The Misplaced Battleship - Harry Harrison

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The mist placed Battleship by Harry Harrison. When it comes
to picking locks and cracking safes, I admit to no
master the door to Inskip's private quarters and an old
fashioned tumbler drum that was easier to pick them my teeth.
I must have gone through that door without breaking a
step quite as I was, though Inskip still heard me.

(00:20):
The light came on, and there he was sitting up
in bed, pointing a point seven caliber or coilus at
my sternum. You shall have more brain than that de grizz,
he snarled, cleaping into my room at night. You could
have been shut. No I couldn't, I told him, as
he stowed the cannon back under his pillow. A man
with a curiosity bump as big as yours will always

(00:40):
talk first and shoot later. And besides, this pussy footing
around in the dark would be necessary if your screen
was open and I could have got a call through.
Inskip yawned and poured himself a glass of water from
the dispenser unit above the bed. Just because I had
the special care doesn't mean I am the special coll
he said moistly, while he drained the glove. I have to

(01:01):
sleep sometime. My screen is only open for emergency calls,
not for every agent who needs his handheld, Meaning I
am in the handholding category, I asked, with as much
sweetness as I could. Put yourself in any category you please,
he grumbled as he slumped down into the bed, and
also put yourself out in the hall and see me
tomorrow during working hours. He was at my mercy. Really

(01:22):
he wanted to sleep so much, and he was going
to be wide awake so very soon.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Do you know what this is?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I asked him, poking a large glossy pick under his
long broken nose. One eye opened slowly, big wall show
was some kind looks like Amba Alliance. Now for the
last time, go away.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
He said.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
A very good guess for this late at night, I
told him cheerily. It is a late Empire battleship of
the Warlord class, undoubtedly one of the most truly efficient
engines of destruction ever manufactured, over half a mile of
defensive screens, an armament that could probably turn any fleet
existing today into fine radioactive ash, except for the fact
that the last one was broken up with scrap over

(02:04):
a thousand years ago.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
He mumbled.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
I leaned over and put my lips close to his ear,
so there'd be no chance of misunderstanding. Speaking softly but clearly, true, True,
I said, But wouldn't you just be a little bit
interested if I was to tell you that one is
being built to day? Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:27):
It was beautiful to watch.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
The covers went one way and in skip went the other,
in a single unfolding in concerted motion. He left the
horizontal and recumbent and stood tensely vertical against the wall,
examining the pick of the battleship under the light. He
apparently did not believe in pajama bottoms, and it hurt
me to see the goosebumps writhing on those thin shanks.

(02:50):
But if the legs were thin, the voice was more
than full enough to make up the difference. Toc blast
Yet deraz tok, he roared, what is this nonsense about
a battleship who's built? K it? I had my nail
file out and was touching a picutcle, holding it out
for inspection before I said anything. From the corner of
my eye, I could see him getting purple about the face,
but he kept quiet. I savored my small moment of power,

(03:15):
put degrees in charge of the record room for a while.
You said that way he can learn the ropes. Birring
around in century old dusty files would be just the
thing for a free spirit like slippery Jim Degrees. Teach
him discipline, show him what the course stands for. At
the same time, it will get the records in shape.
They have been needing reorganization for quite a while. In

(03:36):
Skipped opened his mouth, made a choking noise, and then
closed it. He undoubtedly realized that any interruption would only
lengthen my explanation, not shorten it. I smiled and nodded
at his decision, and then continued. So you thought you
had me safely out of the way, breaking my spirit
under the guise of giving me a little background into

(03:57):
the cause activities. While in the sense your plan failed,
something else happened instead. I knows through those files and
found them most interesting, particularly the C and M set up.
The categorizer and a memory that's building full of machinery
that takes in and digests news and reports from all
the planets in the galaxy, indexes it to every category

(04:17):
that can possibly relate, and then files it. Great machine
to work with. I had it digging out spaceship info
for me, something I have always been interested in. You
should be in skip, interrupted rudely, You've stolen enough of
them in your time. I gave him a hurt look
and went on slowly. I won't bore you with all
the details. Seem you seem impatient. But eventually I turned

(04:38):
up this plan. He had it out of my fingers
before it cleared my wallet. What are you going at,
he mumbled as he ran his eyes over the rue prints.
This is an ordinary heavy cargo and passenger job. It's
no more a warlord battleship than I am. It is
hard to curl your lips with contempt and talk at
the same time, but I succeeded. Of course, you don't

(05:01):
expect them to fin warship plans with the League registry here.
But as I said, I know more than a little
bit about ships. It seemed to me this thing was
just a bit too big for the use intended. Enough
old ships of fuel wasters. You don't have to build
new ones to do that. This started me thinking, and
I punched for a complete list of ships that size
that have been constructed in the past. You can imagine

(05:23):
my surprise when, after about three minutes of groaning. The
C and M only produced six. One was built for
self sustaining colony attempt at the Second Galaxy. For all
we know, she's still on the way. The other five
were all D class colonizers built during the expansion when
large populations were moved too big to be practical. Now,
I was still teased, as I had no idea what

(05:43):
a ship this large could be used for. So I
removed the time interlocked on the C and M and
let it pick around the entire history of space to
see if it could find a comparison. It sure did,
right at the golden age of Empire expansion, the giant
Warlord battleships. The machine even found looprint for me in skip.
Grabbed again and began to compare the prints. I leaned

(06:05):
over his shoulder and pointed out the interesting parts. Notice,
if the engine room specs, I'll chain slightly to include
this cargo hold. There is plenty of room for the
brutes needed. This superstructure, obviously just tacked onto the plans,
gets thrown away and turrets take its place. The hulls
are identical. A change here, a shift there, and the
stodgy freighter becomes the fast battlewagon. These changes could be

(06:28):
made during construction, then plans filed. By the time anyone
in the league found out what was being built, the
ship would be finished and launched. Of course, this could
all be coincidence, the plans of a newly built ship
agreeing to six places with those of a ship built
a thousand years ago. But if you think so, I'll
give you one hundred to one odds you're wrong. Any
size bet you name. I wasn't winning any sucker bets

(06:49):
that night. Inskip had led just a crooked of youth
as I had, and needed no help in smelling a
fishy deal. While he pulled on his clothes, he shot
questions at me, and I am of the peace loving
planet that is building his bad memory from the past.
Sitanuvo second planet of a b star in Corona Borealis,
nor the colonized planets in the system never heard of it,
Inskip said, as we took the private drop shoot to

(07:11):
his office, which may be a girl or bad sign?
When were the first time trouble came from some alloy
spotlin nevenue existed with the automatic disregard for others of
the truly dedicated. He pressed the scramble button on his
desk very quickly. Sleepy eyed clerks and systems were bringing
files and records. We went through them together. Modesty prevented
me from speaking first, but I had a very short

(07:31):
weight Before Inskip reached the same conclusion I had. He
hurled a fold of the length of the room and
scowled out at the harsh dawn light. The more I
look at this thing, he said, the fishery gets this
planet seems to have no possible motive or use for
a battleship. But they are building one that I will
swear on a stack of one thousand credit notes as
high as this building. Yet what will they do with
it when they have it built? They have an expanding culture,

(07:55):
no unemployment, a surplus of very metals, and ready markers
for all they produce, editary enemies, fuse all alike. If
it wasn't for this battleship thing, I would call them
an ideal lead planet. I have to know more about them.
I've already called the spaceport in your name. Of course,
I told him order the fast courier ship.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
I'll leave within the hour.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? De grizz
he said voice chill as the ice cap. I still
give the orders, and I'll tell you when you're ready
for an independent command. I was sweetness and light because
a lot depended on his decision, just trying to help
Chief get things ready in case you wanted more infoe.
And this really isn't an operation, just a reconnaissance. I

(08:36):
can do that as well as any of the experienced operators,
and it may give me the experience I need so
that someday I too will be qualified to join the ranks.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
All Right, he said.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
Stop shoveling on while I can still breathe, Get out there,
find out what was going on, then get back nothing else.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
And that's an order.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
By the way he said it, I knew that he
thought there was little chance of it that way. Since
my forced induction into the Corps six months earlier, I
had been stuck on this super secret planetoid that was
its headquarters and main base. I had very little sitting
down patients anyway, and it had been long since exhausted.

(09:17):
It had been interesting at first, particularly since up to
the time I was drafted into the Special Corps I
wasn't even certain it really existed. It was too much
like a con man's nightmare to be real. A secret worry.
After a few happy years of successful crime, you begin
to wonder how long it will last. Planetary police are
all pushovers, and you start to feel you can go

(09:38):
on forever if they're your only competition. What about the League, though,
Don't they take any interesting crime. Just about that time,
you hear your first rumor of the Special Corps, and
it fits the Bad Dreams. A shadowy, powerful group that
slips silently between the stars, ready to bring the interstellar
lawbreaker low. Sounds like TV drama stuff I had. I

(10:00):
been quite surprised to find they really existed. I was
even more surprised when I joined them. Of course, there
was a little pressure at the time. I had the
alternative choice of instant death. But I still think it
was a wise move. Under the motto set a thief
to catch one. The course supposedly made good use of
men like myself to get rid of the more antisocial

(10:21):
types that infest the universe. This was all still hearsay
to me. I had been pulled into headquarters and given
routine administration work for training. Six months of this had
left me slightly gaga. And I wanted out. Since no
one seemed to be in a hurry to give me
an assignment, I had found one for myself. I had
no idea what would come of it, but I also

(10:41):
had no intention returning until the job was done. A
quick stop at supply and record sections gave me everything
I needed. The sun was barely clear of the horizon
when the silver needle of my ship lifted in the
gray field, then blasted into space. The trip only took
a few days, more than enough time to memorize everything
I need to know about Stanovo. The more I knew,

(11:03):
the less I can understand their need for a battleship.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
It didn't fit.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Sutanovo was a secondary settlement out of the Cellini system,
and I had run into these settlements before. They were
all united in a loose alliance and bickered a lot
among themselves, but never come to blows. If anything, they
shared a universal horrors of war, yet they were secretly
building a battle ship. Since I was only chasing my
tail with this line of thought, I put it out

(11:29):
of my mind and worked on some tri d chess problems.
This filled the time until Stanovo blinked into the bowel screen.
One of my most effective mottoes has always been secrecy
can be an obviosity what the magicians call misdirection. Let
people very obviously see what you want them to see,
and they'll never notice what he's hidden. This is why

(11:50):
I landed at midday on the largest field on the
planet after a very showy approach. I was already dressed
for my roll and out of the ship before the
landing braces stopped vibrating. Buckling the fur cape around my
shoulders with the platinum clasp, I stamped.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Down the ramp.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
The sturdy little M three robot rumbled after me with
my bags, heading directly towards the main gate. I ignored
the scurry of activity around the customs building. Only when
a uniform under official of some kind ran over to
me did I give the field any attention. Before he
could talk, I did foot in the door and stay
on top. Beautiful planet you have here, delightful climate, I

(12:28):
dear spot for a country home, friendly people, always willing
to help strangers and all that. I imagine that's what
I like. Makes me feel grateful, very pleased to meet you.
I am the Grand Duke Saint Angilio. I shook his
hand enthusiastically at this point and let a one hundred
credit notes slip into his palm. Now, I added, I

(12:48):
wonder if you would ask the customs agents to look
at my bags here. Don't want to waste time, do we.
The ship is open, they can check that whenever they please.
My manner, clothes, jewelry, the easy way. I passed money around,
and the luxurious sheen of my bags could only mean
one thing. There was a little that was worth smuggling
in and out of Sitanovo, certainly nothing a rich man

(13:10):
would be interested in. The official murmured something with a smile.
Merrh spoke a few words into his phone.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
And the job was done.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
A small wave of custom men hung stickers on my luggage,
peecked into one or two for conformity's sake, and waved
me through. I shook hands all round, a rustling handclasp,
of course. Then was on my way. A cab was summoned,
a hotel suggested. I nodded agreement and settled back while
the robot loaded the bags about me. The ship was

(13:39):
completely clean. Everything I might need for the job was
in my luggage, some of it quite lethal and explosive
and very embarrassing if it was discovered in my bags
in the safety of my hotel suite. I made a
change of clothes and personality after the robot had checked
the room for bucks and very nice gadgets too, these
core robots. It looked and acted like a moral m

(14:01):
three all the time. It was anything, but the brain
was as good as any other robot brain I have known,
Plus the fact that the chunky body was crammed with
devices and machines of varying use. It choked slowly around
the room, moving my bags and laying out my kit,
and all the time following a careful route that covered
every inch of the suite. When it had finished, it
stopped and called the all clear. Oh romes checked results

(14:25):
negative except for one update bug in that wall. Should
you be pointing like that, I asked. The robot might
make people suspicious, you know in passabo, said the robot
with mechanical surety. I brushed against it, and it is
now unservezol. With this assurance, I pulled off my fascy
clothes and slipped into the midnight black dress uniform of

(14:47):
an admiral in the League Grand Fleet. It came complete
with decorations, gold bullion and all the necessary documents. I
thought it a little showing myself, but it was just
the thing to make the right impressions Sitanavo. Like many
other planets, this one was a uniform conscious. Delivery boys,
street cleaners, clerks all have to have characteristic uniforms, much

(15:11):
prestige attached to them, and my black dress outfit should
rate as highly as any uniform in the galaxy. A
long cloak would conceal the uniform while I left the hotel,
But the gold encrusted helmet and a briefcase of papers
were a problem. I had never explored all the possibilities
of the pseudo M three robot.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Perhaps it could be of.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Help you there, short and junkie. I called, do you
have any concealed compartments or drawers built in? You'll steel
hard if so. Let's see for a second. I thought
the robot had exploded. The thing had more drawers in
it than a battery of cash registers, big, small, flat, thin,
They shut out on all sides. One held a gun
and two more were stuffed with grenades. The rest were empty.

(15:51):
I put the hat in one the briefcase in another
and slapped my fingers. The drawers slid shut, and its
metal hide was as smooth as ever. I pulled on
a fancy sports cap, buckled the cap up tight, and
was ready to go. The luggage was all booby trapped
and could defend itself guns, gas, poison needles, the usual
sort of thing. In the last resort, it woul blow
itself up. The m three went down by a freight elevator.

(16:12):
I used the backstairs and we met in the street.
Since it was still daylight, I didn't take a helly,
but rented a ground car instead. We had a leisurely
drive out into the country and reached President Ferraro's house
after dark, as befitted the top official of a rich planet.
The place was a mansion, but the security precautions were ludicrous,
to say the least. I took myself and three hundred

(16:33):
and fifty kilo robot through the guards and alarms without
causing the slightest stir. President Ferrero, a bachelor, was eating
his dinner. This gave me enough undisturbed time to search
his study. There was absolutely nothing nothing to do with
wars or battleships. They is if I had been interested
in blackmail. I had enough evidence in my hand to
support me for life. I was looking for something bigger

(16:55):
than a political corruption. However, when Ferrero rolled into his
study after dinner, the room was dark. I heard him
murmur something about the servants and fumble for the switch
before he found it. The robot closed the door and
turned on the lights. I sat behind his desk. All
his personal papers were before me, weighted down with a pistol,
and as fierce as scowl as I could raise, smeared

(17:15):
across my face. Before he got over the shock, I
snapped an order at him, come over here and sit
down quick. The robot hustled him across the room at
the same time, so he had no choice except to obey.
When he saw the papers on the desk, his eyes
bulged and he just gurgled a little. Before he could recover,
I threw a thick fold in front of him. I
am Admiral far League grand Fleet. These are my credentials.

(17:38):
You had better check them, since they were as good
as any real admirals. I didn't worry the slightest. Perrero
went through them as careful as he could in his
rattled state, even checking the seals under UV. It gave
him time to regain a little lout self control, and
he used it to bluster.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
What do you mean by entering my private quarters and
below glaring?

Speaker 1 (17:57):
You're in very bad trouble, I said, in as gloomy
a voice as I could muster. Ferrero's tanned face went
a dirty gray at my words. I've pressed the advantage.
I am arresting you for conspiracy, extortion, theft, and whatever
other charges developed after a careful review of these documents.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
Seize him.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
This last order was directed at the robot, who was
well briefed in its role. It rumbled forward and locked
its hand round Ferrero's wrist handcuffs style. He barely noticed.
I can explain, he said, desperately. Everything can be explained.
There is no need to make such charges. I don't
know what the papers you have there, so I wouldn't
attempt to say they were all forgeries.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
I have many enemies, you know. If the League knew
the difficulties faced on a backward planet like this, that
will be entirely enough, I snapped, cutting him off with
a wave of my hand. All those questions will be
answered by a court at the proper time. There is
only one question I want an answer to. Now, why
are you building that battleship? The man was a great actor.

(18:51):
His eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. He sank back
into the chair as if he had been tapped lightly
with a hammer. When he managed to speak the words
completely unnecessary, he had already registered every evidence of injured innocence.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
What battleship?

Speaker 1 (19:06):
He gasped, The Warlord class battleship that has been built
at the San Arantola Spaceyards, disguised behind these blue prints.
I threw them across the desk to him and pointed
to one corner. Those your initials there, authorizing construction, Pharaoh.
I've still had the baffled act going. As he fumbled
with the papers, examined the initials and such. I gave

(19:28):
him plenty of time. He finally put them down, shaking
his head. I know nothing about any battleship. These are
the plans for a new cargo liner. Those are my initials.
I recall putting them there. I've phrased my question carefully,
as I had him right where I wanted him. Now,
you deny any knowledge of the Warlord battleship that is
being built from these modified plans. These are the plans

(19:52):
for an ordinary passenger freighter.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
That is all I know.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
His words had the simple innocence of our young child's.
Was he ever, I sat back with a relaxed sigh
and lit a cigar. Wouldn't you be interested in knowing
something about that robot who is holding you?

Speaker 3 (20:10):
I said.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
He looked down, as if aware for the first time
that the robot had been holding by the wrist during
the interview. That is no ordinary robot. It has a
number of interesting devices built into its fingertips, thermocouples, gnominators,
things like that while you talked it reaisted your skin temperature,
blood pressure, amount of perspiration and such. In other words,

(20:35):
it is an efficient and fast working light detector. We
will now hear all about your lies. Ferrero pulled away
from the robot's hand as if it had been a
poisonous snake. I blew a relaxed smoke ring report, I
said to the robot, has this man told any eyes many?
The robot said exactly seventy four percent of all statements

(20:57):
he made were fake. Very good, I nodded, throwing the
last lock on my trap. That means he knows all
about this battleship. Their subject has no knowledge of the battleship,
the robot said coldly. All of his statements concerning the
construction of this ship were true. Now it is my
turn for the gaping and eye popping act. While Ferrero

(21:20):
pulled himself together, he had no idea. I wasn't interested
in his other hanky panky, but could tell that I
had a low blow. It took an effort, but I
managed to get my mind back into gear and consider
the evidence. If present Ferrero didn't know about the battleship,
he must have been taken in by the cover up job.
But if he wasn't responsible, who was some militaristic clique

(21:42):
that meant to overthrow him and take power. I didn't
know enough about the planets. I enlisted Ferrero on my side.
This was easy, even without the threat of exposure of
the documents I had found in his files. Using their
disclosure as a prod, I could have made him jump
through hoops. It wasn't necessary. As soon as I showed
him the different blue prints and explain the possibilities, he understood.

(22:03):
If anything, he was more eager than I was to
find out who was using his administration as a cat's paw.
By silent agreement, the documents were forgotten. We agreed that
the next logical step would be the sen Enterola Spaceyards.
He had some idea of sniffing around quietly first, trying
to get a line to his political opponents. I gave

(22:23):
him to understand that the League and the League Navy
in particular wanted to stop the construction of the battleship.
After that he could play his politics. With this point understood.
He called his car and squadron of guards and we
made a parade to the shipyards. It was a four
hour drive, and we made plans on the way down.

(22:44):
The spaceyard manager was named Rocker, and he was happily
asleep when we arrived, but not for long. The parade
of uniforms and guns in the middle of the night
had him frightened into a state where he could hardly walk.
I imagine he was as full of petty larcenacy as Pherrero.
No innocent man could have looked so terror stricken. Taking
advantage of the situation, I lauched my motorized Liide detect

(23:06):
onto him and began snapping the questions, even before I
had all the answers, I began to get the drift
of things. They were a little frightening too. The manager
of the spaceyard that was building the ship had no
idea of its true nature. Anyone would less self esteem
than myself, who had led a more honest early life,
might have doubted his own reasoning.

Speaker 3 (23:26):
At that moment. I didn't.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
The ship on the ways still resembled a warship to
six places, and knowing human nature the way I do,
that was too much of a coincidence to expect. Ockhum's
razor always points the way. If there are two choices
to take, take the simpler. In this case, I chose
the natural acquisitive and instinct of man, as opposed to
blind charms an accident. Nevertheless, I put the theory to

(23:50):
the test. Looking over the original brudeplnts again, the big
superstructure hit my eye. In order to turn the ship
into a warship, that would have to be one of
the first things to go Roca. I barked, in what
I hoped was authentic old space dog manner. Luck at
these plans, at this space going front porch. Here is
it still being built onto the ship? He shook his

(24:13):
head at once and said, no, the plans were changed.
We had to fit in some kind of new meteor
repelling gear for operating in a planetary debris belt. I
flipped through my case and drew out a plan. Does
your new gear look anything like this? I asked, throwing
it across the table to him. He rubbed his jaw
while he looked at it. Well, he said, hesitantly. I

(24:35):
don't want to say for certain. All these details aren't
in my department. I'm just responsible for final assembly, not
unit work. But this surely looks like the thing they installed,
big thing, lots of powerlies. It was a battleship, all right,
no doubt of that. Now. I was mentally reaching around
to pat myself on the back when the meaning of
his words sank in installed, I shouted, did you say installed?

(25:00):
Rocker collapsed away from my roar and gnawed his yells. Yes,
he said, not too long ago. I remember there was
some trouble and what else? I interrupted him. Cold moisture
was beginning to collect along my spine. Now the drives,
the controls are they into?

Speaker 3 (25:13):
Why? Yes? He said, how did you know?

Speaker 1 (25:15):
The normal shudder was changed around, causing a great deal
of unnecessary trouble. The cold sweat was now a running river,
a fear. I was beginning to have the feeling that
I had been missing the boat.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
All along the line.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
The original estimated date of the completion was nearly a
year away, but there was no real reason why that
couldn't be changed too cars guns, I bellowed to the
space yard, if that ship is anywhere near completion, we
are in big, big trouble. All the board guards had
a great time with the sirens, lights, accelerators on the

(25:47):
floor and that sort of thing. We blasted a screaming
hole through the night right to the spaceyard and through
the gate. It didn't make any difference. We were still
too late. A uniform watchman frantically waved to us, and
the whole convoy jerked to a stop. The ship was gone.
Roca couldn't believe it, neither could the President. They wandered
up and down the empty ways where it had been built.
I just crunched down in the back of the car,

(26:08):
chewing my cigar toed pieces and cursing myself for being
a fool. I had missed the obvious fact, being carried
away by the thought of a planetary government building a warship.
The government was involved, for sure, but only as a pawn.
No little planet bound political mind could have dreamed up
a scheme as big as this. I smelled the rat,
a steamless steel one, some one who operated the way

(26:31):
I had done before my conversion. Now that the road
was well out of the bag, I knew just where
to look and had a pretty good idea of what
I would find. Rocer, the space yard manager, had staggered
back and was pulling at his hair, cursing and crying.
At the same time, President Ferrero had his gun out
and was staring at it grimly. It was hard to
tell if he was thinking of murder or suicide. I

(26:51):
didn't care which. All he had to worry about was
the next election, when the voters and the political competition
would carve him up for losing the ship.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
My troubles were a little big.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
I had to find the battleship before it blasted its
way across the galaxy. Rocer, I shouted, get into the car.
I want to see your records, all of your records,
and I want to see them right now. He climbed
wearily in and had directed the driver before he fully
realized what was happening. Blinking at the sickly light of
dawn brought him slowly back to reality. But admirre the hour,

(27:21):
everyone will be asleep. I just growled, but it was enough.
Rocer caught the idea for my expression and grabbed the
calf phone. The office doors were open when we got there.
Normally I cursed the papal tangles of bureaucracy, but this
was one time when I blessed them. All. These people
had it down to a fine science. Not a Rivet fell,
but that its fall was noted in quintuplicate and later

(27:43):
followed up with a memo Rivet wastage query. The facts
I needed were all neatly tucked away in their paid
per catacombs. All I had to do was sniff them out.
I didn't try to look for first causes. This would
have taken too long. Instead, I concentrated my attention on
the recent modifications, like the gun turret, that would quickly
give me a trail to the guilty parties. Once the

(28:05):
clerks understood what I had in mind, they hurled themselves
into their work, urged on by the fires of patriotism
and the burning voices of their superiors. All I had
to do was suggest a line of search, and the
relevant documents would begin appearing at once. Bit by bit,
a pattern started to emerge, a delicate webwork of forgery, bribery,

(28:26):
chicanery and falsehood. It could only have been conceived by
a mind as brilliantly as crooked as my own. I
chewed my lip with jealousy. Like all great ideas, this
one was basically simple. A party or parties unknown had
neatly walked the ship construction program to their own ends.
Undoubtedly they had started the program for the giant transport
that would have to be checked later. And once the

(28:48):
program was underway, it had been guided with a skill
that bordered on genius. Orders were originated in many places,
passed on, changed and shuffled. I painfully traced each one
to its source. Many times the source was a forgery.
Some changes seemed to be unexplicable until I noticed that
the offices in question had a temperate secretary. While then
all assistants were ill. All the girls had food poisoning

(29:09):
a regular epidemic. It seemed each of them in turn
had been replaced by the same girl. She stayed just
long enough in each position to see that the battleship
plan moved forward one more notch. The girl was obviously
assistant to the muster mind who originated the scheme. He
sat in the center of the plot like a spider
on its web, pulling the strings that set things into motion.
My first thought that a gang was involved proved wrong.

(29:32):
All my secondary suspects turned out to be simple forgeries,
not individuals. In the few cases where fordery wasn't adequate,
my mysterious X had apparently hired himself to do the job.
X himself had the permanent job of assistant engineering designer.
One by one, the untangled threads ran to this office.
He also had a secretary whose illnesses coincided with her

(29:54):
employment in the other offices. When I straightened up from
my desk, the ache in my back stabbed like a
hot wire.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
I swallowed a.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Painkiller and looked around at my drooping sackide assistants who
had shared the sleepless, seventy two hour task. They sat
or slumped against the furniture, waiting for my conclusions. Even present,
Ferrero was there, his hair looking scraggly where he had
pulled at handfuls you've found them, the criminal ring, he asked,
his fingers groping over his scalp for a fresh hold.

(30:22):
I have found them, yes, I added hoarsely, but not
a criminal ring, an inspired master criminal who apparently has
more executive ability in one ear loob than all your
bribe bloated bureaucrats and his female assistant. They pulled the
entire job by themselves. His name, or undoubtedly pseudorame is
pepe Nero.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
The girl was called Angelina, arrest of my wants God's guards.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
Pherrero's voice died away as he ran out of the room.
I talked to his vanishing back. That is just what
we intend to do, but it's a little difficult at
the moment, since they are the ones who not only
built the battleship, but undoubtedly stole it as well. It
was fully automated, so no crew is necessary.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
What do you plan to.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Do, one of the clerks asked, I shall do nothing,
I told him with the snap precision of an old
space dog. The League fleet is already closing in on
the Renegades, and you will be informed of the capture.
Thank you for your assistance, I threw them, as snappy
a salute as I could muster, and I filed out,
staring gloomily at their backs. I envied for one moment

(31:23):
their simple faith in the League Navy, when in reality
the vengeful fleet was just as immanagory as my admiral's rating.
This was still a job for the corps. Inskip would
have to be given the latest information at once. I
had sent him a sidegram about the theft, but there
was no answer as yet. Maybe the identity of the
thieves would stir some response out of him. My message

(31:44):
was in code, but it could be quickly broken if
someone wanted to try hard enough. I took it to
the message center myself. The side man was in his
transparent cubicle, and I locked myself in with him. His
eyes were unfocussed as he spoke softly into a mic,
pulling in a message from somewhere across the alexy.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
Outside.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
The rushing transcribers copied coded and filed messages, but no
sound penetrated the insulated wall. I waited until his attention
clicked back into the room and handed him the sheets
of paper League Central fourteen Rush.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
I told him.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
He raised his eyebrows but didn't ask any questions. Establishing
contact only took a few seconds, as they had an
entire battery of simon for their communications. He read the
code words carefully, shaping them with his mouth but not
speaking aloud, the power of his thoughts carrying across the
light years of distance. As soon as he was finished,
I took back the sheet, tore it up and pocketed

(32:34):
the pieces. I had my answer back quickly enough. Inskip
must have been hovering around waiting for my message. The
mic was turned off to the transcribers outside, and I
took the code groups down in shorthand myself.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
Don't don't come back.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
The message broke into clear at the end, and the
simon smiled as he spoke the words. I broke the
point off my stylus and growled at him not to
repeat any of this message, as it was classified and
I would pussy see him shot if he did. That
got rid of the smile, but didn't make me feel
any better. The decaded message turned out not to be
as bad as I imagined. Until further notice, I was

(33:10):
in charge of tracking and capturing the stolen battleship. I
could call on the league for any aid I needed.
I would keep my identity as an admiral. For the
rest of the job, I was to keep him informed
of progress. Only those ominous last words in clear kept
my happiness from being complete. I had been handed my
long awaited assignment. But translating into simple terms, my orders
were to get the battleship or it would be my neck.

(33:31):
Never a word about my efforts in uncovering la plots
in the first place.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
This is a heartless world we live in.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
This moment, a self pity relaxed me, and I immediately
went to bed. Since my main job was now waiting,
I could wait just as well asleep, and waiting was
all I could do. Of course, there were secondary tasks,
as ordering a naval cruise for my own use and
digging for more information on the thieves, but these were
really secondary to my main purpose, which was waiting for badness.

(34:00):
There was no place I could go that would be
better situated for the chase than Sitanovou. The missing ship
could have gone in any direction. With each passing minute,
the sphere of probable locations grew larger by the power
of the squared cube. I kept the on watch crew
of the cruiser at duty stations and confined the rest
within one hundred yard radius of the ship. There was

(34:21):
little more information on Pepe and Angelina. They had covered
their tracks well. Their origin was unknown, though the fact
that they both talked with a slight accent suggested in
an offworld origin. There was one dim picture of a Pepe,
chubby but looking too grim to be a happy fat boy.
There was no picture of the girl. I shuffled the
meager findings, controlled my impatience, and kept the ship's simon

(34:42):
busy pulling in all the reports of any kind of
trouble in space. The navigator and I plotted their locations
in his tank, comparing the position's relation to the growing
sphere that enclosed all the possible locations.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
Of the stolen ship.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Some of the disasters an apparent accident, hit inside this area,
but further investigation proved them all to have natural causes.
I had left standing orders that all reports falling inside
the danger air to be brought to me at any time.
The messenger woke me from a deep sleep, turning on
the light and handing me the slip of paper. I
blinked myself awake, read the first two lines, and pressed

(35:15):
the action station alarm. Over my bunk. I'll say this,
the navy boys know their business. When the sirens screamed,
the crew secured ship and blasted off Before I had
finished reading a report. As soon as my a balls
unsquashed back into focus, I read it through, then once
more carefully. From the beginning, it looked like the one
we'd been waiting for. There were no witnesses to the tragedy,

(35:39):
but a number of monitor stations had picked up this
discharged static of a large energy weapon being fired. Triangulation
had led investigators to the spot where they found a
freighter Ogurt's dream with a whole punched through it as
big as a railroad tunnel. The freighter's cargo plutonium was gone.
I read Pepe in every line of the message. Since
he was flying an under man under battleship, he had

(36:01):
used it in the most efficient way possible. If he
attempted to negotiate or threaten another ship, the element of
chance would be introduced. So he had simply roared up
town suspecting freighter and blasted her with the monster guns
his battleship packed. All eighteen men aboard had been killed instantly.
The thieves were now murderers. I was under pressure now
to act, and a greater pressure not to make any mistakes.

(36:23):
Roly poly Pepe had shown himself to be a ruthless killer.
He knew what he wanted, then reached out and took it,
destroying anyone who stood in his way. More people would
die before this was over. It was up to me
to keep that number as small as possible. Ideally, I
should have rushed out the fleet with guns blazing and dragged.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Him to justice.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
Very nice, and I wish that it could have been
done that way, Except where was he? A battleship may
be gigantic on some terms of reference, but in the
immensity of the galaxy it is microscopically infintesimal. As long
as it stayed out of the regular lanes of commerce
and clear of detector stations and planets, it would never
be found. Then how could I find it, and, having

(37:04):
found it, catch it? When the infernal thing was more
than a match for any ship it might meet. That
was my problem. It had kept me awake nights and
talking to myself days. Since there was no easy answer,
I had to construct a solution slowly and carefully. Since
I couldn't be sure where Pepe was going to be next.
I had to make him go where I wanted him to.

(37:26):
There were some things in my favor. The most important
was the fact I had forced him to make his
play before he was absolutely ready.

Speaker 3 (37:34):
It wasn't a.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Chance that he had left the same day I arrived
on Setanovo. Any plans elaborate as his certainly included warning
of approaching danger. The drive on the battleship, as well
as controls and primary armament, had been stalled weeks before
I showed up. Much of the subsidiary work remained to
be done when the ship had left. One witness of
the theft had graphically described the power lines and cables

(37:57):
dangling from the ship's locks when she lifted.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
My arrival had.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Forced Pepe off balance. Now I had to keep pushing
until he fell. This meant I had to think as
he did fall into his plan. Think hid, then trap him.
Set a thief to catch a thief. A great theory.
Only I felt uncomfortably on the spot when I tried
to put it into practice. A drink helped, as did
a cigar. Puffing on it. Staring at the smooth bulkhead

(38:24):
relaxed me.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
A bit.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
After all, there aren't that many things you can do
with the battleship. You can't run a big coln, blow
saves or make Berma decks with it. It's held on
jet for space piracy. But that's aboutable. Great, great, But
why a battleship? I was talking to myself. Normally bad sign,
but right now I didn't care. The mood of space

(38:46):
piracy had seized me, and I had been going along
fine until this glaring inconsistency jumped out and hit me
square in the eye. Why a battleship? Why all the
trouble in years of work to get a ship that
two people can just barely manage with a tenth of
the effort. Pepe could have had a cruiser that would
have suited his purposes just as well, just as good

(39:08):
for space piracy, that is, but not for his purposes.
He had wanted a battleship, and he had got himself
a battleship, which meant he had more in mind than
just simple piracy.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
What It was obvious that Pepe was.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
A mono maniac, an eager maniac, and a psychotic as
a shorted computer. Someday, the mystery of how he had
slipped through the screen of official testing would have to
be investigated. That wasn't my concern. Now he still had
to be caught. A plan was beginning to take shape
in my head, but I didn't rush it first. I

(39:44):
had to be sure that I knew him well. Any
man that can con an entire world into building a
battleship for him, then steal it from them is not
going to stop there. The ship would need a crew,
a base for refueling, and a mission. Fuel had been
taking care of first. The gutted hull of Ockett's dream
was silent witness to that there were countless planets that

(40:05):
could be used as a base. Getting a crew would
be more difficult in these peace times, though I could
think of a few answers to that one too. Raid
the mental hospitals in jails do that often enough, and
you'd have a crew that would make any pirate chief proud.
Though piracy was of course too mean an ambition to
ascribe to this boy. Did he want to rule a
whole planet, or maybe an entire system or more? I

(40:29):
shuddered a bit as the thought hit me. Was there
really anything that could stop a plan like this once
it got rolling? During the kingly wars. Any number of
types with a couple of ships and less brains than
Pepe had set up just this kind of empire. They
were all pulled down in the end, since their success
depended on one man rule, but the price that had
to be paid first. This was the plan, and I

(40:52):
felt in my bones that I was right. I might
be wrong on some of the minor details, they weren't important.
I knew the general outline of the idea, just as
when I bumped into a mark. I knew how much
it could be taken for and just how to do it.
There are natural laws in crime, as in every other
field of human endeavor. I knew this was it. Get

(41:13):
the communications officer and here at once, I shouted at
the intercom. Also a couple of clerks with transcribers, and fast.
This is a matter of life or death. This last
had a horror ring, and I realized my enthusiasm had
carried me out of character. I buttoned my collar, straightened
my ribbons, and squared my shoulders. By the time they
knocked on the door, I was all admiral again, acting

(41:35):
on my orders. The ship dropped out of warp drive,
so our Simon could get through to the other operators.
Captain Steng grumbled as we floated there with the engine silent,
wasting precious days while half his crew was involved in
getting out what appeared to be insane instructions. My plan
was beyond his understanding, which is, of course, where he

(41:56):
is a captain and I am an admiral, even a
temporary one. Following my orders, the navigator again constructed a
sphere of speculation in his tank. The surface of the
sphere contacted all the star systems, a day's flight ahead
of the maximum flight of the stolen battleship. There won't
too many of these at first, and the Siman could
handle them all, calling each in turn and sending by

(42:19):
news releases to the naval public relations officers there. As
the sphere kept growing, he started to drop behind, steadily
losing ground. By this time I had a general release prepared,
along with directions for use and follow up, which he
sent to Central fourteen. The battery of Simon there contacted
the individual planets, and all we had to do was
keep adding to the list of planets. The release and

(42:42):
follow ups all harped on one theme. I expanded on
it waxed enthusiastic, condemned it and worked it into an interview.
I wrote as many variations as I could, so it
could be slipped into as many different formats as possible.
In one form or other, I wanted the basic information
in every magazine, newspaper and journal inside that expanding sphere.
What and the davil does this nonsense mean? Captain Staying

(43:06):
asked peevishly. He had long since given up the entire
operation as a futile one, and spent most of the
time in his cabin worrying about the effect of it
on his surface record. Boredom or curiosity had driven him out,
and he was reading one of my releases with horror
Bellionaire to found own wild space yacht filled with luxuries

(43:27):
to last one hundred years. The Captain's face grew red
as he flipped through the stack of notes. What connection
does this tripe have with catching those murderers? When we
were alone, he was anything but courteous to me, having
assured himself by not too subtle questioning that I was
a spurious admiral. There was no doubt I was still

(43:47):
in charge, but our relationship was anything but formal. This
tripe and nonsense, I told him, is the bait that
will snag our fish, a trap for Pepe and his
partner in crime.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Who is this mysterious bellonaire? Me said, I've always wanted
to be rich. But the ship, the space yard? Where
is it being built?

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Now? In the naval shipyard at Ooderida. We're almost ready
to go there now as soon as this batch of
instructions goes out. Captain Stain dropped the releases onto the table,
then carefully wiped his hands off to remove any possible infection.
He was trying to be fair and considerate of my
views and not succeeding in the slightest It doesn't make sense,

(44:25):
he growled. How can you be sure there's color will
ever read one of these things? And if he does,
why should it be interested? It looks to me as
if you're wasting time while he slips through your fingers.
The alarm should be out and every ship notified, the
Navy alerted, and patrols on all space lanes, which he
could easily avoid by going around, or better yet, not
even bother about since he can lick any ship we have.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
That's not the answer. I told him.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
This Pepe is smart and as tricky as a fixed
gambling machine. That's his strength and his weakness as well.
Characters like that to never think it is possible for
someone else to outthink them, which is what I I'm
gonna do modest, aren't you? Stang said, I try not
to be. I told him false modesty is the refuge
of the incompetent. I'm going to catch this thug, and

(45:10):
I'll tell you how I'm going to do it. He's
going to hit again soon, and wherever he hits there
will be some kind of periodical with my plant in it.
Whatever else he's after, he is going to take all
the magazines and papers he can find, partly to satisfy
his own ego, but mostly to keep track of things
he's interested in, such as ship sailings.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
You're just guessing you don't know all this.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
His automatic assumption of my incompetence was beginning to get
me annoyed. I bridled my temper and tried one last time. Yes,
I'm guessing an informed guess, but I do know some
facts as well. Ockett's dream was cleaned out of all
reading matter. That was one of the first things I checked.
We can't stop the battleship from attacking again. But we

(45:54):
can see to it that the time after that she
sells into a trap. I don't know, the captain said.
It sounds to me like I never heard what it
sounded like, which is all right, since he was getting
under my skin and might have been tempted to pull
my pseudorank. The alarmed sirens cut his sentence off and
we foot raced to the communications room. Captain steng won
by a nose. It was his ship and he knew

(46:15):
all the short cuts. The side man was holding out
a transcription, but he summed it up in one sentence.
He looked at me while he talked, and his face
was hard and cold. He hurt again, knocked out a
navy's supply of satellite thirty four men dead. If your
plan doesn't work, admirable, the captain whispered hoarsely in my ear,

(46:37):
I'll personally see that you're flayed alive. If my plan
doesn't work, Captain, there won't be enough of my skin
left to pick up with a tweezer. Now, if you please,
I'd like to get to Urudeida and pick up my
ship as soon as possible. The easy going hatred and
contempt of all my associates had annoyed me, thrown me

(46:57):
off balance. I was thinking with anger now, not with logic,
forcing a bit of control. I ordered my thoughts, checking
off a mental list. Belay that last command, I shouted,
getting back my old space dog mood. Get a call
through first, and find out if any of our plants
were picked up during the raid. While the simon unfocused

(47:18):
his eyes and mumbled under his breath, I riffled some papers,
relaxed and cool. The ratings and officers waited tensely and
made some slight attempt to conceal their hatred of me.
It took about ten minutes to get an answer affirmative.
The simon said a storeship docked there twenty hours before
the attack. Among other things, it left newspapers containing the article.

(47:44):
Very good, I said, calmly, send a general order to
suspend all future activity with the planted releases. Send it
by simon, only, no mention on any other naval signaling equipment.
There's a good chance now it might be overheard. I
strolled out slowly in command of the situation, keeping my
face turned away so they couldn't see the cold sweat.

(48:07):
It was a fast run to oo dryder, where my
billionaire's yacht, the Eldorado, was waiting. The dock yard commander
showed me the ship and made an obal effort to
control his curiosity. I took a sadistic revenge on the
Navy by not telling him a word about my mission.
After checking out the controls and special apparatus with the technicians,
I cleared the ship. There was a tape in the

(48:28):
automatic navigator that would put me on the course mentioned
in all the articles. Just to press the button and
I would be on my way. I pressed the button.
It was a beautiful ship, and the dock yard had
been lavish with her attention to detail from bow to
rear tube. She was plated in pure gold. There are
other metals with the higher albedo, but none that give

(48:48):
a richer effect. All the fittings inside and out were
either machine turned or plaited. All this work could not
have been done the time allotted. The Navy must have
adapted a luxury yacht to my needs. Everything was ready.
Either Pepe would make his move or I would sail
on to my billionaire's paralyzed planet. If that happened, it
would be best if I stayed there. Now that I

(49:09):
was in space past the point of no return, all
the doubts I had dismissed fought for attention. The plan
that had seemed so clear and logical now began to
look like a patched and crazy makeshift horror On there,
Sai Lah, I said to myself, using my best admiral's voice.
Nothing I was changed, had still the best and only
planned possible under the circumstances. Was it? Could I be

(49:30):
sure that Pepe, flying his mounted of a ship and
eating navy rations, would be interested in some of the
comforts and luxuries of life, or if the luxuries didn't
catch his eye, would he be interested in the planetary
homesteading gear. I had loaded the card with all the
things he might want and planted the information where he
could get it. He had the bait now, but would
he grab the hook?

Speaker 3 (49:50):
I couldn't tell, and.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
I could work myself up into a neurotic state if
I kept running through the worry cycle. It took an
effort to concentrate on anything else, but it had to
be made. The next four days passed very slowly. When
the alarm blew off, all I felt was an intense
sensation of relief. I might be dead and blasted to
dust in the next few minutes, but that didn't seem
to make much difference. Pepe had swallowed the bait. There

(50:15):
was only one ship in the galaxy that could not
back a blip that big at such a distance. It
was closing fast, using the raw energy of the battleship
engines for a headlong approach. My ship bucked a bit
as the tug beams looked on at maximum distance. The
radio bleaked at me for attention. At the same time,
I waited as long as I dared, and then flipped

(50:37):
it on.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
The voice boomed out.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
That you are under the guns of a warship. Don't
attempt to run signal, take evasive action, or any other way.

Speaker 3 (50:48):
Who are you and what the devil? Who want?

Speaker 1 (50:51):
I spluttered into the mic. I had my scanner on
so they could see me, but my own screens stayed dark.
They weren't sending any picture. In a way, it made
my act easier. I just played to an unseen audience.
They could see the rich cut of my clothes, the
luxurious cabin behind me. Of course, they couldn't see my hands.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
It doesn't matter who we are. The radio boomed again.
Just obey orders.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
If you care to live, stay away from the controls
until we have tied on.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
Then do exactly as I say.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
There were two distant clangs as magnetic grapples hit the hull.
A little later, the ship lurched, drawn home against the battleship.
I let my eyes roll in fear, looking around for
a way to escape, and taking a peek at the
outside scanners. The yacht was flushed against the space filling
bulk of the other ship. I pressed the button that

(51:40):
sent the torch wielding robot on his way. Now let
me tell you something, I snapped into the mic, wiking
away the worried billionaire expression. First, I'll repeat your own warning,
abay orders. If you want to live, I'll show you why.
When I threw the big switch, a carefully worked out
sequence took place. First, of course, the hull was magnetized

(52:04):
and the bombs fused. A light blinked as the scanner
in the cabin turned off and the one in the
generator room came on. I checked the monitor screen to
make sure, then started into the spacesuit. It had to
be done fast. At the same time, it was necessary
to talk naturally. They must still think of me as
sitting in the control room. That's the ship's generators you're

(52:25):
looking at, I said. Ninety eight percent of their output
is now feeding into calls that make an electromagnet of
the ship's hull. You will find it very hard to
separate us, and I would advise you not to try.
The suit was on, and I kept the running chatter
up through the mic in the helmet, relaying to the
ship's transmitter. The scene in the monitor receiver changed. You

(52:46):
are now looking at a hydrogen bomb that is primed
and aware of the magnetic field holding our ships together.
It will, of course go off if you try to
pull away. I grabbed up the monitor receiver and ran
towards the airlock. This is a different bomb, I said,
keeping one eye on the screen and the other on
the slowly opening outer door. This one has receptors on

(53:06):
the hull. Attempt to destroy any part of the ship
or even gain entry to it, and this one will detonate.
I was in space now, leaping across the gigantic wall
of the other ship.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
What do you want?

Speaker 1 (53:18):
These were the first words Peppe had spoken since his
first threats, I want to talk to you, arrange a deal,
something that would be profitable to both of us. But
let me first show you the rest of the bombs
so you won't get any strange ideas about cooperating. Of course,
I had to show in the rest of the bombs.
There was no getting out of it. The scanners in

(53:40):
the ship were following a planned program. I made like
talk about all my massive armament would carry us both
to perdition while I climbed through the hole in the
battleship's hull. There was no armor or warning devices at
this spot. It had been chosen carefully from the blueprints.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
Yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Tell you a word for it. You're a flying bomb
with this rope, and report a bit and tell me
what you have in mind. This time I didn't answer
him because I was running and panting like a dog
and had the mic turned off. Just ahead, if the
Bluepints were right, was the door to the control room.
Pepe should be there. I stepped through, gun out and
pointed at the back of his head. Angelina stood next

(54:19):
to him, looking at the screen. The game's over, I said,
stand up slowly and keep your hands in sight. What
do you mean, he said, angrily, looking at the screen
in front of him. The girl caught wise first. She
spun around and pointed, he's here. They both stared gaped
at me, Caught off guard and completely unprepared. You're under arrest,

(54:40):
crime king, I told him, and a girl friend Angelina
rolled her eyes up and slid slowly to the floor.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Real fake. I didn't care.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
I kept the gun on Pepe's pudgy form while he
picked her up and carried her to an acceleration couch
against the wall.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
What will happen now?

Speaker 1 (54:58):
He quavered the question. His pouch jewels shook, and I
swear there were tears in his eyes. I was not
impressed by his acting, since I could clearly remember the
dead men floating in space. He stumbled over to a chair,
half dropping into it.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
Will they do anything to me?

Speaker 1 (55:14):
Angelina asked, Her eyes were open. Now, I have no
idea what will happen to you? I told her truthfully,
that's up for the courts to decide. But he made
me do all those things, She wailed. She was young,
dark and beautiful. The tears did nothing to spoil this.
Peppe dropped his face into his hands and his shoulders shook.
I flicked the gun his way and snapped at him.

(55:35):
Sit up, Pepe, I find it hard to believe that
you are crying. There are some naval ships on the
way now. The automatic alarm was triggered a minute ago.
I'm sure they'll be glad to see the man who.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
Don't let them take me, please.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Angelina was on her feet now, her back pressed to
the wall.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
They'll put me in prison, do things to my mind.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
She shrunk away as she spoke, stumbling along the wall.
I looked back at Pepe, not wanting to have my
eyes off for an instant. There's there's nothing I can do,
I told her. I glanced away, and a small door
was swinging open, and she was gone. Don't try to run,
I shouted after her. It can't do any good. Pepe
made a strangling noise, and I looked back to him quickly.

(56:16):
He was sitting up now, and his face was dry
of tears. In fact, he was laughing, not crying. So
she caught you too, mister wirescopp Poor little Angelina with
the soft eyes. He broke down again, shaking with laughter.
What do you mean, I growled, don't you catch it?
Yet the story she told you was true, hickshipt. She
twisted it around a bit. The whole plan building the battleship,

(56:39):
then stealing it was hers. She pulled me into it,
played me like an accordion. I fell in love with her,
hating myself, unhappy all at the same time. Well, I'm
glad it's over. At least I gave her a chance
to get away, though I thought I would explode when
she went into that innocence act. The cold feeling was
now a ball of ives that threatened to paralyze me.

(57:00):
You're lying, I said, hoarsely, and even I didn't believe it. Sorry,
that's the way it is. Your brains boys will pick
my skull to pieces and find the truth out. Anyway,
There's no point lying.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
Now we'll search the ship. She can't hide for long.
She won't have to.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Peppy said, there's a fast scout we picked up, stowed
in one of the holes that must be leaving. Now.
We could feel the vibration distantly through the floor. The
neighbor will get her, I told him, with far more
conviction than I felt. Maybe, he said, suddenly slumped and tired,
no longer laughing. Maybe thee will, but I gave her
a chance. It's all over for me now, but she

(57:36):
knows that I loved her to the end. He bared
his teeth in sudden pain, not that she will care,
and the slightest I kept the gun on him, and
neither of us moved while the Navy ships pulled up
and their boots stamped outside. I had captured my battleship,
and the raids were over, and I couldn't be blamed
if the girl had slipped away, if she evaded the
Navy ships, that was therefore not mine. I had my victory,

(57:59):
all right. Then Why did it taste like ashes in
my mouth?

Speaker 3 (58:04):
It's a big.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Galaxy, but it wasn't going to be big enough to
hide Angelina. Now I can be conned once, but only once.
The next time we met, things were going to be
very different. End of The Misplaced Battleship by Harry Harrison