August 15, 2025 • 64 mins
LIVE on Basic Blaque After Dark, Blaque Diamond sat down with Eric O. Blake, author of First Steps to Healing: My Thoughts, for a candid, heart-forward conversation about what healing really looks like. From navigating grief and forgiveness to building daily practices that stick, Eric opens up about the experiences that shaped his book and the lessons he hopes will help others take their first step. About the guest and the book Eric O. Blake’s First Steps to Healing: My Thoughts is a deeply personal guide for anyone ready to begin or recommit to their healing journey. Rooted in reflection, honesty, and hope, the book offers practical entry points and compassionate wisdom for moving forward—even when it feels hard. Episode highlights Why the “first step” matters more than the perfect plan Naming your pain: how honesty accelerates healing Simple daily practices that help you stay grounded Men, mental health, and breaking silence in our communities Balancing faith, therapy, and community support What healing is not: avoiding comparison, timelines, and toxic positivity Why this conversation matters If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin, this episode is your invitation to start with what you have. Eric’s approach is gentle, practical, and real—reminding us that healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. Tune in live Don’t miss Blaque Diamond Live on Da Crew Podcast every 1st and 3rd Friday at 8 PM EST. Set your reminders, bring a friend, and join the conversation in real time. Missed the show? If you missed Basic Blaque After Dark live on Friday at 8 PM EST, catch the replay and share your first step to healing in the comments. Your story could be the spark for someone else. Get involved Grab Eric O. Blake’s First Steps to Healing: My Thoughts Subscribe to Da Crew Podcast and follow Blaque Diamond for updates Share the episode with someone who needs encouragement today Hashtags: #BasicBlaqueAfterDark #EricOBlake #FirstStepsToHealing #AuthorInterview #HealingJourney Tune in Blaque Diamond Live every 1st and 3rd Friday, 8 PM EST on Da Crew Podcast. See you there.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
K lags and gentlemen, lay, I have your attention. Please.
(00:46):
The show starts in five line eight seven six five.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You read shoot, hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome, welcome, welcome.
(01:41):
I am your host, Black Diamond, and you're tuned into
another soul shifting episode of Basic Black after Dark. Now,
this is the show that meets you where you are
and it gives you what you need. Tonight, we're kicking
off a powerful conversation with a brand new author, none
other than Eric o'blake. So you're seeing him here first,
(02:03):
and if any other show had him, we still won't
say we've seen him here first. And we're diving deep
into what it means to take the first steps towards healing.
So you've been stuck, silent or simply surviving, this is
your sign to rise. Healing starts now, So please welcome
Eric o'blake to Basic Black after Dark. But should say,
(02:25):
detective Blake, let's get into it. Here we go. Hey,
how are ya? Oh it's good. I'm so glad that
you can be here. I had myself lined up with
the way that I wanted this show to go tonight,
but after reading your book, it shifted some gears for me.
(02:48):
So I'm going to go with a little warp script
because I just want to get into this this right here.
It's been on my mind and on my heart. And
I said, if I don't get it out, I probably
won't have time in this show y'all to get it out.
And I'm gonna go there first because I don't normally
do this, but I'm gonna go there. And we're talking
about his book here, First Steps to Healing, and you'll
(03:13):
see it and it says my thoughts, and I can say,
my god. He says my thoughts. I say, my god.
There's a section in here and the chapter that I'm
looking at it says if I were gone, and that's
the one that got me the most. And I'm looking
at a section that reads, will the world acknowledge my
(03:35):
departure from the future? What will I leave behind as
a legacy? What will people say in my absence? What
will special what will that special person shed tears like
mighty flood? Or will businesses continue as usual? What is
(03:56):
your legacy?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Who appreciate that particular question? That's the deep one off
the top I want to say, And I will say
that my legacy is completion I think that's the best
way to put it, and it's become completion. But if
(04:21):
you ask this question maybe a month ago, my legacy
might have been a you don't finish nothing reality. But
I have three children, three boys, three black men, and
I say completion because they are able now to see
and they've always in some ways seen me accomplish whatever
(04:46):
was that he needed to be accomplished. You know how
you say you never want for nothing, These children never
wanted for anything. They were able to see that. But
on top of all that, compassion at vism, law enforcement, wow,
(05:09):
financial stability as of now, uh, willingness to admit mistakes, uh,
the ability to be humble. Funny. But when you talk
about against legacy, which is long living, you know, long
lasting longevity of a memory. It's always there when needed
(05:33):
to be there. That's the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
What type of legacy would you want to leave for
your boys, something that they can say that that was
my dad, That's what he left back here, That's what
I'm going to continue. That's what is our family, you know,
is our heritage. Now he's added, well, I would say that.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
It's almost the same thing. My boys would definitely say
when I called Daddy, He's there, so you know reliability.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You know this part here is when you're gone, so
you're not around and you left the legacy.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yes, the legacy is remember to be there if you
say you're going to be there, period. Remember to make
yourself available if for those who you know need you,
and even for those who don't necessarily need you. I mean,
reality is I'm always trying to help somebody else out,
you know, without wanting that reciprocation. My boys will see that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
What would you like say? Because this is the way
I'm taking this, because you're saying that if I were gone,
what would you like said about you in your absence?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So let's get to an degree of that particular text.
That part of it is I wrote this and started
writing this in two thousand and five. Now we're in
twenty twenty five. Let's just put that into contact. In
two thousand and five, I was on the police force,
brand New Blabba Boom. So a lot of the thoughts
(07:17):
were if I wasn't here with my kids, with my mom,
with my uncle and my auntie, all them people, what
would they be able to say about me if I
was going? And is my life relevant in this moment
when I was writing back, as we transcend and move
on to now, it's the same principle, what the accomplishments
(07:38):
I've made being a law enforcement officer, being a father,
being a man, being a son and a nephew. Is
it enough? I basically were trying to ask in that question,
is it enough? Whereas when I leave, will they be
able to say? Okay? I remember that Eric was the
guy that when I picked up the phone Eric Anton.
(07:58):
I remember Eric was a guy when he wanted somebody
to put a shelf up. I can call it Eric
to put the shelf up. If I needed Eric to
come to this meeting for me and represent me in
a meeting, was Eric available? Things of that nature? And
guess what? Eric's hard? Can I call Erica? Just say yo?
I got to cry real real quick, my man, I
gotta I gotta tell y'all, I'm not feeling this that.
(08:21):
That's where it came from. It came from me at
that particular point, first of all, being brand new cop,
being a father to a one child at the time,
and not feeling adequate as a man at that time.
So if I was gone, how would you feel? Who
(08:41):
will remember me that that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You know, do you see a change in you from
then to now? And what type of change do you see?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
So I see myself accepting my mistakes better, I see
myself accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and being
able to you know, relay that information and not just
myself but two other people, so that acceptance of okay,
(09:14):
perfection doesn't exist only in God. Allow me to go
day to day and go, Okay, I can take this, Mike,
But now I'm i gonna learn from it. Because now
if I say, if I'm going, oh no, you're gonna
remember me. Oh yeah, that's that dude who telling them jokes.
That's a dude who had them both ties, he dressed up.
That's me now, But I already know if I'm going
(09:36):
right tomorrow tomorrow, don't wake up. You know when you're
gonna remember he's smart, intelligent, pretty attractive. Uh dress as well.
Uh will fight, will need to be fight for your rights,
you know, for your integrity, has his own integrity, things
of that nature. You Now, I'm better? Yeah, we all know. Well.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I don't want to go too far into religion because
I don't want to insult anybody. But as far as
I'm concerned, we know that God is the creator and
he has created you to be someone. What do you
think He created you to be.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
An example of overcoming adversity, the ability to deal with
the hardship, navigate that hardship, find a way out of
that hardship, and be able to be a bright light
(10:50):
for someone else.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Mentioned earlier that you were worn and whether you were enough,
And I usually say things like this for the but
I want you to know that you're saying you want
to know if you're enough. I want you to remember
that you're becoming, and then it's the dot died, because
(11:16):
it's whatever you want to put in that place. So
just keep it in mind that you're becoming. You becoming
the father that you wanted to be, you becoming the
uncle that you wanted to be, You're becoming the detective
that you're going to be. So just keep in mind
you're becoming, and don't let anybody change that. It's not
are you enough? Don't question yourself are you enough? Just
(11:38):
am I becoming? Because I tattoo that all over myself. Yes,
I'm becoming the woman that I want to be. So
you keep that in mind.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Okay, understood, Thank you. I appreciate the reversion of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, you know what inspired you to write this collection,
because I've got to feel that this is not gonna
be the last of this.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
It's funny you said that, because when I was first
doing I said, okay, that'sould make this volume one. But
it in the beginning, like I said, I started this
in five. I became a police officer into four and
into five, and I started this because full transparency, I
was navigating new fatherhood, not that my son. I gained
(12:22):
custody of my son, so that changes your lifestyle, It
changes all your day to day normal activity. And I
was like, oh man, I don't know I'm gonna do this.
So as I was just going through just the ebbs
and flows of not knowing how to be that primary
(12:43):
care taker, I started writing down notes. And that's what happened.
It was my notes, and then my notes turned into it. Okay,
let me just keep writing down my pain of the day,
just the express was going on. Okay, let me write
down happiness of the day, and then as life trans
you know, and send it into more things. I just
started writing it down, and once I started writing down.
(13:06):
I said, you know what, let me somebody might want this,
and I basically said, I'm not gonna just write my notes.
I'm gonna make my notes mean something, so let me
put them in a poetic, you know, a story. And
that's why that there.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Was there was a defining moment that made you say
I need to tell this story or did it become
a lifeline or a tool for human for you later
in life? Uh?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah. I got shot at days while at work, and
I guess that kind of correlates to if I were
going and things of that nature. But I got shot at,
had to shoot back things of that nature. And being
shot at and feeling the bullet go past you, you go,
oh wait a minute, that's real and you go, what
(13:56):
has anymore?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yes, the real stuff is playing with the little guns
with the little red cap on the end of it
and have a little hat on saying that you're a
cop and it's real.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And that's what happened. So now, oh snap, I have
a child. Oh snap, And I said just like that,
and I used that verbiage oh snap. And I remember
going into the into the precinct and going, man, they
were shooting. Do I really want to do this anymore,
(14:30):
you know, things of that nature to go. Is this
job worth it when I have someone else who needs me?
And then after that it was like my son was
so happy that daddy was a police officer. It was like,
you know what, I'm gonna continue to do it because
he's excited about it. My mother, please don't want to
(14:50):
hear it. She hates the job, doesn't want me to
be a cop, never wanted me to be a cop
until I became.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
You know what, I give her credit for that because
I did it. I was the same way with my sons.
Don't even do anything else you want to do that
we're not talking about. I get it, and I'm even
that way when it's to football. I don't even I
didn't want them to play football because I was afraid
they would get hurt. Right now, I'm older, little wiser,
(15:17):
I'm trying to understand the game. I still don't understand football.
I just know people get knocked down and around. So
I do have that passion for that. I do understand
where she's coming from. But I'm curious. Was it a
steady flow or did certain memories take time to face
and translate into words, So you know, as you was
(15:37):
going through right in your journey in your journal, was
it a steady flow or did certain memories take time
to face and then translate it? Like, wait a minute,
I remember this, Like what you had just mentioned about
being shot at that was a memory. Did it take
time to face that and translate it into words or
(15:59):
was it something you said, I gotta write this down.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Well, but the write down and putting it on paper
and you know, chronologically keeping it as a you know,
a permanent memory in regardless of getting shot was different.
It was more of the thought of that's when if
I were gone, it was established. That was its you know, inception.
(16:22):
But most of the things I wrote were was the
journey because I had to learn from the journey in
order to even write about the journey. That was my
thing and I had to reflect on it important.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
So growing up in an urban community, which I did too,
how did you surround and shape the way you see
the world in the way that you write. I think
you're mute. Yeah, I think you're mute. You're probably muted
(17:02):
by accident and then you're still muted. Can you hear me?
Just not if you can? Yeah, I can't. Can I
hear you? You may have to go out and come
back in. That might fix it. Nope. Yeah, check your
(17:37):
phone settings. Are you on your phone? Okay? So yeah,
if you're on your phone, somebody tried to call you.
So you do have to go out and come back
in because that's what stopped it. Yeah, try to putting
(18:02):
your phone on airplane mode so that won't happen. Well,
giving the thumbs up like my grandson do. But we're
here talking to Eric o'blake. He is also Detective Eric o'blake,
and he took the time out to write this book,
which I'm not even through the book to tell you
(18:22):
the truth where I had to make a stop trying
to make sure that I'm holding a bright And this
is his book here, so I'll cover my face because
my face is not important right now. And this is
his book, and he really talking from the heart. And
you don't find many men who talk about first steps
to healing. You don't have men in blue who will
(18:47):
come forward and admit that there's some healing that needs
to be done. So I commend him on many things,
on many levels being an officer, which is one coming
forward and speaking his speak about healing and just being transparent,
(19:09):
so that that's something that I applaud him for. Now
I think he's back. We're just going to bring him
back up. Yeah, I can hear you now, Just yeah,
here we go. There you go. I just want to
say hi to a shout out to Patrese, Trida, and Chanette.
Those are part of my podcast, Syste, and I just
want to say thank you for participating tonight. But yeah,
(19:31):
I just like I said, I was just so curious
with that. How did you experience as a New York
City detective influenced the emotional depths, themes or truths that
show up in your work.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
That's a multi layered question, even in its simplicity, because
one New York City detective, it took it. It took
a long time to get there. Took me approximately, I
want to say, thirteen years to get to that level.
(20:08):
And then after that I was able to get promoted again.
But that journey in itself, I say, because not only
was a detective, not only am I detective, but I
was a police officer first. But not only was I
police officer, I was a black man first and I
am a black man first. So the job does not
(20:28):
always cater to that. So the journey for me compared
to others, I would say, is different because I have
to now work harder and that's just reality. It's not
a sugarcoaton piece to it. This is reality. So now
to be able to make it to where I am
(20:51):
was the I appreciate that. And it's the resilience that
I learned from watching my mom do what she did,
watching her be an activist. I can her be a
political figure, watching her do the public relations. So while
being an officer, I threw myself into that world as well,
and I became joined the politics of the department. I
became one of the members of one of the unions.
(21:13):
I became a member of one of the fraternal organizations.
I worked my way up the ranks in the fraternal
organization all the way after first vice president, which.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I saw your interview. I saw your interview with someone.
But in this book, you do talk about your mom,
and that's that's a wonderful piece. You talk about your
grandmother as well. And I said, look at this, he's
talking about his mom, he's talking about his grandmother. And
I was just so pleased, and I'm sitting here smelling,
and I said, I'm so proud of him, And I said,
(21:43):
I don't even know him, but I'm proud of him.
Then he's talking about them and they just made me
sheels so good, And it is exactly that. And you
don't see too many people who recognized them as being so.
You know, many people ruggle to express their pain and
you put it in writing. What made writing feel like
(22:06):
a safe place for you? Were there parts of the
book that was difficult for you to write?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yeah, the the hardest part was writing about being a
father to a son who wanted his mother. The hardest
part had ever if you, the hardest I could ever done,
the hardest thing I ever could have done, which in
turn made reflect on how I am with my children now.
And this is the point where I feel inadequate as
(22:34):
the father portion because everybody said, you can always do more,
you can always pick another day to do a little extra.
But watching him, my oldest child, go through what he
went through, that was the hardest part, and that I
had to put that on paper. Yeah, that was tough.
(22:56):
That was very tough. And words can't express because other
people might not feel what you're feeling. Other people will
not be able to relate to what you're feeling in
that moment. But I come to realize that, guess what,
I'm not the only person who has a child's who
other parent wasn't active. I'm not the only person who
has a relationship where the other person is not being
(23:19):
what you want them to be. I'm not the only
person who has a parent who is going through some
type of illness. There's so many things that transcend across
all people. That put it on paper made it real
to me. I think that's the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
One of those one of those gentlemen that we talk
about as a social worker that we're very happy and
pleased to see that the father seeks custody of their
child for whatever the reason is. And I don't want
to spill dirt on anybody, but we're very happy to
see because some fathers will walk away and say, no,
(23:56):
I can't do this. I'm not going to do this.
Give me to whoever or that go here there I
can come by every once in a while. So we
commend fathers that step up and do that. You talk
about healing, what does he look like in your day
to day life?
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Being able to smile throughout the entire day. God, what's happening?
Real talk. I can't even word it any other way.
Going through the financial do you.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Are you smiling because you made it through that shift
and you ain't get shot or you just smilling? So
I'm smiling for you. I'm smiling for any any police
officer and detective. I don't care if they're walking a beat,
if they're if they're just off duty, no matter what
way it goes, I'm smiling every day for him that
(24:48):
they made it home and they made it safely.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
I do.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
I mean my smiles because I woke up in the morning.
My smiles because I made it through the day. My
smile is because my kids are doing all right, my
mama doing all right. You know. I'm smile because I'm
here to witness life. And the reality is that's what
gets me going to the next day. The reality is
(25:12):
I'm here because God said this is not your time
to go to me see me just yet.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
But I learned too, that's something that should be contagious.
A smile. What would you say to other men, especially
black men, who were raised to man up and bury
their pain? But you hear this sometimes so let's not.
(25:40):
I'm not gonna act like I don't bury pain, but
I bury it momentarily because life goes on. So that
that's literally what I would say, bury that pain for
the moment. If you're in a situation where you can't
isolate yourself to handle it by yourself. In order to
even get through pain, I really believe that you got
(26:01):
to deal with it on your own a little bit initially.
So you get slapped in the it's like, oh, I
got slapp in the face. If people are watching you
life experience.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Yeah, people are watching you get slapped in the face.
You might try to now react to that, you know surrounding. No,
put yourself by yourself, handle that by yourself. But then
move on. Period. That's what I'll tell men, because and
but accept the fact that there was pain, whether it's
(26:33):
relationship pain. I've been hurt so many times relationship. I've
hurt people in relationships. But put yourself into the pain,
accept what the pain is, and go, Okay, the pain happened.
I'm moving on to the next thing. Man. Period. Period.
It might sound tough, it might sound like, how I
forget about it. No, accept the pain in the moment,
(26:54):
it's part of psychology. Accept the pain. Part of these things,
these steps.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Is that these experiences are different. The pain that some
endure is different because some pain could be a lifetime
of pain. Some pain could be oh, I just hit
my hand with the hammer type of pain. Pain could
be caused by someone else's hands. How do you think
(27:18):
your story reflects or challenges the mainstream narrative about black
men in America.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I think it challenges men to not become and not
continue to be the stereotypical conversation. I think it challenges wow,
and women and everybody not to conform to what they
hear we should be like. I think the book Yeah,
(27:48):
but I think it.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Also I get so sickatit of hearing that that's an
angry black woman.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, and like the treating man like. There has to
be a point where you go, let me do something different.
So part of the book is to create that conversation that, Okay,
while you do something that might not go the right
way and might not be what status quo is. Learn
(28:13):
from that, grow from that, change your perspective on life.
Be a beacon that someone else who's looking at you
could say, Wow, they writing my day. Period and I
think that's what the book really is, because it really
may be a beacon for myself.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I'm gonna throw something in there. In a New York minute.
I'm gonna say that because I miss hearing that on television?
What does vulnerability mean to you as a detective and
as a writer? And only said that because I'm from
New York, So I missed hearing that on the news,
and it's going to happen in a New York minute.
(28:52):
So what does vulnerability mean to you as a detective
and as a writer.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Well, let me start. As a detective, Vulnerability is the
ability to put myself in that other person's shoes if
I can, if I can't. Vulnerability means being empathetic in
that moment as a detective, but as a man, and
(29:18):
I always have to revert back to because while I'm
a man in New York, while I'm a man every day,
I am a black man. So vulnerability as a black
man means I have to be able to not only
be able to accept the fact that I'm not gonna
get it the way that everybody else gets it. I'm
not gonna be able to do to certain things that
other people do, but I also, I gotta also say
(29:40):
that I can't be like we've been taught to be
too strong, too stringent, too strict, too macho, machismo oriented.
And I say all that because I have three young
black men under me, So it means to me, the
vulnerability means to let them know that Daddy is not
(30:01):
perfect for society. It means that Eric is not perfect
in relationship. It means that Eric is not perfect to
my mama. So when you think about it, all struggles
around me not being perfect at being able to ask
forget the job as a man, as a black man.
I'm not perfect, but I'm not perfect and I'm gonna
(30:22):
work my behind off to be as perfect as I
can be, plain and simper.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Literally, it's all anybody could ask for, and they really
shouldn't be asking for anything from anybody except what you get,
and what you get is what you got. You know,
we spoke about that vulnerability. We spoke about vulnerability, but
vicarious trauma is an unspoken reality for many working with
vulnerable populations. What role do you hope your openness in
(30:51):
this book plays in helping those silently struggling?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
So even and I'm glad you asked that particular question
because when people ask me about the book itself, they asked, well,
what was the point of it, what was the reason why? Wow? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
What?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
And I say, because I'm not the only one that suffers.
I'm not the only one that has an issue. I'm
not the only one that goes through something. If you
can read the words and take in the word, you
can see that you're not alone, and you're so much
not alone that I was able to write about it
and tell everybody that I can reach that you're not alone.
(31:26):
So that's the vulnerability portion of it. And I think
the writing allows me to tell other people that it's
okay to not be happy today. It's okay to cry tomorrow.
It's okay to even say, hey, I'm the best I
am and I got it. It's okay to say I
don't want to deal with this person. It's okay. And
(31:49):
I think my writing allows me to reach people who
didn't think that it was okay.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Then Jesus have to understand it. It's okay to be
just that okay. Your book explores many relationships, romantic, family,
and the one with yourself. Which relationship taught you the
most about healing.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Surprisingly, I would say relationships. And I say that because
I've been in relationships off and all, up and down,
left and right. And I even said in one of
them that I'm actually you know that I'm in love
and you go, well, how are you in love? What
does that mean? Because relationship taught me that through all
the ups and downs, through all the crap, through all
(32:37):
the stupidity, all the pain, financial this, and that that
there is another person other than your mother and your
parent who has you and your heart on a pedestal.
And it took relationships failures to understand the women nothing.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
I'm so glad that you know that one F word,
which is the right F word talking about yeah, not
the navy F word, failure And you don't see for
hear people mention it so much as far as to
say that when they're talking about themselves, including themselves, with
that word failure. I commend you on saying, you know,
(33:24):
using the word failure. I mean, and that's times because
in yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Feel And it took losing someone that was important to go,
oh shoot, I really failed. Then it took being able
to say, okay, can I be happy with that person
being happy? These are all things you learn along the way.
So I've gotten more lessons throughout relationships, and I've gotten
from being a son being a father. Being a father
(33:55):
makes you figure things out to protect your offspring. Being
a son makes you try to live up to the
potential that or even the aura that your parent has.
You always want to be to. You want to be
a person who they can say, that's my son, But
you also want to be a person where they say, oh,
(34:16):
that's your son. But relationships makes you question yourself, It
makes you question you know others, but it makes you learn,
and it also makes you make decisions on what your
next step will be.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You have any relationships in your life been restored or
released because of your healing?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I think every single one of them, everything, one of them,
even though it's some are active, some or not.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Like so, you did some work. You did some work,
in other words, for you to say every single one
of them, you acknowledged whatever was going on, whether it
was on your behalf or whether it was on Dan's
you did some work.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and part of it it was. And
I would say, even more recently, it was the passion
of my uncle made me go watch it thank you.
It's been a couple now, but I watched that man.
He was the father figure in my life, not being
a father, but he was a father that I knew,
(35:17):
but watching.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Him put it in your book.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Yeah, The thing is watching helped me figure out how
to navigate apologizing. And whether you said I accept it
or don't, I'm able to say it to you. I'm
able to get it off my chest. I'm able to
make my thoughts and my my feelings in that moment.
(35:43):
I'm able to give it to you now. So whatever
I do want you.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
To hear, I want you as well as the other
men out there to hear what you just said. Apologize
that a man can apologize, but I don't want the
women that's sitting out there and go yeah, because women
you don't like to do it either. You don't like
to apologize because a lot of times we think that
(36:06):
we're right about every little thing there is and we
don't want to get up off of it. So apologies
go both ways. Yes, you can apologize just as well
as they men can apologize too. So just remember this
school blurb in my little episode here that apologies can
come from either end. And that's what it sounds crunny
makes the world go round.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
And that's very true because even in the apologies, guess what,
whether you continue a relationship with me on any level,
the air is clean, so to speak. You no longer
have questions about why were my motives my intentions. I'm
telling you I was stupid, then I might be doing
now whatever I have. Don't want word it, but I
(36:50):
apologize because guess what. It caused you a certain way,
a certain feeling. It caused you a certain pain. That's
what happens. It comes back to me. I mean, I
believe in God, but I also believe that energy is important.
So if I'm giving you some negative and.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
I love to hear that you say, I'd love to
hear that you said that, because you know you hear.
Some people say when they when they feel as though
others are pressuring them to apologize, they'll say something like,
I'm sorry you feel that way. That's not an apology.
Oh no, there's nothing near an apology. That's just you
(37:29):
just running your mouth, just saying that I'm sorry you
feel that way. What is the meaning behind that?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
You know?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
What do you hope that your children understand about you?
About the man behind the words through this book.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That Daddy wasn't paying at one point, but Daddy overcame
his pain, put his pain on paper, He took his
pain and tried to help other people and helping other
people hopefully help them because guess what my pain is
their pain. So I want them to understand. Yet I
(38:06):
was they able to do that.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Has fatherhood changed the way that you see your childhood
in your community or the legacy of your building.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
No, I'm gonna say no because I've always been a
proponent on let's build the community together. And while we're separate,
I'm not gonna hold it against you for not wanting
to be together. So I'm still gonna do the community
events with my kids. I'm still gonna make sure that
(38:38):
communities see me as a father taking his kids places.
Their black fathers still do exist, their father still because
it doesn't have to be colored things, but father still exists.
But in the community itself where I grew up, they
need to understand that whether you agree with my principles
(38:58):
or not, our children all out tomorrow, period and if
we can't work it out together, then all right, I'm
still gonna do what.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Our children are our tomorrow. Do you see yourself continuing
to write or share in your story in other ways?
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Yeah, this book was the beginning of me opening because
even when I read it myself, but you know, you
write a book, you go over a book, you have
people look at it. But I sat and read it
myself and I said, wait, there's more. Because as much
as I talk and I think, I want to say,
(39:39):
as deep as I might have gotten, their layer is
almost like the onion. I think I just peeled off
maybe one layer. And yeah, I want to continue because yeah,
but I want to help people understand that it's okay
to have pain, and and it's some people can write
(40:01):
about it. You could do a song about it, you
can draw. There's so many different avenues to express and
help get through your pain. So this is fortunate.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
If a person doesn't go through pain, they don't grow.
You have to go through and I'm not saying it
has to be so painful where it's devastating. You have
to go through some sort of pain in order to
grow or to understand. So what are some non negotiables
and your personal growth or self care routine, something that's
(40:38):
non negotiable.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
M not believing in God, that's number one on my list.
If you are not a god fearing person.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
One of the church things.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
This glory, but this, this is this reality. But also,
like you even asked the question to me, if you
can't be vulnerable with me, then you're not vulnerable with yourself.
(41:16):
Personal opinion.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Patrice is saying facts. She's sitting over here in the
side saying facts, and yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
But these are things. And you know, I'm in my
mid foyer. I'm almost hitting the fifties, So you go,
I don't been through some things. I ain't been through everything,
but I've been through some things, and I go, I
ain't accept them for so much. And I'm at the
point now where as a father raising children, they gotta
be able to see that Daddy stands on principal and
(41:44):
my principal number one God, my principal number two. I'm
gonna protect, but I'm not gonna establish relationships with people,
business or personal if there's no vulnerability between because sometimes
say I woke up late, like even in general, if
there's a meeting that's supposed to happen, and we can't
(42:05):
be vulnerable enough to say I'm human and I've screwed
up a little bit. Then that tells me you're trying
to cover up who you are personal pinon. This is
me how I look at the world. Vulnerability goes full
circle and that's that's not non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So what what message do you want your readers to
walk away with after reading First Steps to Healing, My
thoughts that.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
It's okay to, like I said prior, to isolate your feelings,
isolate your pain, accept your pain. Uh, put your pain
somewhere where you can dissect it over time or dissect
it in the moment. But there's heal and there's another
(42:57):
there's a different there's a different side. You'll be able
to cross that plateau and you'll be into this healing space.
That you're not alone. I think that's a huge thing.
You're not the only one going through these things. You know.
I even wrote about child support and you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
You're not alone, said child support. Well, we did an
episode a couple of years ago on child support, and
it was just phenomenon with the way that the men
were sending in things about child supporting things that I
and I had to make sure it was just for
men because the things that I was telling them many
(43:42):
would say, why would you tell them that? Because I'm
a fair person, just like I would tell you as
a woman, certain things. I'm going to tell the men's
a man too, And it's not about getting over it's
what their rights are, which many of them do not
know that there are rights that they have regarding child support.
But that's another story to different because we'll be sitting
(44:03):
there all night, people be coming in and talking about
tell me about it, tell me about what am I missing?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
How do I do this?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
There's things that can be done that will help you out,
but I'm not gonna go there. And now some women
is hating, but you women should know that sometimes these
men are giving they're giving you money on the side
to take care of the kid, and you're still asking
for money through chop support. So come on. But then
there's things that a man can do too. And I'll
(44:30):
just say quick modification. Anyway, who do you hope this
who do you hope this book reaches?
Speaker 3 (44:37):
And what do you want them to know? I want
the book to reach everybody. I want them to know that,
like I said, I said, the only way to hell
is to deal with the pain in the moment, Except
that there is pain. I want them to know that
(44:59):
they're not alone. I mean, that's what this book really is.
Like your first step to healing is accepting the fact
that there's a problem, there's an issue that needs to
be healed. But while you're dealing with that, you are
not alone. You are not the only person. Like I
can take each of these little short stories and poems
and they can be their own entity of just workshops.
(45:26):
We can discuss this and bring in psychologists and these
people and all that. For each individual story or poetry
poem that's in this book, because someone has and dealt
with each individual thing that's.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
M M.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Either you're frozen or you're broken up some and I
think there's a connection problem you're going in an hour.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
Who wants to know that? I guess.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Well, what he was doing, what Eric was doing, was
explaining to everyone what he hopes that his book, who
he hopes that his book reaches, and what he wants
them to know. And from what I gathered, he wants
them just to they know everything there is to know,
and what they do need to do is to get
to know themselves first. And I think that that's one
(46:49):
of the things that people need to reach inside to
get to know themselves, because if you don't know who
you are, you can't help somebody identify who they are.
So that's just falseness of you sitting there and being
able to help them, for how are you've given them
when you haven't given yourself. So that's some of the
things that I speak to people when it comes to
(47:13):
and it's not and I don't want to say any shade,
but I deal with mental health, and a lot of
this is striking me as mental health. Not to say
that he has a mental health problem. They'll all have
some sort of mental health problem. So I don't want
anybody to be mistaken that, oh I'm fine. Okay, Well
that's your mental health problem, thinking that you just fine.
(47:35):
So what do you hope readers, especially young men from
communities like yours and mine, walk away with after finishing
your book, Because I'm not a young man, but I'm
walking away with a couple of things. And I'm only
at this point in the chapter and I just got
too much to write. This book is gonna be a
mess when I finished with it because I'm writing on
every page.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Well for men, for young boys, just for anybody understand
that it's I say, important to identify what's going on
in the moment. But once you identify, learn from it.
That that's the biggest picture. If you think about it,
(48:20):
learn from it, because to make the same mistake, it's
almost like like you say, back of the day, you know,
you run to the wall, and you keep running to
the wall. The wall is not going nowhere. If it
hurt first time, it's gonna hurt the second time. Like
things of that nature. So this for young men, it's like, yo,
guess what the og Because like I said, even when
I mentioned the Times Board, we're gonna move on modification.
(48:42):
But you look at that and you go, Okay, yeah,
I got these baby mamas. Okay, forget that. Let's go
to work. Y'all got this boss, I can't stand yo.
Let's forget that. Let's go home. Y'all got this life
at home. These kids, we all got something. My mamas
is overbearing, my daddy's over there. We all have something.
So for me, I want to tell the young men,
guess what we could. We got to continue to be
(49:07):
strong in whatever we go through, because especially if we
have children. So from the book, I'm working.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Again that go ahead. I'm sorry, go ahead, change.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
That's what I want them to get. I want to
get that while being in your own page. That especially
if you have children, because I wrote about that, if
you have children, be that role model. And I believe
in role models as a parent, not outside of your
parental status, but as a parent. I believe in the
(49:41):
ideology of role models. Be that role model for your children.
That's what this book also says. It challenges not just men,
but it challenges women too to be that role model
for their parents, for their children in the hood.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
For those children who are in I'll say, I don't
want to say fatherless women run home where father could
be there, but a majority of the people in the
house or women or either that dad is not home
as much because of work. So I don't want to
take anything from a man by saying he's not there,
(50:16):
or he's an absent father, he's a debby father. It's
just that for some reason he's not in the home
during certain times of that. What would you say about
doing a group a mentoring group for young black men
or young men period. I don't want to just stereotype
and say young black men because you have children from
(50:38):
other cultures that are raised in the home where it's Grandma,
where it's Auntie, and dad is maybe he's a truck
driver and he's away for a while, maybe there's something
else going on where Dad has to be out of
the house for a period of time. What would you
say into forming a group to mentor them, because I
remember when my solf was growing up, there was a
(51:01):
group that he belonged to with the police department. For
the life of me, I can't remember it, but they
had it at the Queen's location and he just he
loved it. He loved the program. No, wasn't the pr
It was another program that they had for them because
they even put them in uniform.
Speaker 3 (51:19):
Oh the Explorers right there, you.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
Go myself, they do. I wish they existed.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
They do have a version of it in most states
because they tried to, you know, uh, try to get
some of the kids off the street. But for me personally,
I like the idea of mentoring, but I'm learning over
the year that mentoring has to be that grabbed these kids.
(51:54):
So like if I was doing roadblocks or something and
I was able to come up with a program where
while I'm doing roadblocks, I'm teaching something it'll bring them,
but it could be me just being uh, you know what.
They call that pessimistic about it. We got to look
at the parents before.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
I think with that, we got to look at the system,
because certain systems can break down a family can break
the family. And I think the systems need to look
at working with the families and not against the family.
Tarry more about the power that they have and worry
(52:37):
more about the people, because I think it becomes a
problem when that happens. And sometimes they show children that
you've taken the power from the parent. You know, you'll
hear a child say something and their authorities will side
with the child or or or feelings though the child.
You know that sympathy will go out. And when they're
(52:58):
speaking to the parent to the child, the parent is
being chastised, right, not that the parent is being spoken to.
So their child can come back into your home and
feeling as though they can say and do whatever they want.
And if you say something to me, I'm making a
phone call. I'm going out here and I'm saying this,
that or the other to whoever. I can go to
(53:19):
school and say something to the teacher, you know, I
can go wherever and say something. So I think the
system needs to look at it from the beginning, right,
And I think if they look at it from the
beginning and see, for one, look at why you started it,
why you started these programs, what was the foundation. Let's
(53:41):
let's go back and look at that and see what's missing,
see what's changed. Because some of the things that's changed,
you could bring them back because you have more tools
to work with now. There's so much more that you
can use to work with what you thought was broken,
that you decided to change without a reason to change.
(54:02):
And I'm going to say, what was it that you
were chasing money? Not all about the child or the family.
And I've seen that, I've been around it, and it
sickens me to know that that happens, you know, within family.
So you got to building up a mentorship would be great.
Speaker 3 (54:23):
Yeah, I believe in that, and I believe in mentorship.
I believe in passing on my knowledge. I believe in
collaborating with other men who have their knowledge and passing
that on. Also believe that the system is rigged to
try to make it fail, so we also have That's
(54:43):
why I said, like, and I agree with you how
you talked about the mom and the parents being chastised
while the child is being basically coddled. That's how I
interpreted it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But in that moment,
the child now has this new power. And I was
bringing that up because I remember how we back in
the day when I thought that I had that idea
(55:05):
that I can call it, and I did that. I
called the couse of my mom and this woman said,
no problem, see your later, tak him with you. But
that and the cop was like, all right, that's what
we're gonna do. Man, with your permission, because you're still
law enforcement, so you still got to follow certain rules
and regulations. Man, with your permission, we're gonna take him here.
(55:27):
And that was the community working together with the law enforcement.
Those days are over. This is why I said, we
have to figure out a way to collaborate with the
community in addition to law enforcement coming together. In order
(55:49):
for the kids to even receive what's happening.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I think before they even collaborate with the community, I
think they need to learn how to build trust back
up in the community, because if you don't build that
trust back up into the communities and into programs and
things that once were. You're going to continue to lose
these families because a lot of them don't trust certain
(56:12):
systems because systems failed them, and they're looking at that,
they're looking at being broken down because they feel as
though a system has broken them. So it's going to
take a lot. But in order for it to work,
a lot is going to have to be given. Time
is going to have to be given. You know, when
you get these groups together, people just want to be heard.
(56:37):
They want to be heard. It's not to say you
can fix it overnight, but they want to be heard
to figure out where are we now?
Speaker 3 (56:44):
You know.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
One of the things I want to ask you, and
I hope I'm not putting you on the spot, but
as a detective in New York, do they still have
the pens warry?
Speaker 3 (56:54):
So I can answer this question because it's not a
policy question because I was hoping it wasn't. So pens
has transitioned into something else, so that actual pens weren't
person in need of supervision doesn't necessarily exist anymore. Where
(57:16):
the judge says, if you don't go home after school directly,
we're gonna bring you here and we're gonna put you
in this facility and we're gonna violate you. That doesn't
necessarily exist anymore because of the age now that they've
changed what is a minor. Once you start changing all
the age brackets, you now have to also adjust the
rules and regulations that coincide with that age bracket. So
(57:39):
now is number sixteen, a child now is eighteen, So
that pens which would have applied won't apply. It's things
of that nature. So on some levels, there's ways to
do it where you can you can apply for it's
(58:00):
almost like when a parent is sick or something like that.
You can apply for guardianship of that nature or what
they call it. Oh my goodness, I'm gonna loss of words,
which is rare, but see it's probably cool guardian lighten.
But it gives you. It gives the person now the
(58:22):
legal ability and illegal standing to dictate where a person
moves and where a child might go. So if that
child doesn't come home, you can legally say, you know what,
you're being homeschooled from now on. Things of that nature.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
So here's something else I'm not sure and they should
have it there. It's called voluntary placement agreements that a
parent can bequest where if the child is having some
behavioral issues and it's really affecting the house and the
child is best. If it's a mental health they can
(59:02):
ask petition to court for a voluntary placement agreement. That
is what the parent is going into the hospital for
any period of time, they can ask for a voluntary
placement agreement. If the parent is going to be incarcerated
for a certain period of time and the I'm not
saying for years, they can ask for a voluntary placement
agreement and it's nothing that's gonna be held against them now,
(59:26):
only held against them if they don't go back and
get their child. That time that the child is there,
you're not on vacation as a parent. You are working
on yourself and what you need in order for that
child to come back home and for it to be
safe for everybody, because where that child is going to
be is going to be a place that's working with
that child, so that child will understand once they're back
in the family home that these are the things that's
(59:48):
going to be put in place. So there's a wraparound
service that's going to benefit both parent and child. But
you have to have the system to be able to
work together instead of thinking that I have more power
than you as far as and I'm going to say
the Board of Education, I have more power than you
as a mental health physician. I have more power than
(01:00:09):
you as an officer. I have more power than you
as the doctor. You can't keep doing that because y'all
are system that works together and you collaborate. And when
the kids start seeing all of that that you're broken, broken, broken,
they grow up feeling that way, and then they become
the parent, and then they already feel as though the
system is broken and they have no one to turn to.
(01:00:32):
And this is what's starting to happen that people are
not trusting these systems because they don't feel as though
they have anyone to turn to. But I want to know,
how could listeners, if viewers, connect with you, and where
could they purchase your book?
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Well, you connect with me on Instagram at ays Underscore podcast.
Facebook is ays Underscore Podcasts. The book is on Amazon
in both paperback and in digital copy. It's just My
Thoughts by Eric o'blake First Steps to healing. Those are
my initial things. I'm actually transitioning over the Shopify my
(01:01:11):
way up.
Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Yeah, I can see. I can see just by reading
this book. What's next for you?
Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
The podcast a YS podcast A y S stands for
are you serious? So it's a podcast that's gonna question serious. Yeah.
It's basically questioning every day decisions that are being made
and our how it affects us, our steps to make
(01:01:41):
things better and decisions not to uh the decision being
made that don't make it better.
Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Uh like, so this is your podcasts?
Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Oh wow, I got a similar information because I've got
some people that would benefit from being on your your podcast,
and you would benefit from them and being on your podcast.
So definitely got to send me that.
Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
You said nderscore podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
But yes, I'm definitely gonna get that information. So, if
you're in New York City and the Jamaica Queens area,
stop by the Harvest Rum on August twenty third, between
ten and two. Eric is going to be there with
his book, so this way, you can purchase the book
there and if you're lucky, you might be able to
get a picture taken with him and get it autographed.
(01:02:32):
So we're expecting you to show up and the show
out to be there.
Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
Eric.
Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Thank you for your transparency, your strength and your voice
my thoughts. First steps to healing is a testimony and
a tool. You can use this as a tool, and
tonight you reminded us that healing doesn't have to be perfect.
You just have to be honest and to our basic
black Afterdog family, don't forget to marketr calendars for tomorrow,
(01:03:00):
August to fifteenth, Here at eight o'clock while final panel
of the season, and I'm feeling so bad that it's
our final panel for cracks in the surface, strengths and
the core not easily broken. But we are coming back
for a season next year and we're gonna be looking
for people to participate in the panel. You want to
email me, text me, have it. You can definitely find
(01:03:23):
me on Facebook to learn more about the panel. I
will be posting it so you'll get to know more.
And you already know it's going to be powerful. Tomorrow
some of us may have some tissue. I already got
my box, see sitting right here close by, got my
box cause I'm quite sure it's gonna be a tear jerker.
But until next time, keep it raw, keep it real
(01:03:44):
and always and for keeping its appreciate me no, thank
you so much. For being a part of this and
I'm gonna be there and in New York. Solvia definitely
gets me
K lags and gentlemen, lay, I have your attention. Please.
(00:46):
The show starts in five line eight seven six five.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You read shoot, hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome, welcome, welcome.
(01:41):
I am your host, Black Diamond, and you're tuned into
another soul shifting episode of Basic Black after Dark. Now,
this is the show that meets you where you are
and it gives you what you need. Tonight, we're kicking
off a powerful conversation with a brand new author, none
other than Eric o'blake. So you're seeing him here first,
(02:03):
and if any other show had him, we still won't
say we've seen him here first. And we're diving deep
into what it means to take the first steps towards healing.
So you've been stuck, silent or simply surviving, this is
your sign to rise. Healing starts now, So please welcome
Eric o'blake to Basic Black after Dark. But should say,
(02:25):
detective Blake, let's get into it. Here we go. Hey,
how are ya? Oh it's good. I'm so glad that
you can be here. I had myself lined up with
the way that I wanted this show to go tonight,
but after reading your book, it shifted some gears for me.
(02:48):
So I'm going to go with a little warp script
because I just want to get into this this right here.
It's been on my mind and on my heart. And
I said, if I don't get it out, I probably
won't have time in this show y'all to get it out.
And I'm gonna go there first because I don't normally
do this, but I'm gonna go there. And we're talking
about his book here, First Steps to Healing, and you'll
(03:13):
see it and it says my thoughts, and I can say,
my god. He says my thoughts. I say, my god.
There's a section in here and the chapter that I'm
looking at it says if I were gone, and that's
the one that got me the most. And I'm looking
at a section that reads, will the world acknowledge my
(03:35):
departure from the future? What will I leave behind as
a legacy? What will people say in my absence? What
will special what will that special person shed tears like
mighty flood? Or will businesses continue as usual? What is
(03:56):
your legacy?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Who appreciate that particular question? That's the deep one off
the top I want to say, And I will say
that my legacy is completion I think that's the best
way to put it, and it's become completion. But if
(04:21):
you ask this question maybe a month ago, my legacy
might have been a you don't finish nothing reality. But
I have three children, three boys, three black men, and
I say completion because they are able now to see
and they've always in some ways seen me accomplish whatever
(04:46):
was that he needed to be accomplished. You know how
you say you never want for nothing, These children never
wanted for anything. They were able to see that. But
on top of all that, compassion at vism, law enforcement, wow,
(05:09):
financial stability as of now, uh, willingness to admit mistakes, uh,
the ability to be humble. Funny. But when you talk
about against legacy, which is long living, you know, long
lasting longevity of a memory. It's always there when needed
(05:33):
to be there. That's the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
What type of legacy would you want to leave for
your boys, something that they can say that that was
my dad, That's what he left back here, That's what
I'm going to continue. That's what is our family, you know,
is our heritage. Now he's added, well, I would say that.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
It's almost the same thing. My boys would definitely say
when I called Daddy, He's there, so you know reliability.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You know this part here is when you're gone, so
you're not around and you left the legacy.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yes, the legacy is remember to be there if you
say you're going to be there, period. Remember to make
yourself available if for those who you know need you,
and even for those who don't necessarily need you. I mean,
reality is I'm always trying to help somebody else out,
you know, without wanting that reciprocation. My boys will see that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
What would you like say? Because this is the way
I'm taking this, because you're saying that if I were gone,
what would you like said about you in your absence?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
So let's get to an degree of that particular text.
That part of it is I wrote this and started
writing this in two thousand and five. Now we're in
twenty twenty five. Let's just put that into contact. In
two thousand and five, I was on the police force,
brand New Blabba Boom. So a lot of the thoughts
(07:17):
were if I wasn't here with my kids, with my mom,
with my uncle and my auntie, all them people, what
would they be able to say about me if I
was going? And is my life relevant in this moment
when I was writing back, as we transcend and move
on to now, it's the same principle, what the accomplishments
(07:38):
I've made being a law enforcement officer, being a father,
being a man, being a son and a nephew. Is
it enough? I basically were trying to ask in that question,
is it enough? Whereas when I leave, will they be
able to say? Okay? I remember that Eric was the
guy that when I picked up the phone Eric Anton.
(07:58):
I remember Eric was a guy when he wanted somebody
to put a shelf up. I can call it Eric
to put the shelf up. If I needed Eric to
come to this meeting for me and represent me in
a meeting, was Eric available? Things of that nature? And
guess what? Eric's hard? Can I call Erica? Just say yo?
I got to cry real real quick, my man, I
gotta I gotta tell y'all, I'm not feeling this that.
(08:21):
That's where it came from. It came from me at
that particular point, first of all, being brand new cop,
being a father to a one child at the time,
and not feeling adequate as a man at that time.
So if I was gone, how would you feel? Who
(08:41):
will remember me that that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You know, do you see a change in you from
then to now? And what type of change do you see?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
So I see myself accepting my mistakes better, I see
myself accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and being
able to you know, relay that information and not just
myself but two other people, so that acceptance of okay,
(09:14):
perfection doesn't exist only in God. Allow me to go
day to day and go, Okay, I can take this, Mike,
But now I'm i gonna learn from it. Because now
if I say, if I'm going, oh no, you're gonna
remember me. Oh yeah, that's that dude who telling them jokes.
That's a dude who had them both ties, he dressed up.
That's me now, But I already know if I'm going
(09:36):
right tomorrow tomorrow, don't wake up. You know when you're
gonna remember he's smart, intelligent, pretty attractive. Uh dress as well.
Uh will fight, will need to be fight for your rights,
you know, for your integrity, has his own integrity, things
of that nature. You Now, I'm better? Yeah, we all know. Well.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I don't want to go too far into religion because
I don't want to insult anybody. But as far as
I'm concerned, we know that God is the creator and
he has created you to be someone. What do you
think He created you to be.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
An example of overcoming adversity, the ability to deal with
the hardship, navigate that hardship, find a way out of
that hardship, and be able to be a bright light
(10:50):
for someone else.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Mentioned earlier that you were worn and whether you were enough,
And I usually say things like this for the but
I want you to know that you're saying you want
to know if you're enough. I want you to remember
that you're becoming, and then it's the dot died, because
(11:16):
it's whatever you want to put in that place. So
just keep it in mind that you're becoming. You becoming
the father that you wanted to be, you becoming the
uncle that you wanted to be, You're becoming the detective
that you're going to be. So just keep in mind
you're becoming, and don't let anybody change that. It's not
are you enough? Don't question yourself are you enough? Just
(11:38):
am I becoming? Because I tattoo that all over myself. Yes,
I'm becoming the woman that I want to be. So
you keep that in mind.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Okay, understood, Thank you. I appreciate the reversion of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, you know what inspired you to write this collection,
because I've got to feel that this is not gonna
be the last of this.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
It's funny you said that, because when I was first
doing I said, okay, that'sould make this volume one. But
it in the beginning, like I said, I started this
in five. I became a police officer into four and
into five, and I started this because full transparency, I
was navigating new fatherhood, not that my son. I gained
(12:22):
custody of my son, so that changes your lifestyle, It
changes all your day to day normal activity. And I
was like, oh man, I don't know I'm gonna do this.
So as I was just going through just the ebbs
and flows of not knowing how to be that primary
(12:43):
care taker, I started writing down notes. And that's what happened.
It was my notes, and then my notes turned into it. Okay,
let me just keep writing down my pain of the day,
just the express was going on. Okay, let me write
down happiness of the day, and then as life trans
you know, and send it into more things. I just
started writing it down, and once I started writing down.
(13:06):
I said, you know what, let me somebody might want this,
and I basically said, I'm not gonna just write my notes.
I'm gonna make my notes mean something, so let me
put them in a poetic, you know, a story. And
that's why that there.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Was there was a defining moment that made you say
I need to tell this story or did it become
a lifeline or a tool for human for you later
in life? Uh?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah. I got shot at days while at work, and
I guess that kind of correlates to if I were
going and things of that nature. But I got shot at,
had to shoot back things of that nature. And being
shot at and feeling the bullet go past you, you go,
oh wait a minute, that's real and you go, what
(13:56):
has anymore?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yes, the real stuff is playing with the little guns
with the little red cap on the end of it
and have a little hat on saying that you're a
cop and it's real.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And that's what happened. So now, oh snap, I have
a child. Oh snap, And I said just like that,
and I used that verbiage oh snap. And I remember
going into the into the precinct and going, man, they
were shooting. Do I really want to do this anymore,
(14:30):
you know, things of that nature to go. Is this
job worth it when I have someone else who needs me?
And then after that it was like my son was
so happy that daddy was a police officer. It was like,
you know what, I'm gonna continue to do it because
he's excited about it. My mother, please don't want to
(14:50):
hear it. She hates the job, doesn't want me to
be a cop, never wanted me to be a cop
until I became.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
You know what, I give her credit for that because
I did it. I was the same way with my sons.
Don't even do anything else you want to do that
we're not talking about. I get it, and I'm even
that way when it's to football. I don't even I
didn't want them to play football because I was afraid
they would get hurt. Right now, I'm older, little wiser,
(15:17):
I'm trying to understand the game. I still don't understand football.
I just know people get knocked down and around. So
I do have that passion for that. I do understand
where she's coming from. But I'm curious. Was it a
steady flow or did certain memories take time to face
and translate into words, So you know, as you was
(15:37):
going through right in your journey in your journal, was
it a steady flow or did certain memories take time
to face and then translate it? Like, wait a minute,
I remember this, Like what you had just mentioned about
being shot at that was a memory. Did it take
time to face that and translate it into words or
(15:59):
was it something you said, I gotta write this down.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Well, but the write down and putting it on paper
and you know, chronologically keeping it as a you know,
a permanent memory in regardless of getting shot was different.
It was more of the thought of that's when if
I were gone, it was established. That was its you know, inception.
(16:22):
But most of the things I wrote were was the
journey because I had to learn from the journey in
order to even write about the journey. That was my
thing and I had to reflect on it important.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
So growing up in an urban community, which I did too,
how did you surround and shape the way you see
the world in the way that you write. I think
you're mute. Yeah, I think you're mute. You're probably muted
(17:02):
by accident and then you're still muted. Can you hear me?
Just not if you can? Yeah, I can't. Can I
hear you? You may have to go out and come
back in. That might fix it. Nope. Yeah, check your
(17:37):
phone settings. Are you on your phone? Okay? So yeah,
if you're on your phone, somebody tried to call you.
So you do have to go out and come back
in because that's what stopped it. Yeah, try to putting
(18:02):
your phone on airplane mode so that won't happen. Well,
giving the thumbs up like my grandson do. But we're
here talking to Eric o'blake. He is also Detective Eric o'blake,
and he took the time out to write this book,
which I'm not even through the book to tell you
(18:22):
the truth where I had to make a stop trying
to make sure that I'm holding a bright And this
is his book here, so I'll cover my face because
my face is not important right now. And this is
his book, and he really talking from the heart. And
you don't find many men who talk about first steps
to healing. You don't have men in blue who will
(18:47):
come forward and admit that there's some healing that needs
to be done. So I commend him on many things,
on many levels being an officer, which is one coming
forward and speaking his speak about healing and just being transparent,
(19:09):
so that that's something that I applaud him for. Now
I think he's back. We're just going to bring him
back up. Yeah, I can hear you now, Just yeah,
here we go. There you go. I just want to
say hi to a shout out to Patrese, Trida, and Chanette.
Those are part of my podcast, Syste, and I just
want to say thank you for participating tonight. But yeah,
(19:31):
I just like I said, I was just so curious
with that. How did you experience as a New York
City detective influenced the emotional depths, themes or truths that
show up in your work.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
That's a multi layered question, even in its simplicity, because
one New York City detective, it took it. It took
a long time to get there. Took me approximately, I
want to say, thirteen years to get to that level.
(20:08):
And then after that I was able to get promoted again.
But that journey in itself, I say, because not only
was a detective, not only am I detective, but I
was a police officer first. But not only was I
police officer, I was a black man first and I
am a black man first. So the job does not
(20:28):
always cater to that. So the journey for me compared
to others, I would say, is different because I have
to now work harder and that's just reality. It's not
a sugarcoaton piece to it. This is reality. So now
to be able to make it to where I am
(20:51):
was the I appreciate that. And it's the resilience that
I learned from watching my mom do what she did,
watching her be an activist. I can her be a
political figure, watching her do the public relations. So while
being an officer, I threw myself into that world as well,
and I became joined the politics of the department. I
became one of the members of one of the unions.
(21:13):
I became a member of one of the fraternal organizations.
I worked my way up the ranks in the fraternal
organization all the way after first vice president, which.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I saw your interview. I saw your interview with someone.
But in this book, you do talk about your mom,
and that's that's a wonderful piece. You talk about your
grandmother as well. And I said, look at this, he's
talking about his mom, he's talking about his grandmother. And
I was just so pleased, and I'm sitting here smelling,
and I said, I'm so proud of him, And I said,
(21:43):
I don't even know him, but I'm proud of him.
Then he's talking about them and they just made me
sheels so good, And it is exactly that. And you
don't see too many people who recognized them as being so.
You know, many people ruggle to express their pain and
you put it in writing. What made writing feel like
(22:06):
a safe place for you? Were there parts of the
book that was difficult for you to write?
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yeah, the the hardest part was writing about being a
father to a son who wanted his mother. The hardest
part had ever if you, the hardest I could ever done,
the hardest thing I ever could have done, which in
turn made reflect on how I am with my children now.
And this is the point where I feel inadequate as
(22:34):
the father portion because everybody said, you can always do more,
you can always pick another day to do a little extra.
But watching him, my oldest child, go through what he
went through, that was the hardest part, and that I
had to put that on paper. Yeah, that was tough.
(22:56):
That was very tough. And words can't express because other
people might not feel what you're feeling. Other people will
not be able to relate to what you're feeling in
that moment. But I come to realize that, guess what,
I'm not the only person who has a child's who
other parent wasn't active. I'm not the only person who
has a relationship where the other person is not being
(23:19):
what you want them to be. I'm not the only
person who has a parent who is going through some
type of illness. There's so many things that transcend across
all people. That put it on paper made it real
to me. I think that's the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
One of those one of those gentlemen that we talk
about as a social worker that we're very happy and
pleased to see that the father seeks custody of their
child for whatever the reason is. And I don't want
to spill dirt on anybody, but we're very happy to
see because some fathers will walk away and say, no,
(23:56):
I can't do this. I'm not going to do this.
Give me to whoever or that go here there I
can come by every once in a while. So we
commend fathers that step up and do that. You talk
about healing, what does he look like in your day
to day life?
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Being able to smile throughout the entire day. God, what's happening?
Real talk. I can't even word it any other way.
Going through the financial do you.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Are you smiling because you made it through that shift
and you ain't get shot or you just smilling? So
I'm smiling for you. I'm smiling for any any police
officer and detective. I don't care if they're walking a beat,
if they're if they're just off duty, no matter what
way it goes, I'm smiling every day for him that
(24:48):
they made it home and they made it safely.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
I do.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
I mean my smiles because I woke up in the morning.
My smiles because I made it through the day. My
smile is because my kids are doing all right, my
mama doing all right. You know. I'm smile because I'm
here to witness life. And the reality is that's what
gets me going to the next day. The reality is
(25:12):
I'm here because God said this is not your time
to go to me see me just yet.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
But I learned too, that's something that should be contagious.
A smile. What would you say to other men, especially
black men, who were raised to man up and bury
their pain? But you hear this sometimes so let's not.
(25:40):
I'm not gonna act like I don't bury pain, but
I bury it momentarily because life goes on. So that
that's literally what I would say, bury that pain for
the moment. If you're in a situation where you can't
isolate yourself to handle it by yourself. In order to
even get through pain, I really believe that you got
(26:01):
to deal with it on your own a little bit initially.
So you get slapped in the it's like, oh, I
got slapp in the face. If people are watching you
life experience.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Yeah, people are watching you get slapped in the face.
You might try to now react to that, you know surrounding. No,
put yourself by yourself, handle that by yourself. But then
move on. Period. That's what I'll tell men, because and
but accept the fact that there was pain, whether it's
(26:33):
relationship pain. I've been hurt so many times relationship. I've
hurt people in relationships. But put yourself into the pain,
accept what the pain is, and go, Okay, the pain happened.
I'm moving on to the next thing. Man. Period. Period.
It might sound tough, it might sound like, how I
forget about it. No, accept the pain in the moment,
(26:54):
it's part of psychology. Accept the pain. Part of these things,
these steps.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Is that these experiences are different. The pain that some
endure is different because some pain could be a lifetime
of pain. Some pain could be oh, I just hit
my hand with the hammer type of pain. Pain could
be caused by someone else's hands. How do you think
(27:18):
your story reflects or challenges the mainstream narrative about black
men in America.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I think it challenges men to not become and not
continue to be the stereotypical conversation. I think it challenges wow,
and women and everybody not to conform to what they
hear we should be like. I think the book Yeah,
(27:48):
but I think it.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Also I get so sickatit of hearing that that's an
angry black woman.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, and like the treating man like. There has to
be a point where you go, let me do something different.
So part of the book is to create that conversation that, Okay,
while you do something that might not go the right
way and might not be what status quo is. Learn
(28:13):
from that, grow from that, change your perspective on life.
Be a beacon that someone else who's looking at you
could say, Wow, they writing my day. Period and I
think that's what the book really is, because it really
may be a beacon for myself.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I'm gonna throw something in there. In a New York minute.
I'm gonna say that because I miss hearing that on television?
What does vulnerability mean to you as a detective and
as a writer? And only said that because I'm from
New York, So I missed hearing that on the news,
and it's going to happen in a New York minute.
(28:52):
So what does vulnerability mean to you as a detective
and as a writer.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Well, let me start. As a detective, Vulnerability is the
ability to put myself in that other person's shoes if
I can, if I can't. Vulnerability means being empathetic in
that moment as a detective, but as a man, and
(29:18):
I always have to revert back to because while I'm
a man in New York, while I'm a man every day,
I am a black man. So vulnerability as a black
man means I have to be able to not only
be able to accept the fact that I'm not gonna
get it the way that everybody else gets it. I'm
not gonna be able to do to certain things that
other people do, but I also, I gotta also say
(29:40):
that I can't be like we've been taught to be
too strong, too stringent, too strict, too macho, machismo oriented.
And I say all that because I have three young
black men under me, So it means to me, the
vulnerability means to let them know that Daddy is not
(30:01):
perfect for society. It means that Eric is not perfect
in relationship. It means that Eric is not perfect to
my mama. So when you think about it, all struggles
around me not being perfect at being able to ask
forget the job as a man, as a black man.
I'm not perfect, but I'm not perfect and I'm gonna
(30:22):
work my behind off to be as perfect as I
can be, plain and simper.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Literally, it's all anybody could ask for, and they really
shouldn't be asking for anything from anybody except what you get,
and what you get is what you got. You know,
we spoke about that vulnerability. We spoke about vulnerability, but
vicarious trauma is an unspoken reality for many working with
vulnerable populations. What role do you hope your openness in
(30:51):
this book plays in helping those silently struggling?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
So even and I'm glad you asked that particular question
because when people ask me about the book itself, they asked, well,
what was the point of it, what was the reason why? Wow? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
What?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
And I say, because I'm not the only one that suffers.
I'm not the only one that has an issue. I'm
not the only one that goes through something. If you
can read the words and take in the word, you
can see that you're not alone, and you're so much
not alone that I was able to write about it
and tell everybody that I can reach that you're not alone.
(31:26):
So that's the vulnerability portion of it. And I think
the writing allows me to tell other people that it's
okay to not be happy today. It's okay to cry tomorrow.
It's okay to even say, hey, I'm the best I
am and I got it. It's okay to say I
don't want to deal with this person. It's okay. And
(31:49):
I think my writing allows me to reach people who
didn't think that it was okay.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Then Jesus have to understand it. It's okay to be
just that okay. Your book explores many relationships, romantic, family,
and the one with yourself. Which relationship taught you the
most about healing.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Surprisingly, I would say relationships. And I say that because
I've been in relationships off and all, up and down,
left and right. And I even said in one of
them that I'm actually you know that I'm in love
and you go, well, how are you in love? What
does that mean? Because relationship taught me that through all
the ups and downs, through all the crap, through all
(32:37):
the stupidity, all the pain, financial this, and that that
there is another person other than your mother and your
parent who has you and your heart on a pedestal.
And it took relationships failures to understand the women nothing.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
I'm so glad that you know that one F word,
which is the right F word talking about yeah, not
the navy F word, failure And you don't see for
hear people mention it so much as far as to
say that when they're talking about themselves, including themselves, with
that word failure. I commend you on saying, you know,
(33:24):
using the word failure. I mean, and that's times because
in yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Feel And it took losing someone that was important to go,
oh shoot, I really failed. Then it took being able
to say, okay, can I be happy with that person
being happy? These are all things you learn along the way.
So I've gotten more lessons throughout relationships, and I've gotten
from being a son being a father. Being a father
(33:55):
makes you figure things out to protect your offspring. Being
a son makes you try to live up to the
potential that or even the aura that your parent has.
You always want to be to. You want to be
a person who they can say, that's my son, But
you also want to be a person where they say, oh,
(34:16):
that's your son. But relationships makes you question yourself, It
makes you question you know others, but it makes you learn,
and it also makes you make decisions on what your
next step will be.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You have any relationships in your life been restored or
released because of your healing?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I think every single one of them, everything, one of them,
even though it's some are active, some or not.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Like so, you did some work. You did some work,
in other words, for you to say every single one
of them, you acknowledged whatever was going on, whether it
was on your behalf or whether it was on Dan's
you did some work.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and part of it it was. And
I would say, even more recently, it was the passion
of my uncle made me go watch it thank you.
It's been a couple now, but I watched that man.
He was the father figure in my life, not being
a father, but he was a father that I knew,
(35:17):
but watching.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Him put it in your book.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Yeah, The thing is watching helped me figure out how
to navigate apologizing. And whether you said I accept it
or don't, I'm able to say it to you. I'm
able to get it off my chest. I'm able to
make my thoughts and my my feelings in that moment.
(35:43):
I'm able to give it to you now. So whatever
I do want you.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
To hear, I want you as well as the other
men out there to hear what you just said. Apologize
that a man can apologize, but I don't want the
women that's sitting out there and go yeah, because women
you don't like to do it either. You don't like
to apologize because a lot of times we think that
(36:06):
we're right about every little thing there is and we
don't want to get up off of it. So apologies
go both ways. Yes, you can apologize just as well
as they men can apologize too. So just remember this
school blurb in my little episode here that apologies can
come from either end. And that's what it sounds crunny
makes the world go round.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
And that's very true because even in the apologies, guess what,
whether you continue a relationship with me on any level,
the air is clean, so to speak. You no longer
have questions about why were my motives my intentions. I'm
telling you I was stupid, then I might be doing
now whatever I have. Don't want word it, but I
(36:50):
apologize because guess what. It caused you a certain way,
a certain feeling. It caused you a certain pain. That's
what happens. It comes back to me. I mean, I
believe in God, but I also believe that energy is important.
So if I'm giving you some negative and.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
I love to hear that you say, I'd love to
hear that you said that, because you know you hear.
Some people say when they when they feel as though
others are pressuring them to apologize, they'll say something like,
I'm sorry you feel that way. That's not an apology.
Oh no, there's nothing near an apology. That's just you
(37:29):
just running your mouth, just saying that I'm sorry you
feel that way. What is the meaning behind that?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
You know?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
What do you hope that your children understand about you?
About the man behind the words through this book.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That Daddy wasn't paying at one point, but Daddy overcame
his pain, put his pain on paper, He took his
pain and tried to help other people and helping other
people hopefully help them because guess what my pain is
their pain. So I want them to understand. Yet I
(38:06):
was they able to do that.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Has fatherhood changed the way that you see your childhood
in your community or the legacy of your building.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
No, I'm gonna say no because I've always been a
proponent on let's build the community together. And while we're separate,
I'm not gonna hold it against you for not wanting
to be together. So I'm still gonna do the community
events with my kids. I'm still gonna make sure that
(38:38):
communities see me as a father taking his kids places.
Their black fathers still do exist, their father still because
it doesn't have to be colored things, but father still exists.
But in the community itself where I grew up, they
need to understand that whether you agree with my principles
(38:58):
or not, our children all out tomorrow, period and if
we can't work it out together, then all right, I'm
still gonna do what.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Our children are our tomorrow. Do you see yourself continuing
to write or share in your story in other ways?
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Yeah, this book was the beginning of me opening because
even when I read it myself, but you know, you
write a book, you go over a book, you have
people look at it. But I sat and read it
myself and I said, wait, there's more. Because as much
as I talk and I think, I want to say,
(39:39):
as deep as I might have gotten, their layer is
almost like the onion. I think I just peeled off
maybe one layer. And yeah, I want to continue because yeah,
but I want to help people understand that it's okay
to have pain, and and it's some people can write
(40:01):
about it. You could do a song about it, you
can draw. There's so many different avenues to express and
help get through your pain. So this is fortunate.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
If a person doesn't go through pain, they don't grow.
You have to go through and I'm not saying it
has to be so painful where it's devastating. You have
to go through some sort of pain in order to
grow or to understand. So what are some non negotiables
and your personal growth or self care routine, something that's
(40:38):
non negotiable.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
M not believing in God, that's number one on my list.
If you are not a god fearing person.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
One of the church things.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
This glory, but this, this is this reality. But also,
like you even asked the question to me, if you
can't be vulnerable with me, then you're not vulnerable with yourself.
(41:16):
Personal opinion.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Patrice is saying facts. She's sitting over here in the
side saying facts, and yeah.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
But these are things. And you know, I'm in my
mid foyer. I'm almost hitting the fifties, So you go,
I don't been through some things. I ain't been through everything,
but I've been through some things, and I go, I
ain't accept them for so much. And I'm at the
point now where as a father raising children, they gotta
be able to see that Daddy stands on principal and
(41:44):
my principal number one God, my principal number two. I'm
gonna protect, but I'm not gonna establish relationships with people,
business or personal if there's no vulnerability between because sometimes
say I woke up late, like even in general, if
there's a meeting that's supposed to happen, and we can't
(42:05):
be vulnerable enough to say I'm human and I've screwed
up a little bit. Then that tells me you're trying
to cover up who you are personal pinon. This is
me how I look at the world. Vulnerability goes full
circle and that's that's not non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So what what message do you want your readers to
walk away with after reading First Steps to Healing, My
thoughts that.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
It's okay to, like I said prior, to isolate your feelings,
isolate your pain, accept your pain. Uh, put your pain
somewhere where you can dissect it over time or dissect
it in the moment. But there's heal and there's another
(42:57):
there's a different there's a different side. You'll be able
to cross that plateau and you'll be into this healing space.
That you're not alone. I think that's a huge thing.
You're not the only one going through these things. You know.
I even wrote about child support and you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
You're not alone, said child support. Well, we did an
episode a couple of years ago on child support, and
it was just phenomenon with the way that the men
were sending in things about child supporting things that I
and I had to make sure it was just for
men because the things that I was telling them many
(43:42):
would say, why would you tell them that? Because I'm
a fair person, just like I would tell you as
a woman, certain things. I'm going to tell the men's
a man too, And it's not about getting over it's
what their rights are, which many of them do not
know that there are rights that they have regarding child support.
But that's another story to different because we'll be sitting
(44:03):
there all night, people be coming in and talking about
tell me about it, tell me about what am I missing?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
How do I do this?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
There's things that can be done that will help you out,
but I'm not gonna go there. And now some women
is hating, but you women should know that sometimes these
men are giving they're giving you money on the side
to take care of the kid, and you're still asking
for money through chop support. So come on. But then
there's things that a man can do too. And I'll
(44:30):
just say quick modification. Anyway, who do you hope this
who do you hope this book reaches?
Speaker 3 (44:37):
And what do you want them to know? I want
the book to reach everybody. I want them to know that,
like I said, I said, the only way to hell
is to deal with the pain in the moment, Except
that there is pain. I want them to know that
(44:59):
they're not alone. I mean, that's what this book really is.
Like your first step to healing is accepting the fact
that there's a problem, there's an issue that needs to
be healed. But while you're dealing with that, you are
not alone. You are not the only person. Like I
can take each of these little short stories and poems
and they can be their own entity of just workshops.
(45:26):
We can discuss this and bring in psychologists and these
people and all that. For each individual story or poetry
poem that's in this book, because someone has and dealt
with each individual thing that's.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
M M.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Either you're frozen or you're broken up some and I
think there's a connection problem you're going in an hour.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
Who wants to know that? I guess.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Well, what he was doing, what Eric was doing, was
explaining to everyone what he hopes that his book, who
he hopes that his book reaches, and what he wants
them to know. And from what I gathered, he wants
them just to they know everything there is to know,
and what they do need to do is to get
to know themselves first. And I think that that's one
(46:49):
of the things that people need to reach inside to
get to know themselves, because if you don't know who
you are, you can't help somebody identify who they are.
So that's just falseness of you sitting there and being
able to help them, for how are you've given them
when you haven't given yourself. So that's some of the
things that I speak to people when it comes to
(47:13):
and it's not and I don't want to say any shade,
but I deal with mental health, and a lot of
this is striking me as mental health. Not to say
that he has a mental health problem. They'll all have
some sort of mental health problem. So I don't want
anybody to be mistaken that, oh I'm fine. Okay, Well
that's your mental health problem, thinking that you just fine.
(47:35):
So what do you hope readers, especially young men from
communities like yours and mine, walk away with after finishing
your book, Because I'm not a young man, but I'm
walking away with a couple of things. And I'm only
at this point in the chapter and I just got
too much to write. This book is gonna be a
mess when I finished with it because I'm writing on
every page.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Well for men, for young boys, just for anybody understand
that it's I say, important to identify what's going on
in the moment. But once you identify, learn from it.
That that's the biggest picture. If you think about it,
(48:20):
learn from it, because to make the same mistake, it's
almost like like you say, back of the day, you know,
you run to the wall, and you keep running to
the wall. The wall is not going nowhere. If it
hurt first time, it's gonna hurt the second time. Like
things of that nature. So this for young men, it's like, yo,
guess what the og Because like I said, even when
I mentioned the Times Board, we're gonna move on modification.
(48:42):
But you look at that and you go, Okay, yeah,
I got these baby mamas. Okay, forget that. Let's go
to work. Y'all got this boss, I can't stand yo.
Let's forget that. Let's go home. Y'all got this life
at home. These kids, we all got something. My mamas
is overbearing, my daddy's over there. We all have something.
So for me, I want to tell the young men,
guess what we could. We got to continue to be
(49:07):
strong in whatever we go through, because especially if we
have children. So from the book, I'm working.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Again that go ahead. I'm sorry, go ahead, change.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
That's what I want them to get. I want to
get that while being in your own page. That especially
if you have children, because I wrote about that, if
you have children, be that role model. And I believe
in role models as a parent, not outside of your
parental status, but as a parent. I believe in the
(49:41):
ideology of role models. Be that role model for your children.
That's what this book also says. It challenges not just men,
but it challenges women too to be that role model
for their parents, for their children in the hood.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
For those children who are in I'll say, I don't
want to say fatherless women run home where father could
be there, but a majority of the people in the
house or women or either that dad is not home
as much because of work. So I don't want to
take anything from a man by saying he's not there,
(50:16):
or he's an absent father, he's a debby father. It's
just that for some reason he's not in the home
during certain times of that. What would you say about
doing a group a mentoring group for young black men
or young men period. I don't want to just stereotype
and say young black men because you have children from
(50:38):
other cultures that are raised in the home where it's Grandma,
where it's Auntie, and dad is maybe he's a truck
driver and he's away for a while, maybe there's something
else going on where Dad has to be out of
the house for a period of time. What would you
say into forming a group to mentor them, because I
remember when my solf was growing up, there was a
(51:01):
group that he belonged to with the police department. For
the life of me, I can't remember it, but they
had it at the Queen's location and he just he
loved it. He loved the program. No, wasn't the pr
It was another program that they had for them because
they even put them in uniform.
Speaker 3 (51:19):
Oh the Explorers right there, you.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
Go myself, they do. I wish they existed.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
They do have a version of it in most states
because they tried to, you know, uh, try to get
some of the kids off the street. But for me personally,
I like the idea of mentoring, but I'm learning over
the year that mentoring has to be that grabbed these kids.
(51:54):
So like if I was doing roadblocks or something and
I was able to come up with a program where
while I'm doing roadblocks, I'm teaching something it'll bring them,
but it could be me just being uh, you know what.
They call that pessimistic about it. We got to look
at the parents before.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
I think with that, we got to look at the system,
because certain systems can break down a family can break
the family. And I think the systems need to look
at working with the families and not against the family.
Tarry more about the power that they have and worry
(52:37):
more about the people, because I think it becomes a
problem when that happens. And sometimes they show children that
you've taken the power from the parent. You know, you'll
hear a child say something and their authorities will side
with the child or or or feelings though the child.
You know that sympathy will go out. And when they're
(52:58):
speaking to the parent to the child, the parent is
being chastised, right, not that the parent is being spoken to.
So their child can come back into your home and
feeling as though they can say and do whatever they want.
And if you say something to me, I'm making a
phone call. I'm going out here and I'm saying this,
that or the other to whoever. I can go to
(53:19):
school and say something to the teacher, you know, I
can go wherever and say something. So I think the
system needs to look at it from the beginning, right,
And I think if they look at it from the
beginning and see, for one, look at why you started it,
why you started these programs, what was the foundation. Let's
(53:41):
let's go back and look at that and see what's missing,
see what's changed. Because some of the things that's changed,
you could bring them back because you have more tools
to work with now. There's so much more that you
can use to work with what you thought was broken,
that you decided to change without a reason to change.
(54:02):
And I'm going to say, what was it that you
were chasing money? Not all about the child or the family.
And I've seen that, I've been around it, and it
sickens me to know that that happens, you know, within family.
So you got to building up a mentorship would be great.
Speaker 3 (54:23):
Yeah, I believe in that, and I believe in mentorship.
I believe in passing on my knowledge. I believe in
collaborating with other men who have their knowledge and passing
that on. Also believe that the system is rigged to
try to make it fail, so we also have That's
(54:43):
why I said, like, and I agree with you how
you talked about the mom and the parents being chastised
while the child is being basically coddled. That's how I
interpreted it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But in that moment,
the child now has this new power. And I was
bringing that up because I remember how we back in
the day when I thought that I had that idea
(55:05):
that I can call it, and I did that. I
called the couse of my mom and this woman said,
no problem, see your later, tak him with you. But
that and the cop was like, all right, that's what
we're gonna do. Man, with your permission, because you're still
law enforcement, so you still got to follow certain rules
and regulations. Man, with your permission, we're gonna take him here.
(55:27):
And that was the community working together with the law enforcement.
Those days are over. This is why I said, we
have to figure out a way to collaborate with the
community in addition to law enforcement coming together. In order
(55:49):
for the kids to even receive what's happening.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I think before they even collaborate with the community, I
think they need to learn how to build trust back
up in the community, because if you don't build that
trust back up into the communities and into programs and
things that once were. You're going to continue to lose
these families because a lot of them don't trust certain
(56:12):
systems because systems failed them, and they're looking at that,
they're looking at being broken down because they feel as
though a system has broken them. So it's going to
take a lot. But in order for it to work,
a lot is going to have to be given. Time
is going to have to be given. You know, when
you get these groups together, people just want to be heard.
(56:37):
They want to be heard. It's not to say you
can fix it overnight, but they want to be heard
to figure out where are we now?
Speaker 3 (56:44):
You know.
Speaker 2 (56:44):
One of the things I want to ask you, and
I hope I'm not putting you on the spot, but
as a detective in New York, do they still have
the pens warry?
Speaker 3 (56:54):
So I can answer this question because it's not a
policy question because I was hoping it wasn't. So pens
has transitioned into something else, so that actual pens weren't
person in need of supervision doesn't necessarily exist anymore. Where
(57:16):
the judge says, if you don't go home after school directly,
we're gonna bring you here and we're gonna put you
in this facility and we're gonna violate you. That doesn't
necessarily exist anymore because of the age now that they've
changed what is a minor. Once you start changing all
the age brackets, you now have to also adjust the
rules and regulations that coincide with that age bracket. So
(57:39):
now is number sixteen, a child now is eighteen, So
that pens which would have applied won't apply. It's things
of that nature. So on some levels, there's ways to
do it where you can you can apply for it's
(58:00):
almost like when a parent is sick or something like that.
You can apply for guardianship of that nature or what
they call it. Oh my goodness, I'm gonna loss of words,
which is rare, but see it's probably cool guardian lighten.
But it gives you. It gives the person now the
(58:22):
legal ability and illegal standing to dictate where a person
moves and where a child might go. So if that
child doesn't come home, you can legally say, you know what,
you're being homeschooled from now on. Things of that nature.
Speaker 2 (58:40):
So here's something else I'm not sure and they should
have it there. It's called voluntary placement agreements that a
parent can bequest where if the child is having some
behavioral issues and it's really affecting the house and the
child is best. If it's a mental health they can
(59:02):
ask petition to court for a voluntary placement agreement. That
is what the parent is going into the hospital for
any period of time, they can ask for a voluntary
placement agreement. If the parent is going to be incarcerated
for a certain period of time and the I'm not
saying for years, they can ask for a voluntary placement
agreement and it's nothing that's gonna be held against them now,
(59:26):
only held against them if they don't go back and
get their child. That time that the child is there,
you're not on vacation as a parent. You are working
on yourself and what you need in order for that
child to come back home and for it to be
safe for everybody, because where that child is going to
be is going to be a place that's working with
that child, so that child will understand once they're back
in the family home that these are the things that's
(59:48):
going to be put in place. So there's a wraparound
service that's going to benefit both parent and child. But
you have to have the system to be able to
work together instead of thinking that I have more power
than you as far as and I'm going to say
the Board of Education, I have more power than you
as a mental health physician. I have more power than
(01:00:09):
you as an officer. I have more power than you
as the doctor. You can't keep doing that because y'all
are system that works together and you collaborate. And when
the kids start seeing all of that that you're broken, broken, broken,
they grow up feeling that way, and then they become
the parent, and then they already feel as though the
system is broken and they have no one to turn to.
(01:00:32):
And this is what's starting to happen that people are
not trusting these systems because they don't feel as though
they have anyone to turn to. But I want to know,
how could listeners, if viewers, connect with you, and where
could they purchase your book?
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Well, you connect with me on Instagram at ays Underscore podcast.
Facebook is ays Underscore Podcasts. The book is on Amazon
in both paperback and in digital copy. It's just My
Thoughts by Eric o'blake First Steps to healing. Those are
my initial things. I'm actually transitioning over the Shopify my
(01:01:11):
way up.
Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Yeah, I can see. I can see just by reading
this book. What's next for you?
Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
The podcast a YS podcast A y S stands for
are you serious? So it's a podcast that's gonna question serious. Yeah.
It's basically questioning every day decisions that are being made
and our how it affects us, our steps to make
(01:01:41):
things better and decisions not to uh the decision being
made that don't make it better.
Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Uh like, so this is your podcasts?
Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Oh wow, I got a similar information because I've got
some people that would benefit from being on your your podcast,
and you would benefit from them and being on your podcast.
So definitely got to send me that.
Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
You said nderscore podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
But yes, I'm definitely gonna get that information. So, if
you're in New York City and the Jamaica Queens area,
stop by the Harvest Rum on August twenty third, between
ten and two. Eric is going to be there with
his book, so this way, you can purchase the book
there and if you're lucky, you might be able to
get a picture taken with him and get it autographed.
(01:02:32):
So we're expecting you to show up and the show
out to be there.
Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
Eric.
Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Thank you for your transparency, your strength and your voice
my thoughts. First steps to healing is a testimony and
a tool. You can use this as a tool, and
tonight you reminded us that healing doesn't have to be perfect.
You just have to be honest and to our basic
black Afterdog family, don't forget to marketr calendars for tomorrow,
(01:03:00):
August to fifteenth, Here at eight o'clock while final panel
of the season, and I'm feeling so bad that it's
our final panel for cracks in the surface, strengths and
the core not easily broken. But we are coming back
for a season next year and we're gonna be looking
for people to participate in the panel. You want to
email me, text me, have it. You can definitely find
(01:03:23):
me on Facebook to learn more about the panel. I
will be posting it so you'll get to know more.
And you already know it's going to be powerful. Tomorrow
some of us may have some tissue. I already got
my box, see sitting right here close by, got my
box cause I'm quite sure it's gonna be a tear jerker.
But until next time, keep it raw, keep it real
(01:03:44):
and always and for keeping its appreciate me no, thank
you so much. For being a part of this and
I'm gonna be there and in New York. Solvia definitely
gets me
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