August 11, 2025 • 24 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Twye please, Quiet Please. The Neutral Broadcasting System.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Presents Quiet Lease, which is written and directed by Willis
Cooper and which features Ernest Chappell. Quiet Please Fortnight is
called Little Fella. I could do something you can't do.
(01:07):
I can walk under a table. No, I mean standing
up straight, but you got a table. I'll tell you
you're just looking in the right place.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Down here. See two feet three inches that's me.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Make sure see about Jay Arkwright, the smallest man in
the world with capital lennards, the smallest man in the world.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
For twenty play.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Cents to quit of a dollar plane thick nickels.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
You can come and stand and duck at me like
all the other quot size bools and snicker at.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
The cute little man on the platform and ask the
dullest questions in the world.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
And I have to smirk back.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
I can be polite when I'd give you eight hundred
and two bucks.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I got my grouched back.
Speaker 5 (01:53):
To brain each and every one of you, preferably with
a sponge.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
Man.
Speaker 7 (01:58):
Don't take longer that way, so I.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Can walk under a table.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
Hot stuff.
Speaker 7 (02:03):
Huh Nevin, What the heck it's you're living, isn't it?
Speaker 8 (02:07):
Thank got a job while you've bread everything twice, but
you'll spend the two bits to take again, rat mere,
save it for a loaf of bread for tonight's suffer.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
No, don't laugh at him, I jet fellas, you look
just as funny to me as I do to you.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 8 (02:21):
I got Francy nastick mine up against yours, like Darling
for instance, Hey, Darling, what make the fox Darling less
than of those lovable people?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Darling? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Darling loves practically everybody. I live off sack.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Well, that's what I said.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Darling's a magician, pounds darlings, saws ladies in half.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
The boy would I give a quarter to see him?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Saw some of your gals in half?
Speaker 9 (02:53):
Nine little bitsy pieces, some of your names is standing
in front of my platform and nearest me and whisper
and tee and greeted me with your great big gounty mouth.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
Yeah, now I give a fuck of quarters for that, Darling. Okay,
so I sound better? Huh well, palsy, how would you
sound the practice?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Everybody?
Speaker 7 (03:14):
You know it's three times as big as you. There,
Take it easy.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm not going into my song and.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Dance for you.
Speaker 7 (03:21):
Just to think about a tometime while you're wrestling.
Speaker 5 (03:23):
And will give you the willie.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Yeah, they just got no dignity.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You get introduced to a full size character and they giggles.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
When he shakes your hand.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You do it too. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Do you ever read Gibbons, Decline and follow the Roman Empire?
Speaker 5 (03:41):
What I did?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You write poetry?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Well? I do, then I get it published. Publisher doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I'm I mentioned you got fourteen sister claws.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Well I have all right.
Speaker 8 (03:57):
I said, I wouldn't cry if only I should have
been something, to be able to look a beautiful girl
in the eye sometimes without taking your head back, like
you're gaping at that thing on top of the Empire states,
looking her in the eyes, and not have her foot
on that silly smile.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
Girls keeper puppies.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
And kittens and cute babies.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 7 (04:18):
Nah, I kiss your dog?
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Mare? Hear me the second box, darling, I didn't take
one yourself.
Speaker 8 (04:35):
These are Corona Bleinda's Pelty sixty cents a copy. But youseful,
I know what's craping you?
Speaker 5 (04:46):
You think you do? Huh, darling girl?
Speaker 7 (04:49):
Yeah, yeah, it's none of your business.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Bud.
Speaker 8 (04:53):
Oh wait, it did I say something about your business,
Jennifer lay off at Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Jennifer is a nice girl, man, I think so being
a fat lad. He ain't a band ranked.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
You got to sit down a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
She in love with you too, watch this love stuff?
Answer the question? So she used to what.
Speaker 7 (05:14):
He's a nice kid.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Also, she's about ten times as big as me. Wait,
you a marrier? You with hand signed?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Well I would want to be a little bit taller, darling. Yeah,
they like three times a dollars you are now? Yeah? Yeah,
that'll be okay.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Well, shut up, I'm a missured.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I'm gonna standage it. Uh. I wish there was something
to this year magic crack of the yours?
Speaker 5 (05:42):
You mean? And how do you make a magic past?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And now?
Speaker 6 (05:45):
Because I'm on full size?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, but the only way I ever get to be,
that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
So let's talk about something else.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
Hunh you're all in love with Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I mean, for the record, darling, I have beating my
brains out about her. You love it?
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (06:04):
I do?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Shut up, mate, I'm gonna do something for you for
how much?
Speaker 5 (06:10):
So for free?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Let me up. I'm choking. This here thing is an
ancient Egyptian Genuinees Camera Califordia girls from Mills Brothers. This
is legit magic Major, This is an ornament from the
royal robes, and play your fat on the beauty is
Sirene of the Nile. Hand it down from father to
son in an unbroken.
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Generation, from the days of the Pharaily.
Speaker 5 (06:32):
Here's your time off by it.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's yours Major, you use it? What's it for? You
get three wishes with him?
Speaker 5 (06:38):
You get Jeffrey? Yep?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
What was it?
Speaker 6 (06:42):
Never mind?
Speaker 5 (06:43):
What day? Why you use it?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It's yours? Okay, thanks darling. I wouldn't give that thing
to everybody. May say, you want to play some poker,
be careful with that thing. But you want to play
some poker, listen, lay that thing on the table there
where you can't preach it.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
Why you think I'm gonna play poker with a guy.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
That's got three winches and admit, how stupid can you get?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Well?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Anyway, it's a pretty night. Bet it'd be a pretty
night at the dropping forty six bucks at all.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
But I should have played Folker.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
I should play marbles or something.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Man not say I'm gonna sit down and smoke a
cigar and look at the moon.
Speaker 11 (07:30):
M yeah, oh boy, Jennifer, Oh, Jennifer, gosh, if I
was only your full sized guys, mhm.
Speaker 12 (07:58):
Are you so wishing though, Jennifer, Baby, if I was
a full sized guy, I could get a job and
I wouldn't have to have people staring at me.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
All day and all night, and I don't enough those those.
You wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore.
Speaker 13 (08:19):
And yeah, we'd have such a swell time.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Hm. That's girl, and michet terrific breakfast, ye hadness.
Speaker 13 (08:43):
M oh, golly, look at that moon. IM sure wish
Jennifer was here, Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Oh, well, where did you come from?
Speaker 11 (08:59):
Right?
Speaker 13 (09:01):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (09:02):
May?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I was sound asleep and all of a sudden boom
here I am. Oh, I didn't see you coming. Did
you walk in your sleep? Dolly? Oh my goodness, my nightgown,
when you freeze to death? Get here, Just take take
my car, I'll put it over my head. Oh my goodness,
I don't know how I got here. No, no kidding, darling,
(09:25):
no kidding. I'm asleep and then I'm here. Oh what
a bump, good thing. I'm well padded. Oh you poor darling.
I gotta go back I can't sit here on the
beach and my knife gown for heaven's sake. Oh no, no,
certainly not. No. Indeed, Jennifer, you catch your death or
cold or something.
Speaker 14 (09:44):
Dolly, I gotta go back. I'll walk you back, Darling,
This here is the most mysterious thing I ever heard of,
you'll say it is.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Shall I walk your back?
Speaker 15 (09:54):
Oh goodness, no, But these people think if they see
me and you walking along the beach my night gown.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yes, well, gee, I well, pardon me, dearest, I must
have been sonambulizing. Yeah, uh, huh, black, I was just
thinking of something lovable. Do you love me?
Speaker 7 (10:19):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I said, do you love me? Implicitly? Dearest?
Speaker 16 (10:25):
I love you also. Good night, little self, good night
four hundred pounds of sweetness? Oh too, congratulations, it's.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
My new diet. Good night, good night, dear. I still
wish I knew what happened. It was a pleasure, dumpling, sir, listen, dear,
before you called, just one question. If I if I
was a.
Speaker 14 (10:53):
Full sized fellow, like, would you marry me? I'd marry
you right now, sugar, I love you see both.
Speaker 7 (11:03):
No, no, no, If I was like the seven foot oh.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Boy kick Molly, good night, good night, Davy. Oh boy,
what a girl, Oh boy, what a girl? Oh boy,
what a girl.
Speaker 12 (11:27):
Oh now, listen, maybe that was an accident. Maybe Jennifer
was walking in her sleep. But if she was, she
sure arrived with a bank.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Could it be. Do you suppose it could be?
Speaker 5 (11:47):
What my girl?
Speaker 6 (11:47):
If it was?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It sure? Cleo, pat gimmick in my bucket. Okay, cleo,
let's see how magic you are.
Speaker 8 (11:59):
Wait a minute, I better get out of here and
in the open where where I will ruff anything if
it works. Okay, No, I wish I was three times
as big as hey.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Hey, look at me, I am seven. Pay my clothes
he sot it right.
Speaker 7 (12:24):
Out of them. Hey, I was dam me, darling.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Oh caner? What are you doing running around this time
of night.
Speaker 15 (12:45):
I've been somnambulating you. I was just sleep and all
of a sudden boom, I'm sitting on the beach, a
major in my nights down here you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I'm telling you the se Dolly. I never woke in
my sleep before. Neither if that idiots waste one wish, sir,
you wasn't walking in your sleep, Jennifer, I never did before.
It doesn't say time neither. I didn't. How did I
get out there?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Then?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
He wished you? Then, sir, I mean, are you clany? No,
that's what happened, Jennifer, I'm clanking. It's magic. Sweet what
kind of mastic jarvin?
Speaker 16 (13:22):
Little thing I gave them an Yeah, genuine Egyptians cameras
hand it down from brother to some since.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
The times of the Pharaoh.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
Used to be a faith man.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yep, you get three wishes with a thing he wished
you was that you was there?
Speaker 6 (13:37):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (13:40):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
That's what he starting about, asking me if i'd marry
him if he was full size. That's what I give
it to him. Brother, the wish jump up?
Speaker 7 (13:49):
See then the you better go.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
In blind and I'm gonna get this and I'm gonna
go find a major watch him win. I hope it'll work.
Speaker 10 (13:59):
I hurry, h.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
Done night?
Speaker 7 (14:04):
Hm?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Hey, hey, darling? Hey?
Speaker 6 (14:10):
Is she gone?
Speaker 5 (14:11):
She went down the hall to her room? Good?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
What's the matter with your boy? I'm praising to death.
We come on and sign? Why I can't unless your
chersey's gone? Why? Why I exploded right out of my clothes?
Speaker 5 (14:26):
What I come on?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
She's gone? Yeah? Well, mm see gone, what well?
Speaker 5 (14:39):
I just said.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I wish I would space times as big as saying
huh m, I didn't quick that time?
Speaker 7 (14:48):
Hey, why didn't it one?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Well?
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Oh could have?
Speaker 6 (14:51):
I ain't got it?
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Well, I caught you.
Speaker 6 (14:53):
I butted it out of my clothes, didn't I text.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Her and the mentioned pieces down there on the beach,
and the gimmick with him lend me a bathroom? Oh goodness,
where is it? Where can it be? It's so dark? Oh,
(15:18):
Major Major?
Speaker 17 (15:23):
Yeah, I like your body's palm tree. Oh, there's so
many palm trees. Oh goodness, I didn't catch cold baker.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Where in the world?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
No, No, it couldn't be here, coach. Oh, I keep
sinking down into the sand so far Major, Where are you?
So heap and chears?
Speaker 5 (15:55):
Where we were?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I can tell I I remember this, I see. Oh.
Oh fell in a hole. Oh oh, oh, that's where
I landed before.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Now where is he?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Major, Major?
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Where are you?
Speaker 7 (16:14):
Little fellows?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
What are all these rags here? My gracious he supposed
some fish could have had him. Oh unless all that's
clothes here in rags? Oh heaven, Oh my goodness, what's this? Now?
Looks like an iron beetle.
Speaker 14 (16:33):
Oh he dropped a genuine Egyptian SKay ramdit was handed
down from all the fairies and cleopatro and stuff.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Oh oh golly, he didn't get to wish in heaven.
I can't bend over to see these rags. Oh no,
he'd be wearing soup. He went back to the boarding
house to wish him. He forgot his wisher. Oh, oh,
my gracious, I know what I'll do. Oh but he
can agree. I'll make his wish for him. Oh boy, boy,
(17:02):
would he be surprised. Oh, my, darling, little feller, now
you're gonna be a big man. Oh I wish he
was so much time.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
What happened, darling?
Speaker 5 (17:27):
My gosh, they expanded me.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
My goodness, Hey, what are.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Your feet down the window?
Speaker 5 (17:37):
That sea? Good?
Speaker 6 (17:39):
Molly boy, look I busted at the window.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Okay, so one.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Day you didn't bunch down the whole house. Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 7 (17:52):
Never seen such a big man. And all my day
whoa but.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Doesn't like growl?
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Oh humor, fre look at me?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
How did you do it? Didn't know what's arm thing.
I was just dead and hearing co bundle.
Speaker 9 (18:08):
I'm hearing the romans and outside hot I hope nobody
heard it.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
We'll have the cops, Joe and your guy.
Speaker 18 (18:15):
Gotta bust your nose. Hen, don't hit me a major,
don't hit me well major this.
Speaker 6 (18:21):
Don't call me Baker anymore. I got promoted. Let not
take this, Dolly.
Speaker 18 (18:26):
I can't down fix it, major, Colonel General, Why can't you?
I had all mine for me wishes. Besides, I ain't.
Speaker 7 (18:33):
Got the gimmick.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well, somebody must get it, haven't. Somebody wished me to bay.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
H I told Jennifer about the kimmick.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
He said you was gonna go.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Up and find you again. And what he'll wiln He
must have pouted a wife. That must be it.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Well we gotta do is find her and have her wished.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
Me back to where I was.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Sure, let's let's go apart.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Good, get Dolly Ice? Can it out of the room.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
I ain't praying there thirty feet high? Yeah, I ain't
seeing what you mean? Okay that quick? When I'm off
crapped up?
Speaker 7 (19:09):
Hey, I can't stand that's this.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Is where a minute? Well, move your hands and I
can't open the door.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Way. Who's that is that?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
You?
Speaker 11 (19:22):
Darling?
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Is amazing their way out of me. Oh my goodness.
Oh he's been enlarged. Oh darling, what's happened to you?
Nothing's happened to me, you know, I mean my darling.
What's darling been doing to your dollar?
Speaker 6 (19:40):
An?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Then you'll find a little thing like a beetle out
there on the beach, if that's.
Speaker 6 (19:45):
Where you have been.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yes, I was, I'm getting confused.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
What's that sting in your hands?
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Oh well, the.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Iron dingle, it's the wishing thing.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Well listen, honey, plums, then you don't make any wishes. Well,
I only wish you to be four times as big
as you're was terrible, yes, but I was already three
times as big as I was. You're confusing me again.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Listen, honey, I wish myself first, and then you wish
me give me the thing.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
I got one more wiste.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
To get back to normal.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
You got to.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
I wish you out there on the base of me. See. Uh,
give me the gimmick, darling.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I'm all craft goodness, yes, we hot you take it
and wish quick with you. I don't like you very
well this way, you holler, so just laying in his
hands and yes, goodness here.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
Oh wild boy, oh boy.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Stand back, everybody. I wish I was back to the
normal size again. Wow, old, look you're a natured again.
Oh Major, Now look what we've done you, darling?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
What kind of dirty magic?
Speaker 10 (20:48):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Gracious and Normajor only? I think you ought not to
upset normal size. This is your normal size? Oh boy,
I am a dead no, no, no, darling where.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
I started to see? Jennifer. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I love you, a major, but you don't want to
marry a midget. Oh Major, it's so confusing.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
When you're magic, Darling.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I told you to be careful of that three wishes. Major,
I told you you remember that.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
Dear Jennifer, take this third thing and.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Throw it away.
Speaker 10 (21:18):
Dolly gosh, I wish I was a midget too, Oh Jennifer,
Oh Major, may are you?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
You're all tangled up in your sole najd last we're
about the same size. Isn't it wonderful? Do you think so? Jennifer? Oh,
I love Pisa book. Oh you look wonderful to me.
Oh but sweet the Sailor, you're a midian.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I know it, and I love it.
Speaker 5 (21:54):
Well.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
If you don't like it or something, Jennifer, you still
got one wish left you know.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
Oh haven't Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
You're not Jennifer wish I wished we were married right
this minute. Well, the people that wanted to get married.
Who are you, mister why? I am a justice of
the peace, and by a strange coincidence, I happened to
have a marriage license in my pockets.
Speaker 7 (22:22):
Now where are these people?
Speaker 3 (22:24):
If you please, we're down here, mister. Hey, look we
can do something you can't do. We can walk under
a table. M M.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You have listened to Quiet Please, which is written and
directed by Willis Cooper. The major was Ernest Chappel, Dan
Betty Guard played Jennifer, Lon Clark was dolling.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
And the Justice of the feast was Paddle Malley.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Albert Berman.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Albert April is our sound technician.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Not for a worry about next week's Quiet Please, here is.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
Our writer, director Willis Cooper. Would certainly be.
Speaker 7 (23:34):
A great surprise to all of us, including myself.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
If we didn't have a Christmas story for next week,
this one.
Speaker 7 (23:40):
At a somewhat unusual setting.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
It's Berlin, nineteen forty five, and so until next week of.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
This time, I am quietly yours Ernest Chappele quiet. Please
k to you from New York.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
This is a mutual broadcasting system.
Twye please, Quiet Please. The Neutral Broadcasting System.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Presents Quiet Lease, which is written and directed by Willis
Cooper and which features Ernest Chappell. Quiet Please Fortnight is
called Little Fella. I could do something you can't do.
(01:07):
I can walk under a table. No, I mean standing
up straight, but you got a table. I'll tell you
you're just looking in the right place.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Down here. See two feet three inches that's me.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Make sure see about Jay Arkwright, the smallest man in
the world with capital lennards, the smallest man in the world.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
For twenty play.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Cents to quit of a dollar plane thick nickels.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
You can come and stand and duck at me like
all the other quot size bools and snicker at.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
The cute little man on the platform and ask the
dullest questions in the world.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
And I have to smirk back.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
I can be polite when I'd give you eight hundred
and two bucks.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I got my grouched back.
Speaker 5 (01:53):
To brain each and every one of you, preferably with
a sponge.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
Man.
Speaker 7 (01:58):
Don't take longer that way, so I.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Can walk under a table.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
Hot stuff.
Speaker 7 (02:03):
Huh Nevin, What the heck it's you're living, isn't it?
Speaker 8 (02:07):
Thank got a job while you've bread everything twice, but
you'll spend the two bits to take again, rat mere,
save it for a loaf of bread for tonight's suffer.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
No, don't laugh at him, I jet fellas, you look
just as funny to me as I do to you.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 8 (02:21):
I got Francy nastick mine up against yours, like Darling
for instance, Hey, Darling, what make the fox Darling less
than of those lovable people?
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Darling? Nothing?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Darling loves practically everybody. I live off sack.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Well, that's what I said.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Darling's a magician, pounds darlings, saws ladies in half.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
The boy would I give a quarter to see him?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Saw some of your gals in half?
Speaker 9 (02:53):
Nine little bitsy pieces, some of your names is standing
in front of my platform and nearest me and whisper
and tee and greeted me with your great big gounty mouth.
Speaker 8 (03:04):
Yeah, now I give a fuck of quarters for that, Darling. Okay,
so I sound better? Huh well, palsy, how would you
sound the practice?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Everybody?
Speaker 7 (03:14):
You know it's three times as big as you. There,
Take it easy.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I'm not going into my song and.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Dance for you.
Speaker 7 (03:21):
Just to think about a tometime while you're wrestling.
Speaker 5 (03:23):
And will give you the willie.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Yeah, they just got no dignity.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You get introduced to a full size character and they giggles.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
When he shakes your hand.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You do it too. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Do you ever read Gibbons, Decline and follow the Roman Empire?
Speaker 5 (03:41):
What I did?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
You write poetry?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Well? I do, then I get it published. Publisher doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I'm I mentioned you got fourteen sister claws.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Well I have all right.
Speaker 8 (03:57):
I said, I wouldn't cry if only I should have
been something, to be able to look a beautiful girl
in the eye sometimes without taking your head back, like
you're gaping at that thing on top of the Empire states,
looking her in the eyes, and not have her foot
on that silly smile.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
Girls keeper puppies.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
And kittens and cute babies.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 7 (04:18):
Nah, I kiss your dog?
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Mare? Hear me the second box, darling, I didn't take
one yourself.
Speaker 8 (04:35):
These are Corona Bleinda's Pelty sixty cents a copy. But youseful,
I know what's craping you?
Speaker 5 (04:46):
You think you do? Huh, darling girl?
Speaker 7 (04:49):
Yeah, yeah, it's none of your business.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Bud.
Speaker 8 (04:53):
Oh wait, it did I say something about your business,
Jennifer lay off at Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Jennifer is a nice girl, man, I think so being
a fat lad. He ain't a band ranked.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
You got to sit down a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
She in love with you too, watch this love stuff?
Answer the question? So she used to what.
Speaker 7 (05:14):
He's a nice kid.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Also, she's about ten times as big as me. Wait,
you a marrier? You with hand signed?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Well I would want to be a little bit taller, darling. Yeah,
they like three times a dollars you are now? Yeah? Yeah,
that'll be okay.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Well, shut up, I'm a missured.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I'm gonna standage it. Uh. I wish there was something
to this year magic crack of the yours?
Speaker 5 (05:42):
You mean? And how do you make a magic past?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And now?
Speaker 6 (05:45):
Because I'm on full size?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, but the only way I ever get to be,
that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
So let's talk about something else.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
Hunh you're all in love with Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I mean, for the record, darling, I have beating my
brains out about her. You love it?
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (06:04):
I do?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Shut up, mate, I'm gonna do something for you for
how much?
Speaker 5 (06:10):
So for free?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Let me up. I'm choking. This here thing is an
ancient Egyptian Genuinees Camera Califordia girls from Mills Brothers. This
is legit magic Major, This is an ornament from the
royal robes, and play your fat on the beauty is
Sirene of the Nile. Hand it down from father to
son in an unbroken.
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Generation, from the days of the Pharaily.
Speaker 5 (06:32):
Here's your time off by it.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's yours Major, you use it? What's it for? You
get three wishes with him?
Speaker 5 (06:38):
You get Jeffrey? Yep?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
What was it?
Speaker 6 (06:42):
Never mind?
Speaker 5 (06:43):
What day? Why you use it?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It's yours? Okay, thanks darling. I wouldn't give that thing
to everybody. May say, you want to play some poker,
be careful with that thing. But you want to play
some poker, listen, lay that thing on the table there
where you can't preach it.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
Why you think I'm gonna play poker with a guy.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
That's got three winches and admit, how stupid can you get?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Well?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Anyway, it's a pretty night. Bet it'd be a pretty
night at the dropping forty six bucks at all.
Speaker 5 (07:20):
But I should have played Folker.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
I should play marbles or something.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Man not say I'm gonna sit down and smoke a
cigar and look at the moon.
Speaker 11 (07:30):
M yeah, oh boy, Jennifer, Oh, Jennifer, gosh, if I
was only your full sized guys, mhm.
Speaker 12 (07:58):
Are you so wishing though, Jennifer, Baby, if I was
a full sized guy, I could get a job and
I wouldn't have to have people staring at me.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
All day and all night, and I don't enough those those.
You wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore.
Speaker 13 (08:19):
And yeah, we'd have such a swell time.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Hm. That's girl, and michet terrific breakfast, ye hadness.
Speaker 13 (08:43):
M oh, golly, look at that moon. IM sure wish
Jennifer was here, Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Oh, well, where did you come from?
Speaker 11 (08:59):
Right?
Speaker 13 (09:01):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (09:02):
May?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I was sound asleep and all of a sudden boom
here I am. Oh, I didn't see you coming. Did
you walk in your sleep? Dolly? Oh my goodness, my nightgown,
when you freeze to death? Get here, Just take take
my car, I'll put it over my head. Oh my goodness,
I don't know how I got here. No, no kidding, darling,
(09:25):
no kidding. I'm asleep and then I'm here. Oh what
a bump, good thing. I'm well padded. Oh you poor darling.
I gotta go back I can't sit here on the
beach and my knife gown for heaven's sake. Oh no, no,
certainly not. No. Indeed, Jennifer, you catch your death or
cold or something.
Speaker 14 (09:44):
Dolly, I gotta go back. I'll walk you back, Darling,
This here is the most mysterious thing I ever heard of,
you'll say it is.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Shall I walk your back?
Speaker 15 (09:54):
Oh goodness, no, But these people think if they see
me and you walking along the beach my night gown.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yes, well, gee, I well, pardon me, dearest, I must
have been sonambulizing. Yeah, uh, huh, black, I was just
thinking of something lovable. Do you love me?
Speaker 7 (10:19):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I said, do you love me? Implicitly? Dearest?
Speaker 16 (10:25):
I love you also. Good night, little self, good night
four hundred pounds of sweetness? Oh too, congratulations, it's.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
My new diet. Good night, good night, dear. I still
wish I knew what happened. It was a pleasure, dumpling, sir, listen, dear,
before you called, just one question. If I if I
was a.
Speaker 14 (10:53):
Full sized fellow, like, would you marry me? I'd marry
you right now, sugar, I love you see both.
Speaker 7 (11:03):
No, no, no, If I was like the seven foot oh.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Boy kick Molly, good night, good night, Davy. Oh boy,
what a girl, Oh boy, what a girl? Oh boy,
what a girl.
Speaker 12 (11:27):
Oh now, listen, maybe that was an accident. Maybe Jennifer
was walking in her sleep. But if she was, she
sure arrived with a bank.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Could it be. Do you suppose it could be?
Speaker 5 (11:47):
What my girl?
Speaker 6 (11:47):
If it was?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It sure? Cleo, pat gimmick in my bucket. Okay, cleo,
let's see how magic you are.
Speaker 8 (11:59):
Wait a minute, I better get out of here and
in the open where where I will ruff anything if
it works. Okay, No, I wish I was three times
as big as hey.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Hey, look at me, I am seven. Pay my clothes
he sot it right.
Speaker 7 (12:24):
Out of them. Hey, I was dam me, darling.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Oh caner? What are you doing running around this time
of night.
Speaker 15 (12:45):
I've been somnambulating you. I was just sleep and all
of a sudden boom, I'm sitting on the beach, a
major in my nights down here you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I'm telling you the se Dolly. I never woke in
my sleep before. Neither if that idiots waste one wish, sir,
you wasn't walking in your sleep, Jennifer, I never did before.
It doesn't say time neither. I didn't. How did I
get out there?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
Then?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
He wished you? Then, sir, I mean, are you clany? No,
that's what happened, Jennifer, I'm clanking. It's magic. Sweet what
kind of mastic jarvin?
Speaker 16 (13:22):
Little thing I gave them an Yeah, genuine Egyptians cameras
hand it down from brother to some since.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
The times of the Pharaoh.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
Used to be a faith man.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yep, you get three wishes with a thing he wished
you was that you was there?
Speaker 6 (13:37):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (13:40):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
That's what he starting about, asking me if i'd marry
him if he was full size. That's what I give
it to him. Brother, the wish jump up?
Speaker 7 (13:49):
See then the you better go.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
In blind and I'm gonna get this and I'm gonna
go find a major watch him win. I hope it'll work.
Speaker 10 (13:59):
I hurry, h.
Speaker 5 (14:02):
Done night?
Speaker 7 (14:04):
Hm?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Hey, hey, darling? Hey?
Speaker 6 (14:10):
Is she gone?
Speaker 5 (14:11):
She went down the hall to her room? Good?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
What's the matter with your boy? I'm praising to death.
We come on and sign? Why I can't unless your
chersey's gone? Why? Why I exploded right out of my clothes?
Speaker 5 (14:26):
What I come on?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
She's gone? Yeah? Well, mm see gone, what well?
Speaker 5 (14:39):
I just said.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I wish I would space times as big as saying
huh m, I didn't quick that time?
Speaker 7 (14:48):
Hey, why didn't it one?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Well?
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Oh could have?
Speaker 6 (14:51):
I ain't got it?
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Well, I caught you.
Speaker 6 (14:53):
I butted it out of my clothes, didn't I text.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Her and the mentioned pieces down there on the beach,
and the gimmick with him lend me a bathroom? Oh goodness,
where is it? Where can it be? It's so dark? Oh,
(15:18):
Major Major?
Speaker 17 (15:23):
Yeah, I like your body's palm tree. Oh, there's so
many palm trees. Oh goodness, I didn't catch cold baker.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Where in the world?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
No, No, it couldn't be here, coach. Oh, I keep
sinking down into the sand so far Major, Where are you?
So heap and chears?
Speaker 5 (15:55):
Where we were?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I can tell I I remember this, I see. Oh.
Oh fell in a hole. Oh oh, oh, that's where
I landed before.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Now where is he?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Major, Major?
Speaker 5 (16:14):
Where are you?
Speaker 7 (16:14):
Little fellows?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
What are all these rags here? My gracious he supposed
some fish could have had him. Oh unless all that's
clothes here in rags? Oh heaven, Oh my goodness, what's this? Now?
Looks like an iron beetle.
Speaker 14 (16:33):
Oh he dropped a genuine Egyptian SKay ramdit was handed
down from all the fairies and cleopatro and stuff.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Oh oh golly, he didn't get to wish in heaven.
I can't bend over to see these rags. Oh no,
he'd be wearing soup. He went back to the boarding
house to wish him. He forgot his wisher. Oh, oh,
my gracious, I know what I'll do. Oh but he
can agree. I'll make his wish for him. Oh boy, boy,
(17:02):
would he be surprised. Oh, my, darling, little feller, now
you're gonna be a big man. Oh I wish he
was so much time.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
What happened, darling?
Speaker 5 (17:27):
My gosh, they expanded me.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
My goodness, Hey, what are.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Your feet down the window?
Speaker 5 (17:37):
That sea? Good?
Speaker 6 (17:39):
Molly boy, look I busted at the window.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Okay, so one.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Day you didn't bunch down the whole house. Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 7 (17:52):
Never seen such a big man. And all my day
whoa but.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Doesn't like growl?
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Oh humor, fre look at me?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
How did you do it? Didn't know what's arm thing.
I was just dead and hearing co bundle.
Speaker 9 (18:08):
I'm hearing the romans and outside hot I hope nobody
heard it.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
We'll have the cops, Joe and your guy.
Speaker 18 (18:15):
Gotta bust your nose. Hen, don't hit me a major,
don't hit me well major this.
Speaker 6 (18:21):
Don't call me Baker anymore. I got promoted. Let not
take this, Dolly.
Speaker 18 (18:26):
I can't down fix it, major, Colonel General, Why can't you?
I had all mine for me wishes. Besides, I ain't.
Speaker 7 (18:33):
Got the gimmick.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well, somebody must get it, haven't. Somebody wished me to bay.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
H I told Jennifer about the kimmick.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
He said you was gonna go.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Up and find you again. And what he'll wiln He
must have pouted a wife. That must be it.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Well we gotta do is find her and have her wished.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
Me back to where I was.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Sure, let's let's go apart.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Good, get Dolly Ice? Can it out of the room.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
I ain't praying there thirty feet high? Yeah, I ain't
seeing what you mean? Okay that quick? When I'm off
crapped up?
Speaker 7 (19:09):
Hey, I can't stand that's this.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Is where a minute? Well, move your hands and I
can't open the door.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Way. Who's that is that?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
You?
Speaker 11 (19:22):
Darling?
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Is amazing their way out of me. Oh my goodness.
Oh he's been enlarged. Oh darling, what's happened to you?
Nothing's happened to me, you know, I mean my darling.
What's darling been doing to your dollar?
Speaker 6 (19:40):
An?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Then you'll find a little thing like a beetle out
there on the beach, if that's.
Speaker 6 (19:45):
Where you have been.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yes, I was, I'm getting confused.
Speaker 6 (19:49):
What's that sting in your hands?
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Oh well, the.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Iron dingle, it's the wishing thing.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Well listen, honey, plums, then you don't make any wishes. Well,
I only wish you to be four times as big
as you're was terrible, yes, but I was already three
times as big as I was. You're confusing me again.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Listen, honey, I wish myself first, and then you wish
me give me the thing.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
I got one more wiste.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
To get back to normal.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
You got to.
Speaker 6 (20:14):
I wish you out there on the base of me. See. Uh,
give me the gimmick, darling.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I'm all craft goodness, yes, we hot you take it
and wish quick with you. I don't like you very
well this way, you holler, so just laying in his
hands and yes, goodness here.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
Oh wild boy, oh boy.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Stand back, everybody. I wish I was back to the
normal size again. Wow, old, look you're a natured again.
Oh Major, Now look what we've done you, darling?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
What kind of dirty magic?
Speaker 10 (20:48):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Gracious and Normajor only? I think you ought not to
upset normal size. This is your normal size? Oh boy,
I am a dead no, no, no, darling where.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
I started to see? Jennifer. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I love you, a major, but you don't want to
marry a midget. Oh Major, it's so confusing.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
When you're magic, Darling.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I told you to be careful of that three wishes. Major,
I told you you remember that.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
Dear Jennifer, take this third thing and.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Throw it away.
Speaker 10 (21:18):
Dolly gosh, I wish I was a midget too, Oh Jennifer,
Oh Major, may are you?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
You're all tangled up in your sole najd last we're
about the same size. Isn't it wonderful? Do you think so? Jennifer? Oh,
I love Pisa book. Oh you look wonderful to me.
Oh but sweet the Sailor, you're a midian.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I know it, and I love it.
Speaker 5 (21:54):
Well.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
If you don't like it or something, Jennifer, you still
got one wish left you know.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
Oh haven't Jennifer.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
You're not Jennifer wish I wished we were married right
this minute. Well, the people that wanted to get married.
Who are you, mister why? I am a justice of
the peace, and by a strange coincidence, I happened to
have a marriage license in my pockets.
Speaker 7 (22:22):
Now where are these people?
Speaker 3 (22:24):
If you please, we're down here, mister. Hey, look we
can do something you can't do. We can walk under
a table. M M.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You have listened to Quiet Please, which is written and
directed by Willis Cooper. The major was Ernest Chappel, Dan
Betty Guard played Jennifer, Lon Clark was dolling.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
And the Justice of the feast was Paddle Malley.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Albert Berman.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Albert April is our sound technician.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Not for a worry about next week's Quiet Please, here is.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
Our writer, director Willis Cooper. Would certainly be.
Speaker 7 (23:34):
A great surprise to all of us, including myself.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
If we didn't have a Christmas story for next week,
this one.
Speaker 7 (23:40):
At a somewhat unusual setting.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
It's Berlin, nineteen forty five, and so until next week of.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
This time, I am quietly yours Ernest Chappele quiet. Please
k to you from New York.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
This is a mutual broadcasting system.
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