to him, but I think that there's a certain
sleaziness that's been ratcheted up because he's now single, and

(02:33:23):
I don't know. I like the him to write a
book too, because I want to know what he I
wanna know what he has to say about some of
this stuff. Is there anything else I want to talk
about about this? I don't know. I honestly didn't think
I was gonna get an hour out of this. It's
been two and a half hours. Hmm, shows you how
much I fucking know. Anyway, guys, this week we're back

(02:33:44):
to normal. You're gonna get your main feed episode on Sunday.
I know. We talking about the Real Housewives of Miami.
And next time we have a bonus episode, it's going
to be for for erveng. Alright, so fun stuff, fun
stuff coming up later

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