October 4, 2025 • 12 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Navy Day by Harry Harrison, General Wingrove looked at the
rows of faces without seeing them. His vision went beyond
the Congress of the United States, passed the balmy June
day to another day that was coming, a day when
the Army would have its destined place of authority. He
(00:24):
drew a deep breath and delivered what was perhaps the
shortest speech ever heard in the hallowed halls of Congress.
The General Staff of the U. S. Army requests Congress
to abolish the archaic branch of the armed forces known
as the U. S. Navy. The aging Senator from Georgia
checked his hearing aidency if it was in operating water.
(00:45):
While the press box emptied itself in one concerted rush
and a clatter of running feet that died off in
the direction of the telephone room. A buzz of excited
comment ran through the giant chamber. One by one, the
heads turned to face the Navy section, where rows of
blue figures stirred and buzzed like smoked out bees. The
(01:05):
knot of men around a poonchy figure heavy with gold
braid broke up, and Admiral Fitzjames climbed slowly to his
feet lesser men have quailed before that piercing stare, but
General Wingrove was never the lesser man. The Admiral tossed
his head with disgust, every line of his body denoting
outraged dignity. He turned to his audience, a small pulse
(01:29):
beating in his forehead. I cannot comprehend the General's attitude,
nor can I understand why he has attacked the Navy
in this unwarranted fashion. The Navy has existed and will
always exist, as the first barrier of American defense. I
ask you, gentlemen, to ignore this request as you would
ignore the statements of any person or slightly demented. I
(01:53):
should like to offer a recommendation that the General's sanity
be investigated and an inquiry be made as to the
mental health of anyone else connected with this preposterous proposal.
The General smiled calmly. I understand, Admiral, and really don't
blame you for being slightly annoyed, but please let us
not bring this issue of national importance down to a
(02:14):
shallow and personal level. The Army has facts to back
up this request, facts that shall be demonstrated tomorrow morning.
Turning his back on the raging Admiral General Wingrove included
all the assembled solons in one sweeping gesture. Reserve your
judgment until that time. Gentlemen, make no hasty judgments until
(02:36):
you have seen the force of argument with which we
back up our request. It is the end of an era.
In the morning, the Navy joins its fellow fossils, the
dough Do and the Brontosaurus. The Admiral's blood pressure mounted
to a new record, and the gentle thud of his
unconscious body striking the floor was the only sound to
(02:56):
break the shot silence in the giant hall. The early
morning sun warmed the white marble of the Jefferson Memorial
and glinted from the soldiers helmets and the roofs of
the packed cars that crowded forward in a slow moving stream.
All the gentlemen of Congress were there, the passage of
their cars cleared by the screaming sirens of motorcycle policemen.
(03:19):
Around and under the wheels of the official cars pressed
a solid wave of government workers and common citizens of
the capital city. The trucks of the radio and television
services pressed close, microphones and cameras extended. The stage was
set for a great day. Neat rows of olive drab
vehicles curved along the wood's edge. Jeeps and half tracks
(03:42):
shouldered close by, weapons carriers and six bis, all of
them shrinking to insignificance. Beside the looming patent tanks. A
speaker's platform was set up in the center of the
line near the audience. At precisely ten, a m general
wingrove stepped forward and scowled at the crowd until they
settled into an uncomfortable silence. His speech was short and
(04:05):
consisted of nothing more than amplifications of his opening statement
that actions speak louder than words. He pointed to the
first truck in line, a two and a half ton
filled with an infantry squad sitting stiffly at attention. The
driver caught the signal and kicked the engine into life.
With a grind of gears, it moved forward toward the
river's edge. There was an indrawn gasp from the crowd
(04:29):
as the front wheels ground over the marble paraphet, and
then the truck was plunging down toward the muddy wooters
of the Potomac. The wheels touched the water, and the
surface seemed to sink while taking on a strange glassy character.
The truck roared into high gear and rode forward on
the surface of the water, surrounded by a saucer shaped depression.
(04:50):
It parked two hundred yards off shore, and the soldiers,
goaded by the sergeant's bark leapt out and lined up
with a showy present arms. The gener or returned the
salute and waved to the remaining vehicles. They moved forward
in a series of maneuvers that indicated a great number
of rehearsal hours on some hidden pond. The tanks rumbled
(05:10):
slowly over the water, while the jeeps cut back and
forth through their lines in intricate patterns. The trucks backed
and turned like puffing ballerinas. The audience was rooted in
a hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging. They continued to watch
the amazing display as General Wingrove spoke again. You see
before you a typical example of army ingenuity developed in
(05:34):
army laboratories. These motor units are supported on the surface
of the water by an intensifying of the surface tension
in their immediate area. Their weight is evenly distributed over
the surface, causing the shallow depressions you see around them.
This remarkable feat has been accomplished by the use of
the dornifire, a remarkable invention that is named after the
(05:56):
brilliant scientist Colonel Robert A. Dorn, command of the brook
Point Experimental Laboratory. It was there that one of the
civilian employees discovered the Dorn effect, under the colonel's constant guidance.
Of course, utilizing this invention, the army now becomes master
of the sea as well as the land. Army convoys
(06:17):
of trucks and tanks can blanket the world. The surface
of the water is our highway, our motor park, our
battle ground, the airfield and runway for our planes. Mechanics
were pushing a shooting star onto the water. They stepped
clear as flame gushed from the tailpipe with the familiar
wushing rumble. It sped down the Potomac and hurled itself
(06:39):
into the air. When this cheap and simple method of
crossing oceans is adopted, it will of course mean the
end of that fantastic net eval anachronism. The Navy. No
need for billion dollar aircraft carriers, battleships, dry docks and
all the other cumbersome junk that keeps those boats and
things aflow. Give the taxpayer back his hard earned dollar.
(07:04):
Teeth grated in the naval section, as carriers and battleships
were called boats, and the rest of America's sea might
lump under the casual heading of things. Lips were curled
at the transparent appeal to the taxpayer's pocket book. But
with leaden hearts they knew that all this justified wrath
and contempt would avail them nothing. This was Army Day
(07:27):
with a vengeance, and the doom of the Navy seemed inescapable.
The Army had made elaborate plans for what they called
operations Sinker. Even as the General spoke, the publicity mills
ground into high gear. From coast to coast. The citizens
absorbed the news with their mourning nourishment. Agnes, you hear
(07:47):
what that radio said. The Army's going to give a
trip around the world in a B thirty six. His
first prize in this limerick contest, All you gotta do
is fill in the last line and mail one copy
to the Pentagon and one other to the Navy. The
Naval mail room had standing orders to burn all limericks
when they came in, But some of the newer men
seemed to think the entire thing was a big joke.
(08:10):
Commander Bullman found one in the mess hall. The Army
will always be there on land, on the sea, in
the air, So why should the Navy take all the
gravy to which a sea going scribe had added and
not give us ensigns our share. The newspapers were filled
(08:31):
daily with photographs of mighty be thirty sixes landing on
Lake Erie and grinning soldiers making mock beach head attacks
on Coney Island. Each man wore a buzzing black box
at his waist and walked on the bosom of the
now quiet Atlantic like a biblical profit. Radio and television
also carried the thousands of news releases that poured in
(08:54):
an unending flow from the Pentagon. Building cards, letters, telegrams,
and packages descended on Washington in an overwhelming torrent. The
Navy Department was the unhappy recipient of deper catorie letters
and a vast quantity of little cardboard battleships. The people
spoke and their representatives listened closely. This was an election year.
(09:16):
There didn't seem to be much doubt as to the decision,
particularly when the reduction in the budget was considered. It
took Congress only two months to make up its collective mind.
The people were all pro army. The novelty of the
idea had fired their imaginations. They were about to take
the final vote in the lower House. If the amendment passed,
(09:37):
it would go to the States for ratification, and their
votes were certain to follow that of Congress. The Navy
had fought a last ditch battle to no avail. The
balloting was going to be pretty much of a sure thing.
The Wetwood or Navy would soon become ancient history. For
some reason, the admirals didn't look as unhappy as they should.
(10:02):
The Naval Department had requested one last opportunity to address
the Congress. Congress had patronizingly granted permission for even the
doomed man is allowed one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames, who
had recovered from his choleric attack, was the appointed speaker,
Gentlemen of the Congress of the United States. We in
(10:24):
the Navy have a fighting tradition. We damn the torpedoes
and sail straight ahead into the enemy's fire. If that
is necessary. We have been stabbed in the back. We
have suffered a second pearl harbor sneak attack. The Army
relinquished its rights to fair treatment with this attack. Therefore
we are counter attacking. Worn out by his attacking and
(10:47):
mixed metaphors, the Admiral mopped his brow. Our laboratories have
been working night and day on the perfection of a
device we hope we would never be forced to use.
It is now an operation, having passed the final try
a few days ago. The significance of this device cannot
be underestimated. We are so positive of its importance that
(11:08):
we are demanding that the army be abolished. He waved
his hand towards the window and bellowed one word. Look.
Everyone looked. They blinked and looked again. They rubbed their
eyes and kept looking. Sailing majestically up the middle of
Constitution Avenue was the battleship Missouri. The Admiral's voice rang
(11:32):
through the room like a trumpet of victory. The mark
one T binder, as you see, temporarily lessens the binding
energies that hold molecules of solid matter together. Solids become liquids,
and a ship equipped with this device can sail anywhere
in the world, on sea or land. Take your vote, gentlemen.
(11:52):
The world awaits your decision. And of Navy Day by
Harry Harrison
Navy Day by Harry Harrison, General Wingrove looked at the
rows of faces without seeing them. His vision went beyond
the Congress of the United States, passed the balmy June
day to another day that was coming, a day when
the Army would have its destined place of authority. He
(00:24):
drew a deep breath and delivered what was perhaps the
shortest speech ever heard in the hallowed halls of Congress.
The General Staff of the U. S. Army requests Congress
to abolish the archaic branch of the armed forces known
as the U. S. Navy. The aging Senator from Georgia
checked his hearing aidency if it was in operating water.
(00:45):
While the press box emptied itself in one concerted rush
and a clatter of running feet that died off in
the direction of the telephone room. A buzz of excited
comment ran through the giant chamber. One by one, the
heads turned to face the Navy section, where rows of
blue figures stirred and buzzed like smoked out bees. The
(01:05):
knot of men around a poonchy figure heavy with gold
braid broke up, and Admiral Fitzjames climbed slowly to his
feet lesser men have quailed before that piercing stare, but
General Wingrove was never the lesser man. The Admiral tossed
his head with disgust, every line of his body denoting
outraged dignity. He turned to his audience, a small pulse
(01:29):
beating in his forehead. I cannot comprehend the General's attitude,
nor can I understand why he has attacked the Navy
in this unwarranted fashion. The Navy has existed and will
always exist, as the first barrier of American defense. I
ask you, gentlemen, to ignore this request as you would
ignore the statements of any person or slightly demented. I
(01:53):
should like to offer a recommendation that the General's sanity
be investigated and an inquiry be made as to the
mental health of anyone else connected with this preposterous proposal.
The General smiled calmly. I understand, Admiral, and really don't
blame you for being slightly annoyed, but please let us
not bring this issue of national importance down to a
(02:14):
shallow and personal level. The Army has facts to back
up this request, facts that shall be demonstrated tomorrow morning.
Turning his back on the raging Admiral General Wingrove included
all the assembled solons in one sweeping gesture. Reserve your
judgment until that time. Gentlemen, make no hasty judgments until
(02:36):
you have seen the force of argument with which we
back up our request. It is the end of an era.
In the morning, the Navy joins its fellow fossils, the
dough Do and the Brontosaurus. The Admiral's blood pressure mounted
to a new record, and the gentle thud of his
unconscious body striking the floor was the only sound to
(02:56):
break the shot silence in the giant hall. The early
morning sun warmed the white marble of the Jefferson Memorial
and glinted from the soldiers helmets and the roofs of
the packed cars that crowded forward in a slow moving stream.
All the gentlemen of Congress were there, the passage of
their cars cleared by the screaming sirens of motorcycle policemen.
(03:19):
Around and under the wheels of the official cars pressed
a solid wave of government workers and common citizens of
the capital city. The trucks of the radio and television
services pressed close, microphones and cameras extended. The stage was
set for a great day. Neat rows of olive drab
vehicles curved along the wood's edge. Jeeps and half tracks
(03:42):
shouldered close by, weapons carriers and six bis, all of
them shrinking to insignificance. Beside the looming patent tanks. A
speaker's platform was set up in the center of the
line near the audience. At precisely ten, a m general
wingrove stepped forward and scowled at the crowd until they
settled into an uncomfortable silence. His speech was short and
(04:05):
consisted of nothing more than amplifications of his opening statement
that actions speak louder than words. He pointed to the
first truck in line, a two and a half ton
filled with an infantry squad sitting stiffly at attention. The
driver caught the signal and kicked the engine into life.
With a grind of gears, it moved forward toward the
river's edge. There was an indrawn gasp from the crowd
(04:29):
as the front wheels ground over the marble paraphet, and
then the truck was plunging down toward the muddy wooters
of the Potomac. The wheels touched the water, and the
surface seemed to sink while taking on a strange glassy character.
The truck roared into high gear and rode forward on
the surface of the water, surrounded by a saucer shaped depression.
(04:50):
It parked two hundred yards off shore, and the soldiers,
goaded by the sergeant's bark leapt out and lined up
with a showy present arms. The gener or returned the
salute and waved to the remaining vehicles. They moved forward
in a series of maneuvers that indicated a great number
of rehearsal hours on some hidden pond. The tanks rumbled
(05:10):
slowly over the water, while the jeeps cut back and
forth through their lines in intricate patterns. The trucks backed
and turned like puffing ballerinas. The audience was rooted in
a hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging. They continued to watch
the amazing display as General Wingrove spoke again. You see
before you a typical example of army ingenuity developed in
(05:34):
army laboratories. These motor units are supported on the surface
of the water by an intensifying of the surface tension
in their immediate area. Their weight is evenly distributed over
the surface, causing the shallow depressions you see around them.
This remarkable feat has been accomplished by the use of
the dornifire, a remarkable invention that is named after the
(05:56):
brilliant scientist Colonel Robert A. Dorn, command of the brook
Point Experimental Laboratory. It was there that one of the
civilian employees discovered the Dorn effect, under the colonel's constant guidance.
Of course, utilizing this invention, the army now becomes master
of the sea as well as the land. Army convoys
(06:17):
of trucks and tanks can blanket the world. The surface
of the water is our highway, our motor park, our
battle ground, the airfield and runway for our planes. Mechanics
were pushing a shooting star onto the water. They stepped
clear as flame gushed from the tailpipe with the familiar
wushing rumble. It sped down the Potomac and hurled itself
(06:39):
into the air. When this cheap and simple method of
crossing oceans is adopted, it will of course mean the
end of that fantastic net eval anachronism. The Navy. No
need for billion dollar aircraft carriers, battleships, dry docks and
all the other cumbersome junk that keeps those boats and
things aflow. Give the taxpayer back his hard earned dollar.
(07:04):
Teeth grated in the naval section, as carriers and battleships
were called boats, and the rest of America's sea might
lump under the casual heading of things. Lips were curled
at the transparent appeal to the taxpayer's pocket book. But
with leaden hearts they knew that all this justified wrath
and contempt would avail them nothing. This was Army Day
(07:27):
with a vengeance, and the doom of the Navy seemed inescapable.
The Army had made elaborate plans for what they called
operations Sinker. Even as the General spoke, the publicity mills
ground into high gear. From coast to coast. The citizens
absorbed the news with their mourning nourishment. Agnes, you hear
(07:47):
what that radio said. The Army's going to give a
trip around the world in a B thirty six. His
first prize in this limerick contest, All you gotta do
is fill in the last line and mail one copy
to the Pentagon and one other to the Navy. The
Naval mail room had standing orders to burn all limericks
when they came in, But some of the newer men
seemed to think the entire thing was a big joke.
(08:10):
Commander Bullman found one in the mess hall. The Army
will always be there on land, on the sea, in
the air, So why should the Navy take all the
gravy to which a sea going scribe had added and
not give us ensigns our share. The newspapers were filled
(08:31):
daily with photographs of mighty be thirty sixes landing on
Lake Erie and grinning soldiers making mock beach head attacks
on Coney Island. Each man wore a buzzing black box
at his waist and walked on the bosom of the
now quiet Atlantic like a biblical profit. Radio and television
also carried the thousands of news releases that poured in
(08:54):
an unending flow from the Pentagon. Building cards, letters, telegrams,
and packages descended on Washington in an overwhelming torrent. The
Navy Department was the unhappy recipient of deper catorie letters
and a vast quantity of little cardboard battleships. The people
spoke and their representatives listened closely. This was an election year.
(09:16):
There didn't seem to be much doubt as to the decision,
particularly when the reduction in the budget was considered. It
took Congress only two months to make up its collective mind.
The people were all pro army. The novelty of the
idea had fired their imaginations. They were about to take
the final vote in the lower House. If the amendment passed,
(09:37):
it would go to the States for ratification, and their
votes were certain to follow that of Congress. The Navy
had fought a last ditch battle to no avail. The
balloting was going to be pretty much of a sure thing.
The Wetwood or Navy would soon become ancient history. For
some reason, the admirals didn't look as unhappy as they should.
(10:02):
The Naval Department had requested one last opportunity to address
the Congress. Congress had patronizingly granted permission for even the
doomed man is allowed one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames, who
had recovered from his choleric attack, was the appointed speaker,
Gentlemen of the Congress of the United States. We in
(10:24):
the Navy have a fighting tradition. We damn the torpedoes
and sail straight ahead into the enemy's fire. If that
is necessary. We have been stabbed in the back. We
have suffered a second pearl harbor sneak attack. The Army
relinquished its rights to fair treatment with this attack. Therefore
we are counter attacking. Worn out by his attacking and
(10:47):
mixed metaphors, the Admiral mopped his brow. Our laboratories have
been working night and day on the perfection of a
device we hope we would never be forced to use.
It is now an operation, having passed the final try
a few days ago. The significance of this device cannot
be underestimated. We are so positive of its importance that
(11:08):
we are demanding that the army be abolished. He waved
his hand towards the window and bellowed one word. Look.
Everyone looked. They blinked and looked again. They rubbed their
eyes and kept looking. Sailing majestically up the middle of
Constitution Avenue was the battleship Missouri. The Admiral's voice rang
(11:32):
through the room like a trumpet of victory. The mark
one T binder, as you see, temporarily lessens the binding
energies that hold molecules of solid matter together. Solids become liquids,
and a ship equipped with this device can sail anywhere
in the world, on sea or land. Take your vote, gentlemen.
(11:52):
The world awaits your decision. And of Navy Day by
Harry Harrison
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