November 15, 2024 • 53 mins
Did you know that being vulnerable and speaking your wildest dreams into existence is the first step to making them happen? At least, that’s what I believe! In today’s episode, I’m opening up about my biggest goals—spoiler alert: it involves turning this podcast into my full-time gig! I also share my thoughts on the election and why I voted for Kamala Harris. And, of course, I HAD to dive into my current obsession: re-watching Gilmore Girls—and let’s be real, Rory should’ve been a bisexual queen. Join me for some raw, honest talk about embracing your dreams, even when the future feels uncertain. It’s time to put it all out there—let’s make it happen together!
Make sure to follow The Completely Clueless Podcast on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube @completelycluelesspod 💖
And for more of my personal adventures, follow me @sarahaliceliddy!
Make sure to follow The Completely Clueless Podcast on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube @completelycluelesspod 💖
And for more of my personal adventures, follow me @sarahaliceliddy!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 3 (00:28):
Always strive safely.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Completely Clueless Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I am your host, Sarah Alice SOLIDI. We're back for
another week.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
My Clueless Queens. I feel like that's the name I'm
going for right now is clueless Queens clueless community that
is us. And we're still here in my childhood bedroom
and I have my Tom. I'm starting to call my
period my Tom, just for like safety reasons for the
(01:08):
next four years of my future. You know, I heard
we're not tracking anymore, so I maybe shouldn't be giving
this private information away about what Tom is. But let's
just keep it within this community.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
But Tom has arrived. He arrived.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
No, it can't be a he day. I think it
should be a vue. They arrived yesterday and I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I'm feeling very black. I have acne all over my face.
It's almost four o'clock, which means that it's going to
be pitch black, dark out. I didn't get out of
bed till eleven am this morning, and so life is
just feeling weird right now. And I'm trying to be
okay with that. You know, it's my first week of
unemployment still, and the first couple of days of my unemployment.
(01:53):
There was a lot going on, you know. I was
trying to get the podcast out. All the podcast stuff
and editing is very new to me, so I'm trying
to figure out timelines, and my Wi Fi in my
house freaking sucks, so it just takes so long.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Like no, you guys.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I was downloading the episode onto Spotify for podcasters, and
I had had it going for like an hour and
a half at this point, and it was like ninety
five percent like almost uploaded, and then it just crashed.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
The website crashed.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I was like in putting my information like the title
and the description and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And it just crashed and I nearly lost it.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I nearly lost it because it was like maybe ten
thirty or like eleven on the night before that the
episode comes out, and I was just like, you've got
to be gidding me, Like you have to be kidding me, right,
So I ended up having it like upload overnight, but
still like just a lot of things were happening at
the beginning of the week, and then Wednesday. Wednesday came
(02:52):
and I'm gonna get to Wednesday in a second, but
basically for the rest of this week, I have completely rotted.
I've stayed up till like one or two am watching
Gilmore Girls. I've been chilling, sleeping, being in pajamas, still
doing stuff for like the podcast and my content, but
like not like hitting the like the floor running whatever
(03:14):
that expression is, like, you know, trying to ease into it.
I'm trying to tell myself that if I do one
thing a day, that's good enough. Like I have the
tendency to want to change my life all in one day.
I think, I said this last episode. I think a
lot of people want to do that.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
It's like you.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Have this goal or you're you know, in this news
phase of your life and you're like, let me just
fix it all in one day, and it just doesn't
happen that way, and then we can like start to
feel bad about ourselves pretty quickly.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Because of that.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
So I'm trying to just like remember, like you did
one thing, and usually I do more than one thing.
I'm like, I had it two vlogs. Yesterday, I like
filmed three tiktoks, and I was like, girl, like, when's
the last time you just like filmed three tiktoks because
you wanted to and because you had the time to.
So this week has been a little weird. I think
it also feels weird because I'm waking up at like
(04:04):
ten o'clock in the morning and then by four o'clock
it's literally like dark out. It is so dark, and
so there's not many hours of sunlight. So I'm realizing
that like, while you know, I think it's okay to
be easy on myself and chiller on myself for like
the next couple of weeks, Like I do need to get.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Up a little bit earlier because.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
The sunlight is fleeting, And I think that's what kind
of sends me into a spiral. Like I sat down
to record this, and like it's three point fifty right now,
and like by the time this is done, it's gonna
be dark, and like I don't I really really don't
like that. And the thing is is in New York
at least around two o'clock is where you can feel
the sun changing, Like you can feel it going down.
(04:48):
You can feel there's more shadows and it's a little
bit darker out. So like it's like if I'm waking
up at ten ten to eleven, eleven to twelve, twelve
to one one, that's like four hours of like full
on sunlight and then before I know it, it's like
the day is done. So I encourage you as well
if you're feeling like you're already like whoa, the mental
(05:09):
is not feeling great from this like weird ass thing
that we do where we move the motherfucking clocks, Like
just be aware of it. Be aware of it, and
do what you gotta do so that you know seasonal
depression and you know your mental can stay as good
as it can be. I'm definitely somebody that struggles with
seasonal depression. I feel like every single year it's like, hell,
(05:32):
but is it gonna be last? Year it was, it
was pretty bad. So I'm hoping that the world is
going to want to be easier on me this year.
Like one bad year, one better year, you know what
I mean, Like at least that's what I'm thinking about. Anyways,
let's get to Onnesday, let's talk about it. You know,
there is a lot of discourse online right now about
creators that have platforms speaking out about this election, about
(05:55):
how they voted and whatnot. And look, I don't know
if I fully belie that you need to disclose like
your political views and opinions. However I am and I'm
going to do that because let's be real, you guys
like I would never fucking vote for that in Basault,
that Imbasaule. That sad excuse for a human being like
(06:17):
I would never ever vote for him, especially being a
woman and being a queer person like that is a
double whammy, Like not only does this man and the
people behind him want to like restrict my rights as
a woman, but they also want to do it as
a queer person, and both of them terrify me. I
(06:38):
think when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I like
try to dissociate as much as I could because there's
just so much about the next four years, about the
future that feels really uncertain to me, and that is
so scary, and I imagine it is very scary for
very many of you. Taking that a lot of people
(07:00):
who listen to this podcast are women and they're queer.
I'm sad, I'm disappointed. It's really hard to speak about,
especially as somebody with anxiety, because I don't know what
is in store. And while I want to hope and
hope for the best, believe that things are going to
(07:24):
be okay, there's also this very big part of me
that like, that's like, what the fuck is gonna happen?
What's gonna happen to women? What's gonna happen to queer people? Like, yes,
I do live in New York, but like, am I
you know, even safe from that federal law does not
make me safe from everything? You know, does it make
you safe from everything? And it is scary. So to
clear the air, yes, I voted.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
For Kamala like Kamala Mamala. Of course I voted for her.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
And I did not vote for Trump in twenty sixteen either.
I at least I don't know who made the constitution
but I feel like we should all have a talk
with that person because, like ah, and I think many
people do not agree that a convicted felon can be
the president of the United States, Like I just cannot
believe that that is even allowed, Like the fact that
(08:09):
he can't vote, but he can be the president of
our country, Like I'm just dumbfounded by that. And I'm
dumbfounded by people excusing all of the things he has
said and done to woman over the.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Many, many many years.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I don't like him. I don't like him, and that's
that and that's my view. And I want to uplift
minority voices as somebody that is a woman and a
queer person, those are my lived experiences, so that's what
I can speak to on this podcast. But I want
this podcast to champion minority voices. I want to support
(08:46):
those people. I do not want to alienate those people.
And I want you all to know that this is
a safe space. And if you need to DM me
and you want to talk because you feel like there's
other people in your circle that aren't safe for you,
like I am here for you.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I know what it can feel like to be around
people with opposing political views and to feel unheard and
unlistened to and unsupported, and it's not a great feeling.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
It really isn't.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
And it's something that I'm struggling with and I know
a lot of you are probably struggling with too. So
just know that I'm here for you. I'm on your side,
and that is where I stand. If you had any
questions about it, and I hope you didn't, I put
something up on my story, but like also as a
woman and a queer person, I hope you knew where.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
I lied and where I lay, and.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I guess we'll see. We'll see, like I that's that's that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
We'll see.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
We'll see, And I'm hoping that this can be a
positive distraction for you today. You know, when I recorded
my last episode, it was the day before the election.
I was hopeful, so I didn't say anything, and I
just wanted to make sure that I put something in
here about this because I don't want to just, you know,
move forward without saying anything. And I know that everybody
(10:03):
gets different opinions on how we move forward and whatever,
and I want to try and bring some good vibe,
some good energy to your life with this episode. With
this podcast. So that's what I'm gonna intend to do
on this episode. And if that, if you're not feeling
that right now, if you're like Sarah, this is not
the vibe, not the energy, like you can totally click off.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
I will not be offended. I get it.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Everybody needs to protect their peace and do what they
need to do to cope.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
At this time.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
So just know that I support you in any way
that you want to do that. Anyways, I talked about
the sun already. I'm looking at my notes and now
I feel like I need to tell you guys a confashion.
I need to tell you a secret, and that is
I did not clean my room. It's still a mess
in here, it's still a mess outside.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Again.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
We rotted for a couple of days, but I did
say I was going to give an update, and I
did want to be honest that I didn't clean. And
you know what, Sometimes we say we're gonna do things
and we don't do them, and that's okay. But you
know what I did do this week, you guys crazy,
and I did it before I started recording. So if
my voice is sounding like a little warmer, a little
(11:10):
nicer today, it's because I warmed up for five minutes
before this episode, and I did it before the last
episode two, which is very weird because I haven't been
in a normal singing schedule in a while, and I'm
trying to face my demons. I'm trying to face my fears.
You know, I've talked about on my journey with theater
(11:33):
on this podcast. I'm actually going to talk about that
a little bit later in what we're talking about today.
But something that I want to do with this like
time off and time to myself is just kind of
like try and get back to some of the things
that I really loved and enjoyed about life, and especially
right now, like I need that, and so start again starting.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
With a little, a small step.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
I'm not trying to even sing a song or do
like thirty minutes of like vocalizing. I'm just doing some
lip trills for like five minutes from my old recording
from school, and it's really making me miss my voice teacher.
My voice teacher at Elon. Her name is Julie. She
was by far the most influential teacher that I had
(12:14):
at school. She was such a mentor and a guider,
and I miss her so much. I'm probably going to
reach out to her soon for a lesson, but again,
a small step at a time, and to hear her
voice even in this capacity over voice memo is just
like so refreshing. And I'm doing a lot of the
things that I did when I first got to school
(12:36):
because I know my voice is very like a little
bit more weak. It's like a muscle. I gotta get
it back to where it was. So that's something that
I'm doing and trying.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So we'll see how it goes and all of that.
But just wanted to say if my voice sounds really.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Nice today, it's because I warmed up before this. But
something else that's kind of giving me joy this past
week and honestly through this huge season of change in
my life is Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls. The girls are
like with me right now, and I just like had
(13:13):
to talk about it because I know there's those girlies
that watch Gilmore Girls every single fall, and if you're
one of them, like I need to know, please DM
me because I haven't watched Gilmore Girls since twenty twenty
and I actually like totally influenced my mom and like
she became obsessed with Gilmore Girls during twenty twenty, and
(13:35):
so I'm back in stars Hollow right now. I am
sitting at Luke's every single day with a cup of
coffee and the Gilmore Girls because I am watching it
non stop, especially this week having this open free time,
like I've just been binging binging, binging, binging, and something
about the show just makes me feel so good, so warm.
(13:58):
I'm so happy and and I just like had to
talk about it a little bit, like there is so
much stuff that happens in the show, and I just
totally forgot all the different like big scandal elements that happen.
Like first, you know, there's this whole debate are you
Dean just.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Choke on my SPD? Are you Dean jess or Logan?
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Everyone's like pick aside, sort of like with what's it's called? Uh?
With Twilight, Like which boy do you want Rory to
end up with?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Number? One?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
I have to state that I think Rory in like
today's world. If we were doing a Gilmore Girls and
I was directing it, I would want Rory to experiment
a bit.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I feel like Rory gives.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Bi sexual energy, and I think Gilmore Girls lost out
without giving Rory a little bisexual arc, Like I feel
like she went to Yale and like tried something. That
is my opinion, like she feels very bisexual to me, however,
like she's not. And so we will talk about the
(15:07):
Three Men Dean, Jess.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
And Logan.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
In my opinion, Jess is in this show for like
two point seconds. I'm on season six now, and I'm
just like this man had the smallest arc ever, Like
so the fact that he is like listed in the
Three Men.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Look, I get why he is.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Even though he was only in her life for a
short amount of time, he had a big impact. But
like Rory didn't even have sex with Jess, Like I
don't know, Like I just I question how strongly Rory felt.
Like I feel like Jess was the bad boy that
Rory was in lust with, not like really in love with.
(15:51):
I think when she dated Dean, like earlier, like the
first season, first season or two, she definitely was just
like cool, like I have a boyfriend and his name
is Dean, and Dean was a media as fuck, Like
I don't really think I think she liked Dean, but
like I don't think she was like really like had
the hots for Dean. So then when Jess came along,
she was like, oh my god, I'm feeling all these things.
(16:13):
And then I think when Jess not Jess, when Rory
and Dean unite, that is when she really kind of
maybe has some stronger feelings for Dean. However, I feel
like those relationships like they were high school relationships, Like
think about your high school relationships like I'm thinking about mine.
They were disasters and so and while I think I
(16:39):
had strong feelings for those people, I'm not one hundred
percent sure like I loved those people or knew what
it meant to like actually love somebody. I think you're
a teenager, there's a lot of hormones running inside of you,
like you're in lust, like for sure. But I really
feel like there's this like deep connection with Logan, And
I know Logan is just so bad, so bad in
(17:03):
front of parents, Like I'm like Logan pull through because
I feel like when he's with Rory, he's so great,
like he understands her and he supports her and they
can be fun and goofy together. But I don't know
what happens to him when he gets in front of parents.
He just crashes and freaking burns and I feel like
(17:23):
it makes him look worse than he like actually is.
And look, I'm only like in the beginning of season six,
like I don't remember if he does anything bad or whatnot.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
But I really like those two together.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
And maybe it's because, like at this point in the series,
Rory is mature, and you know, I'm seeing her in
this light and I'm just like Dean and Jess couldn't
do it for Rory, could do it for Rory. But look,
I get the bad boy appeal. I love a bad boy.
I love someone with a little bit of edge on them,
Like I love like a past that I'm gonna expose myself, Guys,
(18:05):
I'm just gonna expose myself again like I always do
on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
But something I love about my partner is.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
They have a little bit of like a bad boy past,
a little bit of a riskue past. I love that
it's in the past because if it was in the present,
like I would not deal with that shit.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
But it's in the past, and so like it gives
them this edge.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Even like when we were like younger and I met Olivia,
like they were just so different than anybody I had
like come across, Like I was a very preppy young girl.
So were my friends. We were like, you know, just
like your average gals, and Olivia was just so different
(18:46):
than that, and I think instantly that intrigued to me.
Like the music they listened to was different, the way
that they dressed, like the things that they talked about,
like it was just like different. And also like it
was tumbler times, you guys, and tumbler times. Like gosh,
the things that I posted on my Tumblr right just
like like I look back on it, it's so deep
(19:09):
and so just like emo, like teenaged egks, but like
that was just like so them and that just like,
oh my god, it was for me, and so I
love that that edge, and so I get Rory and
wanting an edge there and not wanting somebody that's like
as quote unquote like perfect as Dean, even though I
(19:33):
think as he gets older in the series, like he
isn't as as perfect, and I just don't think he
can handle Rory's success. I think he gets intimidated by it.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I think just does too.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I bet Logan does too, because what man doesn't get
intimidated my own what man's success? Just saying and then
oh my god, Emily and Richard splitting up, Like I
totally forgot that that was a storyline and near split
up for like a long period of time, and I
don't know as a twenty something like it kind of
(20:05):
gives me this like it made me take a deep breath.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
For a reason.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
For a reason, it made me take a deep breath
a bit because it showed me that you can be
married to somebody and you can go through a rough
patch and it doesn't need to be as rough as like,
you know, Richard moves out to the poolhouse or whatever.
It doesn't need to be like that, but like it
shows you that marriage, like in marriage, you will go
through rougher patches and that you can make it through.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
I think a very big fear.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Of mine is divorce. My parents are happily married. They've
been happily married for like what twenty six twenty seven years,
which is incredible, and I think like I've always just
like had this fear of divorce for them for myself, like,
oh my god, you know, like I want to be
with somebody for the rest of my life, and everyone
(20:56):
talks about how like marriage is hard, and while I'm
not ready for me, Arge currently it's just like scary,
you know.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's intimidating.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And so I think watching those two characters, you know,
have a rough patch for a couple months and then
come back from it was very encouraging as a twenty something.
It made me feel like, Okay, like take a deep breath,
like you aren't always going to get along with the
person you're with. You are going to go through rough times,
rough years, months, et cetera, and you can come back
(21:27):
from them. And I mean I have lived that in
my own relationship, but watching it on TV, especially with
those two is just like super super fun for me.
And also now I'm at the point where Lareli and
Luke are together and they're engaged, and it's just like
so exciting. You're like the excitement when they get together
(21:47):
is just like ah, like You're so happy Laureli and Luke.
Like I wish they had a child and had it
named like Lucy lor lor Oh my god, Luke Lorli
and Lucy, Like how cute like the ll Like I love.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
That it would have been. It would have been very
very very cute.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
But yes, Skilmore Girls is just like giving me so
much life right now. And if you need a comfort
show right now. I highly suggest especially if you've never
watched it, like it is such a good watch. It
just show that kind of like like with Sex and
the City, like a show I believe women should watch,
especially like if you want to watch it, like maybe
not like you have to watch every episode with your mom,
(22:28):
but you know, it's about a mother and a daughter,
and I think, like it's so great to like talk
about that with your mom and share that with your
mom and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
So I fear that.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
I left a big portion of my job quitting story
out of the last episode, And honestly, that's okay because
I don't think I would have been able to get
through it all in one sit down. It's a lot
of thoughts and feelings and experiences. So I actually got
quite a few dms from you all this week, and
I want to say one thank you to everybody that
(23:03):
reached out and was like congratulations, Like good for you
for standing up for yourself, for knowing what's best for
yourself and for taking the leap, Like you have no
idea how much that means to me to have your
guys' support and to be like seen by you guys,
you know, when I'm here in my room by myself,
(23:23):
like it literally like I forget people listen to this,
and it makes me so happy when I hear responses
back and we can talk about the things that I'm
speaking about on the episodes, especially because I'm doing this
alone now, like more than ever, this feels very lonely
and I'm trying to figure out like how to make
it have more community. So to talk with you guys
(23:45):
on the internet is just like so fun. So thank
you for your encouraging words. But something else that quite
a few of you asked me, and I've been asked
on my TikTok as well as I've released some like
vlogs and things about like my last day at work
and whatnot, is like, no, what is next for you?
Speaker 3 (24:01):
So you quit your job? Like, what are like some of.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Like the rational things that you had in place so
that like you could quit, and what are you gonna
do like next? And that is a big motherfucking question,
you guys.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Come on, No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
It is such a valid question, and it's something I've
been thinking about a lot, and I'm gonna be so
real with you right now. I have no clue what
is next for me? I have no clue, and that
is very scary. It's so funny because when this podcast
started nearly three years ago, now, I was very much
(24:45):
in this place of yeah, like what do I want
to do with my life? But I was trying something out,
Like when we started completely clueless. I was really just
getting my start in this venture of like social media
and seeing what a life in like corporate marketing was
going to be like. And now that I've had that
(25:06):
experience and I'm not one hundred percent sure that is
my forever experience or at least the experience that I
want for myself. Now I'm like, where where do I
go next? And so we're gonna get into it and
talk about claiming your dreams and being vulnerable and open
(25:27):
about them.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I know it can be.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
So hard to actually say the things that you want
out loud to other people and have them hear it,
because it's like, oh my god, like what happens if
that doesn't happen for me? Or what happens if I fail?
I know that is something that makes me very anxious
and scared. And the last time that I was like
speaking what I was feeling or wanting inside into existence
(25:55):
like it ended up happening because I think because I
put it out there, like literally, a connection that I
had who listens to this podcast, heard that episode and
was like here, like let me help you, like do
this internship, and that started a journey for me. So
I want to put all of this out there on
the table, and I hope that me putting it out
(26:16):
on the table will encourage you to also do that
in your life and claim the things that you want.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
So the thing about me was.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I was never chill about my goals and my dreams
literally from seven to twenty two, Like I was so
narrow visioned on being on Broadway and that was all
I wanted.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
It was all I strived for.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
It was all I thought about was being on Broadway.
And I think, one looking back on it, that's really
fucking cool, like for a kid to be so impassioned
and in fueled by something that they go after it
in every single sense of the way. Like I gave
(27:00):
my everything to theater and looking back on that, I
do not regret it.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It gave me the work ethic.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
And the creativity and the drive that I have today,
and looking back on it, it didn't give me much
of an opportunity to explore myself or who I want
to be. I think when I graduated from college, and
especially because it aligned with the pandemic, there was just
(27:30):
a lot of like confusion in me. There was a
lot of like, wait, this career isn't exactly how I
thought it was.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Going to be.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And so to wake up after like over a decade
of wanting something and realizing like, wait, I'm not sure
I want it anymore, like totally screwed with my identity.
Like to this day, there is pieces, there are pieces
of myself that just feel like they're missing because I
(28:02):
don't know what I want. And so when I quit
this job, there was this piece of me that felt sad,
this piece of me that was like, what is my purpose?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
What do I want to do with my life?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
And my answer is that I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
I have no idea, and it's making me feel lost
in my identity. So if you're also feeling like you
have no idea what you want to do with your
life and you're feeling like who the fuck am I like,
I feel the same exact way you guys, And I
think it's because I knew what I wanted for so long,
and I defined myself by that thing. I was like,
(28:43):
I am a theater girl. I want to be on Broadway.
So then when that went away, it was just like.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Cricket, cricket, who is Sarah Alice Liddy?
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Who the fuck am I?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
What do I care about? What do I value?
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Like? And that, I think is what I'm really discovering
about myself in these last couple of years. So let's
get deep about some of the things that deep down
inside I know I really want and I'm afraid to
say out loud because of the fear of failure, being
(29:16):
very vulnerable right now in this stage of my life.
One of the reasons I quit this job was because
I knew I wanted this podcast to be a part
of my full time income. A lot of content creators
have multiple streams of income, so that's why I say
a part, because I know that usually to be successful
(29:38):
in this creator industry, you need to have those multiple streams.
And I love this podcast. I love the mission of it,
I love what it brings me, I love what it
brings other people, and I want to keep growing it
like I want more people to listen to this. I
want to have products around this brand, like I want
(30:00):
Completely Clueless to be a brand. There's so many products
that I've thought about with this because I really want
Completely Clueless to be like a mental wellness brand. You know,
mental health has impacted my life personally, my family's life
in very, very big ways. I have been surrounded by
so many therapists. My mom is a therapist, my partner
(30:20):
is in the psychological world. I've been going to therapy
since it was twelve, and so I think a big
part of me loves to like help other people. I mean,
that's a huge reason my partner always talks about it
why people become therapists, because they usually have struggled a
bit with their own shit and like want to help
(30:41):
other people. And while I've never been a therapist, I
love telling stories. I love helping people through creativity and art,
and so this is my form of doing that. And
I really want to be able to make it into something,
you know, Like I look at something like The Skinny
Confidential and I'm like, wow, like that is amazing how
you could grow this like podcast into like this huge brand.
(31:06):
And then I also like would love for this podcast
to have live elements to it, Like I've always wanted
to have some sort of meetup of some sort. And
I don't want to give all my ideas away because
I got to, you know, keep them close to my chest,
my cards close to my chest.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
But like that, I.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Want a live element to this, and an element where
we can connect as a community, not just you and me,
but like also you guys with each other.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
You know, I'm a theater kid.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Like of course, there's parts of me that want to
use this as a way to perform and put myself
out there. And all of this is really scary to
admit because I'm a girl with not the biggest following.
I'm not gonna say I don't have a following at all.
You know, I've worked hard on my personal TikTok at
Sarah Bellisley to build a platform, and I'm starting to
(31:57):
realize that there are people watching and listening, because in
recent months, I've had experiences where people have come up
to me and have let me know that they watch
my stuff, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Like, wait, what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Like what, Like my partner even said to me one time,
They're like, Sarah, do you just like think those like
eighteen thousand people like are just not existent, and I'm like, yes, like,
yes I do, Like I don't even realize it, you know,
and so yeah, like it's scary to say that I
want a career in the content creation industry. It's scary
(32:28):
to say that I really want my podcast to like
grow and be something and be something that I can
make my living off of, because I'm terrified it's not
going to work out, you guys, Like, I'm like trying
to hold back some tears right now, but I'm terrified,
Like I'm terrified it's not going to work out. I'm
terrified that I'm gonna look stupid or like an idiot
(32:50):
for wanting and trying to make this work. And I
feel like my dad specifically has always encouraged me to
go after my dream, to always go after what I love,
and I have made a lot of risks in order
to do that, you know, Like I took my gap
year because my senior year of college, I auditioned for
(33:12):
twenty two musical theater programs and I got into one,
and I did not want to go to that school.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
And so.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
My parents supported me and let me take a gap
year and get more training, and then the next year
I got into seven schools, two of those schools being
like my two dream schools, which was insane. And so
I think I've seen that if I take the risk,
good things can come from it. So that was one time.
Another time, when I was in college, I was really
(33:42):
struggling with my mental health and I left school. I
left school to seek out outpatient treatment. And while that
fixed or that moment of like, wow, this work was
good for me didn't hit as immediately as like my
gap year and getting into schools that I really loved did.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
I think I'm a better person for it.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
And I think it was the first time that I
put myself first and not my work and valued me
as the human being and everything.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
And so that was a big lesson for me to
learn that I learned in that risk.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Recording my job a huge risk, and so I'm not
unfamiliar to this position of like, oh shit, what's gonna
happen next?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And it's because I believe.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
I believe that if I keep working, if I keep trying,
if I keep showing up like it is going to work.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
But it's scary.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
It's scary to sit here and admit to that to
you guys, and I admitted in the hopes of you
feeling like, you know, you guys, know that thing inside
of you that you want, you know it's in there,
and you know it'll like bubble up sometimes and then
you could push it back.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Down and everything. But don't don't push it down. Don't
push it down, let it, let it sit with you,
journal about it, you know, talk to somebody about it.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
I think I'm not a huge journaler. I'm a huge talker.
I have very big emotions and I speak them out.
And you know, for me, my partner is like my
safe space where I can like get out all of
my energy on how I feel about my dreams and
stuff like that, but get it out there and talk
(35:34):
about it. It's okay to want that thing. It's great
to want that thing that you want, and it's okay
to chase after it in the capacity that you can
chase after it. For the last year and a half,
like my my podcast, this podcast, my content, you know,
while I was still doing it, it definitely took a
(35:55):
back seat because I had to give my energy to
the job at that I was at, you know, like
I needed to give that a chance and to see
if that was going to work with me. Like I
will never forget the therapy session I had before I
started that job where I was telling my therapist how
scared I am to have a full time job, because
(36:15):
what if these things that I've built and created for
myself fall through the cracks.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
And while they.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Definitely didn't, like completely fall through the cracks, they definitely
did a little bit. And it was a learning experience,
Like I had to go through that, and y'all will
have to go through experiences to learn what you want
in your life. And that's what I'm trying to preach
a little bit with me quitting my job is that
it's not a failure, even though sometimes I feel embarrassed
(36:44):
or fail you're like, because of it, But what it
actually is was me learning what I do and do
not want in my life and what I am willing
to accept and not accept in a workplace environment. And
I think with speaking your dreams out into existence, at
least for me, there was this element of self confidence.
(37:07):
And I feel like over the years, I've lost a
lot of my self confidence. You know, college was pretty
hard for me. You know, I went through that whole
a lot of rejection in the college audition process, you know,
and then I got into amazing schools. I went to
an incredible program. I went to Elong University for Musical Theater,
which is like an insanely amazing program. But once I
(37:30):
got there, I sort of struggled to get people to
notice me. And just as people were noticing me and
realizing I was good, COVID came. And then the only
musical I did while I was at school was with
a plastic mask on and lip syncing to my own voice.
(37:51):
And so I think, and then we also had a
casting director series my senior year in which I did
not get an agent at all, and so I think
that experience, like those experiences all lined up together, really
hit my self confidence. And then I think, you know,
being somebody on the internet and trying to get a
following and you know, the likes and the views and
(38:12):
everything of it all like can definitely knock my self
confidence too, and I'll compare myself to other people. And
so something I've just noticed within myself is this lack
of self confidence. And it's something that I brought up
my last therapy session and it was like, I need
to talk about this. Why don't I believe in myself anymore?
How can I get like, how can I believe in
myself again and believe that I can do these big,
(38:37):
incredible things because a lot of the time I don't
feel that way, even though I do put myself out there, like,
there is a lot of other shit that's like under
the surface that doesn't believe that anybody's ever going to
pay attention. So if you're also feeling some lack of
self confidence in your dreams, just know that, like you
(38:59):
are not alone in that it's very real, and you know,
hopefully I can bring you guys some tools from what
I learn in therapy and we can be self confident
queens together. But like, I'm not going to sit here
and say like my self confidence is at an all
time high, because it's not whatsoever. It's alarmingly low in
that I had to bring it up in therapy and
(39:20):
be like, hum, what is happening. But I definitely think
my self confidence affected me going after my theater career,
and that's something else that deep down inside I want
is I want, at some point in my life to
be a performer, and I consider this podcasting performing, But
(39:47):
more specifically, I think that there is just like, Okay,
when I watch Gilmore Girls, when I watch sex Lives
of College Girls, I'm like, I want to be on
a show like that. Like I would love to be
on TV in that capacity doing shows like those ones,
Like I just love watching them and when I watch them,
(40:08):
I'm like, oh God, like I would love to be
a part of something like that. And honestly, that's sort
of what completely clueless feels like sometimes is like, are
like those shows for you know, like women and I'm
telling you all the narrative of my life in a way,
(40:28):
you know, for you to get entertainment lessons all of
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
And there are parts of.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Me that really do miss performing and miss singing and
miss expressing myself in that way.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
You know what I really miss, you, guys, is singing
in a group with people.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
When I was at Elon, I my class, we would
have these numbers for Grant tonight. It was the showcase
that we did. But like also other opportunities where you're
singing with.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
People, and I just miss that.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
Oh God, I miss when you and a gre but
people would just like harmonize in these beautiful ways, like
the way that it feels is just like, ugh, it's
so good and I miss that.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I miss that stuff.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
So all all of this to say is there is
still a yearning and a dream of mine to perform
in some way, and I know it will happen.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Like guys, I can't I can't describe it.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
But there is just this like inner feeling inside of
me that knows that one day, like I will perform,
I will perform again in some capacity, whether that is
Big Broadway, whether that's on TV, whether that's like through
this podcast, whether that is through community theater. One day
I will do it. And I just like I feel
(41:44):
it and I know it, and I know that like
stepping away from it from like the all the toxicity
that happened and having like these few years to like
not be that girl and to like hopefully slowly make
my way back to it in a way that makes
me feel good in a way that I'm able to handle,
(42:04):
Like I feel it, like I feel it inside and
know that about your dreams too, Like if you had
to leave something behind because it wasn't working for you,
or like want something and it hasn't happened yet, like
just keep believing, Like again, like I said it, I
think at some point, but like there is this like
hope and faith in me that like, and it goes
(42:26):
for you guys too, like that if we don't give
up on the things that we want, if we stay consistent,
if we come back to them, if we work on
them little by little, like something will happen because of that,
you know. And that is just like my personal belief.
And I'm spurading that to you guys and your dreams
(42:46):
as well, so on emotional spiritual level, like if that
is what is in store for me post quitting, is
trying to make this con this content, this podcast, ask
my content creation endeavors work out for myself, Like that
is the dream in quetting the rational part Now it's
(43:10):
like okay, Sarah, like that is really cute, that's really fun,
But like what are you actually gonna do to make
money right now? Like you know, I mean not gona woman.
Maybe my podcast will blow out next week, but if
it does, it like here is my plan. So my
rational what is next moment is I'm going to get
a survival job. I Am going to get a survival
job where I do not need to be creative at
(43:31):
all for the job I need a break from that.
I'm not saying that I will never not go back
to like full time marketing corporate girly, like maybe I will.
Maybe I'll find the right job, the right people that
I'm happy with doing it in that way and that
capacity for that brand, whatever it may be. But for
now and for the foreseeable future, I need to put
corporate world in the back of my brain in another
(43:55):
corner away from me. I am going to work or
survival job. I'm probably going to be working, you know,
somewhere in my area because hopefully my partner and I
will be moving to the city in midwinter or sometime
in the next couple of months, and so right now
I'm looking for a seasonal position for like survival job work.
(44:16):
I don't want to give like too much away because
like I don't want to give too much away about
like my location, but probably in a local grocery store,
a local small small shop around here at a mall
like that is kind of like what is on my
brain to just keep money coming in.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Again.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
I'm living at home, so I'm not paying any bills,
and I have health insurance through my mother's job for
the next two months. So that is kind of like
what I'm doing in like the intern. Definitely gonna have
to being around all the insurance things very soon, So
I will come to you with that information when I
figure it out, but for now, I'm like tuking that
in the back of my brain. But that is like
(44:55):
the plan to at least keep money coming into my
pocket and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
And then something that I realized.
Speaker 4 (45:02):
Through working in this corporate situation and at this job
is that I really value my autonomy. I value the
ability to like make my own schedule to work when
I am energized to do so, like as somebody with
mental health issues, and as somebody who probably maybe has
a little bit of ADHD, like my dad has ADHD
(45:23):
and so do my two brothers. So like I wouldn't
be surprised if there's a little sprinkle.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Of it in my brain.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Sometimes like working nine to five like just doesn't work
for me. And so I really hope, I hope that
I can freelance in some sort of a way. And
that's really scary to say, because I'm scared no one's
gonna want me. I'm scared that we've all gonna be
like girl, like I don't know, I don't care about
your freelance, but an old.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I'm trying to think of.
Speaker 4 (45:54):
The word a dream scenario for like my life right now,
would that I am freelancing.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
That I can, you know, do my podcast, do my content.
Speaker 4 (46:06):
And then I also have clients that I'm freelancing for.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
And you know, obviously I have.
Speaker 4 (46:12):
These two years of experience of working for a very
major fashion brand a very did I say that right?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Was that English?
Speaker 4 (46:20):
I have these two years of working at this marketing agency,
and I have all the experience, which is a lot
of create experience and skills that I've learned from working
on this very well known fashion brand. And so I'm like, okay,
Like there's you know, fashion companies in the city that
you know need help for an event or whatever, and
(46:40):
I could help them make content and not only just
like make content, but I can help idate and come
with ideas for this event. So it's not just like
a plain old event recap because like those can sometimes
be worn to watch. So like definitely, you know, could
do like content creation for other people as a freelancer.
(47:00):
I've also thought about because on my TikTok I talk
about podcasting and stuff and people always have questions and
stuff like that. So I've started to think about opening
a stand store and opening up coaching for people who
really want to learn how to do this. You know,
I've been doing this for almost three years completely by myself.
I have a lot of knowledge around this and would
(47:21):
love to help other people do it. I'm also hoping
that maybe through that as well, I can edit people's podcasts,
videos and short form videos that would like be honestly
like really great to just do like a bunch of
freelancing in like the podcast like video short form video space.
(47:42):
Like I love making interview videos. That's something I did
a lot for this fashion brand, and I love finding
those moments of like ah, like this person saying this
in that way, like that's gonna go viral or that's
gonna grab people's attention. It's it's very fun for me,
Like I would love to do that for people. So yeah,
you know, I'm going to have a survival job for
hopefully as long as it takes hopefully won't take that
(48:05):
long to build up a clientele of freelance. But that
is sort of like what I am. Like my rational
mind is thinking moving forward, and you know things change,
that may change and may come back in a month
and say, hey, I got this amazing job and I'm
taking that, but for what I want to work out
(48:26):
for me and the time and energy that I need
to give that I'm feeling like freelance or some sort
of like job that I can go to where I
do not need to be on twenty four to seven
and I don't need to give all my creative energy
to is.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Going to be the best.
Speaker 4 (48:45):
And something else that like I didn't mention in my
last episode, was I quit my job because I knew
I was moving home. I knew I was moving home
and I wasn't going to have any bills to pay,
And so that was a huge reason why I quit.
If I was still living in the city and paying rent,
(49:07):
like I don't know if I would have quit. I
knew that I had a safe place to land in
terms of like my financial state and so and it's
such a privilege that like I'm in this position right
now because I know there are so many people out
there that want to quit their job, but they have
bills to pay and they can't just like up and quit.
(49:28):
So I know that I'm in like a very lucky situation.
And that is a huge, huge reason why I quit
was that I knew I was moving home. I knew
that I wasn't going to need to pay rent, need
to pay bills, need to pay for groceries, et cetera.
So that is sort of like the rational things that
like went into my decision and where I feel like
(49:52):
I want to go next. One last thing I want
to tell you guys that I'm doing before we wrap
up this episode. But something else that I am doing
in this time is using my network. I'm reaching out
to anybody I know that is in the like content
freelance space, in the social media marketing freelance space, and
(50:13):
asking like, hey, can I set up time with you
to talk about like what you do? Can I get
you coffee? Can I get you lunch, dinner, and like
just have an open conversation about how you do this
and how you make it work, and how you like
sustain life and you know an income off of this,
you know, how do you make insurance work, et cetera.
So that is something else that I would encourage you
(50:35):
to do if even if you're still in your job
and you're looking to move, is use your network. I
got my last two jobs through my network, and so
I feel like I've seen the power of that. And
that's another reason why I'm so like encouraging you to
speak your dreams out there and put it out there
because you never know who is listening and who may
(50:56):
need you. And so that is something I'm doing a
lot right now. Even and get a survival job. Like
I knew somebody who worked at a local store around
here and it was like, hey, like I wit my job,
Like is there any seasonal or holiday help that you
guys need? And I'm going for an interview on Monday,
Like just reach out to people, you know. I know
it can be awkward and uncomfortable, and that comes from
(51:16):
somebody who literally just like hates confrontation, and this is
not like bad confrontation, who just like hates doing that
stuff because it can be awkward. However, I've seen the
power of it, and so that is something I'm really
utilizing in this time, is like how can I meet
with people that I know who are doing what I
want to be doing and learning from them. Again, they
(51:38):
may need some help with something, or you know, they
may have a client that they need to pass on
and then they can pass it to you, you know
what I mean. So use the network, use the people
you know, and also like support the people that are
doing the things that you want to be doing. Like
I feel like that is something that I'm really starting
to do and learn, is that, like if I want
people to show up for me, like I need to
(51:59):
show up for people. And so I'm trying to like
first specifically for content creation is just like comment on
those people that are always com commenting on my stuff,
you know, going to things that people events that people
are having, and I can show my support because you know,
one day, hopefully I can have an event and they
will be there supporting me because.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
I came and supported them. So that's my little shpiel
on networking.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
Now, I think the entirety of my job quitting story,
and while I may not speak to it in this
like huge capacity, again, it's definitely going to come up.
It's definitely going to keep coming up because like duh,
like it's gonna be my personality for like the next
couple of months probably is the girl that quitter nine
to five. But I just want to again thank you
(52:44):
guys for listening. Thank you for encouraging me. And I
hope that you found some inspiration and encouragement in this
and that you took away that it's okay to speak
your dreams out and to be vulnerable and to claim
the things that you want, whether that's even just with yourself,
even just saying it to yourself can be so powerful
(53:06):
and like can just give you so much information about
the things that you want or want to explore. So
thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode.
Please do not forget to rate, review, subscribe, follow all
of the things. It is super duper helpful. Again, I
love dming with you guys, so thank you for those
(53:28):
who have done it. Please don't feel afraid to do it,
like I will answer. I know I can get a
little DM scared sometimes, Like sometimes I'll get dms.
Speaker 3 (53:36):
I'm like, oh my god, like I love this message,
but I'm like.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
Kind of afraid to respond. Like I'm working through that
fear and I'm pushing through it. So please please DM
me and let's chat. You can follow the podcast on
all social media TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube at completely Clueless pod.
You can follow me and my personal journey on at Sarah,
Alie Lidi, and.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
That's TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
I hope you all have a terrific two day and
a wonderful week and do not forget to be a
motherfucking clueless.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Love you guys,
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Speaker 2 (00:15):
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Speaker 1 (00:25):
Call eight hundred and three to three three or Kia
for details.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Always strive safely.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Completely Clueless Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
I am your host, Sarah Alice SOLIDI. We're back for
another week.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
My Clueless Queens. I feel like that's the name I'm
going for right now is clueless Queens clueless community that
is us. And we're still here in my childhood bedroom
and I have my Tom. I'm starting to call my
period my Tom, just for like safety reasons for the
(01:08):
next four years of my future. You know, I heard
we're not tracking anymore, so I maybe shouldn't be giving
this private information away about what Tom is. But let's
just keep it within this community.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
But Tom has arrived. He arrived.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
No, it can't be a he day. I think it
should be a vue. They arrived yesterday and I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I'm feeling very black. I have acne all over my face.
It's almost four o'clock, which means that it's going to
be pitch black, dark out. I didn't get out of
bed till eleven am this morning, and so life is
just feeling weird right now. And I'm trying to be
okay with that. You know, it's my first week of
unemployment still, and the first couple of days of my unemployment.
(01:53):
There was a lot going on, you know. I was
trying to get the podcast out. All the podcast stuff
and editing is very new to me, so I'm trying
to figure out timelines, and my Wi Fi in my
house freaking sucks, so it just takes so long.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Like no, you guys.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I was downloading the episode onto Spotify for podcasters, and
I had had it going for like an hour and
a half at this point, and it was like ninety
five percent like almost uploaded, and then it just crashed.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
The website crashed.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
I was like in putting my information like the title
and the description and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And it just crashed and I nearly lost it.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I nearly lost it because it was like maybe ten
thirty or like eleven on the night before that the
episode comes out, and I was just like, you've got
to be gidding me, Like you have to be kidding me, right,
So I ended up having it like upload overnight, but
still like just a lot of things were happening at
the beginning of the week, and then Wednesday. Wednesday came
(02:52):
and I'm gonna get to Wednesday in a second, but
basically for the rest of this week, I have completely rotted.
I've stayed up till like one or two am watching
Gilmore Girls. I've been chilling, sleeping, being in pajamas, still
doing stuff for like the podcast and my content, but
like not like hitting the like the floor running whatever
(03:14):
that expression is, like, you know, trying to ease into it.
I'm trying to tell myself that if I do one
thing a day, that's good enough. Like I have the
tendency to want to change my life all in one day.
I think, I said this last episode. I think a
lot of people want to do that.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
It's like you.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Have this goal or you're you know, in this news
phase of your life and you're like, let me just
fix it all in one day, and it just doesn't
happen that way, and then we can like start to
feel bad about ourselves pretty quickly.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Because of that.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
So I'm trying to just like remember, like you did
one thing, and usually I do more than one thing.
I'm like, I had it two vlogs. Yesterday, I like
filmed three tiktoks, and I was like, girl, like, when's
the last time you just like filmed three tiktoks because
you wanted to and because you had the time to.
So this week has been a little weird. I think
it also feels weird because I'm waking up at like
(04:04):
ten o'clock in the morning and then by four o'clock
it's literally like dark out. It is so dark, and
so there's not many hours of sunlight. So I'm realizing
that like, while you know, I think it's okay to
be easy on myself and chiller on myself for like
the next couple of weeks, Like I do need to get.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Up a little bit earlier because.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
The sunlight is fleeting, And I think that's what kind
of sends me into a spiral. Like I sat down
to record this, and like it's three point fifty right now,
and like by the time this is done, it's gonna
be dark, and like I don't I really really don't
like that. And the thing is is in New York
at least around two o'clock is where you can feel
the sun changing, Like you can feel it going down.
(04:48):
You can feel there's more shadows and it's a little
bit darker out. So like it's like if I'm waking
up at ten ten to eleven, eleven to twelve, twelve
to one one, that's like four hours of like full
on sunlight and then before I know it, it's like
the day is done. So I encourage you as well
if you're feeling like you're already like whoa, the mental
(05:09):
is not feeling great from this like weird ass thing
that we do where we move the motherfucking clocks, Like
just be aware of it. Be aware of it, and
do what you gotta do so that you know seasonal
depression and you know your mental can stay as good
as it can be. I'm definitely somebody that struggles with
seasonal depression. I feel like every single year it's like, hell,
(05:32):
but is it gonna be last? Year it was, it
was pretty bad. So I'm hoping that the world is
going to want to be easier on me this year.
Like one bad year, one better year, you know what
I mean, Like at least that's what I'm thinking about. Anyways,
let's get to Onnesday, let's talk about it. You know,
there is a lot of discourse online right now about
creators that have platforms speaking out about this election, about
(05:55):
how they voted and whatnot. And look, I don't know
if I fully belie that you need to disclose like
your political views and opinions. However I am and I'm
going to do that because let's be real, you guys
like I would never fucking vote for that in Basault,
that Imbasaule. That sad excuse for a human being like
(06:17):
I would never ever vote for him, especially being a
woman and being a queer person like that is a
double whammy, Like not only does this man and the
people behind him want to like restrict my rights as
a woman, but they also want to do it as
a queer person, and both of them terrify me. I
(06:38):
think when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I like
try to dissociate as much as I could because there's
just so much about the next four years, about the
future that feels really uncertain to me, and that is
so scary, and I imagine it is very scary for
very many of you. Taking that a lot of people
(07:00):
who listen to this podcast are women and they're queer.
I'm sad, I'm disappointed. It's really hard to speak about,
especially as somebody with anxiety, because I don't know what
is in store. And while I want to hope and
hope for the best, believe that things are going to
(07:24):
be okay, there's also this very big part of me
that like, that's like, what the fuck is gonna happen?
What's gonna happen to women? What's gonna happen to queer people? Like, yes,
I do live in New York, but like, am I
you know, even safe from that federal law does not
make me safe from everything? You know, does it make
you safe from everything? And it is scary. So to
clear the air, yes, I voted.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
For Kamala like Kamala Mamala. Of course I voted for her.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
And I did not vote for Trump in twenty sixteen either.
I at least I don't know who made the constitution
but I feel like we should all have a talk
with that person because, like ah, and I think many
people do not agree that a convicted felon can be
the president of the United States, Like I just cannot
believe that that is even allowed, Like the fact that
(08:09):
he can't vote, but he can be the president of
our country, Like I'm just dumbfounded by that. And I'm
dumbfounded by people excusing all of the things he has
said and done to woman over the.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Many, many many years.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I don't like him. I don't like him, and that's
that and that's my view. And I want to uplift
minority voices as somebody that is a woman and a
queer person, those are my lived experiences, so that's what
I can speak to on this podcast. But I want
this podcast to champion minority voices. I want to support
(08:46):
those people. I do not want to alienate those people.
And I want you all to know that this is
a safe space. And if you need to DM me
and you want to talk because you feel like there's
other people in your circle that aren't safe for you,
like I am here for you.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I know what it can feel like to be around
people with opposing political views and to feel unheard and
unlistened to and unsupported, and it's not a great feeling.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
It really isn't.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
And it's something that I'm struggling with and I know
a lot of you are probably struggling with too. So
just know that I'm here for you. I'm on your side,
and that is where I stand. If you had any
questions about it, and I hope you didn't, I put
something up on my story, but like also as a
woman and a queer person, I hope you knew where.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
I lied and where I lay, and.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I guess we'll see. We'll see, like I that's that's that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
We'll see.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
We'll see, And I'm hoping that this can be a
positive distraction for you today. You know, when I recorded
my last episode, it was the day before the election.
I was hopeful, so I didn't say anything, and I
just wanted to make sure that I put something in
here about this because I don't want to just, you know,
move forward without saying anything. And I know that everybody
(10:03):
gets different opinions on how we move forward and whatever,
and I want to try and bring some good vibe,
some good energy to your life with this episode. With
this podcast. So that's what I'm gonna intend to do
on this episode. And if that, if you're not feeling
that right now, if you're like Sarah, this is not
the vibe, not the energy, like you can totally click off.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
I will not be offended. I get it.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Everybody needs to protect their peace and do what they
need to do to cope.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
At this time.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
So just know that I support you in any way
that you want to do that. Anyways, I talked about
the sun already. I'm looking at my notes and now
I feel like I need to tell you guys a confashion.
I need to tell you a secret, and that is
I did not clean my room. It's still a mess
in here, it's still a mess outside.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Again.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
We rotted for a couple of days, but I did
say I was going to give an update, and I
did want to be honest that I didn't clean. And
you know what, Sometimes we say we're gonna do things
and we don't do them, and that's okay. But you
know what I did do this week, you guys crazy,
and I did it before I started recording. So if
my voice is sounding like a little warmer, a little
(11:10):
nicer today, it's because I warmed up for five minutes
before this episode, and I did it before the last
episode two, which is very weird because I haven't been
in a normal singing schedule in a while, and I'm
trying to face my demons. I'm trying to face my fears.
You know, I've talked about on my journey with theater
(11:33):
on this podcast. I'm actually going to talk about that
a little bit later in what we're talking about today.
But something that I want to do with this like
time off and time to myself is just kind of
like try and get back to some of the things
that I really loved and enjoyed about life, and especially
right now, like I need that, and so start again starting.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
With a little, a small step.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
I'm not trying to even sing a song or do
like thirty minutes of like vocalizing. I'm just doing some
lip trills for like five minutes from my old recording
from school, and it's really making me miss my voice teacher.
My voice teacher at Elon. Her name is Julie. She
was by far the most influential teacher that I had
(12:14):
at school. She was such a mentor and a guider,
and I miss her so much. I'm probably going to
reach out to her soon for a lesson, but again,
a small step at a time, and to hear her
voice even in this capacity over voice memo is just
like so refreshing. And I'm doing a lot of the
things that I did when I first got to school
(12:36):
because I know my voice is very like a little
bit more weak. It's like a muscle. I gotta get
it back to where it was. So that's something that
I'm doing and trying.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So we'll see how it goes and all of that.
But just wanted to say if my voice sounds really.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Nice today, it's because I warmed up before this. But
something else that's kind of giving me joy this past
week and honestly through this huge season of change in
my life is Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls. The girls are
like with me right now, and I just like had
(13:13):
to talk about it because I know there's those girlies
that watch Gilmore Girls every single fall, and if you're
one of them, like I need to know, please DM
me because I haven't watched Gilmore Girls since twenty twenty
and I actually like totally influenced my mom and like
she became obsessed with Gilmore Girls during twenty twenty, and
(13:35):
so I'm back in stars Hollow right now. I am
sitting at Luke's every single day with a cup of
coffee and the Gilmore Girls because I am watching it
non stop, especially this week having this open free time,
like I've just been binging binging, binging, binging, and something
about the show just makes me feel so good, so warm.
(13:58):
I'm so happy and and I just like had to
talk about it a little bit, like there is so
much stuff that happens in the show, and I just
totally forgot all the different like big scandal elements that happen.
Like first, you know, there's this whole debate are you
Dean just.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Choke on my SPD? Are you Dean jess or Logan?
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Everyone's like pick aside, sort of like with what's it's called? Uh?
With Twilight, Like which boy do you want Rory to
end up with?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Number? One?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
I have to state that I think Rory in like
today's world. If we were doing a Gilmore Girls and
I was directing it, I would want Rory to experiment
a bit.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I feel like Rory gives.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Bi sexual energy, and I think Gilmore Girls lost out
without giving Rory a little bisexual arc, Like I feel
like she went to Yale and like tried something. That
is my opinion, like she feels very bisexual to me, however,
like she's not. And so we will talk about the
(15:07):
Three Men Dean, Jess.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
And Logan.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
In my opinion, Jess is in this show for like
two point seconds. I'm on season six now, and I'm
just like this man had the smallest arc ever, Like
so the fact that he is like listed in the
Three Men.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Look, I get why he is.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Even though he was only in her life for a
short amount of time, he had a big impact. But
like Rory didn't even have sex with Jess, Like I
don't know, Like I just I question how strongly Rory felt.
Like I feel like Jess was the bad boy that
Rory was in lust with, not like really in love with.
(15:51):
I think when she dated Dean, like earlier, like the
first season, first season or two, she definitely was just
like cool, like I have a boyfriend and his name
is Dean, and Dean was a media as fuck, Like
I don't really think I think she liked Dean, but
like I don't think she was like really like had
the hots for Dean. So then when Jess came along,
she was like, oh my god, I'm feeling all these things.
(16:13):
And then I think when Jess not Jess, when Rory
and Dean unite, that is when she really kind of
maybe has some stronger feelings for Dean. However, I feel
like those relationships like they were high school relationships, Like
think about your high school relationships like I'm thinking about mine.
They were disasters and so and while I think I
(16:39):
had strong feelings for those people, I'm not one hundred
percent sure like I loved those people or knew what
it meant to like actually love somebody. I think you're
a teenager, there's a lot of hormones running inside of you,
like you're in lust, like for sure. But I really
feel like there's this like deep connection with Logan, And
I know Logan is just so bad, so bad in
(17:03):
front of parents, Like I'm like Logan pull through because
I feel like when he's with Rory, he's so great,
like he understands her and he supports her and they
can be fun and goofy together. But I don't know
what happens to him when he gets in front of parents.
He just crashes and freaking burns and I feel like
(17:23):
it makes him look worse than he like actually is.
And look, I'm only like in the beginning of season six,
like I don't remember if he does anything bad or whatnot.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
But I really like those two together.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
And maybe it's because, like at this point in the series,
Rory is mature, and you know, I'm seeing her in
this light and I'm just like Dean and Jess couldn't
do it for Rory, could do it for Rory. But look,
I get the bad boy appeal. I love a bad boy.
I love someone with a little bit of edge on them,
Like I love like a past that I'm gonna expose myself, Guys,
(18:05):
I'm just gonna expose myself again like I always do
on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
But something I love about my partner is.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
They have a little bit of like a bad boy past,
a little bit of a riskue past. I love that
it's in the past because if it was in the present,
like I would not deal with that shit.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
But it's in the past, and so like it gives
them this edge.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Even like when we were like younger and I met Olivia,
like they were just so different than anybody I had
like come across, Like I was a very preppy young girl.
So were my friends. We were like, you know, just
like your average gals, and Olivia was just so different
(18:46):
than that, and I think instantly that intrigued to me.
Like the music they listened to was different, the way
that they dressed, like the things that they talked about,
like it was just like different. And also like it
was tumbler times, you guys, and tumbler times. Like gosh,
the things that I posted on my Tumblr right just
like like I look back on it, it's so deep
(19:09):
and so just like emo, like teenaged egks, but like
that was just like so them and that just like,
oh my god, it was for me, and so I
love that that edge, and so I get Rory and
wanting an edge there and not wanting somebody that's like
as quote unquote like perfect as Dean, even though I
(19:33):
think as he gets older in the series, like he
isn't as as perfect, and I just don't think he
can handle Rory's success. I think he gets intimidated by it.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I think just does too.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I bet Logan does too, because what man doesn't get
intimidated my own what man's success? Just saying and then
oh my god, Emily and Richard splitting up, Like I
totally forgot that that was a storyline and near split
up for like a long period of time, and I
don't know as a twenty something like it kind of
(20:05):
gives me this like it made me take a deep breath.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
For a reason.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
For a reason, it made me take a deep breath
a bit because it showed me that you can be
married to somebody and you can go through a rough
patch and it doesn't need to be as rough as like,
you know, Richard moves out to the poolhouse or whatever.
It doesn't need to be like that, but like it
shows you that marriage, like in marriage, you will go
through rougher patches and that you can make it through.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
I think a very big fear.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Of mine is divorce. My parents are happily married. They've
been happily married for like what twenty six twenty seven years,
which is incredible, and I think like I've always just
like had this fear of divorce for them for myself, like,
oh my god, you know, like I want to be
with somebody for the rest of my life, and everyone
(20:56):
talks about how like marriage is hard, and while I'm
not ready for me, Arge currently it's just like scary,
you know.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's intimidating.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And so I think watching those two characters, you know,
have a rough patch for a couple months and then
come back from it was very encouraging as a twenty something.
It made me feel like, Okay, like take a deep breath,
like you aren't always going to get along with the
person you're with. You are going to go through rough times,
rough years, months, et cetera, and you can come back
(21:27):
from them. And I mean I have lived that in
my own relationship, but watching it on TV, especially with
those two is just like super super fun for me.
And also now I'm at the point where Lareli and
Luke are together and they're engaged, and it's just like
so exciting. You're like the excitement when they get together
(21:47):
is just like ah, like You're so happy Laureli and Luke.
Like I wish they had a child and had it
named like Lucy lor lor Oh my god, Luke Lorli
and Lucy, Like how cute like the ll Like I love.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
That it would have been. It would have been very
very very cute.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
But yes, Skilmore Girls is just like giving me so
much life right now. And if you need a comfort
show right now. I highly suggest especially if you've never
watched it, like it is such a good watch. It
just show that kind of like like with Sex and
the City, like a show I believe women should watch,
especially like if you want to watch it, like maybe
not like you have to watch every episode with your mom,
(22:28):
but you know, it's about a mother and a daughter,
and I think, like it's so great to like talk
about that with your mom and share that with your
mom and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
So I fear that.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
I left a big portion of my job quitting story
out of the last episode, And honestly, that's okay because
I don't think I would have been able to get
through it all in one sit down. It's a lot
of thoughts and feelings and experiences. So I actually got
quite a few dms from you all this week, and
I want to say one thank you to everybody that
(23:03):
reached out and was like congratulations, Like good for you
for standing up for yourself, for knowing what's best for
yourself and for taking the leap, Like you have no
idea how much that means to me to have your
guys' support and to be like seen by you guys,
you know, when I'm here in my room by myself,
(23:23):
like it literally like I forget people listen to this,
and it makes me so happy when I hear responses
back and we can talk about the things that I'm
speaking about on the episodes, especially because I'm doing this
alone now, like more than ever, this feels very lonely
and I'm trying to figure out like how to make
it have more community. So to talk with you guys
(23:45):
on the internet is just like so fun. So thank
you for your encouraging words. But something else that quite
a few of you asked me, and I've been asked
on my TikTok as well as I've released some like
vlogs and things about like my last day at work
and whatnot, is like, no, what is next for you?
Speaker 3 (24:01):
So you quit your job? Like, what are like some of.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Like the rational things that you had in place so
that like you could quit, and what are you gonna
do like next? And that is a big motherfucking question,
you guys.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Come on, No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
It is such a valid question, and it's something I've
been thinking about a lot, and I'm gonna be so
real with you right now. I have no clue what
is next for me? I have no clue, and that
is very scary. It's so funny because when this podcast
started nearly three years ago, now, I was very much
(24:45):
in this place of yeah, like what do I want
to do with my life? But I was trying something out,
Like when we started completely clueless. I was really just
getting my start in this venture of like social media
and seeing what a life in like corporate marketing was
going to be like. And now that I've had that
(25:06):
experience and I'm not one hundred percent sure that is
my forever experience or at least the experience that I
want for myself. Now I'm like, where where do I
go next? And so we're gonna get into it and
talk about claiming your dreams and being vulnerable and open
(25:27):
about them.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I know it can be.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
So hard to actually say the things that you want
out loud to other people and have them hear it,
because it's like, oh my god, like what happens if
that doesn't happen for me? Or what happens if I fail?
I know that is something that makes me very anxious
and scared. And the last time that I was like
speaking what I was feeling or wanting inside into existence
(25:55):
like it ended up happening because I think because I
put it out there, like literally, a connection that I
had who listens to this podcast, heard that episode and
was like here, like let me help you, like do
this internship, and that started a journey for me. So
I want to put all of this out there on
the table, and I hope that me putting it out
(26:16):
on the table will encourage you to also do that
in your life and claim the things that you want.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
So the thing about me was.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I was never chill about my goals and my dreams
literally from seven to twenty two, Like I was so
narrow visioned on being on Broadway and that was all
I wanted.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
It was all I strived for.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
It was all I thought about was being on Broadway.
And I think, one looking back on it, that's really
fucking cool, like for a kid to be so impassioned
and in fueled by something that they go after it
in every single sense of the way. Like I gave
(27:00):
my everything to theater and looking back on that, I
do not regret it.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It gave me the work ethic.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
And the creativity and the drive that I have today,
and looking back on it, it didn't give me much
of an opportunity to explore myself or who I want
to be. I think when I graduated from college, and
especially because it aligned with the pandemic, there was just
(27:30):
a lot of like confusion in me. There was a
lot of like, wait, this career isn't exactly how I
thought it was.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Going to be.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And so to wake up after like over a decade
of wanting something and realizing like, wait, I'm not sure
I want it anymore, like totally screwed with my identity.
Like to this day, there is pieces, there are pieces
of myself that just feel like they're missing because I
(28:02):
don't know what I want. And so when I quit
this job, there was this piece of me that felt sad,
this piece of me that was like, what is my purpose?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
What do I want to do with my life?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
And my answer is that I have no idea.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
I have no idea, and it's making me feel lost
in my identity. So if you're also feeling like you
have no idea what you want to do with your
life and you're feeling like who the fuck am I like,
I feel the same exact way you guys, And I
think it's because I knew what I wanted for so long,
and I defined myself by that thing. I was like,
(28:43):
I am a theater girl. I want to be on Broadway.
So then when that went away, it was just like.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Cricket, cricket, who is Sarah Alice Liddy?
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Who the fuck am I?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
What do I care about? What do I value?
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Like? And that, I think is what I'm really discovering
about myself in these last couple of years. So let's
get deep about some of the things that deep down
inside I know I really want and I'm afraid to
say out loud because of the fear of failure, being
(29:16):
very vulnerable right now in this stage of my life.
One of the reasons I quit this job was because
I knew I wanted this podcast to be a part
of my full time income. A lot of content creators
have multiple streams of income, so that's why I say
a part, because I know that usually to be successful
(29:38):
in this creator industry, you need to have those multiple streams.
And I love this podcast. I love the mission of it,
I love what it brings me, I love what it
brings other people, and I want to keep growing it
like I want more people to listen to this. I
want to have products around this brand, like I want
(30:00):
Completely Clueless to be a brand. There's so many products
that I've thought about with this because I really want
Completely Clueless to be like a mental wellness brand. You know,
mental health has impacted my life personally, my family's life
in very, very big ways. I have been surrounded by
so many therapists. My mom is a therapist, my partner
(30:20):
is in the psychological world. I've been going to therapy
since it was twelve, and so I think a big
part of me loves to like help other people. I mean,
that's a huge reason my partner always talks about it
why people become therapists, because they usually have struggled a
bit with their own shit and like want to help
(30:41):
other people. And while I've never been a therapist, I
love telling stories. I love helping people through creativity and art,
and so this is my form of doing that. And
I really want to be able to make it into something,
you know, Like I look at something like The Skinny
Confidential and I'm like, wow, like that is amazing how
you could grow this like podcast into like this huge brand.
(31:06):
And then I also like would love for this podcast
to have live elements to it, Like I've always wanted
to have some sort of meetup of some sort. And
I don't want to give all my ideas away because
I got to, you know, keep them close to my chest,
my cards close to my chest.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
But like that, I.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Want a live element to this, and an element where
we can connect as a community, not just you and me,
but like also you guys with each other.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
You know, I'm a theater kid.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Like of course, there's parts of me that want to
use this as a way to perform and put myself
out there. And all of this is really scary to
admit because I'm a girl with not the biggest following.
I'm not gonna say I don't have a following at all.
You know, I've worked hard on my personal TikTok at
Sarah Bellisley to build a platform, and I'm starting to
(31:57):
realize that there are people watching and listening, because in
recent months, I've had experiences where people have come up
to me and have let me know that they watch
my stuff, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Like, wait, what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Like what, Like my partner even said to me one time,
They're like, Sarah, do you just like think those like
eighteen thousand people like are just not existent, and I'm like, yes, like,
yes I do, Like I don't even realize it, you know,
and so yeah, like it's scary to say that I
want a career in the content creation industry. It's scary
(32:28):
to say that I really want my podcast to like
grow and be something and be something that I can
make my living off of, because I'm terrified it's not
going to work out, you guys, Like, I'm like trying
to hold back some tears right now, but I'm terrified,
Like I'm terrified it's not going to work out. I'm
terrified that I'm gonna look stupid or like an idiot
(32:50):
for wanting and trying to make this work. And I
feel like my dad specifically has always encouraged me to
go after my dream, to always go after what I love,
and I have made a lot of risks in order
to do that, you know, Like I took my gap
year because my senior year of college, I auditioned for
(33:12):
twenty two musical theater programs and I got into one,
and I did not want to go to that school.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
And so.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
My parents supported me and let me take a gap
year and get more training, and then the next year
I got into seven schools, two of those schools being
like my two dream schools, which was insane. And so
I think I've seen that if I take the risk,
good things can come from it. So that was one time.
Another time, when I was in college, I was really
(33:42):
struggling with my mental health and I left school. I
left school to seek out outpatient treatment. And while that
fixed or that moment of like, wow, this work was
good for me didn't hit as immediately as like my
gap year and getting into schools that I really loved did.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
I think I'm a better person for it.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
And I think it was the first time that I
put myself first and not my work and valued me
as the human being and everything.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
And so that was a big lesson for me to
learn that I learned in that risk.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Recording my job a huge risk, and so I'm not
unfamiliar to this position of like, oh shit, what's gonna
happen next?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And it's because I believe.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
I believe that if I keep working, if I keep trying,
if I keep showing up like it is going to work.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
But it's scary.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
It's scary to sit here and admit to that to
you guys, and I admitted in the hopes of you
feeling like, you know, you guys, know that thing inside
of you that you want, you know it's in there,
and you know it'll like bubble up sometimes and then
you could push it back.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Down and everything. But don't don't push it down. Don't
push it down, let it, let it sit with you,
journal about it, you know, talk to somebody about it.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
I think I'm not a huge journaler. I'm a huge talker.
I have very big emotions and I speak them out.
And you know, for me, my partner is like my
safe space where I can like get out all of
my energy on how I feel about my dreams and
stuff like that, but get it out there and talk
(35:34):
about it. It's okay to want that thing. It's great
to want that thing that you want, and it's okay
to chase after it in the capacity that you can
chase after it. For the last year and a half,
like my my podcast, this podcast, my content, you know,
while I was still doing it, it definitely took a
(35:55):
back seat because I had to give my energy to
the job at that I was at, you know, like
I needed to give that a chance and to see
if that was going to work with me. Like I
will never forget the therapy session I had before I
started that job where I was telling my therapist how
scared I am to have a full time job, because
(36:15):
what if these things that I've built and created for
myself fall through the cracks.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
And while they.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
Definitely didn't, like completely fall through the cracks, they definitely
did a little bit. And it was a learning experience,
Like I had to go through that, and y'all will
have to go through experiences to learn what you want
in your life. And that's what I'm trying to preach
a little bit with me quitting my job is that
it's not a failure, even though sometimes I feel embarrassed
(36:44):
or fail you're like, because of it, But what it
actually is was me learning what I do and do
not want in my life and what I am willing
to accept and not accept in a workplace environment. And
I think with speaking your dreams out into existence, at
least for me, there was this element of self confidence.
(37:07):
And I feel like over the years, I've lost a
lot of my self confidence. You know, college was pretty
hard for me. You know, I went through that whole
a lot of rejection in the college audition process, you know,
and then I got into amazing schools. I went to
an incredible program. I went to Elong University for Musical Theater,
which is like an insanely amazing program. But once I
(37:30):
got there, I sort of struggled to get people to
notice me. And just as people were noticing me and
realizing I was good, COVID came. And then the only
musical I did while I was at school was with
a plastic mask on and lip syncing to my own voice.
(37:51):
And so I think, and then we also had a
casting director series my senior year in which I did
not get an agent at all, and so I think
that experience, like those experiences all lined up together, really
hit my self confidence. And then I think, you know,
being somebody on the internet and trying to get a
following and you know, the likes and the views and
(38:12):
everything of it all like can definitely knock my self
confidence too, and I'll compare myself to other people. And
so something I've just noticed within myself is this lack
of self confidence. And it's something that I brought up
my last therapy session and it was like, I need
to talk about this. Why don't I believe in myself anymore?
How can I get like, how can I believe in
myself again and believe that I can do these big,
(38:37):
incredible things because a lot of the time I don't
feel that way, even though I do put myself out there, like,
there is a lot of other shit that's like under
the surface that doesn't believe that anybody's ever going to
pay attention. So if you're also feeling some lack of
self confidence in your dreams, just know that, like you
(38:59):
are not alone in that it's very real, and you know,
hopefully I can bring you guys some tools from what
I learn in therapy and we can be self confident
queens together. But like, I'm not going to sit here
and say like my self confidence is at an all
time high, because it's not whatsoever. It's alarmingly low in
that I had to bring it up in therapy and
(39:20):
be like, hum, what is happening. But I definitely think
my self confidence affected me going after my theater career,
and that's something else that deep down inside I want
is I want, at some point in my life to
be a performer, and I consider this podcasting performing, But
(39:47):
more specifically, I think that there is just like, Okay,
when I watch Gilmore Girls, when I watch sex Lives
of College Girls, I'm like, I want to be on
a show like that. Like I would love to be
on TV in that capacity doing shows like those ones,
Like I just love watching them and when I watch them,
(40:08):
I'm like, oh God, like I would love to be
a part of something like that. And honestly, that's sort
of what completely clueless feels like sometimes is like, are
like those shows for you know, like women and I'm
telling you all the narrative of my life in a way,
(40:28):
you know, for you to get entertainment lessons all of
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
And there are parts of.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Me that really do miss performing and miss singing and
miss expressing myself in that way.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
You know what I really miss, you, guys, is singing
in a group with people.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
When I was at Elon, I my class, we would
have these numbers for Grant tonight. It was the showcase
that we did. But like also other opportunities where you're
singing with.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
People, and I just miss that.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
Oh God, I miss when you and a gre but
people would just like harmonize in these beautiful ways, like
the way that it feels is just like, ugh, it's
so good and I miss that.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I miss that stuff.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
So all all of this to say is there is
still a yearning and a dream of mine to perform
in some way, and I know it will happen.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Like guys, I can't I can't describe it.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
But there is just this like inner feeling inside of
me that knows that one day, like I will perform,
I will perform again in some capacity, whether that is
Big Broadway, whether that's on TV, whether that's like through
this podcast, whether that is through community theater. One day
I will do it. And I just like I feel
(41:44):
it and I know it, and I know that like
stepping away from it from like the all the toxicity
that happened and having like these few years to like
not be that girl and to like hopefully slowly make
my way back to it in a way that makes
me feel good in a way that I'm able to handle,
(42:04):
Like I feel it, like I feel it inside and
know that about your dreams too, Like if you had
to leave something behind because it wasn't working for you,
or like want something and it hasn't happened yet, like
just keep believing, Like again, like I said it, I
think at some point, but like there is this like
hope and faith in me that like, and it goes
(42:26):
for you guys too, like that if we don't give
up on the things that we want, if we stay consistent,
if we come back to them, if we work on
them little by little, like something will happen because of that,
you know. And that is just like my personal belief.
And I'm spurading that to you guys and your dreams
(42:46):
as well, so on emotional spiritual level, like if that
is what is in store for me post quitting, is
trying to make this con this content, this podcast, ask
my content creation endeavors work out for myself, Like that
is the dream in quetting the rational part Now it's
(43:10):
like okay, Sarah, like that is really cute, that's really fun,
But like what are you actually gonna do to make
money right now? Like you know, I mean not gona woman.
Maybe my podcast will blow out next week, but if
it does, it like here is my plan. So my
rational what is next moment is I'm going to get
a survival job. I Am going to get a survival
job where I do not need to be creative at
(43:31):
all for the job I need a break from that.
I'm not saying that I will never not go back
to like full time marketing corporate girly, like maybe I will.
Maybe I'll find the right job, the right people that
I'm happy with doing it in that way and that
capacity for that brand, whatever it may be. But for
now and for the foreseeable future, I need to put
corporate world in the back of my brain in another
(43:55):
corner away from me. I am going to work or
survival job. I'm probably going to be working, you know,
somewhere in my area because hopefully my partner and I
will be moving to the city in midwinter or sometime
in the next couple of months, and so right now
I'm looking for a seasonal position for like survival job work.
(44:16):
I don't want to give like too much away because
like I don't want to give too much away about
like my location, but probably in a local grocery store,
a local small small shop around here at a mall
like that is kind of like what is on my
brain to just keep money coming in.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Again.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
I'm living at home, so I'm not paying any bills,
and I have health insurance through my mother's job for
the next two months. So that is kind of like
what I'm doing in like the intern. Definitely gonna have
to being around all the insurance things very soon, So
I will come to you with that information when I
figure it out, but for now, I'm like tuking that
in the back of my brain. But that is like
(44:55):
the plan to at least keep money coming into my
pocket and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
And then something that I realized.
Speaker 4 (45:02):
Through working in this corporate situation and at this job
is that I really value my autonomy. I value the
ability to like make my own schedule to work when
I am energized to do so, like as somebody with
mental health issues, and as somebody who probably maybe has
a little bit of ADHD, like my dad has ADHD
(45:23):
and so do my two brothers. So like I wouldn't
be surprised if there's a little sprinkle.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Of it in my brain.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Sometimes like working nine to five like just doesn't work
for me. And so I really hope, I hope that
I can freelance in some sort of a way. And
that's really scary to say, because I'm scared no one's
gonna want me. I'm scared that we've all gonna be
like girl, like I don't know, I don't care about
your freelance, but an old.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I'm trying to think of.
Speaker 4 (45:54):
The word a dream scenario for like my life right now,
would that I am freelancing.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
That I can, you know, do my podcast, do my content.
Speaker 4 (46:06):
And then I also have clients that I'm freelancing for.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
And you know, obviously I have.
Speaker 4 (46:12):
These two years of experience of working for a very
major fashion brand a very did I say that right?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Was that English?
Speaker 4 (46:20):
I have these two years of working at this marketing agency,
and I have all the experience, which is a lot
of create experience and skills that I've learned from working
on this very well known fashion brand. And so I'm like, okay,
Like there's you know, fashion companies in the city that
you know need help for an event or whatever, and
(46:40):
I could help them make content and not only just
like make content, but I can help idate and come
with ideas for this event. So it's not just like
a plain old event recap because like those can sometimes
be worn to watch. So like definitely, you know, could
do like content creation for other people as a freelancer.
(47:00):
I've also thought about because on my TikTok I talk
about podcasting and stuff and people always have questions and
stuff like that. So I've started to think about opening
a stand store and opening up coaching for people who
really want to learn how to do this. You know,
I've been doing this for almost three years completely by myself.
I have a lot of knowledge around this and would
(47:21):
love to help other people do it. I'm also hoping
that maybe through that as well, I can edit people's podcasts,
videos and short form videos that would like be honestly
like really great to just do like a bunch of
freelancing in like the podcast like video short form video space.
(47:42):
Like I love making interview videos. That's something I did
a lot for this fashion brand, and I love finding
those moments of like ah, like this person saying this
in that way, like that's gonna go viral or that's
gonna grab people's attention. It's it's very fun for me,
Like I would love to do that for people. So yeah,
you know, I'm going to have a survival job for
hopefully as long as it takes hopefully won't take that
(48:05):
long to build up a clientele of freelance. But that
is sort of like what I am. Like my rational
mind is thinking moving forward, and you know things change,
that may change and may come back in a month
and say, hey, I got this amazing job and I'm
taking that, but for what I want to work out
(48:26):
for me and the time and energy that I need
to give that I'm feeling like freelance or some sort
of like job that I can go to where I
do not need to be on twenty four to seven
and I don't need to give all my creative energy
to is.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Going to be the best.
Speaker 4 (48:45):
And something else that like I didn't mention in my
last episode, was I quit my job because I knew
I was moving home. I knew I was moving home
and I wasn't going to have any bills to pay,
And so that was a huge reason why I quit.
If I was still living in the city and paying rent,
(49:07):
like I don't know if I would have quit. I
knew that I had a safe place to land in
terms of like my financial state and so and it's
such a privilege that like I'm in this position right
now because I know there are so many people out
there that want to quit their job, but they have
bills to pay and they can't just like up and quit.
(49:28):
So I know that I'm in like a very lucky situation.
And that is a huge, huge reason why I quit
was that I knew I was moving home. I knew
that I wasn't going to need to pay rent, need
to pay bills, need to pay for groceries, et cetera.
So that is sort of like the rational things that
like went into my decision and where I feel like
(49:52):
I want to go next. One last thing I want
to tell you guys that I'm doing before we wrap
up this episode. But something else that I am doing
in this time is using my network. I'm reaching out
to anybody I know that is in the like content
freelance space, in the social media marketing freelance space, and
(50:13):
asking like, hey, can I set up time with you
to talk about like what you do? Can I get
you coffee? Can I get you lunch, dinner, and like
just have an open conversation about how you do this
and how you make it work, and how you like
sustain life and you know an income off of this,
you know, how do you make insurance work, et cetera.
So that is something else that I would encourage you
(50:35):
to do if even if you're still in your job
and you're looking to move, is use your network. I
got my last two jobs through my network, and so
I feel like I've seen the power of that. And
that's another reason why I'm so like encouraging you to
speak your dreams out there and put it out there
because you never know who is listening and who may
(50:56):
need you. And so that is something I'm doing a
lot right now. Even and get a survival job. Like
I knew somebody who worked at a local store around
here and it was like, hey, like I wit my job,
Like is there any seasonal or holiday help that you
guys need? And I'm going for an interview on Monday,
Like just reach out to people, you know. I know
it can be awkward and uncomfortable, and that comes from
(51:16):
somebody who literally just like hates confrontation, and this is
not like bad confrontation, who just like hates doing that
stuff because it can be awkward. However, I've seen the
power of it, and so that is something I'm really
utilizing in this time, is like how can I meet
with people that I know who are doing what I
want to be doing and learning from them. Again, they
(51:38):
may need some help with something, or you know, they
may have a client that they need to pass on
and then they can pass it to you, you know
what I mean. So use the network, use the people
you know, and also like support the people that are
doing the things that you want to be doing. Like
I feel like that is something that I'm really starting
to do and learn, is that, like if I want
people to show up for me, like I need to
(51:59):
show up for people. And so I'm trying to like
first specifically for content creation is just like comment on
those people that are always com commenting on my stuff,
you know, going to things that people events that people
are having, and I can show my support because you know,
one day, hopefully I can have an event and they
will be there supporting me because.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
I came and supported them. So that's my little shpiel
on networking.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
Now, I think the entirety of my job quitting story,
and while I may not speak to it in this
like huge capacity, again, it's definitely going to come up.
It's definitely going to keep coming up because like duh,
like it's gonna be my personality for like the next
couple of months probably is the girl that quitter nine
to five. But I just want to again thank you
(52:44):
guys for listening. Thank you for encouraging me. And I
hope that you found some inspiration and encouragement in this
and that you took away that it's okay to speak
your dreams out and to be vulnerable and to claim
the things that you want, whether that's even just with yourself,
even just saying it to yourself can be so powerful
(53:06):
and like can just give you so much information about
the things that you want or want to explore. So
thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode.
Please do not forget to rate, review, subscribe, follow all
of the things. It is super duper helpful. Again, I
love dming with you guys, so thank you for those
(53:28):
who have done it. Please don't feel afraid to do it,
like I will answer. I know I can get a
little DM scared sometimes, Like sometimes I'll get dms.
Speaker 3 (53:36):
I'm like, oh my god, like I love this message,
but I'm like.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
Kind of afraid to respond. Like I'm working through that
fear and I'm pushing through it. So please please DM
me and let's chat. You can follow the podcast on
all social media TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube at completely Clueless pod.
You can follow me and my personal journey on at Sarah,
Alie Lidi, and.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
That's TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
I hope you all have a terrific two day and
a wonderful week and do not forget to be a
motherfucking clueless.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Love you guys,
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