In Believe in the Journey, Triveda Harris draws from her own experiences as a stroke survivor living with Chiari Malformation to discuss common themes of personal growth and resilience. Key topics include:Overcoming adversity
- Turning pain into purpose: Harris emphasizes that personal hardships, like the ones she faces, can serve as a powerful catalyst for growth and meaning.
- Resilience and determination: Episodes often focus on the power of determination and a positive mindset in overcoming life’s challenges.
- Invisible illnesses: Harris uses her platform to raise awareness about Chiari Malformation and other invisible illnesses, advocating for those living with chronic and often misunderstood conditions.
- The role of faith: As a spiritual person, Harris frequently discusses how her faith has provided strength and guidance through her health issues and personal struggles.
- God-given purpose: The podcast explores the idea that understanding your life’s journey leads to discovering your purpose.
- Shared experiences: Through her podcast, Harris builds a community for people to share their own stories of healing and transformation.
- Conversations with others: The podcast includes discussions with authors, experts, and everyday people to offer a variety of perspectives on personal journeys.
- Parenting and motherhood: The podcast includes discussions relevant to the challenges and rewards of being a parent.
- Book discussions: Some episodes feature discussions inspired by specific books.
- Background: Harris, born and raised in South Carolina, is a stroke survivor living with Chiari Malformation, a neurological condition. Her experiences inspired her to write and share her story, which is a theme often explored on her podcast.
- Writing: She is also an author who publishes under the name Triveda Sheenae Harris.
- Podcast: The Believe in the Journey podcast is available on multiple platforms, including Spreaker and YouTube.
- Online presence: You can follow her work and listen to episodes through her Facebook page.
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After the Vows: A Wife’s Story is a moving and soul-stirring anthology that explores what happens when the fairytale of marriage meets the reality of life. Told through the voices of four courageous women, this book reveals the raw truth of love, commitment, heartbreak, and healing.Each story shares an intimate journey—from the joy and hope that comes with saying “I do” to the silent struggles, disappointments, and ultimately, the life-changing decision to part ways. These wives speak not from a place of bitterness, but from boldness and strength—showing that even after vows are broken, purpose and peace can still be found.This collection isn’t just about divorce—it’s about rediscovery. It’s about reclaiming your identity, rising from pain, and stepping confidently into a new chapter. If you’ve ever loved deeply, lost yourself in marriage, or had to find the courage to start over, this anthology will speak to your soul.After the vows, the real story begins.After the Vows: A Wife’s Story is a moving and soul-stirring anthology that explores what happens when the fairytale of marriage meets the reality of life. Told through the voices of four courageous women, this book reveals the raw truth of love, commitment, heartbreak, and healing.Each story shares an intimate journey—from the joy and hope that comes with saying “I do” to the silent struggles, disappointments, and ultimately, the life-changing decision to part ways. These wives speak not from a place of bitterness, but from boldness and strength—showing that even after vows are broken, purpose and peace can still be found.This collection isn’t just about divorce—it’s about rediscovery. It’s about reclaiming your identity, rising from pain, and stepping confidently into a new chapter. If you’ve ever loved deeply, lost yourself in marriage, or had to find the courage to start over, this anthology will speak to
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Gentle light, I have your attention. Please the show starts
it my seven six Hill three two, fol.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Good evening and welcome to Believe in the Journey.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Podcast where I am your host, Trivita Harris, and tonight
we are going to be talking to Latanya Little John
about her book After the Vows Away, a Wife's Story
and listen, you, guys, I happen to be a contributing
author of this book, and when I tell you, it
(01:59):
was an honor to be part of this book.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
But it's also a story and a subject.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Line that we don't always talk about because you know,
you think about your wedding day, no one really and
truly thinks about getting divorced or anything like that. But
we're gonna talk about the good, the bad, and the
indifferent and what it looks like for all of us now.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
So not only do we have Latania Little John, we
have the.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Other two contributed authors along with myself and Latania. And
that is not just Scott and the one and only
missus Angela Thomas Smith.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So hey girl, hey honey, how are you? I am good?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And you know, before we do anything, we have to
go to God in prayer and then we'll.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Get started on what led you to making this book.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
All right, Dear heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us
together each and every time we're in front of you.
Let the words of my mouth fall upon the ears
that need to hear, and hopefully the ones that are
listening tonight, and if they're going through a hard time
and their relationship, their marriage, and they are looking to
find a way out, but hopefully they can find their
(03:12):
way back together, because divorce is usually the last option
and some things are just unforgivable and we know that,
and we also know when it's time to walk away.
But as long as they keep you first, they will
be all right. But I thank you for bringing us
together tonight. So let the words of my mouth fall
upon they need to hear, and your precious and holy
name Jesus, we pray Amen.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Al right, first question I have is what made you
decide on putting together an anthology about a wife's story
and how did you even come up with the title.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
So sometimes when we get married, it's our wedding and
not well, it's my wedding and not our meaning you
and your spouse m And oftentimes that's what the marriage
looks like.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Is.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
It's just as one sided as the actual wedding day.
I wrote from a personal experience, and just to touch
on that a little bit. I met my husband when
I was seven, Okay, I told him that I was
gonna marry him.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
You can't, uh, we can't hear you in the studio,
Telly you.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Okay, what do I need to do?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I'm not sure. Try to go out and come back in. Okay, yeah,
try to do that. Okay, all right, you guys, I'm
sorry about that.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
D D.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Can you hear us?
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, I can't. Angela can you hear her?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Okay, all right, Well, thank you ladies for being here tonight.
You guys contributed to this story as well. How was
it and what made you decide that you wanted to
be a part of this anthology?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Okay, can't Tanya say something real quick?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Something?
Speaker 6 (05:20):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Can you hear her in the studio now?
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Yes? And you can see her in the studio now? Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Cool?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
You couldn't see me before?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
You know it was saying you was offline?
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Oh okay, Well to run it back. I did this
book because women often look at a wedding as being
just their own and not hers and her husband's, and
so I wanted to tell the story from a wife's
(05:52):
point of view, the beginning of the courtship, the engagement,
and unfortunately, the end of the marriage. And I know
that for me. I met my husband when I was
seven and I told him that I was gonna marry him,
(06:13):
and I did. Like we went through a whole lot
of stuff, and the thing that stuck out to me
the most, what really made me write the book was
how other people's feelings played a part in my marriage.
(06:36):
Other people's feelings were placed before that on my own.
And I've had conversations with him where he would tell me,
you know, I couldn't force him to love me. I
had to allow him to fall in love with me,
which I had thought that he already had since he
you know, proposed marriage or whatever. But as fate would
(06:59):
have it, our reason for well, his reason for asking
me didn't line up with what God had in store
for us. And it was rocky from the jump. And
so I know I'm not the only female that has
gone through that, and there are some husbands that have
(07:19):
gone through some things. And my perfect no was our
perfect wife, absolutely not. And so you know, I didn't
write the book to bash him, but just to tell
my story.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And I agree with that. I think it's.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
A point where you want to be able to share
what you experienced as a wife, you know, because you
start out as being you know, the girlfriend, and then
the fiance and then the wife, and then once you
go through those stages, and then you end up as
being the ex wife. And so I've been in all
(07:58):
of those positions, and so that is where I wrote
for myself. I wrote from being the girlfriend to the
the fiance, to being the mom of our three children,
then to being the ex wife. And that journey in
(08:18):
itself was a lot, you know, because we were high
school sweethearts and we were together for thirteen years and
that was a long time, you know, And it's just
one of those things where you either grow together or
you grow apart. And I think that's what happened for us,
(08:39):
miss Angela and miss d D. What made you guys
decide to be a part of this.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Anthology Athela can go ahead? Okay?
Speaker 6 (08:49):
So for me, I am this was something new for me.
But being able to share this journey because for those
that know me know that I was involved in domestic
violence incident and it was at the hands of my husband.
(09:12):
So to be able to share this, you know, openly
share this journey and to be able to talk about it,
it was, I guess a part of my healing and
a part of me wanting to release some more things
because a lot of people they hear me talk about
(09:33):
the domestic violence, but they don't hear the ins and
outs of it. So wanted to share a little bit
more and letting people know that, you know, sometimes it's
okay to walk away. We try to hide things, we
try to cover up things because we don't want people
to see where we may have failed, where we may
(09:55):
have you know, let some people down, or whatever the
case may be. But knowing that that we're okay with
ourselves and we had to do this for ourselves and
not thinking about what other people think and being able
to release that. So that was part of why I
wanted to be a part of this, Because talking about
(10:17):
my separation, I would say, because the divorce is not final.
I've been separated since I can see twenty nineteen when
I walked away from the marriage. There's been a lot
going on in between. That reason why it has not
been finalized. So just being able to talk about it
(10:40):
and being able to let people see what has been
going on and to finally let people hear my side
of some stuff. It's basically why I wanted to share.
And I thank Latania for doing this because it is
it is needed. People need to be able to talk
about divorce because its people don't want to talk about it.
(11:02):
It's it's shined upon and you know, we hold we
hold on to that and to death do us part.
A lot of people hold on to that and they
will do any and everything to try to save their
marriage when sometimes it's just best to just walk away. Yeah,
all right, thank you for that space, the time you
(11:23):
to be able to share.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Thank you for wanting to actually share your story because
I do believe. I'm a firm believer that there's somebody's
healing attached to anything that we go through. So being
able to put it out there may save somebody's life.
You know, we never know how it may touch somebody.
So I appreciate you for coming along and sharing your story.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
The same question, what made you a big part of this?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Oh my goodness, the party is gonna beat you down
if I didn't. I want to get it.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
You know that, girl, I'm above coming to Virginia and
getting me No, I said.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
The main reason why I wanted to do is because.
Speaker 7 (12:17):
After being a part of the anthology with you all
and the adoption it's self therapeutic, it fell and so
in order for me to be able to prayerfully get
my next I got a heal.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
From this one. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:31):
So yeah, I definitely wanted to be a part of that.
I I was, Oh my goodness. I got with my
ex husband in a.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
Very rough time of my life.
Speaker 7 (12:42):
My adopted mom passed and she was my everything, and
I didn't want to lose anybody else in my life.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
So we were sort of dating at the time, and
I just clung to him.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
I just stayed with him, and I think I stayed
with him in a fog because I stayed with him.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Old moved.
Speaker 7 (13:02):
We were almost married twenty one years before I left.
We were almost together for twenty four years or so,
and so when I left, it was a really rough
time in my life. My family was going through some
stuff and I was trying to be that good wife.
I was trying to be the wife that was stayed
(13:23):
by your husband's side, and I saw my parents. My
mom gets sick and my dad take care of her,
so I wanted to be my dad.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
I was going to stand by her side he got sick.
Speaker 7 (13:33):
I was at the hospital, I was in recliners, I
was in the bed, I was wherever he was.
Speaker 5 (13:37):
I was there.
Speaker 7 (13:38):
I just I wanted to be that wife until I
couldn't until one day in my spirit, the Lord said
it's over.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
Now, mind you. I had a sister in the hospital
dying with COVID and I didn't know you know what
I'm saying. So, I mean, honestly, was Dona Kobe.
Speaker 7 (13:56):
But I was thinking when he said it was over,
because he was saying he was going to so I
was like, oh, no, you gonna take until I can
get to Virginia.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
I ain't going to handle that. We be in the
land of where my people are.
Speaker 7 (14:10):
And she said no, and he showed my husband's face
across from my eyes my eye views, and I said,
not my husband. I said not married. He said, I
said no, why do you honor marriage? He's no honor
those I put together. I didn't put y'all together. Y'all
put y'allselves together for.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
People to understand if God is not included.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Yeah, it is always gonna work.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
You can yeah, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
And you can try, you can try to force it,
you can try to be like God, I don't think
you really mean to.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Leave right now.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yes, this is my person. He's checked off all my
boxes or she's checked out all my boxes. And I'm
not seeing what you're seeing. We like now, let look almost,
I'm gonna stay a little while long.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Was he didn't mean it, it won't happen again. And
if it won't happen.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Again, we could again.
Speaker 6 (15:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
And one thing I can say for me was when
it began to affect our children, and it was their
well being that let me know, Okay, look here, this
is no longer about me. We have three children, and
you're willing to risk their safety, their home, their you know,
(15:44):
being able to bathe, being able to you know, do
all of the necessary things.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
And yeah, it's time to go.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
And I had heard myself saying many times before, if
I have to have this argument with you again, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I'm leaving. And it was like that.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Last time we got into an argument, it was about
our bills being paid. And I heard myself about to
start the same conversation again, and I was like, yeah,
I'm not doing this. I am I'm done, and I
started making moves. And you know that old saying goes,
(16:25):
you're not tired until you're really tired.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And I was tired. And then it was not only was.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
He lying to me, he was lying to my father,
he was lying to everyone else. And it was like, okay,
look here, if you're gonna continuously lie and jeopardize your children,
it's not for me. And so I got a phone
call from a bill collector after he had just told
my father and myself that he had taken care of
(16:56):
our gas bill, and I just went down on my
knees and I said, God, look here, if I'm not
supposed to be in this space, you're gonna have to
make a way for me to get out because I
don't have anything. I don't have a place to go,
I don't have anything. Like I'm working, but I don't
have the money to actually up and move like You're
(17:17):
gonna have to make it possible for me. And when
I tell you, within that week, I got a phone
call from a family member that said they had a house.
I said, okay, So I got a U haul truck.
I was like, I don't have the money to get
the lights turned on, but hopefully, you know, I can
(17:39):
call the power company or have it stay in my
cousin's name.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Until, you know, I get my first paycheck.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
And I had gotten a promotion in the midst of
all of this, and one of my coworkers he ended
up writing me a check for the power bill for
two hundred and fifty dollars. He was like, go ahead
and move and I was like, okay, I'm not sure
when I'll be able to pay you back. He said, baby,
I didn't ask you to pay me back. He said,
I need you and them babies to be in a
(18:08):
safe space, and where you are is not where it's
not safe. And so I was like okay. So I
got into the house and I was like, okay, I
gotta get the water transferred. And so I call the
water company and I was like, listen, I don't get
paid until the following week. It needs to be out
of the current landlord's name. So is it any way
(18:31):
that you can keep the water on until I come
in and physically next Friday and you know, get everything
switched over and pay what I need to pay. And
they said, yeah, baby, that is fine, we understand. And
I was like okay, and I said, okay, God, this
ain't nobody but you. And in that moment, I was like,
(18:51):
if I get here and I get settled, I know
that I'm not supposed to be in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'm not supposed to be in this marriage.
Speaker 6 (19:01):
Now.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Mind you, we.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Did separate, We went our separate ways. He was doing
his own little thing, but it still took me three
years to actually get the divorce because he would not
sign the papers. He would not and we ended up
getting into a physical altercation. Now, we never got physical
with each other while we were together. Now, yeah, we
(19:23):
would argue back and forth. And I'm the type of
person if I tell you stop talking to me, please
stop talking to me, and I'm gonna walk away. Don't
don't keep talking to me because that's just gonna irritate me.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
And kissed me out. So if I stopped talking, mouth don't.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
And so.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
We ended up getting into a physical altercation shortly after
I had had a hysterectomy.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So I'm still recovering.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I'm still got incisions, stitches that are healing, and so
we got into a physical altercation. I ended up with
a big, old golf size not in the middle on
my head. I have bruises all down both arms.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
And.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I let him know that I was going to the
police station and I was going to follow police report. Now,
mind you, in the midst of all of this, he
was doing crazy things during our separation in the beginning,
like he would show up at the house around three
in the morning, you know, and just getting upset with me,
slamming my door because I didn't want to talk, and
(20:27):
you know, and I'm like, listen, sir, we're we're not together.
You've moved on, You've seen somebody else. Let me just
do what I need to do for the kids. And
he was like, well, if I can't have you, I
don't want none of this. I'm like, okay, but you
got three kids with me, so we need to, you know,
do what we need to do for them.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Me and you we're over. But that's that's where it goes.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
So it's hard to walk away when you truly love somebody,
but what you love yourself enough, you will leave Because
I literally I lost myself in that marriage. And I
say that because I was more focused on him. I
was focused on our children, so I didn't know who
(21:13):
I was anymore. I didn't know anything about you know,
what I liked to do. And I even went the
therapy to try to save our relationship, to save our marriage.
Wanted him to participate in therapy with me. He would
never go to therapy, but he will always be at
the house waiting for me to get home to ask
me how my therapy session went, and did I talk
(21:35):
about him? And it's like, Okay, had you gone with me,
you would have known what the conversation was. But since
you wasn't here, there's no reason for you to ask me.
All right, you know you're not participating. So like I
started going to church, I started, you know, doing I'm like, okay,
look you can, you can participate it. You can do
(21:55):
all of these things with me. No, that wasn't important.
So it's like, okay, you really didn't want to save
this marriage. But then when we get separated, here you
go not want to sign the divorce papers, but you
don't move on.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You sleeping with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
It's not a it's a possibility that this woman's child
could be yours and you don't know, and she.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Don't know because she's still sleeping with her husband.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Also, so all of this that's going on, but you
don't sign the papers for me again. You turn around
to show up at our divorce here and when I
finally do get to serve you, because Lord knows the
way I had to serve you.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Which was myself, because Jesus.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
You and the baby mama show up at the divorce
hearing to absolutely yeah, yeah, show up at the divorce hearing.
But I was in the wrong it. So I will say, well,
(23:01):
I'm gonna ask this question, do you think that the
wedding day is the beginning of the marriage or do.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You think it's the end of the marriage.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
For me, it was the beginning of the end when
he proposed, he proposed September the eleventh, when the the
planes hit the towers and whatnot, and you know, it
gave me the spill about not being alone, and you.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
Know it was what it was.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
The morning of the wedding, everything that could have possibly
went wrong went wrong. I lived across the street from
the hair salon that I was getting my hair done.
Decided to show up an hour and a half late,
oh after the appointment that I had made that that
(24:00):
was clue number one. Okay, you know she did my hair,
and well backtrack, she came in with her breakfast and
told me she was gonna eat real quick and.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
Then do my hair.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
So that that was that was instance number one number.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
I called my mother.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
In law to see if the husband to be had
gone on his merry way to go and you know,
so he could be prepared somewhere else because she said
she wanted me to get dressed over there. And so
she was like, yeah, he gone, and I said okay,
And as soon as I got ready to hang up
(24:44):
the phone, I hear him laughing, he and having a
good old time watching Saturday morning cartoons. And I said,
you know what, I ain't coming. I started crying. I
was like, I'm not coming, and she was like, you
better get out of this house because she talking crazy.
She says, she not coming, and I don't put my
(25:05):
money in this way. Y'all getting married today, And so
on the way to the church, I didn't have anybody
to walk me down the aisle, so my mother in
law's boyfriend at the time agreed to walk me down
the aisle. That by itself didn't scream don't do it.
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I don't know, you know.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
But then we had a triple with and we got married.
His aunt and her husband got married, and his first cousin,
which is his aunt's daughter, and her husband renewed their vows.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Oh so y'all had a triple Sarah want money gone?
That wasn't even about at this point.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yes, continue on.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
As I'm walking down the aisle, I hear the Lord
just as as clear as I hear you guys, and
he was like, don't do it, said, I don't.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I don't hear what you're talking about. I gotta see
for myself this man, Like I got myself right.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
I'm gonna try it on down this island, marry this man,
and we're gonna get happily ever after. We're gonna have
some beautiful babies. And none of that happened.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
And so.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
When we said our vows, I heard the Lord say, okay,
be stupid, I'm gonna show you. And I'm like, you know,
I'm thinking to myself, I'm I'm I have slow moments.
I'm a blunt for real up under all of this.
And so I said, show me what what what? Because
(26:56):
that man was good as gold to me before we
said I do.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
That's usually how it goes.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
When we said I do. It's like he morphed into
another person. And when things got physical, it was always
my fault.
Speaker 6 (27:18):
I made him do it.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
He would shower me with gifts and things of that nature.
And you know, I deal with abandonment issues because I'm adopted,
and so I felt like if I leave this man,
who's gonna love me. My thought process was my mama
gave me away. She didn't want me. I was adopted
(27:44):
into a family of people that didn't really see my worth,
and I'm like, okay, so I done married a man
that don't really want me. He married me to piss
somebody off and make them jealous, which it did. It worked,
but hindsight, all is said and done after the walk away.
(28:05):
After I walked away, I walked out, she walked in.
So it's they're back to where they needed to be. They,
I mean, they both of them. May say that they
don't deal with each other on that level or whatever,
and he's just looking out for her because she ain't
got nowhere to go.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
You know, as my brother always said, I don't care
who tell it, as long as.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
It is.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
I'm so from it that I don't care like I
moved to Georgia. So I mean, and you know, he
and I had a conversation. He was like, so when
you're coming back, and I told him, I said, I
told you after I left you the first time, If
I leave again, it's a wrap. I don't do three times,
(28:51):
and it's a wrap two the first time.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
The first time, I didn't go.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
No, I didn't have anything where, I didn't have anywhere
to go. I wasn't working because he told me I
ain't have to work. He's gonna take care of me.
So that gave me the big head. I was like, yep,
I'm gonna sit at home and do absolutely nothing. But
you know, and I did sit at home most days
(29:20):
and did absolutely nothing, and then I had to get
a job. So but none of what I've gone through
has changed my mind about love. None of what I've
gone through has changed my mind about what real companionship
would look like. I do believe that I'm supposed to
(29:42):
be somebody's life. I don't know who's me, and God
ain't got.
Speaker 8 (29:47):
That far, but.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
You know it's I take what I learned from being
married over twenty years, and you know, things I settled for.
I put everybody in everything before me, and I found
a place where I'm like, if it don't make sense
(30:12):
to me, I can't do it. Like I'm not another
man will never put his hands on me again, because
if he do, it's gonna be some close singing and
flower bringing and anybody that you know what that means.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
So but.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
I feel like I deserve better. I feel like he
deserved better because I wasn't what he wanted to start with.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
I know, I wasn't what my husband wanted, my ex
husband wanted either, because number one, I'm not the right ethnicity,
if I'll say that, I'm not, yeah, right, what he
liked and what his preference was. However, I speak like
(31:02):
them in a sense, and I'm not the typical, you know,
ghetto fabulous, you.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Know, black woman, you know, and I'm not super dark either,
So you know, I was esthetically pleasing in some people.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
Yeah, and then I had the the hips and the
curves and the things that you know got him. And
then the way that I speak was along the lines
of what he was used to. But then it looked
different and you know, and so yeah, so every woman
(31:44):
after me has been quite you know, and so you
know that that that was his preference. And when we
were separated, like in the beginning, and I found out,
you know, that he was cheating while we were separating
and everything, and I was happy for And the first
thing out of his mouth that he said to me was, well,
(32:09):
she's not She's not.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Black, I said, I know.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
He was like, what you mean, I said, I know,
I wasn't your preference. I said, so I wouldn't expect
you to be with anybody, you know, And he was.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Like, well, what you mean by that, sir? I know
you I just hated to fit in the space that
you had me in for the time that you had me.
But I knew I wasn't your preference.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
That that that was never an issue for me, you know,
And so it was just one of those things where
you tend to know, and you tend to you know.
Speaker 8 (32:47):
Go through your own yeah, and you ignore it and
you and you just go on, what do you think
was the final straw?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Like the final straw for me was our kids and
and you know, and going through the lies and and
all of that, that was just literally the last thing.
And it took me some time to get to a
space to where we could actually be in the same
room together and me not be like, don't don't look
(33:20):
over here, don't say that, don't breathe the same air
that I'm breathing right now. You know, I was in
that space like, sir, don't breathe my air, like we
in the same room. But I don't want you breathing
the air that I breathe, you know, So just just
go over there, wait till I go out, and then
you come in. That's the space that I was in
for me. And so it was like okay, And then
(33:44):
he would tell so many lies, like he would say
that I was keeping the kids away from him, and sir,
you not even trying to spend time with them, like,
and so it got to the point where I would
hear so many different stories, and I that's why it's
like now when I hear stuff.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I'm like, okay, we on season two, episode four, Okay, cool,
you know.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So I don't even get upset about it no more
because I don't even be knowing the stories because I
be minding my business. And so when people would be like,
well he said that you won't let him get the kids, Okay,
but you see me with the kids all the time.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You see me taking them to the barbershop. That's something
they dad is supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Right, So you're not talking to him, but you're gonna
blame me, okay, cool, I said, So, whatever he telling you,
that's the story. I said, I don't want to hear
nothing else about it. So then when his friends started
confronting him about but you said, Trevida, don't let you
see the kids. But I always see her bringing the
boys to football practice, you know, going to get that cut.
(34:44):
I don't never see you doing none of this. So
it was always and so I'm not about to argue
with you, sir. Whatever story you want to tell, we
can be on Season four, episode five. I don't care
if whatever he told you it's new to me because
I ain't know nothing about it.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
You know, it's just when you get tired and you're ready.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
To move on, you don't pour all that you had
into this person. You loved them for who they were,
not for the any expectations. But you do expect to
grow together, you expect to build together. But if you
got one person on this end and the other person
on the other end, and you're not finding common space.
(35:28):
And anytime we would have a disagreement and I would
express how I felt, it was always, well, you don't
really feel it like that, sir.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
You don't get to tell me if I stump my
toe hurt like you didn't stump your toe. I did,
so the pain hurts. And so he would always say, well,
I don't think so. But then when we would have
a conversation, well, you just make me feel so stupid.
I can't make you feel a way that you already
didn't feel. That ain't got nothing to do with me.
So if I'm telling you something, well, you always using
(35:59):
these big words, sir, I'm using the same words in
the same vocabulary that we both have read before, so
it's words in the English language.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Well, you make me feel some sir. You went to
private school. I went to a public school.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
You've had more access to a better education than the
one that I had. So how am I making you
feel smaller than what you already feel?
Speaker 2 (36:24):
That's a personal issue that ain't not nothing new with me.
But he would always say that that's why I would
like to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
Okay, Well, let me break it down to you in
the most basic terms that I got because I don't
know how else to communicate what you did, what you
said hurt. Now if I step on your toe, will
that hurt you? Yes, Okay, I'm not gonna feel the pain,
but I will cause the pain, just like you are
causing me pain. I get to tell you that you
(36:54):
cause me pain, but you don't get to tell me
that it didn't hurt, just like I can't tell you
that what you did or what you said didn't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
How is that complicated?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
How can you not comprehend what I'm saying? Like, just
don't talk to me then, because I'm not understand that.
I don't know how to break it down anything florither
than what I have.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
And you made me for this.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
But now we're in a space and we can still well, yeah,
we can talk to each other.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
We can be in the same space together. Now, will
I still call him stupid?
Speaker 4 (37:35):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Of course absolutely, And he knows.
Speaker 6 (37:39):
That I will, and so everybody knows that you will.
I definitely I cannot be in the same space with minds.
I don't want to be. No, I don't want to
be five hundred five hundred miles within the person that
to be honest, and I'm like Latanya. It was the
(38:00):
beginning of the end. That day, I had so many
I had so many signs that I was just I
was just dumb and I could.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
How old were How old were y'all when y'all got married?
Because I think.
Speaker 6 (38:21):
I was in I was in my thirties, I can
say I was in my thirties, but I was in
a place. I was in a very dark place. There
was a time that so I didn't grow up around
a lot of people from Anderson, South Carolina, because I
moved away. So I lived in a small place called Levelland,
(38:43):
South Carolina, which is in Abbeyville County. If people know
the geographics, they know that Abbeyville and Anderson are two
counties that sit beside each other. So I worked on
a farm. Pretty much everybody that lived on my street
was either my first cousin or my second. There was
no outside people. Everybody on that street was Martin family.
(39:05):
It was family was family. They was either my grandfather's
children grandchildren, or his brother's grandchildren and children. That that's
all lived on all street. So I grew up in
a kind of I guess you could say we were
kind of cuddled. We didn't have to experience a lot.
(39:27):
But when my mom passed, I had the opportunity to
go and live with my dad's side of the family.
I ended up living with my aunt, so I spent
about two years in Anderson, So it wasn't like I
knew a whole lot of people there. But when I
came back to South Carolina, Anderson was the place that
I came. I had been living in Atlanta. So when
(39:50):
I graduated, I went out to junior college. I actually
ended up in North Greenville. I did not like it.
My sister had moved to Atlanta, so when I decided
that I was not going back to North Greenville, I
went straight to my sister's house. I said, I don't
know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not going back there.
Ended up getting a job at Hearty's and every day
(40:11):
I would come home. I didn't know nothing about No HBCUs.
I didn't know nothing about Morris Brown, more House, Spellman,
didn't know nothing about that. But I knew I knew
I played basketball well enough to be on somebody's team.
So I came home every day and I would call
those schools. I called more house. They said, we're all
male school. I said, oh, okay, I didn't know that.
(40:33):
A long story short, I ended up at Morris Brown College,
ended up on that basketball team, ended up just experience
in life, went through some hardshipts, went through some things,
ended up having to move back to Anderson, South Carolina.
So I was in a real dark place. And when
(40:53):
you in a dark place, it seemed like everything it's
just blur. You just can't see. You can't see the father,
then your then what's in front of you. You can't
see that role. So that's where I was. Long story short,
I ended up dating this person. We dated for a
short period. He seemed like the person that I wanted
(41:17):
to be with. He seemed like that person. I mean,
he drew to my family and we just seemed to
be getting loan. It was no arguing, no nothing. So
into the relationship there was an incident where the daughter
was molested. And matter of fact, if this wasn't a
(41:44):
warning sign for me, I don't know what was the
day of the wedding. We were at the sheriff department
pressing charges on his brother HM. So if that wasn't
a warning sign, we almost missed the appointment because we
didn't get We didn't get married in no big old
(42:06):
lavish uh a thing. My my great uncle actually married us.
My grandmother's brother, he actually married us. We had witnesses
and things of that nature. But it was no big
old ceremony. We had a get together afterwards at matter fact,
(42:27):
his his folks house. And I tell you that day
was just it was just crazy because we spent the
majority of the morning at the police station at the
sheriff department, and even going into that, I had been
called so many things, but a child of God outside
(42:49):
of my name, because that his daughter. Actually she actually
called me and told me about the situation.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (42:58):
She said she had told several people about this situation.
No one was man or woman enough to speak up
for this child, and I felt like it was my duty.
Matter of fact, let me tell you how God worked.
The her track coach actually worked for me because I
(43:20):
did a summer program where we fed low income communities
throughout Greenville, Spartanburg, Abbeyville, Anderson Greenwood Counties. So he was
one of the monitors that went out and monitored the
locations or whatever as a part time job, not only
that he was also a minister. Oh and he taught
(43:44):
at Malden High School. He was a a teacher there,
he coached there. So I just one day I was
just like, do y'all give pregnancy tests to y'all coaches,
I mean to y'all track people. Because she ran track.
They started calling the girls to the office. They had
(44:06):
to take their drug tests. And with the drug test
that they gave him a pregnant test, Well, she come
up pregnant. Oh wow wow. So when she come up pregnant,
it had to get it had to be investigated. So
that day we ended up at the at the sheriff office,
(44:27):
pressing charges on her brother. But then two years later
we found out it actually was not her brother, that
her and her mama had some things going on with
the step dad.
Speaker 5 (44:37):
Huh yeah, oh god, it.
Speaker 6 (44:42):
Was a lot. But if that was not a warning
sign to to not do, to not get married to them,
to him and to that family, because it wasn't like
I just married him. Because when we said I do,
it seemed like everybody had something to say. It was
always somebody gotta say this, somebody got to say this.
(45:03):
So everybody was running our marriage except for us, and
that became a problem. We argued a lot. It wasn't
so much of physical until that night. Until that night
that that I experienced my domestic violence. But I tell anybody,
(45:24):
watch the signs. You know you still decide to do it.
But once you get in it, you you got to
still value yourself. You gotta know your words, You gotta
understand who you are, and you cannot allow anybody, I
don't care who they are, to discredit your worst, discredit
(45:45):
who you are and put you on the back burner.
Oh you if I am your good thing, because the
word says a man that finds a wife, finds a
good thing and finds favor with the Lord. So if
I am a good then that means I should be
put in the forefront and that I should be first
and everything outside of God. So when you're not seeing that,
(46:10):
when you're not seeing that, it's a problem. It's a problem.
And yeah, we have to stand up and know our
worth and be and be like, oh, I'm not taking this.
So people understanding that the voice is not evil, the
voice is not bad. The voice is I mean, it happens,
and it happens to the best of us. Because we're human.
(46:33):
We make mistakes, and sometimes we allow our flesh to
rule us instead of listening to the Holy Spirit, instead
of listening to that that thing down in our gut,
because it comes from the gut, and it be kicking you,
and you be wondering why you be having them aches.
Sometimes you be having them stomach, you get hurt around
(46:53):
your hard Yeah, that be your inner spirit letting you
know that something ain't God, that you shouldn't be doing.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
And until you actually listen, he gonna keep He ain't.
Speaker 6 (47:09):
Gonna let it get because he already knows.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
You didn't listen the first time. All let me go
do something.
Speaker 6 (47:17):
Else, because he already knows and for us that he
slept out for us. And then because but he let
us make these decisions because we have friends. He let
us make these decisions. But his plan is already mapped out.
He's gonna say, okay, well, let me see how long
is she gonna go through that? How long was she
willing to go through that? And when he get tied up,
(47:42):
he'll make a way for you to get out. Yeah,
he keep making away, He'll keep making away. He'll keep
making away. But sometime we keep going past that way,
we'll go to the left, we'll go to the right,
we'll we'll jump up and down instead of just going
through that dough that he know real smooth. Yes, he
would make it smooth. It's it's smooth, it's butter if
(48:04):
you just willing to just go through, and you will
slide through like I'm talking about, like you slide down
that slide at the fair exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
And it's like we get so hard headed and so
stubborn because it's always with God, I don't think that's
what you're trying to tell me.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I think this is the one for me. I think
you know.
Speaker 5 (48:23):
This.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
This is my person. They checked off everything that I
was looking for and got the right. And it's like, God, say,
I ain't said.
Speaker 5 (48:31):
None of that.
Speaker 6 (48:32):
Anytime it begins to be hard, anytime it begins to
be anything but peace, you gotta understand that it's.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
And that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
And it's like I have now a clear set of
non negotiables, like I stand on them.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Either you gonna get with them or you don't.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
Don't even waste your time because my negotiables are they
They're like I'm not tolerting disrespect in any capacity you know,
you can talk to me in a nice tone, and
I can talk to you in a nice tone. If
we can't find a compromise, then you know we're gonna
go to God first. Because sometimes I know, I'm very
(49:19):
stubborn when it comes to certain things, and I am
very impatient, Like okay, y'all know I'm engaged now. And
so I was in traffic the other day. I was
telling you this about this d D the other day,
and so I was in traffic. And I hate to be,
you know, stuck in traffic, but they're working on the
(49:41):
roads in my area. And so I was coming home
from looking for address for an event. And so I
was coming home and I turned on the road and
I was like, oh lord, it's traffic. And I'm like, okay, well,
if I can get up here, I can actually go around.
But if I go around this traffic right here, it's
still gonna take me the same amount of time to
(50:03):
get home versus just staying in this lane that I'm
in because it's just one lane. So as I'm sitting there,
there's another car that's very impatient.
Speaker 5 (50:13):
You know the other cars.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
You see the sign up there that tells you to
get over. You know, you always got those little idiots
that want to rush past or whatever and try to
get over and help somebody let them in. Well, the
car was doing all of that extra stuff. So I'm
sitting in the line and I'm like, God, I get it.
I get what you're trying to say to me in
this moment is being patient, because you know, I was
(50:36):
supposed to move already, but I've still been here. But
there's been things that have happened that I needed to
be here for. Because number one, my son got sick.
My daughter is expecting another baby, so it's like I'm
needed here right now so we'll have another little niece
around here soon. And so I'm like, Lord, okay, you
(51:02):
know I'm not patient. So i happen to be on
the phone with him and I'm like, I'm in traffic
and I'm laughing at this other car and any other
time it would kiss me off, and I'm like, I
couldn't do nothing but laugh because I'm like, God, I
see what you're doing in this moment. I understand exactly
(51:23):
what it is that I needed to be patient in
the situation. It wasn't time for me to go because
you already saw what was coming ahead before I even understood.
And so as I'm saying this, he's in the background,
basically being an amen corner because I'm on the phone
with him, and he's like, don't I know it, nobody
(51:44):
asked you anything.
Speaker 6 (51:45):
He talking about what.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
I'm agreeing with you, but I didn't ask you to
I didn't ask you to agree with me. And he
was like, I said, I know that I could be
stubborn in hardhead. He was like, I said, okay, you
know what I don't he talking about.
Speaker 6 (52:00):
But I'm agreeing with you.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
I said, I know you agreeing with me, but I
don't like your tone and how you agreeing with me, Like,
just be quiet and let me and Jesus have this
conversation because I know I'm impatient. I know I'm stubborn,
I know I'm hard headed, and I know I expect
certain things when I expect them.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
And so he's like, but I'm not disagreeing. No, you're
not disagreeing with me. You are very in alignment and agreement.
Speaker 6 (52:26):
With he talking about.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I was agreeing with Jesus because Jesus know exactly the
child that he creates. Sir, be quiet, you know what
I talk to you when I get home. I don't
want to talk to you no more right now because
he talking about but I ain't even say nothing though I'm.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Just you know, he said, you know, see Jesus, you
know that's your child right now, say I am. So
we just gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
But I have clear none negotiables. He has his clear
non negotiables. But I am also learning how to. I
can't necessarily say soft girl space or whatever because I
don't necessarily know what that is. But I'm learning, and
(53:11):
it's hard because it's like he opens the doors, he
you know, carries the bags, He does all of these things.
If I'm in the mood, having a bad day, he
doesn't let my emotions dictate how he responds to me.
And that's not always easy because I know I can
get on your nerves because I tell myself sometimes I'm.
Speaker 2 (53:32):
Getting on my own nerves and I need to come out.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
So it's like he just be like, okay, you mad
because I realized when they when you hear people say
if he wanted to, he would, And I'll give you
two clear examples of if he wanted to that the
AC unit when it was real hot during the summer.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
It was just excruciating hot.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
The AC unit wasn't working, the rental office wasn't trying
to come out, and I was irritated. I was hot
with being with Kari. It's already issues, and so it
was like, well, you need to call it. I was like, Sir,
I've already done everything that you're trying to tell me
to do. And I was just like, it's hot in here.
Well did you turn this out?
Speaker 5 (54:14):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (54:15):
I have done everything you have asked me to do.
Please stop asking me.
Speaker 3 (54:18):
So I'm irritated with him at the fact that he's
asking questions out of concern. So I don't think anything
else of it. Why did this man come down here,
brought a unit for the window and actually went and
we went to the grocery store to get groceries and everything.
Now it is eight o'clock at night. He has driven
(54:41):
from Charlotte all the way down here to ensure that
I was going to be comfortable and I didn't have
to worry about anything. And then he went back, like today,
he came down. He worked all night last night and
he called this morning. He was like, open the door, sir,
I'm half sleep. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Opening door? He came with breakfast, took my son to work, and.
Speaker 3 (55:07):
Got groceries and everything, made sure that my car was
filled up, filled up the air of my tire, and
gave me my Starbucks money and.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Then and he has to go.
Speaker 6 (55:19):
That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (55:21):
And so it's like I'm learning how to like I'm
learning how to be in the space of not worrying.
And so when I get you know, it's like I
don't know how.
Speaker 5 (55:36):
To to just be.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
And he's like, just sit down, like you got stuff
that you are focusing on. I'm here to support whatever
it is.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
Just you just gotta tell me how.
Speaker 3 (55:47):
And I'm like, well, sir, I don't even know how
to ask for help in the right way, Like I
don't know how to do that. And he was like, well,
if it makes you feel like you're asking, don't put
it in question for just mention it and it's done.
And that's basically what I'm learning. And so I'm still
(56:09):
learning not to touch the door to open the door
to get out of the car, and so when I
do it, he'd be like, oh, so you just gonna
open the door?
Speaker 4 (56:18):
My bad?
Speaker 2 (56:19):
I close the bad so I got to close the
doorback so he could come and open the door.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
And so I'm like, I'm not used to that. So
it's like I'm learning and he's like, you just ain't
gonna get it. You're just hard headed, and I'm like, sir,
it's not necessarily hard. I've literally lived life in survival mode.
And even when I was married, I was still taking
(56:46):
on the responsibility of being the head of my house
because I had literally four children that I was taken
care of, not just me and my husband.
Speaker 2 (56:57):
It was me and the children and then him, and
so it was like, what do I do in this sense?
Speaker 3 (57:06):
And so now it's like, okay, And not only does
he embrace me, he embraced my children and so and
my grandchildren. So he talks about how I spoil my grandbaby.
But y'all, let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
We in the store today and he's like, did you
get move her ice cream? Did you get her cereal?
Did you get her.
Speaker 4 (57:32):
Baby?
Speaker 3 (57:32):
Right? He making sure that she gets all of her stuff,
And I'm like, you talk about me spoiling her, sir,
you are the epitome of what it is like. You
might tell me no, but you're not gonna tell her no.
And so every morning, like, if he knows I'm gonna
(57:55):
have her, the first thing he's gonna do is she
there yet?
Speaker 2 (57:59):
Has she got there? And I'm like, she gonna be
hearing to mean, okay, well call me.
Speaker 3 (58:05):
Like I had to call him yesterday when she got
and she wasn't here very long, and so I called
him and so he had to make sure that he
talked to her.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
So it's like you when you find somebody that includes you.
Speaker 3 (58:19):
And also like his family makes me feel like I'm
part of the family, even without the idea, and that's
that's new.
Speaker 5 (58:29):
To me, you know.
Speaker 3 (58:31):
And so it's like his mama, his grandma, his brothers,
and it's like I think it's different. And so I'm
learning to embrace this space.
Speaker 8 (58:45):
And so.
Speaker 3 (58:47):
Divorce isn't final. It is one of those things where
that was an end of an era. It was an
end of a time. It was an end of a
relationship that you thought had a happily ever after, But
if God wasn't attached to that happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
It was just the beginning of the end of what
was there.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
And when you keep God included, because anytime we have
a disagreement or anything, we both go to God first
and ask for clarity understanding so that we can communicate together.
And so because I'll tell him, look, I need to
talk to God, and he'd be like, look here, girl,
I'm gonna call you back because me and God need
(59:31):
to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
And I'll call you back.
Speaker 3 (59:37):
And he might say so he's like, okay, I'm talking
to God. And so we pray for each other and
we pray with each other as well, and so it's
a good space that we have. And I'm still learning
to navigate this because it's new and it's different. Marriage
(01:00:02):
is not the end goal. It's the beginning because you
are going to learn each other as you continue to
build the relationship together. And most people think that that
saying I do is the beginning. But the beginning was
already when you first met and you started and the
end result that's beginning started.
Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
Ye I was the wife before I was even a wife.
Speaker 6 (01:00:29):
Yeah, and see that's in med school.
Speaker 5 (01:00:33):
Both he was as you would say, not the same tone,
but you would hear that tone in his voice. Yeah,
you were here him on the phone, and they thought
he were.
Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
But they were somebody to hear me on the phone.
Speaker 5 (01:00:49):
They like girl exactly the only way they would no matter,
it's not like that.
Speaker 7 (01:00:56):
It's like that don't matter because wait minute, you got
a black white girl.
Speaker 5 (01:01:01):
Yeah, or get on the phone. Because I knew how
to talk. That's just the way I followed my mom's me.
Speaker 7 (01:01:11):
Or I would just talk, you know, I just what
he did, and he would just be like frustrated and
kind of good about it.
Speaker 5 (01:01:16):
So when people talking, they thought he was and I
would say, no, he's not. They say, you're lying. I said,
I'm looking right at him. How can you tell me? So,
you know, but mind didn't start off.
Speaker 7 (01:01:28):
I didn't have any domestic issues. I think mine was
more of the fact that I was hot on myself
emotionally wise, meaning that I didn't really care for myself.
Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
I was a cutter.
Speaker 7 (01:01:41):
I didn't want to be here being adopted. I felt like, no,
my my bylock Chians didn't want me to my doctor
parents did, but it's still the enemy still played on
my emotions with that, and then moving from a big
city to country because why because you're the only disabled.
(01:02:03):
So that made it even worse. Yeah, So when I
got with him, the presson was already in me.
Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
It just my mom pass and just let it sit in.
Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
And so listen, we can keep this conversation going all night,
but we go continue tomorrow night because telling you wants
to do it on Heart show, So we gonna keep
some extra stuff for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
So tuny and y'all for part two.
Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
But you know, I thank you Tanya for actually being
a visionary for this book because it is one of
those stories that people need to know that, Yes, marriage
is that beautiful thing when two people are aligned according
to God's will and his purpose, and so when you
are aligned and committed to actually loving each other through
(01:02:58):
the good, the bad, and then different. But learning to
communicate through all of those things, because it's not always
gonna be rainbows and shunshine.
Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
There's gonna be so warm that you're.
Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
Gonna have to encounter to get through to each each
and every task that comes before you. But learning to
put God first in the midst of those complicated situations
will be one of those.
Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
Things that thank you, miss Sheryl, that you know God
is putting.
Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
You together for a purpose, and if your purpose isn't
aligned with what God has for you, it won't work.
It doesn't matter how many times you want to push
and try to force the issue. If God is not
in it, it's not gonna prosper. It's not going because
God will match you with the person that is prepared
(01:03:47):
to propel you to the purpose that He has for you.
And once you are aligned, everything that you've been praying for,
praying and positioning yourself for God is going to elevate it.
Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
It's going to come to.
Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
Reality if you are aligned with what God has for you.
Because a lot of times we get of course, but
I thank everybody for tuning in tonight because y'all know,
once I get to talking about God and what he does,
I get gonna we'll be here all night, and I
don't want to do that. So you know, as I
(01:04:21):
always say, stay out of God's business. The only thing
he needs you to do is be obedient to what
he's called you to do, because that's what I do.
I'll be harded sometimes, but I try my best to
stay obedient. He'll be looking at me sideways, but I'm
obedient to what He's called me to do. I love you, guys,
and thank you for being here tonight.
Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
Good Night, good night,
Gentle light, I have your attention. Please the show starts
it my seven six Hill three two, fol.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Good evening and welcome to Believe in the Journey.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Podcast where I am your host, Trivita Harris, and tonight
we are going to be talking to Latanya Little John
about her book After the Vows Away, a Wife's Story
and listen, you, guys, I happen to be a contributing
author of this book, and when I tell you, it
(01:59):
was an honor to be part of this book.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
But it's also a story and a subject.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Line that we don't always talk about because you know,
you think about your wedding day, no one really and
truly thinks about getting divorced or anything like that. But
we're gonna talk about the good, the bad, and the
indifferent and what it looks like for all of us now.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
So not only do we have Latania Little John, we
have the.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Other two contributed authors along with myself and Latania. And
that is not just Scott and the one and only
missus Angela Thomas Smith.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So hey girl, hey honey, how are you? I am good?
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And you know, before we do anything, we have to
go to God in prayer and then we'll.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Get started on what led you to making this book.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
All right, Dear heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us
together each and every time we're in front of you.
Let the words of my mouth fall upon the ears
that need to hear, and hopefully the ones that are
listening tonight, and if they're going through a hard time
and their relationship, their marriage, and they are looking to
find a way out, but hopefully they can find their
(03:12):
way back together, because divorce is usually the last option
and some things are just unforgivable and we know that,
and we also know when it's time to walk away.
But as long as they keep you first, they will
be all right. But I thank you for bringing us
together tonight. So let the words of my mouth fall
upon they need to hear, and your precious and holy
name Jesus, we pray Amen.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Al right, first question I have is what made you
decide on putting together an anthology about a wife's story
and how did you even come up with the title.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
So sometimes when we get married, it's our wedding and
not well, it's my wedding and not our meaning you
and your spouse m And oftentimes that's what the marriage
looks like.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Is.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
It's just as one sided as the actual wedding day.
I wrote from a personal experience, and just to touch
on that a little bit. I met my husband when
I was seven, Okay, I told him that I was
gonna marry him.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
You can't, uh, we can't hear you in the studio,
Telly you.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Okay, what do I need to do?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I'm not sure. Try to go out and come back in. Okay, yeah,
try to do that. Okay, all right, you guys, I'm
sorry about that.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
D D.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Can you hear us?
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, I can't. Angela can you hear her?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Okay, all right, Well, thank you ladies for being here tonight.
You guys contributed to this story as well. How was
it and what made you decide that you wanted to
be a part of this anthology?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Okay, can't Tanya say something real quick?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Something?
Speaker 6 (05:20):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Can you hear her in the studio now?
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Yes? And you can see her in the studio now? Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Cool?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
You couldn't see me before?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
You know it was saying you was offline?
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Oh okay, Well to run it back. I did this
book because women often look at a wedding as being
just their own and not hers and her husband's, and
so I wanted to tell the story from a wife's
(05:52):
point of view, the beginning of the courtship, the engagement,
and unfortunately, the end of the marriage. And I know
that for me. I met my husband when I was
seven and I told him that I was gonna marry him,
(06:13):
and I did. Like we went through a whole lot
of stuff, and the thing that stuck out to me
the most, what really made me write the book was
how other people's feelings played a part in my marriage.
(06:36):
Other people's feelings were placed before that on my own.
And I've had conversations with him where he would tell me,
you know, I couldn't force him to love me. I
had to allow him to fall in love with me,
which I had thought that he already had since he
you know, proposed marriage or whatever. But as fate would
(06:59):
have it, our reason for well, his reason for asking
me didn't line up with what God had in store
for us. And it was rocky from the jump. And
so I know I'm not the only female that has
gone through that, and there are some husbands that have
(07:19):
gone through some things. And my perfect no was our
perfect wife, absolutely not. And so you know, I didn't
write the book to bash him, but just to tell
my story.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And I agree with that. I think it's.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
A point where you want to be able to share
what you experienced as a wife, you know, because you
start out as being you know, the girlfriend, and then
the fiance and then the wife, and then once you
go through those stages, and then you end up as
being the ex wife. And so I've been in all
(07:58):
of those positions, and so that is where I wrote
for myself. I wrote from being the girlfriend to the
the fiance, to being the mom of our three children,
then to being the ex wife. And that journey in
(08:18):
itself was a lot, you know, because we were high
school sweethearts and we were together for thirteen years and
that was a long time, you know, And it's just
one of those things where you either grow together or
you grow apart. And I think that's what happened for us,
(08:39):
miss Angela and miss d D. What made you guys
decide to be a part of this.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Anthology Athela can go ahead? Okay?
Speaker 6 (08:49):
So for me, I am this was something new for me.
But being able to share this journey because for those
that know me know that I was involved in domestic
violence incident and it was at the hands of my husband.
(09:12):
So to be able to share this, you know, openly
share this journey and to be able to talk about it,
it was, I guess a part of my healing and
a part of me wanting to release some more things
because a lot of people they hear me talk about
(09:33):
the domestic violence, but they don't hear the ins and
outs of it. So wanted to share a little bit
more and letting people know that, you know, sometimes it's
okay to walk away. We try to hide things, we
try to cover up things because we don't want people
to see where we may have failed, where we may
(09:55):
have you know, let some people down, or whatever the
case may be. But knowing that that we're okay with
ourselves and we had to do this for ourselves and
not thinking about what other people think and being able
to release that. So that was part of why I
wanted to be a part of this, Because talking about
(10:17):
my separation, I would say, because the divorce is not final.
I've been separated since I can see twenty nineteen when
I walked away from the marriage. There's been a lot
going on in between. That reason why it has not
been finalized. So just being able to talk about it
(10:40):
and being able to let people see what has been
going on and to finally let people hear my side
of some stuff. It's basically why I wanted to share.
And I thank Latania for doing this because it is
it is needed. People need to be able to talk
about divorce because its people don't want to talk about it.
(11:02):
It's it's shined upon and you know, we hold we
hold on to that and to death do us part.
A lot of people hold on to that and they
will do any and everything to try to save their
marriage when sometimes it's just best to just walk away. Yeah,
all right, thank you for that space, the time you
(11:23):
to be able to share.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Thank you for wanting to actually share your story because
I do believe. I'm a firm believer that there's somebody's
healing attached to anything that we go through. So being
able to put it out there may save somebody's life.
You know, we never know how it may touch somebody.
So I appreciate you for coming along and sharing your story.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
The same question, what made you a big part of this?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Oh my goodness, the party is gonna beat you down
if I didn't. I want to get it.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
You know that, girl, I'm above coming to Virginia and
getting me No, I said.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
The main reason why I wanted to do is because.
Speaker 7 (12:17):
After being a part of the anthology with you all
and the adoption it's self therapeutic, it fell and so
in order for me to be able to prayerfully get
my next I got a heal.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
From this one. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:31):
So yeah, I definitely wanted to be a part of that.
I I was, Oh my goodness. I got with my
ex husband in a.
Speaker 5 (12:41):
Very rough time of my life.
Speaker 7 (12:42):
My adopted mom passed and she was my everything, and
I didn't want to lose anybody else in my life.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
So we were sort of dating at the time, and
I just clung to him.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
I just stayed with him, and I think I stayed
with him in a fog because I stayed with him.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Old moved.
Speaker 7 (13:02):
We were almost married twenty one years before I left.
We were almost together for twenty four years or so,
and so when I left, it was a really rough
time in my life. My family was going through some
stuff and I was trying to be that good wife.
I was trying to be the wife that was stayed
(13:23):
by your husband's side, and I saw my parents. My
mom gets sick and my dad take care of her,
so I wanted to be my dad.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
I was going to stand by her side he got sick.
Speaker 7 (13:33):
I was at the hospital, I was in recliners, I
was in the bed, I was wherever he was.
Speaker 5 (13:37):
I was there.
Speaker 7 (13:38):
I just I wanted to be that wife until I
couldn't until one day in my spirit, the Lord said
it's over.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
Now, mind you. I had a sister in the hospital
dying with COVID and I didn't know you know what
I'm saying. So, I mean, honestly, was Dona Kobe.
Speaker 7 (13:56):
But I was thinking when he said it was over,
because he was saying he was going to so I
was like, oh, no, you gonna take until I can
get to Virginia.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
I ain't going to handle that. We be in the
land of where my people are.
Speaker 7 (14:10):
And she said no, and he showed my husband's face
across from my eyes my eye views, and I said,
not my husband. I said not married. He said, I
said no, why do you honor marriage? He's no honor
those I put together. I didn't put y'all together. Y'all
put y'allselves together for.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
People to understand if God is not included.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Yeah, it is always gonna work.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
You can yeah, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
And you can try, you can try to force it,
you can try to be like God, I don't think
you really mean to.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Leave right now.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yes, this is my person. He's checked off all my
boxes or she's checked out all my boxes. And I'm
not seeing what you're seeing. We like now, let look almost,
I'm gonna stay a little while long.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Was he didn't mean it, it won't happen again. And
if it won't happen.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Again, we could again.
Speaker 6 (15:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
And one thing I can say for me was when
it began to affect our children, and it was their
well being that let me know, Okay, look here, this
is no longer about me. We have three children, and
you're willing to risk their safety, their home, their you know,
(15:44):
being able to bathe, being able to you know, do
all of the necessary things.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
And yeah, it's time to go.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
And I had heard myself saying many times before, if
I have to have this argument with you again, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I'm leaving. And it was like that.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Last time we got into an argument, it was about
our bills being paid. And I heard myself about to
start the same conversation again, and I was like, yeah,
I'm not doing this. I am I'm done, and I
started making moves. And you know that old saying goes,
(16:25):
you're not tired until you're really tired.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And I was tired. And then it was not only was.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
He lying to me, he was lying to my father,
he was lying to everyone else. And it was like, okay,
look here, if you're gonna continuously lie and jeopardize your children,
it's not for me. And so I got a phone
call from a bill collector after he had just told
my father and myself that he had taken care of
(16:56):
our gas bill, and I just went down on my
knees and I said, God, look here, if I'm not
supposed to be in this space, you're gonna have to
make a way for me to get out because I
don't have anything. I don't have a place to go,
I don't have anything. Like I'm working, but I don't
have the money to actually up and move like You're
(17:17):
gonna have to make it possible for me. And when
I tell you, within that week, I got a phone
call from a family member that said they had a house.
I said, okay, So I got a U haul truck.
I was like, I don't have the money to get
the lights turned on, but hopefully, you know, I can
(17:39):
call the power company or have it stay in my
cousin's name.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Until, you know, I get my first paycheck.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
And I had gotten a promotion in the midst of
all of this, and one of my coworkers he ended
up writing me a check for the power bill for
two hundred and fifty dollars. He was like, go ahead
and move and I was like, okay, I'm not sure
when I'll be able to pay you back. He said, baby,
I didn't ask you to pay me back. He said,
I need you and them babies to be in a
(18:08):
safe space, and where you are is not where it's
not safe. And so I was like okay. So I
got into the house and I was like, okay, I
gotta get the water transferred. And so I call the
water company and I was like, listen, I don't get
paid until the following week. It needs to be out
of the current landlord's name. So is it any way
(18:31):
that you can keep the water on until I come
in and physically next Friday and you know, get everything
switched over and pay what I need to pay. And
they said, yeah, baby, that is fine, we understand. And
I was like okay, and I said, okay, God, this
ain't nobody but you. And in that moment, I was like,
(18:51):
if I get here and I get settled, I know
that I'm not supposed to be in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'm not supposed to be in this marriage.
Speaker 6 (19:01):
Now.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Mind you, we.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Did separate, We went our separate ways. He was doing
his own little thing, but it still took me three
years to actually get the divorce because he would not
sign the papers. He would not and we ended up
getting into a physical altercation. Now, we never got physical
with each other while we were together. Now, yeah, we
(19:23):
would argue back and forth. And I'm the type of
person if I tell you stop talking to me, please
stop talking to me, and I'm gonna walk away. Don't
don't keep talking to me because that's just gonna irritate me.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
And kissed me out. So if I stopped talking, mouth don't.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
And so.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
We ended up getting into a physical altercation shortly after
I had had a hysterectomy.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So I'm still recovering.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I'm still got incisions, stitches that are healing, and so
we got into a physical altercation. I ended up with
a big, old golf size not in the middle on
my head. I have bruises all down both arms.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
And.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I let him know that I was going to the
police station and I was going to follow police report. Now,
mind you, in the midst of all of this, he
was doing crazy things during our separation in the beginning,
like he would show up at the house around three
in the morning, you know, and just getting upset with me,
slamming my door because I didn't want to talk, and
(20:27):
you know, and I'm like, listen, sir, we're we're not together.
You've moved on, You've seen somebody else. Let me just
do what I need to do for the kids. And
he was like, well, if I can't have you, I
don't want none of this. I'm like, okay, but you
got three kids with me, so we need to, you know,
do what we need to do for them.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Me and you we're over. But that's that's where it goes.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
So it's hard to walk away when you truly love somebody,
but what you love yourself enough, you will leave Because
I literally I lost myself in that marriage. And I
say that because I was more focused on him. I
was focused on our children, so I didn't know who
(21:13):
I was anymore. I didn't know anything about you know,
what I liked to do. And I even went the
therapy to try to save our relationship, to save our marriage.
Wanted him to participate in therapy with me. He would
never go to therapy, but he will always be at
the house waiting for me to get home to ask
me how my therapy session went, and did I talk
(21:35):
about him? And it's like, Okay, had you gone with me,
you would have known what the conversation was. But since
you wasn't here, there's no reason for you to ask me.
All right, you know you're not participating. So like I
started going to church, I started, you know, doing I'm like, okay,
look you can, you can participate it. You can do
(21:55):
all of these things with me. No, that wasn't important.
So it's like, okay, you really didn't want to save
this marriage. But then when we get separated, here you
go not want to sign the divorce papers, but you
don't move on.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You sleeping with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
It's not a it's a possibility that this woman's child
could be yours and you don't know, and she.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Don't know because she's still sleeping with her husband.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Also, so all of this that's going on, but you
don't sign the papers for me again. You turn around
to show up at our divorce here and when I
finally do get to serve you, because Lord knows the
way I had to serve you.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Which was myself, because Jesus.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
You and the baby mama show up at the divorce
hearing to absolutely yeah, yeah, show up at the divorce hearing.
But I was in the wrong it. So I will say, well,
(23:01):
I'm gonna ask this question, do you think that the
wedding day is the beginning of the marriage or do.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You think it's the end of the marriage.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
For me, it was the beginning of the end when
he proposed, he proposed September the eleventh, when the the
planes hit the towers and whatnot, and you know, it
gave me the spill about not being alone, and you.
Speaker 6 (23:33):
Know it was what it was.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
The morning of the wedding, everything that could have possibly
went wrong went wrong. I lived across the street from
the hair salon that I was getting my hair done.
Decided to show up an hour and a half late,
oh after the appointment that I had made that that
(24:00):
was clue number one. Okay, you know she did my hair,
and well backtrack, she came in with her breakfast and
told me she was gonna eat real quick and.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
Then do my hair.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
So that that was that was instance number one number.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
I called my mother.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
In law to see if the husband to be had
gone on his merry way to go and you know,
so he could be prepared somewhere else because she said
she wanted me to get dressed over there. And so
she was like, yeah, he gone, and I said okay,
And as soon as I got ready to hang up
(24:44):
the phone, I hear him laughing, he and having a
good old time watching Saturday morning cartoons. And I said,
you know what, I ain't coming. I started crying. I
was like, I'm not coming, and she was like, you
better get out of this house because she talking crazy.
She says, she not coming, and I don't put my
(25:05):
money in this way. Y'all getting married today, And so
on the way to the church, I didn't have anybody
to walk me down the aisle, so my mother in
law's boyfriend at the time agreed to walk me down
the aisle. That by itself didn't scream don't do it.
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I don't know, you know.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
But then we had a triple with and we got married.
His aunt and her husband got married, and his first cousin,
which is his aunt's daughter, and her husband renewed their vows.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Oh so y'all had a triple Sarah want money gone?
That wasn't even about at this point.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yes, continue on.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
As I'm walking down the aisle, I hear the Lord
just as as clear as I hear you guys, and
he was like, don't do it, said, I don't.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I don't hear what you're talking about. I gotta see
for myself this man, Like I got myself right.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
I'm gonna try it on down this island, marry this man,
and we're gonna get happily ever after. We're gonna have
some beautiful babies. And none of that happened.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
And so.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
When we said our vows, I heard the Lord say, okay,
be stupid, I'm gonna show you. And I'm like, you know,
I'm thinking to myself, I'm I'm I have slow moments.
I'm a blunt for real up under all of this.
And so I said, show me what what what? Because
(26:56):
that man was good as gold to me before we
said I do.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
That's usually how it goes.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
When we said I do. It's like he morphed into
another person. And when things got physical, it was always
my fault.
Speaker 6 (27:18):
I made him do it.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
He would shower me with gifts and things of that nature.
And you know, I deal with abandonment issues because I'm adopted,
and so I felt like if I leave this man,
who's gonna love me. My thought process was my mama
gave me away. She didn't want me. I was adopted
(27:44):
into a family of people that didn't really see my worth,
and I'm like, okay, so I done married a man
that don't really want me. He married me to piss
somebody off and make them jealous, which it did. It worked,
but hindsight, all is said and done after the walk away.
(28:05):
After I walked away, I walked out, she walked in.
So it's they're back to where they needed to be. They,
I mean, they both of them. May say that they
don't deal with each other on that level or whatever,
and he's just looking out for her because she ain't
got nowhere to go.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
You know, as my brother always said, I don't care
who tell it, as long as.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
It is.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
I'm so from it that I don't care like I
moved to Georgia. So I mean, and you know, he
and I had a conversation. He was like, so when
you're coming back, and I told him, I said, I
told you after I left you the first time, If
I leave again, it's a wrap. I don't do three times,
(28:51):
and it's a wrap two the first time.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
The first time, I didn't go.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
No, I didn't have anything where, I didn't have anywhere
to go. I wasn't working because he told me I
ain't have to work. He's gonna take care of me.
So that gave me the big head. I was like, yep,
I'm gonna sit at home and do absolutely nothing. But
you know, and I did sit at home most days
(29:20):
and did absolutely nothing, and then I had to get
a job. So but none of what I've gone through
has changed my mind about love. None of what I've
gone through has changed my mind about what real companionship
would look like. I do believe that I'm supposed to
(29:42):
be somebody's life. I don't know who's me, and God
ain't got.
Speaker 8 (29:47):
That far, but.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
You know it's I take what I learned from being
married over twenty years, and you know, things I settled for.
I put everybody in everything before me, and I found
a place where I'm like, if it don't make sense
(30:12):
to me, I can't do it. Like I'm not another
man will never put his hands on me again, because
if he do, it's gonna be some close singing and
flower bringing and anybody that you know what that means.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
So but.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
I feel like I deserve better. I feel like he
deserved better because I wasn't what he wanted to start with.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
I know, I wasn't what my husband wanted, my ex
husband wanted either, because number one, I'm not the right ethnicity,
if I'll say that, I'm not, yeah, right, what he
liked and what his preference was. However, I speak like
(31:02):
them in a sense, and I'm not the typical, you know,
ghetto fabulous, you.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Know, black woman, you know, and I'm not super dark either,
So you know, I was esthetically pleasing in some people.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
Yeah, and then I had the the hips and the
curves and the things that you know got him. And
then the way that I speak was along the lines
of what he was used to. But then it looked
different and you know, and so yeah, so every woman
(31:44):
after me has been quite you know, and so you
know that that that was his preference. And when we
were separated, like in the beginning, and I found out,
you know, that he was cheating while we were separating
and everything, and I was happy for And the first
thing out of his mouth that he said to me was, well,
(32:09):
she's not She's not.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Black, I said, I know.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
He was like, what you mean, I said, I know,
I wasn't your preference. I said, so I wouldn't expect
you to be with anybody, you know, And he was.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Like, well, what you mean by that, sir? I know
you I just hated to fit in the space that
you had me in for the time that you had me.
But I knew I wasn't your preference.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
That that that was never an issue for me, you know,
And so it was just one of those things where
you tend to know, and you tend to you know.
Speaker 8 (32:47):
Go through your own yeah, and you ignore it and
you and you just go on, what do you think
was the final straw?
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Like the final straw for me was our kids and
and you know, and going through the lies and and
all of that, that was just literally the last thing.
And it took me some time to get to a
space to where we could actually be in the same
room together and me not be like, don't don't look
(33:20):
over here, don't say that, don't breathe the same air
that I'm breathing right now. You know, I was in
that space like, sir, don't breathe my air, like we
in the same room. But I don't want you breathing
the air that I breathe, you know, So just just
go over there, wait till I go out, and then
you come in. That's the space that I was in
for me. And so it was like okay, And then
(33:44):
he would tell so many lies, like he would say
that I was keeping the kids away from him, and sir,
you not even trying to spend time with them, like,
and so it got to the point where I would
hear so many different stories, and I that's why it's
like now when I hear stuff.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I'm like, okay, we on season two, episode four, Okay, cool,
you know.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So I don't even get upset about it no more
because I don't even be knowing the stories because I
be minding my business. And so when people would be like,
well he said that you won't let him get the kids, Okay,
but you see me with the kids all the time.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You see me taking them to the barbershop. That's something
they dad is supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Right, So you're not talking to him, but you're gonna
blame me, okay, cool, I said, So, whatever he telling you,
that's the story. I said, I don't want to hear
nothing else about it. So then when his friends started
confronting him about but you said, Trevida, don't let you
see the kids. But I always see her bringing the
boys to football practice, you know, going to get that cut.
(34:44):
I don't never see you doing none of this. So
it was always and so I'm not about to argue
with you, sir. Whatever story you want to tell, we
can be on Season four, episode five. I don't care
if whatever he told you it's new to me because
I ain't know nothing about it.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
You know, it's just when you get tired and you're ready.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
To move on, you don't pour all that you had
into this person. You loved them for who they were,
not for the any expectations. But you do expect to
grow together, you expect to build together. But if you
got one person on this end and the other person
on the other end, and you're not finding common space.
(35:28):
And anytime we would have a disagreement and I would
express how I felt, it was always, well, you don't
really feel it like that, sir.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
You don't get to tell me if I stump my
toe hurt like you didn't stump your toe. I did,
so the pain hurts. And so he would always say, well,
I don't think so. But then when we would have
a conversation, well, you just make me feel so stupid.
I can't make you feel a way that you already
didn't feel. That ain't got nothing to do with me.
So if I'm telling you something, well, you always using
(35:59):
these big words, sir, I'm using the same words in
the same vocabulary that we both have read before, so
it's words in the English language.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Well, you make me feel some sir. You went to
private school. I went to a public school.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
You've had more access to a better education than the
one that I had. So how am I making you
feel smaller than what you already feel?
Speaker 2 (36:24):
That's a personal issue that ain't not nothing new with me.
But he would always say that that's why I would
like to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
Okay, Well, let me break it down to you in
the most basic terms that I got because I don't
know how else to communicate what you did, what you
said hurt. Now if I step on your toe, will
that hurt you? Yes, Okay, I'm not gonna feel the pain,
but I will cause the pain, just like you are
causing me pain. I get to tell you that you
(36:54):
cause me pain, but you don't get to tell me
that it didn't hurt, just like I can't tell you
that what you did or what you said didn't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
How is that complicated?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
How can you not comprehend what I'm saying? Like, just
don't talk to me then, because I'm not understand that.
I don't know how to break it down anything florither
than what I have.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
And you made me for this.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
But now we're in a space and we can still well, yeah,
we can talk to each other.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
We can be in the same space together. Now, will
I still call him stupid?
Speaker 4 (37:35):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Of course absolutely, And he knows.
Speaker 6 (37:39):
That I will, and so everybody knows that you will.
I definitely I cannot be in the same space with minds.
I don't want to be. No, I don't want to
be five hundred five hundred miles within the person that
to be honest, and I'm like Latanya. It was the
(38:00):
beginning of the end. That day, I had so many
I had so many signs that I was just I
was just dumb and I could.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
How old were How old were y'all when y'all got married?
Because I think.
Speaker 6 (38:21):
I was in I was in my thirties, I can
say I was in my thirties, but I was in
a place. I was in a very dark place. There
was a time that so I didn't grow up around
a lot of people from Anderson, South Carolina, because I
moved away. So I lived in a small place called Levelland,
(38:43):
South Carolina, which is in Abbeyville County. If people know
the geographics, they know that Abbeyville and Anderson are two
counties that sit beside each other. So I worked on
a farm. Pretty much everybody that lived on my street
was either my first cousin or my second. There was
no outside people. Everybody on that street was Martin family.
(39:05):
It was family was family. They was either my grandfather's
children grandchildren, or his brother's grandchildren and children. That that's
all lived on all street. So I grew up in
a kind of I guess you could say we were
kind of cuddled. We didn't have to experience a lot.
(39:27):
But when my mom passed, I had the opportunity to
go and live with my dad's side of the family.
I ended up living with my aunt, so I spent
about two years in Anderson, So it wasn't like I
knew a whole lot of people there. But when I
came back to South Carolina, Anderson was the place that
I came. I had been living in Atlanta. So when
(39:50):
I graduated, I went out to junior college. I actually
ended up in North Greenville. I did not like it.
My sister had moved to Atlanta, so when I decided
that I was not going back to North Greenville, I
went straight to my sister's house. I said, I don't
know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not going back there.
Ended up getting a job at Hearty's and every day
(40:11):
I would come home. I didn't know nothing about No HBCUs.
I didn't know nothing about Morris Brown, more House, Spellman,
didn't know nothing about that. But I knew I knew
I played basketball well enough to be on somebody's team.
So I came home every day and I would call
those schools. I called more house. They said, we're all
male school. I said, oh, okay, I didn't know that.
(40:33):
A long story short, I ended up at Morris Brown College,
ended up on that basketball team, ended up just experience
in life, went through some hardshipts, went through some things,
ended up having to move back to Anderson, South Carolina.
So I was in a real dark place. And when
(40:53):
you in a dark place, it seemed like everything it's
just blur. You just can't see. You can't see the father,
then your then what's in front of you. You can't
see that role. So that's where I was. Long story short,
I ended up dating this person. We dated for a
short period. He seemed like the person that I wanted
(41:17):
to be with. He seemed like that person. I mean,
he drew to my family and we just seemed to
be getting loan. It was no arguing, no nothing. So
into the relationship there was an incident where the daughter
was molested. And matter of fact, if this wasn't a
(41:44):
warning sign for me, I don't know what was the
day of the wedding. We were at the sheriff department
pressing charges on his brother HM. So if that wasn't
a warning sign, we almost missed the appointment because we
didn't get We didn't get married in no big old
(42:06):
lavish uh a thing. My my great uncle actually married us.
My grandmother's brother, he actually married us. We had witnesses
and things of that nature. But it was no big
old ceremony. We had a get together afterwards at matter fact,
(42:27):
his his folks house. And I tell you that day
was just it was just crazy because we spent the
majority of the morning at the police station at the
sheriff department, and even going into that, I had been
called so many things, but a child of God outside
(42:49):
of my name, because that his daughter. Actually she actually
called me and told me about the situation.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (42:58):
She said she had told several people about this situation.
No one was man or woman enough to speak up
for this child, and I felt like it was my duty.
Matter of fact, let me tell you how God worked.
The her track coach actually worked for me because I
(43:20):
did a summer program where we fed low income communities
throughout Greenville, Spartanburg, Abbeyville, Anderson Greenwood Counties. So he was
one of the monitors that went out and monitored the
locations or whatever as a part time job, not only
that he was also a minister. Oh and he taught
(43:44):
at Malden High School. He was a a teacher there,
he coached there. So I just one day I was
just like, do y'all give pregnancy tests to y'all coaches,
I mean to y'all track people. Because she ran track.
They started calling the girls to the office. They had
(44:06):
to take their drug tests. And with the drug test
that they gave him a pregnant test, Well, she come
up pregnant. Oh wow wow. So when she come up pregnant,
it had to get it had to be investigated. So
that day we ended up at the at the sheriff office,
(44:27):
pressing charges on her brother. But then two years later
we found out it actually was not her brother, that
her and her mama had some things going on with
the step dad.
Speaker 5 (44:37):
Huh yeah, oh god, it.
Speaker 6 (44:42):
Was a lot. But if that was not a warning
sign to to not do, to not get married to them,
to him and to that family, because it wasn't like
I just married him. Because when we said I do,
it seemed like everybody had something to say. It was
always somebody gotta say this, somebody got to say this.
(45:03):
So everybody was running our marriage except for us, and
that became a problem. We argued a lot. It wasn't
so much of physical until that night. Until that night
that that I experienced my domestic violence. But I tell anybody,
(45:24):
watch the signs. You know you still decide to do it.
But once you get in it, you you got to
still value yourself. You gotta know your words, You gotta
understand who you are, and you cannot allow anybody, I
don't care who they are, to discredit your worst, discredit
(45:45):
who you are and put you on the back burner.
Oh you if I am your good thing, because the
word says a man that finds a wife, finds a
good thing and finds favor with the Lord. So if
I am a good then that means I should be
put in the forefront and that I should be first
and everything outside of God. So when you're not seeing that,
(46:10):
when you're not seeing that, it's a problem. It's a problem.
And yeah, we have to stand up and know our
worth and be and be like, oh, I'm not taking this.
So people understanding that the voice is not evil, the
voice is not bad. The voice is I mean, it happens,
and it happens to the best of us. Because we're human.
(46:33):
We make mistakes, and sometimes we allow our flesh to
rule us instead of listening to the Holy Spirit, instead
of listening to that that thing down in our gut,
because it comes from the gut, and it be kicking you,
and you be wondering why you be having them aches.
Sometimes you be having them stomach, you get hurt around
(46:53):
your hard Yeah, that be your inner spirit letting you
know that something ain't God, that you shouldn't be doing.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
And until you actually listen, he gonna keep He ain't.
Speaker 6 (47:09):
Gonna let it get because he already knows.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
You didn't listen the first time. All let me go
do something.
Speaker 6 (47:17):
Else, because he already knows and for us that he
slept out for us. And then because but he let
us make these decisions because we have friends. He let
us make these decisions. But his plan is already mapped out.
He's gonna say, okay, well, let me see how long
is she gonna go through that? How long was she
willing to go through that? And when he get tied up,
(47:42):
he'll make a way for you to get out. Yeah,
he keep making away, He'll keep making away. He'll keep
making away. But sometime we keep going past that way,
we'll go to the left, we'll go to the right,
we'll we'll jump up and down instead of just going
through that dough that he know real smooth. Yes, he
would make it smooth. It's it's smooth, it's butter if
(48:04):
you just willing to just go through, and you will
slide through like I'm talking about, like you slide down
that slide at the fair exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
And it's like we get so hard headed and so
stubborn because it's always with God, I don't think that's
what you're trying to tell me.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I think this is the one for me. I think
you know.
Speaker 5 (48:23):
This.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
This is my person. They checked off everything that I
was looking for and got the right. And it's like, God, say,
I ain't said.
Speaker 5 (48:31):
None of that.
Speaker 6 (48:32):
Anytime it begins to be hard, anytime it begins to
be anything but peace, you gotta understand that it's.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
And that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
And it's like I have now a clear set of
non negotiables, like I stand on them.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Either you gonna get with them or you don't.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
Don't even waste your time because my negotiables are they
They're like I'm not tolerting disrespect in any capacity you know,
you can talk to me in a nice tone, and
I can talk to you in a nice tone. If
we can't find a compromise, then you know we're gonna
go to God first. Because sometimes I know, I'm very
(49:19):
stubborn when it comes to certain things, and I am
very impatient, Like okay, y'all know I'm engaged now. And
so I was in traffic the other day. I was
telling you this about this d D the other day,
and so I was in traffic. And I hate to be,
you know, stuck in traffic, but they're working on the
(49:41):
roads in my area. And so I was coming home
from looking for address for an event. And so I
was coming home and I turned on the road and
I was like, oh lord, it's traffic. And I'm like, okay, well,
if I can get up here, I can actually go around.
But if I go around this traffic right here, it's
still gonna take me the same amount of time to
(50:03):
get home versus just staying in this lane that I'm
in because it's just one lane. So as I'm sitting there,
there's another car that's very impatient.
Speaker 5 (50:13):
You know the other cars.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
You see the sign up there that tells you to
get over. You know, you always got those little idiots
that want to rush past or whatever and try to
get over and help somebody let them in. Well, the
car was doing all of that extra stuff. So I'm
sitting in the line and I'm like, God, I get it.
I get what you're trying to say to me in
this moment is being patient, because you know, I was
(50:36):
supposed to move already, but I've still been here. But
there's been things that have happened that I needed to
be here for. Because number one, my son got sick.
My daughter is expecting another baby, so it's like I'm
needed here right now so we'll have another little niece
around here soon. And so I'm like, Lord, okay, you
(51:02):
know I'm not patient. So i happen to be on
the phone with him and I'm like, I'm in traffic
and I'm laughing at this other car and any other
time it would kiss me off, and I'm like, I
couldn't do nothing but laugh because I'm like, God, I
see what you're doing in this moment. I understand exactly
(51:23):
what it is that I needed to be patient in
the situation. It wasn't time for me to go because
you already saw what was coming ahead before I even understood.
And so as I'm saying this, he's in the background,
basically being an amen corner because I'm on the phone
with him, and he's like, don't I know it, nobody
(51:44):
asked you anything.
Speaker 6 (51:45):
He talking about what.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
I'm agreeing with you, but I didn't ask you to
I didn't ask you to agree with me. And he
was like, I said, I know that I could be
stubborn in hardhead. He was like, I said, okay, you
know what I don't he talking about.
Speaker 6 (52:00):
But I'm agreeing with you.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
I said, I know you agreeing with me, but I
don't like your tone and how you agreeing with me, Like,
just be quiet and let me and Jesus have this
conversation because I know I'm impatient. I know I'm stubborn,
I know I'm hard headed, and I know I expect
certain things when I expect them.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
And so he's like, but I'm not disagreeing. No, you're
not disagreeing with me. You are very in alignment and agreement.
Speaker 6 (52:26):
With he talking about.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I was agreeing with Jesus because Jesus know exactly the
child that he creates. Sir, be quiet, you know what
I talk to you when I get home. I don't
want to talk to you no more right now because
he talking about but I ain't even say nothing though I'm.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Just you know, he said, you know, see Jesus, you
know that's your child right now, say I am. So
we just gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
But I have clear none negotiables. He has his clear
non negotiables. But I am also learning how to. I
can't necessarily say soft girl space or whatever because I
don't necessarily know what that is. But I'm learning, and
(53:11):
it's hard because it's like he opens the doors, he
you know, carries the bags, He does all of these things.
If I'm in the mood, having a bad day, he
doesn't let my emotions dictate how he responds to me.
And that's not always easy because I know I can
get on your nerves because I tell myself sometimes I'm.
Speaker 2 (53:32):
Getting on my own nerves and I need to come out.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
So it's like he just be like, okay, you mad
because I realized when they when you hear people say
if he wanted to, he would, And I'll give you
two clear examples of if he wanted to that the
AC unit when it was real hot during the summer.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
It was just excruciating hot.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
The AC unit wasn't working, the rental office wasn't trying
to come out, and I was irritated. I was hot
with being with Kari. It's already issues, and so it
was like, well, you need to call it. I was like, Sir,
I've already done everything that you're trying to tell me
to do. And I was just like, it's hot in here.
Well did you turn this out?
Speaker 5 (54:14):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (54:15):
I have done everything you have asked me to do.
Please stop asking me.
Speaker 3 (54:18):
So I'm irritated with him at the fact that he's
asking questions out of concern. So I don't think anything
else of it. Why did this man come down here,
brought a unit for the window and actually went and
we went to the grocery store to get groceries and everything.
Now it is eight o'clock at night. He has driven
(54:41):
from Charlotte all the way down here to ensure that
I was going to be comfortable and I didn't have
to worry about anything. And then he went back, like today,
he came down. He worked all night last night and
he called this morning. He was like, open the door, sir,
I'm half sleep. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Opening door? He came with breakfast, took my son to work, and.
Speaker 3 (55:07):
Got groceries and everything, made sure that my car was
filled up, filled up the air of my tire, and
gave me my Starbucks money and.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Then and he has to go.
Speaker 6 (55:19):
That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (55:21):
And so it's like I'm learning how to like I'm
learning how to be in the space of not worrying.
And so when I get you know, it's like I
don't know how.
Speaker 5 (55:36):
To to just be.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
And he's like, just sit down, like you got stuff
that you are focusing on. I'm here to support whatever
it is.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
Just you just gotta tell me how.
Speaker 3 (55:47):
And I'm like, well, sir, I don't even know how
to ask for help in the right way, Like I
don't know how to do that. And he was like, well,
if it makes you feel like you're asking, don't put
it in question for just mention it and it's done.
And that's basically what I'm learning. And so I'm still
(56:09):
learning not to touch the door to open the door
to get out of the car, and so when I
do it, he'd be like, oh, so you just gonna
open the door?
Speaker 4 (56:18):
My bad?
Speaker 2 (56:19):
I close the bad so I got to close the
doorback so he could come and open the door.
Speaker 3 (56:23):
And so I'm like, I'm not used to that. So
it's like I'm learning and he's like, you just ain't
gonna get it. You're just hard headed, and I'm like, sir,
it's not necessarily hard. I've literally lived life in survival mode.
And even when I was married, I was still taking
(56:46):
on the responsibility of being the head of my house
because I had literally four children that I was taken
care of, not just me and my husband.
Speaker 2 (56:57):
It was me and the children and then him, and
so it was like, what do I do in this sense?
Speaker 3 (57:06):
And so now it's like, okay, And not only does
he embrace me, he embraced my children and so and
my grandchildren. So he talks about how I spoil my grandbaby.
But y'all, let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
We in the store today and he's like, did you
get move her ice cream? Did you get her cereal?
Did you get her.
Speaker 4 (57:32):
Baby?
Speaker 3 (57:32):
Right? He making sure that she gets all of her stuff,
And I'm like, you talk about me spoiling her, sir,
you are the epitome of what it is like. You
might tell me no, but you're not gonna tell her no.
And so every morning, like, if he knows I'm gonna
(57:55):
have her, the first thing he's gonna do is she
there yet?
Speaker 2 (57:59):
Has she got there? And I'm like, she gonna be
hearing to mean, okay, well call me.
Speaker 3 (58:05):
Like I had to call him yesterday when she got
and she wasn't here very long, and so I called
him and so he had to make sure that he
talked to her.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
So it's like you when you find somebody that includes you.
Speaker 3 (58:19):
And also like his family makes me feel like I'm
part of the family, even without the idea, and that's
that's new.
Speaker 5 (58:29):
To me, you know.
Speaker 3 (58:31):
And so it's like his mama, his grandma, his brothers,
and it's like I think it's different. And so I'm
learning to embrace this space.
Speaker 8 (58:45):
And so.
Speaker 3 (58:47):
Divorce isn't final. It is one of those things where
that was an end of an era. It was an
end of a time. It was an end of a
relationship that you thought had a happily ever after, But
if God wasn't attached to that happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
It was just the beginning of the end of what
was there.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
And when you keep God included, because anytime we have
a disagreement or anything, we both go to God first
and ask for clarity understanding so that we can communicate together.
And so because I'll tell him, look, I need to
talk to God, and he'd be like, look here, girl,
I'm gonna call you back because me and God need
(59:31):
to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
And I'll call you back.
Speaker 3 (59:37):
And he might say so he's like, okay, I'm talking
to God. And so we pray for each other and
we pray with each other as well, and so it's
a good space that we have. And I'm still learning
to navigate this because it's new and it's different. Marriage
(01:00:02):
is not the end goal. It's the beginning because you
are going to learn each other as you continue to
build the relationship together. And most people think that that
saying I do is the beginning. But the beginning was
already when you first met and you started and the
end result that's beginning started.
Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
Ye I was the wife before I was even a wife.
Speaker 6 (01:00:29):
Yeah, and see that's in med school.
Speaker 5 (01:00:33):
Both he was as you would say, not the same tone,
but you would hear that tone in his voice. Yeah,
you were here him on the phone, and they thought
he were.
Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
But they were somebody to hear me on the phone.
Speaker 5 (01:00:49):
They like girl exactly the only way they would no matter,
it's not like that.
Speaker 7 (01:00:56):
It's like that don't matter because wait minute, you got
a black white girl.
Speaker 5 (01:01:01):
Yeah, or get on the phone. Because I knew how
to talk. That's just the way I followed my mom's me.
Speaker 7 (01:01:11):
Or I would just talk, you know, I just what
he did, and he would just be like frustrated and
kind of good about it.
Speaker 5 (01:01:16):
So when people talking, they thought he was and I
would say, no, he's not. They say, you're lying. I said,
I'm looking right at him. How can you tell me? So,
you know, but mind didn't start off.
Speaker 7 (01:01:28):
I didn't have any domestic issues. I think mine was
more of the fact that I was hot on myself
emotionally wise, meaning that I didn't really care for myself.
Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
I was a cutter.
Speaker 7 (01:01:41):
I didn't want to be here being adopted. I felt like, no,
my my bylock Chians didn't want me to my doctor
parents did, but it's still the enemy still played on
my emotions with that, and then moving from a big
city to country because why because you're the only disabled.
(01:02:03):
So that made it even worse. Yeah, So when I
got with him, the presson was already in me.
Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
It just my mom pass and just let it sit in.
Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
And so listen, we can keep this conversation going all night,
but we go continue tomorrow night because telling you wants
to do it on Heart show, So we gonna keep
some extra stuff for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
So tuny and y'all for part two.
Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
But you know, I thank you Tanya for actually being
a visionary for this book because it is one of
those stories that people need to know that, Yes, marriage
is that beautiful thing when two people are aligned according
to God's will and his purpose, and so when you
are aligned and committed to actually loving each other through
(01:02:58):
the good, the bad, and then different. But learning to
communicate through all of those things, because it's not always
gonna be rainbows and shunshine.
Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
There's gonna be so warm that you're.
Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
Gonna have to encounter to get through to each each
and every task that comes before you. But learning to
put God first in the midst of those complicated situations
will be one of those.
Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
Things that thank you, miss Sheryl, that you know God
is putting.
Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
You together for a purpose, and if your purpose isn't
aligned with what God has for you, it won't work.
It doesn't matter how many times you want to push
and try to force the issue. If God is not
in it, it's not gonna prosper. It's not going because
God will match you with the person that is prepared
(01:03:47):
to propel you to the purpose that He has for you.
And once you are aligned, everything that you've been praying for,
praying and positioning yourself for God is going to elevate it.
Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
It's going to come to.
Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
Reality if you are aligned with what God has for you.
Because a lot of times we get of course, but
I thank everybody for tuning in tonight because y'all know,
once I get to talking about God and what he does,
I get gonna we'll be here all night, and I
don't want to do that. So you know, as I
(01:04:21):
always say, stay out of God's business. The only thing
he needs you to do is be obedient to what
he's called you to do, because that's what I do.
I'll be harded sometimes, but I try my best to
stay obedient. He'll be looking at me sideways, but I'm
obedient to what He's called me to do. I love you, guys,
and thank you for being here tonight.
Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
Good Night, good night,
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