August 2, 2025 • 14 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sorry, Wrong dimension by Russ Rockland. So the baby had
a pet monster, and so nobody but baby could see it,
And so a couple of men dropped out of thin
air to check and see if the monster was licensed
or not. So what's strange about that baby didn't cry
all day because he had a monster for a playmate.
But I didn't know he had a playmate, much less
(00:21):
did I know it was a monster. The honest truth
is that, for the first time since baby was born,
I had my nerves under control, and I didn't dare
investigate why he wasn't crying. I got all the ironing done,
all of it, mind you, And I got Harry's work
clothes mended, and I also read three installments of a
Saturday Evening post cereal i'd been saving. And besides this, Mabel,
my neighbor, and I had a couple of three cups
(00:42):
of coffee. We also had a giggling fit. I remember
once we went off into hysterics at the picture of ourselves.
We had two haggard old wrecks of women worn out
at twenty three from too much work around the house.
But thank Heaven's baby hasn't cried all day. I gurgled
when we came out of it. Neither is mine, said Mabel,
who wasn't due for six month months. Mabel, honest, you
kill me, I said, And excuse me while I comb
(01:04):
my messy hair, because I'm not a wreck, Harry said, so,
he says, I'm still the best hunk of female polk ratude.
He's met since high school and we've been married two years.
I went into the bathroom, leaving Mabel choking hysterically behind me.
When I came out of the bathroom, she was hysterical,
but in a different way. She discovered why Harry Junior
wasn't crying. She'd been in the nursery. Her face was
(01:24):
white as an eggshell. He's playing with something, she chattered.
It's alive. I heard it cooing back. I ran three
steps to baby's crib, one on the corner of little
Jack Horner, one on the sheep of little bo Peep,
one on the cupboard of old mother Hubbard Baby. I
almost screamed, but Baby cooed and gurgled and laughed and
robbed back and forth in his diapers. He was playing
(01:45):
with his teething ring, but something was trying to jerk
the teething ring out of his hands, and baby liked it.
Baby lost his hold on the teething ring and fell
on his back. The teething reeds stayed up in the
air and then by itself moved towards baby's waving hands
and let him get a hold of it. Mabel screeched
through her tea, baby's got it. The monster's got it.
Now baby's got it. She began to collapse. Don't faint,
(02:06):
I snapped, and don't let's play tennis. I was shaking.
I reached into the crib. My hands closed round something
that put ice water in my vertebrae. It was a monster.
It's got fur, I whispered. I felt some more and
clammy scales. I listened out of the crib and a trunk.
I was determined to save baby. Baby cried. We got
(02:28):
some chairs and sat there for ten minutes, close together
while baby played with the invisible monster. I don't know
what to do, I said. It's alive. Maybe it's poisonous,
but it's friendly. Maybe it's another baby from another dimension,
said Mabel. Rot I said, I think I picked that
up from the detective. On the Saturday evening post Cereal
Let's keep our heads if baby keeps his, said my
(02:50):
friend Mabel. That got me. I've got to call Harry,
I chattered. They don't like him to be called at work,
but I've got to call em. You'll just worry him,
said Mabel. Call the police, no, I said. I felt
like crying myself. Baby was so happy. Maybe the baby
monster was happy too. The police would do something awful
to it. But what about my maternal instinct? Something told
me I simply had to save my baby. I've got
(03:12):
to call Harry, I insisted, and I went to the phone.
The dial tones sat a peculiar I remember, But I
called Harry's place of employment. A brisk female voice cut in.
What number are you calling, please, Charlemont seven eight ninety,
I whispered, sorry, you must have the wrong dimension. There
was a click as she disconnected. I sat like a statue,
a haggard statue with a greasy house dress, on a
(03:34):
statue that hadn't plucked its eyebrows in two months. I
had a lot of nerve. I was a bad mother
and a poor mistress, and I had a swell husband
who would lie like a trooper. I wasn't any good.
I was ugly. I was greasy, I cried Mabel, I choked.
It took her a while to get it out for me,
and then her blue eyes flashed. I told you she
cried from another dimension. In her broken down green wedgies.
(03:56):
She clattered toward the door. I heard her fighting it.
She couldn't get it open. Then she tried a window.
It opened, but she couldn't stick her hand out. She
flung herself around Stella, she said, with a quiver of
that good looking short upper lip of hers. We're trapped in.
We're in the middle of some kind of fantasy. It's
a crazy world. We're living in Stella. A bombs and
H bombs and flying saucers and spaceflight. It's all the
(04:17):
fiction stuff coming true. Now we're lost in some other dimension,
and I have to get dinner in the oven, please,
I mumbled. Let's don't get desperate about the wrong things.
I tried all the doors and windows in the house,
and it was true. We were trapped in. There was
some barrier surrounding the house. There wasn't anything to see
outside except a kind of gray steam. We went back
to check on Baby. He was still playing with the
monster I had bent over the crib and held a
(04:39):
fluffy fifty cent toy bear out the baby. Monster took
it invisibly out of my hand. He shoved it at baby.
Baby squealed so darned happily, and I began to get
some perspective. Suspicion is wrong. I told Mabel all the time,
that's what that article we read a couple of months ago,
and your world said, Remember you and I decided we'd
never be suspicious. Maybe that's the reason we're happy. If dirty,
(05:01):
we don't suspect anybody of anything if we can help it.
And now's no time to start. The monster is Baby's friend.
Mabel shuddered, OK, she said, but I'm still worried about
getting dinner in the oven. Bill's liable to hah. Now
you're being suspicious, I said, lousy with virtue. Quit worrying.
I'm going to call Harry again. This time I was
a lot calmer. I decided to trust the universe a
(05:22):
little more. I dialed Harry's number again. A scratchy male
voice answered, sorry, disdimension is in use. Would you please
get off the line. I dug a few trenches and
established a line of fire. Listen, I said, I'm in
trouble a dame, he said, wonderingly. Yea a dame, I cried,
what's so unusual about a dame? Why does every male
and kingdom come get that note in his voice when
(05:42):
he talks with a dame? Sure, I'm a dame, a
good looking dame. I'd like to punch you in the
eye to prove it, he laughed. He must have turned
away from the phone. It's a dame, okay, find out
what she wants. Spill it, he said into the phone.
I spilled it. What's that address again, he asked. I
told him, nah, nah, he said, impatiently. The planet, the planet,
(06:04):
and the ear. I told him he must have turned
away from the phone again, because I heard him say
off stage, they're only ten years away. I was numb.
He came back on the line, and what's this about?
A baby monster fur scales a trunk the size of
Harry Junior. Ma'am, We'll be there in a jiff, and
he hung up. Mabel was nervously hanging on my ear,
(06:26):
but I didn't get a chance to answer her questions.
The door in the living room opened and they walked in.
For a second, I saw a ship that looked like
a cake pan hanging in the gray steam. Then they
closed the door and grinned at us. Instinctively, Mabel and
I tried to shrink our bus lines. Hullo, said the
tall one. He scratched his hairy chest and grinned whiter.
He was carrying a piece of machinery that looked like
a camera on a tripod. Let me introduce myself, he said, Jake.
(06:50):
Calm stalk, we come over to do you dames of favor.
We'll kick you back where you belong. Yeah, I said,
I'll bet an. This here is Beanie Rosine. He's my partner.
We uh worked together, hid Air, said Beanie. Where's the monster? Introductions,
said Jake, casting him a hard look. Manners So I
introduced us. I'm Missus Weaver, I said, An. This is
(07:12):
my neighbor, Missus Aspectia. Please the meet you girls, grinned Jake.
You blondie, he was looking at me. You must be
the one talked on the phone. I like the way
you handled Beanie. Real cute. He dropped the tripod thing
in a corner and sidled toward me. Now where's this monster?
He asked, slipping his hand around my bare arm and
grinning down at me. I knew better than to play rough,
so I just looked down at his hand and didn't
(07:33):
stop looking at it until he took it away. He
lost a lot of his grin. So where is it?
He said, his voice turning hard and unpleasant. Don't worry
about that, I said, matter of fact, I'm gettin so
the monster doesn't worry me. He's been playing with baby
all day, an baby hasn't objected. The main thing I'd
like you, gentlemen, to do for us is to get
busy moving us back to our own dimension. That's right,
said Mabel, her hands on her hips, And let us
(07:54):
know right now what the charges are going to be,
if any no charge sent. The runt Beanie, staring fascinated
at her legs, sept, we're takin the monster with us.
Real expensive. Them monsters drinkers, they're called. They get lost
in dimensions now. Then picked one up on Pluto fifty
years or so. A come or ago a go? I said,
A come, he corrected, Listen, I said, making up my mind.
(08:17):
You can't have the monster. He's kept baby happy all day.
But I'll tell you what I'll do. Tell me what
he eats an what to do for him, and I'll
keep him. I've got twenty five dollars in poker winnings
you can have, okay, Jake. Jake broke out laughing. You
kids are terrific, he said, you don't know what the
score is. You're cute. Thanks, I said bitterly. You restore
my confidence. I feel myself blooming under your hungry gaze.
(08:38):
Those drinkles are worth a couple million credits, is what
I'm gettin at. And you offer us a stinkin' twenty
five dollars. Tell you what, Blondie, He winked at me.
You kids are overworked. One lookin you can tell that. Will,
Beaty and me have got a little cabin up on Dimensionel,
cut off from everything. The four of us can go
there and have a fine old time. We could stay
there a month and still get you back an here
in time to kiss your husbands when they get back
(09:00):
from work. What do you say, blondie? And you can
keep the drink. Oh, we are accepting no propositions this week,
said Mabel with dignity. Ah. A couple of gill Joys
growled Beanie, wandering off toward the hall. Mabel looked at
me and then picked up a vase off the mantel
over the fireplace. I gave it the nod. Stay away
from that drinko, she warned, Beanie, or I'll let you
have it. Beany was annoyed. He stopped looked imploringly at Jake.
(09:22):
Jake giggled as if the whole thing tickled his sense
of humor, and walked cat footed toward Mabel. She let
go the vase with a right handed swing. He had
his right arm out stiff in front of him, though,
and the vase shied off and smashed against the television set.
Then he grabbed Mabel in a bear hug. That set
me off. I had a yearning for Harry. Then he
would have laid these mugs out. And that's all they
were mugs, cheap crooks. I hopped on one leg, yanking
(09:43):
off my oxfords and brought the heel down on Jake's
curly head. But it didn't do a thing for him
except make him mad. He brought his arm back, cursing
at me. It caught me on my lipstick. I remember
being surprised that he was actually knocking me out, but
that's what he did. When I woke up, the first
thing I knew was that Harry Junior was screaming. I
groggily st up and stepped over Mabel, who was just
beginning to moan. I went to the nursery and grabbed
(10:04):
up my baby. Don't cry, I begged him. Don't be mad.
I'll get your drinko back. Those dirty thieves, I'll get
it back. I held them under one arm, his pants dripping.
I think I looked like a Pekinese with my hair
over my eyes. I went to the phone, dialed Harry's
number and got the same routine. I don't have the
wrong dimension, I cried, before the operator could hang up.
This is an emergency. A couple of crooks stole my drinko.
(10:26):
Please get me the Dimension police. You have a drink out,
the operator asked, cautiously. There must be some mistake. You
are calling from Earth from nineteen fifty four. I am sorry.
Congress ruled Earth nineteen fifty four could not be connected
with the dimension system. It would be impossible for you
to own a drinko. Some crooks from nineteen sixty four
stole my drinko. I insisted, one moment, please the supervisor
(10:50):
informs me this is an unauthorized call. It will be
necessary to conduct a police investigation. There were clickings, there
were buzzings, there were groups of fuzzy, far off voices,
and finally the police came in. A couple of crooks
stole my baby's drinko, I repeated loudly, I demand my
rights as a dimension citizen. Two thieves confiscated your DRINKO.
A dry voice said, very well, describe them. Please describe characteristics, phrases, expressions,
(11:15):
and voice intonations. Also, I described them very good. Did
you say Earth nineteen fifty four? Excellent? Only a matter
of six dimensions and thirty years. We shall investigate immediately.
He hung up. Hi Stella, said Mabel, up on one
elbow and looking fuzzily at me. You think I'll get
out of this in time to get Bill's dinner in
the oven. Bill so tarn touchy about dinner. Teach him
(11:37):
a lesson. Then I snapped, disgusted with her, and running
to the door because somebody was knocking there. Train him,
disappoint him, break his pattern. Don't have dinner. Good evening, gentlemen,
I said. As I opened the door. The police came in.
They had Beanie. They had Jake. There were three police.
The one in front, a young, nice looking one, touched
his cap and smiled quietly. Here's your drink o, ma'am,
(11:57):
he said, But I already knew the drinko was back.
Harry Junior stopped crying. He gurgled happily. Somehow, I was
willing to bet he could see the drinko. I put
him on the floor, and the policeman put the drinko
on the floor. It was beautiful, those squeals that came
from my baby. The young policeman smiled again, a quiet,
tanned smile. We want to thank you, ma'am. These two
are the worst criminals in the dimension system. I want
(12:20):
you to know, you me how the drinko was a
reward for your part in apprehending them. Also, I wish
to say that I admire you for your tripo and
pretending to be a dimension citizen, when of course you
are not tripo, I said, Spunk, if you prefer well,
I had to get my baby's drinko back, I said, naturally,
he smiled. Drinkos make wonderful pets. The day may come
when Earth nineteen fifty four will be connected with dimension system,
(12:42):
and then more drinkos will be available, can't we, I asked?
Just stay alone in our quiet nook of space. I
thought too, said Mabel, getting to her feet at last
and throwing her hair back. And is there any chance
of getting out of here? It's exciting, thrilling and romantic,
but Bill still has to eat immediately, madam. It is
merely a matter of disengaging the chronob beam when chapping
to become tangled in space time when the gravitonic structure
(13:03):
of the neutronic chrono field, well, said Mabel. That explains it,
and so clearly. They set up an instrument that looked
like the one Jake and Beanie had. They sighted along
the diagonals of the room and press buttons. Then they
opened the door. In two minutes, ma'am, the smiling cop said,
good day. It is my hope that we shall meet again.
They disappeared at the door. Sure enough, there was a
(13:23):
cake pan ship hanging in the gray steam. They piled
into it, and the ship moved off, wobbling until I
couldn't see it any more. A minute later, the gray
steam melted away, and so did Mabel. Harry came home
on schedule. Baby has hardly cried all day. I told him, happily,
what a relief. I got a lot of your old
clothes mended, and I read three installments of the Saturday
Evening Post. Cereal fine, said Harry, looking around. What else happened?
(13:47):
Not much, I said, deciding to break it to him gradually,
except we've got a drinko. I took him into the nursery.
Baby was sound asleep. I suppose the drinkoat was too.
There he is, I said, pointing to the depression at
the foot of the crib. That's the drinkough. I told
Harry the whole story. He listened with a straight face. Well,
he said, what thrilling adventures you have? Tell me? Isn't
(14:09):
this sort of thing sometimes too exciting? Not at all,
I said, deciding to feed his stomach before I really
tried to convince him. It all comes under the heading
of the drab, routine duties of the housewife. Come on now,
dinner's ready. End of Sorry Wrong Dimension by Ross Rockland
Sorry, Wrong dimension by Russ Rockland. So the baby had
a pet monster, and so nobody but baby could see it,
And so a couple of men dropped out of thin
air to check and see if the monster was licensed
or not. So what's strange about that baby didn't cry
all day because he had a monster for a playmate.
But I didn't know he had a playmate, much less
(00:21):
did I know it was a monster. The honest truth
is that, for the first time since baby was born,
I had my nerves under control, and I didn't dare
investigate why he wasn't crying. I got all the ironing done,
all of it, mind you, And I got Harry's work
clothes mended, and I also read three installments of a
Saturday Evening post cereal i'd been saving. And besides this, Mabel,
my neighbor, and I had a couple of three cups
(00:42):
of coffee. We also had a giggling fit. I remember
once we went off into hysterics at the picture of ourselves.
We had two haggard old wrecks of women worn out
at twenty three from too much work around the house.
But thank Heaven's baby hasn't cried all day. I gurgled
when we came out of it. Neither is mine, said Mabel,
who wasn't due for six month months. Mabel, honest, you
kill me, I said, And excuse me while I comb
(01:04):
my messy hair, because I'm not a wreck, Harry said, so,
he says, I'm still the best hunk of female polk ratude.
He's met since high school and we've been married two years.
I went into the bathroom, leaving Mabel choking hysterically behind me.
When I came out of the bathroom, she was hysterical,
but in a different way. She discovered why Harry Junior
wasn't crying. She'd been in the nursery. Her face was
(01:24):
white as an eggshell. He's playing with something, she chattered.
It's alive. I heard it cooing back. I ran three
steps to baby's crib, one on the corner of little
Jack Horner, one on the sheep of little bo Peep,
one on the cupboard of old mother Hubbard Baby. I
almost screamed, but Baby cooed and gurgled and laughed and
robbed back and forth in his diapers. He was playing
(01:45):
with his teething ring, but something was trying to jerk
the teething ring out of his hands, and baby liked it.
Baby lost his hold on the teething ring and fell
on his back. The teething reeds stayed up in the
air and then by itself moved towards baby's waving hands
and let him get a hold of it. Mabel screeched
through her tea, baby's got it. The monster's got it.
Now baby's got it. She began to collapse. Don't faint,
(02:06):
I snapped, and don't let's play tennis. I was shaking.
I reached into the crib. My hands closed round something
that put ice water in my vertebrae. It was a monster.
It's got fur, I whispered. I felt some more and
clammy scales. I listened out of the crib and a trunk.
I was determined to save baby. Baby cried. We got
(02:28):
some chairs and sat there for ten minutes, close together
while baby played with the invisible monster. I don't know
what to do, I said. It's alive. Maybe it's poisonous,
but it's friendly. Maybe it's another baby from another dimension,
said Mabel. Rot I said, I think I picked that
up from the detective. On the Saturday evening post Cereal
Let's keep our heads if baby keeps his, said my
(02:50):
friend Mabel. That got me. I've got to call Harry,
I chattered. They don't like him to be called at work,
but I've got to call em. You'll just worry him,
said Mabel. Call the police, no, I said. I felt
like crying myself. Baby was so happy. Maybe the baby
monster was happy too. The police would do something awful
to it. But what about my maternal instinct? Something told
me I simply had to save my baby. I've got
(03:12):
to call Harry, I insisted, and I went to the phone.
The dial tones sat a peculiar I remember, But I
called Harry's place of employment. A brisk female voice cut in.
What number are you calling, please, Charlemont seven eight ninety,
I whispered, sorry, you must have the wrong dimension. There
was a click as she disconnected. I sat like a statue,
a haggard statue with a greasy house dress, on a
(03:34):
statue that hadn't plucked its eyebrows in two months. I
had a lot of nerve. I was a bad mother
and a poor mistress, and I had a swell husband
who would lie like a trooper. I wasn't any good.
I was ugly. I was greasy, I cried Mabel, I choked.
It took her a while to get it out for me,
and then her blue eyes flashed. I told you she
cried from another dimension. In her broken down green wedgies.
(03:56):
She clattered toward the door. I heard her fighting it.
She couldn't get it open. Then she tried a window.
It opened, but she couldn't stick her hand out. She
flung herself around Stella, she said, with a quiver of
that good looking short upper lip of hers. We're trapped in.
We're in the middle of some kind of fantasy. It's
a crazy world. We're living in Stella. A bombs and
H bombs and flying saucers and spaceflight. It's all the
(04:17):
fiction stuff coming true. Now we're lost in some other dimension,
and I have to get dinner in the oven, please,
I mumbled. Let's don't get desperate about the wrong things.
I tried all the doors and windows in the house,
and it was true. We were trapped in. There was
some barrier surrounding the house. There wasn't anything to see
outside except a kind of gray steam. We went back
to check on Baby. He was still playing with the
monster I had bent over the crib and held a
(04:39):
fluffy fifty cent toy bear out the baby. Monster took
it invisibly out of my hand. He shoved it at baby.
Baby squealed so darned happily, and I began to get
some perspective. Suspicion is wrong. I told Mabel all the time,
that's what that article we read a couple of months ago,
and your world said, Remember you and I decided we'd
never be suspicious. Maybe that's the reason we're happy. If dirty,
(05:01):
we don't suspect anybody of anything if we can help it.
And now's no time to start. The monster is Baby's friend.
Mabel shuddered, OK, she said, but I'm still worried about
getting dinner in the oven. Bill's liable to hah. Now
you're being suspicious, I said, lousy with virtue. Quit worrying.
I'm going to call Harry again. This time I was
a lot calmer. I decided to trust the universe a
(05:22):
little more. I dialed Harry's number again. A scratchy male
voice answered, sorry, disdimension is in use. Would you please
get off the line. I dug a few trenches and
established a line of fire. Listen, I said, I'm in
trouble a dame, he said, wonderingly. Yea a dame, I cried,
what's so unusual about a dame? Why does every male
and kingdom come get that note in his voice when
(05:42):
he talks with a dame? Sure, I'm a dame, a
good looking dame. I'd like to punch you in the
eye to prove it, he laughed. He must have turned
away from the phone. It's a dame, okay, find out
what she wants. Spill it, he said into the phone.
I spilled it. What's that address again, he asked. I
told him, nah, nah, he said, impatiently. The planet, the planet,
(06:04):
and the ear. I told him he must have turned
away from the phone again, because I heard him say
off stage, they're only ten years away. I was numb.
He came back on the line, and what's this about?
A baby monster fur scales a trunk the size of
Harry Junior. Ma'am, We'll be there in a jiff, and
he hung up. Mabel was nervously hanging on my ear,
(06:26):
but I didn't get a chance to answer her questions.
The door in the living room opened and they walked in.
For a second, I saw a ship that looked like
a cake pan hanging in the gray steam. Then they
closed the door and grinned at us. Instinctively, Mabel and
I tried to shrink our bus lines. Hullo, said the
tall one. He scratched his hairy chest and grinned whiter.
He was carrying a piece of machinery that looked like
a camera on a tripod. Let me introduce myself, he said, Jake.
(06:50):
Calm stalk, we come over to do you dames of favor.
We'll kick you back where you belong. Yeah, I said,
I'll bet an. This here is Beanie Rosine. He's my partner.
We uh worked together, hid Air, said Beanie. Where's the monster? Introductions,
said Jake, casting him a hard look. Manners So I
introduced us. I'm Missus Weaver, I said, An. This is
(07:12):
my neighbor, Missus Aspectia. Please the meet you girls, grinned Jake.
You blondie, he was looking at me. You must be
the one talked on the phone. I like the way
you handled Beanie. Real cute. He dropped the tripod thing
in a corner and sidled toward me. Now where's this monster?
He asked, slipping his hand around my bare arm and
grinning down at me. I knew better than to play rough,
so I just looked down at his hand and didn't
(07:33):
stop looking at it until he took it away. He
lost a lot of his grin. So where is it?
He said, his voice turning hard and unpleasant. Don't worry
about that, I said, matter of fact, I'm gettin so
the monster doesn't worry me. He's been playing with baby
all day, an baby hasn't objected. The main thing I'd
like you, gentlemen, to do for us is to get
busy moving us back to our own dimension. That's right,
said Mabel, her hands on her hips, And let us
(07:54):
know right now what the charges are going to be,
if any no charge sent. The runt Beanie, staring fascinated
at her legs, sept, we're takin the monster with us.
Real expensive. Them monsters drinkers, they're called. They get lost
in dimensions now. Then picked one up on Pluto fifty
years or so. A come or ago a go? I said,
A come, he corrected, Listen, I said, making up my mind.
(08:17):
You can't have the monster. He's kept baby happy all day.
But I'll tell you what I'll do. Tell me what
he eats an what to do for him, and I'll
keep him. I've got twenty five dollars in poker winnings
you can have, okay, Jake. Jake broke out laughing. You
kids are terrific, he said, you don't know what the
score is. You're cute. Thanks, I said bitterly. You restore
my confidence. I feel myself blooming under your hungry gaze.
(08:38):
Those drinkles are worth a couple million credits, is what
I'm gettin at. And you offer us a stinkin' twenty
five dollars. Tell you what, Blondie, He winked at me.
You kids are overworked. One lookin you can tell that. Will,
Beaty and me have got a little cabin up on Dimensionel,
cut off from everything. The four of us can go
there and have a fine old time. We could stay
there a month and still get you back an here
in time to kiss your husbands when they get back
(09:00):
from work. What do you say, blondie? And you can
keep the drink. Oh, we are accepting no propositions this week,
said Mabel with dignity. Ah. A couple of gill Joys
growled Beanie, wandering off toward the hall. Mabel looked at
me and then picked up a vase off the mantel
over the fireplace. I gave it the nod. Stay away
from that drinko, she warned, Beanie, or I'll let you
have it. Beany was annoyed. He stopped looked imploringly at Jake.
(09:22):
Jake giggled as if the whole thing tickled his sense
of humor, and walked cat footed toward Mabel. She let
go the vase with a right handed swing. He had
his right arm out stiff in front of him, though,
and the vase shied off and smashed against the television set.
Then he grabbed Mabel in a bear hug. That set
me off. I had a yearning for Harry. Then he
would have laid these mugs out. And that's all they
were mugs, cheap crooks. I hopped on one leg, yanking
(09:43):
off my oxfords and brought the heel down on Jake's
curly head. But it didn't do a thing for him
except make him mad. He brought his arm back, cursing
at me. It caught me on my lipstick. I remember
being surprised that he was actually knocking me out, but
that's what he did. When I woke up, the first
thing I knew was that Harry Junior was screaming. I
groggily st up and stepped over Mabel, who was just
beginning to moan. I went to the nursery and grabbed
(10:04):
up my baby. Don't cry, I begged him. Don't be mad.
I'll get your drinko back. Those dirty thieves, I'll get
it back. I held them under one arm, his pants dripping.
I think I looked like a Pekinese with my hair
over my eyes. I went to the phone, dialed Harry's
number and got the same routine. I don't have the
wrong dimension, I cried, before the operator could hang up.
This is an emergency. A couple of crooks stole my drinko.
(10:26):
Please get me the Dimension police. You have a drink out,
the operator asked, cautiously. There must be some mistake. You
are calling from Earth from nineteen fifty four. I am sorry.
Congress ruled Earth nineteen fifty four could not be connected
with the dimension system. It would be impossible for you
to own a drinko. Some crooks from nineteen sixty four
stole my drinko. I insisted, one moment, please the supervisor
(10:50):
informs me this is an unauthorized call. It will be
necessary to conduct a police investigation. There were clickings, there
were buzzings, there were groups of fuzzy, far off voices,
and finally the police came in. A couple of crooks
stole my baby's drinko, I repeated loudly, I demand my
rights as a dimension citizen. Two thieves confiscated your DRINKO.
A dry voice said, very well, describe them. Please describe characteristics, phrases, expressions,
(11:15):
and voice intonations. Also, I described them very good. Did
you say Earth nineteen fifty four? Excellent? Only a matter
of six dimensions and thirty years. We shall investigate immediately.
He hung up. Hi Stella, said Mabel, up on one
elbow and looking fuzzily at me. You think I'll get
out of this in time to get Bill's dinner in
the oven. Bill so tarn touchy about dinner. Teach him
(11:37):
a lesson. Then I snapped, disgusted with her, and running
to the door because somebody was knocking there. Train him,
disappoint him, break his pattern. Don't have dinner. Good evening, gentlemen,
I said. As I opened the door. The police came in.
They had Beanie. They had Jake. There were three police.
The one in front, a young, nice looking one, touched
his cap and smiled quietly. Here's your drink o, ma'am,
(11:57):
he said, But I already knew the drinko was back.
Harry Junior stopped crying. He gurgled happily. Somehow, I was
willing to bet he could see the drinko. I put
him on the floor, and the policeman put the drinko
on the floor. It was beautiful, those squeals that came
from my baby. The young policeman smiled again, a quiet,
tanned smile. We want to thank you, ma'am. These two
are the worst criminals in the dimension system. I want
(12:20):
you to know, you me how the drinko was a
reward for your part in apprehending them. Also, I wish
to say that I admire you for your tripo and
pretending to be a dimension citizen, when of course you
are not tripo, I said, Spunk, if you prefer well,
I had to get my baby's drinko back, I said, naturally,
he smiled. Drinkos make wonderful pets. The day may come
when Earth nineteen fifty four will be connected with dimension system,
(12:42):
and then more drinkos will be available, can't we, I asked?
Just stay alone in our quiet nook of space. I
thought too, said Mabel, getting to her feet at last
and throwing her hair back. And is there any chance
of getting out of here? It's exciting, thrilling and romantic,
but Bill still has to eat immediately, madam. It is
merely a matter of disengaging the chronob beam when chapping
to become tangled in space time when the gravitonic structure
(13:03):
of the neutronic chrono field, well, said Mabel. That explains it,
and so clearly. They set up an instrument that looked
like the one Jake and Beanie had. They sighted along
the diagonals of the room and press buttons. Then they
opened the door. In two minutes, ma'am, the smiling cop said,
good day. It is my hope that we shall meet again.
They disappeared at the door. Sure enough, there was a
(13:23):
cake pan ship hanging in the gray steam. They piled
into it, and the ship moved off, wobbling until I
couldn't see it any more. A minute later, the gray
steam melted away, and so did Mabel. Harry came home
on schedule. Baby has hardly cried all day. I told him, happily,
what a relief. I got a lot of your old
clothes mended, and I read three installments of the Saturday
Evening Post. Cereal fine, said Harry, looking around. What else happened?
(13:47):
Not much, I said, deciding to break it to him gradually,
except we've got a drinko. I took him into the nursery.
Baby was sound asleep. I suppose the drinkoat was too.
There he is, I said, pointing to the depression at
the foot of the crib. That's the drinkough. I told
Harry the whole story. He listened with a straight face. Well,
he said, what thrilling adventures you have? Tell me? Isn't
(14:09):
this sort of thing sometimes too exciting? Not at all,
I said, deciding to feed his stomach before I really
tried to convince him. It all comes under the heading
of the drab, routine duties of the housewife. Come on now,
dinner's ready. End of Sorry Wrong Dimension by Ross Rockland
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