Crossroads - Ep 5: Alikes & Differences

In episode 5 of The Crossroads Podcast, the sibs dive into the things that they've discovered that they have in common and things that they don't. They also discuss family traits that have been passed down to them and their kids.

Enjoy and thanks for listening!

Host: Val
Co-hosts: Tonia, Keisher, J.R.

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hello, and welcome to our fifthepisode of the Frost Post Podcast. My
name is Boud and if you havenot figured it out yet, I have
been selected to be the host thisweek, the Hostess with the Mostes.
And before I have my lovely siblingsintroduce themselves. I do have some instructions,

(00:22):
so every episode we reference ourselves asTanya being the original, Keisha the
remix, JR. The Encore,and of course myself the mic drop right.
So on this journey we discovered thatone time or another in our lives,
we all have one thing in common, and that was that we all

(00:44):
have inspired to be hip hop artists. So with that being said, I
would like everyone to say their nameand include their revenant. Let's start with
you, Tanya. Hey, hey, I used the Wrapping High School,
so this is easy for me.I am terrific Tea and I'm here to
tell about how I knocked you outterrific t Everyone's like laughing because they was

(01:15):
they did not see this coming.Okay, show, introduce yourself. My
name is Keisha better known as specialK. I'm on the mic today,
so let me sway, Hey,hey, that's you k Hold It's j

(01:41):
R. Other known as ox oX baby X. Okay, listen to
that, so big, sister,I don't share my rapper names, right,
what do I? So? Myrapper name was Juicy V. It's
been a while since I rocked themic, having the crowd breaking and getting

(02:05):
them high. That's no problem becauseI never forget. It's a book given
thing and I was born with it. Whatever. So yeah, baby,
so let's say, what would beour name if it was a rap room?
What our name? Yeah? TightEyes? I love it. I

(02:30):
love that Tight eyes Eyes. Ilove that. Well, that was back
then. But if we was agang now, guys, we would probably
be the A A R P.The Big Day. You know, I

(02:50):
would not be in that group.I don't know what You're about to get
canceled as the wholest you just gotstarted. Thank you. You and Jay
have accepted people. All our shows. All our shows will be like on
a Tuesday at one pm, bea buffet in the back talking about some

(03:14):
discounts and right, I love itbranded like orthopedic shoes wheelchairs. Yeah.
Well, before we get into themeet of things, I think we all
our following apology. You know,we gotta get our ship together, you

(03:36):
know, it's been a while comingfor us to have this episode. So
we promised that we're gonna get better. Right, You're gonna be consistent.
You know, life just being life, and you know all of us,
all of us are part of that. So we gotta get better with that
and we apologize. So little brother, we gotta get this right. Yeah,
we gotta get this absolutely. Sois that some difficulties in life?

(04:01):
Which life and life be life andman? Yeah. So that being said,
so, I know we've shared plentyof times on this podcast that we
have weekly FaceTime meetings. Right,we meet every Tuesday, seven in the
morning. That's one thing we foundthat very early that we all morning people

(04:24):
at least try to be right.And this is the place where I feel
that we've discovered a lot of oursimilarities. But I also want to point
out that we also recognize our differencesand embrace them as well, you know,
because that definitely identifies our uniqueness.So with that being said, and

(04:45):
this first question is going to youJay as it comes to our seven o'clock
Tuesday morning meetings. What does thatmean to you? Us having that call
every Tuesday, What it means toyou? It's become like a highlight of
my week. Yeah, you know, because especially you know, as we

(05:10):
get more spread out and like wejust said, like sometimes life takes over
and if we're not intentional about,you know, staying in touch and keeping
up with each other even on theday to day, you know, days
can turn into weeks and weeks andturning the month. So being intentional about
you know, having that call everyTuesday, Yeah, it's a highlight for

(05:32):
me and allows me to keep upwith my nieces and nephews and my my
traveling sisters. I only what thehell y'all be at most of the time.
So it's good to know that,you know, and that we can
catch up every week. Thanks highlight. I like that, he shout,

(05:54):
Yeah, what has it meant?You know, it's it's like the connection
without the effort, I would say, meaning like I think one of the
things that we'll probably talk about,and I know that question hasn't come up

(06:15):
yet, is like one of thethings Valin I share is like that,
like, is we're not the mostconnected, like staying connected, so we
have to be very intentional about it. But being that it's it's there,
then it's just it just happens.And like the last couple of weeks or
two three weeks, like I wastraveling doing whatever I wasn't in y'all know,
they renamed me. I got renamedKishia Smith. When you don't come

(06:39):
around, you get a different lastname. But at the end of the
day's back in. I've already beenmisnamed years ago myself. I have already
worked my way back in and I'mdoing so again. So here we go.
But at the end of the day, it's like it is very natural.

(07:01):
It's just a connection point that Iam so grateful that we have,
you know, and it just meansthe world to me, as it's been
you know, been one that connectionfor years. So now we got it
and I can just see the elevatorlike we have just so evolved and just
it just continues to grow. Andso I'm so grateful. I agree,

(07:25):
what about you to rip the tea? You know, I feel like we're
creating a tradition kind of. Andyes, it is a highlight to my
week. I look forward to tuesdays. You know, we get on the
phone and the conversation is so organicand we start with our good mornings.
But who knows where we're gonna land. We always learn something different about each

(07:47):
other something and we discover more aboutone another, whether it's how much we
were alike or something we didn't knowthat was a part of someone's journey.
It's just a place. It's asafe space for us where we're able to
give advice and able to open upand to really be vulnerable in whatever space,

(08:09):
be it marriage, be it motherhood, fatherhood, opportunities for careers.
I just enjoy the space. MostTuesdays, you guys talked to me all
the way to Charlotte because I'm drivingto work, and it's just it helps
me pass the time, and beforeI know it, I'm in Charlotte.
But the conversation is always good.It's not like we're searching for things to

(08:31):
talk about. It's not like it'srehearsed or we have to put an agenda
together. It's just very organic andwe never know where we're going to land.
Yeah. I love that, Andyou're right, we could be in
the hotel or get doing our hair, getting dressed, but exercising, last
exercising. I love that one.Yeah, exactly, all four of us,

(08:52):
and you know Ms Smith was ourinstructor. Keisha aka Keisha. She
was like, too fast, tooslow, but we love we love you,
coach Smith. But yeah, sodefinitely it is a highlight for me
as well. I get to learnyou guys, and like, I know,
I played the role or being bigsister, that's my name. But

(09:13):
honestly a lot of times I feellike the baby because I'm learning so much,
you know. So I enjoyed.Again, it's very organic. It's
not rehearsed. It's not like orit's it's not even a hardship, you
know, like or you know,phone rings and I just pick up okay,
I'm brushing my teeth or oh Ijust woke up, whatever it is,

(09:35):
and you know, and we drivewith Tanya all the way to Sharltne.
Then she hanged up, I gottago, I gotta go to work,
but you use us, okay,so right, So also I wanted

(09:58):
this to be fun too. Sorecently, well maybe not so recently,
we took a survey, right andwe all came to the agreement. It
was a bunch of fun facts rightabout and the name of it was no
your siblings, so I'm not gonnago through their entire questions, you know,
But it was some things on herethat I just want to highlight.

(10:20):
Okay, So one one of thequestions was who was your favorite rapper?
And it scored very high and itwas Biggie right, So Latori's b I
g you know, no argument herewith me. You know I'm from best
side, right, So no argumentwith me there. But there's one I'm

(10:41):
very curious about, Tanya, andI just want to know why. So
the question was, and I'm notgonna I want to see if you remember,
But the question was who you feelis the most overrated R and B
artist? Do you remember who youput down? I think I put Chris,
yeah, right, I I likedhim and this Christmas was that the

(11:05):
song? He's overrated? I justthink I think he's talented, But to
me, all of his songs justsounded alike. There is nothing that really
ever stood out for me, andprobably too, all of the legal implications
outshadowed his work for me. Idon't think there's anything extra special about anything

(11:26):
that any of his art, ofthe work that he's done. I don't
think he's an influence to the Rand B culture. I don't think he
has anything to push in the Rand B arena. I just think he's
overrated. Okay, and you,Jay, do you remember who you said

(11:48):
was not funny as a comedian,a famous comedian. Do you remember that,
Steve Harvey? I agree with youthere. Yeah, I can't stop
looking at his line when you know, back in the day, I line
I didn't hear the jokes, butI wish I didn't hear the jokes.

(12:11):
And like I said, like itlike anybody else, that if you talk
enough, you tell enough jokes,eventually you're gonna say something funny. So
it's not like you don't say anythingfunny for the most part. I just
I chuckle every now and then.I think he's funnier on clips I see

(12:33):
of family feud than like stand up. I've never found him funny, and
I think he's a horrible actor.So I agree, I agree. But
the reason why I just wanted topoint those things out because when I took
the survey, in my mind,I just kept thinking about all the things

(12:54):
that we are different in are similar, right, So I want to call
this time the season of the unknown. So the season of the unknown is
what we call the time I calledthe time that before I took the DNA
test, right, so at theage of twelve, right, that's when
I found out. I discovered it, and then I didn't take the DNA

(13:18):
test until I was fifty years old. So that's thirty eight years right of
living in this season of unknown.So and I think all four of us
had different roles, right, SoI would call myself the curious scary cat.
So I was curious, you know, and I poke my pall,
but I wasn't I wouldn't dare domore than that. So I was a

(13:39):
scary cat, right, I wascurious. I was curious, but although
I'm not gonna do more. Right, Tanya, Tanya was either in the
place of denial or just didn't givea fuck, or you know, I

(14:01):
just wasn't interested, you know,it wasn't interested. Now, bro,
he was in the space of Iwould say, little brother. You know,
he shared that before, like,you know, I can go left,
I can go right, but someoneelse is gonna have to lead,
you know, to the direction.He would go either way. But Kasha,
Pasha, you always said that youalways looked at me as your sister.

(14:26):
You claim me as your sister,and you said that a couple of
times. I'm not sure if Iever asked you why, But I'm asking
you now, and maybe I don'tunderstand why. Why did you have that
feeling? Why did you thought I'mso different than the rest of us.
Ah, that's a good one,I would say probably first of all,

(14:52):
foundationally, when I think about certainthings in my life, I feel like
I have certain things that are likefoundational to my core or foundational grounding spaces.
One of them is definitely family.So I think about times when I
was living in New York and learnedabout some family member that lived in DC,

(15:13):
and then I go, like,I got family. I'm going to
chuck alug, you know, I'mlooking to reach out. They might not
reciprocate, but that's me. WhenI found out I had an older cousin
that lived in Brooklyn, and Ilearned, I'm like, I'm the one
that got close to him, LikeI'm gonna go meeting and then I'm going
to build a relationship. Right.So that's kind of like the first thing

(15:37):
I would say foundationally, it's family. The second thing I would say is
that kind of by nature, it'sI live. It's like a trust and
like, well that's what it is, you know, Like I have a
sister, and then that's what itis. When we met, and I

(16:03):
couldn't say for sure that you weredefinitely like he spit you out. I
couldn't say that, although we cannow, but we didn't say that.
Now it's a definite, right,But then it was more like, well,
she's my complexion and she's Tanya's bill. She absolutely could be and I'm

(16:26):
leaning all the way in and sofor me maybe it was just like like
with the law, it's innocent toproven guilty. So for me, you
were mine until you weren't proven notto be. So you're my sister,
and that was just the law.That's it. So somebody would have had

(16:48):
to prove to me otherwise I justgot the visual spitting. So that was
funny. But I love that anyoneelse wanted to talk about that, anyone
else have anything to say. Isaw you shaking the head. No,
yeah, definitely was not in thatspace as you were asking the question.
The word denial came up for metoo, in denial and not an acceptance

(17:18):
of and you know, I justkind of set and we've talked about this
in the past. Definitely was protectingmy mom. But it was just so
funny and still it is just interestinghow all of that went away once it
was confirmed, it all went away, and like, how could we not
see it the first time that wemet, the first time we were on

(17:40):
the zoom looking at you today,Me and Keisha were just talking about how
could we not She has Daddy's eyes. She looks just like him, you
know. And so you know,you talk about how the aunts and uncles
inspected you like you were a pieceof meat. Well we still do because
we're like, dang, she gotdaddy this. I believe that she was
our sister. But you know what, it's nothing like comfort me. And

(18:00):
while maybe that shouldn't have been apart of the equation for me at that
point in my life, it waswould I have chosen differently now in my
maturity, probably so, but asa sixteen, seventeen, eighteen year old
who for whatever reason, And I'mjust glad we're here now, but that's
where I was then. Glad thatit's evolved, Glad that we're in the

(18:22):
space, Glad that we are veryintentional about making up for the time that
we lost and creating new memories.That's what it's all about. And can
I just say something to that becausethat's beautiful, right, Like, in
all of our honesty and all ofwhere we have been and all we've gotten
to, the only adjustment I wouldmake to what you just said, Tanya,

(18:44):
is using the word maybe I shouldn'thave Maybe it shouldn't have been,
because we all have like, thereis no shouldn't right, We've all agreed
that all of it has been divinein divine order, and how it all
worked out we got to and likenothing really it wasn't really a missing it
just was. It just was whatit was. And now, like you

(19:07):
said, we get to have andcreate from now, you know. So
I think it's just beautiful, yea. And I think we talked about this
before too. I think it wasalso just a part of protecting our parents,
you know, and not wanting toyou know, get out of my

(19:30):
lane in sense and and and Iknow my part just allowing things to play
out. And you know, whetherI think we can all agree that,
you know, they played out howthey were supposed to all things did.

(19:51):
Of course, there's always that wonderof, uh, you know, what
might have been earlier. But youknow, I think, you know,
respecting our parents, parents and anda lot of times in a certain sense,
fearing our parents and what might havecome out of it, you know,
allowed us to kind of stay andlet things play out as they did

(20:11):
and as I reflect too. LikePisha said, like you know, when
her and I first met, andyou know we talked throughout the years,
nothing consistent, but thinking back,Keisha, I probably wouldn't have never took
in the DNA test without your connection. And you wasn't pushy at all.
You never was like, come on, take a girl call. You know,

(20:33):
it was nothing like that. Itwas just those simple little texas.
It's those little calls when you callme when that you know transition, you
know, those little touches made melike okay, But you wasn't pushy at
all. So I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful. And the scary cat
got some courage and did what shehad to do, and I would not
change it for nothing. Absolutely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. So so by

(21:00):
coming into the mix, I definitelyknow there had been something adjusting, right,
So how do we identify with ourselves, like, you know, now
that I'm here, you know,we you know, our kids have to
oh yeah, I got another nieceor you know, who's the oldest,
how we identified big cis, littlesis, minimum cist, little bro.

(21:21):
I know yours haven't change, right, but how do we identify and do
we feel any identity losses or gainsbetween from this experience? Who would like
to start there? Man? Sofirst of all, you just you got
knocked down to knock on the totempole. It's just another one to gang

(21:45):
up on me. So but likelike so whenever there used to be like
my older sister and my middle sister, right, and then people like,
oh, okay, so what doyou mean you're middlesol? I had to
explain that, like it was threeof us. So he's the middle child.
So she's my middle sister now.Not only so there's two things that

(22:07):
have come of that. Now I'mlike, well, I'm going to my
used to be oldest sister's house.If I go to Tynan's house, and
now I got to tell the storywhat do you mean? And so it's
kind of like it's an icebreaker becausethen it's a conversation point, right,
because people like, what do youmean you used to be older? I
was like, well, let mesit down, let me tell you something.

(22:30):
Let me tell your story. Soit opens up an opportunity to share,
and like every time I tell thestory it's like I'm telling it for
the first time because it's you know, it's exciting and it's still unbelievable in
a sense. But identity wise,like I've always felt like the little brother,

(23:00):
but the little big brothers, Ialways feel like I have to protect
my right. So whenever you knowany of y'all going through something like or
like, especially in the moment,I always feel like I have to step
in between or at least ask like, yo, you good like, so

(23:22):
as the only brother, I feellike it's my responsibility and especially feeling that's
kind of up to not since Poppassed, so that that's kind of how
it affected mine. I guess Idon't know of his identity wise, but
just how I relate to my sisters. Yeah, so I'll step in.

(23:45):
So it's interesting even though I knowthere are four of us. Now,
if I'm telling a story and ifI'm not conscious, I'll say three,
and then I have to go backand retrack and say, no, there
are four of us. And likeJay said, it's always a conversation starter.
So it's it's always interesting to beable to tell the story and everyone's
always enlightened by the story. Iguess from an identity standpoint, it was

(24:11):
a struggle for me, honestly atfirst because being the oldest is a part
of my identity. I've always beenthe oldest of three. That's just who
I am, and so kind oftough for me to settle in at being
second to the oldest. But Isurrendered. You know, it gets easier.

(24:37):
I respect the fact that I'm notthe oldest, but I always in
my mind, I still feel likeI'm the oldest child. We can share
it. I'm sorry. It's goodbecause you know what, there's a reason
why we didn't grow up under thesame because we are too much alike.
It's just so weird how we bothoperate in that space as the oldest personality

(25:03):
wise, behaviorally, it yeah,we have to share the space. So
it was it was a challenge forme at first, and I'm growing into
being the second oldest. Well mynames for y'all to like manager and supervisors.

(25:26):
I got two bosses now, yeah, because they right before you go,
I just want to talk on that. So I remember our first one
of the Tuesday morning calls, Tayashared that with us, that she felt

(25:48):
that she lost something, you know, lost a piece of her identity.
And I was heartbroken, and Iyou know, I kept my composure and
on the side I went to Keishawas like, you know, I was
a of emotional, like, oh, you know, like she lost something
and I feel guilty because I gainedsomething. And she's like, so when
you gonna have that conversation with Isaid, no, I'm not you know,

(26:11):
waiting, you know, like I'mnot doing that, you know,
because honestly, like I said before, like honestly, a lot of times
in this journey, I feel likethe baby a lot of times. If
you notice, I take the stepback and I just soak it in,
you know, because I missed somuch, you know. So that was
hard time to hear you say that, and it what and you kept you

(26:34):
know, you made it clear likeJanette vow. Sorry, it wasn't Janet
vow. You know, this isnot against you, and I knew it
wasn't, but my heart went outto you because that was not my intention,
you know, and I know youknew that, but I just felt
bad, you know, for you. So that was that was difficult.

(26:55):
And then Keisha kept saying to me, you know, kept encouraging me that
I need to share that with yourselyou know and Tig so you know,
but now like we said, wecan share that. And also y'all both
would have been toe up, meaningKeisha and Jay y'all would have just got
the short end of that stick ifwe if I was around, because Aya
and I are carving coffees in alot of ways and probably tell you,

(27:18):
honestly, God know what he wasdoing right, because I think we probably
wouldn't have gotten oh, because we'reyour life and so and I just also
want to share too, even withthis journey. You know, I believe
I shared before that I have othersiblings that my mom and stepfather had,
right, So I also have tobalance that piece because I don't want them

(27:42):
to feel like they're losing too.So that's something else I juggle in my
life and try to be intentional on. So I just wanted to share that
piece too. So that's the otherthat's the other sign that I deal with
too. You know that I haveto be mindful of that because I have,
you know, this new family.That don't mean I get rid of
the old family, and I don'tsay that, but I don't want no

(28:03):
one feeling that way, you know. So it's a balance. And the
funny thing. The interesting thing isnow we could joke about it, because
I'm always little sister. I waslike, oh god, here we go.
Hey makes sense. Yeah, andI don't. You may have said
it this way just now, Valand I missed it, So if I

(28:26):
did, I'm sorry. But Iremember you saying to me when we did
talk about, you know, Tanyafeeling like she lost a part of her
identity? Is you said, Ijust the part about feeling bad was like
for her to lose, like foryou to gain yours, she had to
lose hers, you know. Yeah, the way you said it that way,

(28:48):
I think, really what would reallyresonated? And yeah, it's like
I didn't want for me to haveto for me to be able to gain
mine, my sister had to losepart of hers, you know. And
that, yeah, that that wasa lot for me. Uh, role

(29:11):
wise, I don't it's no different, right, I'm still middle I'm still
a middle child, all right,But it just feels like I have two
big sisters, which really is justI just I just gained a big sister,
you know, and so so yeah, I think for me it's just

(29:32):
more of it feels I didn't feelincomplete before at all, but somehow now
it just feels complete. It justfeels like the full circle, and probably
more so because I you know,Val, I've said this before, You've

(29:53):
said this before. I mentioned thatthat you said this before, that you
were like the missing link. Andso for me, you hold such characteristics
that are that are all three ofus that it feels cozy to me.
So for a little sister who canlean in with you, I can lean

(30:17):
in with my with Jay, Ican lean in with Tanya, and I
can lean in with you, andyou have a special peace to that puzzle.
So I'm so grateful for it.But I don't necessarily feel my identity
shifted at all now. And anotherthing I want to point out too,
even though Tanya and I do aresimilar, I have similarities with all of

(30:38):
you. Right, So there's onethat came up again. I'm referencing back
to our Tuesday call because I learnedso much, right, So, one
of them was that Tanya is alwayson and Jay, Kecha and myself had
we can be on, but wedo have an off button, you know,
an off switch. So that's onething that you stand, you know,

(31:00):
to yourself time you're with But she'sgotten better, right, she has.
But all of us be like,oh, we don't got the energy
for that, Like we're not gonnado all that talk. We don't have
all them friends, you know,Like, so we do have that in
common as well. So and justdiscovering those little things you know about our
childhood A lot of things on thatseven o'clock forward we had never mentioned on

(31:22):
the podcast too. We learned somethings there too, right, So interesting
stuff, interesting stuff. So whenit comes to our kids, right,
and our nieces and nephews, Soon this journey, what do we see?
Do you see anything? Let's startwith you this time, Jay,
Do you see anything and my kidsthat remind you of yourself or your kids,

(31:48):
or your other two sisters or eventhat that like just like wow,
how did that happen? Yeah?With Tori, it was immediate, Like
her how comfortable she is with herselfand like being alone, like she's never
lonely, and she's okay with beingby herself and just being okay. And

(32:12):
that was immediately I picked that upwith me. Yeah, And and then
with Josh. He reminds me somuch of Pop with his the way he
is around kids, because he's,you know, immediately reaches out the kids,
kids are drawing him, and hejust has a way with you know,

(32:37):
especially like with Drew and uh soPapa always had that with kids,
and so it was something I immediatelypicked up on. Yeah he does.
Yeah, and like watching him,especially at the reunion, you know,
I would just catch myself watching himlike yo, he's making like it's facially

(33:00):
expressions, even gestures with his hands, and I was like, yeah,
that's my nephew, Like yeah,j are you saying that his gestures or
like yours are like that like mine, thank you? But his like Daddy's
like that. Yeah, and heuh he speaks with his eyebrows a lot

(33:23):
like I do. So yeah,that was easy things to pick up on.
Yeah, So Tori to me wasalways a complete fifty to fifty looking
like me and fifty percent of butthen I put up his you know,

(33:50):
so that's that was always like,well I didn't see that before, it's
just those once it got confirmed,like all these things came up, right,
So do you see it too?Do you see the Yeah? I
do in the in the It's funnywhen I look at I guess it's both
the eye area in the lip area, you know, and it just you

(34:17):
know, it's it's like I think, probably it's more like the younger version
of me, right so when Ilook at her, But yeah, it's
a it's a it's a beautiful thing. But I also can relate to j
R. With Torri and how sheis, because that's something Jay and I

(34:37):
shouldn't comment, is the you know, I can be by myself lots so
and uh yeah, so I coulddefinitely see that. And another thing with
with Josh in like doing his ownthing, you know, floated his own

(35:00):
his own accord, right, SoI like, yeah, I can,
I can feel that. Yes,yeah, that's me right there. So
yeah, I definitely relate to themin that way for sure. Yeah,
yep, yep. Any others andthe kids I did commits. I think

(35:24):
you gave birth to my daughter becauseshe looks more like you than she does
to me, especially when you allare side by side. Oh yeah,
when both of you have your glasses, it's like, oh my god.
And I never really picked up onthat until I think we went to was
it one went to Virginia Beach andyou all took that picture side by side.

(35:45):
Yeah, I was like, ohmy god. I mean and people
were responding even on our social mediapost like they look exactly alike. So
that's one I think for both mynephews, Josh and Lincoln him, the
whole athletics piece is a connection thatI have with them, just to see

(36:07):
that peace continue on and live throughthem athletically. You know, Lincoln is
carrying that torch now is just andSkylar. You know, Skylar's becoming a
little athlete too, and so thatjust does my heart well. And to
know that, Okay, Jay wasan athlete. All three of us actually
and Value even you play basketballs.All four of us are athletes. But

(36:30):
to see them carry it forward,it does me well. Yep in Skylard
too, like yeah, you knowthe first thing I said about is she
the tallest girl in my class?Yeah, I'm like, okay, that's
me. That's yeah, big onthe team, tallest girl in the class.

(36:50):
Yeah, she got to meet Elbowtwo and you that was an episode
ladies, Uncle Jay teaching dirty andalso our spouses too, oh yeah,

(37:12):
we picked too a very similar alot of ways which is interesting as well.
M hm, how so, val, Yeah, y'all sound like an
amen choir, but without the boy. I guarantee you if we just sent

(37:37):
Dayne, Tommy and Lady into thenext reunion without us, everybody be just
fine. Like oh, they askedthem, Oh, you didn't bring your
spouses about what happened? We weretogether last week at the ctble A tournament.

(37:58):
What happened? Todd, Wayne andTommy and album off by themselves,
somewhere off by themselves. I don'tneed They know how to operate and navigate
the space in our ass. Theyare perfectly fine. Connected with my aunts
and uncle, right, my auntand uncle's first time. Every time I
called him house time, I'm like, oh, he's fine. I'm just

(38:21):
trying to get to know you becauseI didn't know you for fifty years.
But he called me and ask forBow's number so he could get Tommy's number
from her. I just need acall so I can call Tommy. Would
you like me to just send youTommy's number? Oh that is funny.

(38:44):
I didn't know that one time.Okay, we only got one. We
only got enough time for one morequestions. This went quick, guys,
Look I know we got only timefor I'm just gonna mention this real quick.
Nobody mentioned the cross teeth signature,right, So like how you found
the picture of josh as a asa kid and he had the front there's

(39:07):
a signature. Uh yes, yes, digital trade that is good. Yeah
that that it was passed down.And so Dad had like one of his
tooth, his front tooth crossed overthe other one a little, and so
it was passed on and uh andwe see it in josh and so it's

(39:27):
like what, Yeah, it's alwaysthe same tooth that crosses over. Yeah,
which is crazy. And I hadto learn because you know, you
guys would ask me something, didthis run of your family? Did that
run? I'm like no, no, no, no, you know.
So they acts like when you wasyounger, did your tooth cross over your
other one? I says no,not at all. So Tanya had it

(39:49):
right, You had it right.You got braces correct. Right. So
I'm downstairs in the basement. Ihappened to walk by Joshua was situated was
five and six. I'm like,oh, shoot, this tooth. I
remember, I got some braces.So I took a picture and sent in
the like Yep, that's the tune. I'm like, wow, So just
those little things, man, right, that's crazy. I remember when I

(40:14):
got braces. Daddy was so madat me because I stared out that alp
trade or that was just a dadtrade. Did anyone else in a glimp
trade? And I don't recall.I just remember that, and you was
the only one that got it.Chya didn't get it. I didn't get

(40:37):
it. Wow, I don't thinkJosh, yeah, that's crazy. All
right. Wow, it's been fun. So so I got a lot of
questions. I'm just trying to findthe most impactful one. So share statement

(41:00):
that was that you've learned about me, about this experience or this journey that
touched you emotionally other than the tooth. M h why Jack, Well,

(41:28):
the biggest one for me is ina when so it's just been now about
the year and a half I wasin the hospital. I just got a
visual weshed yeah episode that was thethat was the first experience I got all

(41:52):
three of my sisters bullying me atone time, but for good reasons.
But I'm in the hospital, andso I'm used to nurses coming in and
out, you know, and soI got through the point I wasn't really
paying attention who it was. Iwould just say hey and glanced back over
to the TV. And so that'swhy he walks through the door and I'm

(42:16):
like, hey, how you doing? And I turned back around and I
did a double take, and itwas Val and Tommy And so I'm accustomed
to seeing certain faces, right,Dany Keisha always there, Mama, even
though I told her not to come, she showed up. But you know,

(42:40):
Mama's gonna always show up then thatright, But apparently sisters too,
because you know, of course ally'all showed up and like, and this
was still kind of early in theprocess. I was feeling each other out
and like, but like knowing thatwas ship, that's just like it kind

(43:07):
of hit me in that moment,like I really have like somebody else in
my corner. So that's pretty big. And you know, and for tim
me to show up too, thatwas huge. So I ain't a really
emotional dude like that, but I'mnot afraid of my emotions. I just
don't get emotional a lot. Butthat took me to a place and uh,

(43:30):
thanks to my sister Keisha, I'mable to allow myself to go to
those places. So that was thatwas huge. Yeah, that was beautiful.
That was well, I think forme during the family reunion when all

(43:52):
of us received that keepsake on behalfof that and that presence, I mean,
everything just came full circle. Itwas dead. It was the reunion,
the first reunion without that, andBow's first reunion connecting with the family,

(44:13):
and for us to stand and honorhim, for the family to honor
him and fou be a part ofthat, it just touched me in a
special way. For him to forher to kind of really represent what we
missed was so symbolic for what wewere missing out on with his presence.
And then she's standing in the gap. Very special, very intimate moment.

(44:43):
Yeah, so that kind of hithome and kind of pull at the heart
strings. Oh and then another piecefor me. I don't think I ever
shared this with y'all, but tosee your walls come down Tanya surrounding,
Wow, it's in vow because justseeing how stern you were and how rigid

(45:06):
you were at the beginning, tosee your walls come down, I'm proud
of you for that and to allowyourself to be vulnerable and like you said,
to kind of submit to it.But that was That's a huge growth
moment, I think for you,and it's inspiring to see you grow in
that moment. So that was bigfor me. I appreciate that, Jay

(45:30):
and full transparency. I don't rememberhow rigid I was man transparency. I
know there had to be some hardcorefeelings around it because the one conversation I

(45:50):
had with val it was all offifteen seconds, probably maybe forty five,
and I know I was cold andhard, but I can't remember anything before
then. I can't remember. Iblocked all of that out, Honestly,
I blocked out what I said,how I felt, how I treated.
I don't remember, just out ofhas it ever been something you've gone into

(46:15):
to ask to see if you canpull something? Or are you more of
the mindset of like that was thenthis is now. I think that's where
I am now. That was then, this is now. I haven't dug
deeper a girl, and all kindof stuff is popping up in therapy,
So it's yes, how it works, right, yeah? Yeah, talking

(46:42):
about walls, so Jam, likeyou said, we are very similar Tanya,
but my walls was different. SoI would say the biggest and I
don't you know, it doesn't takemuch. You know, I'm a cry
baby, so that's one thing I'mdifferent. Right. But our first zoom
call, our very first zoom call, we had on Christmas Day, and

(47:07):
it was just a simple thing ofTanya having a conversation with Josh about sports.
I don't know if you guys noticed, but I almost lost it.
I was crying, I was sniffing. It was just the mere fact of
seeing my son speaks to his aunt. And what because I've had these walls,

(47:31):
because I ran from it, becauseI have convinced in my mind that
you know, hey, you don'tmiss nothing you never had, right,
you know, I'm good. Ilive. I survived, you know,
without them, So I'm good.You know, I didn't live in a
space of hate. I didn't livein a space of jealousy or envy.

(47:51):
I just lived in a space of, hey, I'm supposed to be here.
It wasn't an accident, because I'mhere, and I'm good. I'm
good without I didn't have it.So to see that and to actually see
my wall form, okay, tosee my wall, go, wow,
this is his aunt that he justmet, just heard about a while a

(48:12):
week ago, you know, tosee them just have a simple conversation about
basketball made me like, wow,what the hell we did? You know?
But that was very I was veryemotional about that piece when that happened.
The simple things like a shack ortwo. I think we learned this

(48:34):
on the on the podcast is thedad had a picture of he should myself
on the financial piece for years.I'm like, what that would have question?
He just kept that on, youknow, So that was a chak
that this one. So that wasa shacka moment and seeing Tyna speak to

(49:12):
Joshua was my emotion, my emotionmoment. Yeah, that's that's pretty powerful.
Yeah, yeah, that's so.And it's so interesting about that picture
on the mantle because for me itwas just you know, like we knew.
I knew that that y'all had arelationship and it was just there,
you know. You know, soI was even shocked to know how shocked

(49:38):
you were that it was up there. You know, it was just like
part of it. It's so interesting. But yeah, it's amazing how those
things stand out. I would sayfor me, the there's a couple,
there's more than two, but theseare the two that are coming to mind
in this moment. One was theactual confirmation day, the actual moment you

(50:00):
called me to say that. Itwas so just I don't know how really
to put words to it. Justfelt like relief. It felt like joy,
like abundant joy. And I thinkbecause Jay and I have this in

(50:22):
common, we sort of are likewe good energy. But it's pretty even
kill all right. It takes alot to get the like, oh my
god, this is amazing, andit takes a lot to get so low
and sing right, So it is, you know, like you gotta do
a lot to excite me. Soyou know, even when I jumped out

(50:45):
the plane for the first time theskydive, I was just like, okay,
I'm gonna get nervous right when it'stime, I'm gonna and it was
like I just jump. Oh thisis great. So it's interesting. But
so for that moment to feel andexperience that level of joy was so big
and just so beautiful, just kindof everything just kind of clicked and it

(51:06):
was just so divine. So I'mso grateful for that moment. And then
I would say another pivotal moment wasI don't remember when this was. It
was just one of our conversations aboutwhere I felt so seen and so embraced

(51:27):
and just like you know, likeoh because it was so much. Yeah,
it just was just really beautiful,you know, just we there's certain
things that we do have in common. That was like, I know you
felt me in that, you know, in my experiences, I felt you

(51:50):
and yours and yeah, yeah,I feel that. And I think like
we celebrate our similarities, but Ithink it's very important that we celebrate our
differences as well, you know,like I said, that's what makes us
so unique, you know. Andand that chain, that bull chain me
being a missilenk of course, youknow. But yeah, yeah, so

(52:15):
Jay, you want to share somethingto say? Yeah, so two things
because I think this we finally talkedabout in the previous episode. But I
think the queen of similarities is Tonyand Val and they shiny stuff. He

(52:36):
So, if y'all don't know,my two oldest sisters like the dazzled bling,
bling ish blin stuff. So ifyou see if you see some shiny
stuff in the street, it's justmy sister's. And to the conclusion,
Jay, that we like ranstngs andglitter, not we don't like to.

(53:00):
There's a difference. We can saywe can ball and I can say that
you and Keisha are more plain James, pretty much, we found you the
nicest blinged out tie that you canwear the next I think I'll take your

(53:23):
word for it, oh man.But yeah, so, but y'all hear
plenty of that because we like tojoke them about that. But a couple
other things. First of all,we want to thank everyone, all of
our listeners and all of our followers. We just crossed over one hundred followers

(53:47):
on our Facebook page and in inspite of us being inconsistent with our showtimes.
We appreciate y'all and thank y'all forshowing up and listening to us.
This story is really important to usand we hope that you'll enjoy it as
well and it's become important to you. Secondly, you know you can find

(54:08):
us on all your favorite podcasting platforms, but you can also now find us
on our website at the firelife dotcom under the podcast menu with cross shows
pods of course, so if youdon't go directly to your podcast platform,
you can always go to the websiteand check us out. There's us as

(54:28):
well as all of our other podcastsin the network, as well as an
opportunity to buy our The fire Lifemerch and also our upcoming Crossroads Pods merchandise,
so you'll be able to buy CrossroadsPods t shirts soon, So definitely
check us out at the fire Lifedot com. Okay, that was that

(54:50):
was a commercial. I don't know, shameless plug right, Thank you so
much. Now we're gonna wrap foryoung Okay team. So that includes our

(55:12):
another episode of the cross Road podcast, our journey to making up for lost
time, healing, and just simplyloving on each other. So please,
please please, if you have anyquestions that we're happy to answer and we
hope and pray by us sharing ourstory that it will men hearts, encourage

(55:34):
healthy connections, and promote love.Fab Forward is out to the next time.
Peace. Peace,