October 25, 2025 • 29 mins
A compilation of humorous shows ranging from slapstick sketches to witty banter and family sitcoms. This series highlights the timeless appeal of laughter and character-driven comedy.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
A Magnificent Montague starring Marty Wallay.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Since the Magnificent Montague, the Saturday Night Transcribe feature on
NBC's All Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama,
brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio,
first in recorded music, first in television, and by the
makers of Addison for fast relief from the pain of headache,
eurytis or neuralgia. It's been many years since the name
(00:52):
of Edwin the Magnificent Montague has been seen in lights,
starring in the Shakespearean production. Today he is uncle goodheart
of an afternoon radio program. It is early afternoon. Montague,
having finished his program, is expected home momentarily and awaiting
him as his wife Lily Alba Montague made Agnes, who
(01:12):
is happily planning dinner.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Abba Dabba dabba dabba abba aabba dabbasad the monkey to
the chimp Aba dabadabadaba dabad abit. Yeah, honey, Oh, was
that you? I was singing?
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Oh what's nice?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah? I'm thinking about what I'm going to cook for
your husband tonight. Singing keeps me from being revolted.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Oh, come magnus, cooking for Edwin is no problem.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
It ain't the cooking, it's a serving. I gotta get
my hands off the plate or they'll get bitten off.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Oh, come, magnes, he's not that big an eater.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yang, huh, honey. When he says a horse, a horse
my kingdom for a horse, he ain't reciting Shakespeare. He's
ordering lunch.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Well, have you decided what to make for dinner?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Let me see now, maybe a nice thick, sirline steak.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Edwin loves steak, he does. Huh, well, then that's out.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
No.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
Don't you think it's time you and Edwin call a
stop for this bickering and shook hands.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Honey, the day came to work here.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
It's so senseless. This has been going on for twenty
five years.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Why Why?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Because for twenty five years I've been asking him to
do me one little favor and he always refuses.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
What do you want him to do?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
It?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Stop? I know the two of you just live to
argue with each other.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Now, why don't you run down and get three nice
steaks for dinner?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Three steaks, Okay, I'll go buy them, give me your jewels.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
The hawk.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
His meat still so expensive expensive.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's cheaper to eat a mixed green salad made of
fifty dollar bills. Oh that butcher of us is he
riding high? He don't even cut the meat himself anymore.
He's got a surgeon from John Hopkins working at the meeting.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Oh that's soon.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Allah, butcher does his way the meat. His thumb is
in sure for four hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Oh, stop being ridiculous. You've always gotten along with the butcher.
Someone's at the door.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I'll get it. Well. Well, hello, mister Zinser, Oh hello, Agnes,
it's mister Zinza, the director of Montague's radio program.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Come in, mister Zinza.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Oh, missus Montague.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
I came to think, mister Montague, he isn't here yet.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
He went to his Pascenium club right after the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Oh, fiddle faddle, Well, what is it?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Can I help?
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Oh no, it's very personal, mister Zindsea.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
You can tell me.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Well, it's not the kind of thing I like to disco.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Mister Zina, we're old friends. You can tell me. Go ahead.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Well, my wife, Oh I shouldn't be fair, mister Sindsa,
out with it.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
What is it?
Speaker 6 (04:04):
Well, my wife is expecting, mister Sinsa a baby.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
What do you think a Maytag automatic rush?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Oh that's wonderful. But tell me, mister Sinsa, what has
this got to do with Edwin?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
The suspense is killing me.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
Well, you see, my wife, missus Z, is a great
admirer of your husband. She listens to him his uncle
Goodhart on the radio, and she thinks he must be
just the sweet and kind in real life of the
earth on the radio. Stupid, isn't she?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Mister sins Where is Edwin coming?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Well, I'm coming to that. You see, my wife's in
the hospital right now.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
You mean any minute.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Well shouldn't you be at her side?
Speaker 6 (04:57):
Well? I guess so. But she made me come home.
We're here to ask mister Montague to be Oh, the
whole thing is mad.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Mad.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
She wants Edwin to be what.
Speaker 6 (05:10):
The baby's godfather?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
The godfather of a baby?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Baschatter that happening? I know.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
I tried to explain to my wife, missus Z, that
mister Montague is well, not the sentimental type. He's more like,
say it a monster. I told her not to bother him.
But you know how women are in her condition. They
(05:39):
want the craziest things.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Sour pickles, ice cream, I know, and she wants Montague.
Speaker 6 (05:49):
How about that?
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Terribly sorry, mister Tint, but knowing the way he feels
about Oh, I understand.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Oh, some they love children like you said I should, will.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Make ten.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Ten kids stranger than fiction.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
I love kids. I hang their baby shoes on the
windshield of my car. Really, I got a drive with
my head out the window.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Missus, you'd better get back to your wife in the hospital.
Speaker 6 (06:21):
And I can't. I've got to go home and take
care of the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
But she shouldn't be alone in the hospital at a
time like this.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
She don't mind. We got nine more kids at home.
Lying in the hospital. Having a baby is the only
rest she gets.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Well, Agnes, we'll go up and see missus into this afternoon.
Speaker 6 (06:40):
Oh, she'd like that. She's in room two o four
at the Riverside Maternity Hospital.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
Room two oh four. Remember that, Agna's two o four.
You'll see her every day.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Oh, she'll only be there until the baby comes.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Missus in.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
She can't bring a new baby right into a house
that already has nine children.
Speaker 6 (06:56):
I know, but she hates hospitals. What can I do?
Speaker 5 (07:00):
She and the baby ought to be in a quiet
place for a week or so. Someplace where people can
wait on her. Mister Zinja, I haven't she can stay here, honey,
are you nuts? Missus Inta could have a guess rum
and we can use Edwin's dad as a nursery for
the baby.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Honey, you can't have a baby spend the first week
if it's life in the same house with Montague.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
It a warp.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
It's mine, thanks, Missus Montague. But it'd be too much trouble.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Trouble a baby in the house. Oh, it would be wonderful.
I'm so excited, eggs. Let's start making arrangements. A bathronet,
diaper service, bottle woman.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
A strait jacket. Montague and he hears about it.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Oh that's right, Edwin, you'll flip his lid.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Forget about it, Honey, No, I will.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Not, mister Sinjer. I'll discuss it with my husband.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I'm sure having your wife and charliere for one week
isn't going to kill him.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Oh it won't. I mean, guys Smith, you're sure, true blue.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well, I'll just get everything ready.
Speaker 5 (08:01):
Edness, Now go and see your wife this afternoon. Goodbye,
your ma. Honey, stop kidding yourself. You don't think the
Magnificent Monster is gonna let you bring a baby into
his house, Agnes. When I get through explaining what it
means to me, he'll come round.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I've always been able to handle him and no.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
But a baby in his den. This time you're heading
below the beard, Agnes.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
It will be something I've always wanted to do, taking
care of a baby, making the formula, warming the bottles,
bathing it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Then there's the diaper, and that's where I come in.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
I'm so thrilled.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
How am I?
Speaker 7 (08:40):
That's Edwin.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
That's Trella's gone, said, Edwin must die? Okay, here he is, Hello, Hello,
hello Edwin.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Oh my, you look happy? Is it a lovely spring day?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Beautiful?
Speaker 8 (08:54):
I just walked through Central Park. It's alive with blossoms
and flowers. As I walked, I hummed, Haw hawk the log.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
We'll shake the locks out of your beard and sit down, Lily.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
I can't wait until the fourth of July when we
can stand in front of.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
The house and fire, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, Here comes the bad yeomer man, Agnes.
Speaker 8 (09:17):
Lily, I just remember it's daylight saving time. Let's turn,
Agnes back to.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
The uman first, stop them, and when you came home
in such high spirits.
Speaker 8 (09:26):
I wasn't till this loud, mulled bass started coughing at me.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
All right, Agnes, be quieted. What happened today that makes
you so happy?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
He saw someone run over by a truck?
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Agnes, really, Edwin, Now tell me what.
Speaker 7 (09:44):
Happened, Lily.
Speaker 8 (09:45):
When I arrived at the Brasilium Club, the members were
all excited about something.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Guess who wants me?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
The psychopathic ward at Bellevue.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Who wants you?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
The drama? The popular Columbia University.
Speaker 8 (09:57):
They want me to get a talk tonight on the
Shakespearean about Edwin.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
A lecture at Columbia. It's a good thing.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Eisenhower isn't still president.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Please.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
If he ever saw Montague with that big mouth of
his open, he think it was a camouflaged howitzer.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Lily, we must get some new furniture for at his room.
Speaker 8 (10:15):
I've got my eye on the cutest little electric chair.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Speaking of furniture, you're in for a surprise. There's gonna
be a lot of new furniture around here.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
I just never mind.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
I'll tell him myself. Tell me what it's a nothing much, Edwin?
You see, Lily, if it isn't important, it can't it wait?
I have to go to the library and get some
facts on Shakespeare for my lectures. And now this is
let me take a minute, Edwin, sit down before you
fall down.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Quiet, hurry up, Lilay, what's on your mind?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Well, it's so hard to begin, Edwin. We've never had
any children.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I know, Lily. It's the one thing that's kept us together.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
They're so charming and Lily, I'm in a hurry.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
But haven't you noticed that all the families around us
have children by even the Harrison's across the hall.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Have a little girl.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 9 (11:14):
Love?
Speaker 8 (11:14):
The lave of your hitting about a donation for some
summer camp to make children healthy. Give whatever you want to,
just keep my name out of it. I don't like
to encourage that sort of thing.
Speaker 7 (11:23):
Oh, Edwin, shame on you.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
What children are, Lily?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Don't mention children to me. I don't trust them.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
But the only children you've ever come in contact with
with child actors who were in place.
Speaker 8 (11:34):
With you, the dirty little seed stealers.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You can't turn your back on you.
Speaker 8 (11:40):
The ma gives some scenes I've played on the stage,
I'll have the audience.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Eating out of my hand.
Speaker 8 (11:44):
And then I would come some miserable, curly hair brat
less about two words.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
The audience would ooh and are, and I'd.
Speaker 8 (11:53):
Be left standing there with my face hanging out. Children
will knight you every time.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
When you a child yourself once.
Speaker 8 (12:02):
That's a dirty lot.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
He's right, he was born a full grown monster.
Speaker 8 (12:11):
Oh you must have been cute when you were born,
the pride of the litter.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Don't be surprised to wake up some morning and hear
the pattern of little feet.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I knew it, the miser bag ed.
Speaker 8 (12:29):
Let me tell you, I have a lecture today. If
you're going to waste my time badding about.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
You honestly when you're the most exasperating man in the world.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, you stay out of this.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
Just take care of your own duties around here, A
little bitter where of my clean shirt?
Speaker 3 (12:42):
I hadn't come back from the laundry yet.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh no, I have a lecture tonight.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Take it easy, mister Montague. The shirts will be here today.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
They will be Oh it was such a beautiful day.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
Goodbye, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Parting is such sweet sorrow. Oh quiet well, honey, there
goes to Godfather.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Oh he can be so impossible.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Oh now, honey, don't don't take it that way. Just
give me the word and I can cook him at dinner.
That'll lend it all.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
When I think of missus Zinda having to go back
to a noisy house and we have all this room, Agnes,
why I don't care what Edwin thinks or does about it.
We're going to have missus Zinza and her new baby
right here.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
I'm with your, honey.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
We can't waste a minute. Now, look up a dive
for service. Okay, and we went a crib about the
net when the baby orks housing powder skate.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Here's a diaper service, cosmopolot and diaper service. I'll wring them.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
We'll order more milk. Don't get a book on how
to make formula or Agnes.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
I am so hold that, honey. Hello, cosmopilet and diaper service.
One moment here, honey, Hello.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
I'd like to stop the diaper service immediately. Yet, Yes,
I'll hold the wire. She's getting an order. Blank, he's
gonna have to rush right up to the hospital. Be
and missus Inda.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
You have the room, yeah, two o four Riverside Maternity House.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
So, Agnes, I can't believe it a baby in our
house at last.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
We'll be back with a magnificent Montague in just a moment.
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(15:36):
now back to the magnificent Motaule He is returning from
the library full of facts for his lecture, but he
returns to an empty house. His wife, Lily and Agnes
are at the hospital awaiting missus Zinzor's blessed event.
Speaker 7 (16:00):
Won't open the door for me anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I must Where is everybody? Lily?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Agnes?
Speaker 8 (16:08):
Hummm fine, welcome. Just what I wanted early dinner. It
give me time to get over to Columbia University.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
They are shopping or something. Well, I'd better get pressed.
Speaker 8 (16:18):
Hope the laundry delivered the shirts. Oh, this must be
the laundry here on the table. What's the hellcum powder?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Oil? What junk women have to use?
Speaker 8 (16:33):
Maybe they put the shirts in my bedroom.
Speaker 7 (16:35):
If they didn't.
Speaker 10 (16:36):
Cosma Parla diaper service?
Speaker 7 (16:49):
Hey, how do you like that?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
So hurry call on no one's home?
Speaker 8 (16:54):
Hello, Hello, got a shirt of There you are, cosmopolo.
Speaker 11 (16:59):
It's about I got here as soon as I could.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Your wife phone?
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Good?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Where are they?
Speaker 7 (17:03):
I got them in the truck.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
In the truck.
Speaker 8 (17:06):
I gotta put one on right away.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You who do you think they were for?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Well, live and learn.
Speaker 7 (17:19):
If you still wear them, you still wear them?
Speaker 8 (17:21):
When you hurry up, I'm lecturing at Columbia tonight. Do
you want me to stand in front of the entire
drama department without one on?
Speaker 7 (17:32):
No, no standing over your mouth.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Hope and get them.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
This is the formula bear.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I hope they've been stocked starched.
Speaker 7 (17:42):
This is a new complaint.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
It's always it ain't soft enough. You find my life
and stems so they don't wrinkle and fit nice and snug.
Speaker 11 (17:49):
Fetch your nice and snug good then please your mind. Okay, First,
I better bring in the can cam.
Speaker 8 (17:55):
What can?
Speaker 7 (17:55):
There's no charge for the can It's part of our service.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I can.
Speaker 11 (18:00):
Yeah, where you can throw the US one?
Speaker 8 (18:03):
I just throw the old ones in the closet, in
a closet, Yes, anything wrong with that?
Speaker 11 (18:12):
Now it's your closet.
Speaker 8 (18:16):
I'll get them. I hope the buttons are still on.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
What's look with our kind? You just need safety pins.
Speaker 8 (18:27):
Safety depends on a shirt shirt? Hey, what are you
talking about my shirts?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Aren't you delivery laundry?
Speaker 11 (18:34):
Look, mister, I'm from the cosmopowit the diaper service dip.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
You've got the wrong apop.
Speaker 11 (18:40):
No, no, no, I ain't ain't this dear popping. I'm
missus Edwin Montague. Here, look at the order Lily Montague, Montague.
Speaker 8 (18:47):
Well, she probably had it delivered here because someone in
the building wasn't home.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
She probably left a note about it.
Speaker 8 (18:52):
Oh yeah, here's a note on the telephone stand. It
says it says, dear Edwin, you could reach me in
room two hundred and four Ruise Maternity Hospital.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
What's the matter with Lily?
Speaker 8 (19:03):
Lay ending my ear about children? I find baby parler
and oil all over the house. A diaper service. Now
she's in ruined two hundred and four at the Ruse Adrica.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Oh, I'm no farther, I know, father.
Speaker 11 (19:21):
Take it easy message and her father, her father, Yeah,
come here, you better lie down, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Congratulations me father.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
I can't believe it, Lily. I must call Lily. Where's
the phone? Oh here, what's the matter with this telephone?
Speaker 11 (19:33):
And mister you're dialing a bridge lamp.
Speaker 7 (19:37):
I'll make the car for you.
Speaker 8 (19:38):
What's the number?
Speaker 7 (19:39):
Yeah, the note.
Speaker 8 (19:40):
Room Riverside and the two hundred and four maternity articital.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Here here's the dog.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Yeah, I got it, poor Lily all afternoon.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
She tried to tell me I did insult there?
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Oh did they live? Was a miserable dog as I
had and I'm I'm a cat.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Horrible horrible cash.
Speaker 8 (19:55):
Hello, Riverside Maternity Hospital for a moment.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
There's the hello.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I want room to.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Hotel?
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Okay, okay, he wants room two or four?
Speaker 11 (20:09):
What not accepting any calls?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
What is it?
Speaker 5 (20:13):
No?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Calls?
Speaker 9 (20:14):
Must be pretty close.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I must get to the hospital.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
We have a truck.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Let's go.
Speaker 7 (20:17):
Let's full of diapers. I'll buy them all. Let's go
better when you relaxed. They won't let you in there
until four o'clock.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I'll go bring up your diapers.
Speaker 8 (20:25):
So on, Lily, she'll be in that hospital with all
those calling brats. What am I saying? One of them
will be married my son. I will mold him into
a great actor. I will teach him all I know.
He will carry on the name out of you. The
six Perience Theater will live again. His debut will be
(20:45):
in Romeo and Juliet, And like his daddy, he will
be the.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Greatest Robo whoever lives.
Speaker 8 (20:58):
Hello, Harvard University, Well take this down. I wish to
register Master Edwin Montague Junior in the class of nineteen seventy.
Thank you, yes, sir, I want to let me. I
want ten boxes the best cigars. You have in the place,
(21:19):
ten box And I said, ten boxes for the information
I'm about to become a father.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You yeah, have.
Speaker 7 (21:27):
A box on me.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's a nice toy. I'll take two of them, clerk,
And now what have I got?
Speaker 8 (21:41):
The catcher's glove, the football, the hopolong cassidy cowboy outfit.
I'll pick up the rest later. Can I hope they
deliver the pony to the apartment on.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Doctor?
Speaker 8 (22:02):
For heaven's sake, what's happening in room two or four?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Not you again?
Speaker 7 (22:05):
I told you all we can do is wait.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I've been waiting for four hours. You will have to.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Wait it out, just like the other fathers here in
the waiting room.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
And don't bother me anymore.
Speaker 8 (22:14):
Don't be impertinent, young man. I'll report you. I'm in radio.
I'm a very close friend of young doctor Malone.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Look at my hands.
Speaker 7 (22:24):
They're shake You have another sedative?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Hurry Doctroom two or four?
Speaker 6 (22:28):
That was cooking, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Oh, so you decided to show up after all?
Speaker 8 (22:33):
Where should I be the time? Because Agnes, wait, what's happening?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
They just pushed the bed into the delivery.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Round livery room quick? How is Lily well.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
He's fine. She helped them push the bed in.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
What kind of our hospital is there? As?
Speaker 8 (22:49):
When you see Louie, tell her I'm sorry for the
way I spoke about children.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
This hap to do.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
It's time you were sorry. You beasts?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Wait this waiting, this turn, waiting.
Speaker 8 (23:00):
Excuse me, mister, you gotta match here, keep the box.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Thanks. You're nervous.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
What do you think I shake like this all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
That's your fist? What you're feist? Your first kid? Oh?
Speaker 9 (23:15):
Yeah, yes, my name is Simon, Rudolph Simon.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Do you name mean anything to you?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Simon Rudolph Simon, No, I can't say that. What a matter?
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Whiskers?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Don't you read the newspapers?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Don't you the newspapers? You're in the newspaper every year?
Speaker 6 (23:30):
Like a clock.
Speaker 9 (23:31):
Rudy Simon does it again? Triplets twins, quadro gluts. I'm
high score for this hospital. Oh you're that Rudy Simon,
remember me now?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (23:45):
In a way I figure it.
Speaker 11 (23:47):
If people don't even remember you for a thing like
that is the whole thing with it, Simon.
Speaker 8 (23:54):
Believe me, At any other time I try and figure
out that statement.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Right now, too nervous and.
Speaker 11 (23:58):
You know the most amazing thing.
Speaker 9 (24:00):
But what me with twins, fipplets, quadruplets, madrublets?
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Would you believe it?
Speaker 11 (24:05):
When I play a slot machine? Nothing happens? Yeah, I
take the other day.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I o'kay, mister Simon, it's a boy.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
How many? Only one?
Speaker 4 (24:16):
You kidn't? No?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Only one?
Speaker 8 (24:18):
How do you like that?
Speaker 9 (24:19):
I passed up a pinochle game just to be here tonight?
Speaker 7 (24:24):
Please sorry? O us a round two? O'co cad.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I hope Lily realizes the torch run going through.
Speaker 7 (24:32):
Sims Simsa, you came here, yes.
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Sir, I didn't think I could break away from the kids.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
How sweet of you to come here?
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Well, I thought it was my place to be here, Sinza,
I'll never forget you for this you want?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
It's in times like these the man fins? Who is real? Friends?
Are I have a friend?
Speaker 6 (24:51):
You have worthy me?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (24:56):
It was terribly sweet of you to be here.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
It's my place to be here.
Speaker 8 (25:01):
It is when she comes out of the ether, I'm
going to be right to her side.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Was she like that?
Speaker 6 (25:07):
She's crazy about you?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Imagine Zinza, I edwin Monty you after all?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Okay, folks, the waiting's off. It's a six pound bouncing
baby girl.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
A baby girl's insitt?
Speaker 4 (25:18):
You here.
Speaker 7 (25:20):
A baby girl?
Speaker 8 (25:23):
Wonderful white Lily, get her back to bed, Lily, are
you crazy?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
What kind of a hospital, says give me the head physician.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Missus Sinsa is asleep.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Missus is she here too?
Speaker 4 (25:36):
She just had the baby.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Missus Inza had our baby.
Speaker 7 (25:42):
What kind of a hospital is, Edwin?
Speaker 4 (25:46):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Lily?
Speaker 8 (25:48):
The diaper says, the baby oil, the pony, the pat
her little feet.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
That's right, missus Injo and the baby are going to
stay with us for a week.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
They are.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
And Edwin, it was.
Speaker 5 (25:57):
Wonderful of you to show up to be the godfather.
Speaker 7 (26:01):
I'm a godfather.
Speaker 12 (26:02):
Oh no, four o'clock in the morning, Lily, what.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Did you do asking them here?
Speaker 7 (26:22):
Edwin?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Go back to sleep?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Who can sleep? Missus Ina and the guests through the
baby in my Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
Edwin, stop crabbing. You're the godfather.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Wasn't it sweet of than to call the little girl Edwina?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Lily?
Speaker 8 (26:35):
Stop with that slushy sentiment.
Speaker 5 (26:38):
Go to sleep, baby, stop crying, must say Edwin. Little
Edwena certainly seems to like.
Speaker 8 (26:45):
You, grillinally of all the stupid things to say that
a tiny little baby knows enough to recognize Lily, Lily,
she's asleep.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
Look at.
Speaker 8 (27:17):
And Weena, it's me Uncle Eddie.
Speaker 7 (27:28):
I listen to that boy. It's gad.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
She will be the greatest junio of all times.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Every day you hear more and more about an incredibly
fast way to relieve the pains of headache, neurytis in
your algia. It's anison A N A C I N.
Now the reason anison is so wonderfully fast acting and
effective as this, Anison is like a doctor's prescription. That is,
anison contains not just one, but a combination of medically
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(28:10):
of people have received envelopes containing anison tablets from their
own dentist opposition, and in this way discover the incredibly
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So the next time a headache strikes, take anison. Anacin
anison in handy boxes of twelve and thirty economical family
(28:31):
size bottles of fifty to one hundred. Ask for anison
at any drug counterer. Listen again next week, friends, to
the Magnificent Mamau, the Saturday Night Transcribe feature on NBC's
(28:54):
All Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Brought to you by RCA B.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first
in television, and by Annison for Fast Relief from the
Pain of Headache Neuribis on Euralgia. The Magnificent Montague was
written by Nat Hiken and Billy Friedberg, and Seymour was Lily,
Pert Calton was Agnes. Also heard were Art Carney, John
Griggs and Johnny Gibson. This is Don Pardo speaking
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Tomorrow Here Archie Andrews and Quiz Kids on NVC
A Magnificent Montague starring Marty Wallay.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Since the Magnificent Montague, the Saturday Night Transcribe feature on
NBC's All Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama,
brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio,
first in recorded music, first in television, and by the
makers of Addison for fast relief from the pain of headache,
eurytis or neuralgia. It's been many years since the name
(00:52):
of Edwin the Magnificent Montague has been seen in lights,
starring in the Shakespearean production. Today he is uncle goodheart
of an afternoon radio program. It is early afternoon. Montague,
having finished his program, is expected home momentarily and awaiting
him as his wife Lily Alba Montague made Agnes, who
(01:12):
is happily planning dinner.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Abba Dabba dabba dabba abba aabba dabbasad the monkey to
the chimp Aba dabadabadaba dabad abit. Yeah, honey, Oh, was
that you? I was singing?
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Oh what's nice?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah? I'm thinking about what I'm going to cook for
your husband tonight. Singing keeps me from being revolted.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Oh, come magnus, cooking for Edwin is no problem.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
It ain't the cooking, it's a serving. I gotta get
my hands off the plate or they'll get bitten off.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Oh, come, magnes, he's not that big an eater.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Yang, huh, honey. When he says a horse, a horse
my kingdom for a horse, he ain't reciting Shakespeare. He's
ordering lunch.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Well, have you decided what to make for dinner?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Let me see now, maybe a nice thick, sirline steak.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Edwin loves steak, he does. Huh, well, then that's out.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
No.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
Don't you think it's time you and Edwin call a
stop for this bickering and shook hands.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Honey, the day came to work here.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
It's so senseless. This has been going on for twenty
five years.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Why Why?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Because for twenty five years I've been asking him to
do me one little favor and he always refuses.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
What do you want him to do?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
It?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Stop? I know the two of you just live to
argue with each other.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Now, why don't you run down and get three nice
steaks for dinner?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Three steaks, Okay, I'll go buy them, give me your jewels.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
The hawk.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
His meat still so expensive expensive.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
It's cheaper to eat a mixed green salad made of
fifty dollar bills. Oh that butcher of us is he
riding high? He don't even cut the meat himself anymore.
He's got a surgeon from John Hopkins working at the meeting.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Oh that's soon.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Allah, butcher does his way the meat. His thumb is
in sure for four hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Oh, stop being ridiculous. You've always gotten along with the butcher.
Someone's at the door.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I'll get it. Well. Well, hello, mister Zinser, Oh hello, Agnes,
it's mister Zinza, the director of Montague's radio program.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Come in, mister Zinza.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Oh, missus Montague.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
I came to think, mister Montague, he isn't here yet.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
He went to his Pascenium club right after the broadcast.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Oh, fiddle faddle, Well, what is it?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Can I help?
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Oh no, it's very personal, mister Zindsea.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
You can tell me.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Well, it's not the kind of thing I like to disco.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Mister Zina, we're old friends. You can tell me. Go ahead.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Well, my wife, Oh I shouldn't be fair, mister Sindsa,
out with it.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
What is it?
Speaker 6 (04:04):
Well, my wife is expecting, mister Sinsa a baby.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
What do you think a Maytag automatic rush?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Oh that's wonderful. But tell me, mister Sinsa, what has
this got to do with Edwin?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
The suspense is killing me.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
Well, you see, my wife, missus Z, is a great
admirer of your husband. She listens to him his uncle
Goodhart on the radio, and she thinks he must be
just the sweet and kind in real life of the
earth on the radio. Stupid, isn't she?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Mister sins Where is Edwin coming?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Well, I'm coming to that. You see, my wife's in
the hospital right now.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
You mean any minute.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Well shouldn't you be at her side?
Speaker 6 (04:57):
Well? I guess so. But she made me come home.
We're here to ask mister Montague to be Oh, the
whole thing is mad.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Mad.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
She wants Edwin to be what.
Speaker 6 (05:10):
The baby's godfather?
Speaker 4 (05:13):
The godfather of a baby?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Baschatter that happening? I know.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
I tried to explain to my wife, missus Z, that
mister Montague is well, not the sentimental type. He's more like,
say it a monster. I told her not to bother him.
But you know how women are in her condition. They
(05:39):
want the craziest things.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Sour pickles, ice cream, I know, and she wants Montague.
Speaker 6 (05:49):
How about that?
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Terribly sorry, mister Tint, but knowing the way he feels
about Oh, I understand.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Oh, some they love children like you said I should, will.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Make ten.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Ten kids stranger than fiction.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
I love kids. I hang their baby shoes on the
windshield of my car. Really, I got a drive with
my head out the window.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Missus, you'd better get back to your wife in the hospital.
Speaker 6 (06:21):
And I can't. I've got to go home and take
care of the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
But she shouldn't be alone in the hospital at a
time like this.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
She don't mind. We got nine more kids at home.
Lying in the hospital. Having a baby is the only
rest she gets.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Well, Agnes, we'll go up and see missus into this afternoon.
Speaker 6 (06:40):
Oh, she'd like that. She's in room two o four
at the Riverside Maternity Hospital.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
Room two oh four. Remember that, Agna's two o four.
You'll see her every day.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Oh, she'll only be there until the baby comes.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Missus in.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
She can't bring a new baby right into a house
that already has nine children.
Speaker 6 (06:56):
I know, but she hates hospitals. What can I do?
Speaker 5 (07:00):
She and the baby ought to be in a quiet
place for a week or so. Someplace where people can
wait on her. Mister Zinja, I haven't she can stay here, honey,
are you nuts? Missus Inta could have a guess rum
and we can use Edwin's dad as a nursery for
the baby.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Honey, you can't have a baby spend the first week
if it's life in the same house with Montague.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
It a warp.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
It's mine, thanks, Missus Montague. But it'd be too much trouble.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Trouble a baby in the house. Oh, it would be wonderful.
I'm so excited, eggs. Let's start making arrangements. A bathronet,
diaper service, bottle woman.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
A strait jacket. Montague and he hears about it.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Oh that's right, Edwin, you'll flip his lid.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Forget about it, Honey, No, I will.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Not, mister Sinjer. I'll discuss it with my husband.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I'm sure having your wife and charliere for one week
isn't going to kill him.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Oh it won't. I mean, guys Smith, you're sure, true blue.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well, I'll just get everything ready.
Speaker 5 (08:01):
Edness, Now go and see your wife this afternoon. Goodbye,
your ma. Honey, stop kidding yourself. You don't think the
Magnificent Monster is gonna let you bring a baby into
his house, Agnes. When I get through explaining what it
means to me, he'll come round.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I've always been able to handle him and no.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
But a baby in his den. This time you're heading
below the beard, Agnes.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
It will be something I've always wanted to do, taking
care of a baby, making the formula, warming the bottles,
bathing it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Then there's the diaper, and that's where I come in.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
I'm so thrilled.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
How am I?
Speaker 7 (08:40):
That's Edwin.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
That's Trella's gone, said, Edwin must die? Okay, here he is, Hello, Hello,
hello Edwin.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Oh my, you look happy? Is it a lovely spring day?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Beautiful?
Speaker 8 (08:54):
I just walked through Central Park. It's alive with blossoms
and flowers. As I walked, I hummed, Haw hawk the log.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
We'll shake the locks out of your beard and sit down, Lily.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
I can't wait until the fourth of July when we
can stand in front of.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
The house and fire, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, Here comes the bad yeomer man, Agnes.
Speaker 8 (09:17):
Lily, I just remember it's daylight saving time. Let's turn,
Agnes back to.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
The uman first, stop them, and when you came home
in such high spirits.
Speaker 8 (09:26):
I wasn't till this loud, mulled bass started coughing at me.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
All right, Agnes, be quieted. What happened today that makes
you so happy?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
He saw someone run over by a truck?
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Agnes, really, Edwin, Now tell me what.
Speaker 7 (09:44):
Happened, Lily.
Speaker 8 (09:45):
When I arrived at the Brasilium Club, the members were
all excited about something.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Guess who wants me?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
The psychopathic ward at Bellevue.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Who wants you?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
The drama? The popular Columbia University.
Speaker 8 (09:57):
They want me to get a talk tonight on the
Shakespearean about Edwin.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
A lecture at Columbia. It's a good thing.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Eisenhower isn't still president.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Please.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
If he ever saw Montague with that big mouth of
his open, he think it was a camouflaged howitzer.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Lily, we must get some new furniture for at his room.
Speaker 8 (10:15):
I've got my eye on the cutest little electric chair.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Speaking of furniture, you're in for a surprise. There's gonna
be a lot of new furniture around here.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
I just never mind.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
I'll tell him myself. Tell me what it's a nothing much, Edwin?
You see, Lily, if it isn't important, it can't it wait?
I have to go to the library and get some
facts on Shakespeare for my lectures. And now this is
let me take a minute, Edwin, sit down before you
fall down.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Quiet, hurry up, Lilay, what's on your mind?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Well, it's so hard to begin, Edwin. We've never had
any children.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I know, Lily. It's the one thing that's kept us together.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
They're so charming and Lily, I'm in a hurry.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
But haven't you noticed that all the families around us
have children by even the Harrison's across the hall.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Have a little girl.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Is that what it is?
Speaker 9 (11:14):
Love?
Speaker 8 (11:14):
The lave of your hitting about a donation for some
summer camp to make children healthy. Give whatever you want to,
just keep my name out of it. I don't like
to encourage that sort of thing.
Speaker 7 (11:23):
Oh, Edwin, shame on you.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
What children are, Lily?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Don't mention children to me. I don't trust them.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
But the only children you've ever come in contact with
with child actors who were in place.
Speaker 8 (11:34):
With you, the dirty little seed stealers.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You can't turn your back on you.
Speaker 8 (11:40):
The ma gives some scenes I've played on the stage,
I'll have the audience.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Eating out of my hand.
Speaker 8 (11:44):
And then I would come some miserable, curly hair brat
less about two words.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
The audience would ooh and are, and I'd.
Speaker 8 (11:53):
Be left standing there with my face hanging out. Children
will knight you every time.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
When you a child yourself once.
Speaker 8 (12:02):
That's a dirty lot.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
He's right, he was born a full grown monster.
Speaker 8 (12:11):
Oh you must have been cute when you were born,
the pride of the litter.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Don't be surprised to wake up some morning and hear
the pattern of little feet.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I knew it, the miser bag ed.
Speaker 8 (12:29):
Let me tell you, I have a lecture today. If
you're going to waste my time badding about.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
You honestly when you're the most exasperating man in the world.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, you stay out of this.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
Just take care of your own duties around here, A
little bitter where of my clean shirt?
Speaker 3 (12:42):
I hadn't come back from the laundry yet.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh no, I have a lecture tonight.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Take it easy, mister Montague. The shirts will be here today.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
They will be Oh it was such a beautiful day.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
Goodbye, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Parting is such sweet sorrow. Oh quiet well, honey, there
goes to Godfather.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Oh he can be so impossible.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Oh now, honey, don't don't take it that way. Just
give me the word and I can cook him at dinner.
That'll lend it all.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
When I think of missus Zinda having to go back
to a noisy house and we have all this room, Agnes,
why I don't care what Edwin thinks or does about it.
We're going to have missus Zinza and her new baby
right here.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
I'm with your, honey.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
We can't waste a minute. Now, look up a dive
for service. Okay, and we went a crib about the
net when the baby orks housing powder skate.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Here's a diaper service, cosmopolot and diaper service. I'll wring them.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
We'll order more milk. Don't get a book on how
to make formula or Agnes.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
I am so hold that, honey. Hello, cosmopilet and diaper service.
One moment here, honey, Hello.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
I'd like to stop the diaper service immediately. Yet, Yes,
I'll hold the wire. She's getting an order. Blank, he's
gonna have to rush right up to the hospital. Be
and missus Inda.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
You have the room, yeah, two o four Riverside Maternity House.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
So, Agnes, I can't believe it a baby in our
house at last.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
We'll be back with a magnificent Montague in just a moment.
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for your RCA Victor television console, and you and your
family in every sense of the word happy looking. And
(15:36):
now back to the magnificent Motaule He is returning from
the library full of facts for his lecture, but he
returns to an empty house. His wife, Lily and Agnes
are at the hospital awaiting missus Zinzor's blessed event.
Speaker 7 (16:00):
Won't open the door for me anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I must Where is everybody? Lily?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Agnes?
Speaker 8 (16:08):
Hummm fine, welcome. Just what I wanted early dinner. It
give me time to get over to Columbia University.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
They are shopping or something. Well, I'd better get pressed.
Speaker 8 (16:18):
Hope the laundry delivered the shirts. Oh, this must be
the laundry here on the table. What's the hellcum powder?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Oil? What junk women have to use?
Speaker 8 (16:33):
Maybe they put the shirts in my bedroom.
Speaker 7 (16:35):
If they didn't.
Speaker 10 (16:36):
Cosma Parla diaper service?
Speaker 7 (16:49):
Hey, how do you like that?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
So hurry call on no one's home?
Speaker 8 (16:54):
Hello, Hello, got a shirt of There you are, cosmopolo.
Speaker 11 (16:59):
It's about I got here as soon as I could.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Your wife phone?
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Good?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Where are they?
Speaker 7 (17:03):
I got them in the truck.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
In the truck.
Speaker 8 (17:06):
I gotta put one on right away.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You who do you think they were for?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Well, live and learn.
Speaker 7 (17:19):
If you still wear them, you still wear them?
Speaker 8 (17:21):
When you hurry up, I'm lecturing at Columbia tonight. Do
you want me to stand in front of the entire
drama department without one on?
Speaker 7 (17:32):
No, no standing over your mouth.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Hope and get them.
Speaker 7 (17:36):
This is the formula bear.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I hope they've been stocked starched.
Speaker 7 (17:42):
This is a new complaint.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
It's always it ain't soft enough. You find my life
and stems so they don't wrinkle and fit nice and snug.
Speaker 11 (17:49):
Fetch your nice and snug good then please your mind. Okay, First,
I better bring in the can cam.
Speaker 8 (17:55):
What can?
Speaker 7 (17:55):
There's no charge for the can It's part of our service.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I can.
Speaker 11 (18:00):
Yeah, where you can throw the US one?
Speaker 8 (18:03):
I just throw the old ones in the closet, in
a closet, Yes, anything wrong with that?
Speaker 11 (18:12):
Now it's your closet.
Speaker 8 (18:16):
I'll get them. I hope the buttons are still on.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
What's look with our kind? You just need safety pins.
Speaker 8 (18:27):
Safety depends on a shirt shirt? Hey, what are you
talking about my shirts?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Aren't you delivery laundry?
Speaker 11 (18:34):
Look, mister, I'm from the cosmopowit the diaper service dip.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
You've got the wrong apop.
Speaker 11 (18:40):
No, no, no, I ain't ain't this dear popping. I'm
missus Edwin Montague. Here, look at the order Lily Montague, Montague.
Speaker 8 (18:47):
Well, she probably had it delivered here because someone in
the building wasn't home.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
She probably left a note about it.
Speaker 8 (18:52):
Oh yeah, here's a note on the telephone stand. It
says it says, dear Edwin, you could reach me in
room two hundred and four Ruise Maternity Hospital.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
What's the matter with Lily?
Speaker 8 (19:03):
Lay ending my ear about children? I find baby parler
and oil all over the house. A diaper service. Now
she's in ruined two hundred and four at the Ruse Adrica.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Oh, I'm no farther, I know, father.
Speaker 11 (19:21):
Take it easy message and her father, her father, Yeah,
come here, you better lie down, Thank you.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Congratulations me father.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
I can't believe it, Lily. I must call Lily. Where's
the phone? Oh here, what's the matter with this telephone?
Speaker 11 (19:33):
And mister you're dialing a bridge lamp.
Speaker 7 (19:37):
I'll make the car for you.
Speaker 8 (19:38):
What's the number?
Speaker 7 (19:39):
Yeah, the note.
Speaker 8 (19:40):
Room Riverside and the two hundred and four maternity articital.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Here here's the dog.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Yeah, I got it, poor Lily all afternoon.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
She tried to tell me I did insult there?
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Oh did they live? Was a miserable dog as I
had and I'm I'm a cat.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Horrible horrible cash.
Speaker 8 (19:55):
Hello, Riverside Maternity Hospital for a moment.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
There's the hello.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
I want room to.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Hotel?
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Okay, okay, he wants room two or four?
Speaker 11 (20:09):
What not accepting any calls?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
What is it?
Speaker 5 (20:13):
No?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Calls?
Speaker 9 (20:14):
Must be pretty close.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I must get to the hospital.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
We have a truck.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Let's go.
Speaker 7 (20:17):
Let's full of diapers. I'll buy them all. Let's go
better when you relaxed. They won't let you in there
until four o'clock.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I'll go bring up your diapers.
Speaker 8 (20:25):
So on, Lily, she'll be in that hospital with all
those calling brats. What am I saying? One of them
will be married my son. I will mold him into
a great actor. I will teach him all I know.
He will carry on the name out of you. The
six Perience Theater will live again. His debut will be
(20:45):
in Romeo and Juliet, And like his daddy, he will
be the.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Greatest Robo whoever lives.
Speaker 8 (20:58):
Hello, Harvard University, Well take this down. I wish to
register Master Edwin Montague Junior in the class of nineteen seventy.
Thank you, yes, sir, I want to let me. I
want ten boxes the best cigars. You have in the place,
(21:19):
ten box And I said, ten boxes for the information
I'm about to become a father.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
You yeah, have.
Speaker 7 (21:27):
A box on me.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's a nice toy. I'll take two of them, clerk,
And now what have I got?
Speaker 8 (21:41):
The catcher's glove, the football, the hopolong cassidy cowboy outfit.
I'll pick up the rest later. Can I hope they
deliver the pony to the apartment on.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Doctor?
Speaker 8 (22:02):
For heaven's sake, what's happening in room two or four?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Not you again?
Speaker 7 (22:05):
I told you all we can do is wait.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I've been waiting for four hours. You will have to.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Wait it out, just like the other fathers here in
the waiting room.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
And don't bother me anymore.
Speaker 8 (22:14):
Don't be impertinent, young man. I'll report you. I'm in radio.
I'm a very close friend of young doctor Malone.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Look at my hands.
Speaker 7 (22:24):
They're shake You have another sedative?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Hurry Doctroom two or four?
Speaker 6 (22:28):
That was cooking, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Oh, so you decided to show up after all?
Speaker 8 (22:33):
Where should I be the time? Because Agnes, wait, what's happening?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
They just pushed the bed into the delivery.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Round livery room quick? How is Lily well.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
He's fine. She helped them push the bed in.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
What kind of our hospital is there? As?
Speaker 8 (22:49):
When you see Louie, tell her I'm sorry for the
way I spoke about children.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
This hap to do.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
It's time you were sorry. You beasts?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Wait this waiting, this turn, waiting.
Speaker 8 (23:00):
Excuse me, mister, you gotta match here, keep the box.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Thanks. You're nervous.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
What do you think I shake like this all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
That's your fist? What you're feist? Your first kid? Oh?
Speaker 9 (23:15):
Yeah, yes, my name is Simon, Rudolph Simon.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Do you name mean anything to you?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Simon Rudolph Simon, No, I can't say that. What a matter?
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Whiskers?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Don't you read the newspapers?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Don't you the newspapers? You're in the newspaper every year?
Speaker 6 (23:30):
Like a clock.
Speaker 9 (23:31):
Rudy Simon does it again? Triplets twins, quadro gluts. I'm
high score for this hospital. Oh you're that Rudy Simon,
remember me now?
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (23:45):
In a way I figure it.
Speaker 11 (23:47):
If people don't even remember you for a thing like
that is the whole thing with it, Simon.
Speaker 8 (23:54):
Believe me, At any other time I try and figure
out that statement.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Right now, too nervous and.
Speaker 11 (23:58):
You know the most amazing thing.
Speaker 9 (24:00):
But what me with twins, fipplets, quadruplets, madrublets?
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Would you believe it?
Speaker 11 (24:05):
When I play a slot machine? Nothing happens? Yeah, I
take the other day.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
I o'kay, mister Simon, it's a boy.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
How many? Only one?
Speaker 4 (24:16):
You kidn't? No?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Only one?
Speaker 8 (24:18):
How do you like that?
Speaker 9 (24:19):
I passed up a pinochle game just to be here tonight?
Speaker 7 (24:24):
Please sorry? O us a round two? O'co cad.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I hope Lily realizes the torch run going through.
Speaker 7 (24:32):
Sims Simsa, you came here, yes.
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Sir, I didn't think I could break away from the kids.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
How sweet of you to come here?
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Well, I thought it was my place to be here, Sinza,
I'll never forget you for this you want?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
It's in times like these the man fins? Who is real? Friends?
Are I have a friend?
Speaker 6 (24:51):
You have worthy me?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (24:56):
It was terribly sweet of you to be here.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
It's my place to be here.
Speaker 8 (25:01):
It is when she comes out of the ether, I'm
going to be right to her side.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Was she like that?
Speaker 6 (25:07):
She's crazy about you?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Imagine Zinza, I edwin Monty you after all?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Okay, folks, the waiting's off. It's a six pound bouncing
baby girl.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
A baby girl's insitt?
Speaker 4 (25:18):
You here.
Speaker 7 (25:20):
A baby girl?
Speaker 8 (25:23):
Wonderful white Lily, get her back to bed, Lily, are
you crazy?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
What kind of a hospital, says give me the head physician.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Missus Sinsa is asleep.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Missus is she here too?
Speaker 4 (25:36):
She just had the baby.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Missus Inza had our baby.
Speaker 7 (25:42):
What kind of a hospital is, Edwin?
Speaker 4 (25:46):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Lily?
Speaker 8 (25:48):
The diaper says, the baby oil, the pony, the pat
her little feet.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
That's right, missus Injo and the baby are going to
stay with us for a week.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
They are.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
And Edwin, it was.
Speaker 5 (25:57):
Wonderful of you to show up to be the godfather.
Speaker 7 (26:01):
I'm a godfather.
Speaker 12 (26:02):
Oh no, four o'clock in the morning, Lily, what.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Did you do asking them here?
Speaker 7 (26:22):
Edwin?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Go back to sleep?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Who can sleep? Missus Ina and the guests through the
baby in my Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
Edwin, stop crabbing. You're the godfather.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Wasn't it sweet of than to call the little girl Edwina?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Lily?
Speaker 8 (26:35):
Stop with that slushy sentiment.
Speaker 5 (26:38):
Go to sleep, baby, stop crying, must say Edwin. Little
Edwena certainly seems to like.
Speaker 8 (26:45):
You, grillinally of all the stupid things to say that
a tiny little baby knows enough to recognize Lily, Lily,
she's asleep.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
Look at.
Speaker 8 (27:17):
And Weena, it's me Uncle Eddie.
Speaker 7 (27:28):
I listen to that boy. It's gad.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
She will be the greatest junio of all times.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
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(28:10):
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the Magnificent Mamau, the Saturday Night Transcribe feature on NBC's
(28:54):
All Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Brought to you by RCA B.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first
in television, and by Annison for Fast Relief from the
Pain of Headache Neuribis on Euralgia. The Magnificent Montague was
written by Nat Hiken and Billy Friedberg, and Seymour was Lily,
Pert Calton was Agnes. Also heard were Art Carney, John
Griggs and Johnny Gibson. This is Don Pardo speaking
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Tomorrow Here Archie Andrews and Quiz Kids on NVC
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