Wakeup Call

content warning: weight checks, eating disorders, fatphobia

Celebrity Fit Club, Season 7, Episode 1

This week, Princess starts off the new season of Bye Pumkin with a lot of yelling and fried chicken and forced exercise.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys, Before we get started, I just want to
warn you that this episode contains a lot of talk
about weight bodies, diets, and exercise, and for some of
us that can be a very triggering conversation. Half So
if any of these topics would make this a hard

(00:24):
listen for you, then don't listen to this and I'll
see you the next one later. Hey, guys, Princess watch
another episode of By Pumpkin O GI Edition Original Flavor. Hey,

(00:45):
so we're starting a new season of Bye Pumpkin. Season
what seventeen nineteen, one hundred and six. I don't know.
I'll remember by the time I put the show notes
in there. But we're gonna talk celebrity fit. But before
we get there, I want to remind you guys that
the show that you get on Sunday, this show that

(01:08):
you're listening to now, is a free episode. It's I
call it the main Feed. It's a free episode every week.
Sometimes there aren't a new episode because there's a holiday
or something's happening in my life and I can't get
you a free episode. However, there is also a Patreon
that supports this podcast. It's at patreon dot com. Backslash

(01:29):
by Pumpkin and for five bucks a month, every week
you get into a fresh episode on the Patreon. Now,
this I never fuck over like because people pay for it,
so I have to make sure it gets there. But
we did an episode of the Valley at some point.
We did last week we did a documentary called Southern

(01:54):
Fried Lies about this this absolutely psychotic omn oh, there's
mysterious death. We do things like that, but sometimes we do.
We take a look dot my TikTok feed and I
talk about what's been going on in the TikTok universe
and things I want to talk about. It is a

(02:14):
good time every week on Thursdays, and it's five bucks
a month. You can do this on Patreon. I also
have this on Apple subscription whatever's whatever they fucking call it.
It's five bucks a month. Now. There is another level
on Patreon called Princess Diaries, And if you subscribe to
Princess Diaries, which is ten bucks a month, you get

(02:37):
an episode of me just talking about my life, talking
to you like you're like one of my homegirls, just
about shit that's been going on. You also get the
free episodes. You also get excuse me, you also get
the bonus episodes once a week, but you also get
commercial free episodes that everybody else gets. This is a

(03:00):
good deal. I think they're all good deals. I also
think that in terms of what the economy looks like,
there are some people who just it doesn't matter. It
can be the best deal in the world. It's just
not something they could do understandable. I'm just letting you
know there are ways to get more Princess. I don't
know how much longer I'll be doing free episodes on
the main feed. I be honest with you. Every couple
of months, I have to sit down and think about

(03:23):
why I continue to do those episodes because it represents
a more time each week for me. But it always
comes back to I kind of like doing them, you
know what I mean. But if you guys are like, hey,
sometimes I don't get a free, a fresh free episode.
I wish I could listen to the Princess talk more in

(03:44):
depth about certain things. Signing up for those bonus episodes
are and if you are someone that loves when I
go off on these tangents about my personal life, the
Princess Diaries tier on Patreon is where you need to
be and if none of those things are interest you
or none of those things are workable for you right now,
that's okay too.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Ken.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Have you considered leaving me a review on Apple Podcasts?
I wish it count it more in other places, but
it doesn't. If you can leave me a review, I'm
not gonna read it because I don't think reviews are
for me. They're for other people to find me. If
you could leave me a review explaining why you like
this shit, why you keep coming back, so other people

(04:26):
will know too, that would be awesome. Anything else I
want to talk about, No, I think that's pretty much it.
It's time for the new season up by Pumpkin. So,
like I said, we're doing several Celebrity Fit Club. It's
season seven of Celebrity Fit Club. This aired in twenty ten.
Just to give you context of what we're looking at.
I had to look that up because I was like, shar,

(04:48):
what are we talking about here? We'll get there. If
you're not familiar with Celebrity Fit Club, keep in mind
twenty ten was I wouldn't say Biggest Loser was what
this was the start around the Biggest Loser. Biggest Loser

(05:08):
was way earlier right, I feel like we're at the
tail end of when shit like that like matters, you know.
I want to, like, before we get started on the season,
I want to talk about being fat. People hate fat people,
and not necessarily consciously, but it's one of the things

(05:30):
that as a society we tell ourselves. People are fat
on purpose. People are fat because they're lazy, people are
fat because they're uneducated, and fat people are far more
likely to make less to be discriminated against. It's just
how it is. Okay as a fat I was a
fat kid. I'm a fat adult. I know I have

(05:54):
to talk about this. When I was doing my six
hundred pound life, I know that I do have some
privilege in that I'm a small fat, right, I'm a
fat person that like, uh, things are uncertain, are like
you know, uh, I can squeeze fat in the certain places,
so it makes it looks like a like I've got
a uh a nice figure or whatever. But I'm a
fat person and I'd never get this world as a

(06:16):
fat person for a really long time. And when these
types of shows are out, as we're looking at them,
I want us to make sure this season that we're
looking at this with the eye where we are a
acknowledging clocking the fat phobia and the lies that are

(06:42):
being told on this show at a certain at a
certain uh in certain places, and the way in which
being thinner is being promoted as this will make your
life better. I've been really thinking a lot about the

(07:03):
state of being fat, especially in a world of like
you know, uh ozimpic and you know the other the
the other names for the other types of g lp ones.
Is that what they're called winter and how I know
what's being marketed as like a magic pill or whatever,

(07:24):
and maybe it is, I don't know, But what fatness
is gonna look like in the future as it becomes
clear that you that you can buy thinness all right,

(07:47):
or at least what's thin for you, because again my
understanding is people who are on these sorts of things,
they're they're still I mean, you're still working out and
still died stuff, but like uh and most people are
doing the similar things that they always done. It's just
they're losing weight now. But I want to think a

(08:09):
lot about what it means to be able to buy
thinness and be for real, We've always been able to
buy thinness right to a certain extent, but in the
way that people are doing it now. It's just something
to roll around in your head, like, all roads lead

(08:31):
back to capitalism and white supremacy, right, all roads lead back.
But how does that change the way we talk about
fat people and f and fatness in general and the
fat phobia that follows. What does that mean to that?

(08:53):
What does it mean to you if you think about it? Oh? Well,
you know, as we get through these nine episodes, that
might that, Well, we'll talk about it. What else will
we talk about? We'll talk about I think it's good
right now to talk about how these eight people end
up on this show. And I'm gonna tell you right now.
They needed the money, right, this is the reason you

(09:13):
get on shows like this. You need the money. Uh,
let's introduce our casts so we can understand why they
need the money. Let's let's let's just introduce them real quick.
We start with Sebastian Bach. Who's Sebastian Bach? Uh? A
guitarist for I can't remember it's the hairband, But I
don't remember from that at all. I remember from fucking

(09:34):
Gilmour girls. What do you want from me? That's who
I mean? You can call him, you can let me
look it up. Sebastian Bach. Oh he's Canadian, I always
you know those sneaky Canadians. Oh, his name is Sebastian
Philip Berk, but he goes by Sebastian Bach. Skid Row,

(09:59):
he was in He was in the He was the
frontman of the rock band skid Row from eighty seven
to ninety six. Oh, he's acted in Broadway. He was
on the Masked Singers, and of course he was on
fucking Gilmore Girls. That's where we all know him from.
Oh he was born in the Bahamas and raised in Ontario.
Oh and his and his brother is a professional hockey player.

(10:20):
Of course he is there in Ontario. Or isn't everybody
a professional hockey player there? I don't know anyway, that's
who Subastian Bak is. Umm who else? Who else? We
got Casey straw Strow, which I'm gonna just I'm gonna
have to look her up to because I don't know

(10:40):
who the fuck that is. Ummm, does she even have girls?
She doesn't even have a Wikipedia. Uh, she was an
actress on Oh wait, she does have I have some spelling.
It's sorry, Cacy, Sorry, sorry, I did not mean to
drag you like that. Oh, so she is. She's known

(11:03):
for being as a role as Martha Cox in a
high school musical franchise that means absolutely nothing to me.
I've never seen high school high school musical. Oh and
she was also contestant on VH one Celebrity Fit Club.
The fact that this is hot, this is like in
her opening paragraph on Wikipedia tells me not much has happened.
She is forty one now, which means this is fifteen

(11:23):
years ago, so she was quite young when she was
doing this. Yeah, I guess. I mean she was on
two episodes of The Sweetlight of Zack and Cody. There's
a reason I don't know who the fuck she is.
Let's also talk about, oh, the third guy. We all
know who that is, Bobby fucking Brown, who I know
entirely too much about because I really, I really feel

(11:47):
it for Whitney Houston. I don't need to expect. I've
done Bobby Brown's fucking memoir here. And someone I always
forget their name, but someone emailed me or messaged me
and said that their friend was the ghostwriter, not the
ghost I don't know if those I don't know if
ghost writes a term for this because I believe their
name is on the front of the book. They are
the writer of the Bobby Brown's autobiography. And uh they

(12:09):
said that they met Bobby like once, that's the last
time they like they basically had to write this book
out of thin air which tracks tracks okay, tracks, I
don't know. Maybe once is an exaggeration. But Bobby, I
don't know that Bobby read that book. And I told
you I listened to his audiobook and it's sally the
first time he ever read anything. So I don't know.

(12:29):
But we got mister Bobby Brown on here. Him and
his gap have have are in the building. The next
person is Nicole Edgard. Nicole Edgart, Uh we spell on Baywatch.
She used to be on Charleston Charge. She used to
be She used to be in this movie that I
think about all the time called blown Away that has

(12:51):
both of the Cory's in it. It's a really bad
movie that I used to watch on HBO and IM
kid and thought was pornography? Is it pornography? I don't
think so. I mean there is a there's a scene
or two, but and and and now, I you know,
I should probably watch it again. I should probably watch

(13:11):
him and it's a really bad movie. Guys, But uh,
Nicole Eggert's here. Who else we got? Tunisia Thomas? You
know who Tennis is. Y'all ain't gonna get I ain't
gonna sleep in here, y'all. Ain that from The Bad
Girls Club, the one with the pants. Y'all ain't getting

(13:32):
no sleep in. I didn't get no sleep in here,
y'all ain't gonna y'all ain't gonna get no sleep because
of me. Tenisa Thomas from season two of The Bad
Girls Club And she also did a lot of like
uh hosting of shows and whatnots. We all know fucking
Tanisha And as he introduced himself, Kevin fatass federal Line.

(13:52):
We all know who Kevin fatass federal Line is. Uh yeah,
I mean I don't. I don't think I have to
introduce Kevin Federline. We'll talk more about him later. And last,
but not least, shar Jackson, who is Hu Spielmoesha and
the Parkers h She is black famous and she is

(14:13):
Kevin feder Line's baby mama. She is the person he
was with when he I don't know, went on a
trip one time, like like literally he met Britney Spears
in a club and he was in a relationship and
had children with shar Jackson, and then like Brittany called

(14:35):
him and was like, fly out to Europe to be
on my tour with me, and he did and like
didn't say shit, just like left, and then he was
with Brittany and then they got married and then they
got divorce, and then yeah, it's Kevin Federline and Sebastian
Bo because they're on a little bus. They're on a
little like army bus, and Sebastian Bob goes, aren't you

(14:57):
two together and and they're like, no, no, we're not.
And it really made me look up like why, like
how far out are we from this? And so this
was this air in twenty ten, so it's probably filmed

(15:18):
in twenty zero in two thousand and nine, and they're
like five years out from all that happening. At this point,
I think Kevin has obviously Kevin met married and broke
up with Brittany, and it seems like we are past

(15:42):
two thousand and seven Brittany, which means Kevin has full
custody of the boys and Brittany is on Lockdown, So
like I it helped for me to understand where we
were in this because you know, I've seen Shar Jackson.
I've talked about it on the show before when we
did Celebrity Mother Daughter Club but select Mother Daughter Experiments
Celebrity whatever the fuck that was, which was Craig Cray

(16:07):
Craig Cray and and this seemed like the biggest part
of her life. Uh. We will talk more about this
as we talk more about Shar, but that was many,
many years out. Her daughter was grown at the time.

(16:29):
Her oldest daughter, which is not Kevin's daughter. Kevin has
a daughter and a son with her. How many kidses
Kevin Federline have? He has he has the two with
the two with uh Shar, and he has two with Britney.

(16:49):
I mean, I guess he'd give them Mountain two's. I
feel like he has six shown he has two with
this one. I feel like people when we talk about
Kevin Federline, the thing we want to talk about is
him living off his child support of Britney Spears and

(17:11):
a far be it from me to to defend a
white man, because right, what the fuck am I doing
on that? But I I generally defend people who get
child support from very large stars, and people act as
if that was their like their whole plan the whole time.

(17:32):
It's similar, was their whole plan. I don't know if
it was Brittany, it was Kevin's plan the whole time.
I think Kevin intended to like Kevin wanted to be
the hottest woman on earth, which was Britney Spears at
the time. But I'm fine with people talking bad about
Kevin federal line, right, because I don't think he's a
good person. Right. What I hate is when people talk

(17:52):
talk about Britney's children as if they are sponging offer
because they got because child support was paid to care
for them and they didn't have a good relationship with her.
That's a crazy thing. That's something that like Dennis Robin
fans say about his kids like that. That's that's like
like Britney's kids aren't taking advantage or weren't because they

(18:16):
don't do anything. I mean, they're I think they've turned eighteen, right,
Brittany's kids weren't taking advantage of her because she had
to pay child support for their care. She that's part
of parenting like that, that's not she wasn't. I'm not
saying that that their relationship was perfect, but I do

(18:40):
not believe that you having to pay child support for
your children is a form of abuse by your children.
That's that's weird. I try to stay at Britney's business.
I want to remind you guys that being mentally ill
is not a crime, and that you are allowed to
be mentally ill. You are allowed to be in a
train wreck, you are allowed to be all sorts of things.

(19:03):
And that doesn't mean that you do not that the
rights that everybody else gets are certainly not for you, right.
I don't think that her being weird on the internet
is the same and she's a danger to herself. And
so like a lot of people are like, don't you
don't don't people think no, now, don't they see she
should have been in the Conservative I don't know, she
should have been conservers shift. I think being a weird

(19:25):
person on life, and I also don't think we have
to lie about her being weird. Right when she was
dancing with those knives, everyone was like she was she
was hitting every step, don't you see, mother, it's weird
that she was dancing with those knives. Online that's weird. Guys.
It's okay. It's okay to say that. You know, I,
why does she have those knives? It's weird. It's okay

(19:48):
to say that. And it's also okay to say that
you can dance with knives online and people still don't
get to remove your basic rights as a person in
this country. But I tried to staut her business. And
I hate when you got when she posts it on
Instagram and people take that to Twitter and tick. I

(20:11):
fucking hate that. Lead that shit where you found it?
Why am I seeing this? I don't follow her for
a fucking reason. She stresses me out. She's always sweaty
and in draws and I and that like that stresses
me out. And that stresses me out does not mean
she needs a conservative ship. It means I need to
block her, which is what I do with people that
do shit like that. But I did something because again,

(20:33):
people share it, every share her shit everywhere. See something
where I think it was her oldest son was playing
piano for her and they both look high out they
fucking minds, and maybe they were. That doesn't look good.
I'm not saying go beat get high with your mama

(20:54):
and play piano. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that
if you and your mama get high, that does not
mean that you you have to have a conservative ship.
And people were like, he's just there to get money
from her. Maybe I don't know a lot of y'all
was just there to get money from your parents when
we were like twenty, Like when you're nineteen years old,
you just go over your parents' house and try to

(21:15):
get money from them for something, be like, oh I
need this, your mom will give it to you. You go.
What was that TikTok early in the pandemic where somebody
was like, it's not stealing if it's from your parents' house.
She was like quote unquote shopping in her parents' house
and everybody was so upset, And I was like why,
Like you don't go over your mama's house and get
some fun. And when I was young and poor, I

(21:35):
would be at my parents' house getting rolls of toilet paper.
That's what it's for, Like it doesn't stop weight. Turn eighteen.
So if Brittany is giving her son money, so like
that's what she want to do, that's what she want
to do. I don't, And she want to dance with knives.
She can dance with knives. Don't act like that's that's

(21:57):
not weird. I don't. We don't have to pretend together.
We don't have to pretend. We could say it's together.
That was fucking weird, But I just don't, like I
said we should be. We should definitely have lots of questions.
Today Kevin is forty seven, which is the age of

(22:20):
my husband. So back then he was like thirty two
or whatever when this show was coming out. He was
a dancer and you got served. That's weird. He was
un wrestling, that's weird. Oh so it looks like July

(22:45):
of two thousand and eight is when he got full
custody of the children, So this is two years out
for that. It's a marriage to volleyball player Victoria Prince
since two thousand and eight. They were on the same
recreational bowling team. What a weird. So they have a daughter,
They have two daughters, so he's got three daughters and
three sons. All right, whatever. Yeah, so that's where we're

(23:08):
at with that. Let's talk about this fucking show. The
show is weird. Just like Dancing with Knives, it starts
with all of them on the bus and Harvey is
telling let's talk about Harvey. Harvey is a drill sergeant.
Hold on, let me, let me, let me, let me
get Harvey's bona fides. Hold on, hold on. Maybe one

(23:28):
day I'll talk about he was on one Tree Hill.
Why y'all one tree Hill always bothers me? He was
on one Tree Hill? Weird? Uh? Harvey Walden, the fourth
drill instructor. What is what is? He used to be
a marine drill instructor. Oh. He was also on the

(23:56):
UK version of Celebrity Fit Club. It was just called
Fat Club. I you know what about the Brits that like,
I respect, is that they're very literal in how they
name things. Like we call them elevator. I don't know why,
probably because we're talking about it's gonna elevate, but they're
called it a lyft because it literally lifts your ass up.

(24:18):
Like when you think about things, how they name something
like what does it do? That's the name of it.
It's interesting to me. But anyway, so then they're not
gonna call like you know people, they'll be like, oh,
this is a it's about getting fit, blah blah blah blah, blah,
and then the Brits are like, call it the fat

(24:39):
Club because that's what the fatties are. And I respect that.
Do I love it? No? But I certainly fucking respect it.
I'm like, yeah, let's just say what it is. Let's
stop playing, let's just say what it is. Anyway, he
was active duty in the Marine Corps till two thousand
and seven. He was a first chargeant. I don't know ranks, guys,

(25:02):
I don't do that. I don't know about ranks and stuff.
He was an Operation Desert Storm, who fucking wasn't let
me stop. Okay, that's what he's known for. Does he

(25:22):
does he do some exercises or like what is he?
I don't get it. But he's a yeller. He's gonna
run this shit like boot camp. And I'm gonna tell
you from the get go, not for me, not for me,
don't yell at me. So one of the things I'm
working on in therapy right now is that, uh, we're

(25:45):
doing some inner child work and we're talking about my weight.
We're talking about how I have skated over even like
I'm a very self aware of person. I know I
know exactly what it is that I'm doing wrong about
my entire life, and I know exactly why I'm doing it.

(26:06):
But a wait is never a topic I have touched
with a therapist. It has not been something I've been
interested in doing anything with. It is not interesting. Every
now and then someone be like, we should count our calories,
and I'll be like, yeah, we should, and then I
don't because I don't want to do that. It's never
been like for me. I'm like a very type A person.

(26:27):
I control a lot of things, and I I fight
with perfectionism. Right every week I put a new quote
on my board so I can look at it throughout
the day while I'm working, And this week's quote is
perfectionism is the art of never being satisfied. It'll ruin

(26:48):
your fucking life anyway. But I am a type A person,
and usually when I see a problem, I'm like, all right,
let's get a legal notepad quote what a fucking plan? Okay?
And I have never thought that way about why weight?
Not once. I've never been like we should do something
about this. Not really, not really. I have been thin

(27:09):
on the thinner side, especially for a black person. We
know that that weight perception of weight differs for people
in different cultures and races, and I have been on
the thinner side. It's because I was poor and I
couldn't afford food and I had no cars at the
walk everywhere, I wasn't trying. I remember my mother being like,

(27:31):
oh my god, you lost so much weight, and I
was like, I haven't had money for food. I'm eating
once today leftovers from the dinner that I don't have
any money. But in therapy, we're trying, We're gonna touch
upon We're trying to touch upon these things and get
to the root of some stuff because like Buruh, I
feel like I know everything about everything, but not this.

(27:54):
And it's interesting that like I am such a problem solver.
I'm a fixer, which is another way to say codependent.
But and I am never satisfied as a recovering perfectionists is.
But I don't think about that. I don't will never

(28:15):
think something that I've ever been like, let's get down
to business, because no, I don't want to. So we're
working on that right now. I'm gonna tell you right now.
So in July, what we've kind of made a goal
is that I am I have been like I've been
walking in the mornings. But I've been walking so that

(28:35):
when I have to take my kids to New York,
when I when I go back to walking because they
used to live there, they used to walk all the
time everywhere. I don't want to be out of breath
with all the walking we're gonna have to do. And
also like I've been wanting to get stronger because I
want to be able to fight in the parking lot
of a target. Like the other day, not actually literally yesterday,

(28:58):
I took my son to walk. He's fourteen, but he's
tall and people think he's older than he is into
and he's like literally in his soccer uniform because his
last game was played Saturday. And I take him in
there and he's buying. He's buying stuff for his uh,
for his he's got a class party on Monday, so

(29:20):
he's buying stuff. And I'm like, I found a couple
of things for Bunny that I'm looking for, like clothing
things that for Bunny. Sorry, buy that. And I bought
some stuff for pool days. And we're leaving and I'm like,
I need to go to the restroom where you watch
the car. He says, yeah, So he's standing outside the
car and when I come out. He says, a man

(29:41):
in a blue shirt called him a piece of shit.
And I was like, excuse me, and he's like, yeah,
a man in a blue shirt walk past like me
dead in my face and called me a piece of
shit and kept walking. And I need to be strong enough.
Like I looked around, the guy was gone, like we
were in a parking I was like, point him out.
I need to strong enough that if I had caught

(30:03):
that man in the blue shirt that caught my son
a piece of shit, I could have whooped his ass.
So that's like a goal of mine. I want to
be strong enough to beat people up. And am I
gonna start all the fights? No? I don't start fights.
I finished them and I need to be able to
finish them. Okay, I want to finish a fight. And
so I've been thinking about that for a bit, and
so me and my therapists were talking about, like a

(30:25):
goal I can have is that next month I could
start I can do more strength workouts. But I don't
really know what to do. And so you know, I
have a membership to YMC. I use it all the
time for my kids for all these different things. Like
that's literally where we go to the pool and shit,
So we're talking about me getting like getting a package

(30:46):
of like uh weight, like a trainer training pack, training
like a fitness trainer, and like maybe once week meeting
with them and then like working out by myself the
rest of the week. Sure I can do that, Like,
that's not a problem. I'm at the YMCA all the

(31:08):
fucking time. My kids have soccer practices and volleyball practices
and swim team and I'm there. I'm at various YMCAs
route the fucking Hamon Greater Hampton Roads area all the
fucking time. That's not an issue for me too. That
My problem is I'm afraid I'm go'na get somebody's gonna
yell at me, and I don't have to leave because
I don't like to be yelled at. I don't like
to be I don't like to be like being like

(31:30):
oh stop whine and blah blah blah blah. In fact,
I probably won't wine. I had actually had a dream
that I was in I was what is it, the
Biggest Loser, and I'm like, so I'm in the house
and they won't let me eat anything, and so I'm

(31:50):
just seeing like playing chicken, like just chicken that they
like fried on both sides and made and made done
enough so that we didn't die and working out I
guess or whatever. And so I'm just there and like
one of the producers like pulls me inside th this princess.
You were not smiling. I'm like, bitch, what the fuck

(32:13):
I got to smile for. They're like, because she's just
gonna be the rest of your life. No, it's not.
I'm not gonna live in the rest of my life
eating no fucking chicken like this. I'm not. I this
is one of another reason why I don't plan the
survival apocalypse. You're not gonna I don't want to live
in a life where I gotta run around with a
gun and not each bolet. I don't. That's not for me.
That's not that's not what I signed up for. When

(32:34):
the big one hits, I'm going down. And if I
don't die in the first zombie attack, I'm gonna lay
down and go to Jesus. That's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna lay down, close my eyes and be like,
come get me Jesus. And I don't know if there's
a but I'm just gonna lay there. Okay, that's a youphori,
that's a euphemism. Guys. I'm not literally I'm gonna lay
down and go to Jesus and so like, like if

(32:56):
you think I was, like I agreed to be here,
I'm not jumping a fence and leaving. Okay. But if
you fucking think I'm gonna smile while I'm here, you
got another fucking thing coming. If you want funny, happy,
entertaining princess, then you shouldn't have gave me that unseasoned chicken. Okay,
that shut shut it right down. Okay, she ain't here

(33:17):
no more. She thoughts of cheese, okay, cheese, and like
this this is my tree. It wasn't last night. It
was like a couple of nights ago. It was I'm
literally just sitting there like talking to this producer. Like,
if you don't have some mic andnkes in your pocket,

(33:39):
you don't get a happy princess. All right, So I
hope you enjoying this. I hope I hope we're having
a good time. Like I'm committed to being strong enough
to fight people at Walmart or Target or at a
Panera bread. You know, although the type people give meet

(33:59):
a panera bread. I could probably take him now. I
don't need to get much stronger, uh you know, but
I am not committed to listening to somebody yell at me,
and that Harvey shit won't work for me. Like being

(34:19):
on his army bus and he's like he opened the
back door and tell y' all the jump. Why are
we jumping out the back of this bitch? Why are
you jumping out the back of here? There's a front.
I know because I got in through the front and
he's telling Tanisia to jump. He had he's long as
absolutely not, absolutely not, sir. I can't do this. I can't.
I remember we ride the bus in like once a year, right,

(34:42):
you gotta do a bus drill or you do there's
a problem. And they would tell I would be like,
I got to sit near the front because I'm not
jumping out the back of this fucking bus like I'm
going off to war. I'm not doing this. I'm in
middle school. No, thank him. Also, do you guys remember

(35:03):
if you grew up in the eighties and nineties. I
don't know if this was just on basis because it
only happened to me on basis so maybe it's so.
Maybe it was just because I went to the department
of the Fence. Schools, they would do this thing where
they would take you to like an empty house on base,
like you know in housing, and somebody didn't live in it.

(35:24):
It was empty at the moment, and they would like,
have you go in and talk to you, and then
they would fill it with fucking smoke, like a smoke machine,
and you were to pretend you were in a fire
and you were to like army crawl out of the house,
either get to the front door and run out, or
if you were by a window, you need to hop
out the window. When I was younger in elementary school,

(35:45):
they had a bus that would come to school. It
was like an RV type situation, and when you went in,
it was set up like a house and same thing.
You would do that, and then you'd be talking, you'd
be hanging out with your classmates, and then they'd go fire, fire,
and there'd be like smoke in there, and then you'd
have to jump out a window. You guys are please

(36:06):
DM me, please DM me if you did something like this,
because in my real life when I talk about stuff
like this, people be like, no, nobody did anything. But
I did this multiple years when I lived on bases
and like, I don't, yeah, but that's what it felt
like to me. It felt like that day they were like, oh,
let's walk over to the empty house and you all

(36:28):
pretend like you're on a fire. No, we would just
go out the front of this bus. It's fine. So
he you know, he's doing a lot of yelling. He
makes a Nichea spit out her gum. He tells him
they're gonna run hard and reach for the stars and
get used to pain. Why do I want to be
used to pain? Isn't that the point of pain for

(36:50):
you to be like something's wrong, Let's stop it. I
don't want to get used to pain. Then he makes
them all scream and then he makes the run to
camp cabins. Okay, Bobby Brown said this is fine because
it's better than jail. And he's right, it is better
than jail. And Bobby Brown would fucking know. Okay, I'm
surprised Bobby Brown isn't in jail right now. It's Bobby

(37:11):
Brown in jail. It is probably around a lot. No,
Bobby Brown's still live. Bobby Round still live. Uh, he
has survived a lot of deaths, but he's still out
here kicking for some fucking reason. So okay, already then,
um yeah, So when it's time to get started, they
have to run from the messer, so they send them

(37:32):
like into the This this reminds me like when I
was in middle school, we would go to these camps
and we'd spend a night there as field trips and
things like that, and they were like, they're like, it
was like going to overnight summer camp, which I never
went to. Whether you'd be in like bunks and you
would or Harvey calls them racks and you'd be eating

(37:55):
in messholes and things like that. Uh So they so
they're in there, they're they're they're like getting set up
for the night. Do I think they're staying there? No,
a fucking rely not. And when I saw the preview
for later in the season, Kevin Ferlin's got a fucking
uh got a fucking haircut, I'm like, No, they don't

(38:16):
stay there. They don't fucking stay there. They go, Yeah,
they don't stay there, but they're making them pretend like
they do. So then they make them go to the
mess hall and quote unquote eat as if this is
where they're gonna get all their meals from. This isn't
like The Biggest Loser, where I really do think they
stayed there. This is more like This is more like

(38:39):
Rock a Love where Brett is going home at night.
You know, this is a VH one show that I
don't know if they have the budget for. Let's let's
actually have them stay here. So when it's time to
get started, they have them run from the mess hall
to Harvey and and like he's screaming, and they run
from the mess hall all to him, and he says

(39:01):
it's not good enough, and hey, do it again, So
they had to walk back or kind of jog back
to the mess and then run again. Tanisha ends up puking,
And that's real. That's real. We watched the puke. Harvey
stand next to her and asked her she ate broccoli,
Like do we need Harvey? Do we need to do
all that? Tanisiha says, her body tells her is talking
to her for the first time in her life, and

(39:23):
that resonated with me as a person who has realized
that I'm like very separated from what my body wants
and what my body's telling me. That I do not
listen to my body. I'm outside of my body. I'm
inside my head, not my body. But she's like, my
body has started talking to me the first time in
my life, and it says to go. And I was like,
get your shit and go. But did she get her
shouldn't go?

Speaker 2 (39:41):
No?

Speaker 1 (39:41):
All right, that's why your body don't talk to you
because you don't fucking listen to Tunisha. So now they
have to do an obstacle course to get five fit
Factor points. And do I know how this show works? No,
I have no fucking idea how this show works. I
have no idea. Somebody said there was two hundred thousand
dollars on the line. How much money is that? Nothing?
But they need they're getting paid per show, which is

(40:06):
what these people need. Is that that's the money they need,
two hundred thousand dollars. And then they get like Fit
Factor points and if you get the most point, she
get something that's not real whatever. They're gonna get five
imaginary Fit Factor points if they do this the obstacle course.

(40:28):
And because they everybody in the team's red and blue.
The teams have two women and two men on each
and I think that's on purpose because it means that
you don't have to Men lose weight easy, easier because
of the way their bodies are. Men and women's bodies
are different, and so they have two men and two

(40:51):
women on each team, and Tanisha's like, I love my team,
but there's just too many fat people and the other
team only has one fat person. And basically then the
camera goes to j Oh, did I talk about Jay? No?
I did not. Jay is Jay mccarel macarl I don't know.
Jay is the first winner of uh Project Crumway? Which

(41:13):
is which is? Which is a show? I plan on
doing a seasonal at some point. It just has to
be the right season because you guys can't see what
the fuck I'm talking about, so I'm gonna have to
describe it. And what do I know about fashion? Nothing?
Nothing at all. All I know about fashion is when
I buy from Old Navy when they have a half
off sale. I don't even buy a full price, So
I don't know what to tell you. I am Andy

(41:36):
at the beginning of The Devil Worst Product, which Bunny
wanted to watch with me the other day, and the
whole time she's asking me questions, I'm like, oh, You've
only been on the world for twelve years. It's so
funny that you think you know every fucking thing. And
you ask me if Meryl Streep's a good actress, And
what am I supposed to say to that. I'm supposed
to say she's the only actress. What do you want

(41:56):
from me? Did you say stuff like this, this girl
looks like the same one in Princess Diaries? What the
fuck you are from me? Listen? Parenting is hard, I'll
tell you the hardest part of parenting. It's hardest part
of parenting is having children, especially teens and preteens, and

(42:17):
they think they know every fucking thing and try to
convince you that clock that tea is something that Emily
P made up in their class. A girl named Emily
P in their six rad class made up like I
was talking to somebody. I was like, clock it because
blah blah blah blah, And she goes, how do you

(42:38):
know that? What the fuck do you mean? How I
know that I know black women and drag queens. That's
how I fucking know that? What do you what do
you mean? What do you mean? Well, Emily people, no,
she didn't know. She fucking didn't, and she didn't. She's
just a little shit like that anyway, watching the Devils
were proud of with Buddy was hell hell torture, all

(43:00):
torture the question she was asking. And then I had
to explain to her that I've had a long standing
crush on Daniel's Sanjata since he was on Rescue Me, Like,
I love that man. That's a racially ambiguous man. He
could be any fucking thing. I don't know what he is.
I'm too scared to look it up, but you know,

(43:21):
the crush is waned because he's like a He's like
a nine to eleven Denier. He's a nine eleven truther. Anyway,
I managed that, and then she looks at me and goes,
does dad know about this? What the fuck your daddy
got to do with this? What? What'd you think gonna
happen this? So do your daddy? Okay, look, get out
my face. Tell him, tell him see what happened? Tell him?

(43:45):
I dare you? Anyway? Why have we talked about that?
I don't remember. I don't remember. Oh, I don't know
about fashion. I know about as much about fashion as
Andy did the be any of the Dells for product
no thing like guys. Imagine me having explained standy Stanley
Tucci isn't gay and he's married to the to Emily Bun.

(44:09):
Imagine me having to explained that ship exactly, don't have
don't have kids. That's what you gotta do. You gotta
be like flat twist, that's what's going on. But she's
talking about Jay. The camera flashes the Jay because like,

(44:33):
let's talk about it. Are these this is celebrity fit club.
But these people aren't fat. They're Hollywood fat, you know
what I mean? Like Nicole Eckerd like she's she likes
an average American woman, Like what do you want? So

(44:54):
they go Kevin, like we start off with Jay and Kevin.
Now I wanna I said this about the Valley right
when I was talking about the Valley as long ago,
a couple of weeks ago, Crowling. There's a lot of
people out here that think that they are in they're
like tens, like they're the most some of the most

(45:16):
attracted people in the fucking world. And what they are
is skinny or they are thin, baby, they are thin.
And I present to you Kevin Fetterline, because Kevin Fetterline
doesn't look looks like every white trash over the hill dude. Okay,

(45:37):
but people used to think he was so hot. I
think they thought he was hot cause cause I mean,
we watched Chaotic where he was basically pounding Britney and
I JD like, like every scene started twenty minutes after
he finished pounding the shit out of knocking those Mario Cones,
knocking those Mario Conys out of Britney spears. I don't

(45:59):
think he was. But what made him seem hot is
he was thin. That's what and and and you're like, well,
everybody gets un attractive when they get bigger. No, that's
not actually true. That's not actually true at all. But
for some people, their entire sense of attractiveness has everything

(46:20):
to do what they weighs something to think about anyway, Jane,
Kevin go. Kevin ends up getting up. He says he
expected to East through it better than Jay. But Jay
makes it to the top of the of the tower,
by the way. You so they're doing it by times,

(46:41):
but you get a time penalty for every for every
obstacle that you don't do like it's it's like normal obstacle,
military obstacle course type bullshit. You know, the monkey bars,
the the balance beam, the swing over the wall, that
sort of stuff. If you've ever watched an Office and
a Gentleman, you you know exactly what we're talking about

(47:02):
here and so and at the end there's a tower
you have to climb up. Uh so you lose three minute.
You get a three minute penalty for every obstacle you
don't do, and you get a ten minute penalty for
not making up to the tower. Kevin does he thought
it would be easier because as a dancer and and dancer.

(47:25):
Like I understand he was a dancer, but they're acting
like when they still call him a dancer, they're acting
like he's been like doing ballet since the age of three,
he went to ballet academy. Blah blah blah blah. No,
he's he's he's a he he's a dude who used
to dance. And they got into some videos and stuff.

(47:47):
You know what I mean that is, I don't know.
They like he's supposed to be in top physical shape
because he used to be a dancer. I don't know,
but he doesn't. He thought it would be easier and
it wasn't. Uh. Jay did not think it was gonna
be easier. Jay's been fat all his life and never

(48:08):
and he never ye know, but he makes it to
the top. Let's see. So Jay does it in twenty
three minutes, k gets thirty Kevin gets thirty one minutes
because he had that tim minute pillancy, like he was
really halfway up the time and was like, I think
I'm done, Just get me down, and everybody's disappointed with him.

(48:30):
Jay says he went up there because he thought there
was no other choice but to do what they said
to do, and also he mentions that his sister's boyfriend
went missing on Mount McKinley. I don't know what that is.
I guess I don't know the name of mountains. I
ad made it. I don't know the name of mountains.

(48:53):
If you real alike, for name some mountains, I don't
think I can get more than two or three because
I don't know any. It just seemed like it's none
of my business, Like what I what I'm doing with
the name of a mountain in my mouth? I'm like,

(49:14):
so I made it. Tell your friends, prince, don'tn't name
of mountains? But why am I laughing this heart? When
I'm about to say this his sister's boyfriend, Jerry was
on Mount McKinley and went missing, which is a real thing.
Like I've listening to some podcasts about people who like
go missing, like uh, climbing stuff and doing stuff, which

(49:38):
is the reason I don't do stuff, because like why
would I want to do that, because y'all keep getting
missing and so just just stay home. Read the book.
So the man's dead, obviously, and I'm over here giggling,
but that's not what I'm laughing about. I'm laughing because
he's like Jerry's spirit was telling me to move get

(50:01):
up those mountains, to get up that tower. And I'm like, Jay,
why are you over here lying? Why are you over
here lying? Because Jerry don't give a fuck about this.
Jerry's dead, okay, And if he wasn't, why is he
as a spirit has to come to Celebrity Fit Club.
This is this is a set somewhere. This is like
right outside of La this is.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
It's in the.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Valley next to Jackson's house. Like this is this this
is mm no no no, no, no, no no. And
so Jerry has to come here and tell you to
climb up this mountain. So to climb up this town,
so Harvey won't yell at you and y'all get some
fit points. Bitch. This is why I'm agnostic. I don't

(50:46):
know what the fuck happens after death. But let me
tell you what. If I die and I find out
that my whole that for the rest of eternity, I'm
gonna be walking around giving people like pet talks as
a ghost. Done. Done, I don't care. I don't know
how you quit being a ghost, but I'm done. I'm
not doing this do and what do I do for

(51:08):
a living? I'm just in an office doing nothing. So
you mean that me as a person is gonna have
to one watch watch my descendants like fuck up their lives, right,
they'd be like my ancestors are watching out It was
me and I'm disappointed. It's you're not doing what I like.
I worked really hard. Why are y'all acting like this?
And then I'm gonna have to go to offices and

(51:30):
tell people how to and give people the strength to
change copy paper like I can't do this. I can't.
I'm not strong enough for it. I don't. I'd rather
be a heaven and hell, please please my Jerry rest.
He was at a mountain. Shit, I'm so mad that

(51:51):
Jay said that. I'm so mad, And if I'm Jerry's family,
I'd be like, I cannot believe Jay brought up Jerry
on that fucking stupid ass show like my son's missing.
He's not a spirit helping you win a show, helping
you within win fit fat fit points. Where the fucking
fuck you? Jerry? Give me fuck you? Ja? Oh my god,

(52:18):
I don't like this. So next is the cole versus
Tenisa has no contest. Tanisha rolls down the hill. She's
screaming about how she's gonna win for her team, and
she rolls down the hill. You thought rolling down the
hills gonna be faster than your ass just getting down
like like kind of trotting down the hill. You thought
putting your big ass on this on this dirty hill?

(52:43):
Who told you to do that? To show? By's time
you get down here, your booty's gonna be bruised and
bumpy from bumpy and you still like the wall? Absolutely not.
Nicole works out apparently. She says that working out it's
kind of like a meditation. These people. I always wonder

(53:05):
about these people, like how did you get like that? What?
What do you mean working out is fun? It helps
me with my mental health? Does it? You know, helped
me with my mental health? Chocolate that makes me happy?
And this new taco stand that I found, it's fire.
I want this taco so bad. Anyway, Uh, Tanisha didn't

(53:29):
get up the tower, and Nicole did. She did it
in fifteen minutes. So what was really interesting to me
about the first part is because we saw more footage
of Kevin and Jay than anybody else, right, and everyone's
watching him in common and I'm like, how long did
this fucking take? How long did this take? And I
think the most accurate is Jay's time, because he didn't
get any he didn't get any deductions or like penalties

(53:55):
or whatever, so it said his was it twenty three minutes.
If we're to believe that, that means it's taking everybody
about twenty minutes or so to get each round twenty
twenty five minutes. Nicole did hers in fifteen and Tanisha
got forty eight forty because she got uh penalties. Next

(54:15):
is Bobby Brown and Sebastian Bach, and they both seem
to be going through it. Bobby Brown's afraid of heights.
He says it anything like going over bridges, and he
doesn't make it up the tower, but needed the Sebastian
and he threw up Bobby Brown's at twenty three minutes
with his penalties and Sebastian's at twenty three fifty one.
Then it's Casey versus Shaw. Shark into falling on her
back from the fucking monkey bars and keeps trying to go.

(54:38):
That would have been an end of that. I wouldn't
be on any other episodes that shit like it hurt
she too, She's not. Oh, listen, when you're in your
early twenties, when you're a teenager and also in your
early twenties, and something hurts, girl, you just pop back
on up, You pop up and just keep it going right.
You don't even know anything happened to you. She's like, whatever,

(55:00):
your arm's dragging behind you on the ground. Shit, And
you're just like, I'm fine. I feel fine. You know why,
because you got that young body. She's in her thirties
at this point, all right, for the thirties is when
it starts to get you. Let me tell you something. Uh,
She like she ain't dead, and the adrenaline kept her

(55:20):
going for a couple more obstacles girl the men except
to come get her. Absolutely no, I wouldn't even moved.
I would have been like I, I was actually thinking
about this episode and I think I want to revisit
it at some point. I would have been like Vicki
at the Glamor's Dunes, remember when when they had the
airlift Viki out of the dooms because they've gotten that
fucking crash on the real House with Orange County. I

(55:42):
would have been laying on the ground, Baby, you gotta
come get me. You need to call that more one.
You need to call that one one. I needed to
bring a stretcher and need to be one of them
extra strange stretchers because don't be dropping me. Okay, you
might need to air lift me out of here because
I'm not getting up. This is my back. I need
that this is okay. Eventually she needs medics and it

(56:06):
ends up with Casey at thirty one, forty three and
sharp fifty one something because of her penalties cause she
didn't finish. So the Red team wins with two hours
and three minutes and they get the Imaginary Fit Factory
points and the Blue team gets to vote, so one
is dead. Weight when they all vote for themselves. CA. Yeah,
so each one of they vote for themselves. It's j Nicole,

(56:33):
uh Casey and Kevin. What's a lot of k's. I'm lying,
there's only two k'sy. Why is that a lot of
kse Princess, It just seems like a lot. They all
vote for themselves, and Harvey picks Kevin and it's dead. Really,
he has to do some extra work. He has to
dig holes for stumps for no fucking reason, no fucking

(56:56):
reason at all. Okay, does he finish? Of course not,
because it's hard ground. Those stumps are biggest fun. Come on,
he couldn't even do the ost of the course. I
think he can dig stumps. Come get out of here.
Back at the ranch, Back at the camp. Doctor Ian,
author of the four day diet which the contestants will
be using during this I'm gonna have to look at
what the four day diet is. I probably think it's bullshit,

(57:21):
but whatever, most of them are. He talks thembout their
eating habits. Now when they lay out the food, they
let out some fried chicken, and Doctor Ian's like fried
chicken on a weight loss show. Let me talk the
production why don't they put that out there to get
you to a trap? A lot of people ate the
grilled chicken instead and the fried chicken, and the fried
chicken is like, have so many more calories in the

(57:41):
grilled chicken, And Bobby Brown had both. He said he
had the grilled chicken and the fried chicken and two beers.
So doctor Ian says that the plates need to have
an inch around the plates and be no more than
an inch high. I don't know what kind of plates though,

(58:01):
Are they from Ikea? Like, well, how do you know what?
What's the plant standard? I don't know mind for Ikeia.
I don't know what to say. He also explains that
they have a cake there, like a big sheet cake,
a big like you know, like a grocery store sheet cake,
which is like the best cake you can eat. It
is like so delicious and it's got Harvey's face on it,
and nobody had any but he takes a piece and

(58:22):
he's like, that's six hundred fifty calories, Like okay, Like
what the fuck is that supposed to be? Is that
is that? Like? What is that supposed to mean something
to me? I? Like, I know, I want to we're
on a weight loss show, So we shouldn't go cut
a big piece of big corner piece of that cake.
But that's what I want. And I don't know what
to tell you. Like again, I don't know how long
a minel is. I don't know how long three cemeters is.

(58:43):
And I don't know why l six hundred fifty calories
is in terms of measurement, I don't know. When I
was in the seventh grade, in the eighth grade, actually
there was a boy in my class named Kevin, and
every day my teacher, mister McGowan, would hold up his
meter stick and he would try all of us to

(59:03):
like figure out how long a meter was. And Kevin
always figured figure out how long a meter was. And
I was like, that guy's going places, because what's a
fucking meter? Like I know, I know literally what a
meter is. But if you were like, princess, throw this
a men't, I don't know what that is. I don't

(59:25):
that sounds like magic. I don't know in six hundred
fifty calories that's that. That means absolutely nothing to me.
So the cake, like I said, the cake has Harvey's face,
and Tanisia talks to and looks at the kit like
it's a long lost lover. Me too, Tunisia, me too?
That that a grocery store sheet cake with that icing.
Come on? Then a life coach shows up with Rick

(59:49):
Allen of Deaf Leopard. I don't know who the fuck
that is. I know, I know the name death Leffard.
I don't know who the fuck Rick Allen is. But
then I and his wife. But then he only got
one arm, and I was like, I think I know
who Rick Allen is. I think that I watch it
behind the music. Maybe anyway, he's there to say, listen,

(01:00:09):
I only have one arm and I'm making it work,
and you guys have two arms. He's there to shame
you about it, because that's how people use people with disabilities,
to be like, hey, look at them, they didn't kill themselves.
What do you? And and and able people will absolutely
have these types of conversations with disabled people. They will

(01:00:29):
absolutely they will be like, oh wow, look at you
just rolling along in your wheelchair makes my problem seem small?
Like who does anybody wanna be a teaching method a
teaching lesson? Is it? Nobody? Nobody wants that? So they

(01:00:51):
can test and talk about while they're there, you know,
Rick Allen does a speech. He says, look, I have
one arm, you can do it. I do it one arm,
and they let's do a drum circle, which I'm gonna
be honest, I've been the drumstuckles before. I used to
go to a regular drum circle. It actually does feel
very nice to create that energy in a room with somebody.

(01:01:11):
I'm sorry if I got a little woo move with
you there, but I'm just saying I used to go
drum circles all the time. They do feel nice. I
just don't like the here's somebody with a disability. Let
them inspire you. That's what they're here for. Like, that's no,
I don't like it with that. They contest to talk

(01:01:31):
about why they're there, and Jay says he connected with
Jerry's spirit during the drum circle. Lead Jerry alone, Leave
Cherry alone. But if Jerry's not dead, what if he
just made a life on Mount McKinley. I don't know
if it's possible, because again I don't know what a
fucking Mount McKinley is. Should I look it up? Sure?
Will I? Nah? So they all go to bed and

(01:01:53):
early the next morning they use bullhorns to wake them up.
Of course they do, cause that's what they said. I
don't think they slept there. I think that they put
them in those beds and was like get up it stark. Outside,
everyone runs around like the show wants them to, but
Tanisha does not. She takes forever she needs her contact,
she doesn't get dressed. Harvey yells at her. So then
he sends everybody out back into the bed and then

(01:02:15):
only to yell at them to come back out, and
they do, and this would have I would have walked
off the show, like what's the point of this shit?
Just talk to me, like I'm a fucking adult, and
like maybe I won't do what you want me to do,
but that's I can make that choice, Like you can't
make people do things. He takes them to do PTE
physical training. He has them run a bunch of exercises

(01:02:39):
and says that at the end they will be so
much better, like we're gonna run through these exercises, and
then in eight nine weeks when when supposedly the link
of this show, I said, supposedly, because we know we
all know how reality TV like skew things, they will
be so much better. There are standbal bags involved, people
throw up. Kevin Federline's moving way faster today than he

(01:03:03):
was the day before because he feels he's feel Saddy
felt he used to feel athletic. Yeah, you were young,
Like you were young, that was what was going on.
Wasn't like you were like super athletic or you're just
singing person. The life coach meets with Shar and tells
her that her experience will bring all this stuff up,

(01:03:24):
and Shar's like, this shit is already up here, baby,
being there with Kafed is bringing up a lot of stuff.
She starts crying. She feels like her relationship with Kevin,
because of the way her relationship with Kevin ended, she
was like in the tabloids all the time, and it
really overshadowed her life anything she's ever She's been working
since she was three years old. And again she's a

(01:03:44):
black famous person and we all know her as Nissy uh.
But that became like tabloids woul write anything about her,
saying she used to be the nanny, saying she was
trying to get Kevin back, putting pictures of her children up,
saying that Brittany and Kevin, we're gonna take her children
away like just just stuff. And I can tell how

(01:04:10):
that again, when I went to go look at the
timing of this, I was like, okay, they're five years
out from this. Yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess that
scandal eight her life and she and she has to
pick up the pieces. She says that, like, you know,
she like as a as the full time parent of

(01:04:32):
those kids, she has four total too, Kevin, She's the
one that has to be like, Okay, this is what's
gonna happen. She's the one that has to explain shit.
She's the one that has to talk about She's the
one has to do that. And Dad Kevin gets to
show up and whenever he wants, whenever he's got time,
and be like hey let's go be fun. But he's
She's the one that has to deal with the daily,
which is something that as a woman in a heteronormal

(01:04:56):
relationship that ends and it has children, you will be
expected to do. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in
queer relationships. I'm saying that if you're a woman in
a hetero normal relationship, then they almost always falls to you.
You know. Her daughter asked why she doesn't have anybody
to kiss like Dad does. Yeah. So we're at the

(01:05:22):
end of the episode and it's the time when they
do all their all their you know, their bit Bobby Brown.
So each one comes up and they weigh them. Bobby
Brown is one hundred and pounds and twenty six percent
body fat. Fat. Doctor Ian says, it's seeing him now
how he looks now and surprised him because you used
to always have a shirt off. Yeah, he used to

(01:05:42):
always have a shirt off, and he used to do
like pelvic thrust into people's faces. That's what That's kind
of what he was known for. He confronts Bobby about
the two beers and the dry chick and the fried chicken,
and Bobby says he was hungry. He's like, that was
last night. I was hungry. They want to see him
lose twenty pounds over the next eight weeks and three

(01:06:02):
pounds in the next week. Casey is one hundred and
ninety six pounds with forty one percent body fat. She
grew up in a family where everyone was fat and
they were trying to save her from it. So they
ate what they wanted and they would be like, no, no, no,
here's a salad for you, she always gonna diet. Her
plan is thirty pounds and this is eight or nine weeks,
and yeah, the cole Eggert is one hundred and thirty pounds,

(01:06:28):
but she's five two's what she says. And her body
fat percentage just twenty seven percent. She says, she was
ninety nine pounds her whole life. And what happened. She
lost her father, her relationship fell apart, she had a
nervous kind of had a nervous breakdown for a year.
She just kind of laid down, and she set her
own goal in one hundred and ten pounds and her
body fat goal is twenty two percent. Tanisha is two

(01:06:49):
hundred and forty pounds, her body fat is forty seven percent,
and doctor Ian says, you're almost half fat. Thanks doctor Ian,
thank you, thank you. Doctor Ian says, basically, she says
that food is her friend. Food is and doctor Ian

(01:07:09):
says food is being used as medicine, which.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Is not incorrect, right. Doctor Ian says that like she's
using his medicine. The goal is thirty five pounds down.
At the end of the show, Jay is two hundred
and fifty eight pounds and his body fat is twenty
five percent. Jay has been fat since he was a kid,
and he built his whole world, his whole personality around

(01:07:33):
being fat. He's turning thirty five and his father is
diagnosed with diabetes at thirty five and had a slow
decline where he lost the finger. Heirite there, you know,
and Howard back there and eventually died, and he just
doesn't want that for himself. They make him team captain
because he was the only one who made it up
the tower.

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
His goal is thirty pounds. Sebastian Bach is two hundred
and twenty three pounds and twenty eight percent body fat.
He said, nobody wants to see a fat rock star.
They ask the Sebastian Box is very tall, by the way,
so in terms of fatness, I don't know if people
would point him out as like a fat person. He

(01:08:15):
is bigger than he's been in the past. And they
asked him like how that happened if he stopped exercising
any right, And he says, when he gets out the road,
his lifestyle changes. Okay. His wife works out every day,
single day for him and has a perfect body, and
he wants to be that for her. His wife's probably
fucking twenty years younger than he is anyway. His goal

(01:08:36):
is thirty pounds um. Shar Jackson is one hundred and
forty six pounds and thirty four percent body fat. She's
been working since she was three years old. She said
she she doesn't know who she is. She wants to
find herself again. They ask her if Kevin's gonna be distracted,
and she says no, She's supposed to lose twenty pounds.
Kevin is lost. He's two hundred and thirty two pounds

(01:08:58):
and thirty three percent body fat, he said. He says
he feels like shit. He doesn't know what happened. He
looks like a pregnant man, he says, in the last
five years. Well, I'll let mean part of the reason
he looks like a pregnant man is because he's wearing
very large T shirts and they are the way they're
cutting around him is making his belly like more prominent.
Like people fat people in general, we do this all

(01:09:20):
the time. We get bigger clothes because we think that
that'll hide us. People see that you're fat. Like I
went to the pool today and I have like a
few bathing suits, which I like them all and I
remember when I was shopping for them a couple of
years ago. Everything I saw was like hydri this hydri that.

(01:09:41):
I'm like, I'm I have to why what am I hiding?
People see me? They don't fat. They could see me.
Even today when I walked in, this dude was like,
I fucking mean he was trying to he was trying
to like a hit on me and shit. But like
like I don't think he was doing that because he
thought I was. I thought I had like a perfect body.

(01:10:03):
I think I think he was like, she seems cool.
I guess I don't know, eh, I forgot. I'm back
in VA and there's all these fucking cat daddies around
that that well, like I get it hit on a
lot more here. There's a lot of black people here.
I get hit him a lot more here. But like
I'm a fat person, dude, I'm a fat person. Like that.

(01:10:26):
I think a lot of fat people think that if
you put on a really big shirt, it'll hide it. No, won't.
They still know you're fat? So it's hot out here,
Like where would you need to Like, seriously, people see you,
they can see you're not hiding. I meat that tent
and Kevin is like doing something men do with like
who have like big bellies, is that they put that

(01:10:48):
big shirt on and he does look pregnant because of
the shirt is like flapping, like where your size. Where
your size. It's not like trying to camouflage your is
actually making you look bigger. You got a belly, We
see it. It's fine. He says. For the last five

(01:11:08):
years he's been babyland. That's right, for the last five
years he has been a babyland. He's been making babies
left and right. And that's now. That's a motherfucker that
says I want to get you pregnated. It's a fucking
threat right there. He also says Shar is not a distraction.
He says that like he just feels like not dependable.

(01:11:28):
He doesn't want to be the guy that says daddy
will be here on Thursday. He don't show up till
next week. And Shar is nodding her head sagely in
the background. Yeah, because that's probably what he's like with
uh with her kids. They don't live with him. So yeah,

(01:11:50):
he just feels like everything he's doing is half assed
and he doesn't want to be what people say he is.
So what do people say he is, Yeah, that's what
they say, goes thirty pounds. All right, So that was
the first episode. These episodes are about an hour long,
so you can expect that the podcast episodes will be
about an hour long, maybe a little longer, depending if
I have more to talk about. We're going nine weeks, right,

(01:12:13):
and you can expect an episode each Sunday except for
Father's Day and the weekend of the fourth of July.
I celebrate Juneteenth because I'm free, free baby, But they

(01:12:35):
won't affect the schedule this year. Yeah, that's it. If
you guys want more content, remember Patreon is where it's
set shine up for Apple Podcasts, subscriptions, whatever the fuck
they call it. Over there. There's more content there and
I will see you guys soon there UMPI