Public Domain an episode of Columbia Workshop -

Please enjoy Public Domain a great episode of the legendaryColumbia Workshop - - A Classic Old Time radio Show

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
The Columbia Workshop. At some timeor other, everyone has felt a keen
desire to change his lot, tobreak away from me the customary scene,
and embark on an entirely new modeof living. For the purpose of our
story, we assume that the sameurge is helped by characters who are purely
exticious, and that the immortals ofliterature, who exist only between the well

(00:25):
worn covers of books, yearning forrelease from monotony. Even as you and
I in the Fatasty we are aboutto present, the feelings expressed by the
people you meet are their own andnot inspired by the authors who created them.
Having escaped through copyright lane into thelimitless expanse of the public domain,
they seek to assert themselves as independententities. We present the Messrs Tony and

(00:48):
Samuel Weller from the Pickwick Papers,Sarah Gamp and her mythical friend Missus Heiress
from Martin chiselwith Alice, the Duchess, the Mad Hatter, the Mock Turtle,
the White Knight, and the Dormousefrom the Alice Books via Lewis Carroll,
and from the Tragedy of Hamlet,Prince of Denmark by William Shakespeare.
We give you the melancholy day himself. Having announced our list of characters,

(01:11):
we leave them to speak for themselvesas did they come. No semi,
I've changed my mind, I endup coming with it. I don't want
to go making no changes at mytime alife. They're the keer olden seen
as thatss me major famous in themanner of speaking. I'm an aga for
a father. You ought to beashamed of yourself for wanting off me to
go back in a new world likea hawk in Porphins, while he's going

(01:34):
to be no public domains for me. That's what I says. Give me
the people what I came into theworld with mister Pickwick, mister Gingle,
mister Tapman and the restaurant him.I feels a home with them. I
don't want to go reading no strangers, and why not. There's lots of
people as good as us in thepublic domain, all the Shakespeare people that

(01:55):
is, and kir Pattery and theQueen of Sheebee, hundred and thousands of
them that is. And you canmeet them all if you'll only come out
of your show and suppose and Idoesn't like them when I meet some semible
there isn't give them a piece ofyour mind like you used to go in
pictic, can't you real? SamI could try me in there. It's
show to speak. But if Idon't have mister Dickens along to put the
vergs in my mouth, I mightmake such a welly good fist on it.

(02:19):
He never knows what you can doto your tries. As the helephant
said that, he asked me ifhe could play the piano. No,
I might go with the events.If it'll keep your quiet, surely try
it. Who knows but what wemight meet. Mister Dickens hisself there before
you says he's true. Oh no, Elden, mister Dickins won't be there.
No talk for that. He wasa hawser. And horses never goes

(02:39):
into the public domain their selves.They don't like it, and they said,
and they don't like their characters thatgoing there neither. But nothing they
can do. Just top them.When there's been alive as long as you
and me have all right, Sammy, there ain't never no time write a
present. So if your art saidon it, just better let Megata said,
we go olden. What do youthink of it? Singer five?

(03:10):
This year public domain. I don'tsee nothing friender for about it looks like
a bit of Sussex to me,Dan Clayton, Way, he are a
lot of people about there, sayyou know it takes all kinds of people
to make literat to her you musthave forget is you and me as Solita
tour Yes we are Sami maybe asthere we ought to escape there. Tell
me, SEMy, he's be likecreate to meet any bidding the just as

(03:35):
like as not Olden. You know, there's a lot of militature fact and
fiction. Ohova's matters of friction,and none of them know what a fact
that it is osamable protect me fromthe bidding you left, and then to
protect Yourselfholden, and you better bepretty quick about it too, because you're
good to be lots on them there. Why he is one to come in

(03:58):
now good morning, meet his gayOh like that they're nice, Fammy weller,
Oh your poor dear pat too.I suppose you tell you're going to
the convention, you know, AndI was thinking an idea, fen Missy
Gerry's only this morning. Mister Gerry'sI kid, I'm going over to that
gear convention in the PRESSU domain ieties, and she says to me, here,

(04:19):
she says, I have more offthe mind to come with you.
She says, but I didn't wonderthat chips in the long, mister Willa,
why not two villages only half asdangerous? If you are still ran,
you're almost runs a little chance findjoking man? Vers is poison,

(04:41):
man, That's what I say,is so that's it is? Its pison,
yes, ma'am. Poison. Andspeaking of poison, how did you
happen to become of the day man? Oh? Dare you? You're him
bibing old? What? God?I leave your low with a lady for
a ten minutes, but you mustgo and get you over all excited?

(05:02):
Dar mister tell me I'm so lugurhere to protect me? I hate,
ma'am. He's a rag abell fatherof mine needs all a protection I got.
But here comes a gentlemen what lookslike one of them knights of chivalry.
He might protect you if he ain'tgot nothing better to do where line,
if he don't get deer kind greatgentlemen, mister Pike, care just

(05:27):
isn't to say, a poor wishwoman? What's for imposed song? You
honor me too much fair lady,mister gallahead right through the run, but
not the one. I haven't seenthat to days and always had me o
nasis untill let them. It's theDickens took advantage of me and put my
head out pop. I was aboutto see, Madam, that you wanted

(05:49):
me too much in calling me thegallahead. That noble knight is many leagues
away? Will who are you dinner? Coming along in her? Raising up
me oaks like that? Just likeall the risks that are men always imposing
on our widow n sing, Iam but a poor white knight, offering
my services to such as are inneed of them. At the moment I

(06:10):
have under my protection this little girlwhom I found weeping beside a broken looking
glass. Ah, the poor letterdaring and what's your nine? What's the
macon? Have they lost your tongue? Aren't you say good morning? Can
your dear old auntie Sarah? Comeon? Jack? Is shit hand such

(06:30):
right? Oh? I gotta begreat friends. I'm weak, darling,
you hurt. I don't like you. We're not going to be friends,
and I'm sure you're not my auntPlease center away, white Knight. Well,
Madam, that's is I yeah,and every here for this year?
Who's this? Tell you? Oldwoman? Are coming on in a look
at all of them funny people withus. Harry, where are you?

(06:54):
Where are you? Oh? Yeah, you are? You are? Lacky
girl? Come along like what we'relike to look at the the duchess.
Oh, I'm so glad she's come. I'm along, Rickinson. I've got
to go and find the orders.Now, how do you think we can
have a convention if you are there? The fourteen? Oh you'll wait,
my heart, come on with saware or we can follow her and then
we shan't lose her kills? Allright, mamas? The right here?

(07:16):
Do we? All right? Tellyou if for one who don't like Vidders,
I knows what I'm a doing of, share me. He's safety in
them based me. Boy, Nowsee what you've done? Are nice new
friends of lefters. And the Duchesshas gone and dissolved into tears. She
hasn't gone anywhere. She dissolved righthere. She'll be back directly. But

(07:38):
how can she come back if shehasn't gone. Let's ask to happen.
She was right behind her when shewent, but you said she didn't go
now you're being stupid. Go overand stand on your own square, and
don't you move until I tell youtoo. How where's that happens? Oh?
There you are. What shall wedo about the duchess? Hatter?
That's seven in quest? But sheisn't dead. How do you know she

(07:58):
isn't She was here just a yearago, here, today, gone tomorrow.
Then we should have to wait untilthe day after tomorrow. Certainly enough
she might not go. Then wecouldn't have an inquest if we never do
give in my fountain said, whereis it in my pocket? Which pocket?
My best pocket? My pen andink? Best pocket? Ellie,
Oh, there's that stupid mock turtle. I wonder what he wants? Oh

(08:20):
head, I would all have sidthe duchess. I told you she hadn't
gone? All off couple for nothing? What trouble? We didn't have the
inquest? Hope we might have had. Then? Where should we have been
here? Of course, no,we shouldn't. We should have been where
the duchess was. She wasn't anywhere, and that's just where we should have
been nowhere. Oh, let's changethe subject. Where's that the muck turtles
crawling away? Bring him back.It's nearly dinner time. Come turtle,

(08:43):
night turtle, coming, long turtle, But I don't want to come to
laughter dinner. I think you're veryunkind turtle. If you feel you'd rather
we didn't have any dinner, I'llspeak to the Duchess about it. Oh,
she's gone. I do believe she'srunning after that. Old mister Willis
is here. Doesn't make any difference. We shall see them all at the
convention, both the white night allis. Come along, turtle, thank you

(09:03):
very much. And while round theway, I'll tell you the sad story
of my life. You've told usthat before it begins once I was a
real wife. I'm very sorry,but I made that up. I'll tell
you the real story this time.How can a muck turtle have a real
story? Cut? Can't you seethe pork in his right eye? For
himself? Dan turtle? Thank him. My mother, a beautiful, fat

(09:26):
brown cow, was born in Gibberoltar. A silver spoon was in her mouth
round her neck of golden halter.That's a very good portrait, go on,
turtle. She was clever and sweet, with very small feet. An
admirer of missus Grundy and her friendswith a glad, proud smile she'd greet
when she took me to church onSunday. How happy was I in my

(09:50):
car food days as I nibbled thegrass and clover. You'll not find another
with my sweet ways if you searchthe whole world over. But so I
came on a troublous time, asalways with cattle and men. For when
father was called to a happier climefor mothers, he mattered again. Oh
sad is the lot of a bovinecot step sired by our host time wolf

(10:15):
with clouds. My sky was overshotby sorrowing cup was full, had an
auction. One day my step papawas sold to a vigorous bidder, and
then for the second time, Mammawas a long and lonely widow. At
last he died, and I wasso benumbed by this bereavement. I stayed

(10:37):
a calf. I refused to grow, observed the great achievement, For had
I died, would have been mylot to be flavored with mason, myrtle
and basil and thyme, and chockeda lot and dazzled as pure mocked turtle.
Who are mocked cattle? I didn'tsay poor, I said pure and
pleased, done in the rub.But such a fate I scorned to meet.

(11:00):
I would not end so lowly forlife Ice, where he's very sweet
by everything that's holy frustration, though, does wait for me? For now?
My frame sol scrawny, noddine,mock turtle? Can it be just
plain? Maliditon? Oh? Youpoor thing? Isn't there anything we can

(11:22):
do for him? Hatter? Thefirst thing they can do is keephim out
of the way of the duchess.She loves malkaitone lookut the way she's always
throwing pepper at anybody that is inthe duchess. It's the cook. Well,
what's the difference. The duchess paysher a dude, doesn't you She
hadn't paid her cook for months?Alice? Alice? Oh is the duchess
again? Hatter? W hever shallwe do? She's terribly angry always is
Ah, there you are? Whyaren't you at the convention? Where have

(11:45):
you been? We were just goingto the convention. I didn't that's where
you were going. Where you've been? We hadn't been anywhere? Where are
you now? Here? Then?Here is where you were? And this
is where you've been Oh wild,she too? Where is that their turtle?
I want my dinner. I knewthis was going to happen. Oh
please that you don't eat the mockturtle he said. He isn't a real

(12:07):
mock turtle. He's only a malicattorney. He's been deceiving me. Heavy
off with his head. I hatemodel just like a woman. You always
too much. You loved it waynow now he wasted all this time,
and now those difference people are comingback off with you, Off of you,
down to the convention of honey,go along, get along, get

(12:28):
along? Issues? Really was Lookthere they go out? Which easy?
Catch him? Old old on,I ain't so young, j are used
to be? And is he astrange climate? Seems to get me in
the windbag? Oh, I toldhim, easy enough. Now don't go
get him of yourself all excited,like, sit down a minute, think,
yeah, hold you will write ina minute or two. Did to

(12:52):
give it a slip? Seme?Did we give it a slip? That
the camp's shaky, you know,and that's something which you never continension.
I'll find us again, all Iask yey, shit, don't feed me
it up with her? That's allI ask, oh wish is how I
hadn't never come along with his semi, then I shouldn't never have met her.
Oh look after, Elden, maybeyou must remember all the nice people

(13:16):
you're meeting me here, that isLallis and the utter. And he's not
there for the old Duchess. Asher points, maybe she had that.
He's got him pretty well covered up. Now what's it? He at turtle
Quita funding of excuse myselves and mayplease your exhorted highnesses? I bring an
invitation from the Duchess. He requeststhe place over your company in the afternoon.

(13:37):
Tea, afternoon tea? Is it? I thought it was a convention?
Afternoon? She is always a conventionwith the Duchess. In what they
going? You can ween a there? Well, there's the price of four
collection of officers, boundaries of thepublic domain, a nomination of a president.
Both parties are expected of the Duchess'sparty, That are true, sir,

(13:58):
they're af probates and the publicans everychone you want us about for the
one you can get the most outof. Of course, it's quite democratic,
ain't it. What I wants toknow is who is this yere duchess,
and what's the duchies of what?Sir? She is my mistress,
the duchess of Wonderland. They're aboutthe duke. Believe it there, oh

(14:20):
le sir, there is no duke. Yes, for I thought you can
go and tell your duchess what isout? Tony Vella. Don't take tea
with no Vidders if you there whatthe canyon even? But I'm a going
and it'll make his lot comes back. And if he asks me what I
think is out? The Widders hasmore court to be afraid of you.
Then you have to be a favorof the Oh good bard Jeb. No

(14:43):
our fear that comes back if Iever does come back, all grettitudiness weasels
I ever did see. That's whatcomes a cleading of the crime everyone to
think of. You are going offand be your pardon, sir. I

(15:03):
trust I do nothing crude. Andif he has, but then dum and
sir, I shall continue on myway. I chose to see that you
were torn as by some grief,and so indecently did I stuck to water
you such service as I made,and come and I say, I'm sure
I beg your pardon to speaking kindof rap, but that this semi boy

(15:24):
of mine has been a god andleft me here in parts I haven't never
saw before. I'm at, Isay County, and I sir, I
am eminent Prince of den Park Prance. I think of it. I do
it with the blue. I justsaid, an invitation to a tea party

(15:45):
with a decade. Think of thatindezza to that same party. I am
wedding. Let us go together.It'll be all right if I was ago,
in which I ain't, what good, sir, not going to enjoy
it? Delightful hospitality of her gracethe ductess, That's what I said,
hid many verses did pat. ButI could serve a place stuff on the

(16:15):
tender three he'd not understanding, andI would speak by aide ill perfection may
wouldn't be good to the like ceoIki lendin here in these long time when
I was bought a lad and Knoxhospital and proving in the massas which concerned

(16:36):
him not play wisdom fisty of mygame. I up on me to play.
He thought not of the evil hedid to me, and took me
free of guile within his brainer,and to turn me around and steal me
from him fought into the world apapering of bringing a mother indifferent from this
tent and me is if he wasa wrong and depending of yourself like that?

(17:02):
And that Woods is just a burdenof my tales from that evil day
roam the world, every mouths anddived in every and, including the Scandinavian,
had been discussed and fall upon byall who paid the pick and swamps
u in the ratings for a melancholywhilst hamlet man, good sir, you're

(17:29):
telling me I'm very truth who wasamright to math? So meet and come
and queer you should be a carryingon. And I let mister Emrick,
you know I'm a waittim myself.I thought a child to a soul And
what road do you owe your plight? I wouldn't go so far as to

(17:52):
show you was a row, misterEmrick. Maybe he was a bit evident
like sort of one of them.Their dream is what brings this poor elpres
fits into the world. They're thesinging of the alarm. They're a doing
of this. Let's get a manof tot and reason, subtle head exactly,
mister Leith. And I'm glad ashow you recognize it as gentleman when
you're seized, not as how Iam mister Tony Mierionis was good enough to

(18:18):
call me. But what is howI must have been Sir Tony or even
Lord Tony. The Charlie dickens andmade up his mind as I was only
fix the head losses and ran awayfrom mirrors, and he explained that to
the purpose, and I give itto the Dutch. Hold on, now,
hold on what purpose? What thisis? I chose you, mister
Emersim, are going to visit nowthat that's why I mus sitting here alone.

(18:42):
You can go by yourself erion nobid the duchess an what fools?
These mortals be your pose? Stateof being hurts you, yet nothing will
you do to change it? Whathard line? Not mine? By deed
a dear Well, I don't seeas they are going to see where the

(19:03):
Duchuses are going? Well, oh, which isn't only going to be key,
it's the very important consensual and influentialliterary characters will be there. I
hope to get sufficient support to enableus to make a declation of independence.
The King and Queen the name ofPastor coming the name is supposed not for
generals, and many of the courtand diamonds clubs. We stayed. I

(19:27):
get a full back and we canhave a new deal. The part over
a bit the boss year judies gotto go with it. But duchess ats
of the greatest importance in the pertare an. As a younger generation,
I have never heard of this,both the duchess of wonder the tender things

(19:48):
on and it seems as I recollectsMisstrop with a telling young rge to come
with you the barely one day youknow the whether the duchess has never really
nice to sell. But seeing areyou make such a point on it.
Oh come look at me, Ryonis, don't let it, he said,
he I'm ready. It's excuse whata short distance I can almost tell up

(20:12):
at chattering from here, see thepeople first from belongs held who's your human?
Looking to pen rhyme a shamed Now, yeah, this is a poor

(20:33):
miss Anderson, gentleman from Denmark.Amlet Prince Juronis, this is me where
you own s semmo and a sorrowtrial he is told, say to me
to URIs, I said, betterspeak of the duchess. Pretty texious.
He is Danuels, Danuel, hereyou are will These people were the invitations

(20:56):
up with their heads. That's anice thing for you. Who's your friends?
What does it just prepared? Haveyou been drinking? Don't put it
with your arms, don't stand that, don't get down. Bet are your
tickets? Take you pay your time? Speak for your talking too, and
don't answer back silence. Why don'tyou say to it? Let please your
great as a meeting will now cometo orders. Secretary will call the rolls.

(21:18):
If you're here, don't bother toanswer. If you're not here,
raise your right hands. We'll seeto the calling of the role, mister,
Secretary of Faith, Alice Tony Weller, Sam Weller, Duchess, Dormouse,
White Knight, mad hat Her Hamlets, Napoleons, King of Heart,
Secretary of the Treasury. In allthe race, everybody pays, mister Chairman,

(21:41):
except those who didn't come. Theconnections is now in sessions. The
first time I'm on the program isthe collection of the carpet tack. We
don't want no carpet tack, then, stupid, How are you going to
keep your rugs from sliding? Hewas going to open the beginning with the

(22:03):
singing of a new campaign song writtenby the Habit. Because there may be
some later rivals, we shall notcall on the Hatim until it is later.
In the meantime, we are fortunatein having with us a gentleman from
Denmark. We're going to tell usabout the ancient memorial privileges of the Caucasian
Aborigines. The lords and ladies,Ladies and gentlemen, I have the honor

(22:25):
to introduce Prince Hamlet of Denmark grace. When I was a boy, I
served to term what he did sixteenpension bad. Thank you, thank you,
thank you. I'm sure we've alllearned the place to you from this

(22:45):
wonderful bessie. Ladies and gentlemen,the mock turtles. We are now supposed
a vote of confidence in Saint Hemlet, or the or the mock turtles.
I propose is the vote of confidencein Prince Hamlet. What are is it?
A man and omens? And itso easy a minute? A vote

(23:12):
of confidence is now before the meeting. All those nothing favors shall have their
heads shoved off. All those infavors they are The vote of confidence is
half of sickly unverous, undiquitously.What is that, jammy, with a
new word of my own, itmeans with all you difference by everybody,

(23:33):
every pair, God save the Queenrue Battania, and thank you very much.
This is the Germans, the Germansthe white knife hoordor horror for the
white knife, your grace, mylords and ladies, ladies and gentlemen.
There comes a tide in the affairsof men when he who waits for that

(23:57):
which never was and never is tobe, must inevitably discover that the cave
dwellers of Olympus are indisputably dominuendo furiosordagiolacrimoso, horrificous, paranzo manantropho so diacotic,
capricornum multi pa veniti elets her fungus. Ain't that the truth?

(24:22):
We are gathered here this afternoons toclaim the inalienable right to live our simple
lives as individuals, free and unhamperedby the sickrest sentiments and sloppy phrases assigned
to us by the selfish interests ofthe unsolicited authors of our lives. Here
here, dear hery alcor, ifthere are others here who will endorse my

(24:44):
sentiments, and I'm sure there mustbe. We can, by asserting ourselves
persistently and inflexibly, achieve our purposeof walking unmolested in the public domains without
fear of being suppressed by the tyrantswho concede us. For men make and
men may go, but we goon whatever, Why can't you, says

(25:07):
Caliber, It's what I really hardat the dangerous. What I wants to
know is how long is you andme the immortals of the criculars are coming
to make ourselves ridiculous by your Tobydomar jeeves and a cheese goes sar what

(25:32):
pagers with the higgorans and they didn'tknow how I just been should talk?
Why is the prosy vestigation as ourinneficant chair we talks of men are doing
off? Now? Why idicated people? I'm not taking off in stuffs about
ourselves and m aben and thanking you'rekind of man. They won't have not

(25:56):
listen to me, please, handyning as IDAs said the same, heavenly
as they're nicestrellas see when as Iknow the honorable oddship tendure by a lady
of qualities such as me when shehas to speak ignorant internight asciety and another
thing, another thing is he amatter of pampt and switch, And as

(26:18):
I always been nailed up as anhonorable example of putting my lips to the
bottle when I seem the toes asa matter how fact, I swear as
oh, I never touches that dropunless I'm skindish house, or we try
to have it to say it towhat frequent tougher in it. I've have
some weea, I taste dear whitenighte with tears in my eyes, but

(26:44):
there's no word cantiment. And asall of thinking a dear dmitted Edison this
morning, missus, you know verywell that Devi is not never knows such
a person who says right? What'sfrom every what are they doing? The
love? Oh? And I thinkI the deer Let it tell usselves come
to elder house. Darius covers Hanny'sCussing's all of that oil our team and

(27:11):
everybody comes to be take just featureof the one and the choet. Mister
Waller is goosed to sing our newfirst game songs and I want you all
the day in the forest, mixthe well, oh, the copyright lays
an horrible bang. You all werefour of a nomine's brain, and now
it were to gather that it's barbercopy. We'll cast for mofya instance in
our hills free for you. Havejust heard a performance of public Domain by

(27:55):
Eustace Wiatt, presented by the ColumbiaWorkshop. This week's production was directed by
by Earl McGill. Tune end nextsatterly at this same time for another Columbia
Workshop presentation. Natterly at the sametime for another Columbia Workshop presentation.