June 2, 2023 • 42 mins
Fibber McGee and Molly, originally broadcast June 3, 1947, Citizenship Test. Fibber has no birth certificate, so he's going to study for his citizenship papers. Also Lum and Abner, originally broadcast June 3, 1935, They boys argue over the theater name. What to name the new movie theater? About about "The Pine Ridge Planetarium?"
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Heard on almost 100 radio stations from coast to coast.
Classic Radio Theater features great radio programs that warmed the hearts of millions for the better part of the 20th century. Host Wyatt Cox brings the best of radio classics back to life with both the passion of a long-time (as in more than half a century) fan and the heart of a forty-year newsman. But more than just “playing the hits”, Wyatt supplements the first hour of each day’s show with historical information on the day and date in history including audio that takes you back to World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. FDR, Eisenhower, JFK, Reagan, Carter, Nixon, LBJ. It’s a true slice of life from not just radio’s past, but America’s past.
Wyatt produces 21 hours a week of freshly minted Classic Radio Theater presentations each week, and each day’s broadcast is timely and entertaining!
#Classic-Radio #Old-Time-Radio #Comedy #Fibber-McGee-And-Molly #Lum-and-Abner
Visit my web page - http://www.classicradio.stream
We receive no revenue from YouTube. If you enjoy our shows, listen via the links on our web page or if you're so inclined, Buy me a coffee!
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/wyattcoxelA
Heard on almost 100 radio stations from coast to coast.
Classic Radio Theater features great radio programs that warmed the hearts of millions for the better part of the 20th century. Host Wyatt Cox brings the best of radio classics back to life with both the passion of a long-time (as in more than half a century) fan and the heart of a forty-year newsman. But more than just “playing the hits”, Wyatt supplements the first hour of each day’s show with historical information on the day and date in history including audio that takes you back to World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. FDR, Eisenhower, JFK, Reagan, Carter, Nixon, LBJ. It’s a true slice of life from not just radio’s past, but America’s past.
Wyatt produces 21 hours a week of freshly minted Classic Radio Theater presentations each week, and each day’s broadcast is timely and entertaining!
#Classic-Radio #Old-Time-Radio #Comedy #Fibber-McGee-And-Molly #Lum-and-Abner
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Now the greatest radio shows up alltime, A Shadow Washington, David hunting
Count, Classic Radio Theater, thegreat Fiber McGhee and Molly Gun a lone
Ranger. Now step back into atime machine. It's your host, why
(00:33):
Itt Cocks. Good evening this hour. We're gonna start off. I'm gonna
travel around the country. A littlelater we're gonna head to Arkansas. But
right now we're going to head toWistful Vista seventy nine to be precise and
see what's going on in the householdof Fiber McGee and Molly. And it
(00:55):
looks like Fiber has misplaced something veryvery important. The Johnson Wax Program with
Fiber, McGhee and Molly, Themakers of Johnson's Wax products for home and
industry present Fiber, McGee and Mollywith Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur
(01:17):
K. Bryan and me Harlow Wilcox. The script is by Don Quinn and
Phil Leslie, music by The Kingsmanand Billie Mills Orchestra. When you come
across one of those how much doyou know quizzes in a magazine, there
(01:38):
are three ways you can play it. One the smart way skip past and
pretend you didn't see it too,The snyde way, turn right to the
answers, and three the honest way, Get a pencil, sit down and
make up bum of the editors likemissus McGhee a fiber McGhee and Molly let
(02:04):
me see. Number seven. Whatkind of fur is used to make felt?
Yeah, that's a trick question,Kitto, don't let them fool you.
Felt has made out of old hats. They grind them up. I
think it's rabbit fur. I'll putthat down. Rabbit fur. Well,
don't say I didn't warn your snookie. Question eight, what does the chemical
formula for water? If they meanour city water? That's easy. One
(02:24):
part mud, three part bubbles,and enough chlorine to calcimine. Paul Whiteman.
Water is hydrogen, two parts oxygenH two. Oh, it's part
right, bubbles is oxygen. Questionnine, what was Woodrow Wilson's first name?
Skip that one, it's too easy, Woodrow. It was Thomas Thomas
(02:46):
Woodrow Wilson. Oh, Tom,Yeah, sure. And the last question,
where does quinine come from the drugstore? I think it's the bark
of the cinchona tree. O.Let me see now, answers on page
eighty three. Here we are Heavenlydays one. I answered them all right,
(03:08):
dearie, And all those questions werevery simple. Of course, you
know what I did in this veryroom last Monday night. Yes, you
upset your root beer all over thefloor. I listened to Doctor i Q.
And if i'd have been in histheater audience that night, I'd have
one twenty three boxes of Snickers.That's what they give the losers. Dearie,
(03:31):
You're not a loser if you winsomething by George. One of these
days I'll get on information please too, and just wait to ask me to
finish that poem about the boy stoodon the burning deck? Can you finish
it? I'll say I can.The boy stood on the burning deck whence
all but him had flew towards acattle boat, and he set it a
fire because he wanted a barbecue.And have to ask me anything about Shakespeare,
(03:59):
I'll say, man, oh,it's mere latriv you do come in
your honor, good day, money, Hello McGhee high a political don't tell
us you come straight from the cityhall, because nobody ever did. That's
one man's opinion, and I'll takeit for what it's worth, which is
practically nothing. Did you vote inthe recent municipal elections McGhee? He did
(04:19):
not, mister me Well, Iwas too busy Latriv. The hinge broke
on my fishing tackle box, andI was all over town trying to find
a welder. I see you're thetype of type of citizen who'd rather cast
aspersions than votes. But you can'ttappen my spirits today. I just came
from Federal court, where I hada very happy experience acquitted. Were you
(04:45):
what were you up for, latrivdrawing p thirty eight on three cent stamps
and using them for air mail.I wasn't up for anything. I was
in court as a character witnessed insome citizenship proceedings. I never saw a
happier group of people. Oh,it must mean a lot to them to
be citizens. Should it means alot to me to be a citizen too?
Can you prove you are a citizen? McGhee. I don't have to
(05:08):
prove it. I was born inthe United States. May I see your
birth certificate? We asn't any mistermayn. It was destroyed when the courthouse
burned down in nineteen sixteen. Reallywell, don't come to me for help
when they start deportation proceedings, McGhee, deportation proceedings. I'm a United States
(05:31):
citizen. They can't deportake me,can they? How about you, Molly,
Have you anything to prove your citizenship? Oh? Yes, I have
a passport. I was going toEurope ONTs, but I found out how
much it would cost and I didn'tgo. Well, a passport is proof
enough. You're in the clear.Hey, Now wait a minute. You
(05:51):
mean the government can send me awaysimply because I got no papers to prove
that I your kid? Aren't youlittred? He's kidding, isn't he?
Molly? For goodness sakes, dearhe stop worrying. What if they do
send you away, you can alwayscome in again on the quarter. On
the quarter, I'll meet you EllisIsland with some sandwiches. Gee, who
(06:17):
is I? Oh? This isall a joke, isn't it. It
wasn't a joke to the people whogot their papers this morning, McGhee.
They really studied to pass that examination. I'll study. I'll study like everything.
I'll run down there some morning andpass the test, just to be
safe. How about it? Thefifth. You know the judge pass the
word that I'm just doing it forfunzi. He'll go along with the gag
(06:39):
and I'll have my papers. I'llsee what I can do. You being
judge Creaker's caught this afternoon at fiveMcGhee, I'll put in a word for
you. Good day. Well isthis on the level kittle? Oh my
gosh. If I funk the test, what if they hey, wait a
(07:00):
minute, how can they deport me? Where they deport me? Too?
A good question. If I ain'ta citizen, then I ain't from any
place. Well in that case,Darry, I believe they just haul you
around on a ship all the time. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
That's for me, travel and seethe world. Maybe we can get
him to deport you with me andwe could just cruise to lacasm Oh.
I just thought of something. Ican't let him deport me. Now.
(07:23):
I got a cabin reserved at Dugan'sLake for two weeks in August. I'll
take the test. I'll go downto the library and get some books.
Right now, I'll study. I'llstudy. I'll be smartest nimmer that they
ever saw. I June third,nineteen forty seven Fibber McGhee and Molly on
Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox.Well, let's get back to Fibber McGhee
(07:48):
studying for his citizenship test. Whatyeah, June third, nineteen forty seven,
Fibber McGhee and Molly. Can't youbetter play donal Thod's books a while
and rest your eyes? Dear?You can't learn everything all at once,
you know, maybe not, butI darn ne'er have. If anything has
happened in the United States in seventeenseventy six that I don't know about,
(08:09):
they've done it behind my back.What kind of questions do you think the
judge will ask you? All?For an instance, like who's the President
of the United States, who's thevice president? Who's oh wait a minute,
now hold it, who is thevice president? Let's come back to
that later. Ask me something elsevery well? What qualifications must a man
(08:31):
have to become president of the US? All? He's got to be over
twenty one, Nady Bourne and notlook too full. He's when they take
his picture holding the fly rod witha paper mache trout on it. Even
if you don't know a croppy froma guppy, he's supposed to come in.
Oh it's mister Wimple. Come in, mister Wimple, Hello, sulks
(08:58):
hi, wimp old man. Ifyou can't find a vacant chair, sit
on a pile of books. Giveyou a literary background. My goodness,
I never saw so many books.Are you taking a correspondence choice in something?
Mister Megi No, Now he's studyingup on American government, Mister Wimple,
I want to take out citizenship papers, whim. But that takes two
years, mister me, that's alot of mahaha, whim that two years.
(09:22):
Stuff may be okay for immigrants,but not for a guy like me
that knows a few answers. Igot influence, I know the right people.
I can pull more wires than acut right piano tuner. I got
greg My goodness, you talk likean American citizen already, mister I am
a citizen, whim. But Igot in no way to prove it,
(09:43):
you see, So I'm going toplay it safe. Pass the test for
citizenship, take the oath of malfeasance, and get my papers. Been studying
for it too. Ask me something, go on, mister Wimple, Ask
him something, anything, anything,Just ask me a question. Alrighty,
I have a drink of water savedme, mister wimple. But he means
(10:03):
a question about American history or government. Yeah, oh, all right,
what public body is known as theNine Old Men? Oh that's a sense
the Chicago White Socks, now Dariusthe United States Supreme Court. Oh oh
(10:24):
yeah, I'll try me again.I'm afraid I haven't time for anymore,
mister McGee. I have to gohome and finish some poems. I'm trying
to make enough money to buy sweeteface a new for your coat, sweetie
face human. Yes, my bigold wife. I'm writing some poems that
resort hotels can pin up this summer. Oh you got any with you?
(10:45):
Whim? Yes, I have.One of them is for a hotel bedroom
water it goes. I guess Irequested not to parade through the lobbies and
scanty attire. New guests are quitefrequently frightened away because it looks like the
joint on fire. That's very good, mister him great, whim Great,
(11:05):
you got one for the guy that'salways tipping the canoe. Yes, that's
my best one, mister Magee.They'll pin that one up in the boat
houses. Oh it goes m Amuscular girl named miss Hubble gave a boat
rocking jokers some trouble. As sheheld his head under, he realized his
blundie and sent up his regrets ina bubble. Well, I've got to
(11:28):
get back home. Folks get buyingnow, so I'm back to work.
Now, let me see where itwas. Oh yeah, you know anything
about the Bill of Rights? Moiley? Yes, don't worry about it though,
deary, I told him we'd payit by Thursday. Mister Wright,
the hardware man, he send usa beer. No, no, I
(11:50):
mean the first ten amendments to theConstitution, the Bill of Rights? You
see the first ten amendments or thehell of fever? Hey, if you're
going balling to night all, ohyou're reading thal he's going to take out
papers, Mister Wilcox, he wantsto be an American citizen. How you
never told me? Are you reallya foreigner? Did you swallow that stuff
about the good old days in Fioria? Junior? That's camouflage. I was
(12:15):
smuggled into this country from a trampsteamer in nineteen oh thirteen. Come ashore
one foggy night, just north ofSan Pedro, California. Four other Chinese
fellows in myself, four other Chinese. You mean you're yes, I'm Chinese.
Junior. Used to be a coolieon a melon plantation outside of Shanghai.
(12:39):
To me, my melancoolie baby geewhiz pow, look your face,
you dawn plastic surgery, Junior.I often long for those mysterious Oriental nights
with the Samsons strumming their mandarins outsideof old Foo Young and the golden throated
(13:01):
Boha Dois singing in the branches ofthe charmain tree, and those sing song
girls serving my oolong and fragile littlejin rickshaws as the Wang pooh rises over
the snow cap Sam bell some damiah, But no, no, no,
I become velly good Melican citizen.Look pale. You told me once
(13:24):
that in nineteen thirteen you had aVoteville act in Shakam Or did I tell
you what? Theater? No?The oriental right, dearie, right,
my lotus blossom long tack Sam Iwas known as an n day. Oh,
now cut it out. I don'tbelieve a word of this stuff.
How you're about as oriental as bubblegum? What goes on here, I
(13:45):
haven't got a birth certificate, Junior. I want to be able to prove
I'm a citizen. I'm getting readyto take the examination right now. Ask
me a question. Go on,anything about our history, our govern Okay,
who is Pennsylvania named after Red Waring? In his Pennsylvania. He's going
to be on for Johnson's Wax againthis summer too. Isn't that a coincidence?
(14:09):
Yes, isn't it paved by theway. I don't think I have
a birth certificate either. The courthousein Omaha burned down when I was just
a little tight. I even rememberthe day, no Kitty, just like
it was yesterday. I was sittingon the kitchen floor playing soldiers, Play
soldier, sitting down. I wasan officer anyway. I remember the kit
next door running past, hollering,courthouse is on fire. Courthouse is on
(14:33):
fire. And I'll bet you trampleddown three regiments getting out the door.
Oh, I just sat there.You see, my mother had just located
the kitchen linoleum before she went shout, and the glitzening duty of it had
me spell bound. Couldn't take myeyes off it. Yes, but if
the courthouse burned out with your birthsitieswell, sir, for a minute.
After a minute, I sat staringat that glittering linoleum, admiring the bright
colors intensified by the shining surface.Three fire engines went by. I thought
(14:58):
of my mother pouring out that glowcoat, spreading it around with a long
handled. The flier who can leadher tore past. I didn't move,
dull child, aren't you. Iremember how happy my mother was when she
spread that Johnson's glow coat around andwaited for it to dry with no rubbing
and no buffing, And how delightedshe was when in twenty minutes or less
it dried to a gorgeous, protective, shimmering surface. And I remember her
(15:22):
telling me how easy it was towipe things up with a damp cloth waxy.
Yes you through, Yes you through? Yeah, when pick up your
damp cloth and go on home.Okay, Alien, I guess I better
(15:43):
finish my studies and get down thatfederal bility. Well you get with a
deary. I've got to go upstairsand make the beds. Let me know
now when you're ready to go.Okay, baby, ah, there goes
a good kid. She deserves tohave a well informed, educated man for
her husband. For the time being, I'll have to do no. Let
me see, come in hi,mist Oh, Hello there, Tinny.
(16:06):
I can't stop the dilhy dolly,right, Nassis, this is a crucial
day in my life. Well,I was just cool. I'm taking my
citizenship test to dat and you getmy papers. That's why I got all
these history books to study it.Youre is a lot of books of it.
I'll say, I'm Mary Sas' cool, I says. I'll say,
it's quite a pile of book.That's what I say. I know you
did, Okay, thanks, youknow much about American history, sist personally,
(16:30):
I never realized how fascinating it was. Oh, I had quite a
lot of it in school, mister, like Captain John Smith and Hucaponis and
Olcotes, Captain John Smith and Hucaponisand Daniel Room in the battle between the
Monitor and that quartet, the Monitorand what that quartet the Marymax. Oh,
(16:55):
yeah, yeah, the Monitor andthe Merrymax. There was another one
between George and the King's men,and we had all my George Washington and
his men were suppoor. They didn'thave any shoes and they went barefooted in
the snow at Rudy Valley Valley Forge. You know what, kinny, I
(17:18):
ran across an interesting bit of Americanajust a few minutes ago. Did you
ever hear of Francis Scott Key?Oh? Sure, I have a chief.
He wrote the Star Spangled Banner?Right? Not many people know this
angle about it. You see,Francis Scott Key and his brother Charlie got
captured by the British and were heldon a British gunboat while they bombard at
Fort McHenry. You see, Oh, very exciting. Huh, Well,
sir, it was such a thrillingsight to Francis and Charlie to see the
(17:41):
flag still flying the next morning.The Charlie says to Francis frank He says,
I think I'll write a song aboutthis. Well, that's funny,
says Francis. I was just thinkingthe same thing. Let's both write a
song. So they did? Youmean they collaborated her? Yeah? Nobody
knows for sures this why them wrotethe Star Spangled banner, But they'd never
(18:02):
tell anybody which I want him?Did it? Charlie Key says, Francis
did it, and Francis Key,says Charlie did it isn't that interesting?
Wow? Because to this very daywhen people sing the Star Spangled banner,
they're never quite sure of the key. And you say, McGee is coming
(18:25):
down here to your office this afternoonto take out naturalization papers. Judge,
that's right, doctor Mayl. Thetrivia says the man was born in Peoria,
but the t insists on being naturalized. So I'm going along with the
mayor's gag. Well, a bookmakertold me years ago that the one race
he couldn't dope out was the humaneither, can I? And I've looked
at us from all sides, believeme? Oh, this must be my
(18:47):
pitcheon. Now do I look sternenough? You'll look frightening. Pour it
on him now, Judge, I'llduck out the back door. See at
the elks writer. I'm in.Good morning, Judge, good afternoon.
How do you do? I'm RiverMcGee, your honor, and this is
missus McGee. How do you do? I'm sure missus McGhee have a chair,
please. Mil Trivia told me allabout your case, mister McGhee.
(19:08):
Now you realize I'll have to askyou a few questions. To test your
knowledge of our country and our government. Firewage. Just ask me anything.
I'm loaded Now, McGee, youwatch your language. I suppose you've read
the Declaration of Independence. Of course, read it. You want to hear
it? Okay, When in thecourse of human events it becomes necessary for
one people to dissolve the political bandswhich have connected them with another just and
(19:32):
to assume among the powers of theearth. Oh did you say something,
Joe. He knows that all yourhonor forwards and backwards. Now you want
to hear it backwards and another withthem connected which have bands? Never mind
that, McGee. I I seeyou know the declaration. Now, now
tell me what kind of government doesthe United States have? Well, now
(19:53):
that's a matter of opinion, yourhonor. Some people horror and scream about
the government, but I think it'sthe finest. Non McGee. He means
it's it a monarchy or a democraticform of government? Are oh, oh,
excuse me? Or I didn't understandthe question. It's a democratic form
of government. Yes, yes,that's right. At least it is now.
(20:14):
It might be republican government next time. But you never can go how
these rings were all? Right?That answer is correct now we'll give you
the next question after we take thisbreak. June third, nineteen forty seven,
Februy McGee and Molly here on ClassicRadio Theater with Wyatt talks online at
(20:36):
Classic Radio dot Stream. The conclusionof this at this program follows these important
messages from your favorite radio station.Just gonna take a minute here to tell
(20:56):
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(22:03):
Classic Radio Theater with why of talkson your favorite station. Let's get back
to Fibber McGhee taking his citizenship test. Fibber McGee and Molly June third,
nineteen forty seven. You know,of course that's George Washington was our first
president. Oh he knows that,your honor. We got that in school.
Yeah, I see. No,you must have gone to very fine
schools. But maybe you didn't knowwho the second president was. McGhee.
(22:30):
You mean John Adams. I toldyou I'm loaded with information, Judge.
John's boy, John Quincy was thesixth president. You know he got married
while he was overseas. Of course, No, I didn't know. Oh,
sure married his wife in London inseventeen ninety seven. They had three
boys and a girl. Now McGee, Judge Craig isn't interested in that,
my goodness, No, no,we'll just answer the questions, mister McGee
(22:52):
if you please, Gee whiz,aren't you gonna ask me some tough ones
your honor, Like where was thecenter of the meat packing industry in eighteen
eighteen since or where did the majorityof Americans live in fourteen ninety TPS that
is very interesting. Why, certainlyit is. The whole history of this
country is interesting. You take fromthe time Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin and
(23:15):
the boys sat down and wrote theDeclaration. Oh, now, McGee,
Judge Creaker doesn't want to hear allabout that. Why, Molly, you
mean to say that a judge likeJudge Creeker isn't interested in the history of
our own country. Well, ofcourse I'm interested. It's like I say,
there wasn't much money in the countryin those days, but there was
a lot of heart, the stronghearts of free men and free women who
(23:36):
stuck together and worked together and cleareda wilderness to build their homes and plant
their fields. And the colonies grewin nineteen forty seven, that little bunch
(24:03):
of colonies has grown through wars anddepressions and good times and bad and all
the time it's grown and gathered strengthand power until it's the greatest nation on
earth today, the United States ofAmerica. Welly McGhee, that's hut,
(24:25):
my boy. That was a veryinteresting thing. You've told me things about
this country I'd long ago forgotten.What a tremendous knowledge you have. A
check it's nothing any red blooded Americanboy should not know. I've never had
a man before me who was moredeserving to be called an American citizen.
I'll have your papers made out rightaway. Oh that's wonderful, your honor
(24:47):
McGhee. You can stay. That'swell, Judge. By the way,
that that little accent of yours,Judge Harvard Man, are you no?
No? I was born in Canada. McGhee came down here in nineteen twenty
seven and liked it so well Istayed its adopted the country. Eh,
when did you take out your papers? Judge? Why you're back in my
(25:11):
papers, Great Scott, I completelyforgot it. Sit down, Judge,
I'd like to ask you a fewquestions. Now here's good news. How
would you like to have your ownpersonal car initials? Well, listen to
(25:36):
this. You've heard me sing thepraises of Johnson's car in you the famous
car polish that cleans and polishes inone easy application. Now, if you'll
discover for yourself how wonderful carn youis, we'll send you two sets of
your own personal initials for your car. These car initials are really something.
They're half an inch high. Tastefullydesigned in striking gold color. You put
(25:56):
one set of three initials on eachside of your car, and believe me,
they really look smart. They takeonly a jiffy to apply to And
here's all you do to get thesehandsome decal car initials. First buy some
Johnson's CARNUW. Then send a salesslip or the name of the dealer from
whom you bought your car, andyou, together with a stamp, self
addressed envelope to Fiber McGee and MollyRacine, Wisconsin. If you live in
(26:18):
Canada, address your request for initialsto Fiber McGhee and Molly Brantford, Ontario.
Print clearly which initials you want,any three and get your request in
the mail right away. Plan tobuy some Johnson's CARNW and send in tomorrow
CARN you a spell cr and you. After the judge said he was taking
(26:42):
out his papers right away, Thenwhat did he say? Did he?
No? He says I was aninspiration to him, says I was the
finest example of a real American citizenhe had ever seen. Ah, my
hero, yep. I wonder ifhim or Latrevia would fix this. Dad
dreaded jury sums that come in themail. What Oh my gosh, I'm
not going to get a sit aroundon any stale courtroom all day. Listen.
That stuff's for the yokels, theimmigrants, That's what's that stuff?
(27:04):
McGee, citizen h oh, goodnight, good night. This is Hollow
wil Cox speaking for the makers ofJohnson's wax products for home and industry,
inviting you to be with us again. Next Bill said Hi, good night.
(27:29):
June third, nineteen forty seven,Fibrum, McGee and Molly on Classic
Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox. Nowon Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox.
Thanks to our friend Ted at RadioMemories dot com for providing us with this
episode of Lam and Abner fully restored, and you're gonna you're gonna hard to
believe that this show goes all theway back to nineteen thirty five. The
(27:52):
way it sounds, well, contentwise maybe, but you know, the
audio quality is great. June third, nineteen thirty five. This episode of
Blumm and Abner as they continue dealingwith the theater. How to everybody here,
(28:42):
We are all ready to take youdown to Pine Ridge for another visit
with Lum and Abner brought to youby the makers of Harles, the original
Malted Milk. And now let's seewhat's happening down in pine Ridge. Well,
Lemon Abner have a crew of carpentersbusy remodeling the old cotton warehouse,
(29:03):
which they planned to use as theirnew theater. They purchased a second hand
moving picture projector from a theater overat the County Seat, and Cedric we
Hunt, the future operator, isbeing sent there to learn how to operate
the machine. As we look inon pine Ridge today we find Abner down
at the Jottham Down Store. Lumhas just returned from getting Cedric started on
(29:25):
his journey. Listen, well,come in, long, come in.
He ain't got Cedric started off allright, Yeah, I've never seen a
boy should tickled in my life.He rode into the County Seat with the
mail carry and oh he folks areall over to tell him goodbye. Your
mamma stood then waved goodbye to him. First she could seem big tears run
(29:49):
down her cheat, but he'd thinkhe's going to war the way she carried
on. Wellaw me, he ain'tgonna be gone, but a wee mare,
it ain't between him out in thereand old how yes, who come
in on the on the bush wallagoo. Oh that Pauline Ushery from Conway.
She coming well for the land,says, I'd love to see her
(30:10):
the first time I'm shore in along time. No, well, I
sure would love to share. Tella woman about it too. She'd be
glad as you more likely gore andvisit with her. Yeah, and I
just hope it Cedric learns how torun that picture machine in long if we're
going to pay all his expenses whilehe's in there, Oh, he'll catch
on with that old right manager ofthe lyric in there said he just let
(30:33):
him stay right up there in thebooth and watch that color running that machine
or there. Yeah, well that'snice, hob. I'm to learn him
how that way. Well, Ihad that right in the deal, you
know, when I bought that picturemachine from him, I told him he'd
have to show someone how to runit. Yeah. Hell, I still
think that you're paying Cedric too muchmoney though, too much money, Yes,
just paying him the same price we'sgiving him to deliver groceries here in
(30:56):
the store. Yeah, but nowhe gets to see the shoal free for
nothing. Well, he's got tosee the show. If he's going to
run the film's happner, he's gotto look down here once in a while
and see if he's got the pictureon the screen strade. Well, yeah,
but there weren't no use and givethem passages to the whole family.
Long, Oh, well, heain't gonna hurt nothing. His folks wouldn't
come out to the show if theyhad to pay no hound, so we
(31:18):
ain't losing nothing. Yeah, butyou're just going to have that place old
were full every night with folks thatain't paying nothing to get in. Started
out and saying that you weren't goingto give old passages an old body.
Well, I did say that yougive Grandpappy spears and all head relations some
and said rinking all of his family. Well, Grandpappy is a pioney player
(31:40):
though. Yeah, but I don'twear talking to them Carpenter to halla goal.
They said you promised all them apass if they had rush at work,
though, Did I tell them thatthat's what they're said? Yeah,
it seemed like I did say somethinglike a yesterday, but that I just
get it done, and he quickerever and moules mootzers telling me down the
barber shop to give him one.Mold. Oh yeah, yeah, I
(32:04):
had to give him one. See, I rented them chairs from the lodge
hole over and he had charge ofthem. That's better than giving the whole
lodger pass. Just give one tomold. That was short of a bat
I used on him. Man,I know, but his wife and a
little molders ain't ever had charge ofthem too, they'd they, Well,
no, but you can't give aman a passion expect him to leave his
family at home. No, well, I don't know everybody. I see
(32:29):
and ask him if for coming toour should when we get it opened up.
While they say sure they got apass, it looks like to meet
we ain't gonna have room for thecash custom. Oh there's plenty of room
over wherever. Now, don't youstart worrying about that. We rented two
hundred chairs. Yeah, I know, I ain't give out over fifty passes
anyway. See these folks that you'regetting in for nothing, it'll be good
(32:52):
advertisements for advertisement. Yeah, we'lluse him for decoy you folks around town.
On here will be setting out onher front gallery of the evening and
see a big crowd going by theirplace and on their way to the showing
on first thinging, Oh, theyget up and follow em aroll am.
More likely they see some many goingdown there they tell figured there won't be
(33:15):
an old sitting room for them,just not go. Oh well, now
they ain't all going every night ever, Like I want to give the mail
carrier for taking Cedric in demeanor.He just spends every other night out here
in fine reads. Well i'll bedad blame. Did you give him one
too? Yeah, but they ain'tbut three in his family, him and
his wife and one children. Theyain't gonna take out much room. Well,
(33:36):
I swan to goodness, Well,I ain't no used to complain about
it now ever, they've doesn't giveout, can't go around ask him to
give them back to us. Whatwould ever Lena think for us to go
over and tell her, I'd haveto have that passed back. I'd give
her Evelina. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot to tell you about that,
And I figured I may as wellgive her a pass. She'd be
(33:58):
going to the shore with me mostof the time anyway, And I know
I ain't gonna walk up and buyan old ticket from myself. Well,
this looks like we may as welljust put a big sign down there saying
free show here. You want meto take up tickets and ain't gonna be
nobody to take them up from?Well, Abner, I can't run the
show if you're going to be complainabout everything I do. We've got to
(34:21):
decide on which one of us isballs and let him run things. Ye,
decide on which one is boss.Yeah, and I got one of
us in mine, and I thinkit makes us a good man for a
two Yeah, and I gotta puta good idea who a test too.
Well, I'm glad we agree onone thing. I never said nothing about
a gren on it. I justsaid I knowed who you had in mind.
(34:42):
Where. Don't you think he'd makea good one? No, sure,
I don't. I don't think heknows a thing about running a picture
show. And I ain't gonna standfor it one minute neither. All right,
No, all right, that's theway you feel about it, well,
exactly the way I feel on Eric, And we just have to let
the other and have it in.Ain't but two of us, you know,
Yeah, Well, I chat thetime, just let the other habits.
(35:04):
He figured that you'd make a betterman than I would. But if
you don't want it, I willtake it anything to be agreeable. You
was the one I hadn't mind arunning abner. But if you've got your
head set on me doing it,when I just do the best I can
with him, man, i'll bedad blamed. But I don't want you
Broughton in on every little thing Ido. Now, well, I ever
learned to keep my big mouth shit. I reckon that'll be better anyway,
(35:28):
though, facially if we call itLum's lyric, call it hard Lum's larric.
I studied that up last night whileI was laying there in bed,
thinking, Yeah, you were asleepdreaming. If you think that's what we're
gonna call it, well, see, I picked that abner on account of
Lum started with all, and lyricsstarted with all. It'll be easier for
(35:50):
folks to recollect that a way.Well, I'm in the first place,
we wouldn't want to call it you'reor nothing. And in the second place,
that's the name of the picture showingat the county seat, Larry.
What's wrong with that Wirefolks would getmixed up. Somebody say, let's go
to the short lyric while they mightgo clean into the county seat. All
right, then what do you wantto call it? I don't try my
best to get along with you.Well, I don't know, it's loud.
(36:14):
We'd call it the pine Ridge PictureShore, something like here pine Ridge
Picture Show or Peabody and Edwards PictureShow. They don't call them picture shows,
Abner, Why do they call them? Why you've got to have a
name that don't mean nothing or thatis it ain't got nothing to do with
the picture show, like Majesticks andPrincess Orphans orphans and didn't you never hear
(36:37):
of orphans theater? I'm heard ofOrphan's Home. It's theaters too. I
went to one when I was inKansas City last week. And he's some
they call Pallas Palace. Yeah,Peabody's Palace. That man, just stop
right where you're at, Avery,I don't know what you're gonna say.
Might be best first, just notto have neither one of her names up
there holding the big electric sign andwhat big electric signs? Wait, a
(37:01):
man here comes to the cutters,Yeah, I see him, But what
about that big electric sign or that'sthe first out here? To that.
I just figured we are to haveone might now all pitch your shows.
He's got them, man, Idon't see no use in it. Long
I'm spending all that money. Theywon't be but one show in town,
and everybody know where it's had.Damn U shop at that time and night
to be at the shoal and damnit it ain't to be asleep to where
(37:22):
they couldn't say no. Howe hedid come in Horde. I just came
by the warehouse or where it lookedlike you about got that new floor Finnish.
Yeah, here's he said he'd haveit done by night. How you
Abner? All right? Or Ican dick shout out? Yeah yeah,
Me and Abner, we're just sittinghere trying to decide on a name for
a new show. Oh as youpicked out a name for you. No,
(37:44):
we can't seem to find one thatboth of us agrees on. Where
do you want to get a goodname for it? All right? Love?
I thought about corn It Rock She'sbut somebody beat us to that name.
Yeah, and you ort to havesomething different. So many of them's
named lyric and queen and princess andyeah, of course we want a name.
It's going to sound like a pictureshow though. Yeah, sure,
(38:07):
wells. I passed the building whileI was there in Kansas City. Looked
a heap like a picture show building, but I never went inside. But
I like the name of that aboutas well as anything I've shold. Had
a sign out in front said dayplanetarium, doge, That isn't a good
sounding name? Or yeah planetarium?Yeah, you wouldn't want to give you
(38:27):
a picture show a name like that. What's the matter with it? What
planetarium is a place where they studythe Solar system, the stars and the
planets, place where they do white, a place where folks can go in
and look at the stars. Well, I grantees, that's just what we
want in. That's a very namewe're looking for. Yeah, they can
come in our place to look atthe movie stars. Grantees, that's just
what we'll call it, the PineRidge Planetarium. I'm sure proud he's playing
(38:52):
that to us here, Dick,here, take these. I'll give you
passes for your whole family there.Oh my goodness. Well, if Lum
keeps this up, the Pine Rid'sPlanetarium is going to do a big business
with free admissions. We still havea minute or so left, folks,
(39:13):
Let's listen to what mister mc wouldof Phillipsburg, Kansas says in a recent
letter to Lamonabner. For a longtime, I've been an ardent admirer of
your product, Harlock's Malted Milk.I already say that it saved the life
of my two twin daughters. Here'sthe story. For months it seemed they
wouldn't live. After six months ofanxious worry, in which my wife and
(39:36):
I tried food after food, weput them on Harlocks malted milk. They
seemed to take to Hollocks just likea duck takes to water, beginning to
gain immediately. They're two years oldnow, fine, strong, healthy girls,
and I'm never without their Harlocks.I know that lots of mothers would
be interested in Harlocks if they onlyknew it's value. Well, thank you,
(40:00):
mister Wood. Just as you say, if only all mothers knew the
value of Harleck's malted milk in infantfeeding, there would certainly be that many
more healthy babies. Harlecks, youknow, is sold at all druggists.
This is Carton Bricker speaking for LemonAbner and Harlecks, who now bid you
(40:21):
all good night and good health.And so now you know why the motion
picture in pine Ridge was named thepine Ridge Planetarium. June third, nineteen
(40:46):
thirty five, Lomon Abner on ClassicRadio Theater with Wyattcox. I'm so happy
to have a complete collection of LemonAbner that is fully restored, because,
as I said before, back,oh gosh, it has to be teen
years ago. I got CDs fromLeman Abner collectors and they were horrible sound
(41:07):
quality, but they were enjoyable shows. And now you can hear the shows
much better and in broadcast quality.That's the great part about this. Thanks
to Ted Radio Memories dot com.Radio Memories dot Com shows available on cassette,
CD or flash drive for your computer. If you have a friend or
(41:27):
a family member who still only usescassettes and doesn't use CDs or computers or
iPods or any of that stuff,you can contact Ted for cassettes. There
you go, Radio Memories dot Com. Now we want to thank this station,
hope you will support their advertisers,their kindness and courtesy allow us to
be with you each and every timeyou roll around here on your favorite station.
(41:51):
Our web page Classic Radio dot Streamstream our shows on demand. Learn
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(42:13):
a classic radio dot stream, ClassicRadio dot Stream. Thank you so much
for tuning in. Tell all yourfriends the greatest radio shows of all time,
all right here at this spot onthe dial. Classic radio Theater with
whyt Cox on your favorite station
Now the greatest radio shows up alltime, A Shadow Washington, David hunting
Count, Classic Radio Theater, thegreat Fiber McGhee and Molly Gun a lone
Ranger. Now step back into atime machine. It's your host, why
(00:33):
Itt Cocks. Good evening this hour. We're gonna start off. I'm gonna
travel around the country. A littlelater we're gonna head to Arkansas. But
right now we're going to head toWistful Vista seventy nine to be precise and
see what's going on in the householdof Fiber McGee and Molly. And it
(00:55):
looks like Fiber has misplaced something veryvery important. The Johnson Wax Program with
Fiber, McGhee and Molly, Themakers of Johnson's Wax products for home and
industry present Fiber, McGee and Mollywith Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur
(01:17):
K. Bryan and me Harlow Wilcox. The script is by Don Quinn and
Phil Leslie, music by The Kingsmanand Billie Mills Orchestra. When you come
across one of those how much doyou know quizzes in a magazine, there
(01:38):
are three ways you can play it. One the smart way skip past and
pretend you didn't see it too,The snyde way, turn right to the
answers, and three the honest way, Get a pencil, sit down and
make up bum of the editors likemissus McGhee a fiber McGhee and Molly let
(02:04):
me see. Number seven. Whatkind of fur is used to make felt?
Yeah, that's a trick question,Kitto, don't let them fool you.
Felt has made out of old hats. They grind them up. I
think it's rabbit fur. I'll putthat down. Rabbit fur. Well,
don't say I didn't warn your snookie. Question eight, what does the chemical
formula for water? If they meanour city water? That's easy. One
(02:24):
part mud, three part bubbles,and enough chlorine to calcimine. Paul Whiteman.
Water is hydrogen, two parts oxygenH two. Oh, it's part
right, bubbles is oxygen. Questionnine, what was Woodrow Wilson's first name?
Skip that one, it's too easy, Woodrow. It was Thomas Thomas
(02:46):
Woodrow Wilson. Oh, Tom,Yeah, sure. And the last question,
where does quinine come from the drugstore? I think it's the bark
of the cinchona tree. O.Let me see now, answers on page
eighty three. Here we are Heavenlydays one. I answered them all right,
(03:08):
dearie, And all those questions werevery simple. Of course, you
know what I did in this veryroom last Monday night. Yes, you
upset your root beer all over thefloor. I listened to Doctor i Q.
And if i'd have been in histheater audience that night, I'd have
one twenty three boxes of Snickers.That's what they give the losers. Dearie,
(03:31):
You're not a loser if you winsomething by George. One of these
days I'll get on information please too, and just wait to ask me to
finish that poem about the boy stoodon the burning deck? Can you finish
it? I'll say I can.The boy stood on the burning deck whence
all but him had flew towards acattle boat, and he set it a
fire because he wanted a barbecue.And have to ask me anything about Shakespeare,
(03:59):
I'll say, man, oh,it's mere latriv you do come in
your honor, good day, money, Hello McGhee high a political don't tell
us you come straight from the cityhall, because nobody ever did. That's
one man's opinion, and I'll takeit for what it's worth, which is
practically nothing. Did you vote inthe recent municipal elections McGhee? He did
(04:19):
not, mister me Well, Iwas too busy Latriv. The hinge broke
on my fishing tackle box, andI was all over town trying to find
a welder. I see you're thetype of type of citizen who'd rather cast
aspersions than votes. But you can'ttappen my spirits today. I just came
from Federal court, where I hada very happy experience acquitted. Were you
(04:45):
what were you up for, latrivdrawing p thirty eight on three cent stamps
and using them for air mail.I wasn't up for anything. I was
in court as a character witnessed insome citizenship proceedings. I never saw a
happier group of people. Oh,it must mean a lot to them to
be citizens. Should it means alot to me to be a citizen too?
Can you prove you are a citizen? McGhee. I don't have to
(05:08):
prove it. I was born inthe United States. May I see your
birth certificate? We asn't any mistermayn. It was destroyed when the courthouse
burned down in nineteen sixteen. Reallywell, don't come to me for help
when they start deportation proceedings, McGhee, deportation proceedings. I'm a United States
(05:31):
citizen. They can't deportake me,can they? How about you, Molly,
Have you anything to prove your citizenship? Oh? Yes, I have
a passport. I was going toEurope ONTs, but I found out how
much it would cost and I didn'tgo. Well, a passport is proof
enough. You're in the clear.Hey, Now wait a minute. You
(05:51):
mean the government can send me awaysimply because I got no papers to prove
that I your kid? Aren't youlittred? He's kidding, isn't he?
Molly? For goodness sakes, dearhe stop worrying. What if they do
send you away, you can alwayscome in again on the quarter. On
the quarter, I'll meet you EllisIsland with some sandwiches. Gee, who
(06:17):
is I? Oh? This isall a joke, isn't it. It
wasn't a joke to the people whogot their papers this morning, McGhee.
They really studied to pass that examination. I'll study. I'll study like everything.
I'll run down there some morning andpass the test, just to be
safe. How about it? Thefifth. You know the judge pass the
word that I'm just doing it forfunzi. He'll go along with the gag
(06:39):
and I'll have my papers. I'llsee what I can do. You being
judge Creaker's caught this afternoon at fiveMcGhee, I'll put in a word for
you. Good day. Well isthis on the level kittle? Oh my
gosh. If I funk the test, what if they hey, wait a
(07:00):
minute, how can they deport me? Where they deport me? Too?
A good question. If I ain'ta citizen, then I ain't from any
place. Well in that case,Darry, I believe they just haul you
around on a ship all the time. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
That's for me, travel and seethe world. Maybe we can get
him to deport you with me andwe could just cruise to lacasm Oh.
I just thought of something. Ican't let him deport me. Now.
(07:23):
I got a cabin reserved at Dugan'sLake for two weeks in August. I'll
take the test. I'll go downto the library and get some books.
Right now, I'll study. I'llstudy. I'll be smartest nimmer that they
ever saw. I June third,nineteen forty seven Fibber McGhee and Molly on
Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox.Well, let's get back to Fibber McGhee
(07:48):
studying for his citizenship test. Whatyeah, June third, nineteen forty seven,
Fibber McGhee and Molly. Can't youbetter play donal Thod's books a while
and rest your eyes? Dear?You can't learn everything all at once,
you know, maybe not, butI darn ne'er have. If anything has
happened in the United States in seventeenseventy six that I don't know about,
(08:09):
they've done it behind my back.What kind of questions do you think the
judge will ask you? All?For an instance, like who's the President
of the United States, who's thevice president? Who's oh wait a minute,
now hold it, who is thevice president? Let's come back to
that later. Ask me something elsevery well? What qualifications must a man
(08:31):
have to become president of the US? All? He's got to be over
twenty one, Nady Bourne and notlook too full. He's when they take
his picture holding the fly rod witha paper mache trout on it. Even
if you don't know a croppy froma guppy, he's supposed to come in.
Oh it's mister Wimple. Come in, mister Wimple, Hello, sulks
(08:58):
hi, wimp old man. Ifyou can't find a vacant chair, sit
on a pile of books. Giveyou a literary background. My goodness,
I never saw so many books.Are you taking a correspondence choice in something?
Mister Megi No, Now he's studyingup on American government, Mister Wimple,
I want to take out citizenship papers, whim. But that takes two
years, mister me, that's alot of mahaha, whim that two years.
(09:22):
Stuff may be okay for immigrants,but not for a guy like me
that knows a few answers. Igot influence, I know the right people.
I can pull more wires than acut right piano tuner. I got
greg My goodness, you talk likean American citizen already, mister I am
a citizen, whim. But Igot in no way to prove it,
(09:43):
you see, So I'm going toplay it safe. Pass the test for
citizenship, take the oath of malfeasance, and get my papers. Been studying
for it too. Ask me something, go on, mister Wimple, Ask
him something, anything, anything,Just ask me a question. Alrighty,
I have a drink of water savedme, mister wimple. But he means
(10:03):
a question about American history or government. Yeah, oh, all right,
what public body is known as theNine Old Men? Oh that's a sense
the Chicago White Socks, now Dariusthe United States Supreme Court. Oh oh
(10:24):
yeah, I'll try me again.I'm afraid I haven't time for anymore,
mister McGee. I have to gohome and finish some poems. I'm trying
to make enough money to buy sweeteface a new for your coat, sweetie
face human. Yes, my bigold wife. I'm writing some poems that
resort hotels can pin up this summer. Oh you got any with you?
(10:45):
Whim? Yes, I have.One of them is for a hotel bedroom
water it goes. I guess Irequested not to parade through the lobbies and
scanty attire. New guests are quitefrequently frightened away because it looks like the
joint on fire. That's very good, mister him great, whim Great,
(11:05):
you got one for the guy that'salways tipping the canoe. Yes, that's
my best one, mister Magee.They'll pin that one up in the boat
houses. Oh it goes m Amuscular girl named miss Hubble gave a boat
rocking jokers some trouble. As sheheld his head under, he realized his
blundie and sent up his regrets ina bubble. Well, I've got to
(11:28):
get back home. Folks get buyingnow, so I'm back to work.
Now, let me see where itwas. Oh yeah, you know anything
about the Bill of Rights? Moiley? Yes, don't worry about it though,
deary, I told him we'd payit by Thursday. Mister Wright,
the hardware man, he send usa beer. No, no, I
(11:50):
mean the first ten amendments to theConstitution, the Bill of Rights? You
see the first ten amendments or thehell of fever? Hey, if you're
going balling to night all, ohyou're reading thal he's going to take out
papers, Mister Wilcox, he wantsto be an American citizen. How you
never told me? Are you reallya foreigner? Did you swallow that stuff
about the good old days in Fioria? Junior? That's camouflage. I was
(12:15):
smuggled into this country from a trampsteamer in nineteen oh thirteen. Come ashore
one foggy night, just north ofSan Pedro, California. Four other Chinese
fellows in myself, four other Chinese. You mean you're yes, I'm Chinese.
Junior. Used to be a coolieon a melon plantation outside of Shanghai.
(12:39):
To me, my melancoolie baby geewhiz pow, look your face,
you dawn plastic surgery, Junior.I often long for those mysterious Oriental nights
with the Samsons strumming their mandarins outsideof old Foo Young and the golden throated
(13:01):
Boha Dois singing in the branches ofthe charmain tree, and those sing song
girls serving my oolong and fragile littlejin rickshaws as the Wang pooh rises over
the snow cap Sam bell some damiah, But no, no, no,
I become velly good Melican citizen.Look pale. You told me once
(13:24):
that in nineteen thirteen you had aVoteville act in Shakam Or did I tell
you what? Theater? No?The oriental right, dearie, right,
my lotus blossom long tack Sam Iwas known as an n day. Oh,
now cut it out. I don'tbelieve a word of this stuff.
How you're about as oriental as bubblegum? What goes on here, I
(13:45):
haven't got a birth certificate, Junior. I want to be able to prove
I'm a citizen. I'm getting readyto take the examination right now. Ask
me a question. Go on,anything about our history, our govern Okay,
who is Pennsylvania named after Red Waring? In his Pennsylvania. He's going
to be on for Johnson's Wax againthis summer too. Isn't that a coincidence?
(14:09):
Yes, isn't it paved by theway. I don't think I have
a birth certificate either. The courthousein Omaha burned down when I was just
a little tight. I even rememberthe day, no Kitty, just like
it was yesterday. I was sittingon the kitchen floor playing soldiers, Play
soldier, sitting down. I wasan officer anyway. I remember the kit
next door running past, hollering,courthouse is on fire. Courthouse is on
(14:33):
fire. And I'll bet you trampleddown three regiments getting out the door.
Oh, I just sat there.You see, my mother had just located
the kitchen linoleum before she went shout, and the glitzening duty of it had
me spell bound. Couldn't take myeyes off it. Yes, but if
the courthouse burned out with your birthsitieswell, sir, for a minute.
After a minute, I sat staringat that glittering linoleum, admiring the bright
colors intensified by the shining surface.Three fire engines went by. I thought
(14:58):
of my mother pouring out that glowcoat, spreading it around with a long
handled. The flier who can leadher tore past. I didn't move,
dull child, aren't you. Iremember how happy my mother was when she
spread that Johnson's glow coat around andwaited for it to dry with no rubbing
and no buffing, And how delightedshe was when in twenty minutes or less
it dried to a gorgeous, protective, shimmering surface. And I remember her
(15:22):
telling me how easy it was towipe things up with a damp cloth waxy.
Yes you through, Yes you through? Yeah, when pick up your
damp cloth and go on home.Okay, Alien, I guess I better
(15:43):
finish my studies and get down thatfederal bility. Well you get with a
deary. I've got to go upstairsand make the beds. Let me know
now when you're ready to go.Okay, baby, ah, there goes
a good kid. She deserves tohave a well informed, educated man for
her husband. For the time being, I'll have to do no. Let
me see, come in hi,mist Oh, Hello there, Tinny.
(16:06):
I can't stop the dilhy dolly,right, Nassis, this is a crucial
day in my life. Well,I was just cool. I'm taking my
citizenship test to dat and you getmy papers. That's why I got all
these history books to study it.Youre is a lot of books of it.
I'll say, I'm Mary Sas' cool, I says. I'll say,
it's quite a pile of book.That's what I say. I know you
did, Okay, thanks, youknow much about American history, sist personally,
(16:30):
I never realized how fascinating it was. Oh, I had quite a
lot of it in school, mister, like Captain John Smith and Hucaponis and
Olcotes, Captain John Smith and Hucaponisand Daniel Room in the battle between the
Monitor and that quartet, the Monitorand what that quartet the Marymax. Oh,
(16:55):
yeah, yeah, the Monitor andthe Merrymax. There was another one
between George and the King's men,and we had all my George Washington and
his men were suppoor. They didn'thave any shoes and they went barefooted in
the snow at Rudy Valley Valley Forge. You know what, kinny, I
(17:18):
ran across an interesting bit of Americanajust a few minutes ago. Did you
ever hear of Francis Scott Key?Oh? Sure, I have a chief.
He wrote the Star Spangled Banner?Right? Not many people know this
angle about it. You see,Francis Scott Key and his brother Charlie got
captured by the British and were heldon a British gunboat while they bombard at
Fort McHenry. You see, Oh, very exciting. Huh, Well,
sir, it was such a thrillingsight to Francis and Charlie to see the
(17:41):
flag still flying the next morning.The Charlie says to Francis frank He says,
I think I'll write a song aboutthis. Well, that's funny,
says Francis. I was just thinkingthe same thing. Let's both write a
song. So they did? Youmean they collaborated her? Yeah? Nobody
knows for sures this why them wrotethe Star Spangled banner, But they'd never
(18:02):
tell anybody which I want him?Did it? Charlie Key says, Francis
did it, and Francis Key,says Charlie did it isn't that interesting?
Wow? Because to this very daywhen people sing the Star Spangled banner,
they're never quite sure of the key. And you say, McGee is coming
(18:25):
down here to your office this afternoonto take out naturalization papers. Judge,
that's right, doctor Mayl. Thetrivia says the man was born in Peoria,
but the t insists on being naturalized. So I'm going along with the
mayor's gag. Well, a bookmakertold me years ago that the one race
he couldn't dope out was the humaneither, can I? And I've looked
at us from all sides, believeme? Oh, this must be my
(18:47):
pitcheon. Now do I look sternenough? You'll look frightening. Pour it
on him now, Judge, I'llduck out the back door. See at
the elks writer. I'm in.Good morning, Judge, good afternoon.
How do you do? I'm RiverMcGee, your honor, and this is
missus McGee. How do you do? I'm sure missus McGhee have a chair,
please. Mil Trivia told me allabout your case, mister McGhee.
(19:08):
Now you realize I'll have to askyou a few questions. To test your
knowledge of our country and our government. Firewage. Just ask me anything.
I'm loaded Now, McGee, youwatch your language. I suppose you've read
the Declaration of Independence. Of course, read it. You want to hear
it? Okay, When in thecourse of human events it becomes necessary for
one people to dissolve the political bandswhich have connected them with another just and
(19:32):
to assume among the powers of theearth. Oh did you say something,
Joe. He knows that all yourhonor forwards and backwards. Now you want
to hear it backwards and another withthem connected which have bands? Never mind
that, McGee. I I seeyou know the declaration. Now, now
tell me what kind of government doesthe United States have? Well, now
(19:53):
that's a matter of opinion, yourhonor. Some people horror and scream about
the government, but I think it'sthe finest. Non McGee. He means
it's it a monarchy or a democraticform of government? Are oh, oh,
excuse me? Or I didn't understandthe question. It's a democratic form
of government. Yes, yes,that's right. At least it is now.
(20:14):
It might be republican government next time. But you never can go how
these rings were all? Right?That answer is correct now we'll give you
the next question after we take thisbreak. June third, nineteen forty seven,
Februy McGee and Molly here on ClassicRadio Theater with Wyatt talks online at
(20:36):
Classic Radio dot Stream. The conclusionof this at this program follows these important
messages from your favorite radio station.Just gonna take a minute here to tell
(20:56):
you about the big savings going onnow. The clare at sale at pillow
dot com. And you know I'vetalked about how in my office I have
a pair of my slippers and they'rereally comfortable, and they're on clearance right
now. The MyPillow dot Com slipperstwenty five dollars a pair, limit ten,
(21:18):
and I would buy three or fourmore pairs, Unfortunately they're out of
my size. They also have sheets, pillowcases, clothing items, all on
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(21:41):
my Pillow slippers limited colors on otheritems my pillow dot Com clearance tab promo
code Wyatt one eight hundred nine two, eight, four, seven one five
(22:03):
Classic Radio Theater with why of talkson your favorite station. Let's get back
to Fibber McGhee taking his citizenship test. Fibber McGee and Molly June third,
nineteen forty seven. You know,of course that's George Washington was our first
president. Oh he knows that,your honor. We got that in school.
Yeah, I see. No,you must have gone to very fine
schools. But maybe you didn't knowwho the second president was. McGhee.
(22:30):
You mean John Adams. I toldyou I'm loaded with information, Judge.
John's boy, John Quincy was thesixth president. You know he got married
while he was overseas. Of course, No, I didn't know. Oh,
sure married his wife in London inseventeen ninety seven. They had three
boys and a girl. Now McGee, Judge Craig isn't interested in that,
my goodness, No, no,we'll just answer the questions, mister McGee
(22:52):
if you please, Gee whiz,aren't you gonna ask me some tough ones
your honor, Like where was thecenter of the meat packing industry in eighteen
eighteen since or where did the majorityof Americans live in fourteen ninety TPS that
is very interesting. Why, certainlyit is. The whole history of this
country is interesting. You take fromthe time Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin and
(23:15):
the boys sat down and wrote theDeclaration. Oh, now, McGee,
Judge Creaker doesn't want to hear allabout that. Why, Molly, you
mean to say that a judge likeJudge Creeker isn't interested in the history of
our own country. Well, ofcourse I'm interested. It's like I say,
there wasn't much money in the countryin those days, but there was
a lot of heart, the stronghearts of free men and free women who
(23:36):
stuck together and worked together and cleareda wilderness to build their homes and plant
their fields. And the colonies grewin nineteen forty seven, that little bunch
(24:03):
of colonies has grown through wars anddepressions and good times and bad and all
the time it's grown and gathered strengthand power until it's the greatest nation on
earth today, the United States ofAmerica. Welly McGhee, that's hut,
(24:25):
my boy. That was a veryinteresting thing. You've told me things about
this country I'd long ago forgotten.What a tremendous knowledge you have. A
check it's nothing any red blooded Americanboy should not know. I've never had
a man before me who was moredeserving to be called an American citizen.
I'll have your papers made out rightaway. Oh that's wonderful, your honor
(24:47):
McGhee. You can stay. That'swell, Judge. By the way,
that that little accent of yours,Judge Harvard Man, are you no?
No? I was born in Canada. McGhee came down here in nineteen twenty
seven and liked it so well Istayed its adopted the country. Eh,
when did you take out your papers? Judge? Why you're back in my
(25:11):
papers, Great Scott, I completelyforgot it. Sit down, Judge,
I'd like to ask you a fewquestions. Now here's good news. How
would you like to have your ownpersonal car initials? Well, listen to
(25:36):
this. You've heard me sing thepraises of Johnson's car in you the famous
car polish that cleans and polishes inone easy application. Now, if you'll
discover for yourself how wonderful carn youis, we'll send you two sets of
your own personal initials for your car. These car initials are really something.
They're half an inch high. Tastefullydesigned in striking gold color. You put
(25:56):
one set of three initials on eachside of your car, and believe me,
they really look smart. They takeonly a jiffy to apply to And
here's all you do to get thesehandsome decal car initials. First buy some
Johnson's CARNUW. Then send a salesslip or the name of the dealer from
whom you bought your car, andyou, together with a stamp, self
addressed envelope to Fiber McGee and MollyRacine, Wisconsin. If you live in
(26:18):
Canada, address your request for initialsto Fiber McGhee and Molly Brantford, Ontario.
Print clearly which initials you want,any three and get your request in
the mail right away. Plan tobuy some Johnson's CARNW and send in tomorrow
CARN you a spell cr and you. After the judge said he was taking
(26:42):
out his papers right away, Thenwhat did he say? Did he?
No? He says I was aninspiration to him, says I was the
finest example of a real American citizenhe had ever seen. Ah, my
hero, yep. I wonder ifhim or Latrevia would fix this. Dad
dreaded jury sums that come in themail. What Oh my gosh, I'm
not going to get a sit aroundon any stale courtroom all day. Listen.
That stuff's for the yokels, theimmigrants, That's what's that stuff?
(27:04):
McGee, citizen h oh, goodnight, good night. This is Hollow
wil Cox speaking for the makers ofJohnson's wax products for home and industry,
inviting you to be with us again. Next Bill said Hi, good night.
(27:29):
June third, nineteen forty seven,Fibrum, McGee and Molly on Classic
Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox. Nowon Classic Radio Theater with Wyatt Cox.
Thanks to our friend Ted at RadioMemories dot com for providing us with this
episode of Lam and Abner fully restored, and you're gonna you're gonna hard to
believe that this show goes all theway back to nineteen thirty five. The
(27:52):
way it sounds, well, contentwise maybe, but you know, the
audio quality is great. June third, nineteen thirty five. This episode of
Blumm and Abner as they continue dealingwith the theater. How to everybody here,
(28:42):
We are all ready to take youdown to Pine Ridge for another visit
with Lum and Abner brought to youby the makers of Harles, the original
Malted Milk. And now let's seewhat's happening down in pine Ridge. Well,
Lemon Abner have a crew of carpentersbusy remodeling the old cotton warehouse,
(29:03):
which they planned to use as theirnew theater. They purchased a second hand
moving picture projector from a theater overat the County Seat, and Cedric we
Hunt, the future operator, isbeing sent there to learn how to operate
the machine. As we look inon pine Ridge today we find Abner down
at the Jottham Down Store. Lumhas just returned from getting Cedric started on
(29:25):
his journey. Listen, well,come in, long, come in.
He ain't got Cedric started off allright, Yeah, I've never seen a
boy should tickled in my life.He rode into the County Seat with the
mail carry and oh he folks areall over to tell him goodbye. Your
mamma stood then waved goodbye to him. First she could seem big tears run
(29:49):
down her cheat, but he'd thinkhe's going to war the way she carried
on. Wellaw me, he ain'tgonna be gone, but a wee mare,
it ain't between him out in thereand old how yes, who come
in on the on the bush wallagoo. Oh that Pauline Ushery from Conway.
She coming well for the land,says, I'd love to see her
(30:10):
the first time I'm shore in along time. No, well, I
sure would love to share. Tella woman about it too. She'd be
glad as you more likely gore andvisit with her. Yeah, and I
just hope it Cedric learns how torun that picture machine in long if we're
going to pay all his expenses whilehe's in there, Oh, he'll catch
on with that old right manager ofthe lyric in there said he just let
(30:33):
him stay right up there in thebooth and watch that color running that machine
or there. Yeah, well that'snice, hob. I'm to learn him
how that way. Well, Ihad that right in the deal, you
know, when I bought that picturemachine from him, I told him he'd
have to show someone how to runit. Yeah. Hell, I still
think that you're paying Cedric too muchmoney though, too much money, Yes,
just paying him the same price we'sgiving him to deliver groceries here in
(30:56):
the store. Yeah, but nowhe gets to see the shoal free for
nothing. Well, he's got tosee the show. If he's going to
run the film's happner, he's gotto look down here once in a while
and see if he's got the pictureon the screen strade. Well, yeah,
but there weren't no use and givethem passages to the whole family.
Long, Oh, well, heain't gonna hurt nothing. His folks wouldn't
come out to the show if theyhad to pay no hound, so we
(31:18):
ain't losing nothing. Yeah, butyou're just going to have that place old
were full every night with folks thatain't paying nothing to get in. Started
out and saying that you weren't goingto give old passages an old body.
Well, I did say that yougive Grandpappy spears and all head relations some
and said rinking all of his family. Well, Grandpappy is a pioney player
(31:40):
though. Yeah, but I don'twear talking to them Carpenter to halla goal.
They said you promised all them apass if they had rush at work,
though, Did I tell them thatthat's what they're said? Yeah,
it seemed like I did say somethinglike a yesterday, but that I just
get it done, and he quickerever and moules mootzers telling me down the
barber shop to give him one.Mold. Oh yeah, yeah, I
(32:04):
had to give him one. See, I rented them chairs from the lodge
hole over and he had charge ofthem. That's better than giving the whole
lodger pass. Just give one tomold. That was short of a bat
I used on him. Man,I know, but his wife and a
little molders ain't ever had charge ofthem too, they'd they, Well,
no, but you can't give aman a passion expect him to leave his
family at home. No, well, I don't know everybody. I see
(32:29):
and ask him if for coming toour should when we get it opened up.
While they say sure they got apass, it looks like to meet
we ain't gonna have room for thecash custom. Oh there's plenty of room
over wherever. Now, don't youstart worrying about that. We rented two
hundred chairs. Yeah, I know, I ain't give out over fifty passes
anyway. See these folks that you'regetting in for nothing, it'll be good
(32:52):
advertisements for advertisement. Yeah, we'lluse him for decoy you folks around town.
On here will be setting out onher front gallery of the evening and
see a big crowd going by theirplace and on their way to the showing
on first thinging, Oh, theyget up and follow em aroll am.
More likely they see some many goingdown there they tell figured there won't be
(33:15):
an old sitting room for them,just not go. Oh well, now
they ain't all going every night ever, Like I want to give the mail
carrier for taking Cedric in demeanor.He just spends every other night out here
in fine reads. Well i'll bedad blame. Did you give him one
too? Yeah, but they ain'tbut three in his family, him and
his wife and one children. Theyain't gonna take out much room. Well,
(33:36):
I swan to goodness, Well,I ain't no used to complain about
it now ever, they've doesn't giveout, can't go around ask him to
give them back to us. Whatwould ever Lena think for us to go
over and tell her, I'd haveto have that passed back. I'd give
her Evelina. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot to tell you about that,
And I figured I may as wellgive her a pass. She'd be
(33:58):
going to the shore with me mostof the time anyway, And I know
I ain't gonna walk up and buyan old ticket from myself. Well,
this looks like we may as welljust put a big sign down there saying
free show here. You want meto take up tickets and ain't gonna be
nobody to take them up from?Well, Abner, I can't run the
show if you're going to be complainabout everything I do. We've got to
(34:21):
decide on which one of us isballs and let him run things. Ye,
decide on which one is boss.Yeah, and I got one of
us in mine, and I thinkit makes us a good man for a
two Yeah, and I gotta puta good idea who a test too.
Well, I'm glad we agree onone thing. I never said nothing about
a gren on it. I justsaid I knowed who you had in mind.
(34:42):
Where. Don't you think he'd makea good one? No, sure,
I don't. I don't think heknows a thing about running a picture
show. And I ain't gonna standfor it one minute neither. All right,
No, all right, that's theway you feel about it, well,
exactly the way I feel on Eric, And we just have to let
the other and have it in.Ain't but two of us, you know,
Yeah, Well, I chat thetime, just let the other habits.
(35:04):
He figured that you'd make a betterman than I would. But if
you don't want it, I willtake it anything to be agreeable. You
was the one I hadn't mind arunning abner. But if you've got your
head set on me doing it,when I just do the best I can
with him, man, i'll bedad blamed. But I don't want you
Broughton in on every little thing Ido. Now, well, I ever
learned to keep my big mouth shit. I reckon that'll be better anyway,
(35:28):
though, facially if we call itLum's lyric, call it hard Lum's larric.
I studied that up last night whileI was laying there in bed,
thinking, Yeah, you were asleepdreaming. If you think that's what we're
gonna call it, well, see, I picked that abner on account of
Lum started with all, and lyricsstarted with all. It'll be easier for
(35:50):
folks to recollect that a way.Well, I'm in the first place,
we wouldn't want to call it you'reor nothing. And in the second place,
that's the name of the picture showingat the county seat, Larry.
What's wrong with that Wirefolks would getmixed up. Somebody say, let's go
to the short lyric while they mightgo clean into the county seat. All
right, then what do you wantto call it? I don't try my
best to get along with you.Well, I don't know, it's loud.
(36:14):
We'd call it the pine Ridge PictureShore, something like here pine Ridge
Picture Show or Peabody and Edwards PictureShow. They don't call them picture shows,
Abner, Why do they call them? Why you've got to have a
name that don't mean nothing or thatis it ain't got nothing to do with
the picture show, like Majesticks andPrincess Orphans orphans and didn't you never hear
(36:37):
of orphans theater? I'm heard ofOrphan's Home. It's theaters too. I
went to one when I was inKansas City last week. And he's some
they call Pallas Palace. Yeah,Peabody's Palace. That man, just stop
right where you're at, Avery,I don't know what you're gonna say.
Might be best first, just notto have neither one of her names up
there holding the big electric sign andwhat big electric signs? Wait, a
(37:01):
man here comes to the cutters,Yeah, I see him, But what
about that big electric sign or that'sthe first out here? To that.
I just figured we are to haveone might now all pitch your shows.
He's got them, man, Idon't see no use in it. Long
I'm spending all that money. Theywon't be but one show in town,
and everybody know where it's had.Damn U shop at that time and night
to be at the shoal and damnit it ain't to be asleep to where
(37:22):
they couldn't say no. Howe hedid come in Horde. I just came
by the warehouse or where it lookedlike you about got that new floor Finnish.
Yeah, here's he said he'd haveit done by night. How you
Abner? All right? Or Ican dick shout out? Yeah yeah,
Me and Abner, we're just sittinghere trying to decide on a name for
a new show. Oh as youpicked out a name for you. No,
(37:44):
we can't seem to find one thatboth of us agrees on. Where
do you want to get a goodname for it? All right? Love?
I thought about corn It Rock She'sbut somebody beat us to that name.
Yeah, and you ort to havesomething different. So many of them's
named lyric and queen and princess andyeah, of course we want a name.
It's going to sound like a pictureshow though. Yeah, sure,
(38:07):
wells. I passed the building whileI was there in Kansas City. Looked
a heap like a picture show building, but I never went inside. But
I like the name of that aboutas well as anything I've shold. Had
a sign out in front said dayplanetarium, doge, That isn't a good
sounding name? Or yeah planetarium?Yeah, you wouldn't want to give you
(38:27):
a picture show a name like that. What's the matter with it? What
planetarium is a place where they studythe Solar system, the stars and the
planets, place where they do white, a place where folks can go in
and look at the stars. Well, I grantees, that's just what we
want in. That's a very namewe're looking for. Yeah, they can
come in our place to look atthe movie stars. Grantees, that's just
what we'll call it, the PineRidge Planetarium. I'm sure proud he's playing
(38:52):
that to us here, Dick,here, take these. I'll give you
passes for your whole family there.Oh my goodness. Well, if Lum
keeps this up, the Pine Rid'sPlanetarium is going to do a big business
with free admissions. We still havea minute or so left, folks,
(39:13):
Let's listen to what mister mc wouldof Phillipsburg, Kansas says in a recent
letter to Lamonabner. For a longtime, I've been an ardent admirer of
your product, Harlock's Malted Milk.I already say that it saved the life
of my two twin daughters. Here'sthe story. For months it seemed they
wouldn't live. After six months ofanxious worry, in which my wife and
(39:36):
I tried food after food, weput them on Harlocks malted milk. They
seemed to take to Hollocks just likea duck takes to water, beginning to
gain immediately. They're two years oldnow, fine, strong, healthy girls,
and I'm never without their Harlocks.I know that lots of mothers would
be interested in Harlocks if they onlyknew it's value. Well, thank you,
(40:00):
mister Wood. Just as you say, if only all mothers knew the
value of Harleck's malted milk in infantfeeding, there would certainly be that many
more healthy babies. Harlecks, youknow, is sold at all druggists.
This is Carton Bricker speaking for LemonAbner and Harlecks, who now bid you
(40:21):
all good night and good health.And so now you know why the motion
picture in pine Ridge was named thepine Ridge Planetarium. June third, nineteen
(40:46):
thirty five, Lomon Abner on ClassicRadio Theater with Wyattcox. I'm so happy
to have a complete collection of LemonAbner that is fully restored, because,
as I said before, back,oh gosh, it has to be teen
years ago. I got CDs fromLeman Abner collectors and they were horrible sound
(41:07):
quality, but they were enjoyable shows. And now you can hear the shows
much better and in broadcast quality.That's the great part about this. Thanks
to Ted Radio Memories dot com.Radio Memories dot Com shows available on cassette,
CD or flash drive for your computer. If you have a friend or
(41:27):
a family member who still only usescassettes and doesn't use CDs or computers or
iPods or any of that stuff,you can contact Ted for cassettes. There
you go, Radio Memories dot Com. Now we want to thank this station,
hope you will support their advertisers,their kindness and courtesy allow us to
be with you each and every timeyou roll around here on your favorite station.
(41:51):
Our web page Classic Radio dot Streamstream our shows on demand. Learn
about give building a classic radio collectionto be your own. Learn about getting
our show through podcasts. Also,you can find our social media links.
If you'd like to support us,you can buy me a coffee that helps
us acquire additional classic radio collections andhelps us maintain our distribution channels. That's
(42:13):
a classic radio dot stream, ClassicRadio dot Stream. Thank you so much
for tuning in. Tell all yourfriends the greatest radio shows of all time,
all right here at this spot onthe dial. Classic radio Theater with
whyt Cox on your favorite station
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