July 16, 2025 • 24 mins
Is it a crisis or awakening? René and Shawn discuss the psychology of the mid-life crises and what it is like on the other side.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome to another Curveball production. And Sean would want me
to tell you we're in the Northern studios, so we
will include that note. But what I would like to
say is we are taking it breath after another whirlwind
summer weekend.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Always it's NonStop.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Sean got very excited because he had never seen Trombone Shorty,
and if you haven't seen Trombone Shorty, look him up.
Fantastic just such talent bought us tickets. I got super
excited because I've seen Trombone Shorty and he puts on
a great show. But the opener was JJ Gray and
(00:50):
I've tried for over a decade to see him, and
I finally got to see him. We had a wonderful
adult night out and the.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Rain, well, it was an adult night until uh, Trombone
Shorty was playing and JJ Gray kind of stood off
onto the side and all of a sudden, renee got
seventeen year old girlish.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I did. I never went fangirl on anyone. I just looked,
and two feet next to me was JJ Gray talking
to the security guard. And so I'm mouthing to Sean.
I mean it's loud, and I'm like phone because of
course he sure, but my phone for me, I didn't
have pockets, and so I'm like, phone phone because I
wanted to take a picture. I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It was jink phone. Please could I have the phones phone,
my phone?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I did not. I'm like, I like that. I just
kept saying phone, phone, phone, like I was more angry
than excited. Then I started trying to like snipe photos
of him while he was talking to the security guard,
but I didn't want him to know because I always
try to like not be the fangirl, and I didn't
want him to anyway. So less to say, ten minutes
(02:00):
after he walked away, I lean over to the security
guard and I'm like, that was JJ Gray, wasn't it.
And He's like, oh yeah, yeah. So we get home
and I said to Sean, I'm so excited to see
these pictures. I mean, the guy was an arms length
from me, right, all blurry and one of the back
of his head you would not even know. I could
have been anybody, but anyway, and then big News Saturday,
(02:22):
we went to the Twins Games the Pirates, and we
got to see Byron Buxton complete a full cycle. He
went five for five at the plate. He had a single,
a double, a triple, a single, and another in a
home run.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
That was it was awesome. It was last We're all
kind of stand there, going there's no way he's going
to sure, Ye, it was awesome.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Okay, But here here's the conspiracy theory. It was Byron
Buxton bibblehead day. Right, So now I'm bitter because I
don't collect bobbleheads, but if you're ever going to have
a bobblehead, it'd be pretty cool to have a bobblehead.
The day that he actually completed the full cycle, which
he had never done before in his career, and it
had never been done at target Field.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
We were just chalk full of stuff. And then Sunday
obviously the day of rest.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yet no, we had to well, I had I had
to work, I had to mow, and then we had
a company picnic for my company out at a lovely park,
and then we had a pool party with the kids,
with my kids.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
It was it was jam packed, but it was all
fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It was.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
And we we noticed as we were at the concert
on Friday night, which we went, and Renee brought a
great point as we were leaving, one of the biggest city.
We didn't. We left, We got in the car, we're
driving away, we're heading home, and we weren't talking about
how great Trombone Shorty was, how great JJ Gray was.
(03:48):
We were talking about how awesome it was that we
got out of our parking spot and we got right
onto the highway, made good time getting home.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
We did. I mean, we talked a lot about the show,
and I was like, you know, it's been a while
since we've been to a concert. We used to go
see live music a lot more. We need to do
this more often. But truly, like seven times on the
drive home, we just were in awe at our efficiency
of getting out of there. Shout out to my friend Paula,
who gave us a tip as to where to park,
but we didn't have to pay to park. It was
(04:17):
right across from the venue. Worked out great. We will
not give away those secrets, Nope. But it was funny
because we were walking away from the stage at nine
to fifty nine. It is a forty five minute drive
home and we made it in forty five minutes.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It was I think what I believe At that point
we realized that we I believe, are done with any
midlife crisis. Yes, because we are now officially into old people.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well I mean, and it's no disrespect, but there was
a day when we were worried about not having enough
to do, and then we have a weekend like this,
and one might have suggested a few years b that
we were entering a midlife crisis for trying to jam
pack our weekend. This happened accidentally, as a matter of fact,
coming back from the lake the weekend before, you simply
(05:09):
asked me when the tickets when that show was We
nearly forgot about the show altogether. But we are definitely
post midlife crisis at this point.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
I think we are. And one might say we were
in the middle of the crisis three years ago when
we started this podcast.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Our kids certainly do. Yes, here we are. We're still kicking.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yes we are. And the why I don't believe it
qualifies as a midlife crisis is because we're keeping on
with the.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Podcast, keeping on, keeping on, keeping.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
On, keeping on. But we decided to take it for
We decided that for this podcast we're going to talk
about the whole concept of a midlife crisis, what it means,
Is it good, is it bad? Are there pros are
there cons Is it different here than someplace else?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I mean, I think there should be a better word.
I mean, this whole idea of a midlife crisis. Is
it a crisis? We discovered some information that makes you think, Okay,
so you're in midlife. Isn't it akin to the first
of the year. I mean, it's a point where we
pause and reflect and maybe do a little planning. And
you get to midlife and usually there's an event or
(06:19):
a situation that kind of triggers this concept of a crisis.
But the idea that you're at a turning point in
your life, you're definitely turning the page to the next chapter.
For a lot of people who have children, perhaps they
become empty nesters, perhaps you lose a parent or both.
(06:41):
You might find yourself downsizing your home or you know,
maybe purchasing a lake property or there's so many big
things that can happen at midlife that weren't really in
your I don't want to say they weren't possibilities when
you were in your twenties or even thirties, but it's
not what your priority was probably focused.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Time, and it's I think one of the definitions that
they that that is out there for the midlife crisis
is an awakening sure where you That's what you were saying,
which is basically, you all of a sudden, you have
this free time m hm, and you're thinking yourself, Wow,
this would be kind of fun to do. Why when
I do this? It's not always buying a motorcycle. That's
(07:24):
your that's your stereotypical midlife crisis, right.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Well, And the other part of it is is by
this point, most people are pretty established in their careers, right,
So a lot of people will double down on their
career or they will step aside and start their own
business because they have this expert knowledge of all these
years in an industry. So maybe maybe that's part of
(07:47):
and again I hate to call it a crisis, but
maybe you decide to go off on your own because
you believe that you have what it takes to have
your own business in whatever field you're in. Perhaps you
decide to make a completely different career move and you
just totally jump tracks and do something different. Or maybe
and this is not me, okay, but maybe you're at
(08:09):
the point where you really really love what you're doing,
but it occurred to you that there is a little
bit more to life than work, and so you're starting
to be like, I love my job, I'm glad I
have this, but I'm not going to shut down the
rest of my life. I'm going to start smelling the
roses a little bit outside of the office. I know
for myself, and I don't know if this has anything
to do with a midlife crisis or my influences at work,
(08:33):
but I have actually started using my out of office
from time to time. And up until the last couple
of years, I never used out of office. I was like,
if you need me, I'm available, And now I'm like, no,
it's okay for me to now do I still check
my email? Yes I do, and it always still says
in my out of office if there's something urgent, please
(08:53):
text her call. But as far as like really keeping
up with stuff while I'm gone, not to the level
I used.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
To do well in that comes with obviously, it comes
with age and wisdom, yes, plenty of wisdom. And there
is a study out there from I believe it's from
like twenty twenty and they took a look at both
males and females from the timeline of happiness is what
they called it, and there is a significant drop in
(09:23):
happiness in your forties and then it comes back up
again right in your fifties and sixties.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
That makes sense, U shit, it does. So.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
A lot of the mid life some people think of
the mid life crisis is oh, you're in the dumps
and you got to do something to get yourself out
of it, when actually, in the actuality, a lot of
it is is you're just in a much better place
and you're thinking to yourself, Hey, what else can I
be doing now?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I do? I think there is some piece we've talked
about that where you start to accept, maybe not even
just smelling the roses, but you look around and you
appreciate your blessings or your good fortune, or you understand
and that, yeah, life is not always a walk in
the park, but hopefully for most of our listeners and
certainly for us, a lot more good than bad. And
(10:09):
you kind of come to terms with everything that you
have and instead of reaching reaching reaching, you're like, yeah,
you know what, I don't have to do that anymore.
I'm content now. You know, there gets to be stuff
with back to the crises. You know, body image and
you know all the things you know, whether it's plastic
surgery or you know, buying a motorcycle you said, or
(10:33):
I don't know, maybe you decide you look at your
partner and after you know, twenty five thirty years of marriage,
you say, hey, you know what, we don't have anything
in common anymore. It is somewhat common for people to
split up or get divorced during their midlife, which is
just heartbreakingly sad when you think of it. But people
do sometimes grow apart because they're so involved in everything
(10:57):
that's right in front of them, they kind of forget
about the person it's next to them, and that isn't
That isn't my story. That isn't how I ended up
divorced years ago. I don't think it's your story necessarily,
but it certainly happens for people at midlife.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And it does, and it does because you at a
certain point you do kind of take a look back
and say, Okay, these are the things that I missed
out on because of this. And that's where a lot
of the the awakening or the crisis comes from, is
you know, you get the realization of Okay, the kids
(11:30):
are out or I don't have these whatever burden that
has been not that kids are a.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Burden, but responsibility, thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Responsibility is done, and you then you start to look at, Okay,
what did what did I really want to do in
my twenties and thirties that I wasn't able to do
because of this? And now I don't have that responsibility anymore.
Now I can well, and most.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Cycles they have a little more financial wherewithal right to
do some of those things. And if the person next
to you, you know, maybe they have their dreams or
their their goals and maybe you're you're not aligned. That
sort of thing happens as well, and it's like I'm
going to take this time, you know. And I don't
know if this is this could be a whole nother podcast,
(12:15):
but this whole idea of happiness and how we all
deserve to be happy, I don't know. I mean, I
do believe that we live in a society that's so
self absorbed. It's all about me, me, me, my happiness.
It's like, hey, take a breath, look around. Maybe you
could help make other people a little happier by you know,
sharing your wisdom or your talents or gifts. So it
(12:36):
is interesting, I thought, and I didn't mention this too,
but it might be fun to kind of do a
rapid fire, like if I throw something out and you
tell me like crisis or awakening. Okay, Like like if
I say to you, you quit your job, I mean,
and it's hard to do this because it's circumstantial.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, no, if I quit my job, I would say awakening.
If I lost my job, I might say crisis. Okay,
So depends on the on the situation. One would think
that if you quit your job, that means that you're
out there looking for something or you're you're getting rid
of that responsibility, which is going to open the door
for something else because you're looking for something else.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Okay, You buy a retirement property like a lake home
or someplace in Belize, or is that an awakening or
is that a crisis or is.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
There a stupid because I mean, I don't get to choose.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, see, I would say that's more of an awakening
because you're at a point where you want to invest
and you you're thinking to the future about how you
want to spend your time, maybe with family and loved ones.
To me, that's more of an awakening than a crisis. However,
if I were to say a facelift, Is that an
(13:56):
awakening or is that a crisis?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Okay, again, I'm going to add a third country. No,
I'm just saying necessary, well, not.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Necessary, but I would say, because that might make you
feel better about yourself, But is that really an awakening
or are you now so frustrated with yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well, and that brings up, That brings up the great
point about the whole midlife crisis thing is the person
who is actually doing the having the awakening, having the crisis.
I would venture to guess ninety five percent of the
time they think it's an awakening, and a good chunk
of their friends and family around them are thinking crisis.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I think we forgot to touch on the other aspect
of an event, right that might throw you into what
would be considered a midlife crisis. Certainly empty nest one
of them. Another one is facing your mortality, correct, And
I think that's the one that kind of parlays into that.
You look in the mirror and you're like, holy smokes,
(14:54):
like I probably only have thirty years left, you know,
like I'm certainly close to death than my initial birth. Right, So,
and then you start thinking about that and you look
around you. And then because of the age we're at unfortunately,
you know, you start to friends and family get terrible,
you know, news or a diagnosis or whatever, and pretty soon,
(15:16):
you know, you start you get a hitch in your
giddy up and you're like, oh no, you know what
if it's me next? And it could be right because
I mean, let's face it, as you get older, you
have a higher propensity for illness and disease, so well,
then the mortality does come into play. And if you
start looking at your bucket list, if people have a
bucket list, and you're like, I better get after this now.
(15:37):
I'm not saying a facelift would be on your bucket list,
but maybe a motorcycle is, or maybe hiking across you know,
the Grand Canyon is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And that's and I think that's where the awakening versus
a crisis and who is who, who's labeling it comes
really into play, because again, I might I might wake
up one day and go, you know what, I only
got so much time left. I got to get some
stuff done. I want to go skydive. I would never skydive,
but say I did, and I would, then I decide,
(16:07):
you know what, I'm just going to do that because
it's it's on my list and something I want to do.
Other people might look at that as he's having a
mid life crisis, sure, because it's just out of character.
It's not something that he would do. But he look
at now he's doing it. What's going on? What's wrong
with him? Where I'm looking at it internally myself going look,
I'm totally fine. I just realized that I don't have
(16:27):
enough at some point, I'm going to be too old
to do some of this stuff. I need to get
it done now.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
And you're going yolo on the bit yep, Yeah. And
I do think that a lot of it has to
do with other people's assumptions about your particular values, because
I think people are more likely to cause it or
to call it, I'm sorry, a crisis if it is
a deviation from your typical behaviors or values or.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Pass without having with no real not with no real
reason behind it.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Well right, And it reminds me. For most of her
life her favorite color was red. Okay, and all of
a sudden a few years ago she announced her favorite
color was pink, which is not shocking to most of us,
except that she used to say the color she hated
most was pink. Now, had she been in her fifties,
we might call that a crisis, but instead I was like, Oh,
(17:21):
this is going to be fun because I love to
buy pink things because I kind of like the color pink.
But it is interesting to me to think about how
different people might view an action as a crisis. And
a shout out to a content creator on TikTok who
is also on Instagram, and it is one of the
funniest things. I am a follower now. She created a
(17:44):
club that is called the WDNC Club. It is the
We Do Not Care Club and it is specifically for
women who are paramenopausal or menopausal. Not to make you cringe,
but it is good and it is funny some peace
like to kind of bring us back to the beginning
(18:05):
that comes with getting older. And it's like, I don't
know if this is a crisis or not, but you
will find me much more willing to say no to
things than I would have three to five years ago. Well,
I'm like, yeah, no, that's not gonna suit me, that's
not gonna work for me. And I used to always
feel like I needed some elaborate reasoning or justification and
(18:26):
I've really gotten much better at no.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And that's and that again that and that comes with
one of the things we're going to talk about is
different cultures and how they go about this midlife crisis thing.
And you know, I believe it or not, most other
cultures take a look at, you know, the midlife as
not as just as just a simple act of aging,
(18:51):
and they relish it. They look at it as we've
now we're now going to continue to capture more wisdom
and it's time to give that wisdom back. And they
use terms like second chapter, okay, And it's not anything
better or worse than what they had what had come
before them. It's just a brand new chapter about what's
(19:11):
going to happen. And that that I think has a
lot of value if you can take a look at
any changes that come about in life as it's just
a new chapter. It's nothing where you know, we're going
to take a little bit from what we learned from
previous stuff. But it's neither better nor worse hopefully, And
(19:32):
do you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Think that as you age, so many things happen in
your life that if you had known in advance that
they were to happen, one, it would have been devastating,
and two you would have naturally said, or if it
had happened to someone else, who'd say, oh, my goodness,
I could never handle that. I couldn't handle that. I
don't know. People will say that when people are dealing with,
(19:54):
you know, struggles, It'll be like, I don't know how
you do it. I don't know how you do it.
And the truth of the matter is we all deal
with things as we're confronted with them, and you get
through them for the most part. I mean, we're still
here today, so we've survived, and you look back and
you think, in a million years, I wouldn't have thought
that I could have handled this situation or that situation.
(20:14):
Yet here we are, and with that came wisdom, and
so with each passing year, as difficult as that may
be at times, we're able to handle that adversity better
because of our wisdom. So for me, there is some awakening.
There's some beauty in getting older. I mean, certainly not
physical beauty, but I'm kind of getting I mean, I
(20:36):
do care. I care more than I should, but you know,
I mean the idea that I probably care less than
when I was twenty five.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Well, the end when you bring about the wisdom, what
we're we're saying is our kids have yet to value
our wisdom.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That's true. We just discussed this at baseball last night. Yes,
I told you about a situation that I wanted to
address with one of my kids, and I said, I
need to figure out a way to talk to them
about this subject without it sounding preachy or you know,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
There's just some.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Things that I guess life is the best teacher, right
and you look at you.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Look at the kids, and they have their own real
struggles that they're dealing with. And we look at those
struggles as what yeah, yeah, when you get to talk
to me when you're by age about right about what
those struggles are. But again, it's all it's it's all
relative to who you are. Kids these days, they're not
looking at a midlife crisis and a thing because they're
(21:37):
probably going through their twenty year old crisis right now.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I think that's true. I think every age brings it's
just like with parenting, but every age brings its own
set of challenges and you move through it and that
prepares you for the next stage. So I'm looking forward
to my you know, what do we call it? When
I'm seventy five, shout out to my mom, whose birthday
is on Monday. She'll be seventy five, all done. But
my mom has an incredible amount of wisdom and it
(22:02):
just kills me. Yes that like eighty percent of the
time she's right, even when I think she sounds like
a crazy nut job. She'll say something to me and
I'll be like, okay, Mom, and then all of a
sudden it'll happen and I'll be like, how did she
know that? And you would think, after me being her
daughter for this many years, that I would come to
expect it. But sometimes our parents see things that we
(22:24):
choose not to see correct and we do that with
our children always all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
And one day, one day, they will do what I've
done plenty of times is think to myself, Man, they
were right, I know, and it's going to be awesome
when they do that.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I got my mom the greatest dish tool ever. I
love buying people dish tools and socks, just so you know.
If you're my friend, you've probably seen one from me.
But I got her a dish towel and it said,
oh my god, Mom, you were right about everything right,
And I mean I hate to say that, or even
now with my own kids, I hear myself saying things
and you're thinking to yourself, I'm becoming my mother, which
(23:00):
would have been really cringey at twenty, but ninem like, yeah,
I'm becoming my mother because she's not so silly with
some of her thoughts.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And that those types of things hit you when you
get to be when you get to be our age
and you start to understand things slow down a little
bit and you're able to look at things with a
different eye and go, Yep, I get it, because things
that were important aren't important, and you start to recognize
those things that truly are important and you really look
(23:31):
glom onto those.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And as much as I loved my childhood and I
loved college years and I loved the parenting years, I
am absolutely one hundred percent in on my next thirty years.
I think that they may be some of the best
years of my.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Absolute life looking forward to it.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
This has been another Curveball production.
Welcome to another Curveball production. And Sean would want me
to tell you we're in the Northern studios, so we
will include that note. But what I would like to
say is we are taking it breath after another whirlwind
summer weekend.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Always it's NonStop.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Sean got very excited because he had never seen Trombone Shorty,
and if you haven't seen Trombone Shorty, look him up.
Fantastic just such talent bought us tickets. I got super
excited because I've seen Trombone Shorty and he puts on
a great show. But the opener was JJ Gray and
(00:50):
I've tried for over a decade to see him, and
I finally got to see him. We had a wonderful
adult night out and the.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Rain, well, it was an adult night until uh, Trombone
Shorty was playing and JJ Gray kind of stood off
onto the side and all of a sudden, renee got
seventeen year old girlish.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I did. I never went fangirl on anyone. I just looked,
and two feet next to me was JJ Gray talking
to the security guard. And so I'm mouthing to Sean.
I mean it's loud, and I'm like phone because of
course he sure, but my phone for me, I didn't
have pockets, and so I'm like, phone phone because I
wanted to take a picture. I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It was jink phone. Please could I have the phones phone,
my phone?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I did not. I'm like, I like that. I just
kept saying phone, phone, phone, like I was more angry
than excited. Then I started trying to like snipe photos
of him while he was talking to the security guard,
but I didn't want him to know because I always
try to like not be the fangirl, and I didn't
want him to anyway. So less to say, ten minutes
(02:00):
after he walked away, I lean over to the security
guard and I'm like, that was JJ Gray, wasn't it.
And He's like, oh yeah, yeah. So we get home
and I said to Sean, I'm so excited to see
these pictures. I mean, the guy was an arms length
from me, right, all blurry and one of the back
of his head you would not even know. I could
have been anybody, but anyway, and then big News Saturday,
(02:22):
we went to the Twins Games the Pirates, and we
got to see Byron Buxton complete a full cycle. He
went five for five at the plate. He had a single,
a double, a triple, a single, and another in a
home run.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
That was it was awesome. It was last We're all
kind of stand there, going there's no way he's going
to sure, Ye, it was awesome.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Okay, But here here's the conspiracy theory. It was Byron
Buxton bibblehead day. Right, So now I'm bitter because I
don't collect bobbleheads, but if you're ever going to have
a bobblehead, it'd be pretty cool to have a bobblehead.
The day that he actually completed the full cycle, which
he had never done before in his career, and it
had never been done at target Field.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
We were just chalk full of stuff. And then Sunday
obviously the day of rest.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yet no, we had to well, I had I had
to work, I had to mow, and then we had
a company picnic for my company out at a lovely park,
and then we had a pool party with the kids,
with my kids.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
It was it was jam packed, but it was all
fun stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It was.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
And we we noticed as we were at the concert
on Friday night, which we went, and Renee brought a
great point as we were leaving, one of the biggest city.
We didn't. We left, We got in the car, we're
driving away, we're heading home, and we weren't talking about
how great Trombone Shorty was, how great JJ Gray was.
(03:48):
We were talking about how awesome it was that we
got out of our parking spot and we got right
onto the highway, made good time getting home.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
We did. I mean, we talked a lot about the show,
and I was like, you know, it's been a while
since we've been to a concert. We used to go
see live music a lot more. We need to do
this more often. But truly, like seven times on the
drive home, we just were in awe at our efficiency
of getting out of there. Shout out to my friend Paula,
who gave us a tip as to where to park,
but we didn't have to pay to park. It was
(04:17):
right across from the venue. Worked out great. We will
not give away those secrets, Nope. But it was funny
because we were walking away from the stage at nine
to fifty nine. It is a forty five minute drive
home and we made it in forty five minutes.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It was I think what I believe At that point
we realized that we I believe, are done with any
midlife crisis. Yes, because we are now officially into old people.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well I mean, and it's no disrespect, but there was
a day when we were worried about not having enough
to do, and then we have a weekend like this,
and one might have suggested a few years b that
we were entering a midlife crisis for trying to jam
pack our weekend. This happened accidentally, as a matter of fact,
coming back from the lake the weekend before, you simply
(05:09):
asked me when the tickets when that show was We
nearly forgot about the show altogether. But we are definitely
post midlife crisis at this point.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
I think we are. And one might say we were
in the middle of the crisis three years ago when
we started this podcast.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Our kids certainly do. Yes, here we are. We're still kicking.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yes we are. And the why I don't believe it
qualifies as a midlife crisis is because we're keeping on
with the.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Podcast, keeping on, keeping on, keeping.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
On, keeping on. But we decided to take it for
We decided that for this podcast we're going to talk
about the whole concept of a midlife crisis, what it means,
Is it good, is it bad? Are there pros are
there cons Is it different here than someplace else?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I mean, I think there should be a better word.
I mean, this whole idea of a midlife crisis. Is
it a crisis? We discovered some information that makes you think, Okay,
so you're in midlife. Isn't it akin to the first
of the year. I mean, it's a point where we
pause and reflect and maybe do a little planning. And
you get to midlife and usually there's an event or
(06:19):
a situation that kind of triggers this concept of a crisis.
But the idea that you're at a turning point in
your life, you're definitely turning the page to the next chapter.
For a lot of people who have children, perhaps they
become empty nesters, perhaps you lose a parent or both.
(06:41):
You might find yourself downsizing your home or you know,
maybe purchasing a lake property or there's so many big
things that can happen at midlife that weren't really in
your I don't want to say they weren't possibilities when
you were in your twenties or even thirties, but it's
not what your priority was probably focused.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Time, and it's I think one of the definitions that
they that that is out there for the midlife crisis
is an awakening sure where you That's what you were saying,
which is basically, you all of a sudden, you have
this free time m hm, and you're thinking yourself, Wow,
this would be kind of fun to do. Why when
I do this? It's not always buying a motorcycle. That's
(07:24):
your that's your stereotypical midlife crisis, right.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Well, And the other part of it is is by
this point, most people are pretty established in their careers, right,
So a lot of people will double down on their
career or they will step aside and start their own
business because they have this expert knowledge of all these
years in an industry. So maybe maybe that's part of
(07:47):
and again I hate to call it a crisis, but
maybe you decide to go off on your own because
you believe that you have what it takes to have
your own business in whatever field you're in. Perhaps you
decide to make a completely different career move and you
just totally jump tracks and do something different. Or maybe
and this is not me, okay, but maybe you're at
(08:09):
the point where you really really love what you're doing,
but it occurred to you that there is a little
bit more to life than work, and so you're starting
to be like, I love my job, I'm glad I
have this, but I'm not going to shut down the
rest of my life. I'm going to start smelling the
roses a little bit outside of the office. I know
for myself, and I don't know if this has anything
to do with a midlife crisis or my influences at work,
(08:33):
but I have actually started using my out of office
from time to time. And up until the last couple
of years, I never used out of office. I was like,
if you need me, I'm available, And now I'm like, no,
it's okay for me to now do I still check
my email? Yes I do, and it always still says
in my out of office if there's something urgent, please
(08:53):
text her call. But as far as like really keeping
up with stuff while I'm gone, not to the level
I used.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
To do well in that comes with obviously, it comes
with age and wisdom, yes, plenty of wisdom. And there
is a study out there from I believe it's from
like twenty twenty and they took a look at both
males and females from the timeline of happiness is what
they called it, and there is a significant drop in
(09:23):
happiness in your forties and then it comes back up
again right in your fifties and sixties.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
That makes sense, U shit, it does. So.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
A lot of the mid life some people think of
the mid life crisis is oh, you're in the dumps
and you got to do something to get yourself out
of it, when actually, in the actuality, a lot of
it is is you're just in a much better place
and you're thinking to yourself, Hey, what else can I
be doing now?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I do? I think there is some piece we've talked
about that where you start to accept, maybe not even
just smelling the roses, but you look around and you
appreciate your blessings or your good fortune, or you understand
and that, yeah, life is not always a walk in
the park, but hopefully for most of our listeners and
certainly for us, a lot more good than bad. And
(10:09):
you kind of come to terms with everything that you
have and instead of reaching reaching reaching, you're like, yeah,
you know what, I don't have to do that anymore.
I'm content now. You know, there gets to be stuff
with back to the crises. You know, body image and
you know all the things you know, whether it's plastic
surgery or you know, buying a motorcycle you said, or
(10:33):
I don't know, maybe you decide you look at your
partner and after you know, twenty five thirty years of marriage,
you say, hey, you know what, we don't have anything
in common anymore. It is somewhat common for people to
split up or get divorced during their midlife, which is
just heartbreakingly sad when you think of it. But people
do sometimes grow apart because they're so involved in everything
(10:57):
that's right in front of them, they kind of forget
about the person it's next to them, and that isn't
That isn't my story. That isn't how I ended up
divorced years ago. I don't think it's your story necessarily,
but it certainly happens for people at midlife.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And it does, and it does because you at a
certain point you do kind of take a look back
and say, Okay, these are the things that I missed
out on because of this. And that's where a lot
of the the awakening or the crisis comes from, is
you know, you get the realization of Okay, the kids
(11:30):
are out or I don't have these whatever burden that
has been not that kids are a.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Burden, but responsibility, thank you.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Responsibility is done, and you then you start to look at, Okay,
what did what did I really want to do in
my twenties and thirties that I wasn't able to do
because of this? And now I don't have that responsibility anymore.
Now I can well, and most.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Cycles they have a little more financial wherewithal right to
do some of those things. And if the person next
to you, you know, maybe they have their dreams or
their their goals and maybe you're you're not aligned. That
sort of thing happens as well, and it's like I'm
going to take this time, you know. And I don't
know if this is this could be a whole nother podcast,
(12:15):
but this whole idea of happiness and how we all
deserve to be happy, I don't know. I mean, I
do believe that we live in a society that's so
self absorbed. It's all about me, me, me, my happiness.
It's like, hey, take a breath, look around. Maybe you
could help make other people a little happier by you know,
sharing your wisdom or your talents or gifts. So it
(12:36):
is interesting, I thought, and I didn't mention this too,
but it might be fun to kind of do a
rapid fire, like if I throw something out and you
tell me like crisis or awakening. Okay, Like like if
I say to you, you quit your job, I mean,
and it's hard to do this because it's circumstantial.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, no, if I quit my job, I would say awakening.
If I lost my job, I might say crisis. Okay,
So depends on the on the situation. One would think
that if you quit your job, that means that you're
out there looking for something or you're you're getting rid
of that responsibility, which is going to open the door
for something else because you're looking for something else.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Okay, You buy a retirement property like a lake home
or someplace in Belize, or is that an awakening or
is that a crisis or is.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
There a stupid because I mean, I don't get to choose.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, see, I would say that's more of an awakening
because you're at a point where you want to invest
and you you're thinking to the future about how you
want to spend your time, maybe with family and loved ones.
To me, that's more of an awakening than a crisis. However,
if I were to say a facelift, Is that an
(13:56):
awakening or is that a crisis?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Okay, again, I'm going to add a third country. No,
I'm just saying necessary, well, not.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Necessary, but I would say, because that might make you
feel better about yourself, But is that really an awakening
or are you now so frustrated with yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well, and that brings up, That brings up the great
point about the whole midlife crisis thing is the person
who is actually doing the having the awakening, having the crisis.
I would venture to guess ninety five percent of the
time they think it's an awakening, and a good chunk
of their friends and family around them are thinking crisis.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I think we forgot to touch on the other aspect
of an event, right that might throw you into what
would be considered a midlife crisis. Certainly empty nest one
of them. Another one is facing your mortality, correct, And
I think that's the one that kind of parlays into that.
You look in the mirror and you're like, holy smokes,
(14:54):
like I probably only have thirty years left, you know,
like I'm certainly close to death than my initial birth. Right, So,
and then you start thinking about that and you look
around you. And then because of the age we're at unfortunately,
you know, you start to friends and family get terrible,
you know, news or a diagnosis or whatever, and pretty soon,
(15:16):
you know, you start you get a hitch in your
giddy up and you're like, oh no, you know what
if it's me next? And it could be right because
I mean, let's face it, as you get older, you
have a higher propensity for illness and disease, so well,
then the mortality does come into play. And if you
start looking at your bucket list, if people have a
bucket list, and you're like, I better get after this now.
(15:37):
I'm not saying a facelift would be on your bucket list,
but maybe a motorcycle is, or maybe hiking across you know,
the Grand Canyon is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And that's and I think that's where the awakening versus
a crisis and who is who, who's labeling it comes
really into play, because again, I might I might wake
up one day and go, you know what, I only
got so much time left. I got to get some
stuff done. I want to go skydive. I would never skydive,
but say I did, and I would, then I decide,
(16:07):
you know what, I'm just going to do that because
it's it's on my list and something I want to do.
Other people might look at that as he's having a
mid life crisis, sure, because it's just out of character.
It's not something that he would do. But he look
at now he's doing it. What's going on? What's wrong
with him? Where I'm looking at it internally myself going look,
I'm totally fine. I just realized that I don't have
(16:27):
enough at some point, I'm going to be too old
to do some of this stuff. I need to get
it done now.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
And you're going yolo on the bit yep, Yeah. And
I do think that a lot of it has to
do with other people's assumptions about your particular values, because
I think people are more likely to cause it or
to call it, I'm sorry, a crisis if it is
a deviation from your typical behaviors or values or.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Pass without having with no real not with no real
reason behind it.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Well right, And it reminds me. For most of her
life her favorite color was red. Okay, and all of
a sudden a few years ago she announced her favorite
color was pink, which is not shocking to most of us,
except that she used to say the color she hated
most was pink. Now, had she been in her fifties,
we might call that a crisis, but instead I was like, Oh,
(17:21):
this is going to be fun because I love to
buy pink things because I kind of like the color pink.
But it is interesting to me to think about how
different people might view an action as a crisis. And
a shout out to a content creator on TikTok who
is also on Instagram, and it is one of the
funniest things. I am a follower now. She created a
(17:44):
club that is called the WDNC Club. It is the
We Do Not Care Club and it is specifically for
women who are paramenopausal or menopausal. Not to make you cringe,
but it is good and it is funny some peace
like to kind of bring us back to the beginning
(18:05):
that comes with getting older. And it's like, I don't
know if this is a crisis or not, but you
will find me much more willing to say no to
things than I would have three to five years ago. Well,
I'm like, yeah, no, that's not gonna suit me, that's
not gonna work for me. And I used to always
feel like I needed some elaborate reasoning or justification and
(18:26):
I've really gotten much better at no.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And that's and that again that and that comes with
one of the things we're going to talk about is
different cultures and how they go about this midlife crisis thing.
And you know, I believe it or not, most other
cultures take a look at, you know, the midlife as
not as just as just a simple act of aging,
(18:51):
and they relish it. They look at it as we've
now we're now going to continue to capture more wisdom
and it's time to give that wisdom back. And they
use terms like second chapter, okay, And it's not anything
better or worse than what they had what had come
before them. It's just a brand new chapter about what's
(19:11):
going to happen. And that that I think has a
lot of value if you can take a look at
any changes that come about in life as it's just
a new chapter. It's nothing where you know, we're going
to take a little bit from what we learned from
previous stuff. But it's neither better nor worse hopefully, And
(19:32):
do you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Think that as you age, so many things happen in
your life that if you had known in advance that
they were to happen, one, it would have been devastating,
and two you would have naturally said, or if it
had happened to someone else, who'd say, oh, my goodness,
I could never handle that. I couldn't handle that. I
don't know. People will say that when people are dealing with,
(19:54):
you know, struggles, It'll be like, I don't know how
you do it. I don't know how you do it.
And the truth of the matter is we all deal
with things as we're confronted with them, and you get
through them for the most part. I mean, we're still
here today, so we've survived, and you look back and
you think, in a million years, I wouldn't have thought
that I could have handled this situation or that situation.
(20:14):
Yet here we are, and with that came wisdom, and
so with each passing year, as difficult as that may
be at times, we're able to handle that adversity better
because of our wisdom. So for me, there is some awakening.
There's some beauty in getting older. I mean, certainly not
physical beauty, but I'm kind of getting I mean, I
(20:36):
do care. I care more than I should, but you know,
I mean the idea that I probably care less than
when I was twenty five.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Well, the end when you bring about the wisdom, what
we're we're saying is our kids have yet to value
our wisdom.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That's true. We just discussed this at baseball last night. Yes,
I told you about a situation that I wanted to
address with one of my kids, and I said, I
need to figure out a way to talk to them
about this subject without it sounding preachy or you know,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
There's just some.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Things that I guess life is the best teacher, right
and you look at you.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Look at the kids, and they have their own real
struggles that they're dealing with. And we look at those
struggles as what yeah, yeah, when you get to talk
to me when you're by age about right about what
those struggles are. But again, it's all it's it's all
relative to who you are. Kids these days, they're not
looking at a midlife crisis and a thing because they're
(21:37):
probably going through their twenty year old crisis right now.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I think that's true. I think every age brings it's
just like with parenting, but every age brings its own
set of challenges and you move through it and that
prepares you for the next stage. So I'm looking forward
to my you know, what do we call it? When
I'm seventy five, shout out to my mom, whose birthday
is on Monday. She'll be seventy five, all done. But
my mom has an incredible amount of wisdom and it
(22:02):
just kills me. Yes that like eighty percent of the
time she's right, even when I think she sounds like
a crazy nut job. She'll say something to me and
I'll be like, okay, Mom, and then all of a
sudden it'll happen and I'll be like, how did she
know that? And you would think, after me being her
daughter for this many years, that I would come to
expect it. But sometimes our parents see things that we
(22:24):
choose not to see correct and we do that with
our children always all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
And one day, one day, they will do what I've
done plenty of times is think to myself, Man, they
were right, I know, and it's going to be awesome
when they do that.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I got my mom the greatest dish tool ever. I
love buying people dish tools and socks, just so you know.
If you're my friend, you've probably seen one from me.
But I got her a dish towel and it said,
oh my god, Mom, you were right about everything right,
And I mean I hate to say that, or even
now with my own kids, I hear myself saying things
and you're thinking to yourself, I'm becoming my mother, which
(23:00):
would have been really cringey at twenty, but ninem like, yeah,
I'm becoming my mother because she's not so silly with
some of her thoughts.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And that those types of things hit you when you
get to be when you get to be our age
and you start to understand things slow down a little
bit and you're able to look at things with a
different eye and go, Yep, I get it, because things
that were important aren't important, and you start to recognize
those things that truly are important and you really look
(23:31):
glom onto those.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
And as much as I loved my childhood and I
loved college years and I loved the parenting years, I
am absolutely one hundred percent in on my next thirty years.
I think that they may be some of the best
years of my.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Absolute life looking forward to it.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
This has been another Curveball production.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.