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September 10, 2025 82 mins
In this special episode of Cryptids, Creeps, and Conspiracy, host Natasha delves into the challenging and often misunderstood world of bipolar disorder. Joined by Kevin from the 'Where the Weird Ones Are' podcast, they explore both their personal experiences and scientific insights into this complex mental health issue. Get ready for an honest conversation filled with valuable information on symptoms, types, and treatments of bipolar disorder, as well as practical advice for supporting loved ones who are affected. Remember, you're not alone in this struggle. Tune in for support, resources, and much-needed awareness. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share to help spread understanding and break the stigma

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Resources:

https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=10216631f0eef49f953b455798cf0c&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=3531&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=bestonlinetherapy20&not_found=1&gor=start  

https://www.regain.us/?transaction_id=10283f21f91668b05910cf3b2b8e92&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=Cappsool+Technologies+LTD&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=%5Baffiliate_source%5D&not_found=1&gor=home  

https://www.dbsalliance.org/  

 https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/supporting-someone-with-bipolar/  

Call 988 in the US

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders/what-are-bipolar-disorders#:~:text=Bipolar%20disorder%20is%20a%20brain,to%20weeks%2C%20called%20mood%20episodes.
 

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Thank you for tuning in to Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy Podcasts,
where we delve into crazy creatures, evading extraterrestrials, horrifying haunted places,
the unexplained, and the conspiracies that surround them. The following
content will more than likely involve explicit language and materials,
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(00:23):
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(00:45):
web browser to avoid the thirty percent fee that is
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to the podcast. You will still be able to listen
on the app even though you sign up through the browser.
So grab your rose colored glasses, skeptical suits, and hold
on to your butts as we teleport into the realm
of the CCC podcast. Hope see soon. Welcome back everyone,

(01:11):
so Peaky's out. Yep, hold on, let me give it
my Hogwarts cup. I'm probably a slitherin if I had
to guess, I could be a bit hasty with me again.
Today is Kevin Where the Weird Ones Are. I know
that I've had him on a couple times and I
absolutely love him. He's fantastic. If you want, I'll go ahead,

(01:32):
since it has been a while since you've been on.
I'll give you the floor for a little bit. Let
everybody know who you are, what you do, and where
they can find you.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah. Sure, I'm Kevin, host of Where the Weird Ones
Are Podcast. It's a conversational based podcast around guest experiences
with paranormal, supernatural spirituality. Mental health is a big thing,
just because I know that I struggle with it because
and when you have these kinds of experiences and you're

(02:04):
not wanting to tell people because you think you're crazy.
That also leads into the fact of, you know, mental
distress of some kind. And then conspiracies and conspiracies. There's
a lot of them that I believe in and a
lot of them that I don't. Some of them get crazy,
and when you tend to when you believe in all

(02:24):
of them that can also lead you down a mental
health crisis. So yeah, those are all the things that
I like to talk about on the show. Where you
can find me is anywhere you get podcasts, also on YouTube,
and I think I'm going to get back on Rumble,

(02:45):
but YouTube doesn't really monetize me, which is totally fine.
I don't do it to be monetized, and I don't
do it for the listenership. I do it because I
want to have these conversations and a lot of times
it helps people in their own.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Way.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Just yeah, be able to talk about it in a way.
I'm here for that. That's what I care about. More so,
even if I only had one listener, I'd still be
doing the show.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
That's one thing that I like is because I'm with you.
I like to be a big advocate for mental health.
I'm like a mental alphabet soup when you start going
over everything, I feel is very helpful because there's a
lot of people that in my life, I'm very open
and honest about my issues and where I was, and
that was a very long journey for me to even
get to where I'm at, and it's going to be

(03:32):
a struggle for the rest of my life because you
can't get rid of it. We did leave something out
in your little spiff. There Are you still doing the
Hot Sauce gig?

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Oh yeah yeah, Hot Sauce Coffee and supplements. And I
do a morning show on my YouTube every other Sunday
in a way to try and promote my coffee. But
nobody buying the coffee stuff.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
I have all my art and stuff, and actually, so
for everybody who's watching it, I'm gonna try to put
the video out for everybody. But I have these little
skulls that I made nice and I wore them to
work today and I had so many people that are like, oh,
I love your ears, and I was like, oh, thanks,
I make them, and so I was like handing out
business cards it work, and here's my number. Get a
hold of me and I'll hook you up. I wanted

(04:20):
to make sure that we put that out there because
I definitely want to support everybody's on the show, because
everybody that I work with is absolutely phenomenal, and as
much help as I can get, I'm going to try
to give, so I appreciate it. That being said, with
the whole advocacy of mental health we're going to dive
in because I specifically chose you for this topic because
I know you're such an advocate, and it's just ironically,

(04:44):
I've had these notes for at least six months, and
I am We talked a little bit before we started.
I am going through it. Man, it is a shit storm.
And I didn't even get a whipped with a poncho
or an umbrella. I am just out there hanging onto
that railing while the wind's whipping me around, trying to

(05:06):
hang on for dear life.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's an interesting visual.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
I'm picturing from like Twister when they picked the belt
and you're like, hang in. That's what I feel like
right now. So today we're going to cover bipolar disorder.
I don't know what you've got going on or anything.
I am bipolar and it's been very difficult because I'm
the weirdo in the family. Right So my father has issues,

(05:34):
I think, and but my mom like has anxiety. But
nobody else in the family has what I have, and
so I've been broken since birth. I tell everybody I
was like, I wish my mom would have taken me
back for a refund because I'm defective, which is not
the most positive way to look at it. I'm sure
there's some kind of positive spin on it. I just
haven't found it yet.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
You're not defective, You're meant to be here.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's just it's very difficult. So I figured having this
out there, there's a lot of people that might have
it and not realize it. I got misdiagnosed when I
was younger, and it literally it almost killed me. Yeah,
because I didn't get the right treatment. So I just

(06:20):
wanted to throw this out there so we can have
it and disclaimer ahead of time. A lot of what
I'm going to talk about, you've got to put into consideration.
A lot of the people that have this issue don't
know that they have the issue. They don't see it.
We don't see it. To us, we know something's wrong,

(06:41):
but we can't really quite place it. So just extra
close attention. It might pertain to you and you might
be like, oh, this all makes sense, but it might
also pertain to somebody else. So just be aware of
that that not everybody who has this realizes that they
have it.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, I'll say, emotions are hard to navigate. Anyway you
can change You can change your emotions fairly quickly. In
a regular mindset, but bipolar disorder is it's literally a

(07:17):
switch a lot of times.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
And it gets stuck.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, bipolar runs in my family. Okay, so my mom
has it and my older brother has it. As far
as I know, I don't I could probably see it
when I was younger, for sure. I just want to
say real quick though, as I had an ex girlfriend
who seemed she seemed great in the beginning, and then

(07:46):
things started changing. And there was one time we were fighting.
She was literally screaming at me and we had just
had the best day ever, and then all of a sudden,
it was bam, And I was sitting there on the
couch and I was staring at her screaming at me,
and I go, do you think that you might be bipolar?
Just like that. I didn't call her any names anything,
she just lost her mind.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, how can you say that? That's a serious mental disease.
And I was like, ah, and you should get checked.
That's why I was like, I'm just asking you. I'm
not trying to fucking be rude or anything. And then
it was I ended up having to sleep on the
couch that night and everything.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
And I will say, as somebody who has it. When
I was younger, people would be like, oh, yeah, yeah,
what are you bipolar? And it would it's like a trigger.
I don't know what it is, but there's just something
and I think it's because the stigma behind it and
what people do. So that's one of the reasons I
want to go through this is it is not what
most people think it is. And when you say that

(08:46):
to somebody, it puts that label on them that is
not at all what they're going through. And we don't
like to be associated with that, like at all. So
that might have been part of that little because once
you get that label, then everybody looks at you different
for the rest of your life. It's like having that
scarlet letter or whatever. I walk around with a big

(09:08):
o'd B.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
Everybody's be careful around that person. You don't want to
flip that switch.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
I've literally had people cross the street to avoid me.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Now we're gonna start with some stats before we get
into some of the stuff. Bipolar disorder affects the brain
by causing changes in a person's energy, mood, and ability
to function. These changes take the form of intense emotional
states that come up during specific periods of days or
weeks that they refer to as quote unquote mood episodes.

(09:39):
So you'll hear the word episodes a lot. And episodes
come either in a manic or a depressive state, which
is why it's called bipolar. And it's two polar opposites, right,
So you have the up and then you have the down.
In theory, we'll get into more about there's some middle gray,
but that's the main part of it. And people with

(10:00):
bipolar disorder can experience disruption in relationships, difficulties at work,
problems in school. Amen. Amen, just saying because again, like
you said, totally fine, perfect day. I have been medicated
for going on twelve years. I think I've been doing

(10:22):
this like Avid, working hard to get better, and I
still I just did this. My poor boyfriend a couple
weeks ago. We had an amazing day. It was perfect,
and then I don't know what happened in my brain,
but it was like shit exploded for no reason. I
could not control it, and so it threw into perfect day.

(10:47):
And eighty to ninety percent of people with the disorder
actually have a family member with the disorder or depression.
They didn't mention anxiety as much, but usually it's and
that's high. That's eighty to ninety per set.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Everybody has. Everybody has depression.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Though chronic cases, but everybody at some point in their
life goes through this.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Everybody experiences depression at one point or another, or maybe
several points. Some people have a harder time getting out
of it, especially bipolar people. They have a harder time
getting out of their depressive state. Sometimes you see them
not wanting to do anything.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
And yep, a man.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, So I don't know when it comes to medicating
these things. I'm not one obviously, Yeah, yes, I'm I
don't know because I don't one believe in modern medication.
I do, and I if that makes any sense at all,

(12:02):
it's just because it's just because, like antidepressants, they make
you more depressed.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Okay, so fun fact, just so you know, if somebody
is bipolar and you give that, you try to treat them.
This is when I told you it almost killed me.
This is it. I went to get help. They said
I was just depressed. They put me on only an antidepressant,
and if you give that to a bipolar person alone,
it will destroy them. It like amplifies the depression in

(12:30):
their brain and it doesn't fix anything, It just makes
it worse.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, one of the symptoms of antidepressant and suicidal ideation.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Mm hmmm. So which is ironic.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
There's bipolar for one. I don't think. I think bipolar
has always been a thing. I don't think it's new
to society or anything like that and not but I
think everybody should know the symptoms. Believe that's the whole
point of this episode today.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yep, it's awareness. I feel like you said, it has
been around. It's just that people it either did not
have a label, it didn't have the correct label when
it had one, or people just weren't aware. Like when
I was younger, they wouldn't treat me because they said
it was hormones. I was too young, it was just hormones,
and then it was depressions. It's like they rule everything

(13:22):
else out and they make you run through this ringer
before they finally get to the problem, because it's still
like a Pooh thing. Oh, bipolar is not a thing.
It's a thing and a lot of people have it,
but they it's like they don't want to put that
label on somebody. They'd rather treat them with something else, Yeah,
than to treat the actual disease.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah. I noticed that doctors tend to just feel like
they automatically just think they know everything just because they do.
They know a lot. And I'm not gonna pooh doctors.
I'm just saying they want to They're trying to see
like one hundred people in day and just don't have

(14:02):
the time to sit there and go through everything with you,
which I think is a problem too as well.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
Biggest thing too that I've noticed. If you think that
you or someone else is struggling, go to a behavioral
health specialist. Do not go to a primary care doctor.
You ask for a specialist. Because I went through all
these doctors and no one did anything. I went to

(14:28):
a behavioral health doctor my first appointment. There were questions
that she asked me, and as soon as she asked
me the question, she goes, I know exactly what's wrong
with you. Let's start treatment, and I immediately started getting better.
I just never was in front of the right person.
So make sure that you go to the right people.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah. Yeah, And I think it's I think it's highly
important for everybody, even if you're not really struggling mentally.
Is to have a therapist or something, even if you
don't see them often. Obviously, once you get into where
you're struggling mentally more often than not, then you want
to see the therapists a little more often. Yeah, and

(15:06):
just talk about everything. But I think everybody, even if
it's just one visit a year or something like that,
like as a mental check in or something like that,
just to be like where am I at?

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, like doing your physical, your annual exam. You just
put it on there, just a touch base. You could
do more if you need to, but you have a
foot in the door. You can keep your therapist. You
don't have to worry about jumping through hoops when you're
already at a point where you need one and then
you're causing more problems stressing out about finding one. So yeah,
definitely put it on your to do list. So Yeah, ironically,

(15:39):
we were just talking about how many people have it.
They say that seven million adults are suffering from it
in the US alone, just the US, and that is
a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
The US is the United States of anxiety. It's money
time bills. What are my kids gonna be? Okay? If
I send them somewhere That's another thing is that like

(16:11):
homeschool has been shunned. You can't do like if you
think something is a better way for you and your family,
the normal society is gonna make you feel like a
crazy person or what you think is normal society.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
You don't have kids in the seats, they don't get
as much funding.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
And that too, And this is something that I learned too.
This doesn't really have anything to do with mental health.
But if you have a family plot on your land,
the government can't come after you for your taxes. They
can't take your land if you don't pay your tax,
your property tax, if you have a family plot, which

(16:52):
is why I think they started doing the the mass graves. Yeah,
that too. Yeah, I think that's why they made the
public graveyards so that people weren't burying their dead on
their properties so that they could tax them.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
That is so ridiculous. No, but earlier you were talking
about the age, right, yeah, talking about what things go.
The average age where symptoms start is twenty five. But
from my experience alone, that is just an average. Some
people it's not until they're like close to thirty.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
Well, it's hard to tell when they're young because everybody
when they're young go from here to here real real quick.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
So yeah, and it's just been an ongoing thing for me.
And they do say that the symptoms start later typically
for men than women, so girls will get it sooner.
Typically you'll see more signs than men. But then again
they chalk it up to hormones.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Yeah. I my mom took me to the doctor to
see if I was bipolar when I was like fourteen fifteen.
It was just I was getting into fights. I was
I've had been arrested a few times at that point,
and then again the doctor was just like, I think

(18:23):
he's just depressed, and let's give him some anie depressants.
So I was on antidepressants for a while, and then
I became suicidal. So I'll be honest with you. I
don't know if I've shared this with you, but I've
tried twice. Once when I was nine, once when I
was thirteen. Two different ways. One was I thought cutting

(18:48):
would be good, and as soon as I soon as
I saw the blood, I was like, Damn, this fucking hurts.
I don't think I want to do this. Yeah, And
then the second way was through pills, and I ended
up taking I ended up taking a bunch of stools
and I didn't be He didn't tell me, but that's
how I did. And then I freaking woke up the

(19:08):
next morning and I was like, why am I not dead?
And my stomach. I ended up being in the hospital
for in twenty four hours because my stomach was all
fucked up. Wow, And then I couldn't play football. So
then I was even more depressed because they took me
out of football because of it. But yeah, so we

(19:28):
went to the doctors and my mom's I think he
might be bipolar. And he talked to me, asked me
a bunch of questions. He did ask me if I
if I thought about suicide, and I said no, which
was a lie, but he just he prescribed antidepressants. And
I never felt any better on antidepressants. It never did anything.

(19:53):
And we tried three different kinds. Yeah, and so I
just stopped taking him because I felt like I was
getting more atgitated and angry when I was on them.
So I was getting into school fights. And I'm not
blaming blaming the antidepressants on this, but I started freaking

(20:14):
doing illegal shit. Yeah, I had been arrested a few times,
and yeah, so I was I've never been diagnosed with bipolar.
My brother, my older brother has, my mom has, which
I think is why my mom took me. But just
because I could be fine in school one minute and

(20:35):
somebody say something stupid and then I was on top
of them. I think, especially with young men, I think
we're so quick to light that fuse too. It's hard
to it's hard to tell if they're actually bipolar or not,
which is why I think the average diagnosis is, like
what you're saying is twenty five is because you can act,

(20:57):
because in twenty five that's usually you're like starting to
calm down. They're supposedly calming down.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yeah, you're supposed to be like mentally developed at twenty five.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, yeah, because men stop growing at twenty six, women
stop growing at twenty or something like that.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
One thing I did think was crazy is people that
have the disorder typically suffer from additional mental disorders like anxiety,
substance abuse add ADHD. I have anxiety, I have ADHD.
I'm bipolar. And then actually the increase there's an increased
risk of suicide for people with bipolar one specifically, Okay,

(21:35):
there's the three types that we're going to get into
here and what we have Bipolar one, bipolar two, and
then oh my gosh, it's like the cycle cycles. It's
c y C l O THH y M I C
M I C I like about funny. I always call

(21:57):
this cycloptic, but I'm like, that's not right. Cycloth cyclothymic. Yeah,
there we go, cyclothymic. Now we're good. Now we're cooking,
all right, So yeah, I know. So we're gonna get
into too one first. So this is the type that
diagnosed when the sufferer experience is what they call a

(22:19):
manic episode. So some of them is hypomanic and some
of it's like straight up manic. Following symptoms here, as
a person must show at least three of these to
be classified as bipolar one. Feeling like they're on top
of the world, got it, yep, Increased energy, I get it.

(22:40):
Irritability also, got it. I'm already at three. Decrease need
to sleep while still feeling energetic. So you're exhausted, but
you can't stop. If that makes sense. That's me d
Like your body is shutting down, but your brain will
not allow you to sleep.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
That's literally me every day.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
Yeah, So there's that increased or faster talking. Check jumping
from topic to topic quickly while talking, or having uncontrollable
racing thoughts. Check being easily distracted. I literally have all
of these. Increase in activity such as restlessness, juggling multiple

(23:23):
projects at once usually they don't get done, have a
bunch of half asked done stuff around the house. Increase
risky behavior such as spending spree, sexual activity, and reckless driving.
There's also false beliefs and hallucinations. So there's some of
these symptoms. People might be like, Oh, that's not as

(23:44):
bad obviously, hallucinations versus you talk fast this.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, but hallucinations can bring you down a fucking dark road.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yes they can. And it's auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations. It
could be everything you can literally Alice in Wonderland your ass, Yeah,
and have no control. You don't even realize that it's wrong.
You believe everything that's happening, and it is a very

(24:15):
scary place to be.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, that's what I think Alice is about bipolarism.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah, it's totally crazy. And like I said, there's also
episodes that are called hypomanic, which are identified as less
severe symptoms of mania that only happened for four consecutive
days instead of an entire week, like mania can last
one to two weeks. Yeah, and I can tell you
from experience. Everybody's oh, I wish I had that energy

(24:43):
and didn't have to sleep or eat. Let me tell you,
it's great for about two days. Once you hit day three,
your body is hungry, your body is exhausted, and then
that's when the irritability starts coming in. The getting distracted
there's come in because it's trying to shut down to function,

(25:04):
and you just start losing different things, like when you're
out in the cold, your body will get all the
heat to your core, so your leg will fall off,
your arm will get cold frostbit before your core does.
It's like that with your brain. It's trying to preserve itself,
so it starts cutting things off that doesn't think it needs.

(25:25):
Most people with a disorder, they do have times where
their mood is what would be considered neutral. So that's
one thing too that I like to tell people. There
is up and there is down. Always that's what everybody
marks it as. But there are times where you might
be a little up and it's kind of like a
little wave you're not roller coastering, it's just a little wave,

(25:46):
or you're pretty close to flat line. Unfortunately, those are
few and far between in this situation. Now we're going
to talk about the downside, the depressive phase. This episode
lasts at least two weeks, where the stuffer experiences at
least five of the following symptoms. This one has more
Mania is three, and it has to last at least

(26:06):
four days. This one two weeks long. Five of these things,
and let me tell you horrible. So you have intense
despair and sadness, less interest in activities that you used
to enjoy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, fatigue, a decrease
or increase in sleep. Because it's not always the same.

(26:29):
There's also you could either get a decrease or increase
in appetite. It depends on the person and the situation.
Sometimes you get one one time and the other next time.
Restlessness again such as pacing, slowed speech or movement, difficulty concentrating,
frequent thoughts of death of suicide. So I have pretty
much all of those.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
At some point I think I might be bipolar. Homie.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, get screened, I tell you it, gets screened because
especially if you go from man because sometimes if you
are manic, you were up there right like you are
ten foot tall and bulletproof and no one can stop you.
You like you're the shit. And then even when you
come down to your baseline, that drop is still going

(27:16):
to feel like it won't be as much of a
depressive phase, but it's going to feel like a depression
phase because you're coming down off that high. Yeah, when
you're down, it's down.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
Yeah. I'll give you A recent example is so I
started writing a movie script and I am extremely obsessed
with it, and I'm happy about it. Right, I'm so
excited to write it and to see what happens. I
don't think that a studio is going to pick it
up if they do fantastic, But I just want to write.

(27:48):
I just want to I want to be a writer.
That's like my whole thing. I've always wanted to be
one since I was a kid. So I started. I
have this stack of frickin' index cards with scenes on it.
I got frickin my characters written down on a book page.
I wrote five pages of the script and then all

(28:10):
of a sudden, I'm like, I'm not good enough. Yep,
and I haven't touched it in almost a week now.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yep. I'll do recordings and I'll just pump out recordings,
and then all of a sudden, it's I don't want
to do the research. I don't want to It's just
it's very hard to be motivated. The way I describe
it is there are times where I literally just want
to crawl in a hole and rot. I don't care,
I don't want to get up. It takes every ounce

(28:38):
of energy that I have just to get out of
bed to do anything, let alone function like a normal
human being, and like horrible things were You're just sitting
there and you're like, you know what, what if I
just walked in front of this bus? Or what would
happen if I did this? What would happen if I
did that? If I just disappear, would anybody even notice?

(29:00):
Who would notice? How long would I be laying on
the floor rotting before somebody even noticed I was gone?

Speaker 2 (29:05):
I think about that too, Like when I'm at work,
is I'm like, what if I just let the truck
go off the side of the road, would I were
in me? I know it. The bigger the truck is,
the harder to die. But I'm like, I've done that.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
What if I just swerved a little, you know what
I mean, it could have a swerve. I'm on that side.
It's and it's stuff like that where and people are like, oh,
just don't think like that. That's not how it works
your brain. There's they're called A and t's automatic negative thoughts,

(29:42):
where you it is impulsive, you have no control of
it popping in and know what you do with it.
You have control over, but it is going to pop
up regardless. But these depressive phases are so awful because
they last for so long, and you can be and
the best relationship and a job that you love. Everything

(30:04):
is peaches and cream, and then for absolutely no reason,
you might all spontaneously just cry for no reason. People
like what's wrong, and I'm like, nothing, nothing is wrong.
I just feel like horrifyingly sad. And one of the

(30:25):
things I couldn't figure out is not only is it
a behavioral an emotional thing. I was trying to figure
out why people like us. The way I look at
it is we do everything more. We're literally extra when
we are happy. We don't just get happy, we get
ecstatic when we are sad. We get depressed when we

(30:45):
love someone. We love someone with every ounce of our being.
And the way my doctor explained it to me was
is you have people that have emotions, which everybody has,
people like us. You're basically taking that emotion and you're
putting it under a magnifying glass and amplifying it about

(31:07):
one hundred times. Is that what it is? Because we
can't register there. It is all or nothing and you
have no control. I've broke down for no reason or
been happy, like everything around me shit, and I'm just
in a good mood. I'm like, fuck it, bring it on.
But then other times everything's going great and I just

(31:29):
feel so you literally want to crawl out of your
own skin because you just you feel gross. Yeah, you
just feel gross. You can't. You want to get the
shower and scrub it off, but you can't get rid
of it. It's just a it's a horrible feeling. But anyway,
next we're going to go into some treatments for bipolar one.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
All right, sounds good. Hold on real quick, though, I'm
gonna go fill up my coffee cup if you don't mind,
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Go for it, all right? Back in action, all right?
So yeah, and cut. Oh wait, no scene, Wait.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Let's go.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
You're the movie guy. I can say that many, if
not all, of the symptoms will improve with medication and psychotherapy.
Now that's not gonna say you're never going to fix it. It
never goes away. What I tell people is I will
never be cured. All I can do is manage. That's it.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Now, most of the common medications are mood stabilizers. So
the most popular one, and I've actually been taking it
forever and it works. Miracles is the oldest one that
they have, and that's lithium. They've been using that since
the fifties. Then this type of medication is thought to
correct a signal imbalance in the brain. So something about it.

(32:55):
It's like it re routes some stuff. Doesn't close all
the roads, but it rerouted traffic to some of the places.
And then there's a multitude of medications that are useful
with the disorder, and every patient is different, so you
may have to try a few before you get the
right one. I called it medication roulette because everyone is

(33:17):
different and there's so many options that it's okay, let's
try this. If this doesn't work, we'll try something else,
and you literally just have to roulette until you find
the right one that sticks. It is a long process,
but don't give up.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Process.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
It is a very long process, and most of the
time medication is not enough. You have to add in
some talk. Therapy is always good, that's always a good one.
But sometimes that's even not enough, And in these cases
there's an option of here we go. Electroconvulsive therapy, also
known as ECT. It involves multiple rounds of a brief

(33:57):
electrical current on the scalp. Typically, patients undergoing ECT are
under anesthesia that leads to a short but controlled seizure,
and these ECT and DOUCE seizures are thought to reroute
the brain. I've actually considered doing this. I thought, yeah,

(34:19):
because I tell people all the time it's like my
cylinders are not firing right or something's not right. So
I'm like, what if you shock it, restart it right,
turn it off, turn it back on. Would it reroute
things and make it work properly? I'm always just afraid
that it would work the opposite. You don't feel the

(34:40):
pain because they knock you out. They basically put you
into a seizure, and then they turn it off, turn
it back on from I t.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
Wow, wow, Yeah, it's interesting. I try not to fuck
around with electricity.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
So I stocked a few times in my life and
it didn't make a difference.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
I have issues on my left arm because I got shocked. Yeah,
so ever since then, I've never really thought about it
until that time that I got that. So I was
climbing a tree and I pulled on a branch and
it hit the primary wire of the wires outside of

(35:26):
the telephone poles, and it freaking sent a shock through me,
and I let go, Like I if the branch wasn't
pulled in a odd way, if it was like normally
sitting close to the wire, it probably it would have
stayed there. Naturally I would have died. Yeah, But because

(35:49):
I had pulled it so unnatural, once it touched that wire,
it shocked my arm. My arm went straight out like that,
and the branch was off.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
The wire, so it so.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
My freaking I had car Shortly after that, I got
carpo tunnel in my left wrist. My arm started going numb,
and every once in a while, like I just my
arm feels funny, and I got to sit here and
stretch it and stuff like that and oh wow feels
weird and other but other than that, it's that's pretty much.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
So sin then I'm like yeah, so ever since then,
I'm like fucking electric, anything can go fuck off.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah, I don't lay on that. That's bipolar one. Bipolar
two is a little different, and this requires the person
to experience at least one major depressive episode and at
least one hypomannic. My polar two does not have the
full blown manic attacks or episodes. It's only the hypo one.
So people with this type can go back to their

(36:48):
normal functionality between each episode. So this is more like
you get more baseline and then you just have a
flare up essentially. Yeah, and sufferers typically experience additional mental
illnesses similar to bipolar one. Treatment is also pretty similar.
They use a lot of the same common medications like
motabilizers antidepressants depending on what symptoms you have. And then

(37:14):
the last type of psyclothymic I love how I got
it right that time. That was easy, That was like
a pro This type is a more mild form and
it involves many mood swings with frequent bounds of depression
and hypomania, So you're more sporadic, but they're not as intense.
And treatment again, medications talk therapy. They say a lot

(37:38):
of times it's helpful to keep a mood journal so
you can track where you're going and you can with me.
Assuming there's not like a stressor like a big event.
You get a new job, even if it's positive, you
get a new job, it's a great job. You love
your job. That switching from one to the other can

(37:59):
trigger a manic episode or a depressive episode. It does
not matter how good or bad the situation is. You
have a kid, boom, you get married, boom, you get divorced, boom,
you move, there's another one. You get a new car.
Like anything that changes your routine can trigger your brain
to respond. But if you are pretty consistent nothing major

(38:22):
is going on, you could get to where you see
it coming. You know it's coming. You can see the
red flags and you can be like, hey, Like I
do this to people, Hey I'm going up or hey
I'm going down, and I give people a list here's
what each symptoms are for each one. So when I
tell you I'm going up or down, you know what's coming.
Because I can't always control what's going on. So I

(38:44):
always recommend that. Yeah, but unlike bipolar one and two,
people with the cyclothymac, they can stop and start treatment
over time, so they might get pretty good and be like,
oh I'm good for a while. It's a lot less intense.
I wish that's what I had. I have bipolar one,

(39:06):
by the way, So I am like the shit show.
I am like the master the Queen of bipolar.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
You know how you were saying earlier, how it seemed
it was really easy, seemed to be easy to tell
that you were bipolar early on. Yeah, did you know
that sexual abuse leads to early on set bipolar.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
That explains a lot.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
So the earth is so like when you're bipolar at
a younger age that it's usually yep, yeah, okay, it.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
Tracks because too again, major events can trigger. That is
definitely a major event that could in an instant.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Yeah. So it says that sexual abuse has been linked
to early on set bipolarism. So you might have been
bipolar anyway, yeah, but because of this happening, it was
triggered earlier than it would have been normally.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Like waking the Beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, it's makes a lot of sense, which actually reminds
me my sister is too. Yeah, or like she might
be has a little bit more of a mild form.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yeah, maybe like the cyclo cimic or whatever.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, so I'm like surrounded by Yeah, welcome to the show, Kevin.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
It's not a fun show, but it is the big show.
And again here I put in it's very important for
friends and family to be educated, be understanding, and be
patient through the process of finding the right treatment. Because
just because somebody is starting treatment, it's not oh, your
appendix first, we just take your appendix out, Boom, you

(41:07):
feel better. It's not like that. It is a very
long process of trying to find the right treatment, the
right therapists, dosages, timing. It's a very long procesce just
be patient. It's gonna be difficult. It's gonna be very difficult.
And sometimes not only does the medication not work, sometimes

(41:28):
it'll make some symptoms worse. And so there is a
lot of back and forth. Now, there are ways that
you can help support someone if you know they're suffering.
And one, educate yourself. So look at reputable sources, make
sure they're reputable, and become aware of the symptoms of
both sides. I try to be proactive, but again, people

(41:50):
might not know or they might just be getting to
that point. Whereas now I've been doing this enough that
I'm even my bosses. I will give my bosses at work.
Here are ups and downs. I can tell you if
I'm going which direction, but here's what it is, so
that they are aware. So then listen answers are not

(42:10):
always needed. That's very important. Yeah, very helpful for the
person to feel that they are being seen and listen to.
That is huge. So I struggle with that. If I
do not feel like I am being heard, I will
beat that dead horse, like I will just I will
get more ir and more angry. If I do not

(42:31):
feel like I'm being heard and I tries to give
you the answer, I'm like, I have people. I'm like,
I need a soundboard. That's all I need. I just
need someone to just let me get it, which is
where that therapy comes in huge, huge, huge hand, because
I just want to just get word diarrhea and I

(42:51):
just need to get it out and then I feel better.
But if I can't do that in like a safe space,
it just festers in there.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
Yeah, Yeah, I don't. Sometimes I just want to say
something like. That's basically what you're saying is you just
want to You want to speak, and you want it
to have somebody. You want somebody to be speaking too,
but you don't want need them personally to be like, yeah,
why don't you do this? Why don't you do that?

(43:19):
I just want you to listen to me, shut the
fuck up and listen.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Because sometimes too, like with me, things get so they're
like I said, you get very overwhelmed because all these
things are racing through your head and you can't but
if you just get them out, like I'll be talking
and it's oh, like I solve my own problem. I
just needed to get it out of my face, out
of my head because it might be the same thoughts
in my head, but saying them out loud, you hear

(43:45):
yourself say it and you're like, oh, never mind, I
figured it out, No big deal.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Yeah, it's just like the other night I was complaining
about my job and I worked twelve to thirteen hours
a day and I only want to do ten. I
don't want to do more than ten. That ten is fine,
it's perfectly fine. Fifty hours a week, that's fucking fantastic.
Sixty hours a week. I don't need that shit. But

(44:12):
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted mentally, and I think that has
led to me not wanting to write this whole past week.
And I was and this has is she my girlfriend.
She just wants everything to be fixed all the time,
you know what I mean? And this, yeah, this has nothing.

(44:33):
I'm not She's total. It wasn't like a fight or anything,
but I'm telling her about about it. I was like,
I think I need a new job. And she's I
thought that you were only supposed to be doing twelve hours.
I was like, well, it's technically thirteen. And they take
thirty minutes out of my day to for lunch, so

(44:54):
that yeah, because I start at two o'clock in the morning,
so technically I could be working until three thirty mhm.
And she's why don't you tell me? I was like, listen,
I totally need you to go through this.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Let me vent. I just needed to decompress.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
And I get where she's coming from. She just wants
to help. Yeah, she's you know, she she wants she
needs help too. Yeah, the baby's upper ass and ship too.
But yeah, I get what you're saying. Like I sometimes
you just need to say it out loud, and it

(45:34):
just like sitting in a room by yourself and you're
saying out loud is different. But when you're actually talking
to somebody and you're telling it, telling your your issues,
then you're just like, I could probably deal with it,
or I could just do this or something like that.
It's just like like you said, a soundboard, it's funny

(45:55):
that you.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
Mentioned that about your girlfriend, because my boyfriend were talking
and we've been around each other enough that we're learning
or this is an ongoing process. It takes a lot
of work, and thank god he's willing. But the other
day I was I was on one man and I
was just like like dragon and he literally I stopped
that he's are you done yet? Are you done? Because

(46:19):
he was just like nope, I'm just gonna let her go.
And that's tell people. I'm like, just let me go
and just let me just burn everything around me and
then I'll it's like that pot. It just it whistled,
and it just got to get that that valve open
to get some of that pressure out, and then it's
now I can think straight, Okay, let's do this.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
My problem is that sometimes I talk a little bit
too slow.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Oh not me.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
I'm like, yeah, they A lot of times people will
think that I'm done talking and they'll just start talking
over me or whatever, and I get like really irritated
about it. And she's done it a few times, and
I don't like bitch or anything about it. But she'll
be We'll be talking about something and she'll turn around.

(47:06):
She'll be like doing dishes or something while I'm talking
to her or doing something, and then she'll just be
like blah blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah blah.
And then I'm sitting there and I'm just like and
I'm like, still have this fun process in my head,
and I'm like, I don't give a fuck about anything
you're saying right now, but I let her talk. I
don't talk over her. And I'm like literally my head

(47:27):
will start going like this, and then once she's done,
I'll go, anyways, what I was saying, I do, and
then I'll fish I'll finish that.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
One thing I like to tell people is we kind
of have this saying where we feel like no one
can understand because we are so different and we know
something's wrong, and we not always you got to get there,
but then you realize I am different. I am responding
in ways that normal people quote unquote normal people do not,

(47:58):
and because of that, we feel very isolated because there's
not a lot of people that either they don't talk
about it, excuse me, or there's just not a lot
of people that are genuinely around where you can be
like they understand. You feel like no one understands because
you're reacting a way that, to you is appropriate, and

(48:18):
people are responding with you're crazy, and you're oh, you're
too angry, You're oh, you're this, You're that, you're loud,
you're but you always feel like no one can get it.
You just it's very isolating and it's very upsetting. Yeah,
and we understand that what we're feeling and how we're

(48:42):
acting is not normal, like I just said, and we
might reach out and try to connect with someone and
feel like we are not alone or completely losing our
minds because we too. I do this now, I'm like,
whoa hold on, let me get this. I need a
sane person quote unquote's saying and I'm like, hey, this
is going on, this is what I feel. This is

(49:03):
what I want to do. Is that normal? But it's
you try to gauge it on. Is this appropriate? Is
it not appropriate? I don't know what's going on with everything,
And yes, please, for the love of God, do not
respond with your crazy or your psycho or your nuts.

(49:32):
It's just not it's not good. It's not let's just
deem it as not politically correct. Now I can say
I'm crazy because it's my brain and I'm crazy, but
don't that is like the worst thing that somebody can do. Oh,
you're just being You're acting crazy. I'm like, bitch, it
is on you. Just what that switch is? You thought
I was crazy before, I'm gonna show you crazy. So

(49:56):
that's one thing anyway. So also be active in the
treatment if possible. So sometimes just running to the pharmacy
might make all the difference because we might be too overwhelmed.
Just get the thought of getting out is overwhelming. When
you're in that depressive phase, you don't want to move,
So just be like, hey, do you mean to get
your meds from the pharmacy or Another thing you can

(50:17):
do is drive them to their appointment and wait for
them to get done. Most of the appointments are forty
five minutes to an hour, no usually no more than that,
and driving is anxiety ridden. It's very overwhelming, and then
it's exhausting. And then it's like I can't tell you
how many times I'm like, you know what I would Really,
I've gone without eating because I did not want to

(50:38):
go to the store or I did not want to
go through a drive through. I just didn't. I didn't
have the energy.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
I've That happened to me when I first split from
my ex. So she and she didn't do this on purpose,
at least, I don't think. But changed my brain pattern
from the three almost four years that we were together.

(51:05):
I think ma manipulation. I think I'll be honest, I
wasn't great either, but like I completely changed who I
was to try and fit her.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
So when we came out of that, when I came
out of that relationship, I didn't know what to do
with myself.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
Yeah, it's who am I? And Two, it's not just
because of your situation. It might not just because your situation.
I do that where I stop and I'm I literally
I'm like, who am I? Yeah, especially because when you
are in one or the other, you are literally I
had so my boyfriend one time he told me like,
I don't know which one of you I'm getting.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
I don't know who I'm getting, and you really don't.
We don't know, and it's frustrating for us because we
have no control over It's not like we choose to
go up or down. And there's times where I literally
am totally different people, and then it's like I stop
and I'm like because I'm responding because I'm manic, or
I'm responding because I'm depressed, and then it's I don't

(52:03):
even know who I am? Like, who am I? What
do I like to do? What do I not like
to do? You lose your cook your sense of self
very easily.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
Oh yeah, for sure. With when I came out of that,
there was times when I would get home from work
and I would look at the dirty dishes in the
sink and not want to touch them, and then I'd
be like, I really need to eat something because I'm
trying to get these games in the gym bro, and
I'm like, fucking like, no, I'm just gonna go to bed.

(52:33):
And that happens periodically too, even now where I if
it wasn't for my girlfriend cooking dinner every night, there'd
probably be a good portion of times where I didn't eat.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
My boyfriend comes with food, shows up with food, or
like brings up to cook because and it'll be like,
I'm like, oh, I'm hungry. He's like, go make something
to eat. I'm like, he's like, there's hot dogs in
your fridge. I'm like, then I got to get up
and nuke it. Seriously, it's like a ninety second job.
I'm like, yes, too much, I don't feel it, and

(53:05):
I'll just be like, man, I'm just gonna go to bed.
I'm not going there. Yeah, that is definitely real. Another
thing you can do is make a plan. To me,
this is very important. I feel that you should have
emergency plans in case the symptoms become unbearable or the
suicidal thoughts become a big risk. Have a plan. I

(53:26):
am also an advocate for having weapons in your house
for protection. I am I'm all for that, but people
like us sometimes that's a problem. So I have locks
on all of my guns and they're on there all
the time. And if I feel that I am going
to go down in the phase, I have a person

(53:47):
that I give them the keys, so I cannot physically
even have the opportunity to consider it. It is here.
You hold the keys until I am better, and then
I will take them back. So having a plan there,
tips and tricks to compete to oh my gosh, to
complete chores and everyday tasks during low energy swings, as

(54:07):
well as a list of coping mechanisms could be very helpful.
Finding ways to make things easier if you're going down
or up, be like, oh, hey, maybe you should I
don't know, not do one thing, do the other time
it different. Don't try to do it all at once,

(54:29):
or just come over and help them. Hey do you
want me to help you fold the laundry or sweep
your floor or let your dogs out or just little
things like that can make a huge difference whenever you're
in one area or the other. And sometimes it is
stay the hell away. It's like when your manic and
you were irritable and you were cranky and your head

(54:50):
feels like it is spinning and you cannot stop it.
The last thing you need is people in clutter have
a way that you can just get rich of certain things.
Oh hey it agreed? Hi, So yeah, that's important apparently,
but yeah, to me, that's very big. And then be supportive,

(55:11):
but don't be pushy. So there are things that need
to be done in mood sweets that can prevent them,
like we just talked about, So be patient and supportive
in times when they need it again sometimes now granted,
also they might not tell you that they need you,
but it'll be very apparent if they don't. Yes, and

(55:35):
don't just insert yourself necessarily, Hey do you want to
do this? Or Hey do you want to do that?
Or and don't get upset when they cancel plans, because
when we are manic again, we are ten foot tall
and bulletproof. We want to do everything. Yeah, let's make
a plan, let's go out next week, let's do that.
And then you get out of manic phase and you're like, God,

(55:56):
what the fuck did I make these plants? I hate myself,
I don't want to it out. It's real, it's real.
And some other examples is the house is messy and
they don't feel like doing anything and they're depressed. Instead
of being a total twat and yelling at them or
making them feel worse because they didn't do it, get

(56:16):
your own ass up and help for once. Sorry you
tell I wrote these notes when I think I was
still married.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
Yeah, so that reminds me of a video that I
saw of this kid that came home to his pregnant
what a girlfriend and he had a four hour shift
and he was mad because she didn't do the dishes.
I'm sorry, sir, Yeah, but you're pregnant. Even she doesn't need,
she doesn't even need to have a bipolar issue. She

(56:44):
is pregnant.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Yeah, fuck off, Yeah exactly. But this is the thing.
Do the dishes, cook dinner, clean the countertop, do some
laundry for the poor th just anything, and it might
be something simple. Go to the grocery store.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
Get him outside, take him outside somewhere. You'd be like, hey,
we're gonna go for a drive and look at the views.
I think being outside is super important for our mental health.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
Anti outside.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
I know you are, I know you are, but I
think it's so important. I think natural vitamin D from
the sun helps us significantly. Touching grass is grounding ourselves
and shit.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
But I will say, my boyfriend got me onto this.
And now, granted I was working days and I am not.
I am not a day person. I am a vampire.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
I am a you look like a vampire.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Yeah, I'm up all night and he's when you get
stressed or anxious, right, he's go for a walk. It's
really good. And I never went out because fuck that noise.
I don't like being hot, I don't like the sun.
But now that I work nights and i'm up, it'll
be like two in the morning and I'm walking laps
down around the neighborhood and I feel great, like it

(57:58):
feels good to get out and do that. And sometimes
I'm like, go for a walk, and I'm like, oh,
just do it, Just do it, and then I always
feel better afterwards. It's just it's getting that you need
that nudge to get into it, and it's just something
that it does help. I will admit exercises help. I
just do mine at night because I don't like to

(58:19):
be out during the and I do. I never in
a million years would have been like, you go for
a walk. It's two in the afternoon.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
That is why they are finding cows with the blood
sucked out of them, because Natasha has been walking around
in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
And I do. I'll go through the neighborhood and I
have a reflective band because it's dark out, so I
wear it around my arm so that way, if a
car comes they can see me.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Yep, and walk.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I walk everywhere. And then I have a job now,
and like I try to get like if I in one.
There's two places that I work, and one of them
I work and I walk around a lot. The other one,
I'm basically confined to a desk and I cannot move
for twelve hours.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
Gross.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
But I made a point that I'm like, no, I
get two breaks, but a lunch whatever. So I'll be like, hey,
someone needs to come cover me. And I go out
and I walk. I have a path. I have a
path that I walk, and I know that it takes
me exactly the amount of time that I need, so
it gets me out. I still get my walk. I'm
not sitting at the desk, and it makes me feel
better whenever I get back in, because you get bogged down.

(59:22):
So just make sure you take the time, man, Just
take it. If you're not there, don't feel bad. Oh
I got to get this st Fuck it, it's fifteen minutes.
It'll be there when you get back. Your mental health
is more important. Absolutely, And then also make sure they
have what they need because sometimes we forget. So have

(59:45):
you eaten today? Do you even have food? Are you
staying hydrated? Do you have your medicine setup? Is it organized?
Do you need to fill your pill container? What can
I help you with? Or just a minder? Because my boyfriend,
did you eat today? I'm like no, He's like, who's
the last time you ate? I'm like a baby yesterday,

(01:00:09):
He's get something to eat or like he'll bring again.
He brings me food. He's like, because if it's front
of me and I don't have to cook it, I'll
eat it. But if it has any effort otherwise, I'm
like nah. And there's been times where I've been like
I haven't eaten two or three days.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Damn son, it's amazing. I'm still a long time.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Well. Like last week I was struggling. I was up
for forty eight hours straight.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
Holy shit.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
I just didn't want to sleep. My body was like, nope,
we're good, we're good, totally got this, and it was
just weird.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
I get shaky if I go too long without food.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Yeah, it'll be like eat a candy bar? And what
did you have to a candy bar? That's it? I'm
like yep. He's like, did you have any water? Mm?
Did you have anything? And I'm like no.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
Water is very important. Water is life.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Yeah, I don't have a lot of life.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
And you have plenty of life. You're an amazing person.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
I don't have a lot of water, though I am better.
So my my medicine does make me very thirsty. Okay,
So I make sure that I keep water by my
bed because in the middle of the night, if I
wake up, I'll drink my water. And then at work,
i've been very I take I fill up my to
go coffee cup, my merch cup with coffee, and then

(01:01:40):
after that I only let myself have water. So it's
either be thirsty or drink water. Yep, So it's been better.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
That's what I do. I drink coffee first thing in
the morning at work when I wake up, go to work,
and then I'll start drinking my gall of water, and
I'll have an energy drink every once in a while.
Actually it's been every day except for I don't drink
energy drinks on the weekends, but when I'm at work

(01:02:12):
because I'm so tired.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Yeah, at work, I work twelve now too, so I
feel your pain.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Yeah, there's times where I'm sitting there, like I'll have
to literally pull over and I'll have to sit there
for ten minutes and I'll do a quick power in
app and I'm just like, fuck this.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
Yes, okay, not whatever day it was two days ago.
And I also work nights, so when I go into work,
it's one day. When I leave, it's the next day,
and then whenever I go to sleep and wake up,
it's still the same day. So it really it's necessary. Ye.
I never I never know what day it is. But
the other day, I got up and I got ready
and I was telling my over. I was like, I

(01:02:50):
am so I was driving into work and I can't Yeah,
see Hi, I just couldn't. I was so exhausted. And
I was on the phone with him, and I got
there and I told him I'm tired. I was like,
I've got twenty thirty minutes before I go in. I
was like, I'm just gonna get off the phone. Normally
I talked to him, but I'm like, I'm getting off
the phone. And I put the seat back in my

(01:03:10):
car and I turned my alarm on and I took
a twenty minute power net because I was like, I'm
not gonna make it. I just can't. I just could
not do it. Now, all it took was twenty minutes
that I was good, but without that, I was toast.
And I know it sounds like a pain, but it
only lasts for a time, and their mood will stabilize

(01:03:33):
or will change and they'll go back to having more
energy or feeling better. I know it's difficult, but when
you are dealing with people like us, just try to
remember it's temporary. It's just temporary. We'll get through it,
and even the small things make a huge difference. So
let them know that you're there for them no matter what,

(01:03:53):
and that you'll get through it together. Don't abandon them
because they're being hard to deal with, because they already
feel guilty enough because we I, I guess say we
as a whole. But I know that I am difficult
no matter how hard I try. I am difficult at
least part yeah, at least part of the time, and

(01:04:18):
I want so bad to fix it, but I can't.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Listen. There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah, okay, there's nothing
to fix. You just have to be you the best
way that you can be. Yeah, it's just and nobody
can be you better.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
If I could be average, and.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
That's what they average.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
Average, though, I can I not just be normal or
average or whatever. And he goes, he told me the
other day. He goes, to be honest, he goes, I'm
pretty sure if you were average or normal, I wouldn't
like you as much. I'm like, yeah, I guess one
way to look at it. There's never a dull moment.
It's always exciting. You don't ever have to cheat on

(01:05:05):
me because I could be five different people at once.
Which one do you want? It's a surprise and so too.
I wanted to let people know I'm going to be
putting some resources down below, so please check them out
if you get a chance, use them, use them for yourself,
maybe refer to people. I've got one for better help.

(01:05:28):
They do a lot which they would just give me
a freakin' what do they call it where they sponsor me. Yeah,
there's a couple of just things down there about this
is stuff. There's Dbsalliance dot org. I've got mind dot
org UK informational support. It gets types of different health
problems and supporting people with that. So it'll give you

(01:05:49):
background information. Places where you can get help, and then
there's one that's specifically for how can you help people
that are involved in your life that have it, because again,
some people don't know. And with my job that I
have now, it has it's really hit me hard, to

(01:06:11):
be honest. So I work in an emergency department and
people come in on the EMS and I'm literally looking
at the sheet and they have the same diagnosis that
I have. And they come in and people are like,
oh my gosh, this person's nuts or oh they're like
off their rock or whatever. And I as a person

(01:06:31):
who's looking at the sheet, and I'm looking at the
person in front of me, and I'm like ho because
even I'm like, man, that's they're out there. But then
it's to that person, nothing is wrong, nothing's wrong to them.
They are one hundred percent in belief of whatever's going

(01:06:54):
on in their head. That is it and it's real.
And it's very hard for me because then I had
to question if I think I am better and I
think I am okay, do I really seem like that
to other people? And I just don't realize it. It
really it hit me hard when I started my job

(01:07:16):
because and then a lot of people don't have that. Understandingly,
they come in and I go this person, I'm like, no,
I get it, Like I understand this person's probably in
this phase and this is what's going on, but it
is very much an issue because I literally was like, oh,
because we don't always realize that we're being overbearing or

(01:07:37):
irritable and whatever, difficult or insecure or because to us
or like you're saying one thing, our brain is hearing something.
So one thing I have learned, if you have it,
if you know somebody who has it, this has been
a huge game changer for me. If you're getting frustrated

(01:07:57):
or the person you're talking to is getting frustrated, what
I tell people is this is what you said, and
this is what I heard. See, we got an agree in.
So I do that all the time because like then
I they might say something and they don't mean they
don't mean it bad, but I take it the wrong
way and they're like, why are you freaking out? And

(01:08:18):
I'm like, what do you mean you said? This is
like that is not at all what I meant. I'm like,
this is what you said and this is what I heard,
and this is the reaction. So I'm like if that
is not what you meant to say to me, I
need you to change your words, because sometimes it's just
a matter of you can say the exact same thing
but use different words and it will not bother us.

(01:08:39):
But sometimes there's those trigger words that just set you
off and we don't know why, it's just it just is.
But yeah, so that's what I have on bipolar and
it's a mess. So do you have anything that you
wanted to add or.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
I would love to add stop sexually abusing children. That
would be fantastic. I think that would be a very
large step in the help of mental health because sexual
being sexually abused at a young age turns into a
lot of issues for that individual as they get older mentally.

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
Yeah, in the part of the life, I would Yes,
you don't abandon your children, Yes that too. Don't fight
parents like you can be separated and co parent effectively.
Stop putting, Stop trying to make the other parent the
bad guy. It is a team effort. If you want,

(01:09:43):
you can raise functional children and not have been like
in the same household, you can do that. It's possible.
Make sure you're part of their lives, make sure that
they are in a position where they feel safe to
talk to. You, judge them, don't make them feel bad
because somebody might be like, oh, I feel this way,

(01:10:05):
and they're like, oh, you shouldn't feel that way, or
oh it's specifically. Oh, for the love of God, do
not tell a little boy that it is not okay
to have emotions, It is not okay to talk about it.
You need girls and boys. I know girls are you
know that we talk a little bit more, but particularly boys.

(01:10:27):
They need to know that feelings are okay. It's not
gonna mean that they're weak or they are soft or anything.
It's just not and I it drives me insane when
people do that, Oh you had to be a tough poy.
Don't know. If you're doing that, you're raising a douchebag.

(01:10:47):
You're gonna raise somebody who they're gonna suppress everything, and
it's gonna cause problems later on in life. They need
children alike need to know there's a safe space. If
you cannot provide that safe space for them to talk,
find them one. If you're not comfortable talking to your
kid about this stuff and you don't want to be
open or you don't know if you can handle it.

(01:11:08):
Find someone. There are plenty of resources out there to
get them help if they need it or want it.

Speaker 2 (01:11:17):
Yep, me become the person, become that safe person that
you needed when you were a kid.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
Stop the cycle.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
Better generational trauma for real.

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
Mm hmm. And I'm bipolar, and so I keep an eye.
I've been trying to keep an eye on my son
because I am aware of it and I know that
there's a risk that he can have the same some
of the same issues. I try to keep a close eye.
Is he going up or down? Is is this normal?
Is he like what's going on? Hey? And I am

(01:11:50):
very open with him. This is what's wrong with me.
Here's some of the stuff that like, this is why
I am this way sometimes with you? And what if
you are feeling this way? That's the other thing. If
you are feeling that way, there's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with you. If you are struggling with X,

(01:12:14):
y Z, those thoughts and those emotions are totally normal,
totally normal. It's just what you do with them is
what is important. Okay, sorry, Tosh, talk over.

Speaker 4 (01:12:32):
Here.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
I also want to say that if you or if
you yourself or anybody else is struggling mentally A good
resources nine eight eight. I know you're going to put on.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
My website too.

Speaker 2 (01:12:45):
Yeah, I'm sure you're going to put it in the
show notes and stuff. But I think it's extremely important
here in the United States anyway. A nine eight eight
is a good resource. They'll even give you resources to help.
They'll even help you help somebody else, so you don't
have to be going through a mental crisis, but you
see somebody else and you don't know how to help them,

(01:13:05):
so calling them, they'll give you resources and stuff and
trying to help you with that. So I think that's important.
And another thing is that I love saying on my
show stay another day, You're only going to be transferring trauma,
and I know you don't want to do that. So
I think.

Speaker 4 (01:13:23):
Whether whatever you believe in a god, a creator, or whatever,
whatever created this universe looked across this friggin this earth.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
That it made and was like it needed one of you.
So boom, you hear your exists. You exist for a reason,
whether that reason be freaking to help somebody, like you
just say one word to somebody at some point in
your life and it just helps them for whatever reason,
Like yeah, it could be that. It could be that mundane,
but you you have a purpose. Everybody does, there's and

(01:13:57):
I just I think it's extremely important for everybody to
know that they are loved, even if they don't realize it.

Speaker 1 (01:14:04):
I agree, And you never truly know. You could simply
open a door for someone, say hello, and you could
be what keeps that person from doing something.

Speaker 2 (01:14:20):
And just a smile.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
Yep, that's it. And they're like, oh, okay, have you
seen Bullet Train. Yes, I am a ladybug, and a
lot of times when I tell people I'm a ladybug,
nobody knows what I mean. So if you guys have
not seen Bullet Train the way they explain, because the
Brad Pitt's character, his handler calls him a ladybug and

(01:14:42):
for a long time he doesn't understand the meaning until
the end of the movie. Sorry, I'm gonna ruin it.
But the way she described it is a ladybug is
a person that soaks up all the bad luck so
that other people can get the good luck. Like they
are resilient, and they are they could persevere through anything.

(01:15:03):
So all these it seems like fluke accidents, which is
literally my entire life is a bunch of fluke accidents
like this shouldn't happen, Boom it happens. This shouldn't happen,
Boom it happens. They're like, how is this? I have
literally had one in a million situations at least ten
times in my life, and it's just it doesn't make sense.
But there's been a lot of people that because I

(01:15:25):
am so screwed up and I have been through so
much trauma, but I'm still like, people are like, how
are you even how are you even alive. I've had
people that are like, if I went through a portion
of that, I couldn't handle it. Yeah, But then I've
had people that are like, oh, if you can do that,
then I can do this. It's if your life sucks,

(01:15:48):
come talk to me, because I can make you feel
better about yourself real fast, like real fast. Only positive
thing with all this crap that I have gone through
is that I have had multiple people that are like,
if you had not said something, or you had not
been there for me to talk to, I would have
never gotten help. I would have never I would have

(01:16:09):
given up. I would have never gotten better. And not
that I'm doing I'm not doing anything except just being
open and honest about it. And sometimes, like you said,
maybe that's it. I have no idea I should I
literally should not be here. I medically should be dead.

(01:16:33):
On more than one occasion, the doctors you died, or
you should be dead. We don't know what's going on,
but here you are. And I go surprise every time,
and they always laugh at it because I'm like here
I am. But with you, I struggle because I if,

(01:16:54):
being honest, I do not have a lot of self
worth at all like.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
I And if I could change that for you, I
would do that in a heartbeat. Because you use words
like I'm screwed up and stuff like that. You're not
screwed up. You're just a person. You're just a soul
experiencing a human experience and it's different for all of us,
and you're experiencing it in a way that is obviously

(01:17:22):
different than a lot of people. But that doesn't mean
you screwed up.

Speaker 1 (01:17:26):
Yeah, it makes me feel so. I literally had this.
I had this assignment my therapist gave me and she said,
write down the things that you think is wrong with you,
and then you have to come up with at least
one way that could be positive? Yeap, how could that
trait be positive? I have been thinking about this for

(01:17:47):
three weeks and I have gotten nothing or no, I
got one. I got one thing that was it, and
it's just because to me, it's all. It makes me
hard to do with, It makes me quote a problem.
People don't want to stick around me because I'm difficult.
The only thing I got is the fact that I

(01:18:08):
can multitask. Makes me really freaking good at my job
because I can handle all these things moving at once,
and that that pretty much sums it up.

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
I also think it makes you a stronger mother because
you can see the signs in your own children.

Speaker 1 (01:18:30):
Tooche hats off, Thatt's off to Kevin. But yeah, and
sometimes just need a reminder. Like my boyfriend I, I
was struggling last night and this morning and I just
felt like a total failure. I've got a bunch of
crap going on and I just felt like I was failing.
And I told him, I was like, I'm just I'm

(01:18:51):
failing at everything. I'm not You're not a failure. And
I was like, I feel like a failure, Like I
feel like I'm failing my kid. This whole single parent
thing is freaking hard man, and he's is your kid fed?

Speaker 3 (01:19:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:19:06):
Are the lights on in your house? Yes? And he's like,
do you have a roof over your head? Because I'm
pretty sure you don't live in a cardboard box. And
I'm like yeah. He's like, does he have clothes? Yeah?
Does that sound like a failure to you? I was like, shit,
I guess not. It sure feels that. It's just sometimes

(01:19:26):
like if you're struggling, sometimes it's all about perception.

Speaker 2 (01:19:31):
Yep, that's all is yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:19:33):
And sometimes it's all somebody needs to hear is Hey,
you're here with all this crap happening. You're strong enough
to still be here. They're like, oh, eventually it'll get better,
and I'm like, really, because I've been waiting for thirty
four years. Man, went to go to get better. I'm waiting.
Come on, man. I was like, there's no light at

(01:19:54):
the end of this tunnel. I was like, I'm just
getting an ass whooping the whole way through. But I
tell people I'll rest when i i'm dead, but then
I'm like, no, I'll probably haunt people, so I'll spend
all of eternity still want roaming around.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
I'm sure you have plenty of good times in the middle.

Speaker 1 (01:20:11):
Let's hope it's all kind of a blur. I am
ready to live because I feel like my entire life
I've never lived. I have only survived. Yeah, and that
is a very real feeling. But got anything else? Be good?
I'm good, all right again, Kevin, thank you so much

(01:20:34):
for being on. I really appreciate it. I've been wanting
to get something out there because I'm with you. We
both want to get that out there, get people some resources,
let them know that they're not alone, and just arm
them with everything that we can to just make the
world a better place. Absolutely wow, Miss America. Sorry, world Peace,

(01:20:54):
mister geniality and world peace. But again, thank you. Everybody.
Check them out. I still got to give my hands
with some of that hot sauce. If I run into you
in any events, I definitely to hit you up. But
check them out. I'm gonna have a lease below as well,
but I guess until next time, everybody seeya nice. Thank

(01:21:18):
you for listening to this episode of Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy.
If you wouldn't mind, please take a moment and give
the show a five star review. Wherever you're listening I
know it might not seem like much, but it greatly
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head on over to www dot patreon dot com, forward
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(01:21:42):
the tears. Members of the Big Show Tier get bonus materials,
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click the link in the description and grab yourself or

(01:22:03):
someone you know some self design merged by me, or
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have any questions, topic recommendations, or personal encounters, please send
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(01:22:26):
or submit them through the contact form at www dot
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(01:22:50):
so much for your support. Until next time, my friends,
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