October 30, 2025 • 58 mins
- About the show: Littlejohn discusses topics from a faith-based perspective, often focusing on the idea that setbacks and delays in life are not permanent and that positive outcomes are still possible.
- Where to listen:
- Episodes are available on Audacy.
- YouTube hosts past episodes, including the December 2024 season premiere.
- You can also find episodes on iHeart.
- Where to follow: The Da Crew Podcast has a presence on platforms like Facebook and Twitch for live streams.LaTonya Michelle Littlejohn draws heavily on her personal experience in her “Delayed But Never Denied” segment on the Da Crew Podcast, using it to illustrate her faith-based messages about resilience. Her life story, which she also details in her memoir Delayed Not Denied: The Story of Torie, forms the foundation of her inspirational message.How she incorporates her personal story
- Overcoming setbacks: Littlejohn was born with Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus and placed for adoption as a newborn. She discusses coping with her disability and the experience of finding her biological family later in life. These events are presented as evidence that setbacks and unexpected events do not mean that one is permanently denied a positive outcome.
- The power of resilience: Her book and podcast segment teach lessons about the strength, courage, and faith required to overcome obstacles. By openly sharing her own struggles, Littlejohn shows listeners how she navigated and overcame her personal challenges, positioning herself as a relatable example of resilience.
- Connection to faith: The core message of “Delayed But Never Denied” is that faith can provide a path forward even when life doesn’t follow a traditional or expected course. Littlejohn frames her personal journey as an example of how God can “open doors” and ensure that things will ultimately work out.
- Relatability: By sharing her own vulnerabilities and story, Littlejohn creates a strong connection with her audience. Her personal anecdotes serve to ground her message in reality, making her advice feel accessible and authentic to people who may also be facing their own personal battles.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Until man.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
May I have your attention please? The show starts it
right seven six five, all treating shoot fun go.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Well to delay but not denied the podcast. I don't
know why that was funny to me. But tonight we
are doing part two to our conversation on the book
that we all co wrote before the Vowels, A Wife's
Story After the Vowels, A Wife Story. I don't even
(01:54):
know the tagle. But before we start, I'm gonna go
to God in prayer. Heavenly Father will come you tonight,
asking you to be in the midst of the conversation,
asking you to place these words upon the hearers and
doers of your word. In Jesus name, we pray Amen.
So tonight I have with me miss Queen Angela, Miss
(02:15):
Queen Trevida, and Miss Queen d d.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Hey, ladies, hello you.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
I'm here.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I am blessed, black and hotly favored.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Charlemagne God.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I want to talk to you, ladies, because we didn't
really get to finish our conversation the last time. Trevida
you were saying you were talking about the ins and
outs and what it looks like on the the leaving
out part, and so if you could just pick up
there and we'll piggyback off you and go from there.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Okay, getting to the other side is the divorce and
the final stages of the separation, the beginnings of it.
It definitely for me because the relationship was thirteen years
and so I went from being a teenager to a
(03:25):
young adult to literally my late twenties, and so I
spent most of my early adulthood with one particular person.
We shared three children together, and learning how to identify
with myself all over again was a challenge, you know.
(03:47):
And I had to learn me all over again because
I had become so wrapped up in the identity of
being a wife and a mother that I lost who
I was in the process, and that was It's not
an easy journey, but I learned some things along the
way that has helped me to begin the healing journey,
(04:07):
to forgive what happened, to take accountability for the role
that I played in the ending of the relationship and
not just placed everything on him. And one of the
things that I did was I started doing a self
inventory for myself and figuring out the things and the
(04:28):
areas and where I had issues, where I needed to
still grow where I learned needed to learn how to
apologize and not just blame other people. So that was
that was difficult, but it was a process. And on
the other side is where I am today.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
What did it feel like to get to the to
to be able to get to the other side, be
able to heal and then allow God.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
To place a special person in your life?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Now, I will say that process was difficult to actually
allow somebody in my space because I knew what I
wasn't gonna tolerate anymore.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
You know.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
I set really strong boundaries. And after you know, him
and I split, it was I had a real strict rule.
Number one was I had three small kids, one being
my daughter. I didn't want a lot of different men
coming in and out of my home. Right It was
like I have to set an example for her, and
(05:45):
so I had a very strict rule. No men were
allowed in my house after eight o'clock. You can see
me before eight, but if you're making plans to see
me after eight, you can't come, all right, you know.
And I had a couple men who well, I I say, boys,
I'll take that back, because men are not gonna do that.
Who were would always say, well, you're grown. That's your
(06:07):
house and you can do what you want because you
make the rules, you pay the bill. You're absolutely right,
and if you can't respect this rule that I have,
then we don't need to associate or talk. And right, gentlemen,
he was like, well, I'm gonna bring my daughter with me.
I don't care if you're bringing Jesus himself with you.
You not coming in here after eight o'clock.
Speaker 7 (06:26):
And it's just that simple.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
And so he was like, well, I just don't want
to deal. Well, baby, we not.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Asked you to be with me.
Speaker 8 (06:32):
This is what you don't accept it, then you can't
accept me because you want me to break something to
say it's by your need. But you made no time
to see me before nightfall, but you want to see
me after the sun goes down. Absolutely not. And so
making that rule like I had that rule. Brad and
(06:53):
I split up in two thousand and seven. We were
divorced in twenty.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Ten, and that rule stood in my house until twenty sixteen. Wow,
And I will not allow anybody if we were not
considering a relationship and going through the process of being
(07:18):
in one, you can't come. I'm sorry, it's just not
gonna work.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
I feel you.
Speaker 6 (07:27):
Yeah, Angela, can you share your story with us?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well?
Speaker 9 (07:36):
So my story is a lot different because I exited
on domestic terms and officially, technically I'm still married.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I've been separated since twenty nineteen. This has been a journey.
Speaker 9 (07:58):
I am trying to get these papers served because my
situation is I can't have this man knowing where I
live in because he's still in his in his mind
thinks that that there's still something that we can work
out because I've not finalized the divorce, and you are
(08:21):
the reason why the divorce is not finalized because in
South Carolina, they want you to mail or deliver something
to them and then they have to send it back in.
I cannot have this man knowing where I live at
because I know what he's capable of. So that has
(08:43):
been one of the the major hang ups. But I
have been I've been dating. Eventually, I'm gonna have to
do it. Eventually, he's gonna have to nowhere I live
at and all of that, because I want it to
(09:04):
be final because I feel like I can't promise relationship
and I can't be happy with the relationship with all
of this. Still, you know, so I said by twenty
twenty six, So that gives me less than sixty days
(09:28):
to make it, and I'm thinking I can make it
happen within these sixty days because some people have been
giving me some advice and telling me some routes that
I can take to not have to disclose my address.
So I'm feeling I'm really feeling positive about it because
(09:51):
I really want to move on because I have actually
have a special someone that that I am.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
Really looking to develop some developed with.
Speaker 9 (10:07):
You know, I had to set some boundaries and I
had to say what I will and I will not
accept in a relationship. So I tell you, I'm I'm
grateful for the book and I'm grateful for these talks
(10:28):
that we have been having because I'm telling you, Treita
be dropping some nuggets she dropping and you know, I'll
be like, I didn't even think about that. I didn't
even consider that. I didn't even that didn't even cross
my mind. The wisdom that she has, I tell you, God,
I'm telling you it's so amazing. Now, Patria somebody that
(10:51):
should have been in this book. Yeah, but she is
definitely somebody that should have been in this book. I
think it should be a part too, because again, I
am going to be finalizing this. She has went through
a process. Don't know what her process is, but I
think she says filing tomorrow. She's doing something. She on here,
(11:16):
she said happy birthday, Toda. So definitely want to follow
up and see how especially with Tarda's being engaged and
you know, so we definitely want to you know, journey
this and allow people to see that, you know, it
(11:39):
is possible.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
Divorce is not the end. The vorce is not death.
Divorce is not the the the.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
End, all say all, but it can be the beginning
of something so greater.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Tita said. I think Tareda may have mentioned that in
our show.
Speaker 9 (12:01):
So yeah, definitely enjoy these talks and it just gives
me a positive outlook on this situation, you know, and
then hopefully somebody else is grabbing some nuggets and grabbing
something that we have experienced that we have overcame, got
through or dealing with that can help them with whatever
(12:24):
situation they're in.
Speaker 5 (12:26):
So yeah, that's why I am.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Most people tend to think that divorce is an ugly word,
but you got to understand that sometimes it is best
that people go their separate ways for the simple fact
of if you're not pouring into me, what I'm giving
to you is not blossoming, Like I'm giving more of
(12:50):
you and I'm losing more of myself. I've become depleted,
so I have them to give. And you tend to
find that out when you know you look at yourself
and you don't even recognize the face in the mirror anymore,
if you realize that you have lost every bit of
who you once were, and that relationship isn't making you happy,
(13:13):
it's not fulfilling you in the same way that you
hope that that person is fulfilling you. My relationship also,
like it didn't it ended like we got physical after
we separated. It was never during and that was crazy
because it's like, yeah, you know, you and your partner,
(13:34):
you're gonna argue, y'all are gonna have disagreements and things
of that nature. But it never got physical until I left.
And that was another stipulation for our divorce, because it's like, dude,
we aren't together, You've already moved on, you have someone else.
I would just like the same. And it took three
(13:56):
years because he refused to sign the papers, just like
what you're going through. And I ended up having to
serve him myself because he would not like the officer.
The Sheriff's department tried to serve him several times and
they would always come back and say that no one
is answering the door at the ape, and I was like, oh,
(14:19):
I have to go to my attorney, and I'm like, listen,
I know that we're not supposed to have any contact,
but I know where he's going to be. So can
I serve him myself? Because I'm tired. I know y'all
are tired too, So can we just do this? Well,
you're gonna have to sign a waiver and I was like,
(14:42):
I don't care, just whatever it is, and I need
to because I want to be able to move home
with my life. He's been able to do the same
thing and I'm stuck, and so y'all I served that
man would have had a templing boots on in the
rain in his call, and I it was just, look, sir,
(15:05):
I need you to sign right here. I need you
right here and put your address right here, and do
this on both sets of these papers. Once he did that,
I had to him his and I said, you've officially
been served, and I walked right on back in the
house and he sat outside of my house for about
(15:25):
five minutes with that piece of paper in his hands. There, baby,
it's time to move on. Gone, it's not God. I
went and took that my lawyer's office that Monday morning.
Let's let's get this over and done it, because I
want to move on with my life. I want to
be able to be free. I want to live. You know,
(15:46):
you're living, You're free, You're creating a whole new family
outside of us, and I want to be able to
do the same. Like, it's not fair that you're holding
me up because you didn't want an end to something,
but you're also part of the reason why it had
to end. And when you don't want to take accountability,
(16:08):
it falls on me to actually take the accountability. And
one of the things that he said during the midst
of our separation before I moved from our family home,
is well, I wish you could get pregnant again. I said,
excuse me, sir, who are you talking to He said, well,
(16:32):
you know, if we had another baby, we would still
be together.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
It sounds like entrapment.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Ll I said, sir, I don't know who you think
I am. I said, we created three, the last one
you had an issue with, I said, and you standing
here now saying that you wish there was a fourth. Sir,
please exit stage left. Don't talk to me right now,
because I'm in the middle of packing this stuff up
(17:00):
and you part of the reason I got to pack
this stuff up. Go in the other room till I
finish what I'm doing in here, because I can't see
your face right now. This is just not gonna work out.
But don't say that. Don't do that. But my role
in our relationship ending was you know, men talk a
(17:22):
lot about you know, sex and this, that and the third.
But however, for me, it was painful and it wasn't
something that he was trying to understand. I had some
cysts that were all my ovaries and they were painful,
and so with them being painful, sex was not something
that I was, you know, trying to partake in it.
(17:43):
And it's like, okay, if you're not trying to come
to the doctor with me to find out what can
be done so that this can actually bring us back together,
I don't know what you want me to do, because
I'm trying everything. But it is not a pleasant feeling.
And so that it was also he liked to he
(18:08):
liked the outside world. I'm an homebody. I don't need
to entertain other folks. I'm home. I like to be
with my kids. That's where you know, I find peace
and I find joy. And that was the thing he
wanted to be out at the club. Baby, go have
your fun, go do what you need to do. I'm
(18:28):
gonna be right here. I don't like loud music in
that sense. You know, of a crowd of folks from
just my experience, leads to bad decisions and things of
that nature. So I tend to stay out of environments
that are gonna do that. So that was one of
the other things. Like he was still and like I said,
(18:50):
we were young. We were still in our early twenties.
So it was the life that he was still trying
to live. And it's like, Baby, that's not for me.
I'm sorry, I'm old already, and I'm old already. So
it's like, I'm not really worried about that. If you
want to go, I'll be here at the house. Me
and the kids will probably I'll be in the kitchen
(19:11):
cooking something. They watching a TV or whatever. I'm not going,
but you free to go and have your phone. I'm
just gonna be at the house. So it's relationships, marriage, divorce,
all of those things. They play a major role in
how we interact with other people, and sometimes divorce is
(19:33):
one of those things that we really and truly do
think that it's the final thing that nobody's gonna want us.
And that's usually coming from the situation of the other
person thinking that they've instilled in you that you're not
nobody else is gonna want you, nobody else is gonna
want to be with you, and my hope. See, you
(19:54):
can't say something like that to me because it's like, well,
you'll never find nobody to treat me certain that's the
whole point. I don't want you, so you know, I
don't know. Yeah, don't don't say that to me because
I'm gonna come back with something that you and you know,
(20:18):
we were in the middle of an argument one time
and he was like, if you, I said, you already
did that. That created the three children we have. Like
that's why it's like, don't don't say nothing to me,
And he couldn't say nothing to me. It's like, Okay,
what you want me to say. We've already been there,
done that, We've moved on. We've got the children to
(20:40):
prove it. What do you want to talk about?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
Now?
Speaker 4 (20:43):
That's why I don't like to stop you. Okay, well
stop me. It's a solution talking to me. If you
don't want to hear these rebuttals, then stop talking to me.
I mean, it's just that. So I'm an easy person
(21:06):
to get along with, but I'm a complicated person to
get along with. But right now I have my boundaries
that I and my non negotiables that I will not
compromise on. And the crazy thing is my fiance now,
like we were together before and we had to go
our separate ways, because my thing was when I met him,
(21:31):
like he embraced my children from day one. However, we
were nine months in the first time, and I had
yet to meet his three children, and I had met
his brother, I had met his best friend, and that
was it, and I like, and I met the younger
(21:51):
child and it's like, Okay, you have two older children.
I would like to meet them too, and your mama.
The people that you say that are the most important
people to your life. I need to meet those people
as well, and that wasn't happening. And it's like there's
something that you're not saying. And since you're not saying,
(22:13):
I'm going to exit because this isn't making sense to
me because you've met the most important people in my life.
You've met my entire family just about, and yet I
haven't met these people that you say are important to you.
I'm not understanding. And so we had to go our
(22:34):
separate ways. And now I'm glad he's not here right
now because he will be saying, well, seven years later,
you always said God grant's patience and if it was
meant to be, we'll be patient and we'll go back around.
He was like, I was patient for seven years, sir.
Speaker 6 (22:52):
Oh, I'll applaud that man for them.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
I'm still maintained a friendship that and like we still
kept in contact, you know, And it was one of
those things where Okay, you still want to be my friend.
I'm not the easiest person to be friends after this,
(23:23):
and so he was like, yeah, okay. And so when
the second time around came, he made sure that I
met all of the children, you know, and met his mom,
his grandma, his other siblings, like I've met everybody now, y'all.
And I swear i've met aunties too, and and I've
(23:46):
met Dad not too long ago. So it's like okay, yeah,
and so it's like and this is the other thing.
I have really learned to understand that when they say
if they wanted to, they would, Because let me tell you,
my birthday yet was yesterday. This man worked all day yesterday.
(24:09):
He worked twelve hours. He came all the way down
here to deliver my birthday gifts and went back home.
And he lives in Charlotte, and that's not a long
distance away. But he did all of that because it
was my birthday, you know. And he didn't have to
do that. He could have said, well, I'm just gonna
(24:30):
wait till the weekend. You know, I'm off this weekend
and I'll see you then. But no, he made sure
that he was there. And he's made sure that anything
that I may have an inkling of being stressed about,
he finds a solution. And I may be getting all
(24:52):
worked up about something. And he looked at me and
be like, okay, and what's the problem. And I'm like, okay,
well this is problem. He's like okay, and so you're
stressed about what I'm telling you what I'm stressed about. Okay,
well it's taken care of. So again, what are you
stressed about? And then me with my little stubborn self,
(25:14):
I still want to be mad about the ball and
it doesn't work, and so it's like, okay, I want
to be mad, and you won't let me be mad.
Let me be mad in this moment. And so last
night he thought I was mad at him because I
didn't respond to the text message. But honestly, I didn't
know he had text me. I was in the car
(25:35):
listening to my music, so I didn't have the volume up.
I didn't have the volume up on my phone for
the text messages to come through. So I'm in here
running my bath water, getting ready to take my bath,
and I turn around that he is standing with the
bag in his hand, and I'm like, I'm where you
(25:58):
come from. He's talking about you was mad at me.
You didn't see my text message, Sir. I ain't seen
no text message about I told her in the shower, Sir,
I ain't. I ain't seen none of that. I ain't
seen none of that. So you know, if he really
(26:20):
and truly wanted to, it would, and that you can't
settle for less than that you know that you deserve.
And yeah, and you know, sometimes we do make that
misconception of of giving them the benefit of the doubt.
We see the potential and that person, and we like
(26:43):
trying to push them to that potential. But one thing
I have learned over the years is you can't push
somebody into something that they're not to see in them
because if they don't want it, ain't no need for
you trying to make them want it, because they don't
never have the same respect or desire to see it through.
(27:04):
And so I learn, if I'm pouring into you for
this amount of time and you're not receiving or blossoming
or even trying to grow anything, then I'm gonna go
ahead and remove myself. Now, I will say my relationship
before this, I still have value in that relationship and
(27:25):
that friendship, but I know that we'll never have a
friendship again because ego plays a major role in that.
And I'm forever grateful for the position that that person
put me in because this was his thing. Always. I
want to put you in a better position than the
one that I found you in. Okay, great, wonderful also,
(27:49):
and he did he put me in a position to
be able to have a business, and I'm grateful for that.
But it's also he didn't think that I would stick
it through. He thought that I would take the advice
and just sit on it and not actually follow through
with it. Well, I have continued to follow through with it.
(28:12):
Not only that, I've continue to thrive and help other
people do the same thing that I was doing. And
I didn't stop. And so another thing that this person
said is that he wanted to see me broken. Okay,
well in what capacity do you want to see me broken?
And it was crazy And what he was meaning was
(28:36):
he wanted me to learn how to separate my emotions
from the situation. Now in that he taught me how
to remove my feelings from dealing with our personal relationship
and just deal with each other on a business relationship. Okay, cool,
(28:58):
So I did that. So then when it became I personal,
now you mad because I'm dealing with you how you
dealing with me? But that ain't got nothing to do
with me. These are the rules that you put in place.
So if you want me to either be your business
partner or you all to be in relationship with you.
Then you set the rules for how we gonna go.
(29:21):
Then it was always, well, you know when you leave me.
I said, Okay, you're always talking about the end, so
you have no purpose for us to be together continuously.
So if you consistent in talking about the end, what's
the point of starting something with me? Well, no, I'm
just saying I'm living in reality. No, you creating an
(29:45):
end to something because if you speak that, you receive that.
So when you receive it, you can't be mad at
it because this is the narrative that you set in place.
So I'm consistent in asking you. And if I ever
I said something, I'm gonna ask for clarity, and me
asking for clarity would be in his mind, I'm wanting
(30:08):
to argue. I'm not arguing with you. We're having a conversation.
You like to avoid conversations because all your conversations in
and arguments and drag out fights. I don't have to
argue with you to have a conversation with you. But
since that's what you are used to, you can't understand
(30:29):
that conversations can happen without conflict. So so we can
communicate with each other but we don't have to have
a situation where we gotta put our hands on each other.
My voice has to be raised, Your voice has to
be raised. We can sit and have a conversation, but
you'd rather avoid the conversation because of past relationships that
(30:53):
have nothing to do with me.
Speaker 9 (30:55):
And so I tell people all the time. Communication, it's key. Communication.
You should be able to talk to your mate about anything, everything,
and yeah, an argument. You should be able to talk
freely and they be able to listen and be able
to respond, and vice versus. You should be able to
(31:18):
do the same. It's not complicated. We make it so
much complicated then it need to be.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
And it's just.
Speaker 10 (31:26):
All about communication that that communication will.
Speaker 5 (31:30):
Kill the problem in any situation.
Speaker 7 (31:34):
And I don't care.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Communication is key, and that's one thing that I have
learned is that we have to communicate. Even the uncomfortable conversations,
you have to have them. And if you're not willing
to have the uncomfortable conversation, what happens when that situation
comes in full circle and now you can't get beyond
(31:59):
that because you're stuck on what was a little problem
has now become a ticking time bomb. You don't ever
want to be with somebody that you gotta walk on
eggs shells, be sensitive, yall constantly apologizing for their lack
of being able to regulate their own emotions. That has
nothing to do with you. It's personal. And then learning
(32:23):
to figure out what your own personal triggers are. That
was a thing that I had to understand for myself,
which goes back to my self inventory. Certain things, certain words,
certain tones would trigger me. First off, who you talk to. Secondly,
change the tone and how you talking to me, you know.
(32:44):
And sometimes I'm good at receiving a joke, sometimes I
may not be. So it's like learning how to gauge
my own reaction to certain things. And so now it's
like I can see when somebody's trying to trigger me
or upset me or whatever, and I end up pissing
(33:07):
them off more so than me getting hissed out, and
so that it shouldn't bring me joy, It shouldn't bring
me pleasure, but it's like I've learned to control me,
so it does. And it's like you mad, but.
Speaker 11 (33:22):
You started to argument right right, No, So it's like
you started the argument, but you mad, because I won't
get mad.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
And I won't meet you where you at. That ain't
got nothing to do with me.
Speaker 7 (33:39):
That got to do with you.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
So go get yourself together and come back a week
and talk about it. But you're gonna be mad by yourself.
Speaker 7 (33:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
So that's another thing that I swear. Me and him
like I could be mad about something. He just over there, happy,
go lucky whatever. And I'm like, no, sir, I want
to be mad right now. He's like, okay, well you
can be mad, but I don't care so and I'm like, okay,
well you're gonna be mad too.
Speaker 7 (34:06):
He ain't.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, look at me.
Speaker 9 (34:10):
No mad, My mama, My mama used to tell me.
Being mad it's like using the restaroom on yourself. Don't
nobody feel that. Sit on over there in the corner and.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
Went by yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
No, I.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Don't want to work it out because they don't leave
being mad.
Speaker 6 (34:38):
Yeah, yeah, so did. I've gotten to everybody but you.
It's uh, yes, you have what what brings you here?
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Ma'am?
Speaker 7 (34:56):
You that's a very oh my goodness.
Speaker 10 (35:05):
Okay, Well, our last distressing I talked about hasn't been
married for almost twenty.
Speaker 9 (35:11):
Years, and.
Speaker 10 (35:15):
When I met my acts because I'm claiming it to
be next soon because I'm like Lisa Angela, I gotta
move on.
Speaker 7 (35:22):
I need to move on. I'm planning, I'm moving on.
It's don't happen.
Speaker 10 (35:29):
But when I met him, when we sata dating, I
had just uh we started dating two months before my mom,
my adopted.
Speaker 7 (35:37):
Mom, passed, and that was that was the hard time
to me. That was she was my world. She saw everything.
I mean, I owed her my life basically, so me
losing her was definitely I mean, we had lost up
in the family.
Speaker 10 (35:54):
Before, but me losing her it drew me out of
out of wack because he was like almost the average
I didn't do nothing unless he was fool with unless
he was okay with it. And so when we got together,
I think I was just in a grieving.
Speaker 7 (36:08):
Mode and I just stuck with him, and I was like,
I don't want to lose with nobody else, and so
I just clung.
Speaker 10 (36:17):
For twenty years, well actually twenty three years because if
you know the counting Dayton Park yet twenty three years Yep.
Speaker 7 (36:23):
Yeah, clung hard. Then his father said, yeah, there's no,
that's nothing back cleaning, that's the bill. We're not doing that.
Speaker 10 (36:31):
And it was just like one day he was in
the hospital. My sisters were going through here in Virginia.
We were in Florida, and it devastated me.
Speaker 7 (36:39):
That my family was going through and I wasn't there,
and so I was like, okay, so I come to him.
Speaker 10 (36:47):
My cousin was like, I can come get you. Thet's
come home for a week or so. You know what
I'm saying, This beco people. So I told him and
he was like, well, and we had been doing dallastries.
He's been doing it from dallasas so we just honed out.
Speaker 7 (37:02):
So I was no longer your wife. I was the
secretary and your next I was not your wife. So
he decides when I say, my cousin's gonna come pick
me up, He's gonna take me, you know, for a
little while. And then I come back. He says, what
about my treatment? What about you can go in center?
Speaker 10 (37:23):
The doctor was gonna putun there how a couple of
weeks to go anywhere because he's polling like a balloon.
Speaker 7 (37:28):
What about it?
Speaker 10 (37:30):
I said, my family is going through this stuff. What
you're talking about? So then you come to me a
couple of days later, and your mom got this inheritance
or whatever that blah blah blah, and you want to
come to me talking about well we can go back
to Virginia for a little while.
Speaker 7 (37:47):
I said, go back to you didn't do well? Well?
My mom want to give me this part of my inheritance.
Dada dada.
Speaker 10 (37:53):
I said, oh yeah, I said, how long is saying? Well,
as I was back Monday, he's doing my feet. So
I'm staying the weekend. So you're talking, I can't see
my people. I said, man, you go ahead, I'm good,
you go.
Speaker 7 (38:07):
It was like when the Lord told me it was over.
Speaker 10 (38:10):
Because now to get to that part, the part was
when he was in hospital. My sister was going through.
Both my sisters going through. My other sister was a nursing.
Speaker 7 (38:19):
Home and then they had taken her to the hospital.
She had got COVID and she had heart problems.
Speaker 10 (38:24):
So my niece called me and told me when they
was trying to revive the like for the third time
or so. So I'm freaking out and I'm freaking out
like I'm my Lord, please gonna let my sister die
before I could get to virgin because I do not
want her to die. I want you to be in
the area with my feaple and something said it's over.
(38:45):
So I did a little it's over.
Speaker 7 (38:49):
It's over.
Speaker 10 (38:50):
The Lord don't take my take my sister, so you
can tell me you my sister three they could go,
tell me that's that's the part talking about. And it
was like I saw my husband's face, ex cousin's face
across my faith and I said, I'm married.
Speaker 7 (39:05):
That's the father. You on a marriage. What are you
what are you talking about? H I put together.
Speaker 10 (39:12):
I didn't pay again, you put yourselves together, he said,
but it's over.
Speaker 7 (39:17):
So I said, okay. I said, but you kept us
this long.
Speaker 10 (39:22):
He said, I capt y'all as long because he was playing.
He was praying for your marriage. I realized then I.
Speaker 7 (39:28):
Had stopped playing. If I wasn't my wife, what I
was saying in.
Speaker 10 (39:30):
Paris for America wasn't a part of Now. I would
pray when he's going to hospital, because I'm not that
type of person. I'm ana prayer regardless. I don't never
want nothing happen to Gray. I don't pray him in
the hospital. But that's about all you got me. So
that's what the father told me. He was like, you
stop praying, so I can go ahead and tell you
now what I need to tell you. It's over, I said, okay, Father,
I said, well, if it's gonna be over, I need
(39:51):
a ram in a bull, I said, I need a
ram in the books because.
Speaker 7 (39:54):
I can't do this by myself. I can't so because
my cousin and she was like, all right, we can't read.
Get to a plane ticket, you're coming home, okay, all right.
So he takes it to the airport and.
Speaker 10 (40:11):
He's looking all kinds well before we get to the airport,
last really rap last, and he said.
Speaker 7 (40:17):
To me that kind of really set it off for me.
Was you know you more than your dad? Really got
on my nerves. I said, oh yeah, wow, the father.
Speaker 10 (40:33):
I will away from that man, actually will from me,
because I said, I if I hit this man in
the faith, we will have a problem. And then my
brother see I'm brewed. She's coming to get him too.
So I said, but will wait for you real quick,
because you about to leave here.
Speaker 7 (40:47):
I said, okay. I said, well, okay, this.
Speaker 10 (40:50):
Is the man that treeved you like he was his
own front my daddy. I said, oh, okay, that's true,
that's true. It's all right, So you don't take me
the airport. You ain't apologize, you know, I get up
the car.
Speaker 7 (41:03):
You want to give me a kiss. I turned my head. Whatever, goodbye,
I'm done. Someho find out. I didn't realize this until
last year, because now in this this November seventeen, it
will be two years. I found out last year. This
how God worked. He cau. He called me and he said,
(41:28):
you know what today is? No Sunday. I don't know
what is? He say, don't know what today is? Yeah,
I'm thinking back, I'm like, so something else figguring me
about the date. It was my mom. It was the
day my mom passed. The date of my mom's passion
is the date I left him. Wow, thank God, Hope, like,
(41:54):
I see what you's doing. Said okay, So I told.
Speaker 10 (41:58):
Him, I said, oh no, this day, this the day
my mom had Then he said, oh, I'm sorry. I
didn't said I didn't evenize that's ad.
Speaker 7 (42:05):
But God did what he did.
Speaker 4 (42:06):
So that's that, he said, God some things with them dates.
Speaker 7 (42:16):
The number, it is the whole other date that I
give you any other day. I made dates for you
to do. Remember this and remember that you can't remember
those dates. For the day. I mean you, this is
the date you.
Speaker 10 (42:27):
Want to remember, Okay, Okay, well you remember that because
I'm gonna remember it too.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
I'm going to do something with them dates. I will
tell you this. My occasional wedding date was June seventeen,
two thousand. The date that I finished with college was
June and seventeen, I was fifteen. And then the following year,
(42:55):
oh well, the year before that, I got inducted into
the National Society of Leadership and Success June seventeenth.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
So it's like.
Speaker 4 (43:07):
My marriage began, it ended June the tenth. It was
finalized June the tenth of two thousand and ten. But
everything else that was positive for June the seventeenth was
with my collage and everything, and it was like, okay,
so because you know, I was looking at that day
(43:30):
as you know, a blessing, and also it ended, you know,
But then when these things took place, it's like, okay,
and ain't it was a day that something began. But
it also was the month of June that you know,
it ended. And so it's like June is a month
(43:50):
for me in so many ways because my cousin was
born in June but we lost him in June.
Speaker 7 (44:00):
My mom.
Speaker 4 (44:02):
I graduated in June, but we didn't have the ceremony
until after that. But my mom passed in June, and
so it's like that month is just bittersweet, you know.
And so it's like I got the good and the bad,
and I was at work the other day. Yeah, yeah,
I went back to work. I went to work in
(44:24):
the actual building for three days. But while I was there,
I was talking to this lady and you know, I
just lost recently lost my great aunt who raised me
on Saturday, and so I was telling her. The significance
of birth dates and the significance of dates is that
every day is a day to be celebrate. But this
(44:47):
is the thing. We only know our birthdays that is
a date that we celebrate, but every day that we're here.
We need to learn to celebrate every day because our
death day is going to be significant to those who
are left behind. So we need to learn to celebrate
(45:08):
because the date that we decide is already predestined because
God is gonna call us home on that date. But
we'll never know that that day, but it becomes significant
to our loved ones who are behind, And so learn
to appreciate what we have in this moment in this sense,
because tomorrow could be our date, it could already be
(45:31):
one's list for that day, and that will be the
date that our family members, our loved ones, remember and
they have to remember that day every day, not only
the date of that we were born on this earth,
but the day that we leave. So learn to appreciate
(45:52):
each and every day. And I hear people say, well,
I don't celebrate birthdays. You may not celebrate birthdays, but
you need to celebrate the day that you are given
because you're not promised the next one. You know, you're
not even promised the next second. Because if God has
you on his list, he's calling you regardless. And so
we need to learn how to make sure what we're
(46:13):
doing from our date of birth to the day that
God says, well done, our good and faithful servant. What
we're doing with that dash in the middle stands for
you know, it stands for something. And you are with
the people who are connected to the destiny that He
has created for you. So what you do with this
(46:34):
time is important. The relationships that you grow and cultivate
are important. The time that you put into anything and
a lot of times we see and we hold ourselves
back because it looks like it's not going to come
the past. But if God gave you the vision for it,
(46:55):
he'll provide every provision that you're gonna need. He's gonna
connect you to the peace people that are connected to
what He has for you. There is a greater purpose
behind this book. There's a greater purpose behind this conversation.
There's a greater purpose behind all of this, And there's
a continuous thing that is going to be Like whoever's
listening tonight is going to get something from this conversation
(47:18):
that they're gonna be able to use for tomorrow and future.
Things like there's always the blueprint that starts somewhere, and
if God gave you the blueprint, he's gonna give you
everything that you need to make it a reality. But
we gotta be willing to step outside of what feels comfortable,
to be a little uncomfortable to make it happen. But
(47:40):
a lot of times we don't want to be uncomfortable
because the comfort zone feels great. But God say to
put out of their comfort zone. It's time for you
to move, It's time for you to do something different.
It's time for you to think everything that I have
been showing you, and you be like, God, I don't
think so. Now I'll be honest, I'd be like God,
(48:01):
I think you sent that to the wrong address because
that ain't for me. And he come back and be like,
if I didn't give it to you, I wouldn't be
showing it to you. And Okay, well, sir Lisa, we're
gonna have to talk about it. I'm gonna need some
little more details to something because you push a little
bit more on me than what I be prepared for.
(48:22):
Just because you short in statue don't mean you can't
do what I told you to do now and it
was already backed out.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 9 (48:33):
Nine and eleven is real, he said, he said, he declared,
He said, HELI, let's past ten.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
So that means that it's all for you, not to
harm you, but for you for you to be in
her health, hope in the future.
Speaker 9 (48:51):
And if Genesis two and seven, he said, he breathed
the breath of life into you, so every single thing
in this world is already in you. Anything that comes
upon you that you cannot handle because it's already in you.
You just have to tap into that. He's giving us
(49:13):
all this talent exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
And that's one of the things and I say all
the time, is because you get that old cliche. God
gives his uh, he's never put.
Speaker 7 (49:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:27):
I hate that. And the reason I hate that is
because God already knew what you were gonna face everything,
Because already put it all there. It's up to you
deep within to see what tools He's given you to
get to the next level in your life. He gives you,
He gives us lessons to pass the test. That way
(49:48):
we have a testimony. You can't have a testimony if
you ain't never been tested. If what you fine for.
Speaker 10 (49:59):
That one single I would looking for somebody this week
and they were saying that if you gotta work.
Speaker 7 (50:07):
Ahead of time, you already knew, he said divorce. He said,
you don't got to be saying by the divorce. God
knew you was gonna get divorced. He knew you're gonna
be before you knew it.
Speaker 4 (50:17):
Everything story from the tee and first breath on this side.
He knew what we were gonna go through or everything.
Sometimes those free will is what gets sus.
Speaker 5 (50:35):
The free will problem. We always he.
Speaker 9 (50:39):
Gave it to us that we can kind of so
that we can kind of map out our own path,
even though he has meted it out for us. He
was will so that we can choose the route that
we go. We can choose the easy route, or we
can choose the hard route. He gives it to us
so we openly choose which way we want to do
(51:00):
if we want to align exactly with what he is
mapped out for us and be in place so that
we can receive everything that he has for us without tribulations.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
But we don't understand that he said. He didn't say
it would be easy.
Speaker 9 (51:16):
People take away. He will always take away because guess
what he left the confident with us.
Speaker 7 (51:23):
We would go through.
Speaker 9 (51:25):
There's nothing that we would go through that he can't
get through. He already know what the end it's going
to be. He want to see how our character is
gonna be. He want to see how we're going to
be molded. He he want to see how we have grown.
He want to see if we got that. Listen, because
I tell people those test, those trials, and those tribulations,
that's only for a moment.
Speaker 5 (51:45):
Your moment may be two days. Your moment may be
three weeks.
Speaker 9 (51:48):
Your moment may be five weeks, it may be five years,
but it's only for a moment, so that you'll be
able to.
Speaker 5 (51:54):
Tell somebody else how you got through, how you overcame,
how you got to the other side.
Speaker 4 (52:00):
People don't understand the storms are temporary, and if you
keep walking through the storm, you're gonna come out on
the sun side. But we don't get stuck in the rain.
We get stuck right now. We don't want to keep walking.
But you know, the storm passes, it moves, so if
look forward direction, you gonna eventually get out of the storm.
(52:23):
But you gotta keep walking. It's too much, it's too head.
Speaker 5 (52:29):
It's a process, and I tell that it's it's it's
it's a three it's a three step process.
Speaker 9 (52:36):
You you gotta understand that storms they they don't go nowhere,
They just move. And it may be storming up there
where you at Trevida, and it may not be storming
over there where Latanya at may where I'm at, but
it may come later on. And we gotta that there's
three parts of a stone. You're either going into a storm,
(52:58):
you in the midst of a stone.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Exactly one thing used to say all the time is
when I was young, it never made any sense to me,
and all she simply said was just keep living. And
I was like, what does that even mean? She was like,
you may not understand it right now, but you are
understanding when you get old. And it's one of those
things where it may not be your problem today, but
(53:26):
it very well can be yours tomorrow. That's why you
never talk down on somebody else's situation, because it may
not look like you will ever have to experience it,
but when you have to experience, it's always well, I
wouldn't have done that. I would have never said that.
But then when you know that, it's like, well, I
(53:46):
see now why you said that. I see why you
did No, no, no, remember keep that same energy you
had when you were I would have never. Because it's
always when people say that I will never be coming
over you, well I'm never and again yeah you you
now they ain't never before, but now they never and
(54:07):
harder than before. I don't sit down somewhere, you and
your net now you're dealing with it, and now it's like, oh,
well I knew compassion, some empathy, some sympathy, compassion on
my side, no where. What was that when somebody else
was going through it you didn't have and now you
want it. They don't be good when you gotta deal
(54:30):
with it, Like keep your mouth, folks, stop talking about them,
because you're gonna have to read what you saw. And
when you play goes of nastiness. Guess what you're gonna
have to eat that. That's why I tell you don't
be preparing to play for somebody that you ain't prepared.
Speaker 5 (54:47):
You can't eat the same.
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Thing you putting on the plate and worrying about what
somebody else got prepared on their play. God prepared that
specifically for them. They may have high blood pressure. Can't
have no salt. You over there trying to get eat.
You're sick. You're gonna end up in the hospital because
you want what's on their play that ain't your Put
that down and gone mind, Joe. Byss you put on
(55:13):
your own and I swear you'll be food.
Speaker 9 (55:18):
You can season it up your own way. Y'all may
have the same plate. Y'all may have the same items
on the plate, but it all may be seasoned differently.
You know, salt and pepper.
Speaker 4 (55:33):
And exactly.
Speaker 5 (55:36):
Like the salad. I don't I don't like it and
my chicken salad and you might not.
Speaker 4 (55:47):
Right like, stop trying to look over there as somebody
else is playing up there talking about, uh, well that
looks good and you're going to get you a fort full.
And now you realize it's got twelve tables for the
south on there. And now you over there looking for
some water. That's what you get you over there mentland,
something that ain't got nothing to do with you. Stay
(56:07):
off my plate, all.
Speaker 3 (56:11):
Right, y'all.
Speaker 9 (56:15):
Look, I don't know where that came from, because tonight
over there, ya came on over this way. You need
to stop DD.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
But I I'm gonna have to get off of here
because I gotta tell you.
Speaker 6 (56:43):
We need uh we we need the benediction before you come.
Speaker 4 (56:48):
Okay, well listen, this is what I got for y'all. Listen.
Divorce is not the end. It's only the beginning. If
you allow yourself to be in the space to receive
what God has for you, and if you've been praying
for that special person, be patient. Don't be trying to
rush your mind in God's business because he ain't told
you to come over there and do nothing. God is
(57:09):
God all by himself. If he told you he would
do it, he would make a way, then trust him
to do it. Stay out his business. Don't be going
over there.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
God.
Speaker 7 (57:17):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (57:17):
I know you said you was gonna do it, but
when majo business, and stay.
Speaker 5 (57:22):
Out of God's.
Speaker 4 (57:23):
Because God is all by himself. He know what he doing.
He been doing it for a lifetime. He ain't stopped today,
he ain't gonna stop tomorrow. Stay in your place and
do what you're supposed to do. And divorce is not
the end, all right.
Speaker 7 (57:36):
I love y'all.
Speaker 5 (57:37):
Got a collection plate pulling in tonight. We'll be back
Speaker 7 (58:00):
Eight
Until man.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
May I have your attention please? The show starts it
right seven six five, all treating shoot fun go.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Well to delay but not denied the podcast. I don't
know why that was funny to me. But tonight we
are doing part two to our conversation on the book
that we all co wrote before the Vowels, A Wife's
Story After the Vowels, A Wife Story. I don't even
(01:54):
know the tagle. But before we start, I'm gonna go
to God in prayer. Heavenly Father will come you tonight,
asking you to be in the midst of the conversation,
asking you to place these words upon the hearers and
doers of your word. In Jesus name, we pray Amen.
So tonight I have with me miss Queen Angela, Miss
(02:15):
Queen Trevida, and Miss Queen d d.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Hey, ladies, hello you.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
I'm here.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
I am blessed, black and hotly favored.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Charlemagne God.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I want to talk to you, ladies, because we didn't
really get to finish our conversation the last time. Trevida
you were saying you were talking about the ins and
outs and what it looks like on the the leaving
out part, and so if you could just pick up
there and we'll piggyback off you and go from there.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Okay, getting to the other side is the divorce and
the final stages of the separation, the beginnings of it.
It definitely for me because the relationship was thirteen years
and so I went from being a teenager to a
(03:25):
young adult to literally my late twenties, and so I
spent most of my early adulthood with one particular person.
We shared three children together, and learning how to identify
with myself all over again was a challenge, you know.
(03:47):
And I had to learn me all over again because
I had become so wrapped up in the identity of
being a wife and a mother that I lost who
I was in the process, and that was It's not
an easy journey, but I learned some things along the
way that has helped me to begin the healing journey,
(04:07):
to forgive what happened, to take accountability for the role
that I played in the ending of the relationship and
not just placed everything on him. And one of the
things that I did was I started doing a self
inventory for myself and figuring out the things and the
(04:28):
areas and where I had issues, where I needed to
still grow where I learned needed to learn how to
apologize and not just blame other people. So that was
that was difficult, but it was a process. And on
the other side is where I am today.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
What did it feel like to get to the to
to be able to get to the other side, be
able to heal and then allow God.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
To place a special person in your life?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Now, I will say that process was difficult to actually
allow somebody in my space because I knew what I
wasn't gonna tolerate anymore.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
You know.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
I set really strong boundaries. And after you know, him
and I split, it was I had a real strict rule.
Number one was I had three small kids, one being
my daughter. I didn't want a lot of different men
coming in and out of my home. Right It was
like I have to set an example for her, and
(05:45):
so I had a very strict rule. No men were
allowed in my house after eight o'clock. You can see
me before eight, but if you're making plans to see
me after eight, you can't come, all right, you know.
And I had a couple men who well, I I say, boys,
I'll take that back, because men are not gonna do that.
Who were would always say, well, you're grown. That's your
(06:07):
house and you can do what you want because you
make the rules, you pay the bill. You're absolutely right,
and if you can't respect this rule that I have,
then we don't need to associate or talk. And right, gentlemen,
he was like, well, I'm gonna bring my daughter with me.
I don't care if you're bringing Jesus himself with you.
You not coming in here after eight o'clock.
Speaker 7 (06:26):
And it's just that simple.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
And so he was like, well, I just don't want
to deal. Well, baby, we not.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
Asked you to be with me.
Speaker 8 (06:32):
This is what you don't accept it, then you can't
accept me because you want me to break something to
say it's by your need. But you made no time
to see me before nightfall, but you want to see
me after the sun goes down. Absolutely not. And so
making that rule like I had that rule. Brad and
(06:53):
I split up in two thousand and seven. We were
divorced in twenty.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Ten, and that rule stood in my house until twenty sixteen. Wow,
And I will not allow anybody if we were not
considering a relationship and going through the process of being
(07:18):
in one, you can't come. I'm sorry, it's just not
gonna work.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
I feel you.
Speaker 6 (07:27):
Yeah, Angela, can you share your story with us?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well?
Speaker 9 (07:36):
So my story is a lot different because I exited
on domestic terms and officially, technically I'm still married.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I've been separated since twenty nineteen. This has been a journey.
Speaker 9 (07:58):
I am trying to get these papers served because my
situation is I can't have this man knowing where I
live in because he's still in his in his mind
thinks that that there's still something that we can work
out because I've not finalized the divorce, and you are
(08:21):
the reason why the divorce is not finalized because in
South Carolina, they want you to mail or deliver something
to them and then they have to send it back in.
I cannot have this man knowing where I live at
because I know what he's capable of. So that has
(08:43):
been one of the the major hang ups. But I
have been I've been dating. Eventually, I'm gonna have to
do it. Eventually, he's gonna have to nowhere I live
at and all of that, because I want it to
(09:04):
be final because I feel like I can't promise relationship
and I can't be happy with the relationship with all
of this. Still, you know, so I said by twenty
twenty six, So that gives me less than sixty days
(09:28):
to make it, and I'm thinking I can make it
happen within these sixty days because some people have been
giving me some advice and telling me some routes that
I can take to not have to disclose my address.
So I'm feeling I'm really feeling positive about it because
(09:51):
I really want to move on because I have actually
have a special someone that that I am.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
Really looking to develop some developed with.
Speaker 9 (10:07):
You know, I had to set some boundaries and I
had to say what I will and I will not
accept in a relationship. So I tell you, I'm I'm
grateful for the book and I'm grateful for these talks
(10:28):
that we have been having because I'm telling you, Treita
be dropping some nuggets she dropping and you know, I'll
be like, I didn't even think about that. I didn't
even consider that. I didn't even that didn't even cross
my mind. The wisdom that she has, I tell you, God,
I'm telling you it's so amazing. Now, Patria somebody that
(10:51):
should have been in this book. Yeah, but she is
definitely somebody that should have been in this book. I
think it should be a part too, because again, I
am going to be finalizing this. She has went through
a process. Don't know what her process is, but I
think she says filing tomorrow. She's doing something. She on here,
(11:16):
she said happy birthday, Toda. So definitely want to follow
up and see how especially with Tarda's being engaged and
you know, so we definitely want to you know, journey
this and allow people to see that, you know, it
(11:39):
is possible.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
Divorce is not the end. The vorce is not death.
Divorce is not the the the.
Speaker 9 (11:46):
End, all say all, but it can be the beginning
of something so greater.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Tita said. I think Tareda may have mentioned that in
our show.
Speaker 9 (12:01):
So yeah, definitely enjoy these talks and it just gives
me a positive outlook on this situation, you know, and
then hopefully somebody else is grabbing some nuggets and grabbing
something that we have experienced that we have overcame, got
through or dealing with that can help them with whatever
(12:24):
situation they're in.
Speaker 5 (12:26):
So yeah, that's why I am.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Most people tend to think that divorce is an ugly word,
but you got to understand that sometimes it is best
that people go their separate ways for the simple fact
of if you're not pouring into me, what I'm giving
to you is not blossoming, Like I'm giving more of
(12:50):
you and I'm losing more of myself. I've become depleted,
so I have them to give. And you tend to
find that out when you know you look at yourself
and you don't even recognize the face in the mirror anymore,
if you realize that you have lost every bit of
who you once were, and that relationship isn't making you happy,
(13:13):
it's not fulfilling you in the same way that you
hope that that person is fulfilling you. My relationship also,
like it didn't it ended like we got physical after
we separated. It was never during and that was crazy
because it's like, yeah, you know, you and your partner,
(13:34):
you're gonna argue, y'all are gonna have disagreements and things
of that nature. But it never got physical until I left.
And that was another stipulation for our divorce, because it's like, dude,
we aren't together, You've already moved on, you have someone else.
I would just like the same. And it took three
(13:56):
years because he refused to sign the papers, just like
what you're going through. And I ended up having to
serve him myself because he would not like the officer.
The Sheriff's department tried to serve him several times and
they would always come back and say that no one
is answering the door at the ape, and I was like, oh,
(14:19):
I have to go to my attorney, and I'm like, listen,
I know that we're not supposed to have any contact,
but I know where he's going to be. So can
I serve him myself? Because I'm tired. I know y'all
are tired too, So can we just do this? Well,
you're gonna have to sign a waiver and I was like,
(14:42):
I don't care, just whatever it is, and I need
to because I want to be able to move home
with my life. He's been able to do the same
thing and I'm stuck, and so y'all I served that
man would have had a templing boots on in the
rain in his call, and I it was just, look, sir,
(15:05):
I need you to sign right here. I need you
right here and put your address right here, and do
this on both sets of these papers. Once he did that,
I had to him his and I said, you've officially
been served, and I walked right on back in the
house and he sat outside of my house for about
(15:25):
five minutes with that piece of paper in his hands. There, baby,
it's time to move on. Gone, it's not God. I
went and took that my lawyer's office that Monday morning.
Let's let's get this over and done it, because I
want to move on with my life. I want to
be able to be free. I want to live. You know,
(15:46):
you're living, You're free, You're creating a whole new family
outside of us, and I want to be able to
do the same. Like, it's not fair that you're holding
me up because you didn't want an end to something,
but you're also part of the reason why it had
to end. And when you don't want to take accountability,
(16:08):
it falls on me to actually take the accountability. And
one of the things that he said during the midst
of our separation before I moved from our family home,
is well, I wish you could get pregnant again. I said,
excuse me, sir, who are you talking to He said, well,
(16:32):
you know, if we had another baby, we would still
be together.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
It sounds like entrapment.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Ll I said, sir, I don't know who you think
I am. I said, we created three, the last one
you had an issue with, I said, and you standing
here now saying that you wish there was a fourth. Sir,
please exit stage left. Don't talk to me right now,
because I'm in the middle of packing this stuff up
(17:00):
and you part of the reason I got to pack
this stuff up. Go in the other room till I
finish what I'm doing in here, because I can't see
your face right now. This is just not gonna work out.
But don't say that. Don't do that. But my role
in our relationship ending was you know, men talk a
(17:22):
lot about you know, sex and this, that and the third.
But however, for me, it was painful and it wasn't
something that he was trying to understand. I had some
cysts that were all my ovaries and they were painful,
and so with them being painful, sex was not something
that I was, you know, trying to partake in it.
(17:43):
And it's like, okay, if you're not trying to come
to the doctor with me to find out what can
be done so that this can actually bring us back together,
I don't know what you want me to do, because
I'm trying everything. But it is not a pleasant feeling.
And so that it was also he liked to he
(18:08):
liked the outside world. I'm an homebody. I don't need
to entertain other folks. I'm home. I like to be
with my kids. That's where you know, I find peace
and I find joy. And that was the thing he
wanted to be out at the club. Baby, go have
your fun, go do what you need to do. I'm
(18:28):
gonna be right here. I don't like loud music in
that sense. You know, of a crowd of folks from
just my experience, leads to bad decisions and things of
that nature. So I tend to stay out of environments
that are gonna do that. So that was one of
the other things. Like he was still and like I said,
(18:50):
we were young. We were still in our early twenties.
So it was the life that he was still trying
to live. And it's like, Baby, that's not for me.
I'm sorry, I'm old already, and I'm old already. So
it's like, I'm not really worried about that. If you
want to go, I'll be here at the house. Me
and the kids will probably I'll be in the kitchen
(19:11):
cooking something. They watching a TV or whatever. I'm not going,
but you free to go and have your phone. I'm
just gonna be at the house. So it's relationships, marriage, divorce,
all of those things. They play a major role in
how we interact with other people, and sometimes divorce is
(19:33):
one of those things that we really and truly do
think that it's the final thing that nobody's gonna want us.
And that's usually coming from the situation of the other
person thinking that they've instilled in you that you're not
nobody else is gonna want you, nobody else is gonna
want to be with you, and my hope. See, you
(19:54):
can't say something like that to me because it's like, well,
you'll never find nobody to treat me certain that's the
whole point. I don't want you, so you know, I
don't know. Yeah, don't don't say that to me because
I'm gonna come back with something that you and you know,
(20:18):
we were in the middle of an argument one time
and he was like, if you, I said, you already
did that. That created the three children we have. Like
that's why it's like, don't don't say nothing to me,
And he couldn't say nothing to me. It's like, Okay,
what you want me to say. We've already been there,
done that, We've moved on. We've got the children to
(20:40):
prove it. What do you want to talk about?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
Now?
Speaker 4 (20:43):
That's why I don't like to stop you. Okay, well
stop me. It's a solution talking to me. If you
don't want to hear these rebuttals, then stop talking to me.
I mean, it's just that. So I'm an easy person
(21:06):
to get along with, but I'm a complicated person to
get along with. But right now I have my boundaries
that I and my non negotiables that I will not
compromise on. And the crazy thing is my fiance now,
like we were together before and we had to go
our separate ways, because my thing was when I met him,
(21:31):
like he embraced my children from day one. However, we
were nine months in the first time, and I had
yet to meet his three children, and I had met
his brother, I had met his best friend, and that
was it, and I like, and I met the younger
(21:51):
child and it's like, Okay, you have two older children.
I would like to meet them too, and your mama.
The people that you say that are the most important
people to your life. I need to meet those people
as well, and that wasn't happening. And it's like there's
something that you're not saying. And since you're not saying,
(22:13):
I'm going to exit because this isn't making sense to
me because you've met the most important people in my life.
You've met my entire family just about, and yet I
haven't met these people that you say are important to you.
I'm not understanding. And so we had to go our
(22:34):
separate ways. And now I'm glad he's not here right
now because he will be saying, well, seven years later,
you always said God grant's patience and if it was
meant to be, we'll be patient and we'll go back around.
He was like, I was patient for seven years, sir.
Speaker 6 (22:52):
Oh, I'll applaud that man for them.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
I'm still maintained a friendship that and like we still
kept in contact, you know, And it was one of
those things where Okay, you still want to be my friend.
I'm not the easiest person to be friends after this,
(23:23):
and so he was like, yeah, okay. And so when
the second time around came, he made sure that I
met all of the children, you know, and met his mom,
his grandma, his other siblings, like I've met everybody now, y'all.
And I swear i've met aunties too, and and I've
(23:46):
met Dad not too long ago. So it's like okay, yeah,
and so it's like and this is the other thing.
I have really learned to understand that when they say
if they wanted to, they would, Because let me tell you,
my birthday yet was yesterday. This man worked all day yesterday.
(24:09):
He worked twelve hours. He came all the way down
here to deliver my birthday gifts and went back home.
And he lives in Charlotte, and that's not a long
distance away. But he did all of that because it
was my birthday, you know. And he didn't have to
do that. He could have said, well, I'm just gonna
(24:30):
wait till the weekend. You know, I'm off this weekend
and I'll see you then. But no, he made sure
that he was there. And he's made sure that anything
that I may have an inkling of being stressed about,
he finds a solution. And I may be getting all
(24:52):
worked up about something. And he looked at me and
be like, okay, and what's the problem. And I'm like, okay,
well this is problem. He's like okay, and so you're
stressed about what I'm telling you what I'm stressed about. Okay,
well it's taken care of. So again, what are you
stressed about? And then me with my little stubborn self,
(25:14):
I still want to be mad about the ball and
it doesn't work, and so it's like, okay, I want
to be mad, and you won't let me be mad.
Let me be mad in this moment. And so last
night he thought I was mad at him because I
didn't respond to the text message. But honestly, I didn't
know he had text me. I was in the car
(25:35):
listening to my music, so I didn't have the volume up.
I didn't have the volume up on my phone for
the text messages to come through. So I'm in here
running my bath water, getting ready to take my bath,
and I turn around that he is standing with the
bag in his hand, and I'm like, I'm where you
(25:58):
come from. He's talking about you was mad at me.
You didn't see my text message, Sir. I ain't seen
no text message about I told her in the shower, Sir,
I ain't. I ain't seen none of that. I ain't
seen none of that. So you know, if he really
(26:20):
and truly wanted to, it would, and that you can't
settle for less than that you know that you deserve.
And yeah, and you know, sometimes we do make that
misconception of of giving them the benefit of the doubt.
We see the potential and that person, and we like
(26:43):
trying to push them to that potential. But one thing
I have learned over the years is you can't push
somebody into something that they're not to see in them
because if they don't want it, ain't no need for
you trying to make them want it, because they don't
never have the same respect or desire to see it through.
(27:04):
And so I learn, if I'm pouring into you for
this amount of time and you're not receiving or blossoming
or even trying to grow anything, then I'm gonna go
ahead and remove myself. Now, I will say my relationship
before this, I still have value in that relationship and
(27:25):
that friendship, but I know that we'll never have a
friendship again because ego plays a major role in that.
And I'm forever grateful for the position that that person
put me in because this was his thing. Always. I
want to put you in a better position than the
one that I found you in. Okay, great, wonderful also,
(27:49):
and he did he put me in a position to
be able to have a business, and I'm grateful for that.
But it's also he didn't think that I would stick
it through. He thought that I would take the advice
and just sit on it and not actually follow through
with it. Well, I have continued to follow through with it.
(28:12):
Not only that, I've continue to thrive and help other
people do the same thing that I was doing. And
I didn't stop. And so another thing that this person
said is that he wanted to see me broken. Okay,
well in what capacity do you want to see me broken?
And it was crazy And what he was meaning was
(28:36):
he wanted me to learn how to separate my emotions
from the situation. Now in that he taught me how
to remove my feelings from dealing with our personal relationship
and just deal with each other on a business relationship. Okay, cool,
(28:58):
So I did that. So then when it became I personal,
now you mad because I'm dealing with you how you
dealing with me? But that ain't got nothing to do
with me. These are the rules that you put in place.
So if you want me to either be your business
partner or you all to be in relationship with you.
Then you set the rules for how we gonna go.
(29:21):
Then it was always, well, you know when you leave me.
I said, Okay, you're always talking about the end, so
you have no purpose for us to be together continuously.
So if you consistent in talking about the end, what's
the point of starting something with me? Well, no, I'm
just saying I'm living in reality. No, you creating an
(29:45):
end to something because if you speak that, you receive that.
So when you receive it, you can't be mad at
it because this is the narrative that you set in place.
So I'm consistent in asking you. And if I ever
I said something, I'm gonna ask for clarity, and me
asking for clarity would be in his mind, I'm wanting
(30:08):
to argue. I'm not arguing with you. We're having a conversation.
You like to avoid conversations because all your conversations in
and arguments and drag out fights. I don't have to
argue with you to have a conversation with you. But
since that's what you are used to, you can't understand
(30:29):
that conversations can happen without conflict. So so we can
communicate with each other but we don't have to have
a situation where we gotta put our hands on each other.
My voice has to be raised, Your voice has to
be raised. We can sit and have a conversation, but
you'd rather avoid the conversation because of past relationships that
(30:53):
have nothing to do with me.
Speaker 9 (30:55):
And so I tell people all the time. Communication, it's key. Communication.
You should be able to talk to your mate about anything, everything,
and yeah, an argument. You should be able to talk
freely and they be able to listen and be able
to respond, and vice versus. You should be able to
(31:18):
do the same. It's not complicated. We make it so
much complicated then it need to be.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
And it's just.
Speaker 10 (31:26):
All about communication that that communication will.
Speaker 5 (31:30):
Kill the problem in any situation.
Speaker 7 (31:34):
And I don't care.
Speaker 4 (31:35):
Communication is key, and that's one thing that I have
learned is that we have to communicate. Even the uncomfortable conversations,
you have to have them. And if you're not willing
to have the uncomfortable conversation, what happens when that situation
comes in full circle and now you can't get beyond
(31:59):
that because you're stuck on what was a little problem
has now become a ticking time bomb. You don't ever
want to be with somebody that you gotta walk on
eggs shells, be sensitive, yall constantly apologizing for their lack
of being able to regulate their own emotions. That has
nothing to do with you. It's personal. And then learning
(32:23):
to figure out what your own personal triggers are. That
was a thing that I had to understand for myself,
which goes back to my self inventory. Certain things, certain words,
certain tones would trigger me. First off, who you talk to. Secondly,
change the tone and how you talking to me, you know.
(32:44):
And sometimes I'm good at receiving a joke, sometimes I
may not be. So it's like learning how to gauge
my own reaction to certain things. And so now it's
like I can see when somebody's trying to trigger me
or upset me or whatever, and I end up pissing
(33:07):
them off more so than me getting hissed out, and
so that it shouldn't bring me joy, It shouldn't bring
me pleasure, but it's like I've learned to control me,
so it does. And it's like you mad, but.
Speaker 11 (33:22):
You started to argument right right, No, So it's like
you started the argument, but you mad, because I won't
get mad.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
And I won't meet you where you at. That ain't
got nothing to do with me.
Speaker 7 (33:39):
That got to do with you.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
So go get yourself together and come back a week
and talk about it. But you're gonna be mad by yourself.
Speaker 7 (33:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
So that's another thing that I swear. Me and him
like I could be mad about something. He just over there, happy,
go lucky whatever. And I'm like, no, sir, I want
to be mad right now. He's like, okay, well you
can be mad, but I don't care so and I'm like, okay,
well you're gonna be mad too.
Speaker 7 (34:06):
He ain't.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, look at me.
Speaker 9 (34:10):
No mad, My mama, My mama used to tell me.
Being mad it's like using the restaroom on yourself. Don't
nobody feel that. Sit on over there in the corner and.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
Went by yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
No, I.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Don't want to work it out because they don't leave
being mad.
Speaker 6 (34:38):
Yeah, yeah, so did. I've gotten to everybody but you.
It's uh, yes, you have what what brings you here?
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Ma'am?
Speaker 7 (34:56):
You that's a very oh my goodness.
Speaker 10 (35:05):
Okay, Well, our last distressing I talked about hasn't been
married for almost twenty.
Speaker 9 (35:11):
Years, and.
Speaker 10 (35:15):
When I met my acts because I'm claiming it to
be next soon because I'm like Lisa Angela, I gotta
move on.
Speaker 7 (35:22):
I need to move on. I'm planning, I'm moving on.
It's don't happen.
Speaker 10 (35:29):
But when I met him, when we sata dating, I
had just uh we started dating two months before my mom,
my adopted.
Speaker 7 (35:37):
Mom, passed, and that was that was the hard time
to me. That was she was my world. She saw everything.
I mean, I owed her my life basically, so me
losing her was definitely I mean, we had lost up
in the family.
Speaker 10 (35:54):
Before, but me losing her it drew me out of
out of wack because he was like almost the average
I didn't do nothing unless he was fool with unless
he was okay with it. And so when we got together,
I think I was just in a grieving.
Speaker 7 (36:08):
Mode and I just stuck with him, and I was like,
I don't want to lose with nobody else, and so
I just clung.
Speaker 10 (36:17):
For twenty years, well actually twenty three years because if
you know the counting Dayton Park yet twenty three years Yep.
Speaker 7 (36:23):
Yeah, clung hard. Then his father said, yeah, there's no,
that's nothing back cleaning, that's the bill. We're not doing that.
Speaker 10 (36:31):
And it was just like one day he was in
the hospital. My sisters were going through here in Virginia.
We were in Florida, and it devastated me.
Speaker 7 (36:39):
That my family was going through and I wasn't there,
and so I was like, okay, so I come to him.
Speaker 10 (36:47):
My cousin was like, I can come get you. Thet's
come home for a week or so. You know what
I'm saying, This beco people. So I told him and
he was like, well, and we had been doing dallastries.
He's been doing it from dallasas so we just honed out.
Speaker 7 (37:02):
So I was no longer your wife. I was the
secretary and your next I was not your wife. So
he decides when I say, my cousin's gonna come pick
me up, He's gonna take me, you know, for a
little while. And then I come back. He says, what
about my treatment? What about you can go in center?
Speaker 10 (37:23):
The doctor was gonna putun there how a couple of
weeks to go anywhere because he's polling like a balloon.
Speaker 7 (37:28):
What about it?
Speaker 10 (37:30):
I said, my family is going through this stuff. What
you're talking about? So then you come to me a
couple of days later, and your mom got this inheritance
or whatever that blah blah blah, and you want to
come to me talking about well we can go back
to Virginia for a little while.
Speaker 7 (37:47):
I said, go back to you didn't do well? Well?
My mom want to give me this part of my inheritance.
Dada dada.
Speaker 10 (37:53):
I said, oh yeah, I said, how long is saying? Well,
as I was back Monday, he's doing my feet. So
I'm staying the weekend. So you're talking, I can't see
my people. I said, man, you go ahead, I'm good,
you go.
Speaker 7 (38:07):
It was like when the Lord told me it was over.
Speaker 10 (38:10):
Because now to get to that part, the part was
when he was in hospital. My sister was going through.
Both my sisters going through. My other sister was a nursing.
Speaker 7 (38:19):
Home and then they had taken her to the hospital.
She had got COVID and she had heart problems.
Speaker 10 (38:24):
So my niece called me and told me when they
was trying to revive the like for the third time
or so. So I'm freaking out and I'm freaking out
like I'm my Lord, please gonna let my sister die
before I could get to virgin because I do not
want her to die. I want you to be in
the area with my feaple and something said it's over.
(38:45):
So I did a little it's over.
Speaker 7 (38:49):
It's over.
Speaker 10 (38:50):
The Lord don't take my take my sister, so you
can tell me you my sister three they could go,
tell me that's that's the part talking about. And it
was like I saw my husband's face, ex cousin's face
across my faith and I said, I'm married.
Speaker 7 (39:05):
That's the father. You on a marriage. What are you
what are you talking about? H I put together.
Speaker 10 (39:12):
I didn't pay again, you put yourselves together, he said,
but it's over.
Speaker 7 (39:17):
So I said, okay. I said, but you kept us
this long.
Speaker 10 (39:22):
He said, I capt y'all as long because he was playing.
He was praying for your marriage. I realized then I.
Speaker 7 (39:28):
Had stopped playing. If I wasn't my wife, what I
was saying in.
Speaker 10 (39:30):
Paris for America wasn't a part of Now. I would
pray when he's going to hospital, because I'm not that
type of person. I'm ana prayer regardless. I don't never
want nothing happen to Gray. I don't pray him in
the hospital. But that's about all you got me. So
that's what the father told me. He was like, you
stop praying, so I can go ahead and tell you
now what I need to tell you. It's over, I said, okay, Father,
I said, well, if it's gonna be over, I need
(39:51):
a ram in a bull, I said, I need a
ram in the books because.
Speaker 7 (39:54):
I can't do this by myself. I can't so because
my cousin and she was like, all right, we can't read.
Get to a plane ticket, you're coming home, okay, all right.
So he takes it to the airport and.
Speaker 10 (40:11):
He's looking all kinds well before we get to the airport,
last really rap last, and he said.
Speaker 7 (40:17):
To me that kind of really set it off for me.
Was you know you more than your dad? Really got
on my nerves. I said, oh yeah, wow, the father.
Speaker 10 (40:33):
I will away from that man, actually will from me,
because I said, I if I hit this man in
the faith, we will have a problem. And then my
brother see I'm brewed. She's coming to get him too.
So I said, but will wait for you real quick,
because you about to leave here.
Speaker 7 (40:47):
I said, okay. I said, well, okay, this.
Speaker 10 (40:50):
Is the man that treeved you like he was his
own front my daddy. I said, oh, okay, that's true,
that's true. It's all right, So you don't take me
the airport. You ain't apologize, you know, I get up
the car.
Speaker 7 (41:03):
You want to give me a kiss. I turned my head. Whatever, goodbye,
I'm done. Someho find out. I didn't realize this until
last year, because now in this this November seventeen, it
will be two years. I found out last year. This
how God worked. He cau. He called me and he said,
(41:28):
you know what today is? No Sunday. I don't know
what is? He say, don't know what today is? Yeah,
I'm thinking back, I'm like, so something else figguring me
about the date. It was my mom. It was the
day my mom passed. The date of my mom's passion
is the date I left him. Wow, thank God, Hope, like,
(41:54):
I see what you's doing. Said okay, So I told.
Speaker 10 (41:58):
Him, I said, oh no, this day, this the day
my mom had Then he said, oh, I'm sorry. I
didn't said I didn't evenize that's ad.
Speaker 7 (42:05):
But God did what he did.
Speaker 4 (42:06):
So that's that, he said, God some things with them dates.
Speaker 7 (42:16):
The number, it is the whole other date that I
give you any other day. I made dates for you
to do. Remember this and remember that you can't remember
those dates. For the day. I mean you, this is
the date you.
Speaker 10 (42:27):
Want to remember, Okay, Okay, well you remember that because
I'm gonna remember it too.
Speaker 4 (42:32):
I'm going to do something with them dates. I will
tell you this. My occasional wedding date was June seventeen,
two thousand. The date that I finished with college was
June and seventeen, I was fifteen. And then the following year,
(42:55):
oh well, the year before that, I got inducted into
the National Society of Leadership and Success June seventeenth.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
So it's like.
Speaker 4 (43:07):
My marriage began, it ended June the tenth. It was
finalized June the tenth of two thousand and ten. But
everything else that was positive for June the seventeenth was
with my collage and everything, and it was like, okay,
so because you know, I was looking at that day
(43:30):
as you know, a blessing, and also it ended, you know,
But then when these things took place, it's like, okay,
and ain't it was a day that something began. But
it also was the month of June that you know,
it ended. And so it's like June is a month
(43:50):
for me in so many ways because my cousin was
born in June but we lost him in June.
Speaker 7 (44:00):
My mom.
Speaker 4 (44:02):
I graduated in June, but we didn't have the ceremony
until after that. But my mom passed in June, and
so it's like that month is just bittersweet, you know.
And so it's like I got the good and the bad,
and I was at work the other day. Yeah, yeah,
I went back to work. I went to work in
(44:24):
the actual building for three days. But while I was there,
I was talking to this lady and you know, I
just lost recently lost my great aunt who raised me
on Saturday, and so I was telling her. The significance
of birth dates and the significance of dates is that
every day is a day to be celebrate. But this
(44:47):
is the thing. We only know our birthdays that is
a date that we celebrate, but every day that we're here.
We need to learn to celebrate every day because our
death day is going to be significant to those who
are left behind. So we need to learn to celebrate
(45:08):
because the date that we decide is already predestined because
God is gonna call us home on that date. But
we'll never know that that day, but it becomes significant
to our loved ones who are behind, And so learn
to appreciate what we have in this moment in this sense,
because tomorrow could be our date, it could already be
(45:31):
one's list for that day, and that will be the
date that our family members, our loved ones, remember and
they have to remember that day every day, not only
the date of that we were born on this earth,
but the day that we leave. So learn to appreciate
(45:52):
each and every day. And I hear people say, well,
I don't celebrate birthdays. You may not celebrate birthdays, but
you need to celebrate the day that you are given
because you're not promised the next one. You know, you're
not even promised the next second. Because if God has
you on his list, he's calling you regardless. And so
we need to learn how to make sure what we're
(46:13):
doing from our date of birth to the day that
God says, well done, our good and faithful servant. What
we're doing with that dash in the middle stands for
you know, it stands for something. And you are with
the people who are connected to the destiny that He
has created for you. So what you do with this
(46:34):
time is important. The relationships that you grow and cultivate
are important. The time that you put into anything and
a lot of times we see and we hold ourselves
back because it looks like it's not going to come
the past. But if God gave you the vision for it,
(46:55):
he'll provide every provision that you're gonna need. He's gonna
connect you to the peace people that are connected to
what He has for you. There is a greater purpose
behind this book. There's a greater purpose behind this conversation.
There's a greater purpose behind all of this, And there's
a continuous thing that is going to be Like whoever's
listening tonight is going to get something from this conversation
(47:18):
that they're gonna be able to use for tomorrow and future.
Things like there's always the blueprint that starts somewhere, and
if God gave you the blueprint, he's gonna give you
everything that you need to make it a reality. But
we gotta be willing to step outside of what feels comfortable,
to be a little uncomfortable to make it happen. But
(47:40):
a lot of times we don't want to be uncomfortable
because the comfort zone feels great. But God say to
put out of their comfort zone. It's time for you
to move, It's time for you to do something different.
It's time for you to think everything that I have
been showing you, and you be like, God, I don't
think so. Now I'll be honest, I'd be like God,
(48:01):
I think you sent that to the wrong address because
that ain't for me. And he come back and be like,
if I didn't give it to you, I wouldn't be
showing it to you. And Okay, well, sir Lisa, we're
gonna have to talk about it. I'm gonna need some
little more details to something because you push a little
bit more on me than what I be prepared for.
(48:22):
Just because you short in statue don't mean you can't
do what I told you to do now and it
was already backed out.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 9 (48:33):
Nine and eleven is real, he said, he said, he declared,
He said, HELI, let's past ten.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
So that means that it's all for you, not to
harm you, but for you for you to be in
her health, hope in the future.
Speaker 9 (48:51):
And if Genesis two and seven, he said, he breathed
the breath of life into you, so every single thing
in this world is already in you. Anything that comes
upon you that you cannot handle because it's already in you.
You just have to tap into that. He's giving us
(49:13):
all this talent exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
And that's one of the things and I say all
the time, is because you get that old cliche. God
gives his uh, he's never put.
Speaker 7 (49:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:27):
I hate that. And the reason I hate that is
because God already knew what you were gonna face everything,
Because already put it all there. It's up to you
deep within to see what tools He's given you to
get to the next level in your life. He gives you,
He gives us lessons to pass the test. That way
(49:48):
we have a testimony. You can't have a testimony if
you ain't never been tested. If what you fine for.
Speaker 10 (49:59):
That one single I would looking for somebody this week
and they were saying that if you gotta work.
Speaker 7 (50:07):
Ahead of time, you already knew, he said divorce. He said,
you don't got to be saying by the divorce. God
knew you was gonna get divorced. He knew you're gonna
be before you knew it.
Speaker 4 (50:17):
Everything story from the tee and first breath on this side.
He knew what we were gonna go through or everything.
Sometimes those free will is what gets sus.
Speaker 5 (50:35):
The free will problem. We always he.
Speaker 9 (50:39):
Gave it to us that we can kind of so
that we can kind of map out our own path,
even though he has meted it out for us. He
was will so that we can choose the route that
we go. We can choose the easy route, or we
can choose the hard route. He gives it to us
so we openly choose which way we want to do
(51:00):
if we want to align exactly with what he is
mapped out for us and be in place so that
we can receive everything that he has for us without tribulations.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
But we don't understand that he said. He didn't say
it would be easy.
Speaker 9 (51:16):
People take away. He will always take away because guess
what he left the confident with us.
Speaker 7 (51:23):
We would go through.
Speaker 9 (51:25):
There's nothing that we would go through that he can't
get through. He already know what the end it's going
to be. He want to see how our character is
gonna be. He want to see how we're going to
be molded. He he want to see how we have grown.
He want to see if we got that. Listen, because
I tell people those test, those trials, and those tribulations,
that's only for a moment.
Speaker 5 (51:45):
Your moment may be two days. Your moment may be
three weeks.
Speaker 9 (51:48):
Your moment may be five weeks, it may be five years,
but it's only for a moment, so that you'll be
able to.
Speaker 5 (51:54):
Tell somebody else how you got through, how you overcame,
how you got to the other side.
Speaker 4 (52:00):
People don't understand the storms are temporary, and if you
keep walking through the storm, you're gonna come out on
the sun side. But we don't get stuck in the rain.
We get stuck right now. We don't want to keep walking.
But you know, the storm passes, it moves, so if
look forward direction, you gonna eventually get out of the storm.
(52:23):
But you gotta keep walking. It's too much, it's too head.
Speaker 5 (52:29):
It's a process, and I tell that it's it's it's
it's a three it's a three step process.
Speaker 9 (52:36):
You you gotta understand that storms they they don't go nowhere,
They just move. And it may be storming up there
where you at Trevida, and it may not be storming
over there where Latanya at may where I'm at, but
it may come later on. And we gotta that there's
three parts of a stone. You're either going into a storm,
(52:58):
you in the midst of a stone.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Exactly one thing used to say all the time is
when I was young, it never made any sense to me,
and all she simply said was just keep living. And
I was like, what does that even mean? She was like,
you may not understand it right now, but you are
understanding when you get old. And it's one of those
things where it may not be your problem today, but
(53:26):
it very well can be yours tomorrow. That's why you
never talk down on somebody else's situation, because it may
not look like you will ever have to experience it,
but when you have to experience, it's always well, I
wouldn't have done that. I would have never said that.
But then when you know that, it's like, well, I
(53:46):
see now why you said that. I see why you
did No, no, no, remember keep that same energy you
had when you were I would have never. Because it's
always when people say that I will never be coming
over you, well I'm never and again yeah you you
now they ain't never before, but now they never and
(54:07):
harder than before. I don't sit down somewhere, you and
your net now you're dealing with it, and now it's like, oh,
well I knew compassion, some empathy, some sympathy, compassion on
my side, no where. What was that when somebody else
was going through it you didn't have and now you
want it. They don't be good when you gotta deal
(54:30):
with it, Like keep your mouth, folks, stop talking about them,
because you're gonna have to read what you saw. And
when you play goes of nastiness. Guess what you're gonna
have to eat that. That's why I tell you don't
be preparing to play for somebody that you ain't prepared.
Speaker 5 (54:47):
You can't eat the same.
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Thing you putting on the plate and worrying about what
somebody else got prepared on their play. God prepared that
specifically for them. They may have high blood pressure. Can't
have no salt. You over there trying to get eat.
You're sick. You're gonna end up in the hospital because
you want what's on their play that ain't your Put
that down and gone mind, Joe. Byss you put on
(55:13):
your own and I swear you'll be food.
Speaker 9 (55:18):
You can season it up your own way. Y'all may
have the same plate. Y'all may have the same items
on the plate, but it all may be seasoned differently.
You know, salt and pepper.
Speaker 4 (55:33):
And exactly.
Speaker 5 (55:36):
Like the salad. I don't I don't like it and
my chicken salad and you might not.
Speaker 4 (55:47):
Right like, stop trying to look over there as somebody
else is playing up there talking about, uh, well that
looks good and you're going to get you a fort full.
And now you realize it's got twelve tables for the
south on there. And now you over there looking for
some water. That's what you get you over there mentland,
something that ain't got nothing to do with you. Stay
(56:07):
off my plate, all.
Speaker 3 (56:11):
Right, y'all.
Speaker 9 (56:15):
Look, I don't know where that came from, because tonight
over there, ya came on over this way. You need
to stop DD.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
But I I'm gonna have to get off of here
because I gotta tell you.
Speaker 6 (56:43):
We need uh we we need the benediction before you come.
Speaker 4 (56:48):
Okay, well listen, this is what I got for y'all. Listen.
Divorce is not the end. It's only the beginning. If
you allow yourself to be in the space to receive
what God has for you, and if you've been praying
for that special person, be patient. Don't be trying to
rush your mind in God's business because he ain't told
you to come over there and do nothing. God is
(57:09):
God all by himself. If he told you he would
do it, he would make a way, then trust him
to do it. Stay out his business. Don't be going
over there.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
God.
Speaker 7 (57:17):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (57:17):
I know you said you was gonna do it, but
when majo business, and stay.
Speaker 5 (57:22):
Out of God's.
Speaker 4 (57:23):
Because God is all by himself. He know what he doing.
He been doing it for a lifetime. He ain't stopped today,
he ain't gonna stop tomorrow. Stay in your place and
do what you're supposed to do. And divorce is not
the end, all right.
Speaker 7 (57:36):
I love y'all.
Speaker 5 (57:37):
Got a collection plate pulling in tonight. We'll be back
Speaker 7 (58:00):
Eight
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