I Finally Started My Podcast: Let’s Talk Red Flags, Dating & Self-Worth

🎙️ Welcome to the very first episode of Dear Tisia — a space for real, raw, and unfiltered conversations about relationships, healing, and becoming the best version of yourself.
In this episode, I’m joined by my good friend Samira as we dive into what it means to hold your standards, trust yourself, and protect your peace — even when life (and love) gets messy. We’re talking red flags, dating preferences, confidence after a breakup, and why investing in yourself always pays off.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
All right, y'all, welcome to Dear to See You. Oh
my god, y'all, this is my first episode. I never
thought I would see today. It's so crazy. Once upon
a time, I remember walking through college and we were
walking through the hallways and one of my guy friends, Charles,
shout out to Charles. He was like, to see you.
What do you wanna What do you want to do

(00:31):
when you when you grow up? Like, what do you
want to be? And I said, Charles, I don't want
to have my own show. And I never forget this moment.
So when I tell y'all, listen, God does all things
well and everything will circle back around.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
So nigga, we made it.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Like I am so freaking excited. It has been a
long time coming, and here we are as our first
episode of Dear to See You, And this is just
gonna be so good. I feel like our podcast and
like the YouTube version, the visuals and the audio is
really just gonna give like the realest, rawest version of me,

(01:07):
no filter, and y'all will feel like like you literally
like are my bestie and so we always talk about
like big sister relationship advice. You're gonna feel like you're
my sibling, okay with this show. So I am just
so freaking excited. I'm so excited and this is gonna
be good. So strap up. We're gonna have great conversations,
great guests, and just keep it real, like you know,

(01:30):
just from to see you to the streets. So anyways,
I'm so excited. We on episode one, y'all, Strap up, baby,
strap up, because it's gonna be good.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
A couple of things to remind y'all of is follow
deer to see a podcast, don't play with me, and
don't play on my name. Okay, follow the dear to
see a podcast on Apple and Spotify. Okay. Also, we
have a couple goals. We want us to have some
five star reviews. So we want to have fifty thousand
followers on an Apple podcast, five hundred reviews, make it

(02:02):
five star. Okay, five hundred reviews, make it five star,
and then we want to have one hundred thousand subscribers
on both channels.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Okay. So those are our goals.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
And if you know me, you know I'm a dog
and I knock all of my goals out the park. Okay,
So don't play with me and don't play on my name.
I already know this shit gonna go up. Period, Like
I already know because I do what I do when
I does what I does, all right, So that's just that.
So anyways, I'm really excited and we have our good
friends Samira and our we called the pinat Gallery, right,

(02:34):
this is what to seea and friends and also a
fun story. I met Samira at this Shaye Moisture event. Yes,
Shae Moisture had this event at Park at the fourteenth
and I remember leaving the event and Samira was like,
I know you, I'm following you and I was like,

(02:54):
oh my god, girl, we have to be friends. And
when I tell you, it's just been like just like
cool vibes and I'm a tourist and Samir is a
Capricorn and if y'all Earth Signs link up, if you know,
you know, like it's just an understood kind of easy breeze.
I feel like Earth Signs and Earth Signs is the

(03:15):
best like low maintenance relationship they ever have. And so
like we've done like you know, an event. She came
to my Halloween party and it's just been like super cool.
We went to Dogan and we had dinner and literally
y'all know, when I left that event, I was like, fum, Like,
it's like you you never you have to have like

(03:36):
those first like initial experiences with people. Sometimes it's like
a girl's trip. Sometimes it's like you know, which could
be chaotic when you fuck around and don't be friends.
But when we went to dinner a dogan, I was like,
I really like, honestly, I feel like you were more
like realer than I thought.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Like.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I was like, oh no, I.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Love her, and we keep from her, we keep from
are we keeping her?

Speaker 1 (04:00):
So anyway, Samira is here to join us in the
Peanut Gallery to you know, keep things, keep things calm,
open minded, like really good dialogue and so like it's
gonna be girl It's gonna be girl talk. It's a
little yap, you know, at little yap, you know, a
little yap. So moving on, are we doing our first

(04:21):
red flag report? So the funniest thing because Samira was
at this Halloween party as well, y'all. Yes, last Halloween
October twenty twenty four, I was a walking red flax.
It was perfect and it was just I saw this
on the internet. I was like, oh my god, got
do this because y'all know how I feel about the

(04:41):
fucking red fils, you know how full about the red flag.
And I was just like, there's so many red flags
that I have for men, just like not making a
certain amount of money, like not being just confident. Also
just like the Van Cleeve bracelets, the selfie lights, and
the the hookah. If you smoke fucking hookah in the club,

(05:06):
you ain't got nothing to say to me. Okay, I
cannot do it and I won't do it. It's something
aesthetically like not right about a man blowing on a Also,
tobacco is so bad for y'all. Please stop what y'all doing.
Stop with all this smoking, even a cigar thing. I
hate smoke. It's so intrue, sove So it is some
of my red flags. Anyways, I put this segment into

(05:27):
my show because I'm just like so many women, there
are red flags. And it may start off staffron and
may start off pink Okay, it may start off a
little light baby, pink baby, and then turned into its
right in terms of so I'm very big on a
red flag and I feel like, honestly, like I am

(05:47):
the queen of like where there's smoke, there's fire, people
are like, Oh, you're thirty seven, you a dating coach.
Ain't got baby? I know what a red flag look like.
If you have better discernment, you will be on this
side of life.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
As well, and you have the life experiences to know.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Yes, yes, look life experience, life experience. Okay, so I'll
be running our red flag report, Drey. Okay, perfect, Okay.
So this clip is from the viral dating show Popped
the Balloon. Shout out to our girl from being on Netflix.
I got a pause here are rooting for everybody black,
and that's a big dog deal. Like, y'all, don't be
a hater like.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
That, Please don't.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
I'm so fucking proud. I don't know this girl, never
met her date in my fucking life, but look, shout
out to them big deals. Okay, so many people, like
I think a lot of us think about like the Beastimone,
think about the Drew Skis. Shout out to them, big
fucking endorsements because they changing people lives. Anyway, Shout out
to oh, our good sister who got her popped the
balloon show on fucking Netflix.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Period. Okay.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
This clip is from viral Viral, the viral dating show
Popped the Balloon. In it, a man gets visibly agitated
after multiple women pop their balloons, saying he's too short.
When they explained their reasoning, he gets defensive and start
are expiring back, criticizing their wigs, lashes, and overall appearance.

(07:05):
His argument, if he's not allowed to comment on their looks,
why is it okay for them to judge his hYP
One woman shuts it down by saying she doesn't like
men who argue with women.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
Come and take a moment.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
I can't do either. And if you're truly confident, you
wouldn't attack someone just because they don't prefer you physically.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Sure.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay, so this is Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
I have so many things to say about this example.
First of all, y'all know I'm team height does not matter.
If you looked at my exes, my situationships, my boo bays,
whenever there's no fucking rhyme or reason, and they're crazy.
The only thing that's a constant is intelligence. Yes, that's
one thing I'm not gonna budge on. The Only thing

(07:51):
that you can collect from all the men that I've
dated is that they are all very intelligent men. If
you are intelligent, you'll always find the money. Okay, I'm
just a sapio. Like I just love having great conversations.
I love like intellectual stimulation. This is such a good
example and like a bad example because he said it

(08:12):
so terribly for like short men, because what I have
found about short men is that they're more charming. Yeah,
they have just overall, like they moved through space is
so much easier because they have to overcompensate for other things.
So they are more likely to be a high earner achieving.
They are more likely to be a high earner, okay,
high achieving because they know they got a little bit,

(08:34):
you know, a little bit more to do. And when
you see these men that's six foot three, six foot four.
As a psychology major, okay, society socializes good looking people
in general, good looking women, good looking men. They literally
socialize you that you have to do less. That's just simple.
We did We did studies on babies where people spectators

(08:58):
found them more attractive. They treated them better. The children
I'm talking about infants that they found less attractive. They
smile at babies that they found to be more attracted.
So this is just a whole trope. People that are
more authetically pleasing have to do less than life. This
is why you get this dumb blind trope, right. So
it's just so sad that he was a short king

(09:20):
that cut up the way, yes cut up like that.

Speaker 4 (09:23):
It like I felt like, okay, so listen. I think
women have been conditioned to know that if you're not
a prefer like a man's preference, you just kind of
move along. Like I think so many of us have
been told, oh, you're not you know, you're you're not
just getting tone I'm looking for. You don't have hair,
type of hair, or you know, whatever the background, and
so we usually don't make a big deal about it

(09:45):
and we kind of just keep it moving, you know,
like all the girls were just like, oh okay, like
you don't like we even lashes cool a wear, We
even lashes move along like. But obviously I think he
needs to do a little internal work because it was
it just sounded like a lot of lashing.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
Out, a lot of lash. Yeah, and just like I
think maybe like just kind of public embarrassment and just
like everybody.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Kind of you know, popping your boom balloon.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
But what I can say though, y'all is like there
is this trope with women. It's like, sweetheart, why are
you five foot three requiring that leave these kings for
the look five eight and up? Why are you five
foot two requiring.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
That a man be six foot you know?

Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's like, come on now, y'all.

Speaker 4 (10:33):
We camera when I say this as a girl who
is five nine, five ten on my good days, please,
what is the purpose my short queens?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Please?

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Please leave, leave somebody please. You gotta you know, we
gotta lighten up on this, on this tight this is
my thing, even when it comes to like size doesn't matter,
height doesn't matter. I don't hold men accountable for anything
that they cannot change for sure.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
That's just that's real.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Seriously, nothing you could do about what's down there at all,
and it's a million ways of skin a cat. I'm
gonna get there, and we're gonna get there. I don't
care about what. I don't the height, it's nothing that
you can do about. I like to put people.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
On the same plans.

Speaker 5 (11:19):
Now.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
I do have bill preferences.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
So it's like, if you are shorter, at least have
a little meat on your bones.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
I want to be oneer like am.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
I heard your leg? Like baby? I heavy? You know
at least have a little. I do have stature preferences,
but when it comes to height, look, I think I
feel like Kevin Hart and his wife said it off.
I don't care how far you are and you cool,
I'm cool. If you with it, I'm good with it.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
For me, I feel like if you are not as tall,
but you like clearly take care of your body and
like all of that, like that to me is always appealing.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, you can't control them.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
They're kind, they're kind, they're generous, and I feel like
for women, you always I know, sound crazy, but like
I'm always looking for that man with that little caveat
because that's where you're gonna get the princess treatment. You're
not if these men that are they got the six
pack abs, they six feet, they six figures, they they
they mixy in the club, they outside them the ones

(12:18):
that's them, the worst ones, and they're not gonna give
you like the true princess tripp. You need a nigga
that's limping a little bit. And when the limp could
be like getting you shorter. So like you know that
you really don't deserve me, Yes, like you really know
that you kind of you bag the baddy and if
you'm giving you, I'm giving you a chance. And if
you didn't have all these other things going, like personality,

(12:42):
like being a gentleman, courtship and being a high earner,
good character, look at face value, probably would dumb.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Dumb.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
The ones that get drink your dirty bath water. Yeah,
the ones with the abs are are diabolical. And I
love a dad boy. I love a like just a
big it just deppends. But like big Daddy season never
won us out from me Berry, y'all want to know
who's my like celebrity cruestion? Can I say this because
he married?

Speaker 3 (13:09):
No?

Speaker 2 (13:09):
No, it's okay, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
Chanel Iman's husband. Yeah, if the ship don't work out,
called me. I know I'm not your type because you
know Chanelle's a supermodel Bill. Okay, but that man. Do
you see that man dress his fucking ass off and.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Chanel hit a switch he be dressing Chanel. Yes, Chanel Iman's.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Husband is my proto if I had to like crab,
build a bear my fucking husband.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
In terms of teeth, style, complexion size.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
I can see that for you.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
That yes, absolutely it's given a football player Bill, Look
football player Bill that is literally like my like celebrity question.
Then once he got you know, they got kids and
ship too. Now just like, look, I know I'm not
your because clearly you know. But I just I just
love a big I love the visual, love the visual. Again,

(14:11):
I can do again, short and small look ain't never.
But anyways, back to this man, Yeah, he literally did
short kings such a disservice. He I mean he he
literally jumped off the deep end. Then he said, well
I don't like which, which actually proved our point to
the counter, which is that everybody has preferences.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
You want to know how many.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Men that meet women that are like, yo, she's so cool.
These are women that they make their fucking friends on
and make their besties. Okay, she's so cool. She makes
me feel safe. Seen, I love talking to her. But
they never they never enter that romantic space because they're
not attracted to and men don't make those type of
concessions they're certain.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
To.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
There are certain pages that I wish that women will
take out of men's book, and that is to have
the fucking audacity. Men don't marry what they don't like,
absolutely women what they say. Men marry women hoping that
they'll stay the same. Men marry women hoping that they'll change.
Men just want that same home girl, low key girl
that they met back in the day in college. They

(15:18):
want you to stay simple. They want you to you know.
This is why when people start earning more money and
shit goes, stuff gets crazy, stuff get crazy and go left,
women will marry and the hope that shit will get
better yep, and that things will change and things will evolve.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
You get what you get, and you get what you get.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
And men are not that I wish women unto. Men
are not that flexible, they're not that eye down. You're
gonna get whomever that you date. You're going to get
ten percent better, ten percent growth as they marry. So
if you married a sixty percent by the time you
marry him, his cap is seventy seventy five at the most.

(15:57):
So you gotta get in good where you are. Don't
marry for potential, don't date for old. Things are gonna
get better, Like in terms of his character, things are
not gonna get that much better because men are just
like solid, rigid people like women are natural. Their incubators
were flexible. We're agile, we're fluid, like we can multitask, like,

(16:18):
there are just so many beautiful things about women, but men.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
It's rigid. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
They may do a little bit more, you know, a
little bit. It's a little bit at but it's it's
really not gonna get that much better than what they
already are how you met them, right.

Speaker 4 (16:32):
And I had I had a man I was dating
one time who said this, I love taking like little
tokens of knowledge from the guys that I date. Yes,
and he said, women always know exactly who they're marrying.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Oh yeah, there's.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
No mystery to it.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
And so don't act shocked like and how inflexible he is,
Like you, you know exactly who you're walking down exactly
the hour.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
For the most part.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
But you know what'sn't I think it's important about what
you said when you say that, I like to take
little tokens of what This is why women's biggest value
add is to diversify their dating pool. If you don't
fucking know what's out there and you don't know what
you like and you haven't dated enough people to collect

(17:17):
those gems, I promise you it will hinder you in
life future. I see it all the time. In my
girls chat, there's women that are divorced. There are you know,
going through a breakup there. Then they're like, I don't
know what's going on out here. See this a whole
new life. It's a whole new world. I don't know
nothing about this. The best thing you can do as
a woman is diversify your dating or day short, day,

(17:40):
tall day old, they younger, all the shit that it
will give you more confidence. Yep, it will give you
so much more confidence. It will teach you so many
more things about yourself, Okay, and it will really just
kind of like boss you up, like when you run
across some man and just like, well, you took me
out to dinner and he opened the door when I

(18:01):
got in, and when I fucking got.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
Out, and there were flowers in the seat, and there were.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Flowers in the seat, and he ordered me a drink
before I fucking got there, And he said, do you
want to I can send you an uber if you don't.
I learned a lot of shit from dating. They I
always tell people, bitch, I'm a professional, Okay, bumble be, Okay,
Autumn shits, I've been on it, and I feel like
I date for social data, because I literally I know

(18:28):
what the status is. I know where men are doing.
I know what they what they will do. And if
you if you haven't dated enough, you're not gonna know
what's available to you. And crazy, you're not gonna even
know what tax bracket you follow in because that's a
whole nother fucking thing.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, you can have a whole episode on that, but.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
You're not gonna know. I always tell women, we didn't
make the rules. But as a woman, you get so
many privileges in life. And this is snoshee. I have
some of my closest friends that just like, I don't
want to be married. I don't you know, marriage is
a desire of mind. I said, bitch, that's your birth right. Okay,
it's show fucking birth right to be loved on, to

(19:07):
be taken care of, to have a husband, to oversee
and be ahead of this fucking household. And I said,
you're too fucking beautiful, okay. And you you know there's
some women that are just a little chicken headsh a
little you know, they ain't quite tapped there, right, But
there's women out here that's like, no, you better get
your birth right, get your fucking reparations, because even if

(19:29):
you don't desire marriage, it's like I hate to say,
but it's almost like it's like a waste of womanhood.
It's like, bro, you deserve even if it's just partnership
and without the legal legalities of it, it's like it's
show fucking birth right to have these niggas take care
of loving, com loving companionship, safety, peace, somebody that's just

(19:51):
show supervisor, your chaperone, my friend, I got this show.
We'd be like, next time I go to Broccoli City Fest, Okay,
next time I go out, my BA coming to pick
me up. I'm tired running these streets.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
More important than anything though, a man who is your friend,
like your homie, like your rights, you know, right, like.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Got your back, not gonna you know even you know
they have your front, your peripheral front back. Whatever you
say you are, you want to say, I want to
sell water on the corner. They're gonna be like, is
it acuapana is designing?

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Is it stereotoga for the cause what you're trying to do?
And I think, like that's type of advestment.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
But I feel like.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Some women that'show that's your fucking birth right.

Speaker 4 (20:32):
Yeah, I mean I have so many friends whereas I
mean obviously you where I'm whenever i'm with y'all, I'm
just like somebody's wife. That's just what it gives. Like
you just I look at you and I'm like, oh,
somebody's wife, and.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
I honestly, I just feel it's almost like a sadness.
It's like when when is it happening? The amount of
being like, well, she just hard to find a woman
that got no kids. Nigga, I got thirty take your pics. Well,
I got so many friends thirty plus thirty five plus
no kids, never been there or never been engaged, all
that type of stuffy. It's like it's stunny, educated and

(21:06):
good hell on their shoulders, like have come from good families,
you know what I'm saying. So AnyWho, he messed it
up for the short Kings, and I feel like there
was a good representative that he could have given and
he just he went, he went completely left. But it's
so important to watch how a man talks to you
when they say you want to see how a man
treat you when he's angry, when he's when he's low

(21:29):
on funds, when that business plan didn't work out when
you want to the way that this man turned up
on them, on.

Speaker 4 (21:34):
Those girls so uncower for But then you know what
would have been crazy if he had properly managed his
emotions in that situation there was there probably would have
been some girl watching that show like he's fine and probably.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
But you literally you let all the short kings down
because you turned up. And it's also so important, how
do you treat women that you're not attracted to? Yes,
because men are conditions to treat women that they're not
attracted to, Hello, like trash. How are you treating the
women that you're not attracted to? And what we saw
is that you're talking about the lashes, what you don't
like what he just became so so defensive. And I

(22:13):
really do believe that shorter men have so much more,
so much more confidence, you know, like that I have
just experienced shorter men just so much better, like.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
For sure, yeh better be very kind.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Very kind, understanding, and I feel like they've seen life
world in a world review, they have like a better perspective.
People that been through Shiit are some of the most grounded,
humble paisl and it makes them have to climb higher,
do more. And those type of people that are constantly
like having to overcome obstacles. Those people are just like

(22:48):
level headed and just honestly, I feel like they make
great partners.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
So they do this.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
This man fumbled that.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Bag, like he's unfortunate.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
He lost his cool because some girl popped after after
she had a couple balloons. He might he might have
had a balloon left. And also, look confident. People don't
say that they're confident. And Oprah don't say that she
got money at all. Okay, you're talking about something. I'm
the most confident. That's the quickest.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Look.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Beyonce doesn't say she's the best entertainer.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
Hello, that's the worst lie. Okay. Anyways, anyways, we'll be
moving on to Dre the next clip. Okay, so this clip.
Before we get into this clip, I've always said that,
like my dream job is to be the for the

(23:39):
the young community, right, Like I've always wanted to be
like like look, VH one, MTV, fucking Lifetime call me, Okay,
I need to be the fucking coach for all all
these love is blind people and all of these VH
one hip hop love and hip hop fucking stars. That's
throwing drinks around the counter, okay and cutting up like that. Yes,

(24:02):
a lot of these girls are so broken, have so many.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
And look traumatized.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
The Carli reds that were about to talk about look
the Evelyn Lozada's.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
Okay here you.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Call me look coach, I'm your coach.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Anyways. In this clip from The Morning Hustle reality star
Carli Red firmly says, I also shout out to Lareo
U on The Morning Hustle love her. The Morning Hustle
reality star Carli Redd firmly says that under no circumstances
shauld her friend ever contact her man, not even if

(24:37):
she's died in a car accident. Girl, She says, it's
not about insecurity. We're gonna come back to that, it's
just her personal boundary. Lreo pushes back slightly, asking what
if the friend knew him before, but Carly draws a
hard line. If she introduced them, the relationship ends there,
no text, no calls, no excuses. I wish that more

(25:01):
women had healthier relationships with other women. Let me tell
you this, if I'm on the fucking side of the role,
call my friend.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
I never I don't have people around me that I
would question if they would do anything like that. And
when Carly Red said, it's not about insecurity, I have
watched you for a long time.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Baby.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Look look I'm looking at the camera. Okay to see
it knows I have watched Carly for a long time. Also, Carly,
I saw you in Ghana. We met in Ghana, Carly, Okay,
so call me bad because one of them husbands already out.
You went the media by one of them husbands didn't
work out. Okay, plan he paying alimony to you. Now
you've marder some other man. That's all other story. But
I mean when you watched the show, she was recording him,

(25:44):
she had her purse there. It's just so it's it's incessive,
constant trope and pattern about her being cheated on, her
being lied to and things like that, and the way
that she went in on Bambi for trying to a.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Birthday party for her.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Imagine imagine your friend caring about you so much that
they want you to have a good birthday, and you
blow up because you found out that your friend was
reaching out to your men. There's like a there's like
a woman Baseline g coo. Right, it's like a it's
like a girl's thing, right that number one, you shouldn't

(26:22):
have those people around you. But I also would see
like how you maintain friendships, and we saw it with
her and Spice. She was moving next door, buying the
house next door. It was just all type of shit.
And I've been somebody who's been on reality television, so
I know how things are edited and like cut up
and stuff like that. But girl, constantly, Carly, you done

(26:43):
had ten engagements. Remember it was Life Jenning's on there.
It was an other guy.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Yes, it was like Siunds. It's like, now, granted, get
the ring, but you can't keep the ring. And that's
internal shit. I always say, the men that you attract
are two fingers fucking pointed back at you.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
For sure. It's a mirror. It's a mirror.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
So that ship that you're going through, Carly, until it
looks until you do right by me, everything you do,
you do okay, until you do it right by yourself,
everything you fucking touch, it's gonna burn the hell period.
And you gotta get in the mud and you gotta
do that fucking work. Because Carly, she got a lot

(27:25):
of shit on her.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
And I always find that.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
Women who deeply distrust other women, I feel like it
goes back to childhood and maybe even the distrust of
their own mother. It can get really like deep and nuanced, right,
There are layers to that. Obviously we don't know her
like personal life like that, but I'd be interested in
maybe exploring that a little bit.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, I don't know, but you can.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
Even see a little nuances of that of when her
daughter's relationship on the show, you know, and you know,
I don't bring people kids into shy about that, but
you can tell that there is something there even with
her daughter's relationship. And the great thing about is that
the girls community that I've created, I have a.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Direct ear to the street.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
You will be surprised how many women have mommy issues.
Fuck the daddy issues, okay, Oh it is the mommy issues. Okay.
The amount of women that are in my Secret Girls
Chat that are talking about their doing their mom's hatred
towards them, their first their first hater was their mother,

(28:38):
crazy words. It is crazy. The amount of women that
do not have a good relationship with their mom, battling
for attention. They've been used as a pond between the
dad and you know, the marriage they had to choose
and decide, and just.

Speaker 4 (28:54):
Where their mothers see them as competition.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Oh, it's so many things.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
And why these men out here talk about daddy issues,
it be these mommy issues. And I'm gonna tell you
that a mom a young lady who hasn't had her dad,
versus a young lady who hasn't had their mom. And
the crazy thing is that the ship end up webbing
back to the same kind of internal thing. But the
way that those women experience life not having their mom

(29:21):
versus having an absentee dad, and it's no shade is
almost you know, common practice for a black woman to
just know how to survive without her dad. We've been
socialized to be the rich unties. We've been socialized to
be like, oh, if you don't get a man, you'll
be okay, don't get a degree, go make money, go
travel the world. Right, And it's the same thing with

(29:43):
like daddy shit. Right, It's like we've just kind of
learned how to coast through it. But the women who
have not had their moms, that's.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
A deep wound.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
It's deeper than the daddy shit.

Speaker 4 (29:55):
And I also think that mothers are Mothers are such
a taboo topic in the black community because they are
seen as the backbone, right, so we don't touch it.
I mean, I know a lot of men with mom issues,
you know, but the way that it hits a girl
is a little different.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
That they're like yeah, in this crasy. I feel like
like everything stems from that, even like the men that
have like mom issues, everything kind of stems from that.
But like just like that fundamental foundation and also like
women have to be taught how to you know, be
a woman, Like even growing up, my mom was very ill.

(30:34):
Wasn't that she was absent, but she was sick growing up,
and I think like even seeing how she managed our
household and just how she could honestly being a dictator
from her fucking bed, like my mom was a bed
was low key like bed ridden, but running ship from her.
And it really taught me that get it done, yes,

(30:56):
And this is why I'm a dog, Like I'm I
don't give a fuck what I You put a wall
up from me, I'm like, Okay, it's a couple of
rocks I can climb up to get over this. Here,
You're right, And I think It's like just like having
a mom that was like honestly disabled handicap, you know,
because of her weight, because of her illness, is having
breast cancer, kidney all type of shit.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Right.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
It taught me that, like you can get it done,
ray haill sleep or snow period.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (31:21):
I mean I even think about my mother and how
my mom was the first person to affirm me and
be like, my god, you're so pretty. Yeah, you know,
and you take small things like that for granted, but
your mother really is she really does start your she
really opens your heart, yes, And yeah, yeah, relationships with

(31:45):
mothers are something that I do think we need to
talk about a lot more in the black community because
the daddy talk is that's a whole nother conversation. But
women are supposed to be the healers and when you
don't have that in your life detrimental.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Yeah mmm, So anyways, Carly call me, call me. I
have watched her for a long time, a long time,
and I'm just like, there's just so many like missing
pieces and we've seen We've seen Carly through friendship for sure,
through parenting, through a partner, engagement, marriages like and from

(32:23):
every lens, every lens and and ship really working out.
And that's that's two fingers back on yourself. And that's
what love I always say, and that's what love. Carly
called me. I got your way, I got you I
got you back, I got your back, I got your back.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Okay, anything I just want to say about Carly. We
love to support our sisters, still really do.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
And this is really just like a service public service announcement. Carlely,
you got some you got some things to work.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Carly, you're Stunnings beautiful.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
I saw Carly and Ghana wagon swanging, okay, looking like
a twenty year old Okay.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
I saw I met.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
Harley up and personal in Ghana, and she is fucking stunny.
And not only that, she's very personable, like I.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
Love a girl's girl.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
You know, she was very sweet. But this ship that
we seeing on TV fighting the men, the mommy shit
that you got going on, and even like the friendship, the.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Beauty doesn't match that. We want the beauty to make want.
We want the beauty to max the match.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
And so when she said it's not even about insecurity,
not wanting your friends to call your man even if
you were.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
Dying, that's really crazy.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
That's crazy.

Speaker 4 (33:39):
And also like as women, you know, the older we get.
You know, I've watched my friends become mothers, the way
that they depend on other women.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
In their lives. We are our own network. And you you.

Speaker 4 (33:50):
Don't want your friends to be able to communicate with
Now if stuff is weird, we don't know about it, Okay,
Like then sure, don't have her contact your husband. But
you need support, you need your friendship and stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Have you ever seen these two things.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
There's one Indian guy on Instagram and he talks about
how his mother, Indian woman, raise him and he said,
she say, if you're ever in trouble, find you find
a black woman. And then it was this other lady
on Instagram and she said, if you are ever in trouble,
scream mommy, because every fucking woman around the sound of

(34:24):
a child crying. Okay, they know everybody's listening for their kid,
right number one, You find you a black woman, if
you're in trouble, you call out mommy, and all them
women a gonna turn. A woman is coming to say today,
period point of blank, period point of blank.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (34:39):
My whole life I've depended on women. You know, there
are a lot of women in my mind. I have sisters,
I got cousins who are women like you know, my
friends and stuff. I don't I would be in shambles
without women.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
So I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Girl. I'm
tea girls, I'm a girls girls. Okay, talk to the
lady about that. What you saying?

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Pay that look? And this is why I don't let
men play with me and I don't let men waste
my time. And when people talk about something, Oh you
a gold digger, why you and day broke me in?
I spent too much fucking money. I spent too much
money in therapy. Okay, so I invested in myself the
r O I on this ship. Okay, I'm gonna go

(35:18):
spend it with a man who also, to just general,
men who are not financially well, they are angry and
bitter and they don't like poor right because they're not
where they need to be. And this is why I
recommend that women don't be right or dies, because when
they do get there, they want to experience that newness
with somebody else, not the one that was they drugged
through the mud and all that kind of stuff. So yeah,

(35:39):
the reason why I don't look, I don't date down
is because the r O I on my life's fucking work.
Y'all don't know what I've been doing. I've been through
all types of sh drug addiction, not myself personally, but
just like.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
In my like, let me stut that up.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
I'm not drugs, right, But it's like, all the ship
that I've been through, at least you could have as
a coin. Absolutely, all the money that I've spent in
therapy to fix all this fucked up shit that happened
to me growing up, at least you could have as
a coin. So I don't have to suffer through fucking poverty,
childhood trauma.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
I'm not gonna do it.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
So we can come together as heal people. It just
makes more sense heal people, you.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
Know, hell people. Healing is a life's work. Anyways, I digress.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Are we on to our second segment?

Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yes we are, Okay we thirty minutes, say guys. Our
second segment is my This is one of my favorites,
the Bitch You Smell segment, And this is so important
to me, which is why I wanted to put this
into my show. Is because anybody that knows me knows
that I love fragrance. I'll never forget. One of the
first fragrances a friend of my ball in high school

(36:45):
was this Adida fragrance. And even back in like you
can look back at old Facebook memories and remember when
they had the photo grid. Yeah, I will put my outfit,
my shoe, and my fragrance years ago.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Bring it back.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
Been down being gay, not new to this shit, true
to this shit, Okay, I have always had, Like, fragrance
has always been a part of my life, and I
wanted to be a.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Part of my show.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
Like I just love the art of smelling.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
Good and it's just science.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
It's a science, and it's just a signature, like people
can smell you and it just says so much about you. Right,
and so AnyWho, the Fragrance of the day. I'm actually
unboxing this with everybody.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
This is so exciting.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
This is a girlin Paris, y'all. This is actually the
most expensive fragrance that I've ever ever purchased. Okay, and
I have not opened it eve though I bought this
months ago, I haven't opened it because I wanted to
unbox it here on our first episode of Dear to
See You. But I'm like so excited. Oh my, I
got this engraved in every fucking thing witch like this.

(37:53):
This was for my birthday and I really, I really
wanted it to be something good.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
And the reviews.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Always look at the reviews, but this, I always look
at the reviews before.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
Do you want to do this over? Drey?

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Okay, I always look at the reviews when I'm buying
a fragrance. I'll never forget. I was on the clock
app TikTok and this lady said that this fragrance was
like peace in heaven on earth. She said that when
she smelled it. And I have read a lot of
reviews about that, but it was that one thing that
she said, and I said, oh yeah, this is smell right, Okay,

(38:28):
this was the one that I needed to get.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Okay, so let's look.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Let's see what we got.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Let's see what we got. While I'm opening this up,
just giving expensive.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Look, it's giving it expensive girl. Also, anybody that's a
look at no shade a bathroom body works.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Girl, You gotta you gotta girl. Did you wear a
love spell in high school? Did I?

Speaker 1 (38:51):
And what's it?

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Cotton blossom? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Oh wait a minute, Okay, I think it goes okay,
d duh, look y'all, not y'all watching me struggle, because okay,
I think I wrote myself a birthday gift on this one.
Oh my god, hold on, let me see if I
wrote myself a birthday notice.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
Oh I'm gonna cry.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Okay, so, oh my gosh, I wrote this girlin Paris, Fragrance,
they allowed you to write a birthday gift like you
can write a note if it's a gift, y'all. Why
did I put cheers to a million? Now, I'm not
a fucking million, but by by the time that y'all

(39:32):
see this, I may be out of millions almost there.
Oh my god. This says cheers to a million. Yes,
oh my god, cheers.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
To a million.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
I'll be at a million by the time y'all see
this episode. Oh my god, I forgot I put.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
That in there. Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Okay, let's say we're unboxing.

Speaker 4 (39:56):
Drum roll please, Okay.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
Let's see. Oh I was able to even pick this
green ribbon threading.

Speaker 4 (40:09):
It's my favorite color. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
So it says to see an XBS twenty. So also randomly.
Twenty is my favorite number because my mother and my
birthday are both on the twentieth. My mother was December
twentieth and I am April twentieth. So twenty is my
favorite number. And so, oh my, how fucking fancy is
this stunning bottle?

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Stunning bottle? Oh my gosh, I love the presentation.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
It is so good.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Ok, let's smell it. Let's smell it. Let's see.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
You're gonna do a box right first?

Speaker 2 (40:43):
Yeah, it smells like what are the notes? I was
supposed to look that up?

Speaker 1 (40:55):
This smells like like Italy, a wedding in Italy, quarter France.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
A little like summer almost.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
It's like sweet honey ooh, just.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
Like a warm an ocean breeze.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
It's too good.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
It comes with us a little bad.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Yes, anyways, this was my birthday fragrance that I never unboxed.
And you could even put this be like you can
pick different emblems that you want on there, and my
name is engraved on it. This is literally my most
expensive fragrance purchase to date. Yes, we love this for you,
And what a better what a better time.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
At a moment like this.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Everything's expensive these days, and my time my attitude, my life,
this YouTube channel. Okay, all of this shit is is
given most expensive, what the time to be alive?

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Because you deserve?

Speaker 1 (41:50):
I deserve?

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Yes, you do. Anyways, can over there know what? I'm
gonna smell it as soon as we're done. Yes, I'm
so excited. Yeah period.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Anyways, that was so cute.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
I'm so excited. Share so yes, I forgot I'll put
that in there.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
How befitting?

Speaker 2 (42:08):
How the fitting?

Speaker 1 (42:09):
Okay, we're on to our voicemail, Drey, Yes, make sure.

Speaker 2 (42:14):
The envelope beside you?

Speaker 1 (42:15):
You? Yes, all right?

Speaker 2 (42:17):
You ready for the first one? Yes, dear to see you.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
Me and my husband have been separated almost a year now.
The last couple of months, him and I have been
going on dates. We've been spending family time together with
our children, and we have been sleeping together. Last week,
my husband told me that he no longer wants to
pursue an opportunity of trying to make our marriage work.

(42:51):
He just wanted to be friends. I was pretty upset
about that, and I just let it be. Yesterday was
Mother's Day. I woke up to an empty house because
our children was with him. I text him asking him
if I can come over to lay on his couch
because I felt lonely. He said, yes, I went over
there to just chill up, onto my kids and be

(43:14):
around some people. And I found out that he had
bought another girl that he has been talking to, a big,
beautiful bouquet of flowers and something from Gucci. And he
also purchased me ten dollar flowers that were half dead
that were given to me.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
By my son.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Even though I know that my husband is not for me,
the energy has shifted where I just feel like he
is on top and I'm on bottom. How do I
shift the energy to make me feel more confident?

Speaker 1 (43:53):
He treated you how you treated yourself, and you out
your bag and you're on a roll. But inside of
the street, okay, he treated you how you treated yourself.
Because the first thing that you said, one of the
opening things that you said, is that my husband and
I have been separated, but we've been going out on
dates and sleeping together. He not gonna give a fuck

(44:13):
about nothing that you say at this point. Okay, he
got gonna care about your boundaries. He not gonna care
about oh we separate, we not together. Let's make this work.
Let's not make this work because he treated you how
you treated yourself. You literally let him intrude on everything
that y'all have going on to still go out on
dates and have sex together, no boundaries, no boundaries. And

(44:37):
then you're like, even though I know my husband is
not the one for me, do you know?

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Do you know that this movie is about you?

Speaker 1 (44:44):
I don't know that you know? Because when you said
the house was empty, and I can empathize with a
woman's first mother's day where you come from being having
a husband and children, that first mother's day is a
mind fuck, right because you're just like, who mind? Am
I really a mother? I don't have a partner. You know,
things can get a little bit weird. I can only imagine,

(45:06):
But for imagine asking can I come lay on your
fucking couch? You know what? I know what that signals
to a man that you ain't got shit going on
for you. You ain't got a girl's brunch, you ain't
got a friend, you can't hang out with your mama,
you ain't got a spa day, you ain't got nothing.
You want to come lay on my couch? And also,

(45:28):
I'm gonna read between the lines what she said and
what she did and say how you know he bought
that girl a Gucci purse because you went fucking digging
and you probably went over there to seat sleep on
his couch, so you find out what he was fucking
doing it, because how did you? How would you know that?
And you can already tell that you were vibrating low.
You were on the wrong side of the street, and

(45:48):
you were going in there to peak game. And once
you signaled to a man that you ain't got nothing
to do, I always say, look good, do good, look good,
do good. Absolutely, you don't have nothing going for yourself,
and you begging to come sleep on his couch, and
he got you dead ten dollars flowers and got her Gucci,

(46:10):
even when him telling you that he doesn't want to
be together, he doesn't want to pursue a relationship, and
you're still mourning and craving for the connection if you
wanted She's the last part of her question was how
do I flip this to kind of get my power back?
You gotta o no reverse, absolutely got to treat these
niggas bad. He would be if you want to let

(46:36):
how old is them kids? Let them kids answer the
fucking phone. Put that nigga on the iPad. You want
to talk to these kids, call them on the iPad.
You gotta literally cut off all the fucking access, all
no contact and make it strictly about parenting. You gotta
make a nigga curious about you again. And when you
start pulling back and you're not can I come sleep
on your couch because I'm lonely? Okay, he gonna be like, damn,

(46:58):
what's up with Shonda? What's up with what's up?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
What's up with her?

Speaker 1 (47:02):
What she got going on? What she doing? You gotta
make these men curious, and you gave it all up
down to I don't need nothing for Mother's Day.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
I just want to come sleep on your couch. Men
are men are interested in interesting women?

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yes, you want to know what's interesting to men. You
said men are interesting. Men are interested in interesting women,
and you want to know what an interesting woman looks like.
You got your own fucking life.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Life, hobby, Hobby's friends plans.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
You know how to say no. One of the biggest
trick bags is that if you're more patient, if you're
more kind, if you're more understanding, that the man is
gonna think, like, Wow, she really likes me. She wanted
it makes you an easy target. You need to be difficult. Absolutely,
you gotta get this neg or run for his money
like you want to have. I gotta do because she's

(47:55):
not gonna like.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
That inconvenient to him because men convenience women all the.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Time, convenience his ass. Okay, she completely shucked this girl.
Thank you for writing in. I really empathize with you
because I know that first Mother's.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Day is very, very hard.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
But ye out your bag. You got treat that nigga bag.
I'm telling you, treat him like he is. Like the
only thing y'all got in common is on fucking kids.
Let the kids talk. I meet so many and I
hate to say baby mamas and men and women that
are just connected to men by children and for some

(48:32):
reason if they think that it elevates their status.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Gosh, it's just like.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Well, I love him, he's a child of mine. All
these niggas the same. It don't matter if you lend
your wounds, okay or not. All these niggas is the same,
same formula, same formula. It don't nothing to people like, well,
what if you got a co parent? What to treat
these niggas like you will treat anybody else blank, even
a man that you have children with. If it ain't

(49:00):
about the kid, you ain't got nothing to talk about.
And I'm telling you it will make them more curious
about you. You relinquish all your power when Mother's Day
came and you wanted to go, and you went over there,
diggings this. You either went through that phone, you went
through that email. You saw motherfucking order.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
What was sent to.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
That other That's crazy down to Gucci because.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
At the end of the day, right here, you have
a man who has made no commitment to you, but
you are committed to making him commit himself to you.
When he said he doesn't want.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
To, he said he doesn't want to.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
I hate this for the girls.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
I hate this for you, sis I seriously do you
literally are like you're you're begging, You're begging for him,
and not only that. Imagine and this when people ask
me or why you thirty seven when no kids? Imagine
you lending your womb to a man. Black women have

(50:02):
the highest hello mortalenty and have in going through childbirth
is the closest thing to death, the closest thing to
death that a woman can experience. And imagine lending your
womb to a man and he out here buying a
bitch Gucci.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
That's made no commitment to you, none.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
That is not the mother of your child. Just off
gp and respect. You could have got better than ten
dollar flowers and you out here begging to sleep on
this man couch. I hate this for you, says do
it's really but if you want to flip this treat
that nigga bad at and again, keep it cute. If
it ain't about the kids, you live your life, enjoy

(50:41):
yourself even if lou what Rihanna say faked okay, and
you you don't know if you wake up on the
wrong side of the bed faked post your selfies, get cute,
go out, ball out, go get a degree, invest in yourself,
go to school, all type of shit.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (50:57):
Yeah, And I mean I think you and I probably
have friends that we seen get married and likely like
fall into the motherhood role, which is a taxing, difficult role.
But when you don't hold on to yourself, Janey Aiko
always says, you lose your eye. Yes, you know, like
never lose your eye, like your kids need to know,

(51:17):
Like this is what my mom is into and this
is what she does for fine, And these days are
the days that mom goes to the spa, This is
the time mom goes to the gym.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
You cannot give a hundred percent, You cannot get And
I just I was on a platform on a relationship
panel things, a big platform, and the cast and I
got into this huge thing because I was saying that
I don't even care if this man is your husband.
You do not ever get a one hundred percent because
the five to ten percent is the shovel you gonna

(51:45):
need to dig yourself out when shit go left. And
all the male on that stage was like, can I
not pay one hundred percent of the bills? Can I
not do this if you? And I said to the women,
I pray you meet a man that doesn't require one
hundred percent of you, okay, because that five to ten
percent when you want to go to fucking pilates, when
you want to work out, when you want to pivot
and try a new career, when you want to say, hey,

(52:07):
I don't want to fucking work no more, that's the
five to ten percent that you keep to yourself that
you have wherewithal. Because women are incubators, okay, women will
give you double back what you. Women need way more
space than men need to be able to pivot through life, right,
And I pray that all women listening to this meet

(52:29):
a man that doesn't require all of you. He wants
you to keep.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
And charge and re charge, take those moments for yourself.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
That five to ten percent is the same discern that
YO Mama had when she was like, I don't like
that little friend of yours. That's even when women are
telling they friends like Yo, what's up with your homeboy?
I don't think that's really your friend. That's the five
to ten percent that women need to pivot and transition
through life. And so she didn't give that man one
hundred and ten actually, And it's really sad, says And

(53:00):
I'm praying for you, and I hope that if you
want to pivot, treat that nigga bag.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
Trust me and call all your energy back to girl.
You got this.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
And look, I got to couch you to sleep on.
Don't you don't need to sleep on that?

Speaker 2 (53:17):
Okay? Love that anyway?

Speaker 1 (53:19):
Shout out to that good things for writing us. Looks no, ma'am,
you're on the wrong side of the street. Ball out anyways.
That's that ready for a second yep, all.

Speaker 5 (53:29):
Right there to see yup. I'm not really sure how
to say this, but I want a relationship, but at
the same time, I hate everyone. So I meet them,
I'm matching with men. I go back and forth, and
then it's either before we get to the first date,

(53:52):
or before or right after the first date. I find
things wrong with them, and I'm wondering, am I just being.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
Too picky.

Speaker 5 (54:01):
Or do I really not like anyone? I just I've
been married and divorced, I've been in serious relationships, and
now I'm at a point in my life where I'm
at peace and he damn near has to be perfect
for me to even get out of my bed. And
so I'm trying to figure out is this a me
problem or am I just not re meeting the right

(54:23):
type of men right now and I just need to
hold out a little bit longer for the type of
man that I want. I guess I'm just trying to
make sure that I am. My standards are so high
that I hate everybody.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
Thanks, you know.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
What's funny, And I think women talk about this enough.
Somebody that's neuro divergent. I honestly wonder.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
At least kind of clown.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
I always wonder if she identifies with being neure divergent
or having ADHD. Listen, dating apps is your worst fucking nightmare.
For a woman that has ADHD. You will literally see
their profile and you're just like, oh, yeah, okay, everything
is good. Check check check check, and then when it's
time to go out on the date, you don't like

(55:12):
the nigga no more, just like it's the worst, it's
the worst. I wonder if she identifies with either being
your divergent ADHD and just like kind of hyper fixated
on stuff. The second thing that I would say about
that is that the dating pull. Dating should be fun

(55:34):
and it should be enjoyable. It's not a task. You're
not being held at ransom, and it's not going anywhere
you want to be excited to date. If you feel
like you're dragging yourself out the house, if you feel
like you just are not excited about anybody, take a
little bit of break, take a little bit of time.

(55:55):
I also think that probably for her it would be
better to meet people organically out in person.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
It's because ne're divergent.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Girlies telling you it's a different like I always tell people,
you can't gauge me, you can't really understand me unless
you're with me in person to catch the vibe. And
the guys on the app, if I would have met
them in person, I probably they probably would have I
probably wouldn't swiped legs. So the app person and meeting

(56:25):
them in person, it's not actually making a parallel. Like
if I probably would have met you out, you may
have got a swipe right on me, But these are
the same niggas that I'm swiping left on because my
brain is just like is looking for something. It's trying
to find these like connectors and missing pieces of the puzzle.
And what I find with women that like get this,
like this dopamine hit from and then when it's time,

(56:45):
they're like, wait a minute, do I really go out
with here?

Speaker 2 (56:47):
What about? What if he's weird?

Speaker 1 (56:48):
What if and you just you don't really make it
out on the day or you're not enjoying yourself. I
think it would be better to have more organic meetings
with people, So take a break from the apps. Okay,
meet people in person, and if you want to see
them again, make sure that a physical interaction was your
first requirement, Like you were out, you met them at

(57:09):
a barbecue, a cookout, a kickbag, a super Bowl party,
a concert where you just like, at least you know,
I enjoyed the initial connection. If you ain't got no
connection off ripped to go off of, you'll think of
anything in the fucking Scott that's wrong with that man,
Like like I don't like his tonail.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
I don't like the way he breathed, I don't like
the way he breathe.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
I don't like the way he cheed out. You need
to have that initial interaction with them so that you
feel like safe, safer in the connection and you're not
hyper fixating on anything. I could probably bet that this
girl is probably Vergin.

Speaker 4 (57:44):
She sound like it sounds when when she was talking,
I was like, oh my god, she sounds.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
Like me, absolutely the same way.

Speaker 4 (57:50):
But then like to answer her to answer the question
like you can you can absolutely be picky and was
what was other one? And picky and not like people
right or what was it hall?

Speaker 1 (58:06):
Was it just me? Or what am I? I think
he wrote it down?

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Sorry? Pause on that.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
She said, is she being picky or protecting her or
protecting her peace?

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Yeah, yeah, so you can do both.

Speaker 4 (58:26):
I don't know why we live sometimes we do live
in such a black and white sort of reality, right,
Like you can be picky and also protect your peace.
But to your other point about really sort of being
excited about the connection, I noticed that when I'm not
initially excited about a connection with a guy, like say,
I don't know, we meet on social media or whatever,

(58:47):
and then I forced myself to meet him in person,
I'm almost doing him and myself a disservice, right Like
I have to. I'm not ashamed to say I have
to be like physically attracted to you for me to
want to go on a day with you.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Feel like those kind of like initial butterflies as a scam.
Sometimes sometimes yea, yeahs not things too, Like you said,
like that initial connection, but sometimes women are looking for
these sparks and like this fairy tale whatever, and I
feel like that can really kind of be a scam
and like almost like love bombing and bread crumbing, and
then it's just like the connection that you initially felt

(59:22):
doesn't sustain this stuff.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
I prefer a slow burn.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
I prefer a slow burn.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
You were talking about this over dinner.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
I love like I have had to learn how to
roll with the slow burn because I used to be
the easy thing. I used to be a spark, Like,
of course you obsessed with me love bombing, why wouldn't
you want I'm smart exactly right, But wait on that
slow burn.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
The payout is so much greater for sure then when
a man is taking his time. Ladies, men that have discernment,
dick discipline is a big thing. Men that have discernment,
like dating discernment. You want a man with coop and
class that can wait, okay, work, wait.

Speaker 4 (01:00:00):
Wants to get to know you the same way you
want to get to know him.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
He wants.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
But it's a slower that somebody's like, I love you,
I want to be with you, my mom, you can
that slow burn. It's also very hard for a woman
that you just you're waiting on this. Yes, Like I'm like,
I want to I waited too fucking long. I'm thirty
seven years old. Give me the sun, the moon, the start.
I want a girlfriend proposal, I want a honeymoon, I
want a baby moon, I want a bridle shot, I

(01:00:25):
want all the shit because I waited too fucking long, right,
But you got you gotta take the time. A man
that cares about his money his investment, his heart connection,
take a little bit more time, legacy okay, and you're right,
and his legacy, and also like what he's carrying with him.
He wants to have a good look on his arm.
He's gonna take a little bit more time than somebody

(01:00:48):
that's just like, yeah, you can have me, I love you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Come you know yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:00:52):
I mean I think any healthy man takes dating from
that approach absolutely, and any man that's that's about his
business too, you know what I mean, Like you don't,
I mean, we don't want to marry the wrong man.
Men don't want to marry the wrong woman either. But
I guess, like to my point earlier of me, like
actually being attracted to somebody and then going out on
a date, I have also had to really teach myself

(01:01:14):
that there's no pressure there and to really give that
give that person some time to show me something, you
know what I mean, Like, you can be attractive to
somebody all you want, but don't let the attraction take
you too far into the forest, you know, like, let him.

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
Show you something, let them show you something.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
That's on that and we hope everything, We hope you
find the love of your life.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Girl.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
We sure do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
And the last thing I'm gonna say about that is
that I think that when women are like, am I
being too picky? Or like, you know, my standards too hot,
it's a lack of distrust with yourself. You don't actually
trust yourself to make sound decisions. And I see this
all the time when women are like, well, it's is
it me? Like?

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
Am I like?

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Is it that you know? Maybe my standards are too high?

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
It's definitely not mean.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
I have the greatest peaceful dating life because I have
built so much self trust self trust that it's like,
I like what I like, and I don't do what
I fucking don't do. I don't do what I don't do.
I'm not willing to lose a man because I don't
go on a coffee day. I'm not willing to lose
a man because I don't drive on dates. Anybody that

(01:02:26):
knows me, you can send me a car, or you
could come pick me up. I'm not driving on the day,
and I don't do what I don't do. And you
could be Barack Obama, you could be an NFL player,
you could be any fucking body. And I don't do
what I don't do, and that type of self confidence
will always land you in your bag when you're out
here talking about some well, is it just me and
my standards too high? You don't trust yourself to make

(01:02:47):
sound decisions. And when you ping pong back and forth
about shit like that, you will always end up on
the wrong side the street. I'll never forget once upon
a time, y'all. I will cellibrate for five years. Love
that thing, that's the whole thing. I will celebrate for
five years. And when I started to talk about men
about when I was willing to do it, and I
was like, what is it when I'm in a long distance,

(01:03:08):
when I when I'm in a committed relationship? Is it
when I'm married? I didn't really know. And when I
didn't know them, niggas thought that they.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Could fuck me.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
Oh yeah, okay. When I didn't know, when I didn't
know why I was waiting, or when when when the
fuck it was gonna happen. They thought they knew that
I was on shore, which made them think that they
it was like, yes, right, And so when you become
more sure of yourself, men will pick that up on you.

(01:03:40):
So when you're like, oh, well, is it my standards
too high. I don't know if it's just me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
You don't do what you don't do, don't you like period?

Speaker 4 (01:03:49):
And I do think that that comes with age, right,
like you learn, Like you know, this is something that
I'm not going to compromise on.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Like I you know, you could.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
Really like a guy, right, But just because I like
you doesn't mean that I'm gonna put up with X
y Z. It's just it doesn't work like that. I
already know the pain that comes along with, uh, removing
my boundaries just because I like you. It doesn't work
like that. Yeah, we're grown and we're gonna, yeah, make
big girl decisions.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
And even too Like you know, I saw some of
the other day and it was like, oh, pastor what's
his name, Bishop, what's his name? I'll come back to it,
but I love him. He's like our uncle on Instagram
and Bishop Bishop Blake's, yes, Bishop Blake's And he was
talking about the Honda versus Bentley thing, and he was like,

(01:04:41):
you go to a hand dealership, it's a line out
the door. They got all these cousins, blah blah blah.
When you go to a Biley dealership, baby, And so
for a lot of women. That's like, why don't men
come out to me in public? Why don't men? It's
just like, you don't want to be the girl that
have a lot. I don't want to you want to
be a Honda. Yes, we don't want to be the
girl everybody's and a man that's approached you in the

(01:05:02):
wow is a wow? Hyhena. Absolutely, you want to do
the picking. You don't want to walk up to them.
But you when it's the it look it's the black
cat handkerchief thing when you go when you just start
up a conversation, you drop the handkerchief, they pick it up.
Boom yeah on some uh what's called the love note
type shit? Okay yeah, where you just have somebody that
is you, they spark up the conversation that way, right,
But you don't want to be the girl that have

(01:05:24):
all these customers. You want to be the one they like,
this is so high value. Let me save my money
before I even look at these cars, because not at
the Honda dealership.

Speaker 4 (01:05:33):
It used to be offended, you know, or or I
used to. I used to feel like there was something
wrong with me, definitely when I was like a lot younger.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
But the older I.

Speaker 4 (01:05:40):
Get the more I realize, Yeah, it's flattering. Yeah, like
you you know that you can't hang hello.

Speaker 1 (01:05:48):
I'm like, I'm if I go out to the club
and I'm just bagging niggas left and right, I'm like
it it looks something. Am I ovulated?

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
If I ovulating going on, I'm talking about every witch away.
You know what I'm saying. You want to be. You
don't want to leave the club with a whole bunch
of numbers.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
I don't want to look.

Speaker 4 (01:06:10):
Like the the limping prey. I want like, you know,
like there's there's when the you know, we're not obviously
we're not will to be looking to get eaten. But
if you're looking at like the big, big prey or whatever,
it is going to take you some take some strategy

(01:06:31):
for you to be like, Okay, if I'm going to
go up to this girl, I got to make sure I.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
Got this together, that I got that together.

Speaker 4 (01:06:37):
That's when you know you're vibrating at your highest, when
men are really like, Okay, I gotta get my stuff together.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
If I'm talking to this girl and.

Speaker 4 (01:06:46):
Your phone might be dry, but it's not a bad time.
It's all Look all the younger girls watching this. Your
phone is dry because you don't tolerate stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
But your phone, your phone being dry. What they say,
don't confuse no roster with no weight list, You don't
mean it ain't a wait list. Listen, don't confuse no roster.
And half of your rosters be full of fours and five.
That's not a real roster. Your roster should be sevens
and up.

Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
You could have three. You have three on your roster,
but they all tend Hello, and you out here talking.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
About so long ago the ross and they fours and
five niggas with no jobs, ain't doing nothing, And then
watch you ain't gonna do nothing for.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
You aren't focused?

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Hello, not having no roster, it's not confused with no
weight list. Okay, And it's draft. And see it's look
as lemon drops. See smell like limon drops.

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
Like I don't so, I don't know if I told
you this, But a Bentley is my dream card. And
I just love that she used a Bentley analogy.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
It's just alignment. I love that for me.

Speaker 3 (01:07:46):
Period.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
Yeah yeah, take me for a ride, come pick me up.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Okay, any who's back to this, young lady. You gotta
get your confidence up Okay, when you say it's in me,
it's in my standards, that means you don't trust yourself
to make decisions. And you also are not in a
position where you realize that when you are, it's okay
to lose a couple of holes off your standards and

(01:08:10):
sure some women and willing to take the l it's
just like, yeah, you can. You can entertain these clowns
and be start doing this or whatever. But when you
willing to like even these dudes, that's coming off as
high value. I have these tech dudes, these men working
for the government, these niggas that you're meeting at CBC
and Afro Tech and all type of shit, and they
got it all going forward them they hello, it's like,

(01:08:32):
h man, I'm cool off of you. That's not that's
not really what I want. If you're willing to lose
a couple, you know, checklist good dudes off your checklist,
just to say that you know, that's not really.

Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
What I want. I don't find alignment.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
That's how you know you're really in your bag.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
So and that's also.

Speaker 4 (01:08:48):
Like a hard part of growth is learning that l's
are a part of the process.

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
But are they really l's or are they just learning
learning opportunities collecting data As a dating scientists would say,
he collecting diversify your dating pool. It will literally increase
your value as a single woman. It's gonna give you
perspective on life skills. So any who shout out to
this young lady that worked that wrote in if You,

(01:09:16):
my advice to you is to literally make sure that
you can do interpersonal work to up your your your
self confidence so that you're not that you have more
trust in yourself that you're making the right decisions okay,
and you don't need a line of people waiting for
you and the right person you're going to be excited about. Period,
the right person you're going to be excited about, and

(01:09:38):
you don't feel so organic, so organic.

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
So that's my advice, sir.

Speaker 1 (01:09:43):
Is that all are we wrapping? Yeah? Our first episode
it was so good. That was so good that I
think it was the keylam look of the Grandma Gay.
That was good.

Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
H