Toxic Love, Haunted by an Ex, and Still Single but Not Settling + More

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This week on Dear Tisia, we’re diving into the deep, complicated, and often heartbreaking sides of modern love and friendship. First, we hear from a woman torn between love and loyalty — after watching her close friend marry a man who’s repeatedly cheated and disrespected her. Their friendship is now on the rocks. Is she wrong for no longer supporting the marriage? Then, a caller opens up about getting back with an ex after years of growth… but his old drama isn’t fully gone. His ex keeps calling her nonstop. How do you protect your peace while navigating someone else’s chaos? And finally, a powerful and self-aware 26-year-old wonders why, despite doing the inner work, therapy, and staying true to her standards, she’s still attracting the wrong kinds of men. She’s not settling — but she’s still single. If you’ve ever felt stuck between your values and your feelings, or questioned whether love will show up for you in the right way — this episode is for you.

👇 Drop your advice in the comments and share your experience. You never know who it might help.

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Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Okay, y'all, welcome back, Welcome back to the show. I
am having a good time, y'all. This is my favorite
place to be. I always say, one share, one mic
is my favorite place to be. So we have a
couple of subscription reminders and one of those are to
follow the dear to see a podcast on Apple and Spotify.
Y'all all, you I DROI folk. I'm actually an Apple user,

(00:38):
but I prefer throw Spotify. So we're gonna do Apple
and Spotify. Leave it five star review now, one, not two,
not three, five five star review, subscribe to Relationship Restored,
and the dear to see a YouTube channel, and then
we have a special goal by Labor Day. And at

(00:58):
first it was, you know, we have fifty k followers
on Apple podcasts, a thousand reviews okay on Apple podcasts,
because we went up it was five hundred and y'all
smashed that because of course, thank you, thank you in
the dvance. So we're up to one thousand. So we
want to up that to one thousand reviews and then
one hundred k subscribers on both channels. I'm really excited

(01:20):
about that because I know y'all don't play about and
I don't play about jall, so I feel like we
can do that for sure. We're also gonna be switching
some things up because y'all have wrote in and told
me that y'all enjoy our calls that we're getting in
on the Dear to See a segment, So we're gonna
be doing a little bit more calls, and then we're
gonna still do our Red Flag report and also of

(01:41):
course still have our Fragrance, our Fragrance segment, so we're
gonna introduce our Peanut Gallery. Oh my gosh, it's my homegirl, NASA.
And again, I always talk about just how I met you.
If you listen to the last episode, you'll know. But
if this is you're your tuning in now. We met
just in a tech startup space and you have an

(02:03):
incredible dating app platform that's specifically for black professional women,
and so you have kind of two gurus here, and
I think you know all about just like dating, the
state of dating, what men are looking for, and you're
basically like a professional matchmaker. And so if you are
a professional black woman that is looking for your person,

(02:27):
harp ADM is where you need to be seriously, seriously,
seriously and I've been to so many different events, so
you do so many fun things. I think that connect people,
and I think you have a realistic spin on dating
for sure. So very very excited about that and so
glad to have you. You know, it's gonna be a good time.

(02:48):
We have some listener reviews to read, so it's entitled
I Love It. I met to see it in Houston,
and I'm such a fan. She's so beautiful and I
just love her spirit. I absolutely love the podcast and
one of my favorite parts is the smell Good portion
because I love fragrances. She definitely smells good. If you're
wondering what qualifies her to talk about fragrances, she knows something.

(03:12):
I love that. Okay. Side note, I did not know
that she I did not know that she was that
thick girl. I didn't know either. Okay, I didn't know either.
Every day my clothes remind me child. Okay, she said,
I did not know that she was that thick. I
love that she gives the raw and real responses. Definitely

(03:32):
subscribing and sharing anything for her because don't play on
my girl, nave. I love that thick. It's MB's MB's.
I love that I love that. Thank you so much
for the review. Okay, so we're gonna go into our
first dear to see your voicemail, and this is titled
loving a friend through her bad choices. Ooh ooh ooh,

(03:54):
dear to see you.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
So I have a question for like me and slash
my friend and like, what to do? I have a
friend I'm her back in twenty twenty three, she was
in a relationship. Now she's now married to the guy
that she's been in a relationship with. Long story short,
he had cheated on her multiple times, three that I
know of and that she told me about. And for
me personally, like cheating for me is a non negotiable.
But she accepted him back every time. And from what

(04:17):
I understood and what I gathered from her is that
she never made him like get tested or never made
him like she didn't have any consequences for his cheating.
She just got back with him every time. Fast forward,
they got engaged twenty twenty four. He talked to me
and was like, she's one of your really good friends.
He thinks highly of me, and he cares about my
opinion and stuff. And I told him, then if you

(04:38):
cheat on her, again, I'm coming and I'm gonna chop,
chop your little man or whatever. So fast forward to now,
twenty twenty five. They just got married in April. During
the wedding pretty much state alcohol was alcoholing and everybody
having a good time, and they had a fight, and
long story short, he said that he wanted a divorce.
So in my eyes, that's not cool. That's that's another

(04:58):
like flag to me of saying this is not meant
to be. So me and her friendship has been a
little rocky ever since. And I told her a couple
days after the wedding, I said, I'm not supporting your wedding.
I'm not supporting your marriage now, and you guys both
need to get help. She really wants kids, and in
my opinion, she just settled and she doesn't have respect
for herself and she doesn't really love herself and doesn't

(05:19):
know her worth, and so I really haven't talked to
her much. So pretty much my question to you to
see it is, how do you think I should move on?
Do you think I'm wrong? What is your insight? What
do you think? Because I think I'm valid for how
I'm feeling, But how should I move forward? To her friendship.
I know I've told myself like, I'm just gonna love
her from a distance and care for her for a distance.
But what do you have to say? What do you think?

(05:40):
Thank you?

Speaker 1 (05:41):
It would be my guest that you're single, okay, because
you all and everybody business all right, And you have
to tread very lightly when you have friendships, because friendships
and they're making choices that you wouldn't necessarily make, because one,
you don't know how you're going to be when you
get in a relationship, and you also can control how

(06:01):
other people treat you, so you really have to give grace.
I think it's hindsight is twenty twenty and when you're
on the outside you can see things a lot more clearly.
But I don't think that her choices should dictate your friendship.
You sound overly invested, and you telling this man that
if he cheats again, you're gonna chop off. It totally inappropriate,

(06:24):
you know. And here's the thing about being in other
people's relationship. They forgive and you don't, and then now
you mad, you mad, all you on the outs. Okay,
you're on the outs because you didn't weaseled your way
too much in their business, and then you also create

(06:45):
friction with the actual friend. Now they are less likely
to tell you things. You create this judgy, judgmental environment.
And I would just say, you know, once upon a time,
my mother always told me take the good, good and
what you see in people and leave the rest right.
And so it just sounds like she's a very close
friend of yours. You were in her wedding, or you

(07:07):
were at her wedding. It sounds like you need to
take the good things that she has to offer you
as a friend and leave the other things to the side.
And I get that sense of wanting to protect her
and give your insight and your input, but you sound
a little bit too overly invested in their relationship, and
it becomes a slippery slope. And honestly, she really does

(07:30):
like sound sound single. You know, she sounds single. She
also sounds like that friend who doesn't really know how
to accept when their friend gets a new relationship. I
always say this, the moment that my friend get a man, bitch,
leave me at the club, be with your man, don't

(07:51):
worry about me. And that's a very special place to
be because us at this big old age being thirty
seven years old. We all been waiting on the marriage,
and we all been kind of waiting on the kids.
When my friends actually get into their relationship, I'm not
gonna be the oh, you got a man and switched up. Please,
but you been with me for since Look since college

(08:12):
two thousand and five. Okay, I have friends that I
have slept in bunk bands and the dormitory with. At
this point, I want you to have that love. I
want you to leave me behind. I want you to
explore the other side of you where you're a girlfriend
and a companion, and our friendship it's not as much
of a of a priority. And I think that not

(08:33):
every woman has the opportunity to have friends like that.
I said, girl, they're gonna become a time where my
man gonna be come to pick me up from this
brunch drunk because we didn't did bottomless mimosas, and I'm
gonna be going home to my man, not running through
the streets with you, not going to the next spot,
not club popping, you know, not bar crawling with you.
And I want I want that from my friends. Girl,
Please go be with your man. And I think that

(08:55):
sometimes women don't have the opportunity to grow through their
friendships with their you know, with their friends, grow through
having friendships where their friend is now in a in
a relationship. You don't know that duality. You don't know
your role anymore. You don't know how to accept their
new identity.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
I agree, And I also feel like I don't know
how old. I don't know if she said how old
she was, but it sounds a little young maybe. And
I think it's really hard to want something more for
someone than they want for themselves, Like you cannot want
more for your friend than they want. You can, but
right like then it creates this type of dynamic right

(09:36):
where you're like, you can do better, you should do better,
You need to move on. You can only tell somebody that.
You can only tell the truth to someone once or
twice right before. Now you're just hitting a brick wall.
And obviously that person may know it, they may be cognitant,
but they're not ready to receive it, and they're definitely
not ready to act on it. Could she's not she
she wants what it is that she wants, which is

(09:57):
to be married to this man, whether or not he
was going to cheat on her again or mistreat her
or whatever. If I do think that if you feel
like you have outgrown the friendship because you cannot actually
support the friendship in the way that you feel like
it's appropriate for you to be able to support your friend,
then it's okay. Like, friendship breakups are some of the
hardest break people talk about like romantic breakups, but friendship

(10:19):
breakups are really honestly the hardest types of breakups that
you can kind of go through. But it may be
one of those things that's like where you are and
the season that you're in your life right now, I'm
not able to support you. I'm not the right friend.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Right.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Maybe you need a married friend, right, Maybe you need
a friend that's kind of been through what it is
that you're going through to kind of give you perspective
and like be that ear that you that you lean on.
And maybe I'm transitioning into the friend that you know
is the occasional brunch friend, the occasional check and friend,
and you never know, like life is diyclical, things come
back around where maybe you will become in a different
part of your life where that bond can be kind

(10:53):
of re established. But I don't think that either party
is doing themselves a service by trying to maintaining the friendship,
and based on what she shared, like the current dynamic is.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
But I also think, what how does her relationship and
the poor choices that she's making her relationship affect her
ability to be a friend to you? Sometimes you so
busy in other people's business or relationship like that hasn't
stopped her from being a friend to you. So why
don't you focus on the actual friendship instead of having

(11:28):
such resentment and malice because you don't like the choices
that she's making. And I'm gonna tell you this, the
grace and being able to see somebody through making poor choices,
you never know how that is going to come back
around to you. And it's not to say that you're
gonna end up in a bad relationship, but nobody's perfect,

(11:48):
and I think you will want the baseline of a
friendship to really be dependent on you and I versus
your choices that you're you know that you're making in life,
Like who knows what could happen where I may have
not made the best choices, or it's like, okay, if
I step out on my partner or if I'm having

(12:10):
thoughts of infidelity, are you going to be like, oh,
I can't be your Like, how does that change the
friend that I am to you? And so I don't know,
just you can hear the passion in her voice, but
like so overly invested in somebody else's relationship, and when
you put them on the outs and then they go
back or they take them back, or they stay or

(12:31):
they take their partner's side, and you know, it's just
safe to stay out of it. And sometimes a friend
needs you more than you need them. And so if
she's just more in a weaker position right now where
she's just quite not in the right day of mind,
I would just recommend you be the friend that you
could be to her from afar and really just focus
on y'all's relationship. I agree.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Her relationship also sounds like they're like I think you
hinted on it before, like the judgment. It's almost like
you're hearing passion, but it's judgment, right, Yeah, I mean
you kind of you kind of leak in all her business.
She ain't making him get tested in between him cheating
on her, and so to me, I'm kind of like,
it just doesn't sound like she is in the right

(13:15):
space to be a friend to this person that supports
system to this person, because there's judgment, there's resentment, there's
this is what I would do? Right and why aren't
you behaving the way that I think that you should
be behave that you should behave? And I can say
that there's a time in my life I thought like that,
right like, and that's why I was asking her age
because like this is like, this is a this is

(13:36):
a mentality of like college, right like in my twenties,
like thoughts where I would be like, girl, I wouldn't
do that. So I don't know why you're doing that. Well,
now that I'm almost forty, I'm like, it ain't in
my business what you do versus what I do, right, Like,
I wouldn't do it. But that doesn't, you know, change
our dynamic necessarily, right, So I think that she's at
the point where it just sounds like she's not really
in their good headspace to be a real friend to

(13:58):
this person. So I don't know if it's something she
should try to work through or come out of, or
maybe just give her friend the distance that she needs
to kind of work through it herself.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
And sometimes friends cannot see you outside of how they
met you, and in that initial kind of engagement and interactions.
Sometimes your basis of the friendship is in this particular
category and they're not able to see you outside of that.
I have friends where we used to go out and party,

(14:28):
and now they have become a little bit more religious, right,
and so it's like it's the friendship isn't quite the same,
but it's not something that I'm like, oh, well, I
can't be your friend because now you're this, that and
the other. I was having this conversation about a friend
of mine that lost a whole bunch of weight, and
I said, oh, were you were the fat friend that

(14:50):
was not getting all the guys that was getting overlooked.
And now she's like, my friends are being weird, they're
acting funny. Dear tim that I'm acting different. No, you
can accept to me. It's because how you were introduced
to me and the interactions that we have thrived off
of me being overlooked, me being the fact me not
getting that attention, and you're being the sense of it.

(15:11):
So now you can't accept that. Now you don't understand.
Now you can't accept me in this new light and
now you're deflecting because you were comfortable at where you
met me. And I see this all the time, where
you're not able to see friends in other stages in life,
even like my friends said, like I used to work
a corporate job and then I became an entrepreneur, and

(15:31):
they like, must be nice, must be nice to not
have to wake up, must be nice. And it's like,
oh you, Hollywood, No I'm not. I'm the same person,
same friend and all that I was. You just cannot
accept me in this new phase and new and that's
a you problem, that's a personal problem. So I see
that all the time, and it sounds like she ain't

(15:52):
really want the friend to be together. Even I feel
like even if she had been like in a happy marriage,
she she just was too raw rad and I feel
like she would still probably have an issue. Well what
the girl? She can't accept her in a part in
a partner phase for sure, Get out on people, be business,
up on people, be business. You more invested than she

(16:14):
is that she don't care about being cheef. No, why
you care? Second voicemail back from the past, but still haunted.

Speaker 4 (16:23):
Girl, done dear to see you. You're doing your big
one girl, and I love watching you shine. I met
this man about a year ago on a nap. We
started dating shortly after. The major problems in our relationship
was that I was unclear with who I was and
not confident in my femininity, and he wasn't over his ex.

(16:46):
During our short four months of dating, his ex would
pull up on us in public. She would call his
phone repeatedly. She would call my phone sometimes which I
never really answer, but she still kept calling anyway. She
would show up at his house uninvited, and she even
busted the windows out of his living room window because

(17:07):
I was at his house once. Shortly after that incident,
I finally got some sense and I left the relationship.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
I found your.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
Content and many others who guided me to the best
version of myself that I've ever known, So I have
to thank you guys for that. Now he's back, singing
a whole nother tune. He's saying he wants to be
with me, he's blocked her and all this other type stuff. Reluctantly,
I gave him another chance, but I did set hefty

(17:35):
boundaries and the candy shop has been closed until further notice.
We've been going for about four months and things have
been going well. My two questions are his ex is
still calling me very aggressively, typically every day, a couple
of times a day, sometimes early in the morning and

(17:56):
late at night. I don't believe it's because he's communicating
with her, because a lot of times when she's calling,
I'm on the phone with him, or are we falling
asleep on the phone together. I feel like she may
be contacting me so aggressively to get me to bring
it up to him so that he reaches back out
to her, and I'm not really sure how to circumvent that. Secondly,

(18:22):
he's not very romantic, and I'm just wondering how I
can best approach the conversation so that he understands what
it is that I need and what I'm looking for
in terms of romance. Thank you so much. You guys
are doing a beautiful job with the show, and I
can't wait to see you keep going and growing.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Well. First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you. You know what's interesting to me is the
amount of investment that women are willing to make for
another human being. This sounds like a nightmare one. I
always say, you can't be both and I talk about
this all the time. You can't be broke in a cheater,

(19:02):
you can't be broke in have five kids, you can't
be like, you can't be both. And this man is
has an X from the past that won't let things go.
She crossed every boundary and then you get back with him,
and now you're like, and he's not romantic and he's
not like. It's so many concessions that you're making. Nobody

(19:24):
is worth all of that. The amount of women that
voluntarily go into a struggle relationship. I also think that
you know how I feel about men spending the block,
but the ones that spend the block under like so
much turmoil. It's like, well, no, she's gone now. I

(19:46):
feel like this is a recipe for a man that's
gonna waste your time, you know, because now that he's
there and now he's saying you would accept that kind
of crazy of a girl, I feel like you lowered
the stand of respect in his mind, because what woman
in their right mind would be like, Okay, I think

(20:06):
she's gone now and get back with the person. To me,
it's just a literally a communication signal that you're vibrating
low and that you're willing to give a chance for
somebody who had no boundaries and how to X that.
And I know that the X is not really he
can't quite control that. But I just think a second
chance with that type of turmoil is I just feel

(20:31):
like the success rate is low, you know, and you
already are making concessions, Like I feel like if you
accept a man back that had that type of crazy
ex girl, you better be hitting every mark that you have.
You better be romance, date nights, trips, money bills paid.
You know what I'm saying. It's like, imagine doing all
of that and then you're also you have other complaints.

(20:52):
You can't be like do you know what I just
went through? You can't be both. And I feel like
she just doesn't seems. I always listen to what people say,
not just what they what people don't say. She didn't
say one good thing about him, she just said and
the things seemed to be going well.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
I literally was thinking, what changed? Like you said that
he came back, he spun the block, and things have changed.
I didn't hear not one thing that changed.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
The ex was.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
Crazy and was still crazy before and she's still crazy.
The only thing that seemed to change is now you're
also adding that he's not romantic. So I didn't hear
in the description what's actually changed between the first time
and the second time, aside from the time in between
where she said that she's worked on herself. And to me,
I'm like, the lessons that you learned and working on yourself,

(21:42):
are you applying them.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
To this situation?

Speaker 3 (21:45):
Because if you are applying them to the situation, I
think that maybe the outcoming. You know the answer, girl,
You know the answer to the question.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Also, let me say that you touched on something you
said she worked on herself. Let me tell you when
people say why you don't go on coffee days, why
you don't day broke me in, why you don't because
I paid the fucking lady and I did too much work.
Imagine working on yourself and running back to the same
crazy nigga, Like, that's just crazy. When you get when

(22:13):
you make those type of investments, there are men that
don't have access to you. And this is why a
man who hasn't met his social standard of at least
making a living for himself, or a man who cannot
plan a date will not have access to me. Because
black women are out here getting degrees. As we talked about,
we out here growing our edges back, we out here
investing in Korean Skincare we out here becoming plate princesses okay,

(22:38):
traveling the world being no mass, all of these kind
of things, And it's like, no, I don't want that.
We have invested and are We're the ones who made
therapy cool. Okay, black women started that, all right, We've
made so much investment in ourselves and there has to
be a limit as to who has access to you.
So imagine doing all this self work and you let

(23:01):
a rusty, dusty, crusty with a crazy baby mama that
or a crazy girl ex girlfriend that's still crazy have
access to you. Again. Also, the last thing I want
to say about this, where I think it's interesting is
that she said the cookie the cookie jar was closed.
And let me tell you this. Some men don't know

(23:21):
romance outside of sex. And the reason why you probably
feel like he's not romantic is because he's not having
sex with you. And some men literally do not know
intimacy outside of sex. They don't know that it's a hey, baby,
you want something to eat? I brought you something home.
It's a kiss on the forehead, it's a hold your hand,

(23:44):
it's a walk in the park, it's a bath, it's
running your bath. I remember that you lost your AirPod
intimacy and connection, and you probably are feeling the lack
of romance because the man ain't between your legs no more.
A lot of men literally do not know what chemistry,
romance and intimacy actually is and how to show affection

(24:05):
if they're not sexually active with you. And so that
is probably another reason why you're not feeling the romance,
because he's probably just emotionally vacant and his strong suit
is the bedroom, and he doesn't if he didn't have
the bedroom, he doesn't know intimacy, and this is probably
why you feel like he's not romantic. And I just
have one more question.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
It's really for you, because why hasn't she told him
that the ex is calling her?

Speaker 1 (24:30):
I think, why?

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Why is she carrying that burden that the ex is
still reaching out to her? To me, that's it. You
need to handle this like you need to handle why
is this woman calling me?

Speaker 1 (24:40):
I don't know if I gather told him that. I
think she was saying that she feels like the girl
is now calling him because her because she can't get
access to him.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Right, But why is she not telling him? Why is
she avoiding just being like she's still calling me, you
need to handle that? Like, why why she avoiding the
fact that he may reach out to her that may
be a consequence of her being like, you need to
handle this. Why is that burden carrying to avoid? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah, And I think too, it's just like I think, Well,
women don't understand this that I always say. You don't
want to be a casual Kathy. You don't want to
be a patient pamily. You don't want to be an
easy going fucking Elizabeth, right, you want to be a
difficult Danielle. And what happens is that in a high
maintenance Hannah, we think that when we make these concessions

(25:32):
with men that it's going to like make them be
like wow, she's she should have said no way, no way,
I'm not going through this again. I'm not going through
this again. And the moment that she said okay, he
treated her like a okay, And I think he should

(25:55):
have done more. A lot of women don't get the
receipts and the change behavior before they say yes again.
So when women are like, should I accept him back?
Should I give him a second chance? It's you know,
he says that he get the receipt, let's see the
change behavior, let me see it. Y'all said yes and
got back in and then realized this shit changed. You know,
imagine if you could get a second chance on things

(26:18):
over and over and over again without showing that you're
now qualified, like until you hopefully pass right. So I
think she should have saw more receipts from him before
she actually went into that again. But yeah, no, man
is worth It's it's just Also, it's four months and

(26:39):
the girl is still calling everything that you accept A
guy is little gonna be looking at you like, nah,
there's a I'll talk about him a lot. I think
it's Bishop RC Blake's and I love him. He talks
about even from like a spiritual standpoint. He said, one
thing about my wife is that she don't play, and
I know she don't play, don't play, about how she

(27:01):
run his house, and he was just talking about like
how much more he is attracted to her because of
her like no nonsense kind of attitude. And women want
to be so sweet. You get all this empathy and
sympathy and understanding, and it's just like, no, the more
difficult you become, the more the man actually wants to,
you know, to make that mark. I have friends that

(27:22):
have certain things that they just don't do, and I
always say, I don't do what I don't do. I
got a friend and she's like, I don't drink from
the ground. The glass has to have a stem, and
now the men started ordering one for her. She's like, Oh,
she's not gonna drink in a cup like this. No,
can we get her her martini? And be difficult, Dan Yelle?
Be difficult, Dan Yelle. Just have your standards and you

(27:44):
don't do what you don't do. But the moment you
start saying yeah, okay, I know you have a crazy
woman and you can come back, he's gonna be like, okay, yeah, easy, easy, peasy.
So too much of a headache to me? Yeah too soon?
And I feel like firefast, move on. It's not it's
not worth The girls sounds exhausted and laborious. Okay, just

(28:06):
the red flag. It's another voicemail. Three not title want it,
but dear to sea.

Speaker 5 (28:15):
I want to start off by saying congratulations on your show.
I follow you on your platforms, great person overall. I'm
a twenty six year old college student who's in school
for her master's in social work to be a clinical
social worker. I have no children, never been married. I've
never even been in a real relationship. My dad always
talked to me about relationships growing up and to never settle,

(28:36):
and he showed that aspect of what a real man
should be. So I'm grateful for that. But I do
get lonely sometimes and I'm trying to figure out why
do I keep running into me and that are not
what I like, like me and that feel like I'm
too hype maintenance. And when they mean that, they means
I've been called boogie or you're this or you're that,
and it's I just know my self worth, or at
least I think I do to where I won't settle.

(28:58):
I've done it before, I won't do it again. I
know what I like and I enjoy dating, but it's
never been nothing serious. One guy even asked me to
be his side chick, and I politely declined that's not
how it was raised. I run into guys that are
not financially or emotionally where I would like them to
be or like that fits me best considering everything I

(29:19):
have going on. So I wonder is it something I'm
doing wrong? Like I am in therapy to fix certain
things you know about myself. I did restart my weight
loss journey because I want to lose one hundred pounds,
just my goals for myself. And I go on dates
and I do have fun as far as dating the men.
Like you said, dating should be enjoyable. But I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
A few things, a few things here. One thing that
I want to say is that a lot of times
when women haven't been in serious relationships before, you can
see the deficit. The deficit in just like emotional maturity,
wherewithal how to create a connection having finesse and feminine energy. Right,

(30:02):
One of the greatest value ads to me as a
single woman is diversifying your dating pool. When I say
date more than one date, a couple of two, three,
it's not just to be out here playing around. It's
because that experience and learning about other people, it teaches
you so much about yourself. Okay, And so that's just

(30:24):
one thing. I can see how she has a deficit
because she hasn't really hasn't really dated a lot. First
of all, she said so many great things about me
in the beginning, so I just want to say thank
you for that, and I hope that this lands will
But one hundred pounds is a lot to lose, So

(30:48):
I wonder where her baseline is. And this is coming
from someone who number one, has body dysmorphia to this day,
struggle with my weight to this day. And I know
what it's like to not be confident, and I know
the type of men that I attracted when I did

(31:10):
not feel good about myself. So not to say because
she's a bigger girl that she isn't confident, but ae
hundred pound weight loss is a lot. That's a lot,
So I wonder what her baseline is is it? Like
are you a curveer girl and you know you kind

(31:31):
of taking what you can take? I've seen you know,
I've seen that as well, Like are you confident and
you just like you know, wearing it? How you you know,
you don't have no qualms with with your weight and
you feel great about it, you know, But when you
say like one hundred pound weight loss, I'm like, what
is your baseline sentiment and confidence level? You know? To

(31:51):
see like what kind of men that you're actually attracting.
The last thing is that you can't talk giraft to
a hurdle. And I say this all the time women,
when you feel like you're not finding men that are
on your level or that keep looking, keep looking. I

(32:12):
have men in my life that I actually look at
their lifestyle to know if they would accommodate my lifestyle.
You ain't gonna flinch about my perfume, but I want
to buy that as five hundred dollars because you bought
a two thousand dollars camera. Idated a guy he bought
a seven hundred dollar blender because he wanted to juice
every morning, So I know you not gonna have it.
Don't talk giraft to a turtle. You know what I'm saying. Fine,

(32:35):
men that have similar interests, similar lifestyles, similar mindsets about
what they find to be quality. What's a value? Add
There are men that do not care nothing about Sepphora
or going to get makeup, but they would be like,
my girl loves it, she loves going into sepphorth. So
just like it's a person that even wants to invest

(32:59):
and cares about the things that make you feel good
and it sounds like you haven't you in the wrong pool?
Those are kind of my sentiments about it. Yeah, what
do you think?

Speaker 3 (33:09):
So? I love that she has the right role model,
Like she said that she saw the way that her
dad treated her mom, and so she has a north
star for like the way that she should be treated
by a man, and so she's kind of sticking to that.
I agree with you, Like, you're twenty six, and so
if you have one hundred pounds to lose, baby, lose
the weight, you know what I'm saying. So, and this
is coming from someone who is well over three hundred

(33:30):
pounds at one point in time, And so it definitely
makes a difference right in the pool of men that
you're able to attract right, your confidence level right, And
it's not necessarily that, it's not about deserving, right, It's
just about putting yourself in the best position that you
can for it is that you want. And you're twenty six,
and this is the time, baby, Right now is the time. Right,

(33:51):
this is your flex time. As far as being able
to date, being able to really command the attention of
men from you know, all different walks of life, having
that variety and being able to diversify. But a part
of that being able to diversify is really showing up
as your best self. And she said, I think I
know my worth. You know what I'm saying, Like I

(34:12):
know my worth? I think right Like I know I'm
working on myself. I know that I want to lose
one hundred pounds. To me, that that also signifies that, like,
there are things that you really really want to work
on that are probably causing you some self esteem issues.
And you know what I'm saying, that are really playing
into a way that you feel about yourself and the
way that you present yourself. And I'm just gone one

(34:32):
hundred percent and tell you work on those things. If
you were saying I haven't been in a relationship, it's okay,
baby girl. You don't need to be in a relationship
this year either, right, Like you could figure out, you know,
work on those things that you need, and then the
next year, when you've kind of accomplished more of those
goals and hit some of those goals, you can kind
of revisit that dating pool with that with that extra ammunition.

(34:54):
It's like if you want to get a better job
and you go off and get a certificate or a
you know, some type of certification, and you go back
into the job market, right, and now you applying for
jobs not for eighty thousand, you applying for jobs making
one hundred and fifty thousand. That's the difference, right, that
that year and that investment in yourself can make. So
I would definitely recommend her her doing that.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
But also, to a heart thought is different than a
head thought and what it sounds like. And I see
this in people that do all these manifestations and these
sticky notes on their mirror and I am smart, I
am beautiful, I am loved, I am worthy, and all
these things, and that's a head thought. But the head

(35:34):
thought didn't connect to the heart. And so it sounds
like she knows how her father treated her mother, she
knows what she should be saying, but it's not connecting
into the hearts and how she's entering the world. You
get what I'm saying, And it's like, you're smart enough
to know what you should accept. You've seen all these

(35:54):
things around, You've seen coaches online, you've seen so you
know that in your mind those things are, but if
it doesn't connect to your heart, and that's actually not
embedded in your being. You're still gonna go out in
the world and people are gonna smell that on you.
So that's what it sounds like as well. It sounds
like she knows what she should be thinking, but it's

(36:15):
like fake confidence, and I see it every single day.
This like fake confidence where it's like you know that
you deserve more, and you even know that saying I
deserve more sounds good, but you're not embodying that in
your own personal life. And so I feel like there's
like a separation from what she's saying and what is

(36:37):
actually happening, because literally, there's no other way to slice
this pizza. The people that you are tracked our two
fingers pointing back at you. When I was insecure, when
I felt overweight, when I didn't like myself, when I
had daddy issues, I had a ringly brothers saw a

(36:58):
lot circus line up, right, you know. And I just
talked about this that now I'm attracting men that are
more calm, they're kind, they're gentle. Before I attracted men
that were nasty nice, they were niggars. They would nitpick.
They would just like say mean little things. They would

(37:20):
try to dim all types of different things right. And
now that I am stronger, I attract men that are
I mean, I date some great guys just where with
all wisdom, patient kind, compromising understanding, you know. And I
also feel more confident in being myself. And so I

(37:40):
always say, if you keep attracting the same kind of guys,
I'm telling you it's a you thing. And this is
not to say that women are responsible for how men behave,
but we're talking about the unit what the universe is
sending you. That is things that are going on in
your mind, body and soul. And so as as you

(38:02):
said to you know, lose the weight, and it's again,
this is not a vanity thing. It's not a vanity thing.
It's like, lose the weight because that's what you want.
And I think you have already you have already kind
of hinted to that will get you, that that will
put you in a different headspace while dating, you know.

(38:23):
So I think that that would be because one hundred
pounds is a that's a significant amount amount of weight
to want to lose, you know. So I'm just wondering
where your baseline is and just also making sure that
you're living those things in your actual life. I think
that that will be a game changer for her to
just feel more confident. Like, this is a touchy subject,

(38:46):
particularly for women weight image. It is a touchy subject.
You see this now going on with like Lizo, She's like,
y'all hated me when I was big, y'all hated me
when I'm small now, y'all. It's a touchy, touchy subject.
But what I can't say, I can't say it's undeniable.
If you feel better about yourself, everything else in your

(39:06):
life will be better, period, period, period period. When you
feel better about yourself, everything in your life is much better.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
I agree with you, it much better. I try to
tell people you deserve love no matter what you look like,
no matter what stage you are in your life, no
matter how you present. But you also have to really
exhibit and show yourself that love, right, Like being deserving
of love and understanding that you really deserve it and feeling,
like you said, connecting that head to the heart and

(39:35):
really understanding that is two different things. So you know,
we've talked on in other formats about the importance of
looks like losing the weight, being healthy, not being skinny,
not being a prototype or a stereotype or trying to
look like somebody but being your healthiest version of yourself
and presenting yourself in the best way forward. And I'm

(39:56):
telling you, I really truly feel that most women who
are severely overweight, they project that they like that they're happy.
I'm telling you, I mean I can say I'm speaking
for myself and from the people that I know in
my orbit, they're not happy, right, And it just requires
the effort and the work to kind of make that change.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
It's not you're not truly happy.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
And that's what I want for everybody to be truly
their happiest self and just to put that work in
to get to that stage where they really feel that confidence,
because like you said, that people can sense that whether
or not it's a put on or whether or not
it's real, right, And you want it to be real
because when it's real, it really comes from inside and
it's not a mask or facade that you're putting on
for other people.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
And you know what the saddest part about it is
that I think those people, people that are technically like
overweight or plus size or thicker, would be happier if
they didn't have the human interactions that they're having if
other people didn't exist. A lot of times, the discomfort
from how they're treated in public, how they're treated on dates,

(41:04):
the amount of women in my life that are plus sized,
that are sexualized. I mean, they send me the things
that these guys are sitting up on apps. It's all
type of dick pigs. It's nasty stuff. Benefits or let
me be you know, I have had a front row
seat to women that have been a lot bigger, bigger

(41:31):
in their lifetime right, and I have seen it in
my own life. I don't know if anybody ever knows this,
but my mom was overweight growing up, and she ended
up getting a gas bypass surgery. And once upon a
time we talked about her eating habits, and I would
go upstairs and I be like, mommy, why are you
eating at three o'clock in the morning. And although she

(41:52):
had went from being my mother was four foot nine
over three hundred pounds, tiny woman, to like one hundred
forty pounds, she still had the mindset of a bigger woman.
So she was eating in the dark, eating alone, at
one hundred and twenty thirty pounds, because that is what
she used to do. Because she never felt comfortable eating

(42:15):
in public because you want to know what happens when
you're overweight. Sho' oh, that's why you got that way now,
that's why you're big now. Because so she would always
hide and never eat in public or around people. Even
if we went out to a group dinner, she would
take a couple of bites and pack her stuff up.
And then I started to get up in the middle
of nights to use a bathroom and she would be

(42:36):
eating her food. You get what I'm saying. And so
that mindset is still I've seen. I've had a front
row seat to it. I've seen it with my own
two eyes about how people that are larger, bigger, you know, overweight,
curvey plus size are treated by other people. They probably
would be happy if people leave them the fuck alone

(42:56):
and really just like treat them like a normal person,
but they don't. So the unhappiness comes when you're not
getting up your treatment. You're being overlooked by your friends,
You're being treated like the ugly ducklin. The guys want
to give you the lowest budget of them all. My
friends that are plus out, they're like, girl, you out
on a trip. I can't get a nigga to plan
of date. Yeah. Look, sent a text on time say

(43:17):
good morning. They're not getting the same treatment, and I
think that causes the unhappiness. It's not actually their size. Yeah.
I think that they will be fine if people stop
treating them unfairly. Right, So it's just really a cash
twenty two. I think that you know, her meeting some
of her own personal goals will will help her feel
better about who she's attracting in her dating life. For sure.

(43:38):
We're rooting for you, girl, Yeah, we're rooting for you.
We're rooting for you girl. You got this, you got this,
and look, twenty six is the time. Yeah, And it's
not that he's losing pounds. Baby, when you get over thirty,
I'm gonna say that now. I'm gonna tell you that now.
So this fragrance is black owned. So I have to
let him know. I have to send a DM and
let him know that I'm shouting him out on the

(43:58):
podcast today. So this is Savar Fair. His name is
Chris Classic on Instagram, mister Chris Classic. He's out of
Atlanta and I've been following him for a very long time.
I happened to be in Atlanta, and he had a
pop up and so I finally went down. He has sunglasses,
he has men's where, he has unisex fragrances, and he's

(44:22):
all about the culture and black people, black owned black culture.
And he's just one of those like local small town
gyms just like quality. But it's like no like big
huge name attached to it, but just like good stuff,
good Jews, and like this is like one of the

(44:43):
like kind of cars that come in there, and it's
just based. He's just like Africans, African slavery, like just
African art, black families. I just I just love this.
But the fragrance that I have here is love Swede.
And so I went and smelled all of like all
of the stuff that he had in the store, and

(45:03):
I just kept coming back to this one. And I
think it was like three to four men around and
a couple of women, and I think we all left
with this fragrance. We were like something about this one,
and it's so weird. It's kind of like in the
we see a lot of leather fragrances now, so it's
kind of like in that like leather department, but this

(45:24):
is love Sway and it has oh so funny love sway.
The first note is leather, leather, Bergamont, y'all know, I
love Bergamont, botanical musk, cassis, fig nigar, mother naga, mother
cashmirr a Broxin, and aquatic accord. I don't know, child,

(45:48):
but it is so smooth and velvety, and it is
completely unisex. I feel like it's a very unique fragrance
and I absolutely love it and I actually haven't warn
much of it because I've been waiting to have all
of my all of my stuff on. Oh my god,

(46:13):
it's like addict. Yeah, it's addict. Yeah, that's very nice.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
The leather, I mean, and this is dried down a
little bit because it's been over here, but yeah, that's
it is.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
So freaking good. I feel like it's like manly but fresh,
but almost like boss lady feminine as well. This is
something I could just hold up to my nose and

(46:45):
sniff all day long. You say it has pepper, it
has a bergamonte. I just I just love it. I
love a man, Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, whoever my
man is, I'll be sprunnest on you, Okay. I would

(47:06):
love this on a man.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Because the lover is there, but it's still fresh, but
it's it has the maskul it's definitely unisex, like I
could definitely see woman wearing it.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
But yeah, the yeah, this is literally something that I
could just like keep going back and smelling us all day.
And I feel like it's like swayede is. It's the
perfect name too. I was just gonna say that it's
the perfect name, like Sway perfectly describes this fragrance. So anyway,
shout out to mister Chris Classic out of Atlanta black On,

(47:38):
please check out his stuff. I actually bought another fragrance.
I'll do it on another episode because he had a
it's a black Black pop. It's so good, right, it's
a pop up that he had, And so he had
all of these black On fragrances in his shop. If
you're in Atlanta, you can stop by and still get
access to those fragrances. And I smelled a lot, but

(47:59):
I just kept coming back to this one. So shout
out to mister Chris Classic. I love his fragrances and
you can go buy them in store in Atlanta.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
Down.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
I'm a Peachtree child. This is so good, so good,
so good, so good. I've gotten compliments on that as well. Okay,
there's that. Now we're one to our red flag report.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
These are the things that I have found alarming on
the internet. Shod oh god and so. On the Adulthood podcast,
someone said, if a man proposes what a ring you hate,
you should say no and break up. Why because it
shows he didn't take his time to learn what you like.
He spent thousands on something without even thinking if it

(48:43):
fits your style, and that might say that may say
a lot about how he'll move in the relationship. Overall,
I'm a little conflicted about I think that I don't
know if it's firable. You know, I don't know if

(49:05):
it's firable.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
You know.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Once upon a time, my friend's husband said, the ring
that my wife is walking around with is a reflection
of me. And so I'm not putting a little pebble
on her finger. I'm gonna make sure she has something
nice because that's gonna speak back to me and the
type of man that I am. And so maybe he

(49:30):
just wanted to get her something nice that I'm trying.
I'm trying. I'm trying to squeeze something out here that
he would be like that he thought that she would
be proud of. Maybe he it's because he didn't they
didn't really say that. He said that he spent thousands
of dollars on something that you you hate it, and

(49:52):
so maybe he bought something that he actually thought that
you would like. I don't think it's a fire offense,
but I would be a little bit concileed becase I'm
gonna say you this. Now Amanda would even thought to
think about proposal to me, knows what kind of ring Like.
I probably told him twenty times. He got a whole
Pinterest board, and we didn't want to look at him

(50:14):
and try him at this is the one, you know.
So I think that that is a little alarming, but
I don't think it's fireable.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
Remember when Miranda helped in Sex and the City, Miranda
like helped somebody buy I think it was for Carrie,
like an engagering, and Carrie hated it or whatever, and
she was like, oh, I was going through so much
with being pregnant, and I was, you know, depressed because
I was pregnant or whatever, and so she ended up
picking an ugly ring.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Right.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
He asked a friend, right, the best friend and then
the friend helped him pick an ugly ring. So I
kind of feel like, yes, you should know you're you're
person you're about to propose to well enough to understand
what it is that.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
She would like you should.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
You should have that conversation with her kind of beforehand,
if possible.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Sometimes people really wanted to.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
Be like a complete surprise.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
Yes, they wanted to be.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
A complete surprise and or absent any consultation with her
friends or whatever. You should be prepared to ask her
if she's happy with the ring selection and flexible enough
to say to make an adjustment. Yeah, hey, I thought
you would love this if I missed the mark, Like,
I'm happy for us to go back to the store

(51:33):
and find something that you're going to love, right, And
so it happens. I had a friend who's fiance got
her a beautiful ring, but it was a pearl. It
was like a pearl ring. It wasn't a diamond. And
I think that he thought that it meant it meant
something to him, right, Yeah, But I think for her
she was like I want a diamond, you know what
I'm saying. So it's one of them is like, okay,

(51:54):
is he flexible enough to kind of understand your concern
and make an adjustment to make you happy.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Yeah, I think that I think that that matters, especially,
you know, just not taking it personally as well. Y'all.
Once spent a time I was in college and he
bought me this Tiffany's bracelet. And he was an athlete,
so I think that he was kind of like on
a budget, and his roommate was just came from a
pretty well out family, and so he had brought his girlfriend,

(52:21):
who was a friend of mine, Tiffany's Tiffany's bracelet, and
I was like, Babe, I wanted Tiffany's bracelet, blah blah blah,
thinking he was gonna go out and getet.

Speaker 5 (52:31):
Y'all.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Let me tell you when when he gave it to
me for my birthday or something like that, it was
so small that I was trying to find it in
the blue little baggie. Okay, we couldn't find it, so
tighty and I will never forget laying right next to
him and I was like, baby, I don't really like
this is not the one that I wanted. And I

(52:54):
felt a little bad because I think that that's what
he could afford. And I think that that's it. I
hope that whomever this is is with somebody that is
supportive enough to like make the adjustment and not take it,
not take it personally, that she can actually go back
and be like, hey, like, yeah, not quite, not quite

(53:14):
my style because I have to wear it. Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:17):
And it's also like, if you there's something beautiful in
any budget, oh yes, So if it's I if there's
one thing, if you've spent an absorbitant amount and I
still hate it, right, And you could also not spend
a lot, right, and I might not lock it like
it because it feels cheap or it feels you know,
and it doesn't appropriately represent what I feel to be appropriate,

(53:39):
you know. And so I feel like, but within any budget,
you can find something that your partner's going to going
to like. And so I think it's really about having
that open communication and being flexible to kind of make
an adjustment.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
I also think that it's a representation of your union
as well. So imagine wearing something that you don't like
that's supposed to be representative of the husband that you
marry under God, for better or for worse. But you know,
that's just it's like switch out the ring.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
What about women who are like, you know, you know
where your partner is in life financially, but they demand
something that is clearly above and beyond their financial means.
I mean, I've heard people kind of upgrading the ring
later in life, you know, kind of going smaller than upgrading.
But then I also have heard men who are like,
she knows, I can't afford you know, that type of ring,

(54:25):
you know, and so that discourages them from even kind
of moving forward. So how do you feel about women
who kind of demand a certain amount be spent or
a certain type of ring or certain carrot weight.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
It really tears down a self esteem. You cannot change
the way you make somebody feel. And you got to
tread lightly like men when it comes to money and finances,
because they're judged on it so much. They are so fragile.
They are so fragile, so you have to tread lightly.

(54:56):
He will resent you if you push him into debt
to get this ring. He will resent you if you
don't accept and love and care for him where he
actually All men, all men, whether they're a high earner
or a low earner, just wants to know that you
love them for who they are, you know, and so
not the ring, not the money.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
Not.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
So I feel like on the back end, they're gonna
resent you, resent you for that ring, you know. And
so I think just like, know who you're with, know
who you're dating, even if y'all come up with a
plan to save for a particular kind of ring or
things like that, but you don't want to force somebody
out of their comfort zone. I think, especially a man,
I think he's gonna end up resenting you, resenting you later.

(55:40):
But I do think that there is like a caliber
of I'm not the uh, it's about the love.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
Know.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
The fuck is not like I'm not. It's the love
that matters. It's the y'all so worried about the ring relationship. Yeah, yeah,
I am. I'm sorry. I am like it was like
always love that matter. That's what's wrong with y'all. Y'all
too focused on the wedding and not the I want
the wedding and I want the ring and I want
a big ring, and like stop shaming women for wanting

(56:11):
you know what, I'm saying all of these things. And
I think, and I say this all the time, that
as soon as you start wanting the glitz and glam.
All of a sudden, people think that you want somebody
that doesn't have integrity, that lacks character, that lacks compassion.
It's just like I can have both of those things.
I can have a high earner that loves me, that
adores me, that respects me, that cares about me, that

(56:33):
invests in me. And as soon as you buy into
things that are supposed to be superficial, all of a sudden,
I'm accepting any kind of treatment from a man that
has some money. And it's like, no, I actually do
value integrity, spirituality, and character. Those are my top qualities, right,
And I value behaviors and habits and lifestyle that yields wealth.

(57:00):
This is not It's not that I love men with money,
because I've dated men with money that really didn't have
any type of morals or values, right, and they just
were just bottom feeders to lopy your girl at the
bottom of the sea, just doing anything, no couth, no class,
was in everybody DM liking all the pictures. Just not
a man that I would want to, you know, really date.

(57:22):
But I have also dated men that were high earners
and had a great foundation, right, And I think as
soon as a woman says, I want a big wedding.
I want a nice ring on my finger. This is
my style and what I like. All of a sudden,
we don't care about if a man loves us or not.
We just care about the money. And it's like, no,

(57:43):
we have to start giving women room to have duality,
especially you know, Black women, because we always get the
short end of these. Yeah, the others, the Clear people,
the Clear people been making arrange and since the eighteen hundreds, okay,
they've been making all kind of arrangements. They families and

(58:06):
uh life insurance plans for one case, who work here
where our kids can work after college? Who you are?
Where's your alma mater? They've been making arrangements for forever. Now,
all of a sudden, the black women got to put
the love first. It's like, no, I want the love
and the money, and I don't care. Judge me, judge me.
I want the money. Yeah, you gonna crying the Honda cry. Okay, look,

(58:31):
I want the love and the money and I will
get it. And he's gonna be a good man, Savannah
good man, A good man, a good man. Yes, I
don't think it's a fireball offense. You know, I just think,
you know, some men do things out of ego. Some men,
you know, it's so many variables, like he could, like
you said, he could have wanted to surprise her.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
You know your man, So you know if it was
a lack of care, consideration and knowing you, or if
it was just the Okay, I'm saying like this, this
wasn't the right This wasn't the right move. So you
know your partner, and so you'll be able to tell right, like, wow,
this is another thing that he didn't get right right

(59:12):
and all that, you know what I'm saying, like this
is another instance that he's demonstrated that he does not
know me right, and that he does not listen to me,
and that he does not he doesn't have forethought and planning,
and this is it will be another thing.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
It won't be the first.

Speaker 3 (59:23):
Thing, right, like or it will be like, oh, he
kind of miss the mark here, baby, you know what
I'm saying, like.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
That's a pattern, Or he just had a little bit too.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
Much confidence and he got sold by.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Exactly exactly exactly, So yeah, change their wording out. I'll
be hacked.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
We'll go together, hand in hand,