August 4, 2025 • 53 mins
LUXY DATING APP: https://luxy.onelink.me/Ipdm/bwrimetw
In this emotional and revealing episode of Dear Tisia, we’re talking about the heartbreak, healing, and hard truths behind modern relationships and dating.
💔 First up, a woman shares how a promising six-week romance turned devastating — when she found out she was pregnant and the man completely ghosted her. No response, blocked everywhere. Now she’s asking: Should she keep trying to reach out… or let go and protect her peace?
🗣️ Then, we meet a brave caller reentering the dating world after 20 years — three years post-divorce and introverted by nature, she’s struggling with what to say and how to not feel awkward. We’re giving her real tools and encouragement for building confidence in this new dating era.
💍 And finally, what happens when five years, a child, and love aren’t enough? A woman who gave her man a marriage ultimatum finds herself back in the same cycle when he suddenly changes his mind… again. Is it love, fear, or manipulation?
🚩 Plus, in this week’s Red Flag Report, we’re diving into the Tea App drama — an anonymous gossip platform that started as fun and quickly turned toxic. From false rumors to identity leaks, we’re asking: Is this tea… or trauma?
👇 Drop your thoughts in the comments — have you experienced something similar? Let’s talk.
🩷Fragrance: Nishane Ani Extrait de Parfum
Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in
🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
In this emotional and revealing episode of Dear Tisia, we’re talking about the heartbreak, healing, and hard truths behind modern relationships and dating.
💔 First up, a woman shares how a promising six-week romance turned devastating — when she found out she was pregnant and the man completely ghosted her. No response, blocked everywhere. Now she’s asking: Should she keep trying to reach out… or let go and protect her peace?
🗣️ Then, we meet a brave caller reentering the dating world after 20 years — three years post-divorce and introverted by nature, she’s struggling with what to say and how to not feel awkward. We’re giving her real tools and encouragement for building confidence in this new dating era.
💍 And finally, what happens when five years, a child, and love aren’t enough? A woman who gave her man a marriage ultimatum finds herself back in the same cycle when he suddenly changes his mind… again. Is it love, fear, or manipulation?
🚩 Plus, in this week’s Red Flag Report, we’re diving into the Tea App drama — an anonymous gossip platform that started as fun and quickly turned toxic. From false rumors to identity leaks, we’re asking: Is this tea… or trauma?
👇 Drop your thoughts in the comments — have you experienced something similar? Let’s talk.
🩷Fragrance: Nishane Ani Extrait de Parfum
Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in
🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Nobody cares what you say desire or want if you
are not applying appropriate consequences for things that does not
honor your request. Period if you're saying, hey, I want
to go out on more day nights, now I want
to go on more day nights, and then you wait.
You in the relationship for five years not requiring the
(00:20):
day nights. Nobody cares about what you say. You have
to apply appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
your desires. So he's known that I wanted to get married.
You never required to get married. You and people are, well,
you can't force somebody do nothing. Yes you can, you can.
You can force them what your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You can.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You can force it with the things that you outline
about what you want. Right and so yes, people are
going to do what they want to do, but what
you allow is very important. Okay, y'all, welcome back to
(01:08):
dere to see you. We are so excited. We have
a couple subscription reminders. First of all, we want you
to follow there to see a podcast on Apple and Spotify.
This is very very important. Follow on Apple and Spotify
and leave a five star review, not two, not four, five, Okay,
five star review because it looks like you all are
(01:28):
enjoying this, right. We also want you to subscribe to
the Relationship Restore and there to see a YouTube channel. Okay,
we have a new home. All the videos will be
placed on the to see an XBS channel, so make
sure to watch it there. Okay, got get our watch
hours up so we can monetize. Okay, Hey, monetizing is
very important, so please go and watch it there. Look,
(01:51):
run it on your TV when you're cleaning up, running
in your car, running while you're at the gym. Okay,
we're getting our watch hours up so we could start
clocking into these dollars. All right, so go ahead and
watch on the dear on the to see an XBS channel.
We have our goal of fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts,
one thousand reviews. We already passed five hundred. Okay, I
(02:14):
think were in the sixties and seven, so this is great.
Were on our way to one thousand, so keep writing
those reviews and then we have one hundred k subscribers
as a goal on both channels. So do y'all part.
I'm doing the work, y'all, do y'all part. Okay, period
now we're introducing our Peanut Gallery guests Courtney. Okay. So
I always tell y'all I love to talk about how
(02:36):
I first met. If y'all don't know, like once upon
a time, I did a show call Ready to Love.
It's on own Network, and Courtney is one of my
cast mats, and we've been locked in ever since. And
if y'all ever followed this show, some people just do
the show and they you know, move on whatever. But
our cast is so tight. We're in the DC area,
so we did the DC. They did a Potomac show,
(02:57):
but we did the DC season and our is just
so tight. So Courtney and I've been locked in ever since.
So we're welcoming Courtney to the Peanut Gallery for a good,
good good good key key Welcome Courtney, Hi, hiks having
me Hearie.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So then we're gonna go on to our listener review
and it's from Miss Thing and she said, literally, one
of my favorite podcasts to see is The Big Sister.
I never had. I appreciate the honesty so much, especially
when you didn't get the proper guidance growing up. This
is literally who I do my podcast for. I always say,
us girls out here damn near paying rushi roulette with
(03:34):
our lives show, and so I'm trying to tell the
girls that she'd all wish my mama told me okay,
because we all out here just figuring it out as adults. Okay,
so we have our first voice smel and it's entitled
he got what he wanted and then blocked me.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Let's hear it, dear to see you. I recently stopped
talking to a guy. Wasn't on my account. He actually
blocked me. I met him through a mutual friend who
paired us together. We were talking for six weeks. Looking back,
what we only really had in common was the fact
that we were both from Greek letter organizations. He is
ten years older than me. I really was trying to
(04:11):
try something new. I was patient, I was pleasant, I
was trying to be femitin in my approach.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Well.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
We went off dates, probably like three once we start
having sex, though the idea of him planning dates are
times decreased or was not existing. I just stuck around
because I was just trying to be patient, because I'm like, hey,
he's taken me out before. But really he probably just
got what he wanted and liked it and just felt
like I probably was overextending myself a weku ago. I
finally crashed out and I wasn't really my behavior was inappropriate,
(04:40):
an inappropriate response. I probably could have just left. But
long story short, he does I don't have any block
and he said I was disrespectful, even though I felt
disrespected and the fact that I talked to him about
my triggers and he would continue to do them. And yes,
I could have left him because it was just preliminary
stuff like it had only been six weeks. But now
I I'm pregnant and I told him that I am
(05:02):
pregnant and offer to come and do a pregnancy test.
All of that, he is not believing me. He thinks
that it's a game. He's black me on answering and
my calls. What should I do in terms of how
to navigate moving forward with the fact that I'm pregnant.
I am thirty nine years old, I have a thriving career.
I don't really feel comfortable like ending the pregnancy because
(05:24):
of my age and things like that. I just emotionally
is having a hard time and I wanted to know
if you think that I should continue to reach out
or will he ever double back around and reach out
to inquire.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
If she thirty nine, that nigga forty nine. Can you
imagine a forty nine year old that is not taking
the pregnancy real like it's real. He's like, oh, I'm
not sure if this is real. He didn't block you
and all this kind of stuff, so many things going
on here. I feel like he bit off more than
(05:58):
he can chew. I think that he probably never fathomed
like an actual pregnancy coming from this at forty not
fifty years old. He probably has children and don't want
no more. She thirty nine, from what I gather, is
her first pregnancy, and she's just probably like, I'm too
old to be going to the look it's a playing parenthood, Okay.
(06:24):
I feel like the blocking thing was automatically a red flag.
I don't like when people block people. I think that
it says a lot. I always say, if a man
is writing you long paragraphs or if he's blocking, that's
a complete red flag. And what a lot of times
men are waiting for the crash out from you so
(06:45):
that they can justify why they're not fucking with you
no more. They'll be They just nag and pick and
they'll ghost you and they'll starve you out and nail whatever,
and then you you you spiral and they're like checkmate, Yep, no, no,
I'm not fucking I can't do this. You're disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You're dispecting.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I'm pregnant now, So regardless of whatever disrespect that you
thought was happening, I am. I am now pregnant. There's
a lot of women that are having pregnancies that are
unplanned and that are in their later years. I think
this is just a conversation that we've had a lot,
(07:22):
and it really as a mature woman of thirty seven, okay,
no kid, has never been married, I think that it's
really like a catch twenty two because you're like, wow, like,
now have this opportunity to be a mom. I'm just
assuming that this is her first child. I think I
think she would have mentioned it if this wasn't her
first child. She said at thirty nine, she doesn't feel
like she doesn't feel comfortable terminating the pregnancy. You're a mom.
(07:48):
What do you think and I think you've shared that
like you've had like your pregnancy was what do you
think your mom?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I as a thirty.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
Nine year old I gathered the same information. I think
it might be her first pregnancy. Yeah, it might be
something she's really looking forward to. I think she should
continue on with the pregnancy, obviously, she stated that's something
she really wants to do.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'm a little.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Baffled with the age gap, because how did we get
here is the real question.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Thirty nine. I think my age goes up to forty eight.
I'm thirty seven. I think I feel comfortable at like
forty eight. Anything over forty eight, I'm like, that's just
a little too old. So I mean, I could see,
I can see that that age gap. But like y'all,
y'all know how easy it is not to get pregnant.
(08:42):
I never understood this. It's so easy not to get pregnant.
And now you with a man that's ten years older
than you that's talking about some. Is the pregnancy even real?
Can you imagine even that being your first pregnancy, your
first opportunity and motherhood at your age and you wish
Bembo ass man that's talking about some. I don't believe
(09:03):
it is a pregnancy real. And he got you blocked,
and then you have to go through that alone also too,
And I think sometimes women can miss like cook can
confuse this for like blaming the woman for men's behavior.
But I guarantee Hee, you you saw, you saw bread
(09:25):
crumbs of this type of a man. Just don't pop
out and be a block you type of nigga. He
don't just pop out and be a Oh I don't
believe the pregnancy is real. You saw some of these
traits while you were dating him in that six weeks,
you know, And I just would have hoped that she
would have been a little bit more cautious because you
(09:48):
lay down and you let that, you know. So it's
just it's honestly, it's just really unfortunate. So basically what
some of the questions was, should she keep trying to
contact him about the pregnancy or let him go entirely.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
I think she needs to send a message. I think
she needs to calm down first of all, just take
it down a second, because I think she said she
just went off the rails and started just going crazy. Yeah,
she's spiraling, which understandable. You just find out you're pregnant,
you're ready to go crazy. But I think she just
needs to take a second, take a step back, and
then just kind of revisit her emotions and say, Okay,
(10:22):
this is how I need to approach the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Like, if you want him a part.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Of the child's life, then you know, make it known
that you want him a part of the child's life.
And if you don't, then make that known as well,
because if he doesn't believe that it's serious, or he
doesn't believe that it's really he needs to understand, yes,
this is what's going on, and how are we going
to move forward and let him make the decision, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
But you know what too, I feel like there's like
this thing where women are like, we don't want black
men in this court system. Take that niggative course. I
don't know what fuck I'm telling you. If I have
to birth a child, that is the closest that a
woman is getting to literally childbirth. If I'm pushing this
fucking baby, nigga, If you don't want to be in
(11:05):
this child life and you decide that you get you
have the leisure of stepping out. I'm putting your name
on that ticket, and I don't give a fuck. I'm
taking your ass the court period. If I have to
go through pregnancy alone, I'm not on this oen we
don't need any more black men in a court system.
He decided to walk away from his responsibility, so let look,
(11:27):
let the courts handle it. Period.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
There's also a stigma in the black community where they
think if a black man is in court, then the
baby mom is bitter or right.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
It's a formality.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
And at the end of the day, if I have
to take care of this child, you have to take
care of this child. If you're not gonna do it willingly,
then we have to do what we gotta do to
make it.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
We gotta do what we gotta do. And I don't
care if I had if I'm pushing this kid out
and you were a willing participant, and even if DNA
test blah blah blah blah, whise and this this is
the thing black women advocate for black men and so
much when it was Black Lives Matter and they were
slaughtering our men in the streets and they were shooting
us up. Blah blah blah. Who was the first one
(12:07):
picking black women? Black women are black men's biggest ally.
And then it comes to like, I'm about to risk
my life to birth this child, and you think that
you can cut out on this take it to the courts,
and I don't care take it to the courts period.
Wutch look, call the people.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
But she does have to find that balance to have
the conversation because if she's just flying off, just texting,
text and texting, and you need to do this, you need.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
To do that.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Yeah, I'm the balance to have a mature conversation so
he understands the severity of bringing a child into this
world and this is real life.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'm not playing. This is your child.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And just in general, the more you step back off
of people, the more they're willing to do. Like sometimes,
as you said, it's just like letting it rest, leaving
it alone. You said, your peace about it. If he
wants to step up, that's on him. But a lot
of times people are willing to do two. They're more
willing to do things for you or just be present
if they have less pressure to do it, especially a
(13:02):
man child, especially a man. And she basically asking, like,
you know, is it worth hoping that he'll come back around.
I'm gonna tell you this, You've seen enough from him.
I think it's great to want him to come around
to be a support as your child, but to be
a partner to you. You've seen all you need to see.
(13:23):
You don't need to see nothing else from this man
about what he has going on, because he's already he's
already shown, and yea, we can be like, oh, he
probably was scared. He probably was nervous. He probably wasn't
expecting this. This man is forty nine years old and
it ran through many a woman. He know how human
(13:43):
biology works. He knows exactly what could happen. And so
if he want to step I'm gonna step my ass
right down to the courthouse. Okay, let the people handle it.
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
I never understood that. I hope she didn't put even
with six weeks of dating this man. I hope she
didn't put that much energy in emotion into it. So
it might I hate to say this, but in six
weeks you might not have a real connection.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
You might it might just be mi.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
Now you probably don't don't really know him, so it
might be easier for her to walk away.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
In March then.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Now said look, she's hormonal. She's now like, now you
have a lifelong connection with somebody, it's natural for her
to want this to be something. But he's one of.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
My mom's standpoint too. I do want to mention this.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
A lot of people don't realize that even though she
wants the man to be a part of her life,
her health is the most important part right now. I
understand you want to put the man on the forefront.
You want to know what he's doing, how he's showing up,
if is he gonna pay whatever, But you are carrying
life right now. So your health is important because you
can lose a.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Baby off of stress. It's very it happens often. You know.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
They have miscarriage, they have so many things that happen
to a woman's body. They have still birth, they have
all these things. So like, focus on your health because
right now your baby is the only thing that matters.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yes, yes, absolutely, m How can she protect her peace
and move forward confidently as a pregnant single woman. Literally,
do not let what he has going on stress you out.
I think, like you said, you've already reached out. He everybody, everybody,
(15:19):
everybody has their judgment day, and you may not reap
the benefits of it.
Speaker 6 (15:23):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It may seem like he's getting over on you, like
he's abandoning you, like he's But I'm gonna tell you this.
The crazy thing about the universe is that everybody gets
what's due coming to them. Everybody is gonna get what's
coming to them, and it may not show up now,
but it may show up in his later years, may
show up with his relationship with his father. It may
show up on his asses on his death bed, okay,
when he needs somebody to look wipe his behind, when
(15:46):
he got pancreatic, cancrous and shit like that. Right, A
lot of times people don't really see it then, and
it's nothing that you can do to force that on him. So,
like you said, try your best to have a healthy
pregnancy of he's fo ten.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Years your senior.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Allow him to do what he wants to do so
that you can see what kind of person he actually is.
Because that's a very good point. You've only known this
man for six weeks. That's fifty days or forty four days,
how many days, okay, six weeks whatever, a month, in
two weeks, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
You don't listen.
Speaker 5 (16:23):
There shouldn't be an emotional connection there because in six
weeks you barely know him, probably don't know his middle name, kids,
and don't have that relationship. I think it should be
easy for you to kind of move forward. And I'm
not saying forget about it. Like I said, calm it
down and then try again. And at the end of
the day, just do the best you can for your baby,
and that's the focus point.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And also like use this as an opportunity to learn
and move forward. Like we as women sometimes we lack
a lot of accountability. And you put yourself in a
position where you can you can become pregnant by a
man that you barely know, and then now we surprised
(17:04):
by how this person is acting. And you know, they say,
you don't ask a clown why he's why he's a clown?
You ask why you keep going to the circus, Like girl,
you did all of these things and then now you're
surprised that you seeing an elephant in a damn okay,
a lion and all these like you these are these
(17:25):
are also your responsibilities. And it's just difficult that this
is probably her first introduction to motherhood. But I pray
that she uses better discernment and really look at people
for who they are before like life decisions like now
now you now you're pregnant with this man. Bat Yeah,
(17:46):
God bless you. Protect your peace. Okay, if he come,
me come. If he don't, he don't listen. Put them
on papers, period, period. This ain't no joke. You out
here literally birthing a child, risking your life and doing
it on Put them on papers. I don't care anyways.
Voice my number two is back on the market. But
(18:08):
tung tide, I'll.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
See dare to see U.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
I'm about twenty years removed from the dating scene. I'm
a recent befortay for about three years out and I'm
getting back into the dating world, which is much different
from when I was younger. I'm an introvert to which
is causing a little bit of an issue. Small talk
is a bit of an issue for me, so keeping
a conversation going is a little bit difficult. What are
(18:35):
some conversation starters I can use and any suggestions how
to keep the combo going?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I hate a force combo. You know. I think that
even if you're introverted, there's like personalities that make it
like you just kind of fit in the groove, right,
you know what I'm saying, Like, I don't think that.
I think that even if you're introverted, they're design that
you have that like pull you a little bit outside
(19:03):
of that, Like, even if you're introverted, you're gonna want
to like talk to people, You're gonna want to know
more about that person. You're gonna want to open up
your life to somebody else. And so I feel like
I don't feel like maybe she's running into the right
kind of people or people that just really kind of,
you know, feed feed off her energy. I think in
terms of like what questions should she should she be asking?
(19:24):
Since she knows that she doesn't talk a lot, those
questions should be like vital shit, that's like does he
check the boxes to move on to the next day?
Since you're not, like you're not just like very social,
you're gonna be talking, talking, talking like a chatterbox, right,
So you make sure that those are questions or things
that actually are valuable to know so that you can
(19:46):
know if this person is in alignment for you what
you want in the future. It could be like do
you travel, do you have a passport? You know, what's
your what does your future look like? What is a
perfect day for you? You know? What are your intentions? Are
you trying to meet people? Are you dating? Are you?
Like I think, like whatever she finds to be important.
(20:07):
What are the questions that she feel like it is
going to get her there? Because it sounds like, you know,
she only got a couple two three questions really in
her before her like social battery is drained. So I
feel like if she should make it count, like it
should beity quality over quantity. But you are an extra
for her, Cordy, So what do you think about, Like
(20:29):
what do you think about her approach to guys and like,
you know, dating and what she should be asking them.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
I don't think she should like think of topics, you know,
Like I don't think she should be like, oh, I
should talk about school, I should talk about kids, I
should talk about this. I don't think she should like
think about a topic. I think she just kind of
needs to like relax and let the conversation flow, like
I would bring up something that I'm interested in, you know,
like if you see them at a bar, you see
them out and about like what are they doing? Are
they casual? Do they have a nice cologne? Are they
(20:56):
watching a game? Are they you know, like I like
allowing a man and to teach me something like I
want to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Just play as whatever as possible, Like.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Oh, okay, really I didn't know that. Even if you
do know it, they're gonna explain it to you. That's
how the conversation flows. They want to teach you something.
Men love teaching, So find something that they want to
teach you, or something that you don't know about.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It just kind of flow from there.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
But also like she needs like some hooks that is
going to give her insight on if the man can
actually like hold the conversation. If that makes me sense,
Like I feel like because she's introverted, she's gonna need
somebody with a little bit more structure, right, And so
it's like maybe it's not what do I do to
(21:38):
keep the conversation going, it's more so like what do
I ask to see if he can swing, if he
can sling the conversation, because it's somebody out there for everybody. Like,
I don't think she should really push herself to be extroverty.
You've seen all these reals on Instagram and it's like
that funny, outgoing woman and it's just the husband's send
back like look at her, look at she just right,
(22:00):
look at her. She's just out here. You need to
find those people, find the people that align with who
you are, Like, I don't want her to like stretch
herself so much so that it feels like unnatural to
make these conversations. Girl, find the one that like likes
your quirkiness, knows that you're introvert, that you're not gonna
probably do, and he knows how to he knows how
(22:22):
to carry it. He's gonna be the one that's out
here making a connection and also bragging about you. Have
you seen the trend where it's like, my sister gonna
tell you about her clothing line and you gonna like it.
You better like this video, And it's basically like the
introverted person that's not really out there and kind of shy,
and then you got that person in your life, and
(22:42):
it's like you better like my sisters.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
That's what you need.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Okay, you need a man, It's like, and you better
like my my girlfriend stuff and you better let her
finish her point, like you need you need a man
with that dog in I'm right, like, you need somebody
that just naturally knows how to carry it. If you
are somebody that's introverted, like I don't really feel actually
men appreciate that there's just somebody out there for you.
I don't want her to get too much where she
(23:05):
has to like change or carry the conversation. Just find
your tribe and find your people. Like it's gonna bland
and he's going you're gonna find a man who's gonna
love the fact that you're a little bit more reserved.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
She says, she's been divorced for three years, so she's
really just like finding her footing and dating again. So
she also has to be open to rejection. That is
so important because a lot of people think that when
they're dating, they're gonna feel defeated if the conversation is
at flow or they're not interested or they don't text back.
It happens to everybody, okay, Like you're not meant for everybody.
(23:40):
So there's gonna be times when you meet a guy
and he may not like your conversation and he might
end it very quickly, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
You know what's so funny. So on one of the
platforms that I am on, there are married women, and
when we talk about dating in life, they always try
to push this like if you you are a virtuous woman,
and if you are a woman that's looking to be
a wife one day you need to, you know, you
(24:07):
have to make sure that you're being intentional about dating.
And my point is always like I'm like, hi, single
person here, that shit y'all talking about does not transfer
to what the hell single women are experiencing out here,
Like it's not the same. And you're out here grooming
women who want to be wives to date like that,
(24:30):
and it's like, no, you actually have to have like
a kind of like grit on you and almost like
kind of like know how to play games in your
head to actually master what it's like to date as
a single person. And what happened. We get a lot
of women, a lot of women that write me, a
lot of women that are in my Secret Girls Chat,
(24:51):
and just in general they're not married anymore and they're
like what do I do? I don't know anything about this,
And it's just it's like, this is my thing. If
you were once married and you knew how to date
as a virtuous woman, this shit would be easy for you, right,
But it's the women that are divorced there are now
out here dating as a single person. They don't know
(25:13):
what the fuck to do. And I'm like, that's my point.
Women that are single need to learn how to date
as a single woman, and marry women always push like
virtuous values on if you want to be married, if
you don't want to be single, these are things no,
you need to learn how to date, like date like
a dog. Honestly, like you got to learn how to
play these fucking games with these people. And it's like, well,
(25:34):
isn't that exhausted, isn't that do you want to survive
this shit or not? Okay? There Unfortunately, there are things
that you have to master. There are fake games that
you have to play to really learn how to navigate
dating as a single person. And it has nothing to
do with being married. And this is why marry women
that are that have been divorced or that are divorced
(25:56):
now struggle to enter our world because they never learned
actual dating skills. And this is why I teach single
women how to date like a single woman, not like
a virtuous wife who wants to be married one day.
It's a totally different, totally different world. And when you
teach single women how to date like a virtuous woman
(26:17):
or intentional if you want to be married, you know
what happens. Women become overinvested because dating is a single
as a as a married woe a person that wants
to be married, You're gonna be forgiving, You're gonna be calm,
you're gonna learn how to compromise, you're gonna learn how
to nurt And it's just like whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.
Those are not the things that you want to give
up up front when you're dating like a single person.
(26:39):
So I always think it's interesting when women that have
been married struggle to date because it's two different worlds.
It's two different worlds, and so I think she should
be You're right, I think her being single for three
years being open to rejection also, like, this is not
what you used to like this baby, we all like,
(27:03):
can we get a new shipment of men? We all
we all struggling. It's not what you're used to. There's
a different culture out here, especially women that have been
with the man who created a covenant firm. I'm not
sure how her marriage was structured, but like, it's just
not what being married is like. And there are called
(27:23):
it childish, call it masculine, caught whatever they are a
shit that you got to learn as a single woman
dating That does not transfer to anything marriage like like,
it's just it's two different worlds.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
So and then it's awesome about what is she looking for?
You know, she's been out of relationship for three years,
So are you looking to have fun?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Then have fun?
Speaker 5 (27:43):
If are you looking to find your next person because
you've been married for however long, are you looking to
find your next person, then yeah, look for that.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
But you know, but I think also a lot of
women don't know who they are outside of partnership. But
that's also a thing. A lot of times your identity
was tied to your marriage and that parton and then
you are single, and now you like, who am I?
Do I have a voice? What do I like? Do
I know how to stand up for myself? Cannot create boundaries?
You're so used to like a blended life with somebody,
and it's very hard to create a separate space where
(28:14):
you know how to advocate for yourself. Again, you know
how to sell boundaries, you know how to put your
desires and wants and needs up front. If you was
married for twenty years, my assumption would be a kid
came out of that. Okay, maybe probably a kid came
out of that. So now you're a mom like girl,
like this is a whole a whole different world, and
I think that like she's she has to learn more
(28:37):
about herself as well, like really take the time of
like even if you down to like going to get
your nails done, it's like, girl, tell her you want
her to clean your cuticles. Tell her you don't like
that design, tell her you want her to cut them down.
Tell her that's not what I ask for. Like practice
advocating for yourself on a daily basis, Like that's something
I see marry women because you're a mom, you're a wife,
(29:00):
you've done everything in partnership, and you don't actually know
how to put yourself on the forefront while you're dating.
So I hope that you girl try and test it out,
like have fun and test it all out and see what.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
You have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Have have fun with dating fund lid luck my good sess.
Don't force it, that's just my thing. Don't force it, okay,
boy smail three is five years a child and still no.
Speaker 6 (29:25):
Ring Themisia my burning of five years who my share
travel has never won a marriage. He has always known
that I want a marriage, that marriage was an angle
for me, but he never expressed that he didn't want
marriage up until about three to four months of all
and we will take all over. For five years, I
(29:45):
have basically javed him the ultimatum of saying, hey, we
either get married or we co parent, and a couple
of days after that he decided that he did a
marriage and he doesn't want to be with me. But
after four to five years of always telling me everything
that I need for Raymond and I needed to focuson before,
we couldn't get married. I just don't believe that she
(30:07):
generally wants narity.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
So I'm not sure if you quite heard it, but basically,
after five years together and raising a child, a woman
gave her partner an ultimate of marriage or co parenting.
He chose co parenting, only to backtrack days later and
claim he did want marriage. But after years of excuses
and shifting the blame onto her, she's questioning if he
ever truly meant that he wanted to get married. Let
(30:36):
me tell you why he doesn't want to marry you.
I mean five years, a child and no ring. And
what I think is interesting is that she kept saying,
he's always known that I wanted to get married. Nobody
cares what you say desire or want, if you are
(30:57):
not applying appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
your request period, If you're saying, hey, I want to
go out on more day nights, now I want to
go on more day nights. And if you wait, you
in a relationship for five fucking years not requiring the
day nights. Nobody cares about what you say. You have
to apply appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
(31:20):
your desires. So he's known that I wanted to get married.
You never required that he fucking married you. And people
are well, you can't force somebody doing, Yes, you can,
you can. You can force them with your boundaries.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
You can.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
You can force it with how you the things that
you outline about what you want right and so yes,
people are going to do what they want to do,
but what you allow is very important. It is very
easy to persuade people. Join my seper Girls chef. You
want to know how to do this right. It's very
(31:51):
easy to persuade people to do the things that you
want to do, and there's so many ways you can
do it. If some if you're saying, like I want
day nights, I want day nights, and this person is like, oh,
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
do it. Yeah, year year, we're gonna go on these
day nights. You start taking yourself out on dates, You
start entertaining other people, mean just going out with your friends.
(32:12):
You start telling them, oh, no, it's okay, don't worry,
I plan a day night for each The more that
you remove yourself from being a focus of that person's desires,
you will actually make them want to lean into the
things that you want. And so you saying that he
know that I desire a marriage, but you never pressed
(32:33):
the gas on it. You never created a space where
that was something that he had to do shit or
get off the pot. You never so nobody cares that
for five years he knows I want to get married.
But everything about your behavior said everything else. You sat
there year, one year, two year, three timeself, you know
I want to get married. Nothing about your behavior enforced
that you sat there and affirmed behavior that did not
(32:57):
honor what you actually wanted. I always think it's you're
still win a woman that's like, well, he know what
I wanted, Yeah, but you let him sit around and
do the exact opposite. So that's that's all that's always
interesting to me. So she said, can someone truly changed
her mind that quickly or is it emotional manipulation? So
do you think he wants to that he actually wants
to marry her.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
No, he doesn't. He just wants to accommodate her.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I mean, like, if you wanted to get married back
in the day, you should have put some fire up
under that ass, like real quick, real early.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
This is this is what I want. If you're not
giving that to me, then I have to exist stage left.
Speaker 5 (33:33):
But you kept going and kept going, and you kept
putting the ball in his court and saying, can you
make this happen? I want to get married. Can you
make this happen? Now he's changing his mind.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I'm just and really, ultimams are just such a terrible idea.
And you want, you want that man to have married
you and propose to you, thinking that you were the
woman of his dreams and he couldn't live life without you.
He's marrying you because you said, either were you we
gonna get married, or you're gonna co parent. The ring
(34:03):
gonna always be foggy, baby, you gonna always look at
that ring and be like, I'm not really sure if
a nigga really wanted to you know what I'm saying,
that's just and men hate conflict or the say like
women be the one filing for divorce and leaving these marriages.
A man is sit around. I feel like they just unproblematic.
A man is sitting around and just bear it, you know,
and and stick around even though that that's not something
(34:26):
that they actually desire. So I don't think he wants
to marry you at all. Actually, I think he would
have been married you if that's what he wanted. And
this ultimatum is not helping anything. And don't can forget
that when you ask them. He chose the cold parents
in first, First, he chose the co parents in first
all his bluff, call his bluff, co parent get him
(34:51):
back into a stage where he actually desires the marriage.
A lot of these niggas don't think you're gonna leave
a lot of these men don't think you're gonna call
that nigga's bluff and actually co parents with him, say
oh okay, great, you know I think that we should
you know, I think we should go with the co
parenting and what's our new living arrangement. Are you moving
out or am I gonna move out?
Speaker 5 (35:12):
Let me know, stand on it, let the man know
what it's like.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
So now you have to go pick that kid up
after work. Now you gotta drive back over and shit,
you you forgot what side the bread was buttered on, right,
because now you you don't know. You thought you had
it good. Now you have to get off work. You
gotta pay for after school. You gotta show that nigga
with cold parents and his life and I have since make
the heart grow fonder seriously that it sounds cliche and corny,
(35:41):
but it's the truth. Sometimes you gotta step back off
of people so they can really feel the presence in
your life. When you see that like, oh, she had,
you know, meal prep for you because you worked twelve
hours a day. I can't wait to the day he
comes home to a lonely fucking house to know meal prep.
I can't wait till the day he comes home and
he's just like, oh, like I didn't have nobody to
(36:03):
stop at Starbucks in the morning. Whatever it is. Sometimes
you got to remove yourself so people could actually feel
the presence that they had in your life. I don't
think that he wants to marry you. I think he's
still confused, and I think you should show him exactly
what cole parenting is.
Speaker 5 (36:17):
Like, Yeah, that's what you should do, the jump back
off of it, because after he loses you, he's going
to be trying to do everything to get you back.
So you gotta be able to stand on business about
that too if he does come back around.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
These are the requirements.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
These are the requirements, These are the boundaries. Yeah, I
just feel like, you know, five years and you know
he knew that that was a desire of yours. We
just had this conversation the other day and it's like, well,
why wasn't that something that you want to grant to her?
A man that likes and love you and care about you,
he actually wants to give you everything that you want,
(36:52):
Like he truly wants you to live the life that
you want. So imagine this man for five years sitting there,
you of something that you've always desired. That is like
literally like one of the epitomes of love. Right, You're
not gonna want to starve your partner out If you
know you're not the person that can give her that,
You're gonna step to decide and move away. But it's
(37:13):
like he watched you for years and not granted you
the true desires of your heart, and now he like,
oh yeah, yeah, okay, we could get married now, Girl,
that ring gonna be blurry. It's gonna be I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Think girls love being married about that.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Literally, the representation that ring gonna be little blurry, It's
gonna have no clarity, and that's just gonna be a
representation of everything in your life. I don't think he
wants to marry you. I think he feels like his
back is up against the wall. Should we Should she
continue holding space for the possibility of marriage or stand
pharmer collpace stand pharmal col parents. And the thing about
is a man want to be with you, it'll it'll
swing back around. Show him what cole parenting is like,
(37:52):
so he could know the difference between the number one
option number one and option number two. Period that man
I want to marry her. She's questioning if he ever
truly meant it. I don't think he meant it. I
don't think he meant it. But I think I think
it'll be beneficial for her to show him what option
the option that he chose is actually like, even if
(38:14):
he does swing the back around, even he's like, yo,
I made a big mistake. I did not know. This
is not what I want. I want to be with you.
I love show that show him what coke parenting really
is so he could see how much more he has
a sacrifice when y'all in two different fucking households. And
it may sound drastic, but you been waiting five years
for the ring. I think it's time to shake it up.
(38:34):
I think it's hard to shake the dairn room. Okay,
for a week a monthide the ring like a Mario
with a boombox. Okay, in the bushes. Let's show him
what coke parenting is like. That's what I think you
should do. Anyways, on to my favorite segment. I don't know,
it's my favorite segment, one of my favorite segments. I
(38:56):
love the whole show. Anyways, my bitch you Smell Good segment.
And today we're gonna be featuring our niche shahnee Annie. Okay,
that's the one with the least amount of fragrance. And
it should be the let me see, it should be
the the yellow one, the yellow one. Okay, Uh, that's
the one we try anyways, This is Nie Annie, y'all.
(39:17):
I want to turn this around so that y'all can
see that there's nothing in here. This is actually an
empty and y'all know that I do not empty a bottle.
This is a put it in my casket fragrance when
I die, please put this one in there.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
This is niehae Annie, and the notes is are Bergamont
green notes including leafy vegetile accords, blue ginger, and pink pepper.
Let me tell y'all, Bergamont, ginger and pink pepper are
some of my most grown chords in a fragrance. I
(39:56):
love to smell like a man. Y'all already know that,
and this is one of my favorite fragrance. It's unisex.
A man can wear it, a woman can wear it.
And I have emptied the bottle. Okay, I squose out
enough to give Courtney so that she can so that
she can spread. Okay, but I y'all know, I'm not
a fruity girl. I'm not a floral girl. I'm not
I I like big dog be small fragrances. And I
(40:21):
have literally actually emptied this bottle, and so I didn't
even realized I emptied it until I went to go
buy it. I've also gifted this fragrance of so many people.
I've gifted it to at my birthday parties, I give
everybody a vow. I love this fragrance. And it's something
you can pass to your man. So you know, both
of y'all, both of y'all can be warrants anyway.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Spread you. You gave me the last. You know what
they say about somebody that gives you their last.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Y'all know how take out the shopping problem. But you know,
I'm gonna look, I'm really gonna go downstairs and by it.
It's just too good.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
M's it's grown. Yeah, I didn't even have to come
that close, Like.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
I get so freaking good. And you know, this is
like a boardroom fragrance. This is a weird of work fragrance.
This is like a boss what you call it? What's
that woman from What's the thing about the Old Day?
If it's playing How to Do Away with Murder? Or
Kerrie Washington stair skinned? This is like that you know
that walk got that briefcase that this is it. This
(41:24):
is just like boardroom boss women. And I'm telling y'all.
I have so many fragrance over two hundred and this
is an empty bottle, and I love a fragrance that
I have to buy again. So anyways, this is one
of my favorites. People always say like if I ever
want to do a collapse with somebody or nich, I
have so much a Yasha it is literally crazy I have.
(41:47):
This is probably the house that I have the most
niche and Titiana Torenzi. I'm just obsessed with the formula.
I love the blend and it's absolutely incredible. Oh wait
a minute, peak pepper. The herd notes were black currant,
Turkish rolls, turk this is too good, y'all, Turkish rolls,
and carter mom. And then the base notes are vanilla, benzoin,
(42:09):
sandal woods, cedar wood, pet Trulli, amber, grist, and must.
I don't know what else could be added to this
that could make it any more delicious it is. It's
just too freaking good. So anyways, anyways, that is our
fragrance of to day. Ni Annie, go buy it, purchase it.
I like to get it from Donma shop, Duma shop.
Called me, y'all, got so much of my money? Okay,
(42:31):
call me Jama Shop. You always get like a discount
on the fragrances. They're always running sales. I've got this,
like my third bottle of Annie from Drama Shop, NI
and Jama Shop. Okay, anyways, that's a shameless plug all right.
So now we're on to our red flag report. I
(42:52):
love our Red Flags report. Okay, I'm reading this right. Drab,
spilling tea or causing trauma?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
The Tea App aka t app is the latest gossip
platform made mainly for gen Z women, where users can
anonymously post confessions, rumors, and hot takes about influencers, excessing
anyone in between. On the surface, is marketed as a
fund space for girl talk and drama, but it didn't
(43:19):
take long for things to get Messy's creators started speaking
out after finding themselves targeted by anonymous posts filled with lies, hate,
and even docxing. Some called it a bullying app, warned
that it's causing real harm to people's mental health, and
if that wasn't enough, the app was reportedly hacked, leading
(43:41):
the two fears that users' identities could be exposed, which
only added fuel to the fire. What started as a
entertainment as entertainment is now raising serious questions about privacy, accountability,
and how far we are willing to go for drama.
Have you heard a TA app?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
Heard of it?
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Okay, so first of all, this ain't nothing new with y'all.
You know, are we dating the same guy, this same ship?
But are we dating the same guy.
Speaker 5 (44:05):
On the Facebook?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
This is not Honestly, I wasn't. I mean, I'm like, oh,
they put this ship on the app because we not me?
Of course, you know. May look, I am in a
DC one just for research purposes, you know what I'm saying.
I am in a DC one. But this is just basically,
are we dating the same person in the app form.
We've already been doing this. I don't know why people
(44:29):
are appalled. We've literally already been posting niggas in these
apps trying to see Yeah, yeah, I mean we've already
been We've already been doing this. Now, what I will
say is that men are surprised that they are being posted. Also,
I have seen it go good and bad, meaning I've
(44:52):
seen women posting like, hey, I'm I'm dating this guy.
I went out on a dating app. Do y'all know
anything but about I'm going out a date with him?
Do y'all know anything about him? And I'm just like
a guy that you're going out on a day with,
is that worthy of being posted in this app? I
think that like some guys are being posted and don't
deserve to be in there, and then some women are
(45:14):
posting their husbands, like any is anybody talking to him?
We're married? I found out he was cheating and stuff
like that. But like Loki, we've been doing this shit already.
Whomever that the woman who's running the are we dating
the same people?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
App?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Did you know that you could actually pay to expedite
your request? So like, don't ask me how I noticed,
but you can. You submit a person and the administrator
of the app reviews it, but you can venmo her
to expedite the that your post is posted. You can
(45:48):
expedite and you go in and you put your name
in the notes, and it's like you can pay her
to expedite it and then she'll push your thing to
the front. So I don't know. I wasn't apris the
tea app. We been doing this shit, we literally and
they have been different to these, the DC one, so
you still want this all different cities got are We
(46:09):
Dating the same person? And I feel like it just
got made into an app.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I did not download it. I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (46:15):
I looked at it ready, saw it, heard about it, yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
And I was like, it's not it's not my thing.
It's not.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
But also to I feel like, and it's one of
my guy friends found out that he was posted not
to the tea app but to the are We Day
in the same person and he's like, I'm a single man,
Why y'all posting me in this shit? Like I have
the rights. I feel like it can get sticky, like
men are being posted that are actually single and casually dating,
and then there are men that actually people would need
to know, you know, will want to know more about.
(46:46):
But I mean, one band, one sound. I know that
it's probably ruining. They say it's ruining people lives, but
I feel like it can be helping, helping a lot
of people, and I'm not sure who it will be ruining.
If you like that that Stromerer man that was at
the cold Play concert child, okay, if you weren't doing nothing,
(47:08):
then I mean, I don't I don't see the problem.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I see the guy's been saying they need to create an.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
App to they do honestly, because these women be doing stuff.
For sure.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
What you're gonna do if you're on there, well.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
They're gonna say it about me. We ain't gonna say.
I mean, that's what I'm saying. You ain't doing nothing.
Speaker 4 (47:27):
Then?
Speaker 1 (47:28):
Why you know, but.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
You said that you said your friend was on there,
he just went on a date. I'm a single man,
So what if somebody puts you on there says this
girl seea you know which, anybody talking to her?
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Anybody day? What you're gonna do?
Speaker 1 (47:39):
I hope that they do their research. I don't mind
their research.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Look the streets. The streets.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Thing't got nothing to say about me. Okay, uh, you
know if I get on there. I think they should
create an app for the men, for the men to
see women and kind of you know what they're doing
and you know what they see. Now, it'll be crazy
if the men start doing and they I feel like
the men would probably do like a body count feature
(48:04):
on their app, Like if y'all, if you did you
you know what I'm saying, did you smash it? But
I feel like that it would just be childish. But
I think that again, we've been we've been banding this
for real, Like we literally been posting men in this
app for years. I've been in that DC group for years.
I don't check it. I don't really have nobody to
(48:26):
be looking for. But they just put it on the app.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
It was new, it was popping.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
Everybody started tweeting about it, everybody started talking about on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It got hot. Everybody wants to know.
Speaker 5 (48:36):
But they didn't do their research, which is why the reason,
you know, all their information got leaked.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
So it's it's.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yeah, I think that's that's you know, hopefully they data
breaches not is not nothing to play with. I hope
that they really because I think there was like id's
and driver's license and stuff that you had to yes,
government stuff like yeah, yeah, that's that's just crazy. But
well sound black people made it something. But who prayed
(49:02):
this out of black folk? Well, you know, I was
learning to mess something up. So I think that I
think that the app is really just a mobile app
for something that we've already been doing. It's basically just
like asking for the whole time, we asking our girls
and the girl chat anyway, y'all know him. I was
(49:23):
at a restaurant last night and my friend had dated
this guy. He had a similar profile and he worked
in the hospitality industry, and he was like, hey, like,
you know, what's your name? Like basically he's like, you know,
can I get your number? He was like, you know
when I I'm gonna give you my employee discount anytime
you come here, and let me know any other restaurants
that you want to go to. But her little boot
(49:43):
had kind of said the same thing. He also had
long locks. I literally text her like, what's.
Speaker 6 (49:48):
Such and such?
Speaker 1 (49:50):
We call him young Bull? I said, what's such and
such real name? And she told me. I was like, oh,
this nigga name Marcus, Like it ain't it ain't him,
but we been checking, like we gonna double check it
either way. So I just feel like it's just a
more central way to do that.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
You know. I think it depends on to it how
you date.
Speaker 5 (50:07):
If you uh oh a white man, Yeah, oh that's
a founder. Did you know the background on that story?
The background? Okay, correct me if I'm wrong. Real, but
I think the background was that his mom. He it
was his mom was the reason why he created the app,
and I believe his mom was like getting cheated on
(50:27):
or his mom was getting played by a man, so
he created the app and Honor to protect women because
of his mom and her dating life.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Oh wow wow.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
But it's also so like I mean the t app.
That means I think it's still like a spin on
popular culture, so he's not that far removed that his
probably main audience would be would be black folk. Uh interesting,
interest and interesting. I literally like the tea app is
just a mobile app. Baby, we've been We've been posting
(50:58):
the men in a chat. We've been We've been being
we been doing that, so I would I wasn't really surprised,
But I also don't. I like to start off things
with a clean slate. I don't want to. If I
got to Google you and investigate you, I'm cool. I
may look at your LinkedIn, I may put your name
in a search engine just to see you know where
you work or any type of accolades or things you
have behind you. But to me, that's laborious, that's just stressful.
(51:22):
People like we need to know who you're dating. I
will once I get, you know, serious enough with them,
But like, that's just too much work for me upfront,
So I'm not interested in the tea app. I don't
want to go in there. I don't want to look
nobody up. I don't want to.
Speaker 5 (51:33):
If I got to do all that, I don't want
you exactly, don't I don't want to know too much
going on sharing stories with the next woman about your experiences.
I'm not the type of person that wants to share
that type of information. If you had a bad date
with him, that was your date with him.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
And I think that that's actually very important to mention that.
Like people, the fact of the matter is that people
are having different experience with people and how what you allowed,
what you accept the ore that you got. This happened
to me one a friend and I had actually dated
the same person. I dated him prior to coming too DC.
(52:10):
She dated him while she was in DC, and she
was like, yeah, because like he never took me out
on dates. He never I was like, know about that baby,
that man winded died me To this day, he's probably
winding doning me more than any other man like that man.
It took me. I'm like, so, I don't know nothing
(52:30):
about what you're talking about. So I do think that
there are women that are having different experiences with men
and it's because of one just the package that they
presented and the effort that man wants to put into
you at that time. It could go either way, you know.
So I don't think it's fair that women get to
talk about their experiences and it's like it's shunning women.
(52:52):
Funk around, miss your husband. It's turning women off because
they're like, oh, yeah, he did this, he did that. Now.
I do think you need to keep your eyes to
the ground, but I don't know if that would be
a true depicture of how that person would actually treat you. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (53:06):
Yeah, So.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Stay out that.
Speaker 6 (53:09):
Stuff, y'all.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
Trusty stressful, stressful anyway, rap wrap on that
Nobody cares what you say desire or want if you
are not applying appropriate consequences for things that does not
honor your request. Period if you're saying, hey, I want
to go out on more day nights, now I want
to go on more day nights, and then you wait.
You in the relationship for five years not requiring the
(00:20):
day nights. Nobody cares about what you say. You have
to apply appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
your desires. So he's known that I wanted to get married.
You never required to get married. You and people are, well,
you can't force somebody do nothing. Yes you can, you can.
You can force them what your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You can.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You can force it with the things that you outline
about what you want. Right and so yes, people are
going to do what they want to do, but what
you allow is very important. Okay, y'all, welcome back to
(01:08):
dere to see you. We are so excited. We have
a couple subscription reminders. First of all, we want you
to follow there to see a podcast on Apple and Spotify.
This is very very important. Follow on Apple and Spotify
and leave a five star review, not two, not four, five, Okay,
five star review because it looks like you all are
(01:28):
enjoying this, right. We also want you to subscribe to
the Relationship Restore and there to see a YouTube channel. Okay,
we have a new home. All the videos will be
placed on the to see an XBS channel, so make
sure to watch it there. Okay, got get our watch
hours up so we can monetize. Okay, Hey, monetizing is
very important, so please go and watch it there. Look,
(01:51):
run it on your TV when you're cleaning up, running
in your car, running while you're at the gym. Okay,
we're getting our watch hours up so we could start
clocking into these dollars. All right, so go ahead and
watch on the dear on the to see an XBS channel.
We have our goal of fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts,
one thousand reviews. We already passed five hundred. Okay, I
(02:14):
think were in the sixties and seven, so this is great.
Were on our way to one thousand, so keep writing
those reviews and then we have one hundred k subscribers
as a goal on both channels. So do y'all part.
I'm doing the work, y'all, do y'all part. Okay, period
now we're introducing our Peanut Gallery guests Courtney. Okay. So
I always tell y'all I love to talk about how
(02:36):
I first met. If y'all don't know, like once upon
a time, I did a show call Ready to Love.
It's on own Network, and Courtney is one of my
cast mats, and we've been locked in ever since. And
if y'all ever followed this show, some people just do
the show and they you know, move on whatever. But
our cast is so tight. We're in the DC area,
so we did the DC. They did a Potomac show,
(02:57):
but we did the DC season and our is just
so tight. So Courtney and I've been locked in ever since.
So we're welcoming Courtney to the Peanut Gallery for a good,
good good good key key Welcome Courtney, Hi, hiks having
me Hearie.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So then we're gonna go on to our listener review
and it's from Miss Thing and she said, literally, one
of my favorite podcasts to see is The Big Sister.
I never had. I appreciate the honesty so much, especially
when you didn't get the proper guidance growing up. This
is literally who I do my podcast for. I always say,
us girls out here damn near paying rushi roulette with
(03:34):
our lives show, and so I'm trying to tell the
girls that she'd all wish my mama told me okay,
because we all out here just figuring it out as adults. Okay,
so we have our first voice smel and it's entitled
he got what he wanted and then blocked me.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Let's hear it, dear to see you. I recently stopped
talking to a guy. Wasn't on my account. He actually
blocked me. I met him through a mutual friend who
paired us together. We were talking for six weeks. Looking back,
what we only really had in common was the fact
that we were both from Greek letter organizations. He is
ten years older than me. I really was trying to
(04:11):
try something new. I was patient, I was pleasant, I
was trying to be femitin in my approach.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Well.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
We went off dates, probably like three once we start
having sex, though the idea of him planning dates are
times decreased or was not existing. I just stuck around
because I was just trying to be patient, because I'm like, hey,
he's taken me out before. But really he probably just
got what he wanted and liked it and just felt
like I probably was overextending myself a weku ago. I
finally crashed out and I wasn't really my behavior was inappropriate,
(04:40):
an inappropriate response. I probably could have just left. But
long story short, he does I don't have any block
and he said I was disrespectful, even though I felt
disrespected and the fact that I talked to him about
my triggers and he would continue to do them. And yes,
I could have left him because it was just preliminary
stuff like it had only been six weeks. But now
I I'm pregnant and I told him that I am
(05:02):
pregnant and offer to come and do a pregnancy test.
All of that, he is not believing me. He thinks
that it's a game. He's black me on answering and
my calls. What should I do in terms of how
to navigate moving forward with the fact that I'm pregnant.
I am thirty nine years old, I have a thriving career.
I don't really feel comfortable like ending the pregnancy because
(05:24):
of my age and things like that. I just emotionally
is having a hard time and I wanted to know
if you think that I should continue to reach out
or will he ever double back around and reach out
to inquire.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
If she thirty nine, that nigga forty nine. Can you
imagine a forty nine year old that is not taking
the pregnancy real like it's real. He's like, oh, I'm
not sure if this is real. He didn't block you
and all this kind of stuff, so many things going
on here. I feel like he bit off more than
(05:58):
he can chew. I think that he probably never fathomed
like an actual pregnancy coming from this at forty not
fifty years old. He probably has children and don't want
no more. She thirty nine, from what I gather, is
her first pregnancy, and she's just probably like, I'm too
old to be going to the look it's a playing parenthood, Okay.
(06:24):
I feel like the blocking thing was automatically a red flag.
I don't like when people block people. I think that
it says a lot. I always say, if a man
is writing you long paragraphs or if he's blocking, that's
a complete red flag. And what a lot of times
men are waiting for the crash out from you so
(06:45):
that they can justify why they're not fucking with you
no more. They'll be They just nag and pick and
they'll ghost you and they'll starve you out and nail whatever,
and then you you you spiral and they're like checkmate, Yep, no, no,
I'm not fucking I can't do this. You're disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You're dispecting.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I'm pregnant now, So regardless of whatever disrespect that you
thought was happening, I am. I am now pregnant. There's
a lot of women that are having pregnancies that are
unplanned and that are in their later years. I think
this is just a conversation that we've had a lot,
(07:22):
and it really as a mature woman of thirty seven, okay,
no kid, has never been married, I think that it's
really like a catch twenty two because you're like, wow, like,
now have this opportunity to be a mom. I'm just
assuming that this is her first child. I think I
think she would have mentioned it if this wasn't her
first child. She said at thirty nine, she doesn't feel
like she doesn't feel comfortable terminating the pregnancy. You're a mom.
(07:48):
What do you think and I think you've shared that
like you've had like your pregnancy was what do you
think your mom?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I as a thirty.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
Nine year old I gathered the same information. I think
it might be her first pregnancy. Yeah, it might be
something she's really looking forward to. I think she should
continue on with the pregnancy, obviously, she stated that's something
she really wants to do.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'm a little.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Baffled with the age gap, because how did we get
here is the real question.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Thirty nine. I think my age goes up to forty eight.
I'm thirty seven. I think I feel comfortable at like
forty eight. Anything over forty eight, I'm like, that's just
a little too old. So I mean, I could see,
I can see that that age gap. But like y'all,
y'all know how easy it is not to get pregnant.
(08:42):
I never understood this. It's so easy not to get pregnant.
And now you with a man that's ten years older
than you that's talking about some. Is the pregnancy even real?
Can you imagine even that being your first pregnancy, your
first opportunity and motherhood at your age and you wish
Bembo ass man that's talking about some. I don't believe
(09:03):
it is a pregnancy real. And he got you blocked,
and then you have to go through that alone also too,
And I think sometimes women can miss like cook can
confuse this for like blaming the woman for men's behavior.
But I guarantee Hee, you you saw, you saw bread
(09:25):
crumbs of this type of a man. Just don't pop
out and be a block you type of nigga. He
don't just pop out and be a Oh I don't
believe the pregnancy is real. You saw some of these
traits while you were dating him in that six weeks,
you know, And I just would have hoped that she
would have been a little bit more cautious because you
(09:48):
lay down and you let that, you know. So it's
just it's honestly, it's just really unfortunate. So basically what
some of the questions was, should she keep trying to
contact him about the pregnancy or let him go entirely.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
I think she needs to send a message. I think
she needs to calm down first of all, just take
it down a second, because I think she said she
just went off the rails and started just going crazy. Yeah,
she's spiraling, which understandable. You just find out you're pregnant,
you're ready to go crazy. But I think she just
needs to take a second, take a step back, and
then just kind of revisit her emotions and say, Okay,
(10:22):
this is how I need to approach the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Like, if you want him a part.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Of the child's life, then you know, make it known
that you want him a part of the child's life.
And if you don't, then make that known as well,
because if he doesn't believe that it's serious, or he
doesn't believe that it's really he needs to understand, yes,
this is what's going on, and how are we going
to move forward and let him make the decision, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
But you know what too, I feel like there's like
this thing where women are like, we don't want black
men in this court system. Take that niggative course. I
don't know what fuck I'm telling you. If I have
to birth a child, that is the closest that a
woman is getting to literally childbirth. If I'm pushing this
fucking baby, nigga, If you don't want to be in
(11:05):
this child life and you decide that you get you
have the leisure of stepping out. I'm putting your name
on that ticket, and I don't give a fuck. I'm
taking your ass the court period. If I have to
go through pregnancy alone, I'm not on this oen we
don't need any more black men in a court system.
He decided to walk away from his responsibility, so let look,
(11:27):
let the courts handle it. Period.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
There's also a stigma in the black community where they
think if a black man is in court, then the
baby mom is bitter or right.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
It's a formality.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
And at the end of the day, if I have
to take care of this child, you have to take
care of this child. If you're not gonna do it willingly,
then we have to do what we gotta do to
make it.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
We gotta do what we gotta do. And I don't
care if I had if I'm pushing this kid out
and you were a willing participant, and even if DNA
test blah blah blah blah, whise and this this is
the thing black women advocate for black men and so
much when it was Black Lives Matter and they were
slaughtering our men in the streets and they were shooting
us up. Blah blah blah. Who was the first one
(12:07):
picking black women? Black women are black men's biggest ally.
And then it comes to like, I'm about to risk
my life to birth this child, and you think that
you can cut out on this take it to the courts,
and I don't care take it to the courts period.
Wutch look, call the people.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
But she does have to find that balance to have
the conversation because if she's just flying off, just texting,
text and texting, and you need to do this, you need.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
To do that.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Yeah, I'm the balance to have a mature conversation so
he understands the severity of bringing a child into this
world and this is real life.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'm not playing. This is your child.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And just in general, the more you step back off
of people, the more they're willing to do. Like sometimes,
as you said, it's just like letting it rest, leaving
it alone. You said, your peace about it. If he
wants to step up, that's on him. But a lot
of times people are willing to do two. They're more
willing to do things for you or just be present
if they have less pressure to do it, especially a
(13:02):
man child, especially a man. And she basically asking, like,
you know, is it worth hoping that he'll come back around.
I'm gonna tell you this, You've seen enough from him.
I think it's great to want him to come around
to be a support as your child, but to be
a partner to you. You've seen all you need to see.
(13:23):
You don't need to see nothing else from this man
about what he has going on, because he's already he's
already shown, and yea, we can be like, oh, he
probably was scared. He probably was nervous. He probably wasn't
expecting this. This man is forty nine years old and
it ran through many a woman. He know how human
(13:43):
biology works. He knows exactly what could happen. And so
if he want to step I'm gonna step my ass
right down to the courthouse. Okay, let the people handle it.
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
I never understood that. I hope she didn't put even
with six weeks of dating this man. I hope she
didn't put that much energy in emotion into it. So
it might I hate to say this, but in six
weeks you might not have a real connection.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
You might it might just be mi.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
Now you probably don't don't really know him, so it
might be easier for her to walk away.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
In March then.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Now said look, she's hormonal. She's now like, now you
have a lifelong connection with somebody, it's natural for her
to want this to be something. But he's one of.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
My mom's standpoint too. I do want to mention this.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
A lot of people don't realize that even though she
wants the man to be a part of her life,
her health is the most important part right now. I
understand you want to put the man on the forefront.
You want to know what he's doing, how he's showing up,
if is he gonna pay whatever, But you are carrying
life right now. So your health is important because you
can lose a.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Baby off of stress. It's very it happens often. You know.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
They have miscarriage, they have so many things that happen
to a woman's body. They have still birth, they have
all these things. So like, focus on your health because
right now your baby is the only thing that matters.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yes, yes, absolutely, m How can she protect her peace
and move forward confidently as a pregnant single woman. Literally,
do not let what he has going on stress you out.
I think, like you said, you've already reached out. He everybody, everybody,
(15:19):
everybody has their judgment day, and you may not reap
the benefits of it.
Speaker 6 (15:23):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It may seem like he's getting over on you, like
he's abandoning you, like he's But I'm gonna tell you this.
The crazy thing about the universe is that everybody gets
what's due coming to them. Everybody is gonna get what's
coming to them, and it may not show up now,
but it may show up in his later years, may
show up with his relationship with his father. It may
show up on his asses on his death bed, okay,
when he needs somebody to look wipe his behind, when
(15:46):
he got pancreatic, cancrous and shit like that. Right, A
lot of times people don't really see it then, and
it's nothing that you can do to force that on him. So,
like you said, try your best to have a healthy
pregnancy of he's fo ten.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Years your senior.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Allow him to do what he wants to do so
that you can see what kind of person he actually is.
Because that's a very good point. You've only known this
man for six weeks. That's fifty days or forty four days,
how many days, okay, six weeks whatever, a month, in
two weeks, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
You don't listen.
Speaker 5 (16:23):
There shouldn't be an emotional connection there because in six
weeks you barely know him, probably don't know his middle name, kids,
and don't have that relationship. I think it should be
easy for you to kind of move forward. And I'm
not saying forget about it. Like I said, calm it
down and then try again. And at the end of
the day, just do the best you can for your baby,
and that's the focus point.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And also like use this as an opportunity to learn
and move forward. Like we as women sometimes we lack
a lot of accountability. And you put yourself in a
position where you can you can become pregnant by a
man that you barely know, and then now we surprised
(17:04):
by how this person is acting. And you know, they say,
you don't ask a clown why he's why he's a clown?
You ask why you keep going to the circus, Like girl,
you did all of these things and then now you're
surprised that you seeing an elephant in a damn okay,
a lion and all these like you these are these
(17:25):
are also your responsibilities. And it's just difficult that this
is probably her first introduction to motherhood. But I pray
that she uses better discernment and really look at people
for who they are before like life decisions like now
now you now you're pregnant with this man. Bat Yeah,
(17:46):
God bless you. Protect your peace. Okay, if he come,
me come. If he don't, he don't listen. Put them
on papers, period, period. This ain't no joke. You out
here literally birthing a child, risking your life and doing
it on Put them on papers. I don't care anyways.
Voice my number two is back on the market. But
(18:08):
tung tide, I'll.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
See dare to see U.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
I'm about twenty years removed from the dating scene. I'm
a recent befortay for about three years out and I'm
getting back into the dating world, which is much different
from when I was younger. I'm an introvert to which
is causing a little bit of an issue. Small talk
is a bit of an issue for me, so keeping
a conversation going is a little bit difficult. What are
(18:35):
some conversation starters I can use and any suggestions how
to keep the combo going?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I hate a force combo. You know. I think that
even if you're introverted, there's like personalities that make it
like you just kind of fit in the groove, right,
you know what I'm saying, Like, I don't think that.
I think that even if you're introverted, they're design that
you have that like pull you a little bit outside
(19:03):
of that, Like, even if you're introverted, you're gonna want
to like talk to people, You're gonna want to know
more about that person. You're gonna want to open up
your life to somebody else. And so I feel like
I don't feel like maybe she's running into the right
kind of people or people that just really kind of,
you know, feed feed off her energy. I think in
terms of like what questions should she should she be asking?
(19:24):
Since she knows that she doesn't talk a lot, those
questions should be like vital shit, that's like does he
check the boxes to move on to the next day?
Since you're not, like you're not just like very social,
you're gonna be talking, talking, talking like a chatterbox, right,
So you make sure that those are questions or things
that actually are valuable to know so that you can
(19:46):
know if this person is in alignment for you what
you want in the future. It could be like do
you travel, do you have a passport? You know, what's
your what does your future look like? What is a
perfect day for you? You know? What are your intentions? Are
you trying to meet people? Are you dating? Are you?
Like I think, like whatever she finds to be important.
(20:07):
What are the questions that she feel like it is
going to get her there? Because it sounds like, you know,
she only got a couple two three questions really in
her before her like social battery is drained. So I
feel like if she should make it count, like it
should beity quality over quantity. But you are an extra
for her, Cordy, So what do you think about, Like
(20:29):
what do you think about her approach to guys and like,
you know, dating and what she should be asking them.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
I don't think she should like think of topics, you know,
Like I don't think she should be like, oh, I
should talk about school, I should talk about kids, I
should talk about this. I don't think she should like
think about a topic. I think she just kind of
needs to like relax and let the conversation flow, like
I would bring up something that I'm interested in, you know,
like if you see them at a bar, you see
them out and about like what are they doing? Are
they casual? Do they have a nice cologne? Are they
(20:56):
watching a game? Are they you know, like I like
allowing a man and to teach me something like I
want to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Just play as whatever as possible, Like.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Oh, okay, really I didn't know that. Even if you
do know it, they're gonna explain it to you. That's
how the conversation flows. They want to teach you something.
Men love teaching, So find something that they want to
teach you, or something that you don't know about.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It just kind of flow from there.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
But also like she needs like some hooks that is
going to give her insight on if the man can
actually like hold the conversation. If that makes me sense,
Like I feel like because she's introverted, she's gonna need
somebody with a little bit more structure, right, And so
it's like maybe it's not what do I do to
(21:38):
keep the conversation going, it's more so like what do
I ask to see if he can swing, if he
can sling the conversation, because it's somebody out there for everybody. Like,
I don't think she should really push herself to be extroverty.
You've seen all these reals on Instagram and it's like
that funny, outgoing woman and it's just the husband's send
back like look at her, look at she just right,
(22:00):
look at her. She's just out here. You need to
find those people, find the people that align with who
you are, Like, I don't want her to like stretch
herself so much so that it feels like unnatural to
make these conversations. Girl, find the one that like likes
your quirkiness, knows that you're introvert, that you're not gonna
probably do, and he knows how to he knows how
(22:22):
to carry it. He's gonna be the one that's out
here making a connection and also bragging about you. Have
you seen the trend where it's like, my sister gonna
tell you about her clothing line and you gonna like it.
You better like this video, And it's basically like the
introverted person that's not really out there and kind of shy,
and then you got that person in your life, and
(22:42):
it's like you better like my sisters.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
That's what you need.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Okay, you need a man, It's like, and you better
like my my girlfriend stuff and you better let her
finish her point, like you need you need a man
with that dog in I'm right, like, you need somebody
that just naturally knows how to carry it. If you
are somebody that's introverted, like I don't really feel actually
men appreciate that there's just somebody out there for you.
I don't want her to get too much where she
(23:05):
has to like change or carry the conversation. Just find
your tribe and find your people. Like it's gonna bland
and he's going you're gonna find a man who's gonna
love the fact that you're a little bit more reserved.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
She says, she's been divorced for three years, so she's
really just like finding her footing and dating again. So
she also has to be open to rejection. That is
so important because a lot of people think that when
they're dating, they're gonna feel defeated if the conversation is
at flow or they're not interested or they don't text back.
It happens to everybody, okay, Like you're not meant for everybody.
(23:40):
So there's gonna be times when you meet a guy
and he may not like your conversation and he might
end it very quickly, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
You know what's so funny. So on one of the
platforms that I am on, there are married women, and
when we talk about dating in life, they always try
to push this like if you you are a virtuous woman,
and if you are a woman that's looking to be
a wife one day you need to, you know, you
(24:07):
have to make sure that you're being intentional about dating.
And my point is always like I'm like, hi, single
person here, that shit y'all talking about does not transfer
to what the hell single women are experiencing out here,
Like it's not the same. And you're out here grooming
women who want to be wives to date like that,
(24:30):
and it's like, no, you actually have to have like
a kind of like grit on you and almost like
kind of like know how to play games in your
head to actually master what it's like to date as
a single person. And what happened. We get a lot
of women, a lot of women that write me, a
lot of women that are in my Secret Girls Chat,
(24:51):
and just in general they're not married anymore and they're
like what do I do? I don't know anything about this,
And it's just it's like, this is my thing. If
you were once married and you knew how to date
as a virtuous woman, this shit would be easy for you, right,
But it's the women that are divorced there are now
out here dating as a single person. They don't know
(25:13):
what the fuck to do. And I'm like, that's my point.
Women that are single need to learn how to date
as a single woman, and marry women always push like
virtuous values on if you want to be married, if
you don't want to be single, these are things no,
you need to learn how to date, like date like
a dog. Honestly, like you got to learn how to
play these fucking games with these people. And it's like, well,
(25:34):
isn't that exhausted, isn't that do you want to survive
this shit or not? Okay? There Unfortunately, there are things
that you have to master. There are fake games that
you have to play to really learn how to navigate
dating as a single person. And it has nothing to
do with being married. And this is why marry women
that are that have been divorced or that are divorced
(25:56):
now struggle to enter our world because they never learned
actual dating skills. And this is why I teach single
women how to date like a single woman, not like
a virtuous wife who wants to be married one day.
It's a totally different, totally different world. And when you
teach single women how to date like a virtuous woman
(26:17):
or intentional if you want to be married, you know
what happens. Women become overinvested because dating is a single
as a as a married woe a person that wants
to be married, You're gonna be forgiving, You're gonna be calm,
you're gonna learn how to compromise, you're gonna learn how
to nurt And it's just like whoa, whoa, whoa whoa.
Those are not the things that you want to give
up up front when you're dating like a single person.
(26:39):
So I always think it's interesting when women that have
been married struggle to date because it's two different worlds.
It's two different worlds, and so I think she should
be You're right, I think her being single for three
years being open to rejection also, like, this is not
what you used to like this baby, we all like,
(27:03):
can we get a new shipment of men? We all
we all struggling. It's not what you're used to. There's
a different culture out here, especially women that have been
with the man who created a covenant firm. I'm not
sure how her marriage was structured, but like, it's just
not what being married is like. And there are called
(27:23):
it childish, call it masculine, caught whatever they are a
shit that you got to learn as a single woman
dating That does not transfer to anything marriage like like,
it's just it's two different worlds.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
So and then it's awesome about what is she looking for?
You know, she's been out of relationship for three years,
So are you looking to have fun?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Then have fun?
Speaker 5 (27:43):
If are you looking to find your next person because
you've been married for however long, are you looking to
find your next person, then yeah, look for that.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
But you know, but I think also a lot of
women don't know who they are outside of partnership. But
that's also a thing. A lot of times your identity
was tied to your marriage and that parton and then
you are single, and now you like, who am I?
Do I have a voice? What do I like? Do
I know how to stand up for myself? Cannot create boundaries?
You're so used to like a blended life with somebody,
and it's very hard to create a separate space where
(28:14):
you know how to advocate for yourself. Again, you know
how to sell boundaries, you know how to put your
desires and wants and needs up front. If you was
married for twenty years, my assumption would be a kid
came out of that. Okay, maybe probably a kid came
out of that. So now you're a mom like girl,
like this is a whole a whole different world, and
I think that like she's she has to learn more
(28:37):
about herself as well, like really take the time of
like even if you down to like going to get
your nails done, it's like, girl, tell her you want
her to clean your cuticles. Tell her you don't like
that design, tell her you want her to cut them down.
Tell her that's not what I ask for. Like practice
advocating for yourself on a daily basis, Like that's something
I see marry women because you're a mom, you're a wife,
(29:00):
you've done everything in partnership, and you don't actually know
how to put yourself on the forefront while you're dating.
So I hope that you girl try and test it out,
like have fun and test it all out and see what.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
You have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Have have fun with dating fund lid luck my good sess.
Don't force it, that's just my thing. Don't force it, okay,
boy smail three is five years a child and still no.
Speaker 6 (29:25):
Ring Themisia my burning of five years who my share
travel has never won a marriage. He has always known
that I want a marriage, that marriage was an angle
for me, but he never expressed that he didn't want
marriage up until about three to four months of all
and we will take all over. For five years, I
(29:45):
have basically javed him the ultimatum of saying, hey, we
either get married or we co parent, and a couple
of days after that he decided that he did a
marriage and he doesn't want to be with me. But
after four to five years of always telling me everything
that I need for Raymond and I needed to focuson before,
we couldn't get married. I just don't believe that she
(30:07):
generally wants narity.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
So I'm not sure if you quite heard it, but basically,
after five years together and raising a child, a woman
gave her partner an ultimate of marriage or co parenting.
He chose co parenting, only to backtrack days later and
claim he did want marriage. But after years of excuses
and shifting the blame onto her, she's questioning if he
ever truly meant that he wanted to get married. Let
(30:36):
me tell you why he doesn't want to marry you.
I mean five years, a child and no ring. And
what I think is interesting is that she kept saying,
he's always known that I wanted to get married. Nobody
cares what you say desire or want, if you are
(30:57):
not applying appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
your request period, If you're saying, hey, I want to
go out on more day nights, now I want to
go on more day nights. And if you wait, you
in a relationship for five fucking years not requiring the
day nights. Nobody cares about what you say. You have
to apply appropriate consequences for things that does not honor
(31:20):
your desires. So he's known that I wanted to get married.
You never required that he fucking married you. And people
are well, you can't force somebody doing, Yes, you can,
you can. You can force them with your boundaries.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
You can.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
You can force it with how you the things that
you outline about what you want right and so yes,
people are going to do what they want to do,
but what you allow is very important. It is very
easy to persuade people. Join my seper Girls chef. You
want to know how to do this right. It's very
(31:51):
easy to persuade people to do the things that you
want to do, and there's so many ways you can
do it. If some if you're saying, like I want
day nights, I want day nights, and this person is like, oh,
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
do it. Yeah, year year, we're gonna go on these
day nights. You start taking yourself out on dates, You
start entertaining other people, mean just going out with your friends.
(32:12):
You start telling them, oh, no, it's okay, don't worry,
I plan a day night for each The more that
you remove yourself from being a focus of that person's desires,
you will actually make them want to lean into the
things that you want. And so you saying that he
know that I desire a marriage, but you never pressed
(32:33):
the gas on it. You never created a space where
that was something that he had to do shit or
get off the pot. You never so nobody cares that
for five years he knows I want to get married.
But everything about your behavior said everything else. You sat
there year, one year, two year, three timeself, you know
I want to get married. Nothing about your behavior enforced
that you sat there and affirmed behavior that did not
(32:57):
honor what you actually wanted. I always think it's you're
still win a woman that's like, well, he know what
I wanted, Yeah, but you let him sit around and
do the exact opposite. So that's that's all that's always
interesting to me. So she said, can someone truly changed
her mind that quickly or is it emotional manipulation? So
do you think he wants to that he actually wants
to marry her.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
No, he doesn't. He just wants to accommodate her.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I mean, like, if you wanted to get married back
in the day, you should have put some fire up
under that ass, like real quick, real early.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
This is this is what I want. If you're not
giving that to me, then I have to exist stage left.
Speaker 5 (33:33):
But you kept going and kept going, and you kept
putting the ball in his court and saying, can you
make this happen? I want to get married. Can you
make this happen? Now he's changing his mind.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
I'm just and really, ultimams are just such a terrible idea.
And you want, you want that man to have married
you and propose to you, thinking that you were the
woman of his dreams and he couldn't live life without you.
He's marrying you because you said, either were you we
gonna get married, or you're gonna co parent. The ring
(34:03):
gonna always be foggy, baby, you gonna always look at
that ring and be like, I'm not really sure if
a nigga really wanted to you know what I'm saying,
that's just and men hate conflict or the say like
women be the one filing for divorce and leaving these marriages.
A man is sit around. I feel like they just unproblematic.
A man is sitting around and just bear it, you know,
and and stick around even though that that's not something
(34:26):
that they actually desire. So I don't think he wants
to marry you at all. Actually, I think he would
have been married you if that's what he wanted. And
this ultimatum is not helping anything. And don't can forget
that when you ask them. He chose the cold parents
in first, First, he chose the co parents in first
all his bluff, call his bluff, co parent get him
(34:51):
back into a stage where he actually desires the marriage.
A lot of these niggas don't think you're gonna leave
a lot of these men don't think you're gonna call
that nigga's bluff and actually co parents with him, say
oh okay, great, you know I think that we should
you know, I think we should go with the co
parenting and what's our new living arrangement. Are you moving
out or am I gonna move out?
Speaker 5 (35:12):
Let me know, stand on it, let the man know
what it's like.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
So now you have to go pick that kid up
after work. Now you gotta drive back over and shit,
you you forgot what side the bread was buttered on, right,
because now you you don't know. You thought you had
it good. Now you have to get off work. You
gotta pay for after school. You gotta show that nigga
with cold parents and his life and I have since make
the heart grow fonder seriously that it sounds cliche and corny,
(35:41):
but it's the truth. Sometimes you gotta step back off
of people so they can really feel the presence in
your life. When you see that like, oh, she had,
you know, meal prep for you because you worked twelve
hours a day. I can't wait to the day he
comes home to a lonely fucking house to know meal prep.
I can't wait till the day he comes home and
he's just like, oh, like I didn't have nobody to
(36:03):
stop at Starbucks in the morning. Whatever it is. Sometimes
you got to remove yourself so people could actually feel
the presence that they had in your life. I don't
think that he wants to marry you. I think he's
still confused, and I think you should show him exactly
what cole parenting is.
Speaker 5 (36:17):
Like, Yeah, that's what you should do, the jump back
off of it, because after he loses you, he's going
to be trying to do everything to get you back.
So you gotta be able to stand on business about
that too if he does come back around.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
These are the requirements.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
These are the requirements, These are the boundaries. Yeah, I
just feel like, you know, five years and you know
he knew that that was a desire of yours. We
just had this conversation the other day and it's like, well,
why wasn't that something that you want to grant to her?
A man that likes and love you and care about you,
he actually wants to give you everything that you want,
(36:52):
Like he truly wants you to live the life that
you want. So imagine this man for five years sitting there,
you of something that you've always desired. That is like
literally like one of the epitomes of love. Right, You're
not gonna want to starve your partner out If you
know you're not the person that can give her that,
You're gonna step to decide and move away. But it's
(37:13):
like he watched you for years and not granted you
the true desires of your heart, and now he like,
oh yeah, yeah, okay, we could get married now, Girl,
that ring gonna be blurry. It's gonna be I don't.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Think girls love being married about that.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Literally, the representation that ring gonna be little blurry, It's
gonna have no clarity, and that's just gonna be a
representation of everything in your life. I don't think he
wants to marry you. I think he feels like his
back is up against the wall. Should we Should she
continue holding space for the possibility of marriage or stand
pharmer collpace stand pharmal col parents. And the thing about
is a man want to be with you, it'll it'll
swing back around. Show him what cole parenting is like,
(37:52):
so he could know the difference between the number one
option number one and option number two. Period that man
I want to marry her. She's questioning if he ever
truly meant it. I don't think he meant it. I
don't think he meant it. But I think I think
it'll be beneficial for her to show him what option
the option that he chose is actually like, even if
(38:14):
he does swing the back around, even he's like, yo,
I made a big mistake. I did not know. This
is not what I want. I want to be with you.
I love show that show him what coke parenting really
is so he could see how much more he has
a sacrifice when y'all in two different fucking households. And
it may sound drastic, but you been waiting five years
for the ring. I think it's time to shake it up.
(38:34):
I think it's hard to shake the dairn room. Okay,
for a week a monthide the ring like a Mario
with a boombox. Okay, in the bushes. Let's show him
what coke parenting is like. That's what I think you
should do. Anyways, on to my favorite segment. I don't know,
it's my favorite segment, one of my favorite segments. I
(38:56):
love the whole show. Anyways, my bitch you Smell Good segment.
And today we're gonna be featuring our niche shahnee Annie. Okay,
that's the one with the least amount of fragrance. And
it should be the let me see, it should be
the the yellow one, the yellow one. Okay, Uh, that's
the one we try anyways, This is Nie Annie, y'all.
(39:17):
I want to turn this around so that y'all can
see that there's nothing in here. This is actually an
empty and y'all know that I do not empty a bottle.
This is a put it in my casket fragrance when
I die, please put this one in there.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
This is niehae Annie, and the notes is are Bergamont
green notes including leafy vegetile accords, blue ginger, and pink pepper.
Let me tell y'all, Bergamont, ginger and pink pepper are
some of my most grown chords in a fragrance. I
(39:56):
love to smell like a man. Y'all already know that,
and this is one of my favorite fragrance. It's unisex.
A man can wear it, a woman can wear it.
And I have emptied the bottle. Okay, I squose out
enough to give Courtney so that she can so that
she can spread. Okay, but I y'all know, I'm not
a fruity girl. I'm not a floral girl. I'm not
I I like big dog be small fragrances. And I
(40:21):
have literally actually emptied this bottle, and so I didn't
even realized I emptied it until I went to go
buy it. I've also gifted this fragrance of so many people.
I've gifted it to at my birthday parties, I give
everybody a vow. I love this fragrance. And it's something
you can pass to your man. So you know, both
of y'all, both of y'all can be warrants anyway.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Spread you. You gave me the last. You know what
they say about somebody that gives you their last.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Y'all know how take out the shopping problem. But you know,
I'm gonna look, I'm really gonna go downstairs and by it.
It's just too good.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
M's it's grown. Yeah, I didn't even have to come
that close, Like.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
I get so freaking good. And you know, this is
like a boardroom fragrance. This is a weird of work fragrance.
This is like a boss what you call it? What's
that woman from What's the thing about the Old Day?
If it's playing How to Do Away with Murder? Or
Kerrie Washington stair skinned? This is like that you know
that walk got that briefcase that this is it. This
(41:24):
is just like boardroom boss women. And I'm telling y'all.
I have so many fragrance over two hundred and this
is an empty bottle, and I love a fragrance that
I have to buy again. So anyways, this is one
of my favorites. People always say like if I ever
want to do a collapse with somebody or nich, I
have so much a Yasha it is literally crazy I have.
(41:47):
This is probably the house that I have the most
niche and Titiana Torenzi. I'm just obsessed with the formula.
I love the blend and it's absolutely incredible. Oh wait
a minute, peak pepper. The herd notes were black currant,
Turkish rolls, turk this is too good, y'all, Turkish rolls,
and carter mom. And then the base notes are vanilla, benzoin,
(42:09):
sandal woods, cedar wood, pet Trulli, amber, grist, and must.
I don't know what else could be added to this
that could make it any more delicious it is. It's
just too freaking good. So anyways, anyways, that is our
fragrance of to day. Ni Annie, go buy it, purchase it.
I like to get it from Donma shop, Duma shop.
Called me, y'all, got so much of my money? Okay,
(42:31):
call me Jama Shop. You always get like a discount
on the fragrances. They're always running sales. I've got this,
like my third bottle of Annie from Drama Shop, NI
and Jama Shop. Okay, anyways, that's a shameless plug all right.
So now we're on to our red flag report. I
(42:52):
love our Red Flags report. Okay, I'm reading this right. Drab,
spilling tea or causing trauma?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
The Tea App aka t app is the latest gossip
platform made mainly for gen Z women, where users can
anonymously post confessions, rumors, and hot takes about influencers, excessing
anyone in between. On the surface, is marketed as a
fund space for girl talk and drama, but it didn't
(43:19):
take long for things to get Messy's creators started speaking
out after finding themselves targeted by anonymous posts filled with lies, hate,
and even docxing. Some called it a bullying app, warned
that it's causing real harm to people's mental health, and
if that wasn't enough, the app was reportedly hacked, leading
(43:41):
the two fears that users' identities could be exposed, which
only added fuel to the fire. What started as a
entertainment as entertainment is now raising serious questions about privacy, accountability,
and how far we are willing to go for drama.
Have you heard a TA app?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
Heard of it?
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Okay, so first of all, this ain't nothing new with y'all.
You know, are we dating the same guy, this same ship?
But are we dating the same guy.
Speaker 5 (44:05):
On the Facebook?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
This is not Honestly, I wasn't. I mean, I'm like, oh,
they put this ship on the app because we not me?
Of course, you know. May look, I am in a
DC one just for research purposes, you know what I'm saying.
I am in a DC one. But this is just basically,
are we dating the same person in the app form.
We've already been doing this. I don't know why people
(44:29):
are appalled. We've literally already been posting niggas in these
apps trying to see Yeah, yeah, I mean we've already
been We've already been doing this. Now, what I will
say is that men are surprised that they are being posted. Also,
I have seen it go good and bad, meaning I've
(44:52):
seen women posting like, hey, I'm I'm dating this guy.
I went out on a dating app. Do y'all know
anything but about I'm going out a date with him?
Do y'all know anything about him? And I'm just like
a guy that you're going out on a day with,
is that worthy of being posted in this app? I
think that like some guys are being posted and don't
deserve to be in there, and then some women are
(45:14):
posting their husbands, like any is anybody talking to him?
We're married? I found out he was cheating and stuff
like that. But like Loki, we've been doing this shit already.
Whomever that the woman who's running the are we dating
the same people?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
App?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Did you know that you could actually pay to expedite
your request? So like, don't ask me how I noticed,
but you can. You submit a person and the administrator
of the app reviews it, but you can venmo her
to expedite the that your post is posted. You can
(45:48):
expedite and you go in and you put your name
in the notes, and it's like you can pay her
to expedite it and then she'll push your thing to
the front. So I don't know. I wasn't apris the
tea app. We been doing this shit, we literally and
they have been different to these, the DC one, so
you still want this all different cities got are We
(46:09):
Dating the same person? And I feel like it just
got made into an app.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I did not download it. I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (46:15):
I looked at it ready, saw it, heard about it, yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
And I was like, it's not it's not my thing.
It's not.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
But also to I feel like, and it's one of
my guy friends found out that he was posted not
to the tea app but to the are We Day
in the same person and he's like, I'm a single man,
Why y'all posting me in this shit? Like I have
the rights. I feel like it can get sticky, like
men are being posted that are actually single and casually dating,
and then there are men that actually people would need
to know, you know, will want to know more about.
(46:46):
But I mean, one band, one sound. I know that
it's probably ruining. They say it's ruining people lives, but
I feel like it can be helping, helping a lot
of people, and I'm not sure who it will be ruining.
If you like that that Stromerer man that was at
the cold Play concert child, okay, if you weren't doing nothing,
(47:08):
then I mean, I don't I don't see the problem.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I see the guy's been saying they need to create an.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
App to they do honestly, because these women be doing stuff.
For sure.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
What you're gonna do if you're on there, well.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
They're gonna say it about me. We ain't gonna say.
I mean, that's what I'm saying. You ain't doing nothing.
Speaker 4 (47:27):
Then?
Speaker 1 (47:28):
Why you know, but.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
You said that you said your friend was on there,
he just went on a date. I'm a single man,
So what if somebody puts you on there says this
girl seea you know which, anybody talking to her?
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Anybody day? What you're gonna do?
Speaker 1 (47:39):
I hope that they do their research. I don't mind
their research.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Look the streets. The streets.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
Thing't got nothing to say about me. Okay, uh, you
know if I get on there. I think they should
create an app for the men, for the men to
see women and kind of you know what they're doing
and you know what they see. Now, it'll be crazy
if the men start doing and they I feel like
the men would probably do like a body count feature
(48:04):
on their app, Like if y'all, if you did you
you know what I'm saying, did you smash it? But
I feel like that it would just be childish. But
I think that again, we've been we've been banding this
for real, Like we literally been posting men in this
app for years. I've been in that DC group for years.
I don't check it. I don't really have nobody to
(48:26):
be looking for. But they just put it on the app.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
It was new, it was popping.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
Everybody started tweeting about it, everybody started talking about on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It got hot. Everybody wants to know.
Speaker 5 (48:36):
But they didn't do their research, which is why the reason,
you know, all their information got leaked.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
So it's it's.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yeah, I think that's that's you know, hopefully they data
breaches not is not nothing to play with. I hope
that they really because I think there was like id's
and driver's license and stuff that you had to yes,
government stuff like yeah, yeah, that's that's just crazy. But
well sound black people made it something. But who prayed
(49:02):
this out of black folk? Well, you know, I was
learning to mess something up. So I think that I
think that the app is really just a mobile app
for something that we've already been doing. It's basically just
like asking for the whole time, we asking our girls
and the girl chat anyway, y'all know him. I was
(49:23):
at a restaurant last night and my friend had dated
this guy. He had a similar profile and he worked
in the hospitality industry, and he was like, hey, like,
you know, what's your name? Like basically he's like, you know,
can I get your number? He was like, you know
when I I'm gonna give you my employee discount anytime
you come here, and let me know any other restaurants
that you want to go to. But her little boot
(49:43):
had kind of said the same thing. He also had
long locks. I literally text her like, what's.
Speaker 6 (49:48):
Such and such?
Speaker 1 (49:50):
We call him young Bull? I said, what's such and
such real name? And she told me. I was like, oh,
this nigga name Marcus, Like it ain't it ain't him,
but we been checking, like we gonna double check it
either way. So I just feel like it's just a
more central way to do that.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
You know. I think it depends on to it how
you date.
Speaker 5 (50:07):
If you uh oh a white man, Yeah, oh that's
a founder. Did you know the background on that story?
The background? Okay, correct me if I'm wrong. Real, but
I think the background was that his mom. He it
was his mom was the reason why he created the app,
and I believe his mom was like getting cheated on
(50:27):
or his mom was getting played by a man, so
he created the app and Honor to protect women because
of his mom and her dating life.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Oh wow wow.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
But it's also so like I mean the t app.
That means I think it's still like a spin on
popular culture, so he's not that far removed that his
probably main audience would be would be black folk. Uh interesting,
interest and interesting. I literally like the tea app is
just a mobile app. Baby, we've been We've been posting
(50:58):
the men in a chat. We've been We've been being
we been doing that, so I would I wasn't really surprised,
But I also don't. I like to start off things
with a clean slate. I don't want to. If I
got to Google you and investigate you, I'm cool. I
may look at your LinkedIn, I may put your name
in a search engine just to see you know where
you work or any type of accolades or things you
have behind you. But to me, that's laborious, that's just stressful.
(51:22):
People like we need to know who you're dating. I
will once I get, you know, serious enough with them,
But like, that's just too much work for me upfront,
So I'm not interested in the tea app. I don't
want to go in there. I don't want to look
nobody up. I don't want to.
Speaker 5 (51:33):
If I got to do all that, I don't want
you exactly, don't I don't want to know too much
going on sharing stories with the next woman about your experiences.
I'm not the type of person that wants to share
that type of information. If you had a bad date
with him, that was your date with him.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
And I think that that's actually very important to mention that.
Like people, the fact of the matter is that people
are having different experience with people and how what you allowed,
what you accept the ore that you got. This happened
to me one a friend and I had actually dated
the same person. I dated him prior to coming too DC.
(52:10):
She dated him while she was in DC, and she
was like, yeah, because like he never took me out
on dates. He never I was like, know about that baby,
that man winded died me To this day, he's probably
winding doning me more than any other man like that man.
It took me. I'm like, so, I don't know nothing
(52:30):
about what you're talking about. So I do think that
there are women that are having different experiences with men
and it's because of one just the package that they
presented and the effort that man wants to put into
you at that time. It could go either way, you know.
So I don't think it's fair that women get to
talk about their experiences and it's like it's shunning women.
(52:52):
Funk around, miss your husband. It's turning women off because
they're like, oh, yeah, he did this, he did that. Now.
I do think you need to keep your eyes to
the ground, but I don't know if that would be
a true depicture of how that person would actually treat you. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (53:06):
Yeah, So.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Stay out that.
Speaker 6 (53:09):
Stuff, y'all.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
Trusty stressful, stressful anyway, rap wrap on that
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.