October 15, 2024 • 39 mins
I'm back and more clueless than ever! This week on Completely Clueless, I dive headfirst into the podcast's new era with myself as the sole host. I update you all on the most significant things that happened over the last few months, like where I stand with my new therapist and my Zepbound weight loss journey. I also chat about the newest season of Love is Blind and how I gave myself food poisoning. I am SO excited to start this new chapter of the podcast with you. So, without further ado, let's be clueless! If you're loving The Completely Clueless Podcast, follow us on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube @completelycluelesspod 💖 Follow me on personal socials @sarahalicelidddy
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hello, everyone, Welcome back to the Completely Clueless podcast. I
am your host, Sarah Alice Lyddy. You guys, what the fuck?
It's just you and me, Me and you If you're
new around here or you did listen to I think
it's yes, the last episode. At this point, Audrey is
stepping away from the podcast, and now it is my podcast,
(01:34):
And yes, I did decide to change the name. It
is no longer completely fucking Clueless. However, this is a
swear cursing, cussing safe zone. I will still be cursing
up the wazoo, all right, up the fucking wazoo. However,
I really hope that one day this podcast is huge
and large and it's getting written about in magazines and
(01:55):
newspapers and like news outlets, and to have the podcast
name like a part of those things fucking can't be there.
We had this New York Times article written about us
and Meg Jay, and that was the first time I realized, like,
oh shit, like we probably shouldn't have put a curse
word in the podcast name, because people don't want to
(02:15):
put that in their publications. So I've decided with this
new era is a little bit of a new name.
And in this new era, also, you guys, I have
to be like totally clueless and transparent with you. I'm
nervous as fuck. I'm nervous to do this on my
own for a variety of reasons. I'm also nervous right
now because usually I like to have everything perfectly planned
(02:40):
out before I put it out into the world. I
mean if when Audrey and I like created this podcast,
we took many, many months, One because we were still
in pandemic times and things that we are still really hard.
But two because I think you know, both of us
struggled with that we wanted it to look really great
and be really well branded. And going into this new
(03:02):
era and restarting the podcast, I am not as prepared whatsoever.
You know. I don't have a new cover, a new logo.
I sometimes feel really clueless about if I'm going to
be enough on my own, or if people are going
to be interested in what I have to say and
what I have to give. I'm also like just nervous
(03:23):
that I don't know what if I know I'm also
nervous that I'm not one hundred percent sure that I'll
know what to talk about every week, or if I
will stutter like I just did right there. Sometimes I
feel like my mind goes a lot faster than my
like words do, and then I get all like flustered
(03:43):
and I stutter and anyways, all that to say is
that I'm really clueless in all of this, and this
is very uncharted territory for me, because usually I would
let my anxiety get the best of me, and I
did either avoid it or I would wait, like I
have avoided recording this episode so many times, Like I
(04:06):
was even gonna do it tonight because transparently, I have
had a pretty hard last couple of weeks, and I
was like, I just I've had a long, long day
of work, I got my period. I just have not
been having a good go of it, and I was like,
I should just postpone until I feel better. That's actually
what I did last week, is I postponed it because
(04:27):
I wasn't feeling great mentally. And then I was like,
you know what, No, You're going to keep pushing it off.
You're going to keep avoiding it because it scares you.
But we're here and we're doing it and it's not perfect,
and that's like the whole freaking point of this podcast
is like being clueless and not knowing what you're doing
(04:49):
and feeling stuck and feeling uncertain and still going forward anyway.
So I'm here with you guys, hopefully on your phone,
in your living room or in your ears, and we're
in this cluelessh show, chaotic mess together, and I couldn't
be more grateful and more excited for this new chapter
and this new journey. You'll hear in my second episode,
(05:13):
I actually have Olivia on and look, maybe it's because
they're my partner and I'm absolutely obsessed with them and
in love with them. However, and I have a lot
of friends that would vouch for this. My partner is
an extremely educated, smart, empathetic, caring person. They are the
(05:34):
best listener in the world, you know, Like, for example,
if somebody's talking to me, sometimes like it's going in
one ear out the other, I'm not always like really
there and listening. When you talk to Olivia, it feels
like nobody else is there, all attentions on you, and
they just truly have some of the best advice and
(05:55):
words for people I've ever heard. So I will be
exploiting their talent once a month with this new segment
that we're gonna do called Clueless Column, and I'm really
hoping that it can be in build up to something great.
But basically, I'm gonna ask you guys for entries about
things that you're coolless about. And I was thinking even
that we could do like specific topics. So if there
(06:17):
are specific topics, like especially because Olivia and I are
a queer couple, if you guys have questions about that
Olivia is non binary, if you have questions about that
and your gender and things like that, you know, we
just want to create a safe space and open space
where people can come to us and be vulnerable and
we can be vulnerable with you. So that's something that
we're gonna do, and then we're really gonna just be
(06:38):
taking it day by day, step by step. I love
pop culture. I'm a huge consumer of like reality TV
shows and things like that, so I'll definitely be talking
a lot more about that on the podcast. Like, for example,
i think I'm gonna quickly just talk about how love
is blind sucks right now, Like I don't know if
any of you guys are watching Love is Blind, but
it is terrible. It's so interesting, how truly it just
(07:02):
is so dependent on the season and the people, Like
sometimes it'll be really really good and then like this season,
it'll be really bad. Honestly, I had high hopes when
I started this season. I really thought so many of
these couples were gonna be like endgame, Like Tyler and Ashley,
Like you could just feel from that first time that
(07:22):
they were in the pods together that they had like chemistry,
but more than just like chemistry, they had this like
emotional bond, Like they sort of reminded me of Lauren
and Cameron from the first season of Love is Mind.
I was like, I feel like we haven't gotten many
strong couples like that in a while, and like I
kind of felt like they were on that path. Literally,
(07:50):
I'm speechless because like after those first six episodes dropped,
Literally it was just like so much shit on every
person in this show, mostly like Steven and Tyler just
like kept coming out. And of course it was freaking
Tyler the one in the relationship that everybody was rooting for,
(08:11):
and like he's hiding having three kids, like what the fuck?
And then we have Steven who is a cheater and
like that whole relationship, Like, honestly, it's just a shit show.
And I've decided I'm not watching any longer. Like I
watched the first six episodes, I was like, okay, like
let's see where it goes from here. Then after those
six episodes dropped so much tea shit spoilers, like spoiled everything,
(08:35):
and I tried to continue watching it and I was
just like, nope, nope, no, no, nope, this sucks. I
do not care anymore. So we're not into it. I'm
not keeping up with that, but usually I love keeping
up with like reality TV shows and all that stuff.
My partner and I've been watching Bad Monkey on Apple
TV also, can we talk about Apple TV has amazing
(08:58):
shows And I just feel like I'm just getting educated
on that. I've watched Bad Monkey and Bad Sisters like
all in the span of this month, and I'm like,
these are really good quality shows, Like they have really
good storylines and really good fiends. Like it's not just
like you know, reality TV, which again still has a
(09:18):
huge place in my heart. But if you liked Jane
the version, you should watch Bad Monkey. It reminds me
so much of that. It's giving telenovela with all of
these like complex, funny storylines going on. It's just like
not a woman at the center of it. It's a man,
but Vince Vaughn is so funny in it. Like I'm
(09:39):
really enjoying it. I will say though the first episode,
like I was sort of like, am I gonna like this?
It's a long episode. The episodes are so so long,
like almost like basically sixty minutes each, But once I
got past the second episode, I was like, Okay, I'm
really into this. And then of course I watched Nobody
Wants This with Kristen Bell. However, that was just like
too easy to binge. I'm such a binger, Like I
(10:03):
love binging TV. I also have like no patience ever,
so like when the episodes drop or if it's all there,
like I want to go, go, go, watch, watch watch.
So I watched it with my partner while we were
on vacation a couple of weeks ago, and it was good.
It was just so cute and lighthearted and it was
nice to watch that because you know, there's a lot
(10:23):
of shit going on in the world and my life personally,
I betting your guys' lives personally, and so nice to
just like watch, you know, a rom come and watch
people be funny and silly. Like it was a really
good watch. And then I'm also, for the first time
in a couple of years, rewatching Gilmore Girls. I know
some people like do it every single fall, but I
(10:44):
the last time I rewatched Gilmore Girls was during the pandemic,
and I actually got my mom really into it. She
loves Gilmore Girls, so we were like rewatching together. And
then now my roommate Liz, she is somebody that like
will rewatch shows all the time, and one day she
had it on and I was like, wow, it's just
been so long since I've watched this. I love watching
(11:05):
it like while I'm working and stuff like that, or
folding laundry or cleaning, like, I just think it's such
a great like show to have in the background. It's
so warm and fun and there's so many seasons of it,
and it, yeah, it does feel cozy and very fall like.
So I'm like really leaning in to fall this year.
You know, we got candles around doing Gilmore Girls. My
partner and I went to Salem in Massachusetts for a
(11:28):
couple of days. I'm going apple picking tomorrow. Like I'm
really leaning into feala Loujah, as I call it, and
I'm really loving like the cozy vibe. I also got
these really really cute snoopy pajamas. I'll put a picture
of it somewhere on the screen from Airy. You guys,
you guys, you guys. These pajamas are so freaking soft,
(11:54):
Like literally I even felt a pajama this soft and
so long, and they just give me joy, you know,
and sometimes we need that. Like for example, yesterday I
had a pretty bad day and I got home from
the doctors well won. Before I like came home after
the doctor, I walked to Butterfield Market, which people call
the Airwon of New York. And Okay, this may be
(12:15):
like controversial, but I'm not sure actually how much I
like their food. I've gotten amazing desserts there. I got
an Appleside donut, like a thing of Applesider donuts a
couple of weeks ago, and then the other day I
got this piece of cake. It was and also the
proceeds all went to breast cancer awareness, so I was like, oh,
like a sweet treat that also was like doing something
(12:37):
for the world, but it was so fucking good. Also,
that slice of cake was ten dollars, but it was
worth every penny. It was so good. But all of
the food I've gotten has not been great. I got
this like salmon dish the first time, and it would
probably have been better if I hadn't given myself food poisoning.
(13:02):
You guys, I I'm gonna expose myself. I'm going to
expose myself into it. So I had come back to
my apartment and I had made myself a pot of coffee,
and I want to go get my creamer. I use
the silk Amond creamer. I love it. And this is
no hate towards silk, like I did this to myself. Okay.
I look and I saw that the expiration date was
(13:24):
September thirteenth, it was currently like October fifth or six,
and I was like, it's creamer, Like, can't I bet
it can't be that bad? Like I bet, I'm fine.
I put it in my coffee, and transparently, I maybe
only had like three or five SIPs of coffee, so
(13:45):
I didn't have that much, but I did. As the
day go on, a day went on, started to feel
like absolute shit, and I got so so nauseous, and
I did end up throwing up my salmon dinner from
the Butterfield more So, that's that on my first dinner.
And then I got this salad and the base of
(14:06):
it was spinach and arugula, and I think that's where
I went wrong. I don't think I really like a
arugola that much. So will I be going back to
the Arawan of New York, I don't know. I started
this story with my snoopy pajamas and saying do things
that bring you joy, And basically i'd went to Butterfield Market,
I came home, I got in my snoopy pajamas, I
(14:27):
was eating my slice of cake, and I was like,
I feel good, I feel joyous, I feel cozy. I
feel like I'm taking care of myself. So I think
you should get the pajamas because they'll bring you joy. Anyways,
I've gotten so off topic of anything that I thought
I was going to talk about, but that's what this
(14:47):
is for, and I hope you're enjoying my ramblings. Anyways,
I do want to do a little bit of catching
up with you.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Guys.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Initially, I was like, I'm gonna give them so many
updates from this summer. Honestly, who the fuck? Like, who cares?
It's already October before we know it, it's going to
be fucking Christmas. So let's just be in the present moment.
Something though, I do want to talk about, because it
is still so significant and important in my present moment
is my therapy journey. I left you guys in June,
(15:17):
moving therapists for the first time since I was twelve.
If you're new here or don't remember, I have had
a therapist since I was twelve years old. I have
been going to her basically once a week since I
was twelve, and for a while I've known that I've
needed a new therapist. You know, you get older, the
therapist stops challenging you, YadA YadA, boo boo. However, because
(15:42):
of my anxiety disorder, I will stay in things that
are comfortable, even if I know they're not good for me,
or if I need something new or different or need
to push myself or challenge myself. I will stay in
things because it's comfortable because I don't like uncertainty, and
so for a really long time, I pushed off getting
a new therapist, but finally one day I just spit
(16:05):
it out in my therapy session and was like, I
think I need a new therapist, and because you've known
me for so long, like I would love your help
finding one. So I took one of my therapist recommendations
and I've been seeing her for the last like six
five six months now, and this therapy has been really
challenging and different for me. I have grown up going
(16:26):
to CBT and DBT therapy, which is a lot more
skills based, behavior based, and now I'm going in to
see a therapist who is a psychodynamic therapist, which is
a lot more like you know, analyzing your childhood, talking
about the why talk therapy type of stuff. And it's
(16:47):
been yeah, challenging. Like I've said, I'm learning a lot
of things about myself, which is good, but it's also
really hard. I'm going to be honest, I feel like
the last like four ish months of my life life
have kind of been harder and not like super great.
I feel like I've been going through a lot of
(17:08):
like hard and challenging things at work, which has been
very much affecting me because one of the things I
sort of learned in therapy is that I base so
much of my worth on my work. So it's like
I am struggling to be happy because I'm not feeling
like successful or happy or fulfilled or passionate in my
(17:31):
work life. And so something we've been talking about is
trying to figure out how to add worth into the
other areas of my life. And then I wanted to
share some of the other things that I've been talking
about as well. But I've also been talking about how
like I prioritize other people's opinions of me, Like I
(17:56):
find it really really hard to get over like negative
opinions or like criticisms, or just like even when there
are positive opinions, like I just put people's opinions like
on such a hierarchy. And I bet that like comes
from my theater background, you know, because that's all about
like judgment and listening to other people's opinions to further
(18:18):
your career. I mean, speaking of career, you guys, I'm
literally having a whole career crisis right now. Like I
have not felt this stuck in a really long time.
Like when I tell you I'm completely fucking clueless, like
I am completely fucking clueless, And I will use the
curseword there because like I need the curse word there.
(18:43):
I am feeling really lost in my career life of
what I want to do, where I want to go,
feeling unhappy and not fulfilled in my current situation, and
I'm also not doing about anything about it. Also so
because of my anxiety, because I'm like, okay, like I'll
just stay in this nine to five, you know job
(19:05):
because I'm comfortable, I know what it is. Isn't making
me happy, no, but like I'll just do it because
you know, I know it right now versus you know,
taking a risk on myself and potentially you know, doing
a like survival job so I can have more time
for the podcast in my own social media or you know,
(19:26):
potentially getting back into performance, which, to be honest, I'm
not really sure if I want either. It's it's hard
because because I'm questioning my career so much right now,
Like I am, you know, having the spiraling thoughts of like, oh,
did I make a mistake leaving theater? Did I make
this mistake? That mistake? I could go on and on
and on and on. Also, like if you have anxiety
(19:48):
please DM me and tell me if your brain also
works like this, and if you don't have anxiety, you
could also DM me and tell me, like, no, girl,
like you actually do have a disorder, because like my
brain doesn't work like that, because sometimes I'm convinced that
like this is normal and everybody thinks this way, and
then you know, in therapy, like you know, they're like, no, people,
not everybody thinks this way this much. So I'm just
(20:10):
I'm just curious. We could do like a poll, like
a study do you think like this or do not? Anyways?
Some of the other things, Oh, this is a good one.
Another thing talking about how I'm feeling so stuck is
another thing we're talking about is like learning to be
okay with where I'm at and not know and like
(20:31):
being okay with not knowing the answers. Like you know,
my therapists would talk about like you know, like it's
okay to be in this job right now, like it's
your right now, It's it's not your forever. Because I
think so much about the future and what the future
holds and all these things, like I can get really
fixated that this situation, like how I'm feeling today right
(20:53):
now like will be my entire life, even though it
definitely will not be. Another life update is I talk
to my hair and I have to admit that I
do not like it whatsoever. I do a chop every
like six ish months because my hairstylist, she is a fortune,
but because I like trust her with my hair. Like
(21:16):
I'm like, I don't want to find a new person
and then fuck up my hair. So usually, like I
will chop it and then I'll let it grow out
for like six seven months. However, this month, I feel
like maybe I didn't give like correct directions, Like I
was kind of like, oh, like we're like under my
collar bone, which is where my hair is. But eight
(21:37):
is so short, Like I compared it to my last
haircut before that and it was a couple inches longer,
And this is just too short for me. I don't
like it. It's like I don't know how to style it.
I can't put it up, which is such a huge
thing for me, Like a core part of my identity
(21:57):
is my slick back. Like I do a fabulous slick back,
Like I will pat on myself on the back. I
will brag about it and say I do a fabulous
slick back. I love a slick back with a braid.
That's like been my new thing this year. Like I'm
loving that I do, like you know, the clip I
do a bun, like I love a slick back, so
(22:17):
and I love a slick back as well, because you know,
if if I don't want a shower for a couple
of days, like it's there, or like for example, tonight,
like I had finished work and I needed to take
a shower and style my hair, or like you know,
I just put some wave spray in it, because that's
like the only styling I know how to do. Like
(22:39):
in the past, I could have just like slicked my
hair up and felt good about it. But yeah, it's
just like really curly and froofy, and I don't know
how to style it. Like I love makeup, I feel
like I've mastered how to do makeup at least for
me in my face. But hair, I just I just
don't know want to do and I don't like the way.
(23:00):
So here's hoping that it'll grow freaking fast because I'm
over it. But yeah, I chopped my hair the last
time you guys saw me. I think it was like
down to here. It was looking dead and gross. So
happy I cut it, but like not happy right now
because I just feel like I don't look like myself
and like my ideal hair length is probably like right there,
(23:21):
so we should get there soon. Another big update, and
I talk about it with Olivia in the next episode,
but I want to talk about it solo too a bit. Currently,
we're't in my New York City apartment that under a
year ago, but almost a year ago, I told you
guys that I moved to the city, which was a
really big dream of mine. I've been honest with you
(23:44):
guys about how it's been a hard adjustment for me,
and I am now moving back home to my childhood
home where I started. I was intending to move in
with my partner this fall. How I don't think I
was aware or realized or prepared financially whatsoever. Unfortunately, I
(24:12):
do not make a lot of money at work, and
therefore over the year I have not been able to
save like at all zero and honestly for most of
like for like, I would say half of the time
I lived here six months, I wasn't really able to
afford this place. Like my you know, they say, like
(24:35):
one check a month should be paying for your rent
or like that's how like you should budget when you're renting.
You know, one of my paychecks couldn't even pay my
rent in full for this place. And in those first
six months, I also had a ton of podcast fees,
uh with the podcast network and paying for studios, et cetera.
(24:57):
And so I just was really struggling financially. And it
was also my first time, you know, becoming financially independent
and really relying on myself fully. It got better once I,
like Audrey and I left the podcast network. We took
a break. You know, we weren't spending money on the
podcast any longer. And you know, my parents, I made
(25:21):
them aware of my situation and they started helping me out,
like buying groceries and things like that. But when Oliviy
and I went and started our apartment everybody is bothering me.
If you didn't hear that, that was my bell ringing
my little thing like shush, I'm recording. Period. When Oliviy
and I started our apartment search, we started it super
(25:43):
early in August because I was like anxious and wanted
to make sure that we had a place. And uh,
we went through the process. We were going through the
process and we found an apartment we really liked and
we wanted to make it work. And literally, the fees
were astronomical. I actually give the number in the next episode,
(26:05):
so I'll keep you waiting on that, and you can
go listen to to that one to see how truly
how fucking expensive it was. But I ended up talking
to my parents about it, and you know, they felt
and also I felt like it was a good idea
for me to move back home and save money. And
I wanted to talk about this because I don't want
to have any regrets and I don't. I think I
(26:26):
learned so much this past year, even though it was
it was a really really hard year, Like the learning
was painful. It was that painful type of learning where
you're just like sad with like not like your growth.
It's just like hard. There's a lot of hardship in it.
(26:48):
I wouldn't take any of that learning back, but I
think it feels a little frustrating to just land where
I started, which is back at home. You know, I
love my home. I again, I have a good relationship
with my parents. I'm not like necessarily upset about it,
but I'm like, I wish I would have been at
home saving this entire year, Like I could have saved
(27:11):
so much money, And I think I had a lot
to learn with money too, So it's like this double
edged sword. Some days I feel like upset and frustrated
and angry, like why did I do this? Like I
should have stayed home, I should have saved. And then
other days I'm like, well, you learned all these lessons
and you got to live in an apartment with one
(27:32):
of your best friends, and this is truly such a
beautiful apartment. You learn so much like YadA YadA, yadaya.
I'm literally moving, like in two weeks from today, which
is so crazy. I need to schedule my movers, Like
that's bad, Like I need to schedule my moving company.
But the plan is is for me to be home
for probably like six months. Olivia and I are hoping
(27:56):
that will be somewhere by June, because my parent's proposal
to me was basically I could move home and I
could save as much money as I wanted because they
were aren't making me pay rent, groceries, all that stuff,
and then I can move out with Livia and we
can start our chapter together, which is really cool and exciting,
(28:17):
And it was really hard at first because it was
just disappointing. We'd been so excited to move in together,
you know, like Olivia and I started our relationship long
distance in COVID during twenty twenty. I was in college
in North Carolina. Olivia had graduated in twenty nineteen and
was living in Boston, so we were doing long distance there,
and then when I moved back to New York, we
(28:38):
were still doing long distance because Olivia was in Boston.
And then Olivia moved to New York and we were
in the same place for a little while, and then
I moved here, so like it's not like super long
distance at all, but like still like or packing bag,
so I'm back and forth. Like literally before this episode,
I packed my bag so that I could go back home.
(29:00):
So I'm just so excited to like be in the
same place with them and to live my life with
them and everything. So it's disappointing then that that's been
put on pause because I was ready for it, and
you know, we were having all these discussions and conversations
and da da dah. So I'm hopeful that we'll be
able to find something soon. Honestly, finding an apartment in
(29:22):
New York City is like the worst mind fuck ever.
It has been awful trying to find an apartment, especially
because we're looking in like the Upper east Side. I was,
I was like, should I disclose it? But I'll tell
you guys, I've always wanted to live on the Upper
east Side. My I grew up there. Not grew up there.
(29:43):
I grew up like going there a lot. You know,
my mom and dad brought me home to their apartment
on the Upper east Side. And then when we moved
to London for a couple of years, and then when
we moved back and we moved to Westchester, like we
used the pediatrician that was still in the city. You know.
When I got a gynecologist, she in the city. My undergrenologists,
she's in the city. She's They're all on the Upper
(30:04):
east Side. Like literally all my doctors are on the
Upper east Side. And I would also go to this
brunch place with my family all the time for like
special occasions. We would go to this place on ninetieth
called Sarabeths. It's no longer there. So I just have
like so like such a strong like affiliation with the
Upper east Side, like my heart is there, and so
(30:24):
I've always wanted to live there, Like I am an
east Side girly, I am exoxo gossip girl, like I
am not meant to be on the west Side. Is
something I've also learned from this year is like I like,
I love West Village and stuff like that, but when
it comes to like the Upper City, like besides Time Square, no,
I love like the Upper east Side, like that's where
(30:47):
I want to be, Like I don't really love the
Upper west Side as much, which is I know, strange
because a lot of my friends love the Upper west Side.
They love living here, they love socializing here. But I
really do I see myself on the on the east Side,
and so I really also do look forward to getting
to experience life there one day too. So yeah, it
(31:10):
feels hard, and for a midget of a second it
felt embarrassing like that I was like, you know, i'd
moved out now moving back home, But it's very normal today.
It's very normal for like where I live in Westchester,
people do it all the time. Like I have a
lot of people that I know that moved out during
COVID when there were a lot of COVID rates as
(31:31):
they called them, Like rent was just a lot less
expensive during COVID because you know, people were not trying
to live in the city. But now that prices are
back to normal, there's a lot of people that had
to leave their apartments because they raise the rent like astronomically.
So I know it's not like a failure, and I
know no one's judging me. I think it's just like
(31:52):
my internal thing and it's not what I expected. You know,
I expected to be moving in with my partner and
starting that chapter of my life and and now that's
being put on pause, and it just like kind of sucks.
I think the last quick update I want to talk
with you guys about is my zep bound journey. I
haven't talked about it much on the podcast because it
(32:12):
was like a personal journey, not really something maybe I
was like going to be talking about with Audrey a bunch. Also,
you know, I think there is a lot of opinions
and discourse around taking semiglue tithes and terizipetides. I also
don't know if that's how you say it, tricipitide tiersip No,
that's definitely not it. So I'm going to go with
what I think it is right now. Tricipitide, I do,
(32:35):
actually do not take a semi glue tide. Semi glue
tides are with Goovi and Ozembic, and I take zet bound,
which is a tricipitide, which is like Munjaro. In November,
I will officially been on it for a year and
I've officially lost basically like fifty pounds at this point.
And it's been a journey over the last year, and
(32:58):
I'm still working on my journey transparently. I've always had
a really interesting relationship with food, exercise, and stuff, and
so while I think I've made like some strides this year,
obviously fifty pounds is like not anything small or a joke,
like it's something to be proud of. I also know
that I think also because of the environment of living
(33:19):
in my apartment this year and having trouble getting out,
I've been very sad and terry. I really have not
been physically active this year, and so I haven't really
gotten the benefits of, you know, adding exercise into this.
I also am just like not a cook, you guys.
I I hate cooking. I hate cooking. I have no
(33:42):
patience for it. So like I am such a like
order in er, like I'm in an order. I'm in
a huge like door dashing phase of my life right now,
Like the last two months, like I just feel like
I've been doordashing too much. I was better at the beginning,
but literally the these last two months, like I've just
emotions have been harder and I've just been like I
(34:04):
have no will or patience to like think about what
I'm going to feed myself. I definitely feel a lot
better in my body, you know. Last August, I had
went to my mom and like broke down because I
had been at the heaviest I had ever been, and
I was just like so uncomfortable. I felt like I
literally couldn't walk around because I was just like so uncomfortable.
(34:27):
Clothes were uncomfortable. It was really tough. Like I felt
like I looked in the mirror and I had no
idea who I was. And so I started my journey
there and I tried o Zempic first and it didn't
work for me, and then I tried Manjaro and that worked,
and then I was on Manjara for a bit and
then transitioned over to zet bound because it's covered by
(34:47):
my insurance. This last year, it's losing weight has you know,
made me feel more comfortable in myself, And I just
want to say that, like, you do not need to
lose weight to feel comfortable in yourself or confident in yourself.
This was just like a personal journey, and I like
to be open about it because if you look at
me a year ago, I weigh more now. And I
(35:08):
never want to like lead people astray on how I
did it. And I also wanted to be transparent and said,
like I'm not a perfect human, Like I think a
lot of people who go on these medications to lose weight,
like you look at them from the time that they
got prescribed to like a year later, and they really
(35:29):
look like a whole different person, like they've lost a lot,
a lot of weight, Like I'm thinking of loud like
Claudia ashright, like she really, you know, turned into a
different person. And maybe it's just because I'm you know,
I'm not outside of myself and I can't get that
subjective opinion. But I don't feel like I've had the
(35:50):
biggest transformation, and I feel like that's because I haven't
been very physically active because sometimes I don't make the
best choices food wise, and so I wanted to share
my journey it because I think on the internet there
is only really one journey that is displayed. You get
on one of these weight loss drugs, and a year later,
(36:11):
you've lost a ton of ton a ton of weight,
like even more than I've lost, and you know, you're
all of a sudden super fit. You know how to
feed yourself, all your bad food habits are gone, YadA YadA, YadA.
And that just hasn't been the case for me. You know,
I struggle with emotional eating and that's still something I'm
(36:33):
trying to overcome. You know, I struggle with prioritizing my
like health, to be quite honest with you, because I
put so much priority on work in my career that
at the end of the day when I'm tired, I'm like,
fuck it, Like who cares? Like I'm just gonna, like,
you know, do the easy thing with food, which is
usually like fast food, comfort food, like foods that are
(36:55):
not it's great for you. Then, you know, prioritizing my
health and that's and that's a journey that I'll you know,
be talking about in therapy, Like I'm not going to
come on here every week and you know, give you
guys the rundown unless you want me to, unless you're like, wait,
this is something I'm interested in and like, please talk
about it. You know. I think it's hard for me
to talk about It's very vulnerable and sometimes I think
(37:17):
embarrassing because I feel like, oh gosh, like I should
be losing more more weight, I should X y Z.
But yeah, that's kind of where I'm at in that journey,
and I am going to stay on the medication for
me personally, like my pcos and my insulin resistance is
so bad, and so when I'm on this medication, like
(37:38):
it really does make me feel like a normal human being.
I think the best thing that has come out of
this is just like food isn't like a burdening my
brain like it used to. Like I was constantly I
would literally wake up in the morning and be like,
all right, what's for breakfast? What's for lunch? Like I
had a lot of trouble like with eating in access
and overconsumption and and whatnot. And so I feel like
(38:02):
this medicine regulates me sort of like how my antidepressant
anti anxiety medications like regulate me. This one does the same.
So that's the update for that. I feel like those
are all like the big updates, Like that's like the
scoop on my life right now and where I'm at
and where we're going, where we're going together again. Like
(38:23):
I said at the beginning, this is going to be
a clueless adventure for all of us, and I just
am really grateful and really hopeful that you'll stick around
with me, stick it out. I'm going to try my
best to be posting much more on social media and
interacting with you guys, because I really want to know
(38:44):
this community and I want us to connect and be
clueless together and to actually have a relationship, because you know,
I hope this can grow into something more and live
events and things like that. Thank you guys for listening
to the first episode of Completely Clueless. You can follow
Completely Clueless on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram at completely clueless pod.
(39:08):
I'm very upset at TikTok because I had gotten completely
clueless podcast as the handle, but literally only on TikTok,
like it was one character over so I couldn't do it.
So it's completely clueless pod, but I matched all of
the TikTok handles, so it should be really easy for
you guys. You can also follow me personally on social
(39:29):
media at Sarah Alice Lidy. I do try and post
on my TikTok a lot. I'm sort of known for
my commuting blogs. Honestly, it's just a way again for
me to reclaim my anxiety about commuting in New York City.
It's just like a thing I like to reclaim around here.
Thank you guys so much for listening again. I'm so
excited for this new era. Bear with me, send me ideas,
(39:51):
chat with me. I love you guys, and don't forget
to be motherfucking clueless. Yes, I'm still gonna say that.
Love you guys. Have a good win. I did it
first episode in the books down We're doing this thing.
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Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hello, everyone, Welcome back to the Completely Clueless podcast. I
am your host, Sarah Alice Lyddy. You guys, what the fuck?
It's just you and me, Me and you If you're
new around here or you did listen to I think
it's yes, the last episode. At this point, Audrey is
stepping away from the podcast, and now it is my podcast,
(01:34):
And yes, I did decide to change the name. It
is no longer completely fucking Clueless. However, this is a
swear cursing, cussing safe zone. I will still be cursing
up the wazoo, all right, up the fucking wazoo. However,
I really hope that one day this podcast is huge
and large and it's getting written about in magazines and
(01:55):
newspapers and like news outlets, and to have the podcast
name like a part of those things fucking can't be there.
We had this New York Times article written about us
and Meg Jay, and that was the first time I realized, like,
oh shit, like we probably shouldn't have put a curse
word in the podcast name, because people don't want to
(02:15):
put that in their publications. So I've decided with this
new era is a little bit of a new name.
And in this new era, also, you guys, I have
to be like totally clueless and transparent with you. I'm
nervous as fuck. I'm nervous to do this on my
own for a variety of reasons. I'm also nervous right
now because usually I like to have everything perfectly planned
(02:40):
out before I put it out into the world. I
mean if when Audrey and I like created this podcast,
we took many, many months, One because we were still
in pandemic times and things that we are still really hard.
But two because I think you know, both of us
struggled with that we wanted it to look really great
and be really well branded. And going into this new
(03:02):
era and restarting the podcast, I am not as prepared whatsoever.
You know. I don't have a new cover, a new logo.
I sometimes feel really clueless about if I'm going to
be enough on my own, or if people are going
to be interested in what I have to say and
what I have to give. I'm also like just nervous
(03:23):
that I don't know what if I know I'm also
nervous that I'm not one hundred percent sure that I'll
know what to talk about every week, or if I
will stutter like I just did right there. Sometimes I
feel like my mind goes a lot faster than my
like words do, and then I get all like flustered
(03:43):
and I stutter and anyways, all that to say is
that I'm really clueless in all of this, and this
is very uncharted territory for me, because usually I would
let my anxiety get the best of me, and I
did either avoid it or I would wait, like I
have avoided recording this episode so many times, Like I
(04:06):
was even gonna do it tonight because transparently, I have
had a pretty hard last couple of weeks, and I
was like, I just I've had a long, long day
of work, I got my period. I just have not
been having a good go of it, and I was like,
I should just postpone until I feel better. That's actually
what I did last week, is I postponed it because
(04:27):
I wasn't feeling great mentally. And then I was like,
you know what, No, You're going to keep pushing it off.
You're going to keep avoiding it because it scares you.
But we're here and we're doing it and it's not perfect,
and that's like the whole freaking point of this podcast
is like being clueless and not knowing what you're doing
(04:49):
and feeling stuck and feeling uncertain and still going forward anyway.
So I'm here with you guys, hopefully on your phone,
in your living room or in your ears, and we're
in this cluelessh show, chaotic mess together, and I couldn't
be more grateful and more excited for this new chapter
and this new journey. You'll hear in my second episode,
(05:13):
I actually have Olivia on and look, maybe it's because
they're my partner and I'm absolutely obsessed with them and
in love with them. However, and I have a lot
of friends that would vouch for this. My partner is
an extremely educated, smart, empathetic, caring person. They are the
(05:34):
best listener in the world, you know, Like, for example,
if somebody's talking to me, sometimes like it's going in
one ear out the other, I'm not always like really
there and listening. When you talk to Olivia, it feels
like nobody else is there, all attentions on you, and
they just truly have some of the best advice and
(05:55):
words for people I've ever heard. So I will be
exploiting their talent once a month with this new segment
that we're gonna do called Clueless Column, and I'm really
hoping that it can be in build up to something great.
But basically, I'm gonna ask you guys for entries about
things that you're coolless about. And I was thinking even
that we could do like specific topics. So if there
(06:17):
are specific topics, like especially because Olivia and I are
a queer couple, if you guys have questions about that
Olivia is non binary, if you have questions about that
and your gender and things like that, you know, we
just want to create a safe space and open space
where people can come to us and be vulnerable and
we can be vulnerable with you. So that's something that
we're gonna do, and then we're really gonna just be
(06:38):
taking it day by day, step by step. I love
pop culture. I'm a huge consumer of like reality TV
shows and things like that, so I'll definitely be talking
a lot more about that on the podcast. Like, for example,
i think I'm gonna quickly just talk about how love
is blind sucks right now, Like I don't know if
any of you guys are watching Love is Blind, but
it is terrible. It's so interesting, how truly it just
(07:02):
is so dependent on the season and the people, Like
sometimes it'll be really really good and then like this season,
it'll be really bad. Honestly, I had high hopes when
I started this season. I really thought so many of
these couples were gonna be like endgame, Like Tyler and Ashley,
Like you could just feel from that first time that
(07:22):
they were in the pods together that they had like chemistry,
but more than just like chemistry, they had this like
emotional bond, Like they sort of reminded me of Lauren
and Cameron from the first season of Love is Mind.
I was like, I feel like we haven't gotten many
strong couples like that in a while, and like I
kind of felt like they were on that path. Literally,
(07:50):
I'm speechless because like after those first six episodes dropped,
Literally it was just like so much shit on every
person in this show, mostly like Steven and Tyler just
like kept coming out. And of course it was freaking
Tyler the one in the relationship that everybody was rooting for,
(08:11):
and like he's hiding having three kids, like what the fuck?
And then we have Steven who is a cheater and
like that whole relationship, Like, honestly, it's just a shit show.
And I've decided I'm not watching any longer. Like I
watched the first six episodes, I was like, okay, like
let's see where it goes from here. Then after those
six episodes dropped so much tea shit spoilers, like spoiled everything,
(08:35):
and I tried to continue watching it and I was
just like, nope, nope, no, no, nope, this sucks. I
do not care anymore. So we're not into it. I'm
not keeping up with that, but usually I love keeping
up with like reality TV shows and all that stuff.
My partner and I've been watching Bad Monkey on Apple
TV also, can we talk about Apple TV has amazing
(08:58):
shows And I just feel like I'm just getting educated
on that. I've watched Bad Monkey and Bad Sisters like
all in the span of this month, and I'm like,
these are really good quality shows, Like they have really
good storylines and really good fiends. Like it's not just
like you know, reality TV, which again still has a
(09:18):
huge place in my heart. But if you liked Jane
the version, you should watch Bad Monkey. It reminds me
so much of that. It's giving telenovela with all of
these like complex, funny storylines going on. It's just like
not a woman at the center of it. It's a man,
but Vince Vaughn is so funny in it. Like I'm
(09:39):
really enjoying it. I will say though the first episode,
like I was sort of like, am I gonna like this?
It's a long episode. The episodes are so so long,
like almost like basically sixty minutes each, But once I
got past the second episode, I was like, Okay, I'm
really into this. And then of course I watched Nobody
Wants This with Kristen Bell. However, that was just like
too easy to binge. I'm such a binger, Like I
(10:03):
love binging TV. I also have like no patience ever,
so like when the episodes drop or if it's all there,
like I want to go, go, go, watch, watch watch.
So I watched it with my partner while we were
on vacation a couple of weeks ago, and it was good.
It was just so cute and lighthearted and it was
nice to watch that because you know, there's a lot
(10:23):
of shit going on in the world and my life personally,
I betting your guys' lives personally, and so nice to
just like watch, you know, a rom come and watch
people be funny and silly. Like it was a really
good watch. And then I'm also, for the first time
in a couple of years, rewatching Gilmore Girls. I know
some people like do it every single fall, but I
(10:44):
the last time I rewatched Gilmore Girls was during the pandemic,
and I actually got my mom really into it. She
loves Gilmore Girls, so we were like rewatching together. And
then now my roommate Liz, she is somebody that like
will rewatch shows all the time, and one day she
had it on and I was like, wow, it's just
been so long since I've watched this. I love watching
(11:05):
it like while I'm working and stuff like that, or
folding laundry or cleaning, like, I just think it's such
a great like show to have in the background. It's
so warm and fun and there's so many seasons of it,
and it, yeah, it does feel cozy and very fall like.
So I'm like really leaning in to fall this year.
You know, we got candles around doing Gilmore Girls. My
partner and I went to Salem in Massachusetts for a
(11:28):
couple of days. I'm going apple picking tomorrow. Like I'm
really leaning into feala Loujah, as I call it, and
I'm really loving like the cozy vibe. I also got
these really really cute snoopy pajamas. I'll put a picture
of it somewhere on the screen from Airy. You guys,
you guys, you guys. These pajamas are so freaking soft,
(11:54):
Like literally I even felt a pajama this soft and
so long, and they just give me joy, you know,
and sometimes we need that. Like for example, yesterday I
had a pretty bad day and I got home from
the doctors well won. Before I like came home after
the doctor, I walked to Butterfield Market, which people call
the Airwon of New York. And Okay, this may be
(12:15):
like controversial, but I'm not sure actually how much I
like their food. I've gotten amazing desserts there. I got
an Appleside donut, like a thing of Applesider donuts a
couple of weeks ago, and then the other day I
got this piece of cake. It was and also the
proceeds all went to breast cancer awareness, so I was like, oh,
like a sweet treat that also was like doing something
(12:37):
for the world, but it was so fucking good. Also,
that slice of cake was ten dollars, but it was
worth every penny. It was so good. But all of
the food I've gotten has not been great. I got
this like salmon dish the first time, and it would
probably have been better if I hadn't given myself food poisoning.
(13:02):
You guys, I I'm gonna expose myself. I'm going to
expose myself into it. So I had come back to
my apartment and I had made myself a pot of coffee,
and I want to go get my creamer. I use
the silk Amond creamer. I love it. And this is
no hate towards silk, like I did this to myself. Okay.
I look and I saw that the expiration date was
(13:24):
September thirteenth, it was currently like October fifth or six,
and I was like, it's creamer, Like, can't I bet
it can't be that bad? Like I bet, I'm fine.
I put it in my coffee, and transparently, I maybe
only had like three or five SIPs of coffee, so
(13:45):
I didn't have that much, but I did. As the
day go on, a day went on, started to feel
like absolute shit, and I got so so nauseous, and
I did end up throwing up my salmon dinner from
the Butterfield more So, that's that on my first dinner.
And then I got this salad and the base of
(14:06):
it was spinach and arugula, and I think that's where
I went wrong. I don't think I really like a
arugola that much. So will I be going back to
the Arawan of New York, I don't know. I started
this story with my snoopy pajamas and saying do things
that bring you joy, And basically i'd went to Butterfield Market,
I came home, I got in my snoopy pajamas, I
(14:27):
was eating my slice of cake, and I was like,
I feel good, I feel joyous, I feel cozy. I
feel like I'm taking care of myself. So I think
you should get the pajamas because they'll bring you joy. Anyways,
I've gotten so off topic of anything that I thought
I was going to talk about, but that's what this
(14:47):
is for, and I hope you're enjoying my ramblings. Anyways,
I do want to do a little bit of catching
up with you.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Guys.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Initially, I was like, I'm gonna give them so many
updates from this summer. Honestly, who the fuck? Like, who cares?
It's already October before we know it, it's going to
be fucking Christmas. So let's just be in the present moment.
Something though, I do want to talk about, because it
is still so significant and important in my present moment
is my therapy journey. I left you guys in June,
(15:17):
moving therapists for the first time since I was twelve.
If you're new here or don't remember, I have had
a therapist since I was twelve years old. I have
been going to her basically once a week since I
was twelve, and for a while I've known that I've
needed a new therapist. You know, you get older, the
therapist stops challenging you, YadA YadA, boo boo. However, because
(15:42):
of my anxiety disorder, I will stay in things that
are comfortable, even if I know they're not good for me,
or if I need something new or different or need
to push myself or challenge myself. I will stay in
things because it's comfortable because I don't like uncertainty, and
so for a really long time, I pushed off getting
a new therapist, but finally one day I just spit
(16:05):
it out in my therapy session and was like, I
think I need a new therapist, and because you've known
me for so long, like I would love your help
finding one. So I took one of my therapist recommendations
and I've been seeing her for the last like six
five six months now, and this therapy has been really
challenging and different for me. I have grown up going
(16:26):
to CBT and DBT therapy, which is a lot more
skills based, behavior based, and now I'm going in to
see a therapist who is a psychodynamic therapist, which is
a lot more like you know, analyzing your childhood, talking
about the why talk therapy type of stuff. And it's
(16:47):
been yeah, challenging. Like I've said, I'm learning a lot
of things about myself, which is good, but it's also
really hard. I'm going to be honest, I feel like
the last like four ish months of my life life
have kind of been harder and not like super great.
I feel like I've been going through a lot of
(17:08):
like hard and challenging things at work, which has been
very much affecting me because one of the things I
sort of learned in therapy is that I base so
much of my worth on my work. So it's like
I am struggling to be happy because I'm not feeling
like successful or happy or fulfilled or passionate in my
(17:31):
work life. And so something we've been talking about is
trying to figure out how to add worth into the
other areas of my life. And then I wanted to
share some of the other things that I've been talking
about as well. But I've also been talking about how
like I prioritize other people's opinions of me, Like I
(17:56):
find it really really hard to get over like negative
opinions or like criticisms, or just like even when there
are positive opinions, like I just put people's opinions like
on such a hierarchy. And I bet that like comes
from my theater background, you know, because that's all about
like judgment and listening to other people's opinions to further
(18:18):
your career. I mean, speaking of career, you guys, I'm
literally having a whole career crisis right now. Like I
have not felt this stuck in a really long time.
Like when I tell you I'm completely fucking clueless, like
I am completely fucking clueless, And I will use the
curseword there because like I need the curse word there.
(18:43):
I am feeling really lost in my career life of
what I want to do, where I want to go,
feeling unhappy and not fulfilled in my current situation, and
I'm also not doing about anything about it. Also so
because of my anxiety, because I'm like, okay, like I'll
just stay in this nine to five, you know job
(19:05):
because I'm comfortable, I know what it is. Isn't making
me happy, no, but like I'll just do it because
you know, I know it right now versus you know,
taking a risk on myself and potentially you know, doing
a like survival job so I can have more time
for the podcast in my own social media or you know,
(19:26):
potentially getting back into performance, which, to be honest, I'm
not really sure if I want either. It's it's hard
because because I'm questioning my career so much right now,
Like I am, you know, having the spiraling thoughts of like, oh,
did I make a mistake leaving theater? Did I make
this mistake? That mistake? I could go on and on
and on and on. Also, like if you have anxiety
(19:48):
please DM me and tell me if your brain also
works like this, and if you don't have anxiety, you
could also DM me and tell me, like, no, girl,
like you actually do have a disorder, because like my
brain doesn't work like that, because sometimes I'm convinced that
like this is normal and everybody thinks this way, and
then you know, in therapy, like you know, they're like, no, people,
not everybody thinks this way this much. So I'm just
(20:10):
I'm just curious. We could do like a poll, like
a study do you think like this or do not? Anyways?
Some of the other things, Oh, this is a good one.
Another thing talking about how I'm feeling so stuck is
another thing we're talking about is like learning to be
okay with where I'm at and not know and like
(20:31):
being okay with not knowing the answers. Like you know,
my therapists would talk about like you know, like it's
okay to be in this job right now, like it's
your right now, It's it's not your forever. Because I
think so much about the future and what the future
holds and all these things, like I can get really
fixated that this situation, like how I'm feeling today right
(20:53):
now like will be my entire life, even though it
definitely will not be. Another life update is I talk
to my hair and I have to admit that I
do not like it whatsoever. I do a chop every
like six ish months because my hairstylist, she is a fortune,
but because I like trust her with my hair. Like
(21:16):
I'm like, I don't want to find a new person
and then fuck up my hair. So usually, like I
will chop it and then I'll let it grow out
for like six seven months. However, this month, I feel
like maybe I didn't give like correct directions, Like I
was kind of like, oh, like we're like under my
collar bone, which is where my hair is. But eight
(21:37):
is so short, Like I compared it to my last
haircut before that and it was a couple inches longer,
And this is just too short for me. I don't
like it. It's like I don't know how to style it.
I can't put it up, which is such a huge
thing for me, Like a core part of my identity
(21:57):
is my slick back. Like I do a fabulous slick back,
Like I will pat on myself on the back. I
will brag about it and say I do a fabulous
slick back. I love a slick back with a braid.
That's like been my new thing this year. Like I'm
loving that I do, like you know, the clip I
do a bun, like I love a slick back, so
(22:17):
and I love a slick back as well, because you know,
if if I don't want a shower for a couple
of days, like it's there, or like for example, tonight,
like I had finished work and I needed to take
a shower and style my hair, or like you know,
I just put some wave spray in it, because that's
like the only styling I know how to do. Like
(22:39):
in the past, I could have just like slicked my
hair up and felt good about it. But yeah, it's
just like really curly and froofy, and I don't know
how to style it. Like I love makeup, I feel
like I've mastered how to do makeup at least for
me in my face. But hair, I just I just
don't know want to do and I don't like the way.
(23:00):
So here's hoping that it'll grow freaking fast because I'm
over it. But yeah, I chopped my hair the last
time you guys saw me. I think it was like
down to here. It was looking dead and gross. So
happy I cut it, but like not happy right now
because I just feel like I don't look like myself
and like my ideal hair length is probably like right there,
(23:21):
so we should get there soon. Another big update, and
I talk about it with Olivia in the next episode,
but I want to talk about it solo too a bit. Currently,
we're't in my New York City apartment that under a
year ago, but almost a year ago, I told you
guys that I moved to the city, which was a
really big dream of mine. I've been honest with you
(23:44):
guys about how it's been a hard adjustment for me,
and I am now moving back home to my childhood
home where I started. I was intending to move in
with my partner this fall. How I don't think I
was aware or realized or prepared financially whatsoever. Unfortunately, I
(24:12):
do not make a lot of money at work, and
therefore over the year I have not been able to
save like at all zero and honestly for most of
like for like, I would say half of the time
I lived here six months, I wasn't really able to
afford this place. Like my you know, they say, like
(24:35):
one check a month should be paying for your rent
or like that's how like you should budget when you're renting.
You know, one of my paychecks couldn't even pay my
rent in full for this place. And in those first
six months, I also had a ton of podcast fees,
uh with the podcast network and paying for studios, et cetera.
(24:57):
And so I just was really struggling financially. And it
was also my first time, you know, becoming financially independent
and really relying on myself fully. It got better once I,
like Audrey and I left the podcast network. We took
a break. You know, we weren't spending money on the
podcast any longer. And you know, my parents, I made
(25:21):
them aware of my situation and they started helping me out,
like buying groceries and things like that. But when Oliviy
and I went and started our apartment everybody is bothering me.
If you didn't hear that, that was my bell ringing
my little thing like shush, I'm recording. Period. When Oliviy
and I started our apartment search, we started it super
(25:43):
early in August because I was like anxious and wanted
to make sure that we had a place. And uh,
we went through the process. We were going through the
process and we found an apartment we really liked and
we wanted to make it work. And literally, the fees
were astronomical. I actually give the number in the next episode,
(26:05):
so I'll keep you waiting on that, and you can
go listen to to that one to see how truly
how fucking expensive it was. But I ended up talking
to my parents about it, and you know, they felt
and also I felt like it was a good idea
for me to move back home and save money. And
I wanted to talk about this because I don't want
to have any regrets and I don't. I think I
(26:26):
learned so much this past year, even though it was
it was a really really hard year, Like the learning
was painful. It was that painful type of learning where
you're just like sad with like not like your growth.
It's just like hard. There's a lot of hardship in it.
(26:48):
I wouldn't take any of that learning back, but I
think it feels a little frustrating to just land where
I started, which is back at home. You know, I
love my home. I again, I have a good relationship
with my parents. I'm not like necessarily upset about it,
but I'm like, I wish I would have been at
home saving this entire year, Like I could have saved
(27:11):
so much money, And I think I had a lot
to learn with money too, So it's like this double
edged sword. Some days I feel like upset and frustrated
and angry, like why did I do this? Like I
should have stayed home, I should have saved. And then
other days I'm like, well, you learned all these lessons
and you got to live in an apartment with one
(27:32):
of your best friends, and this is truly such a
beautiful apartment. You learn so much like YadA YadA, yadaya.
I'm literally moving, like in two weeks from today, which
is so crazy. I need to schedule my movers, Like
that's bad, Like I need to schedule my moving company.
But the plan is is for me to be home
for probably like six months. Olivia and I are hoping
(27:56):
that will be somewhere by June, because my parent's proposal
to me was basically I could move home and I
could save as much money as I wanted because they
were aren't making me pay rent, groceries, all that stuff,
and then I can move out with Livia and we
can start our chapter together, which is really cool and exciting,
(28:17):
And it was really hard at first because it was
just disappointing. We'd been so excited to move in together,
you know, like Olivia and I started our relationship long
distance in COVID during twenty twenty. I was in college
in North Carolina. Olivia had graduated in twenty nineteen and
was living in Boston, so we were doing long distance there,
and then when I moved back to New York, we
(28:38):
were still doing long distance because Olivia was in Boston.
And then Olivia moved to New York and we were
in the same place for a little while, and then
I moved here, so like it's not like super long
distance at all, but like still like or packing bag,
so I'm back and forth. Like literally before this episode,
I packed my bag so that I could go back home.
(29:00):
So I'm just so excited to like be in the
same place with them and to live my life with
them and everything. So it's disappointing then that that's been
put on pause because I was ready for it, and
you know, we were having all these discussions and conversations
and da da dah. So I'm hopeful that we'll be
able to find something soon. Honestly, finding an apartment in
(29:22):
New York City is like the worst mind fuck ever.
It has been awful trying to find an apartment, especially
because we're looking in like the Upper east Side. I was,
I was like, should I disclose it? But I'll tell
you guys, I've always wanted to live on the Upper
east Side. My I grew up there. Not grew up there.
(29:43):
I grew up like going there a lot. You know,
my mom and dad brought me home to their apartment
on the Upper east Side. And then when we moved
to London for a couple of years, and then when
we moved back and we moved to Westchester, like we
used the pediatrician that was still in the city. You know.
When I got a gynecologist, she in the city. My undergrenologists,
she's in the city. She's They're all on the Upper
(30:04):
east Side. Like literally all my doctors are on the
Upper east Side. And I would also go to this
brunch place with my family all the time for like
special occasions. We would go to this place on ninetieth
called Sarabeths. It's no longer there. So I just have
like so like such a strong like affiliation with the
Upper east Side, like my heart is there, and so
(30:24):
I've always wanted to live there, Like I am an
east Side girly, I am exoxo gossip girl, like I
am not meant to be on the west Side. Is
something I've also learned from this year is like I like,
I love West Village and stuff like that, but when
it comes to like the Upper City, like besides Time Square, no,
I love like the Upper east Side, like that's where
(30:47):
I want to be, Like I don't really love the
Upper west Side as much, which is I know, strange
because a lot of my friends love the Upper west Side.
They love living here, they love socializing here. But I
really do I see myself on the on the east Side,
and so I really also do look forward to getting
to experience life there one day too. So yeah, it
(31:10):
feels hard, and for a midget of a second it
felt embarrassing like that I was like, you know, i'd
moved out now moving back home, But it's very normal today.
It's very normal for like where I live in Westchester,
people do it all the time. Like I have a
lot of people that I know that moved out during
COVID when there were a lot of COVID rates as
(31:31):
they called them, Like rent was just a lot less
expensive during COVID because you know, people were not trying
to live in the city. But now that prices are
back to normal, there's a lot of people that had
to leave their apartments because they raise the rent like astronomically.
So I know it's not like a failure, and I
know no one's judging me. I think it's just like
(31:52):
my internal thing and it's not what I expected. You know,
I expected to be moving in with my partner and
starting that chapter of my life and and now that's
being put on pause, and it just like kind of sucks.
I think the last quick update I want to talk
with you guys about is my zep bound journey. I
haven't talked about it much on the podcast because it
(32:12):
was like a personal journey, not really something maybe I
was like going to be talking about with Audrey a bunch. Also,
you know, I think there is a lot of opinions
and discourse around taking semiglue tithes and terizipetides. I also
don't know if that's how you say it, tricipitide tiersip No,
that's definitely not it. So I'm going to go with
what I think it is right now. Tricipitide, I do,
(32:35):
actually do not take a semi glue tide. Semi glue
tides are with Goovi and Ozembic, and I take zet bound,
which is a tricipitide, which is like Munjaro. In November,
I will officially been on it for a year and
I've officially lost basically like fifty pounds at this point.
And it's been a journey over the last year, and
(32:58):
I'm still working on my journey transparently. I've always had
a really interesting relationship with food, exercise, and stuff, and
so while I think I've made like some strides this year,
obviously fifty pounds is like not anything small or a joke,
like it's something to be proud of. I also know
that I think also because of the environment of living
(33:19):
in my apartment this year and having trouble getting out,
I've been very sad and terry. I really have not
been physically active this year, and so I haven't really
gotten the benefits of, you know, adding exercise into this.
I also am just like not a cook, you guys.
I I hate cooking. I hate cooking. I have no
(33:42):
patience for it. So like I am such a like
order in er, like I'm in an order. I'm in
a huge like door dashing phase of my life right now,
Like the last two months, like I just feel like
I've been doordashing too much. I was better at the beginning,
but literally the these last two months, like I've just
emotions have been harder and I've just been like I
(34:04):
have no will or patience to like think about what
I'm going to feed myself. I definitely feel a lot
better in my body, you know. Last August, I had
went to my mom and like broke down because I
had been at the heaviest I had ever been, and
I was just like so uncomfortable. I felt like I
literally couldn't walk around because I was just like so uncomfortable.
(34:27):
Clothes were uncomfortable. It was really tough. Like I felt
like I looked in the mirror and I had no
idea who I was. And so I started my journey
there and I tried o Zempic first and it didn't
work for me, and then I tried Manjaro and that worked,
and then I was on Manjara for a bit and
then transitioned over to zet bound because it's covered by
(34:47):
my insurance. This last year, it's losing weight has you know,
made me feel more comfortable in myself, And I just
want to say that, like, you do not need to
lose weight to feel comfortable in yourself or confident in yourself.
This was just like a personal journey, and I like
to be open about it because if you look at
me a year ago, I weigh more now. And I
(35:08):
never want to like lead people astray on how I
did it. And I also wanted to be transparent and said,
like I'm not a perfect human, Like I think a
lot of people who go on these medications to lose weight,
like you look at them from the time that they
got prescribed to like a year later, and they really
(35:29):
look like a whole different person, like they've lost a lot,
a lot of weight, Like I'm thinking of loud like
Claudia ashright, like she really, you know, turned into a
different person. And maybe it's just because I'm you know,
I'm not outside of myself and I can't get that
subjective opinion. But I don't feel like I've had the
(35:50):
biggest transformation, and I feel like that's because I haven't
been very physically active because sometimes I don't make the
best choices food wise, and so I wanted to share
my journey it because I think on the internet there
is only really one journey that is displayed. You get
on one of these weight loss drugs, and a year later,
(36:11):
you've lost a ton of ton a ton of weight,
like even more than I've lost, and you know, you're
all of a sudden super fit. You know how to
feed yourself, all your bad food habits are gone, YadA YadA, YadA.
And that just hasn't been the case for me. You know,
I struggle with emotional eating and that's still something I'm
(36:33):
trying to overcome. You know, I struggle with prioritizing my
like health, to be quite honest with you, because I
put so much priority on work in my career that
at the end of the day when I'm tired, I'm like,
fuck it, Like who cares? Like I'm just gonna, like,
you know, do the easy thing with food, which is
usually like fast food, comfort food, like foods that are
(36:55):
not it's great for you. Then, you know, prioritizing my
health and that's and that's a journey that I'll you know,
be talking about in therapy, Like I'm not going to
come on here every week and you know, give you
guys the rundown unless you want me to, unless you're like, wait,
this is something I'm interested in and like, please talk
about it. You know. I think it's hard for me
to talk about It's very vulnerable and sometimes I think
(37:17):
embarrassing because I feel like, oh gosh, like I should
be losing more more weight, I should X y Z.
But yeah, that's kind of where I'm at in that journey,
and I am going to stay on the medication for
me personally, like my pcos and my insulin resistance is
so bad, and so when I'm on this medication, like
(37:38):
it really does make me feel like a normal human being.
I think the best thing that has come out of
this is just like food isn't like a burdening my
brain like it used to. Like I was constantly I
would literally wake up in the morning and be like,
all right, what's for breakfast? What's for lunch? Like I
had a lot of trouble like with eating in access
and overconsumption and and whatnot. And so I feel like
(38:02):
this medicine regulates me sort of like how my antidepressant
anti anxiety medications like regulate me. This one does the same.
So that's the update for that. I feel like those
are all like the big updates, Like that's like the
scoop on my life right now and where I'm at
and where we're going, where we're going together again. Like
(38:23):
I said at the beginning, this is going to be
a clueless adventure for all of us, and I just
am really grateful and really hopeful that you'll stick around
with me, stick it out. I'm going to try my
best to be posting much more on social media and
interacting with you guys, because I really want to know
(38:44):
this community and I want us to connect and be
clueless together and to actually have a relationship, because you know,
I hope this can grow into something more and live
events and things like that. Thank you guys for listening
to the first episode of Completely Clueless. You can follow
Completely Clueless on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram at completely clueless pod.
(39:08):
I'm very upset at TikTok because I had gotten completely
clueless podcast as the handle, but literally only on TikTok,
like it was one character over so I couldn't do it.
So it's completely clueless pod, but I matched all of
the TikTok handles, so it should be really easy for
you guys. You can also follow me personally on social
(39:29):
media at Sarah Alice Lidy. I do try and post
on my TikTok a lot. I'm sort of known for
my commuting blogs. Honestly, it's just a way again for
me to reclaim my anxiety about commuting in New York City.
It's just like a thing I like to reclaim around here.
Thank you guys so much for listening again. I'm so
excited for this new era. Bear with me, send me ideas,
(39:51):
chat with me. I love you guys, and don't forget
to be motherfucking clueless. Yes, I'm still gonna say that.
Love you guys. Have a good win. I did it
first episode in the books down We're doing this thing.
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