ep.106: the end of an era

On this week's episode, Audrey and Sarah mourn the end of an era & our little pod's home base since the beginning! Clueless moments, plans for pride, and so much more! So sit down and come be clueless with us! If you are loving CFC, do not forget to rate, review, subscribe, and follow! Follow us on our social media pages!  IG: https://www.instagram.com/completelyfuckingclueless/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@completelyfckingclueless Sarah IG/TT: @sarahaliceliddy Audrey IG: @a.j.flowers Audrey TT: audrey.j.flowers Please note this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode Transcript

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Speaker 3 (01:04):
You're listening to a fifty eight Mber production. This is
goodbye everyone, just kidding. This is goodbye to my apartment,
which tells me as much to you guys. But if
you watch the video version, gonna be big changes everyone.
I move in two days, so the day after this

(01:26):
episode comes out. Anyway, this is clearly fucking c this.
My name is Udrogene Flowers and my.

Speaker 4 (01:31):
Name is Sarah Alice Liddy, and we both use she
her pronouns.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Lol. I wanted to do that little cliffhanger.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
Oh literally, I didn't even when you started talking, Like
no part of me was thinking about that. We're supposed
to be doing an intro until you started going and
I was like, oh right, we've started recording.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, you guys, this is it. Also, Sarah doesn't know
the movie The Graduate.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
I don't know the movie The Graduate. I don't know
this song Missus Robinson. We just had a whole combo
about this.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
I don't know if you'll enjoy it, but it's worth watching. Yeah,
I feel like it is technically shelfed under romantic comedy.
I wouldn't say it is a romantic comedy at all.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
Yeah, I feel like after this conversation, I'm definitely intrigued,
like I want to know.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
I'd also say probably should have been played in a
high school classroom, but that was also kind of like
art school, like there are no real rules about anything. Literally,
like I was in Rent when I was thirteen.

Speaker 4 (02:18):
Yeah, like should not have happened, but you know what,
I feel like that always happens in high school. There's
always maybe, at least in our generation, I bet now
things are.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
I mean, school systems are complete fucking mess now, and
no blame of that goes to teachers at all. That
goes to they are deeply underfunded and trying their absolutely
fucking best. Yeah, and kids also missed some really key
years of socializing and education and we've not given the
sport that this needed to help the teachers nor the
students get through that. Mike Drap, Fuck the government, Mike
Drap period, fuck bitchers get money. Oh New York. There,

(02:50):
the New York libraries are only up in six days
a week now because of funding cuts. Yeah. No, and
yet we have a completely militarized, fucking police force in
our subway system that don't do jack fucking shit, and
yet we can't have the library open seven days a week,
one of the very few third spaces left in this
fucking world. Fuck you, Eric Adams. Period.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
No, I can't even talk about the police in the subway.
I can't even talk my quick rant of the day, guys,
that's a quick ran on the world is crumbling, and
now we're.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
Gonna talk about is more fun things in my apartment, guys,
I move soon. I know, it's so crazy it is.
If you look around my apartment, you I don't think
would be able to tell I'm moving in two days. No,
literally everything, you know. It was so funny.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
So Audrey threw a little like gathering the other night,
like a farewell to her apartment.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
And Olivia walks in and was and is like she's
moving in a couple of days. Like it doesn't look
like face whatsoever? Is there are a bunch of bags
packed in my bedroom? Well, luckily you'll have some time.
That's the thing is, my lease isn't like ending the
day I move out. I move on Wednesday, and all
of my furniture is gonna be done that day. I

(03:58):
definitely should have moved more than and I definitely. It
has just approached so rapidly and I'm definitely still un
poco in denial. Yeah no, it's yeah, no, it's not
obvious that I'm moving. And part of it is also
I really wanted to get like some final little like
pictures on my old camera of my apartment looking really nice.
But things have been so busy that I hadn't had

(04:20):
a chance to look get nice. So I did plan
on moving more stuff before this date. Yeah, but I
wasn't able to get it. Honestly. I took those photos
today because I finally was able to clean it and
have a date. There was nice light, so it so rainy.
I wanted to get like capture like I have my
disco ball that I don't know how well you guys
can see it, but like has little reflections. I wanted
to get a couple photos of that. So I was like,
I'm not moving my shit to get a fucking photo.

(04:40):
So now I can move it. But I do move
in two days.

Speaker 4 (04:42):
And ah, so so crazy. Before we get into talking
more about your move, I do have a couple of things. Yeah,
So when you were hosting this party the other night,
I think something very like something that felt so.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Nice about you hosting this party.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
The other name was so many of our friends and
shared the sentiment of feeling like they struggle to reach out.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
They struggle to.

Speaker 4 (05:06):
Like, hey, do you want to hang out? Or they
just like get very like locked in their apartment. They
had a hard winter, and so like I was just
like hearing mumblings of different people talking.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
About it, and it made me feel like so much
better about it. Yeah I know. I like I with
a couple of our friends, and then even one of
our friends who ended up not making that night because
she had like fallen asleep, and like I ended up
being on the phone with her being like she she
felt really bad and kept apologizing, and I was like,
don't apologize. You needed rest. You're welcome to come meet us,
But I don't think that's what you want to do.
I think you're going you're leaning towards doing that because

(05:37):
like I'm phrase exactly this, but like you're a people
pleaser and like you care about me, but like I
would rather like, hey, you are clearly tired, get some rest.
There will be more nights where we do things. But yeah, no,
I heard similar sentiments and it has really encouraged me
of like, I've already done one little game night, but
to like, I want to make those at least a

(05:57):
once a monthly thing where it's like, hey, I pick
a date whoever is around. If you can make it,
I'd love to see you if you can't. It's not
like I had one already. That was one Liz Sarah's friend.
Two of my friends from high school who like weren't
friends with each other when we were in high school,
Like they maybe interacted a very few amount and I
don't think they really had any relationship. Yeah, and then
someone oh with someone else we went to college with,

(06:19):
and it was a really random group of people, but
we ended up having a blast. We like chatted and
all caught up and then we played jack games from
jack Box Games Bit for a little bit. But I
think we all just need like And I've heard a
lot more talks about this, and there's even an interesting
New York Times article about it of how like we
don't hang out in a low key way anymore. We
like it always has to be productive or some bigger deal,
which like can be expensive or just fucking tiring, and

(06:40):
so like, I really want to try and focus on
having like more of those like low key things of
like not just low key for other people, but also
for myself. Yeah, I've hosted some dinner parties and I
do enjoy those, but like they take a lot of
prep and a lot of cleanup of like I have learned,
like with the party Saturday, like I need to if
I'm hosting a big thing, have nothing the next day,
especially if I'm drinking. I need to have the next

(07:00):
day because I'm gonna be tired. I need to do
some clean up. But it did really encourage me to
want to have like these events where it's like there's
a time. If you can make it, I would love
to have you. If you can't, you don't have to.
And like really I made sure to try and off
those friends of like because some of them like have
been having a little bit of a rough time to
be like, hey, I know this is easier said than done,
and I'm not the best at doing this, but if

(07:21):
you ever want someone to just like literally sit with
you and I will just roll through TikTok my phone
while you sit there, or like just anything of the sort.
I'm around.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
Yeah around you said that to me, like texted that
to me one time. I was like, yeah, I'm having
a hard couple of days, and you were like, hey,
like if you want me to come and sit with you, like,
I'll come and do that. And I honestly was like,
that is such like a great idea, like you were saying.
I think sometimes and Olivia has called me out for
this so many times, like when I get together with friends,

(07:50):
it's always something big. We're going out for the day,
We're going to brunch, we're going to like hens at night, which.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
I think, especially when you're kind of in that place
of like not going out and doing things, it makes
you more prone to canceling. Yeah, because it's it feels daunted.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
Yeah, this big feet, like oh my gosh, like I
gotta put on my makeup, I gotta do this.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
I'm gonna get drunk, like.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
I have to reserve the next day so that I'm
not like, you know, hungover at work or whatever it is.
So I think I like that idea of like low
key things. It was just like nice to hear that, like,
because sometimes you do, like, like the person that you
were on the phone with, you know, you do feel bad,
like you like there's this part of you that's like
I just really don't want to do it, and then

(08:29):
there's this part of you that's like shit, Like I
feel like a really bad friend for canceling twenty minutes before.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
Will I stop getting invited? Like I have a friend
who actually invited who we went to college with, who
I invited Saturday, And I've had some game nights and
something that they said in a response to one of
them like made me really happy of being like, please
don't stop inviting to me to these like I haven't
been able to make it, but like I really appreciate
you continuing to invite me. Yeah, and like I really
appreciate the people of like I was really bad, like

(08:56):
any of these people who like have canceled husband or whatever.
Like my biggest thing is like, please do not apologize me,
because I did the exact same thing. I cancel all
of them people endlessly for not even months, fucking years,
And I wouldn't be where I am today if I
people hadn't kept inviting me and kept reaching out. And
I'm so thankful to that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:15):
Yeah, it was just like this nice moment that was
like one of the biggest takeaways, and like I didn't
even care at the end of the night that we
didn't even like really get to go to the bar
because I was saying to live on the car ride home.
I was like, honestly like I would have just stayed
at Audrey's longer. Like I was like, it was really
nice to just like get to catch up with people
that I hadn't seen in months and just like do
something different than like what I'm I'm usually doing because

(09:38):
I think as I get older or just like as
seasons changing your life, and like right now, I'm just
like in this like different season with drinking, and honestly
like I'd rather like be prepared and know like okay,
like this is like a brunches like that I'm gonna
go to or like whatever, but as like seasons change, shit,
I lost my train of phon.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
Oh like I was like I went off, But yeah,
it was it was really nice.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
It was really chill, and it was like a very
like what's it called like rejuvenating like time with friends,
which felt like really really great because sometimes it doesn't
always feel that way or or it can just feel
like it's another like thing to do on your like schedule.
So and it like like, uh made me realize how
important partiful is partiful If you are listening to this,

(10:28):
please sponsor us or like twenty somethings in general, because
every person again said like like partyful is the reason
I'm here because it sent like a specifically, Christine was saying,
like it sends me text messages and reminds me.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
That there's something coming up. I also think it makes
it a lot easier to invite people that you haven't
really super close kept up with two things in a
way that feels a lot lower stakes, and like that
like honestly, as the person sending it feels less wary
of rejection because if someone doesn't open it or reply
to it, like you don't feel rejected in the same
way of like if you text someone individually and it's

(11:04):
like I honestly today had a really wonderful moment that
it's just like it feels like everything is like sort
of pointing in a direction of like this sort of
of reaching out on like reconnecting community of like someone
who I did a summer program with now years back,
we ran into each other literally spoke for maybe thirty
seconds outside of my trader Joe's, where she was leaving
and I was entering, and again we literally spoke for

(11:25):
maybe twenty five thirty seconds, but she just invited me
to a little gathering that she's doing for her birthday
I believe next Monday, in such a park. Yeah, and
I'm like so excited. It made me so happy. Then
she invited me because we literally haven't spoken. I went
back in our text messages. We haven't spoken since we
did Chicago Unifiedes in twenty sixteen or twenty seventeen or

(11:47):
whenever I forgot if it was in the New year
or not. And of like, I I'm hosting like a
thing for Pride weekend. And it made it so She's
just like, hey, I invite everyone. If you want to come,
You're welcome to come exactly so sweat. If not, I
will not take it personally. And also know to any
of my friends who ideally aren't listening to this, because
I do love when my friends listening to this, you

(12:10):
can cancel on me anytime. That's okay, Yeah, no, I
think what's it called.

Speaker 4 (12:14):
I also like the Apple Lot because I'm somebody that
really likes to have like things scheduled.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
Like my calendar is like my life and so it's
not in my calendar, it doesn't happen. I've learned, like
even with small things of like one my friends got
a promortion at a job, and I knew that he
was starting on a certain date, and I knew that
I wouldn't remember, but I knew I wanted to gratulate him,
so I put in my calendar. Yeah, things aren't my calendar.
Put small things in your calendar.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
But just like I would like to remember, like the
start of my period, like I.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
Have everything's in my calendar. I don't have a functioning memory.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
No, but that's what I was like, it's just easier
with the party full, and especially because I feel like
because it's like an invitation of sorts, like you can.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
Send it early.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
Like yeah, sort of the same thing with Pride, Like
my partner and I like they're another tradition for Pride.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
I love Pride Weekend. It's great.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
There's a bunch of traditions that we've built over the
last three years, and one of them is going to
brunch the day before like the actual Pride Parade celebration.
And last year we like weren't really able to find
a reservation where we wanted to like we saw had
a great time, but we were a little more last
minute yes, and we were like this year we are
planning and it was just great kind of like hook

(13:20):
up a vemo of like for the like not down payment,
like yeah, but whatever, Like it just connected where you
could start it up, being like there is a five
dollars thing and when you say yes, it leads to
a thing where you can pop up and it'll immediately
lead you tomoh.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
Okay, I the veno. But I didn't know like how
it was going to make it so easy when I
said yes that like popped up immediately gave me the option,
sent me straight to Olivia's page. Yeah, super party, full
sponsor us, we love you.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
But I had to say that because like it was
just like this whole moment where I was like, okay,
like I am not the only person that cancels that
like has moments where they're struggling in cancels or like
needs this thing that I was just like it felt
like a really good, like community moment.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
It also like I it was a nice moment for
me to be like, Okay, there's some people like I
haven't seen in a bit, and like I always when
I haven't seen people for a bit. It's like, oh,
are we still friends? I'm not quite sure if we are,
because friendships can change, and I have had people who
like they were once core friends and they've sort of
become like this was like a year ago. I heard
someone talk about this, but sort of like legacy friends,
where like you've been friends with them for a long time.
There are always gonna be someone you care about. Yeah,

(14:25):
but like they're more of like I get coffee every
three months unless someone who knows about like the regular
goings on in my life. But yeah, in an effort
to like do more of these casual things. So like
it Originally it's gonna be a pretty small group, but
I've now into inviting a lot of people to Wednesday.
When I move that evening, well there will still be
a lot of things missing my apartment. I've invited a

(14:46):
lot of people to come over for pizza. I need
to actually figure out how many people I have coming
because how much pizza I need to get. I've invited
a lot of people and I'm super looking forward to
I mean, I think it's gonna be like I I
just want to.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
See your no, I just want to see your apartment.
I do want to say the pizza too, just kidding.
I also want to see you guys. But yeah, I'm
so excited to see your apartment.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
But I think it will be like a lovely little
casual thing, Like it's a good excuse of like, hey,
come see my new place, and we're mostly just gonna
sort of sit yeah, and you're gonna chat. Yeah. I
love it. I'm super excited. I think. Yeah, I like it.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
I feel like, you know, between like different friends of mine,
Like even Olivia came to me and was like, hey,
like I miss like doing things with you, And I
think I had just like gotten this rut because honestly,
and you had said it.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
You texted this to me too.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
You were like, hey, like, like, moving into the city,
your first year in the city.

Speaker 3 (15:35):
It's really hard.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
It's hard, and I thought it was gonna be easier
for me. I'm not gonna lie like I thought because
I grew up not that far away. I was so
used to coming in and out and living in the city,
but physically being here.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
All very different.

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Yes, and especially the financial element, like it just changes
everything and feeling like you can't really afford to do
like frivolous things, like it really just constricted me into
just staying in my apartment, yes, and not wanting to leave.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
And I think like capitalist society has done a really
good job of like making it feel like we have
to spend money anytime I do anything, but like, guess what,
I've got a whole bunch of board games, and I
have Jackbox games, and technically I did spend money on
those all the point, but like not continuously. Like I
can have people over and like I can be like, boy,
b if you want to drink something where I'll get
some little snaggy snacks and It'll be like not counting

(16:26):
the games that I paid for now years ago. I'll
maybe spend like twenty bucks on getting snacks and like
six of us will have a lovely time, and the
only money that will have been spent between us is
they're two ninety on the subway getting here and my
twenty dollars on chips. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:44):
I think money is just like such a huge element.
And that's what I was talking about with my partner,
was like I think I stopped wanting to do things
because before I moved out, a lot of our dates
were like going out to fancy dinners and things like
that because I wasn't paying like all this money and
rent and like health insurance and all these things.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
So yeah, it's it's finding, like, you know, new ways
to hang out. Also, the sun is out, which just
I think makes everybody a better and the days.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
Are longer, which is helping. Literally sometimes I'm like, can
the sun go down? Like I'm done?

Speaker 3 (17:18):
Like my day is like it'll be like seven thirty,
And I'm like, all right, sun, love it, you can
go down. Like, But I also think we're at a
weird age, like the amount of money our friends are
making is starting to diverge, where different people are making
seriously different amounts of money. Yeah, that can be really complicated.
And I'd say like the relationships where it's the most
striking for me, or either the friendships that are the

(17:39):
most peripheral are the most immediate, which I do think
kind of works in my favor. Like the most peripheral
doesn't really become an issue on a regular ball. It
doesn't become a problem on a regular basis. Sure, And
the people who are like really close to me, who
we have the differences, they're close enough where it's like, hey,
we can chat about it and not be weird. Yeah,
but like it is something that I'm aware of. Yeah,
you can't not be And I mean, like I think

(18:00):
on both sides is like sort of hard to like
balance that of like oh, let's do this thing, but
don't want to pressure someone into spending money, or like
I don't want to be pressured into spending money that
like I don't really have, yeah, and you don't want to.
Like I've read a lot of articles off, there's one
I forget who made it a few months back, but
like about getting priced out of certain friendships and like
that is very much the thing that happens, like people

(18:21):
start making significantly more money and you can't afford to
do the things they want to do anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
I think like being like you said, being honest and upfront,
especially with like those close friends, it's like the best
way to go. Like, for example, one of my friends
she got a ticket to gov Ball and I was
waiting to be paid and I wasn't able to get one,
so I like put myself on a wait list and
I was like, ill probably end up getting a ticket,
Like they'll just want more money at the end of
the day. But then I saw that like two of

(18:48):
my favorite podcasters were going and doing live shows, and
I was like, okay, like I am canceling the requests
for this, like I'm choosing this, and I like communicated
that and I said, hey, like I really wanted to
do this with you, but like this is my chance,
Like I really want to see these people.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
I listen to them.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
Every day, and like, yeah, just like being open about
it and communicating I think is like the best. And
even though like though it is it's really awkward at
first to be like, hey, like this is not something my.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
Budget right now, and then like there is a love
on which you then feel guilty of, like oh if
they see other spending money that they think is frivolous,
will they then be judging of like how can you
do this? But not that?

Speaker 4 (19:25):
Yeah, again, like I think whatever it like, and I
think a part of it is like it's like you
don't have to explain like something for you may like be.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Really like my fotastic Yeah, that's the thing. As much
as I'm hyperanalyzing for my side, I know most of
the time the other person is not tracking my fucking
financial does not give a fuck like that. But again,
the more times you have these conversations, the easier they get. Yeah,
this is kind of wildly sharp turned. But in conversations
of like having hard chats. So my mom a thing

(19:57):
she tends to do, or has happened a lot over
these past few years, is when she wants to have
a hard chat with me, she'll ask to go on
a walk. Sometimes when I go home, she'll also just
asked to go and walks with us, but she'll ask
to go on a walk. And then like, as we
are a couple miles from our house walking through our
very public town, start having these very heavy fucking conversations

(20:19):
with me. So then I'm wearing sunglasses fully cry behind
them as we're running into people I know from when
I was like three years old, who I don't fucking remember.
And again I'm in the middle of crying. And also, like,
my mom walks very fast, so I'm also like power
walking up hill and it's horrible. And I have hated
those and I hate them every time they happen. And
so when I was home for Mother's Day and I

(20:39):
could sort of sense my mom to talk to me,
and she'd asked going to walk, made a big deal
of like wane to feel on this walk. I was like, hey,
before we go on this walk, are you planning on
having some sort of big chat with me on this
walk because I don't love those when we're walking through
our town and I'm again full crying in a very
public space. That's not enjoyable for me. And she was like, well,
I feel like you're always trying to dodge these have

(21:01):
these conversations and maybe there's some truth that maybe there's
also like hey, from her point of view, I'm not busy.
Sometimes I'm just busy, or also sometimes I reserve the
right time I want to talk about it. And I
was like, she was like, I feel like well. I
was like, well we can talk now, what would you
like to talk about? And she bought. It ended up
being like a maybe four minute conversation. I was like,
wasn't that so much better than like trapping me? Like

(21:25):
I don't enjoy that, And we avoided it, and I
think ended up being a way less viatal viatal via
volatile conversation and then up being way more low key.
There was no tears. We had a very brief conversation
and I was like, see what wasn't that better than
then trapping me on a walk? And you can you
can ask people they might say no. I mean, I'm

(21:45):
really lucky to have a really wonderful family who is
like and really supportive, wonderful friends and everything who are
like very open when I bring up things like they're
usually open to it. And even for me who has
very supportive, that has been very hard to understand. But
you have to give people a chance. Uh, and if
they react poorly, then you can maybe learn Tay, this
isn't someone I can be safe and have these requests around.

(22:06):
But you do have to try because if you don't
try and you assume that they will react poorly to it,
you don't give them the chance to show up for you.

Speaker 4 (22:13):
Yeah, one hundred percent I agree with that as somebody
that's been like one of my biggest goals in like
twenty twenty four was like, okay, like how can I
Because in twenty twenty three I worked a lot on
communication with Olivia. I was like, how can I bring
that into like my other relationships friendships in my life
so that you know, I can reap those benefits everywhere?
And it is it's really hard, but I think ultimately

(22:34):
at the end of the day, everything ends up feeling
a lot better, Like you know, with your mom.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Like it's like, hey, this is something that I don't like,
and I didn't feel terrified her to ask her this time.
Like I know a few months back when I was
home for my dad's birthday, someone's birthday something. Everyone's dressing
up nice and I was having a really bad day
and I was like, hey, could I just wear leggings
in a big sweater? And I I was so prepared
to like get in trouble, and somehow she's like, yeah, no,

(22:59):
where what's fucking comfortable? What you will be happy? And
like every time you do it, it gets a little bit
easier to the point where like I wasn't nervous. I
was like, hey, Mom, please let me know if this
is gonna be I don't want to do that again,
So please just say it now. If this is gonna
be the case.

Speaker 4 (23:12):
At the end of the day, you will end up
having less resentment or angry feelings because you said, like, hey,
this does not make me feel good when we do this,
and like I rather have like a different kind of conversation,
and like you did, you reaped the benefits of that,
like you knew where your boundaries were and like the

(23:33):
experiences you've had and like knew it.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
What does it work for you? But I also know I,
for many years have let resentment in a lot of
relationships build up for me, expecting them to be able
to read my fucking mind. Yeah, which they can't.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
I feel like that's like the one of the hardest
things like with growing up is like you realize that
people truly just do not think about anyone but themselves,
which is like not in a bad way, not in
a bad way. You are the center of your own world, yes,
but that means that like they can't like nobody can.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
Do no experiencing your life exactly, Like no one is
hearing what is happening in your head.

Speaker 4 (24:09):
Literally and so like in order for somebody to really
actually understand how you're feeling, what your thoughts are, like, like,
you have to communicate them, yea, And it's really terrifying
sometimes to do it. And I think what we've said
in this conversation it ends up benefiting you in.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
The end, which is so much easier said than done.
But I promise you, like I don't know I've probably
had like, like again, not crazy conversations, but like I
probably had like a couple handfuls of times where I've
made request of people. Like a similar one was one
of my friends. We were, I think supposed to go
out to dinner, and I was like, Hey, I'm having
a bad day, can we change to something more low key?
And like every single time that I ask, and every

(24:47):
time that it like goes well, it becomes easier, so
so much easier. But those first few times are gonna
be fucking hard.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
Yeah, it's not comfortable. I'm not even gonna lie to
you guys, Like, it's.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Really uncomfortable, deeply fucking uncan Yeah, you.

Speaker 4 (25:01):
Know, it's funny. I feel like a lot of people do.
This is like I rehearse conversational absolutely all the time.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
I'm constantly rehearsingation one the way that I've sat in
my head. Never once do they go the way that
I anticipated.

Speaker 4 (25:14):
But in the shower and in the mirror, the conversations
will sound pristine. I'm like, Sarah, you are using your
DBT skills, like the sound amazing. And then I get
emotional sometimes who doesn't.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Oh, I got unbelievably fucking emotional. I particularly when I
was on prozac, I literally like couldn't cry, so I
didn't cry like for years essentially, And dudes, now I
cry so much, and like most of it. When I
tell people that, people get concerned. Most of it isn't negative.
Like I started fully crying on the subway the other
day because I was reading I went and clicked into
the article. Eventually, but initially it was like New York's

(25:48):
Times posting about how it had been a little under
a week ago the twenty year anniversary of gay marriage
becoming legal in Massachusetts, which was the first day in
the country, and then they just like lea reading the
little snippers. I was full cry on the subway.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
You have not lived in New York until you've cried
on the subway.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
Listen so many times. If you see me on the
subway of sunglasses on, I'm probably crying. I me the
fuck alone. I've seen people just like raw Dog. I
also have done that, but like if it's like a
lower key crying, I'll usually put on sunglasses because it's
always like it catches me, like I'm on the way
to work and like God, I don't have the time
to get emotional about this, My guys, I will be

(26:25):
so proud of myself if I don't cry during today's episode. Why, oh,
because you're.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
Moving, We're moving.

Speaker 4 (26:34):
Letting go, Hannah Montana. Oh yeah, wait quickly, did you
watch Bridgerton?

Speaker 3 (26:40):
Do you watch Bridgerton?

Speaker 4 (26:41):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (26:41):
I do watch Bridgerton. I watched it with my sister.
I would say I would really love the people who
make clips and swellers on tiktoks. Can you please give
us like three days to watch the show because like,
literally the entire I'm gonna watch the second half when
it comes out, now, all day that it comes out,
because within thirty six forty eight hours. Oh yeah, even

(27:01):
trying to skip through almost everything, I've been fucking spoiled.

Speaker 4 (27:04):
Oh really, see, I feel like you get a lot
of TV content on your TikTok.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
I try and get rid of it. I try.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
I did watch it the first night it came out. Okay, honestly,
you guys, maybe it's just because it's like the first
half of the season kind of underwhelming.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
I have a couple of thoughts, thoughts that are not
original and that a million fucking other people have said. A.
I don't I don't mind the fact that they went
heavier with makeup over all the season. What bothers me
is they went really heavy with eye makeup, particularly with Penelope,
in a way that like is pretty. But I think
subtracks from it, and they, like the gowns have been
getting a lot more modern in like whatever, and I

(27:43):
don't mind them being not period at all. Like I
don't mind that they're just sort of loosely inspired, but
they've definitely gotten further away of like even Cressida with
like the whole neck thing of like really it's turning
into like more like almost Rain. I don't know if
you ever watched Rain, the TV show about uh uh
some Scottish green Yeah, where it's literally the costumes were
the farthest away. I know what the show you're talking about,

(28:04):
but I've never watched it. But I liked that the
costumes were like had very modern elements to it, but
like took loose sort of shape from the period. And
I don't like how like they've kind of just like
fully ditched that also a I just don't think the
actor who plays Colin does it as much for me.
But something that I remember I was thinking when I
first watched it, and I've seen other people say he

(28:25):
has like too much botox or filler going on, like
his face like kind of can't move very much, like
and it looks very puffy.

Speaker 4 (28:32):
His face looks different than the first season. That makes
so much sense because have okay, wait, like I.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
Thought he looked better in the other seasons, and he's
supposed to have a glow for the season and it's
just like the botox or filler whatever it is, it's
it's too much.

Speaker 4 (28:46):
Have you seen that TikTok where it's like the Bridgerton
man glow up? Yes, like how each guy has like
looked better.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
I liked Colin in the first season the best I
think so far. Now yeah he has moments. Yeah, I
thought it.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
You know, obviously him and Penelope like them as like humans,
like they've obviously gotten older as from the first season.
But something was really cute about like them both not
like they're both attractive people, they're both pretty, but like
also not being like this like conventional looking couple.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Does that make sense? Maybe I sort of always like
saw that with like and I mean the actress who
plays Nicola I forget her last name, who plays Penelope
she is incredibly conventionally attractive. I mean, she is like
a larger woman, but is incredibly beautiful, And I think
the storytelling that they've done with her, may her makeup
and clothing is really good. Again, minus of I think
the eye makeup slash. I think the lashes on a

(29:41):
lot of people, particularly the upper lash es, they got
too heavy. They got too heavy, particularly because they're not
doing much on the underride, because that would be what
makes sense. But the contrast of it is just like
it reads really heavy in a way that I don't
love it. But I do think the storytelling that they've
done with like moving that bus line so that properly
fits her, like it is some really beautiful storytelling, and
I do think they're doing some great things. But yeah, no,

(30:02):
his like I I was looking forward Tom looking older.
The way he looked in the first season is too
young for me, looks like but like it's not giving aged,
it's it's giving filler botox. It's giving and he is
a very attractive man.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
I'm just dying, I guess, Like I was like, what
is up with his face?

Speaker 3 (30:21):
It's that thing I like him more like when I
see him in the interviews that he's doing with the
coming out. I think he looks great. I just think
that whatever filler or botox that was done was done
too close to shooting, and it like a lot of
the scenes are very intimate and up close, and I say,
like you can tell and like people have done side
by sides of like scenes where like you can see
other actors like they're musculature moving like he he can

(30:45):
do the up Yeah, like he can't get this wrinkle
and his eyes don't really quite crunch.

Speaker 4 (30:51):
Oh, this is so interesting. When the next part comes out,
I'm gonna watch. I'm gonna watch, like.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
Maybe the first and second part we're separate in filming,
and maybe his face moving little bit more. And again,
he's a very good actor. He's very handsome. I just yeah,
it just was a little distractor, No for sure. I
mean again, like I don't mean that they're not hot.
They're both very very hot.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
I just think they're unconventional in the way that like
it's not like big broad white man, because I don't
think Colin is necessarily big and broad.

Speaker 3 (31:21):
I don't know, he's more jacked than this season. I
think I feel like it was meant to be that,
like he is conventionally attractive but still does that in
their society, and unfortunately, also our society is seen as
less attractive due to being heavier.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
Yeah, it's crazy. Her hair reminds me of your you know.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
Because she has red hair. Yeah, I know. Whenever I
look like every redhead, I know, every redhead looks the
same everyone, I'm like, oh my gosh, you look like
this verse Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
No.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Do you the number of redheaded actresses I've been compared
to where it's like I've been prepared to like Jessica
Chastain and Emma Stone and those are beautiful women, very
flattering to be compared to. I don't look anything like
those women.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
Wait, do you know that Emma Stone's actual names Emily. Yeah,
and she's like requesting people to call her Emily.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Now. Well, it's because she was only forced to go
by am A Stone because her name has already taken
the actress skilled.

Speaker 4 (32:06):
I know, but a part of me is like, girl,
it's been how many years of Amastow?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
I feel like she's probably more wanting regularly like people
in her life call her Emily. Yeah, it's so fuck
it's kind of like like you Yeah, like, I'm never
gonna judge anyone for change and shit with their name.
I got. I'm in a glass fucking house. I'm not
throwing any stones. I'm standing there going not my monkey's,
not my circus. We're not throwing stones at Emma Stone.

(32:34):
But I respect that she wants to change. I mean
she also I think made that decision like what like fifteen,
she was very young? Yeah, she was that exactly what age?
But I think it was pretty young. Is she a
NEPO baby? No, I think she just started very young. Okay,
I'm pretty sure the story of hers that she like
made a power point to her mom to be like,
let's move to LA because I want to become an actress.
I might be missile remembering this.

Speaker 4 (32:54):
Wait, that's so cute. I made a power point when
I wanted a Facebook.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
I made a PowerPoint to get my second piercings. Hilarious
story of my second piercings. I made a whole power
point was like, this is my teenage rebelly, and I
don't break rules. I don't do anything wrong. Please lem
me get a second piercing. So this is right after
Thanksgiving break, my mom comes to boarding school picks me up,
drives me to Claire's watches it happens, pays for it,
drives me back to Waannah Hill. I come home for

(33:19):
Christmas break. Three weeks later, she flips out at me
and goes, how dare you get another piercing about my permission?
And I go, you were there, you watched all of
it happen. You can check your credit cards you paid for.
How do you know this is three weeks ago and
I have never gotten an explanation as to how did
you forget what the fuck happened there? It was three
weeks later, and I was like, you were like, it

(33:41):
wasn't even like we agreed to it over the You
drove me there, You watched it happen. What I did Wait.

Speaker 4 (33:47):
Literal clueless moment of the week is like why do
you children think that they like and not saying it
didn't work?

Speaker 3 (33:53):
It worked for the book us because it shows your
parents that you're serious and you've put thought and time
and effort into Yeah, but like cluse, but no, that
was my I always did power points for my parents.
Why do kids make power points for their parents? This
is legit? Well, because you do power points so much
in school, so it's the only way, you know, presenting
something that's so true, but it's also like so cute,
like if you think about it, like oh my god.

(34:14):
Like my sister, I think made a power point or
maybe not a power point, but she made a presentation
that she was going to give to my mom of
she was worried about how little I'd been exposed to
partying in high school, and so when she was a
freshman in college, being like, I think that Olivia me
Audrey should come down and visit me. And here's the thing.
My sister was ready to give that whole presentation. My
mom immediately agreed and was like, no, I'm also concerned

(34:35):
about how little partying she's been exposed to. My sister
was like, but I came up with this whole thing.

Speaker 4 (34:39):
Ah, and also like thinking about it, like power points
are so much fun to make.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Yes, do you remember pressies Back in the day pressies
were so fancy?

Speaker 4 (34:47):
Was a shit now Like also like you can get Canva,
like you can get like.

Speaker 3 (34:51):
All up and there fu fancy.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
One of my favorite things for my job is like
when I have to input the things in the power point,
like it's just like so like it's satisfying in a way.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
I really want to want to host one of those
power port nights where everyone has But to be honest,
the reason I haven't hosted one yet I haven't come
up with what hell I'm gonna die on, and I
won't host it till I know what I'm gonna do
as my PowerPoint topic. Oh okay, because once I decide, well,
I mean not you guys, because no offense. I probably
don't know you personally, but if you want to come
and befriend me, you.

Speaker 4 (35:21):
Could be in the power Another good power point night
I've seen, And maybe this would be different for like
our group of friends because most of them are performers.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
But is like what is your job? Because I know
at least I like LEAs, Hey, what's your job? Like,
like what do you do? Because like what do you do?

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Like?

Speaker 4 (35:43):
Because mine would be incredibly boring so many people, like
at least with my hometown friends, like Liz is a
marketing coordinat or like uh a producer?

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Like what the fuck do you do? I'm thinking of
those power point ones where it's about like ASI nine
topics they are deeply committed. Okay, okay, okay, okay. In fact,
plug for Dropout TV the best TV. They actually have
a new series where it's called smarty Pants. Word is
basically people doing these PowerPoint presentations. It's very funny ty
to recommend because I would say, like dropout is a
lot of improv and a lot of like not completely original,

(36:15):
like not ideas that I've been done before, but they
do them with a cast of great comedians. Plug for
Dropout TV, drop Out TV. I Love you. Start you drinking.
This is a combination of mango juice that has a
mixer from the other day, some tart cranberry not cranberry
cherry juice that I had from when I used to
make sleepy cocktails and water cheers. Yeah me, I was

(36:38):
just curious. It's a very pretty color. It's gorgeous. I
love that all right.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
Oh wait, m this is technically going back to our
party full conversation, so maybe I shouldn't even.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
Bring us up.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
I am dying because Audrey posted on our stories today
because she texted me smart.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
I don't know what time parties start, guys, Okay, every
time I have a party, have to someone hey what
I always do it like the day of them, Like wait,
when parties supposed to start.

Speaker 4 (37:04):
So she's hosting a pregame for Pride, and so she
texts me advance, Yes, yes, what's changing this party start
and I was like Okay. In my brain, I'm like,
we need to be at hands by two o'clock because
they do this thing where basically, if you get a
wrist band, you.

Speaker 3 (37:20):
Can go in and out the whole day. So even
when the line gets crazy long, you don't have to
wait for the lines. You already a wristbanding to go
straight up.

Speaker 4 (37:25):
Yeah, so you want to get there at the beginning
because like you just get the wristband.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
Also related to tends, I'm very annoyed and I'm gonna
need I need someone's help and standing out for this.
So you remember New Year's Eve when you go for
the tenth time, you're supposed to get in for free. Yeah,
So my tenth time was New Year's Eve and because
it was raised whatever, they were like, we won't do it,
but we'll do it the next time. Oh they haven't
done this was my last time. I brought it up
and they were kind of like okay, kind of no,

(37:49):
and I again, I've gotten better, but with strangers can't
can't confront them, and so I was like, Okay, it's fine,
I just paid, but I would like to get my
free one, thank you very much. I've had my free one.

Speaker 4 (38:00):
And what I noticed when we were at hen specifically
this weekend and just have noticed in general, is there
are a lot of new employees.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Yes, there has been them. To me was like I
was here New Year's even and I in my head,
I obviously didn't say anything, but I was like, you
don't remember every single person who came through here.

Speaker 4 (38:16):
Yeah, I feel like if Gabby were outside or JP,
like somebody that we knew, knew like they would have
done it absolutely.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
But I was kind of like, hey, I would like
my free endine and if the thing counts, how many
times can't you see? My tenth one was New Year's Eve,
just like at my I want I want my free thing.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
I know free thingies are nice anyways, But Audrey asked
me what time this party should start, and I said
somewhere around eleven or eleven thirty because people never should
like something I learned from living in Sheridan.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
That's part of the reason why I so naturally I
tend to air on the side of doing things earlier,
and that's saying that it starts even earlier because my
assumption is most of my friends probably won't come till
like an hour in yeah, like literally, and I know
how that works. I've done it too.

Speaker 4 (39:00):
There's times where I'm running behind and like things like that.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
So it happens.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
But that's like, but people responded so many interesting responds.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yes, Okay, So.

Speaker 4 (39:10):
We have eleven PM, which which is wait, when you're
in college, I would say an actual party, yeah for yeah,
pregame No, for an actual party in college, eleven pm
is a great time, which is.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Like I would say, like I I as much as
I say I hosted a party this Saturday, and I
did to some level, and I am hosting some level
of a party for Pride Weekend. They're more they're in
between a party and a pregea. Yeah, like you can't
really have proper parties anymore, at least in a New
York apartment in at least where any of my friends
and I live a because our places are too small

(39:42):
and you just can't play anything that loud, Like you
can't have a party here. So we go and we
have like a little hang pregame before going to a bar,
right exactly.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
But yes, I feel like when I lived at the
party house in college, eleven pm was a good time
because usually people even yeah in college, like everyone has
a pregame, so people aren't showing up until midnight. I
replied to this one, it's just half an hour before
you actually want people to arrive.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
That's typically what I do, Gracie Shadow. Gracie said, depends
on the vibe of the party. That's true. Yeah, I
would say I'm a little nervous. I did get one
person texting back for the Saturday thing that I'm doing
for Pride. I think thinking that it's like a full
on brunch and I do want to make sure, like, hey,
I'll probably have some snacks and I am gonna like
probably make some mimosas you need to eat, Yes, you

(40:28):
need to eat on your eat before like we don't, like,
I don't know what your plan is. I'm shaving this
around what we do. So, like, there were gay men
who have been invited who are probably gonna come, but
I assume they'll probably want to split off and doing
their own thing because I imagine they're probably not gonna want
to go to Henriette this. Yeah, that's do your own thing,
come by when we're doing our thing, and then go
do whatever your heart desires. Pride Weekend is not a sprint.

(40:50):
It is a marathon. It is a memrath the way
that we.

Speaker 4 (40:53):
Do it, and I love the way that we do it.
There's so many amazing memories made.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
But yes, the way I do it is we go
to Hends for that early thing. We hang out for
a bit, then when we get hungry, we go and
get dinner, and then usually I will return for maximum
an hour after dinner, sometimes not even and then I
go to bed break off.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
And now I feel like we know the place to
go near Hens to eat, the place with the corn dogs.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
I think it's called like cow Girl or something. Yeah, no,
it's a very Yeah. Oh we should look if they
have reservations. If they do, we should make one to
find out its name. Yes, you guys are not just
watching us plan for Pride, I know, and I just
just vibeing.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
Okay, somebody said ten o'clock. I could see a ten
o'clock working again.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
If not a pregame but a.

Speaker 4 (41:38):
Party, Yeah, like if you're gonna have like a party, party,
like if you're not going to a secondary location, Yes,
I think it's gonna.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
Have a birthday party at my apartment. Like I may tell.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
People to show up at like or I would probably
put the party full for eight, knowing people that would
come at nine would come at.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
Nine, like or the sort of option is like say
a date, that's or time, and this is on the
later side. And then like often my close friends will
be like what time should I come, and I'll be
you can come whenever. You're welcome to come up to
like an hour to two before the party actually starts.
I mean I'll be doing makeup and probably cleaning. But
like my close friends and I mean any of my friends,
but my close friends would probably feel most comfortable with this.
You're welcome to come and hang before the party. Like, yeah,

(42:13):
I don't give a fuck, that's true. Yeah, you always
takes me come whenever, and I'll whenever because like I
had a friend who showed up ptty early this weekend.
It's because she was like down already in the area.
Didn't make sense, and I was like, just come over
exactly exactly. Those that's key. It's like you need to
be someone who like you can come over when it's
still messy and I'm still I was still curling my
hair when most people around Yes, yes, you were like curing.

(42:37):
I decided to. I did one side of my hair
and it took over forty five minutes.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
And yeah, oh no, it was iconic though I loved it,
and I was really so tangled the next day.

Speaker 3 (42:47):
It was bad. It was giving mermaid. Mermaid.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
All right, I'm gonna ask you some questions about your
apartment as we mourn.

Speaker 3 (42:54):
We're in mourning.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
That's why we're in black. Oh yeah, guys, that is
why we're all in black. That's why we're in all black. Definitely,
no graphic pictures of Taylor Lautner. We're in all black.
And I'm actually in dirty pants that have a yogurt
stein from last week at work.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
I haven't put on black socks. Oh oh wait, I
have black socks. Wow. We're really don't get to see
our feet for free.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
No, we do not give free feed pigs, but we
could be bribed for a good cost.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
If you want to vemmo me five dollars, I'll send
me a photo of my feet. I mean, they're they're
fucking ugly. They're fucking ugly, dude. I danced for too long.
My feet are fucked up.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
Literally every time I go to the nails on and
I'm like, don't rub off the callus because I'm like,
I'm just I never enough, Yes, Broadwayway Hall one day.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
I also, I did a thing as a kid where
we'd get a new pair of shoes every single year,
and then I'd wear the pair of shoes from the
year before. I have really small feet for my family,
especially for my I have seven and a half, which
is a pretty average shoe size, but given them five
to eight is a little bit on the small side.
My family makes fun of my baby feet, and I
think it's because I always wore shoes the size too small,
and I think I stunt in my feet's growth. That's

(43:57):
just a little fun fact about me. Y'all. Wait, that's
actually isn't that? That's that's interesting if you did, I'm
sure so my parents let me do that because that's
like such an insane thing for me to do. But
I really I did a lot of insane shit as
a kid. I do a lot of insane shit.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
Now that's okay, period, Okay, So are you should we
like reveal the area you've been living in for the life.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
I've been in Chelsea. I think I've been open. I
live in Chelsea. I'm not gonna probably tell you my
cross streets, but I've been in Chelsea. I love it
very much. I'm very sad to go. I'm going to
be so sad my dormant my we have other roomorans,
but my main dormant, Alfonso, like really devastated. Like I'm
gonna have to have a chat with him about me leaving.
I mean, I guess I'll realize when I move out website,
but I'll be back in between then, so I haven't

(44:38):
really spoken to him. I'm I'm gonna be so sad
to leave Chelsea. I live a block away from a
Whole food I'm not from a Whole Foods from a
Trader Dough, So I guess that does kind of dox myself.
But also again, I move out in two days. I'm
not that sweating about doxing myself. Also, who really gives
a ship where I live. I'm gonna miss Chelsea devastatingly.

Speaker 4 (44:54):
So yeah, I was gonna ask you, like, what do
you feel like the pros and cons have been living
in Chelsea because you are further away.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
From a lot of your friends. I'm further I'm not
close to any friends, but I'm kind of in the
middle of everyone. So like i have friends in Brooklyn,
I have friends in Astoria, i have friends way uptown,
and I'm kind of like again, sort of a nice
centering point where I'm not too far from any of them.
But I'm also I had one friend who live really
close for me for my first year here. Yeah, I
don't have anyone who lives honestly, no one that I

(45:21):
am very close with within even like a twenty block
radio side. Yeah. No, i have some people who I
like know within that area, but maybe one and a
half people. But I'm also near a ton of Like
I'm moving to Upper West Side, which like is a
lot more residential and there is like less stuff of
Like I'm right in the thick of There are a
lot of restaurants. I am right near a Trader Joe's.

(45:42):
I'm near like a container store and a bunch of
those bigger stores. I've got a whole Food's not too
far away from me. Like, I've got options. There's a
ton around here, and I've got some great train lines
near me. I'm near A one, I'm near an FM,
I'm near a C, and there's a lot I'm I'm
in a really like middle sort of area. Yeah, yeah,
I feel like that.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
I mean, like it's been nice, like when we are
really going to do things like downtown, Like yeah, like
you kind of.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
Like I don't live downtown downtown, but relatively downtown.

Speaker 4 (46:12):
Sure, sure, yeah it is a good area. There is
a lot happening in the area.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
I love, Chelsea. Yeah, I'm so thankful for my time here.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
What has been like some of your favorite memories you
think in this apartment?

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Oh, we have had like some of the absolute best
moments of my life and also a lot of the
absolute worst moments of my life. I like it's been
like the memories that I've had with like people here
of like the game nights or the dinner parties, or
like decorating this place. So like this is my first

(46:47):
like apartment on my own, and like slowly making it
into a home. And like it's also like I live
in a really it's a beautiful fucking apartment. Is a
wonderful place of like it truly does feel like home,
Like I I more or less moved every year of college,
and then I also went too boarding school, which one
I was moving every year. Like, it's been really nice
to be in the same place for three years, and
like it really feels like my home. It gets beautiful sunlight,

(47:10):
as you guys can see, and it's just like it.
It has been my home. It has seen me through
incredibly hard times and incredibly wonderful times. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:20):
Yeah, I was gonna say, like, you have been here
for like three years, which I feel like is some Honestly,
I think you're the only friend that I know that
has been.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
Right out of college. Yeah, or one other of our
friends I know has been in the same place for
the same amount of time and actually will be longer
than I will have been here. But it's been really
nice to like I got to settle.

Speaker 4 (47:40):
Yeah, yeah, because I think that's that's been Yeah. Where
was I going to go with that thought, But that's
kind of been cool about your experiences. You really gotten
to like make a home.

Speaker 3 (47:52):
I have so much shit here, guys. I don't know
how I'm moving. I own so much shit just everywhere.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
Oh yeah, we touched on this a bit earlier, but
I thought this would be a good like thing for
you to think about. Is it true that NYC got
easier after the first year in advice for making it through?

Speaker 3 (48:14):
It definitely did, But it definitely has taken me. I
feel like more than a year to sort it out,
and I got a lot of that has to do
with like my own depression and whatnot. But like you,
you'd just like learn where shit is of Like I
now can navigate the city pretty confidently. I mean, like
I still tend to check Google Maps just for like
timing of shit or if trains are doing anything. But

(48:36):
you know how it works. You get better with like
what feels good and safe for you, and like you
learn what's nearby, and you learn what little like marketplace
is actually incredibly overpriced, Like why are they selling cans
of chickpeas for four dollars here? Like that's outrageous. It's
I wish I could explain it better, But you just

(48:57):
you get more comfortable and you do sort of build up,
like this resilience of the tire city can be very
tiring to be in, and like a weird thing is
like to a certain level, you do have to like
turn off your humanity a little bit every day of
like there are a lot of people struggling, and you
see in a more concentrated way in the city, and
it does feel like, particularly like when I'm alone at
night traveling, like I tend to a little bit more

(49:18):
put on blinders, and I do that for my own production,
but like that like does make me feel like a
horrible person when I just pretend to not fucking hear someone. Yeah,
I get that.

Speaker 4 (49:29):
I feel like I felt like realized that the other
day when I think I was like either walking to
work or something, and I was like, there is a
certain like desensitense. Oh my god, I'm not going to
say this word, right, desensitization, desensitizing. Yeah, there's a certain
like desensitizing that goes on when you're living in New
York City because, like you said, there are a lot

(49:50):
of different situations happening outside on the streets, and so
like there's a lot of like compartmentalizing. And then sometimes
you're like I cannot believe that, like like this is
happening right in front of my eyes, but yeah, I'm
turning like a blind eye to it and I'm just
continuing on and and that can be.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
A little bit hard to juggle and you find your balance.
Of Like, I know, something that's gonna be a big
adjustment for me is like, uh, new place I'm moving to,
which I'm really excited about is like two abs over
from the park. But like I've loved having the rooftop
here of like that when the city feels really overwhelming,
I love that I can go up there and I
can see to where the river is, I can see
the city ending, Yeah, and that calms me greatly. It

(50:33):
makes it feel like like you can feel the city
can feel almost like it's crushing in on you a
little bit, and you get used to it, and you
also like learn how to make it work. Of like
you learn like, hey, how many groceries can I get
one load? How much will be so heavy that it's
gonna cut off all circulation in my arms and make
it just absolutely miserable to.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
Carry, Yeah, especially because you have a grocery store with it, right.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
And even with that, I've learned sometimes like, hey, don't
get too many groceries in one go. It's gonna hurt
your arms.

Speaker 4 (51:02):
I know. I honestly learn not to get that many
groceries in one go, just because.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
I'm getting a cart in my new place.

Speaker 4 (51:07):
Okay, I have a buggy, I have a wheelbarrow. Hold on,
but I'll get back to the whealel barrow. But I
think I've learned, like I usually won't eat all like
my produce and stuff like that, and so I've learned
because of where I live, I do a lot of
like Amazon Fresh, or like when I go home because
when the city feels like it's closing in on me.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
Yes, So also you learn like getting out of the center.

Speaker 4 (51:27):
Yeah, I go home. I'm just fortunate to like that
might and yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
I'm also lucky of like I can go to Massachusetts.

Speaker 4 (51:33):
Yeah, like I'm you know that, like, which is not bad.
That's only a couple hours. I'm like twenty minutes. I
often go home because I hate paying for laundry, and
sometimes my.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
Parents will buy my groceries for me, so I go home.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
But yes, wheelbarrows or wheelbarrows, wheelbarrow whale carts are amazing.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
I love mine. You learn your sort of limits and
like even with small things of like hey, when I
get off my subway stop, I know, like obviously I
know what like the north and south entrance or exit
you're taking, like knowing which way of like there's usually
like two options to go up or one's one way
and one's the other, and you you get used to
it and you learn what works for you. And I
wish that there was an easier, better answer that I

(52:11):
could give to you that would transfer all of the
knowledge that I've learned from living here, But unfortunately, the
only way to learn is doing it.

Speaker 4 (52:16):
Yeah, the only way it is through it.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
But I promise it does get substantially easier and the city,
like I've learned, like, hey, I really need to have
earbuds in most of the time because the noise can
get to me, like even in the grocery store of Like,
I know, if I'm going to Trader Jess during a
time where it's gonna be busy, I need to have
music in. I need to go in prepared for like
it's gonna be a lot Trader.

Speaker 4 (52:37):
Joe's can get busy. Yes, mm hmm, that's good. That's
a good answer. Yeah, I feel like the only way
out is through. What are you looking forward to in
moving to your new apartment?

Speaker 3 (52:48):
So some of the things you've always spoken about. I'm
gonna be two aves over from the park, which is
really nice if I do think being around a little
more greenery and having access to that will be very nice.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Yea.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
And also like I am going to be a lot
closer to a lot of friends. I have a lot
of friends who will now be in like a like
twenty to forty block radius of me. But I mean
the downside is I also my friends in the story
are gonna be way harder to access now. But I'm
really excited for a new place. I'm gonna have a
bedroom now, so I'm gonna have a door to my bedroom,
meaning when my bed room is a mess, I no

(53:16):
longer have to shove everything in a closet and try
and hide it. I can just shut the door and
hide it. So that's absolutely fucking fantastic.

Speaker 4 (53:22):
That's the best thing about having like your own room.

Speaker 3 (53:25):
So excited, And I because I now have a bedroom
there are windows. Because the reason why I currently live
in a studio with an office and there's shows no
door to it, and they can't call it a bedroom
because there are no windows, that it legally has to
have windows for it to be called a bedroom. So
my new place has a bedroom here, so therefore it
has windows. So I would say, like, particularly in winter months,
it is fairly hard to fucking get out of bed

(53:47):
here because my bedroom is a little fucking cave in
the dark. And my new bedroom that is actually a bedroom,
well I'm saying the word bedroom a lot has windows
and I'm very excited about that. And like it is
like it's pre war building, so it's a very different vibe.
The current building I'm in is very new. I feel
like it's like maybe two thousand and seven. I'm probably
not remembering that date exactly, but it's a very new building.

(54:08):
And my next place is going to be different. I
think it was built in nineteen twelve. They have charm,
they do, and yeah, it has a very different vibe
to it. But yeah, I'm very I'm very excited, yay.
And it's also just like I something my sister pointed
out to me that she said two things that sort
of changed my point of view. One that I feel

(54:30):
like is more specific to me, one that I think
can be applied to anyone sort of generally nervous about moving,
something I've passed on to I do have a couple
of friends moving at right the exact same time as me.
The first one that was more about me is that
I moved in here and was very much still pandemic time,
and I do feel like that has been hard to
kind of move past being in the same space. If
I feel like there's just been like that sort of
underlying anxiety about leaving the house that has never quite

(54:52):
left me, and like also like this apartment to see
me through some really hard times and I'm doing a
lot better now, but I do think like in the
same sce bas it can be really hard to change
those patterns, and so I do feel like just living
somewhere new it sort of like when it's the new year.
It gives that feeling of a fresh start, of an
opportunity of hope. And then the one my sister said

(55:13):
to me that I think it's more generally applicable is like,
as much as I am so sad to get a
say goodbye, she's like, think about years from now though,
when you're like with a partner or family, momb or
whatever and showing them around the city and you get
to be like the cool person's like this is where
I lived in my early twenties and this is my spot,
and there used to be a blah blah blah here
and this is my favorite coffee shop, and this is
my building and I used to blah blah blah blah blah,

(55:35):
and like how I am looking forward to that legacy.
And as much as like, I'm someone who does not
like change. My sister and I both don't like change.
We worked on sobbing when as kids our parents switched minivans. Like,
I don't like change. It's it's very hard, and it
scares me a lot. I mean, I think, like a
lot of fucking people. But change can be really good
and gives opportunity for growth in a way that I

(55:59):
think will be very good for me, even though it
there is a level which it feels absolutely petrifying. Yeah,
in a way which like I don't want to let go.
It's like no, no, no, But like things are good.
I'm settled. It's like we're okay here, Like why do
we have to change it? Because the change could be bad,
it could be good, but the fear of it being
bad feels more overwhelming the chance of it being good. Yeah,
I get that.

Speaker 4 (56:19):
I think, yeah, it's gonna take a second to settle
in and then you'll get your groove.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
But I'm so excited even though it's gonna be all
the exact same shit because money is fucking expend money
is fucking said, moving is fucking expensive. I don't have
money to buy new shit. On top of that, I'm
really excited to like not even rearrange my shit, but
like just arrange it in a new place, be completely different.
And I'm excited to like figure out where everything's gonna go.

Speaker 4 (56:43):
I know which wall will this like or where will
this be? Why will be your new view?

Speaker 3 (56:47):
Yeah, I don't really know where the guys. So I
have an L shaped couch, as you can maybe tell
from the video or if you're listening, I have an
L shaped couch, but it's the wrong shape L to
work in my new apartment. So my mom and I've
spent two much time just like looking at it and
trying to be like, what would makes sense? And she
really does keep trying to solve it, and I'm like,
I don't think this is something that can be solved
in our heads. I think this needs to be like

(57:09):
in the furniture needs to be in the space, need
to see because additionally, my TV stand is too wide
to fit where it would make sense for the TV
to go, So I think my TV's gonna go on
my desk. I don't know. This is a lot of
things are gonna be figured out in the moment. But
I'm really excited to like put shit in new places.
And I'm really excited of like, uh, there's like sort
of a little heater like almost radio like thin radio

(57:32):
income in a wooden box type of thing.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
Yes, they put like a little thing over it.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
In the bedroom by like these two windows side by side,
and I'm so excited, Like I have all of my
jewelry little dishes like in this coffee table that you
guys can't quite see, or again, if you're listening, you
can't see fucking at all. But all in my living
space because I don't really have a bedroom. I like
just everywhere is kind of my bedroom, because of course
it fucking is, like my skincare all sits right here
in the living room because I don't know where the

(57:58):
fuck else it's gonna go. But to like have a
little bit more of separation in between those spaces of
like have a little bit more of a private space
where like all my little straining kids are, Like I
do get worried of like not that I mean, this
jewelry is super nice, but like some of it is
like my grandmother's old shit. They're like, I don't want
fucking anything to happen too, and so I'm excited to
be able to like put it in my bedroom.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Oh anyways, thank you for housing our apartment.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
We can't speak. I just said housing our apartments. Okay,
I speaking horribly All week, guys, I keep doing that
thing where, like you know, where you try and say
two words at once and then you say not a
real word. People usually do that. I feel like occasionally
I've been doing that, like multiple times in a conversation.
It's embarrassing, you know what.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
We you're just talking for an hour, So it's okay,
it's okay. Thank you for housing our podcast for the
last three years. I know, truly, I feel like this
place has been like such a home base. Literally, it's
such a huge part of like my life. I was
talking about it and just reflecting.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
You used to be here so often that you would
accidentally call it our apartment literally, and I would accidentally
call it yeah, because I used to.

Speaker 4 (59:01):
You know, before I got a full time job, I'd
be here all the time because I had the time
and space to do so, and so yeah, I was
reminiscing with Olivia and I was like, yeah, like, I'm
super fortunate that like Audrey opened up our home to
like what we're doing, because like I was still living
at home, like you know, like you know, I was in.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
In the city.

Speaker 4 (59:18):
There would have been no place for this to really
gone on, especially once we put the camera in front
of us. Come Arah, because if you guys watched the
episode of Olivia trying to do this in my house,
it didn't go well.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Like, no, and my mom's couch looked like an old
lady couch. Anyways, Yeah, Bob's discount furniture. Guys, Yeah, the
great couch. This couch is great. But I fully my
friend had this couch fully stole the idea from her.
I literally got the link about the exact same one.
Shout out to Zan she doesn't listen. I don't think
maybe she does.

Speaker 4 (59:47):
Let's find out period per Anyways, you guys, thank you
so much for listening to the pod.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
No, this is it end of an era and Audrey's
apart of me. We'll see where we record next.

Speaker 4 (59:57):
Wee.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
I didn't cry, guys, you didn't cry.

Speaker 4 (59:59):
That's it's okay, or for a period. Yeah, we'll see
where we record next. We'll probably be like recording between
our two apartments now that we're in a lot closer,
so whatever ends up working. But yeah, that's the tea. Yeah,
you guys can follow us on TikTok. No not on TikTok,
on Instagram. I completely fucking clueless.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
So you can follow us on TikTok and fuck and
YouTube completely fd k im G clueless. Yay.

Speaker 4 (01:00:26):
Please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe all the
fun things with podcasts.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
Yeah, have a great day by y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Thanks for joining us, Have an amazing Tuesday, have an
amazing week, and b motherfucking clueless.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
Bye guys.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
This has been a fifty eight Mber production.

Speaker 4 (01:01:04):
For more shows, please visit the fifty eight Mber Channel,
fifty eight Mber dot com, or find us at fifty
eight Mbermedia.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
On socials, it is Ryan Seacrest here.

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