Chapter 26 - Snow Beast Children

Jay and Mark are joined by Matthew Stewart (@SimpleTweeters on Twitter) to discuss the chapter in which Garland Greene walks into an empty swimming pool. In this episode, they also talk about dream clothing, misunderstood Bruckheimer villains, and bone adirondack chairs. Enjoy!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Bunny Down, Bunny down, backin the box. Hello man, Welcome

(00:25):
to con Air the podcast. Iam Mark Onions and chicken legs, halfmyer,
I am Jay, useful, MamallCluet, Welcome to you. Aboard
can A Podcast, Chapter twenty six. On this show, Mark and I
fly away through Conne scene by seeingsome wonderful guests, and this is chapter
twenty six. What happens in ConnaChapter twenty six, Well, Darland Green
wander us through a fence and passsome caravans before seeing a young girl playing

(00:47):
with toys and empty swimming pool Sallycan't dance Ease actually finds a dress in
a suitcase, and while staking outthe plane, Cyrus sends Viking to fetch
the tractor, was Po officers tobring the field truck, agents skip Demas
and Duncan boy head towards learning inthe head licopter. It's frustrated that no
one could find Larkin. Separately,Larkin and Sidino watched Poe Head towards a
hangar in which he's such as fora needle for baby as Inchilin, but

(01:07):
finds any onions, chicken feet anda guy who throws him too the ground
up in the radio tower. Johntwenty three sees cars approaching and informance of
this blow that we've got company bymonDog estimates they have at most twelve minutes
for their arrival, and Garland sitsdown with the girl in the pool.
This is basically bringing all the piecesin place for the upcoming action sequences.
This is a lot goes on,but it's a lot of nothing. So
we need someone who I can mindgold in this in this chapter to spin

(01:32):
oh yah of what we're talking abouthere. So we've had his colleague one
from suppecifically, we've had DJ Valentineon not either in the year we turned
out hated Corner, So I hopewe will all have the same effect here
with Matthew Stewart. Matthew, welcometo the show. Hey, I'm back.
I'm the guy who doesn't need theguy on the show who doesn't need
this movie. I mean, DJso far has been the only one who
has hated Like, Hey, Ididn't tell you I hate this film.

(01:57):
It's usually good for podcasts. Youdon't say you guys love this movie.
You guys have obviously loved con airUm. He hates spic the same thing
I think he just hates everything fromthe nineties except everything now. He hates
everything from the nineties things. Soit's just a nowhere And what's another sports

(02:19):
movie? And Richie rich Oh,he loves that. I was gonna say
the sports movie. I thought maybethe Scout he liked or something like that.
Here a B. Frasier movie.B Frasier movie. Yeah, and
not even not only Brandon Frasier,but Albert Albert Brooks, one of these
many roles. So I was thinkingabout Fraser, Fraser Fraser. So I

(02:42):
was thinking about Digging Today a lot. There's a lot of good shovel work
in this chapter. And that letme think about Encino Man, which Jay
and I covered with Brendan Fraser init, that that kid dug a gigantic
hole in his backyard did while like, where's all that going? I know
he has a couple of blobs aroundthere, but that's a lot of dirt.

(03:05):
He's not shawshankin Redemption. It likehe's not going to school and dropping
some out of his pocket, likehe's there's I don't know what's happening back
there, But that's good shovel work. That's want to let everyone know when
it comes to nineteen nineties digging theoffscreen lifting of the giant blow Ye,
it's frozen. I wish we wentinto let me cover that way. Yeah,

(03:27):
a thousand pounds blow out of ahole using a swing set and a
lawnmower that it's placed on top ofsawhorses in a shed. And most importantly,
there's about eight heaters on it,so they must have rigged the electrical
outlets or they must have found away to power eight heavy ambage heaters.
Like these kids are smart. Theyare what's like the kid in what Stay

(03:49):
Tuned who figures out how to hackthe like radio broadcast to put a signal
through the devil's of satellite dish inorder to talk to his father in the
off with their head and everything.Kids in the nineties were smart. The
Wizard and holes and the when theWizard, I mean he was, yeah,
the wizard, but he was justreally good at video game. Yeah

(04:10):
that's true, but the kidding.But I still stand by Polo in in
Cineman being a kind of magical MaryPoppins figure. Just yeah, yeah,
that's true, but he like everyyear to fix their life, and it
was showing Asten's time. I feelbad for Sony in that movie because his
parents are He's like, my mom'sbummed out, so he has to eat

(04:30):
at their house. He's always optimistic. Seawan Aston's a rat in that movie.
Like PAULI is the heart of thatfilm. He's the heart of every
film, like to taste point.He's like like the magical mystery person that
appears like even in you know,Going Back, where he doesn't really play.
He plays the weasel. I guessin what nineteen nineties class act the

(04:51):
classic can in play a switchero moviewhere he gets them to perform the talent
show together and without the weasel knowwell he does. He just promised him
a stripper, I think in thatmovie where he's like, he's like,
but a see what this girl coulddeal with her legs? And I'll see
what the talent show? Did?You just channel Polly I did? Oh

(05:14):
my god, he's in me now. It's like it's like this is like
an exerc type scenario. Oh no, he's right here in my heart.
Happen to Matthew? He got hethe spirit of Polly Shore entered him and
he he he weezed. He Igot wheezed wee seing the juice Man's cute.
What's what's an exorcism of a wheezingthe like, how do you exercise

(05:36):
weeze in some way? Wow?Well, like do you give him an
hailer to like cure the wheeze?Do you give him a steam like your
lungs open up their lungs, You'relike a steam bath or something like that,
or like you know, um saunaof some sort sauna exorcism, A
sauna exorcism you just have to sitin a dry sauna for I don't know,

(05:56):
until you die or the weasel comesout. Wow, that's that's an
episode of Yellowstone right there. Thatis it could be. I just finished
the first season of that and uhkind of impressed by it. And also
I'm kind of like, what's thebig deal? Taylor shared and has built
an empire. He went from hiswife max out or credit cards to have
him write the screenplay for to gethim final draft, to wright Cicario to

(06:19):
having an empire, we legit empire, the Yellowstone Empire. It's it's pretty
pretty impressive, Yellowstone, La.We's the juice, you know what?
The best digging moment though, Jayof the nineteen nineties is what is it?
Thirteenth Warrior? The Thirteenth Warrior wherethey're digging in trenches and this guy

(06:43):
keeps throwing mud on this dude toprovoke a fight and then he chops his
head off. Little known John McTiernanmovie Nobody remembers that being John John mctierman,
I love it. And that's aquick question, Jay and Matt.
You guys get off a plane,you've been in prison for many years.
You run into an abandoned diner andyou find a suitcase. What's the ideal
wardrobe that you hope to find inthis suitcase that matches your personality? Because

(07:06):
Sally's super stoked. I was hopingyou were gonna ask this question because if
you weren't, I was so,oh nice. That's a good alliteration there,
Sally's super stoked. But yeah,so Sally's super stoked. What what
would you open up? Like?Jay, you open up a suitcase and
you're like, no, no,no, and then you go, yes,
uh, person clothing? What's prisonclothing like in this? In this

(07:27):
film, prison clothing is jeans,jeans and like a tank top and yeah,
denim shirt. I have a denimshot. It doesn't look good at
me. So and in this weather, in like the weather of corne or
it's really hot, I'd like something. I don't have the physique of any
of these guys, so I'd likesomething kind of thin come with everything.

(07:48):
So, like a long sleeve linenshirt would be nice. Do you know
those Columbia fishing shirts that nobody fishesin and they're nice and you can get
air through them, and they're reallong and the nice event the back and
everything like that. Yeah, isthat something, Jay? Or No?
You want a nice linen shirt?I mean that that work. Yeah.
I don't know what kind of fishingshit you're talking about, not familiar with

(08:09):
it. I would with god Um, I mean, the prison issue outfit
is already pretty good because it hasto tank top the keens. You know,
it's already a pretty considering every otherprison issued like outfit where it's just
like the orange or red or yellowjumpsuit you know, which probably itchy,

(08:35):
you know, not very good cottonthread on it or anything like that.
It's probably a blend, and probablya polycotton blend, which could be very
comfortable. Though sometimes I would hopefor um, maybe just I think,
well, what's what's a good outfitlike that? What I call he's totally
stoked for. I mean, I'dbe stoked for just like a hat.

(08:56):
You know, I just gonna befind me a good hat like one of
those Colombia like the fishing hats Markthat has has a really long brim.
Yeah, you know, super superlong brim, so I can look like
the kid from the Sandlot who getsmade fun of because that's the only hat
that he had in his house.As we go back to another movie in
the nineties with the kid who umgets bullied and everything like that. And
that's how I feel this movie isa lot of bullies, a lot of

(09:18):
bullis. Tres got one of theguards like baseball caps he has gone around.
That's a really smart idea, though, Matt, because while Viking is
just sunburned beyond all believes he's justlook like a Viking anymore. He threw
his shot, he goes to theplane, threw his shirt away and hasn't
found it since that was chapter.He threw it away, and yeah,

(09:43):
he got really excited. He tooka shirt off that did a front flip
into the flip the sand early ontohis back his bag. It's like,
oh, yeah, I've removed anycushioning I had, now do this.
He's a he's a big he's abig fella. He's probably a litt cushion
in that bad If your name's Viking, you don't care, You can't just
like you jump on, you doa flip and land on the ground and

(10:07):
go oh like you gotta you gottaembrace it. Should I'm gonna take your
name away, Viking. And that'sanother thing I like about this movie.
You don't really know anybody's name untilthey tell you their name. In a
lot of ways, like would you'vebeen able to guess that you guys Naing
was Viking? Probably not? OrSally was named Sally, It's like,
yeah, Sally, they don't theydon't reference that name once. I don't

(10:28):
think they don't know. And itgoes into the script, is that comes
from their surname? Sounds like thatI can't I had this no a while
ago. I can't want his name. Wey that Sally knnants sounded like it's
like Salvatore can't dance. But asa surname goes to the dame naming of

(10:50):
all these characters in this movie,do you know what I think I would
wear? I want to let y'allhave you seen you people, oh the
new Jonah, Yeah, yeah,I've seen that tied eyed outfit he has.
He has a tied eye hoodie inshorts. Yeah, yeah, okay,
I could see that. I would. I would wear tied eye hoodie
and shorts and tied eye socks,tied eye everything. Just look like you're

(11:13):
going to burning Man, which you'reprobably close to out there in that area.
Right. Let's listen. I'm anextra in this movie. I'm not
getting much screen time, so Iwant to be seen in the background.
So Ty Granderson Jones, who wason this show. There's a scene in
this clip. I don't know ifyou noticed Jay when they're digging out the
plane, but he's standing out ofthe line wiping off his forehead. I'm
like, good job, Tie,Like you know how to get on screen,
Like that's a veteran right there.And then like we had him on

(11:37):
the show, having got him thepart of running up and here Cyrus,
and the whole conversation caught out ofthe film between him and Cyrus got he
got the yo Cyrus thing at leasthe got. He got that one thing
apparently that was that was a lotmore to had a whole conversation between him
and Malkovich that's didn't make the cutunfortunately. Do you think this is the

(12:00):
most artistically shot chapter of the entirefilm, because when Garland Green is walking
through the fence initially there's some reallygreat leading lines and Megan walked in the
room my wife and she goes,wow, this looks like it's from a
like an experimental like indie film withhim kind of walking through there, and
then the slow motion up to thefence and the wonderful framing of Danny Trejo

(12:24):
in the guard tower, like thatwide shot. There's some pretty legit camera
work in this one where it doesn'tfeel like the same movie, but it
looks pretty great. Yeah, itfeels like each character is in their own
kind of four rooms. Yeah,we're like, I haven't seen it,
if I'm aware of it, andwhat happens, I feel like each in

(12:46):
a different director stories that have eachcharacter's ark in this chapter, So like
Garland Green, like the slow motionthe school going bull sol Garland Green random
noises when he's on into what Ithink is a dream sequence dig into that.
But I fully think he's he's takensome kind of a trip and he's
gone into a past life and he'ssitting down with some his first victim that

(13:09):
he knew back in back when hewas the same age as her or something.
I don't know. I don't thinkthis is really happening. There's no
way approving this is the this isthe trailer park he grew up on.
I think the entire town is deserted, and so sin Dino's people have killed
the people in the guard tower,like people are dead, yeah here,

(13:31):
yeah, but they've left the girl. Yes, wow, oh wow.
So I think maybe it's like hecan smell the blood and it's sending him
back into this memory. He's gota sense memory of this is the girl
I killed when I was eight yearsold. I grew up in this caravan
in stephensheming voice, I cannot dohere. I ad made a dream.

(13:56):
I smell blood. I have togo. It is trailer park or Sindino
killed these men, defying irony thathe later sorry they wouldn't gipping ahead of
like they wouldn't leave the girl.I don't know how brutal cartels are,
but if they slaughtered everybody else,you're not leaving witnesses. You're not leaving
a little girl unless she was lighting. I mean she's in a pool.

(14:20):
Yeah, maybe they just a tertiarylook or just on the surface look.
And then it's not a deep coolshe's she's visible from the ground. Yeah,
I had sticking out, But shealso seems very like, kind of
okay with everything. She's having atea party. So it's not like a
kid who would be traumatized by maybeseeing or another South Oh no, another

(14:43):
guys, we really did to moveto a different trailer park mom and oh
no, I can't talk to Momada. They're dead now. Now I'm stuck
in this pull forever. Geez.And when he grabs that doll by the
neck, Oh nah, How oldwere you when you first saw this?
Ah? This? This was ninetyseven, six ninety seven, I forget
um. I saw this in thetheater, so I would have been either

(15:09):
thirteen or fourteen, depending on theon the month. So I remember seeing
this, and as a kid,I would I would see these like my
dad would be taking these movies allthe time. It's like the nineties were
great because we would just go tothe movies all the time. He didn't
didn't care. So I think asas a kid, I'm like, oh,
that's a cool way to like takesomebody out of a chair. But
I'm also not thinking about dream sequencesor like a like a like a like

(15:31):
going in a fuig state of likeoom. This reminds me of the nineteen
eighties or something like that at thepool where this is where I killed this
a little small child. Um thistime roll you though, like because the
tone of this is not the toneof the movie. It's a different Yeah,
it's a different movie. I feellike we're in a completely different this
whole this whole scene feels like today'spoint Ford almost like distinct movies that are

(15:56):
going on. We have like thewe gotta escape, we gotta the plane
out of the thing. So it'slike an escape movie with an action movie
with a psychological thriller going on.May das on some kind of road trips
movie. It's like a plane's trainsand helicopters or something like that. It's
like saving the rain forest that somefine. I like how Malloy's accent always

(16:22):
comes out just enough when he getsreally upset. He's like goes into regular
calm meny as opposed to not Americancalmly. We get around it by saying
he's he's like an Irish American guy. It's fine. Yeah, that's true
too. It's like it's easy toget around the rain forest recycling. Sandals

(16:44):
managed to make that sound so insulting. Yeah, doing good things. That
was a culture though in the nineties, right we're like, well, he's
in the States where people like,like some women across the rooms, look
at this person recycled lane. Thenineties were very anti saving the rainforest.
Most people were like, look atthese hippies plante independent of community, how

(17:10):
dare they supply more oxygen? He'shelping on the privileged kids. Must have
too much free time. I wishI could do that lazy. I mean,
I feel like that was the ninetynine that was a subset of human
beings in the nineties right there,where like it was almost all Bruckheimer movie.
So you always have seen almost everyBruckheimer movie. I don't care what

(17:32):
it is. It's like it's thatsubculture of the Bruckheimer Simon West, Michael
Bay who's the other guy, wasthinking of it dud gone in sixty seconds?
Who seen dominic Sena dot Dominick Senna. You know, it's like that
subsect of directors and the production officesof Gary Bruckheimer, Don Simpson, Garry
Brocker, don't forget about Donson,Don Simpson, R and P. But

(17:55):
still well because the villain up quotein sixty seconds is uh was okay?
And he loves wood, which isa sustainable material. Yeah, oh man.
And you know what's crazy is,yeah, Nicholas Cage. He whittles
this beautiful piece of wood in Cagebreaks and he's like, oh man,

(18:17):
yeah, that's really interesting. AndEd Harris wants just to get payments for
his soldiers that died. Yeah,he wants reparations for his for his soldiers
and the like, it's like,I want my money. It's like,
no, candy Man's yelling at him. He's like, I don't care about
this guy. I want I wantmy own money. He kills poor poor
pikin wood bun for it and theNinth Doctor of Booking Will Binds so good

(18:40):
in that movie, The Ninth Doctorthough, you know, Giovanni Robisi,
He's like, hey man, I'llget these collars for you, and then
the ninth doctor goes, all right, I'll make my chair and I'll wait,
and then Giovanni Ribisi fails. Something'slike, listen, Rabisi, you
need to finish up this job.Like you know, I'm gonna turn your
bones into a at our end chairif you don't do this for me.

(19:02):
So then Cage comes in. It'slike, listen, man, you're the
bad guy. Like no Geo cameto me. I was whittling wood and
he's like, hey, man wasmaking I was making. I was making
a coffin for somebody else. Butguess what now I was going to be
his coffin. Sorry, I mean, how am I the bad guy here?
Your little brother promised me a jobhe failed. Now you guys have
to do it or if I don't, people are gonna be like, hey

(19:23):
man, that dude that makes chairson the for a side, Hustle's kind
of a whimp, like he doesn'tfollow through what does run all over him?
So he's actually the good guy inthe movie. That's the thing.
I think that's it's misplaced about who'sthe good guy and who's the bad guy.
In a lot of these Bruckheimer productions, Eccleston's not going to say just
this once everybody lives. That's settinga brad and that's setting a bad present.

(19:45):
That's bad for business. No,nobody's gonna take you seriously noe,
like he said, nobody's gonna buyyou a bone adder on that chair.
If you just start letting people gowhen they don't live up to their word
of stealing you fifty really expensive carsthat are being sent somewhere. You know,
I think the cars are actually thevillain. You know, the gas
mileage in those cars horrible, terrible, destroying, destroying the environments awful.

(20:08):
So maybe that's what I pleats theseplanet to get these cars off the streets.
Maybe it's trying to get it's tryto get all these rich people to
go buy whatever the two thousand Teslawas. And those cars are insured,
Like most of the people who havethese cars, they have insurance, so
they're gonna get paid for that.And it's the upper one percent, So

(20:30):
who's going to feel bad for them? At the same time, it's like,
look, we're we're redispersing wealth aroundthe around the country and saving the
environment. So so Eccleston's just makinga stool like a beautiful So he took
a barrel top from a wonderful JimBeam barrel. Yeah, get some good
bourbon. He fixed it onto somereally neat wood staves and created a beautiful

(20:52):
stool that you can sit on ina bar. Geo comes up to him,
He's like, hey man, let'srob these rich people and take this
these gas sucking things off the planet. And then Geo fails and he's like,
well, you gotta do it again. So he's the good guy.
These are the things that people aretalking about. Yeah, we are.
I'd love to do fifty seconds ofthe podcast. I do not know enough

(21:15):
about cars be the right person todo that one. That's definitely that's a
one off. That's not as sarious. That's a good soundtrack right there.
I own that soundtrack. Everything aboutthat film, which was about cost the
nineties. Yeah, Vinnie Jones,it's the Sphinx, you know, he's
great, and Delhi Lindo. Yeah, nuts like Michael Pain and John Carol

(21:40):
Lynch like down there is that onescene guy, Oh yeah, disgusting.
Oh you got Angela and Joelie oscarWinner kind of being wasted in it.
Yeah, cage low. That soundslow Right was just pumping a worst breakfast
ever made. Yeah, I don'teven know. He was putting hot sauce
in the eggs after he burned theeggs or something like that. I don't

(22:02):
know. The director just said,go full Geo, go Rabisa twelve ROBC
times flow, do whatever you gottado, make what you gotta make.
Okay, whoa, It's like Idon't think. Yeah, he's not a
human Geo Rabisi in that movie,Like, he's not functioning human being in
that film. He can't steal carscorrectly, he can't cook, you know,

(22:23):
he he's nothing, he's he's maybehe's he's he's like the he's a
dream sequence for Nicholas Cage or somethinglike that, where he doesn't really exist.
This is all of his failings asa as a husband, as a
boy, as a as a boyfriend, as a car thief, it's all
manifestated. And his fictitious brother thathe has a go cart coach, his

(22:45):
failure O cart coach really bad atthat too, can't can't, can't coach.
He's goods out a GoCart correctly,and so he's just manifested Geo.
Maybe I can't prove that Jay,but Mark, you know, Jake,
Jay's gonna have a He's your wayproving his growing green. No other characters
talk to this little girl, whereasother characters do interact with and show up

(23:08):
following hip rains. Whereas the onlythe only proof we have that the girl
existed in conaras that has a kendoin a later scene. But then just
he just found that in the pool. God, yeah he went, Yeah,
he went to the boy found theKendall and took it with him.

(23:29):
What's a better empty pool scene?The card plane and Barb and Star with
the empty pool or this empty poolscene? Which one do you prefer?
Oh, bobst was fantastic with arandom guys just sitting there playing pool in
the bottom playing solitaire on a pokertable and empty pool or this scene.
I feel like this one has becomemore iconic. Yeah ay, wait,

(23:52):
wait, we only get a glimpseof the Yeah, it's a couple of
weeks time and we're really dig intoit. So yeah, this, this,
this scene is one like I want. People have requested the garden green
in a pool scene. I havea major statement to make right now,
guys, the best John Malkovich momentis in this moment when Yah is being

(24:22):
kind of flirty and just going likeself educated man, like he's just uttering
up Garland and Garland just eats itup. Garland smiles like, that's that's
like the it's the that's why youbring in John Malkovich. That's that's why
you bring him in to do moment, little moments like that where he just
kind of he loved you could tellCyrus love that, like self educated man.

(24:44):
He's like, it's what a moment. That's that's why you get Cage
and Malkovich and I that's what onething that bothers me with this movie when
so many people are like, oh, it's dumb, I mean, yeah,
it's insane, but there's little momentsin here with very good actors that
doing things that you don't typically seein action movies like this. So yeah,
I adore that smirk. That's myfavorite Malkovic moment of the entire movie.

(25:08):
It's it's definitely out there. Istill like, yeah, for sure,
I still like his tongue work whenhe's being such a really like malkovec
moment of but that's that s's outthere too. Yeah, because it's so
slick. It's such a slick littlemoment and it makes Cameron Poe so smart

(25:32):
that caught that scene. Like thisis a very smart hero we have here
and just the way that he can. But like it's it's it's it's a
perfect moment. I like, Idon't care. It's a perfect moment.
It's that little interaction. It's lovely. It makes me so happy. What
you reckon is the most useful mammal? M chicken? Camel? Oh yeah,

(25:55):
cow a cow an ox? Okay, a donkey? Yeah yeah,
I think like holes. Maybe ahorse? Yeah, this is this isn't
a fun question to the chicken first. Um, yeah, it's gotta be
a horse. Yeah, we're talkingabout the most useful non human mammal.
Correct, I mean I'm counting humansin this list. I would just say

(26:18):
it's pretty the most useful mammal atleast useful mammal is like pid movement wasn't
Simon Simon Cowell. When it comesto animals, males, She's helped so
many people in this world, Likedogs and cats are pretty useful as pets
for like therapy. Yeah, butyou can't really do much else outside of

(26:40):
them being around. I guess huskyhuskies can be like oh yeah yeah,
or like I say, put himin Florida, they're done. Yeah,
true, yeah, those are mostburnie Bernies. Bernies mountain dogs are the
mountain dogs in Germany where they havethe whiskey around their neck. So,
okay, think an art is prettydamn healthful, and you'll take that bring

(27:02):
me with you. But it's fluffy, it's you know, good, bring
me whiskey and we'll bring If youever get caught in a snow drifter,
you know, in an avalanche,it will dig you out and bring you
whiskey. You know you're happy,happy to get drunk. It's perfect.
I'll become more dehydrated. Well,there's snow around. You can see the
snow, it's true, and youcan put the snow in the whiskey.

(27:22):
If it's too strong, there yougo cut that proof on there a little
bit. See now see now we'reI think you're the most useful manmal Mark
because you could stretch it, youcould pour a little bit, put ice
in it melted down and have anice drink. I would just stay under
the snow forever. It's like,this is a good life. You know,
people find you three years later andyou're still you look exactly the same,

(27:44):
driving like a Brandon Frazer. EveryoneI see though, Man, this
this big dog keeps on coming backto base and heading back out again every
two weeks, and it brings youlike a stereo. It brings you a
little chest of drawers, and youjust make a life, made a life
under the snow. It's three yearssomething to follow the dog, Like,

(28:10):
I've been tracking this dog for threeyears. I think he's up to something.
They find you and you're just watchingan episode of Wings, like you
know, you're eating like a wonderfulpressed panini under here. It's like,
well, it took a long timeto really get acclimated here, but I
think I finally figured out after likesix months, I finally figured out what
I really needed to do. Wespent nine million dollars trying to find you.

(28:33):
Eighteen helicopters were flowing around the area. You've been start burying more people
into the snow. It's a goodlife under here, under the snow.
It's like this entire's house disappeared atthe avalanche, and they're thriving. They're
doing better. This underground Society ofsnow dwellers is doing fantastic. They find
him seventeen thousand years later, andit's just it's like Atlantis. Yeah,

(28:57):
it's like it's like, get outof here, dope, come here no
more. I'm very angry at you. Stay away from my snow, my
snow kingdom. No mammals allowed.But I guess you would probably those people
would probably evolve into something beyond repairat that point. You know, people
living at a you know, scarysnow beast kid or something. I want

(29:19):
one of those snow beast kid,and I know, give me ten minutes,
like a fine one for you.I know a kingdom under the snow
that's been cultivating these snow beast childrenfor for decades. I'll take two to
you. Guys are going on aquest. Your quest is to take a

(29:41):
ring and throw it into a largevat of mud the labratar pits. Okay,
and Jay for you, you gotto take it to the northernmost reaches
of Scotland to throw it into ainto a lock. Johnny Arts, Okay,
so you're from Tennessee to California.Jay, You're going all the way

(30:02):
up to throw it into a lock. Now, what human and what mammal
are you taking with you on thisjourney? None of those talking animals like
Donkey. Yeah. See, youcan take any human movie character or not,
but a human, not not likea superhero who are human, but

(30:26):
a human with no powers and ananimal. What are you taking? Mmmm?
Well, if I am going toCalifornia, I'm gonna take Jenny Lewis
from the Wizard with me, sinceyou know, she's gonna cross country trucks
and she knows your way around,like the truck stops and everything like that,
and could talk to truckers and probablyget us to where we need to

(30:48):
go quicker. And she's a musiciantoo, so she could play some musician.
She could play some Danton. Yeah, you can listen to some real
Kylie and some Postal Service the entireway and then animal. You know,
I created the charts from Postal Servicewhen they're like, I created charts and
graphs. Oh, I'd made upthe charts and graphs for that song.

(31:10):
Oh you did. Yeah, Idon't know how I are. I did
it years ago, but I justmade a funny couple of graphs about how
terrible that guy is. I thinkthat's a great pick and what an animal?
That's now animal? Oh god,so you go Jennie Lewis with me
in an animal. God, Ilike that Saint Bernard with the whiskey,
but he might not survive that.And that said, well, that's a
long road trip. You No,I need something sleek. I need like

(31:33):
a like a gray how about agreyhound? Take a greyhound. They're quick,
they're fleet of foot, and ifI ever need some extra money,
I can you put them in agreyhound race. I don't think we do
greathound races any anymore in America.I think we've banned those. You can
adopt the greyhounds. I hear they'rewonderful pets. I know, see they're
they're great companions. They're kind oflike they're kind of slithery like snakes,

(31:56):
so they're almost like on the onthe cusp of being a man them all
and like a reptile little bits um. Plus they're really cool. I don't
know. I'm going with that.I'm going with a greyhound and Jenny Lewis.
We're going cross country. We're gonnathrow that, we're ringing the labred
torpids. I'm taking a person thatis an animal let's take a curb with

(32:19):
the frog and we're going to cyclethe whole way. Oh it sounds amazing
YouTube on those roads. Yeah,here we find um he's I mean it
gets pretty cold up that how well? Frog still with a code. I've
really thought about that. We'll figurethat out. But when we're not,
when we also like him, we'regonna go on a time and bike.
But there's me sometimes, but I'lldo it this likeclying and he can just

(32:39):
hang back and play and play mea song to try to keep your motivated.
What's good about Curbit the frog.You can just dress them up,
you know, even if it getscold, you can put them in like
a like a snow jacket or somethinglike that, or a hoodie or tie
eye hoodie if you find one.Yeah, make sure here are you taking

(32:59):
up? I love that movie Pray. So I'm gonna take Nauru and I'm
gonna take Cocoa the dog. Sothose two would just hunt and kill and
if a predator comes, a yutjack comes, are gonna kill it.
Totally safe. Medicine. She's reallygood with medicine. If I if I
get a sprained ankle or if Icut my leg on the road and I
need it healed. We're just gonnamake our way across the country easily.

(33:21):
What do you bring to this team? My charm? Intellect? I hike
a lot, so I wouldn't chartsis charging graphs. I've done a lot
of hiking, so I would youknow what I bring to it. I
would just let them lead and Iwould just follow behind him quietly, and
then they liked, they would belike, you know what, I know

(33:43):
nothing about you, but you don'tbother me. I'm like hey, and
like no one ever trusts naru,So I would just like, hey,
you're the leader. Lead please,Like I'm not telling you to lead,
but like, just do your thing. I'll follow. Can teach me how
to throw an axe, and thenI would be good with an axe.
That I mean, it's a goodway of going about it. Like you
you're kind of the guy who sitsin bags, Like I actually know how

(34:05):
to do all these things. ButI'm like, let you lead the way
and teach me, because maybe we'llteach you something about yourself. Be like
one of those vision quests. Bythe end of the walk, are you
saying the rules? A better person? Because of how much faith I put
in her. Yes. Absolutely,And then we have a sequel that comes
out. It's even better than thefirst one. Pray to back East,
Pray again, Eat, Pray Love, walk, Pray Love, walky and

(34:34):
throw axes. Were you were youalso throwing the ring in the in the
in the LaBrea tarpets? Was thatyour mission? That was mine? Going
up to Portland? Oh? Okay, I'm gonna put it in the rogue
breweries mash and it can disapparate there. Wow. And in the in the
hazelnut beer they make, or theor the one that they've made for the

(34:57):
probably donut the guy so I don'twant oh the voodoo donut, Vodoo donut.
And then I'll go get some voodoodonuts. Oh, and we'll have
the remnants of the ring you throughin there. Yeah, And then everyone
eats it. So then you knowthe good thing about it is it goes
around the country and everyone drinks it. So when they go to like,
hey, I need my ring,Wait, it's in the gullets of seventy
four thousand people who drank it,Like, we'll never be able to piece

(35:20):
it back together. Wait. Nowit's in the toilets like that's my plan.
So Weron's not putting this thing backtogether. Shouldn't he shouldn't be able
to or can? That could bea very interesting movie where we have to
we have to track down seventy fourthousand people see where they have just who
drink this? And then where theydispersed it? Yeah, charts, that's
charting. Needed some charts and grassfor that mark. Yeah. I could

(35:43):
figure that out, and I wouldfind the biggest distribution points. If you
could figure out nothing better, youcan figure out this. Say there's nothing
better. I feel like I mustinterject here. We'll go, we'll hike
to some great Heights together. Jay, do you ever listen to the Postal
Service? I never have had onealbums listening. Yeah, it's good like

(36:06):
that, nothing better? And thenSuch Great Heights, which is a cover
of Iron and Iron and Wine.Yeah, yeah, and Garden State they
covered it for Wait, no,was it the Iron Wine cover because the
Postal Service, Such a Great Heightswas by them, and then Iron and
Wine covered it for Garden for GardenState or something else. So, man,

(36:28):
there was a there was a PostalService and what's his name is other
band they were touring. He's touringdoing bulls. Yeah, I'm actually going
to one in Philadelphia, so giveme a shirt. They didn't, Um,
I'll pay it for the shipping.They we'll talk then. They it

(36:52):
just didn't come to Atlanta, soI can't go to it. Yeah,
they were nowhere in your name,they were nowhere in the South. I
think they're only doing like seventeen dates. Four. Yeah, that's the closest
one at the best day. Itwas a Friday. It couldn't get off
in the middle of the week.So very happy for you. Thanks.
It's gonna be a good time.Yeah, it's gonna be fun. Philadelphia
is fun ish, I guess.So just go to wah wah of iced

(37:16):
tea down in Florida. We hadwahwa Now in Tennessee. We have BUCkies.
You got BUCkies like right outside.You're in Atlanta, so I want's
just close. It's huge, it'shuge. It's it's it's like Walmart took
a dump inside of a gas station. It's incredible. But it's cleaner,
it's clean. Everyone's yeah, nicesir. Yeah, they're happier to work

(37:39):
there there. Yeah, good serviceand they do like He's like, what
the hell are you guys talking abouttrying to find a way we can start
them with onions and chicken fight.Chicken chicken you can buy like a chicken
sandwich in a Bucky's. Which yeah, yeah, circumstances led to the being

(38:00):
onions and chicken feet in this firsteight stew st Stewett. But there's a
propane there's a propane tank up inthe like what we're up in the tower.
So the guy probably hides his hisgood stuff because the townsfolk are always

(38:22):
looking for them. Juicy onions theylook like Jason onions that look like,
oh yeah, those are brand newonions. Yeah, those are freshly harvested
from the onion farm down the roadthat the cartels desert desert farm. I
love a desert onion farm. It'svery salty, yeah, super salty,

(38:45):
salt of the earth type stuff.But the onions and chicken feed, I'm
just trying to put it felt tome more like a voodoo magic. Oh,
I don't know, I don't know. I guess always associate like weird
things in a in a in abox, like with voodoo magic or something
like that. And maybe maybe maybethis is something that because this is a

(39:07):
cartel you know, we think it'sthe cartel, you know, so they
maybe they have they always have theirbox of like onions and chicken feet or
something like that going around with them. Well, Bad Boys three he had
Will Smith looked up with a witch. Yeah. And then in Bad Boys
Too, they're with the Zoe Poundand they're like in the in the Voodoo
House and everything like that, orthat they forgot what it is that they

(39:30):
had something they hand. It's likestuff floating on the walls and stuff like
that. I don't know where thisis going. And films have always led
us to believe that us bones orchicken feet for things to read the future.
Yes, like in either in voodooor Santoria or something like that.
It's always like you know, tellingum weird weird story about this weird story

(39:52):
about my dad. When my dadused to work for the housing an urban
development, he was inspector and hehad to go into some houses and one
of the house US had basically hewould go in, but he he was
with his buddy and his buddy saiddon't go in there because there was an
egg hanging from a string in thedoorframe. And apparently that was bad luck
if you passed the threshold of thehouse with the egg hanging on the on

(40:14):
the string. I don't know weirdstuff, you know, I don't know.
I don't I don't know about atall. But you know, I'm
not here to rubb it another man'srubarb and tell me he's wrong about what's
what's h nothing wrong? Yeah,So there's an egg hanging inside this tent.
The camera walks passed. I mean, I would just melt into my

(40:38):
chair if that, if there wasI that you just you just become an
egg. He's just like, ohia, an egg. He'd be turned
into an egg, the most usefulmammal, the egg. You could the
prices right now, a human sizeegg like egg you make a fortune,

(41:00):
you know, you know big thatit would be like a giant almond.
It would be like the size ofthose pancakes that John Candy made an Uncle
Buck. Oh, Yeah, becauseyeah, I'll figure you Mark, you're
about six six feet six one sixthree six four and I'm about twenty Okay,
Yeah, you're you're quite an egg. You're a good egg. You're

(41:22):
an egg. You're ready, You'rean egg of epic proportions. Is that
cannibalism? If I turned into anegg, no, because I think it's
a because it's it's a pre itwould be a pre you Well, well,
no, hold on it. Itwould be it would be pre Mark,
because that's what an egg would be, right, yeah, so just

(41:45):
be a large Wait, so ifsomeone just sat on it, it would
be me. I'm pretty sure youdidn't initially hatch from an egg, mos,
so I don't. But if Iturn out to an egg, could
you put me on some soft horses, put some heat on me, and
have me eventually? I think youwould be like I don't know. I
think you would be like scrambled eggthough, or something like that, because

(42:06):
it would heat up and you wouldn'tYou would just have to let you cultivate.
I don't think you would survive asan egg. Mark, I think
I could do it. Okay,that's fine this time next week, next
week, Mark, what do youthink about this? Well, Mark's an
egg right now, so we can'trespond to you. Mark. You han't
answered the photo. Right now,he's turned into an egg. We're gonna

(42:28):
see if he could have We're gonnasee if you could hatch him, or
we put him on these saw horsesbecause heat him up for a while.
We're gonna put this to the test. Six weeks later, I just pop
out and I'm like, what's up, y'all? Oh, it's a funny
grown Mark in there? Does Bernardkept bringing me whiskey. It was great.
He didn't even have to put meunder the snow. This is fantastic.
This is like Matt Slivick under theunder the snow and ice. And

(42:52):
Bark was hatched from an egg.And Jay was the one who gave us
the idea to hatche Mark from theegg? What's great being in an egg?
Jay? You can't do any work, so you just get to I
never relax. So if I wasin an egg for six weeks, I
don't think i'd go mad. Ithink I would just sort of hang out.
So think about it, like,you know, when what's your name?
Who is it? Barbara Eden?Who was in I dream in Genie,

(43:14):
who would just be hanging out inthe in the lamp all the time.
It's like you're a modern day likeBarbara Eden, but in an egg.
But in an egg? What'd youdo in there? Mark? Nothing?
There's nothing to do. Yeah,I'm just I was. I was
a formless void that formed into me. It's like you were in the float

(43:34):
studio for like six months and it'sjust extreme sensory deprivation. You're just sitting
there, just lofting around in yourin your yoke if you will. I
got Hugh Jackman working on me,reading my memories. Yeah, it's like,
this is a perfect scenario for me. And then when you're boards just
break out of the egg, You'rejust covered in goog. Nope, you

(43:55):
want to be covered in goop becauseyou became the man you are out of
the egg. It would just beme. It'll be you with my tight
eye outfit, with your tight outfitsin the matrix. You know. No,
no, no, gou jae.If it involves me being gooey like
that, I don't want it.It doesn't want this egg story happening in

(44:15):
a giant cream egg. Yes,put me in there. That'd be amazing,
that would be delicious. God,imagine living in a Cadbury egg.
I don't about you, guys,but I love a Cadbury egg. Yeah,
none of that caramel crap either.The original came. Yeah, I
want the I want the white andyellow goo. Yeah, give me the
white and yellow gou Give me amagazine like an Auto Trader laminated doesn't.

(44:39):
Yeah you have Do you have alight in there? Well, I guess
if you get used to it,the sun has probably been going to be
able to break through a little bitof the the shell a little bit,
so you would get a little bitof some sunlight maybe coming through a little
bit. I'm napping because it's justtoo much light comes in. Yeah.
Hopefully you don't get used as oneof those experiments. Is you when you're

(45:00):
in elementary school and it's like,oh, you have to take care of
this egg for six weeks you know, remember, and it's like, oh,
don't break the egg because if youbreak the egg, obviously you can't
become a parent if you give it. If you give a six foot three
egg to a child food, that'sa Tall Order. It's the name.
That's the name in the movie.It's called Tall Order. Whoa could have

(45:22):
started in this Matthew? Would wouldhe be? Would he be? The
kid in the egg? And thekid there you go? It all works
out this summer Matthew Modine is thena curse puts him in an egg and
Fred Savage has to watch after him. This summer Tall Order tall order.

(45:45):
I don't like the name of themovie anymore. We gotta think of a
better one. Eggs short order,eggs short order order up up is good.
Yeah, because the first the modenor the oh I like that one.
What comes first is the name ofthe movie. What comes first?
But is there who's the villain ofthis movie? Is he? It's a
person like trying to give But Ifeel like this is a groundtold day scenario

(46:09):
where Modin is essentially his own villain. Well, he like starts out as
a terrible person and that has becomea better person, so goes on.
So he has to fell in theegg, and he has he has to
be in the egg, and hehas to have this kid trust him,
or he has to trust his kidto get him through his experience. Yea,
and local bullies want to use theegg to catapult onto a house.

(46:30):
It's the ultimate egging. It's onHalloween. God, now we thought of
it all that would destroy the house? Does they build a catapult? Wait
your child to build a catapult?You plan on shooting the six foot three
egg? I hate old man Withers. He sucks somebody. Eggs sounds really
good. I'm going to destroy it. It just destroys that goes through the

(46:52):
home, or it's it's matt it'sactually Matthew Madean's house because he was mean
to that kid and he doesn't knowthat Matthew Macdean's in the egg, and
so it would be like murder plushomelessness. But because you know, the
egg crashes into the roof, itbreaks apart, and he just wakes his
lands on his own bed in position. We woke up with the start of

(47:14):
the film, like like the sceneof Lost Boys where it just falls into
the bed, but he's got dirtyjeans. Yeah. I like this movie.
Come one pitching this. Wait,what's the name of this movie?
Again? What came first? Whatcame first? Yeah? But what came
first? Dot? Dot? Doyou put a lipsis on it and you
can say what came what came first? Question mark? Yeah? Yeah,

(47:35):
you need three dots? Forced toomuch? Two isn't enough. You gotta
cute? Okay, Well I likethis. Um, I like this X
script. We came up with.It all came from the onions and chicken
legs. This could have been aTouchdowe movie in the nineties. We should
make this this sooner. It'll getpoached. Yeah, don't put this podcast
out until we get this thing saved. We get to the screenplay saved for

(48:01):
us or something like that, Markget to work. I wrote it well,
I wrote it while we were talking. Good but I had a note
that I loved Danny Trejo's not gonnasquinties. But then that that's just how
he looks. That's just his That'sjust how his eyes are all the time.
He's always always looks like he squintCan we always sweat focused to him?

(48:25):
Yeah? I think I think so, because he's ever episode we have
a sweatbook at or to the sweatiestpersonal screen Prejoe has sweated clean through that
shirt in many places, so he'sa definitely contemper. Yes, who else
is up? Yeah? Yeah,the sweatiest person on screen Cybrus stills and
sweating, Yes, sweating. Imean Diamond. Well, he's a little

(48:47):
sweaty page, little sweaty cage.When he's looking for the first day kid,
he's got a quite sweaty arm.Yeah, listening right, I think
he's more had it. Yeah,Yeah, let's try. Let's spread the
love. I mean, listen hishis like you would never see Vin Diesel
with arms, armpit sweat like that. No, he does. His sweating

(49:08):
glistens exactly. I think another contenderis swamp Thing, because he we get
a topless swampthing in this thing wedo, we get every almost everybody's topless.
I think the only person who doesn'tget topless maybe the movie is Malkovich.
I think Cyrus never gets stopless forpretty much. But like at the
start of the chapter, at leastemc Gainey is fully closed, he still

(49:30):
has his under shirt and his shirton, and then shirtless. Thirty seconds
later he's stripped down to the waist, so he's got to be sweaty.
He's not a not a small guy. We should give him the sweatbug At
Award when his cap gets flooded.Yes, okay, I've got a five
truck sweat gay sweat. You thinkof it so much salt it would be

(49:52):
a fish tank, but it's thereal swamp thing. Can we give it
to Danny Trejo? Let's spread thelove? Yeah, I love, I
love you know. It's very unselfishof him too to have such great armpit
sweat. Yeah, but he likeshe likes to spread. He likes spread
the love too. Mm hmm.How many moms can you think of with
armpit sweat um broadcast news? Ohyeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's

(50:20):
that's that's That's all I can thinkof right now. Yeah, I can't
think of any other ones. I'msure there's so hey, we got another
um oh my gosh, what's hisname in broadcast news? Brooks? Yeah,
Brooks. We had another Brooks mention. That's two Brooks mentions in this.
Yeah, man, Albert Brooks foryou know, for the Wind is
Hunter the best? I mean thatfilm is just reason Arizona be incredible.

(50:43):
Oh yeah, I love broadcast News. I love how Trejo waits until he
climbs up onto on top of theradio tower roof. He starts whistling and
yelling at people. When he hasa good whistle. Oh yeah, I
reckon and look up before he likedog looks up before he starts whipping his
shirt around. He just wants totake a show off. And he was

(51:07):
just waiting for that moment. Thatwas his moment, like shirt's got to
come off, rips it off.Yeah, then just starts doing like a
dance. Then we got company trope. But it works here s twice and
I love how diamond dogs like turnto twelve minutes. In the twelve minutes,
he knows that's very specific diamonds.In the legoless vision, you can

(51:28):
you can see what the calls they'redriving. I see how much dirt they're
kicking up. That means they're movingfifty five miles an hour. They're over
two miles away. Wait, that'llbe two minutes. Never mind, they're
doing whatever math that takes to workout. He'll be here, intends to a
minutes. He's like rain Man,looking through all the possibilities, like all
the numbers are in front of him, like, oh, that'd be amazing.

(51:51):
In the twelve minutes, he goeshold chuck and just sees it.
Yes, he sees. He seesthe timing of the cops arriving. I
was looking up that The saying manyhands make light work and it was originally
written down by an English play rightcalled John Haywood. He is behind.
He is the origins story for somany sayings. So like has makes waste

(52:14):
out of sight, out of mind, make hay when the sun shines,
look before you leap two heads betterthan one. Beggas can't be choosers.
Also ends well, I know whichsum my bread is started. One good
turns as another penny for your thoughtscome from the same guy. That's great
menopoly on programs like Waking Phoenix fromher just coming up with sayings a courage

(52:40):
he's running his I reckon he wasjust the first person to write these down.
He probably heard them from when he'sjust the first ey like I need
a pen, yeah, quill ifyou will. I guess because like he
wrote all of these down between likefifteen forty two and fifteen forty six.
That's a not a long time tocome up with many of the many of

(53:01):
our bass sayings for every day life. So I think he's collected them omber
the years. He just went topubs. JT put peoples like you knows,
well, that's well, it's like, m good thing. Don't look
a gift horse in the mouth,right, Who's who's horse? Maybe he
gets the person really bombed then sothen they don't remember the next day,

(53:22):
so that people don't like don't remembersaying that, so then they're not like,
hey, I think I told himthat back in fourteen eighty three.
Yeah, I remember that day.I was, I guess by this guy
it was English playwright and serial killer. Hang on, that's a trailer boy.
It's like everybody has something good tosee wrote wrote a little note on

(53:45):
their chests like the oh's well thatends well? Oh no they killer.
What am I saying as was betterlate than never? And that's what he
meant by all the people that gavehim sayings better late? You're late?
Are you going? David Caruth comesin, takes his glasses off. He's
like, and when he's killed,has been very quicky. I'll write that

(54:07):
down now you're next. Put thisout there. Any quippy people in pubs,
keep your mouth shut. Don't givehim good material. He won't.
Yeah, if you know where yourbread buttered, you'll shut up. The
guy knows what's up and he goesto a bar and the people are like,
if he three puddings, you're gonnawant a fourth one. He hit
his nail right on the head rock. We need another time after time movie

(54:35):
where we have to catch this guywho can wrote all these things down.
Oh, this is another of thesethings. Some of these things did not
catch on or have been revised.Would you both eat your cake and have
your cake? Has been simplified sincethat was written also when he should get
aught. Each finger is a thumb. I don't know I even know.
That means I don't know what that'sgoing, because does he want a whole

(55:00):
handful of thumps? Hered a wormon the tail and it must turn again.
It's just hey, mom, closethe door. I'm trying to write
like that one accidentally got in there. Oh stupid dinner again. Please?

(55:20):
Yeah, I love it. Peopleare out there just doing bad quotes to
not get killed by a potential serialkiller. Yeah, and someone accidentally says
one. They're like, no,you're next, hold of pith and get
sucked out. But in the scripts, in the scripts, Poe and Viking
go together to get the t inthe fuel truck, and Viking gets his

(55:45):
first and he goes, hey,Dixie, there's the fuel truck, go
get it. Is it like fromthe script King yelling putting Poe Dixie.
That's an I'm gonna Southern nickname.He didn't pick up in this one.
That's a lion. Viking doesn't getto say. When Pope gets to the
fuel truck, he dumps all thefuel out of it, which we don't.

(56:07):
We don't see him do that.He just Harries. You're a rope
carrying in the scene because he's carryingsome rope being rams carrying the haircut as
some ropes right around the shoulder,big or everything good stars maybe tired.
That's a lot of rope. AndI think you've mentioned on previous chapter Mark
Conrad, which throws up with acart laden with in script says booze a
boom box, CDs, dirty magazines, and Cyrus takes the lights a cigar

(56:30):
from it. That's that's how weget to the Leonard's kinna later in the
film. That's where that comes from. This from this this car. That's
do they never have that? That'sfun. Yeah, this is what I
got. What I loved about thesemovies. They would cut out so many
scenes and put them in the deletedscenes on your DVD and blue ray.

(56:52):
You're like, why why did theytake that out? Because that was kind
of an important thing because it wouldjust be like seeing this over to see
that, like, well, okay, at least I know how it happened.
I guess it was an important toside in the West and the crew
sally could have just picked it upin a box, right, so I
could have taken the dress and thencarry the box over like this is for
you boy, you know what Imean? Like cut it all down into

(57:14):
one thing. Well, we're leftwith what we got, Mark, Yeah,
what you watch, We're left withwhat we've got is here. It's
the Ring in seven days. Come, Matt, did you just ask two
people who have spent out like twothirds of a year to conet if we

(57:37):
watch a three hour comics? Yes? Who was I want to see with
a line of like, what's theline? What is the line? You're
talking about good sight lines earlier inthis in this podcast, so you know
what's the line of How long ofa Bruckheimer film you could I guess deal
with. I think this one wouldbe the best, just simply because there's

(57:59):
so many character actors. You couldfind so many good moments with these actors.
And as much as I love theRock, I feel like it would
be exhausting. And I loved theLock, but another two hours of it
would be I couldn't do it.But this one, I think there's so
many interesting people that I could easilywatch a forty nine hour cut of Conyer's

(58:22):
looking at Kamas Films. Yeah,No, no one. For some reason,
no one has a ranking of hisfilms by length, which I can't
understand. Why don't that doesn't exist? But I'm guessing it's probably one of
the pirates of the Caribbean films.Some of those too long. They got
longer as they went on. Ifeel too like the sequels just got longer
and longer and longer and longer bythe hours, and that got to me.

(58:45):
Jay started started interrupt Jay, butthat go, I mean devantone tells
one hundred and twenty one minutes thatwas That's not that at all, untill
too long? One hundred and thirtyseven for a strange tie. This is
very boring for people to listen to. Just technically one hundred and sixty nine
minutes for parts Kaby and at World'sEnd. Guess that was the third one

(59:08):
one with the Jack Sparry goes tothe underworld. Yea, he goes to
the Ocean of Crabs, a sceneI love. I love that, when
the Stone sent into crabs. It'sa fantastic scene. I can't remember the
rest of that film, all right, y'all. If I there's a four
hour cup of cut of one Bruckhommermovie, I'm taking Beverly Hills cop because
Eddie Murphy. It was refined thewhole time. Eddie Murphy brought his A

(59:30):
plus plus plus plus game and thathe was on fire. So to watch
him in a long cut, Iwould do it just sing around la and
making fun of people. Yes,do it ugly not a bad film,
it would be, but the Cocktailmeets Coyote ugly. They opened a bar.

(59:52):
Yea. She just performs an hourlong concert. Bright in the middle.
There's an hour long cous You're justlike, let's go fight the moonlight.
That's it. There's the central hourwith their fighting moonlight. Here comes
It's moonfall through this ugly two moonfallJay. What do you think? Yeah,

(01:00:17):
yeah, definitely that's called. That'sfine. Maria Bellows just punching moon
chunks, punching. Tyra Banks haslike breaks two bottles and starts stabbing moon
chunks. Piperparaboo hits one with aguitar. That's a name I could think
of it, I Perpara. Whoare the other two girls? Those names
elude me? Who was the onefrom the Vampire movie Isabella Miko the one

(01:00:43):
from the Vampire for the Vampire movie, Bridget moynihan was one of them.
Bridget moynihan, Yes, okay,she was in this. Yes, they
were the bar Giant knoxels in it. He was a college guy. Oh,
okay, is up. He's creditedas college guy. I do like
affected, I'm sorry. No.I the fact that tier Banks is in
it for a minute and just fucksoff and she gets shown on most of

(01:01:06):
the trailers. Yeah, she's like, she's like, oh man, I'm
gonna see a tire Banks movie.Yeah, for two minutes, and it's
like the first two minutes of themovie, and he's like, I'm out
of here, guys, see youlater. And that makes room for Piper
Parabo. It's like, oh man, Piper Parabo just fighting them fighting?
Who go from Harold of Mood JohnGoodman's the dad. It's a huge cat.

(01:01:32):
No, any Lynsky's in it.She is. He's a friend or
something like that, Mike pipreparable friendor something like that. Probably how's that
guy doing? She calls her onthe phone, Ohm, a readily available
friend who just talks to you aboutyour relationships. Yeah, it's the best
friend. Gloria from incredibly talented andI've been in some really good movies.

(01:01:53):
I'm on the phone with you.I'm on the phone with you because you're
the star. Now, Piper Here'syou're the star, the Last of Us?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she'smade her way Last of Us and
Yellow Jackets. Have you guys watchedI'm not at home in this world anymore
with her in it? Oh?I love Yeah, I love that.

(01:02:14):
Yeah, it's on my list.Oh my gosh. There's a scene with
a throwing star that is just Idon't feel at home in this world anymore.
There's a throwing star scene that justmakes me. You're talking about I
love this movie. That movie isgreat. That movie is an underrated little
gem, one of the good thingsthat Detflix picked up as a exclusive.

(01:02:37):
My boy, Melcolm Blair directed it. Yeah. I was his first movie
too. Yeah, first first AcomeBlair movie, Blue Ruined Baby. I'm
just naming movies. Ja, whatelse we got here? How many times?
That's that's well, then I'll golike I had, But that's about

(01:03:01):
at h Yeah, that's that's barely. Sereno's applotting his escape, I guess
you could say, Yeah, he'splotting stuff together. He's concerned. He's
concerned that Poe might find his guys, and is that his guy's fine part?
That's true? Yes, and Ilike Cyrus Coach just chokes along,
not any great rush to catch upto. Yes, he's in a different

(01:03:24):
movie. Yeah, that's all Ihad so much. Do you have any
one notes for this film? Runningon with thoughts on the film as a
fault? No, this uh,this was this was an action packed two
and a half minutes sequence where wereally got down and dirty. We were
digging into crates for everything in thisuh in this scene right here, chicken

(01:03:46):
Yeah, the chicken feed in theonions was the thing. I really wanted
your guys's opinion on it, andit went nowhere except for the movie,
the new blockbuster movie coming out intwenty twenty six. Um, what are
we calling it again? Looking firstand I understand so at least we got
you. Added are delicacy in manycountries, but I do not like them.

(01:04:09):
Yeah, yeah, very off puttingI find when I've been to China,
I've seen people eat them. Itreally put me off food, especially
people eat chicken feet. I justdon't feel like it's it's a lot of
people do eat like every part ofthe Chicken Get team, the chicken feet,
the chicken, the lovers, everythingelse in between. But chicken feet
doesn't. It doesn't look like there'senough in there to really Once you take

(01:04:31):
the surface of it's kind of gelatinous, it's like soft, and it just
sounds horrible. M wait. Iwent there on a work trip to China,
and my boss we had like numerousdishes, will put out chicken peoples
amongst them. I was like,thanks, but no thanks. I tried
most other things that One other thingI didn't try was what they called beat
spect, which was really long stripsof fat, just like a real and

(01:04:57):
my boss had one. See Ilike that, but well he apparently it
was so long he felt it inhis stomach whilst he was still chewing it,
and that I think it was thelast thing he ate that day because
that was such a weird feeling.He couldn't he couldn't do It's like toys,
like the spaghetti. He was justlike eating it and just letting it
go down his gullet so it justcontinuously was good. So he didn't like.

(01:05:20):
Yeah, basically I would have okayif that was If that was him,
I must speaking this way. Helikes to eat his fat, fat
lines or whatever it is like that, just like it just called the way,
that's what happens, sucking it upa whole attire plate. It's like

(01:05:43):
instead of spaghetti, you get thefat lines or something. We got steck
beef steck if that's I don't thinkthey called it. Yeah, I give
it a try. That's what Ihad. Why not? And so Matt,
where can the listeners find you?What got plugged? Oh, Simplistic
Reviews, you find all the goodstuff. We got our Our two hundredth

(01:06:04):
episode is coming out this month,which is exciting. Yeah, we've I
don't know how we did it,but we got the two hundred episodes.
It's gonna be a fun little commentary. Can't tell anybody what it is yet.
You'll find out in the middle ofthe month on the fifteenth, and
then we start a new era forSimplistic Reviews, or should I say a
new error because that's what this podcasthas been. Just a giant, erroneous

(01:06:28):
thing that exists in the Internet andnobody listens to. But if you want
to listen to it, since everybodylistens to this podcast, which is a
giant success, I hope for youguys, moderate success. It's a middle
and this this middling podcast called thepodcast Connear Podcast. Yeah, check it
out. Of simplistic reviews, it'stons of fun reviews and everything else in

(01:06:53):
between commentaries and all sorts of funpodcasts listen to on your ride to work,
or the ride of your girlfriend's house, or ride your boyfriend's house,
or riding a bike with Kermit theFrog across the country, or when you're
in a semi truck with Jaming Lewisin your Greyhound and you're getting on betting
on the truckers who can win ordrive the quickest or um whatever. Mark

(01:07:17):
decided he wanted to invite on hisroad trip. But what swo was it?
Marking the dog? Yeah? Yeah, well you can learn how to
tie a rope around an ax tothe feta a yacha warrior. Um.
Yeah, you could do all thatand more that simplistic that reviews. I

(01:07:39):
listened every month. I often skipthe commentaries for films I haven't seen.
Yeah it doesn't really, it doesn'talways makes sense, but it is until
the rest of that it's and Markand I have dropped up on numerous sketches
and you're done. You guys,you guys are great partners of the show.
We do appreciate your your vocal uh, your vocal reign and your vocal

(01:07:59):
style. But you ever, Ioften get an email from DJ like,
how's your Ian McShane. It's likeit doesn't exist, but I'll give it
a go. Still does not exist. That was the hottest one. I
couldn't do. It was Ian McShane. I cannot do, Like, what
are you mcchine? It's like amcchane from Deadwoods, Joy from Yeah,
which mcchane are you going for?I guess so I couldn't do any of

(01:08:20):
it. Just it's a bit ofa gravel when we are so great.
Well, thank you for Johnny usMark. What do you got to plug?
Let's see movie sons of flakes,movies somes of the FLX f l
i X the podcast Actually DJ Valentinejoin me to talk about our five favorite
moments from the John Wick trilogy.So that'll be up by the time this
episode's out, so go listen tothat. We had a good time.

(01:08:40):
We came up with a of course, we came up with a new side
thing about how John Wick kills allof the assassins in the world. But
the one assassin. He was like, I'm not going to die. Just
there's like a huge power vacuum,and he's like the only assassin left.
So he makes a ton of moneyand he starts up another hotel called the
Planetary and it rivals the Continental justbecause he didn't die, like so he
by default he becomes the world's besthit man. I like my story.

(01:09:04):
I like this else world's John Wickstory. I just he's the one guy
who's like, I'm not doing that. And then so he keeps watching all
the great people get killed. He'slike, wait, I think I'm the
number seventh best hit man on theplanet. Wait I'm the number sixth best.
Wait I just became the fourth.Wait I'm number two. Now he
got two in a row. Waitzero? Who plays this guy I'm picturing

(01:09:26):
Bennett Wong. Well that's amazing.Yeah best hit man. Yeah he started
and then he became johny English scenario, where were the good spicekaking? Exactly,
You're the best of what's left.But he's just middling assassin. It's
like, hey, I killed thisguy, the guy I forgot his name.
I don't think i'd meant to killhim. God damn it I best

(01:09:49):
up again. He sees go andbuy him after he gets a text message
and he just kind of gives hima piece sign and wicks like, we're
good. Stand you're lanes see inmine. Yeah, and then he'd by
default becomes the number one, theworld's number one assassin because there's no one,
and then he opens up the planetarium. Yeah. I like this,

(01:10:09):
so I like it. Yeah,so of course we came a new movie.
For listening to that, listen,you're gonna hear me and Mark over
on Deeply See the podcast talking aboutdeeply se adjacent films or scenes. Check
out our juristic world trulogy that we'regoing through the scenes of the Mos and
Saw at the moment. And youcan listen to me sometimes once a month

(01:10:29):
hosting Lampedy over on the Lamdcast movietrivia based on Jeopardy. That's always fun.
And read my writing at life asThis Film dot com. You can
follow this podcast act on apod,on Twitter or Instagram and uh thanks once
again. So that's twenty six.Thanks once again to our guest Matt Stewart.
I'm a helpful mammal helpful on thisPodcten Jake and going back next week

(01:10:57):
or the buddy gets it. I'mna