August 13, 2025 • 28 mins
A compilation of humorous shows ranging from slapstick sketches to witty banter and family sitcoms. This series highlights the timeless appeal of laughter and character-driven comedy. Explore a world of immersive, ad-free audio experiences from nature sounds to timeless stories at https://www.adfreesounds.com
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Cannon letter box, nobody sharking can correct?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Pay that man eight dollars?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Where was the declaration of independent side at the bottom? Correct?
Pay that man nine dollars to God, it pays to
be ignorant.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Another half hour and Radio's Vegas Hatch of Movies with
Lula McConnell, George Shelton, Harry McNaughton, don Novic's Rhythm, Butcher's
and the Zaneus of the Zinnys, Tom Howard.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Thank you, Johnny, and could even ladies and Yemen while
Friday means fish. So here's that fishy quiz program again
with a border experts who are so dumb they think
the steam shovel is used to shovel steam. Wor'st the
other celebrated author, mister har McNaught, who was just written
the booking title Variety in Your Diet or everything comes
to him who orders hash. But there he is, mister
(01:02):
Harry mccaughton. I have a poem, mister Howard, I imagine, yes,
dedicated to miss McConnell. Oh fine, Lulu, Lulu, will you
get up mother? I'm not able, Lulu, Lulu, you musket up?
The horse wants to use the stable Oh, thanks, we
have a woman. Thanks, we have a woman who leads
(01:23):
a very conventional light. She follies all convention. A woman
whose husband gave her girdle away in the scrap drive.
Now she's showing him for non support. There she is
Miss Lola mcconnald'.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Mister Howard, Yeah, I almost had an accident last week.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You had an act.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Me and my old man had a fight and he
threw me out of the second story window and I
landed on a pile of bricks.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh, you landed on a pile of brick. You don't
look as if you've got hurt much.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Oh, but it was just luck that pile of brick
hadn't have been there right on.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
The hearts in that Oh yeah, you'll yeah, all right.
That's the other man who used to be nervous and jerky,
but he isn't nervous anymore. You've heard of Whistler's mother. Here,
he is Frankenstein's father. Mister George Shall say, you don't miss,
I ain't been feeling so good lately. Well that's good news, yes,
(02:17):
good good news.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Last week I sent a specimen of my blood to Washington.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, and I gotta let him back. This morning he
sent blood to Washington. How did they say? Well, wait,
I'll read the Lena. Dear mister Shelton, we are pleased.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
To inform you that a patron has been granted you
for your new spotry mover while.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
You have met the experts. Now, let's get on on
the program. Here's the first question for the evening in
the new moving picture entitled Wilson, What is the name
of the president? The movie is about? No help in
the audience, please hard if I'm not too inquisitive. Was
he a president of the United States? A very good question,
mister mcnot. Thank you. Yeah, I will answer that. That's right. Yeah,
(03:00):
but which one? There was a lot of present I
can name them all. Oh it was Washington. Yeah, there
was Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah there was Washington. You said
Washington before I saw it with Great? Say you you
you remember Grant, don't you?
Speaker 5 (03:15):
Miss mcclonel.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh sure, I knew all my shopping in his door.
Cut it up, please, you're shopping, bes's McConnell. Why don't
you shut your mouth now if you know I'm coming
over there and shut it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, how are you gonna get back?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Well, let's get back to the question that's about the movies. Once.
It was a hard speaking about the movies. I have
a horse that wants to join Metro Goldwin mayor Metro
gold Man doesn't care about for Metro Goldvin. But he's
crazy to meet one of the mayors. That has nothing
to do whatsoever with the question.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
I was in a picture.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Once, Okay, I was in love with the boy and
he was in love with me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I see who is the boy? Boris? Call off? Let's
get on there please. I took my girl and a picture,
miss town. I took the name Romeo and Juliet the
picture and Juliet, Oh, yes, did you enjoy the kissen
scene in the balcony?
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But the Yusha put us out the.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Pope.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I don't all that was ready? Fine? Boy? What I
wish I could pick up a second handed organ someplace.
I'd get rid of that orchestra. Well, here is the
next question. This question will require a great deal of thought,
so listen very closely. Here it is the evening before
November first, is called Halloween. Can you tell me what
(06:54):
month this falls in? I'll concentrate hard. I don't see
anything very difficult about that. Christian Oh you don't. I'm
glad to hear you say that it's about Halloween, isn't it.
That's right? See that nothing to it. What's the next question? Hey,
that's not that easy. You haven't answered this question. You
told me what the question was about. I want you
(07:15):
to tell me the correct answer.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I don't like Halloween.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Oh cares lant Halloween? Somebody stolenar date? Yeah? Did you
take offense? I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Again.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You know I'll never forget Last Halloween.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
I got my nose broken on you it looks good.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Yeah, about two o'clock in the morning, I called up
a guy. I got him out of bed to answer
the phone. Then I said guess who? And I hung
up good. Are you a rat? I know he has,
But I say, tell me, mister Sheldon, how did you
get your nose broken? He guessed two. I know how
(08:06):
I love Halloween. Last Halloween, I went around ringing doorbells,
is it? Yes? I sold three full of brushes. And
then I went to a Halloween party and they served
hot dogs, but they didn't have any meeting them. Hot
dogs without meeting them. Yes, you see, they were hollowweenies.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Helloo, wait a minute, what are you laughing at.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I took a prince, they took a bad.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
Works.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
No, I'm trying against you to a Let me have
you out. Look, we have January, February, March, afrom May, June, July, August, September.
Now what comes after September February, which has twenty eight
except Milwaukee, and that's in Wisconsin, West part glad to
hear that time. All right, here's where we have some
(09:08):
help from the studio audience. We've invited two members of
the audience up here in the stage. They can ask
the experts a question. If they get an intelligent answer,
we give them the deed to the Pentagon Building in Washington.
If they don't give them two tickets for last week's broadcast.
While Johnny, while Johnny is bringing our guests to the microphone,
let's have some music from our miss bit August. Last
(09:29):
time this one's played the donkeys serenade. The Monkeys went
out on a sit down stripe. Here they are doctor
Novic and his boiler makers playing port and Peasant.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Yeah that's not I know at Preasant.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, now that he.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Has pick up the instrument and every man for himself.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
God, I shot the guy, which is no more than
they're in a rock bo.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I go, I'm play the leader krit why boy, if
if that, if that was caught and peasant, I'll take
arsenic an old lady. I might announced at this point,
(11:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, the Doctor Novik's orchestra can be hired
out for hunt houses, scattered turkeys, and empty theaters. Who
was our first guest this evening? The robberts our first
guest night?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Mister Howard is copping his mate, first Class Earl Ballard of.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
The United States Navy. Oh, how do you do? Earl Ballard?
This isn't need a pleasure, and thank you a lot
for coming up. Where's your hometown or oh, we're kind
of curious. Lake Tahoe, California. Lake Tahoe, California. My oh
(12:25):
where California? Yeah, lake Tallahoe. I brought that way, mister Sheldon,
drop in.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Drop yeah, Well we'll put cheese on my bread and
call me butter.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah. Are used to work in that town? Cut it out?
How many towns have you worked in? How many weeks
have we been on the air?
Speaker 8 (12:43):
Right, so I did?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I worked in that town. I was a dentist in
the baker shop. You were a dentist in the baker shop.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I used to put the filling in the cream pumps.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
My tough job, i'll mister Ballard. How long have you
been in the service, sir, the little two years? Two years? Congratulations.
What did you do before you entered the service? I
was a carpenter, Oh, carpenter. While it's plain to see
you're going to make a good sailor, or you do
make a good looking sailor rather, mister Howard.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yes, I had a nice sailor on the on the
beach last summer.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That summer he buried me in in the sam you
know what he was. What happened? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I waited, wait three days, nothing happened, So I dug
myself out.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I see, that's why you made a mistake. All right,
let's get off here. Stop babbling by attention to our guest.
Here are you in New York on the parlough? No, sir,
I'm temporarily stationed here. Oh I see, I see that's fine. Well,
I might say, we are more than happy to have
you with us here to see. What's your first name?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Honey?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Earl? Earl, earl? What's the cute name? Is it.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I just love that namer.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, Oh he's a kid. Can't do any man. You
can just call me Bolivar. I'm always on time.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
Man.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You gotta shape like Big Ben two. You your talk?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You are worn out pipe cleaner?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Why you're so said when you got off?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Why they use you to cut the cake with?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Will you reach into the dun got them to got
a question for us, earl, and would you be kind
enough to read the question when you get a hold
of one, Just take good time and read it writing
the microphone. If you will please name three wild animals
found in the United States. That's a very good question.
I think it's too intelligent for this program, though, Name
three wild animals found in the United States. Now, I'll
give you a hint. It's rather a difficult questions at
(14:43):
trying to help you. There's the city of New York
State named after one city in New York State. I
got it, syrac Killer, I said, wild animals. Surih Jus
is not a wild animal, that's right. I'm thinking of
dan dangoroos a wild animal. I saw one of them
up at the zoo. You did, really a dangaroos?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Well, there was a shine on the cage, he said,
don't feed the animals.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Dangaroos dangle mischella, May I inform you I've really seen
better heads on the end of bumberellas dangeruze. Let's get
on with the question three wild animals. The one I'm
trying to get is the one that has his picture
on the Buffalo nickel. Now what is his name?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Now, if we only had a nickel, we can find.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Out, Miss McConnell. Let me ask you something, is maccone,
You played the good money theaters all over the country
in your time, haven't you? Yes, sir, did you ever
play Shay's theater in Buffalo?
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Sure, my Shay? Yeah, Grand Persons Tower. He was a
fine man. Then what town was his theater? In Toronto? Katana? Hello,
I agree with you. There was a Shay theater in Toronto,
But that's not the one I mean. That was ratten
by mister Shay's brother Jerry. What I'm talking about is
the one in New York State.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Well, I'm say at a theater in Buffalo, New York.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Now fine, Now what is the name of the animals
Who's head Canada? Look, Miss McConnell, I'll admit that's close.
But stay out of Canada. Why, what's the matter with Canada?
There's nothing the matter with Canada.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
What are you telling people who stay out of it?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Form, I didn't not really want to stay out of Canada.
You certainly did.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
I heard you with my own eye.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
That's how you talk with your ears. So look, he
is a great country.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
You're dear telling people stay out of Canada. Look, you're
gonna get a lot of letters on that remark.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
All right, say lest the new chief. As I told
no person to stay out of Canada, you're told, Miss McConnell,
what tea is the person? Oh? I'm not well, what
am I? Even the quiz kids couldn't anchal that? But
let's set down. You're rocking the studio here. I think
(16:58):
you know, mister mister Howell, I mean, after all, oh boy,
that's not the proper way to spare the spread the
good neighbor policy, you know, but that I mean, you
can't do it that way telling people to stay out
of Canada. You fold mead, Canada is our allied. Yeah.
Look please, All I'm trying to find out is the
name of this animal. Look at the big bumpy, big
bulky body. It has a large shaggy head, lobbled when
(17:21):
it walked. Now went back to miss mccamble again.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
God, I will.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Thank you, Doctor Ramick. That was real, ain't fun? Who
are we next, mister Roberts plea, Well next, mister Holb.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
We have a very lovely young lady, Miss Dorothy Jarvis
of the Cadet Nursed Card.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Wow, good evening, Miss Jovis. This is indeed a pleasure,
and thank you also for coming up. How do you feel,
miss Jovis?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I'm just fine.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Thank you, Well, you certainly do look at that. We're
very glad to have you with us. How long have
you been in the service a little over a year. Well,
congratulations to you. Dear telling people, I'm not going to
speak to you again, mister Sheldon. There are the people
in Canada who talk to you. They no attention to
the experts, Miss Javis. We'll be putting them back on
(20:04):
their plate pens in a minute.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Where's your hometown? Would you care to tell us Queen's
Dodge or Queens Village? Well in Canada, mister, No, that's
not in Canada. Nice Town, you know, nice Town, Queen's Village,
Yes it is. I know it. Well. They have a
lot of beautiful things in that town. They have. They've
all got boyfriendst What did you do before you entered
(20:28):
the service? I worked in the post office in Queens Village, Jamaica,
or in Jamaica, that's closer, Queen Village. Were in the
post office in Jamaica. You didn't play post well, no, no,
mister hard you know a funny thing. You're talking post offices.
I I I nailed a letter this morning, you know,
and it was it was raining, you see, So if
I put the stamps inside the envelope, that's a good thought.
(20:52):
I didn't want them to get wet. No, I can't
say that. It would be no good if they got wet.
I'm hopefully quick, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Look miss
jovis attention. What were your duties in the post office?
Did you make it? You? Did you apartment or registered letters? Yeah?
I've seen people you put the stamps on letters? Do
(21:12):
you put the stamps on the letter before it comes
in or after you get the No, you couldn't do that.
I'm on. Nick Laughton's got me that way. We're very
very glad to have you with us. Would you reach
into the dunge cap there and pick out a question
for us. Please, any question get a hold of and
would you be kind enough to read the question? How
many two cents stamps are there?
Speaker 5 (21:33):
In a dozen?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
How many? Well that that's a good question. That seems
that's funny that you should pick a question like glad
being in the post office looks like it was a
put up job. Well maybe it is. Let us get
on here. How many stamps are there in a dozen? Oh,
that's an easy one. Give me a pencil, somebody, and
wait a minute. Thanks. You don't want an adding machine,
do you? No?
Speaker 4 (21:53):
No, no, I can figure it out just the pence
you show me alone.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
All right, you don't need a pencil to figure that out.
I gotta have some to figure it out where. Okay,
use your hand. Let's get on here with a face
and miss McDonald calling me up. Oh yeah, that's a pleasure,
Miss McCartan. Can you tell us how many two cents
stamps are there? And a dozen?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Rather?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yes, wholesale on retail. Look, that doesn't make a bit
of difference. No, wait a minute, that's the Connells. Are
you good at aristmetic? Am I there? Your rhythmetic. Yeah, yeah,
am I then you ath well? Are you? No?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But the hard you know, I'm very good at arithmetic
hens when I went to school. I want a prize
for arithmetic? You want a prize for aristo? Oh? Yes,
lovely thing. Teacher asked me how much? Two times twenty one? Yes?
And what was your answer? On the spur of the moment,
without thinking, I said thirty four? Yeah. You should have
thought a little bit, because that's wrang, I know, but
(22:53):
I was closer to it than anyone else in the class.
Mister Sellon, how you making eye there? Have you got
the answer? Figured it out? Yet? But I almost? Don't
rush me now? Oh no, no, take it.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I've got ten different answers here. All you're doing great? Yeah,
oh I'm doing grand. Yeah, if you give me time
or getting more? Which one would you like? Which one
would I like? Yeah? Which one do you like? Mister Shepard?
Them all they all look good to me? Heady ALLOK
for it? Fine, But suppose you picked me out the
one that is right? I haven't got to that one yet.
(23:26):
I haven't got Let's take a little more time, Okay,
let me get an algebray. What's that I'm gonna do
it by your algebray. Yeah, you're taking a long cut,
an't you? That is you wanna take a bus or something.
Let's get on there. Listen McNaughton. How much is six
and six? Let's see six and six twelve? Six and six?
Oh no, no, six and six can't be twelve? No,
(23:47):
you're right, but eight and four twelve? Fine? Look, let's
leconum next time you go out and buy a hat
where you kind of get one with a head in it. Ye, yeah,
do that when you please, mister Shell. Are you still figuring? Yeah,
ye're still figuring.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yeah, I say, you know, in a minute, I'll.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Have a good three horse polly. Let's get on there.
Imagine I had to get three people who never went
to school. Co was hard? Oh no, I went to school,
old boy, and I'm not there doing a blackout. You want,
I'll never forget my school days? Well, I remember the
day my teacher made me turn my face to the walls. Yeah,
what happened? Hagata broke? Please, mister McGrath, look, let's try
(24:29):
and get this answer for the young lady. The young
lady was kind enough to come up there. So let's
try and get the answer for a question. Help me
go back to the halloween. Never made a halloween? How
are you making out, mister Sheldon? I got it. I
got it good. You mean you got the answer to
the question. Yeah, Buffalo, Buffalo, New York.
Speaker 5 (25:03):
Anything school.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'm still about the moment. I'd like to remind our
listeners at this point. The next week, we're having as
our special guest that Charley Boot.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Yes, I know, because that's naughty.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
I'm having Charlie Boots for dinner. You're having Shirley Booth
for dinner. Huh. I thought you were going to have
roast beef Shirley Booth. Boy do I love? Oh? I
wish I had my tusio. I'd wear it. Where is it? Oh?
I loaded to my cousin about a year ago. No,
you did. Why don't you try and get it back? Oh?
I'm not going to dig him up just for that now, Folks,
(27:16):
you know what we mean when we say or music here.
(27:44):
I wish our sponsored would spend a few more dollars
a year or one day, as I was walking down
the avenue, I met a funny fellow with a funny
he didn't have a brain cell working in his head,
but he was very happy. And this is what he said.
(28:08):
It paid to be ignorant. This is the Armed Forces
radio circuit.
Speaker 8 (28:13):
It pay should be ignorant, just like me. If best
not to know too much, be a dope. Your IQ
shouldn't show too much, your brain shouldn't grow too much
weight And thing, I took my girl to dinner.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
We had a wonderful team. They had to give my
girl the check.
Speaker 8 (28:36):
Because I couldn't read.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
So you see, it pay to.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Be ignorant, have no brain, be insane, just beginning to be.
It paid to be ignorant, just like
Cannon letter box, nobody sharking can correct?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Pay that man eight dollars?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Where was the declaration of independent side at the bottom? Correct?
Pay that man nine dollars to God, it pays to
be ignorant.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Another half hour and Radio's Vegas Hatch of Movies with
Lula McConnell, George Shelton, Harry McNaughton, don Novic's Rhythm, Butcher's
and the Zaneus of the Zinnys, Tom Howard.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Thank you, Johnny, and could even ladies and Yemen while
Friday means fish. So here's that fishy quiz program again
with a border experts who are so dumb they think
the steam shovel is used to shovel steam. Wor'st the
other celebrated author, mister har McNaught, who was just written
the booking title Variety in Your Diet or everything comes
to him who orders hash. But there he is, mister
(01:02):
Harry mccaughton. I have a poem, mister Howard, I imagine, yes,
dedicated to miss McConnell. Oh fine, Lulu, Lulu, will you
get up mother? I'm not able, Lulu, Lulu, you musket up?
The horse wants to use the stable Oh, thanks, we
have a woman. Thanks, we have a woman who leads
(01:23):
a very conventional light. She follies all convention. A woman
whose husband gave her girdle away in the scrap drive.
Now she's showing him for non support. There she is
Miss Lola mcconnald'.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Mister Howard, Yeah, I almost had an accident last week.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You had an act.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Me and my old man had a fight and he
threw me out of the second story window and I
landed on a pile of bricks.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh, you landed on a pile of brick. You don't
look as if you've got hurt much.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Oh, but it was just luck that pile of brick
hadn't have been there right on.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
The hearts in that Oh yeah, you'll yeah, all right.
That's the other man who used to be nervous and jerky,
but he isn't nervous anymore. You've heard of Whistler's mother. Here,
he is Frankenstein's father. Mister George Shall say, you don't miss,
I ain't been feeling so good lately. Well that's good news, yes,
(02:17):
good good news.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Last week I sent a specimen of my blood to Washington.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, and I gotta let him back. This morning he
sent blood to Washington. How did they say? Well, wait,
I'll read the Lena. Dear mister Shelton, we are pleased.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
To inform you that a patron has been granted you
for your new spotry mover while.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
You have met the experts. Now, let's get on on
the program. Here's the first question for the evening in
the new moving picture entitled Wilson, What is the name
of the president? The movie is about? No help in
the audience, please hard if I'm not too inquisitive. Was
he a president of the United States? A very good question,
mister mcnot. Thank you. Yeah, I will answer that. That's right. Yeah,
(03:00):
but which one? There was a lot of present I
can name them all. Oh it was Washington. Yeah, there
was Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah there was Washington. You said
Washington before I saw it with Great? Say you you
you remember Grant, don't you?
Speaker 5 (03:15):
Miss mcclonel.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh sure, I knew all my shopping in his door.
Cut it up, please, you're shopping, bes's McConnell. Why don't
you shut your mouth now if you know I'm coming
over there and shut it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, how are you gonna get back?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Well, let's get back to the question that's about the movies. Once.
It was a hard speaking about the movies. I have
a horse that wants to join Metro Goldwin mayor Metro
gold Man doesn't care about for Metro Goldvin. But he's
crazy to meet one of the mayors. That has nothing
to do whatsoever with the question.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
I was in a picture.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Once, Okay, I was in love with the boy and
he was in love with me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I see who is the boy? Boris? Call off? Let's
get on there please. I took my girl and a picture,
miss town. I took the name Romeo and Juliet the
picture and Juliet, Oh, yes, did you enjoy the kissen
scene in the balcony?
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But the Yusha put us out the.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Pope.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I don't all that was ready? Fine? Boy? What I
wish I could pick up a second handed organ someplace.
I'd get rid of that orchestra. Well, here is the
next question. This question will require a great deal of thought,
so listen very closely. Here it is the evening before
November first, is called Halloween. Can you tell me what
(06:54):
month this falls in? I'll concentrate hard. I don't see
anything very difficult about that. Christian Oh you don't. I'm
glad to hear you say that it's about Halloween, isn't it.
That's right? See that nothing to it. What's the next question? Hey,
that's not that easy. You haven't answered this question. You
told me what the question was about. I want you
(07:15):
to tell me the correct answer.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I don't like Halloween.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Oh cares lant Halloween? Somebody stolenar date? Yeah? Did you
take offense? I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Again.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You know I'll never forget Last Halloween.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
I got my nose broken on you it looks good.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Yeah, about two o'clock in the morning, I called up
a guy. I got him out of bed to answer
the phone. Then I said guess who? And I hung
up good. Are you a rat? I know he has,
But I say, tell me, mister Sheldon, how did you
get your nose broken? He guessed two. I know how
(08:06):
I love Halloween. Last Halloween, I went around ringing doorbells,
is it? Yes? I sold three full of brushes. And
then I went to a Halloween party and they served
hot dogs, but they didn't have any meeting them. Hot
dogs without meeting them. Yes, you see, they were hollowweenies.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Helloo, wait a minute, what are you laughing at.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I took a prince, they took a bad.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
Works.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
No, I'm trying against you to a Let me have
you out. Look, we have January, February, March, afrom May, June, July, August, September.
Now what comes after September February, which has twenty eight
except Milwaukee, and that's in Wisconsin, West part glad to
hear that time. All right, here's where we have some
(09:08):
help from the studio audience. We've invited two members of
the audience up here in the stage. They can ask
the experts a question. If they get an intelligent answer,
we give them the deed to the Pentagon Building in Washington.
If they don't give them two tickets for last week's broadcast.
While Johnny, while Johnny is bringing our guests to the microphone,
let's have some music from our miss bit August. Last
(09:29):
time this one's played the donkeys serenade. The Monkeys went
out on a sit down stripe. Here they are doctor
Novic and his boiler makers playing port and Peasant.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Yeah that's not I know at Preasant.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, now that he.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Has pick up the instrument and every man for himself.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
God, I shot the guy, which is no more than
they're in a rock bo.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I go, I'm play the leader krit why boy, if
if that, if that was caught and peasant, I'll take
arsenic an old lady. I might announced at this point,
(11:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, the Doctor Novik's orchestra can be hired
out for hunt houses, scattered turkeys, and empty theaters. Who
was our first guest this evening? The robberts our first
guest night?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Mister Howard is copping his mate, first Class Earl Ballard of.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
The United States Navy. Oh, how do you do? Earl Ballard?
This isn't need a pleasure, and thank you a lot
for coming up. Where's your hometown or oh, we're kind
of curious. Lake Tahoe, California. Lake Tahoe, California. My oh
(12:25):
where California? Yeah, lake Tallahoe. I brought that way, mister Sheldon,
drop in.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Drop yeah, Well we'll put cheese on my bread and
call me butter.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah. Are used to work in that town? Cut it out?
How many towns have you worked in? How many weeks
have we been on the air?
Speaker 8 (12:43):
Right, so I did?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I worked in that town. I was a dentist in
the baker shop. You were a dentist in the baker shop.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I used to put the filling in the cream pumps.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
My tough job, i'll mister Ballard. How long have you
been in the service, sir, the little two years? Two years? Congratulations.
What did you do before you entered the service? I
was a carpenter, Oh, carpenter. While it's plain to see
you're going to make a good sailor, or you do
make a good looking sailor rather, mister Howard.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yes, I had a nice sailor on the on the
beach last summer.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That summer he buried me in in the sam you
know what he was. What happened? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I waited, wait three days, nothing happened, So I dug
myself out.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I see, that's why you made a mistake. All right,
let's get off here. Stop babbling by attention to our guest.
Here are you in New York on the parlough? No, sir,
I'm temporarily stationed here. Oh I see, I see that's fine. Well,
I might say, we are more than happy to have
you with us here to see. What's your first name?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Honey?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Earl? Earl, earl? What's the cute name? Is it.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I just love that namer.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, Oh he's a kid. Can't do any man. You
can just call me Bolivar. I'm always on time.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
Man.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You gotta shape like Big Ben two. You your talk?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You are worn out pipe cleaner?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Why you're so said when you got off?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Why they use you to cut the cake with?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Will you reach into the dun got them to got
a question for us, earl, and would you be kind
enough to read the question when you get a hold
of one, Just take good time and read it writing
the microphone. If you will please name three wild animals
found in the United States. That's a very good question.
I think it's too intelligent for this program, though, Name
three wild animals found in the United States. Now, I'll
give you a hint. It's rather a difficult questions at
(14:43):
trying to help you. There's the city of New York
State named after one city in New York State. I
got it, syrac Killer, I said, wild animals. Surih Jus
is not a wild animal, that's right. I'm thinking of
dan dangoroos a wild animal. I saw one of them
up at the zoo. You did, really a dangaroos?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Well, there was a shine on the cage, he said,
don't feed the animals.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Dangaroos dangle mischella, May I inform you I've really seen
better heads on the end of bumberellas dangeruze. Let's get
on with the question three wild animals. The one I'm
trying to get is the one that has his picture
on the Buffalo nickel. Now what is his name?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Now, if we only had a nickel, we can find.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Out, Miss McConnell. Let me ask you something, is maccone,
You played the good money theaters all over the country
in your time, haven't you? Yes, sir, did you ever
play Shay's theater in Buffalo?
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Sure, my Shay? Yeah, Grand Persons Tower. He was a
fine man. Then what town was his theater? In Toronto? Katana? Hello,
I agree with you. There was a Shay theater in Toronto,
But that's not the one I mean. That was ratten
by mister Shay's brother Jerry. What I'm talking about is
the one in New York State.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Well, I'm say at a theater in Buffalo, New York.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Now fine, Now what is the name of the animals
Who's head Canada? Look, Miss McConnell, I'll admit that's close.
But stay out of Canada. Why, what's the matter with Canada?
There's nothing the matter with Canada.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
What are you telling people who stay out of it?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Form, I didn't not really want to stay out of Canada.
You certainly did.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
I heard you with my own eye.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
That's how you talk with your ears. So look, he
is a great country.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
You're dear telling people stay out of Canada. Look, you're
gonna get a lot of letters on that remark.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
All right, say lest the new chief. As I told
no person to stay out of Canada, you're told, Miss McConnell,
what tea is the person? Oh? I'm not well, what
am I? Even the quiz kids couldn't anchal that? But
let's set down. You're rocking the studio here. I think
(16:58):
you know, mister mister Howell, I mean, after all, oh boy,
that's not the proper way to spare the spread the
good neighbor policy, you know, but that I mean, you
can't do it that way telling people to stay out
of Canada. You fold mead, Canada is our allied. Yeah.
Look please, All I'm trying to find out is the
name of this animal. Look at the big bumpy, big
bulky body. It has a large shaggy head, lobbled when
(17:21):
it walked. Now went back to miss mccamble again.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
God, I will.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Thank you, Doctor Ramick. That was real, ain't fun? Who
are we next, mister Roberts plea, Well next, mister Holb.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
We have a very lovely young lady, Miss Dorothy Jarvis
of the Cadet Nursed Card.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Wow, good evening, Miss Jovis. This is indeed a pleasure,
and thank you also for coming up. How do you feel,
miss Jovis?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I'm just fine.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Thank you, Well, you certainly do look at that. We're
very glad to have you with us. How long have
you been in the service a little over a year. Well,
congratulations to you. Dear telling people, I'm not going to
speak to you again, mister Sheldon. There are the people
in Canada who talk to you. They no attention to
the experts, Miss Javis. We'll be putting them back on
(20:04):
their plate pens in a minute.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Where's your hometown? Would you care to tell us Queen's
Dodge or Queens Village? Well in Canada, mister, No, that's
not in Canada. Nice Town, you know, nice Town, Queen's Village,
Yes it is. I know it. Well. They have a
lot of beautiful things in that town. They have. They've
all got boyfriendst What did you do before you entered
(20:28):
the service? I worked in the post office in Queens Village, Jamaica,
or in Jamaica, that's closer, Queen Village. Were in the
post office in Jamaica. You didn't play post well, no, no,
mister hard you know a funny thing. You're talking post offices.
I I I nailed a letter this morning, you know,
and it was it was raining, you see, So if
I put the stamps inside the envelope, that's a good thought.
(20:52):
I didn't want them to get wet. No, I can't
say that. It would be no good if they got wet.
I'm hopefully quick, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Look miss
jovis attention. What were your duties in the post office?
Did you make it? You? Did you apartment or registered letters? Yeah?
I've seen people you put the stamps on letters? Do
(21:12):
you put the stamps on the letter before it comes
in or after you get the No, you couldn't do that.
I'm on. Nick Laughton's got me that way. We're very
very glad to have you with us. Would you reach
into the dunge cap there and pick out a question
for us. Please, any question get a hold of and
would you be kind enough to read the question? How
many two cents stamps are there?
Speaker 5 (21:33):
In a dozen?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
How many? Well that that's a good question. That seems
that's funny that you should pick a question like glad
being in the post office looks like it was a
put up job. Well maybe it is. Let us get
on here. How many stamps are there in a dozen? Oh,
that's an easy one. Give me a pencil, somebody, and
wait a minute. Thanks. You don't want an adding machine,
do you? No?
Speaker 4 (21:53):
No, no, I can figure it out just the pence
you show me alone.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
All right, you don't need a pencil to figure that out.
I gotta have some to figure it out where. Okay,
use your hand. Let's get on here with a face
and miss McDonald calling me up. Oh yeah, that's a pleasure,
Miss McCartan. Can you tell us how many two cents
stamps are there? And a dozen?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Rather?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yes, wholesale on retail. Look, that doesn't make a bit
of difference. No, wait a minute, that's the Connells. Are
you good at aristmetic? Am I there? Your rhythmetic. Yeah, yeah,
am I then you ath well? Are you? No?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But the hard you know, I'm very good at arithmetic
hens when I went to school. I want a prize
for arithmetic? You want a prize for aristo? Oh? Yes,
lovely thing. Teacher asked me how much? Two times twenty one? Yes?
And what was your answer? On the spur of the moment,
without thinking, I said thirty four? Yeah. You should have
thought a little bit, because that's wrang, I know, but
(22:53):
I was closer to it than anyone else in the class.
Mister Sellon, how you making eye there? Have you got
the answer? Figured it out? Yet? But I almost? Don't
rush me now? Oh no, no, take it.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
I've got ten different answers here. All you're doing great? Yeah,
oh I'm doing grand. Yeah, if you give me time
or getting more? Which one would you like? Which one
would I like? Yeah? Which one do you like? Mister Shepard?
Them all they all look good to me? Heady ALLOK
for it? Fine, But suppose you picked me out the
one that is right? I haven't got to that one yet.
(23:26):
I haven't got Let's take a little more time, Okay,
let me get an algebray. What's that I'm gonna do
it by your algebray. Yeah, you're taking a long cut,
an't you? That is you wanna take a bus or something.
Let's get on there. Listen McNaughton. How much is six
and six? Let's see six and six twelve? Six and six?
Oh no, no, six and six can't be twelve? No,
(23:47):
you're right, but eight and four twelve? Fine? Look, let's
leconum next time you go out and buy a hat
where you kind of get one with a head in it. Ye, yeah,
do that when you please, mister Shell. Are you still figuring? Yeah,
ye're still figuring.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yeah, I say, you know, in a minute, I'll.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Have a good three horse polly. Let's get on there.
Imagine I had to get three people who never went
to school. Co was hard? Oh no, I went to school,
old boy, and I'm not there doing a blackout. You want,
I'll never forget my school days? Well, I remember the
day my teacher made me turn my face to the walls. Yeah,
what happened? Hagata broke? Please, mister McGrath, look, let's try
(24:29):
and get this answer for the young lady. The young
lady was kind enough to come up there. So let's
try and get the answer for a question. Help me
go back to the halloween. Never made a halloween? How
are you making out, mister Sheldon? I got it. I
got it good. You mean you got the answer to
the question. Yeah, Buffalo, Buffalo, New York.
Speaker 5 (25:03):
Anything school.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'm still about the moment. I'd like to remind our
listeners at this point. The next week, we're having as
our special guest that Charley Boot.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Yes, I know, because that's naughty.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
I'm having Charlie Boots for dinner. You're having Shirley Booth
for dinner. Huh. I thought you were going to have
roast beef Shirley Booth. Boy do I love? Oh? I
wish I had my tusio. I'd wear it. Where is it? Oh?
I loaded to my cousin about a year ago. No,
you did. Why don't you try and get it back? Oh?
I'm not going to dig him up just for that now, Folks,
(27:16):
you know what we mean when we say or music here.
(27:44):
I wish our sponsored would spend a few more dollars
a year or one day, as I was walking down
the avenue, I met a funny fellow with a funny
he didn't have a brain cell working in his head,
but he was very happy. And this is what he said.
(28:08):
It paid to be ignorant. This is the Armed Forces
radio circuit.
Speaker 8 (28:13):
It pay should be ignorant, just like me. If best
not to know too much, be a dope. Your IQ
shouldn't show too much, your brain shouldn't grow too much
weight And thing, I took my girl to dinner.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
We had a wonderful team. They had to give my
girl the check.
Speaker 8 (28:36):
Because I couldn't read.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
So you see, it pay to.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Be ignorant, have no brain, be insane, just beginning to be.
It paid to be ignorant, just like
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