October 28, 2025 • 24 mins
In this powerful episode, Piper shares what it was really like to grow up as the sibling of a child with cancer. From feelings of jealousy and resentment to moments of strength and compassion, she opens up about learning to balance love and loss while her family’s world revolved around her sister, Lucy.
Piper also offers heartfelt advice to other siblings and parents — reminding us all that every child in the family needs care, attention, and understanding.
Tune in for real conversations, resilience, and a reminder that hope is stronger than cancer.
Presented by Wipe Out Kids’ Cancer.
Kids Shouldn't Get Cancer But When They Do... YOU Can Help!
Visit wokc.org/donate to donate today.
Make sure you follow us!
Instagram: @wokc
Facebook: Wipe Out Kids Cancer
X: @wipeoutkdscancr
Piper also offers heartfelt advice to other siblings and parents — reminding us all that every child in the family needs care, attention, and understanding.
Tune in for real conversations, resilience, and a reminder that hope is stronger than cancer.
Presented by Wipe Out Kids’ Cancer.
Kids Shouldn't Get Cancer But When They Do... YOU Can Help!
Visit wokc.org/donate to donate today.
Make sure you follow us!
Instagram: @wokc
Facebook: Wipe Out Kids Cancer
X: @wipeoutkdscancr
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey guys, welcome back to Kids Beating Cancer podcast. My
name is Deep Yet, a young champion board member at
White Packet's Cancer and today I'm joined by Hi guys.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
My name is Piper, and my little sister Lucy was
diagnosed with cancer in twenty nineteen. I think I was
around twelve at the time and she was seven, So yeah, wow,
that's the drastic thing. So what was your life and
relationship like before she was diagnosed with cancer? So Lucy
was actually diagnosed right after we'd moved across the country
(00:42):
from Delaware to Texas. We hadn't even moved into our
house all the way yet. There were still boxes in
every room, so that was obviously a complicating factor. But
I think before her diagnosis she when I was I
was in elementary school when she was born, so unlike
my other two siblings, we had a quite a bigger
age gap. So she was never a competition in the
(01:03):
same way that my brothers were. We just we played together.
We liked to write plays and sing songs, and she
was like my little sidekicks. She followed me around and yeah,
it was really nice. But I mean, obviously cancer kind
of changed all of that.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So when she first got diagnosed with cancer. Were there're
any like big emotions where they're big questions?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
For sure?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
So I remember the day that we found out. My
parents told me and my siblings. I was not old
enough to drive at the time, obviously, so I remember
my grandma picking up from school when I was surprised
because usually if my grandparents were picking up, I knew why.
And so my grandma brought me to her house where
my brothers were and I was like, where's Mom, Like
(01:46):
what's going on? And I think at that point everything
is running through my mind, like what's going on right now?
Was there a car accident? It was really scary and confusing,
and Grandma wouldn't tell us anything, so that was terrifying.
And then finally Mom, I've did we said what's going
on and that's when she told us Lucy's been diagnosed
with cancer. And that was just like shocking, that's I mean,
(02:09):
I never would have imagined that that's what was going on.
And so I think a lot of my questions were surrounding, well,
what is her diagnosis? Like how is this going to
affect life? Like how long is it going to affect
our lives? And I think logistically, like, if she can
be living at home, what's gonna happen to my parents?
So yeah, it was really scary, and I think the
hardest part is that there were all these questions, but
(02:31):
we didn't have answers to all them. You know, we
didn't know if she was going to be okay, we
didn't know how long her treatment was going to be.
So yeah, there were a lot of questions, a lot
of tears.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Did you feel like your life is like changed, like
your daily dynamics, like your routine.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, it's definitely the routine. And I mean it was
really scary because it was my first year of middle school,
so I was kind of had to navigate that by myself.
And it was COVID, so we can only have one
parent in the hospital at a time. But even then,
it felt like even when my parents were at home,
their minds were on Lucy and what was going on.
And my dad is an attorney, so he works a lot,
(03:08):
and so yeah, I mean everything about our daily routine changed.
My mom's mother she flew down to kind of be
with the kids and help drive us around, but not
having mom and dad at home that changed everything. I
had to help make dinners. I had to help Simon,
my younger brother, with his school, and yeah, I mean
not having your parents at home is something that you
(03:31):
don't really think about the effect that they have just
being there on your life. Yea, but when they become absent,
it just turns everything upside down.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And did you feel like you had to step into
like the shoes of your parents for a younger siblings.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, definitely, And I think it kind of led me
to neglect my own well being to some degree because
at that point in time, everyone's worried about what can
we do to help Lucy and make sure she has
everything she needs. And that's a good thing and that's
what she needed at the time, but it's really easy
to forget like I'm just a kid too and trying
to figure out things and we're in a new country
(04:05):
trying to make friends, and yeah, it was it was
not easy.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I mean did you ever tell your friends hey, like
I look at it like or were you just like
you decide to step in as your parents and kind
of just wait until like things become a new normal.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, you're that's that's totally accurate because I think even
when they were at home. It was hard to advocate
for myself, and I think it was the same for
my siblings too, because it felt almost selfish to tell
them our needs too, because when they were at home,
they were still worried about Lucy, and it felt like
a good time to talk to them. I don't really
want to be a bother when they're worried about Lucy.
They already have so much they're worrying about. And it
(04:42):
was not anything they did, but kind of makes you
feel like a burden a little bit. And so, yeah,
that's really difficult, and like you said, having to step in,
especially since I'm one of four, so there were other
things that needed to happen in the house. And yeah,
mom wasn't always there to do everything that she could.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I'm sure all this Francy, like you kind of felt
like you're drowning. I can't understand as eldest.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Not you know, and that I do. So what like
kept you up flow? Like was there something that you know?
That's a good question to be completely honest. I didn't
completely stay aflow. It was really hard and I had multiple,
like complete mental breakdowns. But I think ultimately, like my
faith was the strongest thing for me at the time.
I mean, our whole family knew that no matter what happened,
(05:26):
that God would be protecting us. And also just practically
our church really came around our family at the time,
and they brought us meals every single night and they
were always praying for us. So I think just having
a community surrounding us to support us, both like mentally
and just our physical needs as well. There are a
lot of like women in the church who had helped
(05:47):
to trave us around kind of became like mother figures.
Which is not to say that my mom wasn't there,
but you know, she was preoccupied to say the least.
So I think really just trusting in the Lord for
me and the hope that it gave our family was
really my solid foundation during that time.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So did you feel like after experiencing what she experienced,
did you feel like new emotions? Like did you ever
like I'm sure a lot of other people are going
through similar things, like would you say like they should
do when they feel like they're drowning or like they're
not getting enough attention.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, that's that's a really good thing to consider, because
I don't think that's something I learned how to deal
with until a lot later in her treatment, because obviously
it was a long process and at the beginning, how
can you ever be prepared to deal with that, especially
being so young. I think definitely the most important thing
is to learn to advocate for yourself and take care
(06:44):
of your own wellbeing because people only have so much energy.
So my parents were they had no choice but to
pour themselves more and more into Lucy and again that
that's what she needed at the time, but there's not
much left over for the rest of the family. So
I think definitely learning to speak up for yourself and
(07:06):
take care of yourself and do things that you love,
because at the end of the day, that's what's going
to motivate you to keep going and keep you afloat.
As you said, so.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, what are some things that you love to do
that like kind of helped you feel like I finally
like in my element, I can finally take a breathe.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I actually it was a chance to invest in a
lot of my passions at the time, Like, for example,
I love music and playing the guitar, and I think
that playing the guitar and singing was a way to
pour out some of my emotions that I felt during
the time, because you can imagine like everything that was
going on, all of the fear and the loneliness. It
was definitely a way for me to express some of
(07:47):
that and just have something that was kind of for myself.
And my parents were very supportive in that regard that
they were always trying to help us because they knew
they couldn't physically be there, but letting us know that
they cared. And I think also organizations like Whitebolt Kids
Cancer played such a huge role in this, especially like
or when the holidays came around and we were worrying
(08:07):
about cancer, but you know, like there were events like
the Christmas ones that just were in an experience for
our family to be together and focus on, you know,
our blessings even amidst the sickness, And yeah, it was
that was really special.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Do you feel like you ever like missed out on
so many things? Like did you have resembment? You're like,
if you.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Know, I love that you said resentment, because yeah, I think,
I mean, I think when I missed out on the
most was just the relationships. It wasn't really anything tangible
like events that I missed out on or things like that.
I think it was just the togetherness aspect wasn't there
(08:50):
because we were so separate, and I think, yeah, resentment
is such a perfect word. I think I unintentionally a
lot of the neglect that me and my siblings felt
for my parents being far away kind of turned to
negative feelings towards my sister because we obviously we all
wanted the best for her. We all wanted her to heal,
(09:10):
and we would do anything to help that. But naturally,
as a side effect of the illness, my parents had
to give a lot more attention to her, and it
kind of felt at times like she got whatever she wanted,
and it felt a lot less like I was Piper
and more like I was Lucy's sister. Anytime anybody talked
to me, it was like, not how are you, It's hey,
(09:32):
how's Lucy? And it's reasonable, but it makes it feels
very lonely sometimes, and I think sometimes that would cause
me to be bitter towards Lucy because all the attention
was going to her, and that definitely impacted our relationship.
During an act of the treatment too, I think it
was especially hard since because of the quarantine and the
(09:54):
COVID going around we weren't able to visit her at all.
So when she was in the hospital, we couldn't go
see her. And there were times when she was in ICU,
times when she had really high fevers, needed blood transfusions.
We had no idea what was going on, and we
couldn't even gope you with her, and that was extremely hard.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I'm sure like the distance really like further impacted your emotions,
your feelings, your relationship. Yeah, So compared to then to now,
do you think like your dynamics has changed, You think
like your feelings have changed.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, definitely. I think it's never really been exactly the same,
and that's been kind of a process of healing that
we've all had to go through together as a family
since even once she was home, you know, we've been
apart for so long, and the attitude had just been
focused on helpless to get better. Everything that she needs
to be okay, And that's a good thing, but there
(10:43):
were a lot of side effects, and also we just
hadn't seen her for a long time because she came home,
but she was sick and she would go back and
get more chemo, and we hadn't been with my parents
for an extended period of time for quite a while,
and so I think it was we had to be
very intentional about rebuilding those family relationships. And I think
(11:05):
my parents did a really good job of trying to
spend intentional one on one time with me and with
my brothers to reinforce that, you know, they knew that
Lucy wasn't their only kid, even if she needed more
of their attention at the time. And I remember, especially
once Covid was calming down a lot, we got we
went to Stars games together and that was something that
was only possible because of White Bucket's cancer, And those
(11:26):
are such special memories. I remember, like going all all
of us and sitting down close to the stadium and
watching the ice hockey games, and that was incredible. I
had never experienced anything like it, And it was a
way to get out of the monotony of life, because
when you're stuck in those routines, it's easy to you know,
let your relationships drift a little bit. But just doing
something fun as the whole family, it took the cancer
(11:49):
out of the equation. It was just us having fun together.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah. And when you say, like your relationship with your
sister Lucy has like been late from you know, kind
of like that separated the distance, not that you guys
are close to you think you guys feel close there.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Now, I obviously don't have a sister. I have a brother,
which sometimes is a little annoying. But what about you
because I always feared like there's a sisterly Why? Yeah,
I mean, do you think like you have it now
or like you're still working on it but it's you know.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Getting there. Yeah, we're definitely still working on it. But
I think in a way, like even the annoying like
you have a younger brother and I and even the
annoying aspects, you learned to miss them a little bit.
All the things that used to bother me before her
cancer when she was in treatment, you kind of go
to miss them a little bit because it's part of
the whole person, and you miss the whole person. So
I think having her back made me appreciate a lot
(12:35):
of little quirks and even slightly annoying things she did,
because I was just grateful that she was with us
and that she was healthy, and every time she would
go in for scans, I'd be praying, And when she'd
come home, I think for a big hug. It's so
glad that her scans are clear, because we're so grateful
that she's with us, And I think it has I've
never taken her for granted. I'll say that, like after
her cancer, I've always appreciated her company, even if it
(12:57):
has been harder because we had to sort through thosemis
and I think the subconscious jealousy of the attention that
she got. But yeah, I mean today we were much stronger,
and she's grown up a lot and I've grown up
a lot, and so yeah, it's it's kind of really special.
I think it added a layer of depths to our
(13:19):
relationship that wouldn't have been there otherwise.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Do you think are you still a little jealous of
her now or do you think like, well worked over it. Well,
if we're honest, like I feel like they always.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And you know, it's just amplified by the fact that
she's the youngest sibling. Yeah, so even if she didn't
have cancer, she would be the baby of the family.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I always conflats from like like he doesn't doors like
I don't see him doing the dishes, you get it.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, And then she got whatever she wanted for nine
months and it's yeah, that's definitely that was for.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
The youngest too, And if you're like older, like there's
always like a little like later on your shield, like
exactly like you have to be nice to them, yeah,
example for them, and it's like I don't really want
to be an example. I also want to like go
on and like do whatever I want.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And it just felt like she was a little our siblings.
We always like to say, oh, well, we know that
Lucy's your favorite to mom and dad because you know,
she was a little angel baby, and not just because
she was the youngest, but she had cancer. So yeah,
and that still lasts this day. I mean, she'll get
to sit where she wants to in the car and
we'll say it because she had cancer because she's the
(14:27):
youngest or it's not fair. But but yeah, that that
is a big thing that we had to work through.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You. Yeah, but I'm sure now the jokes, you know,
they're a little more funnier. Yeah, a lot more laughter.
But yeah, so I'm sure a lot of parents are
in similar situations your parents were with you know, younger siblings,
older siblings trying to step in. So what would you say,
like they should do, you know, advice for them to, like,
you know, not experience the same isolation and loneliness you
(14:53):
kind of felt during that period of time.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I think that's really important thing to consider because
even just having multiple kids is hard in and of itself,
but when you have one who's going through something like cancer,
I mean, it takes so much out of you, and
I think it's really hard to juggle everything that life
is grown at you at that point. I think for
parents with multiple kids, just being really intentional about acknowledging
(15:17):
each and every child for their individual needs at the time,
and being intentional about spending time with them one on
one and during that time that the focus is on them,
and that's definitely easier said than done. But I think
also proactively being involved in your other children's lives and
(15:37):
asking them because I know for me, it was really
hard to advocate for myself and what I needed because
it felt like a burden. So creating a space where
an environment where your children feel like they can reach
out to you and I know that cancer will always
seem like one of the biggest problems. That letting them
know that just because they're not going through cancer, their
problems are valid and deserve to be listened to and
(16:00):
addressed equally. So I think a lot of kids won't
be able to express their needs very well because of
all the emotions at the time. So just ask them,
ask them what do you need right now? What can
I do to help you? Because you know, they might
not have cancer, but everybody's problems still affect them to
(16:20):
a great extent.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
So for sure. Yeah, do you ever feel like you were, like,
you know, just had an overload of information about cancer,
Like you had to know exactly what your sister was
going through to be a good sister or like be
a good daughter.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Yeah, of course. And I think the instinct is often
when you get a diagnosis, like to jump on the
computer and do as much research as you can, like
what is this disease? Like what are the side effects?
Even like survival rates, which is just a scary spiral,
And it just makes everything worse because you're trying to
juggle this information. I obviously didn't know anything deeply about
(16:56):
cancer at that point in my life, besides that it
was a sickness and the fact a lot of people,
but it became really personal all of a sudden, and
there's so many different types of cancer, and there's so
many different people that affects that everybody's journey is very different,
and so you can't really figure out what the next
few months is going to be like based off of
other people's stories because everything is so different with you know,
(17:19):
sudden health changes and just the different ways that the
sickness affects different people, and the different logistical ways that
it affects your whole family. Because when Lucy got sick,
it wasn't just her physically that was sick. Our whole
family was sick in a way because we were all
affected by this, and maybe not as much as she was,
but it definitely left none of us behind. So I think, yeah,
(17:43):
there was there was definitely a lot of fear, and
especially as the older sister, like this is this is
my little sister that I you know, it's I felt
a little bit of responsibility to protect her, and yeah,
that definitely manifested and a desire to know more about
the sickness.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So when my my grandpa go can diagnose cancer, I'd
go in and rewatch like movies together. Did you have
like a bond the activity to still keep you close
with your sister?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
That's a really good question, and I think that actually
is one of the hardest parts about my sister having
cancer is that it happened in the middle of COVID,
so we didn't have as many opportunities to go and
visit her. I think there were very few opportunities that
I had to actually go be with her, and so
most of our time together was at home. And even
when she was at home, she was very sick and
(18:28):
she was very tired, understandably, so I think I would
love I would have loved to go and watch movies
with her. I know that she probably would have loved
to have us there too, But I think ultimately I
think the quarantine actually probably was a good thing in
a way, because she was very immunocompromised and everybody was
all of a sudden being really careful a lot germs,
(18:48):
and that was kind of a good thing. But it
made it really hard to maintain that relationship with her.
But I know that when she was at home, we
loved to spend time together still, even not if I
had to use hands in and high severy five minutes.
We've always loved to watch movies together, as you said,
and hang out in each other's rooms. Doing homework and
reading books. And one thing we especially let to do
(19:09):
was rainbow and bracelets. That's something we've always loved to
do together. So and then she could bring those braces
to the hospital. Remember that, even though I'm at home,
I'm thinking about her.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Would you like recommend things like still blinks could do
to siblings or like to still keep the bonding, Like
what are some things you would recommend, Yeah, to keep
the bond and like kind of lessen the jealousy.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, I mean that's a good point. I think a
reason why the jealousy was such a big I had
such a big impact on us is because I didn't
get to be with her too. So I think if
we had had the opportunity to bond more during that time,
the relationship would have been more maintained, I suppose. So, Yeah,
I think for any siblings of people who are going
(19:53):
through cancer, I would definitely recommend to try to find
ways that you can spend time together doing things that
you love, anything that you can do to make like
their time in the hospital more homely, so making things
that they can have in the hospital, like the bracelets
or cards or balloons, and just to remind them that
(20:14):
when they're going through this, they're not actually alone. And yeah,
I really wish that I had had more time with
her when she was undergoing treatment.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So reflecting was like overall experience, would you do anything different,
Like if you could go back in time, would you
like react different, would you do different activities or would
you like.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, I think I really wish I would have known
how to talk to my parents more about the way
I was feeling about all of it. I mean, it's
such an emotional burden, especially on children, and I didn't
really talk about it, and I think I bottled a
lot of it up so that I didn't add more
weight on my parents, and I think that was unhealthy
(20:54):
and I had to sort through that in the later years,
and that probably amplify all the other feelings of resentment
and neglect that didn't have to be as bad. So
just talk to people, like it's hard and it's unnatural
at first, but talking about the way you feel is
really important, whether it's like your practical needs with school
(21:15):
or like the emotions you're feeling with cancer. I really
wish I had known how to do that more effectively.
So to all the people listening now, if we was
just sibbling our parent. What advice would you give them?
So to siblings, I would say, your parents are going
to be really focused on your sibling with cancer right now,
and their time and their energy is going to be
(21:36):
invested in helping the healing process. And that does not
mean that they love you any less or they care
about you any less. And that is really hard to
see from your perspective because it seems like you're just
alone and you're less important. But I promise they don't
think about you that way. It's just a really hard time.
And in the same way that our siblings have to
(21:59):
deal with the physical effects this cancer, we are also
suffering from the impacts of it. Cancer is horrible, but
it can also be a way for a family to
grow closer together. So take the opportunity to have deeper
conversations with your family and spend more time with your
family that you might not have otherwise, and don't take
each other for granted, because family is a huge blessing.
(22:21):
And to parents, I would just believe that you do
everything you can to make the other siblings feel just
as important and make their problems feel heard because it
might be hard to express them at the time, and
take advantage of all the people around you, all the
communities that want to help you, because they are there
and it's okay to need help. Organizations like white pout, kids, cancer, friends,
(22:45):
extended family, they all want to help and it's a
beautiful thing and it's not weakness to need other people
to support you.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, So, through your own like coping healing journey, what
are some things that really helped you get all those
like all about feelings out because I'm sure it took
quite a few years to learn to like express your
feelings and like, you know, be like it's okay I
can have attention to Yeah, so, what are some personal
things that you did with your family that I kind
of helped you let those feelings out?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
So I think I will say it's a much longer
process than you'd think. I mean, even now, I'll have
conversations with my parents about the ways that it just
affects me and I'll start bawing my eyes out and
it's like, where did these emotions come from? Because it
really impacts me on a deeper level than you'd think.
So talk through it with your parents, don't be afraid
to get a counselor. I think I went through a
(23:37):
little bit of counseling during that time, and it was
really helpful, especially when my parents weren't really there to
speak as much for long periods of time. So talk
about it. Find things that you love and enjoy and
do things with that sibling to prevent those feelings of
jealousy and resentment because they didn't ask for cancer. And yeah,
(24:00):
don't be afraid to need help.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
As I said previously, for sure, always reach out to
help family, friends, Yeah, groups for sure. But yeah, so Piper,
it was a pleasure to speak with you today.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Of course, if you guys want to know more information
about Whitebot kids cancer or how you can support families
like Pipers, visit WKC dot org. See you next time
on Kids Beating Cancer podcasts.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Bye bye,
Hey guys, welcome back to Kids Beating Cancer podcast. My
name is Deep Yet, a young champion board member at
White Packet's Cancer and today I'm joined by Hi guys.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
My name is Piper, and my little sister Lucy was
diagnosed with cancer in twenty nineteen. I think I was
around twelve at the time and she was seven, So yeah, wow,
that's the drastic thing. So what was your life and
relationship like before she was diagnosed with cancer? So Lucy
was actually diagnosed right after we'd moved across the country
(00:42):
from Delaware to Texas. We hadn't even moved into our
house all the way yet. There were still boxes in
every room, so that was obviously a complicating factor. But
I think before her diagnosis she when I was I
was in elementary school when she was born, so unlike
my other two siblings, we had a quite a bigger
age gap. So she was never a competition in the
(01:03):
same way that my brothers were. We just we played together.
We liked to write plays and sing songs, and she
was like my little sidekicks. She followed me around and yeah,
it was really nice. But I mean, obviously cancer kind
of changed all of that.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So when she first got diagnosed with cancer. Were there're
any like big emotions where they're big questions?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
For sure?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
So I remember the day that we found out. My
parents told me and my siblings. I was not old
enough to drive at the time, obviously, so I remember
my grandma picking up from school when I was surprised
because usually if my grandparents were picking up, I knew why.
And so my grandma brought me to her house where
my brothers were and I was like, where's Mom, Like
(01:46):
what's going on? And I think at that point everything
is running through my mind, like what's going on right now?
Was there a car accident? It was really scary and confusing,
and Grandma wouldn't tell us anything, so that was terrifying.
And then finally Mom, I've did we said what's going
on and that's when she told us Lucy's been diagnosed
with cancer. And that was just like shocking, that's I mean,
(02:09):
I never would have imagined that that's what was going on.
And so I think a lot of my questions were surrounding, well,
what is her diagnosis? Like how is this going to
affect life? Like how long is it going to affect
our lives? And I think logistically, like, if she can
be living at home, what's gonna happen to my parents?
So yeah, it was really scary, and I think the
hardest part is that there were all these questions, but
(02:31):
we didn't have answers to all them. You know, we
didn't know if she was going to be okay, we
didn't know how long her treatment was going to be.
So yeah, there were a lot of questions, a lot
of tears.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Did you feel like your life is like changed, like
your daily dynamics, like your routine.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, it's definitely the routine. And I mean it was
really scary because it was my first year of middle school,
so I was kind of had to navigate that by myself.
And it was COVID, so we can only have one
parent in the hospital at a time. But even then,
it felt like even when my parents were at home,
their minds were on Lucy and what was going on.
And my dad is an attorney, so he works a lot,
(03:08):
and so yeah, I mean everything about our daily routine changed.
My mom's mother she flew down to kind of be
with the kids and help drive us around, but not
having mom and dad at home that changed everything. I
had to help make dinners. I had to help Simon,
my younger brother, with his school, and yeah, I mean
not having your parents at home is something that you
(03:31):
don't really think about the effect that they have just
being there on your life. Yea, but when they become absent,
it just turns everything upside down.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And did you feel like you had to step into
like the shoes of your parents for a younger siblings.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, definitely, And I think it kind of led me
to neglect my own well being to some degree because
at that point in time, everyone's worried about what can
we do to help Lucy and make sure she has
everything she needs. And that's a good thing and that's
what she needed at the time, but it's really easy
to forget like I'm just a kid too and trying
to figure out things and we're in a new country
(04:05):
trying to make friends, and yeah, it was it was
not easy.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I mean did you ever tell your friends hey, like
I look at it like or were you just like
you decide to step in as your parents and kind
of just wait until like things become a new normal.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, you're that's that's totally accurate because I think even
when they were at home. It was hard to advocate
for myself, and I think it was the same for
my siblings too, because it felt almost selfish to tell
them our needs too, because when they were at home,
they were still worried about Lucy, and it felt like
a good time to talk to them. I don't really
want to be a bother when they're worried about Lucy.
They already have so much they're worrying about. And it
(04:42):
was not anything they did, but kind of makes you
feel like a burden a little bit. And so, yeah,
that's really difficult, and like you said, having to step in,
especially since I'm one of four, so there were other
things that needed to happen in the house. And yeah,
mom wasn't always there to do everything that she could.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
I'm sure all this Francy, like you kind of felt
like you're drowning. I can't understand as eldest.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Not you know, and that I do. So what like
kept you up flow? Like was there something that you know?
That's a good question to be completely honest. I didn't
completely stay aflow. It was really hard and I had multiple,
like complete mental breakdowns. But I think ultimately, like my
faith was the strongest thing for me at the time.
I mean, our whole family knew that no matter what happened,
(05:26):
that God would be protecting us. And also just practically
our church really came around our family at the time,
and they brought us meals every single night and they
were always praying for us. So I think just having
a community surrounding us to support us, both like mentally
and just our physical needs as well. There are a
lot of like women in the church who had helped
(05:47):
to trave us around kind of became like mother figures.
Which is not to say that my mom wasn't there,
but you know, she was preoccupied to say the least.
So I think really just trusting in the Lord for
me and the hope that it gave our family was
really my solid foundation during that time.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So did you feel like after experiencing what she experienced,
did you feel like new emotions? Like did you ever
like I'm sure a lot of other people are going
through similar things, like would you say like they should
do when they feel like they're drowning or like they're
not getting enough attention.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, that's that's a really good thing to consider, because
I don't think that's something I learned how to deal
with until a lot later in her treatment, because obviously
it was a long process and at the beginning, how
can you ever be prepared to deal with that, especially
being so young. I think definitely the most important thing
is to learn to advocate for yourself and take care
(06:44):
of your own wellbeing because people only have so much energy.
So my parents were they had no choice but to
pour themselves more and more into Lucy and again that
that's what she needed at the time, but there's not
much left over for the rest of the family. So
I think definitely learning to speak up for yourself and
(07:06):
take care of yourself and do things that you love,
because at the end of the day, that's what's going
to motivate you to keep going and keep you afloat.
As you said, so.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, what are some things that you love to do
that like kind of helped you feel like I finally
like in my element, I can finally take a breathe.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I actually it was a chance to invest in a
lot of my passions at the time, Like, for example,
I love music and playing the guitar, and I think
that playing the guitar and singing was a way to
pour out some of my emotions that I felt during
the time, because you can imagine like everything that was
going on, all of the fear and the loneliness. It
was definitely a way for me to express some of
(07:47):
that and just have something that was kind of for myself.
And my parents were very supportive in that regard that
they were always trying to help us because they knew
they couldn't physically be there, but letting us know that
they cared. And I think also organizations like Whitebolt Kids
Cancer played such a huge role in this, especially like
or when the holidays came around and we were worrying
(08:07):
about cancer, but you know, like there were events like
the Christmas ones that just were in an experience for
our family to be together and focus on, you know,
our blessings even amidst the sickness, And yeah, it was
that was really special.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Do you feel like you ever like missed out on
so many things? Like did you have resembment? You're like,
if you.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Know, I love that you said resentment, because yeah, I think,
I mean, I think when I missed out on the
most was just the relationships. It wasn't really anything tangible
like events that I missed out on or things like that.
I think it was just the togetherness aspect wasn't there
(08:50):
because we were so separate, and I think, yeah, resentment
is such a perfect word. I think I unintentionally a
lot of the neglect that me and my siblings felt
for my parents being far away kind of turned to
negative feelings towards my sister because we obviously we all
wanted the best for her. We all wanted her to heal,
(09:10):
and we would do anything to help that. But naturally,
as a side effect of the illness, my parents had
to give a lot more attention to her, and it
kind of felt at times like she got whatever she wanted,
and it felt a lot less like I was Piper
and more like I was Lucy's sister. Anytime anybody talked
to me, it was like, not how are you, It's hey,
(09:32):
how's Lucy? And it's reasonable, but it makes it feels
very lonely sometimes, and I think sometimes that would cause
me to be bitter towards Lucy because all the attention
was going to her, and that definitely impacted our relationship.
During an act of the treatment too, I think it
was especially hard since because of the quarantine and the
(09:54):
COVID going around we weren't able to visit her at all.
So when she was in the hospital, we couldn't go
see her. And there were times when she was in ICU,
times when she had really high fevers, needed blood transfusions.
We had no idea what was going on, and we
couldn't even gope you with her, and that was extremely hard.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I'm sure like the distance really like further impacted your emotions,
your feelings, your relationship. Yeah, So compared to then to now,
do you think like your dynamics has changed, You think
like your feelings have changed.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, definitely. I think it's never really been exactly the same,
and that's been kind of a process of healing that
we've all had to go through together as a family
since even once she was home, you know, we've been
apart for so long, and the attitude had just been
focused on helpless to get better. Everything that she needs
to be okay, And that's a good thing, but there
(10:43):
were a lot of side effects, and also we just
hadn't seen her for a long time because she came home,
but she was sick and she would go back and
get more chemo, and we hadn't been with my parents
for an extended period of time for quite a while,
and so I think it was we had to be
very intentional about rebuilding those family relationships. And I think
(11:05):
my parents did a really good job of trying to
spend intentional one on one time with me and with
my brothers to reinforce that, you know, they knew that
Lucy wasn't their only kid, even if she needed more
of their attention at the time. And I remember, especially
once Covid was calming down a lot, we got we
went to Stars games together and that was something that
was only possible because of White Bucket's cancer, And those
(11:26):
are such special memories. I remember, like going all all
of us and sitting down close to the stadium and
watching the ice hockey games, and that was incredible. I
had never experienced anything like it, And it was a
way to get out of the monotony of life, because
when you're stuck in those routines, it's easy to you know,
let your relationships drift a little bit. But just doing
something fun as the whole family, it took the cancer
(11:49):
out of the equation. It was just us having fun together.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah. And when you say, like your relationship with your
sister Lucy has like been late from you know, kind
of like that separated the distance, not that you guys
are close to you think you guys feel close there.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Now, I obviously don't have a sister. I have a brother,
which sometimes is a little annoying. But what about you
because I always feared like there's a sisterly Why? Yeah,
I mean, do you think like you have it now
or like you're still working on it but it's you know.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Getting there. Yeah, we're definitely still working on it. But
I think in a way, like even the annoying like
you have a younger brother and I and even the
annoying aspects, you learned to miss them a little bit.
All the things that used to bother me before her
cancer when she was in treatment, you kind of go
to miss them a little bit because it's part of
the whole person, and you miss the whole person. So
I think having her back made me appreciate a lot
(12:35):
of little quirks and even slightly annoying things she did,
because I was just grateful that she was with us
and that she was healthy, and every time she would
go in for scans, I'd be praying, And when she'd
come home, I think for a big hug. It's so
glad that her scans are clear, because we're so grateful
that she's with us, And I think it has I've
never taken her for granted. I'll say that, like after
her cancer, I've always appreciated her company, even if it
(12:57):
has been harder because we had to sort through thosemis
and I think the subconscious jealousy of the attention that
she got. But yeah, I mean today we were much stronger,
and she's grown up a lot and I've grown up
a lot, and so yeah, it's it's kind of really special.
I think it added a layer of depths to our
(13:19):
relationship that wouldn't have been there otherwise.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Do you think are you still a little jealous of
her now or do you think like, well worked over it. Well,
if we're honest, like I feel like they always.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And you know, it's just amplified by the fact that
she's the youngest sibling. Yeah, so even if she didn't
have cancer, she would be the baby of the family.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I always conflats from like like he doesn't doors like
I don't see him doing the dishes, you get it.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, And then she got whatever she wanted for nine
months and it's yeah, that's definitely that was for.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
The youngest too, And if you're like older, like there's
always like a little like later on your shield, like
exactly like you have to be nice to them, yeah,
example for them, and it's like I don't really want
to be an example. I also want to like go
on and like do whatever I want.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And it just felt like she was a little our siblings.
We always like to say, oh, well, we know that
Lucy's your favorite to mom and dad because you know,
she was a little angel baby, and not just because
she was the youngest, but she had cancer. So yeah,
and that still lasts this day. I mean, she'll get
to sit where she wants to in the car and
we'll say it because she had cancer because she's the
(14:27):
youngest or it's not fair. But but yeah, that that
is a big thing that we had to work through.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You. Yeah, but I'm sure now the jokes, you know,
they're a little more funnier. Yeah, a lot more laughter.
But yeah, so I'm sure a lot of parents are
in similar situations your parents were with you know, younger siblings,
older siblings trying to step in. So what would you say,
like they should do, you know, advice for them to, like,
you know, not experience the same isolation and loneliness you
(14:53):
kind of felt during that period of time.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I think that's really important thing to consider because
even just having multiple kids is hard in and of itself,
but when you have one who's going through something like cancer,
I mean, it takes so much out of you, and
I think it's really hard to juggle everything that life
is grown at you at that point. I think for
parents with multiple kids, just being really intentional about acknowledging
(15:17):
each and every child for their individual needs at the time,
and being intentional about spending time with them one on
one and during that time that the focus is on them,
and that's definitely easier said than done. But I think
also proactively being involved in your other children's lives and
(15:37):
asking them because I know for me, it was really
hard to advocate for myself and what I needed because
it felt like a burden. So creating a space where
an environment where your children feel like they can reach
out to you and I know that cancer will always
seem like one of the biggest problems. That letting them
know that just because they're not going through cancer, their
problems are valid and deserve to be listened to and
(16:00):
addressed equally. So I think a lot of kids won't
be able to express their needs very well because of
all the emotions at the time. So just ask them,
ask them what do you need right now? What can
I do to help you? Because you know, they might
not have cancer, but everybody's problems still affect them to
(16:20):
a great extent.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
So for sure. Yeah, do you ever feel like you were, like,
you know, just had an overload of information about cancer,
Like you had to know exactly what your sister was
going through to be a good sister or like be
a good daughter.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Yeah, of course. And I think the instinct is often
when you get a diagnosis, like to jump on the
computer and do as much research as you can, like
what is this disease? Like what are the side effects?
Even like survival rates, which is just a scary spiral,
And it just makes everything worse because you're trying to
juggle this information. I obviously didn't know anything deeply about
(16:56):
cancer at that point in my life, besides that it
was a sickness and the fact a lot of people,
but it became really personal all of a sudden, and
there's so many different types of cancer, and there's so
many different people that affects that everybody's journey is very different,
and so you can't really figure out what the next
few months is going to be like based off of
other people's stories because everything is so different with you know,
(17:19):
sudden health changes and just the different ways that the
sickness affects different people, and the different logistical ways that
it affects your whole family. Because when Lucy got sick,
it wasn't just her physically that was sick. Our whole
family was sick in a way because we were all
affected by this, and maybe not as much as she was,
but it definitely left none of us behind. So I think, yeah,
(17:43):
there was there was definitely a lot of fear, and
especially as the older sister, like this is this is
my little sister that I you know, it's I felt
a little bit of responsibility to protect her, and yeah,
that definitely manifested and a desire to know more about
the sickness.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So when my my grandpa go can diagnose cancer, I'd
go in and rewatch like movies together. Did you have
like a bond the activity to still keep you close
with your sister?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
That's a really good question, and I think that actually
is one of the hardest parts about my sister having
cancer is that it happened in the middle of COVID,
so we didn't have as many opportunities to go and
visit her. I think there were very few opportunities that
I had to actually go be with her, and so
most of our time together was at home. And even
when she was at home, she was very sick and
(18:28):
she was very tired, understandably, so I think I would
love I would have loved to go and watch movies
with her. I know that she probably would have loved
to have us there too, But I think ultimately I
think the quarantine actually probably was a good thing in
a way, because she was very immunocompromised and everybody was
all of a sudden being really careful a lot germs,
(18:48):
and that was kind of a good thing. But it
made it really hard to maintain that relationship with her.
But I know that when she was at home, we
loved to spend time together still, even not if I
had to use hands in and high severy five minutes.
We've always loved to watch movies together, as you said,
and hang out in each other's rooms. Doing homework and
reading books. And one thing we especially let to do
(19:09):
was rainbow and bracelets. That's something we've always loved to
do together. So and then she could bring those braces
to the hospital. Remember that, even though I'm at home,
I'm thinking about her.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Would you like recommend things like still blinks could do
to siblings or like to still keep the bonding, Like
what are some things you would recommend, Yeah, to keep
the bond and like kind of lessen the jealousy.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, I mean that's a good point. I think a
reason why the jealousy was such a big I had
such a big impact on us is because I didn't
get to be with her too. So I think if
we had had the opportunity to bond more during that time,
the relationship would have been more maintained, I suppose. So, Yeah,
I think for any siblings of people who are going
(19:53):
through cancer, I would definitely recommend to try to find
ways that you can spend time together doing things that
you love, anything that you can do to make like
their time in the hospital more homely, so making things
that they can have in the hospital, like the bracelets
or cards or balloons, and just to remind them that
(20:14):
when they're going through this, they're not actually alone. And yeah,
I really wish that I had had more time with
her when she was undergoing treatment.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So reflecting was like overall experience, would you do anything different,
Like if you could go back in time, would you
like react different, would you do different activities or would
you like.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, I think I really wish I would have known
how to talk to my parents more about the way
I was feeling about all of it. I mean, it's
such an emotional burden, especially on children, and I didn't
really talk about it, and I think I bottled a
lot of it up so that I didn't add more
weight on my parents, and I think that was unhealthy
(20:54):
and I had to sort through that in the later years,
and that probably amplify all the other feelings of resentment
and neglect that didn't have to be as bad. So
just talk to people, like it's hard and it's unnatural
at first, but talking about the way you feel is
really important, whether it's like your practical needs with school
(21:15):
or like the emotions you're feeling with cancer. I really
wish I had known how to do that more effectively.
So to all the people listening now, if we was
just sibbling our parent. What advice would you give them?
So to siblings, I would say, your parents are going
to be really focused on your sibling with cancer right now,
and their time and their energy is going to be
(21:36):
invested in helping the healing process. And that does not
mean that they love you any less or they care
about you any less. And that is really hard to
see from your perspective because it seems like you're just
alone and you're less important. But I promise they don't
think about you that way. It's just a really hard time.
And in the same way that our siblings have to
(21:59):
deal with the physical effects this cancer, we are also
suffering from the impacts of it. Cancer is horrible, but
it can also be a way for a family to
grow closer together. So take the opportunity to have deeper
conversations with your family and spend more time with your
family that you might not have otherwise, and don't take
each other for granted, because family is a huge blessing.
(22:21):
And to parents, I would just believe that you do
everything you can to make the other siblings feel just
as important and make their problems feel heard because it
might be hard to express them at the time, and
take advantage of all the people around you, all the
communities that want to help you, because they are there
and it's okay to need help. Organizations like white pout, kids, cancer, friends,
(22:45):
extended family, they all want to help and it's a
beautiful thing and it's not weakness to need other people
to support you.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, So, through your own like coping healing journey, what
are some things that really helped you get all those
like all about feelings out because I'm sure it took
quite a few years to learn to like express your
feelings and like, you know, be like it's okay I
can have attention to Yeah, so, what are some personal
things that you did with your family that I kind
of helped you let those feelings out?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
So I think I will say it's a much longer
process than you'd think. I mean, even now, I'll have
conversations with my parents about the ways that it just
affects me and I'll start bawing my eyes out and
it's like, where did these emotions come from? Because it
really impacts me on a deeper level than you'd think.
So talk through it with your parents, don't be afraid
to get a counselor. I think I went through a
(23:37):
little bit of counseling during that time, and it was
really helpful, especially when my parents weren't really there to
speak as much for long periods of time. So talk
about it. Find things that you love and enjoy and
do things with that sibling to prevent those feelings of
jealousy and resentment because they didn't ask for cancer. And yeah,
(24:00):
don't be afraid to need help.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
As I said previously, for sure, always reach out to
help family, friends, Yeah, groups for sure. But yeah, so Piper,
it was a pleasure to speak with you today.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Of course, if you guys want to know more information
about Whitebot kids cancer or how you can support families
like Pipers, visit WKC dot org. See you next time
on Kids Beating Cancer podcasts.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Bye bye,
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