Time Clerks the Lincoln conspiracy - One Shot - Crossroad Guild Adventures

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another fantastic episode of
The Crossroad gild Adventures. Today we are doing something special.
Everybody is half of the group is kind of disposed
of so well, Sam's dead, Sam's dead. Eve is at work,

(00:24):
and Jess is dealing with cat issues issues, no, not
that feline issues. So after long disgust, we've decided that
Jeff said he had one shot, so we're gonna let
him do a one shot that he's been wanting to do.

(00:45):
I'm very excited, so let us begin.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Okay, so each of your characters have been just enjoying
your night, whatever you're doing. I'm assuming Bunga got finished
making a new whell and he takes a nap. Future
future Future.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
Heat just two future future future Future Future Future Heat
is a dick I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Like him, drinks of coffee and goes to bed. Imperia,
You guys had just buck a giant achor monster, and
you're taking a nap in the back of the Magical
Church busy.

Speaker 4 (01:35):
It's comfy.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Then when all of a sudden you all wake up
tied to you know those really crabby metal chairs they
put in break rooms.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
Ye, that's kinky.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
What's up, cop what color? It's Friday night? Where am I?
I'm at D and D.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (02:02):
What's up? Well? After after I get done with D
and D, I'll come get you. Then, well that your
does your mom wanna take you so she can take
you to school? Uh on Monday? Okay, then I'll come

(02:26):
pick you up after I get done. Okay, okay, okay,
b at the Avenger continue.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
You know those really shitty chairs. There's going break rooms
that are very uncomfortable, yep, and they sometimes like rock
a little, but they're not very confide. You're all woke
up tied to those Oh it, it's not that kinky.
Kinky's in a different session.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
So it's a perfectly white breakroom. As you look around,
you've got tile floors, a couple of round tables, and
some posters on the wall that's say things like make
sure to wash your hands in chance information. And in
front of you is a very large bearded man with glasses.

(03:30):
He's like, yeah, you're all awake.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
As Bunga Bunko is confused. Its Buna able to like
like saying it's one of those breakroom chairs and like
we are tied to it. Bunka is going to kind
of stand up a chair hooked over bunga turnover walk
to pretty pretty poster and look can contemplate pretty art.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Jeff Riche's in his pocket and he presses a button
and the magnets in the bottom of the chair slowly
E scuot you backwards and set you back down. I
was afraid I was gonna have to use that kiss
hi heath Jeff. Okay, So I don't know you guys,
but I know your name. I'm Jeff. He knows me.

(04:17):
Are you present, Jeff or I don't remember which Jeff
did this to me. I guess it's you.

Speaker 5 (04:24):
Yeah, okay, I'm just kind of looking around. I'm annoyed.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Did you talk to future future Jeff? No, he's not
involved in this once I couldn't. That's right. We did
this before. That's right. So I know you're both probably confused.
I was confused at first.

Speaker 5 (04:41):
Two.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Uh, time travels real. Different realities are real. You're from
a different reality, you're from the past, you're from the future, future, future,
future future. Sorry, it gets really confusing. So something in
our timeline is messed up.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I understand time dilation, and.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
I went back to fix it. But unfortunately you guys
were there, which means I couldn't fix it, because you
can't do anything in time that you haven't already done.
It's linear. I don't know how it is in your universe.
From what I've read about your universe, things are really weird.
There's like wishes and all sorts of stuff that gonna happen.

(05:25):
Everything's very linear, nice and neat.

Speaker 5 (05:27):
Here so not complicated, like not Dimon, not complicated at all.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
Thank God.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well, actually you're just gonna ruin it for me kind
of but not. Actually, everything wraps up nice and neat.
In the end, I.

Speaker 5 (05:44):
Need to break from all these gods.

Speaker 6 (05:46):
I'm gonna try to break chain or bro brop me
strength check with disadvantage.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
Fifteen.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
So you break the rope, no problem, but then the
strings from the rope instantly recoil. Don't don't fight it.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
But bunkle habitch, can you scratch bunga? I'm tired of
two oh, just kind of starts scooting. Bunka starts scooting
chair too, kind of bunga habitch.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
So there's this really big asshole named Tesla, and he
tries to fuck things up in other times and he
went back in time, and he changed two really important
figures into these big beefcakes that they're destroying a bunch
of stuff. So I went back to fight him, but
you guys are there, so now I had to find

(06:46):
you to get you to go back in time with me.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
The chair starts scooting in the musical rhythm.

Speaker 5 (06:58):
I was kind of look at you.

Speaker 7 (06:59):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I look at future. Do we end up having told
kill him? No? No? Actually, okay, because you've done this,
yeah I haven't. I've done this a few times.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Does does Bunga recognize.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
No future future Heath? No, but future future future heat. Yes. Okay.
I woke up to each of you when I just
slap a bracelet on you, and that bracelest sort of sinks.
And now everybody, because I'm gonna say I could understand you.
Heath could understand you. Bunga could not understand you because

(07:42):
you're speaking common. Common is not common, and you couldn't
understand Bunga because that's but now everybody can understand everybody
with our translating understand Yeah, well, prison Heath, No, but
future future heat yes. But I had to give you
the older version because you can't have the newer version.

(08:05):
What is present me doing? I don't remember. You're defrosting
al capone.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
Wait minute, it's it's October twelfth, right, yes, okay, So
he's gonna do the thing with King Arthur.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yes okay, and he has to have al capone. That's right.
So we're just defrosting and we've put villains in our
freezer section. Okay, makes things easier. Sounds like fun.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
There's a whole section that's just for Edison too. We
haven't caught him, you haven't, okay, Well we eventually do.
Spoiler Alard.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Now I haven't even hired Casey yet.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
What year is this.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
It's twenty oh seven. Oh, you're hired next year. Yes,
but I know about him. It's weird. Okay.

Speaker 5 (08:59):
So you go to sell these ropes?

Speaker 2 (09:01):
No, okay? Are you gonna help?

Speaker 4 (09:04):
I mean, do I have any other choice?

Speaker 2 (09:05):
No? Not not really.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
I guess I'm gonna help.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
He presses a button.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
The ropes fall like stretch bunga. Just take rope and
stir up slowly, just start munching on it.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Just I reached on the table behind me, and I
bought a box of donuts, Like it's a break wheel.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
I just toss grab oh, Bunga love wheel. Bungo invents wheel,
but these not like wheel from Bunga. Smell good, Bunga
take bites.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
It is the best donut anybody would have ever eaten.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Well, to be fair, he's never had a donut before,
so so it could be shipped. He would sell good
tasting donuts.

Speaker 8 (09:58):
No, this donuts, this wheel, These are designed to taste
like the best thing that you've ever actually tasted. So
the best food bung has ever had, that's what This
dough that tastes like.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
Like it's just like that. As he's looking at it
deep too, he just goes hunger miss wife. Buncle will
make wheel and he will just wander off.

Speaker 5 (10:26):
Do you have anything of the blood variety?

Speaker 2 (10:28):
Try one of these donuts.

Speaker 5 (10:29):
It's just try it, Okay, I want to eat the doughnut.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
It tastes like blood whatever, the best blood you've ever had.
It tastes like yeah, and it's even got a little
bit of But.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
You pay like as as that's going on out of nowhere,
that's saying Bungo will come back with a wheel. You
don't know where this wheel came from, but he just
can't it just he just happened to find a wheel?
Did he did? Like? It's a what like it's a
tile wheel? Like it's like he took the tile off
and just turned it into a wheel and brings in

(11:04):
the looks over sid Bunga, bring wheel to a pretty lady.

Speaker 5 (11:08):
Thanks, Bungo, What am I supposed to do this?

Speaker 1 (11:11):
We'll make everybody happen, make.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Wheels smaller to fit on hands.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Bunga be right back, and he just disappears. It comes
like it. So as Bungo walks off, you will continue
what he's doing. You'll come back when he's ready.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
It's okay, he can wander around. When the vortex opens
up any minute now, it'll just suck us all into it.
So nice, we'll be okay, Well, where exactly where we going?
We're going to a really weird year and so we
this is called Earth. You're in America right now. We're
gonna be getting sent back to eighteen sixty five, which

(11:55):
is a really old time compared to now. And people
point the nicest or just fair. You're a woman.

Speaker 5 (12:05):
So there's a vampire.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
They don't know vampires. We don't have vampires here.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Buna comes back and brings back to you a little
bracelet wheel made out of pure diamond.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Thank you? Did you get it out of the freezer section?
We keep the blood diamonds.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
In Bunga don't know what that is. Bunga just found
his Bunga's hands really cold. No, like, we don't know
where he found him, but Bungo just find it. Bunga
just has an inate ability to just randomly find high
quality things in his like just out of nowhere.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Each of your bracelets start to dating, and you hear
over the intercom on as on nine. Hi, guys, we're
gonna have to go to mine. Follow me Bonger, Come.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
On what he starts checking bick voice in skygo boom,
it's a voice I control.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
Come on, roll the wheel.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
With young dude.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Love wheel.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
He just starts rolling with a stick.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Once you get to uh Iron nine, the tiles themselves
open up, and four shopping carts appear in front of us.
Everybody grab a sharping cart and just run to the
other end. O.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Bunga is Bunga.

Speaker 5 (13:39):
It has wheels on bottom. It propels the wheel.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Now that's like he like he like Bonga is still
has not truly been like he is. Bonga has been
to the future, but he has never been to a
modern day like this, so everything is new to damn.
So he's kind of like like he's looking, yeah, like
everything is like an art gallery of just like this
is Bungo feel that this is the true expression of feeling.

(14:08):
It resonates with Bungo.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
Bunger. We don't have a lot of time. Grab buggy,
run Bungo, see bigger wheels, Bungo will meeley just actually
we have all the time in the world.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Not understanding that, like you know, you're supposed to push
Bungo will lift up and run with We.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Don't remember I've talked to someone from the future before.
We don't have control over the vortex yet. It just
randomly opens and closes. Oh yeah, you're present jet, Yes, run,
I have vortex. So everybody just runs through the hortex.
This blue eye opens up as you go through with

(14:50):
your buggy. Your buggy vanishes, and everybody is now standing
in a dirt covered path that has mud. It's nighttime.
As you look around, you see a bunch of people
dressed very old fashionedly. You've seen people dress like this

(15:14):
because it's sort of that Victorian style suits and hats,
and you see small buildings spread out, and everybody can
now read English because you're translators, and you guys are
looking at a theater. This theater looks to have someone

(15:40):
out front saying that in a few hours there's going
to be a big play. And if the President of
the United States is going to be there, oh, this
is a good play. Guys.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
Well, what's a president.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
It is our world leader. This is one of the
most important presidents in our history. Okay, and that's the problem.
In mid sentence, you guys, here an explosion, and off
in the distance you see Abraham Lincoln with no shirt.
He is quadruple the size he should be, with big

(16:18):
green veins running through and his top hat is two
times taller than it should be. His top hat has
a little pipe coming through it with a little bit
of smoke coming out of it. And next to them
you see John Wilkes booth incredibly beefcaked out, with like

(16:41):
electricity coming off of his mustache. And they appear to
be destroying the town. That's why we're here.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
We just got to beat these guys.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, but you gotta beat them up.

Speaker 5 (16:55):
Okay, But what's the catch.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
That they're voided up. I have versions of himself. I'll
be honest with you. He would know more. I haven't
got this far.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
Bungo remembers simpler time.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Time has never been simple. But trust me, and I
reach into my bag and I have a big book
that just explains time. It's very complicated.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
Buncle will take book mainly start flipping it through pages.
Uh huh uh huh yep.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
Roll me a wisdom save with advantage, but you can
choose to fail it.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
Rolled one so in the twelve But Bungo is gonna
be like, uh huh, Bunka don't know these words.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Your eyes start to glow. Everybody sees Bunger's eyes glow,
and the book levitates and goes through an incredible pace,
closes and does it like five more times. Bonga, you
now know how time travel works and all the complexities
of time travel.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
I don't know if that was a good idea. If
you read our book right about then, I need everybody
to make a deck save as a cart with a
horse attached to it is me thrown at you. I
choose to pass the deck save because I already know
what's gonna happen. Twelve five. You and I just kind

(18:36):
of sides that and a cart hits both of you,
smashing you into the ground.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
If I see it, am I able to attempt to
catch it?

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Well, you got a twelve and a deck save right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Then well if we solid it's taking you by completely.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
And knocks you into the ground and you you are
going to take well three D twenties. You guys gonna
take eleven damage. So eleven damage.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
Saying this, this was the mission that I decided that
we should hire Casey.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
You know that would be a good I didn't have
one constant person. Yeah, maybe time would decide just to
use him. Maybe that's maybe one day I can figure
out who my parents are? Not really okay, h Heath

(19:37):
and I walk over and we lift the buggy off
of you.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
H is the horse? Okay?

Speaker 2 (19:45):
Is the horse? Okay? The horse is dead?

Speaker 5 (19:47):
Damn, I'm really sad, don't know?

Speaker 4 (19:51):
Run maybe hang on?

Speaker 2 (19:53):
The horse is actually alive. Yeah, I walk over the
It is dead, dead, but I make nang noises with
its head as I hit it with a syringe and
it comes back to life and see completely alive, never dead.

(20:15):
I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
And more friendship with it.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Okay, I will.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Target bass you see within range, must succeed a wisdom
saving throw, or you have charmed thirteen that he felt it.

Speaker 9 (20:37):
You can just be friends with the horse can't pull
on a gun and should be the horse in my
head if you remember correctly, this horse has to die
or we get super Hitler.

Speaker 5 (20:48):
That sounds bad.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Super Hitler's bad. Yes, you can shoot to the horse
in the head fifteen times. I mean super Hitler.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
I think just sets there up and just go no
and then proceeds. Then like he just goes, well one gun.
Now have dinner. Anybody what food.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
I need?

Speaker 1 (21:20):
He yells at two at super Lincoln, Well.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
I need everybody to make another deck. Say if you
failed this one because you were too obsessed with a
super Hitler, because three just people are being thrown at you.

Speaker 1 (21:37):
Guys twelve.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
You two get hit with two people, and at seventeen,
do you choose to save the lady that's thrown at
you and grabber?

Speaker 5 (21:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Are you just gonna do it in like a cool
way or you're gonna do it like and you swing
around in a romantic superhero way and center back down. Yeah,
it's very hot. Yeah, will you get hit with a
lady and you have like your little chield on, Yeah,
and she just gets obliterator send you everywhere. And Bunga,

(22:12):
you get hit with a lady as you're falling down,
if you want to make another strength saving through, you
might be able to grab her and fall romantically with her.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Bungo will catch, but Bungo will not wo. Bunga love wife,
so I will attempt to catch her.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Nineteen You catch her so she doesn't die and you
don't take any damage.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Munga looks at her and says, you pretty lady, Bungle
gift gift. He will pull out a a shiny rock
and gift to her, but it looks like to be
a loadstone.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah, okay, uh as a lady.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
And then he walks off and starts heading towards the
other like the bad guys.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
As the lady walks away, I let me see if
I can do it without you noticing. I sort of
just grabbed the loads.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
But don't know what it is, but it was pretty.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Guys. They're gonna keep throwing stuff at us and we
don't towards them. Okay, you're gonna like Leroy Jenkins like
super Lincoln and super Booth.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
I do have a straight to twenty three.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Let the cavan go, everybody roll initiative, I go first.
Actually that would make canonical sense. So I know the
listeners are probably like, why does heat just have everything?
And it's because in this world that would is canonical. Yes,

(24:08):
for three people who have been in every inch of
space and time over and over again. So I need
YouTube oral initiative initiative. Yep, Bunga went Lee were jinkings
towards superincoing super.

Speaker 10 (24:23):
Boot Gords.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
Thirteen Sam uh who has the hier decks? Probably you?

Speaker 1 (24:36):
I have sixteen eighteen plus three plus four.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
It's a Bunga U.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
I was gonna just try to talk to him, bung
A great communicator.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Okay, Bunger, Hey, you get to go first. I'm gonna
taunt Lincoln.

Speaker 11 (25:23):
Okay, I'm just gonna yell at him that uh.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
Getting wife's an ugly bitch. He he was running towards Bunger,
but he stops and now he's staring at you. Bite me, Lincoln,
you're going to attack or.

Speaker 11 (25:49):
Yeah, I'll pull my I pulled my horse killing gun
and uh take a shot at him.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Okay, Roll a hip. You add tip okay, uh, I
choose to reroll twenty one missus as you take a shot.

(26:14):
What is this bullet made out of from this gun?
The bullet is made out of teeth, Mommy, teeth. You
shoot and the bullet goes up, and you notice that
little pipe caming out of Lincoln's hat. It starts to

(26:34):
buzz with electricity and a little tiny portal opens up
and the bullets just go through the little portal. It's purple.
You know that's a pet sub portal. Yes? Fuck?

Speaker 5 (26:47):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (26:47):
You get two attacks? Okay, so you can make another attack.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Don't shot? I forgot I had a dangerous sensus roll
another attack.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
I can't remember if I if I roll, if it
didn't ever take this time left is super great?

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Here too?

Speaker 2 (27:05):
No? Oh, then then I'm going in blind right now?
Usually grants here too. No. This time means not. That's
a NAT twenty. It hits row me three P twenty
damage in double seventeen eight four? Where'd you aim? Uh

(27:38):
for his dick? You blast right at his dick and
it explodes. He falls prone. Well, let's see he falls
from fifty eight damage. He falls prone and he's in
a lot of pain.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Why you do that? Not very nice?

Speaker 5 (27:58):
That was fucking Hilariou.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Is anything else you want to do? I want to
go over and kick his hat off of his head.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
Him less man.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Now kiff me and you had to row this. Give
me a strength check. Hi, you add kim high DCS twelve.
You kick it and you get tailported five feet backwards.

(28:28):
You may know a lot of things going on, but
when it comes to Tesla, he's always one step ahead
of you. Even future future Heath. God, damn it, I
mean future future future Heath. That's gonna be Lincoln's term.
Lincoln uses a half movement to stand up, and you

(28:52):
watch as he grunts, and the area that you've shot
heals itself, and he gets a little bit bigger in size.
Uh bunger. You were running straight up, so I think
you were probably closest. But he has to tack Heith.
Uh So as he turns to go after Heath, you

(29:14):
get an attack of opportunity.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Bung fungo will take uh take out great club and
he will uh smack, he will uh let's see her.
How tall is equal Hulk Lincoln?

Speaker 2 (29:39):
He's eight feet tall right now? Okay, he was six
but he got bigger.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
How long did we I'd say what Bungo was like?
What four feet something like that?

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Ye wasn't very tall.

Speaker 7 (29:49):
I'm gonna hit Bungo, gona take out his kneecaps.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Fad.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yeah, I don't want ship today.

Speaker 12 (30:04):
Let's see.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Yeah, it doesn't work. Uh seven. Oh, let me see
if I have any feats or anything weapon mastery. I

(30:36):
don't think I have anything.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah, they're just missus.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I Miss Bungle looks up and said, you're lucky.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Anytime you go up against anything with Tesla, you have
an ac of twenty. Okay, h Lincoln is going to
make three fist attacks towards you, and he looks at
you and says, it's my experience that folks who have
no vices have no virtues. And he hits you. He

(31:18):
gets twenty seven, seventeen and sixteen, so thirty hits. Yeah,
and he's gonna use a legendary action to see if
he can grapple you. Roll me a strength check, just
add a twenty or ten twenty four. So Lincoln does

(31:46):
true punches to you, and as his hands get bloody,
as it just hits your shield. Yeah, but that last
hit you notice your shield on your side frizzles and
it stops working and he picks you up and he
so hams you on the ground. Yeah, you take thirty

(32:09):
three points of damage okay, and uh you take a
Tesla damage. So instead of a ten, you can only
roll with a plus five. Everything as tesla electricity rolls
through him, and you've lost some of your future abilities

(32:31):
And that's gonna be Bunga.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
Sure, but can you had the hard decks? Oh? Yeah,
that's right. That was an opportunity. Bunga is going to
you know what, Manga is going to attempt to grapple
and do a suplex to get he still has you

(32:58):
in hand in his hand, right, No, he.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Just slammed him into the ground. He's just standing at
the top of him seething right now.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, he is going to Bunga is going to run
up behind him, grab grapple his leg and attempt to
do a suplex.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Okay, So give me a strength check and see if
you beat his you do he eats in that one.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Yeah, and I have the grappling feet and I am
going to do a suplex behind So would that be
an unarmed strike or would that.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
Normally but I'm gonna let you roll three D six
damage because that's way higher than an unarmed strike. I
don't think that an unarmed souplex should be one.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
How to get him to do more damage to Lincoln?

Speaker 11 (33:54):
Okay, okay, as you've got Lincoln up, I'm gonna, you know,
say Bunga he hates will Bungo go and rage do
two more D six damage?

Speaker 1 (34:07):
They said you, Yeah, like in your heir Bunga and
Vince will bungock greatest. Let's see twelve eighteen. What is
Lincoln's hpe?

Speaker 2 (34:28):
You slam Lincoln backwards? You here sickening crack as some
of his bones break, but he's still Okay, you the
first form of Lincoln you killed instantly? That would V two. Okay,
does bungers a barbarian at fifteen? Does he get another attack?

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (34:50):
Under your attacks A say one or two, so.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
It says to attacks proaction to So Bunga is then
going to take out that's he's going to pull h
Holy Adventure great club and say for for the mo
for moth friend and just just break break his legs.

(35:26):
Three damn hey no, just an eight that misses.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Yeah, you can slam it down hits he rolls the
mud right next to him, mud splashes up.

Speaker 13 (35:41):
Pull out my replay device that uh rewind's time ten seconds?

Speaker 2 (35:49):
He gets it only rolls five seconds, but that's enough
for a reroll. So he gave you the help.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Action still rolling like shit, you want.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
To get to it once you got a test? The
point on you.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Trying to think?

Speaker 2 (36:11):
So try to n ended me. I gotta balance it somehow.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Trying to think. If I remember seeing, I think I
have like a dvantage on something.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
But well he gave you advantage anyway. Sixteen still misses.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, now sixteen plus eleven so twenty six so that
would hit. Yeah, so I forgot to do the had
to hit.

Speaker 5 (36:55):
So oh no.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
F twelve and where I have mastery of with the
with the weapon, it will push him back ten feet.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
He's on the ground, so.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
So is he prone or is he just yeah, you
super liked him onto the ground.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
So yeah, so I will say you make an intention.
He goes like two feet into the ground.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
So that's something. So if he's prone, that's double the damage, isn't.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
It not that she gives you advantage? Okay?

Speaker 4 (37:43):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (37:44):
So and then uh, if you restless attack, I Zach
gives me an opportunity for a third attack or is that.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
Just what did you say, have res restless or reckless?

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Reckless?

Speaker 2 (37:58):
Yeah, reckless just gives you advantage for them, they get
advantage on you.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Okay, and yeah, then that's it.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
Okay, period, it's your turn.

Speaker 5 (38:08):
Okay, So let's John Booth do it.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
Right now. I was looking at Lincoln getting the ship
made out of him, but he's about ten feet in
front of you.

Speaker 5 (38:17):
Okay, So I'm going to do a guiding boat on Lincoln.
So that is eighteen plus nine. Yeah, and so that's
sixteen sixty damage that it.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Takes nineteen damage, takes nineteen damage. Hey, I need you.
This is your writer haven. Yeah, your guiding boat hits
Lincoln and radiant energy goods to his entire body and
Lincoln explodes. I needs you to make it dex safe. Try.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
I think that was a seven, But I think I
have an advantage due to instincts. I think, oh, you
know that's an initiative.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, I know that barbarians have advantage on athletic checks.
Don't think they have him on decks.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah, I'll need to actually read a little bit more
because I'd say there's a lot here that I have
to redo. But okay, so yeah it seven.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
You were gonna take eighteen points of damage and we
knocked back about four feet eighteen. Yep, period's still your turn.

Speaker 5 (39:54):
Sorry, I got a bonus action.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
After you see him explode, you see that in the
bloody mess, there is a skinny version of what you
just killed. Normal Abraham Lincoln is just laying in the
blood and got to himself.

Speaker 4 (40:10):
Is he dead?

Speaker 2 (40:11):
He's knocked out?

Speaker 5 (40:12):
Okay, not dead yet yet? Okay, so how far away
is he?

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Who acol mmm? Uh, roll me an inside check before
you go.

Speaker 5 (40:26):
To I'm not gonna kill him, but I wanted to
see if I could save him inside twenty one.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
He he's he's just knocked out. He's not doing death saves. Okay,
he's stable. He's good. Okay, So if you wanna do
your bonus action, anything else.

Speaker 5 (40:51):
You can bonus action. I am going to cast where
we go spiritual weapon?

Speaker 2 (41:02):
What does your spiritual weapon look like?

Speaker 5 (41:04):
So it's like this big badass that it's silver with
rubies in it.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
So it's sort of like Wazell sword, big ass radiant
And I'm gonna i imagine and you can correct me
if I'm wrong. I feel like your radiant Day, which
would be crispal like Crimson instead of yellow. So a
big glowing red silver sword with rubies disappears. Where are

(41:33):
you putting it?

Speaker 5 (41:35):
Putting it right in front of John Will's booth?

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Okay? And yeah the speech weapon goes in your turn?

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Okay, so go ahead and roll.

Speaker 12 (41:47):
You just want to make.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
What's the name? You just want to make this his
own mini series.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
We actually talked about as we'll add this clutch? Uh
ses that do for you?

Speaker 4 (42:06):
For me?

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Jeff goes he you're closest to Lincoln. You need to
grab him. You gotta get him somewhere safe before something
bad happens, all right, And then, Bunger, you've taken all
of damage, right, Bunga did well? You haven't taken any.

Speaker 5 (42:27):
Damage except for when I got hit by that carriage.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
Yeah, ye, Bogus moth friend will help us.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Well, Jeff's gonna heal. So I'm just trying to think
it's the most damage.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Like I'm out, like I'm one seventy one, two hundred
and you.

Speaker 14 (42:45):
Let's see, okay, see uh, Jeff pulls out a little
tiny pistol and he shoots Bunga in the back with it.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
It actually does it hurt. It's very painless. It's just
a little pin prick. And you gain twenty hippoints.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
You just immediately hear something that's.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
What it's like. How you gained twenty hippoints.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
So I'm gonna grab Lincoln your turn.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Jeff's as Jeff in his turn, you see purple lightning
start to form through the sky. Crackle, Uh, Tesla's here
does not sound good, and you hear familiar footsteps and

(43:40):
you look up and you see two Teslasota and normal Tesla. Fuck.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
You know what you should have told Sam that like
Tesla's might be here.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
He was showed up. Uh, and normal Tesla looks at
you and he's like, well, hello, Heath, trying to use
your fancy devices. Yeah, actually.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Make things you can.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
I want to catch it. And it goes off and
you now roll everything a straight roll as he e
MP you.

Speaker 5 (44:28):
Okay to self, don't take anything from that man.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
And then robot Tesla is gonna use his turn because
they go in the same turn to punch you. Robot
Tesla just created You now have three hundred hit points emp,
so you might want to keep track of this robot

(44:55):
tesla when hitting somebody from a timeline that's not it.
There's five D twenty worth of damage. That's a one
and in twenty eighteen sixty four points a damage. As

(45:23):
his fist comes down and it's not even most robot fists,
it's just a fish and he just clocks you right
in the mouth, does it? Yes, things slow down because
you instinctially try to like reverse time, but it's just
not working, spamming the replay button and you just hear

(45:46):
me go, how did you forget about this? I told
you Grant's not here. I'm blind blad Oh, I have
idea and we're going back up to your turn. Okay,
it's my turn.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Have idea?

Speaker 2 (46:05):
What's your idea of Bungo?

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Buncle can make wheel of time?

Speaker 2 (46:09):
And oh you know what I forgotten to start? Booth
goes in both. Booth is not very smart. He is
going to try to head But your spiritual weapon.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Does it say how much it points?

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Or it's a cun You understand timetime? Well, you can
craft the wheel of time.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
That's what I'm saying. Make wheel of time.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
It's gonna be a lot of really hard checks to
see if you can make the wheel of time.

Speaker 5 (46:46):
He doesn't say, I know.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
What level did you cast it at?

Speaker 5 (46:56):
I believe someone for him too.

Speaker 10 (47:00):
Yeah, okay, it doesn't.

Speaker 5 (47:10):
Give me.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
I got it.

Speaker 5 (47:13):
Okay, maybe I should not find it on this one.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Maybe I should don't.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
I would have tortured you will find them, yeah, because
I would have allowed everything to work, but also not work.

Speaker 5 (47:32):
Well damn blew up the whole resistance.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
Yeah, just still not let you down.

Speaker 5 (47:40):
You're never going to leave that down.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
The speak weapons, it's che.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
Yeah, crack.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Yeah, he was asking me hit Yeah, remember the name before?

Speaker 1 (47:59):
I can't remember.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
He was like, so's yours D and D two. He
hits head blade first, that the flat side, So I
also want.

Speaker 4 (48:14):
You to just.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
Function things that you know he's there taking with the
bottom of like non function on that one. You guys
see lookes booth head butted spiritual weapon, and the spiritual
weapon starts to get cracks, but he he head butted
the sharp side. So he comes back with a gash
in his forehead and then he's gonna pick up a

(48:41):
rock and toss you. It's his second attack twenty eight
that heads now I want you to to rollo deck
save because you can half all the damage.

Speaker 5 (49:01):
Kay, so twenty okay, so half.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Of fifty one would be twenty five. Yeah, you say, twenty.

Speaker 15 (49:16):
Five wins to damage as a rock comes at you, damn,
and his third attack, he's gonna look at Heath.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
And he is gonna throw a playbook at you. Playbook. Oh, okay,
like a playbook. It's in that one that missus he cuts.
He goes to throat and he slices his own one
off and he falls to the ground and it grows
back and he grows bigger. I'm gonna punish that one.

(49:50):
Uh So, now it's Heath turned. Okay, you're prone with
robot Tesla over top of here.

Speaker 5 (50:00):
Oh what to do?

Speaker 2 (50:03):
Because none of my devices work right? You can still
cast any spell in the book, but you're rolling straight
rolls for everything. Okay, let's see, let's see what I
want to.

Speaker 3 (50:19):
We're in DC, yeah, correct, Okay, I'm order just a
couple of blocks from the Ford Theater.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
I'm going to cast dimension door okay, and teleport myself
to Ford's Theater because I remember that I hit a
mechsuit there.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Okay.

Speaker 11 (50:39):
The last time I was here, it's underneath the underneath
the stage.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Okay, so roll me at D twenty. Okay, we're going
to check to see if this is the correct timeline
that you could have in. Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
On the ten or lower. There's just a bunch of
a create of bananas because you put the wrong ones
on a ten to eleven to fifteen you find a

(51:10):
broken mech suit, but you can fix it. Yeah, sixteen
to twenty, your mech suit's there. Come on, baby bananas. Seven.
So you open it up and you've been alive for
a very long time. Yeah, and you've traveled the timeline.

(51:34):
It's one singular timeline, but the moments in time what
you appear and disappear, You do things, You borrow things,
and you bring them back a couple of minutes later,
so it's always a gamble of what's going to be there.
And you open it up and it's a create of bananas,
and you specifically remember there was one time where you

(51:56):
needed a mech shuitt to move some bananas, and you
had a box and you didn't you couldn't carry both,
so you dropped the bananas and you're gonna bring the
Mex suit back later. Fuck m.

Speaker 16 (52:14):
So you use your action you have the bonus actions
movement left mmmm fuck fuck fuck. I can't remember which
me that was that that. Let's let the bananas here.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Is. Would there be a chance that I got there
just as the other me was leaving. Let's do a
complete luck check. Evens you got there right as you
were coming back with the Mex suit. Odds nothing happened, alight?
Oh no, seventeen No, he had just probably just left

(53:05):
that injured turn. Okay, Norma Tesla goes and he grabs
Lincoln and he puts him on his back and like
a sleeve, and normal Tesla will in his turn because

(53:26):
you're not around, and that's gonna go to Bunga. So
you've got two Nicla Tesla's and uh John wook Spooth
who just came back even bigger, and.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
I think only one thing to do, Unga some I'm
gonna call for a moth friend, moth friend, how do
we discuss that to someone? Moth friend? I think it
was like I have to like sing a song to
smon muff friend something like.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
That question, just so I can make it narrative sense.
Where does moth friend come from? Is he from your timeline?

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Moth friend is god? I got the stature right here.
It's basically the thing is like, uh, bu'ma save. Moth
friend went tiny but then years but like just but
years later became giant moth like base.

Speaker 12 (54:28):
Let's see.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Hello, we found it here, but he exists in buggins
timeline is just a creature flying around just perfect. Yeah,
just uh, just summon my friend. Oh no, sing your

(54:49):
song to someon your moth friend. Okay, hold, I gotta.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
Find the right one here about it? Okay, moth friend, Bungo,
moth friend, help Bunga, wheel danger moth help Bunga.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
You hear the flapping of moth wings. They sound a
little bit different than the last time that you've heard them,
because it's been a million years.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
You want the you want the stats for it.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
You see red eyes, black wings, partially humanoid body as
moth friend is now mothman, and mothman lends next to you.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
You not normal mothfriend, but Bunga except with love.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
I am normal moth friend. It's just been a long time, Bunger.
I didn't expect to see you here. I'm now a
harbinger of bad news.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Nowadays, Bunga still make wheel.

Speaker 5 (56:00):
This is bad news for a year or so.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
What news you have for Bunga?

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Oh, first wife came back, Bunger.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
I'll survive Bunga through off cliff necromancy. You just you
just see that, bun do that meme. I'm just him
looking down and just like sweat.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Urcore, Mothman hugs you and he goes it's been a
long time. I've missed you since you were killed, and
moth Man can go in your turn.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
I'd say, I don't have a stats for a moth Man,
but that's the same thing.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
It's just a flavor. Okay, you that was your bonus action,
So what do you want to do is an action?

Speaker 1 (56:57):
So Mothman will go to I guess the closest of Like,
who's the closest.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
They're all pretty close.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
To you, Well, who is the most Well with Bunger
has dealing with wild beasts and stuff, he would be
able to tell who is like the most dangerous well, I.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
Mean inside check with disadvantage, because this is a little
bit different than.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Yes, he's not good at wisdom, you don't have good insight.
He said disadvantage.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Yeah seven seven. The most dangerous thing around you appears
to be booth Okay. He is big and buff like
a lot of the other people, cave men that try
to take you know, try to be leader of tribes,

(57:52):
tried to take down dinosaurs, big buff men. Normal Tessela
is very skinny, very looks like he hasn't eaten in
a long time, wearing a nice purple suit. And robot
Tesla looks the same except for part robot. So the
most dangerous person looks to be the big beefy guy.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
So mathmable attack that. Yeah, the biggest to beefier one.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
So roll a hit twenty five to hit bad just kids.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
And let's see here. It's gonna be quite heavy. So
let's see here. Uh First, it's gonna do a piercing damage,
so that's two deep eights twenty three. It's gonna be

(58:56):
twenty three piercing damage. Then it's gonna do poison damage.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Does it say what the cons say for the poison is.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
Uh DC at twenty five, so eighteen poison damage. That's

(59:33):
going to do another radiance damage? Do another constitution saving
what's this one for the radiant damage?

Speaker 2 (59:44):
Okay, you got it that twenty for that one you
feel the poison.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
Yeah, it's DC for twenty five for the Constitution.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
Yeah so yeah, it's an eight, but he got an
twenty anyway.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
Yeah, so it'll be half the damage. So so fifteen
so that don't.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Have it because he's actually vulnerable. So he's gonna take
the full him out even though fifteen. So how does
moth Man explain to me what he does?

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
So what are he's going to do out of his
magnificent fine ass that Mothman occurrent of course he has
a fantastic fine ass. He's gonna grow a stinger. It's
gonna pop out of it. He's gonna just like do
a thrust and it's gonna penetrate him.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
So he penetrates John Wilkesmooth through the heart and as
he comes out John Walksmooth, his heart comes out with him.
And I need him to make a deck save as
John Wilkesmooth.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Explodes, saving thrower, just straight saving throw okay, sixteen.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Okay, he doesn't take anything, which he managed to get away,
and you just see a skinny, normal looking John Willik's
booth in the middle of the the icker. You still
have two Tesla's. What are you gonna do? You still
have your action for Bunga.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Bunga is going to run behind moth jump like kind
of like do a jump behind over like over top
of them and come down with the mic with a
swing of his club and attempt to hit other Tesla
normal teslay normal Tesla.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
This is gonna be extremely hard. You're gonna have the
roll and mat twenty to hit. Robot Tesla has a
twenty five AC normal Tesla. It's any hit hit. So
it's are you gonna do a reckless Well, know, you
use your bonus action. I'll do use your bonus action.

(01:02:05):
I ready some of them off man, Yeah, so I'll
do reckless then, well that that would be your bonus action.
Oh okay, so yeah, you've already used one, so it'll
be a straight role. But you could go ahead and
roll two D twenties because you have two attacks. Let's
see if.

Speaker 4 (01:02:19):
You're one of the.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Twenty three to one and twenty now twenty four for
one twenty no natskay.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
As you go you jump over, it's looking epic, Imperia.
You see this kind of like side scene. There's parts
of DC burning, there's purple lightning. In the background, you
see Bunga leaping over Bungo adventure of wheel and you
just see this skinny looking normal man with another man

(01:02:57):
on his back. Just famh. And here's directly next to you. Hello.
Oh no, Bunga. It was such a badass move. You
land by tossing a will out and you put your

(01:03:17):
feet on the wheel and you slow yourself.

Speaker 5 (01:03:19):
Down like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
Bunga knew acrobatics always would help Bunga and.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
The period it's your turn. So you got robot Tesla
about twenty five feet away from you, and normal Tesla
directly next to you. But he isn't extremely hard to hit.
Here's what I'm gonna tell you. In this moment though, Okay,
you were in a different world. Yeah, the last thing

(01:03:50):
you remember is fighting this big monster. We're gonna assume
that you win and you take a nap. You communicate
with your God via emotions. You don't fill your God here,
but you feel insanely powerful for some reason. If you choose,

(01:04:11):
I will give you one instacrit for you to use
whenever you want. Okay, but you'll have to skip your
next turn because it'll be exhausting.

Speaker 5 (01:04:27):
Okay, uh, chit so you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Can save it for whenever, but it is gonna use
a lot of energy to force an instinct out.

Speaker 5 (01:04:38):
What is regular Tesla's hit points?

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
Bad?

Speaker 5 (01:04:44):
Okay? Mmm, I think I'm gonna try robot Tesla because
he seems like plus nos in eighteen. So that doesn't hit.
That's going hitting with my Great Sword of Thrones command.
But that's a swing and a miss.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
And a stumble.

Speaker 5 (01:05:04):
What is your role an eight? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
Yeah? Do you have a bonus action and give you
advantage on that or add something for that role as
a war player? Or is it that you can spend
a divine I can do divine and be able to
make another bonus attack.

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
So the first one misses, you can spend your bonus
action to another attack though.

Speaker 5 (01:05:35):
Nineteen plus nine that hits. Okay, So I'm gonna hit
with my Great Sword of Thrones command.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
I don't remember what that does. I know it's not fun,
but yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:05:48):
Let's actions flashing damage. Who I can actually do booming
blade on that? So there that'd be a three D

(01:06:08):
eight thunder. Okay, don't let's do that?

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Actually, oh yeah, it gives.

Speaker 5 (01:06:33):
You banishment takes fourteen thundered image.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
You smack the shit out of 'em with this, and
you see that part of his chest case in yeah,
and you hear sickening metal crunch, and that took out
took out a big crunk of him. You get the
idea that he may be able to hit a lot,

(01:07:01):
but it can't take a lot of damage.

Speaker 5 (01:07:03):
Hell yeah, beat shit out of that robot.

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
Jeff's turn. You took a lot of damage last night. Yep,
all right, Uh, Jeff watched Heith vanish. So Jeff's going
to go Imperia and he's gonna toss you a bottle. Okay,
we'll catch it, and as you catch it, you're gonna

(01:07:32):
gain twenty hit points. But I'll tell you what the
bottle is in the next turn, and Jeff's going to
dementia door to where he thinks Heath is.

Speaker 5 (01:07:43):
Heath.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
Where's the other place you would have hit something in
DC in eighteen sixty five? The other place would have
hit it. We're gonna see if he goes there or
to you underneath the house representatives, all right, even if
he gets you odds, he ends up with the house
or for some of those eighteen So you see a

(01:08:04):
little door open up. Bananas are mex suits what he's
asking you, Bananas are mix suits? Bananas. He just grabs
your back to the door and you're back in the battlefield,
just in time for it to be robot Tesla's turn.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
You see myth friend and you are you are just
not even aroused, but you are just amazed by his shin.

Speaker 2 (01:08:36):
You see this and you're like, oh shit, it's Mothman
and you have a moment to try to think of
whether this is the Mothman that comes every Tuesday to
buy sugar cubes or this is the old moth Man. Uh,

(01:08:58):
you hit robot Tesla. You're right next to him. So
Robotessa is going to make three attacks for you.

Speaker 5 (01:09:04):
Yeah, you get a.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
Plus tenth all these let's do to get a fourteen,
seventeen and a two. So a twenty four and a
twenty seven, Ye do hit and that the twelve does not.
I should two out of three. He is going to

(01:09:32):
use a legendary action to combine those two to do
double damage with one. Here, you gotta be fucking me.
A four and eight, A four and a two, so
eighteen damage at a five D twentys you take eighteen

(01:09:53):
damage yes, and she just punches you in the rib
cage and his hand in a little.

Speaker 5 (01:10:00):
Bit felt nice, didn't it? Not?

Speaker 2 (01:10:03):
Really? Okay? I question myself sometimes. And he's gonna use
a bonus action. No he's not, because he can't do that. Okay,
So it is normal. Tesla's turn. Normal, Tesla's gonna walk

(01:10:24):
over and pick up Booth, and he's gonna pick up Lincoln.
He's a look at you, Heath, and he's gonna look
at Jeff and say, it's never that simple, right, And
he tosses them in the air and they levitate and
they start spinning, and he throws some electric at him
and they start to form together to make a two

(01:10:48):
hundred foot tall sorry spam called giant creature that is
a combination of John Wilkes, Booth and Abraham Lincoln. It's
got four arms and two heads and it stands above
you two hundred feet and that's your attorney. Now there

(01:11:12):
is something you know you can do. We have mechs
hit and you can summon the mix. But all my
stuff is fried. Maybe you say the words, I'm gonna
do something that I didn't want to have to do.

(01:11:34):
I look at you and good do you remember that
Faraday cage that I built inside myself.

Speaker 17 (01:11:40):
No, but that sounds like you. Okay, we haven't done
it yet. I guess I go to faar Day cage
and my rectum. You're gonna have to I'm gonna be over.
You're gonna have to stick your finger up there.

Speaker 11 (01:11:51):
There's a button in my price say you're gonna press
it and it's gonna summon the mix.

Speaker 2 (01:11:59):
I Bunga to do it. No, Bunga doesn't know what
overstate is.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
Bungo good medicine, man, He just takes out you don't
need like you just hear a snap like as he.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
Puts on a claw future future, you put it in there.
I press the button.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
Oh, you just see Bungu's realistic big meaty hands like
just says, oh.

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
So you hear a rumbling and everything, and and you
see some mechs come out of the distance like it's
power rangers. You see two giant shopping carts. You see
a scanner gun sort of like flying sideways like it's

(01:12:55):
like this, the shopping carts are roaming.

Speaker 5 (01:12:59):
Uh. And then.

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
You see a a credit card machine. No, no says
to climent on it, and Jeff just goes. Everybody jump
the right one will pick you up. Okay, uh words,
get the credit card machine.

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
This this thing missing something, This needs wheel.

Speaker 2 (01:13:28):
Giant wheels. Uh, you two get shopping carts and Heath
gets the scanner gun. Now you can do whatever attacks
you want. You just add twenty to your attack rolls
while you're in your giant mech. What about Muffy Muffy
jumps in one the he's in it with you, bunger.

Speaker 1 (01:13:51):
Bule crowded BA. Don't think it's gonna work.

Speaker 2 (01:13:57):
You have an attacked so I seven action yeah, okay, yeah, alright.

Speaker 5 (01:14:09):
Mm hmmm.

Speaker 2 (01:14:17):
I wish that the Power Rangers theme song wasn't you copyrighted?

Speaker 5 (01:14:21):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
Go Go time Quirks Rangers.

Speaker 3 (01:14:31):
So I'm gonna pilot of the Nech gonna have its
hands go together and it's gonna come out and it's
gonna be.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
An energy sword. So you're you guys haven't formed the
big mech yet? You're apparently no, you're eating your separate mechs. Okay,
we'll get to that. It's it's a traditional for no.

Speaker 11 (01:14:50):
Parrangers forms in like twenty seconds, but they first attack
and their normal ones episodes of the attack.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
No you're thinking of Vultron. The attack is lions im
every time, and then it fails ultimately because yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:04):
I'm referring it from the movie because it's my favorite.
They okay and then they form okay.

Speaker 3 (01:15:09):
Fair enough, Okay, fine, then uh then I'm gonna pilot
my giant scam gun okay and shift it over and
blast both of them, or blast you know, the big
giant Lincoln Booth monster with.

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
Scam gun laser chay roll two attacks you get a
puestion twentyp attack seven six nine, so seven h.

Speaker 9 (01:15:52):
They miss because it's a thirty Jesus, I gave you
a big hip, but I'll let you use a bonus
actually to hit it, like run into it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:02):
With the skinn gun to run into it. Yeah, I
don't want to do that. You don't want to bumpet.

Speaker 4 (01:16:09):
No, it don't just smash me, do you?

Speaker 2 (01:16:14):
In your turn, the abomination takes a swing at you,
Heath because you're the closest. Run me one swing and
that isn't that twenty good?

Speaker 1 (01:16:31):
God?

Speaker 2 (01:16:33):
I I don't roll good until I roll it in
your U your dice box, and I don't do good
for for damage. It smacks at you you're able to

(01:16:54):
sort of maneuver after getting hit, but you take twenty
points of years. Okay, that's a trick. That is the
robot tessel. That's you drew that up once, Bunger, you're
turning shopping cart.

Speaker 1 (01:17:15):
What Bunga is going to do? Bunga crowded Bunger realized,
this's no work. Moth friend, you get out a little door,
let's say, like a little door will open up, and
he said, and he like, well it will open up
like this said, So Bunga love you, mothmend, but you
better out there. Throws my moth friend out and and

(01:17:40):
my friend is flying as a moth friend should. And
Bunga is going to has no idea what is going on.
He is even though he is master of time. Bunga
is master of time.

Speaker 2 (01:17:56):
Bunga doesn't know what any of the buttons.

Speaker 1 (01:17:58):
Yeah, but Bunga does know one thing. Bunga knows wheel.
So Bungo is going to start tinkering with it and
just think. But but we'll go forward, we'll go back.
Wheel is all mighty power of wheel, and Bunga is

(01:18:21):
going to attempt to move forward and do the worst
attack a buggy can do the shins, yes, roll.

Speaker 2 (01:18:32):
An attack, roll what's the twinning, and do it with
advantage because you know will and this has four wheels
thirty four that hits you hit them right in the
back of the shin do me ten D six damage.

(01:18:55):
It might be easier to do.

Speaker 5 (01:18:56):
It on that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:57):
I'm forty two okay. And then with myth friend is
going and as my friend looks over and goes to said,
it's like, I shall use the mighty winds that well,

(01:19:20):
it's not gonna work. But my friend understood, like he's, well,
I don't know it's moth friends, shall use mighty winds
to destroy this, and he is going to do a
hurricane gust. It's gonna do twelve y sixes.

Speaker 2 (01:19:41):
Okay uh. And in the.

Speaker 1 (01:19:45):
Process of this, it is going to deal like this
is like an all range attack. So anything in front
of me, So if I'm facing any buildings, it's gonna
do a lot of damage.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
You're also probably one hundred feet in the air, so
I don't know what you're gonna hit. There's no skyscrapers.

Speaker 1 (01:20:05):
It's it's like a hurricane rolling through town.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
So I'm gonna make it where it just directly hits
the creature. I'm not gonna kill DC that bad.

Speaker 1 (01:20:17):
Forty four.

Speaker 2 (01:20:21):
The winds sort of range. It falls to its knee,
but it doesn't look too hard.

Speaker 1 (01:20:32):
That's saying I'm not gonna do another action. I could,
moth friend could, but we're not going to continue Imperia.

Speaker 2 (01:20:41):
It is your return.

Speaker 5 (01:20:42):
Is my spiritual weapon still in the ground.

Speaker 2 (01:20:46):
Yes, I uh, I was gonna get to that in
a second. Once you you tell me what you want
to do, I'm gonna tell you you actually kind of
know what's going on.

Speaker 5 (01:21:00):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:21:01):
You've seen similar controls in the Magic Church buzz. Yes,
and although you don't completely understand them, you watched it
be used.

Speaker 5 (01:21:11):
So okay, so can't shoot things?

Speaker 14 (01:21:16):
It can?

Speaker 5 (01:21:17):
Okay, what can I shoot? Do we have any radiant damage?

Speaker 2 (01:21:21):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (01:21:21):
Okay, so I want to shoot with my Crimson radiant
beams at this.

Speaker 2 (01:21:26):
Big two attacks.

Speaker 5 (01:21:29):
And then a but a second. Okay, we're's gonna do two.
So I've got a thirty three and a twenty three.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
Okay, So thirty three hits.

Speaker 5 (01:21:44):
For sure, Okay, how much damage?

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
Ten D six and then double the damage because it's radiant.

Speaker 5 (01:22:08):
Seventy four damage.

Speaker 2 (01:22:11):
That's a lot.

Speaker 5 (01:22:12):
Yeah, and then with my spiritual Weapon, I'm going to
have it flat over and hit Robot Tesla.

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
So you flip a switch. Oh you're gonna have it
hit Robot Tesla. I was gonna make it two hundred
feet top. Okay, we can hit Robot Tesla. Yeah, for sure,
go for it.

Speaker 5 (01:22:37):
So that'll be one to rolls. Yep, let is fourteen
plus nine.

Speaker 2 (01:22:49):
He he's got an AC of twenty three, so it
is twenty three.

Speaker 5 (01:22:52):
So you hit, and then that would be eight damage
to Robot Tesla.

Speaker 2 (01:23:02):
It touch half like a chin can. He doesn't look
to the best. I just put Robot Tesla in the group.

Speaker 4 (01:23:11):
Okay, yeah, he just did that.

Speaker 2 (01:23:17):
They but he literally drew that for me years ago.
So evene what he's supposed to look like. There's a
lot of war to this world that I've made. Yeah,
it's all ridiculous. Thought, are you going to do anything else?

Speaker 5 (01:23:34):
That was my two attacks and a bonus action?

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
What was your bonus action? Oh so you have your
bonus action. Spiritual weapon has its own bonus.

Speaker 5 (01:23:51):
I'm trying to think.

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
We wanna look at your character sheets see if you
have any bonus actions.

Speaker 5 (01:24:14):
Yeah, I don't think it does.

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
You just have your spiritual weapon and a bonus attack
if you spent a war preset point.

Speaker 5 (01:24:26):
Okay, let's do that. And so that's another attack.

Speaker 2 (01:24:30):
Yep.

Speaker 5 (01:24:31):
So we're gonna attack big bad, ugly. That is a
thirty two.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
Okay, shut Another beam shoots him and you're still in
the grounds. It took like kids his leg and he's
looking kind of gnarly. Ah, this big giant thing.

Speaker 5 (01:24:53):
Did that hit? Uh?

Speaker 2 (01:24:54):
That did hit? So yep?

Speaker 5 (01:24:59):
Then is it double yes?

Speaker 4 (01:25:01):
Radio.

Speaker 2 (01:25:02):
That's why I say he's gonna look kind of normally
because I know this is gonna be a lot of bench.
A trunk out of their leg flies off, and blood
just lands on a bunch of passerbys. You're really confused.
What was happening? What is this?

Speaker 1 (01:25:24):
What is this mechanical cheering?

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
You hear one person go, is this like that? Mate?
That was fine from the sky Kentucky? And that would
be Jeff's turn, all right before Jeff goes, Tesla uses
a legendary action and he shoots this beast and he

(01:25:49):
makes it bigger and it gets a lightning rod as
a weapon. Jeff goes, we're gonna have to combine everybody
pressed the big red button button. Bongo, do you, Bongo?
Do you hit the big red button?

Speaker 1 (01:26:06):
Bongo is compelled to hit shiny red button. He hits
a big red button and shape of wheel.

Speaker 2 (01:26:15):
We formed together to create this abomination. Yes, Robot Castle
uses his turn to just run away. He's taken a
lot of damage. He doesn't want to be anywhere nearest.
And at the top of the round, the teeths turn.

(01:26:39):
You all have slid together. You're on a little room
with each other, and you have buttons. Okay, so now
I'm gonna have the hands go like this. I think
I'm out. And it's a glowy and red energy sword. Okay, okay.
The base of it is made out of a tape gun.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:26:58):
Yes, tape just flies out and hits straight and turns
glowing red. You're holding a giant, glowing red tape gun.
Stores just want to do the the big dramatic slash
that the megazoid always does. Okay. I want everybody to

(01:27:20):
roll a D twenty and that.

Speaker 4 (01:27:21):
Twenty nine twenty nine.

Speaker 1 (01:27:35):
What is it you said?

Speaker 2 (01:27:36):
Like? What twenty year? We're we're in. There's this megazod
right my device is working replay Okay, everybody here didn't
get a thirty can reroll except for me. At least
you want me to reroll my NAD twenty. I reroll
my NAD twenty.

Speaker 1 (01:27:50):
I got thirty.

Speaker 2 (01:27:53):
God damn it, fucking nine again, I got three. Do
you do what happened? Me and Bunger keep ours twelve?
You still miss with your SO twenty eight. Okay, Bunga

(01:28:14):
just slam the counter. You and I are gonna roll
six D twenty damage because everybody kind of works as
a group as you slash.

Speaker 1 (01:28:30):
Okay, oh no, I lost some my D twenty that
was terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:28:38):
Filled me.

Speaker 5 (01:28:40):
That's a night teen.

Speaker 2 (01:28:56):
Bad mass Jordan dyslexic bat at math eighteen twenty timn
fifteen nineteen You did fifteen? Yep, I had two hundred

(01:29:21):
and fifty after I doubled for my crip. We all
go together and we sing the sword and we cut
straight through Lincoln Booth and as it explodes and they
fall into two. Who would be the two people controlling
the two arms?

Speaker 3 (01:29:40):
I'm the I'm the head, so so Bungo would have
right arm, Bungle would have wheels.

Speaker 1 (01:29:46):
Yeah, Bungo likes that, So me and you have arms Okay,
we're gonna try to catch these two.

Speaker 2 (01:29:51):
Okay, you scroll straight twenty fifteen and above we catch them.

Speaker 4 (01:29:59):
Seven.

Speaker 2 (01:30:01):
Use your thing because I got that one.

Speaker 7 (01:30:04):
So roll.

Speaker 2 (01:30:07):
Eighteen six. Okay, So I scoop Lincoln. You go to
Kit Wilkes Booth and we just see him slow fall.
He's passed out right before he gets to the ground.
He wakes up and he's like no, no, no non
Sean Wilkes Booth is canonically dead. We're able to catch Lincoln,

(01:30:29):
uh and we set leaking down and the zoids drop
us and they'll dissipate. And you see Tesla standing in
front of you and he goes, well, I know that
you probably think that this whole fight was what I wanted,
but it wasn't. We all know that time has to

(01:30:52):
have what it has to have, and we all have
to play our part, and we can't do anything we
haven't already done. Oh I need you three, Just roll
straight twenty low is bad. The lowest person has to

(01:31:15):
do something.

Speaker 1 (01:31:17):
Fourteen fifteen.

Speaker 2 (01:31:20):
Nineteen what who you mat You get the lowest ruth
is dead? You know that means? And Tesla vanishes and
Jeff looks at you heat so which one of you
has to kill Lincoln. Huh, give him a pistol and

(01:31:44):
give it to bung up. So we get we get
Lincoln up and I kill him up and I get
a nice and need we have an hour to get
into the show. Yeah, we've got to get him. Bunga
has to be John Bilk's booth. Okay, I have a

(01:32:06):
disguised kid Imperia three stage here. Lincoln has to die
because he died. I'm going to take I'm gonna take
Lincoln to the theater and give him and then I'm
gonna try to repair parts of DC that we've destroyed.
And I'm gonna pull out a little book and I'm
gonna start reading, and I be like, Okay, this street
was destroyed in history, this was fixed. That's strange.

Speaker 1 (01:32:31):
And Bunga will start correcting you when it comes to
time and everything else. It's just like, no, no, no, Bunga,
understand no because time dilation. That that wrong. Fix.

Speaker 2 (01:32:43):
I have a history book, Bunga, I know what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:32:47):
Bunga, master of time.

Speaker 2 (01:32:50):
You read my book, the book I written. You're not
the master of me. But I'm off to do those things.
You guys need to try to make him look like
John Willis, so we know what Bungo looks like. Explain

(01:33:12):
what you look like for the audience.

Speaker 1 (01:33:14):
So I am legit looking like your stereotypical caveman, like
very apeish, like very hairy legit like you're what nineteen
fifties looking movie caveman, I would say would be the
best description. And but extremely hot wife like we're talking

(01:33:34):
like the wife from like one million BC hots like
just bunging up Bungo, good invent will but Bunga very
loving Bunga, have good family.

Speaker 2 (01:33:46):
Okay, just like under five feet.

Speaker 1 (01:33:50):
Yeah, so he's but he stands up, he's like six feet,
but he hues because he's so.

Speaker 2 (01:33:57):
We get the hike fixed. Here's the problems that we have.
You're gonna have to style his hair and his facial hair.
You're gonna have to find clothes. Wilkes's clothes is not usable. Yeah,
so you guys are on a little bit of a
time wment. What are you gonna do? You have a

(01:34:18):
disguised kidd imperie. You can try to make a side
of hand check to see if you can make or
a performance check to see if you can make hid
cut his hand and make him look dapper.

Speaker 1 (01:34:27):
Actually, let let me let me see here.

Speaker 2 (01:34:29):
I will Bunga let us. That's the biggest question, Bungo.

Speaker 5 (01:34:34):
Will you let us do this?

Speaker 1 (01:34:36):
Hold on, let me let me see if Bunga can
perform as booths. Because he witnessed this, he gets a.

Speaker 2 (01:34:46):
Fourteen, so it's good enough. He was a bad actor anyways. Yeah,
so we literally need you to run in and shoot
somebody and jump off a balcony.

Speaker 1 (01:34:56):
Bungle can do. That's like just Bungo, immediate, hardheaded, Like
I said, we're.

Speaker 2 (01:35:01):
Bunka go No, no, we we get I got twenty one.
Will you let him Perry set you down and style your.

Speaker 5 (01:35:10):
Are you let pretty lady style hair?

Speaker 1 (01:35:12):
It turns into a little bit of fiasco. It looks
like you're trying to bath a dog, but you guys
do a perfect job at it.

Speaker 2 (01:35:19):
Well, are you trying to find clothes or are you
gonna tasee him before you leave?

Speaker 3 (01:35:24):
I'm gonna cast time stop. Okay, And so let's see.
I get a D four and then I get that
plus one mini.

Speaker 1 (01:35:34):
Turns okay, a able to resist?

Speaker 2 (01:35:39):
Okay, I get two turns it above table. Do you
know what the most powerful magic is friendship.

Speaker 1 (01:35:53):
You actually play.

Speaker 2 (01:35:58):
That comes from Fantasy High. Their first day of school,
the principal goes, do you know what the greatest fore
my magic is? And everyone goes friendship and he's like, no, dumbasses,
it's for romancy. I couldn't resist. It's perfect. So do

(01:36:18):
you because she is gonna do the hair? Do you
know that time stop him?

Speaker 1 (01:36:23):
Yes, and you just see Bunga just like like mid mistried.

Speaker 11 (01:36:30):
Okay, So while well you do the hair and everything,
I'm gonna go to this this uh department store across
the street.

Speaker 1 (01:36:37):
He just bring you, just bring the tailor over. So
I need you to measure this sky.

Speaker 5 (01:36:41):
And it's probably funny because the Bungo is so short.
He's probably like staring straight at my.

Speaker 2 (01:36:45):
Tents, like I need you. Let's just roll an investigation
just at a at a five.

Speaker 1 (01:36:56):
You don't have like say I'm legit just for it's like,
do I have like any you have nowhere to you?

Speaker 2 (01:37:03):
Your brain has stopped. This isn't like a freeze. You
were stopped in time. You managed to go find a
store that's just called Confederate Outfitters. You're able to find
clothes among his size. You're not sure what size shoe
he wears, so you grab all the shoes you For

(01:37:27):
some reason, you've never styled hair before. You're a van Hire.
It's been two hundred years since you had to do
your own hair. Because your hair just doesn't grown a
mirror either. Yea, for some reason, this is your colleag
You were so good with the scissors. It's just sniptip stip,

(01:37:49):
snip snip, and you make him look just like John Wilke, smooth.
You come back with the clothes. You're able to fit
the clothes on a nice and tight and they fit perfect.
Takes you a lot longer to get the shoes to
work than you thought because his feet are so abnormal.

(01:38:10):
You might actually have to do some fuckery to get
shoes to fit. Because he's a caveman. They have those
weird you just cut off the tips. A you're gonna
cut off his feet?

Speaker 1 (01:38:23):
No, no, no, you cut off the tips of the shoes.

Speaker 2 (01:38:26):
Well, what what is your problem solving technique for the shoes?

Speaker 1 (01:38:29):
The shoes, Well, you gotta remember Bunga. Like, if Bunk
is gonna be able to actually jump off and survive,
he may be good at klimber and master and acrobatics.

Speaker 2 (01:38:40):
He breaks his ankle. That's cannon, you know.

Speaker 13 (01:38:42):
So yeah, it just needs you to be I just
need you to be boothed for a minute. Well, bunga is,
I'm gonna move him. I'm gonna chop both of his
feet off.

Speaker 2 (01:38:54):
Okay, okay, and then you're gonna put robot feet his.

Speaker 1 (01:39:00):
Muff friend doing it this time?

Speaker 2 (01:39:03):
Okay, I'm gonna say, myth friend actually just went away,
helped you beat what you needed to be. And he
just he's like, there's bridges I need to fly over.

Speaker 1 (01:39:15):
The thing was I was about to say, like during
the first like hurricane, when the hurricane got said, I
shall destroy these as I destroyed that bridge, like I said, Okay,
I have to think about It's like, wait, we haven't
made it that far in time yet.

Speaker 2 (01:39:31):
Yeah, I want to. I want to trap on his
feet and and and uh and here robot feet to
his feet.

Speaker 1 (01:39:40):
What is with you cutting my characters flims off or
replacing him with grotesque I was denied you with your
monkey hands, so I.

Speaker 2 (01:39:51):
Will not be now when you do that, fake skin applies,
he won't even be able to tell the difference.

Speaker 18 (01:39:56):
Yeah, okay, and you're able to get shoes on a monum. Jeff,
you're gonna ride him back out. Jeff appears, Oh cool,
you time stop people. I was wondering why it was
so easy to get him with his wife. He looks
pretty good. You think you can pull this off, and
I guess he has to.

Speaker 2 (01:40:12):
He done, so it's unstopped and I'm holding a mirror
when Bunker comes back.

Speaker 1 (01:40:21):
Bump Light saying Bunk is not paying attention. He's he's
already mid run towards what he believes is where he
needs to go.

Speaker 2 (01:40:27):
Well, I'm standing directly in front of you with the mirror.
Do you run into the mirror?

Speaker 1 (01:40:31):
Yes, he runs into you.

Speaker 2 (01:40:34):
You you hit it just a wall and you kind
of fall backwards a little bit. He reaches fixes your
tie back. Okay, Bunger, pay attention. We're gonna get you
to this theater. We're gonna walk and take our time
because we have about forty five minutes until you have
to be there. You're going to walk through the back.

(01:40:58):
You were going to open up some curtains. You're gonna
shoot Lincoln in the back of the head and then
jump off of his balcony and fake that you broke
your ankle, because you can never break your ankle.

Speaker 1 (01:41:13):
They don't want to hurt man.

Speaker 2 (01:41:15):
Remember he hate will.

Speaker 1 (01:41:18):
He takes gun, starts walking forward.

Speaker 2 (01:41:23):
I need uh Are you just walking with a pistol?

Speaker 1 (01:41:30):
Oh? Okay, here, you take this bunka Ti club. It
just attempts to walk with Clo bonga.

Speaker 2 (01:41:39):
It has to be a gun shot. Are you sure
it has to be a bonga? No?

Speaker 1 (01:41:46):
Then I think you'll like the I think you guys
are like this. Then immediately the club kind of opens
up and shoots something out like Captain sucking cave man.

Speaker 2 (01:41:59):
I am pretty sure it has to pull up the
computer and I start researching. I'm like, shit, it does
have to be Bunger. I wish it could be her.
We wouldn't have this fight. Well it's not.

Speaker 1 (01:42:10):
Joanne Wilkes booth visit.

Speaker 2 (01:42:15):
All right, I need a group stealth check as we
get to the back of Fords down. No, tessel's not,
so I choose to pass it.

Speaker 1 (01:42:27):
Okay, not twenty perfect, so be twenty four.

Speaker 2 (01:42:32):
Yeah, I got a fifteen eighteen.

Speaker 1 (01:42:36):
Nine Bunga hunt pray Bunga smell.

Speaker 2 (01:42:41):
The only person who did bad was me and you
you helped me a little bit. Reply you you spray
my my feet with sound be gone, Oh my god,
sound begone to work. I've been working on that for
a year. Yeah, you get it, trust me, sweet, Can
I borrow the can They'll make the process of fixing
it a lot quicker.

Speaker 1 (01:43:04):
H And we made how busy like it's packed theater?
Theater okay, and.

Speaker 2 (01:43:11):
We we had to go through the back so you
can go up. We cannot be seen with him because
the canonic event is Wolkes Booth just strolls up in
so we have to like, no, I already put Lincoln back.
I wiped his memory out. He's alive, he didn't die.

(01:43:32):
We caught him. It's booth that somebody didn't catch.

Speaker 1 (01:43:39):
That's saying. So I'm heading. I'm heading up the back
hallway of the of the theater. Is it like crowded
or is it like.

Speaker 2 (01:43:52):
When you get to the back it wouldn't be that crowded.
The front would be more crowded because this is did
did you get to go to DC?

Speaker 1 (01:44:02):
Yeah? I remember, like I remember the layout. You would
be going up the back up into the Yeah, so
Bunga is.

Speaker 2 (01:44:10):
On there'd be a secret Service guy there. Because John
Booth was a celebrity. They were like, yep, so you
roll up onto a secret Service member and they're like,
mister Booth, what are you doing now? Before you say anything,
I need a performance check with advantage because he will

(01:44:31):
give you one time.

Speaker 12 (01:44:32):
Stop sixteen plus seven.

Speaker 2 (01:44:44):
So Bunga doesn't understand it. But in this moment, Bunga
John Wilkes Booth, not even Bunger, speaks perfect Southern English.

Speaker 1 (01:44:57):
I do damn sam here to see mine if I'm president.
That's saying, it would be an honor to meet the
leader of our country who is leading the great revolution,
the revolution of freaking.

Speaker 11 (01:45:17):
Looks up and goes, who the fuck are You're not.

Speaker 1 (01:45:22):
The Revolution of freedom of the slaves.

Speaker 2 (01:45:24):
If you let me finish, well, it's be an honor.
But can you autograph this for my wife? And he
hands you a point bill.

Speaker 1 (01:45:33):
Well, of course, of course I can happily do that.

Speaker 2 (01:45:42):
Does this performance wear off at all? Not yet, not
during this conversation. In this conversation he is I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:45:49):
Going to a slide of that's saying, like with a
sleight of hand, it's going to be a thirteen.

Speaker 2 (01:45:55):
He's a famous person. Yes, it's like a doctor's Yeah.
I wasn't gonna make you roll because it's a scribble.

Speaker 1 (01:46:01):
Anyway, it's just for the sake of comedy.

Speaker 2 (01:46:03):
But it's it's a scribble. Right up there, he's the
second booth. Mister booth.

Speaker 1 (01:46:11):
Well, well, thank you kindly, sir, thank you kindly. No, no,
if you do, I hope you will have a wonderful
not And I'm going to make this im not to
remember for all of us.

Speaker 2 (01:46:25):
I bet you will. You're my favorite actor.

Speaker 1 (01:46:27):
And as you go up the stairs, no, no, before that,
that's a well, I thank you. Well, you know what,
here's a gift. He pulls out a diamond and gives
it to him.

Speaker 2 (01:46:39):
Thank you, he leaves. You just made this man rich.
And what you didn't know is let me get my
time right, hold on me drink what do you want?

Speaker 4 (01:47:01):
It's not for punch.

Speaker 1 (01:47:02):
Uh there is orange soda moon missed roots beer, and
I think, yeah, there's a doctor Kate left.

Speaker 12 (01:47:16):
Left, Doctor k.

Speaker 5 (01:47:18):
This for doctor k.

Speaker 2 (01:47:23):
You just handed the diamond to William Ford, the father
of Henry Ford. You just set in motion the invention
of the car moving automated wheels.

Speaker 1 (01:47:40):
Now it's not an actual thing here, it's Ford Steter.

Speaker 2 (01:47:45):
Really so interest Yeah, this was nineteen or eighteen sixty five.
Henry Ford is born in eighteen sixty three. You gave
his father a diamond. You set in motion the motor
company again. So as you go up the stairs you're

(01:48:06):
met by one more secret service agent. I need another
performance check. No advantage this time.

Speaker 1 (01:48:13):
Because Heath isn't near you, not twenty with a with
toy seven.

Speaker 2 (01:48:21):
You again are even more booth. How can I help you?

Speaker 5 (01:48:27):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (01:48:27):
Wait? You're John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 1 (01:48:30):
What I do declare my good friend? It is indeed
I John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 5 (01:48:35):
How are you this fine?

Speaker 2 (01:48:37):
Even though I'm really good, sir? How can I help you?

Speaker 5 (01:48:39):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:48:40):
Good good?

Speaker 1 (01:48:40):
I just wanted to say hi to our fabulous president
on this wondrous occasion. Let's say it would be an
honor to actually meet the man who is trying to
revolutionize a fun country.

Speaker 2 (01:48:56):
Absolutely, he puts out a cigarette. You see you just
step outside for a minute. The smoke as he sat
right next to the president.

Speaker 1 (01:49:02):
Coming as he gets uh, as he like before he
leaves a hold hold on for this for this kid,
Jesh I'm going to give you this fine gift. And
he's gonna pull out an emerald and just give.

Speaker 4 (01:49:15):
It to thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:49:17):
And he puts in his pocket and he goes and
he walks through and he takes a seat next to
Abraham Lincoln. And you're in the booth. Now you have
one job. Shoot him in the back of the head
and jump off the bout of me.

Speaker 1 (01:49:33):
So like Bonga, like Bunga is just standing right there
behind him. He just pulls out like just the pulls
out the gun like just right against the back of
his head and he whispers, this is for the wheel.

Speaker 2 (01:49:54):
Okay, I need you to make an athletics check as
you jump off.

Speaker 1 (01:49:59):
About ah, that is going to be a twenty nine.

Speaker 2 (01:50:09):
You jump off, and as you land, you remember that
you need to pretend that you broke your ankle.

Speaker 1 (01:50:16):
Can I pardon me? Wants to say, like, can I
choose to fail just like an actually lose one of
the robot feet and start run and like like a
full if.

Speaker 2 (01:50:27):
You want to fail, yes, you can absolutely fail.

Speaker 1 (01:50:31):
Well, I'm going to make it more convincing. I will
just like Bunk a good method actor. Bunk need to
make this good performance for fancy man.

Speaker 2 (01:50:41):
So when the foot fused with your body, wires went
up into the bone and when you fell, you're like, okay,
well if I hit sideways, I'll be fine and it'll
look like I broke my ankle. When you land. That
is a hard robot foot and it just snaps the
bow waving up your leg. So now you're literally whipping.

Speaker 1 (01:51:05):
I just I just go full gorilla. It just came
like with one leg.

Speaker 2 (01:51:10):
Just okay. So we are going to reverse for a
second to what we were doing while waiting on John
Wilkes booth. We're off on the side and.

Speaker 1 (01:51:25):
John Wilke buncle.

Speaker 19 (01:51:27):
We uh, We're talking, and up from behind we all
hear a little bit of a crunching noise and some
squishy and the sound of running like a dripping something
from behind us.

Speaker 2 (01:51:46):
And when we three turn around, we see John Wilkes booth.
We forgot to bury John Wilkes booth, and it is
not Bunga is a pretty much don't know how he's alive.
Actual John Wolf Smooth, pissed off you guys, lunch coming out.

Speaker 20 (01:52:11):
Let me almost die. I'm gonna pull out a syringe
and knock him out. I'm gonna catch him and I'm
gonna patch him up. I'm gonna say, de freeze, Yeah,
you gonna throw John Wokes booth. And then we hear
the gunshot go off.

Speaker 5 (01:52:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:52:32):
Now they have to capture historically speaking double booth because
he is on the run.

Speaker 2 (01:52:37):
They have to capture John Wilkes booth. So I'm sorry
we have to leave you.

Speaker 1 (01:52:43):
We have John, but we have to put on the
deep freeze that or you get lung, get captured and die.

Speaker 2 (01:52:49):
Can we clone him?

Speaker 5 (01:52:52):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (01:52:52):
We can try. I pull up my cloning kit and
I strap it to him and it shoots up a
little ball and I bounced the ball and it turns
into John Wolke's booth. Perfect, but it's naked. Do they
find him naked? I don't remember. I'm gonna say, you're

(01:53:13):
still this is right before we hear the gunshot. We
put the other clothes and I send you to go
put him wherever he gets found, and you poof and
come back and Perry. You just see me holding a
naked man on my shoulder.

Speaker 5 (01:53:30):
It's like, okay, 'all get down differently.

Speaker 2 (01:53:32):
Here we hear a gunshot, sound like you hear a
sickening crunch sounds gross and wait, see Bunga do it
full gorilla.

Speaker 5 (01:53:46):
Has Bunca's coming towards me.

Speaker 4 (01:53:47):
Can I do like wounds?

Speaker 2 (01:53:50):
Absolutely?

Speaker 5 (01:53:51):
Okay, okay, Bunga, I got you your wounds.

Speaker 2 (01:53:55):
You can now run? Yes, and I go great grand Bunga.
Any minute now the time vortex should open. Let's go
and nothing happens. The time vortex hasn't opened yet. So
when I reaches my back pocket and pull out my vortex,
control and go and nothing happens.

Speaker 1 (01:54:16):
Bunga is going to attempt to grab you guys, all
of you all and check double A batteries. Uh, Bunga
is going to grab you, let's say, with his actually,
let me see if I'd be able to does not work.

(01:54:41):
That's saying I cannot lift.

Speaker 2 (01:54:42):
All of you.

Speaker 1 (01:54:43):
Well, I have a bat.

Speaker 5 (01:54:46):
We jump on your pet bat, Francisco, yell, big bat,
A little bacon puts.

Speaker 2 (01:54:51):
Out of your bag and just turns really big. Yes,
So we jump and it kind of takes us off
and we.

Speaker 1 (01:54:58):
Go longus creams and keeps are running just.

Speaker 2 (01:55:06):
Road like you do it with advantage and add ten
for the The bat's gonna try to just pick you
up with the bat.

Speaker 1 (01:55:15):
Twenty eight, twenty eight, twenty four. The bats pick straight
up and you just hear a blood curling.

Speaker 5 (01:55:27):
Shut up Francisco's friends, Bunga.

Speaker 2 (01:55:40):
So as we land on the building, you sat there
and we're like, so, what's happening? You finished the offense,
the portal opens, we go home. What are we missing?
Roll a history check and out of five seventeen you

(01:56:08):
remember that the same night that Lincoln gets killed, somebody
tried to kill Vice President Johnson a few bucks down
at the White House. Yeah, that is right.

Speaker 1 (01:56:20):
Actually, Bungo, this is built in history.

Speaker 2 (01:56:25):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:56:26):
Bunga needs to reset BCR.

Speaker 5 (01:56:35):
This is baby Francisco. Oh and then he just gets
giants foot.

Speaker 2 (01:56:46):
Okay, so the.

Speaker 1 (01:56:47):
White Chemisot's.

Speaker 2 (01:56:50):
Apparently we had to go stab somebody.

Speaker 4 (01:56:56):
Perfect.

Speaker 2 (01:57:00):
Now what you remember is that they assumed it was
somebody that was friends with bo but nobody witnessed the stabbing,
and it was at Johnson's house.

Speaker 1 (01:57:20):
That is what Bunga dealt was.

Speaker 2 (01:57:24):
Okay, so not only did we have to fight a
giant monster, now we have to sneak into a house
figurd service.

Speaker 5 (01:57:33):
Can I miss the step or can I do my
spiritual weapon? I just kind of like an al card
kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (01:57:43):
Absolutely, okay, So you you tell us that you can
just make a weapon up here in the house. The
frien flies us to this guy's house and I need
you to roll three attack rolls.

Speaker 1 (01:57:58):
Can bungo? Well, I'm your sleepy. I was gonna say
I could act my late some strong.

Speaker 2 (01:58:06):
We make sure you're asleep because of the flying three
attack roles with your spiritual.

Speaker 5 (01:58:11):
Weapon ten, sixteen and three.

Speaker 2 (01:58:14):
And he gets a plus five?

Speaker 1 (01:58:15):
Right, yeah, remember.

Speaker 5 (01:58:20):
One an eight?

Speaker 2 (01:58:25):
Now we had mentioned that it failed. So do you
give the intent that you want this person to your
spiritual weapon, that you want them to be stabbed, but
you don't want them to die? Yeah? Okay. So he's
sitting there reading the newspaper. He's like, hmm, I never
wanted to be in politics, but thank god, I'll never

(01:58:47):
have to be president. We have a great president at
til he just falls down a secret service just like
what the fuck? The time opens up and we get
sucked back into You're to save. Yeah, we're just in

(01:59:13):
the middle of nine. I could really hire somebody for
the store. I'm getting too old for this. In Casey's
name and address and slip it to you uh we
it's a grocery store with teps next to you want meat?
Now what's funny is I handed you a bottle?

Speaker 1 (01:59:34):
But you know, oh yeah, what was the bottle?

Speaker 12 (01:59:37):
In a bottle of.

Speaker 2 (01:59:38):
Dragon like space? You as we're all sending that, I'm
telling you which aisles is where.

Speaker 12 (01:59:48):
To keep that?

Speaker 5 (01:59:49):
For the campaign?

Speaker 2 (01:59:54):
You guys here clipping oh around, we see Tesla sitting
at the end of Aisle nine.

Speaker 1 (02:00:04):
I just like, look at him and Bungs still sleeping floor.

Speaker 2 (02:00:13):
Did you guys happen to find robot Tesla. He's sort
of just ran off, and I'm really afraid that he's
gonna be stuck back there because he doesn't have time travel,
and then maybe he'll be stuck, you know, for thousands
of years and end up doing a robot war. I'm
really worried about that.

Speaker 11 (02:00:30):
That's when a time portal opens up and just future me,
half robot me comes out.

Speaker 1 (02:00:37):
What does he say, unk, remember to crab milk.

Speaker 11 (02:00:42):
Tesla because your fucking robot version fucked everything up.

Speaker 2 (02:00:48):
A robot war, yeah, a robot war. Can't you tell
of half robot? A robot hand reaches you when you
hear me go not well, there's too many robots and
just drag you back in. Well, I'm sorry, but I

(02:01:15):
don't know how to be an asshole right now. I
just started a whole worldbot war now having an anxiety.
He looks and he I've still got the paper in
my hand, and he looks down and he's like that
last name seems familiar, and he disappears. I'm benounced everybody else.

(02:01:39):
He goes and he has sex with Casey's grandmother, who
ends up in return has Casey's dad, and then Casey's
dad has Casey, and then Casey has me. So Tesla
is my great grandfather. And I look at all you
go okay. I can send you back to your times
and run, or you can choose to stay here, except

(02:02:04):
for Bunga. Bunga has to go back still sleep and
jerk you with something that wakes you up.

Speaker 1 (02:02:12):
I was thinking Bunger would just think this is open
massive dream.

Speaker 2 (02:02:20):
I hold you a lot from waking up, Bunger. Let's
just send him back asleep and let him wake up.
So we send Bunger back, and Bunger, you wake up
and you're like, that was a crazy dream, and you
look and you see your first wife and she looks

(02:02:40):
at you and she screams, you're covered in blood. You
don't look like you. She's like, what did you do
to Bunga? And she stabs you in the heart and
a mothman wells in the background, and in this version

(02:03:00):
of Imperia, you're like, do you do you want to
go back to where you're going or do you want
to hang out here?

Speaker 5 (02:03:08):
I hang out here for a bit. We got we
got some god problems.

Speaker 2 (02:03:11):
Do you want a job? We have a four one
hell yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:03:15):
Bunga's final words bung gumn.

Speaker 2 (02:03:22):
So we uh we hook you up. Future Heath is Stanley.
Then present Heath comes. It's like, oh hey, let me
hands you a make suit and he think you needed this.

Speaker 1 (02:03:43):
You hear has this curse echoes the time and he
CoA leads onto your campaign and Bunga and then Flyman
just starts, I'm still mad at Flyman.

Speaker 2 (02:04:01):
Yeah, I'm gonna go to you have a put patters
in my vortex controlment. I'm going home and you sign
the paperwork and it fades the black and that ends
this episode. Yeah is dead.

Speaker 1 (02:04:27):
Well in one timeline, in.

Speaker 2 (02:04:29):
One time, we don't know for sure. We might need
Bunga again. Time works weird, Bungu's probably still alive.

Speaker 1 (02:04:38):
Bunga don't die.

Speaker 2 (02:04:43):
Canonically. In the show that we've made, there is several
people that are dead that we keep going like the
minute before they die and then borrowing them for a
couple of years and then taking them back.

Speaker 1 (02:04:54):
So it just kind of reminds me of.

Speaker 5 (02:04:59):
Just like.

Speaker 1 (02:05:02):
Bunca's fighting evil undead ex wife because his hatred for
her is stronger than her will to kill.

Speaker 2 (02:05:13):
We don't know for sure he gets dead in the heart,
and he may still be alive. We could do an
entire one shot where it's just him versus but thank
you for indulging me for a short one shot.

Speaker 1 (02:05:29):
Yeah, that was a good one. For next week. We
shall we shall continue with the Heat's adventure of the
epic conclusion.

Speaker 2 (02:05:42):
His conclusion quite yet, we're getting there.

Speaker 1 (02:05:44):
We're getting there. Well, we shall see the consequences of
my actions.

Speaker 2 (02:05:48):
Yes, yes, you know above table. I asked him if
I wouldn't have rolled that that twenty we would be dead.
We would legitimately be that we got lucky.

Speaker 5 (02:06:04):
Uh. Now we're about to go creeping through a castle,
which is like.

Speaker 2 (02:06:10):
Man, if we would have just died. Then it would
have just been over.

Speaker 3 (02:06:17):
So yeah, the urobage with me over and we just
I would have to make a sequel campaign when Titans Fall.

Speaker 4 (02:06:27):
Part two.

Speaker 1 (02:06:28):
No, No, the first one's when Titan's Wake Yellow and
yeah would be when Titans Fall.

Speaker 2 (02:06:35):
Decades later.

Speaker 5 (02:06:38):
Hey, then I could play my twin.

Speaker 1 (02:06:40):
Brother then Flyman. Would you guys would have a chance
kill Flyman because he would have been the bad guy. No, no,
you don't think so everything is planned planned, okay.

Speaker 2 (02:06:52):
And I'm sorry that this was a goofy one shot.
It was supposed to be like a cartoon.

Speaker 1 (02:06:59):
Lots of saying. If you didn't do this one, I
was going to have do an episode of Cosmic Carriers
and add you guys to it. So because I'm saying
because Cosmic is uh yeah, it's basically which is Futurama
like bullshit that I let Sam and Heath basically just
do what I kind of do, wacky bullshit within Futurama,

(02:07:21):
like something.

Speaker 2 (02:07:23):
I wanted to attest to because I have been working
on two different tt RPGs on my own. One of
them is completely narrative base, and I've been toying around
with I won't be able to film time Clerks or

(02:07:43):
make a cartoon of time clerks. I thought I might
be able to make a narrative tabletop story of time
clerks and have people play it and be able to
tell the story. So I wanted to test it out.
So I've had this plan for a while in different colors,
and I was.

Speaker 1 (02:07:59):
Like, we'll call it blue red with job walks move hilarious, Yes, hometown.

Speaker 5 (02:08:08):
It's like I'm working on mine. I would like to
do it around maybe.

Speaker 2 (02:08:14):
Are we gonna go after that?

Speaker 1 (02:08:15):
The head like thirty, But there's twists that's saying that
is that's saying so far any product that I ever bought,
you're going to start out at little two. That's saying
like all my deck style.

Speaker 2 (02:08:32):
Like not waive my sleeves, like for my magic parts
of them. Are we still recording or still recording? We've
just been saying goodbye.

Speaker 1 (02:08:44):
Yeah, Yeah, we'll do I don't know, we'll call.

Speaker 5 (02:08:48):
It a.

Speaker 1 (02:08:50):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (02:08:51):
Did I tell you that I had to tell the
AI to stop making a character sexy. Yes, it kept
making a character too sexy.

Speaker 5 (02:09:01):
It was like smut book cover.

Speaker 2 (02:09:03):
He's the god of death and it was making him
incredibly sexy.

Speaker 20 (02:09:07):
It was great.

Speaker 5 (02:09:08):
He was standing to me. I was like wood.

Speaker 2 (02:09:11):
And the one I even said it on is still
too sexy for what I wanted. But what air are
you using? Co pilot? It was taking and it was
very detailed what I wanted, and it was taking, I guess,
inspiration from romance novels.

Speaker 5 (02:09:34):
It was great.

Speaker 2 (02:09:36):
Because this is the first one I get notice how
like the shadows and everything is. Skin complexions perfect as
abs are perfect. He's got the smolder and I was like,
please make the best attractive.

Speaker 1 (02:09:58):
But we'll deal with it later. So until then, guys,
We'll see y'all next week.

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Time Clerks the Lincoln conspiracy - One Shot

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Time Clerks the Lincoln conspiracy - One Shot