September 26, 2025 • 8 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Two plus two makes crazy by Walt Sheldon. The computer
could do no wrong. Then it was asked a simple
little question by a simple little man. The little man
had a head like an old fashioned light bulb and
a smile that seemed to say he had secrets from
(00:21):
the rest of the world. He didn't talk much, just
an occasional oh hum ah. Creyton figured he must be
all right, though. After all, he'd been sent to Computer
City by the Information Department itself, and his credentials must
have been checked in a hundred ways and places. Essentially,
each computer is the same, said Creyton, but adjusted to
(00:42):
translate problems into the special terms of the division it serves.
Creyton had a pleasant, well balanced, impersonal voice. He was
in his thirties and mildly handsome. He considered himself a
master of the technique of building a career in Computer City.
He knew how to stay within the limits of directives
in regularations and still make decisions, or rather to relay
(01:03):
computer decisions that kept his responsibility to a minimum. Now,
Creton spoke easily and freely to the little man. As
public liaison officer, he had explained the computer system hundreds
of times. He knew it like a tech manual, But
is there any real central control, say, in case of
a breakdown or something of that sort. The little man's
(01:24):
voice was dry as lava ash, dry as the wastes
between and beyond the cities. Tanter was the name he'd given,
mister Tanter. His contact lenses were so thick they made
his eyes seem to bulge grotesquely. He had a faint
stoop and wore a black tunic, which made his look
like one of the reconstructed models of prehistoric birds called
(01:46):
crows that Creton had seen in museums. Of course, of course,
said Creyton, answering the question. It's never necessary to use
the all circuit, but we could very easily in case
of a great emergency the all circuit. Who is that,
mister Tanter asked. Creighton gestured and led the little man
down the long control bank. Their steps made precise clicks
(02:07):
on the leoplast floor, the stainless steel walls, through back
tinny echoes. The chromium molding glistened, always pointing the way,
the street and mathematical way. They were in the topmost
section of the topmost building of Computer City. The several
hundred clean solid wedding cake structures of the town could
be seen from the polaflex window. The all circuit puts
(02:30):
every machine in the city to work on any selection
problem that's fed into our master control. Here, each machine
will give its answer in its own special terms, but
actually they will all work on the same problem. To
use a grossly simple example, let us say we wish
to know the results of two and two, but we
wish to know it in terms of total security. That is,
(02:51):
we wish to know that two plus two means twice
as many nourishment units for the Department of Foods twice
as many weapons for the Department of War, but is
perhaps not necess sssarily true according to the current situational
adjustment in the Department of Public Information. At any rate,
we would set up our problem on the master pushing
the button too, then the button plus, and the button
(03:12):
two again, as on a primitive adding machine. Then we
would merely throw the all switch. A short time later,
the total answer to our problem would be relayed back
from every computer, and the cross comparison factors canceled out,
so that we would have the result in terms of
the familiar verdict statement and as every one knows, the
electronically filed verdict statements make the complete record of directives
(03:34):
for the behavior of our society very interesting, said mister Tanter,
the little crow like man. He blinked rapidly stared at
the switch marked all that Creyton was pointing out to him. Creton,
now folded his hands in front of his official gold
and black tunic, looked up into the air, and rocked
gently back and forth on his heels as he talked.
(03:55):
He was really talking to himself now, although he seemed
to address Tanter. You can see that the computer system
is quite under our control in spite of what these
rebellious underground groups say. Underground groups, asked mister Tanter mildly.
Just his left eye seemed to blink this time, and
the edge of his mouth gave the veriest twitch. Oh
(04:16):
you know, said Creighton. The organization that calls itself the
prims prim for Primitive. They leave little cards and pamphlets
around damning the computer system. I saw one the other day.
It had a big title splashed across it, our new
tyrant the computer. The article complained that some of the
new labor and food regulations were the result of conscious
(04:36):
reasoning on the part of the computer devices to build
the computer bigger and bigger and bigger at the expense
of ordinary workers. You know that sort of thing. But
it is true that the living standard is going down
all the time, isn't it, asked mister Tanter, keeping his
ephemeral smile. What about those three thousand starvation deaths up
in Hydroberg. Creighton waved an impatient hand. There will always
(04:59):
be problems like that here and there, he turned and stared,
almost reverently at the long control rack. Be thankful we
have the computer to solve them. But the deaths were
due to diverting that basic carbon shipment down here to
computer city for computer building, weren't they. Now there you
see how powerful the propaganda of the prims can be.
(05:20):
Creighton put his hands on his hips. That statement is
not true. It simply isn't true at all. It was
analyzed on the computer some days ago. Here. Let me
show you. He took several steps down the corridor again
and stopped at another panel. We first collected from the
various departments food, production, labor, and so forth, all the
possible causes of the starvation deaths in Hydroberg computer administration
(05:43):
had its machine translate them into symbols. We're getting a
huge new plant and machine addition over an administration, by
the way. At any rate, we simply registered all the
possible causes with the master computer through in this circuit
marked validity selector. Out of all those causes, the computer
or pick the one that was most valid. The Hydroberg
tragedy was due to lack of foresight on the part
(06:05):
of Hydroberg's planners. If they'd had a proper stockpile of
basic carbon, the thing never would have happened. But no
community ever stockpiles. Said the little man that said Creyton
doesn't alter the fundamental fact the computer never lies. He
drew himself up stiffly as he said this. Then abruptly
he consulted the chronometer on the far wall. Excuse me
(06:27):
just a moment, mister Tanter, He said, it's time to
feed the daily tax computation from Finance. We have to
start a little earlier on that these days, the new taxes,
you know. As Creyton moved off, Tanter's thin smile widened
just a little. As soon as Crayton was out of sight,
he stepped with his odd crow like stride to the
numerical panel, punched two plus two, then adjusted the operations
(06:49):
pointer to hold. After that he punched three plus one
and hold once more. He moved over to the validity selector,
switched the numerical panel in closed the circuit. In his
dry voice, he murmured to the whole control rack, three
plus one makes four. Two plus two makes four three
(07:09):
plus one two plus two, Tell me which is really true.
All through the master computer, relays clicked and tubes glowed
as the problem was sent to all the subcomputers in
their own special terms food, production, labor, public information, war, peace, education, science,
and so forth. All over computer City, the solenoids moved
(07:30):
their contacts, and the filaments turned cherry red. Oscillating circuits
hummed silently to themselves in perfect q. The life warmth
of hysteresis pulsed and throbbed along wires and channels. Three
plus one, two plus two, Tell me which is really true?
The problem criss crossed in and out around about checking,
(07:51):
cross checking, re checking as the computer thought about the
problem which was really true. Even before Creton returned, parts
of the computer had begun to get red hot. It
hummed in some places, and in other places relays going
back and forth in indecision made an unhealthy rattling noise.
Little mister Tanter beamed happily to himself as he recalled
(08:13):
the words of an old directive the computer itself had
issued in the matter of public thought control. When a
brain is faced with two absolutely equal alternatives, complete breakdown
invariably results. Mister Tanter kept smiling and rocked back and
forth on his feet, as Creton had done. Before nightfall,
the computer would be a useless and overheated mass of
plastic and metal. He took a printed folder from his
(08:36):
pocket and casually dropped it on the floor where someone
would be sure to find it. It was one of
the pamphlets the prims were always leaving around and of
two plus two makes Crazy by Walt Sheldon
Two plus two makes crazy by Walt Sheldon. The computer
could do no wrong. Then it was asked a simple
little question by a simple little man. The little man
had a head like an old fashioned light bulb and
a smile that seemed to say he had secrets from
(00:21):
the rest of the world. He didn't talk much, just
an occasional oh hum ah. Creyton figured he must be
all right, though. After all, he'd been sent to Computer
City by the Information Department itself, and his credentials must
have been checked in a hundred ways and places. Essentially,
each computer is the same, said Creyton, but adjusted to
(00:42):
translate problems into the special terms of the division it serves.
Creyton had a pleasant, well balanced, impersonal voice. He was
in his thirties and mildly handsome. He considered himself a
master of the technique of building a career in Computer City.
He knew how to stay within the limits of directives
in regularations and still make decisions, or rather to relay
(01:03):
computer decisions that kept his responsibility to a minimum. Now,
Creton spoke easily and freely to the little man. As
public liaison officer, he had explained the computer system hundreds
of times. He knew it like a tech manual, But
is there any real central control, say, in case of
a breakdown or something of that sort. The little man's
(01:24):
voice was dry as lava ash, dry as the wastes
between and beyond the cities. Tanter was the name he'd given,
mister Tanter. His contact lenses were so thick they made
his eyes seem to bulge grotesquely. He had a faint
stoop and wore a black tunic, which made his look
like one of the reconstructed models of prehistoric birds called
(01:46):
crows that Creton had seen in museums. Of course, of course,
said Creyton, answering the question. It's never necessary to use
the all circuit, but we could very easily in case
of a great emergency the all circuit. Who is that,
mister Tanter asked. Creighton gestured and led the little man
down the long control bank. Their steps made precise clicks
(02:07):
on the leoplast floor, the stainless steel walls, through back
tinny echoes. The chromium molding glistened, always pointing the way,
the street and mathematical way. They were in the topmost
section of the topmost building of Computer City. The several
hundred clean solid wedding cake structures of the town could
be seen from the polaflex window. The all circuit puts
(02:30):
every machine in the city to work on any selection
problem that's fed into our master control. Here, each machine
will give its answer in its own special terms, but
actually they will all work on the same problem. To
use a grossly simple example, let us say we wish
to know the results of two and two, but we
wish to know it in terms of total security. That is,
(02:51):
we wish to know that two plus two means twice
as many nourishment units for the Department of Foods twice
as many weapons for the Department of War, but is
perhaps not necess sssarily true according to the current situational
adjustment in the Department of Public Information. At any rate,
we would set up our problem on the master pushing
the button too, then the button plus, and the button
(03:12):
two again, as on a primitive adding machine. Then we
would merely throw the all switch. A short time later,
the total answer to our problem would be relayed back
from every computer, and the cross comparison factors canceled out,
so that we would have the result in terms of
the familiar verdict statement and as every one knows, the
electronically filed verdict statements make the complete record of directives
(03:34):
for the behavior of our society very interesting, said mister Tanter,
the little crow like man. He blinked rapidly stared at
the switch marked all that Creyton was pointing out to him. Creton,
now folded his hands in front of his official gold
and black tunic, looked up into the air, and rocked
gently back and forth on his heels as he talked.
(03:55):
He was really talking to himself now, although he seemed
to address Tanter. You can see that the computer system
is quite under our control in spite of what these
rebellious underground groups say. Underground groups, asked mister Tanter mildly.
Just his left eye seemed to blink this time, and
the edge of his mouth gave the veriest twitch. Oh
(04:16):
you know, said Creighton. The organization that calls itself the
prims prim for Primitive. They leave little cards and pamphlets
around damning the computer system. I saw one the other day.
It had a big title splashed across it, our new
tyrant the computer. The article complained that some of the
new labor and food regulations were the result of conscious
(04:36):
reasoning on the part of the computer devices to build
the computer bigger and bigger and bigger at the expense
of ordinary workers. You know that sort of thing. But
it is true that the living standard is going down
all the time, isn't it, asked mister Tanter, keeping his
ephemeral smile. What about those three thousand starvation deaths up
in Hydroberg. Creighton waved an impatient hand. There will always
(04:59):
be problems like that here and there, he turned and stared,
almost reverently at the long control rack. Be thankful we
have the computer to solve them. But the deaths were
due to diverting that basic carbon shipment down here to
computer city for computer building, weren't they. Now there you
see how powerful the propaganda of the prims can be.
(05:20):
Creighton put his hands on his hips. That statement is
not true. It simply isn't true at all. It was
analyzed on the computer some days ago. Here. Let me
show you. He took several steps down the corridor again
and stopped at another panel. We first collected from the
various departments food, production, labor, and so forth, all the
possible causes of the starvation deaths in Hydroberg computer administration
(05:43):
had its machine translate them into symbols. We're getting a
huge new plant and machine addition over an administration, by
the way. At any rate, we simply registered all the
possible causes with the master computer through in this circuit
marked validity selector. Out of all those causes, the computer
or pick the one that was most valid. The Hydroberg
tragedy was due to lack of foresight on the part
(06:05):
of Hydroberg's planners. If they'd had a proper stockpile of
basic carbon, the thing never would have happened. But no
community ever stockpiles. Said the little man that said Creyton
doesn't alter the fundamental fact the computer never lies. He
drew himself up stiffly as he said this. Then abruptly
he consulted the chronometer on the far wall. Excuse me
(06:27):
just a moment, mister Tanter, He said, it's time to
feed the daily tax computation from Finance. We have to
start a little earlier on that these days, the new taxes,
you know. As Creyton moved off, Tanter's thin smile widened
just a little. As soon as Crayton was out of sight,
he stepped with his odd crow like stride to the
numerical panel, punched two plus two, then adjusted the operations
(06:49):
pointer to hold. After that he punched three plus one
and hold once more. He moved over to the validity selector,
switched the numerical panel in closed the circuit. In his
dry voice, he murmured to the whole control rack, three
plus one makes four. Two plus two makes four three
(07:09):
plus one two plus two, Tell me which is really true.
All through the master computer, relays clicked and tubes glowed
as the problem was sent to all the subcomputers in
their own special terms food, production, labor, public information, war, peace, education, science,
and so forth. All over computer City, the solenoids moved
(07:30):
their contacts, and the filaments turned cherry red. Oscillating circuits
hummed silently to themselves in perfect q. The life warmth
of hysteresis pulsed and throbbed along wires and channels. Three
plus one, two plus two, Tell me which is really true?
The problem criss crossed in and out around about checking,
(07:51):
cross checking, re checking as the computer thought about the
problem which was really true. Even before Creton returned, parts
of the computer had begun to get red hot. It
hummed in some places, and in other places relays going
back and forth in indecision made an unhealthy rattling noise.
Little mister Tanter beamed happily to himself as he recalled
(08:13):
the words of an old directive the computer itself had
issued in the matter of public thought control. When a
brain is faced with two absolutely equal alternatives, complete breakdown
invariably results. Mister Tanter kept smiling and rocked back and
forth on his feet, as Creton had done. Before nightfall,
the computer would be a useless and overheated mass of
plastic and metal. He took a printed folder from his
(08:36):
pocket and casually dropped it on the floor where someone
would be sure to find it. It was one of
the pamphlets the prims were always leaving around and of
two plus two makes Crazy by Walt Sheldon
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