Julius Adolphus Jenkin's Christmas Alligator - Louis Becke

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Julius Adolphus Jenkins Christmas Alligator by Lewis Beck. When mister
Julius Adolphus Jenkins arrived at the thriving little city of
Townsville in North Queensland, he was at first greatly flattered
at the amount of attention he attracted when he walked

(00:21):
up Flinders Street to introduce himself to the manager of
the Bank of North Australia, to which institution he had
been appointed ledger keeper. But when, in addition to being
stared at by every passer by, he found that people
ran to their shop doors and either gazed at him
in open mouthed wonder or laughed outright, he began to

(00:45):
feel annoyed and was glad to enter the bank to
escape observation. The manager of the bank and his accountant
were at that moment discussing the expected arrival of the
new chump ledger keeper, who was due that morning by
the English mail steamer, and mister Jenkins thought it very

(01:07):
strange and somewhat rude that they should stare at him
as if he were some new species of animal. However,
they were both very polite to him, inquired if he
had had a pleasant voyage from London, and asked him
what he would like to drink. This made mister Jenkins
in turn stare at them and wonder if these two

(01:30):
disreputably clad young men were really the manager and accountant
of a bank or a couple of daring burglars who
had taken possession of the building. I I, I thank you.
I don't know, he stammered. Oh but please do, mister Jenkins,
said Alec Macpherson, the manager, genialie, come into the dining room.

(01:55):
Shut the door, Jimmy, if anyone comes, let him knock.
And he led the way into the dining room, where
missus Flaherty, Cook and General was laying the table for lunch.
Without being told, she went to the deal dresser that
did duty as a sideboard and dinner wagon, and brought

(02:15):
a bottle of brandy, a bottle of whiskey, some bottles
of soda, and three large tumblers and placed them on
the table, apologizing for the want of ice, a rare
commodity in Townsville in those days. Mister mac Pherson, on
learning that mister Jenkins would take just a very little brandy,

(02:36):
passed him the bottle told him to help himself and
opened a bottle of soda water for him. Then he
and the accountant Jimmy Badthurst, locally known as Jimmy bad Thirst,
helped themselves to what mister Jenkins thought an appalling and
disgraceful quantity of whiskey. Well, mister Jenkins, said the manager,

(02:59):
as he cocked one leg over the arm of his
chair and began cutting up a pipe full of black
plug tobacco. We are glad to see you. Of course
you'll have lunch with us. That's right. Where are your traps? Oh,
at the Queen's Hotel. Well, it is about the decentest
place in town to stay at Bathurst, and I live

(03:21):
here bank rule, you know, and we manage pretty well. Now,
then missus Flaherty kindly hurry up and give us a
good lunch. Please. Hope you'll like Townsville, mister Jenkins. It's
a beastly hot hole, but there are a lot of
good fellows here, and you'll soon get into our ways.

(03:43):
Mister Julius Adolphus Jenkins murmured in a dazed sort of
way that he hoped so, and then asked when he
was to begin his duties. Oh, in about a week,
if you like. There's no hurry, and I am not
going to rush you into work at once once, don't
you smoke. Of course, your salary begins from to day.

(04:05):
But Jimmy here and the exchange clerk will attend to
the ledgers for a week or so more with pleasure.
By the way, Jimmy, when is Fletcher coming back? Fletcher
was the youthful exchange clerk. Bathurst grinned. When he does.
You told him he could go fishing for an hour

(04:26):
or two this morning, daaresayl he'll turn up tomorrow to
call over at lunch. Mac Pherson and his subordinate did
their best to put their guests at his ease, for
they both saw that he was not at all happy.
In fact, he really was miserable, for he felt that
he had come to live among savages. Excusing himself as

(04:49):
soon as possible, he went off to his hotel, and
once he was out of hearing, the two young men
burst out into irrepressible laughter, in which missus Flaherty, unchecked
daringly joined swaying with her hands on her hips from
side to side, whilst tears rolled down her perspiring cheeks.

(05:12):
Never did I see such a thing like it in
awe me loift, she panted at last, Sure the whole
town will be a for following him up and down
the strait. Get away out of this, missus Flaherty, gasped Bathurst,
as with the tears streaming down his own cheeks, he
pushed her out through the door, just as a big

(05:35):
bearded man in the uniform of an inspector of mounted
police came in and looked at the two young men,
wondering what was the cause of their mirth. Closey, my boy,
did you see it? Said Bathurst in a choky sort
of whisper as he sank back in his seat. What
is it? Asked the officer. Our new chum clerk from

(05:58):
England just turned. Oh, cloesy, he's glorious. He's a wonderful sight,
a circus, a panorama, isn't in it with him? You
must bring your nigger troopers to look at him? Such
a rig out for North Queensland you never saw in
your life. Top hat, frock coat, collar half a foot high, monocle,

(06:22):
spats on his boots, kid gloves and a beautiful cane.
When will he be on show? Inquired the hairy man
as he helped himself to a drink. Now, Julius Adolphus,
as he was henceforth to be known, although a terribly
conceited young man and an intense admirer of himself, had

(06:45):
a certain amount of common sense. And when he found
that his Piccadilly costume attracted such widespread attention and amusement,
he began to feel uncomfortable. It was not pleasant, for instance,
when he should owed himself in the street to hear
a lot of rough diggers make such remarks as oh

(07:06):
strike me, dick, just look at it, or for a
great hulking bushman to deliberately stand in front of him,
open mouthed, and then fall down in a pretended fit.
He stood it for a few days, and then Macpherson
came to his assistance and gave him advice. You, you see,

(07:27):
mister Jenkins, your style of dress is so so very
unusual in this part of the world that it well,
it makes people stare. Now, I'm sure you won't mind
my advising you to discard it for something more suitable
and less striking. Do you wish me to discard wearing

(07:48):
a coat? Inquired Julius Adolphus, hotly, adding with dignity that
he would draw the line at that. Had Messrs Macpherson
and Bathurst seen the very very descriptive letter which the
young man wrote home to his parents, they would have
at least been interested, if not flattered, at his remarks

(08:09):
about the society of Townsville in general and themselves in particular.
The people are the roughest and dirtiest imaginable. One half
of them are diggers who are swarming in from the
interior on their way to the new gold fields on
the Palmer River. They all have horses, use the most

(08:30):
frightful language, and when not fighting or intoxicated, are lying
asleep in the shade on public house verandahs. When I
first entered the door of the disgraceful building called a bank,
I found therein two rough looking young men clad in shirts,
trousers and boots socks I presume they had. Round each

(08:54):
man's waist was a coarse leather belt, on which was
also a greasy leather watch pouch. Neither had collar nor tie,
and each was smoking a pipe. Imagine my disgust when
I found that these two disreputable looking ruffs were, respectively
the manager and accountant. Certainly they were civil, and I

(09:19):
presume have been gentlemen. They addressed each other as Jimmy
and Alec, and seemed to be on terms of the
most shocking familiarity with their customers, and go out and
have drinks with them at the low hotel opposite the
bank at all times of the day, or invite them

(09:40):
into their own dining room, and this in banking hours.
And they keep a pack of savage kangaroo dogs which
live in the bank. The exchange clerk is an unmitigated
young ruffian of eighteen named Fletcher. He also smokes a

(10:00):
pipe in the bank and out of it, and addresses
me as Jenkins, and is hail fellow, well met with
the rough and dirty diggers and bushmen who come into
the bank on business. I wonder what these three beautiful
creatures would think of an English bank and its tone.

(10:20):
Six months had passed and Julius Adolphus had become used
to and not entirely averse to his surroundings. One reason
for this was that, being very musical, his evenings were
not dull. And although Townsville was a new town, there
was no lack of ladies society. For nearly all the

(10:42):
government officials, merchants, doctors and other professional men were married,
and some had families in which were some pretty girls.
And as mister Jenkins began to lose his provincial English
stiffness and where white ducks and unbid himself generally, he
actually found that he was beginning to like some of

(11:04):
the people who were always so hospitable to him. And
for a miss Mary Brandon, the pretty daughter of a
leading merchant, he had more than a liking like himself.
She was very musical, and he visited her father's town
house on Milton Hill several evenings a week. Mary was

(11:27):
at first much inclined to make fun of her admirer
and chaffed him a good deal, which only made him
the more devoted to her. And as time went on
he gradually lost much of his new chumishness and mixed
with young men of his own age, attended an occasional
race meeting, and even went so far as to join

(11:51):
in a kangaroo hunt. But at the same time he
always regarded himself as an infinitely superior person, and he
hated Jimmy bad Thirst first, because that irresponsible young man
openly expressed his admiration for Mary Brandon, and secondly because

(12:12):
he was noisy in the bank, smoked incessantly even when
cashing checks over the counter, and always spoke of banking
as merely a pond broking business without the sign of
the three balls over the door. Julius Adolphus had a
holy reverence for banking as a dignified and gentlemanly pursuit,

(12:35):
and it horrified him to hear loose talk like this.
When the rainy season came in, there was a great
wild goose shooting party on some swamps a few hours
ride from the town, and he was induced to take
part in it, clad in a wonderful sporting get up
which caused great hilarity. Everything he wore from head to

(12:59):
foot was new, and as every article except a huge,
green lined solar topei had been made by local tailors
and outfitters who had never made the like before in
their lives, but had done their best, which was awful
to look at. He presented such a curious spectacle that

(13:21):
numbers of the townspeople cheered him, and almost every fourth
person he met inquired if he was going far. Allusions
to the solar topei were numerous, as being just the
thing to attract geese and ducks and so on. But
Julius Adolphus deigned no reply, and trotted along the street

(13:46):
in dignified silence and chin in air. On his way
to join the party, he called at Miss Brandon's house.
She told him out of pity that he looked so
nigh and so different from the others, that he flushed
with pleasure, and said he would leave a goose at

(14:06):
the house on his way home. Arriving at the swamp
at dusk, the party camped for the night in tents,
intending to begin the chute at dawn from three different
sides of the Great Swamp, and Julius Adolphus was instructed
as to the position he was to take up at
a certain spot, and not to fire till his turn came,

(14:31):
or he would, as young Fletcher observed, spoil the bloom
and show. But he was determined to get more geese
than anyone, so long before dawn he started alone, got
to his appointed post under a clump of fig trees,
and waited impatiently. For all around him he could hear

(14:54):
hundreds upon hundreds of geese, some on the banks, some
on the water, and at the first break of day,
he saw on a little islet less than fifty yards away,
thirty or forty birds standing at the water's edge. In
an instant, he fired both barrels and uttered a shout

(15:15):
of triumph as two birds dropped, and gun in hand,
he dashed into the shallow water and promptly sank up
to his chin in mud, as some thousands of geese,
with a noise of wings like a hurricane, rose in
air from all parts of the swamp and made off

(15:35):
to another spot two miles away. Amid the curses of
the rest of the shooting party, Julius Adolphus was rescued
just in time from perishing miserably. Then his gun was
found and he was brought back to camp, given some coffee,

(15:56):
threatened with murder if he left the tent again, and
the two geese he had shot thrown at him with
much Queensland language. He waited till the party had gone, Then,
burning with anger at his rude treatment, but proud of
his skill, he caught and saddled his horse, and with

(16:18):
the pair of geese, made his way back to town
to his hotel, changed his clothes, and at lunch time
carried the geese to his divinity. Her sweet words of
praise filled his manly bosom with joy, and before an
hour had passed, inspired him to confess his love. And

(16:40):
whilst Mary did not actually say yes, she did not
say no. But at the same time frankly told him
that he must try and be less English, especially in
his assumption that Colonials were an uncultivated lot of beings
and quite inferior in intelligence to the Englishman born. And Adolphus,

(17:05):
she added, just show all these young fellows that you
are as good a sportsman as any one of them.
I know you can be if you try, and Julius
Adolphus Jenkins went home on air blessing those two geese.
For some weeks he preserved a distinctly haughty demeanor to

(17:28):
Jimmy Bathurst and young Fletcher, especially when the latter made
rude allusions to the awful sight he had presented when
pulled up out of the mud. He now paid the
fair merry daily visits and promised her to learn to
ride like a colonial and not mind a little chaff.

(17:49):
Every new chum gets teased at first, Julius, She said, now,
mister mac Pherson was such a dandified young scotsman when
we first knew him ten years ago. But look at
him now, any one would think he had been born
and bred in the bush and lived among rough diggers
and bush men all his life. I don't want you

(18:10):
to be careless or untidy in your dress, but would
like you to be just a little more colonial in
your ways. And I want you to go shooting and
fishing and kangarooing as much as you can like the
other men here. And oh, Julius, do try and shoot
an alligator. There were five killed in Ross River last

(18:34):
week by different people, and I should like you to
shoot one, could you not? It is not very dangerous
if you are careful. Julius bridled up. What they can do,
I can do, he said loftily. Mary's eyes sparkled. Oh, Julius,

(18:55):
do try, and if you do, I will marry you
when ever you ask me. The fact is, Julius, dear
father laughs at you and says you are an awful duffer,
and teases me terribly about you, and that horrid little
beast of a fletcher boy mimics you so terribly. And

(19:16):
you know what father is. He laughs at every one,
but he won't let me marry a duffer, No, not
if he were a duke or a bishop. A mile
or two from Townsville, near the mouth of the Ross River,
there was a small, muddy, banked and low mangrove island,

(19:37):
in the center of which was a ramshackle hut raised
on four piles. It was used by the local Chinese
shrimpers and fishermen, and also by alligator shooters, occasionally as
a good and safe spot to get an easy shot
at close range at any sarian lying on the river

(19:58):
bank a few yards distant. Here. One afternoon at four o'clock,
two days before Christmas Day, Julius Adolphus found himself determined
to kill an alligator before nine on the following morning.
He was due at the bank at ten. For the purpose.

(20:18):
He had borrowed a heavy tarry police rifle, had had
its mechanism explained, provided himself with twenty cartridges, some rope,
and also some refreshment in case he had to remain
the night. He had reached the islet by a punt
belonging to the Chinaman, who lent it to him for

(20:38):
the night for half a crown under promise of his
not losing it. This he failed to do, for immediately
he jumped out of it, the thing shot off stern
first and went whirling down the muddy river and out
to sea. This was disconcerting, for there was not a

(20:59):
soul about, it was raining, and there were millions of
mosquitoes stinging his face and hands. However, he was not alarmed,
rather exhilarated in fact, at spending the night alone, though
the loss of the punt and the rope, the latter
to secure the alligator after it was shot, was annoying.

(21:22):
The floor of the hut was six feet above the ground,
and all around the four rough posts, and also hanging
from the floor beams were folds upon folds of a
stout fishing net put there to dry by the Chinaman.
Ascent to the hut was by means of a notched
pole slanting upwards from the ground. The interior was bare

(21:46):
of any furniture, but there were plenty of Chinese smells.
The hut, although such a rickety looking affair, was really
strongly built, and every part of it, including the posts,
were lashed together with instead of being fastened by nails.
For two hours till darkness came on Julius Adolphus, rifle

(22:09):
in hand, scanned the muddy banks opposite, but saw no
sign of any alligators, although he was several times inclined
to fire at some logs which he had been told
very much resembled alligators. When those reptiles were asleep, he
passed a wretched night. It poured with rain continuously, and

(22:31):
as it wore on towards morning, he became conscious of
an alarming fact. The river was rising fast, striking a match.
He peered down through an opening in the roughly boarded floor,
and his heart sank when he saw that the yellow,
rushing water was within two feet of the boards. Then

(22:54):
he went to the door, or rather entrance hole, of
the now trembling shanty, and peered out. He could see nothing,
for the blinding rain obscured everything. For a moment or two,
wild terror possessed him, and seizing his heavy rifle, he

(23:14):
fired shot after shot in quick succession through the doorway
in the hope it would bring succor. No answer came.
There was only the hum, the low, droning hum of
the rushing flood as it swept through the mangroves, and
the heavy plashing of the rain upon the pine boarded

(23:36):
roof of the humpy. Then Julius Adolphus Jenkins, the dude,
the howling new Chum, and the rank duffer, pulled himself
together and became a man. He lit his pipe Mary's doings,
for he had abhorred smoking a pipe, sat down on

(23:59):
the quivering of the humpy, and waited for daybreak. Dawn
at last, and Julius heaved a sigh of relief when
he saw that the water was lower by several inches,
but the ramshackle structure was canted over to an alarming degree,
although the posts which upheld it had been planted several

(24:21):
feet in the ground. Suddenly, there arose a strange and
violent commotion immediately beneath the floor of the hut, which
presently began to sway to and fro. Then came shakings,
followed by a succession of thumps and bumps against the posts,

(24:42):
and the hut canted over more than ever, and then
began to move, and the occupant realized that he was
adrift and being carried down to the mouth of the river.
Most Fortunately, the posts did not become det hatched, and
dragging along the bottom helped to keep the hut in

(25:04):
a fairly steady position, although every now and then it
would be shaken in a most violent and extraordinary manner,
and occasionally turned completely round, knocking off some of the roofing.
Julius thrust his head through and shouted with all his
strength as he saw through the blinding rain a group

(25:26):
of woodcutter's huts on the bank. But no one heard him,
and on went the humpy, shaking and bumping and swaying
to and fro. As Julius continued to look about him,
the rain suddenly ceased, and his heart leapt with joy
when he saw that right ahead was a long low

(25:47):
point of land, and beyond that, and stretching across the river,
several mangrove islets close together, and towards these, the hut
was drifting fast, and he determined that if it did
not ground upon one of them, he would swim to
the nearest to avoid being taken out to sea. Ten
anxious minutes passed, and then the floating hut crashed into

(26:11):
the trees on one of the islands, and stuck fast,
but curiously enough, now began to shake and heave about
more than ever, Satisfied that he was now safe, and
that he would soon be seen. Julius clambered out on
the roof and looked about him. No habitation was visible,

(26:32):
but he could see some horses and cattle about a
mile away on the left hand bank of the river,
And as the sudden flood was now subsiding very rapidly,
he decided to wait a few hours where he was,
instead of trying to swim across whilst the current was
so strong, and perhaps be carried out over the shallow

(26:52):
bar or be seized by an alligator. In an hour,
the water had fallen quite two feet and Julius was
eating some sandwiches when he noticed that, although the hut
did not shake as it did before, the net, some
loose folds of which he could see beneath him, was
every now and then agitated in a peculiar manner, and

(27:16):
that the folds were being drawn in against not flowing
out with the current. Clambering down the other side of
the roof, he looked beneath the flooring, which was now
many feet above the water, and noticed swathed round and
round in the folds of the net, a huge something

(27:36):
which certainly moved, and then a chill of horror passed
through him as he saw the protruding forearm of an alligator.
For a moment or two, the sight unnerved him and
he trembled. Then, hardly knowing what he was doing, he
climbed the roof again, got his rifle and descended to

(27:59):
the ground. Fired shot after shot into the monster, and
a savage delight filled his veins as he saw it.
Writhe and quiver as each heavy bullet plowed its way
into his carcass. In a few minutes it lay quiet
and dead. Half an hour later a party of Chinese

(28:21):
fishermen appeared in a boat, and the exultant Julius Adolphus
struck a bargain with them for a pound and ten
shillings to bring the sari into Townsville. He accompanied them,
and a little after noon they landed at the steamer wharf,
and the giant reptile, one of the largest ever seen

(28:43):
in North Queensland, was hoisted up by a steam wench
amidst a scene of the greatest excitement, and amongst the
first to offer their sincere congratulations were mac Pherson and
Jimmy bad Thirst. Fall By a cheering crowd, they marched
to the Queen's Hotel, and there Julius Adolphus became the

(29:06):
hero of the day. When leaning his rifle against the bar,
he called out, come in, gentlemen, every one of you,
and have as many drinks as you like. I am
good for five sovereigns. A burst of applause greeted this
welcome announcement, and the news spread like wildfire. Then the

(29:27):
dead alligator was dragged by a pair of horses up
to the hotel for exhibition, and Julius Adolphus's cup of
happiness was full. Mac Pherson took him aside, go and
change your clothes, Jenkins, and added, with a twinkle in
his eye, and don't bother about the bank to day.

(29:49):
Julius Adolphus, inwardly blessing him, took himself off and within
an hour was with Mary Brandon. On the following morning,
the local herald contained an interesting item of news. We
are happy to be in a position to state that
mister Julius Adolphus Jenkins, of the Bank of North Australia,

(30:13):
the hero of a thrilling adventure with an alligator, narrated
on page three, will shortly lead to the altar. Miss
Mary Brandon daughter of W. S. Brandon, Esquire, j P
of this city, and of Julius Adolphus Jenkins. Christmas Alligator

(30:34):
by Lewis Beck