Crossroads - Father's Day

In this episode the sibs discuss their Father's Day memories, and all things related to their dad. Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!

Episode Transcript

(00:04):
What up? What up? Whatup? Sounds like Martin, don't I?
I love it? Hello, Hello, Welcome to the Cross Crossroads Podcast.
This is Keisher the Remix. Ihave my beautiful siblings on with me,
Miss Valencia. That's fine, that'sright, that's right, that's right,

(00:36):
that's right. We have the originalTanya the Oh gee, it's Tanya.
What up? Man? What up? We've been missing you guys.
That's right. Here we go theEncore. Come on in. It's the
US, mister Jon. That's right, you're the Encore. I'm the Micron.

(00:57):
You don't even know. Yeah,what up? Yeah, it's good.
It's good to be back. It'sgood to be back, like bra
Strap only you. I love it. Yeah. We've been. We've been
a little we've been, you know, we've been taking a little little vacate

(01:19):
clearly. But we're here and we'reglad to be with you guys. And
we're back really at a wonderful time, because it is time to celebrate fathers,
and so what a wonderful time tocome together for us specifically, because
that is the that's the inspiration behindthis podcast in the first place, right

(01:41):
is our father and so joyful,abundant beautiful Father's Day to all of those
wonderful fathers who show up and showout for their kids. All right,
we are so grateful for you becauseit is definitely not an easy task.
And I always think of the hoodis like it's a choice, right,

(02:01):
Motherhood is a choice. It's alla choice because there are many fathers,
many mothers who actually don't choose topick up the baton and carry it.
And you do it, and youdo it so well and all so uniquely.
So we appreciate all aspects. Sothank you, thank you, thank
you, and uh, let's getthis phone rolling, because uh, why

(02:23):
not? Right? You know,when I thought about Father's Day and like
in celebration of our our dad Tommy, the first question that came up is
considering the fact that we each haveour own relationship with him, we all

(02:46):
and then Val has this special differentkind of space that she holds. I'm
gonna get some questions with her,but to start with all of us,
the question I have is what doesFather's Day bring up for you now versus
you when Dad was on the physicalrealm. What does fathers they bring up
for you? I'll start I thinka craving for time you know, I

(03:14):
wish that I would have had moretime and taken the time I had to
spend, and this is just thetime time spend more time with him.
You know, in his last fewyears he was yearning for time spent with
us. But we were life andlife just keeps on life in. We

(03:35):
got this, we got to work, we got this, we got games.
But we choose, as you said, to do what we want to
do, you know, and I'llnever forget. Dad said something to me,
like, you go on all thesetrips with your friends. Yeah,
you don't even come down here tosee me. In hindsight, that's a
heavy blow. In the moment,I was defensive. I pushed back with

(04:00):
all kinds of excuses, but whatI would give just to spend time with
him, that's my piece. OrI started crying. So yeah, got
thank you for that. Yep,yeah that especially. I would also say

(04:21):
appreciation of being a father now,have an appreciation for the unconditional love and
just all this stuff that I puthim through and having to now having teenagers

(04:46):
of my own, teenage boys,and having to uh balance that I hate
you, but I still love you, and understanding what he had to go
through and what he chose to dealwith and to reconcile with in the moment,

(05:08):
for better or for worse, too, to make sure that you know,
I knew that my father had myback. And it's difficult, especially
as a dad with boys, becauseyou know, I tell my wife all
the time, you know, mothersare gonna have their own relationship with their
sons and that sometimes a dad he'slike, no, let the boy learn

(05:30):
he be, and it's hard todo that and knowing that it hurts you
sometimes to to watch them fall.So just that appreciation for what he had
to deal with as a dad,and like he would always say, you
know, and I sacrifice years ofy'all liking me to to come out on

(05:55):
the other end and make sure thatyou're okay. So just that appreciation for
that, that's real, right,Yeah, that appreciation, you know,
That's what I would say, butkind of from a little bit of a

(06:18):
different perspective because I'm not a father, right, But just thinking about how
much he towards the I don't knowif this was, this might have been
for for pretty much, this mighthave been for longer a period than I'm

(06:39):
thinking, not just the latter years, but I know he was really about
showing appreciation, you know, givingappreciation and asking to be appreciated, to
be acknowledged for who, you know, for all that he has given,
in all that he was. Andthere are certain moments when I can see

(07:00):
that, Yeah, I think Itook some of that for granted, just
not really appreciating, not really noticing. And as much as we are a
family who says I love you allthe time at the closing of any phone
call or greeting, we are alwaysshowing love and acknowledging in that way,
but I think there were just momentswhen he didn't feel seen and Jay to

(07:27):
your point, how and maybe somethings that you have talked to me about
as being the father in the housewhere you're just not like I'm just here.
You know, you're you're providing rightclean and at the negroes everything that

(07:56):
was that YouTube, like who cleanedit up to you? Exactly exactly.
But I know sometimes you know,as bothers, it could be like you're
just playing that role right and itcan feel thankless sometimes And so I think

(08:16):
more now I'm thinking about that andjust giving just I just keep giving him
grace and I mean love and honorfor all that, even the things we
didn't know, right, because there'sso much we don't know of what he
had to do to keep it going, for us not to feel the burden
of a house that didn't have ormoments when we were like, you know,

(08:41):
didn't didn't have access to things.And you know, I was just
telling somebody the other day that Iwore Bobos, right, and he's like,
what's Bobos? I think it wasSkylar was like, what's Bobo's.
It's like that was a no brandname shoes. Baby. The first time
I saw name brand shoes on anyof our feet was Jr. Getting some
Rebox when he went to New Yah. I think about that often because I

(09:07):
remember coming back from Jersey and Ihad those rebox and Mama had just got
me a pair of jocks from Walmart. Right, I didn't know the difference.
I ak Bobos. They was justplaying. The only reason I though
there was jocks because they was ina jocks box, That's all. But

(09:28):
I remember like going because we wasgoing to the Fanel reunion and I had
to pick out which ones I wasgonna wear, and I remember like having
this whole conversation with myself. AmI gonna want my rebox or my jocks?
Like, I ain't know the difference. I ain't no one with some
bobos. I just hiked to havetoo bad brand new shoes, like I
ain't know the difference. But thatwas the thing, Like we didn't know

(09:50):
about that kind of stuff because wehad each other and uh yeah and like
and I guess it was a differenttime too, but yeah, he never
and they he and Mama never reallyenforced like materialistic of name brand and stuff
was like that. I don't knowabout no jocks. I had some zips.

(10:15):
We made the right We made thebig zoo. I beet forward and
backwards and then it came across tomake the z Well. The ones that
I remember had two syllables, thankyou. They were cougars from pain.
I remember cougars and skippy. Yes, all right, so Val, what

(10:45):
would you say? So what comesto mind? A lot comes to mind?
I think, Fam, I sharedwith you that May was a very
difficult month for me. You knowit was the those out there listening.
It was May. May fifth isdad's birthday. No, I'm sorry.

(11:07):
May fifth is my stepfather's birthday.May seventh is my father's birthday timy and
my mother's birthday is May tenth,and then there's Mother's Day. And then
I also lost We lost an uncle, uncle Billy, and his friend was
in May. So May was reallytough for me. A lot of things

(11:28):
that I've worked on through therapy andgot all these tools, they was out
the window for May and pretty muchstill is right now. But I've learned
the new tool team, and thatis live in the moment. There's a
time for everything. There's a timeto dance, there's a time to laugh.

(11:48):
It's a time to cry, it'sa time to die, it's a
time to live. So I'm embracingthis moment I'm in right now because it's
just it's a moment. It's justa season. I have to stop trying
to fight it and oh no,I can't do this, Oh I can't
do that. No, I'm livingit. It's part of me and who

(12:09):
I am now. When it comesto Dad, a lot of different emotions
come up. One that's the mostpositive I can say is that what he
gave me in U three, I'mlearning so much about him that I didn't
even I guess I was younger.I think when we did have that relationship,

(12:31):
It wasn't. I wasn't really thatcurious to know a person that way,
I guess, and just learning youknow, the funny things, the
you know, the things y'all grewup with. I think that is very
interesting. I see that I comefrom good stock because I'm not the first

(12:52):
nor the last that didn't wasn't raisedwith their father, right, But a
lot of times you hear that storyabout you know, my father wasn't he
wasn't he do nothing? You ain'tthe only one he got out there like
that. No, my father raisedthree beautiful kids that are adults now that
we are living through that, andand even the stories that I hear,

(13:18):
even though I wasn't raised with him, I see a lot of me and
him. So I feel blessed rightnow. I feel blessed and also happy.
Father's stay, little brother. You'rea good dad. You come from
good stock. Appreciate it. Appreciateit. Yes, yes, yeah,
happy father, stay, little EbonyPrince. Yeah, thank you. It

(13:41):
ain't easy, but I love itabsolutely. Yeah. Yeah, that's a
beautiful thing. I love you,and especially it's came right because you did
come from good stock. Number oneand Also I know that initially I might

(14:05):
be putting you on front Street rightnow. I don't think there's gonna be
anything you care that I share,but you know, I know you and
I share this thing of like,nope, you're not looking to be married
with no kids, you know,like we had that for a minute and
then so then when you left thegang, it was and so to watch
actually embrace, like to really stepinto it, it is really an awesome

(14:30):
thing to watch. Thank you.Yeah, so that was beautiful. Vow
too. What did you say youknew me? Well said, I'm never
getting married. My money's my bike, right yeah? Yeah? Okay,

(14:50):
So now is there any special Father'sDay specifically about spot Father's Day, like
memory that y'all have, you likewhen you watch the Cosby Show and they
giving him these light up ties,and you know, like any memory that
stands out about Father's Day? Youknow how they say with Mother's Day that

(15:13):
people going all out and then fathersjust like get the leftovers or whatever they
get, you know, just somethingAnd I mean, I'm going to start
with this one because it's already y'allcan't see my siblings face, but everybody
looking like I do remember one.But okay, well you're going well,

(15:33):
you might want to go ahead becausemine is. So I remember I was
going to school and with my Harkstreetand they was making these popsicle six and
we had dried alphabets and we hadto glue them on the stick and they

(15:56):
had a pin on the back ofit, so it said that on the
front, you know, and theypenned up and all the men had to
wear him for Father's Day the church. I was adamant because my grandfather was
raised by my grandfather's time and wecalled him Big Daddy. So I was
like, I need a b IG. We don't call him daddy.
We called him big Daddy. Andthey got They got the brother a note

(16:18):
home too, but I got myb I G. So it was Big
Daddy on head. So I rememberthat, and I told him you got
one of a con. Nobody gotBig Daddy on there, so that was
real cute. You had enough roomon that. I got my b I
G on it. Yeah, Iwas, I mean, nothing really crazy.

(16:48):
But I remember coming on for Father'sDay on Father's Day weekend, the
painting the house and this is whenhe said, painting the house brown.
You know, the shutters and everything, and we didn't even do nothing crazy,
just you know, him there byhimself at this point. But it
was just uh us painting the houseand cooking out on that grill, well

(17:11):
a grill, one of his minigrills. But it was a good time
just because it was at a pointwhere you know, it gave us an
opportunity to talk and I had somerough moments, but it was good and
you know, gave him an opportunity, gave me an opportunity to hear him

(17:37):
like compliment me on I was apainter. So it was it was a
good it's good weekend, really uneventful, but it was good. You Cokay,
Yeah, it was something I wasgonna say. And initially it was

(18:03):
like, uh yeah, I don'tthink I really even have anything specifically on
Father's Day. But I actually thinkthat I do, which is and I
don't actually remember if this was Father'sDay or not, but it is something
that I want to share because itwas something that I learned about that which
is, do not look to surprisethat man. It's like, nah,

(18:27):
you don't want to be surprising him. So one of the things I like
to do is, like you know, sneak up on my parents and surprise
them, and like, if Isurprise my mother, it's all good because
she's like, oh, and it'sall good. But surprising him was like,
wow, Wow, now what's youdoing? You don't know what's going

(18:48):
on in here tonight. I justremember feeling so like what like? But
then it helped me to understand too. One of the things that we did
share in common is the fact thatwe were single and nobody else was in
the home, and so I hadto respect that, like do I want
somebody rolling up on me, regardlessif they're my child or not. And

(19:10):
so I appreciated that more about himin understanding what that is to be in
that space and to have your spaceand know that also came into play once
I, you know, stay withhim a little bit towards the end,
and yeah, so that's my memory, but I don't have a memory of

(19:33):
Like I was thinking of things thatI you know, what you get your
father for Father's Day? You knowwhat, now that I'm thinking about it,
probably the most beautiful gift I evergot him turned out to be a
gift that kept on giving, whichis one of the reasons why we're able
to even have this call, whichis the year, I think it was
twenty seventeen, I got him theancestry dot Com test and so by doing

(20:00):
that test, the confirmation happened,right, And so I mean we did
the test, he and I andthen here comes twenty twenty and Val does
the test and that's how we wereable to have this. So I would
say that's probably the most memorable one, the most impactful one, because nothing

(20:22):
beats that at all. Well,that is definitely a mic drop moment,
and I don't have a memory.I will just say that I guess my
memory is reflecting on all the I'ma big cardgiver, so reflecting on all
of the years that I used tosend him cards and how much I've missed

(20:44):
that now, you know, fromday one, and just like it's just
a void that I can't seem tofeel. So I go looking for cards.
You know. Sometimes I will stillgo to pick up my phone to
call him, or said, Igot a call Daddy in a moment,
you know, but it's just avoid, you know, when I'm standing

(21:06):
there picking up cards, whether it'sbirthday or whether it's Father's Day, especially
Father's Day, it's just it's anempty kind of feeling. Yeah, not
necessarily a moment with him, butjust every year now, just to reflect
on all of the father's days,from when I drew stuff and gave it

(21:27):
to him on construction paper up untilI had to pick out that special card
to send him in the mail.Was he the type of person that kept
the cards? So when you cleanedup the house, that you find them?
I don't. Yeah, we didfind cards. Yeah, we did
find cards. Yeah. And it'scrazy because he was so I guess it

(21:51):
says a lot about him. Andhe was so big on receiving the cards
and keeping them. But as faras giving cards, he's sucked because that
was a mama. So it reallythe car highlighted him whenever there was no

(22:12):
them together. It's like, yo, dougs, you're in a car.
But the things that he did hedid well. Right, Like I called
you Jay on my birthday. Whenyou called me to say happy birthday,
I say, you're gonna have tostart calling me and singing to me because
that's what Daddy used to do.He was the first person to call and
I would always get serenaded. Thetrembler was there, but he every single

(22:37):
birthday, and so I missed that. So I asked jadas here, I
said, can you just assume thatrole and just sing to me for my
birthday? You travel too? No, but he can sound like him a
lot imitate them. Well, speakingof which, I think when we close

(22:59):
out today, if you would doa daddy impression, so I'm giving you
heads up, that would be agreat trip to him. Okay, fantastic
man, Yeah, ton I feelyou on that. Yeah, okay.
Well, these next few questions aregoing to be for Val. The first

(23:22):
being Val, did you ever havevisions about what Father's Day would look like
if Dad was in your life?Mmm? I can't really say, key,
because I guess I came from aface I believe I shared just before.
You know that I lived in aspace of well, you know,

(23:47):
I can't miss nothing you ever had? Right that was you know before and
now you know now the regrets andthe the things that I missed are starting
to creep up, you know,especially our kids getting together, things of
that such. But I can't reallysay, I can't say for certain,

(24:08):
you know, because and that that'sthe way I was able to department not
not that what I'm trying to say, I guess survive, plain and simple.
That was the way I just function, you know. Yeah, so

(24:29):
yep, it makes sense. It'slike you're coping way right. Yeah,
that was the way you knew.So it was then be thinking about that
thing. Yeah, completely. Okay. So how was Father's Day with your
stepfather and and then your father John? Well, again I don't know much

(24:53):
of John. I would live withmy grandparents when I was younger, and
then when I was I never livedwith John. And so if anybody I
would say that was the best fatherfigure I've ever had was my grandfather and
my uncle, I would say,if I have to, if I had

(25:18):
to identify anyone as a father inmy life, so did you? Then
then would you say that you didn'tcelebrate Father's Day or did you honor them
on Father's Day as the father figuresin your life? Oh? Yes,
I had, I did, Butif I had to, Yes, I
bought him cars, I bought himgifts because of the situation. But if

(25:45):
I had to say, again,closest thing I had to a father was
my grandfather and my uncle. Buthas I have we celebrated him? Absolutely?
Have we went on dinners? Andbecause if you didn't get anything.
If you didn't do those things,it would have been something different, you

(26:06):
know. So I you know,I had to buy cars, I had
to celebrate him, got you,got you? And then how about with
Dad? Did you did you ever? Did you call him on Father's Day?

(26:26):
I think I've never shared why westopped calling, so because we stopped
speaking to each other. A lotof that again is dark to me.
It's like I blocked that out,you know, so I can't really say
I can't tell you. I've beenracking my brain about that. I remember
birthdays, I don't know about Iremember Christmas. I can't really can't really

(26:52):
share. Yeah, yeah, that'sinteresting how our minds do that, right,
Like, and I know you havespoken so much about the way that
you operated through life was around protectionof your heart, right, and like
protection of not being rejected, right, and so when that sort of thing
happened, And I think we haveshared that in the past, right about

(27:15):
how you guys did have like youwould talk here and there but then or
pretty pretty kind of consistently, butthen it kind of fell off. And
there are two different versions of thatstory as to why, but it did.
But how our systems say like,let's close that off and then we

(27:37):
won't even think about any other possibilityaround that. So so yeah, Nerd,
yep, yep, yep. Yeah, So it'll be interesting to see
because what I have seen with thosewho go through healing, and I know
you're we are all constantly healing,right, but as you go through,
we never know when something will openup, or maybe it never will.

(28:02):
But already you know I've called youguys and go, wait, I just
kind of you know, right right, yeah, yeah, okay, Well
keep us posted on that then,all right. So oh so back to
the whole crew. If you hadto celebrate Dad in this earthly realm one

(28:30):
more time, what would you do? M Just what he wanted, a
big, big hook out in hisbackyard with everybody there, James Brown seeming
like just what he would have wantedfor the forty fifth time. There's been

(28:52):
a lot of family, I wasspeaking the same thing. Lots of family,
extended family, and not just youknow, kids, grandkids, brothers
and sisters, but that crossline offamily first, second, cousins on both
sides, neighbors, friends, classmates, That's right. It has just been

(29:15):
all of his people and so youcould see that kind of love. And
I know I'm skipping a little bit, but you could see that kind of
love at his funeral. You know, we're in the midst of COVID although
it was gravesite to pull up inthe gravesite and you see the sea of
people to hear the mayor speak athis funeral. You see the a team,

(29:40):
his catering team with their T shirtson their eighteen T shirts. Just
the love that was expressed. Andthat's the thing. It's the It was
the the confluence of people and groupsand that were his you know, a
part of his life. So hementioned a team, and then the school

(30:03):
board and coaching and kids did hecoached, and the emperical club, right
like all these different groups they hada social group. Yeah, and it
was like yeah, and and that'swhen you got to see because it was
all in one space. You gotto see how many lives he affected.

(30:27):
And it wasn't just like, oh, it's this group here and there's everybody
together. So you said that likesurprises, but I would have loved to
come to that that cookout we're talkingabout, like just surprise it. Once
we got the you know, likeif you and I could just kept it,
you know, like the confirmation andme and the Kings and Tommy Common

(30:48):
we just go throw it all likewhat you probably would have killed him right
there, right right now. Andthat's funny because that is definitely one surprise
he would have loved, you know, I mean, head down like that
would have just been it. Howyou do that? Yes, yes,

(31:15):
Oh my goodness, I just envisionedthat right there. That's that wouldn't look
like any surprise I showed up anythingwith. Yeah, yeah, so you
imagine the whispers, Oh my god, yeah yeah, yeah, I hope,
yeah, you so. Quick questionfor y'all too. Considering my brothers

(31:48):
in law amazing fathers, we're gonnaask about our cups. Sorry, enough
of your shiny cups, I'm sorry. What makes your husband's the amazing fathers
that they are. That's a greatquestion. I would start by saying,

(32:13):
my husband is a great man.He sets out to protect, provide,
and have a presence in our lives. He always has. He's a homebody.
If he could just sit in themidst and just be around his family,

(32:37):
and it's always been that way whenit was just me and him,
it wasn't for long. But yeah, he just has this presence. He
wants to make sure that he providesfor us so that we don't need and
we can have everything that we desire. He loves hard, he loves big.
He's very much so a protector,and he demonstrated that before we even

(33:01):
got married. I think I toldyou all once when we were in school
and I was on the phone withhim, and these two guys just came
in my room and before in fiveminutes, he and one of his friends
are in my room. So justthat type of protective sense always been a
part of him. But yeah,that's my boom, which is why he

(33:22):
was absolutely right, quick on hisfeet, right and protected and protect.
Yeah. Well well you know weboth married our dad, so all of
that and more. But only thingI mean all that Tanya just said,
you know, protector, provider,love heart. He also is my balance

(33:50):
when it comes to children. Ithink I tend like I tend to if
I'm the bad cop. He's definitelygonna be that good cop type of thing.
Like he always balance me out,especially with them when I'm too hard
on them. And I guess itcomes from my my my growing up,
you know, my raising He's definitelythat one that levels things out in the

(34:14):
family, like you know, orlike if I'm if I'm in the motive,
just do as I say, youknow, just do it. You
know, he gives the backstory.You know, I walk away, and
he's always given that backstory. Butthis is what your mom's saying, and
this is why you know, he'sthat type of person. So I appreciate
that in him, you know,because he's definitely had my back, the

(34:37):
kids back. He wants the bestfor all of us. So he's a
good He's a good baby daddy.Yeah. You know, I think the
thing that stands out the most aboutthem to me, it's, yeah,

(34:57):
that men's men, and uh that'syou know, I have certain role models
as fathers that I pat of mygame after. And uh, those are
definitely two of them that you ain'tmad about. The cod bars. I
mean, as long as I getone, Yeah, I would say.

(35:22):
Also, you know, value saythat Tommy brings you balance, and I
can see that all day. Forme. Wayne's give Wayne gives me perspective
and so one of the things thatI fell in love with him because I
would be thinking a certain way.He'd put a spin on it. Oh

(35:43):
yeah, you know, I don'teven think about that way, But as
we've gotten older, sometimes it cancome. Now. I receive it sometimes
as him being a pessimist, andI'm like, you know, you always
got jump to the negative on everything. But he's so much of a protector

(36:05):
and he does not think like manypeople do, and so it just adds
a different perspective for me. Andsometimes I ain't trying to hear that.
So I'm like, can you justlike celebrate with me? I ain't trying
to hear all that. Just acouple of weeks ago, I had to
fire a guy on the spot inthe hospital, like on the spot and

(36:28):
the way I did it. Tommywas so upset with me, like,
don't you ever do that again?I was like, hit my tablet and
my mai fi in the bag rightnow, and he was like, what
are you doing? Don't you dothat ever again? It was a man
too, so he was like soupset with me. He says, leave
next time, just like he said, you know what you said to that

(36:50):
man, dip my ass in thebag, mofo? You know IM say
that? He said, yes,you did oh in the hospital like that.
Yeah, he's always balancing me out. Yeah. One awesome stuff.

(37:16):
Okay, anybody have anything else?Before j R. Gives us a great
question for Jay? Yeah all right, So why would you say that you're
a good dad? What makes youthe world's greatest dad? Better? I
get that move? Wow. Numberone? Just showing up and being there,

(37:45):
you know, like you said,that's a choice. Uh. I
think I said before, I don'tsurround myself or associate myself with dudes,
and I'll take care of their kidsbecause it's I don't see how you can.
It's I don't see it, butdoes do it every day, but

(38:06):
I don't understand it. That's agood thing at that yard. That's one
characteristic of all of the men inour family. They take care of their
kids. So true. And andI think when Keisha mentioned that, you
know, I was part of thedon't get married, don't have kids gang?
You was too. Yeah, Yeah, but it wasn't it wasn't hard

(38:32):
for me to bow out. Yeah, because as you know, once it
was here, it was kind ofaccepted that that's part of my life now.
But yeah, so just showing up, being there, and then I'm

(38:53):
kind of like vast and I'm kindof my wife's balance. So when she
going crazy Puerto Rican, I justkind of gotta be because you know,
it's only so much and and andand when she wants to be calm,
sometimes I have to step up andand be a force. So because kids

(39:19):
need it from different perspectives. UhAnd sometimes I gotta send them today on
time they don't Keisha tour or dager, like, just send them somewhere else
so they can hear a different perspectivebecause sometimes they they drown us out and
our voices go mute. It's kindof like we got a coach that's been
saying the same stuff for four yearsand you just at some point you just

(39:43):
drawing drown them out. So justkind of get them to hear things from
different perspectives. And I try tospeak their language and allow them to speak
their language without muddying the message.So yeah, it's that. And then
I mean I'm just all around awesomeguy. Uh So yeah, and you're

(40:05):
cute too. It is kind ofcute that I love it. I mean
it's not like you look just like, yeah, that was all that.

(40:29):
And I'm a natural protector, andyou know that's all the women in my
life. I'm just extremely protected.So yeah, that's so that bleeds right
onto my kids and my nephews andnieces and uh but yeah, I agree
what everything you just said, thankyou, especially the cute part that part.

(40:57):
You know. Something I would addabout you, Jay that I admire
you as a father is you arewith your kids from a place of their
highest possibility in two ways that thatshows up specifically. And and how you
father is you always say, youknow, you know, don't don't let

(41:19):
nobody not let you be great.It's something like that, Now, what's
the real thing, what's the howdo you don't be afraid to be great?
Right? And also you challenge themwith a lesson through everything that happens,
So it's like looking for them toget whatever they can. Really the

(41:39):
takeaway from the situation always, youknow, so I admire that. Yeah,
yeah, you know, we havelike phrases and stuff that pop always.
I know that that's going to beone of mys like this' got to
have a lesson in the story.But that everything. But yeah, yeah,

(42:05):
I'm privy to some information being auntie. But yeah, but the thing
about that, what's what's great aboutit is we became adults that we can
then appreciate so much of the stuffthat we couldn't at that particular time.
So they'll use those stories, theyuse them with their own kids. I

(42:32):
would say, Jay, I appreciatehow you allow them to have voice,
Yeah, and to use their voicepurpose. Yeah we did, we didn't,
you know, I'll say, Iam guilty for you know, this
is probably one of the anti privilegedthings Keisha got too, is not allowing

(42:54):
them to finish speaking before I shutit down. But you know, I've
seen you allow them to just havetheir voice and be able to speak.
It could be wrong as hell,but they voiced it. And then there's
a lesson behind that. Ye stupid, but there's a lesson coming behind that
too when you say, now listen, this is what I just said.
But yeah, right, yeah,that is so awesome. And and to

(43:17):
that, when Jay said there's purposebecause we didn't have that, the exact
thing that would say to us isyou don't have an opinion until you're eighteen.
You're eighteen, and that they don'thave an opinion. Ad so,
and we all took it so differently. Yeah go ahead, no, no,
I'm sorry, go ahead. Iwas just gonna add I was,

(43:39):
yeah, yeah, that and Idon't have time to be your friend now,
Yeah, I be your friend.I gotta raise you, I be
your friend who you're grown. SoI think coupled with that whole yeah opinion,
yeah, I mean, we didn'tfeel like we had a friend that
we could be open to and wecould talk to. It was he should

(44:00):
you gonna ask him because he's gonnasay yeah you Yeah. It was always
the yeah and we go to thegame until it was something like too difficult
for him to answer. I don'tknow that you want yes, yes,

(44:24):
yes, yeah. I was justgonna say how we all took it differently?
Jay, I actually don't know.Well you just expressed how you took
it differently, like you like she'sdang. I used to hate that,
like used to pish you off.But I know for me, right,
you have something. Tanya was alwaysbumping the heads with him, so she
was just like, gonna challenge itanyway anyway, we don't need a meeting

(44:49):
for the family meeting, right,And then I was like, why are
you you just disrupting the piece Ialways just wanted he what do you think
it's going to come out of this. I'm always rationalizing what's gonna happen.
You don't have an opinion? Sonow what? Yeah? So funny,
so funny. I wonder where wouldhave fed in fit in that tag me

(45:16):
in. That's why, that's whywe have tag team. I love it.
I love it. Yeah, thatwould have her tape recorder right there
recording. Oh that's the best.I love it. Awesome stuff, awesome

(45:40):
stuff. I wonder if he's seenthat though, the similarities and the personalities
if want to wow, I wantto repeat that again. I wonder if
he's seen the similarities in the personalitiesof you and I. I wonder it

(46:02):
had to be some shiny pants layingaround person just where I get my cup
that she sent me we're gonna have. Then here's the thing, like,

(46:24):
because we're talking as if they knowpeople don't know what we're talking about,
right, so the the whole thing. We may have mentioned it on prior
episodes that Tanya and Val have similaritiesin taste. If you walk inside of
one of their homes, it's gonnaremind you of the other one's home.
You're gonna see some bling blingish,right, You're gonna see some some things

(46:45):
in just the things that they own. So just recently I caught them on
tape where they were passing along.It really could have been on the Soul
Train dance, you know, theSoul Train line. But you know,
hey, so they are constantly,you know, supporting one another in this
rhinestone, glittery diamond l type ofyou know, attire. And today we

(47:15):
discovered that the two of them havethe have sent each other these tumblers,
these these water bottles and like bysurprise, like, oh, I'm gonna
send her this one, and oneof them sent Val sent Tanya one that
was her favorite color with her nameon it. Okay, great, But
the other one, of course,Tanya said, vow one that is just

(47:37):
all diamond in silver. The nameis in silver. Of course, now
that makes sense, my bad vow. I should not have left that out
of course. Of course it hadto have some blingding. It could not
just be orange with white letters orblack letters. Meanwhile, man, you

(48:00):
should just got solo red up,yeah, each other cups and we didn't
even know, yeah right, theydidn't even know. So I think,
just to give you some background peoplewho are listening, right that when we
talk about if Dad saw the similarities, you know, we you know,

(48:22):
and Jay making the joke about likemaybe we saw some pants color. But
at the end of the day,I think Val had maybe had mentioned some
years prior when when Tanya would beon any kind of public space and she
could see her mannerisms and like,oh my gosh, like she had mannerisms

(48:42):
like her. And and just aswe've spent more time together, we just
see more and more similarities. Andit's just beautiful because sometimes you get these
things and you you know, evennot not growing up in the same household,
there are just things that happened.For instance, we are all early
bird wake up people, that thatthe Tommy is a that's a you know,

(49:06):
that's the characteristic of my father,and that I wasn't in the house
with us getting woken have to comework out on a Saturday, to go
outside and pick the pick in thegarden. But but oh I choices choice
to in the morning. Yeah,that's that's the thing. So you know,

(49:27):
there there's background to that. Thosethose good Diamele sisters. Uh,
it's a beautiful thing. So thissounds much better bling a Nista. I've
seen that on the yes on thethe box said bling an stuff b Johnette,

(49:47):
Yeah yeah, and from Bling Yeah, so I knew it was something.
Calm down, calm down down yotwo ye lord h oh, that

(50:17):
is so funny. I love itall right, let's get it. I
believe that's the kid. I don'tknow what I was gonna talk about.
I don't know, man, y'allget on there and do all that talking.
What what it's just saying. That'snot my problem to you, that's

(50:40):
not my problem. It's my jobthe race and your mom might be your
friend. I ain't your friend.Come on and just put gas in the
nigga, gas and nigga. That'sall you want to do. Tell me,
I'll tell you something, Jack,I ain't. I ain't playing with
you. I thank you all forlistening. Thank you, thank you listen.

(51:02):
But other than that, ain't gotno say. I ain't got no
nes say. That's a wrap.Yes, yes, oh, thank you
for bringing my daddy up on thiscall. I appreciate it. We love

(51:23):
your dad. He had a frontrow seat, he did. Yeah.
Yeah, he's always with us always, So thank you for stilling that deal.
Well that is it. I think, uh, you can't do better
than that. So nothing else leftto say, But y'all have a wonderful,
wonderful moment, day night, Happyfather, Yeah, make it a

(51:51):
beautiful one. Celebrate the father figuresin your life. Your uncle's, your
grandfather's uh, and those who youknow show up as father because those who
don't have the titles still show upas father and many times. And don't
get that man, no tie andthe socks unless they're a tie and sock

(52:15):
lover. Alrighty y'all have a goodone. They night, backyard Yeah,