August 19, 2025 • 34 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The two cent stamp by Ellis Parker Butler. The house
in Tenth Street where Filo Gubb was doing a job
of paper hanging when he made the happy error of
capturing the dynamiters while seeking the unburglars was the home
of Aunt Martha Turner, a member of the Ladies Temperance
(00:23):
League of Riverbank. The members of the Ladies Temperance League,
and Aunt Martha Turner particularly, had recently begun a movement
to have City Attorney Mullen impeached and thrown out of office,
for they claimed that while he had been elected by
the Prohibition Republican Party and had pledged himself to close
every saloon, he had not closed one single saloon. Aunt
(00:47):
Martha Turner and her associates believed this was because Attorney
Mullen was himself a drinker of beer, and it was
to get proof of this that the hot headed Ladies
had engaged a youth named Slippery Williams to make a
raid on his home. Detective Gubb was, however, quite unconscious
of all this when he proceeded to the home of
Aunt Martha to complete his work. There, he was in
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an unhappy frame of mind, for he had in his
pocket nothing but one two cent stamp, and he had
immediate need for one hundred dollars. Mister Gubb had early
that morning visited the home of mister Meadowbrook, from whom
he hoped to have news of Cyrilla. But the colored
butler informed him that mister Meadowbrook had been called to Chicago.
(01:31):
He don't left wood. How some deva said the butler
that if you come and was willing to pay thirty cents,
you could have his telegraph what come from miss Cyrilla,
And he left this note for you what you can have,
whether you pay or not. Mister Gubb quite willingly gave
the negro thirty cents, the very last money he possessed,
and read the telegram. It said, hope on hope ever
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have given up wheat bread, corn bread, rye bread, homemade bread,
baker's bread, biscuit and rolls have lost six pounds more
love to Gubby. This would have sent mister Gubb to
his work in a happy frame of mind, had it
not been for the note mister Meaderbrook had left. This
note said, called to Chicago suddenly, I must have one
(02:18):
hundred dollars payment on account of the gold stock immediately.
Cannot let my daughter marry a man who puts off
paying for gold stock forever. Unless I hear from you
with the money tomorrow, all is over between us. Such
a letter would have made any lover, said mister Gubb.
Had no idea where he could raise one hundred dollars
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during the day, and he saw his promising romance cut
short just when Marilla was beginning to lose weight handsomely.
The greeting he received when he reached Aunt Martha Turner's
was not of a sort to cheer him. Missus Turner
met him with a sour face. No, you can't go
ahead with putting the wallpaper on this kitchen ceiling today,
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mister Gubb, she said, I'd like to if I could,
said Filo Gubb wistfully. My financial condition ain't such as
to allow me to waste a day. I'm very low
in a monetary shape right now. Aunt Martha Turner seemed
worried well. She said reluctantly. I guess if that's the case,
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you might as well go ahead. I expect I'll have
to be out of the house most all day if
you get done before I get back. Lock the kitchen
door and put the key behind a shutter. She departed,
and Philo Gubb set up his trestle, unrolled and trimmed
a strip of sealing paper, pasted it, and climbed his ladder.
At the top, he seated himself a moment and shook
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his head. He sighed and picked up the paste covered
strip of sealing paper, but before he could get to
his feet, the kitchen door opened, and Snooks Turner put
his head in cautiously. Say Gub, where's Aunt Martha, he
asked in a whisper. He's gone out, said Filo Gubb.
She won't be back for quite some time. I guess,
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snooksy good, said Snooks, and he entered the kitchen. Some
weeks before he had met Nan Kilfilian. He was deeply
in love with Nan, and Nan was a good girl,
although Aunt Martha Turner did not approve of her because
she was hired girl to city Attorney Mullen before she
had met Snooks. Nan had done her best to make
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something of Slippery Williams, who was courting her then, but
that task was beyond even NaN's powers. Snooks held a
job on the Eagle as city reporter with the dignified
title of city editor, and he was making good. He
got the news. He seemed able to smell news. When
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there was big news in the air, he would become
uneasy and feel nervous. I got the twitches again. He
would say to the editor of the Eagle, there's some
big item around. I've got to get it, and he
would get it. She's gone out, has she said Snooks
When he had entered his aunt's kitchen and asked Philo
Gub about Aunt Martha. That's good. I wanted to see
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you on a matter of business, detective business. He put
his hand in his pocket and drew out a small
roll of bills. He was not the usually neat Snooks.
One eye was blackened and one side of his face
was scratched. His clothes were badly torn and soiled. He
looked as if someone had tried to murder him. There,
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he said, holding the bills up to Filo Gub. After
counting them, there's twenty five dollars. You take that and
find out what I have done and what's the matter
with me and all about it? What do you want
me to find out? Asked mister Gubb, fondling the bills.
If I knew I wouldn't ask you, said Snooks, peevishly.
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I don't know what it is. I'd go and find
out myself. But I'm in jail. Where did you say you?
Was asked Filo gob in jail, said Snooks. I'm in
jail and I'm in bad. When the Marshal put me
in last night, I gave him my word i'd stay
in all day today. And it ain't right for me
to be here now, dog gone you, snooks, He says,
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you ain't got no consideration for me at all. Here.
I figured that there wouldn't be no wave of crime
strike town for some days, and I went and took
the jail door down to the blacksmith to have a
panel put in where the one rusted out. And my
wife made me promise to drive out to the farm
with her tomorrow. And now you come and spoil everything.
I got to stay in town and watch you go on,
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I says, and take your drive. I'll stay in jail.
I got a strong imagination. I'll imagine there's a door.
Honor Bright. He says, yes, Honor Bright. I says, So
he went, said Snooks, and he's trusting me, and here
I am you can see. It wouldn't do for me
to be running all over town when by rights I'm
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locked and barred and bolted in jail. I locked and
barred and bolted in jail, and well started on my
way to the penitentiary as a burglar. As a burglar,
exclaimed Gub. That's it, said snooks. I can't see headner
tail of it. You got to help me out, Gub,
see if you can make any sense of this. Last
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night I went out for a walk with Nan. She's
my girl, you know, and she's going to marry me.
Maybe she won't now, but she was going to. She
works for Mullen. We got back to Mullen's house about
eleven o'clock and Missus Mullen always locks the door at
half past ten, whether Nan is in or not, so
being late, we had to ring the doorbell and mister
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Mullen came to the door to let Nan in, and
when he saw I was with her, he shook hands
with me and asked me to come in and have
a cigar and sit awhile. But I told him I
had to hustle up some news for today's paper, and
he let me go. That's how pleasant he was. So
I went downtown. Then the first fellow I met was
Sammy Wilmerton, widow Wilmerton's boy asked Philo Gub exactly, said Snooks,
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feeling his eye with his finger. And he says, Snooks,
did you hear what the Ladies Temperance League did last night?
I hadn't heard. I heard ma say, says Sammy. But
don't say I told you. They got up a petition
to have city Attorney Mullen impeached by the city council.
Well that was news. I went into the Eagle's office
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and called up Mullen. Hello, is that Attorney Mullen? I
says yes. He says, well, something happened last night. I says,
and I'd like to see you about it. How do
you know what happened? He says, no matter. I says,
can I come up after half a minute. He says, oh, yes,
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come up, come right away. I'll be waiting for you.
So I went. Nothing strange about that, said Philo Gubb,
shifting himself on the lane. So I went, continued Snooks.
I rang the doorbell, and the moment it rang, the
door flew open, and bliff down came a bed blanket
over me, and somebody grabbed me in his arms and
lugged me into the house. I guess it was a
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turning Mullen. You know how big and husky he is.
But I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything. Only
every two seconds bump. He hit me at my head
through the blanket. That's how I got this eye. And
all the time he was talking to me mad as
a hatter, and I couldn't hear a word he said.
But I could hear his wife screaming at the top
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of the stairs, and I could hear Nan screaming, and
I heard a window go up. Stop that yelling, says
Mullen in a voice I could hear. And then he
picked me up again and carried me to the back
door and opened it and threw me all the way
down the eight steps. I chucked off the blanket and
I was going up the steps again to show him
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he couldn't treat me that way, when Bing somebody next
door took a shot at me with the revolver. Thought
I was a burglar. I guess. I started to run
for the back gate when Bing somebody shot at me
from the other house. What do you think of that.
For a few minutes, it sounded like the Battle of
San Juan. And I can't understand yet why I didn't
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suffer an awful loss of life. But you didn't, asked
Filo gub No, sir ree. I made a dive for
the cellar door just as they got the range. I
stayed in the cellar way with the bullets pattering on
it like hail, until the cop came. Tim Fogerty was
the cop. He ordered cease firing, and the shower stopped,
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and I let him capture me. He took me to
the calaboose, and this morning early he had me before
the judge and I'm held for the grand jury and
the charges burglary and pettit larceny. Now what is the answer?
Being pulled into a house and thrown out the other door?
Isn't burglary, said Filo gub Burglary is breaking in or
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breaking out? Maybe a turney and mistook you for some
one else. Mistook nothin, said Snooks. He was in the
court room this morning. He handed the case against me.
Who's that some one was climbing the back steps and
Snooks made one dive for the cellar door and slipped inside.
He knew how to get out through the cellar, for
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he was familiar with it. He did not wait now,
but opened the outside cellar door, and, after looking to
see that the way was clear, hurried back to jail.
Filo Gubb did not have time to descend from his
ladder before the kitchen door opened. The visitor was Policeman Fogerty. Mornin,
he said, removing his hat and wiping the sweatband with
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his red handkerchief. Don't ye get down, mister gubbsort, I
want but a word with ye. I seen Stooksy Turner
here but a second ago me lookin in at the
windy an you at him conversin'. Maybe he was speakin'
to ye of his arrest. He was conversing with me
of that occurrence, said Philo gub He was consulting me
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in my professional capacity, and a fine young lad he is,
said Policeman Fogerty, reaching into his pocket. I got the
devil for arresting him. Twas that dark, ye see, mister Gubb,
I could not see who I was arrestin'. Maybe he
was consulting yee about getting clear of the charge against him.
He retained my detecative services, said Filo Gub. Poor young man,
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said Fogerty, I'll warrant he has none too much money.
Me heart bleeds for him. You'll have no InVID trailin
and shadow and another detective work to do on the case.
No doubt tis expensive work that I was thinkin. Maybe
ye'd permit me to contribute a five dollar bill for
the work, for I'm that sad to have had a
hand and arrest in him. Foggerty held up the bill
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and Philo Gubb took it. Contingent expenses are always numerously
present in detecative operations, he said. Right ye are, said Foggarty,
And you'll remember, if any one asks ye, that I
expressed me contrition for a rest in Snooksy. Whist, he said,
putting his hand alongside his mouth and whispering. Some one
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wanted me to search the house here to see did
Snooksy have seven bottles of beer and a silver beer
opener in his room. Philo Gubb sat on the ladder
and contemplated the five dollar bill until he heard Fogerty returning.
Hist Foggerty said, I did not see him mind ye
Foggerty slipped out of the back door and was gone,
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and Filo gubb after a thoughtful moment, decided that the
five dollar bill was rightfully his and slipped it into
his pocket. To earn it, however, he must get to
work on the case. He raised the pasted strip of paper,
but before he could place the loose ends on the ceiling,
some one tapped at the kitchen door. Come in, he called,
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and the door opened. Slippery Williams glided into the room,
his crafty eyes sought finally, O Gubbllo, Gubby, what you
doin up there? Where's miss Turner? He asked? Miss Turner
is out on business, I presume, said the correspondent school
detective coldly, And I am pursuing my professional duties in
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the detectting line. You are, hey, said Slippery. Who you
detecting for now? Snooks Turner said Philo gub I'm solving
a case for him. Instantly, Slippery's manner changed from rough,
he became smooth from bold. He became cringing. Why I'm
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Snooky's friend, he said? You know me and Snooksy was
always chums, don't you, Gubby, Yes, sir, I think a
lot of snooksy, he says, Slippery, you go up to
my room and get me a bundle of clean clothes.
These are all torn and dirty, and well, I guess
I'll get him and get back snooks is waitin for me.
He turned to the hall, but Philo Gubb called him back.
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You can't go up there, said Phile Gub from his
ladder top. There's been enough folks up there already. Who
was up, asked Slippery hastily. Policeman Fogerty was, said Filo Gub.
What did he find up there, asked Slippery anxiously, nothing,
said Filo Gub. He told me he couldn't find seven
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bottles of beer and a beer opener. Look here, said
Slippery sweetly. If I gave you five dollars to hire
you to hunt for them, could you find them seven
bottles of beer and that beer opener for me? Straight
detective work? Could you? I could try to find them,
said Filo Gub. Well that's all I want, said Slippery.
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I don't want to do nothing with them. All I
want to know is where they are. Here's five dollars.
Filo Gub took the money, all right, said Slippery. Now
you find them. They're upstairs in missus Turner's bed, between
the quilt and the mattress. Go find them, Not until
miss Turner comes home, said Filo firmly. It's her house.
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Why you long legged stork, you said Slippery. She knows
I'm here for that beer she sent me. I thought
you said Snook sent you for his clothes, said Filo,
Never you mind who sent me for? What? Said Slippery angrily.
You're a dandy detective, ain't you sitting on top of
a ladder and not letting a friend of Snook's help
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him out. Say listen, Gubby, everybody's going to get into
worse trouble if I don't get away with that beer. Understand.
Come on, let me take it away when miss Turner
comes back, said Filo Gubb. A new knock on the
door interrupted them, and Slippery glided to the cellar door
through which Snooks had so recently fled. The kitchen door
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opened to admit Attorney Smith. He was a thin man,
but intelligent, looking, as thin men quite frequently are. Don't
get down, mister Gubb, don't get down, he said. I
came in the back way hoping to find miss Turner.
She is not here. She's out, said Filo Gubb. Too bad,
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said Attorney Smith. I wanted to see her about her nephew.
You have heard he is in jail. Why, yes, said Filo,
crossing one leg over the other. He hired me to
do some detect ting. I'm sort of in charge of
that case. I'm just going to start and looking it up.
Attorney Smith took a turn to the end of the
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room and back. He was known in Riverbank as the
unsuccessful competitor against Attorney Mullen for the city attorneyship, and
was supposed to be the counselor of the liquor interests.
You have done nothing yet, he asked, suddenly stopping below
Filo Gubb's elevated seat. No, I'm just about beginning to commence,
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said Filo. Then you know nothing regarding the articles young
Turner is charged with stealing. Well, maybe I do know
something about that, said Filo. If you mean seven bottles
of beer and a beer opener, I do Where are they?
Asked Attorney Smith in the sharp tone he used in
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addressing a witness for the other side when he was
trying a case. I guess I've told about all I'm
going to tell about them, said Filo thoughtfully. I don't
want to be disobliging, mister Smith, but I look on
them bottles of beer as a clue, and that beer
opener is a clue, and they're about the only clue
I've got. I got to save up my clues. Are
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they in this house, asked mister Smith. Sharply, If they ain't,
they're somewheres else, said Filo. Mister Gubb, said mister Smith, impressively.
There are large interests at stake in this case, larger
interests than you can imagine. We are all interested at
this moment in clearing your client of the suspicion, which
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I hope is an unjust suspicion now resting over it
and upon him. I need not say what the interests are,
but they are very powerful. I feel confident that those
interests could succeed in clearing Snook's turner. Well. I guess
if I was left alone long enough to get down
from this ladder, I could clear him myself. I didn't
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study in the Rising Sun Detecative Agencies Correspondence School of
Detecting for nothing, said Filo Gubb. Snooks hired me, and
he did well, said Attorney Smith, heartily. I praise his acumen.
I wonder if I might be permitted on behalf of
the powerful interests I represent to contribute to the expense
of the work you will do. I guess you might,
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said Philo Gubb, detecting runs into money the interests I represent,
said mister Smith, taking out his wallet, will contribute ten dollars,
and they did. They put a crisp ten dollar bill
in Philo Gubb's hands. And now, having shown our unity
of interest with him, young mister Turner, there can be
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no harm in telling us where that beer is? Can there?
He turned toward the kitchen door, for Nan Kilpilian stood there.
Her eyes were red and swollen. Attorney Smith hastily excused
himself and went away, and Nan came into the kitchen. Oh,
mister Gubb, she exclaimed, you will get Snooks out of jail,
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won't you. It would break my heart if he was
sent to the penitentiary. And I know he has done
nothing wrong. He is depending on you, mister Gubb. I
brought you ten dollars. It is all I have left
of last month's wages. But it will help a little,
won't it? Thank you? Said Filo Gubb, taking the money.
I cannot estimate in advance what the cost of his
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clearance will be. It may be more and it may
be less. It is a complicated case. I am just
about going to get down from this ladder and start
working on it vigorously. If you, he stopped, if you
wish to help us in this case, miss Kilfilly, And
he said, will you go to the jail and ask
Snooks where is the beer and the beer opener? Where
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is her? Face went white? What beer and what beer opener?
She asked tensely. Seven bottles and a beer opener, said
Philo Gub. Oh, she moaned, and he said he didn't
do it. He swore he didn't do it. Oh, Snooks,
how could you? How could you? Now? Don't you weep
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like that? Said Philo Gub soothingly. You go and ask him.
I'll have my things ready for my immediate departure on
to the case by the time you get back. Nan
hurried away, and Philo Gub waited only to count the
money he had so far received. It amounted to fifty
five dollars. He slipped it into his pocket and stood
up on the step ladder. He had even proceeded so
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far as to put one foot on a lower step.
When Missus Wilmerton entered the kitchen, she was a stout woman,
and she was almost out of breath. She had to
stand a minute before she could speak. But as she stood,
she made gestures with her hands, as if that much
of her delivery could be given at any rate, and
the words might catch up with their appropriate gestures if
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they could. Mister Gubb, Mister Gubb, she gasped, Oh, this
is terrible, terrible, Miss Turner should never have dared it.
Oh my breath? Do you do you know where the
beer is? I wouldn't advise you to take beer for
shortness of breath, said Philo Gub. Just rest a minute,
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but guesped. Poor missus Wilmerton. I told miss Turner it
was folly. She's so stubborn. Ah, I thought I'd never
get a full breath again as long as I lived.
How can we get rid of the beer? There's plenty
that want to take it, said mister Gubb. Attorney Smith.
Oh I knew it, I knew it, moaned Missus Wilmerton.
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He threatened it threatened, what asked Filo Gub that he
would find the beer in this house, cried Missus Wilmerton.
He threatened Aunt Martha that if she did not give
it to him freely, he would have it found here
and make a scandal. Beer hidden in between the quilt
and the mattress of Aunt Martha's bed, and she secretary
of the Lady's Temperance League. It's awful. Martha is so headstrong,
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she's getting herself in an awful fix. She never should
have had a thing to do with that slippery fellow.
With Who with slippery Williams? Asked Filo Gubb, intensely surprised
Aunt Martha Turner. What did she have to do with
slippery Williams? Well, she had plenty and enough and more
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than that to do with him, said Missus Wilmerton, angrily
getting bottles of beer in her bed and robbing houses
at her time of life, and wanting the ladies temperance
lead to have a special meeting this morning to approve
of burglary and larceny at her age. Now, Missus Wilmerton,
said Philo Gub from the top of the ladder. I'd
ought to warn you before you go any farther that
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Snooks Turner has engaged me and my services to detect
for him in this burglar case. If Aunt Martha Turner
burgled the burglary that Snooks is in jail for, maybe
you ought not to say anything about it to me.
I got to do what I can to free Snooksy,
no matter who gets into trouble, mister Gubb, exclaimed Missus Wilmerton. Suddenly,
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mister Gubb, I'm not authorized to do so, but I'll
warrant I'll get the other ladies to authorize, or I'll
know why. If I was to give you twenty dollars
on behalf of the Ladies Temperance League to help you
get Snookie out of jail, and Land only knows why
he is in jail, would you be so kind as
to beg and plead with Snooxie to leave Attorney Mullin
alone in the eagle. After this, she held four or
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five dollars bills up to Filo Gubb, and he took them.
From what I saw of his eye, said mister Gubb,
I guess Snooks will be willing to leave Attorney alone
in every shape and form from now on. Now, maybe
you can tell me how Snooks got into this business.
I haven't the slightest idea in the world, said Missus Wilmerton.
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All I know about is Both Missus Wilmerton and Philo
Gubb turned their heads towards the door. The greater duskiness
of the kitchen was caused by the large form of
City Attorney Mullen. He bowed ceremoniously to Missus Wilmerton, who
turned bright red with embarrassment, probably because of her part
in the efforts of the League to have mister Mullen
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impeached by the City council. Attorney Mullen was not, however, embarrassed.
I'm glad you are here, Missus Wilmerton, he said, for
I wish a witness. I do not wish to have
any stigma of bribery rest on me. I came here,
he continued, taking a leather purse from the inner pocket
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of his coat, to give these twenty five dollars to
mister Gubb. Mister Gubb, I have just visited Snooks, so
called Turner, at the jail. I went there with the
intention of bailing him out, pending the simple process of
his ultimate and speedy release from the charges against him.
I am convinced that I was wrong when I made
the charge of burglary against him. I am convinced that
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no burglary was ever committed on my premises, oh, exclaimed
Missus Wilmerton. Not even the seven bottles of beer and
a beer opener, I suppose, atturning, Mullen turned on her
like a flash. What do you know about beer and
beer openers? He snapped. I may not know as much
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as Detective Gub, but I know what I know, she answered,
and mister Mullen restrained himself sufficiently to hide the glare
of hatred in his eyes by turning to Filo Gubb exactly,
he said, with forced calmness, And perhaps I know more
about them than mister Gubb knows. In fact, I do
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know more about them. I know they are upstairs between
a blanket and a mattress. I know, Missus Wilmerton, he
almost shouted, turning on her with an accusing forefinger, that
they were stolen from a house in this town by
some one representing the lady's temperance league. I know that
burglary was committed by, or at least at the behest
of some one representing the Lady's Temperance League. I know
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that if this matter is carried to the end, a
respectable old lady, a leader in the Ladies Temperance League,
will go behind bars, sentenced as a burglar. That's what
I know. Oh my, gasped missus Wilmerton and sank into
a chair. Now, then, said Attorney Mullen, turning to Filo
Cub again and handing him the twenty five dollars. I
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give you this money as my share of the fund
that is to pay you for the work you do
for Snook's Turner. I make no request because of the
money it is yours. But if you love justice for
Heaven's sake, send word to him to come out of jail.
Won't he come out, asked Philo Gub. Puzzled, No, he won't,
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said Attorney Mullen. I begged him too, but he said no,
not until Philo Gub gets to the bottom of this case.
But should we, as citizens and as members of the
Prohibition Party, permit mister Gubb to land Aunt Martha Turner
in the calaboose? Well, if what I find out when
I get down from this ladder and start to work
sends her there. I don't see that I can help it,
(28:28):
said Filo Gub. Detecative work is a science as operated
by them that has studied in the Rising Sun Detecative
Agencies correspondence School of Detecating Snook says he don't know
anything about any beer, said Nan Kill Philian, entering hastily
and then pausing as she saw mister Mullen, did you
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tell him it was upstairs in bed, asked Philo Gub
in his room in his bed, said Attorney Mullen eagerly.
Why that puts an entirely different aspect on the matter.
That gives me, as city Attorney, all the proof I
shall need to convict the respectable Miss Martha Turner and
her honorable nephew of the Eagle, And by the Gods,
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I will convict them, he glared at missus Wilmerton. Nan
broke into sobs. Unless, he added gently, this whole matter
is dropped. Philo Gubb took out all the money he
had received and counted it, sitting cross legged on the ladder.
I guess, he said, thoughtfully, you had better run up
(29:33):
to the jail and tell snoosey, I want to see
him right away, Miss Kilfilian, maybe he can stretch the
jail that much again. Tell him, I'm just going to
get down from this ladder and start to work. And
I want to ask his advice. What do you want
to ask him, inquired Attorney Mullen. As Nan hurried away.
I want to ask him about those seven bottles of
(29:55):
beer and that beer opener, said Philo Gubb. Mister Gubb
said the city attorney. I can tell you about those
bottles of beer. If those bottles of beer came from
my house, Aunt Martha Turner goes to the penitentiary. If
she does not go to the penitentiary, there are no
bottles of beer, and there is no beer opener, and
(30:17):
never were. I told her she had done a foolish thing.
Foolish thing, exclaimed missus Wilmington. Just so, and it was foolish,
said attorneymwen if it was done, and if it was done,
and Snooks Turner telephoned, and I thought he meant the burglary,
I would naturally assault him. You hurt him bad, said
(30:41):
Filo Gubb. And I meant to, said Attorney Mowen. All
turned toward the door where policeman Foggerty entered with Snooksy
and Nan. I have done everything I could to quiet
up the matter, said Foggarty to Mullen, thus explaining his
interest in the affair. I liked you, said Snooks cheerfully.
(31:02):
I'm going to stay in jail. Aunt Martha Turner interrupted him.
She came into the kitchen like a gust of wind,
scattering the others like leaves, and threw her arms around
her nephew, Snooksy. Oh my, Snooksy, my, Snooksy, She moaned,
don't you love your old auntie anymore? Won't you be
a good boy for your poor old auntie? Don't you
(31:22):
love her at all anymore? Sure, said Snooks happily. A
fellow can love you in jail, can't he? But won't
you come out, she pleaded. Everybody wants you to come out,
dear boy. See they all want you to come out,
every last one of them. Please come out. Oh I
like it in jail, said Snooks. It gives me time
(31:45):
for meditation. Well, goodbye, folks, I'll be going back. His
aunt grasped him firmly by the arm and wailed. So
did Nan. But Snooksy begged missus Turner don't you know
they'll send me to the penitentiary if you go back
to that old jail. Yes, but don't you care, Auntie.
(32:05):
They say the penitentiary is nicer than the jail, better doors,
nobody can break in and steal things from you. Snuog's
turner said his aunt You know as well as I
do that mister Mullin will forgive and forget if you will.
Would you rather see me go to prison suffer? No,
(32:25):
of course not, Auntie, said Snooks, laughing. But you see,
I've hired Detective Gub to work on this case, and
if there's no case, it will not be fair to him.
He's all worked up about it. He's so eager to
be at it that he has almost come down from
the top of that ladder. In another day or two,
he would come down all the way down, and then
there's no telling what would happen. No, I'm a newspaper man.
(32:49):
I want Filo Gub to discover something we don't know
anything about. I might start in trailing and shadowing somebody
that hasn't anything to do with this case, suggested Philo Gubb.
That wouldn't discommode none of you folks, and I'd sort
of feel as if I was giving you your money's worth.
Somebody has been writing on the front of the Methodist
(33:09):
church with black chalk. I might try to detect who's
done that, but that would be a very difficult job,
said Snooks. It would be some hard admitted Philo Gubb.
Then you ought to have more money, said Snooks. Aunt
Martha ought to contribute to the fund. If Aunt Martha
contributes to the fund, I'll be good. I'll come out
(33:31):
of jail. Aunt Martha opened her shopping bag and fumbled
in it with her old fingers. Filo Gubb took from
his pocket the bills he had been given during the morning.
He counted them. He had exactly one hundred dollars, just
enough to send to mister Meadowbrook. How much should I
give you, mister Gubb asked Aunt Martha tremulously, and Filo
(33:53):
Gubb stared thoughtfully at the ceiling for a few minutes.
When he spoke, his words were cryptic to all those
in the room. Well, ma'am, he said, I guess ten
cents will be about enough. I've got a two cent
postage stamp myself. Ain't Detective's wonderful whispered Nan clinging two
(34:14):
Snook's arm. You can't ever tell what they really mean.
Nobody seemed to care what Filo Gub meant, but a
week later Snook stopped him on the street and asked
him why he had asked for ten cents for to
register a letter, said Filo Gubb, A letter I had
to send off, and of the two cents stamp by
(34:41):
Ellis Parker Butler
The two cent stamp by Ellis Parker Butler. The house
in Tenth Street where Filo Gubb was doing a job
of paper hanging when he made the happy error of
capturing the dynamiters while seeking the unburglars was the home
of Aunt Martha Turner, a member of the Ladies Temperance
(00:23):
League of Riverbank. The members of the Ladies Temperance League,
and Aunt Martha Turner particularly, had recently begun a movement
to have City Attorney Mullen impeached and thrown out of office,
for they claimed that while he had been elected by
the Prohibition Republican Party and had pledged himself to close
every saloon, he had not closed one single saloon. Aunt
(00:47):
Martha Turner and her associates believed this was because Attorney
Mullen was himself a drinker of beer, and it was
to get proof of this that the hot headed Ladies
had engaged a youth named Slippery Williams to make a
raid on his home. Detective Gubb was, however, quite unconscious
of all this when he proceeded to the home of
Aunt Martha to complete his work. There, he was in
(01:10):
an unhappy frame of mind, for he had in his
pocket nothing but one two cent stamp, and he had
immediate need for one hundred dollars. Mister Gubb had early
that morning visited the home of mister Meadowbrook, from whom
he hoped to have news of Cyrilla. But the colored
butler informed him that mister Meadowbrook had been called to Chicago.
(01:31):
He don't left wood. How some deva said the butler
that if you come and was willing to pay thirty cents,
you could have his telegraph what come from miss Cyrilla,
And he left this note for you what you can have,
whether you pay or not. Mister Gubb quite willingly gave
the negro thirty cents, the very last money he possessed,
and read the telegram. It said, hope on hope ever
(01:56):
have given up wheat bread, corn bread, rye bread, homemade bread,
baker's bread, biscuit and rolls have lost six pounds more
love to Gubby. This would have sent mister Gubb to
his work in a happy frame of mind, had it
not been for the note mister Meaderbrook had left. This
note said, called to Chicago suddenly, I must have one
(02:18):
hundred dollars payment on account of the gold stock immediately.
Cannot let my daughter marry a man who puts off
paying for gold stock forever. Unless I hear from you
with the money tomorrow, all is over between us. Such
a letter would have made any lover, said mister Gubb.
Had no idea where he could raise one hundred dollars
(02:38):
during the day, and he saw his promising romance cut
short just when Marilla was beginning to lose weight handsomely.
The greeting he received when he reached Aunt Martha Turner's
was not of a sort to cheer him. Missus Turner
met him with a sour face. No, you can't go
ahead with putting the wallpaper on this kitchen ceiling today,
(02:59):
mister Gubb, she said, I'd like to if I could,
said Filo Gubb wistfully. My financial condition ain't such as
to allow me to waste a day. I'm very low
in a monetary shape right now. Aunt Martha Turner seemed
worried well. She said reluctantly. I guess if that's the case,
(03:22):
you might as well go ahead. I expect I'll have
to be out of the house most all day if
you get done before I get back. Lock the kitchen
door and put the key behind a shutter. She departed,
and Philo Gubb set up his trestle, unrolled and trimmed
a strip of sealing paper, pasted it, and climbed his ladder.
At the top, he seated himself a moment and shook
(03:42):
his head. He sighed and picked up the paste covered
strip of sealing paper, but before he could get to
his feet, the kitchen door opened, and Snooks Turner put
his head in cautiously. Say Gub, where's Aunt Martha, he
asked in a whisper. He's gone out, said Filo Gubb.
She won't be back for quite some time. I guess,
(04:05):
snooksy good, said Snooks, and he entered the kitchen. Some
weeks before he had met Nan Kilfilian. He was deeply
in love with Nan, and Nan was a good girl,
although Aunt Martha Turner did not approve of her because
she was hired girl to city Attorney Mullen before she
had met Snooks. Nan had done her best to make
(04:27):
something of Slippery Williams, who was courting her then, but
that task was beyond even NaN's powers. Snooks held a
job on the Eagle as city reporter with the dignified
title of city editor, and he was making good. He
got the news. He seemed able to smell news. When
(04:47):
there was big news in the air, he would become
uneasy and feel nervous. I got the twitches again. He
would say to the editor of the Eagle, there's some
big item around. I've got to get it, and he
would get it. She's gone out, has she said Snooks
When he had entered his aunt's kitchen and asked Philo
Gub about Aunt Martha. That's good. I wanted to see
(05:10):
you on a matter of business, detective business. He put
his hand in his pocket and drew out a small
roll of bills. He was not the usually neat Snooks.
One eye was blackened and one side of his face
was scratched. His clothes were badly torn and soiled. He
looked as if someone had tried to murder him. There,
(05:32):
he said, holding the bills up to Filo Gub. After
counting them, there's twenty five dollars. You take that and
find out what I have done and what's the matter
with me and all about it? What do you want
me to find out? Asked mister Gubb, fondling the bills.
If I knew I wouldn't ask you, said Snooks, peevishly.
(05:53):
I don't know what it is. I'd go and find
out myself. But I'm in jail. Where did you say you?
Was asked Filo gob in jail, said Snooks. I'm in
jail and I'm in bad. When the Marshal put me
in last night, I gave him my word i'd stay
in all day today. And it ain't right for me
to be here now, dog gone you, snooks, He says,
(06:17):
you ain't got no consideration for me at all. Here.
I figured that there wouldn't be no wave of crime
strike town for some days, and I went and took
the jail door down to the blacksmith to have a
panel put in where the one rusted out. And my
wife made me promise to drive out to the farm
with her tomorrow. And now you come and spoil everything.
I got to stay in town and watch you go on,
(06:40):
I says, and take your drive. I'll stay in jail.
I got a strong imagination. I'll imagine there's a door.
Honor Bright. He says, yes, Honor Bright. I says, So
he went, said Snooks, and he's trusting me, and here
I am you can see. It wouldn't do for me
to be running all over town when by rights I'm
(07:02):
locked and barred and bolted in jail. I locked and
barred and bolted in jail, and well started on my
way to the penitentiary as a burglar. As a burglar,
exclaimed Gub. That's it, said snooks. I can't see headner
tail of it. You got to help me out, Gub,
see if you can make any sense of this. Last
(07:23):
night I went out for a walk with Nan. She's
my girl, you know, and she's going to marry me.
Maybe she won't now, but she was going to. She
works for Mullen. We got back to Mullen's house about
eleven o'clock and Missus Mullen always locks the door at
half past ten, whether Nan is in or not, so
being late, we had to ring the doorbell and mister
(07:43):
Mullen came to the door to let Nan in, and
when he saw I was with her, he shook hands
with me and asked me to come in and have
a cigar and sit awhile. But I told him I
had to hustle up some news for today's paper, and
he let me go. That's how pleasant he was. So
I went downtown. Then the first fellow I met was
Sammy Wilmerton, widow Wilmerton's boy asked Philo Gub exactly, said Snooks,
(08:09):
feeling his eye with his finger. And he says, Snooks,
did you hear what the Ladies Temperance League did last night?
I hadn't heard. I heard ma say, says Sammy. But
don't say I told you. They got up a petition
to have city Attorney Mullen impeached by the city council.
Well that was news. I went into the Eagle's office
(08:30):
and called up Mullen. Hello, is that Attorney Mullen? I
says yes. He says, well, something happened last night. I says,
and I'd like to see you about it. How do
you know what happened? He says, no matter. I says,
can I come up after half a minute. He says, oh, yes,
(08:51):
come up, come right away. I'll be waiting for you.
So I went. Nothing strange about that, said Philo Gubb,
shifting himself on the lane. So I went, continued Snooks.
I rang the doorbell, and the moment it rang, the
door flew open, and bliff down came a bed blanket
over me, and somebody grabbed me in his arms and
lugged me into the house. I guess it was a
(09:13):
turning Mullen. You know how big and husky he is.
But I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything. Only
every two seconds bump. He hit me at my head
through the blanket. That's how I got this eye. And
all the time he was talking to me mad as
a hatter, and I couldn't hear a word he said.
But I could hear his wife screaming at the top
(09:34):
of the stairs, and I could hear Nan screaming, and
I heard a window go up. Stop that yelling, says
Mullen in a voice I could hear. And then he
picked me up again and carried me to the back
door and opened it and threw me all the way
down the eight steps. I chucked off the blanket and
I was going up the steps again to show him
(09:55):
he couldn't treat me that way, when Bing somebody next
door took a shot at me with the revolver. Thought
I was a burglar. I guess. I started to run
for the back gate when Bing somebody shot at me
from the other house. What do you think of that.
For a few minutes, it sounded like the Battle of
San Juan. And I can't understand yet why I didn't
(10:15):
suffer an awful loss of life. But you didn't, asked
Filo gub No, sir ree. I made a dive for
the cellar door just as they got the range. I
stayed in the cellar way with the bullets pattering on
it like hail, until the cop came. Tim Fogerty was
the cop. He ordered cease firing, and the shower stopped,
(10:35):
and I let him capture me. He took me to
the calaboose, and this morning early he had me before
the judge and I'm held for the grand jury and
the charges burglary and pettit larceny. Now what is the answer?
Being pulled into a house and thrown out the other door?
Isn't burglary, said Filo gub Burglary is breaking in or
(10:58):
breaking out? Maybe a turney and mistook you for some
one else. Mistook nothin, said Snooks. He was in the
court room this morning. He handed the case against me.
Who's that some one was climbing the back steps and
Snooks made one dive for the cellar door and slipped inside.
He knew how to get out through the cellar, for
(11:19):
he was familiar with it. He did not wait now,
but opened the outside cellar door, and, after looking to
see that the way was clear, hurried back to jail.
Filo Gubb did not have time to descend from his
ladder before the kitchen door opened. The visitor was Policeman Fogerty. Mornin,
he said, removing his hat and wiping the sweatband with
(11:41):
his red handkerchief. Don't ye get down, mister gubbsort, I
want but a word with ye. I seen Stooksy Turner
here but a second ago me lookin in at the
windy an you at him conversin'. Maybe he was speakin'
to ye of his arrest. He was conversing with me
of that occurrence, said Philo gub He was consulting me
(12:02):
in my professional capacity, and a fine young lad he is,
said Policeman Fogerty, reaching into his pocket. I got the
devil for arresting him. Twas that dark, ye see, mister Gubb,
I could not see who I was arrestin'. Maybe he
was consulting yee about getting clear of the charge against him.
He retained my detecative services, said Filo Gub. Poor young man,
(12:27):
said Fogerty, I'll warrant he has none too much money.
Me heart bleeds for him. You'll have no InVID trailin
and shadow and another detective work to do on the case.
No doubt tis expensive work that I was thinkin. Maybe
ye'd permit me to contribute a five dollar bill for
the work, for I'm that sad to have had a
hand and arrest in him. Foggerty held up the bill
(12:50):
and Philo Gubb took it. Contingent expenses are always numerously
present in detecative operations, he said. Right ye are, said Foggarty,
And you'll remember, if any one asks ye, that I
expressed me contrition for a rest in Snooksy. Whist, he said,
putting his hand alongside his mouth and whispering. Some one
(13:11):
wanted me to search the house here to see did
Snooksy have seven bottles of beer and a silver beer
opener in his room. Philo Gubb sat on the ladder
and contemplated the five dollar bill until he heard Fogerty returning.
Hist Foggerty said, I did not see him mind ye
Foggerty slipped out of the back door and was gone,
(13:32):
and Filo gubb after a thoughtful moment, decided that the
five dollar bill was rightfully his and slipped it into
his pocket. To earn it, however, he must get to
work on the case. He raised the pasted strip of paper,
but before he could place the loose ends on the ceiling,
some one tapped at the kitchen door. Come in, he called,
(13:53):
and the door opened. Slippery Williams glided into the room,
his crafty eyes sought finally, O Gubbllo, Gubby, what you
doin up there? Where's miss Turner? He asked? Miss Turner
is out on business, I presume, said the correspondent school
detective coldly, And I am pursuing my professional duties in
(14:14):
the detectting line. You are, hey, said Slippery. Who you
detecting for now? Snooks Turner said Philo gub I'm solving
a case for him. Instantly, Slippery's manner changed from rough,
he became smooth from bold. He became cringing. Why I'm
(14:34):
Snooky's friend, he said? You know me and Snooksy was
always chums, don't you, Gubby, Yes, sir, I think a
lot of snooksy, he says, Slippery, you go up to
my room and get me a bundle of clean clothes.
These are all torn and dirty, and well, I guess
I'll get him and get back snooks is waitin for me.
He turned to the hall, but Philo Gubb called him back.
(14:58):
You can't go up there, said Phile Gub from his
ladder top. There's been enough folks up there already. Who
was up, asked Slippery hastily. Policeman Fogerty was, said Filo Gub.
What did he find up there, asked Slippery anxiously, nothing,
said Filo Gub. He told me he couldn't find seven
(15:20):
bottles of beer and a beer opener. Look here, said
Slippery sweetly. If I gave you five dollars to hire
you to hunt for them, could you find them seven
bottles of beer and that beer opener for me? Straight
detective work? Could you? I could try to find them,
said Filo Gub. Well that's all I want, said Slippery.
(15:42):
I don't want to do nothing with them. All I
want to know is where they are. Here's five dollars.
Filo Gub took the money, all right, said Slippery. Now
you find them. They're upstairs in missus Turner's bed, between
the quilt and the mattress. Go find them, Not until
miss Turner comes home, said Filo firmly. It's her house.
(16:05):
Why you long legged stork, you said Slippery. She knows
I'm here for that beer she sent me. I thought
you said Snook sent you for his clothes, said Filo,
Never you mind who sent me for? What? Said Slippery angrily.
You're a dandy detective, ain't you sitting on top of
a ladder and not letting a friend of Snook's help
(16:27):
him out. Say listen, Gubby, everybody's going to get into
worse trouble if I don't get away with that beer. Understand.
Come on, let me take it away when miss Turner
comes back, said Filo Gubb. A new knock on the
door interrupted them, and Slippery glided to the cellar door
through which Snooks had so recently fled. The kitchen door
(16:50):
opened to admit Attorney Smith. He was a thin man,
but intelligent, looking, as thin men quite frequently are. Don't
get down, mister Gubb, don't get down, he said. I
came in the back way hoping to find miss Turner.
She is not here. She's out, said Filo Gubb. Too bad,
(17:10):
said Attorney Smith. I wanted to see her about her nephew.
You have heard he is in jail. Why, yes, said Filo,
crossing one leg over the other. He hired me to
do some detect ting. I'm sort of in charge of
that case. I'm just going to start and looking it up.
Attorney Smith took a turn to the end of the
(17:31):
room and back. He was known in Riverbank as the
unsuccessful competitor against Attorney Mullen for the city attorneyship, and
was supposed to be the counselor of the liquor interests.
You have done nothing yet, he asked, suddenly stopping below
Filo Gubb's elevated seat. No, I'm just about beginning to commence,
(17:51):
said Filo. Then you know nothing regarding the articles young
Turner is charged with stealing. Well, maybe I do know
something about that, said Filo. If you mean seven bottles
of beer and a beer opener, I do Where are they?
Asked Attorney Smith in the sharp tone he used in
(18:12):
addressing a witness for the other side when he was
trying a case. I guess I've told about all I'm
going to tell about them, said Filo thoughtfully. I don't
want to be disobliging, mister Smith, but I look on
them bottles of beer as a clue, and that beer
opener is a clue, and they're about the only clue
I've got. I got to save up my clues. Are
(18:34):
they in this house, asked mister Smith. Sharply, If they ain't,
they're somewheres else, said Filo. Mister Gubb, said mister Smith, impressively.
There are large interests at stake in this case, larger
interests than you can imagine. We are all interested at
this moment in clearing your client of the suspicion, which
(18:56):
I hope is an unjust suspicion now resting over it
and upon him. I need not say what the interests are,
but they are very powerful. I feel confident that those
interests could succeed in clearing Snook's turner. Well. I guess
if I was left alone long enough to get down
from this ladder, I could clear him myself. I didn't
(19:17):
study in the Rising Sun Detecative Agencies Correspondence School of
Detecting for nothing, said Filo Gubb. Snooks hired me, and
he did well, said Attorney Smith, heartily. I praise his acumen.
I wonder if I might be permitted on behalf of
the powerful interests I represent to contribute to the expense
of the work you will do. I guess you might,
(19:40):
said Philo Gubb, detecting runs into money the interests I represent,
said mister Smith, taking out his wallet, will contribute ten dollars,
and they did. They put a crisp ten dollar bill
in Philo Gubb's hands. And now, having shown our unity
of interest with him, young mister Turner, there can be
(20:01):
no harm in telling us where that beer is? Can there?
He turned toward the kitchen door, for Nan Kilpilian stood there.
Her eyes were red and swollen. Attorney Smith hastily excused
himself and went away, and Nan came into the kitchen. Oh,
mister Gubb, she exclaimed, you will get Snooks out of jail,
(20:22):
won't you. It would break my heart if he was
sent to the penitentiary. And I know he has done
nothing wrong. He is depending on you, mister Gubb. I
brought you ten dollars. It is all I have left
of last month's wages. But it will help a little,
won't it? Thank you? Said Filo Gubb, taking the money.
I cannot estimate in advance what the cost of his
(20:44):
clearance will be. It may be more and it may
be less. It is a complicated case. I am just
about going to get down from this ladder and start
working on it vigorously. If you, he stopped, if you
wish to help us in this case, miss Kilfilly, And
he said, will you go to the jail and ask
Snooks where is the beer and the beer opener? Where
(21:08):
is her? Face went white? What beer and what beer opener?
She asked tensely. Seven bottles and a beer opener, said
Philo Gub. Oh, she moaned, and he said he didn't
do it. He swore he didn't do it. Oh, Snooks,
how could you? How could you? Now? Don't you weep
(21:31):
like that? Said Philo Gub soothingly. You go and ask him.
I'll have my things ready for my immediate departure on
to the case by the time you get back. Nan
hurried away, and Philo Gub waited only to count the
money he had so far received. It amounted to fifty
five dollars. He slipped it into his pocket and stood
up on the step ladder. He had even proceeded so
(21:53):
far as to put one foot on a lower step.
When Missus Wilmerton entered the kitchen, she was a stout woman,
and she was almost out of breath. She had to
stand a minute before she could speak. But as she stood,
she made gestures with her hands, as if that much
of her delivery could be given at any rate, and
the words might catch up with their appropriate gestures if
(22:15):
they could. Mister Gubb, Mister Gubb, she gasped, Oh, this
is terrible, terrible, Miss Turner should never have dared it.
Oh my breath? Do you do you know where the
beer is? I wouldn't advise you to take beer for
shortness of breath, said Philo Gub. Just rest a minute,
(22:36):
but guesped. Poor missus Wilmerton. I told miss Turner it
was folly. She's so stubborn. Ah, I thought I'd never
get a full breath again as long as I lived.
How can we get rid of the beer? There's plenty
that want to take it, said mister Gubb. Attorney Smith.
Oh I knew it, I knew it, moaned Missus Wilmerton.
(22:58):
He threatened it threatened, what asked Filo Gub that he
would find the beer in this house, cried Missus Wilmerton.
He threatened Aunt Martha that if she did not give
it to him freely, he would have it found here
and make a scandal. Beer hidden in between the quilt
and the mattress of Aunt Martha's bed, and she secretary
of the Lady's Temperance League. It's awful. Martha is so headstrong,
(23:23):
she's getting herself in an awful fix. She never should
have had a thing to do with that slippery fellow.
With Who with slippery Williams? Asked Filo Gubb, intensely surprised
Aunt Martha Turner. What did she have to do with
slippery Williams? Well, she had plenty and enough and more
(23:43):
than that to do with him, said Missus Wilmerton, angrily
getting bottles of beer in her bed and robbing houses
at her time of life, and wanting the ladies temperance
lead to have a special meeting this morning to approve
of burglary and larceny at her age. Now, Missus Wilmerton,
said Philo Gub from the top of the ladder. I'd
ought to warn you before you go any farther that
(24:05):
Snooks Turner has engaged me and my services to detect
for him in this burglar case. If Aunt Martha Turner
burgled the burglary that Snooks is in jail for, maybe
you ought not to say anything about it to me.
I got to do what I can to free Snooksy,
no matter who gets into trouble, mister Gubb, exclaimed Missus Wilmerton. Suddenly,
(24:27):
mister Gubb, I'm not authorized to do so, but I'll
warrant I'll get the other ladies to authorize, or I'll
know why. If I was to give you twenty dollars
on behalf of the Ladies Temperance League to help you
get Snookie out of jail, and Land only knows why
he is in jail, would you be so kind as
to beg and plead with Snooxie to leave Attorney Mullin
alone in the eagle. After this, she held four or
(24:50):
five dollars bills up to Filo Gubb, and he took them.
From what I saw of his eye, said mister Gubb,
I guess Snooks will be willing to leave Attorney alone
in every shape and form from now on. Now, maybe
you can tell me how Snooks got into this business.
I haven't the slightest idea in the world, said Missus Wilmerton.
(25:12):
All I know about is Both Missus Wilmerton and Philo
Gubb turned their heads towards the door. The greater duskiness
of the kitchen was caused by the large form of
City Attorney Mullen. He bowed ceremoniously to Missus Wilmerton, who
turned bright red with embarrassment, probably because of her part
in the efforts of the League to have mister Mullen
(25:33):
impeached by the City council. Attorney Mullen was not, however, embarrassed.
I'm glad you are here, Missus Wilmerton, he said, for
I wish a witness. I do not wish to have
any stigma of bribery rest on me. I came here,
he continued, taking a leather purse from the inner pocket
(25:53):
of his coat, to give these twenty five dollars to
mister Gubb. Mister Gubb, I have just visited Snooks, so
called Turner, at the jail. I went there with the
intention of bailing him out, pending the simple process of
his ultimate and speedy release from the charges against him.
I am convinced that I was wrong when I made
the charge of burglary against him. I am convinced that
(26:15):
no burglary was ever committed on my premises, oh, exclaimed
Missus Wilmerton. Not even the seven bottles of beer and
a beer opener, I suppose, atturning, Mullen turned on her
like a flash. What do you know about beer and
beer openers? He snapped. I may not know as much
(26:36):
as Detective Gub, but I know what I know, she answered,
and mister Mullen restrained himself sufficiently to hide the glare
of hatred in his eyes by turning to Filo Gubb exactly,
he said, with forced calmness, And perhaps I know more
about them than mister Gubb knows. In fact, I do
(26:57):
know more about them. I know they are upstairs between
a blanket and a mattress. I know, Missus Wilmerton, he
almost shouted, turning on her with an accusing forefinger, that
they were stolen from a house in this town by
some one representing the lady's temperance league. I know that
burglary was committed by, or at least at the behest
of some one representing the Lady's Temperance League. I know
(27:21):
that if this matter is carried to the end, a
respectable old lady, a leader in the Ladies Temperance League,
will go behind bars, sentenced as a burglar. That's what
I know. Oh my, gasped missus Wilmerton and sank into
a chair. Now, then, said Attorney Mullen, turning to Filo
Cub again and handing him the twenty five dollars. I
(27:44):
give you this money as my share of the fund
that is to pay you for the work you do
for Snook's Turner. I make no request because of the
money it is yours. But if you love justice for
Heaven's sake, send word to him to come out of jail.
Won't he come out, asked Philo Gub. Puzzled, No, he won't,
(28:05):
said Attorney Mullen. I begged him too, but he said no,
not until Philo Gub gets to the bottom of this case.
But should we, as citizens and as members of the
Prohibition Party, permit mister Gubb to land Aunt Martha Turner
in the calaboose? Well, if what I find out when
I get down from this ladder and start to work
sends her there. I don't see that I can help it,
(28:28):
said Filo Gub. Detecative work is a science as operated
by them that has studied in the Rising Sun Detecative
Agencies correspondence School of Detecating Snook says he don't know
anything about any beer, said Nan Kill Philian, entering hastily
and then pausing as she saw mister Mullen, did you
(28:49):
tell him it was upstairs in bed, asked Philo Gub
in his room in his bed, said Attorney Mullen eagerly.
Why that puts an entirely different aspect on the matter.
That gives me, as city Attorney, all the proof I
shall need to convict the respectable Miss Martha Turner and
her honorable nephew of the Eagle, And by the Gods,
(29:10):
I will convict them, he glared at missus Wilmerton. Nan
broke into sobs. Unless, he added gently, this whole matter
is dropped. Philo Gubb took out all the money he
had received and counted it, sitting cross legged on the ladder.
I guess, he said, thoughtfully, you had better run up
(29:33):
to the jail and tell snoosey, I want to see
him right away, Miss Kilfilian, maybe he can stretch the
jail that much again. Tell him, I'm just going to
get down from this ladder and start to work. And
I want to ask his advice. What do you want
to ask him, inquired Attorney Mullen. As Nan hurried away.
I want to ask him about those seven bottles of
(29:55):
beer and that beer opener, said Philo Gubb. Mister Gubb
said the city attorney. I can tell you about those
bottles of beer. If those bottles of beer came from
my house, Aunt Martha Turner goes to the penitentiary. If
she does not go to the penitentiary, there are no
bottles of beer, and there is no beer opener, and
(30:17):
never were. I told her she had done a foolish thing.
Foolish thing, exclaimed missus Wilmington. Just so, and it was foolish,
said attorneymwen if it was done, and if it was done,
and Snooks Turner telephoned, and I thought he meant the burglary,
I would naturally assault him. You hurt him bad, said
(30:41):
Filo Gubb. And I meant to, said Attorney Mowen. All
turned toward the door where policeman Foggerty entered with Snooksy
and Nan. I have done everything I could to quiet
up the matter, said Foggarty to Mullen, thus explaining his
interest in the affair. I liked you, said Snooks cheerfully.
(31:02):
I'm going to stay in jail. Aunt Martha Turner interrupted him.
She came into the kitchen like a gust of wind,
scattering the others like leaves, and threw her arms around
her nephew, Snooksy. Oh my, Snooksy, my, Snooksy, She moaned,
don't you love your old auntie anymore? Won't you be
a good boy for your poor old auntie? Don't you
(31:22):
love her at all anymore? Sure, said Snooks happily. A
fellow can love you in jail, can't he? But won't
you come out, she pleaded. Everybody wants you to come out,
dear boy. See they all want you to come out,
every last one of them. Please come out. Oh I
like it in jail, said Snooks. It gives me time
(31:45):
for meditation. Well, goodbye, folks, I'll be going back. His
aunt grasped him firmly by the arm and wailed. So
did Nan. But Snooksy begged missus Turner don't you know
they'll send me to the penitentiary if you go back
to that old jail. Yes, but don't you care, Auntie.
(32:05):
They say the penitentiary is nicer than the jail, better doors,
nobody can break in and steal things from you. Snuog's
turner said his aunt You know as well as I
do that mister Mullin will forgive and forget if you will.
Would you rather see me go to prison suffer? No,
(32:25):
of course not, Auntie, said Snooks, laughing. But you see,
I've hired Detective Gub to work on this case, and
if there's no case, it will not be fair to him.
He's all worked up about it. He's so eager to
be at it that he has almost come down from
the top of that ladder. In another day or two,
he would come down all the way down, and then
there's no telling what would happen. No, I'm a newspaper man.
(32:49):
I want Filo Gub to discover something we don't know
anything about. I might start in trailing and shadowing somebody
that hasn't anything to do with this case, suggested Philo Gubb.
That wouldn't discommode none of you folks, and I'd sort
of feel as if I was giving you your money's worth.
Somebody has been writing on the front of the Methodist
(33:09):
church with black chalk. I might try to detect who's
done that, but that would be a very difficult job,
said Snooks. It would be some hard admitted Philo Gubb.
Then you ought to have more money, said Snooks. Aunt
Martha ought to contribute to the fund. If Aunt Martha
contributes to the fund, I'll be good. I'll come out
(33:31):
of jail. Aunt Martha opened her shopping bag and fumbled
in it with her old fingers. Filo Gubb took from
his pocket the bills he had been given during the morning.
He counted them. He had exactly one hundred dollars, just
enough to send to mister Meadowbrook. How much should I
give you, mister Gubb asked Aunt Martha tremulously, and Filo
(33:53):
Gubb stared thoughtfully at the ceiling for a few minutes.
When he spoke, his words were cryptic to all those
in the room. Well, ma'am, he said, I guess ten
cents will be about enough. I've got a two cent
postage stamp myself. Ain't Detective's wonderful whispered Nan clinging two
(34:14):
Snook's arm. You can't ever tell what they really mean.
Nobody seemed to care what Filo Gub meant, but a
week later Snook stopped him on the street and asked
him why he had asked for ten cents for to
register a letter, said Filo Gubb, A letter I had
to send off, and of the two cents stamp by
(34:41):
Ellis Parker Butler
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