He Asked for My IG, Not My Number… Is That a RED FLAG? + More

LUXY DATING APP: https://luxy.onelink.me/Ipdm/bwrimetw

In this episode of Dear Tisia, we’re diving into the real dilemmas women are facing in today’s dating world.

➡️ One caller is stuck between red flags and potential — after a seemingly great Bumble date, she discovers he lied about his height and his interests. Is it petty to walk away now… or smart to trust her gut?

➡️ Another woman is trying to decode mixed signals when a guy asks for her Instagram instead of her number. Is this the new norm… or a sign he’s not serious?

➡️ And then we hear from Julie — a 35-year-old single mom who’s feeling emotionally drained and stuck in her journey to find a husband. She’s putting herself out there, but keeps coming up short. Her vulnerability will hit home for anyone dating with intention.

Plus: We touch on Nelly & Ashanti’s latest moment and what it reveals about love, timing, and second chances. 

🩷Fragrance: Blanche Bête

Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in

🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome back to the show, y'all. Did y'all miss me?
You know what's so funny in the comments, y'all have
been saying once a weekend, enough love, we're gonna work
on that. We go, we're gonna work or that. Let's
see what we can do. Okay, So just a couple
of reminders. Follow the dear to see a podcast on
Apple and Spotify. Leave a five star review now, one,
not two, not four, five five star review because we

(00:39):
already know y'all enjoy it. Subscribe to Relationship Restored, and
dear to see both of them, y'all. Okay, it's a unison,
all right, So subscribe to both the channels. And then
we have a couple of goals. Y'all know I love
to set a goal, okay, So our goals for Labor Day.
So these are things we want to do by Labor Day.

(01:00):
We want fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts and it's
so doable because Doug, right, we can totally do that.
We want five hundred reviews. We are already at five hundred, okay,
so let's keep this going. Let's keep this going. Let's
double that, okay, make it a thousand and then we
want one hundred thousand subscribers on both channels. Okay, so

(01:20):
help me knock this out, y'all, y'all know that we
can do it. We're also going to be switching up
some things because we've gotten some feedback and apparently y'all
love when the girls are calling in with their hot topics,
so we're gonna be doing a little bit more of that,
and we're keeping our fragrant segment as well. So we're
going to be doing still our red Flag report, but
we're going to be doing more of the calls because

(01:43):
the girl's got a lot of questions and concerns. Okay,
so we want to get a lot more of the
calls and the your to see of calls. And then
we're gonna still keep our Fragrance segment as well. Okay.
So now we're going to be introducing our guests in
the Peanut Gallery. Missus NASA so excited to be here.
So I have to I always always have to like

(02:04):
to tell how I met the person. So we actually
met in this tech startup space, if y'all know, I
have a tech startup that I have is a compliance
software and one day we were at the gathering spot
and her business, carpe DM, which is a dating app
for professional black women, was having a like just a
symposium kind of meet and greet thingy downstairs, and so

(02:26):
I was like, let me go eat this burger downstairs there,
let's see what was going on. And then we ended
up talking about just like our thunders and all that
kind of stuff, and so anyways, we've been locked in
ever since. Look, we're trying to help the girl. I'm
trying to help y'all, and she's trying to help y'all. Okay,
so please follow her, yes, and if you are looking today,
if you're in the area, even if you're not in
the area, carpe DM is where you need to be

(02:48):
absolutely period. Now we're moving on. We have a listener okay,
a listener review to read. So new favorite podcast is
to see it's so amazing and to finally have long
form content from her is a dream. I knew y'all
wanted more of me. Thank you to see it for

(03:08):
helping me with my confidence and self love. Ah, I
love that. And that's from Imani Blair. Love its love
its love it love it. Okay, So we have our
first voicemail that's entitled the Height and the Hype Dilemma.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Let's get into it. Dear to see us.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
So I recently went on a date with the guy
I met on Bumble and the day went really well.
He was very respectful, paid for everything, good conversation, But
he lied about his height on his profile, said five
ten in person, it was giving maybe five eight. I'm
five seven, so he was like very close in height
to me, and I just feel like that rubbed me

(03:47):
the wrong way because if I showed up bigger than
the pictures I like posted, would you be still interested
in me?

Speaker 1 (03:54):
And also I just don't like when people lie.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
And even if his height was five eight on his profile,
that wouldn't have deterred me from swiping, but like lying
about it would, so do you think.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
That should be a deal breaker?

Speaker 3 (04:04):
He also told another small lie, which is very small,
but like on his profile it said one of its
interests were movies. But I distinctly remember our conversation and
him saying, oh, yeah, I don't really watch movies at all,
and I'm like okay, and I just thought that was weird.
He did also give cocky a little bit. I'm from
a town where it's not a lot of black people.
So the black men here that have decent jobs and

(04:26):
are cute, like, they think they're better than what they are,
just because it's like less of them and they could
still have a terrible personality, they'll just think they're still
better because it's not a lot here. And I don't know,
I don't really a guy who's too cocky or to
know it all. So would you say these are deal breakers?
Or should I pursue him more and go on a
couple more dates to get a feel for like how

(04:46):
he really is?

Speaker 2 (04:47):
What's your thoughts?

Speaker 1 (04:49):
I was with you, like as soon as you were like, okay,
he lied about the high and I'm like, I have
been hype fished and hatfish so much. Hatfishing and hYP
fishing is a real thing. A couple little inches, like
I get it right, But then you said that he
kind of went on about a couple other things. And
here's my thing. These aren't technically like big lies, but

(05:14):
I feel like your disposition is already kind of off.
You already feel like he's cocky, You already feel bamboozled
by the hype, and he's you know, you don't feel
like even his personality that he put on his profile
is genuine. So it's almost like nothing is really feeling
genuine about it. And I think that she's gonna have
like issues moving forward, Like she's gonna be sitting across

(05:35):
the table from him, like giving him that kind of look.
And also probably everything that he does is gonna start
to annoy her, Like you know what I'm saying, Like,
I think that I think she kind of fed up already.

Speaker 4 (05:47):
It sounds like she almost buis into the same hype
that she's saying the guys buy into, where she's like,
guys in my town that are black feel like they
have all the options. Because she's trying to push the
subject of like should I keep giving him a chance?
It's like either you buy into that or you don't.
Like if this man is lying and you're not really
saying that the date was amazing, otherwise, right, You're like

(06:10):
the date was just okay.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
So to me, I'm kind of like, if.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
You already have a little bit of red flags that
he's not honest, I feel like you could give on
the hype just a little bit, you know what I'm saying,
Because I feel like that's a very common thing for
guys not to be truthful about. Not to say that
it's an excuse, but I feel like she's kind of
making excuses to see if she wants to continue the
connection instead of just letting it go.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Do you think that her comment about like these guys,
you know, it's not that many black men, so they
usually think that they're that she's like nitpicking, like like
hyper visilint of like the smallest little things, because she
already has the perception that they usually think that they're
all that. So now she's like, I want to like
that it like even a plan feel and like make

(06:53):
sure that this person is kind of really genuine. Some
of it, to me is like a little nitpicky, because
even like the movie thing, people build a profile and
they'll put all time. I like running waltz in the park.
I like to read the Bible, and none of this
stuff is actually, you know, really a testament. So I
do think that, like, well, I he said he didn't

(07:13):
like movies, it's kind of like now you kind of
dig in a little bit, and which to me says
that you do still blown by the hype. Yeah, just
let it.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
Go, and it's also like sometimes woemist say, I would
have been okay if he would have just been honest
about the hype. But it's like, would you write like
would you have still swipe right or whatever on him
if he said that he was really five eight, you know,
and giving him a chance? And so like you said,
that's already a hang up for you. That either the
heightened actuality is a hang up for you, or the
fact that he lied or was you know, disingenuous about

(07:43):
the height is a hang up for you. Then to me,
I'm kind of like if the connection during the date
didn't overcome that, then it's just going to continue to
be a problem for you.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
So you know, yeah, yeah, I think she's a little
just suspicious of everything and that's gonna just like be
a thing. So do you think she should give him
a couple more dates?

Speaker 4 (08:04):
For me, I feel like the purpose of a first
date is to really feel a vibe to see if
you want to go out on a second date. And
so if you don't leave the first date thinking I
want to see this person again, then it's probably a no. Right,
unless there's some level of conversation or communication in between
the two that kind of changes it around, and I
think that usually your first instinct is the right instinct,

(08:25):
So I would say no, you know, I'm kind.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Of like a rebel and a weasel sometimes, like when
I can't figure people out it, I kind of want
to give it a little bit more and I want
to feel like settled on my decision. And I feel
like if she like walked away now, she may still
be wandering about it and not sure so right and

(08:50):
not sure if like, you know, oh, maybe he just
seemed like that at first, or he was a little nervous,
so then now he let's give him a second date.
I feel like if she walked away from it, not
that it was, she's gonna be thinking about him when
she get married one day, but she probably still would
have a I don't feel like she would be settled
in it if she if she walked away from it,
I feel like she got a couple of theories and
she's trying to prove true.

Speaker 4 (09:11):
Or I feel like there's probably no there's probably no
negative downside in having one more date, right, So to me,
I'm kind of like, if that's gonna give you the
peace of mind to no, you know what, my first
instinct was right, and the second date didn't really make
it any better. Then you could probably lean that way
from in my personal experience, like it really turns around
right where it's like, but I'm a fan of giving

(09:33):
someone a second date even if the first date doesn't
knock your socks off. It doesn't have to knock your
socks off to give them a second chance, but you
have to kind of walk away thinking, Okay, I would
like to see that person again, like I'm open to
the connection.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
And also I'm looking the camera when I'm saying this.
The knock your socks off as a scam. I'm telling you,
and that chemistry and knocking your socks off is a scam.
And I think I talked about this in the past
episodes that I want to be a slow burn girl
and I feel like, you know you kind of I
don't want to be like with the way and you know,

(10:09):
just feeling like Cinderella or this like crazy love story.
I think that like that is your nervous system isn't
really regulated. And I've really grown up, okay, because I
used to be a love bomb girl, and I really
have grown up. So I think I think we're voting
to give him a second date, but she also said

(10:30):
that she was like, so should I just pursue him? No, no, no,
we didn't say that. Let that man call you for
the second date. And I think the second date you
should know if you not like, oh wow, I had
the wrong perception, or he is really kind of fun,
or maybe I judge a book by its cover. Then
no third day?

Speaker 4 (10:49):
What is she missing? Question wise? What could she ask
to help sus out, Like whether or not it's a
good fit on this second date. So if you're gonna
tell her like, Okay, you're gonna do the second date,
this one question I want to make sure you get across,
or one thing that wants you to learn from the
second date.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
I think because she already has suspicion that he is
like some like Kaki Nigga who thinks he all that,
I think she needs to ask more like in depth
questions like what's a perfect day look like for you?
I think you'll know more about his life, the things
that he values and things like that. I saw this

(11:24):
on Instagram were real. This guy said, ask a man
to describe a good woman, and watch him describe a maid.
Ask him what he think a good woman is girl? Okay? No, seriously,
Like ask a man to describe a good woman and
watch him describe a maid, ask him, what do you
think a good woman is? I also like to ask

(11:46):
tell me a person, tell me about a person that
that you really care about that's not a family member.
That'll give you some insight too. And then you're gonna
follow up and ask them, like, you know, well, why
do you care about this person so much? If they're
talking about what that person gave to them and what
that person does for them, that'll tell you some things too.
So we need to get more like characters, more character questions,

(12:09):
and more like and not in the where do you
see yourself in five years type of thing, but I
kind of want to know more about like where does
he see his life going and what kind of values
does he have, particularly in like women, the household, what
he should be doing his role as a man. Okay,
because X Y chromosome does not make you a leader, right, Okay?

(12:32):
What is it that he is he that he values?
And I think if she asks some of those questions,
she'll start to see a little bit more if he
like leans on cocky or if he actually is just
like maybe just like a little weird and nerdy a
little bit, you know.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
So yeah, I always say how do you feel, Like
how does being in that person's presence to make you
feel about yourself? Like do you feel comfortable? Like did
you not feel comfort? Just kind of calling him out
a little bit on you know, I'm saying like, oh, okay,
I thought we was five ten, five eight. It's cool
you're saying, or but oh I thought you liked movies,

(13:08):
Like what you know, you really don't like movies. So
it's also I know that the first dace, we're kind
of suessing each other out, But how comfortable do you
feel being your authentic self and asking the questions that
kind of come to mind? Like these questions may have
been answered easily, you know, if she felt comfortable enough
to just bring them up during the date.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
Yeah, And lastly I would just say just to like
relax a little bit more and like don't be like
an FBI agent, like just like you know, standing a
room trying to look for his next line. I think
you should just like relax a little bit so that
you can get a little bit more you know, a
little bit more insight for him. Let him be talking you.
That was good, That was good, That was good. Are

(13:50):
we going to try a second question? Second boy? Smildre Okay, yep,
I'm excited. Instagram over intimacy. Okay, fix, good to see you.

Speaker 5 (14:04):
If a guy think you're very attractive and he asks
you for your IG accept your phone number?

Speaker 2 (14:12):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (14:16):
I hate when men do this. You know what there is?
I've seen this both ways. I've seen this where men
are just more connected with social media and they want
to know more about you, what you do, your lifestyle,
mutual friends, where you be at, where you hang. They

(14:39):
also want to see what you look like in real
and in person, and just like your lifestyle, I find
that when men are asking me for my Instagram, they
want to know if you're a club girl, do you
be on vacation, are you modest? Do you be on
the internet naked? Are you posting?

Speaker 4 (14:57):
You know?

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Means like what kind of vibe do you give off?
And also just like that, see more pictures of you?
So they want to see different hairstyles, different side profiles,
different outfits, and so I've seen that, but I also
have seen it in like just men that have no
deep intentions with you and just Instagram is just another follower,

(15:18):
another ad on, and they end up in the liking
your stories phase for forever actually with no intention to.
I think some people feel connected through through social media.
I do not give my social media out when I
first meet somebody. I don't ever give it out for
obvious reasons, because I want to scare the main job.

(15:41):
I want to scare a lot.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
I think to me, like social media is entertainment. So
if you give a guy your Instagram and that's the
that's the main way that you're communicating, then you're kind
of a part of his entertainment. Like, right, so you're
part of the same scrolling where he's looking at football
or I like on fans models or like you know,
podcasts he is listening to, and the same thing with

(16:03):
the stories, right, Like none of it actually means anything,
So I agree with you, Like let's just exchange phone numbers.
Like Ba's a different type of medium that requires more intentionality. Right,
It's like if you text me, like we're kind of
having a conversation that it's hard to kind of just
drop out of and like pop back into, right, Like
it kind of keeps the momentum going, So to me,

(16:25):
I feel like the best bet is to, you know,
avoid the Instagram and give the phone number and you
can just politely say like, oh, you know, I really
prefer I'm not really a I'm not really a social girl,
Like I'm kind of old school, like love to give
you my number exchange numbers.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah. Have you seen it where you've given your phone
number and the Instagram and they default to the Instagram
and they're literally communicating with you like they don't have
your phone number? Is crazy?

Speaker 4 (16:49):
Stop until you stop, and then they sat you and
you're like, oh, so you do have my numbers.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
You're gonna memute their stories and they'll never see you
and those like yeah, like it's it's interesting, but I
think you're riot. It's like it's a part of like
their daily kind of entertainment. They want to scroll, they
want to look at your pictures, they want to see
what you're doing, and you know what, it's almost like
this voyage thing that I think men can have in
this like creepy kind of way that they just want

(17:15):
you to be the object of their eye. You know
what I'm saying. It's just I think that there are
men that just literally like looking and observing other people's
lives and particularly.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Women, and it's also like, oh, no harm, no foul. Right,
they could have a girlfriend or be with somebody else,
and but now they have, like you said, access to you,
right and like your comings and goings, what you're doing
in like your lifestyle. And it's kind of you think
about it if a guy was like, oh, we know
how annoyed we get as women when the guys like,
send me another pick, send me a pick that you
ain't send to nobody else, you know what I'm saying, right, Yeah,

(17:48):
that's so it's kind of like that type of annoyance.
But like now they have access to like everything that
you're kind of putting out there, and on some extent
prematurely right because they don't really know you or need
that love of access to you when they can get
to know you directly, right if they really have the intentionality.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
To do that. And I don't like when I give
my Instagram and we don't have a connection, the connection
doesn't sustain this stuff, and then now you just have
all these weird men. This is how I feel about
when people add their Instagram to their bios, to their
social media and they connect it It's like, now you
have one hundred men from an app that you don't

(18:27):
know that's able to look at you and see you.
I think it's a very very weird thing. But yeah,
I think that men just honestly just want to watch,
They want to see more pictures, and I think that
it's a sign that they maybe don't are not looking
for anything serious. Yeah, because like why wouldn't you want

(18:48):
the front row seat? You want to be in general admissions.
But I mean that's for everybody. That's a commoner spot.
If you'll see me live in the flesh, you should
be asking for the VIP ticket which is my phone number,
person no access to.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
Me absolutely and trying to get that date planned, right.
So we know the guys that move with intentionality, they
get the phone number, they get on your calendar, they
stay on your calendar, right because they are moving with
that type of feeling towards you. So to me, I'm
kind of like, it's it's given you're a collectible. It's
like I'm not a collectible, right.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
It's an age thing as well, Like I wonder if
he's young. The young boys love to be on on
the internet.

Speaker 4 (19:25):
But I've seen also in a lot of dating profiles
and now like people put their like their handles, and
I'm kind of like, so what does that am I supposed.

Speaker 1 (19:32):
To follow you? Or my favorite is I don't beyond
here that much. I don't be on here. Send me
a DM on and I will not ever yeah, ever, ever,
that's one of my favorites. I don't beyond here like that,
So give me like no, Now I think it's an age.
Then I feel like a mature man. He's not gonna
act for your Instagram. Yeah, and you know Instagram has

(19:53):
a lot of different things. Now, if you send a
real from your phone, it's gonna tell you who's like
your page? Really? You know that?

Speaker 2 (20:00):
No?

Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yes, right in called a couple of my little booze
page that you know because I don't follow them and
they don't follow me, and a couple of them Airport Bay.
I couldn't find him. And then he said me a
real and it said from such and such follow it
said follow or Yeah. So if you said yes, if
you send someone a real from phone to phone, it

(20:24):
will send them the page that it came from.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Wow, Instagram is exposing exposing people.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
So yes, there's that. There's that there's that. Okay, we
are on to our voicemail number three. Tired, intentional and
losing hope. Oh poach po baby.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
There to see you.

Speaker 5 (20:44):
My name is Julie and I am a thirty five
year old single mother. Up to I've been struggling in
my dating life for what seems to be a wild mail.
My dating intentions have mainly been for marriage. I've been
on What's Seen means to Be all the dating apps,
but to know evil, it never ends up going anywhere.

(21:10):
And when I attend events to attract a type of
men that I'm interested in, I always notice that they're
with the day already. And also when I go out,
guys will stare, but they never approach me. And my
friend always says, you have to look approachable and you

(21:30):
have to let them know that it's okay to talk
to you or say anything to you. But I just
feel like a total goofy just walking around smiling at everybody.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
So that would feel weird to me.

Speaker 5 (21:45):
His why I don't do that, But I think at
this point I feel very hopeless when it comes to
my dating life, and I feel like the clock is
ticking and I want to be married or somewhere to that,
because I feel like I've fallen in a very love
six state throughout the years, especially with the intentions that

(22:09):
I've been dating with, which is to be a wife.
So do you have any advice on that or anything
that I could do to just do better and improve
in that area.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
So, you know, it's so many things that I want
to address here. Number one is when you are exhausted
with dating, you will wear it on you. She's on exhausted,
but she said war out. When you are exhausted with dating,
you will wear it outside and it's coming out of
your pores and men can smell it on you. I'm

(22:46):
telling you, take a break and recalibrate. If you she
said she was on all the apps. She tried all
the apps. That means you just out here flapping flapping
around you on all the apps. You said, you at
these events, you're doing this, You're doing that. Sometimes it
can be just exhausting to try all of these avenues
at one time. I have done this before while I
was on like Facebook dating. Then I was on Hinge

(23:08):
and I will do like bumble or be okay, And
now I'm just like try one. Just scale back, do one,
whichever one you feel like you have the most look on.
That's just gonna minimize the trust. People don't understand, especially
if you always say this's nor divergent, you have a
little ADHD you can't keep up, or you waiting for
them hours when you get home late at night and
then you just scrolling. It feels exhausting. It's a lot

(23:30):
of work, it's a lot of mental weight as well.
So just I would say, pick pick one of the apps.
I also think that this is just my personal opinion
and I've learned this over the last few years, and
this is just this has has worked for me. I
like to pick the man that I want. I am
not waiting for the man to approach me. To me,

(23:52):
that's a hyhena in a wild child, like you don't
want the man that's out here to walking up to
you right now. It's almost like, you know what I'm saying.
And I think that we've lived in this let the
man pursue you culture. But I'm a handkerchief girl. Drop
the handkerchief, let him pick it up, start the conversation.
I have done this so many times and I have

(24:14):
one hundred percent, Okay, one hundred percent success rate. You
go up to that, you get in close enough proximity
and you start a conversation. Simple math. You go to
the bar, you stand next to him, and you like,
is that bourbon or whiskey?

Speaker 2 (24:29):
Boom?

Speaker 1 (24:29):
You started a conversation, Oh, who's winning the game? What
team do you have? Can you believe they just stay?
All men want to see is that they have a
green flag, a green flag to say something to you.
I promise you I have left with these men's number
every single time at the bar. This was just in
Atlanta at the bar, and I guess it was like
the soup of the day, God said next to me,

(24:50):
and I'm like, what did he say the soup of
the day was? I knew what the damn super day? Well,
I just part of it left with that man. Now,
so I'm just jujitsu doing man in Atlanta, Okay, Like
you know what I'm saying, had just came from a
class or something like that. I think that women have
to be a little bit more comfortable kind of like girl,

(25:11):
pick the one. And I was just talking about this,
when you don't pick the one that you want, and
you let the one come up to you and then
you see his friends, and you see his cousins, and
you realize you got the wrong one. And then now
you can't talk to no other niggas in the club
at all because one the Hyaena then came and found you, okay,
and then they're talking to you. And then now you're
closed off from not just all of his crew because

(25:34):
you don't know which one you really wanted, because he
the one that had enough guts that day to come
walk up to you. And now all the other men
in the club aren't seeing you talk to him, so
they don't know if you're with him, if you off
the limits. It's a very weird space, and I think
she should do more of the picking of the one
that she wants.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
I love that, Yeah, absolutely love that. The only thing
I would add that I mean because you be knocking
out the park, is that I feel like a lot
of the women that I work with, there's this level
of anxiety that's through the roof when it comes to
the fear of never finding a partner or never being loved.
And I want women to almost accept the thought, not

(26:15):
the reality, accept the thought that I may never find
a husband. And if you accept that, if you think
about it and you accept it, then what right, So
if you accept like I may never find a husband, Okay,
so what does that mean for your life?

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Right? Does that mean that your life is not worth living?

Speaker 5 (26:33):
That?

Speaker 4 (26:33):
Does that mean that you don't pursue all the things
that make you happy? Almost accepting that thought removes a
weight off of you. That helps also remove the anxiety
that hangs over your head. Like you said, like that exhaustion,
that thing that men can sense, that desperation that they
can sense. It stems from the thought of I'm running

(26:53):
out of time, I'm never going to find him, like
this is my last shot. This person is the last
person that's ever potentially gonna love me, right, And so
so part of me is just like if you first
accept that thought, then you can move throughout the world
knowing that being with someone or not being with someone
is not a make or break situation for you, and
you can really focus on finding someone that's going to
add to your life in a really substantial and meaningful

(27:14):
way and avoid picking the wrong person out of desperation, right,
And you can make those interactions more fun and less stressful.
And so that's the only thing I would add to that.
I think, you know, I'm I'm.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
A handkerchief girly too.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
And I think about that more along the lines of
do women have the skills that they need to open
the door for men to talk to them. I think
a lot of men don't have those, And so the
tips that you just gave are fantastic. I'm gonna use
I'm gonna use that a lot of Yeah, just.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
Like you said. And I'm like, y'all ain't got no game.
None like got no game, I mean. And I think
it's also just as I said, just this whole like,
let the men pursue you, let the men you know
come up to you, and like, girl, everybody's waiting. Everybody's waiting.
When people are like, well, I am going to the eve.
You say, to go to the events, to go to

(28:01):
the lounge, to go to Trader Joe's, to go And
I tell you, what did you do when you got there?
You were standing on the wall in a corner with
your friend on your phone. You know what did you
do when you get there?

Speaker 4 (28:14):
You have they're looking pretty and thought that that was enough.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
And I'm like, you didn't got your hair done, you
didn't put on all this makeup, you didn't spray ten
spraids of this expensive fragrance. You got your shoes on,
you wait in line, you pay for valet, all of
this stuff, you're gonna get there, and you went.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
What did Zell say, I'm leaving here with something, with.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Something? You did all of that and you got to
the club. You don't leave with nothing.

Speaker 4 (28:38):
And it's like, we don't have we don't have that
muscle flexed to be able to one withstand what we
perceived to be rejection. But a lot of times it's
not rejection at all. Like you don't know this man
from to can Sam. So he could be in a relationship,
he could be married, he could be he could be
There could be a million reasons why you don't walk
away with the phone number that have nothing to do
with your beauty you're worth, or like the way that

(28:58):
you present yourself or.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
Anything like that.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
But because we don't have the ability to present, to
put ourselves out there and to potentially face rejection, we
prevent ourselves from kind of shooting those shots. Even though
you're not like objectively shooting a shot like that, like
you're not being abrasive with the way that you're doing it,
like with what you're recommending. That's like subtle, right, that's
the art of flirting, that's the art of kind of

(29:21):
opening the door, like that femininity that I think a
lot of women need to kind of figure out how
to how to flex, and unfortunately a lot of us
don't have that capability. And so you know, listen to
some of these tips. Yeah, it is, but men don't
have to face it anymore. So we want the men
to come up to us the way that you know,
we lived in a generation where we could go out

(29:41):
and you can leave with six seven numbers from the club.
Men today they have the Internet, they have ig they
have dating apps, they have all the same things that
we have access to. So when they're out, they don't
necessarily have to endure rejection in person. And I'm sure
if you're thinking psychologically, they prefer not to, right, So
you can't necessarily blame them for it being a culture

(30:02):
of like women don't approach anymore. Well, some women are
really mean, you know what I'm saying, Like even when
they do try to approach, So you can't necessarily blame
them for taking that off the table and just talking
to women that talk to them back, right, through whatever
platforms that they're using.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, yeah, I absolutely agree with that, and it's really
not easy. A lot of men talk about that how
difficult it is to have to go up to the
woman or constantly face that rejection. And I think that
I wish it was just like more of a happy medium,
because I think they getting a little too comfortable now
where it's just like, Okay, you have to do someone

(30:39):
to work. And I always say, like, if I give
you an Ali hoop and you missed the basket, that's
on you.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
That's one of your rejection strategy.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
Though, Like if a guy comes up to you and
like tries to chat you up and you're not interested,
how do you recommend women kind of letting men down
without being bitches about it.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
I just I think it depends on like what he
what he proposed it, Yeah, what's his approach? You know,
if it's like, you know, hey, like you know, I
would love to get to know you, or you know,
would you like to exchange numbers? And I would literally
just say, you know, I'm not really interested at this moment,
you know, And I feel like that's like light, it's

(31:18):
not too you know, And I think at that time
I'm really just going off of what I see and
what we have discussed or maybe things that I have
you know, observed. But I'm not the like one thing
about me. I don't want to I'm not telling you
I got a boyfriend and I don't to get you
away from me, you know what I'm saying, Like, I

(31:39):
feel like also, I feel like us being more honest
in the rejection builds like agility up, you know, for men.
So I'm just like, you know, no, I'm not interested
at this at this time. Yeah, what do you say?
What you're telling them?

Speaker 4 (31:56):
I think it's right, Like you're right. It depends on
the approach. So sometimes I would say I'm in a
relationship I'm taking I'm so sorry. It depends on how
aggressive or like how they approaches. Other times, like you said,
I just may be like, oh, you know, thank you,
that's so kind, or honestly, you know what, you can
give me your number, so I'll I'm if I was
interested in you, I would never take your number, you

(32:16):
know what I'm saying, Like, I'm like, oh, you know,
you can give me your number, and so they'll give
me their number. It'll kind of diffuse the situation. And
then they can kind of go on and I'm not
gonna contact them.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
You get the where your ring at? Okay, you can
can you have a friend? You are?

Speaker 4 (32:30):
I went out with a girlfriend a couple of weeks
ago and guys were kind of approaching or whatever, and
I was like, I'm in a relationship. I'm I'm in
a relationship whatever, and they're like, so, so they're like,
he's not your husband.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Are you married?

Speaker 4 (32:42):
You're gonna You're gonna let your boyfriend prevent you from
finding your husband.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
I'm like, is this just a common podcasts?

Speaker 4 (32:49):
Podcasts?

Speaker 1 (32:49):
Man, that's what they get that from.

Speaker 4 (32:51):
It's very I was like literally three four different guys
with that same response, and I'm like, is this just
the thing now?

Speaker 1 (32:56):
But to say yeah, yeah, yeah, AnyWho, girl. I think
the last thing is that the first thing that she
wrote actually was She's a thirty five single mom, thirty
five year old single mom, and I am getting these
questions every single day about the moms that are struggling,

(33:18):
the moms that feel like it's hard to date because
they have kids, and I just feel like, I don't
quite think that that is a reality because the ones
with no kids are all so single, so it's not
like we have this like crazy advantage and really at
our age, most of these men have kids. So I
just haven't really seen a lot of men that have children,

(33:43):
because that would be the majority at thirty five years
old that have children to be like, I'm not dating
women with any kids now I have her men say like,
even though I have kids, I don't know if I
want to take care of someone else's kids because I
would want to have have more of a dominant role
in the household, and so that kind of gets a

(34:04):
little mixy. But it's an I date for social data.
So I'm like, I'm not really seeing this be true.
It's to me, it's almost like something that is in
their head because I don't meet a lot of men
that are like, I'm not I don't do women with
kids if they already have children. Right, I'm almost like,

(34:25):
find these niggas that got kids. There's plenty of them
out of them, maybe.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
Very difficult to be a woman with a kid, But
then have the standard of you don't want to date
someone with kids, because I think that sometimes that's an
issue as well. But a lot of the guys just
from you know, our community within carpe dim. If they
are at an age where in their late thirties to
early forties and they don't already have kids, they are
aggressively looking for a wife because they want to have
kids and they do not want to date a woman

(34:50):
that has kids. And they're typically not even trying to
date women around their age. They're typically trying to date
seven to ten years younger than them. But the gentlemen
that are older, maybe they've been married, maybe they like
you said, they already have kids usually are very open.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
With kids.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Find someone in your age group a little bit older.
Even the younger guys. I think that they're even more
flexible on women that have children already because the women
that are their age are outside right, right, if she
thirty five, you find a thirty year old, the women
that would be normally in his line is like twenty five,
twenty six, day outside and in the club.

Speaker 4 (35:28):
On the age of the kids. For a lot of
the guys, that's determining factor for them.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah, I would say to her to get outside, pick
the one that you want and recalibrate. If you feel exhausted,
you do not want to day out of depression, a
deficit and dehydration, okay, because I mean any drop of
water that you see, okay, it's gonna have you over
the moon. So I just would say, recalibrate, take a break,

(35:53):
because girl, you sounded exhausted.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
You mentioned it quickly, but I think you should go
over like the places go to find men.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
I am team you can find a man in anywhere,
in anywhere. I think that is like one of the
biggest scams. And you see a lot of these coaches
and people online, these feminine coaches, like if you want
a high earner, go to the smith's bar at five
pm because that's where the businessmen are taking their lunches.

(36:24):
And so it's like yeah, yeah, yeah, blah blah blah. Girl,
you can find a man in anywhere. I would say,
whatever you do, look good, do good, and look, I'm
gonna tell y'all, y'all try to y'all try to ban
Monique when she the comedian motor when she was telling
y'all about them bondess and them flirsts, them furry slippers

(36:44):
in the club and in the damn airport, okay, and
y'all try to say that she was and she was
spot on action unty and action Grandma back in the day,
your aunty. They can't go nowhere without a curler in
their head and the mascaro on they eye. Okay, they
always had them. I don't know where to us. Black
women in general have lost it, but we got to

(37:04):
get back. Okay, we got to get back. Stop walking
in these airport with these jogging pants and these hoodies on,
these bonnets on y'all heads, and these damn furry slippers.
I wish we can burn them. I eat them, Okay,
I hate them. And this is surpassing this whole like
stop police in black women's body. Comb your damn hair,
that's it, comb your hair. I've heard it too much

(37:26):
where we've gotten into this culture where it's like it
used to be. Well, black people come from Africa, That's
why we're flashing, that's why we love to dress. And
then I think we just got exhausted and just washed up,
and then now nobody started doing. Now we're back trying
to come. Y'all please look halfway decent. How you dress
is how you would be addressed, okay, And it's not

(37:48):
anything crazy. I know so many men that love a
messy bund, love a no makeup look, no, but when
you look better, you feel better and you attract better energy. Y'all,
please stop wearing these jagga pants and bonnets and furry
slides in the airport. I cannot take it anymore. Like
we used to step out, step, We used to step out. Yeah,

(38:10):
we was to step even started doing better. Okay, look
I even started doing better. Look now I'm in an
a Maxillan. You know they gotta put one at DCA. Yes, yeah, look,
can I be in there? Okay, looking real cute? You
can get you accute the corner.

Speaker 4 (38:22):
You just go over there and after a fight, exactly,
buy a ticket. You know you would turn it later.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, yeah, I thought it.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Was I thought it was just me I with you
when you're right. Yeah, you would just slide up in
there anyways. But where the fine men anywhere? If you
I think it's about being approachable. I think it's also
about openness, like where you are in your life, like
when I became a happier person, the men were falling

(38:52):
out of the trees. And also when I felt good
about myself, like when I have my outfit, not being
these these ain't even things that's like tight or whatever.
I'm talking about I just felt like in my like
urban street swag, I felt it together, put together five
seven numbers a day. Okay, So I think you can
find them anywhere anywhere. But I think it's about what

(39:13):
you do when you get in this space. If you
cooped up in the corner, if you're own your phone,
if you hadn't looked up now one time, you're not
making any eye context.

Speaker 4 (39:20):
The phone is not reality, and it's really it's killing
the in person ability to make a connection. It really
is you're not approachable because you're in your phone. Even
when you go out to the bar and take the
advice of getting a little cocktail a little appy by yourself,
you know, and like try too, but then you're still stuck.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
On your phone.

Speaker 4 (39:38):
Right, So we don't have the ability to be uncomfortable
and like a devoid of distractions, you know, to kind
of open ourselves up that way. And unfortunately it's a
it's a to our detriment. My girlfriend she just shared
with me that she met this fantastic guy at the
gas station. She she was out pumping gas and it
was She's gonna pump her gas in the rain, and

(39:59):
he was like, oh, do you are you about to
pump your gas? And she was like, oh, yeah, I was.
He was like, all, pump it for you. And so
he was like, get in the car, I'm gonna pump it.
You don't have to sit out in the rain or whatever.
So she's in the car talking to him from the
inside of the car and they're just chit chatting, and
he was filling the gas tanks underneath the underneath the
gas station and they just get to talk. And he

(40:19):
owns the company that fills, that runs these trucks that
fill the so they girls she was on her fourth
trip in two months. Look she's on her fourth trip
because she just was nice. And you know what I'm saying,
I like open to if the guy said, oh I
can pump, don't.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
You don't need to.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
I can do it myself.

Speaker 4 (40:37):
I can pump my own now, that would have been
the outcome, right, or to think, oh, this man working
at the gas station.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
You know what I'm saying, Like, not he the owner.
He's the owner.

Speaker 4 (40:46):
He's just working today because somebody else was off or whatever.
He's filling in for somebody's shift.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
So I can open to conversation.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
But that goes to that it could be anywhere.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yeah, it could be anywhere. And what I will say
is that although I don't feel like there's a particular
place to find men, like, oh you have to go here,
go there, what I will say is some of the
most underrated places, y'all. Please go to the kickback, go
to the baby shower, go to the game night, go
to the super Bowl. For even these kids birthday parties,

(41:14):
these there are men there. If you have a two
year old, the uncles are coming, be cousins, the family members.
I love to third Wheel a family event. I'm coming
to the family and the cookouts to everything like those
are some of the most under because it already feels
like it's a family in the inner circle. So I
feel like it's more of a lax environment to actually

(41:36):
find and connect with people. Right it's like, oh, we
play spades or you know, you want to get a drink,
let's go outside, and it's just like casual. Everybody's like
having a good time, and somebody in there is connected
to somebody else some way somehow. I love a good
like game night, kickback, super fight parties. Want to watch
it even like you know, Bri and I will watch

(41:57):
like the Bachelorette or something like like these like watch parties.
It is such a good way to actually like connect
with people. You got you Gotta be you Gotta Be app.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
I will just add one small thing.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
If you are going to be on dating apps, and
like you said, I love your idea of just picking
one and kind of like investing in the one you
think it's gonna give you the best return.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
Y'all, pay for the app.

Speaker 4 (42:16):
Like there, people do not want to pay for the app,
and you just commit to paying for three months, right,
and just see the difference in the quality of the
matches that you're gonna get, in the intentionality of the
people that you're going to be matched with, in your
ability to kind of filter, Like you want to use
the premium version of whatever you're using because it's going

(42:40):
to give you access to the most intentional people, and
it's gonna give you access to the best quality people.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
They're putting the best ones behind the paywall, y'all.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Do you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (42:47):
They're putting behind the roses, behind whatever else is that
you're doing. So just consider, you know, also making that
small investment in order to kind of see how that
changes around your outcomes on your dating apps.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Yes, very good advice, very good advice. Okay, girl, we
got you, we got your back. You're gonna be fine. Relax, Okay, recalibrate. Okay,
do you want me to do any these follow up questions?
Are you on to the Okay? And now my favorite
segment of them all, y'all. Okay, so this is our

(43:21):
bit you smell Good segment. Y'all know, it's a fragrance
segment where I introduce a segment a fragrance every segment.
And y'all, this one's not even open, but y'all know,
pronunciation police will be blocked. But this one is from
Liquids Imagineaires and it's called blanc bet I believe, So
I don't know if you I think it's called. His

(43:43):
name is like TJ Talks or TJ TJ Sense or
something like that. But he's like this like British guy
with this like a really cute accent or whatever, and
he is like all into the fragrance fragrances, but he
is he's dating this girl and he's always say like,
let me tell you what my the fragrance is that
my lady is really into or the ones that I

(44:06):
love that my lady has picked up, and this was
one of them. Okay, and he was, I know, he
was like, my lady loves this one and I love
it on her. So look, okay, look, maybe I'm gonna
give me somebody lady after wearing it. Okay, let's see
what we got. Okay, I've seen this a few times
as well. You know when it's so crazy. I'm always

(44:29):
struggling with the fragrance every episode. Okay, all right, okay, look,
must be expensive. It was actually okay, unexpected. Okay, do
we have the notes and Brent seed, milk cord, vintage jasmine,

(44:51):
two baros, pedal incense, must musk, vanilla, cocoa, and Tonka bean.
I love Tonka.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
I love Tonka bean.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
I love the taca being real grown. You ain't grown.
That's who you're wearing taco bean and pink pepper. Okay,
you ain't grown. So let's see what we got. If
I smell something already interesting, Okay, I smell the cocoa.

(45:23):
I also smell the milk cord.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
Is it reminding you of anything?

Speaker 1 (45:32):
Okay, I'm smelling cocoa, coco cocoa. I think I'm selling
the two burrows and the milk cord. I don't know,
y'all just gonna have to sit on me.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Mm hm, it's not blowing your way.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
No, yeah, well let little we'll we'll recapitate. What does
it give?

Speaker 4 (46:05):
Is it giving date night? Is it giving summer? Is
it giving fall?

Speaker 1 (46:08):
What it's giving a mix of like beachie, like a
grown beachie, like a nighttime beach. I think my favorite

(46:30):
part about it is like the actual cocoa.

Speaker 4 (46:34):
I feel like I'm getting it now, but it's it's late.
Is it heavy on your because yeah, I'm like.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Pops it over here, saying.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
Is this the two be determined? You have to revisit this.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
We're gonna slide this across the floor. Okay, you passes? Yeah,
I spread it in the box.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Was it what do you like that drink?

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Oh? That's that's nice. It's it's.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
I see what you mean by bechi And definitely the
co the coke you smell the coca.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
And coco is not a common and a fragrance, and
I kind of like that.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
This is this is nice and it's it's I don't
remind you of nothing.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
It doesn't remind me of anything.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
And it's almost a little a little velvety, like a
little it's a little warm.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
I think that must. I think that may be like
the must vanilla vintage Jasmine can also give this.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Is this is nice. I don't I mean in the box.
I mean, I don't know longevity and everything on the skin,
but this is a little this is a little sexy
to me, like.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Ex definitely feel like it's sexy. Yeah, okay, I mean
we don't see mister blanc Betts Blanche, but.

Speaker 4 (48:07):
I'm a I think I'm a fan. It definitely this
the way it smells in this box is very nice.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
To give you a vow so you could take it
with you, Oh absolutely, yeah something. Okay, Well we'll report
back about the end of the episode. We should start
ranking them, like.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
Yeah, yes, this is maybe you could do like a
like first impression and then maybe you need to do
like a little follow up some and something in the
notes in the notes for the episode of.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Like well like the next episode, like okay, y'all, I
wore them one and.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
It did hit because first impression to me, I'm like, yeah, it's.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Like you know what, this is a rich bitch break
I'm saying this is given old money. It's given old money. Yeah, yes,
it's given all money.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
The club, the m M yes, Polo club to dinner
at the private club. Yeah, I'm a fan, at least
in the box. Obviously not I haven't had it on.
But yeah, this is that Coco is definitely like yeah,
and it's like a scent that I want to keep smelling.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
So it's like, yeah, it's like upgraded clean girl, right,
ok Right, so we will we'll report back. We'll report
back on that. Okay. So this is our red flag report. Okay.
And so this one is about Nelly and a Shaunce child. Okay,

(49:32):
we gotta talk about that. They just have such a
redemption story. Okay. So Nelly is standing firm on not
being on diaper duty, and a clip from their new show,
Ashncey pleads with him to help win their baby cries
at night, asking how he can possibly seep sleep through it,
telling him she needs telling him she needs him to
get up and change diapers too, but Nelly is unfazed,

(49:55):
telling her and even his boys that she's got a
lot on her plate. Until he's walking and talking, basically
saying diaper changes are not his job. Is this fair
or foul? Should a new dad be hands off? I
have so many thoughts about this, And to start, I

(50:15):
feel like, you know what kind of father a man
is going to be before you even marry him. Also,
this man is already a father. Do you know that
this movie is about you? Okay, Like you've seen how
he's fathered to his other children. Also, he's basically saying,

(50:38):
when things get easier, that's when I'll show up. When
the baby can walk and talk and feed themselves, that's
when I'll show up. What I think people were already skeptical,
like Okay, y'all got back together after all these years
and blah blah blah, But I don't think anybody's surprised
how aloof he's acting in this whole baby thing. Apparently

(51:02):
they also agreed, like kind of like agree to this,
Like I think maybe a Shancey wanted the kid and
he was like, well, just so you know, I ain't
gonna be up Yeah, I'm not gonna be doing all
of that. And now he ain't doing all of that.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
Well, I mean, there's one thing if he was kind
of upfront about it, but it's also another thing when
you see your wife struggling or needing support, and you
don't offer any type of support. So to me, I'm
kind of like money is a way to fix a
lot of these problems. So if you can't, if it's
something that's not in your wheelhouse or you're refusing to
do that, doesn't mean that your wife should bear it alone.

(51:38):
So where's the night nurse, where's the nanny that you
know what I'm saying, can help support her or something
like that that you're able to help finance in order
to kind of take the load off. So I don't
think it's okay to just say that I've checked out
of this, and this is.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Full of your responsibility.

Speaker 4 (51:55):
I know some guys you know, have that mindset of like,
you know, I'm traditional, I'm not on whatever. But being
traditional in that respect doesn't mean that you don't offer
solutions to kind of help your partner, especially if you
already know that you're about to check out and you
see how hard it is for her.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
I think I would be there are things that I
would outsource, and I've had guy friends and we talked
about it before. They'll be like, I don't change no tires.
I'm not going a line that's what hire somebody to
do stuff like that. But you're talking about changing a
diaper and this is not something this is your child.
I feel like that is a big red flag and

(52:33):
there's something not really there about And it could be
a lot of different tropes going here. Number one, like
he already has older children and so it's like going
back to starting over again. But I just feel like
there is something emotionally off about a man who is
refusing to change his newborn's diapers.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
It kind of seems like he's just like, I'm I'm
not in parent mode until a certain stage right of
the child's life, which is kind of a ridiculous thing
to think or concept to be operating under as a father.
Like absolutely, yeah, it's not even just some of the
things that it's like, he needs to be walking, he
needs to be talking.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
He's to be able to tell me exactly what he's like,
who's But.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Also what else are you gonna tap out of? You know,
Like to me, it's like what else are you going
to tap out of? I think like in terms of partnership,
and you know, Ashanti is not a spring chicken, all right,
So I'm sure she's dealt with postpartum or just like
not necessarily postpartum, but things post having that baby that
just were not you know, not as easy, not as expected.

(53:43):
She's still you know, probably struggling with her identity, her size,
losing the baby. Wait, all this stuff, and you got
a man talking about something he ain't changing on any diapers,
And I just probably wonder how many times she's seen
that behavior about what he's not going to do or
what he doesn't want to show. I would feel that
wouldn't be something that I would want my husband to
want to outsource changing changing Like like.

Speaker 4 (54:06):
She went into this knowingly or does it seem like
something that she's just kind of learning that that's the way,
or from your point earlier, like she should have known
whether or not he expressed this beforehand, because he has
other kids.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
I think that she probably knew that he wasn't going
to be a doting father, you know, like and I
don't really think that's a a like just like an
X on her, you know. More so I think that
some women don't where you place the appropriate value on things.
I think now it's starting to rear its head, but

(54:42):
I think she probably knew that he wasn't going to
be this when a man is like going to be
a doting father, he's like got his head on the belly,
he's singing songs to the kid, and he's like at
the doctor's appointments and he's so excited. He's researching about
pregnancy and all types of stuff. Like you know what
type of dad you're going to get, and you may

(55:04):
even be pleasantly surprised by how that person like more.
But it's like, I think she probably knew that he
wasn't gonna be like that kind of dad.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Now is this a Southern thing?

Speaker 4 (55:14):
Because I feel like my stepdad he's from the South,
and when my sister and brother have their kids, he
had a similar mentality, Like he was with my nephews
all the time, like they would come over hang out
with pop pop or whatever. But when it came to
like changing diapers or anything like that, my stepdad was like, oh, no,
obviously he's not the father of the kids. But he
was just like and so I kind of got it

(55:36):
from his perspective that it was kind of like a
Southern thing, like men don't and men from the South,
y'all can let me know, Like the men from the South.
That's not stuff that we kind of do. So I
don't know if it's like a factor of that or
if it's just But.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Also to this saint fucking nineteen twenty, like women are
working as well, you know what I'm saying, like full
time jobs, and I think that you know, when people
talk about tradition, it's like is it traditional? Like are
we her? Are we in the Is the tradition still
the same? Because I'm working just as many hours as
you And now you're talking about some oh that's a
woman's job. Well what else is a woman's job that

(56:12):
I should or shouldn't be doing? Like things are just
not really the same anymore, and like we we need
men to play different, different kind of roles. Maybe I'll
feel more compelled to be like, Okay, yeah you want
to do no diapers because you out there working and
I don't have to do anything but worry about this
child and snapping back. Then I probably will be like, Okay, yeah,

(56:34):
you don't have to do that. I'll get up in
the middle of life. But they got the women working
and they don't want to change a diaper. Talking about
some of the traditional but nothing is traditional, you know,
So I don't know. I think that she probably knew
that he wasn't going to be that kind of dad,
and now she's seeing a little bit a little bit
of it. Also, I have done reality television, and I

(56:56):
have seen the cuts in the edit, so I always
give grace because we don't know exactly what was said
and what is going on. But I wouldn't let my
husband cop out on diaper duty. The hell we in
this together, you know what I'm saying, Like, I think that,
And I also think there's something to be said about
a man as well. If you going in, I'm going
in whatever. Whatever you're willing to do, I'm willing to do.

Speaker 4 (57:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the partanship Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
And I think that we had this conversation that there
are men that just truly do not understand how women's
bodies work. Like literally, have you seen this. It's this
guy and he's like going around the street and he's
asking questions, and he's asking men like how long do
women stay on their periods? These niggas are like twenty
eight days five? They literally don't know. And then he

(57:46):
has a cup and he's like, how much do you
feel like it's on a tampon with a woman, they
all are getting there wrong. Like a lot of times
men just truly don't know like women, the hormone, a
hormonal adjustment that you go through all of these things,
like you need help, you need assistance, like even like
mentally being okay afterwards, sacrificing your identity for being a mom,

(58:10):
Like you can't drink no more, you can't eat raw fish,
you can't eat. But it's all of these things that
you out here talking about something you can't You're not
going to change a diaper.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Mind, mind you the struggle of just getting out of
the bed, like just on your cycle, Like I have
one day every cycle where it's almost impossible for me
to get out of bed, Like I'm literally so exhausted
physically that like I work from the bed, like or
I just sleep and give myself grace for the day.
I can't imagine that on someone who's postpartum, right, like,

(58:38):
or someone who's in the middle of a pregnancy, like
what that would kind of do to them. So I'm
just like, yeah, they don't they don't know. I mean
not that it's not an excuse that they don't know, right,
but it's the reality of like they really don't know.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
Yeah, but I want to be with someone who really
is tapped in and wants to know and wants to know,
wants to know and wants to get us back because
once I'm back after this, babe, everything, you and I
are going to be back and better. So anyways, I mean,
I hope that he I'm sure the Internet that ate
him up about it, but I think Ashauncey knew, she

(59:12):
knew that that man won't gonna wasn't gonna be tapped
in like that. Anyways, there's that. Hopefully they're on the
same page now. Yeah, changed literally changed diapers. H