Classic Radio 11-11-25 - Salute to Politics, Mouse in the House, and Sorry Wrong Rhumba - Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Now the greatest radio shows of all time, hus.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Fenster, Shadow, Node Washington calling David Honey count.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
As my classic radio theater, the Great Elderslide, Zipper McGhee
and Molly Dragones Guns Alone Ranger.

Speaker 4 (00:29):
Now step back into a time machine.

Speaker 5 (00:31):
It's your host, Wyatt Cox.

Speaker 6 (00:34):
Good evening friend, Vionna Tank.

Speaker 7 (00:39):
Comedy on this veteran's day with episodes of The Milton
Burrell Show, The Adventures of Archie Andrews, Bud Abbatt and
Lou Costello, and another Sam Shovel drama, and the CBS
Radio Workshop production of Report on the Wiands. And we'll
wrap it all up with another episode of Gaudia. That's

(00:59):
what's coming up on this Tuesday, eleventh day of November,
three hundred and fifteenth day of the year, fifty days
remaining in twenty twenty five. In Jerusalem, Virginia, Nat Turner
hung on the state in eighteen thirty one after inciting
a violent slave uprising. In eighteen thirty nine, the Virginia

(01:20):
Military Institute, founded in Lexington, Virginia. Union General William tacom
See Sherman began burning Atlanta on this date in eighteen
sixty four to the ground in preparation for his march
to the South. Washington state admitted on this date in
eighteen eighty nine as the forty second state of the Union.

(01:42):
On this date in nineteen eleven, many cities in the
Midwest broke both their record highs and lows on the
exact same day, as a strong coal front rolled through
the region. In nineteen eighteen, Germany signed an Armists disagreement
with the Allies. In a railroad car outside of Compegne
in France officially stops the war at eleven o'clock, the

(02:08):
eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month
of the year. It was on this date in nineteen
twenty one the Tomb of the Unknowns dedicated by President
Warren Harding at Arlington National Cemetery.

Speaker 6 (02:22):
With a name he died for freedom.

Speaker 8 (02:25):
Now nameless, he will live as Freedom's hero.

Speaker 7 (02:30):
Reporter Tom Hale. Route sixty six established on this date
in nineteen twenty six. The main federal highway decommissioned in
nineteen eighty five, and now it exists in just segments.
A patent awarded on this date in nineteen thirty to
Albert Einstein and Leo Cizard for their first their invention

(02:54):
the Einstein refrigerator in South Dakota. On this date in
nineteen thirty three, a very strong dust storm stripped top
soil from desiccated farmlands. An unexpected blizzard on this date
in nineteen forty killed one hundred forty four in the Midwest.
The Road to Morocco released on this date in nineteen

(03:15):
forty two, to the third of Bob Hope and Bing
Crosby's Seven Road Pictures. The first observance of Veterans Day
on this date in nineteen fifty four. It was previously
Armistice Day, holiday, first organized and celebrated in my hometown
of Emporia, Kansas, in nineteen fifty three, three years before

(03:36):
I was born. Kansas Congressman Ed Rees, also an Emporion,
then took King's proposal to Congress. President Dwight Eisenhower, also
of Kansas, signed the bill proclaiming November eleventh as Veterans Day.
A military coup against President of South Vietnam crushed on

(03:57):
this date in nineteen sixteenth. Was on this day in
nineteen sixty six that NASA launched Gemini twelve.

Speaker 9 (04:05):
Well Houston One minute to Rot You can go a
Coder on.

Speaker 7 (04:11):
Fut astronauts James Lovell and Buzz Aldron aboard the tenth
and final flight of NASA's Gemini program. The crew had
to manually rendezvous and doc with the Gemini Agenda target
vehicle after a radar malfunction in a propaganda ceremony in
Nom Penn, Cambodia on the state. In nineteen sixty seven,

(04:34):
three American prisoners of war released by the Vietnam and
turned over to new left anti war activist Tom Hayden.
A year later, Operation Commando Hunt was initiated, the goal
to intradict men and supplies on the Ho Chi Minh
Trail through Laos into South Vietnam, and on this date.

(04:55):
In nineteen seventy two, the US Army turned over the
massive Long Been Military Base to South Vietnam. Was on
this date. In nineteen eighty two, President Reagan dedicated the
Vietnam Veterans Memorial.

Speaker 10 (05:09):
Those who fought in Vietnam are part of us, part
of our history. They reflected the best in US. No
number of wreaths, no amount of music and memorializing will
ever do them justice.

Speaker 6 (05:22):
But it is good for.

Speaker 10 (05:22):
Us that we honor them and their sacrifice.

Speaker 7 (05:26):
President Reagan on this date in nineteen eighty two. Five
years later, nineteen eighty seven, after the Supreme Court nominations
of Robert Mork and Douglas Ginsburg failed, President Reagan tried again.

Speaker 10 (05:39):
I am today announcing my intention to nominate United States
Circuit Judge Anthony Kennedy to be an Associate Justice of
the Supreme Court.

Speaker 7 (05:49):
Well, the third time was the charm for President Reagan.
Anthony Kennedy one Senate confirmation, and he would retire in
twenty eighteen. A sculpture honoring women who served in the
Vietnam War dedicated on this state in nineteen ninety three
at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, d C. Yasser

(06:11):
Arafat confirmed dead by the Palestinian Liberation Organization of Unidentified causes.

Speaker 11 (06:21):
While these protesters marching through the streets of Ramala chanted
they'd accept no leader but Arafat, other Palestinians are hopeful
that a new leadership will take hold, more democratic and
less reliant on one individual.

Speaker 7 (06:33):
Reporter Kami McCormick mamouse Abbas elected chairman of the PLO
minutes later, others passing away on this date in history
include composer Jerome Kerrn old Man River and Smoke Gets
in Your Eyes, string Bean, David Aikman, the banjo player,
country legend, and actor Robert Bond for the Man from Uncle,

(06:57):
all passing away on the state in hitty birthdays on
this date. Of those who are no longer with us
include First Lady Abigail Adams, film actor Pat O'Brien, comic
actor Stubby Kay, also Kirk Vonnegut, the novelist, comedian and
actor Jonathan Winters Wonderful Humorous Man. Also General Hospital's Leslie

(07:21):
Webber the real name Denise Alexander, who passed away earlier
this year, and the young Bloods Jesse Colin Young, who
also passed away earlier this year. Both of these individuals
born on this date in history of fact, all those
individuals I just mentioned born on this date, they have
left this mortal coil.

Speaker 6 (07:41):
Hi, this is Jeff Foxworthy.

Speaker 12 (07:43):
It is now time for the birthday announcements.

Speaker 9 (07:45):
The following people are now officially older than Dirt.

Speaker 7 (07:50):
The original slime Man from doubledare Mark Summers seventy four
years old. Today actor Stanley Tucci is sixty five.

Speaker 13 (08:00):
What is it that you really like to do.

Speaker 7 (08:04):
Each with Meryl Streep from the movie Julie and Julia.
He portrayed Julia Child's husband Stanley Tucci sixty five Today,
Demi Moore sixty three, I Love You, I Really Love

(08:26):
You Dido from the movie Ghosts. Demi Moore sixty three
Today You Knew Her from Ally McBeal, Missus Harrison Ford,
Calista Flockhart sixty one, Excuse.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Me while I go and projectile vomit on Al Gore.

Speaker 7 (08:45):
From the movie Brothers and Sisters. Calista Flockhart sixty one.
Leonardo DiCaprio fifty one.

Speaker 4 (08:52):
The Scammer Horns is one of the oldest families in
New York.

Speaker 14 (08:56):
They didn't run the city, but they was listened to
quite carefully.

Speaker 7 (08:59):
By that from Gangs of New York. Leonardo DiCaprio fifty
one to Day and a couple of pro wrestlers of note.
He started off as Eli Drake in the old NWA
and then the TNA Wrestling and then Well he was

(09:20):
taken under the wing of Percy Pringle before he became
Paul bar in the WWE. He's now in the WWE
as La Knight. He is forty three years old. Today
La Night and all elite wrestling and ringa bono wrestler
Leo Rush thirty one years of age. Those just few

(09:40):
of the people celebrating the eleventh day of November as
their birthday. Now, if this is your birthday.

Speaker 15 (09:50):
We baked you a birthday.

Speaker 8 (09:52):
K If you get it, may A and you moan
and grown and low, don't forget we told you so.

Speaker 16 (10:03):
Make a wish deer and blow out the candles.

Speaker 7 (10:06):
Here they go, Well, we have a horrible problem in
this country that we just don't deal with stuff permanently.
We used a lot of temporary quick fixes. You know,
we'll go by the gas station and we will grab tombs,

(10:29):
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or we will grab pepto bismo at the at the
corner store and use that to deal with our belly ache.
And in fact, it's not gonna do much more than
mask the pain temporarily. You need something that will actually
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(10:52):
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(12:43):
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Speaker 17 (12:50):
Civil defense is common sense. Hi, this is Tony Bennett.

Speaker 8 (12:54):
Make sure you are prepared if nuclear attack ever comes.

Speaker 7 (12:57):
I love my heart, ye Riolinda Now on Classic Radio
Theater with Wyatt Cogs. We go back seventy eight years.
November eleventh, nineteen forty seven, Milton Burle, in a salute
to Washington, DC and politics.

Speaker 18 (13:24):
Make no mistake Of all leading cigarettes, one and only
one is recognized by eminent nose and throat specialists as
definitely less irritating. That one cigarette is Philip Morris. Johnny
presents the Milton Berle Show. Here comes Johnny, ladies and

(13:54):
gentlemen to remind you if every smoking you what Philip Morris,
smokers know, they'd all check. So Philip Morris yes that
all while on Radio City in New York. Here is

(14:17):
the Milton Borough Show with Burt Helton, Jack albertson Mary
Ship Charlie Irving, Jillie SAMs, Johnny Gibson, Frank bell On
all our singing Star, Dick Parnee at the music of
Ray Block and his Orchestra, and yours truly frank, ladies
and gentlemen, great ad libbing last week. Last week, elections

(14:38):
were held all over the country. That's right, hundreds of
candidates fought the win seats.

Speaker 19 (14:42):
We now bring you a comedian.

Speaker 20 (14:43):
Who has spent months exercising trying to lose.

Speaker 19 (14:45):
His and here he is, Milton Burgh.

Speaker 17 (14:52):
Thank yell, thank you, and good evening, ladies.

Speaker 14 (14:55):
Allen, mister Gallup, I'm shocked. I really am calling me
fat flabbergasted. I'm positively flabbagasted.

Speaker 19 (15:02):
You're flabbagasted.

Speaker 17 (15:03):
Yes, you guessed it. I'm pretty flabber flabber Oh burrow,
How can one man have.

Speaker 14 (15:09):
So much talent not a shred of personality. Way I
catch the guy who's sold me that joke, I'll tear
off his apron and hit him over the head with the.

Speaker 17 (15:17):
Chicken he's cleaning. Mister Gallup, let us not it's good
we got the band tonight.

Speaker 21 (15:24):
Let's not.

Speaker 14 (15:28):
We got them tonight, but not after December thirty mister Gallup,
Let us not give the listeners. They're all the listeners the.

Speaker 17 (15:37):
The wrong impression of me.

Speaker 14 (15:39):
I heard what you said about the you know, the
comedian spent months exercises.

Speaker 17 (15:42):
Mister Gallup. A good description of me is to say
that I'm a little hippie.

Speaker 19 (15:46):
That's a description. I think it's to say you're a
big hippo.

Speaker 17 (15:50):
A big hippo.

Speaker 18 (15:52):
Oh, Gallup, how can you be so funny and still
be such another square?

Speaker 17 (15:59):
Schmoe is the word, mister Gallup.

Speaker 14 (16:00):
Please would you do me a favor and save that
baffo material for when we're back on sustaining, which may
be any minute now. Johnny, have you heard anything the
never mind? What were we talking about?

Speaker 20 (16:14):
There's something devastatingly dull you?

Speaker 6 (16:17):
Oh?

Speaker 17 (16:17):
Yes, yes, me, yes, it was my weight, mister Gallup.

Speaker 14 (16:20):
Really, mister Gallup, I have been trying to keep my
weight down, but why must you keep it all down
in the same place?

Speaker 6 (16:26):
Oh?

Speaker 22 (16:27):
My word, that was a jolly one.

Speaker 17 (16:31):
That was jassy, wasn't it.

Speaker 19 (16:34):
I topped you again, didn't dive y?

Speaker 17 (16:36):
You topped me? Milton Burrow.

Speaker 14 (16:39):
You want fat jokes or fat jokes? Let's see file
F Okay, are you listening?

Speaker 23 (16:44):
Are you ready?

Speaker 17 (16:45):
Stand back here? It comes all the fat jokes.

Speaker 14 (16:47):
My girl are so fat she has to put starch
in her coal cream to keep her face from slipping
down into her lap, pointing another one, she's so fat.
Star detectives who are always searching her, they don't believe
all those bumps of hers. That joke will put radio
where portable is. We grew up together. I grew up

(17:09):
and she grew sideways. You well, mister Gallup, have you
had enough?

Speaker 18 (17:16):
Ladies and gentlemen. The preceading jokes just expressed by mister
Burle are not necessarily his.

Speaker 17 (17:20):
Own swap jokes with burls. Let me repeat that.

Speaker 18 (17:29):
Why you want funny, amateur? With one joke, I can
top everything you've said.

Speaker 17 (17:33):
One joke you can say and I'll topic. Go ahead,
go ahead?

Speaker 19 (17:36):
Are you ready?

Speaker 17 (17:36):
I am ready?

Speaker 19 (17:37):
Are you listening?

Speaker 17 (17:37):
I am on the beam?

Speaker 20 (17:38):
Stand back here it come and hear it. What a
blow for Princess Elizabeth.

Speaker 14 (17:50):
Mister Gallup, let me tell you, for four weeks you've
been telling that same line, Burl.

Speaker 19 (17:54):
Someday that joke will be bigger than you.

Speaker 24 (17:56):
Go.

Speaker 19 (17:56):
You go, you get the shoes on.

Speaker 14 (18:02):
Well, it could be, and when it does, I hope
I've got plenty of airwork ready. But enough of this,
enough of this murder, enough of this hilarious auditioning night,
we take up elections and politics. So let us salute
the cradle of American politics, Washington, d C. Washington, Heart

(18:27):
of the nation, Washington, home of the Supreme Court, the Senate,
and eastern headquarters of Howard Hughes. Beautiful picturesque Washington, cooled
in the summer by the breezes of the Potomac, warmed
in winter by the hot air from Congress.

Speaker 17 (18:43):
So come with me, won't you? Won't you come.

Speaker 14 (18:50):
With me on a sightseeing bus tour of our nation's capital.

Speaker 24 (18:53):
Ha.

Speaker 17 (18:53):
Here comes a bus. Now all right, let us board
the bus and we are off as the driver starts up.

Speaker 14 (19:08):
The mighty motor. Yes, and here is our first stop,

(19:36):
the House of Representatives. Ah, we're just in time to
see a congressman pass a bill. Listen, Hi, Bill, Hi,
that was Bill.

Speaker 17 (19:47):
He just passed.

Speaker 14 (19:48):
And we continue on down Famous Avenue K named after Danny.
And from here we turned down Philadelphia Avenue, named after
cream Cheese, and we find ourselves on famous Pennsylvania avenue
named after. To our left is the President's home, the
White House. We stop perhaps the first families at home tonight.
The window is open. Listen, they're home. We'll drop back

(20:17):
later when they're not so busy. In borting our sturdy
little bus. We wait as our burly driver starts up
the powerful engine. Well, here we are inside the famous

(20:48):
United States Men, named after a jeweler. The men, the
men employed here, and the men go through the most
thorough examinations for honesty, integrity, and complete faithfulness. Ah here
comes a trustworthy employee. Now he beckons to us.

Speaker 25 (21:02):
Pardon me, friend, could I interest you in a brand
new five dollar bill for only one dollar?

Speaker 17 (21:07):
Five dollar bill for only one dollar?

Speaker 25 (21:09):
How can you do it confidentially? There's seconds. It's a
clear and sale.

Speaker 17 (21:15):
A clear and sale on five dollar bill.

Speaker 25 (21:17):
Yeah, we run off a bad match. Lincoln's picture come
out upside down, upside down. The beard is now eyebrows.
Lincoln looks like John L.

Speaker 19 (21:24):
Lewis.

Speaker 14 (21:26):
And when we refuse to buy the fin, he gives
us the fish eye. And we continue on our way
down Hoover Boulevard, named after a vacuum cleaner. And here
we are here we are at the White House again.
Perhaps if they're not busy, we can go in and visit.
Still busy, we'll be back. We continue down Adams Street,
named after a hat as our faithful bus starts off

(21:48):
with a raw And here we are in front of

(22:08):
the most famous of all landmarks, the Washington Monument, towering
majestically two hundred feet in the sky. It reminds us
of the day it was unveiled, when a disappointed senator
from New Jersey made that world famous statement he said.

Speaker 24 (22:20):
Washington Monument doesn't look a bit like him.

Speaker 17 (22:26):
You know it doesn't. Ah, Let us hurry back to
the White House. Look, the window is still open.

Speaker 26 (22:36):
Father, I haven't finished. You said this was mine night
at the piano. Please mom.

Speaker 14 (22:41):
And as the beautiful strains of the Missouri walls come
floating out of the White House and the Secret Service
men dance with each other on the front lawn, we
reluctantly leave this merry group and say farewell to Washington
l Washington d c DC named after an electric current.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
Memphis, Tennessee, Buffalo, New York, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Oregon. Yes,
from all over the country, there's news, big news, listen.

Speaker 18 (23:21):
From section after section. Eminent nose and throat specialists report
that the cigarette they suggest in cases of irritation due
to smoking is Philip Morris.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
Yes, these top ranking nose and throat specialists actually suggest
Philip Morris because they know Philip Morris is the one
the only leading cigarette proved definitely less irritating.

Speaker 18 (23:41):
Remember, the cigarette that gives you the least irritation is
the cigarette.

Speaker 19 (23:45):
That gives you the most enjoyment.

Speaker 18 (23:47):
After all, it's pleasure, deep rich pleasure that counts in smoking,
and the full measure of smoking pleasure is yours to enjoy,
day in, day out, in Philip Morris. That's why we say,
if every smoker you what Philip Morris, smokers know they
all changed to Philip Morris America's finest cigarette.

Speaker 22 (24:24):
Thank you, Thank you.

Speaker 14 (24:24):
That was love of sweeping the country and the country
sweeping it right back to the city, played by Ray
Black and the Philip Mars August and Ray let me say,
your music is always soothing like frozen custard.

Speaker 17 (24:36):
It's out smooth and leaves you cold. It was out
smooth and leave you all right.

Speaker 23 (24:40):
I uh.

Speaker 14 (24:43):
I could use three more fat jokes here and now
as we can tell, and now there was going with
hope to England. And now as we continue, as we continue,
what a blow to princess? Why we as we continue
our salute to the great game of politics, we present.

Speaker 18 (25:01):
Political Forum tonight. Political Forum tonight. The question should we
have a third party now or wait until New Year's Eve?

Speaker 14 (25:13):
Yes, sir, there will be a slight pause for joke identification.
Thank you, Thank you, mister gallup. Now let us commence
with our forum and questions from the audience. Let's start
with this gentleman in the aisle teaching his wife how
to drive.

Speaker 8 (25:26):
Eh.

Speaker 17 (25:26):
Yes, sir, mister Merril, I'm from the Democratic Park. Yes,
we feel you are the one to pull us to
victory in forty eight. I will pull you to victory.
The Democrats want a new candidate. The Democrats want a
new donkey. Thank you, thank you. I'm sure I would
prove an asset.

Speaker 23 (25:41):
But let us go on.

Speaker 17 (25:45):
Oh that's a honey, I love you all right. This
young man here in the monogram to.

Speaker 14 (25:51):
Pay you standing on your knees.

Speaker 17 (25:53):
No, this young man, what is your name?

Speaker 27 (25:55):
My name is Danislas Bubleantvich.

Speaker 17 (26:00):
The Stanislaus Bubbly on Tova.

Speaker 28 (26:01):
That's just my business name.

Speaker 17 (26:03):
I see. What's your real name? The smiling irishman. All right,
all right, madman months.

Speaker 14 (26:11):
You have a you have a question about politics.

Speaker 16 (26:14):
Why you running for president?

Speaker 27 (26:16):
But why in this country anyone can be a candidate,
even you. Look, we haven't got for your running mate,
lassie for you if you was running for garbageence. But
I don't know about the pearls, about the thirty subways,
gambling bookies. Why don't purls houses down with bride? Didn't
shovels about the depression? No chicken, not even a pot
down with friends?

Speaker 15 (26:35):
Are your father's ballad?

Speaker 17 (26:44):
Please please, let's not get excited. Let's not too much noise.
Just laughs.

Speaker 14 (26:48):
Let's hear. Let's hear from the parasex. All right, this
lady in the third row basing a chuck roast?

Speaker 17 (26:54):
What what is your what is your name?

Speaker 6 (26:58):
Please?

Speaker 26 (26:58):
Llapheniam a home?

Speaker 17 (27:00):
I see?

Speaker 14 (27:01):
And you have a question that has to do with politics.

Speaker 26 (27:03):
Yeah, how can I stop my husband from hanging around
city hall? He's a ways pesting them pigeons.

Speaker 17 (27:09):
Your husband hangs around city hall?

Speaker 26 (27:11):
Politicians give them jobs for a while. He waked for
the border Health he was a restaurant inspected.

Speaker 17 (27:16):
He was a restaurant inspector.

Speaker 26 (27:17):
He used to go back in the kitchens and stick
his foot in the mashed potatoes.

Speaker 17 (27:22):
Miss is Phoenie. That's how he inspected mashed potatoes.

Speaker 26 (27:25):
Yeah, if he didn't stub his toe on something, he
okay did.

Speaker 17 (27:29):
That's terrible sticking his foot in mashed potatoes.

Speaker 26 (27:31):
He took his shoe off first. Oh, do you think
he is a slob or something?

Speaker 17 (27:37):
Oh no, but that's different.

Speaker 26 (27:40):
Once they give him a job as a dog catcher.
But it was too confusing for the other.

Speaker 17 (27:44):
Dog cat It was confusing.

Speaker 26 (27:45):
It was always catching him.

Speaker 17 (27:47):
Wait a minute, they thought he was a dog. Well
that's terrible.

Speaker 26 (27:50):
It was kind of cute at night. He used to
come trapping home with a newspaper in his mouth.

Speaker 17 (27:57):
Oh, that is cute.

Speaker 26 (27:59):
They finally made him a cop.

Speaker 17 (28:00):
He was a policeman in two years.

Speaker 26 (28:01):
He was on the pus. You should see the way
his feet flattened out.

Speaker 17 (28:04):
They're bad.

Speaker 26 (28:05):
It's terrible. When he steps out of the shower and
slaps those big flat feet down on the wet tiled floor.

Speaker 17 (28:12):
What happens.

Speaker 26 (28:13):
I gotta come in and rock him a little to
break the suction.

Speaker 6 (28:21):
This is Phoenie.

Speaker 17 (28:22):
You have your trouble.

Speaker 26 (28:23):
My worries are over the city's taking care of him.

Speaker 14 (28:25):
Good Now what is he doing time? Thank you very much,
missus Phoene, thank you, and as Gone, thank you very much.
Now is a fitting conclusion to our political forum tonight.
We have very privileged He was in a true politician,
none other than that two fisted, hard hitting, fighting senator
from the West, big ed Featherfield. Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Featherfield,

(28:52):
another Featherfield.

Speaker 29 (28:54):
Thank you, mister Baron.

Speaker 30 (29:03):
May I take this golden opportunity to thank my many
constituents who, through rain or shine, have always been behind
me and supported me where I needed it most Well
tell us, senator, excuse me, mister Beryl, do you mind
if I sit down?

Speaker 17 (29:20):
You want to sit down?

Speaker 29 (29:21):
I'm pooped, you're tired.

Speaker 30 (29:25):
On the way over, I picked up a caterpillar off
the sidewalk.

Speaker 29 (29:29):
I think I strained myself, but.

Speaker 17 (29:32):
A caterpillar isn't heavy.

Speaker 29 (29:34):
This one had just eaten.

Speaker 14 (29:35):
Oh oh well, Senator, tell me, how did you ever
get into politics?

Speaker 30 (29:39):
My wife insisted she gave me a hand.

Speaker 20 (29:41):
She gave you a hand across the mouth.

Speaker 17 (29:45):
Your wife helps you in your campaign.

Speaker 30 (29:46):
Oh yeah, in the last election she carried half of
Dallas County.

Speaker 31 (29:51):
She did.

Speaker 29 (29:52):
Yeah, but they made her put it down.

Speaker 17 (29:55):
You're very fooling tonight. Really, your wife is a very
big woman. Eh big.

Speaker 19 (30:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 30 (30:01):
Whenever it's round up time in Texas, she comes home branded.

Speaker 17 (30:07):
Branded.

Speaker 29 (30:08):
Oh what a bumsteer.

Speaker 30 (30:09):
I got good.

Speaker 17 (30:14):
You're laughing at your own, Senator.

Speaker 8 (30:17):
You mean.

Speaker 17 (30:19):
You mean your wife mistreats you.

Speaker 30 (30:21):
I don't get her wrong, mister Barrow. No, when she
shell axed me last night, I had it coming.

Speaker 17 (30:26):
You were bad again. Tell me, Senator, what did you
do well last night? Yeah?

Speaker 6 (30:34):
Oh, I shouldn't be.

Speaker 30 (30:35):
Oh, go ahead, last night I left the room while
we had company.

Speaker 17 (30:40):
You left the room. What's wrong with that?

Speaker 29 (30:42):
You don't understand? I forgot to raise my hands.

Speaker 17 (30:47):
Getting back to political campaign, Senator.

Speaker 9 (30:49):
When was the first time you ran the day after
I got married? What did you run for my life?

Speaker 17 (30:54):
Thank you, Senator Featherfield, Thank you.

Speaker 14 (31:04):
And here is our young singing star, Dick Mooney, to
sing The best things in life are.

Speaker 32 (31:07):
Free, The belong to everyone. The best things in lie
are free. The stars belong to everyone else. They glean,

(31:31):
they're for you and me.

Speaker 33 (31:36):
The flowers in spring, the robins that same, the some
things that shine, they're yours.

Speaker 32 (31:48):
They're more and love and come to everyone. The bear
things in law I are free. The moon belong to everyone.

(32:14):
The best things in Lie are free. The star belong
to everyone. Vague glean, they'refore you and me.

Speaker 33 (32:34):
The flowers in.

Speaker 6 (32:35):
Stream, the robbies that same.

Speaker 22 (32:40):
The sound things that shine are you.

Speaker 21 (32:45):
They're mind.

Speaker 32 (32:48):
Can come to everyone. The best things in Lie far free.

Speaker 23 (33:06):
Wonderful, wonderful time. He's about tick time, wonderful to night.

Speaker 6 (33:12):
That runs better.

Speaker 14 (33:14):
Gee, gee, kid, you're getting to be a regular loosing Monroe.

Speaker 17 (33:20):
Say, mister gallup. Our show is about elections tonight. Did
you know that I once ran for public office?

Speaker 6 (33:25):
How interesting.

Speaker 17 (33:28):
You've been sitting out there with the audience. It is interesting,
is it? It was just about a year ago?

Speaker 26 (33:38):
What harpen wah Harper?

Speaker 17 (33:41):
Did you say? War harper?

Speaker 3 (33:43):
Birl?

Speaker 19 (33:43):
At this point I would say anything to try to
save the show.

Speaker 14 (33:47):
That's a nice try. Too bad you missed stand by
for the Giant Jackman. Anyway, here's what happens. It was
about the election. It was just before the elections, and
My wife and I were sitting home reading the evening news.

Speaker 34 (34:04):
Listen to this, Milton. It says Alderman Julius Blize is
running for re election in our war.

Speaker 17 (34:09):
Now, Darling, you know I don't pay any attention to politics.

Speaker 34 (34:12):
But this year you will.

Speaker 6 (34:13):
You're in for a surprise.

Speaker 17 (34:17):
Wait a minute, I didn't like that laugh.

Speaker 14 (34:19):
The last time you laughed like that, your mother showed
up to live with us. Now tell me what's going on.

Speaker 34 (34:24):
You'll find out. Sam Harrison and his wife Martha coming
over tonight to tell you about it.

Speaker 17 (34:28):
Oh no, not that cornball, Sam Harrison. That's Sam. Come
in where it's not che and no.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
Just dealt you home tonight.

Speaker 35 (34:45):
So I said, let's go over and spring the big
surprise on Milty. That's just what I said, isn't it.

Speaker 6 (34:50):
Martha?

Speaker 17 (34:51):
Yes? Oh, how on Martha? Sam? Tell me what's the
big surprise.

Speaker 35 (34:57):
You know, I'm chairman of the League of Indignant Voters
against Lamon c Lies. Martha is head of the Speakers Bureau,
aren't you, Martha.

Speaker 17 (35:04):
Yes, it sounds like it will be a quiet campaign. Sam,
tell me what's the surprise, Guilty. This year, we're putting
up a candidate who is sure to be Clyde who.

Speaker 6 (35:14):
You met yours?

Speaker 17 (35:18):
Look, Sam, I don't want to be Alderman.

Speaker 35 (35:20):
Milton Burl, the eighth Ward is crying for you. You're
the perfect candidate, Sam. There isn't a blemish on your character.
Your home life is ideal.

Speaker 36 (35:28):
Sam.

Speaker 17 (35:28):
You're a magnificent speaker, a statesman, Sam.

Speaker 35 (35:33):
Guilty. You're a born leader. You have packed humility, graciousness.
All the men voters you're a man's man, a two
fisted fighter, Sam. All the women voters you're handsome, sware, fascinating. Oh,

(35:57):
you represent the glamor of show business. Yet you have
the common tu stop with them.

Speaker 17 (36:02):
You're terrible.

Speaker 34 (36:04):
Reey Milton, you must run. Just think I'll be the
first lady of the eighth worn yees.

Speaker 14 (36:18):
Oh music, your campaign is going great, Sam, place. For
two weeks I've done nothing but kiss babies. My face
is full of holes.

Speaker 17 (36:26):
I keep forgetting to take the lollipops out of them out.
We got Glys on the run.

Speaker 35 (36:31):
That reminds me same offer. Yes, doesn't Glys speak on
the radio tonight? Yes, let's listen to him, just for plans.
What can he possibly have to say?

Speaker 20 (36:43):
Turning on and here is Alderman Glais childrens are worstors,
will turn merle.

Speaker 24 (36:55):
Isn't it a fact that you are known in the
underworld as Pipkin the poots.

Speaker 20 (37:00):
In six face heart dope, smuggling Pipkin.

Speaker 17 (37:02):
The pooch claff headed multy. He must be drunk.

Speaker 24 (37:09):
And further more, remember my smugger. There ain't no fries,
aren't Julius Glies?

Speaker 6 (37:18):
Good night?

Speaker 14 (37:20):
Oh wait, I see those reporters. They'll be here any minutes, reporters,
Yes quick. Let's get some of your campaign pictures hung up.

Speaker 34 (37:25):
Here's the picture of milk.

Speaker 17 (37:26):
No, darling, not that picture that's from my high school graduation.

Speaker 34 (37:29):
Well it was the only one we could find where
your tongue wasn't out here.

Speaker 17 (37:33):
I'll get up on the chair and hand me the
picture here, now give me the hammer. Oops, watch out, ah, darling,
I'm sorry it slipped. Sam, do something.

Speaker 6 (37:41):
What do you know?

Speaker 17 (37:42):
Hit it right on the head, didn't it?

Speaker 8 (37:43):
Martha?

Speaker 17 (37:47):
Do something?

Speaker 14 (37:48):
Oh no, the reporters my Martha, and I'll badge up
your wife's head. Come along, take good care of it,
will you send him? Oh brother, come in ear?

Speaker 6 (37:55):
Are you pipping the food you want them for?

Speaker 17 (37:56):
Dope running. No, no, gentlemen, it is indeed appa.

Speaker 6 (38:00):
Where's you know? Why?

Speaker 17 (38:01):
Well, they're putting a bandage on the head. She was
hit by a hammer. Gentlemen, it is indeed laugh hell
the hammer? Well I did what a storm?

Speaker 36 (38:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 15 (38:07):
Hold the present?

Speaker 14 (38:08):
No, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. It was
an accident. The hammer slipped. It is indeed laughable. It's laughable.

Speaker 20 (38:21):
Persons are turn.

Speaker 24 (38:23):
Any man who beats his wife over the head with
a hammer.

Speaker 17 (38:28):
Here's our fiend, it slipped. What did I crawl into
this time?

Speaker 34 (38:33):
Oh, Milton, isn't it exciting? Look at my picture with
my bandaged head and all the newspapers.

Speaker 17 (38:38):
Yeah, it's wonderful. Look what it says over the picture,
burl did this? Will you be next? This is awful?

Speaker 34 (38:46):
Come in fight two men with long beard melton beards?

Speaker 17 (38:49):
Quick, let us hidden? Who are you behind that beer?
It's me sham oh and this must be us. Wait
a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker 35 (38:58):
What's the idea afford to be recognized as friends of yours?

Speaker 17 (39:02):
Sam?

Speaker 37 (39:02):
Why?

Speaker 17 (39:02):
The first returns must be in?

Speaker 18 (39:04):
Here are the first returns for the race for Aldermen
Julius Glies, nine thousand, six hundred and seventy six Milton
Burl alias Pick and the Poach three three.

Speaker 17 (39:15):
My mother must have voted three times Berl.

Speaker 35 (39:17):
My organization is pulling out. We can afford to be
connected with a wife. Wait a minute, Sam, Sam, where
are you going to vote for Julius guy? Yes, where's
the phone? Maybe I can resign us something.

Speaker 20 (39:29):
Here are the latest returns Lilies sixty six thousand, four
hundred and sixty five Burl two two.

Speaker 14 (39:37):
Somebody took back their vote. Oh listen, Darling, Wait a minute,
where are you going with that suitcase?

Speaker 16 (39:43):
Homed the mother?

Speaker 34 (39:44):
I refused to live with a wife beating.

Speaker 17 (39:47):
Isn't the hammer slip? It's slipp attention.

Speaker 18 (39:51):
An unusual event has taken place in the race for Aldermen.
During the day, when the women were voting, clies pile
up a great lead. But when the men came home
from work and learned the Burl was a wife feater,
they ran to the poles and boted solidly for him.
The result Fly seventy five thousand, Burl two hundred and
fifty thousand. Burl is our new Alderman.

Speaker 17 (40:14):
I oh, I'm the alderman. It's slipped. I'm an Alderman.
I have no friends, no home, no nothing. What I
ought to do is shoot myself yours. Thank you, thank you,

(40:35):
hig you folks. I'll be back in just a minute.
In the meantime, remember this.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
You're twice is sure of twice the pleasure when you
smoke Philip Morris.

Speaker 17 (40:44):
And here's why.

Speaker 18 (40:45):
First, you enjoy the pleasure of smoking the world's finest
premium tobaccos, mellow and mild and superbly blended. And second,
you enjoy the extra pleasure of smoking the one the
only leading cigarette recognized by eminent nose and throat specialists
as definitely less irritating.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yes, you're twice is sure of twice the pleasure when
you smoke Philip Morris. So next time you call for cigarettes,
call for Philip Morris, made in America, buy Americans to
please American taste.

Speaker 17 (41:17):
Thank you very much. This is your girlfriend Milton, wishing
Bob a bomb voyage. Good night, everyone.

Speaker 26 (41:27):
Being Now for the thousands of Stoll windows and towders
all over.

Speaker 16 (41:31):
America, look for me.

Speaker 26 (41:33):
I'll be waiting for you.

Speaker 22 (41:34):
Come in.

Speaker 18 (41:46):
Yes, if every smoker knew what Philip Morris smokers know,
they'd all changed to Philip Morris America's finest cigarette and
now goodbye, Johnny. See you next Tuesday, same time, same station,
when Philip Morris will again resent the Milton Burrough Show.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Until then, Hello, Hello, testing one, two, three, four, five.

Speaker 6 (42:14):
That's it.

Speaker 18 (42:15):
Five pipe smokers, try revelation pipe tobacco, A smooth lend
of five tobaccos. Yes, relax, take five, take revelation off.
Fine pipe tobaccos. The Milton Borough Show was written by
that hiking at Alan Rubin. But the tie calliplans a
night off still at Murrow.

Speaker 7 (42:32):
Could you imagine Milton Burle as your alderman? I couldn't
imagine Milton Burl as a dogcatcher, but Nina U seventy
eight years ago, November eleventh, nineteen forty seven. Milton Burle
here on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cocks. Coming up next,
we'll see what's going on in Riverdale with Archie Andrews.

Speaker 38 (42:58):
Civil defense is common sense. This is Fred McMurray. Home
shelters can be built for as little as one hundred dollars.
Simple plans for building inexpensive home shelters are available free
from your Civil Defense office. Ask for a copy of
the Family Fallout Shelter booklet.

Speaker 7 (43:13):
Links to those plans are in the show notes and
also at Classic Radio Dot stream. That's totally free, no
signing up for anything, just click on it and download
it and get that information.

Speaker 17 (43:26):
All right.

Speaker 7 (43:27):
As we mentioned, this is what used to be called
Armistice Day, So let's go now to November eleventh, nineteen
fifty The Adventures of Archie Andrews book first. NBC recognizes
the day.

Speaker 19 (43:43):
At this time from Radio City, New York.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
The National Broadcasting Company makes its traditional observance of Farmistice
Day with the playing octamps.

Speaker 39 (44:39):
The Adventures of Archie Andrews. Here it is again Vegas
a Leagas of Archie Comics Magazine.

Speaker 23 (44:50):
No and love so well Archie Andrews and.

Speaker 39 (44:58):
I'll for our weekly visit to Riverdale. It's evening as
we look in on the Andrews home, late evening, and
we find the Andrews in the living room but getting
ready to go upstairs to sleep. Missus Andrews has just
put off the empty milk bottles, closed the windows, and
turned out the lights. Mister Andrews, however, is still asleep
in his armchair, buried beneath his newspaper.

Speaker 40 (45:20):
Well, Fred, I guess you might as well go up
now and go to sleep.

Speaker 6 (45:24):
Bed.

Speaker 40 (45:25):
I said, you might as well go up and go
to sleep. It's almost ten thirty.

Speaker 4 (45:29):
Fred Andrews.

Speaker 40 (45:30):
Give me that newspaper and answer me. Oh it's her
pity sake. He's falling asleep right in that chair, Fred,
Wake up, Fred Andrews, wake up?

Speaker 21 (45:48):
What time is it?

Speaker 6 (45:49):
Am I late for work?

Speaker 8 (45:50):
Where's my shoes?

Speaker 15 (45:51):
Why is it the dark?

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Pity sake?

Speaker 40 (45:52):
Fred, calm down. It isn't morning.

Speaker 8 (45:56):
It isn't What did you wake me up for.

Speaker 40 (45:59):
I woke you up because it's time to go to sleep.

Speaker 8 (46:05):
You woke me up because it's time to go to sleep.

Speaker 22 (46:10):
I'm married.

Speaker 8 (46:10):
What kind of sense does that make?

Speaker 40 (46:12):
You're not in Bedfred? You fell asleep in your arm
chair in the living room?

Speaker 8 (46:16):
Well, whoever heard of waking people up?

Speaker 6 (46:18):
So he did?

Speaker 8 (46:23):
I guess I did, didn't I?

Speaker 40 (46:25):
You certainly did. I couldn't let you sleep there in
that chair all night?

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Could I know?

Speaker 8 (46:29):
Yeah? I guess done.

Speaker 6 (46:30):
I guess done? What time?

Speaker 40 (46:33):
Almost ten thirty?

Speaker 21 (46:34):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (46:34):
Good, great time? Sureflies?

Speaker 31 (46:38):
Where aren't you?

Speaker 40 (46:39):
Oh he went to bed an hour ago?

Speaker 41 (46:41):
Oh?

Speaker 31 (46:41):
Well, let's us go up here?

Speaker 6 (46:42):
Did you lock up?

Speaker 40 (46:43):
Yes, dear, everything is Oh, dear, I left the kitchen
light on.

Speaker 8 (46:47):
Huh, I left the light on in the kitchen. I'll
go turn it out, all right, dear, she wrote, by
getting to bed tonight.

Speaker 6 (46:55):
No sure, I'm so tired. Mary.

Speaker 17 (47:00):
What is it?

Speaker 6 (47:03):
Mary?

Speaker 37 (47:03):
Something?

Speaker 8 (47:04):
Don't just day marry.

Speaker 15 (47:07):
Mary for Pete's shakes?

Speaker 8 (47:11):
Will you calm down long enough to tell me what
it is that's in there? That I should do something
about the boards? Too late for a watch?

Speaker 40 (47:17):
Red, don't be silly.

Speaker 4 (47:18):
There's a mouse in there?

Speaker 42 (47:21):
What a mouse?

Speaker 40 (47:23):
I mean to turn off the kitchen light and the
mouse ran right across the floor.

Speaker 6 (47:27):
Oh is that all?

Speaker 21 (47:29):
Is that all?

Speaker 17 (47:30):
Red?

Speaker 40 (47:30):
That mouse is as big as a cat?

Speaker 8 (47:33):
How big?

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Well as big as a rare?

Speaker 21 (47:35):
How big?

Speaker 40 (47:36):
As big as a mouse?

Speaker 16 (47:39):
That's more like it?

Speaker 8 (47:39):
Now, Mary, look, will you please?

Speaker 21 (47:43):
Mary?

Speaker 8 (47:44):
Will you please her?

Speaker 4 (47:45):
To scream? A horrible scream?

Speaker 43 (47:46):
All right?

Speaker 17 (47:47):
Mary?

Speaker 4 (47:47):
Will you just screaming it?

Speaker 8 (47:49):
But then I realized it was monstchy. All right, So
you heard her scream and it wasn't a dream. I'm
trying to talk to your mother. Do you mind?

Speaker 4 (47:59):
Gee, I don't mind?

Speaker 8 (48:00):
Thank you?

Speaker 4 (48:01):
You welcome Archie Okay, that okay, okay.

Speaker 8 (48:06):
Now there's nothing for you to get so excited about.
Your mother just saw a mouse, that's all.

Speaker 4 (48:10):
She was a mouse, A real live mouse, Yes, a
real live bouse.

Speaker 8 (48:16):
Evidently the cold weather is bringing the mice indoors. So
first thing tomorrow I'll buy some mouse craps and then
I'll try to find out where they're getting in.

Speaker 40 (48:23):
Tomorrow tomorrow, Fred, what about tonight?

Speaker 8 (48:27):
There's nothing we can do tonight. There it's late, Fred Andrews.

Speaker 40 (48:29):
You think has nothing to do tonight?

Speaker 42 (48:31):
I will not get a minute sleep all night, knowing
as the mouse running loose in the house.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Meet you, Dad, But Mary, I can't, I ran, i wan,
I'll do something.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
She wish, Dad, What are you gonna do?

Speaker 6 (48:45):
Well?

Speaker 8 (48:45):
I suppose the only thing I can do is go
get a broom and find the mouse and kill it.

Speaker 21 (48:51):
Kill it.

Speaker 8 (48:52):
Yeah, Mary, a minute ago you were screaming and didn't
want a mouse running loose in this house. Now you're
suddenly the local chapter of the SPCA.

Speaker 40 (49:02):
Oh friend, I do want the mouse in the house.

Speaker 4 (49:04):
But isn't there some other way?

Speaker 40 (49:06):
Couldn't we get a mouse trap?

Speaker 8 (49:07):
And just where were we going to get a mouse
trap at this hour. Well, now, the only way is
would be to get a room and try to find
the mouse. You even have a I don't kill it,
that can probably scare it away.

Speaker 40 (49:17):
All right here, but be careful, careful of what I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Just be careful.

Speaker 40 (49:22):
Oh dear, why did this have to happen now?

Speaker 6 (49:27):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (49:27):
Dad will never catch that mouse. What we need is
a mouse trap.

Speaker 40 (49:31):
I know what, Archie. But where can we get them
at this hour?

Speaker 8 (49:34):
Well?

Speaker 1 (49:34):
I bet if I called Juckhead they'd have a mouse trap.

Speaker 40 (49:37):
We could borrow, Archie. They probably would, But you can't
call them at this hour.

Speaker 17 (49:41):
Why not?

Speaker 14 (49:41):
Mom?

Speaker 4 (49:42):
This is an emergency, isn't it?

Speaker 1 (49:43):
And how many times this judge had come over here
in the middle of the night and gotten us all
out of bed? Yes, I know, we gotta do something
about that mouse. I'm gonna call juck Well operator, get
me Riverdale six seven four.

Speaker 40 (49:54):
Please hope we don't wake up everyone over there.

Speaker 21 (49:56):
Oh it's not so.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
Awfully late, mom, they may still be up. Hello, Archie,
did I wake you?

Speaker 21 (50:04):
I'm sotly?

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Oh gee, I'm sorry, Judge, I just wonderful dream.

Speaker 8 (50:12):
Oh that's a shame, Judge.

Speaker 4 (50:13):
If that was the only boy left.

Speaker 6 (50:15):
In the loom.

Speaker 36 (50:16):
Yes, Gravel and Shelley Winters will chase me across of diamonds,
money and handberse.

Speaker 8 (50:25):
Jug.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
I just running it running, And just when I decided to.

Speaker 15 (50:30):
Let them catch me, you called up, Judge head.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Look, I'm sorry to have interrupted your dream, but it's
very important. There's a mouse in the house and we
don't know what to do about it.

Speaker 4 (50:40):
Give it some cheese and tell it to go away. Judge,
this is no time to be funny. Do you have
a mouse crop we could borrow?

Speaker 21 (50:48):
Sure?

Speaker 4 (50:48):
Could you bring it over? I'm might as well.

Speaker 36 (50:51):
The dream's gone now anyway, but I hope that mouse
appreciates all the trouble cause Jug.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
I'll explain it to him when we catch it. Now,
hurry up and get over here. Take the short time.

Speaker 15 (51:02):
Bye bye.

Speaker 22 (51:04):
Is he bringing it over?

Speaker 21 (51:05):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (51:05):
Mom, right away? Has has Dad seen the mouse yet?

Speaker 6 (51:08):
Well?

Speaker 40 (51:08):
I don't know. He'd been awfully quiet out there.

Speaker 4 (51:22):
I bet he got the mouse.

Speaker 40 (51:24):
Fred, Did you get it?

Speaker 8 (51:25):
Did you kill it?

Speaker 17 (51:25):
Dad?

Speaker 4 (51:26):
Did you kill it?

Speaker 40 (51:26):
What happened?

Speaker 8 (51:27):
I haven't even seen the mouse yet. I just couldn't
get the broom out of the broom closet.

Speaker 40 (51:33):
Oh, for pity's sake, you mean you made all that
noise just getting the broom.

Speaker 8 (51:37):
Yes, the confounded thing was stuck in there with a dustband,
the ironing board and a scrub bucket and six thousand
other things. Finally lost my temper and he yanked it out.

Speaker 4 (51:46):
Sheez, I bet that mouse is gone now, sure is anything?

Speaker 8 (51:50):
I'm sure it is, and a good thing too. Now
we can just forget about catching mice tonight and go
to bed.

Speaker 40 (51:56):
But Fred, dim I come back later, marry with the racket.

Speaker 8 (51:59):
I just made that mouses halfway the Mouseville. By this time,
he probably warn all his friends to stay away from
the Andrews because they're scaring you to death over there.

Speaker 40 (52:08):
Well, Fred, this is no time for jokes.

Speaker 42 (52:10):
That mouse came into the house while we were both
walking around down here, and if that didn't scare him away,
then that noise won't either.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
Yeah, Dad, And besides, Chuck heads on his way over here.

Speaker 8 (52:19):
Well that's fine, I'll be glad to see him. And
jug Head is on his way over here.

Speaker 6 (52:23):
What the pick is for?

Speaker 8 (52:24):
Well, Fred, don't we have enough trouble now without jug
Head running around here?

Speaker 19 (52:28):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (52:28):
He won't be any trouble, Dad, he's bringing a mouse
trap bringing him.

Speaker 8 (52:33):
You mean you called him up on the telephone.

Speaker 31 (52:35):
Huh, Oh, good grief.

Speaker 8 (52:37):
What on earth did you do that for?

Speaker 15 (52:39):
Well, I thought you can't go around waking.

Speaker 8 (52:41):
Up half the town just because there's one little mouse
in here, like apartment of the United States Marines. Maybe
we ought to get an atom bomb for that poor
little mouse.

Speaker 40 (52:53):
Fred, stop getting dramatic.

Speaker 42 (52:55):
Jug had a friend of ours, and I'm sure it's
no trouble for him to bring a mouse trap over here.
And then when all we have to do is set
it and get to bed, I'm sure I'll sleep letter
if I know we have a trap set.

Speaker 8 (53:06):
Oh Mary, sometimes she I bet that's jug Head already.
Oh fine, Mary, Why must she make such a big
fussle and nothing?

Speaker 40 (53:13):
But I'm sorry, but I just can't stand with all
the mice.

Speaker 8 (53:17):
And don't think about it.

Speaker 40 (53:18):
Fred, don't be funny and open the door.

Speaker 8 (53:20):
All right, I'm not being funny, I'm simple, good, great Jughead.

Speaker 4 (53:26):
Would you expect Cinderella?

Speaker 8 (53:30):
No, jug Head, I unfortunately expected you come on.

Speaker 42 (53:35):
In hyatja kais a lot for coming over here so quick? Yes,
jug Head, it was very sweet of you, and we
wouldn't have troubled you.

Speaker 8 (53:42):
Look, we can pay Jughead our deep debt of gratitude
some other time. Right now, I want to catch that
mouse and get the bed. Did you bring a mousetrap?

Speaker 13 (53:49):
Jug Head?

Speaker 44 (53:50):
Uh?

Speaker 6 (53:50):
Huh?

Speaker 4 (53:50):
And the automatic mousecap of my uncle Herman in thanking?

Speaker 8 (53:54):
Judge, what are you talking about?

Speaker 4 (53:56):
What's a great invention, mister rangers? And it works? Well?

Speaker 17 (53:59):
Here, she.

Speaker 8 (54:01):
Chug Yeah, this is nothing but an old cigar box. Sure,
that's what makes it such a great invention. What makes
this an automatic mouse trap? Well it's simple, I'll show you.
See you open the box like this, Yeah, and when
the mouse goes in here, yes, you close the box
and the mouse was automatically trapped.

Speaker 15 (54:20):
Oh I see that's pretty cool. Automatically trapped, drug head?

Speaker 6 (54:26):
Do you mean it?

Speaker 15 (54:27):
Don't lose your temperate Temperamary, don't tell you I had that?

Speaker 4 (54:30):
Trapp is no good at all. That's what everybody says.
I put over another one another what mouse trap? The
regular kind?

Speaker 31 (54:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 45 (54:40):
Well that's better.

Speaker 8 (54:41):
For a minute, I was afraid you wanted us to
use that cigar box nonsense.

Speaker 6 (54:45):
Well this is moral like it?

Speaker 8 (54:48):
See, how does this gadget work.

Speaker 36 (54:50):
Well, you pull that wire spring way back and hold
it in place with this little hook.

Speaker 8 (54:55):
Right well, yeah, now I could get some cheese and
that mouse is as good as out of business right now.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
Yeah, thanks a lot for bringing this over, John. That's okay.

Speaker 15 (55:07):
We never use Oh pull the finger, the finger, that's why.

Speaker 31 (55:13):
We never used.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
You know, we slipped this, so.

Speaker 15 (55:16):
Tells me, Oh, get it off, get it off me.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
Still that hole still, and I'll open the trawel right here,
hurry up, Just lift the sketchet up and there take
your finger out.

Speaker 6 (55:28):
Oh heavens for that, Oh Mary, that done.

Speaker 8 (55:31):
They nearly killed me.

Speaker 4 (55:32):
Imagine what it would do to a mouse.

Speaker 8 (55:37):
Judge head, that's not very funny, and it wouldn't do
a thing to a mouse. But it won't stay open
for two seconds.

Speaker 15 (55:42):
What's the idea of bringing it?

Speaker 40 (55:44):
There's no time to argue. Run upstairs and silk your
finger in cold water before it gets all swollen.

Speaker 8 (55:49):
All right, Mary, all right, but you listen to me.
You get that jug heead and that trap out of
the top before I came down here again. They're both
a menace to light.

Speaker 17 (55:56):
But limb, Oh my poor finger, Oh.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
She I'm sorry about that, missus Andrews jug head.

Speaker 40 (56:03):
It wasn't your fault. Mister Andrews is just being unreasonable.

Speaker 4 (56:06):
But Mom, now, what are we going to do about
that mouse?

Speaker 37 (56:09):
Archie?

Speaker 40 (56:09):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (56:10):
Maybe I better call Betty and wake her too.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Oh Betty won't mind, Mom, it's just next door that
I hate. Oh gee wiz, Mom, we gotta do something.
Operator get me Riverdale four or five?

Speaker 6 (56:21):
Two?

Speaker 42 (56:21):
Please tomorrow we better go out and buy a dozen
mouse traps and keep him in the house.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
Yes, Mom, we sure should. Oh, hello, Betty, this is Archie.

Speaker 4 (56:31):
Uh, Archie, Archie Andrews.

Speaker 6 (56:35):
What do you want?

Speaker 13 (56:36):
We got a mouse?

Speaker 15 (56:38):
Congratulate Betty.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
You don't understand there's a mouse in the kitchen. Understand,
a real live mouse.

Speaker 37 (56:46):
What's his name?

Speaker 15 (56:47):
Well, he didn't tell me, Betty.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
It's a mouse. He hasn't got a name. Oh, poor
little mouse.

Speaker 21 (56:56):
With no name.

Speaker 15 (57:00):
Betty, will you please wake up?

Speaker 4 (57:01):
We gotta catch a mouse. You'll never do it.

Speaker 34 (57:04):
Mice run faster than you do.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
She's half asleep, Mom, So I'll fix that. Hello, Betty,
would you like to go to the dance Saturday night?

Speaker 19 (57:16):
Oh?

Speaker 16 (57:16):
Watch, I'd love to.

Speaker 8 (57:17):
Yeah, I thought that would wake her up.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Betty, look, I'll be glad to take it to that dance.

Speaker 4 (57:22):
All you have to do is lend us a mouse.

Speaker 15 (57:24):
Trap, a mouse trap.

Speaker 37 (57:26):
Why is there a mouse in your house?

Speaker 4 (57:29):
Oh no, Betty, Yes there's a mouse in our house.

Speaker 26 (57:32):
Golly, why didn't you say so?

Speaker 37 (57:33):
I'll find a mouse trap and.

Speaker 16 (57:34):
Bring it right over.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
That'll be fine, Betty, thanks a lot, You're welcome, goodbye.
Well she finally understood what I was talking about. She
bring it over, Yeah, right away.

Speaker 40 (57:46):
Well that's good. Oh Bred, How do they feel now?

Speaker 6 (57:51):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (57:52):
Just like it's been cutting a mouse trap? Now, Mary,
would you please send jug head home and forget all
this house nonsense for the night tomorrow morning. I promised
to buy all the mousetraps you need. Now find the
mousehold now, stuck them all up and we'll have no
more coverle with.

Speaker 42 (58:08):
Mike said, you don't understand Betty's bringing over a mouse trap.

Speaker 8 (58:12):
Betty's bringing a mousett Betry, how did she hear about this?
I called her?

Speaker 21 (58:17):
Dad?

Speaker 6 (58:17):
You call her? Oh no, Archie?

Speaker 8 (58:20):
How many times must I tell you? You can't go
calling half the count of this hour just because of
a mouse. It just so happens. I'd like to get
to sleep tonight.

Speaker 15 (58:29):
So with the mice, don't be fun, old Fred.

Speaker 40 (58:33):
That's probably Betty already, so stop making such a flush.
Archie answered that.

Speaker 4 (58:37):
Oh came on, Oh hello Archie, Hi you Betty?

Speaker 17 (58:42):
Betty?

Speaker 1 (58:42):
What's that?

Speaker 4 (58:43):
I couldn't find a mouse trap, Archie?

Speaker 40 (58:45):
So I just brought my cat.

Speaker 4 (58:48):
Oh no, oh, dear, she wears a walking mouse trap.

Speaker 8 (58:53):
Shut ahead for the last time. To quiet, Betty, What
the dickens are you doing here.

Speaker 21 (58:58):
With that cat?

Speaker 1 (58:58):
I just told you, miss Andrews.

Speaker 37 (59:00):
If you have a mouse here, Tommy, he'll catch.

Speaker 21 (59:02):
It for you in no time.

Speaker 8 (59:04):
Say Betty, you may have something there. Does this cat
like to catch mice?

Speaker 31 (59:08):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (59:09):
Sure, mister Andrews, He's the best mouse catcher you.

Speaker 40 (59:11):
Ever saw, aren't you Tommy free? Do you think we should?

Speaker 8 (59:17):
Well?

Speaker 17 (59:17):
Why not? Berry?

Speaker 8 (59:18):
After all, a catch the best thing in the world
for a mouse.

Speaker 4 (59:21):
Bet the mouse doesn't think so.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
Judd. Be quiet all right, Betty, we'll try here cat. Sure, Dad,
I bet Tommy catches that mouse in a minute.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
Sure, unless the mouse catches him.

Speaker 8 (59:35):
Jug jug Be quiet, all right, Betty. Turned the beast loose,
and let's see what he does.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
All right, mister Andrews, you watch, he'll go right after
that mouse. Go ahead, Tommy, catch the naughty mouse. Go on, Tommy.

Speaker 8 (59:49):
Oh fine, he doesn't even.

Speaker 36 (59:50):
Budge mouse, Tommy, mouse, maybe he doesn't speak English.

Speaker 15 (59:59):
Hug the quiet, can you gage?

Speaker 40 (01:00:01):
Go ahead, Tommy, find the mouse.

Speaker 4 (01:00:04):
Find the mouse. Go ahead, Tommy, find the mouse.

Speaker 40 (01:00:07):
Go on, Tommy, find the mouse.

Speaker 4 (01:00:09):
It's just a nitchy, bitchy mouse. Tommy.

Speaker 15 (01:00:11):
Shit, I thought I told you trying to help.

Speaker 8 (01:00:15):
You've been enough help already, Betty. Evidently Tommy is I'm
interested in the subject of mice.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Well, maybe he just hasn't got the smell of the
mouse yet.

Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
Yeah, maybe this mouse uses mom.

Speaker 37 (01:00:32):
Friend. Maybe we should give this up.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
The cat doesn't seem to.

Speaker 8 (01:00:36):
Want to marry. Don't jump the conclusions. The poor cat
doesn't know what this is all about yet. After all,
the mouse wasn't even in this room. It was up
in the kitchen.

Speaker 4 (01:00:46):
Oh no, wonder then we better take him out there.

Speaker 17 (01:00:48):
Of course.

Speaker 8 (01:00:49):
What's more, we'll lock him in there for the night.

Speaker 37 (01:00:52):
For the night.

Speaker 8 (01:00:52):
Well, yes, but if you don't mind. After all, you
can't catch a mouse in two minutes, you know, we
just had to lead the cat in there, and we
could all.

Speaker 6 (01:00:59):
Go to sleep.

Speaker 8 (01:01:00):
But that mouse shows up anytime during the night. Uh,
he'll wish he hadn't.

Speaker 40 (01:01:04):
Well, Fred, do you think that's wise?

Speaker 8 (01:01:06):
Well, like, can you think of a better plan?

Speaker 6 (01:01:08):
Well?

Speaker 8 (01:01:09):
No, all right, then the cat stays here.

Speaker 6 (01:01:11):
Come on, can you go?

Speaker 8 (01:01:12):
Tommy close the door?

Speaker 6 (01:01:16):
An'tie? Okay?

Speaker 36 (01:01:16):
That?

Speaker 6 (01:01:17):
Hey?

Speaker 4 (01:01:17):
Hey, look where's he running through?

Speaker 17 (01:01:19):
Go?

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Maybe he sees the mouse.

Speaker 40 (01:01:20):
Why don't see any mouse?

Speaker 4 (01:01:22):
Tommy jumps up to that open window.

Speaker 15 (01:01:23):
Oh, good grief, he's jumping out.

Speaker 40 (01:01:25):
Oh my cat, my cat, he's gone.

Speaker 15 (01:01:28):
Betty, I lost.

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
You'll never come back home again.

Speaker 8 (01:01:31):
Please don't start crying over an old cat.

Speaker 40 (01:01:34):
Hey, that's her pit cat. You've got to go look
for it.

Speaker 8 (01:01:37):
Yes, I know, Darren, I'll look for him.

Speaker 15 (01:01:41):
Who's gotta look for him?

Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
You and jhead and Betty.

Speaker 16 (01:01:44):
You can't let the cat get lost.

Speaker 40 (01:01:46):
But after all, the poor child was nice enough to
bring the cat over here just for us. But please,
we can do is to help her find it now.

Speaker 15 (01:01:52):
But who if that cat gets lost, I'd never feel
the same.

Speaker 8 (01:01:56):
You'll never feel the same. Mary, How do you think
I'm going to feel? Running on in the middle of
the night looking for a cat. That cat could be
anyplace by now. I don't want to go running all
oh oh oh, all right, man, all right, there's no
sense arguing with you when you get that look in
your eye. Come on, kids, we'll go chat.

Speaker 4 (01:02:19):
I'm going I'm.

Speaker 46 (01:02:20):
Awfully sorry to put you to all this trouble, mister Andrews,
but I just die if anything happened to Tom.

Speaker 8 (01:02:26):
All Right, Betty, we'll find him. I know, I but
we'll find him.

Speaker 4 (01:02:29):
Yeah, don't worry, Betty, we'll get him.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Are she You stay here?

Speaker 42 (01:02:32):
But Mom, I want to go running around town to
bare feet and pajamas. I'm sure your father and Betty
and jug Head can find the cat themselves.

Speaker 4 (01:02:39):
She was, okay, Mom.

Speaker 8 (01:02:41):
Now Betty, you look down that way, all right.

Speaker 37 (01:02:43):
Mister Andrews.

Speaker 8 (01:02:45):
Juckhead, you go look down that way, okay, And I'll
go to bed. Wow, I'll go over that way.

Speaker 4 (01:02:59):
I don't know, and man, be careful, I don't know,
but be careful.

Speaker 40 (01:03:10):
Never know my days seen anything like this. I knew
that cat idea wouldn't work.

Speaker 4 (01:03:15):
Yeah, and we still haven't caught that mouse.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
No, and I don't know how we're going to now well,
I could call Veronica and see if she has a
mouse track.

Speaker 40 (01:03:23):
Oh, now, Archie, we can't go bothering her too.

Speaker 4 (01:03:26):
But Mom, we gotta do something. That cat idea didn't
help us at all.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
Besides, Veronica stays up pretty late.

Speaker 4 (01:03:32):
Maybe we wouldn't even be waking her. Well, operator, get
me Riverdale three one eight. Please ope, she's not asleep.
Oh even if she is, Mom, she won't mind.

Speaker 21 (01:03:42):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (01:03:43):
Hello Veronica, and this is Archie.

Speaker 37 (01:03:46):
Oh hello Archie.

Speaker 4 (01:03:50):
Oh hi, y'all, lauchie can.

Speaker 37 (01:04:04):
It's awful not to hear your.

Speaker 21 (01:04:05):
Voice out.

Speaker 40 (01:04:13):
Her pity sake, stop that giggling and tell her about
the mouse.

Speaker 17 (01:04:17):
Huh?

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Okame on, hello, Veronica, have you got a mouse trap?

Speaker 21 (01:04:21):
A mouse trap?

Speaker 37 (01:04:22):
Aren't you?

Speaker 16 (01:04:23):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 (01:04:24):
A mouse trap?

Speaker 1 (01:04:26):
We got a mouse running around the kitchen and we
need something to catch him.

Speaker 4 (01:04:29):
With, My good did you call him at this time?
Not just ask me the uh huh?

Speaker 6 (01:04:33):
My goodness?

Speaker 37 (01:04:35):
Well, I don't know if we have a mouse trap
or not, but I'll look around and see.

Speaker 6 (01:04:38):
Gee.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
I'd appreciate it if you would, Veronica, Bye, bye bye.

Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
I think she was just a little annoyed, Mam.

Speaker 28 (01:04:46):
You see I told you not to call her.

Speaker 4 (01:04:48):
Oh, it's okay, she'll get.

Speaker 8 (01:04:49):
Old, Mary, I give up.

Speaker 4 (01:04:52):
Did you find the cat?

Speaker 8 (01:04:53):
I certainly did not, and I'm not looking for it anymore.
I went all up and down the block and looked
in every driveway and back yard, and there wasn't a
sign of that cat.

Speaker 40 (01:05:02):
Oh, dear, then what we do?

Speaker 4 (01:05:04):
Betty'll be heartbroken?

Speaker 6 (01:05:06):
Mary?

Speaker 21 (01:05:06):
What can we do?

Speaker 8 (01:05:07):
I can't go searching the whole city for a cat,
Betty so upset. I'll buy a new one, that's all.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
I found him home down and he was Look, it's
Betty's cat, Betty, that's wonderful.

Speaker 4 (01:05:18):
Where was he put our front porch?

Speaker 37 (01:05:20):
When he jumped out the window?

Speaker 16 (01:05:21):
He ran right home, didn't you pushyo?

Speaker 6 (01:05:27):
Fine?

Speaker 8 (01:05:28):
Well, Betty, evidently that cat doesn't like to go visiting
at this time of the night, so we might justn't. Well,
forget the whole scheme. And thanks for bringing him over here.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Well all right, mister Andrews, I'm sorry it didn't work.

Speaker 6 (01:05:39):
I hear the cat.

Speaker 4 (01:05:42):
You found what is about three blocks away under your car?
And did I have a tough time getting him out?

Speaker 15 (01:05:49):
Jug and I went back.

Speaker 4 (01:05:50):
He kept trying to jump on my arm I wouldn't
let him go. Now bring him back alive.

Speaker 8 (01:05:55):
Jug Hit, they call me yuh, there were a few
other things I could call you.

Speaker 6 (01:06:00):
Cat that is not the cat.

Speaker 4 (01:06:03):
What isn't a cat? Don't you think I know a
cat when I see one? A cat is full legs,
and a.

Speaker 8 (01:06:09):
Cat that is a cat, but not the cat, Juggie,
do you see what Betty is rolling?

Speaker 17 (01:06:16):
Sure a cat?

Speaker 4 (01:06:18):
And she betted a cat? She wished, Betty, I mean
the cat I have, isn't you It looks just like it?

Speaker 8 (01:06:27):
Yes, Jugget, it does, it certainly does. But that's not
Betty's cat. And if you know what's good, you will
get rid of that strange animal as fast as you
can before, right, I don't lose your temper, Marry. I'm
not losing my temper. I'll just had all the wild
life I can stand at the moment. And I who
the dickens of that being? Oh that must be Veronica, Veronica?
What's she doing here?

Speaker 16 (01:06:47):
Don't get excited?

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
Well, hello, Archie, Hi you Veronica, Veronica?

Speaker 17 (01:06:51):
What's that?

Speaker 21 (01:06:53):
Well?

Speaker 37 (01:06:53):
That's grand. I was afraid to come way over here
all alone at this time night, so I brought prints along.

Speaker 17 (01:06:57):
For the rock.

Speaker 37 (01:06:59):
Oh goodness, chucking.

Speaker 40 (01:07:02):
What's that you have there?

Speaker 15 (01:07:03):
Somebody's cat running? You get that dog out of here
before there's trouble.

Speaker 42 (01:07:08):
Can't care.

Speaker 4 (01:07:09):
I don't keep this cat like Brent Seman. I'm straking,
chugging of.

Speaker 15 (01:07:14):
That cat to take that dog out of here.

Speaker 41 (01:07:18):
We can't got away.

Speaker 15 (01:07:19):
Hardy got away.

Speaker 47 (01:07:22):
For here.

Speaker 36 (01:07:23):
They do something, Prince just chasing both cats get back here?

Speaker 40 (01:07:28):
Come by throwing and catching car up a tree.

Speaker 4 (01:07:31):
Oh we're not that you run a guy. I'm sturbing everybody.

Speaker 10 (01:07:37):
You're right.

Speaker 15 (01:07:42):
Because you're making Who threw that shoel? I think it
came from over there? And Mary just a minute, you're
just one minute and you do.

Speaker 8 (01:07:54):
That's better. Listen to the art of you. I'm Lannica.
Please make that hound of yours home before we're all
arrested for disturbing the peace, causing a riot, and obstructing traffic.

Speaker 4 (01:08:05):
Yes, mister Andrews, not everyone.

Speaker 37 (01:08:08):
Come on.

Speaker 8 (01:08:10):
Good night now, Betty, that that miniature tiger of yours
down out of that tree.

Speaker 4 (01:08:17):
All right, mister Andrews, Come on, Tommy, come on down.

Speaker 16 (01:08:20):
That dog went away.

Speaker 8 (01:08:23):
That's a good kit, all right, Betty. Now you've got
your cat so thanks again, but just go home and.

Speaker 4 (01:08:29):
Go to sleep, yes, mister Andrews, not everyone very much.
Well what about that other cat up in the tree that.

Speaker 22 (01:08:39):
You with?

Speaker 8 (01:08:40):
That dog gone? The cat will come down out of
that tree by itself and go back to wherever you below.
Now I want to hear no more about mouse. That's
a catch a dog, now, Is that clear? That mouse?
I don't want to hear another word about it. If
he's still in this house, I hope he has a
good time. Well, what is it, juughhead? I caught the mouse, Yes,
I know, and I hope you do you what.

Speaker 4 (01:09:03):
I caught the mouse, but a few people went out here.
I saw him, and I caught him with my bed head.

Speaker 36 (01:09:08):
You want to see him, please, your cutest little mouse
he ever?

Speaker 8 (01:09:13):
Yes, jughead, I'm sure he's just delightful. If you like
him that much, take him home and put him in
the cage and raise him to be a very happy,
old white haired mouse.

Speaker 36 (01:09:22):
Geez, thanks, I will good and you can go home
right now. Okay, nice everyone, and thanks for the mouse, dughead.

Speaker 6 (01:09:31):
You're welcome.

Speaker 8 (01:09:32):
Thank thanks for helping, oh I jughead, And now I'm marry.
That closes the incident of the mouse. So if you
don't mind, I'd like to go inside and go to
sleep once and for all.

Speaker 4 (01:09:43):
Oh me too, Dad, I'm dead tired.

Speaker 40 (01:09:46):
I am too, dear. This has been quite a nice
certainly hasn't.

Speaker 8 (01:09:49):
I'm going straight up to bed and make believe this
whole thing never happened.

Speaker 40 (01:09:52):
Yes, dear, I know how you feel.

Speaker 8 (01:09:55):
You closed that door? Yes, all right, now let's go upstairs.

Speaker 40 (01:10:00):
Oh dear, what now the lights still on in the kitchen.

Speaker 8 (01:10:03):
We'll go turn it off while I lock the door. Yeah, yeah, now,
young man, we'll go upstairs and get you sleeping long lands.

Speaker 4 (01:10:12):
Oh yes, dad, a mouse marry out of The.

Speaker 39 (01:10:36):
Andrews will be back in just a minute. But first
i'd like to remind you our listeners that if you
would like to see our show as part of our
studio audience, just write a card a letter to Archie Andrews,
NBC Radio, City, twenty New York. Now please allow time
for a reply since the demand is heavy. We'll get
the tickets to you just as fast as we can.

(01:10:57):
That address again is Archie Andrews, NBC Radio, Yo City,
twenty New York.

Speaker 8 (01:11:07):
An how back to the Andrews It's an hour later.

Speaker 39 (01:11:10):
Mister Andrews has convinced Missus Andrews that the matter of
the second mouse should be left until morning.

Speaker 31 (01:11:15):
The family has finally gotten to sleep.

Speaker 8 (01:11:29):
Suck the prong.

Speaker 36 (01:11:32):
Oh, the water can be calling at this hour he
witness the telephone, Artie, will you answered?

Speaker 8 (01:11:39):
Clean?

Speaker 6 (01:11:45):
Hello?

Speaker 40 (01:11:45):
Hello, miss A, judget chug?

Speaker 4 (01:11:48):
What the dickens do you want?

Speaker 6 (01:11:51):
Watchie?

Speaker 4 (01:11:51):
You know that mouse I took har yes, like, put
it in a box, put it got out, and my
mother doesn't like it running around the house and I need.

Speaker 22 (01:12:06):
You listening to another chapter.

Speaker 39 (01:12:08):
The Offenses of Archie Anders meant to by cars Hantel
and based on the copyrighted Teacher of Carrying an Archie
Comics magazine. Archie is played by Bob Hastings, drug Head
by Harlan Stone. Mam and Dad Andrews is played by
Alice Human and author Cole Ronic and Betty by Gloria
Mann and Rosemary Rice. Also in today's cast was Animal
imitated Donald Bay. This program is produced and directed by
Kenneth McGregor. Listen next Saturday.

Speaker 14 (01:12:28):
At the same time, Be More Than Merry vests with.

Speaker 6 (01:12:33):
Murray's Preston Befom.

Speaker 44 (01:12:36):
Three Chimes Mean Good Times on NBC. Herbert Marshall stars
tonight as the Man called X, and another story of
danger and intrigue in A Far Corner of the Earth.
Tomorrow night on NBC. Tulula Bankhead is Mistress of Ceremonies
once again on the Big Show, and Your stars include Graucho, Marx, Azio, Piza,
Fanny Bryce, Jane Paul, and many more. In another Sunday Night,

(01:12:58):
ninety minute extravaganza on NBC The National Broadcasting Company.

Speaker 7 (01:13:04):
Seventy five years ago, November eleventh, nineteen fifty, Archie Andrews
on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox. Tomorrow We'll have
a Mixed Bag, Part two of Escape's presentation of Earth
Abides from nineteen fifty, an amazing work. Also the nineteen

(01:13:25):
forty seven episode of Jimmy Duranty and the Chasing Sandborn
Hour with guest Jean Arthur. On Thursday, Western Adventure with
a little romance thrown in Henry Fonda and Cassanova Brown
for the romance, but will also have Gun Smoke, Have Gun,
We'll Travel, and an episode of Saunders of the Circle X.

(01:13:47):
Then on Friday, Mister President starring Edward Arnold, Dark Fantasy,
The Whistler, and another episode of Romance The Egg Farm.
On Saturday, more Westerns, Gene Autry's Melody Bench, Jimmy Stewart
Is a six Shooter, and episodes of Have Gun Will
Travel in Gunsmoke Comedy on Sunday with Jack Benny from

(01:14:08):
nineteen forty one, Avanton Costello from nineteen forty four, and
The Aldridge Family and Amos and Andy from nineteen fifty two.
On Monday, Broadway is My Beat, Calling All Cars, Frank
Sinatra is Rocky Fortune, and Sam Spade starring Howard Duff.
And then on Tuesday of next week, a week from today,

(01:14:30):
we will have an episode of The Aldridge Family, another Budonloolu,
Avant Costello episode The Great Gilder Sleeve starring Harold Perry,
and My Favorite Husband. That's a week from today here
on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox up. Next on
the program, we will hear another Sam Shovel mystery.

Speaker 48 (01:14:57):
Civil Defense is Common Sense. This is Howard though with
us remind six forty and twelve forty These are the
Connell rad frequencies during a national emergency six forty and
twelve forty On your regular radio will be your only
official means of receiving vital information. Remember six forty and twelve.

Speaker 7 (01:15:13):
Forty appropriate that Howard Duff, the fellow who played Sam Spade,
is up there with that message, because next we have
Sam Shovel. An episode of Babinton Costello seventy seven years ago,
November eleventh, nineteen forty eighth, the case of the telephone
operator who died while dancing.

Speaker 6 (01:15:34):
Hey, Abbott, what time is it?

Speaker 9 (01:15:36):
It's time for the Abut Costello Show. We're on the
air for ABC here in Hollywood.

Speaker 6 (01:15:39):
I want to wait for Let's go with the Abton
Costello Show.

Speaker 20 (01:15:55):
Yeah, it's the Abbott and Costello Show, produced and transcribed
in Hollywood.

Speaker 6 (01:15:59):
Be you listening and laughing?

Speaker 20 (01:16:00):
Pleasure and chuckles with a car load and music by
Matteam Malday's a hold on your chairs, Bogs were here?

Speaker 17 (01:16:06):
They are?

Speaker 6 (01:16:07):
What happened?

Speaker 49 (01:16:08):
And who Costello? That's about time you got here?

Speaker 6 (01:16:23):
Where were you? Well?

Speaker 9 (01:16:24):
I was holding my aunt the Mike's house happoc and
it's he busy. He's got to eat biscuits for breakfast,
function and dinner.

Speaker 6 (01:16:28):
What's the idea?

Speaker 9 (01:16:29):
A basically company is running a slogan conference, and that
May has to send him a thousand box stops.

Speaker 6 (01:16:32):
And what does Uncle Mike think of the idea?

Speaker 9 (01:16:34):
He told a mate the mail in the biscuits, you'd
wat to eat the box stop?

Speaker 6 (01:16:42):
That May ever meet Uncle mikeet The first time they.

Speaker 9 (01:16:45):
Met, it was at the country club, and they spent
the first day in the country. And the next time
they met it was at a swimming club, and then
he was swimming. And after that they got married, and
they went to another club that influenced their lives.

Speaker 6 (01:16:53):
What club was that? The store Club? Well, they're quite
a couple.

Speaker 9 (01:16:58):
Oh yeah, Uncle Mike says he has only only the
two times in his life that he didn't understand that me.

Speaker 6 (01:17:02):
When was that? Before they were married? And after?

Speaker 9 (01:17:07):
Oh you should get married, cas Ellen. Quit running around
every night, you wind up with a different girl.

Speaker 6 (01:17:11):
You're right, and I'm tired of winding up. I want
to start pitching. How are you? Heck, we give it time.
How are you getting along with your new girl?

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
Who?

Speaker 23 (01:17:24):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:17:24):
How am I getting along with my new girl? She's
got meating out of her hand. She has next week
she's gonna buy me a dish. I don't think I
want to marry her anyway, But she wears very expensive clothes. Wait,
how do you know her clothes are expensive? Every time
I go over to her house, there's a guy in
the closet, garden. I'll get him out of there.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
Get him out.

Speaker 20 (01:17:54):
Now before we get back to the laugh department. Let's
listen to what this fella has to say.

Speaker 22 (01:18:10):
Very easy, live leaving.

Speaker 6 (01:19:11):
Hey, all right, all right, all right, Wait a minute,
why are you doing that rubber doll? What are you
doing with that rubber doll?

Speaker 9 (01:19:19):
As a presor for my sister's baby, Tony. He's one
year old today? Has the baby learning to walk?

Speaker 31 (01:19:24):
Kid?

Speaker 6 (01:19:24):
Abit? The kid is only one year old. He only
learned how to drive the car last week. What's the
baby's names?

Speaker 9 (01:19:32):
My sister's fifth baby, and she named it mean toy
lotus blossom, Mean toy lotus blossom. Why did she name
the child lad?

Speaker 6 (01:19:39):
She read in the Big Book that every fifth child
born as a Chinese.

Speaker 8 (01:19:51):
Well, never mind that little What is your sister's husband doing?

Speaker 6 (01:19:53):
Now? What's he doing?

Speaker 21 (01:19:54):
Now?

Speaker 6 (01:19:55):
He had a little filling station, and what a felling station.
But they picketed him. I closed him up. Now he's
hoping the skunk farm a skunk bomb. Mm hmmm, a
skunk farm. He figures that's one business. The union will
stick the nose in. And I haven't seen your brother

(01:20:19):
along in a long time? How is he lose? You
wouldn't know him, have it? The sands of time have
changed his face. He's only a young guy. How good
the sunds of time change his face? Cuts out? My
sister belted him in a push for an hour glass.
Where are your sister and husband living? Has granulated eyelids?

Speaker 19 (01:20:37):
Yeah, whoa?

Speaker 6 (01:20:41):
Where are your sister and husband living? Now? I'll let
you know on the second hand in the middle of
the page. They're living in Pasadena. And boy, is that
a ritzy town?

Speaker 17 (01:20:55):
Oh no, no, no, that's not so ritzy.

Speaker 9 (01:20:57):
I have a Pasadena's so high class that they stop
all the Taurus the city limit and make them mean
close before they can drive through town.

Speaker 6 (01:21:03):
I don't believe stop. I don't believe that. Rest. I
don't believe that.

Speaker 17 (01:21:08):
I don't believe it.

Speaker 6 (01:21:09):
You don't believe it? Now, I don't.

Speaker 9 (01:21:10):
My brother, Patt, you should drive a truck for the
city of Pasadena. He told me that all the garbage
he picked up was gift wrapped.

Speaker 17 (01:21:19):
I mean.

Speaker 6 (01:21:21):
You mean your brother Pat drives a garbage truck.

Speaker 9 (01:21:23):
Oh, he's just doing it until he gets his new
invention on the market. His invention will change the whole
toothbrush industry. What is it a tooth on a stick
to clean brushes?

Speaker 6 (01:21:38):
La stella? Let's face it, your brothers nothing but above
him have it. That's why I can't sleep at night
thinking what a bum my brother Pat is.

Speaker 8 (01:21:47):
Now, look, you can't sleep. Why don't you count sheep?

Speaker 6 (01:21:49):
I did once.

Speaker 9 (01:21:50):
I counted to ten thousand sheep. I was just ready
to fall asleep when along came a black sheep, and
I got to think of what a bum my brother patters,
and I couldn't sleep the.

Speaker 6 (01:21:57):
Rest of the night. Costello, here's that bicycle that you ordered?
Thank you? Hey, wait a minute, what's the idea of
buying a bicycle? Costello?

Speaker 9 (01:22:13):
I didn't want to tell you of it, wasting your
money like that, buying a bicycle. I ansisted you'd tell
me what you're going to do with it.

Speaker 1 (01:22:21):
Now.

Speaker 6 (01:22:22):
Oh well, if you must know, I must know, I'll
tell you. We'll tell me.

Speaker 9 (01:22:24):
Last night I dreamed I was chasing Meta Hayworth, and
I couldn't catch it tonight, I'm taking a bicycle.

Speaker 21 (01:22:29):
To bed with me.

Speaker 6 (01:22:32):
If that don't get it tomorrow night a motor goes
on it.

Speaker 9 (01:22:37):
Costello, With all the thousands of people that have no
place to live and are looking for vacancies, how can
you walk around with a big empty head like that?

Speaker 6 (01:22:50):
You me in the script where it says anything like that.

Speaker 8 (01:22:54):
Oh wait a minute, I can tell a joke. I'm
a pretty good showman.

Speaker 9 (01:22:58):
Yeah, yeah, joke like pet T Barnum. P T Barnham
is dead. You keep telling those kind of jokes, you'll
join him.

Speaker 6 (01:23:08):
I don't know.

Speaker 9 (01:23:15):
I don't know about that low. My wife always laughs
at my jokes. Did you ever notice those little crow's
feet around her eyes? Those are from laughing at my jokes.
If those are crows feet around your wife's side, crows
that made him must have been wearing baseball shoes. How
can you say that my wife Betty has a beautiful face.
He's got an automobile face? Well, what's an automobile face?

(01:23:36):
As soon as she gets the jacks, you ought to
have it lifted. My wife is okay, and you'd better
be off. If you found a nice home, you'd be
much better off.

Speaker 14 (01:23:50):
Loo.

Speaker 6 (01:23:50):
If you found a nice home with a loving girl
and got.

Speaker 19 (01:23:53):
You're no where?

Speaker 9 (01:23:53):
You're rat from home? I don't, but my wife is okay.
You'd be better off you found a nice, home loving girl.
I'm lost myself.

Speaker 1 (01:24:04):
Now I found and die right, I found my.

Speaker 6 (01:24:19):
Have you got your place? Have you got yours? So yes,
let's go, let's go from scratch. My wife is okay.

Speaker 9 (01:24:26):
You'd be better off you found a nice, home loving
girl and got married yourself.

Speaker 6 (01:24:29):
Oh, we gave you enough time to rehearse. That's right.

Speaker 9 (01:24:34):
I had a home loving girl and I had to
get rid of her. Why when I wasn't around, she
was home loving.

Speaker 6 (01:24:39):
Some of the guy, Well, you should go out and
meet some nice girls.

Speaker 9 (01:24:44):
I'm going out tonight. There's gonna be twenty six girls
at this party. I'm gonna kiss every.

Speaker 19 (01:24:47):
One of them.

Speaker 6 (01:24:47):
Oh that's the trouble with you. You have no manners
when there are twenty.

Speaker 9 (01:24:51):
Six girls in the party and you take you talk
about kissing every one of them.

Speaker 6 (01:24:54):
Remember one doesn't, one doesn't. No, Well tell me which
one it is and I'll cross her off my list.

Speaker 17 (01:25:03):
No, I didn't get her.

Speaker 6 (01:25:05):
They are lost where we were before gotella.

Speaker 9 (01:25:11):
He should be satisfied with one girl. Don't you know
one girl that you like better than the rest?

Speaker 6 (01:25:15):
Oh, but I saw one of the day that I
could really go for. Well, why don't you propose to her?
Proposed to her?

Speaker 19 (01:25:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:25:21):
How dare you say that to me?

Speaker 8 (01:25:22):
Well, your father proposed to your mother. Yes, she was
my mother. But this girl is a total stranger. Well
why didn't you start calling her?

Speaker 6 (01:25:30):
I did I sent her some orchards?

Speaker 8 (01:25:32):
Not orchids?

Speaker 6 (01:25:34):
That says here orchid? No, no, no, not orchids, orchids, kids, kids, kids. Oh, sure,
probably have to we're married.

Speaker 9 (01:25:42):
No, no, no, no, no, you know I mean you don't.
You don't get the girl with orchards. You get her
with orchids, kids, kids. Just a minute, where am I
getting all these kids? I ain't even married yet, You
talk sense. I'm talking about orchids. Orchids are raised in
a nursery.

Speaker 6 (01:25:57):
Your kids might have been raised in a nursing, but
our kids are gonna be raised at home. No, no,
I don't understand. I'm talking about or kids. We have
orchids at home. They're plotted. They take us to you looking.

Speaker 47 (01:26:23):
Well, hello boy lord, let's.

Speaker 9 (01:26:25):
Come from kid, it's our beautiful new secretary, Viola Vaughn.
Why I'm glad you shut up early, Viola. Tonight, I'm
going to sing a song just for you.

Speaker 16 (01:26:35):
Costello. I didn't know you sang.

Speaker 6 (01:26:37):
Oh I got a high voice. I can hit a
high U above teeth. Hi you fine? Thanks?

Speaker 36 (01:26:41):
Hi you?

Speaker 8 (01:26:44):
They no attention to him, Viola, They no attention to him.
And why don't you and I have a bite of
supper after the show?

Speaker 6 (01:26:50):
Well, I hired you. Don't you think you should go
out with me?

Speaker 2 (01:26:54):
Kid?

Speaker 16 (01:26:55):
Please, mister Costello, I'll decide.

Speaker 47 (01:26:57):
Who I want to go out with.

Speaker 6 (01:26:58):
Let's what's me? Make your own choice. I won't try
to help you in any shape or form. With your shape,
with your shape and form, nothing will help you.

Speaker 47 (01:27:10):
Oh that was awfully clever.

Speaker 21 (01:27:11):
Rabbit.

Speaker 6 (01:27:12):
Yeah, you know, if the Ola Abbitts practice is up
for television.

Speaker 16 (01:27:15):
Why would mister Rabbit want to be on television.

Speaker 9 (01:27:17):
It's the only way he can get in every bar
in town at once. Well, Abbit, I uh, and I
think we're both stuck out.

Speaker 47 (01:27:27):
Now you tell one, Mitt Liola, Well, I guess I'll
have a try at it.

Speaker 22 (01:27:42):
Did you.

Speaker 6 (01:27:47):
I know it's too good to last.

Speaker 16 (01:27:53):
Well, I'll have a triat it. Did you boys know
that my uncle is in the hospital.

Speaker 6 (01:27:58):
No, tell us what happened.

Speaker 16 (01:28:00):
My uncle was watching two men hoisting a piano into
the fifth floor window of a hotel. He was standing
underneath him, yelling, heave ho, heave ho.

Speaker 8 (01:28:08):
But wait a minute, how did he get into the hospital?

Speaker 16 (01:28:11):
They thought? He said, leave go.

Speaker 6 (01:28:16):
Let's give this kid six silver dollars and a box
of snickers. Quiet guys that I think Viola has a
terrific sense of humor.

Speaker 16 (01:28:24):
Oh I thank you, Bud. I have another funny story.
I went to the racetrack yesterday and bet on a horse.

Speaker 8 (01:28:30):
It was one hundred to one hundred to one.

Speaker 6 (01:28:32):
That's terrific. Gods did the horse wind?

Speaker 17 (01:28:34):
No?

Speaker 16 (01:28:35):
He was leading the field by ten length when suddenly
he jumped the rail and ran to the grand stand.
What for when he saw those through of the gods?
He ran to the two dollar window and put a
bet on himself.

Speaker 9 (01:28:49):
Ladies and gentlemen, you have just listened to a joke
by three unemployed people. Three unemployed yay you Viola and
the guy that wrote the stuff.

Speaker 6 (01:29:17):
And that's the.

Speaker 20 (01:29:18):
Halfway mark in the night's lab race. Time for an
intermission to concentrate on this.

Speaker 6 (01:30:00):
Yeah, well, we go back to work tonight.

Speaker 9 (01:30:36):
Let's hear from our blonde Jaudie Pie, little little bitchy
Virginia MAXI.

Speaker 50 (01:30:46):
East is east and west is west and the wrong
one I have chose. Let's go where I'll keep one
wearing those brows and flowers and buttons and bows, rings
and sings and buttons and bow. O.

Speaker 16 (01:31:02):
Don't bury me in this prairie.

Speaker 50 (01:31:05):
Take me where the seman grows. Let's move down to
some big town where they love but gal by the
card of her clothes, and I'll stand out in buttons
and bows. I love you win buckskins or skirts that
I've home spun, but I love yall longer, stronger where your.

Speaker 37 (01:31:28):
Friends don't tote a gun.

Speaker 50 (01:31:30):
My boast denounced, the butt board bounce and the gap
this hurts my toes. Let's find most wear galas, keep
using th silks and satins and linen that shows, and
I'm all yours in buttons and boats. I love you
win buckskin or skirts that I've home spun, but I

(01:31:53):
love yall longer, stronger where your friends don't tode gun
my boast, denounce the buckboard bounce and the cactus hurts
my toes. Let's the most wear. Gals keeps using.

Speaker 6 (01:32:07):
Those silks and satins and linen.

Speaker 50 (01:32:09):
That shows And I'm allusing buttons and bow.

Speaker 37 (01:32:15):
Give me easterns, trim and wear.

Speaker 50 (01:32:17):
Women are women in high silk hooses.

Speaker 28 (01:32:19):
Pick a boot clothes.

Speaker 50 (01:32:21):
Bench could fuel it.

Speaker 37 (01:32:22):
Rocks the room.

Speaker 50 (01:32:23):
And I'm all using buttons and bow.

Speaker 6 (01:32:40):
All right, if you are so, well, she I picked
somebody else's.

Speaker 9 (01:32:47):
Well, I want to take the Olivan to the football
game Saturday. So I got She trying a fifty eyeline,
but she should I ain't got enough for her.

Speaker 6 (01:32:53):
Well, she won't sit on the fifty yard line. No,
she wants to sit in the stands. No, I didn't
know you were interested in football. Ah, but football is
my Oh, that's my meat.

Speaker 9 (01:33:05):
I've known you a long time, goysdella, and you never
went to any football games since well, since when has
football become your meat?

Speaker 6 (01:33:11):
Since the last time I went to the butcher shop
was what the price of steak? I thought, So you
know nothing about football. Don't be silly yet. I used
to play football the coaches. I played like a tiger. Oh,
you must have been good. Nah, After all, what does
a tiger know about playing football? What position did you

(01:33:33):
play on the team? Left tickle?

Speaker 19 (01:33:34):
Eh?

Speaker 6 (01:33:36):
Left tickle? You mean left tickle?

Speaker 51 (01:33:39):
All right?

Speaker 6 (01:33:40):
You mean left tackle? I mean left tickle. I used
to tickle a guy who was carrying a ball and
make him drop it. Did you ever play any important teams? Once?
Our team played Notre Dame? What a rough team.

Speaker 9 (01:33:51):
I want to put a bust of nose, two cracked ribs,
and a twist nankle.

Speaker 6 (01:33:53):
Oh that's not so tough. It could happen to any
player while sitting on the bench. Cassella.

Speaker 9 (01:34:04):
I've been a football fan for years and I've never
heard your name mentioned in connection with any team or
around Pattison, New Jersey. I was famous Pattison High School,
Colt Hill. They remember me as a guy that invent
at the costolo hitting ball trick.

Speaker 6 (01:34:15):
Well, did your hidden ball trick worked?

Speaker 46 (01:34:17):
Good?

Speaker 23 (01:34:18):
Good?

Speaker 9 (01:34:18):
That was twenty years ago. Nobody's found the ball yet. Well,
you don't look like no football player to me. Football
players have to be rugged and powerful, and that's wrong. Yeah,
But when I played football of Colt Hill and Patterson,
New Jersey, I was powerful.

Speaker 6 (01:34:33):
All us kids were rugged, very ruggid. I can't say rugged,
did you just said? Just said it. We didn't have
no showers. By the end of the season, everybody said
we were the strongest team in New Jersey. With the
wind at our backs, nobody could beat them. That must

(01:35:02):
have been some football team. I remember our last game, habed.
I was calling the signals. Mildred Maine six sixty six four,
Gladys Hollywood seven nine to five three, Betty Walnut three
eight four one.

Speaker 9 (01:35:12):
Wait wait wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. What was
the idea of using girls' phone numbers as signals strategy
while the other team was writing them down? We scored
forty six points.

Speaker 6 (01:35:32):
A gram follow Custello. Yeah, boy, I'll take it.

Speaker 3 (01:35:36):
I have it.

Speaker 9 (01:35:37):
It's one of my Sam Shovel Detective fans. Oh Am,
I getting popular Sam Shovety Detective. Well all right, says
del lu Costello. I never miss your program. I really
enjoy your portrayal of Sam Shovel, Private Detective. Your acting
was so thrilling my hair stood on end. I'm coming
over to see you tonight.

Speaker 19 (01:35:53):
Was Costello.

Speaker 9 (01:35:53):
Is someone here to see you? Show them in in
It's no man, just a few hairs standing on end. Well,
Castello or Sam Shovel, you're really killing the people. What
case have you chosen for your Sam Shovel story tonight, Well,
it's a case I worked on in the Sahara Desert.
I call it the two dirty Bedo winds. Or it's
time to change the sheeks. That's enough, that's an okase,

(01:36:20):
Cas Noll. Haven't you got one more up to date? Well,
my latest case, I call it the case of the
telephone operator who died dancing or sorry, wrong rumba.

Speaker 6 (01:36:30):
All right, let's let's go on with the case.

Speaker 9 (01:36:38):
Yeah, I'm Sam Shovel, private detective. Spent a slow day
with the detective business. I'm sitting here in my little
office listening to my favorite radio.

Speaker 16 (01:36:47):
Program calling Doctor Brad Surgery colleing Doctor Brad Surgery College,
George R. Carl Interns.

Speaker 9 (01:36:55):
They never can find those two. There's more going on
in at ho spittle and just operations. I turn off
the radio. I listened to the wind howling on the outside.
You all, it's a Southwestern wind. I decided to check

(01:37:19):
up with some of my latest cases. Here's the one
of the baby that was jypped when I found him.
He was weren't half a diaper. Somebody had sure changed him.
I think I'll relax. I feel like a smoke that
reminds me. I read in the paper this morning where
most of the doctors who switched the camels are now
back driving automobiles. I gaze out the wind and the

(01:37:47):
office across the street. I see made me the stenographer.

Speaker 17 (01:37:50):
What a girl.

Speaker 9 (01:37:51):
I took her at dinner last night. She eats like
a bird. She always orders worms. It's about time for
my pile, Lieutenant and apt the homicides squad to show up.
Last week when the Red Cross asked for blood donors,
Lieutenant Abbott was the first volunteer.

Speaker 6 (01:38:06):
He gave his blood the hard way, the hard way.
He cut his throat.

Speaker 9 (01:38:12):
Every time I think of Lieutenant Abbitt, I think of
his bow legged wife, brother, is she bull legged? When
missus Abbott sits around the house, she really sits around
the house.

Speaker 6 (01:38:28):
Hello, the same shovel. I'll gonver to tell you that
Martin the Murderous Midget is on the loose again.

Speaker 9 (01:38:33):
Martin the Murderous Midget, the toughest midget in the world,
known to the police's public Enemy Number one.

Speaker 6 (01:38:38):
Half yes, Sam, if I catch.

Speaker 8 (01:38:42):
Up with Martin the Midget, it's goodbye to his racket.

Speaker 9 (01:38:45):
Lieutenant Abbat ain't kidding. He's a great racket buster. He's
busted fifteen rackets already this year. And if you don't
stop busting them at the Beverly Hills Tennis Club, they
won't let him play there anymore.

Speaker 6 (01:38:55):
Samn.

Speaker 9 (01:38:56):
I got trouble with my owner. I'm thinking of divorcing
my wife. Last night I decided I I can't stand
her cooking. Blutenant Abbitt, You've been married to that woman
for thirty years. How come you just decided you can't
stand her cooking the last night?

Speaker 6 (01:39:11):
We always ate out. However, let's forget my problems.

Speaker 17 (01:39:19):
I will.

Speaker 6 (01:39:20):
Let's forget it and Harley and forget your jokes too, Sam.
How's the detective visits going, any new cases?

Speaker 9 (01:39:27):
Yes, I'm on a trail level woman criminal show off, Susie.
If I catch us, she'll go to the chair. I
can't stand that name. She's always showing off. Last week
she started bragging again. She wanted to show everybody that
her husband has brains.

Speaker 6 (01:39:39):
You can't arrest a woman for showing that her husband
had brains. By shooting at top of his head.

Speaker 9 (01:39:43):
Off forget about show off, Susie Sam hearing for some
real trouble.

Speaker 6 (01:39:50):
Dora the Dip escape from prison this morning. Door of
the Dip. The most beautiful woman criminal I ever met.
What a temper she had.

Speaker 9 (01:39:57):
The first time I saw her, she was beating her
second husband over the She kept beating her second husband
over the head.

Speaker 6 (01:40:02):
What was she beating him with her first husband?

Speaker 9 (01:40:06):
Door the Dip? She was mad about me. It was
on account that she threw her second husband over. All
I had to say was Dora, I want to see
you tonight. No matter what man she was with, she'd.

Speaker 6 (01:40:15):
Throw him over. On account of that, they put her
in jail. Wait a minute, you can put the woman
in jail for throwing men over over the Pasadena Bridge. Sam,
I heard the Door was a resident.

Speaker 9 (01:40:26):
While working as a clerk in the department store, she
was jailed for taking money out of the cash register.
That's how lie of, lieutenant. You never took any money
out of the cash register.

Speaker 6 (01:40:34):
I'm glad to get that. I never put any money
in the cash register.

Speaker 16 (01:40:42):
Aha, there you are, Sam Shovel.

Speaker 6 (01:40:45):
It was Dora the Dip, and she looked more beautiful
than ever. Sam.

Speaker 16 (01:40:48):
Yeah, I'm gonna kill you.

Speaker 6 (01:40:51):
She's only bluffing.

Speaker 19 (01:40:52):
Sam.

Speaker 16 (01:40:53):
You sent me to prison. You took me away from
my family, my five children by my first husband, my
seven by my second husband.

Speaker 6 (01:41:01):
She's still bluffing, is Sam. He may be bluffing, but
it sounds to me like she's got a full house.

Speaker 16 (01:41:09):
Sam, on account of you, I spent ten years in prison,
ten years locked up with a thousand women. Do you
know what it means to be alone for ten years
with a thousand women?

Speaker 6 (01:41:22):
No, but I'd give anything to find out. It must
have been terrible in prison, Dora.

Speaker 16 (01:41:33):
Lieutenant Abbott, you don't know what I went through. All
day long. I had a posed with my twin sister
for pictures for prison magazine ads.

Speaker 6 (01:41:41):
What did the ad say?

Speaker 16 (01:41:42):
Which twin has the crime wave? But now I'm free,
Sam shoveled, and I'm gonna make you suffer as I've suffered.

Speaker 6 (01:41:52):
Sam.

Speaker 16 (01:41:53):
Yes, a part of me died in that prison.

Speaker 6 (01:41:56):
Don't worry, Dora. With what you got left, you can
do plenty of living.

Speaker 8 (01:42:03):
Sorry, you haven't changed a bit. I thought prison would
straighten you out.

Speaker 6 (01:42:06):
If they straighten her out, she could suit him for
every cent they got, Sam Shovel.

Speaker 16 (01:42:12):
In spite of what you did to me, I'm still
mad about you. You are, Yes, Sam, You're different from
any man I ever met. Now you tell me the same.

Speaker 6 (01:42:23):
Okay, you're different from any men I've ever met. Sam.

Speaker 16 (01:42:35):
You sent me to prison and made a monkey out
of me. Now I'm gonna get even. I'm gonna give
you a kiss that'll make a monkey out of you.

Speaker 6 (01:42:45):
Coming, Sam Shovel, speak to me. Where are you? Sam?

Speaker 9 (01:42:53):
Up on a handle there, don't stand there, toss me
up and then a bag of peanut.

Speaker 19 (01:43:06):
There's a curtain part coming out.

Speaker 20 (01:43:07):
Parts first you'll be interested in hearing this.

Speaker 9 (01:44:25):
Well, Castella, you use your work hard tonight yep. But
you know my motto, hard work never heard anybody. That's
what I keep telling the people to do my work.

Speaker 6 (01:44:32):
Well, you should thanks. You should thank the people that
do your work. I'm gonna do that right now. At first,
I want to thank our writing staff, headed by Eddie Foreman,
with Paul Colin, Pat Costello, Martin Ragaway and Lemstern. Wait
a minute, and our band leader Mandy Melnick.

Speaker 9 (01:44:48):
You're right, let's not forget our producer, Charles Vander see
you next Thursday night, folks, Good night, folks, good night
everybody in Pattison.

Speaker 20 (01:45:02):
Listen next Thursday night at this time, but another great
Abbot Costello show produced and transcribing Hollywood. Be sure to
stay tuned for the outstanding entertainment which followsp evening on
this ABC station.

Speaker 7 (01:45:13):
Seventy seven years ago Bud Abbott and Lou Costello here
on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox. Visit our web
page at Classic Radio dot stream to support the podcast.

(01:45:36):
Learn about the different things you can purchase or do
to help our podcast very much. And one of the
things you can do to help your stomach is check
out Professor Bees's Digestive Aid a hero a digital end
of pure honey and Roman apith Aia support your gut
helped gently and effectively, and it is something that will

(01:45:59):
give you a great deal of help, and it also
will help us. Go to Classic Radio dot stream or
professorbees dot com link in the show notes link at
Classic Radio Dot stream promo code Wyat you say ten
percent the best deal possible for Professor Bees Digestive Aid.
Having up next the report on the Wighans.

Speaker 46 (01:46:26):
Civil Defenses Common Sense. This is Jonny James after nuclear attack.
Our radioactive fallout will be a potential threat to every
living thing. You can't hear, or smell or taste fallout.
Often you can't see it. So you must take shelter
and stay there until total it's safe to leave.

Speaker 7 (01:46:45):
We continue now on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cooks
on this Tuesday Memorial Day, with an episode of the
CBS Radio Workshop sixty nine years ago November eleventh, nineteen
fifty six, The Report of the Wiians. One would have
to call it a mockumentary because it's set six thousand
years in the future, looking at well.

Speaker 12 (01:47:08):
Today from Hollywood, the CBS Radio Workshop.

Speaker 52 (01:47:23):
This is Radio Rhodesia broadcasting on the Mega, micro and
Strato beams. We take you now to the Ethnical Museum
of Antiquity at Kenya and our correspondent din Our Gabe.

Speaker 17 (01:47:34):
Come in, din Our Gabe.

Speaker 52 (01:47:39):
Standby please, We are trying to get through Radio Rhodesia
to Dinar Gabe in Kenya. Come in, din Our Gabe.

Speaker 12 (01:47:49):
CBS Radio presents the CBS Radio Workshop, dedicated to Men's Imagination,
the Theater of the Mine. Some weeks ago, the works
presented a plide of Carrots, in which the novelist Robert
Nathan described the planet Venus as it might appear to
modern man. In the broadcast you are about to hear,

(01:48:10):
mister Nathan describes our culture as it might appear to
the men of six thousand years from now, based upon
the story in the current issue of Harper's Magazine. Here
is mister Nathan's report on the Wiians.

Speaker 45 (01:48:25):
This is din Oar Gebb speaking from the Great Hall
of the Ethnical Museum of Antiquity at Kenya. If my
voice sounds a little strange to you, it's because I've
become infected with the excitement of the scholars gathered here
to receive the reports from the field expeditions on the
Great West Continent. As you know, as part of the

(01:48:46):
worldwide celebration of this astrophysical year of seventy nine fifty
six a d. Teams of archaeologists have been working for
months in the tumuli or city mounds of the uninhabited continent.
Our staff correspondents are with them now at the tumulus
of nyok at cha Ago, at Los Angles, and at

(01:49:07):
Pound Laundry. In just a moment, you'll hear them in
person but first standing beside me at this microphone is
Rabahan Bollack, Chancellor of Education and curator of the museum.
Shraw Bollack, would you care to give our listeners some
hint as to what discoveries may be announced today?

Speaker 21 (01:49:26):
No stragheb that would be cheating.

Speaker 45 (01:49:28):
Yes, I suppose it would.

Speaker 6 (01:49:29):
But I will say this.

Speaker 21 (01:49:31):
I believe we all agree that we have come a
great distance in understanding the Wiands since the first artifacts
were dug up in the city mound of Boxton, or
as some prefer to pronounce it, Boston, nearly two hundred
years ago.

Speaker 45 (01:49:45):
They're the ones in this case, Helena, that's right, an.

Speaker 21 (01:49:48):
Ivory cross attached to some beads, and a rusted iron wheel,
apparently designed to run along some kind of track, but
alas scarcely enough upon which to postulate a culture or
pro direct civilization. And so for more than a century
the Great West Continent has kept its secret.

Speaker 45 (01:50:07):
But during that time other discoveries remained, were they not?

Speaker 23 (01:50:11):
Oh?

Speaker 21 (01:50:11):
Yes, From time to time, hunters, prospectors and other adventurers
returned from that deserted and forbidding land with fragments of scrolls,
but they were completely meaningless hieroglyphs until the discovery some
years ago of the talking disc of Oleans.

Speaker 6 (01:50:29):
Oleans.

Speaker 45 (01:50:30):
That's the city mound at the extreme south of the
Great West Continent, isn't it.

Speaker 21 (01:50:34):
Exactly at the mouth of the immensely wide dry river
the Misses. It was there in the winter of seventy
nine forty that an expedition under my esteemed colleague onn
Shui discovered the disk in an astonishing state of preservation.
Since the disc of Oleans gave us our first indication
of the identity of the people of We, I thought

(01:50:57):
perhaps it would not be inappropriate to hear it now.

Speaker 45 (01:51:00):
An excellent idea is that the original you have there?

Speaker 21 (01:51:03):
Oh my no, this is a copy, a transcription of it.
The original is never removed from the vaults of the museum,
but it is a faithful copy.

Speaker 53 (01:51:12):
Listen, now, Wiyans knows, and they AND's knows too down
deep in they in's hearts that Wians ain't gonna let
thy and tell us and how to run things down
here we all can manage usin's holifiers.

Speaker 6 (01:51:26):
But no, Dame you I get from the north, it's
gonna tell us it's nothing.

Speaker 45 (01:51:31):
Well, that's mighty interesting, srabolic, mighty interesting.

Speaker 19 (01:51:34):
But what does it mean?

Speaker 21 (01:51:36):
Well, its actual meaning is obscure. But don't you realize
that this human voice speaking to us from six thousand
years ago has uttered the sound of every letter symbol
in all the glyphs and scrolls we have discovered. We
know now, thanks to the great deductive scholarship of Srahan Shui,

(01:51:57):
that these people who so often ride their scrolls with
the letters U sa referred to themselves as Willan's. We
did not know how to pronounce USA prior to the
discovery of the disc of Orleans. Now we know that
U sans is incorrect and the symbols USA are properly

(01:52:18):
pronounced Wian.

Speaker 45 (01:52:20):
So thank you sra Bolk. I believe Srahan Shui is
at the city mound of Chago right now with our
radio Odiesia reporter Julai Benneker take it away, Hulai, thank
you to our game.

Speaker 54 (01:52:37):
This is Julai Benneker at the Chago Excavation and here
is the distinguished professor in Dean of the Advanced School
of Primitive Languages of king Ya University, Srahan Shui.

Speaker 55 (01:52:48):
Eh, greetings to my colleagues, in the field as well
as back home. This is indeed a great and proud
day for me. I have found another disc, just as
the talking disc at Orleans gave us this secret to
the Wiians language. I believe the singing disc of Chicago
may indicate what the music of the Wiians was.

Speaker 56 (01:53:07):
There seems to be an inscription on the disc shrash Wei.

Speaker 6 (01:53:11):
What does it say?

Speaker 21 (01:53:12):
It is somewhat unclear.

Speaker 55 (01:53:14):
The nearest I can make out, it says Blue Sway
Shoe by Avis Paisley sold a million copies.

Speaker 6 (01:53:24):
What does it mean?

Speaker 55 (01:53:25):
I haven't the slightest idea. But let's listen to the music.

Speaker 2 (01:53:30):
If it's one for the money for the show you
read an Ancle pen.

Speaker 17 (01:53:37):
Stable, the Blue Sways.

Speaker 55 (01:53:42):
That's music primitive, isn't it? Most rudimentary?

Speaker 56 (01:53:46):
Yes, but I'd hardly call it music.

Speaker 21 (01:53:48):
Hello, Punschwi, Hello French Wei? Can you hear me?

Speaker 23 (01:53:53):
Yes?

Speaker 17 (01:53:53):
Who is it?

Speaker 21 (01:53:54):
Bon Pollock and Kenya? Congratulations on your fine Oh thank
you my. But I'm afraid you're mistaken.

Speaker 55 (01:54:02):
I'm mistaken.

Speaker 21 (01:54:03):
Yes, that's not music. That's a religious ceremony.

Speaker 17 (01:54:07):
Ah.

Speaker 21 (01:54:08):
Yes, you have misread the inscription.

Speaker 6 (01:54:11):
It is not a vis Paysley.

Speaker 56 (01:54:14):
It must be the fus Fresley Freshly.

Speaker 21 (01:54:18):
Yes, don't you remember my translation of the n Yok
scroll regarding a great religious festival? I quote, and Freshley
threw his head back and commenced and did cause them
by rock and roll to give out cries and screams
loudly in the aisles and corridors, all in syncope. Unquote.

Speaker 55 (01:54:40):
Uh, you are writers always, robborleg I had thought it
was music.

Speaker 21 (01:54:44):
I doubt if the Wiians had any music, But your
find is more important, for it proves they had a religion.

Speaker 56 (01:54:52):
And now, after that unscheduled but exceedingly interesting interchange between
two longtime friends and associates, we continue report on the
Wiians from the far edge of the continent. Our next
pickup is from Loose Angles, or some translators prefer Loose Ankles,
at the edge of the Great Western Ocean. We take
you there now. The next voice you will hear will

(01:55:14):
be of our staff correspondent yush El Tebby.

Speaker 19 (01:55:20):
Thank you, June, Beneker and Chago.

Speaker 43 (01:55:22):
This is yusher Tebbi speaking to you from the excavations
near the bleak brown hills of Loose Angles. And here
beside me is the head of this particular expedition, and
the only woman scientists participating Stress bes Nef, the brilliant
dean of Advanced Femininity at the University of Zagora.

Speaker 31 (01:55:39):
Hello there.

Speaker 5 (01:55:40):
I was most interested in the comments Sarabahan Bolet just
made upon the religious significance of the find at the
Chago dig, because out here we too have come upon
objects which have for the first time led us to
believe that the Wians did indeed have a primitive religion.

Speaker 13 (01:55:56):
You are referring to the golden idols.

Speaker 5 (01:55:58):
Precisely repeatedly in the kitchen middens of smaller communities. Surrounding
loose angles, we have dug up these small gilded statues,
cast away among the pottery, shirds and other refuse. The
presence of so many of the golden fetishes indicates, beyond
a shadow of a doubt, the existence of a considerable
cult of Oscar, as our translation of certain scrolls proved

(01:56:22):
the god's name to be so. For several months we've
been searching for the temple of this God, particularly in
this area of holy wood, which by its very name
indicates that it was once a place of veneration and worship.
I believe I can safely report you to day that
we have unearthed the temple of Oscar. It is not

(01:56:43):
large as temples go, but it is distinguished from all
the others in archaeological history in one important respect. You see,
one expects to read the record of vanished races on
the walls or frescot ceilings of ancient temples. Here the
record has been placed on the floor. The court is
laid out in squares, and in each square are the

(01:57:05):
imprints of feet and hands and words.

Speaker 6 (01:57:08):
What did they signify?

Speaker 5 (01:57:09):
My specialty is archaeology, not hieroglyphs. But my guess is
that they were incantations to the god Askar. The footprints
were perhaps those of his priests, or perhaps sacrificial victims.

Speaker 31 (01:57:23):
Can you translate any of them?

Speaker 17 (01:57:25):
Well?

Speaker 45 (01:57:25):
I can try.

Speaker 5 (01:57:27):
Here's one that says glory ea swan song utter gibberish.

Speaker 19 (01:57:33):
Look at this one.

Speaker 6 (01:57:34):
There's the imprint of what looks like spectacles.

Speaker 5 (01:57:37):
Yes, that one says are old yoid. And there's one
which looks like a large human nose Jim Medore and em.

Speaker 43 (01:57:50):
Wouldn't that appear to indicate that these were sacrifices rather
than priests.

Speaker 31 (01:57:54):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (01:57:55):
Quite possibly, certainly some of them at least appear to
have been put through a humiliate ordeal to prove their
devotion to this ancient god.

Speaker 43 (01:58:03):
Ask car, thank you, sires Beznev, and now this is
your shair Tevy, returning you to Dinagab in Kenya. Back
once more at the Great Hall of Kenya Museum, shra
Bollock has been joined by his colleagues shrahap Bukong of
the lebya Academy of Geophysical Sciences.

Speaker 45 (01:58:23):
Whilst Raz, what do you think of the field reports
so far?

Speaker 21 (01:58:27):
Splendid? Splendid? They substantiate my theory that the Wiirans had
at least a semblance of culture.

Speaker 57 (01:58:34):
Srabolak, to me, your theory is as unconvincing as your
translation of the name of the Wiian capital pound laundry.

Speaker 21 (01:58:43):
Indeed, well, how else would you translate it. The glyph
for washing means laundry, and the Wian glyph ton stands
for a unit of wheight, hence pound pound laundry. You
couldn't say Washington. It wouldn't make any sense, though I
must confess we have never learned what was washed at

(01:59:04):
pound laundry.

Speaker 45 (01:59:05):
Yes, Whilstraz, this is most interesting, but I'm informed that
the expedition at the Annoch site is ready to make
its report. So we take you now to the silly
mound of Anyarch and our Radio Rhodesia correspondent Cowley D.

Speaker 55 (01:59:21):
Holy D, speaking from the Nyoch dig one hundred feet
below the surface. And believe me, sras and stresses, in
just a moment, you may be witnessing a great historic occasion.
But here's the head of the Anyoch expedition, Sra obergurst Levy,
to tell you about it himself.

Speaker 56 (01:59:36):
Thank you, Cowley D. We have been digging downward along
this gallery for nearly a week, and at last we
have arrived at the sealed door, which may well be
the entrance to a tomb. Above it is a glyph
which translates phonetically as may See's bargan basemant seems to

(01:59:59):
be meaningless. Nevertheless, we shall break through this door now
and attempt to describe to you what if anything we
find beyond. You may be in men, easy, very easy.

Speaker 22 (02:00:13):
What's that?

Speaker 58 (02:00:14):
I don't know, Sralibi. As soon as the glass door
was broken, there a warning.

Speaker 56 (02:00:18):
Perhaps it's frightening, Oh nonsense.

Speaker 58 (02:00:21):
I remember reading about what happened to the men who
violated the tools of the Egyptian pharaohs.

Speaker 56 (02:00:25):
Do you really think these winds can reach out across
six thousand years in harmouth? No, Srah, not really, But
still one wonders proceeds with the opening.

Speaker 45 (02:00:36):
Yes, Rah, what do you think you may find here?

Speaker 17 (02:00:40):
I have no idea throw life down there?

Speaker 13 (02:00:46):
Whoa h what is it we should see?

Speaker 19 (02:00:49):
Come?

Speaker 46 (02:00:57):
Yes?

Speaker 56 (02:00:59):
Yes, it is indeed a toomb a tomb?

Speaker 17 (02:01:02):
Yes?

Speaker 56 (02:01:03):
Look will you look on these rex here garments, strained
ancient garments, coats of fur, cabalistic symbols one nine, eight,
reduce from two to five.

Speaker 55 (02:01:23):
Yes, and over there tiny effiges, tiny wagons, and here bold.

Speaker 56 (02:01:28):
And cooking pots in perfect condition.

Speaker 13 (02:01:30):
There appear to be more chambers beyond.

Speaker 56 (02:01:32):
Is there any indication of sarkophagui or mummies?

Speaker 13 (02:01:36):
None so far stra mummies.

Speaker 56 (02:01:39):
Yes, yes. You will recall that it was the custom
of many ancient people to bury their kings, along with
their retinue and their household goods, to assure them comfort
and companionship in the next world. The Egyptians were most
advanced in these matters up until now.

Speaker 55 (02:01:54):
I'm afraid I don't follow you completely, so a Levi,
And I'm sure our listeners would like a further explanation.

Speaker 56 (02:01:59):
Old me, dear me, we are on the air, aren't we.
I've quite forgotten. Excuse me, swras and stresses. I've been
carried away by the amazing significance of this find. We
have obviously penetrated the tomb of a great king, Pharaoh, president,
whichever translation you prefer of.

Speaker 13 (02:02:17):
The wiiands a ruler named may see. Excuse me, SRaw
Obergers Levi.

Speaker 56 (02:02:23):
You have found the nunning may see.

Speaker 33 (02:02:24):
No.

Speaker 58 (02:02:25):
But in this next chamber something most strange. Great eyes come,
great eyes.

Speaker 55 (02:02:33):
This is indeed a strange and wonderful side rasen stresses.
We are moving now from the main chamber of the
tomb into a side chamber. And now our light beams
are reflected by rows and rows of gigantic glass eyes,
each in its own polished box. What are they, SRaw
Oblgers Levy.

Speaker 56 (02:02:54):
I don't know. Each of them has a dial with
numbers on it. Now let me see the dial is
numbered from one to thirteen. Of mystic significance, no doubt, Ah.

Speaker 55 (02:03:07):
Returns, yes, but nothing happened, true, But.

Speaker 56 (02:03:11):
We are not Wians. These strange cyclopian boxes must have
held great significance for them.

Speaker 13 (02:03:17):
See SRALIVI. Here on the wall is a glyph.

Speaker 56 (02:03:21):
Oh, yes, yes, nineteen fifty six more del c b. S.
Tel E V's on utterly meaningless.

Speaker 58 (02:03:35):
But see the pictograph. A Weian and his she Wians
sit before the box, and in the box is the
face of another Wian.

Speaker 56 (02:03:43):
Yes, indeed, then they wear eyes of some sort.

Speaker 55 (02:03:46):
But did the Wians watch the eye or did the
eye watch the Wians?

Speaker 56 (02:03:51):
These are questions that any exhaustive research can answer.

Speaker 55 (02:03:54):
But Raleivic, can you hazard a guess why so many
of these eyes have been put in the tomb of
the potent tape? May see a.

Speaker 56 (02:04:01):
Guess, yes, but only a guess. He must have been
a man so vain that even after death he wished
to watch through these eyes what his people were doing,
or he wished through these eyes that his people could
watch him. Who knows?

Speaker 31 (02:04:16):
Oh?

Speaker 37 (02:04:16):
Who?

Speaker 55 (02:04:17):
Indeed? And now, sah obulgerst Levy, would you say that
the discovery of this tomb of Macy overshadows in importance
your unearthing of the Great Lintel and your translation of
its message, which has indicated how the Wiens met their end?

Speaker 56 (02:04:30):
Geed I would.

Speaker 55 (02:04:31):
We had hoped to broadcast from the site of the temple,
but of course we can't be two places at once.

Speaker 56 (02:04:36):
No, no, no, no, we can't. But Sra Bahan Bolek
back home at the museum already has my report on
the temple's inscription. I'm sure he will be glad to
give it. Frankly, I am unwilling to tear myself away
from all these ancient splendors.

Speaker 55 (02:04:51):
I quite understand s rale Avi. So this is Kowley
d at the tomb of Macy and n Yok returning
you to the Kine Museum and Dinageb.

Speaker 45 (02:05:01):
Thank you Khalidy and srah obergerst Levy for an exciting
remote And now, Sra Bahan Bolak, I wonder if you'd
be good enough to follow srah Levy's suggestion suggestion, yes,
the report on the temple inscription at Anyak.

Speaker 21 (02:05:16):
Yes, of course, I must confess I was so carried
away with the magnitude of this newest find i'd quite forgotten.
Well now for the other great discovery, a srah oblgerst Levy,
we now have definite proof of how the weins perished
for weeks. Srah oblgerst Levy has been excavating a great

(02:05:39):
temple not far from where he has now discovered the
tomb of may Se. Last week he gave me in
all confidence the intelligence he has now asked me to divulge.
On the lintel of this temple, he has found this
fragmentary glyph, which he translates as follows, snow, nor rain,

(02:06:00):
nor gloom of night their appointed rounds. That it's pretty obscure, well,
Swabu Kong, it is incomplete. Some of the hieroglyphs are missing.

Speaker 57 (02:06:13):
Their appointed rounds.

Speaker 31 (02:06:15):
What does that mean?

Speaker 21 (02:06:17):
At first, you must realize, Frabu Kon, that the R
and the W are readily interchangeable in both the Hittite
and the Hivite languages. You will then admit this may
be so in the ancient Wean.

Speaker 13 (02:06:29):
Language for the sake of argument.

Speaker 21 (02:06:31):
Very well, then, instead of their appointed rounds, the phrase
may well mean there pointed wounds?

Speaker 31 (02:06:40):
May it not?

Speaker 22 (02:06:41):
It might?

Speaker 57 (02:06:42):
But what about the rest of it?

Speaker 21 (02:06:43):
Were the word nor can be considered noth and the
word gloom could be translated doom and night fright, then
what have you gone? The tragic story of the end
of the winds Snow, the North rain, the North, doom
of fright. They're pointed wounds. In other words, invaders from

(02:07:10):
the north have annihilated the inhabitants.

Speaker 57 (02:07:13):
That sounds pretty climb to me.

Speaker 21 (02:07:16):
Not when you remember the talking disc of Orleans. Let
me recall those historic and prophetic words.

Speaker 45 (02:07:23):
To you were no rot and wan, we are gonna
gain I'll dam magi Romano's gonna tell us no him.

Speaker 21 (02:07:31):
Notice the obvious reference to the enemy damn Yankee from
the north. Oh no, there's no question about it. North snow,
north rain, doom of fright. Yes, the winds perished by
the wounds of the north.

Speaker 57 (02:07:47):
But tell me this then, Sroboli. How did they have
time to inscribe this account of their annihilation on a
great marble temple before they were annihilated.

Speaker 13 (02:07:57):
But that's the obvious part of it.

Speaker 21 (02:07:59):
We know that Enyok was the most populous city in
the Great West continent, and why because at the end
it was bursting with refugees. One by one, the great
cities fell to the doom of fright from the north, Chago,
Loose Angles or Ankles, Orleans Pound Laundry. Enyach An Island

(02:08:23):
Bastion was the last to fall. Knowing the fate of
the others, the Wiians built this temple and inscribed upon
its great lintel their fate, so that we who came
later might understand what happened to them.

Speaker 17 (02:08:39):
Eh.

Speaker 57 (02:08:39):
Yes, sounds reasonable.

Speaker 13 (02:08:41):
There is one more question.

Speaker 57 (02:08:43):
What is that we have read much in their scrolls
of a city more important than any of those we
have excavated.

Speaker 6 (02:08:51):
Milltown?

Speaker 13 (02:08:52):
Yes, Milltown? What about mill Town?

Speaker 21 (02:08:57):
Our expeditions have searched and searched, but they have found
no trace of a city called Milltown.

Speaker 57 (02:09:05):
Strange exceeding strange.

Speaker 21 (02:09:09):
Yes, I dare say we will never know anything more
about the Winds, but we now know enough to evaluate
them as a minor culture with a rudimentary religion, devoted
to a god named Oscar, who was worshiped by rocking
and rolling. They enjoyed their brief moment in history, established

(02:09:32):
their hegemony in the land of Wei by killing off
the Aborigines. They evidently built their empire, such as it was,
by the sword, and when the sword rusted, they died
by another's even as Egypt and Babylon and Greece and Rome,
leaving behind them curious city mounds, a splendid tomb, and

(02:09:57):
no music.

Speaker 31 (02:10:00):
Transit.

Speaker 19 (02:10:02):
Gloria Williams.

Speaker 45 (02:10:04):
Thank you Shah bahan Bolek, and thanks also to our scientists, archaeologists,
commentators and announcers who have made possible this report on
the Willians, the greatest single event of this astrophysical year
of seventy nine fifty six AD. This is Dinar Gebb
speaking to you from the Great Hall of the Ethnical

(02:10:25):
Museum of Antiquity at Kenya, returning you to the main
studios of Radio Rhodesia.

Speaker 12 (02:10:40):
The CBS Radio Workshop is produced and directed in Hollywood
by William N. Robson. Report on the Willians by Robert
Nathan appears in the current issue of Harper's Magazine. The
radio version was written by mister Robeson and friend van Hardisfeldt.
The scientists and commentators of six thousand Years from Now
include June Foray, Byron Kine, Dawes Butler, Edgar Barrier, Jane Novello,

(02:11:04):
Joe Karns, Joe DeSantis, and Hans Conrad.

Speaker 6 (02:11:08):
Next week from New.

Speaker 12 (02:11:09):
York, the CBS Radio Workshop will present The Growth of
Our Nation, the story of the development of America told
in sound effects. Be with us, then, won't you? Every
Sunday evening, current events come into sharper focus as prominent
Washington personalities are interviewed by a battery of top flight
reporters on the CBS Public affairs feature Face the Nation. Here,

(02:11:32):
Face the Nation over most of these same stations tonight,
stay tuned for Suspense, which follows immediately over most of
these same stations.

Speaker 7 (02:12:00):
Years ago November eleventh, nineteen fifty six, persetracting events that
may take place five thousand years from now, Report on
the Wiians here on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox.
We wrap up this Tuesday podcast with an episode of Claudia.

Speaker 4 (02:12:18):
In a moment.

Speaker 6 (02:12:25):
Lesson Men learn through civil Defense.

Speaker 17 (02:12:28):
This is Johnny Cash.

Speaker 3 (02:12:29):
I'd like all of you to remember that America can
withstand enemy attack if we support the emergency plans of
our community and learn to help ourselves. Make sure you're prepared.
Contact your local civil defense office today.

Speaker 7 (02:12:45):
And now we roll back to November eleventh, nineteen forty seven.
This Classic Radio Theater winds up this edition of the
podcast with an episode of Claudia on Armist This Day.

Speaker 19 (02:12:58):
You're a Coca Cola bottler.

Speaker 20 (02:13:00):
Claudia Claudia based on the original stories by Rose Franklin,
brought to you, transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly
neighbor who bottles Coca Cola. Relax and while you're listening,

(02:13:23):
refresh yourself.

Speaker 19 (02:13:24):
Have a coke. And now, Claudia.

Speaker 37 (02:13:45):
Say, David, you're awake. Is it Sunday?

Speaker 31 (02:13:50):
No, that's Tuesday.

Speaker 37 (02:13:52):
That's what I thought, Say David, I've been thinking how
much longer is our lease here?

Speaker 31 (02:13:58):
Oof? Two months?

Speaker 37 (02:14:01):
Then we'll have to move?

Speaker 31 (02:14:02):
Brilliant?

Speaker 37 (02:14:03):
And where are we moving to?

Speaker 31 (02:14:05):
I have no idea, that's just it.

Speaker 37 (02:14:06):
We move in two months and we have no place
to move to.

Speaker 31 (02:14:09):
My heart bleeds for me.

Speaker 37 (02:14:10):
Well aren't you concerned at all?

Speaker 59 (02:14:12):
Well, certainly I am, but it's not the most important
thing in the world by a long shot.

Speaker 21 (02:14:18):
Well it is to me.

Speaker 37 (02:14:19):
And I'm going to find an apartment today.

Speaker 31 (02:14:21):
And where is this apartment you're planning to find today?

Speaker 37 (02:14:24):
Not far from here. Mama called last night after you
were in bed with your cold. She said she heard
about a house that was just started to be reconverted,
be ready in about two months. What do you think
of that?

Speaker 31 (02:14:35):
I think that's pretty wonderful.

Speaker 37 (02:14:36):
You don't look as if you thought it. You look
as though you had something else on your mind, not a.

Speaker 31 (02:14:41):
Thing, not a thing on my mind.

Speaker 37 (02:14:43):
But you say I've got a hurry. I want to
leave with you so I can be the first person there.

Speaker 31 (02:14:49):
Oh, there'll be a traffic jam in the bathroom.

Speaker 37 (02:14:51):
No, there won't. I'll go put on the coffee while
you brush your teeth. Then I can brush my teeth
while you get dressed.

Speaker 19 (02:14:56):
Good. Good.

Speaker 37 (02:14:57):
And let's say, David, do you mind if I squeeze
a can to day? It'll be faster than oranges.

Speaker 31 (02:15:01):
No, I don't mind.

Speaker 22 (02:15:03):
Just so you take out all the pits out of
the label, I'll use this trainer.

Speaker 37 (02:15:07):
Oh and David, be sure you wear a warm suit,
and please be careful today.

Speaker 59 (02:15:12):
I won't sit down in puddles, I won't wade through drafts.
I won't get warm, I won't get cold.

Speaker 31 (02:15:17):
How's that it.

Speaker 37 (02:15:17):
Sounds pretty good, say David. Listen, if if we were
to get this apartment, it'd be the sort of thing
that doesn't happen to people. But it's got to happen
to somebody, so I might as well happen to us.
Don't you think, David, you haven't been listening to a
word I said.

Speaker 31 (02:15:35):
What's that. Oh, sure, sure, I didn't miss a thing.

Speaker 22 (02:15:39):
What did I say?

Speaker 31 (02:15:40):
Well, you said you didn't listen, No, darling, I didn't.
My mind wandered off a minute, Darling, what were you
thinking of? Nothing? Nothing special?

Speaker 28 (02:15:54):
Is anything wrong?

Speaker 8 (02:15:55):
No?

Speaker 31 (02:15:56):
Why should anything be wrong?

Speaker 21 (02:15:57):
I don't know.

Speaker 37 (02:15:58):
Ever since we got out this morning, you seem to
be thinking of something else. You only listen to half
of what I said.

Speaker 31 (02:16:04):
Well, I catched the other half the second time around, and.

Speaker 37 (02:16:08):
You're already excited about the apartment the way I thought
you'd be.

Speaker 31 (02:16:10):
I'll get excited when and if we get it.

Speaker 37 (02:16:13):
Oh, I'd rather be excited now, because then if we
don't get it, I I've had all the fun beforehand.

Speaker 31 (02:16:18):
Anyway, that's one way of looking at it. Well, I
am ready for breakfast.

Speaker 21 (02:16:22):
I don't know.

Speaker 37 (02:16:23):
You still don't look right to me.

Speaker 31 (02:16:24):
What's the matter now? I tie crooked? No, it's your
face crooked. No different, not like you.

Speaker 37 (02:16:32):
You're sure your cold's all right?

Speaker 31 (02:16:33):
My cold is doing fine.

Speaker 28 (02:16:35):
Hey, let me feel your for it.

Speaker 31 (02:16:36):
You get away from my forehead.

Speaker 37 (02:16:37):
I was only gonna feel.

Speaker 31 (02:16:39):
I thought I was gonna have to wasn't gonna have
to wait for you?

Speaker 6 (02:16:41):
You won't have to.

Speaker 37 (02:16:42):
I'll tie my shoes with my toast.

Speaker 20 (02:16:44):
That'll be attractive.

Speaker 37 (02:16:45):
The coffee should be ready by now.

Speaker 28 (02:16:47):
Oh, David, please smile.

Speaker 37 (02:16:50):
I haven't seen you smile all morning.

Speaker 31 (02:16:52):
How's this not very good? You look like a pumpkin.
Don't you like pumpkins? I like pumpkins, all right, but
I like you better.

Speaker 37 (02:17:01):
I like You'll be happy, especially in the mornings.

Speaker 59 (02:17:04):
Didn't give me my coffee and my toast and your
boots and your saddle?

Speaker 49 (02:17:16):
Uh?

Speaker 45 (02:17:16):
Please?

Speaker 37 (02:17:16):
Can you tell me who I ask about?

Speaker 22 (02:17:18):
An apartment in this house?

Speaker 6 (02:17:20):
Lady?

Speaker 22 (02:17:20):
We've only just begun. There ain't no apartments here?

Speaker 40 (02:17:23):
But there will be, won't there?

Speaker 22 (02:17:25):
Sure there will be in time. We just started on
the job.

Speaker 37 (02:17:28):
Well, how big are the apartment's gonna be?

Speaker 22 (02:17:30):
Two rooms? Three rooms? In four rooms?

Speaker 26 (02:17:32):
Four rooms?

Speaker 37 (02:17:33):
Can you uh tell me how much erenni is?

Speaker 22 (02:17:35):
Look, lady, I'm just the builder. I make apartments, I
don't rent them.

Speaker 37 (02:17:39):
Well, isn't there anybody here I can talk to you
about it?

Speaker 22 (02:17:41):
Sure she's right here and I'll call her for you.

Speaker 37 (02:17:44):
Thank you, thank you very much.

Speaker 22 (02:17:45):
Hey, Soper, guess what somebody wants to see you about?

Speaker 17 (02:17:49):
An apartment?

Speaker 34 (02:17:51):
Say?

Speaker 37 (02:17:51):
You sound as though there have been a lot of
people ahead of me already.

Speaker 22 (02:17:54):
You didn't think you'd be the first, did you?

Speaker 37 (02:17:57):
WHOA Yes, lady, I'm waiting to see the superintendent.

Speaker 40 (02:18:02):
I will help you.

Speaker 28 (02:18:04):
I am the superintendent.

Speaker 37 (02:18:06):
Oh, I thought she'd be a man.

Speaker 31 (02:18:08):
I live here.

Speaker 17 (02:18:09):
I used to be the cook.

Speaker 28 (02:18:10):
Now they are making over the house and I am
watching over and you live here. With all this noise
going on, it is quiet at night.

Speaker 37 (02:18:17):
Oh you know, I never realized that a house could
have so much undone and still stand up.

Speaker 28 (02:18:24):
They are only just beginning. You have come about an apartment.

Speaker 37 (02:18:29):
Huh, there's a lot of people before me.

Speaker 28 (02:18:31):
I guess yes, But it is foolish. This house is
not finished, maybe for six months.

Speaker 37 (02:18:36):
Well, I know, but I thought I could make a
reservation for one.

Speaker 51 (02:18:39):
Could you tell me about them? Two rooms, three rooms,
four rooms more? I cannot tell, but I will give
you address of the man who sells them.

Speaker 22 (02:18:48):
Who sells them?

Speaker 28 (02:18:49):
You mean your ransom? Oh no, they sell these apartments cooperative.
You buy them and you own them.

Speaker 37 (02:18:56):
Oh, it's that kind of a house.

Speaker 28 (02:18:59):
You don't want to buy a partner.

Speaker 37 (02:19:02):
No, if I was gonna buy something, i'd buy a house.
We only want to rent.

Speaker 28 (02:19:07):
I'm sorry that you will not find here.

Speaker 37 (02:19:10):
I thought it was too good to be true.

Speaker 28 (02:19:12):
You look some more, you will.

Speaker 40 (02:19:13):
Find I've been looking.

Speaker 21 (02:19:14):
You know.

Speaker 37 (02:19:15):
It's not so easy.

Speaker 28 (02:19:16):
No, no, nothing is so easy these days.

Speaker 37 (02:19:19):
I'm afraid not well. Anyway, we don't have to really
worry for two months.

Speaker 28 (02:19:24):
That's good.

Speaker 37 (02:19:26):
Look at all those soldiers. There must be a parade.

Speaker 35 (02:19:29):
Oh.

Speaker 51 (02:19:29):
Look, they're so young, and they were uniforms too. March
and he parade for a war they hardly know about.

Speaker 37 (02:19:38):
You mean the First war?

Speaker 51 (02:19:40):
Yes, our mistics day is for the first war, so
they will march. Most of them look too young to
fight even in the last.

Speaker 37 (02:19:51):
War, but not too young to be in the army.

Speaker 28 (02:19:53):
No, men marched to the first war, then to another war.
Now men march. Most of these boys are too young
to have anything to remember.

Speaker 37 (02:20:06):
I'm afraid I am too.

Speaker 28 (02:20:09):
Was your husband in the war?

Speaker 17 (02:20:10):
Oh?

Speaker 37 (02:20:10):
I wasn't married to him during the war. I was lucky,
wasn't I It was all over when we met.

Speaker 28 (02:20:17):
You were lucky, yes, And I wasn't around for.

Speaker 37 (02:20:20):
The first war. Seems like I just got under the rope.
Both times.

Speaker 51 (02:20:25):
I got into the rope, Like you say, both times,
my husband, my son twice wars twice my men.

Speaker 6 (02:20:35):
They go.

Speaker 31 (02:20:36):
How awful.

Speaker 37 (02:20:39):
I suppose it's something you never get used to saying
good bye?

Speaker 28 (02:20:44):
Never now. I tried to get used to being lonesome
all the time.

Speaker 6 (02:20:53):
Lonesome.

Speaker 37 (02:20:54):
You shouldn't be lonesome now unless, oh no, that couldn't
have happened.

Speaker 28 (02:21:01):
Yes, it happened force my husband. Then thirty years later,
my boy in the Pacific, the Solomon Islands. It is
the place I never even heard of before. And every
year is Armistice.

Speaker 60 (02:21:20):
Day for all the wibes who are not wives, all
the mothers who are not mothers, all the sweethearts who
have no sweethearts.

Speaker 28 (02:21:33):
I think I'd have died if that had happened to me. No,
you would not. One lives, One is left behind to live.

Speaker 31 (02:21:43):
Someone must live.

Speaker 28 (02:21:44):
Who cannot forget, who remembers not only an Armistice Day,
but and all the long days of the year.

Speaker 37 (02:21:55):
And if there are enough people who who can't forget,
who are that way, and we won't have any more words.

Speaker 51 (02:22:03):
And you are young to say that you have a
young hope. And now I pray that you keep your husband,
and you keep your son.

Speaker 37 (02:22:13):
Makes me feel as if I didn't have any right
to them.

Speaker 28 (02:22:16):
Or you have the right, and you must keep the right.

Speaker 61 (02:22:21):
You must say to yourself, see all these young men,
I want them to be very old men, to live
and to live together side by side.

Speaker 28 (02:22:36):
If this comes to be, you will never have my
loneliness and my sickness in your heart?

Speaker 17 (02:22:56):
Are yeh?

Speaker 31 (02:22:58):
Aio?

Speaker 19 (02:22:58):
When we move?

Speaker 6 (02:23:00):
Hey?

Speaker 31 (02:23:01):
Isn't anyone here? Hey? When do we move?

Speaker 32 (02:23:05):
Oh?

Speaker 37 (02:23:05):
David, I'm so glad you're home. Hello, We're not moving.
They were selling apartments, not renting them.

Speaker 31 (02:23:10):
Disappointed, No, it's not important. Since when?

Speaker 37 (02:23:15):
Since today? Darling? How's your cold?

Speaker 31 (02:23:18):
Much better?

Speaker 6 (02:23:20):
Oh?

Speaker 37 (02:23:20):
David, take care of yourself. Don't let anything happen to
your promise.

Speaker 38 (02:23:24):
Hee?

Speaker 31 (02:23:25):
Hey, what are you so solemn about?

Speaker 37 (02:23:28):
David? Why didn't you tell me this morning it was
armis to stay?

Speaker 6 (02:23:31):
Oh?

Speaker 37 (02:23:32):
How could you let me go round not knowing?

Speaker 31 (02:23:35):
It isn't something that somebody could tell you about, Darling. Besides,
you had so many other things on your mind.

Speaker 37 (02:23:43):
I don't see how I could have forgotten, except I
didn't have a chance to look at the papers, and
there was the apartment, and I'd forgotten about the bells. Ringing.

Speaker 31 (02:23:53):
Look, Darling, nobody's scolding you.

Speaker 37 (02:23:55):
I'm scolding myself.

Speaker 31 (02:23:57):
No reason to.

Speaker 37 (02:23:58):
You knew this morning that was the look on your face,
and that that's why you weren't more excited about things.
And I going on as if nothing had happened.

Speaker 31 (02:24:08):
Well, nothing has happened, don that's just the point.

Speaker 37 (02:24:11):
Nothing has happened to me. So Armistice Day has just
been something left over from the last war.

Speaker 59 (02:24:17):
Look, I didn't expect you to feel anything about it,
or I would have said something.

Speaker 31 (02:24:23):
You weren't born in the first war and you were
just twelve and this one.

Speaker 37 (02:24:27):
Started so but you were old enough, and you remember
this morning.

Speaker 59 (02:24:30):
See here, Dolly, you can't kick yourself because you just
happened to be born a little too late.

Speaker 37 (02:24:36):
But if I wasn't, just think how one morning, just
like this morning, you'd have gotten out of bed, said goodbye,
gone away someplace I'd never even heard of before, and
then maybe not. I can't even say.

Speaker 31 (02:24:55):
It, David. Don't say it, Dolly. You don't have to.

Speaker 37 (02:25:00):
Yes, I do.

Speaker 57 (02:25:01):
I do.

Speaker 37 (02:25:02):
When others dead and gave and lived through so much, Wife,
I didn't even know exactly where some of the places
we fought out were.

Speaker 31 (02:25:12):
You learned a great deal today, Claudia.

Speaker 28 (02:25:16):
I grew up a little today, David.

Speaker 31 (02:25:18):
Well, that's more than many people do in a lifetime.

Speaker 37 (02:25:22):
No, for a while it made me feel as if
i'd lost you.

Speaker 31 (02:25:27):
I won't forget that.

Speaker 37 (02:25:29):
Made me a part of everything that's passed.

Speaker 41 (02:25:33):
Here, Darling, read this a few lines written by a
great man, and you'll see just how much you have learned.
It can be our moment of silence. Here here's the
place you read it to me, Darling. All right, listen,

(02:26:00):
No man is an island in tire of itself. Every
man is a peace of the continent, a part of
the mainland.

Speaker 42 (02:26:13):
Ah.

Speaker 59 (02:26:15):
If a clod be washed away by the sea, the
continent is the less. Any man's death diminishes me because
I am involved in mankind, and therefore never seek to know.

Speaker 31 (02:26:38):
For whom the bell tolls.

Speaker 13 (02:26:42):
It tolls for thee.

Speaker 20 (02:27:04):
This transcribe program of Claudia was brought to you by
your friendly neighbor, who bottles Coca Cola, and who thanks
you for the privilege of joining your observance of this
Armistice Day.

Speaker 7 (02:27:44):
Seventy eight years ago. November eleventh, nineteen forty seven, Claudia
on Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cogs a mixed bag
of shows tomorrow with the conclusion of Earth Abides, an
episode of Escape from the seventy five years years ago,
Jimmy Duranty and Dorothy Lamour from seventy eight years ago,

(02:28:05):
and the Chasing Sanborn Hour with Rudy Valley, Charlie McCarthy,
Edgar Burgh and Jean Arthur, Alan Marshall and Vera Veig Again.
Of course we can't leave out Mortimer Snurd and another
episode of Claudia. That's all coming up on our Wednesday
edition of the program. We'll see you then. Have yourself

(02:28:25):
a great Tuesday, and remember the people who gave their
lives for this nation's continued survival on this Armistice Day
or Veteran's Day. We continue now and have yourself a
great day. We'll see you tomorrow for more Classic Radio Theater.
I'm Wyatt Cox.

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