August 4, 2025 • 29 mins
A compilation of humorous shows ranging from slapstick sketches to witty banter and family sitcoms. This series highlights the timeless appeal of laughter and character-driven comedy.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, if father knows best. Transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert
Young as father. A half hour visit with your neighbors,
the Andersons, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House,
the coffee that's always good to the last drop. This, unfortunately,
(00:49):
is the time of year when most young people become
arsonists at heart. As they sleep, the gentlest smiles creep
softly across their gay young faces, smiles cause by a
joyous vision, a glorious dream of the schoolhouse burning down. Yes,
this is the time of year when the young ones
returned to their scholastic grime. And in Springfield, in the
(01:11):
white frame house on Maple Street, the morning is a
hectic one. Indeed, like this, Jim, who's in there?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Jim, your coffee's ready?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Do you want to know?
Speaker 5 (01:22):
I want to get into the bathroom. I have to
shave Benny.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I'm in here.
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Father, Well, who's in the bathroom?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
I think it's sad?
Speaker 7 (01:31):
But did you want something dead?
Speaker 6 (01:35):
What are you doing in there?
Speaker 7 (01:37):
I'm taking a shower?
Speaker 6 (01:39):
But why did you lock the door.
Speaker 7 (01:40):
I don't have any clothes on, but yes, hurry up, okay, dad,
I'll be right out.
Speaker 6 (01:49):
I dream already was a live.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
He doesn't have any clothes on. Of course, everybody else
takes a shower in a raccoon coat. I don't know
what's gotten into that boy acts more like his mother's
side of the family every day, banging up there.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
Oh, the same old thing, honey.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Isn't there anything we can do about a schedule for
the bathroom?
Speaker 6 (02:17):
It gets worse every morning.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I know here. But after all, this is a special morning.
Speaker 8 (02:21):
It's the first day of school, and the children are
all anxious to look their best.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
But I have to be in Plainfield at nine o'clock.
It's a very important deal. I told everybody last night.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Of course, dear, I.
Speaker 8 (02:31):
Know just how you feel, and you'll feel a lot
better after you've had your coffee.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I'll have it ready in just a minute.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
You said it was ready, It was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Ready, But when you didn't come down.
Speaker 6 (02:41):
I'd better go back upstairs and stand in line.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Jim.
Speaker 8 (02:45):
It will only take me a second to pour you
another cup of coffee.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Okay, And anybody who thinks he can live in a
house with one bathroom and three kids ought to have
his head examined. What is it, Bud, I'm off, Well,
it's about time.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
Don't let anybody else until I get up there. Okay, Jim,
where you go.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
I'm going to shave, but I poured your sorry, honey,
you'll just have to pour it back. The bathroom's clear.
I may not have a chance like this for another
hundred years.
Speaker 6 (03:12):
Hold the fork. Buttom on my way, Teddy but says.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't go into the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
That's right, thank you, Bud.
Speaker 7 (03:19):
Okay, Dan, But I have to take.
Speaker 9 (03:21):
A shower and I have to go to school. And
how can I take a shower if nobody will let
me get.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Into the bathroom?
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Kathy, Daddy has to go to Plainfield, that's twenty eight
miles away, and he has.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
To be there at nine o'clock.
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Why.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
Because I want to sell mister Butler's some insurance so
we can get some.
Speaker 6 (03:38):
Money so we can eat. Is that clear?
Speaker 4 (03:42):
I don't know. I just want to take a shower.
Speaker 6 (03:46):
Pathy. I have to shave, and I can't shave while
you're taking a shower by because you get the mirror
all steamed up.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Because I want to get the plainfield, wearing both ears
and don't say why?
Speaker 9 (03:58):
Why?
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Why don't you go do your homework something?
Speaker 7 (04:03):
Oh, I don't have.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Any homework school. I hasn't even started yet.
Speaker 6 (04:07):
Well make some up, bud. What happened to my shaving cream? No?
I want my shaving cream? Where is it?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Maybe there isn't any I could have figured that out
for myself, except that I just bought a whole tube
of it.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
Margaret, What shaving cream?
Speaker 7 (04:27):
Dear?
Speaker 6 (04:28):
The shaving cream I bought last night?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You didn't buy any shaving cream last night?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
I most certainly did, didn't I?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
No, dear, you didn't.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Well I should have, bud Y, are you dressed?
Speaker 7 (04:46):
I'm tying my shoes.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Run down to the drug store and get me some
shaving cream like a good fellow, will you?
Speaker 7 (04:50):
You bet? As soon as I finished my breakfast.
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Get it for me. Now you can have your breakfast later.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
Holy cow, Dad, I haven't eaten since last night.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Well, another five minutes won't make any difference. Use the
car and hurry back.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Please.
Speaker 7 (05:07):
Okay, what'n't the.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
Who's in there?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Kathy?
Speaker 6 (05:13):
Come out of that bathroom this instant?
Speaker 9 (05:16):
The bathroom, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Well, who is I know? Betty, Betty, did you want
something further? What are you doing in there?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I'm taking a shower.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Well open the door.
Speaker 8 (05:35):
And you can't shave until Bud comes back anywhere.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
That's got nothing to do with it. I was in
the bathroom first. You had no right to sneak in
when my back was turned.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Do you please stop acting like an overgrown baby. You
can have her coffee while daddy's taking her shower.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Why did they have to open the schools today?
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Three hundred and sixty five days in the year, and
they have to pick a day when I have an
appointment plane field.
Speaker 6 (05:57):
There's no system in this town. That's what. They just
run things to suit themselves.
Speaker 7 (06:01):
The car is in the garage. It what it isn't
in the garage.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Oh that's fine, that's just great. I'm not having enough
trouble now.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Somebody stolen the car, Jim, let's.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Not get all upset.
Speaker 8 (06:14):
Maybe you didn't put the car in the garage last night.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
I didn't use the car last night. I came home
with that, Davis.
Speaker 5 (06:19):
Remember Betty had the car all afternoon. Betty, Yes, father,
where did you leave the car?
Speaker 6 (06:28):
But go downstairs and call the police.
Speaker 8 (06:30):
No body wait there must be a logical explanation to
this whole thing.
Speaker 6 (06:34):
Of course, there's a logical explanation. Somebody stole the car.
Is anything wrong, father, Oh no, everything's just fine. Somebody
stole the car, that's all they did.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Who.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
How do I know who?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Where? Did you leave it in front of your office?
That's what you told me to do, isn't it.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I told you to leave it in front of the office.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You said if I got through early to leave it
in front of your office and come home on the bar,
then you wouldn't have to use the bus during.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The rush hour.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
But I came home with that, Davis, Well, I came
home on the bus.
Speaker 7 (07:10):
Nobody.
Speaker 6 (07:11):
You're going to be a great comfort to me in
my old age if I live that long.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Father, I just did what you told me to.
Speaker 6 (07:19):
Why didn't you tell me you left the car downtown?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
You didn't ask me?
Speaker 5 (07:24):
He gods, seventeen years old and she can't tell you
anything unless you ask her.
Speaker 7 (07:29):
I'll be right back.
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Where are you going?
Speaker 7 (07:31):
It's okay, Dad, I'll use my bicycle.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
No, but come back here, bud.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
He's gone, Dear.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
I don't know the only time that boy ever hurries
is when you want him to stand still?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Well, Dear, you told him to go to the drug store.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I wanted him to go down for the car. How
can I possibly get the plane field without a car?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
You can use the bus, Nobody asked you, But you
just said I was seventeen years old.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Mind what I just said? What's that?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What's what?
Speaker 6 (07:58):
Dear? That's a car? Is it in our drive?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
No, that's the Davises. I guess it's going to work.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Ed. That's it, Betty, hurry up and get dressed.
Speaker 7 (08:04):
What for?
Speaker 6 (08:05):
Never mind?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
What for?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Just get dressed?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Jumping creepers?
Speaker 6 (08:09):
Ed say, Ed, what's up?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Ed?
Speaker 6 (08:12):
I want you to do me a favor, a big favor.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Will you wait until Betty gets dressed and take her
down to my office.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
I guess she'll want to be a minute, okay, and
make it snappy. Thanks, Ed, you're a pal. Well, that'll
take care of that, Betty. What he's waiting for, Betty?
And he'll take her downtown and she can bring the
car back there.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
You see, there was no need to get upset about
the whole thing in the first place.
Speaker 6 (08:35):
Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Betty, What are you doing I'm getting dressed, okay, look
ed Davis is waiting to take you downtown.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Oh, he doesn't have to do.
Speaker 9 (08:43):
That, father, Janieliggot's gonna take me up.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
He's going to take you downtown so you can get
our car and bring it back here.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
But I can, Father, I'll miss my ride to school.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
I'll take you to school.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
But Jennie Leggett, I don't care about Janie Leggett.
Speaker 6 (08:56):
This is more important.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
If it's so important, why don't you go down town
with mister Davis.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I'll tell you why.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
In the first place, I haven't shaved, In the second place,
I haven't had my shower, And in the third place,
I told you to go down in the first place.
Now hurry up and get dressed, and don't take all
day about it.
Speaker 6 (09:16):
Double What was that?
Speaker 4 (09:20):
I said?
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Yes, father, person gets you into a mess like this,
the least they can.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
Do is get you out. She'd used her head, the
car wouldn't have been left downtown in the first place.
First time in her whole life she ever got through
with it early.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Jim, why did you come downstairs with me and have
your breakfast? You can save a little time.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
No, I got to shave and you can't.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Shave until that gets back with a shaving cream.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Well, I can take a shower and brush my teeth
and oh no, what is it? Who's in there? Who's
in the first room?
Speaker 10 (09:50):
Did you want something, daddy?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
That's a real cup of coffee? Nice words to hear
at your table, aren't they? And tomorrow you can hear
them from the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am, because
that number one expert is your husband. Of course, we
think we stand pretty highest experts. Our Maxwell House coffee
(10:40):
is America's favorite brand. But we know the final judge
is that husband of yours. And tomorrow, if you'll pour
him a cup of Maxwell House, you'll hear him say, now,
that's real coffee. We're so sure of that, we'll give
you your money back if he doesn't. You see, we're
mighty proud of that famous good to the last drop flavor.
(11:01):
And we know no other coffee tastes like Maxwell House
because no other coffee is made like Maxwell House. Get
up pound tomorrow, serve it to your husband. If he
doesn't say it's the best coffee he ever tasted, why
just send us the can an unused portion and we'll
gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right
on the front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow starts
(11:24):
serving the world's greatest coffee.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
Expert Maxwell House.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Coffee always good to the last drop. Cleanliness is next
to godliness, that's what they say. But there are times
when it can be overdone. It's a cup of coffee.
Later in the white frame house on Maple Street, and
(11:50):
the Anderson's bathroom is still giving a pretty fair imitation
of the.
Speaker 6 (11:53):
Grand Central station.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Father unshowered and unshorn, is low man on the totem pole, and.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Last man into the bathroom as usual like this. They
want to pass an ordinance.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
That's what What was that, dear?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
I said, there ought to be a law no house
can be built without ten bathrooms. Jim, Well, look at
the time, a quarter past eight, and I haven't even
started to shape.
Speaker 8 (12:16):
It won't take long once Bud gets back. How about
another cup of coffee?
Speaker 6 (12:21):
Well, okay, there you are, thank you. Even if Betty
gets back with a car by eight thirty, I won't
be able to make it, of course you will. Oh,
it's twenty eight miles to Plainfield. In my appointments for
nine o'clock.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Jim, I'm sure if you explained to mister Butler, you'll understand.
Speaker 6 (12:38):
Oh sure, I'm sorry. I'm late, mister Butler.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
But one of my children left the car downtown and
the others wouldn't let me get into the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
He loved that. Hey, Dad, and it's about time we're
in here.
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Bud, boy, did I ever have a time? You know
what happened?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Do you mind what happened? Where's the shaving cream right here?
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Gosh, it was awful. You know what happened.
Speaker 6 (12:57):
All I want is the shaving cream. What took you
so long?
Speaker 7 (13:00):
That's what I'm trying to tell you. You know what happened,
Mister Crandall wasn't open yet, and I had to find
a drug store that stayed open all night. And then
when I found it, I didn't have enough money for
the large economy size, and then he couldn't find the small,
uneconomy size, and he tried to sell me that smelly
kind that you don't like. But I said, oh no,
And he said.
Speaker 6 (13:19):
Bud, give it to me. What the shaving cream? Let
me have it.
Speaker 7 (13:26):
Oh h it was thirty five cents, Dad, I know
how much it was.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
Handed over.
Speaker 7 (13:33):
Well, my allowance is only a dollar in requorterer, and
I spent sixty cents last night, and there's a whole
week to go.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Will you let go of the shaving cream?
Speaker 7 (13:43):
I know you don't mean to forget things like that dead,
But last year, when I laid out fifteen cents for
the pipe cleaners.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
I paid you for the pipe cleaners. No you didn't, Dad,
As a matter of fact, I think I paid you twice.
Speaker 7 (13:56):
Well, anyway, it was only fifteen cents. But this is
five cents.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
But let go.
Speaker 7 (14:02):
That's practically half a dollar. I said, let gold, and
I only get a dollar on a quarter.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
But you're squashing it.
Speaker 7 (14:08):
So why don't you just give me the thirty five cent?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
Because I don't carry money my pajamas.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
That's why. Now let gold.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But I'll give you the thirty five cents.
Speaker 11 (14:16):
You will, yes, Oh, well here you are, Dad, Thank you,
thank you very much.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
Oh that's okay, Dad, I was glad to help.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
Yes, I can see that, all right, Bud.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Sit down, No, I'll get your breakfast.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Oh gosh, you can understand how I feel, can't your mom?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yes, dear, it.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
Isn't as if I didn't trust him.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
But look what happened when I bought the pipe cleaner
pive cleaners my own son.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
You think I was trying to cheat him out of
thirty five cents? Where did you get the thirty five
cents in the first place? And look at it? If
that isn't the messiest looking too, with shaving free, got
it all squeezed.
Speaker 6 (14:58):
Out of shape.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Spend your whole life trying to make things easy for
your family. Ye God, Cathy, Kathy, aren't you out of
there yet?
Speaker 9 (15:10):
I see what I'm rushing my tee.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
You've been in there long enough to grow new ones.
Speaker 6 (15:20):
Now come on out to brush my kids. You can
brush them later. Open the door, daddy.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I have to brush my teeth.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If I don't, I'll have to do it afterwards, and
then i'll be late for school.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
I'll take you to school. Just let me get in there.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I wasn't late for school even once last year, and
this year, if i'm like.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
The very first day, you won't be late, Kathy, I
promise you not. Please let me get through.
Speaker 9 (15:44):
Jeez whiz.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Just because I'm the littlest one in the family, everybody
thinks I don't have any feelings, and I do I've
got as many feelings as anybody.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
Fine, I'll tell him when he comes in.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
You'll tell who?
Speaker 8 (16:00):
What? Who?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
You tell when he comes in?
Speaker 6 (16:04):
When who comes in?
Speaker 4 (16:05):
I don't know?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Well, stop talking about people you don't know. Hey, I please.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Shave, he said, I'll tell him when he comes in.
And I said who? And he said, Jim.
Speaker 6 (16:24):
God's no, what why is it?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Margaret's on the phone.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Well, tell her to hurry up.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
She wants to talk to you.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Oh my aching back, I'll be riding down Margaret, Kathy,
don't ever get married.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
And if you do get married, don't have any children.
And if you do have any children, don't try to shave.
Go beer, daddy, Is it all my teeth? No, stay
out of the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Gee, where.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
Betty? Why aren't you back here?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Is that you father?
Speaker 6 (16:57):
Of course not. This is Admiral Burden. I'm speaking from
the south.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
Are you fun down town?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
That's nice? Are you're having a good time? Father?
Speaker 4 (17:04):
The car has been stolen.
Speaker 6 (17:06):
We'll stop pooling around down there. And it why it
is where I left it?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
There's another car there in the.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Man of the filling station said he's seen somebody fiddling.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Around with it this morning.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Betty, and I guess they found the place under the
bat where we hide the keys.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Betty, yes, Father, go over to the police headquarters. Give
them a full description of the car, may model, color,
license number.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Have you got that?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I guess so.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Tell them I'll be in later in the morning to
make a full insurance report.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Is that clear?
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Well, there's only one thing I don't understand.
Speaker 8 (17:36):
Yes, What am I supposed to do about my breakfast?
Speaker 6 (17:41):
Betty?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (17:43):
Father, eat it?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Oh okay, and Betty.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Don't worry, father, I'll take care of everything.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Good right after breakfast, Betty, Betty, Oh fine. It's a conspiracy,
that's what it is. The whole thing is a plot
to keep me from getting the Plainfield. Well, that's fine,
that's just great.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Is anything wrong?
Speaker 6 (18:10):
No, everything's wonderful. This time somebody really stole the car,
that's all.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Oh shit, I'm up to my neck in appointments, the
busiest time of the whole year. A thing like this
has to happen to me. Sure, naturally they'd have to
be busy.
Speaker 6 (18:24):
They'll probably be busy all day. Oh, dear George Phillips.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
If I can borrow his car, I can still get
the Plainfield in time.
Speaker 8 (18:31):
But Jim, I wouldn't count on that George may need
the car himself.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Why don't you just call mister Butler?
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Because it took me two months to set up this appointment,
and I don't intend to lose it. And if George
Phillips can't do a little thing like blend me his car, well,
it's just too bad. That's all all right, dear.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I suppose you know best, but you want.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
Me dead now?
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Whatever gave you that idea, you said, But.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
And you've figured the rest of it out all by yourself.
What did I do?
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Go across the street and ask mister Phillips if I
can use his car?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
What for?
Speaker 5 (19:19):
I've taken a contract to fill in the Grand Canyon,
and I want to use the Phillips car for a
dump truck.
Speaker 6 (19:24):
Clock You don't stop asking so many silly questions and
do as you're told.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
But I said, God, do as your father tells you.
Speaker 7 (19:34):
Holy call, Ask a perfectly simple question and everybody jumps
down your neck. Get a bunch of double talk about
filling in the Grand Canyon.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Jim, I don't think you were very nice to buy well.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
I haven't got time to be nice. I got to
get a car. I've got to get the plain field, Margaret. Yes, dear,
I'm going upstairs to shave. Will you call Hector Smith
and ask if I can borrow his car.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
I'll have it back.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
At twelve o'clock at the latest, all right, and explain
that it's an emergency.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Tell him it's practically a matter of of life and death.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes, dear, all telling.
Speaker 6 (20:02):
Oh, I've never seen them morning like this in my
whole life. Everything has to go wrong. I don't even
know why. I bothered to get out of bed.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Hello, Elizabeth, No, no, Kathy, are you in there again?
Speaker 9 (20:15):
I'll be right out, Daddy.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
I told you not to go back in, didn't.
Speaker 9 (20:18):
I the cure on the phone, and I had washed
my knees.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
You just took a shower. Everybody in the world's been
taking a shower.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I forgot to scrub my knees, and I couldn't go
to school the very first day if I didn't scrub
my knees.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Could I?
Speaker 5 (20:33):
All right?
Speaker 6 (20:33):
Kathy? Just let me in there?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Don't they look better now, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (20:37):
They're gorgeous now?
Speaker 5 (20:39):
I may I please get into the bathroom, jem Oh,
what is it? Dear Elizabeth?
Speaker 8 (20:44):
Says, she's awfully sorry, but Hector ran into the back
of a truck and their.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Car will be out of the garage until Friday.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
That's great, good old Hector, good old reliable Hector.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Do you want me to call the pathaways? They have
an extra little car?
Speaker 6 (21:00):
What do they say, Bud?
Speaker 7 (21:02):
Mister Phillips had to go downtown early and he took
the car with him.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (21:06):
Fine, And missus Phillips says she doesn't think mister Phillips
would let you take it to the Grand Canyon anyway
on account of one of the windshield wipers doesn't Well.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
That makes as much sense as anything else that's happened today.
Speaker 9 (21:31):
Daddy, you said you were going to take me to
school happy.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
This is no time to annoy your father.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
But it's all right, Margaret. I don't care the way
things have been going this morning. My mind is absolutely numb. Anyway, Dad,
two months, two whole months getting Butler lined up for
the kill, and then a thing like this has to happen, Dad, Fine,
bunch of friends we have.
Speaker 6 (21:51):
The windshield wiper.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
Doesn't work, Hector, and in the back of a Truckame.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I'm sure he didn't do it intentionally.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
No, But if he wanted to borrow a car, you
can bet your bottom dollar that'd be nothing the matter
with ours.
Speaker 7 (22:02):
Dad.
Speaker 6 (22:04):
But don't you ever keep still?
Speaker 7 (22:06):
I want to ask you something.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Well, go ahead, don't just stand there.
Speaker 7 (22:10):
Why didn't you use our car?
Speaker 5 (22:17):
But just a minute, Margaret, I'll be glad to tell him.
It seems, Bud, that you have a sister who hasn't
sense enough to come in out of the rain.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
I didn't do anything.
Speaker 6 (22:30):
She left the car downtown with the keys under the mat.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Oh that one.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
And as a result, we don't have a car. Sure
we do, Bud. The car has been stolen.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
No, it hasn't, Dad. It's out in front of the house.
I went downtown and got it.
Speaker 12 (22:47):
Oh no, so the car has been sitting right out
(23:10):
in front of the house.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Seems like when you want something.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
It pays to look for it where it ought to be.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
Certainly that's true.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
In buying coffee, you want the most for your money,
the most in flavor and enjoyment, And as the world's
greatest coffee expert will tell you, you'll find it right
in the coffee famous for flavor above all others, Our
Maxwell House Coffee. Sure, just pour a cup of Maxwell
House for that husband of yours. He's the number one expert.
(23:39):
And when he says that's my kind of coffee, you know,
Maxwell House is your kind of coffee too, your best
coffee buy find out tomorrow, start serving your husband Maxwell
House and count how many truly good cups of coffee
you get from just one of those familiar blue tins.
We think you'll find it gives you the most for
(24:00):
your money. So tomorrow, see how much the world's greatest
coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good to the
last drop. A mere fifteen minutes have gone by, but
things in Springfield are pretty much under control, so far
(24:23):
as Jim Anderson is concerned at any rate. With his
hands firmly on the steering wheel of his car, only
two things remain between father and his business appointment. Kathy's
delivered to school and a twenty eight mile drive to Plainfield.
He'll be a little late, but he isn't too worried.
As a matter of fact, he isn't worried at all.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Like this Daddy, here's Kathy.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Where does everybody have to go to school? Is it
that important?
Speaker 5 (24:49):
Of course it's important. It's practically the most important thing
in your whole life.
Speaker 6 (24:53):
Why, because, Kathy, if you don't go to school, you
don't learn anything.
Speaker 5 (24:59):
And if you don't learn any anything, you aren't prepared
for the problems you meet later in life.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
What kind of problems?
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Oh, all kinds of problems, like well, like how to
answer these questions your children keep throwing at you things
like that.
Speaker 6 (25:12):
It's very important, daddy.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Now what why is everybody so worried about the schools
in Springfield?
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Well, they aren't worried, Kathy. Not if they're sound, public,
spirited citizens. They realize that worrying doesn't do any good.
It's action that comes. They know that better schools make
better communities, and good citizens everywhere are helping.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
To make our school system the finest in the world.
That's pretty hard to do. Why, Well, it's uh on
account of the last war, Honey.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
During the war, we couldn't build enough schools or train
enough teachers. So now we have overcrowded classrooms and the
shortage of qualified.
Speaker 6 (25:47):
Instructors for the lower grades. What's that teachers?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh, yes, sir.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
If more young men and women would train to teach
in the elementary schools, they'd find a wonderful career ahead
of them, and they'd be helping to build a better
country for all of us at the same time.
Speaker 6 (26:04):
They would, They certainly would.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Well, then I changed my mind when I grew up.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
I'm going to be a teacher and somebody else can
be a lady wrestler.
Speaker 6 (26:17):
That's a very good idea. God's Now, what did I do?
Speaker 9 (26:22):
He wants you to pull over to the car.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
Know what he wants. I wasn't going too fast?
Speaker 4 (26:26):
Was I know?
Speaker 6 (26:27):
I was going twenty five miles an hour? Remember that?
Speaker 9 (26:30):
All right, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (26:31):
The light was green, wasn't it? Yes, Daddy certainly was. Hello, officer, Uh,
anything I can do for you? There may be one
or two riches things. May I see your driver's license please?
Speaker 5 (26:43):
Of course, carried it right here in my wallet night, eh,
right here.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
In the Officer. I was in such a hurry this
morning that I left my wallet on the dresser. But
I can assure you that I've been driving in Scootine.
Speaker 13 (26:55):
I see your registration certificates? Or would that happen to
be at home on the piano, Officer.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
I have to be in plain Field as close to
nine o'clock as I can make it and ever since.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
I got up this morning.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Follow me if you don't mind, But Officer, if I
don't get the plane, follow you where.
Speaker 13 (27:11):
We'll take a little trip down to the station house.
And let's not try any tricks.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Look, this is my daughter, and she tell.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
You we were going twenty five miles an hour and
the right was green.
Speaker 13 (27:21):
That may be so, little lady, it may be so,
but I just got a call from headquarters and you're
riding in a stolen car.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
No life is well when you keep well. And Post
(27:56):
forty percent Brand Flakes is the wonderful breakfast cereal that
gives you three three extra keep fit benefits. One brand
to help prevent irregularity due to lack of bulk in
the diet.
Speaker 6 (28:06):
Two whole wheat.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Values of these essential b vitamins diamond and niacin three,
A good source of these important minerals phosphorus and iron.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
All that, and delicious flavor too.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Try Post forty percent Brand Flakes, America's favorite brand Flakes. Remember,
light is swell when you keep well. Try Post forty
percent Brand Flakes, America's favorite brand Flakes. Join us again
(28:41):
next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best
starring Robert young Is, Jim Anderson with Roy Bargee and
the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly bill Form. So
until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the
makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, Always
Good to the last drop, Father Knows Best, was transcribed
(29:02):
in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned
in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations.
Speaker 6 (29:21):
Listen now for Dragnet.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Three chimes mean good Times on NBC
Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, if father knows best. Transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert
Young as father. A half hour visit with your neighbors,
the Andersons, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House,
the coffee that's always good to the last drop. This, unfortunately,
(00:49):
is the time of year when most young people become
arsonists at heart. As they sleep, the gentlest smiles creep
softly across their gay young faces, smiles cause by a
joyous vision, a glorious dream of the schoolhouse burning down. Yes,
this is the time of year when the young ones
returned to their scholastic grime. And in Springfield, in the
(01:11):
white frame house on Maple Street, the morning is a
hectic one. Indeed, like this, Jim, who's in there?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Jim, your coffee's ready?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Do you want to know?
Speaker 5 (01:22):
I want to get into the bathroom. I have to
shave Benny.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I'm in here.
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Father, Well, who's in the bathroom?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
I think it's sad?
Speaker 7 (01:31):
But did you want something dead?
Speaker 6 (01:35):
What are you doing in there?
Speaker 7 (01:37):
I'm taking a shower?
Speaker 6 (01:39):
But why did you lock the door.
Speaker 7 (01:40):
I don't have any clothes on, but yes, hurry up, okay, dad,
I'll be right out.
Speaker 6 (01:49):
I dream already was a live.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
He doesn't have any clothes on. Of course, everybody else
takes a shower in a raccoon coat. I don't know
what's gotten into that boy acts more like his mother's
side of the family every day, banging up there.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
Oh, the same old thing, honey.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Isn't there anything we can do about a schedule for
the bathroom?
Speaker 6 (02:17):
It gets worse every morning.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I know here. But after all, this is a special morning.
Speaker 8 (02:21):
It's the first day of school, and the children are
all anxious to look their best.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
But I have to be in Plainfield at nine o'clock.
It's a very important deal. I told everybody last night.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Of course, dear, I.
Speaker 8 (02:31):
Know just how you feel, and you'll feel a lot
better after you've had your coffee.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I'll have it ready in just a minute.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
You said it was ready, It was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Ready, But when you didn't come down.
Speaker 6 (02:41):
I'd better go back upstairs and stand in line.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Jim.
Speaker 8 (02:45):
It will only take me a second to pour you
another cup of coffee.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Okay, And anybody who thinks he can live in a
house with one bathroom and three kids ought to have
his head examined. What is it, Bud, I'm off, Well,
it's about time.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
Don't let anybody else until I get up there. Okay, Jim,
where you go.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
I'm going to shave, but I poured your sorry, honey,
you'll just have to pour it back. The bathroom's clear.
I may not have a chance like this for another
hundred years.
Speaker 6 (03:12):
Hold the fork. Buttom on my way, Teddy but says.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't go into the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
That's right, thank you, Bud.
Speaker 7 (03:19):
Okay, Dan, But I have to take.
Speaker 9 (03:21):
A shower and I have to go to school. And
how can I take a shower if nobody will let
me get.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
Into the bathroom?
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Kathy, Daddy has to go to Plainfield, that's twenty eight
miles away, and he has.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
To be there at nine o'clock.
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Why.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
Because I want to sell mister Butler's some insurance so
we can get some.
Speaker 6 (03:38):
Money so we can eat. Is that clear?
Speaker 4 (03:42):
I don't know. I just want to take a shower.
Speaker 6 (03:46):
Pathy. I have to shave, and I can't shave while
you're taking a shower by because you get the mirror
all steamed up.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Because I want to get the plainfield, wearing both ears
and don't say why?
Speaker 9 (03:58):
Why?
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Why don't you go do your homework something?
Speaker 7 (04:03):
Oh, I don't have.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Any homework school. I hasn't even started yet.
Speaker 6 (04:07):
Well make some up, bud. What happened to my shaving cream? No?
I want my shaving cream? Where is it?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Maybe there isn't any I could have figured that out
for myself, except that I just bought a whole tube
of it.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
Margaret, What shaving cream?
Speaker 7 (04:27):
Dear?
Speaker 6 (04:28):
The shaving cream I bought last night?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You didn't buy any shaving cream last night?
Speaker 5 (04:33):
I most certainly did, didn't I?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
No, dear, you didn't.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Well I should have, bud Y, are you dressed?
Speaker 7 (04:46):
I'm tying my shoes.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Run down to the drug store and get me some
shaving cream like a good fellow, will you?
Speaker 7 (04:50):
You bet? As soon as I finished my breakfast.
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Get it for me. Now you can have your breakfast later.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
Holy cow, Dad, I haven't eaten since last night.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Well, another five minutes won't make any difference. Use the
car and hurry back.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Please.
Speaker 7 (05:07):
Okay, what'n't the.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
Who's in there?
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Kathy?
Speaker 6 (05:13):
Come out of that bathroom this instant?
Speaker 9 (05:16):
The bathroom, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Well, who is I know? Betty, Betty, did you want
something further? What are you doing in there?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I'm taking a shower.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Well open the door.
Speaker 8 (05:35):
And you can't shave until Bud comes back anywhere.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
That's got nothing to do with it. I was in
the bathroom first. You had no right to sneak in
when my back was turned.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Do you please stop acting like an overgrown baby. You
can have her coffee while daddy's taking her shower.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Why did they have to open the schools today?
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Three hundred and sixty five days in the year, and
they have to pick a day when I have an
appointment plane field.
Speaker 6 (05:57):
There's no system in this town. That's what. They just
run things to suit themselves.
Speaker 7 (06:01):
The car is in the garage. It what it isn't
in the garage.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Oh that's fine, that's just great. I'm not having enough
trouble now.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Somebody stolen the car, Jim, let's.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Not get all upset.
Speaker 8 (06:14):
Maybe you didn't put the car in the garage last night.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
I didn't use the car last night. I came home
with that, Davis.
Speaker 5 (06:19):
Remember Betty had the car all afternoon. Betty, Yes, father,
where did you leave the car?
Speaker 6 (06:28):
But go downstairs and call the police.
Speaker 8 (06:30):
No body wait there must be a logical explanation to
this whole thing.
Speaker 6 (06:34):
Of course, there's a logical explanation. Somebody stole the car.
Is anything wrong, father, Oh no, everything's just fine. Somebody
stole the car, that's all they did.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Who.
Speaker 6 (06:47):
How do I know who?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Where? Did you leave it in front of your office?
That's what you told me to do, isn't it.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I told you to leave it in front of the office.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You said if I got through early to leave it
in front of your office and come home on the bar,
then you wouldn't have to use the bus during.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The rush hour.
Speaker 5 (07:03):
But I came home with that, Davis, Well, I came
home on the bus.
Speaker 7 (07:10):
Nobody.
Speaker 6 (07:11):
You're going to be a great comfort to me in
my old age if I live that long.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Father, I just did what you told me to.
Speaker 6 (07:19):
Why didn't you tell me you left the car downtown?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
You didn't ask me?
Speaker 5 (07:24):
He gods, seventeen years old and she can't tell you
anything unless you ask her.
Speaker 7 (07:29):
I'll be right back.
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Where are you going?
Speaker 7 (07:31):
It's okay, Dad, I'll use my bicycle.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
No, but come back here, bud.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
He's gone, Dear.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
I don't know the only time that boy ever hurries
is when you want him to stand still?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Well, Dear, you told him to go to the drug store.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I wanted him to go down for the car. How
can I possibly get the plane field without a car?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
You can use the bus, Nobody asked you, But you
just said I was seventeen years old.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Mind what I just said? What's that?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What's what?
Speaker 6 (07:58):
Dear? That's a car? Is it in our drive?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
No, that's the Davises. I guess it's going to work.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Ed. That's it, Betty, hurry up and get dressed.
Speaker 7 (08:04):
What for?
Speaker 6 (08:05):
Never mind?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
What for?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Just get dressed?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Jumping creepers?
Speaker 6 (08:09):
Ed say, Ed, what's up?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Ed?
Speaker 6 (08:12):
I want you to do me a favor, a big favor.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Will you wait until Betty gets dressed and take her
down to my office.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
I guess she'll want to be a minute, okay, and
make it snappy. Thanks, Ed, you're a pal. Well, that'll
take care of that, Betty. What he's waiting for, Betty?
And he'll take her downtown and she can bring the
car back there.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
You see, there was no need to get upset about
the whole thing in the first place.
Speaker 6 (08:35):
Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Betty, What are you doing I'm getting dressed, okay, look
ed Davis is waiting to take you downtown.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Oh, he doesn't have to do.
Speaker 9 (08:43):
That, father, Janieliggot's gonna take me up.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
He's going to take you downtown so you can get
our car and bring it back here.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
But I can, Father, I'll miss my ride to school.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
I'll take you to school.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
But Jennie Leggett, I don't care about Janie Leggett.
Speaker 6 (08:56):
This is more important.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
If it's so important, why don't you go down town
with mister Davis.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I'll tell you why.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
In the first place, I haven't shaved, In the second place,
I haven't had my shower, And in the third place,
I told you to go down in the first place.
Now hurry up and get dressed, and don't take all
day about it.
Speaker 6 (09:16):
Double What was that?
Speaker 4 (09:20):
I said?
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Yes, father, person gets you into a mess like this,
the least they can.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
Do is get you out. She'd used her head, the
car wouldn't have been left downtown in the first place.
First time in her whole life she ever got through
with it early.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Jim, why did you come downstairs with me and have
your breakfast? You can save a little time.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
No, I got to shave and you can't.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Shave until that gets back with a shaving cream.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Well, I can take a shower and brush my teeth
and oh no, what is it? Who's in there? Who's
in the first room?
Speaker 10 (09:50):
Did you want something, daddy?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
That's a real cup of coffee? Nice words to hear
at your table, aren't they? And tomorrow you can hear
them from the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am, because
that number one expert is your husband. Of course, we
think we stand pretty highest experts. Our Maxwell House coffee
(10:40):
is America's favorite brand. But we know the final judge
is that husband of yours. And tomorrow, if you'll pour
him a cup of Maxwell House, you'll hear him say, now,
that's real coffee. We're so sure of that, we'll give
you your money back if he doesn't. You see, we're
mighty proud of that famous good to the last drop flavor.
(11:01):
And we know no other coffee tastes like Maxwell House
because no other coffee is made like Maxwell House. Get
up pound tomorrow, serve it to your husband. If he
doesn't say it's the best coffee he ever tasted, why
just send us the can an unused portion and we'll
gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right
on the front of that familiar blue tin. Tomorrow starts
(11:24):
serving the world's greatest coffee.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
Expert Maxwell House.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Coffee always good to the last drop. Cleanliness is next
to godliness, that's what they say. But there are times
when it can be overdone. It's a cup of coffee.
Later in the white frame house on Maple Street, and
(11:50):
the Anderson's bathroom is still giving a pretty fair imitation
of the.
Speaker 6 (11:53):
Grand Central station.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Father unshowered and unshorn, is low man on the totem pole, and.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Last man into the bathroom as usual like this. They
want to pass an ordinance.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
That's what What was that, dear?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
I said, there ought to be a law no house
can be built without ten bathrooms. Jim, Well, look at
the time, a quarter past eight, and I haven't even
started to shape.
Speaker 8 (12:16):
It won't take long once Bud gets back. How about
another cup of coffee?
Speaker 6 (12:21):
Well, okay, there you are, thank you. Even if Betty
gets back with a car by eight thirty, I won't
be able to make it, of course you will. Oh,
it's twenty eight miles to Plainfield. In my appointments for
nine o'clock.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Jim, I'm sure if you explained to mister Butler, you'll understand.
Speaker 6 (12:38):
Oh sure, I'm sorry. I'm late, mister Butler.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
But one of my children left the car downtown and
the others wouldn't let me get into the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
He loved that. Hey, Dad, and it's about time we're
in here.
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Bud, boy, did I ever have a time? You know
what happened?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Do you mind what happened? Where's the shaving cream right here?
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Gosh, it was awful. You know what happened.
Speaker 6 (12:57):
All I want is the shaving cream. What took you
so long?
Speaker 7 (13:00):
That's what I'm trying to tell you. You know what happened,
Mister Crandall wasn't open yet, and I had to find
a drug store that stayed open all night. And then
when I found it, I didn't have enough money for
the large economy size, and then he couldn't find the small,
uneconomy size, and he tried to sell me that smelly
kind that you don't like. But I said, oh no,
And he said.
Speaker 6 (13:19):
Bud, give it to me. What the shaving cream? Let
me have it.
Speaker 7 (13:26):
Oh h it was thirty five cents, Dad, I know
how much it was.
Speaker 6 (13:32):
Handed over.
Speaker 7 (13:33):
Well, my allowance is only a dollar in requorterer, and
I spent sixty cents last night, and there's a whole
week to go.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Will you let go of the shaving cream?
Speaker 7 (13:43):
I know you don't mean to forget things like that dead,
But last year, when I laid out fifteen cents for
the pipe cleaners.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
I paid you for the pipe cleaners. No you didn't, Dad,
As a matter of fact, I think I paid you twice.
Speaker 7 (13:56):
Well, anyway, it was only fifteen cents. But this is
five cents.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
But let go.
Speaker 7 (14:02):
That's practically half a dollar. I said, let gold, and
I only get a dollar on a quarter.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
But you're squashing it.
Speaker 7 (14:08):
So why don't you just give me the thirty five cent?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
Because I don't carry money my pajamas.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
That's why. Now let gold.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But I'll give you the thirty five cents.
Speaker 11 (14:16):
You will, yes, Oh, well here you are, Dad, Thank you,
thank you very much.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
Oh that's okay, Dad, I was glad to help.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
Yes, I can see that, all right, Bud.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Sit down, No, I'll get your breakfast.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Oh gosh, you can understand how I feel, can't your mom?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yes, dear, it.
Speaker 7 (14:43):
Isn't as if I didn't trust him.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
But look what happened when I bought the pipe cleaner
pive cleaners my own son.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
You think I was trying to cheat him out of
thirty five cents? Where did you get the thirty five
cents in the first place? And look at it? If
that isn't the messiest looking too, with shaving free, got
it all squeezed.
Speaker 6 (14:58):
Out of shape.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Spend your whole life trying to make things easy for
your family. Ye God, Cathy, Kathy, aren't you out of
there yet?
Speaker 9 (15:10):
I see what I'm rushing my tee.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
You've been in there long enough to grow new ones.
Speaker 6 (15:20):
Now come on out to brush my kids. You can
brush them later. Open the door, daddy.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I have to brush my teeth.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If I don't, I'll have to do it afterwards, and
then i'll be late for school.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
I'll take you to school. Just let me get in there.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I wasn't late for school even once last year, and
this year, if i'm like.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
The very first day, you won't be late, Kathy, I
promise you not. Please let me get through.
Speaker 9 (15:44):
Jeez whiz.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Just because I'm the littlest one in the family, everybody
thinks I don't have any feelings, and I do I've
got as many feelings as anybody.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
Fine, I'll tell him when he comes in.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
You'll tell who?
Speaker 8 (16:00):
What? Who?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
You tell when he comes in?
Speaker 6 (16:04):
When who comes in?
Speaker 4 (16:05):
I don't know?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Well, stop talking about people you don't know. Hey, I please.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Shave, he said, I'll tell him when he comes in.
And I said who? And he said, Jim.
Speaker 6 (16:24):
God's no, what why is it?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Margaret's on the phone.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Well, tell her to hurry up.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
She wants to talk to you.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Oh my aching back, I'll be riding down Margaret, Kathy,
don't ever get married.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
And if you do get married, don't have any children.
And if you do have any children, don't try to shave.
Go beer, daddy, Is it all my teeth? No, stay
out of the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Gee, where.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
Betty? Why aren't you back here?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Is that you father?
Speaker 6 (16:57):
Of course not. This is Admiral Burden. I'm speaking from
the south.
Speaker 9 (17:00):
Are you fun down town?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
That's nice? Are you're having a good time? Father?
Speaker 4 (17:04):
The car has been stolen.
Speaker 6 (17:06):
We'll stop pooling around down there. And it why it
is where I left it?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
There's another car there in the.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Man of the filling station said he's seen somebody fiddling.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Around with it this morning.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Betty, and I guess they found the place under the
bat where we hide the keys.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Betty, yes, Father, go over to the police headquarters. Give
them a full description of the car, may model, color,
license number.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Have you got that?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I guess so.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
Tell them I'll be in later in the morning to
make a full insurance report.
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Is that clear?
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Well, there's only one thing I don't understand.
Speaker 8 (17:36):
Yes, What am I supposed to do about my breakfast?
Speaker 6 (17:41):
Betty?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (17:43):
Father, eat it?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Oh okay, and Betty.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Don't worry, father, I'll take care of everything.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Good right after breakfast, Betty, Betty, Oh fine. It's a conspiracy,
that's what it is. The whole thing is a plot
to keep me from getting the Plainfield. Well, that's fine,
that's just great.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Is anything wrong?
Speaker 6 (18:10):
No, everything's wonderful. This time somebody really stole the car,
that's all.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
Oh shit, I'm up to my neck in appointments, the
busiest time of the whole year. A thing like this
has to happen to me. Sure, naturally they'd have to
be busy.
Speaker 6 (18:24):
They'll probably be busy all day. Oh, dear George Phillips.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
If I can borrow his car, I can still get
the Plainfield in time.
Speaker 8 (18:31):
But Jim, I wouldn't count on that George may need
the car himself.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Why don't you just call mister Butler?
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Because it took me two months to set up this appointment,
and I don't intend to lose it. And if George
Phillips can't do a little thing like blend me his car, well,
it's just too bad. That's all all right, dear.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I suppose you know best, but you want.
Speaker 6 (18:51):
Me dead now?
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Whatever gave you that idea, you said, But.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
And you've figured the rest of it out all by yourself.
What did I do?
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Go across the street and ask mister Phillips if I
can use his car?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
What for?
Speaker 5 (19:19):
I've taken a contract to fill in the Grand Canyon,
and I want to use the Phillips car for a
dump truck.
Speaker 6 (19:24):
Clock You don't stop asking so many silly questions and
do as you're told.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
But I said, God, do as your father tells you.
Speaker 7 (19:34):
Holy call, Ask a perfectly simple question and everybody jumps
down your neck. Get a bunch of double talk about
filling in the Grand Canyon.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Jim, I don't think you were very nice to buy well.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
I haven't got time to be nice. I got to
get a car. I've got to get the plain field, Margaret. Yes, dear,
I'm going upstairs to shave. Will you call Hector Smith
and ask if I can borrow his car.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
I'll have it back.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
At twelve o'clock at the latest, all right, and explain
that it's an emergency.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Tell him it's practically a matter of of life and death.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes, dear, all telling.
Speaker 6 (20:02):
Oh, I've never seen them morning like this in my
whole life. Everything has to go wrong. I don't even
know why. I bothered to get out of bed.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Hello, Elizabeth, No, no, Kathy, are you in there again?
Speaker 9 (20:15):
I'll be right out, Daddy.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
I told you not to go back in, didn't.
Speaker 9 (20:18):
I the cure on the phone, and I had washed
my knees.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
You just took a shower. Everybody in the world's been
taking a shower.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I forgot to scrub my knees, and I couldn't go
to school the very first day if I didn't scrub
my knees.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Could I?
Speaker 5 (20:33):
All right?
Speaker 6 (20:33):
Kathy? Just let me in there?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Don't they look better now, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (20:37):
They're gorgeous now?
Speaker 5 (20:39):
I may I please get into the bathroom, jem Oh,
what is it? Dear Elizabeth?
Speaker 8 (20:44):
Says, she's awfully sorry, but Hector ran into the back
of a truck and their.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Car will be out of the garage until Friday.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
That's great, good old Hector, good old reliable Hector.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Do you want me to call the pathaways? They have
an extra little car?
Speaker 6 (21:00):
What do they say, Bud?
Speaker 7 (21:02):
Mister Phillips had to go downtown early and he took
the car with him.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (21:06):
Fine, And missus Phillips says she doesn't think mister Phillips
would let you take it to the Grand Canyon anyway
on account of one of the windshield wipers doesn't Well.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
That makes as much sense as anything else that's happened today.
Speaker 9 (21:31):
Daddy, you said you were going to take me to
school happy.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
This is no time to annoy your father.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
But it's all right, Margaret. I don't care the way
things have been going this morning. My mind is absolutely numb. Anyway, Dad,
two months, two whole months getting Butler lined up for
the kill, and then a thing like this has to happen, Dad, Fine,
bunch of friends we have.
Speaker 6 (21:51):
The windshield wiper.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
Doesn't work, Hector, and in the back of a Truckame.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I'm sure he didn't do it intentionally.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
No, But if he wanted to borrow a car, you
can bet your bottom dollar that'd be nothing the matter
with ours.
Speaker 7 (22:02):
Dad.
Speaker 6 (22:04):
But don't you ever keep still?
Speaker 7 (22:06):
I want to ask you something.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Well, go ahead, don't just stand there.
Speaker 7 (22:10):
Why didn't you use our car?
Speaker 5 (22:17):
But just a minute, Margaret, I'll be glad to tell him.
It seems, Bud, that you have a sister who hasn't
sense enough to come in out of the rain.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
I didn't do anything.
Speaker 6 (22:30):
She left the car downtown with the keys under the mat.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Oh that one.
Speaker 6 (22:37):
And as a result, we don't have a car. Sure
we do, Bud. The car has been stolen.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
No, it hasn't, Dad. It's out in front of the house.
I went downtown and got it.
Speaker 12 (22:47):
Oh no, so the car has been sitting right out
(23:10):
in front of the house.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Seems like when you want something.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
It pays to look for it where it ought to be.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
Certainly that's true.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
In buying coffee, you want the most for your money,
the most in flavor and enjoyment, And as the world's
greatest coffee expert will tell you, you'll find it right
in the coffee famous for flavor above all others, Our
Maxwell House Coffee. Sure, just pour a cup of Maxwell
House for that husband of yours. He's the number one expert.
(23:39):
And when he says that's my kind of coffee, you know,
Maxwell House is your kind of coffee too, your best
coffee buy find out tomorrow, start serving your husband Maxwell
House and count how many truly good cups of coffee
you get from just one of those familiar blue tins.
We think you'll find it gives you the most for
(24:00):
your money. So tomorrow, see how much the world's greatest
coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee, always good to the
last drop. A mere fifteen minutes have gone by, but
things in Springfield are pretty much under control, so far
(24:23):
as Jim Anderson is concerned at any rate. With his
hands firmly on the steering wheel of his car, only
two things remain between father and his business appointment. Kathy's
delivered to school and a twenty eight mile drive to Plainfield.
He'll be a little late, but he isn't too worried.
As a matter of fact, he isn't worried at all.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Like this Daddy, here's Kathy.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Where does everybody have to go to school? Is it
that important?
Speaker 5 (24:49):
Of course it's important. It's practically the most important thing
in your whole life.
Speaker 6 (24:53):
Why, because, Kathy, if you don't go to school, you
don't learn anything.
Speaker 5 (24:59):
And if you don't learn any anything, you aren't prepared
for the problems you meet later in life.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
What kind of problems?
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Oh, all kinds of problems, like well, like how to
answer these questions your children keep throwing at you things
like that.
Speaker 6 (25:12):
It's very important, daddy.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Now what why is everybody so worried about the schools
in Springfield?
Speaker 5 (25:19):
Well, they aren't worried, Kathy. Not if they're sound, public,
spirited citizens. They realize that worrying doesn't do any good.
It's action that comes. They know that better schools make
better communities, and good citizens everywhere are helping.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
To make our school system the finest in the world.
That's pretty hard to do. Why, Well, it's uh on
account of the last war, Honey.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
During the war, we couldn't build enough schools or train
enough teachers. So now we have overcrowded classrooms and the
shortage of qualified.
Speaker 6 (25:47):
Instructors for the lower grades. What's that teachers?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh, yes, sir.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
If more young men and women would train to teach
in the elementary schools, they'd find a wonderful career ahead
of them, and they'd be helping to build a better
country for all of us at the same time.
Speaker 6 (26:04):
They would, They certainly would.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Well, then I changed my mind when I grew up.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
I'm going to be a teacher and somebody else can
be a lady wrestler.
Speaker 6 (26:17):
That's a very good idea. God's Now, what did I do?
Speaker 9 (26:22):
He wants you to pull over to the car.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
Know what he wants. I wasn't going too fast?
Speaker 4 (26:26):
Was I know?
Speaker 6 (26:27):
I was going twenty five miles an hour? Remember that?
Speaker 9 (26:30):
All right, Daddy?
Speaker 6 (26:31):
The light was green, wasn't it? Yes, Daddy certainly was. Hello, officer, Uh,
anything I can do for you? There may be one
or two riches things. May I see your driver's license please?
Speaker 5 (26:43):
Of course, carried it right here in my wallet night, eh,
right here.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
In the Officer. I was in such a hurry this
morning that I left my wallet on the dresser. But
I can assure you that I've been driving in Scootine.
Speaker 13 (26:55):
I see your registration certificates? Or would that happen to
be at home on the piano, Officer.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
I have to be in plain Field as close to
nine o'clock as I can make it and ever since.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
I got up this morning.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Follow me if you don't mind, But Officer, if I
don't get the plane, follow you where.
Speaker 13 (27:11):
We'll take a little trip down to the station house.
And let's not try any tricks.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Look, this is my daughter, and she tell.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
You we were going twenty five miles an hour and
the right was green.
Speaker 13 (27:21):
That may be so, little lady, it may be so,
but I just got a call from headquarters and you're
riding in a stolen car.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
No life is well when you keep well. And Post
(27:56):
forty percent Brand Flakes is the wonderful breakfast cereal that
gives you three three extra keep fit benefits. One brand
to help prevent irregularity due to lack of bulk in
the diet.
Speaker 6 (28:06):
Two whole wheat.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Values of these essential b vitamins diamond and niacin three,
A good source of these important minerals phosphorus and iron.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
All that, and delicious flavor too.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Try Post forty percent Brand Flakes, America's favorite brand Flakes. Remember,
light is swell when you keep well. Try Post forty
percent Brand Flakes, America's favorite brand Flakes. Join us again
(28:41):
next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best
starring Robert young Is, Jim Anderson with Roy Bargee and
the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly bill Form. So
until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the
makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, Always
Good to the last drop, Father Knows Best, was transcribed
(29:02):
in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned
in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations.
Speaker 6 (29:21):
Listen now for Dragnet.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Three chimes mean good Times on NBC
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.