October 23, 2023 • 49 mins
In episode 2 of The Crossroads Podcast, Val, Tonia, Keisher and J.R. discuss the background story and chatter that was heard regarding the possibility of Val being their sister. It was so much tea, they had to break it up into 2 parts! Enjoy and thank you for listening!
Please send questions to: info@godefylife.com or message us on Facebook (Crossroads Pod) or Instagram (@GoDefyLife).
Host: Keisher
Co-hosts: Val, Tonia, J.R.
TOPICS
Please send questions to: info@godefylife.com or message us on Facebook (Crossroads Pod) or Instagram (@GoDefyLife).
Host: Keisher
Co-hosts: Val, Tonia, J.R.
TOPICS
- What did Val see at 12 years old to trigger curiosity?
- Chatter from family members as they were all growing up
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, welcome to episode number twoof the Cross the Crossbolds podcast. All
right, I am your host thistime around, Keisha Gleim the Remix,
and I am joined today as alwaysby my sister val Hey, Mike Tanya
(00:26):
the Original Big Sister Original, andmy brother j R. The Encore.
Okay, so welcome, welcome,welcome. All right, so you know
we're here. Let's let's just talka little bit about what this is,
this this podcast is. We're hereto really share our story, all right.
(00:50):
We got lots of beautiful news thatgets to go down our story,
but as we our story really isabout our siblings, all right. But
as we navigate this whole journey,it's a fairly new journey for us,
we thought we might want you mightwant to snatch some goodies for yourself and
see how you might be able toapply to your own life, or maybe
(01:12):
you just want to be entertained byours. So that's what we're here for.
Let's go. But before we getstarted today, I wanted to start
by I guess we all want tostart by really honoring and dedicating this particular
episode to our dad, mister Tommyh glymph. All right, because this
(01:38):
is really two days ago. Itwas a day that he transitioned into the
spirit realm three years ago. Andthis is really such a pivotal moment,
right, They all are as wereach each year, and it almost kind
of seems like, oh gosh,it's been three years, like come on,
But I wanted to take this momentreally to start the show before we
(02:00):
talk about what this episode is aboutand give honor to it. So can
we each just take you know,thirty seconds or less and share either your
gratitudes for Dad, or your favoritememory of Dad, or maybe your greatest
(02:20):
lesson. So who wants to gofirst? Let's start with our baby brother,
because we always get to start withone of the oldest ones. Let's
start with the let's go in thereverse. Come on, baby, I
knew that's what happens. That's right. That's why I always like being a
(02:40):
host. Oh man, there's somany hmm. Oh, I guess,
like my my favorite lesson from himis and wasn't he even like an intentional
lesson or a verbal lesson that wasjust by act And it was I And
(03:08):
now that I have my own kids, I'm able to apply it. And
it's just being there and showing up, you know, for I don't ever
remember a time when I had towonder where he was, you know,
(03:28):
and I could hear him over thewhole crowd in basketball games, sometimes in
football games, as hard as thatis to do, I could hear him
in the crowd and just knowing howimportant that was, even if I didn't
realize it in the moment. Beingthere for my kids. So just being
there for concerts and games and youknow, just everything. So that and
(03:51):
I guess that's why it was sohard when he passed, because he was
always there, so when he wasn'tthere, maybe it was hard. But
yeah, that's my greatest lesson isjust showing up and being there and you
know, regardless, and you knowthe times where he you know, if
(04:11):
two of us had games on thesame night, him and Mama was split
up and one will go to onegame and we'll go to the other.
So just just that that just beingthere and showing up. Awesome. Thank
you, thank you. Yeah,yeah, absolutely definitely. Concur all right,
who's next, let's go, Let'sgo time, Okay, I guess
(04:33):
just a lesson by example was justhard work and perseverance and resilience and I
can remember as far back as fivewhen I played basketball, it was never
you know, what was his favoritething and nothing just gonna fall out.
This guy gotta work for and allmy life that I've just leaned into that,
(04:58):
you know, whether it be throughwork, through leticism, do anything
I wanted, It was just somethingI had to do to work hard,
to persevere, to show up andthen you know, everything wasn't always a
yes, and just to be resilientthrough it all. M yep, ain't
man of that all right? Now? What you got on it? All
(05:19):
right? All right? So wellas you know, I don't have the
fondest memories as you three half,but I definitely lived through you guys.
It really makes me feel good,I believe I shared with you before that.
Someone said to me, well,you know, how do you feel
(05:39):
that your father wasn't really in yourlife? He was in your siblings' lives.
And I said, well, Ithink I look at it as a
positive because I know many people thathave fathers that wasn't in their life.
But guess what, there wasn't inno one's life. They was nowhere.
There was a papa was a rollingstone. So I know I'm from good
Stock and it was just simply thesituation. But I do have some memories.
(06:04):
Daddy and I used to talk onthe phone a lot. I remember
when I had Joshua and he wascalling me every day in August to see
when I had josh I remember that, you know. He was like,
you in the hospital, yet,you in the hospital yet? I said,
no, no, I'm not inthe hospital yet. And when he
didn't get me, he knew Ihad josh did so as soon as I
(06:27):
got home, I said, Iknow you had because I was calling you
every day. He wasn't big upthe phone. I said, yes,
he was like semi pictures, youknow. So again I'm from good Stock
and I'm proud. I'm proud thatI am from him, and I miss
him too. Oh the beautiful thing, that's beautifulness, let me say,
is that we are all continuing tolearn things, so like we never heard
(06:49):
that story, and it's just,you know, it's chilling. It takes
me back to when I was inthe hospital VW. And he is calling
the hospital just this frantically as youjust described, but he is calling the
hospital saying, let me speak toTanya Glimp and they're like, we don't
have a Tanya Climp at the hospital. My daughter just had my first grandchild,
(07:13):
and Tanya Glip is at the hospital. Oh it's not anymore, right,
right, But that's beautiful. Yeah, that's awesome. Awesome. Well,
I would definitely say, uh,I actually had one as an adult,
(07:34):
but I'm gonna say one as achild. I remember him tickling me,
all right, and then like hewould tickle me and and Okay,
this is gonna sound kind of bad, but it's not. But he would
put I'd like to call them redmarks. They're really like what people call
(07:54):
hickey suck my cheek. And Ibeen like I didn't like it, but
I liked it, if that makesthe sense, Like like, oh,
like I got a mark on mycheek, you know. But it was
just it's a memory that I couldlook back on and be like just having
fun with that. So that's one. And then as an adult I didn't
appreciate this till later that he usedto say, you know, don't come
(08:18):
back to me years later talking aboutwhat I didn't do. I did the
best I could with what I knew. You ain't on drugs, you ain't
in the streets, you ain't pregnant. So I did the best I had.
I did what I knew, right, And so it's like, right,
don't become because parents are people first, and that was something I had
to grow into appreciating. But Ireally appreciate that, like he's just who
(08:39):
he was, and it helped mewith my healing work with him. So
yeah, yeah, let's be honest. It didn't take much. It was
just a kiss, right, right, it didn't take much. I was
thinking the same thing, like,wett no red, right, I have
one picture with it all there.I'm just like, oh, he's yeah,
(09:01):
but thanks Valve. Thanks, Yeah, I'm sure had you been around,
I don't know. You brought aline. I love it. Yeah,
so awesome. So that we honoryou, we love you, we're
greatful and you you know, there'sdefinitely it would take years for us to
(09:28):
express all of what you you know, left us with and so we get
to keep honoring you and loving onyou and uh yeah, so let's talk
a little bit about what this show, what this episode is about. Right.
So the last episode, we wegave y'all a little bit of the
background story of you know, butmore from the perspective of once it was
(09:50):
confirmed that Val was our sister.But this time around, we're coming with
the like the background of the background, right, that chatter that all that
stuff you sweep up under the rug, Well we about to go up under
the rug and get it. Okay, it's not a kids it Okay.
So we could not do this withoutstarting with Val, because Val actually holds
(10:18):
the youngest memory of us, rightof like her having siblings and so,
so, Val, will you sharewith us your twelve year old story and
how it first cave it to fold? That's I believe that's the first time
someone said twelve years old. AndTanya then roll her eyes so she'd be
(10:39):
like, when I was twelve yearsold, when I was twelve years old?
Okay, oh well you tease me, You tease me about it,
like, oh yeah, that's gonnabe the name of my book when I
was twelve. So so for manyyears I used to go back and forth
from South Carolina to New York tomy mom, and especially in the summer,
(11:05):
I would spend the time with mygrandmam. So if you're from Newbery
and you've heard of Sequel Baptist Church, Third Sunday of August week, is
what does that call again? Ijust called a blakesurvival Revival week. Revival
week. So I was sitting inchurch and I was with my Auntie,
my favorite Auntie, and I explainedher and our relationship later. But I
(11:28):
was sitting there with her and thislittle girl walked across the church and I
said, Auntie, that girl lookslike me. And my Auntie didn't say
a word. I didn't say aword. You know, we in Newberry
Maple and everybody related, right,so I'm I'm ready for her to tell
me, oh, that's your fifthcousin. But she didn't say anything,
(11:50):
so I let to go. Butmaybe five minutes later she started crying again.
I didn't think nothing of it.We're in a Baptist church. Everyone
it's the Holy Ghost, right,so I didn't think. I still didn't
think anything about it. Right,So once service was over and we were
sitting in the car, my auntwas still crying and I said, Auntie,
you're okay, and she says,baby, She said, you know
(12:13):
that little girl you said it lookedlike you. I said yeah. She
said, did you see the manthat was hold on her hand? I
says no, and she says wellthat's your father. Well rumor has it
that that's your father. And totake that in at twelve was like,
and I mean before this, guys, I never heard a whip, nothing,
(12:37):
no inkling that someone else was mydad. I had no clue and
it I guess. I was extremelyoverwhelmed and shocked and speechless that I did
not say another word about that tillten years later. And we could talk
(12:58):
about that if you want to gointo that now you want to talk about
other chatter. But that was thevery first time that I heard that it's
a possibility someone else is my father. And she told me his name,
and I kept that name. Ikept Tommy Glimp in my head to twenty
two years later. Yeah, soyou didn't even when you say you kept
(13:18):
it in your head, like youdidn't mention it to anybody, no one
nos kept it. Yeah, andI kept it. And again I'm going
back to my aunt and my relationship. She was one of those cool aunts.
She was that aunt that told youthings that maybe you shouldn't have known
when you was a kid, youknow, And and she really protected all
(13:41):
her nieces. She always felt thatyou need to know this, you need
to know that you better let aman do this to you, that to
you. So whenever we did somethingsilly when we grew up, you're like,
oh, you missed that class.You missed Auntie's class that day.
You know she was that. Shewas that aunt and one of my and
I was just thinking about this memory, how close her and I was,
(14:03):
because her and I was only likefourteen years apart, right, So I
remember she used to take me upthe road and she would park on the
side of the road to meet herboyfriend and they were sitting in the front
making out when I and gave mea bag of candy. So I'd be
in the back, not paying themno attention, so she could be candy
(14:24):
chips, all this stuff, andI'd go home and I wouldn't tell nobody,
you know. So that was ourrelationship. I would never left,
you know, I would never raton her. So I think that was
another reason why I just kept itto myself, because we was that's that
close. Yeah, got you gotyou? Wow? Wow? So can
I ask a follow up question?Is your aunt still living? No,
(14:50):
she was not living when all ofthis came to fruition. No, No,
she's not. No, Now thatwould have been interesting to see her
perspective, Yeah, her how shereceived it. Yeah, but just imagine
you in church and you just pointout this girl and say she looks like
you, you know, and justfor clarity, yeah, that little girl
(15:13):
like because it could have been meor Tanya, but in your recollection it
was time. It was Tanya.It was Tanya. It was Tanya.
Absolutely, it was Tanya, whichat the time than Tanya would have been
eleven eleven. And I think Iremember it to Tanya because twelve was the
(15:33):
age that I didn't have to wearponytails anymore. And I was so excited
that I didn't have to wear ponytails. And I remember looking at you,
chubby like I was with ponytails.I was like, huh, the girl
looks like me, you know.So I remember that too. Legend has
it that she also had on asparkly dress. Okay, show, that's
(15:58):
a whole nother show. Okay,the inside joke, rightious, We will
go we will dive deeper on this. But yeah, So there are things
that as we grow and learn eachother. One thing that is for sure
(16:18):
and too for certain, is thatthe Italian Vale are addicted to rhyan stones.
And right, they have a strongattraction to Rhyan stones and all things
shining, so everything from their seatcovers to the to the stern wheel covers
(16:40):
everything they I don't know, maybethey braces everything so they like shiny stuff.
So yeah, wow, brothers Man, another episode that is the best.
Oh goodness, So vw uh doyou happen to recall like I know
(17:06):
you said you kept it to yourself, right, but do you happen to
recall how you felt afterwards? Likedid you deal with that? Were you
processing it? Were then you startedto like keep your eyes open for any
other information that was coming your way. Yeah? Yeah. It was like
I started looking at my family different, Like it was like you know what
(17:27):
it felt like down south, wehad this room called out house, the
out room. No one went inthere, right, So I remember around
five, six days before Christmas,I went in that room and saw all
my toys and I realized, hey, it's no Santa. That's how it
(17:47):
felt to me, meant like oh, like you know, you know,
you know, like do you knowit's no Santa? Like do you know
that it's a possibility someone else?My father. I was looking at people
and see if I could see itin they e e or they in their
face. You know, it wasjust like I know something, do you
know? I know? It wasjust really bizarre. It was really something
(18:10):
to take in at twelve years old. Absolutely, and prior to oh,
go ahead, go ahead. Priorto that, what did you know about
your father or who you thought wasyour father? I wouldn't say that much.
You know, he was again likeI said, I mean, what
(18:33):
had you been told? That's allI'm saying, what been told? The
characteristics? Just like so prior tothat in your like when your aunt says
it's a rumor that that's your father? Who? Like, had you been
told someone else had been your fatherly? Yeah? How did you? Yeah?
Absolutely? I just I had noinkling that it was a possibility someone
(18:57):
else. I always knew that thisgentleman was my dad. I wouldn't say
we had the strongest relationship, butthat was my dad, you know,
absolutely, So looking at everyone,just wondering who knew? And you know,
and I don't know why I didn'tgo into further with my aunt,
like what do you mean a room? I think I just couldn't comprehend that
(19:19):
information like I would now at fiftythree, years old. You know,
I just think I was just inshock, you know, I don't know,
it's amazing, yeah, and rightfully, so I mean, yeah,
I tell you. And then it'snot like she pulled you aside and said,
hey, I need to talk toyou about something. It was just
like you saw this girl it lookslike you, and now she dropped his
(19:41):
heavy bomb on you, and you'relike, hold up, it's too much,
right, yeah, yeah, that'sa lot to digest, right,
and especially to continue the process.That's why I was like, what was
happening after like days after and thenmonths after and what was going on?
And also because you know, youhad shared some pictures, right, and
(20:03):
then you're like, look at mein these pictures where I'm looking like,
you know, a giant towering overmy cousins who you know, and everyone
throughout your life telling you like,oh, well you run after your grandma,
you know, you take after yourgrandmother's right, And it's like and
then your eyes. You heard hislast episode talk about tight eyes and cheekbones,
(20:23):
right, and so like just thedifferences. But then now to have
this information and then be a beprocessing that every time now differently than oh
yeah, this is my family andthe father, and that I was told
he was he may have been fiveto ten. I'm five ten. He
(20:44):
talked me about five ten and hewas very dark, sin I mean,
extremely darcin. But I was alwaystold I looked like my great grandmother or
my mom. Sorry, so Ijust took that, you know. Yeah,
and then I start looking different,you know, start looking at people
even differently. Yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, Well I'm right.
(21:07):
Yeah. Let's move into a littlebit about of like other chatter that had
happened, whether it was over theyears or post confirmation. So let's deal
with over the years. First,had you or I don't think any of
us had received any anything until weactually heard that, hey, until we
actually were told, which we'll talkabout later. But had you got any
(21:32):
other, you know, chatter inthe background. No, I haven't,
I haven't. I believe Tanya did. Didn't you, Tanya? I could
have sworn you told me that onetime, that some cousins or something.
Now, oh well, the firsttime I can even I can't go back
and put my finger on when Iheard the first inkling. You know,
(21:56):
my first recollection is the phone callthat when you called me and I was
in college a very brief phone call, right, but I can't I can't
remember being told that we had asyste think Jay knew more about that?
Yeah, yeah, I mean,and and again it was just chatter.
(22:17):
I'm all the cousins in my agegroup, so you know, we would
be hanging out and it was alwayswell, you know, all the brothers
got another child somewhere, all ofthem, and so it was just general
chatter like that. But nobody everknew any details. So we always brush
it off as is this cousins talkingmess or they overheard something an adult an
adult said and didn't have details,so they just said what they knew.
(22:42):
But it was always just that that, you know, They never, like
I said, with this uncle gotthis, so this uncle got it was
always all of them got a kidsomewhere, And that's all I ever heard
until you know, we there wereconfirmed chatter. But yeah, that But
then when yeah, they have thisstuff was dropped on us, then it
(23:06):
was a bunch of chatter. Yeahyeah, and then maybe that's a that's
a that's a good segue into thisthis, which is when we were told,
right when we actually were told thatwe have another sister, where were
we how old were we at thetime, and then we can talk about
(23:26):
other chatter from other people post confirmation. But but yeah, I remember being
My recollection was I was nineteen andI was in college when I was home
for a break of some sort andmom and dad pulled us in the room
and they told us and we wetalked about it, you know, And
(23:52):
Tanya, I guess maybe you youwere saying you don't remember being there.
You don't remember that moment, Soare you saying that I was. I
don't remember, but I do rememberyour how you felt, and I remember
your reaction. But that could havebeen phone call, right, that could
have that that could have been overthe phone. I don't really remember,
(24:15):
right, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, Jay, And we'll talk
about how we felt about it.I guess, just in the moment,
right, Yeah. My story oflearning was that because I was, you
know, y'all were gone, Iwas. I was there by myself.
(24:37):
So I always like, this storyalways sticks out to me, So I'm
it may have been fourteen fifteen andI came home from practice and it was
like an episode from the Cosby Showor something like when Vanessa got caught sneaking
out and they just be waiting inthe living room for her. So yeah,
(24:59):
right, So I walk in andfirst of all, I think I'm
in trouble, because for one,I had a prone to get in trouble,
and two, like, they wereboth just sitting there waiting on me,
and I'm just like, what's goingon? So my first I don't
know why. First thing, what'swrong y'all getting divorced or something? And
(25:23):
they was like, no, sitdown with you to talk to you about
something. And then they told methat there's a possibility that I might have
another sister, and I was justlike, you know, being fourteen,
you don't realize the weight of thatstatement. I was like, oh,
okay, who is she? AndI don't remember the details of the conversation.
(25:44):
I just remember that moment. Andthen so it's funny to me because
a few years later, I comehome and they still they sitting there waiting
on me. Again. I'm like, what's wrong? I got another sister?
No, we're getting divorced, Iguess so, And I'm not sure
(26:07):
if that's the that's the time andwe'll go deeper, but that's the time
you came down vale and absolute Sothey felt like before he heard from somebody
else, we need to tell him. So I'm guessing that was the same
time and like the three years later, right, right, yeah, So
yeah, so that's the first Iheard of it. And I don't remember
(26:30):
what they said, but it wasjust a typical reassuring you know that you
know, everything's gonna be all right. Ain't nothing changed, and that kind
of stuff. I don't remember thedetails of it, but it really just
like to let me to It wasinformation and I guess consolation. Uh they
were, but yeah, yeah,okay, so you said three years later,
(26:56):
I was off. I was off. I said that from the record,
Yes, yes, because I dobelieve that you were twenty two and
I was nineteen. So that wasten years later. After I got that
information, I went down south.I was in New York at the time.
I came down to see my grandparentsor my grand my grandfather the time,
(27:18):
my grandmother was already gone. SoI got my grandfather's white pages,
you know, if you're young folks. So that's how I used to find
numbers, right, see all theseclips, Right, So I went into
Newbery's white pages and I looked upTommy Flynt because I like I said that
name was faster than my head.So when I called, I called about
(27:44):
three times because he never answered thephone, and mother rained, that's that's
my siblings. Mother. Mother,So she would answer, I go,
you know who's calling? Never mind, I call back and I would just
hang up. I wouldn't tell himnothing. I called again, Hi,
is time of there? No,he's not here. Oh, I call
it her And then like after thethird time, I was like, is
(28:07):
that really right? Like maybe shebecome another woman. I didn't know what
to say, you know, so, And funny enough, when the third
time I called, she asked herand I was like, and I told
him my name, and she said, he's here. That's all she said.
(28:27):
He's here, and he got onthe phone, and I told him
who I was, and I gavehim. I made it my mother's last
name, and at the time,my mother's last name. I gave him
that opposed to her married name,which they had her and her husband adopted
me. So he was like whatAnd then he was like, girl,
(28:48):
he was about to get me introuble, you know. And we laughed
and everything, and I told himI was in town and he was like,
oh, and you know what,The next day he came and got
me. He came and got mefrom my grandfather's house and took me to
see all his siblings or his niecesand nephews. I don't even know who
was there because I was just like, again, it shocked, you know.
(29:14):
They was turning me around, rollingme over like I was a piece
of cattle, checking every piece ofme to make sure. You know,
what do you think she got thelast I was like, whoa? You
know. So it was like veryoverwhelmeding. But that was my first encounter
of the Glens. Yes, andthen he came the next day to get
me again, to take me tosee another aunt that lived in Columbia,
(29:40):
to get her her stamp on it. Yeah. I always find that story
so funny because I'm just picturing them, like, turn around, let me
see your feet. You want tosee your toes? Yeah, look,
we just had our family reunion,which that is another I think that's the
upcoming episode. There were two cousinswho remembered that day. I know,
(30:04):
yeah, we were there when hebrought you around, right, and so
what was their perspective nowt I wasjust shocked that they remember me because I
didn't remember no one that day,like wow, you know, like and
they're much younger than me too,so for them to remember that was amazing
(30:26):
to me. Yeah, they rememberthat, so that was cool. Yeah.
Yeah. So I think there wassome space in between us being told
and then you actually coming to townbecause I was there. I don't know,
Jay, you know, Hey,I don't know, my memory is
whatever. But Jay, when yousaid that you were told and they,
(30:52):
you know, they were sitting therewaiting for you, and you came home
and you were told had to happenprior to them telling me. I guess
because I don't remember any of that, and somehow I remember it being in
the bed in their bedroom. Somaybe that was a conversation we had with
Tanya, like being calling Tanya onthe phone, and then we had that
conversation bringing her into the fold.I have no idea, but I was
(31:15):
not there and I don't think anyof us were there when you actually came
to visit, and I don't remember. I don't remember that conversation. What
call to tell me that she wasthere? Right? And That's what I'm
saying, Tom, I don't remember. You were asking do I remember you
being there or do I remember thephone call. I don't remember what that
(31:36):
was, but I do recall thelike I remember the feelings that happened around
it. So yeah, so let'sgo ahead and talk about that, right,
let's talk about that when we whatwhat would you say were your instantaneous
feelings about it, like or thoughtabout it? Jay, when you first
(32:00):
heard and I know, well youkind of already answered it right, like
you just kind of felt like,okay, just kind of like information,
Yeah, have any other feelings aroundit? Not really like I kind of
took on the little brother mode ofwhatever y'all say, I'm gonna roll with
(32:22):
that. And especially in situations likethat when it's so being the youngest sibling
and a family full of big personalities, sometimes you do just kind of go
with the flow because what decisions youever gonna make? Right, So I
(32:46):
was just like, okay, sowhat are we gonna do? I go
with whatever y'all say. So itwas always like this, I don't know
what to feel because I don't knowwhat's gonna come of this, right,
And so it was always like inthe back of my mind, like,
(33:06):
but it would be cool to know, Like it would be really cool.
And then as I got older,honestly, you know, as I progressively.
One thing I do remember feeling isI hope Tanya Keisha don't feel some
kind of way about me wanting toknow at that time who Johanette is,
(33:29):
right, Like, I don't wantmy big sisters to think that I won't,
you know, like they ain't enough, So I didn't push the issue.
But yeah, I just like,mainly I just took on the little
brother and I'll just go with whatevery'all say. And yeah, I think
(33:50):
even when we first met, youstill had that little brother role because you
was just like like, okay,can I say big sister? Yeah right,
yeah, yeah, yeah, that'sfunny. And we already came to
the conclusion that it's it's a blessingin disguise because Tye and I could not
(34:13):
grow up together. It was itwas, yeah, trying to out blame
one another. Yeah, and likeboth of you all around, I probably
have like an eye missing or something. Yeah, it wouldn't be good for
to be Oh yeah, I couldn'teven imagine. Yeah uh yeah. They
(34:38):
were two big bosses, and sothat was the same in her own home.
What do we say, all thingshappened when absolutely, absolutely absolutely so
time, How did you feel aboutit? The word that keeps coming up
(34:58):
for me is denial, because Idon't remember finding out. I just remember,
honestly, to start with the phonecall. So Val calls me one
day during my sophomore year of college. It was very quick, it was
very curt and we got off thephone, which I'll later apologized for.
But I don't remember being told thatwe had another sister or a possibility.
(35:22):
I don't remember being included in aconversation about vow coming to town. So
I really think I suppressed that.To this day, I don't. I
have no recollection at all. Wow. Wow, And I guess I didn't
even realize that you didn't remember that, you know. I okay, So
(35:43):
well, I'll tell you what myI'll tell you what my memory is.
I'll tell you my experience of myfeelings, and then what I remember of
you and your feelings about it well, or vice versa. I'll start with
you. I I just remember youwere upset more improtection of Mom is how
(36:08):
I understood it right, in theway that it was verbalized right, because
it was like Mom was hurt andupset and you were just to give context.
I know, Tanya, your relationshipwith dad, you'd always been like
the one to bump heads with himbecause y'all were very similar. But it
(36:30):
but uh, and so that protectionof mom, and you were very close
with Mom was just I feel likethe majority of it was coming from that,
like just like, yeah, no, this is not like no,
so I could it makes sense thatif you were kind of like you just
kind of feel like it was justdenial, that you would just kind of
(36:50):
like, yeah, I don't evenacknowledge it. That's how I take it.
It's like more like I don't acknowledgethat is the truth, and that's
just what it is. So patyour dad up and put that onto the
side I'm saying, But yeah,I do remember you being upset, and
and you know, I think,well, Mom would need to tell her
own story, so I'll leave thatalone. But yeah, just in protection
(37:13):
of Mom, Yeah, I wouldagree, Yeah, because I have no
And it's crazy because I don't haveany acknowledgment or or knowledge of how it
came to fruition or how things cameto be that we were told, or
even how val entered the picture outside of that phone hall right, right,
(37:37):
I would say. Over the years, there have been times because Val
and I did keep in touch,but there have been times I would mention
her and I don't even know ifyou it didn't even have to be with
words, because I can't even tellyou if I remember specific words that you
would say. But your demeanor waslike, net, this is not going
(38:00):
like and like we're not you knowwhat I'm saying, We're not going there.
I'm okay, I'm done listening,right, yes, yes, yeah,
not not going down and so soyeah, and even I think there
(38:20):
was one time I may have mentionedthe possibility of that, like the like
getting it confirmed, and you like, I mean, it's just not like
it just ain't real, Like itjust wasn't real until it was real.
And even then it was an adjustment, you know what I'm saying. So
(38:43):
yeah, right, yeah, Igot a question. So when you made
that trip, what was your like, do you remember your feeling like was
it your motivation out of saying okay, I'm going to go down, and
was it defiance? Was it likecuriosity or everything? What were your feelings
around that trip. You're you're mutedtalking about me, Yeah, it was
(39:14):
so listening Okay, So definitely definitelywas curiosity. When I hear Tyan story,
I see myself so much, youknow, it's it's just remarkable because
again, the reason why I wasjust pure curiosity, because I don't believe
I was ever going to going tomean in that way like hey, I'm
(39:37):
here, he's a job dad.Hey, good to see it. Because
I had a mother to protect aswell, you know, and I had
to protect her reputation, and soit was more so, okay, I'm
gonna just dip in here a littlebit just to yeah, and I just
want to see. But no,no, no, not no, don't
touch me. Don't no, no, I'm not yours, you know,
(39:59):
I just I want to see becauseI didn't because I did ever explain that
to my mom at that time.You know, for ten years, I
never said nothing to her. Soit was just pure curiosity see what it
was about, see what it was. But for me to just like so
give it all, I couldn't dothat at that time because of my mom,
(40:20):
Yeah, and to protect her.Yeah. Yeah, so I totally
get it. And then again whenwhen we finally met, Tanya sat across
the table and apologized to me aboutthat, and she was like, you
know, it's all about me protectingmy mom. And I was like,
wow, I was doing the samething. So we was just the way
she blocks it out with the nowagain like the last episode, I blocked
(40:45):
things out with rejection, like I'mnot even going to touch that, like
I just leave it alone, don'tdon't even think about it, you know.
So again, I can't wait forthat episode, by the way,
when we could talk about all oursimilarities and I wasn't even raised with you
guys. And you know, formy I always said when I was the
mister link, but you are mymissing link. And I love y'all so
much. Yeah, so I'll sayhow I felt, uh when I heard
(41:15):
about it is I got another system. Okay, let's go bring her on,
Like but yeah, it's just kindof I to think about that,
like really, that's just my personalityperiod. But and then you know,
over the years, it was justthis desire for like can't everybody just lay
(41:36):
they stuff down and let's come onand coomba y'ad. Let's keep it moving,
you know, like time's are moving. But here's what's funny about it.
Today, I scroll back through andin preparation for this I scroll back
through all of the text messages,like I was hoping to find some old
messages, you know, like oldold, right, But I didn't see
(41:58):
it in my text messages. Iwas like, where else would we have
communicated? And we communicated in Facebook. So I went back through and I
was like, the oldest message Ihad was from twenty eleven, all right,
And I was like, and thenI just kind of went through and
looked at the text and looked athow sparingly, you know, like they
(42:20):
were so like the next we hadsome from twenty eleven. Then the next
ones weren't till twenty fourteen. Nowmaybe it's in some cell phone that we
text, you know, some othertime. I don't know, but the
messages kind of went like this,Hey, great to hear from you,
of yeah, we should talk,okay, let's catch up, and then
(42:43):
well here's my number, call meokay, and then you know, the
next message would be I don't know, a year later like happy birthday,
hope it's going well, like itjust put it nevers to actually get to
the connection. Now doesn't mean wedidn't have them, because I do remember
talking to you on the phone.I remember you came to one of my
(43:06):
plays in New York. I rememberwhen dad came to visit. You came
over with the kids, you know, so it's it's not that nothing happened,
it's just childhood with you. Soyeah, we did, we did.
But in looking at that, Ithink where And I kind of said
this on the last episode when JR. Asked well, what what would you?
(43:29):
What was the question? You hada question, a surprise question for
us, Yeah, what's your biggesttakeaway? And it really was like when
you are willing to speak up sooner, like you can make a difference.
And I think about like, man, I was the one that was connected,
but then how I was connected?But not I guess it's what what
(43:50):
I saw, And so I'm sograteful that it definitely happened. Now,
of course we could say it happenedexactly when and how it was meant to
happen, right, But that's myrecollection of how the you know, how
I felt in bringing it and justwanting our family to just come together,
thinking about the larger picture, whereyou know, it's like he's a great
(44:15):
dad and then he's a great grandfather, like come on, you know or
I'm I'm you know, ready tobe an auntie to more kids and so
that kind of stuff. So I'mgrateful we definitely get to have that now.
But but yeah, and we allopened up, and I will say
to Tanya and Jay, I amso grateful that y'all were open and that
(44:36):
we could like make this happen.So I also found the actual date that
you sent me that it got confirmed, and that was December fifteenth, twenty
twenty. So it wasn't until youknow, there was ten days later that
we got on a call, right, And so that wasn't a lot of
(44:57):
time to adjust and say, likewe're going to get on our zoom call
for the holiday, right, Andso I just kudos to the two of
you for jumping in. Kudos Valfor you being willing to and with your
friends, i mean, your sonand daughter sitting beside you, like,
yes, we need that. Soit's just a beautiful thing that we were
(45:20):
able to get to this place.And so yeah, so yeah, go
ahead, man, I'm gonna saysomething so to that. And I mentioned
this briefly in the last call.The decision for us to have a call
on Christmas Day was such a riskbecause it really could have been a destruction
of a holiday depending how it went. And you know, fortunately we all
(45:43):
choked, we all leaned in,and you know it went well. But
what a big risk to say onChristmas Day, this is the day we're
going to connect because it could havebeen something where it turned out bad and
it would have been every Christmas herewe go again. It's a constant reminder
of what that could have looked like, but so so grateful that it didn't
(46:07):
and it and look what it turnedChristmas into. Yeah, yeah, right,
that's amazing, amazing. Okay,well we just have man, this
time goes back. I just lookedat the clock. I'm like, oh
my goodness. Okay, so realquick, there were there were a couple
(46:29):
of little ruffles of chatter. Uh. After it was confirmed, right,
we start getting more pieces of thepuzzle, right, a part two of
the chatter? Yeah you think so? All right? All yeah, we
did an hour. Yeah, Iwant to give the rest of the chatter.
It's justice too. We've been therest of this chatter in six minutes.
(46:53):
Yeah, I will say this too. Since our last call, we've
had people that have questions and sothere are people that I'm sure this is
going to bring about even more questions. So we just want to put out
there if you do have questions,Jay, how is it that they can
get them to us so that wecan address them during these calls. Yeah,
(47:13):
anybody's listening, Family New Family.You know the email us at info
at golddefied life dot com. Youreach us there, you can if you
know what's individually, can reach outtext message DM. However, but if
you know, if you if youwant to reach us via email you don't
(47:35):
know our personal emails, you canreach us at that's info at Goldefi Life
dot com. Fantastic. All right, Well y'all heard it? Or be
a part two? You can messagethis on our Facebook page crossholds pod.
Yeah, yeah, so any ways, you can reach us anyway, share
the podcast, share it with yourfriends and family because this message will definely
(48:00):
we help others absolutely absolutely, becauseit's definitely more chatter too. This was
fun, that was spread. Yeah, that was that was extremely quick.
Yeah and yeah, because we didn'tget to my surprise question, so let's
close with your surprise. No,because there's no time because it actually goes
along with the with the chatter toright look at the time, So yes,
(48:23):
yes, yes, but thank younext week. Well that does not
mean that I can get my questionin anyway anyway. But yes, it's
beautiful, you know. Thank thankthe three of you for co creating here
in this space, and thank youall for listening and sharing space with us.
We are here next time. Soso yeah, that concludes this number
(48:47):
two episode of Crossbold Podcasts. Weleave you with joy and peace. We're
out. Bye. That was gooden,
Well, welcome to episode number twoof the Cross the Crossbolds podcast. All
right, I am your host thistime around, Keisha Gleim the Remix,
and I am joined today as alwaysby my sister val Hey, Mike Tanya
(00:26):
the Original Big Sister Original, andmy brother j R. The Encore.
Okay, so welcome, welcome,welcome. All right, so you know
we're here. Let's let's just talka little bit about what this is,
this this podcast is. We're hereto really share our story, all right.
(00:50):
We got lots of beautiful news thatgets to go down our story,
but as we our story really isabout our siblings, all right. But
as we navigate this whole journey,it's a fairly new journey for us,
we thought we might want you mightwant to snatch some goodies for yourself and
see how you might be able toapply to your own life, or maybe
(01:12):
you just want to be entertained byours. So that's what we're here for.
Let's go. But before we getstarted today, I wanted to start
by I guess we all want tostart by really honoring and dedicating this particular
episode to our dad, mister Tommyh glymph. All right, because this
(01:38):
is really two days ago. Itwas a day that he transitioned into the
spirit realm three years ago. Andthis is really such a pivotal moment,
right, They all are as wereach each year, and it almost kind
of seems like, oh gosh,it's been three years, like come on,
But I wanted to take this momentreally to start the show before we
(02:00):
talk about what this episode is aboutand give honor to it. So can
we each just take you know,thirty seconds or less and share either your
gratitudes for Dad, or your favoritememory of Dad, or maybe your greatest
(02:20):
lesson. So who wants to gofirst? Let's start with our baby brother,
because we always get to start withone of the oldest ones. Let's
start with the let's go in thereverse. Come on, baby, I
knew that's what happens. That's right. That's why I always like being a
(02:40):
host. Oh man, there's somany hmm. Oh, I guess,
like my my favorite lesson from himis and wasn't he even like an intentional
lesson or a verbal lesson that wasjust by act And it was I And
(03:08):
now that I have my own kids, I'm able to apply it. And
it's just being there and showing up, you know, for I don't ever
remember a time when I had towonder where he was, you know,
(03:28):
and I could hear him over thewhole crowd in basketball games, sometimes in
football games, as hard as thatis to do, I could hear him
in the crowd and just knowing howimportant that was, even if I didn't
realize it in the moment. Beingthere for my kids. So just being
there for concerts and games and youknow, just everything. So that and
(03:51):
I guess that's why it was sohard when he passed, because he was
always there, so when he wasn'tthere, maybe it was hard. But
yeah, that's my greatest lesson isjust showing up and being there and you
know, regardless, and you knowthe times where he you know, if
(04:11):
two of us had games on thesame night, him and Mama was split
up and one will go to onegame and we'll go to the other.
So just just that that just beingthere and showing up. Awesome. Thank
you, thank you. Yeah,yeah, absolutely definitely. Concur all right,
who's next, let's go, Let'sgo time, Okay, I guess
(04:33):
just a lesson by example was justhard work and perseverance and resilience and I
can remember as far back as fivewhen I played basketball, it was never
you know, what was his favoritething and nothing just gonna fall out.
This guy gotta work for and allmy life that I've just leaned into that,
(04:58):
you know, whether it be throughwork, through leticism, do anything
I wanted, It was just somethingI had to do to work hard,
to persevere, to show up andthen you know, everything wasn't always a
yes, and just to be resilientthrough it all. M yep, ain't
man of that all right? Now? What you got on it? All
(05:19):
right? All right? So wellas you know, I don't have the
fondest memories as you three half,but I definitely lived through you guys.
It really makes me feel good,I believe I shared with you before that.
Someone said to me, well,you know, how do you feel
(05:39):
that your father wasn't really in yourlife? He was in your siblings' lives.
And I said, well, Ithink I look at it as a
positive because I know many people thathave fathers that wasn't in their life.
But guess what, there wasn't inno one's life. They was nowhere.
There was a papa was a rollingstone. So I know I'm from good
Stock and it was just simply thesituation. But I do have some memories.
(06:04):
Daddy and I used to talk onthe phone a lot. I remember
when I had Joshua and he wascalling me every day in August to see
when I had josh I remember that, you know. He was like,
you in the hospital, yet,you in the hospital yet? I said,
no, no, I'm not inthe hospital yet. And when he
didn't get me, he knew Ihad josh did so as soon as I
(06:27):
got home, I said, Iknow you had because I was calling you
every day. He wasn't big upthe phone. I said, yes,
he was like semi pictures, youknow. So again I'm from good Stock
and I'm proud. I'm proud thatI am from him, and I miss
him too. Oh the beautiful thing, that's beautifulness, let me say,
is that we are all continuing tolearn things, so like we never heard
(06:49):
that story, and it's just,you know, it's chilling. It takes
me back to when I was inthe hospital VW. And he is calling
the hospital just this frantically as youjust described, but he is calling the
hospital saying, let me speak toTanya Glimp and they're like, we don't
have a Tanya Climp at the hospital. My daughter just had my first grandchild,
(07:13):
and Tanya Glip is at the hospital. Oh it's not anymore, right,
right, But that's beautiful. Yeah, that's awesome. Awesome. Well,
I would definitely say, uh,I actually had one as an adult,
(07:34):
but I'm gonna say one as achild. I remember him tickling me,
all right, and then like hewould tickle me and and Okay,
this is gonna sound kind of bad, but it's not. But he would
put I'd like to call them redmarks. They're really like what people call
(07:54):
hickey suck my cheek. And Ibeen like I didn't like it, but
I liked it, if that makesthe sense, Like like, oh,
like I got a mark on mycheek, you know. But it was
just it's a memory that I couldlook back on and be like just having
fun with that. So that's one. And then as an adult I didn't
appreciate this till later that he usedto say, you know, don't come
(08:18):
back to me years later talking aboutwhat I didn't do. I did the
best I could with what I knew. You ain't on drugs, you ain't
in the streets, you ain't pregnant. So I did the best I had.
I did what I knew, right, And so it's like, right,
don't become because parents are people first, and that was something I had
to grow into appreciating. But Ireally appreciate that, like he's just who
(08:39):
he was, and it helped mewith my healing work with him. So
yeah, yeah, let's be honest. It didn't take much. It was
just a kiss, right, right, it didn't take much. I was
thinking the same thing, like,wett no red, right, I have
one picture with it all there.I'm just like, oh, he's yeah,
(09:01):
but thanks Valve. Thanks, Yeah, I'm sure had you been around,
I don't know. You brought aline. I love it. Yeah,
so awesome. So that we honoryou, we love you, we're
greatful and you you know, there'sdefinitely it would take years for us to
(09:28):
express all of what you you know, left us with and so we get
to keep honoring you and loving onyou and uh yeah, so let's talk
a little bit about what this show, what this episode is about. Right.
So the last episode, we wegave y'all a little bit of the
background story of you know, butmore from the perspective of once it was
(09:50):
confirmed that Val was our sister.But this time around, we're coming with
the like the background of the background, right, that chatter that all that
stuff you sweep up under the rug, Well we about to go up under
the rug and get it. Okay, it's not a kids it Okay.
So we could not do this withoutstarting with Val, because Val actually holds
(10:18):
the youngest memory of us, rightof like her having siblings and so,
so, Val, will you sharewith us your twelve year old story and
how it first cave it to fold? That's I believe that's the first time
someone said twelve years old. AndTanya then roll her eyes so she'd be
(10:39):
like, when I was twelve yearsold, when I was twelve years old?
Okay, oh well you tease me, You tease me about it,
like, oh yeah, that's gonnabe the name of my book when I
was twelve. So so for manyyears I used to go back and forth
from South Carolina to New York tomy mom, and especially in the summer,
(11:05):
I would spend the time with mygrandmam. So if you're from Newbery
and you've heard of Sequel Baptist Church, Third Sunday of August week, is
what does that call again? Ijust called a blakesurvival Revival week. Revival
week. So I was sitting inchurch and I was with my Auntie,
my favorite Auntie, and I explainedher and our relationship later. But I
(11:28):
was sitting there with her and thislittle girl walked across the church and I
said, Auntie, that girl lookslike me. And my Auntie didn't say
a word. I didn't say aword. You know, we in Newberry
Maple and everybody related, right,so I'm I'm ready for her to tell
me, oh, that's your fifthcousin. But she didn't say anything,
(11:50):
so I let to go. Butmaybe five minutes later she started crying again.
I didn't think nothing of it.We're in a Baptist church. Everyone
it's the Holy Ghost, right,so I didn't think. I still didn't
think anything about it. Right,So once service was over and we were
sitting in the car, my auntwas still crying and I said, Auntie,
you're okay, and she says,baby, She said, you know
(12:13):
that little girl you said it lookedlike you. I said yeah. She
said, did you see the manthat was hold on her hand? I
says no, and she says wellthat's your father. Well rumor has it
that that's your father. And totake that in at twelve was like,
and I mean before this, guys, I never heard a whip, nothing,
(12:37):
no inkling that someone else was mydad. I had no clue and
it I guess. I was extremelyoverwhelmed and shocked and speechless that I did
not say another word about that tillten years later. And we could talk
(12:58):
about that if you want to gointo that now you want to talk about
other chatter. But that was thevery first time that I heard that it's
a possibility someone else is my father. And she told me his name,
and I kept that name. Ikept Tommy Glimp in my head to twenty
two years later. Yeah, soyou didn't even when you say you kept
(13:18):
it in your head, like youdidn't mention it to anybody, no one
nos kept it. Yeah, andI kept it. And again I'm going
back to my aunt and my relationship. She was one of those cool aunts.
She was that aunt that told youthings that maybe you shouldn't have known
when you was a kid, youknow, And and she really protected all
(13:41):
her nieces. She always felt thatyou need to know this, you need
to know that you better let aman do this to you, that to
you. So whenever we did somethingsilly when we grew up, you're like,
oh, you missed that class.You missed Auntie's class that day.
You know she was that. Shewas that aunt and one of my and
I was just thinking about this memory, how close her and I was,
(14:03):
because her and I was only likefourteen years apart, right, So I
remember she used to take me upthe road and she would park on the
side of the road to meet herboyfriend and they were sitting in the front
making out when I and gave mea bag of candy. So I'd be
in the back, not paying themno attention, so she could be candy
(14:24):
chips, all this stuff, andI'd go home and I wouldn't tell nobody,
you know. So that was ourrelationship. I would never left,
you know, I would never raton her. So I think that was
another reason why I just kept itto myself, because we was that's that
close. Yeah, got you gotyou? Wow? Wow? So can
I ask a follow up question?Is your aunt still living? No,
(14:50):
she was not living when all ofthis came to fruition. No, No,
she's not. No, Now thatwould have been interesting to see her
perspective, Yeah, her how shereceived it. Yeah, but just imagine
you in church and you just pointout this girl and say she looks like
you, you know, and justfor clarity, yeah, that little girl
(15:13):
like because it could have been meor Tanya, but in your recollection it
was time. It was Tanya.It was Tanya. It was Tanya.
Absolutely, it was Tanya, whichat the time than Tanya would have been
eleven eleven. And I think Iremember it to Tanya because twelve was the
(15:33):
age that I didn't have to wearponytails anymore. And I was so excited
that I didn't have to wear ponytails. And I remember looking at you,
chubby like I was with ponytails.I was like, huh, the girl
looks like me, you know.So I remember that too. Legend has
it that she also had on asparkly dress. Okay, show, that's
(15:58):
a whole nother show. Okay,the inside joke, rightious, We will
go we will dive deeper on this. But yeah, So there are things
that as we grow and learn eachother. One thing that is for sure
(16:18):
and too for certain, is thatthe Italian Vale are addicted to rhyan stones.
And right, they have a strongattraction to Rhyan stones and all things
shining, so everything from their seatcovers to the to the stern wheel covers
(16:40):
everything they I don't know, maybethey braces everything so they like shiny stuff.
So yeah, wow, brothers Man, another episode that is the best.
Oh goodness, So vw uh doyou happen to recall like I know
(17:06):
you said you kept it to yourself, right, but do you happen to
recall how you felt afterwards? Likedid you deal with that? Were you
processing it? Were then you startedto like keep your eyes open for any
other information that was coming your way. Yeah? Yeah. It was like
I started looking at my family different, Like it was like you know what
(17:27):
it felt like down south, wehad this room called out house, the
out room. No one went inthere, right, So I remember around
five, six days before Christmas,I went in that room and saw all
my toys and I realized, hey, it's no Santa. That's how it
(17:47):
felt to me, meant like oh, like you know, you know,
you know, like do you knowit's no Santa? Like do you know
that it's a possibility someone else?My father. I was looking at people
and see if I could see itin they e e or they in their
face. You know, it wasjust like I know something, do you
know? I know? It wasjust really bizarre. It was really something
(18:10):
to take in at twelve years old. Absolutely, and prior to oh,
go ahead, go ahead. Priorto that, what did you know about
your father or who you thought wasyour father? I wouldn't say that much.
You know, he was again likeI said, I mean, what
(18:33):
had you been told? That's allI'm saying, what been told? The
characteristics? Just like so prior tothat in your like when your aunt says
it's a rumor that that's your father? Who? Like, had you been
told someone else had been your fatherly? Yeah? How did you? Yeah?
Absolutely? I just I had noinkling that it was a possibility someone
(18:57):
else. I always knew that thisgentleman was my dad. I wouldn't say
we had the strongest relationship, butthat was my dad, you know,
absolutely, So looking at everyone,just wondering who knew? And you know,
and I don't know why I didn'tgo into further with my aunt,
like what do you mean a room? I think I just couldn't comprehend that
(19:19):
information like I would now at fiftythree, years old. You know,
I just think I was just inshock, you know, I don't know,
it's amazing, yeah, and rightfully, so I mean, yeah,
I tell you. And then it'snot like she pulled you aside and said,
hey, I need to talk toyou about something. It was just
like you saw this girl it lookslike you, and now she dropped his
(19:41):
heavy bomb on you, and you'relike, hold up, it's too much,
right, yeah, yeah, that'sa lot to digest, right,
and especially to continue the process.That's why I was like, what was
happening after like days after and thenmonths after and what was going on?
And also because you know, youhad shared some pictures, right, and
(20:03):
then you're like, look at mein these pictures where I'm looking like,
you know, a giant towering overmy cousins who you know, and everyone
throughout your life telling you like,oh, well you run after your grandma,
you know, you take after yourgrandmother's right, And it's like and
then your eyes. You heard hislast episode talk about tight eyes and cheekbones,
(20:23):
right, and so like just thedifferences. But then now to have
this information and then be a beprocessing that every time now differently than oh
yeah, this is my family andthe father, and that I was told
he was he may have been fiveto ten. I'm five ten. He
(20:44):
talked me about five ten and hewas very dark, sin I mean,
extremely darcin. But I was alwaystold I looked like my great grandmother or
my mom. Sorry, so Ijust took that, you know. Yeah,
and then I start looking different,you know, start looking at people
even differently. Yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, Well I'm right.
(21:07):
Yeah. Let's move into a littlebit about of like other chatter that had
happened, whether it was over theyears or post confirmation. So let's deal
with over the years. First,had you or I don't think any of
us had received any anything until weactually heard that, hey, until we
actually were told, which we'll talkabout later. But had you got any
(21:32):
other, you know, chatter inthe background. No, I haven't,
I haven't. I believe Tanya did. Didn't you, Tanya? I could
have sworn you told me that onetime, that some cousins or something.
Now, oh well, the firsttime I can even I can't go back
and put my finger on when Iheard the first inkling. You know,
(21:56):
my first recollection is the phone callthat when you called me and I was
in college a very brief phone call, right, but I can't I can't
remember being told that we had asyste think Jay knew more about that?
Yeah, yeah, I mean,and and again it was just chatter.
(22:17):
I'm all the cousins in my agegroup, so you know, we would
be hanging out and it was alwayswell, you know, all the brothers
got another child somewhere, all ofthem, and so it was just general
chatter like that. But nobody everknew any details. So we always brush
it off as is this cousins talkingmess or they overheard something an adult an
adult said and didn't have details,so they just said what they knew.
(22:42):
But it was always just that that, you know, They never, like
I said, with this uncle gotthis, so this uncle got it was
always all of them got a kidsomewhere, And that's all I ever heard
until you know, we there wereconfirmed chatter. But yeah, that But
then when yeah, they have thisstuff was dropped on us, then it
(23:06):
was a bunch of chatter. Yeahyeah, and then maybe that's a that's
a that's a good segue into thisthis, which is when we were told,
right when we actually were told thatwe have another sister, where were
we how old were we at thetime, and then we can talk about
(23:26):
other chatter from other people post confirmation. But but yeah, I remember being
My recollection was I was nineteen andI was in college when I was home
for a break of some sort andmom and dad pulled us in the room
and they told us and we wetalked about it, you know, And
(23:52):
Tanya, I guess maybe you youwere saying you don't remember being there.
You don't remember that moment, Soare you saying that I was. I
don't remember, but I do rememberyour how you felt, and I remember
your reaction. But that could havebeen phone call, right, that could
have that that could have been overthe phone. I don't really remember,
(24:15):
right, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, Jay, And we'll talk
about how we felt about it.I guess, just in the moment,
right, Yeah. My story oflearning was that because I was, you
know, y'all were gone, Iwas. I was there by myself.
(24:37):
So I always like, this storyalways sticks out to me, So I'm
it may have been fourteen fifteen andI came home from practice and it was
like an episode from the Cosby Showor something like when Vanessa got caught sneaking
out and they just be waiting inthe living room for her. So yeah,
(24:59):
right, So I walk in andfirst of all, I think I'm
in trouble, because for one,I had a prone to get in trouble,
and two, like, they wereboth just sitting there waiting on me,
and I'm just like, what's goingon? So my first I don't
know why. First thing, what'swrong y'all getting divorced or something? And
(25:23):
they was like, no, sitdown with you to talk to you about
something. And then they told methat there's a possibility that I might have
another sister, and I was justlike, you know, being fourteen,
you don't realize the weight of thatstatement. I was like, oh,
okay, who is she? AndI don't remember the details of the conversation.
(25:44):
I just remember that moment. Andthen so it's funny to me because
a few years later, I comehome and they still they sitting there waiting
on me. Again. I'm like, what's wrong? I got another sister?
No, we're getting divorced, Iguess so, And I'm not sure
(26:07):
if that's the that's the time andwe'll go deeper, but that's the time
you came down vale and absolute Sothey felt like before he heard from somebody
else, we need to tell him. So I'm guessing that was the same
time and like the three years later, right, right, yeah, So
yeah, so that's the first Iheard of it. And I don't remember
(26:30):
what they said, but it wasjust a typical reassuring you know that you
know, everything's gonna be all right. Ain't nothing changed, and that kind
of stuff. I don't remember thedetails of it, but it really just
like to let me to It wasinformation and I guess consolation. Uh they
were, but yeah, yeah,okay, so you said three years later,
(26:56):
I was off. I was off. I said that from the record,
Yes, yes, because I dobelieve that you were twenty two and
I was nineteen. So that wasten years later. After I got that
information, I went down south.I was in New York at the time.
I came down to see my grandparentsor my grand my grandfather the time,
(27:18):
my grandmother was already gone. SoI got my grandfather's white pages,
you know, if you're young folks. So that's how I used to find
numbers, right, see all theseclips, Right, So I went into
Newbery's white pages and I looked upTommy Flynt because I like I said that
name was faster than my head.So when I called, I called about
(27:44):
three times because he never answered thephone, and mother rained, that's that's
my siblings. Mother. Mother,So she would answer, I go,
you know who's calling? Never mind, I call back and I would just
hang up. I wouldn't tell himnothing. I called again, Hi,
is time of there? No,he's not here. Oh, I call
it her And then like after thethird time, I was like, is
(28:07):
that really right? Like maybe shebecome another woman. I didn't know what
to say, you know, so, And funny enough, when the third
time I called, she asked herand I was like, and I told
him my name, and she said, he's here. That's all she said.
(28:27):
He's here, and he got onthe phone, and I told him
who I was, and I gavehim. I made it my mother's last
name, and at the time,my mother's last name. I gave him
that opposed to her married name,which they had her and her husband adopted
me. So he was like whatAnd then he was like, girl,
(28:48):
he was about to get me introuble, you know. And we laughed
and everything, and I told himI was in town and he was like,
oh, and you know what,The next day he came and got
me. He came and got mefrom my grandfather's house and took me to
see all his siblings or his niecesand nephews. I don't even know who
was there because I was just like, again, it shocked, you know.
(29:14):
They was turning me around, rollingme over like I was a piece
of cattle, checking every piece ofme to make sure. You know,
what do you think she got thelast I was like, whoa? You
know. So it was like veryoverwhelmeding. But that was my first encounter
of the Glens. Yes, andthen he came the next day to get
me again, to take me tosee another aunt that lived in Columbia,
(29:40):
to get her her stamp on it. Yeah. I always find that story
so funny because I'm just picturing them, like, turn around, let me
see your feet. You want tosee your toes? Yeah, look,
we just had our family reunion,which that is another I think that's the
upcoming episode. There were two cousinswho remembered that day. I know,
(30:04):
yeah, we were there when hebrought you around, right, and so
what was their perspective nowt I wasjust shocked that they remember me because I
didn't remember no one that day,like wow, you know, like and
they're much younger than me too,so for them to remember that was amazing
(30:26):
to me. Yeah, they rememberthat, so that was cool. Yeah.
Yeah. So I think there wassome space in between us being told
and then you actually coming to townbecause I was there. I don't know,
Jay, you know, Hey,I don't know, my memory is
whatever. But Jay, when yousaid that you were told and they,
(30:52):
you know, they were sitting therewaiting for you, and you came home
and you were told had to happenprior to them telling me. I guess
because I don't remember any of that, and somehow I remember it being in
the bed in their bedroom. Somaybe that was a conversation we had with
Tanya, like being calling Tanya onthe phone, and then we had that
conversation bringing her into the fold.I have no idea, but I was
(31:15):
not there and I don't think anyof us were there when you actually came
to visit, and I don't remember. I don't remember that conversation. What
call to tell me that she wasthere? Right? And That's what I'm
saying, Tom, I don't remember. You were asking do I remember you
being there or do I remember thephone call. I don't remember what that
(31:36):
was, but I do recall thelike I remember the feelings that happened around
it. So yeah, so let'sgo ahead and talk about that, right,
let's talk about that when we whatwhat would you say were your instantaneous
feelings about it, like or thoughtabout it? Jay, when you first
(32:00):
heard and I know, well youkind of already answered it right, like
you just kind of felt like,okay, just kind of like information,
Yeah, have any other feelings aroundit? Not really like I kind of
took on the little brother mode ofwhatever y'all say, I'm gonna roll with
(32:22):
that. And especially in situations likethat when it's so being the youngest sibling
and a family full of big personalities, sometimes you do just kind of go
with the flow because what decisions youever gonna make? Right, So I
(32:46):
was just like, okay, sowhat are we gonna do? I go
with whatever y'all say. So itwas always like this, I don't know
what to feel because I don't knowwhat's gonna come of this, right,
And so it was always like inthe back of my mind, like,
(33:06):
but it would be cool to know, Like it would be really cool.
And then as I got older,honestly, you know, as I progressively.
One thing I do remember feeling isI hope Tanya Keisha don't feel some
kind of way about me wanting toknow at that time who Johanette is,
(33:29):
right, Like, I don't wantmy big sisters to think that I won't,
you know, like they ain't enough, So I didn't push the issue.
But yeah, I just like,mainly I just took on the little
brother and I'll just go with whatevery'all say. And yeah, I think
(33:50):
even when we first met, youstill had that little brother role because you
was just like like, okay,can I say big sister? Yeah right,
yeah, yeah, yeah, that'sfunny. And we already came to
the conclusion that it's it's a blessingin disguise because Tye and I could not
(34:13):
grow up together. It was itwas, yeah, trying to out blame
one another. Yeah, and likeboth of you all around, I probably
have like an eye missing or something. Yeah, it wouldn't be good for
to be Oh yeah, I couldn'teven imagine. Yeah uh yeah. They
(34:38):
were two big bosses, and sothat was the same in her own home.
What do we say, all thingshappened when absolutely, absolutely absolutely so
time, How did you feel aboutit? The word that keeps coming up
(34:58):
for me is denial, because Idon't remember finding out. I just remember,
honestly, to start with the phonecall. So Val calls me one
day during my sophomore year of college. It was very quick, it was
very curt and we got off thephone, which I'll later apologized for.
But I don't remember being told thatwe had another sister or a possibility.
(35:22):
I don't remember being included in aconversation about vow coming to town. So
I really think I suppressed that.To this day, I don't. I
have no recollection at all. Wow. Wow, And I guess I didn't
even realize that you didn't remember that, you know. I okay, So
(35:43):
well, I'll tell you what myI'll tell you what my memory is.
I'll tell you my experience of myfeelings, and then what I remember of
you and your feelings about it well, or vice versa. I'll start with
you. I I just remember youwere upset more improtection of Mom is how
(36:08):
I understood it right, in theway that it was verbalized right, because
it was like Mom was hurt andupset and you were just to give context.
I know, Tanya, your relationshipwith dad, you'd always been like
the one to bump heads with himbecause y'all were very similar. But it
(36:30):
but uh, and so that protectionof mom, and you were very close
with Mom was just I feel likethe majority of it was coming from that,
like just like, yeah, no, this is not like no,
so I could it makes sense thatif you were kind of like you just
kind of feel like it was justdenial, that you would just kind of
(36:50):
like, yeah, I don't evenacknowledge it. That's how I take it.
It's like more like I don't acknowledgethat is the truth, and that's
just what it is. So patyour dad up and put that onto the
side I'm saying, But yeah,I do remember you being upset, and
and you know, I think,well, Mom would need to tell her
own story, so I'll leave thatalone. But yeah, just in protection
(37:13):
of Mom, Yeah, I wouldagree, Yeah, because I have no
And it's crazy because I don't haveany acknowledgment or or knowledge of how it
came to fruition or how things cameto be that we were told, or
even how val entered the picture outside of that phone hall right, right,
(37:37):
I would say. Over the years, there have been times because Val
and I did keep in touch,but there have been times I would mention
her and I don't even know ifyou it didn't even have to be with
words, because I can't even tellyou if I remember specific words that you
would say. But your demeanor waslike, net, this is not going
(38:00):
like and like we're not you knowwhat I'm saying, We're not going there.
I'm okay, I'm done listening,right, yes, yes, yeah,
not not going down and so soyeah, and even I think there
(38:20):
was one time I may have mentionedthe possibility of that, like the like
getting it confirmed, and you like, I mean, it's just not like
it just ain't real, Like itjust wasn't real until it was real.
And even then it was an adjustment, you know what I'm saying. So
(38:43):
yeah, right, yeah, Igot a question. So when you made
that trip, what was your like, do you remember your feeling like was
it your motivation out of saying okay, I'm going to go down, and
was it defiance? Was it likecuriosity or everything? What were your feelings
around that trip. You're you're mutedtalking about me, Yeah, it was
(39:14):
so listening Okay, So definitely definitelywas curiosity. When I hear Tyan story,
I see myself so much, youknow, it's it's just remarkable because
again, the reason why I wasjust pure curiosity, because I don't believe
I was ever going to going tomean in that way like hey, I'm
(39:37):
here, he's a job dad.Hey, good to see it. Because
I had a mother to protect aswell, you know, and I had
to protect her reputation, and soit was more so, okay, I'm
gonna just dip in here a littlebit just to yeah, and I just
want to see. But no,no, no, not no, don't
touch me. Don't no, no, I'm not yours, you know,
(39:59):
I just I want to see becauseI didn't because I did ever explain that
to my mom at that time.You know, for ten years, I
never said nothing to her. Soit was just pure curiosity see what it
was about, see what it was. But for me to just like so
give it all, I couldn't dothat at that time because of my mom,
(40:20):
Yeah, and to protect her.Yeah. Yeah, so I totally
get it. And then again whenwhen we finally met, Tanya sat across
the table and apologized to me aboutthat, and she was like, you
know, it's all about me protectingmy mom. And I was like,
wow, I was doing the samething. So we was just the way
she blocks it out with the nowagain like the last episode, I blocked
(40:45):
things out with rejection, like I'mnot even going to touch that, like
I just leave it alone, don'tdon't even think about it, you know.
So again, I can't wait forthat episode, by the way,
when we could talk about all oursimilarities and I wasn't even raised with you
guys. And you know, formy I always said when I was the
mister link, but you are mymissing link. And I love y'all so
much. Yeah, so I'll sayhow I felt, uh when I heard
(41:15):
about it is I got another system. Okay, let's go bring her on,
Like but yeah, it's just kindof I to think about that,
like really, that's just my personalityperiod. But and then you know,
over the years, it was justthis desire for like can't everybody just lay
(41:36):
they stuff down and let's come onand coomba y'ad. Let's keep it moving,
you know, like time's are moving. But here's what's funny about it.
Today, I scroll back through andin preparation for this I scroll back
through all of the text messages,like I was hoping to find some old
messages, you know, like oldold, right, But I didn't see
(41:58):
it in my text messages. Iwas like, where else would we have
communicated? And we communicated in Facebook. So I went back through and I
was like, the oldest message Ihad was from twenty eleven, all right,
And I was like, and thenI just kind of went through and
looked at the text and looked athow sparingly, you know, like they
(42:20):
were so like the next we hadsome from twenty eleven. Then the next
ones weren't till twenty fourteen. Nowmaybe it's in some cell phone that we
text, you know, some othertime. I don't know, but the
messages kind of went like this,Hey, great to hear from you,
of yeah, we should talk,okay, let's catch up, and then
(42:43):
well here's my number, call meokay, and then you know, the
next message would be I don't know, a year later like happy birthday,
hope it's going well, like itjust put it nevers to actually get to
the connection. Now doesn't mean wedidn't have them, because I do remember
talking to you on the phone.I remember you came to one of my
(43:06):
plays in New York. I rememberwhen dad came to visit. You came
over with the kids, you know, so it's it's not that nothing happened,
it's just childhood with you. Soyeah, we did, we did.
But in looking at that, Ithink where And I kind of said
this on the last episode when JR. Asked well, what what would you?
(43:29):
What was the question? You hada question, a surprise question for
us, Yeah, what's your biggesttakeaway? And it really was like when
you are willing to speak up sooner, like you can make a difference.
And I think about like, man, I was the one that was connected,
but then how I was connected?But not I guess it's what what
(43:50):
I saw, And so I'm sograteful that it definitely happened. Now,
of course we could say it happenedexactly when and how it was meant to
happen, right, But that's myrecollection of how the you know, how
I felt in bringing it and justwanting our family to just come together,
thinking about the larger picture, whereyou know, it's like he's a great
(44:15):
dad and then he's a great grandfather, like come on, you know or
I'm I'm you know, ready tobe an auntie to more kids and so
that kind of stuff. So I'mgrateful we definitely get to have that now.
But but yeah, and we allopened up, and I will say
to Tanya and Jay, I amso grateful that y'all were open and that
(44:36):
we could like make this happen.So I also found the actual date that
you sent me that it got confirmed, and that was December fifteenth, twenty
twenty. So it wasn't until youknow, there was ten days later that
we got on a call, right, And so that wasn't a lot of
(44:57):
time to adjust and say, likewe're going to get on our zoom call
for the holiday, right, Andso I just kudos to the two of
you for jumping in. Kudos Valfor you being willing to and with your
friends, i mean, your sonand daughter sitting beside you, like,
yes, we need that. Soit's just a beautiful thing that we were
(45:20):
able to get to this place.And so yeah, so yeah, go
ahead, man, I'm gonna saysomething so to that. And I mentioned
this briefly in the last call.The decision for us to have a call
on Christmas Day was such a riskbecause it really could have been a destruction
of a holiday depending how it went. And you know, fortunately we all
(45:43):
choked, we all leaned in,and you know it went well. But
what a big risk to say onChristmas Day, this is the day we're
going to connect because it could havebeen something where it turned out bad and
it would have been every Christmas herewe go again. It's a constant reminder
of what that could have looked like, but so so grateful that it didn't
(46:07):
and it and look what it turnedChristmas into. Yeah, yeah, right,
that's amazing, amazing. Okay,well we just have man, this
time goes back. I just lookedat the clock. I'm like, oh
my goodness. Okay, so realquick, there were there were a couple
(46:29):
of little ruffles of chatter. Uh. After it was confirmed, right,
we start getting more pieces of thepuzzle, right, a part two of
the chatter? Yeah you think so? All right? All yeah, we
did an hour. Yeah, Iwant to give the rest of the chatter.
It's justice too. We've been therest of this chatter in six minutes.
(46:53):
Yeah, I will say this too. Since our last call, we've
had people that have questions and sothere are people that I'm sure this is
going to bring about even more questions. So we just want to put out
there if you do have questions,Jay, how is it that they can
get them to us so that wecan address them during these calls. Yeah,
(47:13):
anybody's listening, Family New Family.You know the email us at info
at golddefied life dot com. Youreach us there, you can if you
know what's individually, can reach outtext message DM. However, but if
you know, if you if youwant to reach us via email you don't
(47:35):
know our personal emails, you canreach us at that's info at Goldefi Life
dot com. Fantastic. All right, Well y'all heard it? Or be
a part two? You can messagethis on our Facebook page crossholds pod.
Yeah, yeah, so any ways, you can reach us anyway, share
the podcast, share it with yourfriends and family because this message will definely
(48:00):
we help others absolutely absolutely, becauseit's definitely more chatter too. This was
fun, that was spread. Yeah, that was that was extremely quick.
Yeah and yeah, because we didn'tget to my surprise question, so let's
close with your surprise. No,because there's no time because it actually goes
along with the with the chatter toright look at the time, So yes,
(48:23):
yes, yes, but thank younext week. Well that does not
mean that I can get my questionin anyway anyway. But yes, it's
beautiful, you know. Thank thankthe three of you for co creating here
in this space, and thank youall for listening and sharing space with us.
We are here next time. Soso yeah, that concludes this number
(48:47):
two episode of Crossbold Podcasts. Weleave you with joy and peace. We're
out. Bye. That was gooden,
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