August 18, 2025 • 54 mins
LUXY DATING APP: https://luxy.onelink.me/Ipdm/bwrimetw
This episode of Dear Tisia is packed with real, raw questions about modern love, betrayal, and boundaries.
💌 A newly confident woman wants to know why men can talk endlessly but won’t actually plan the date — and what dating looks like when you’re abstinent.
💔 Another caller shares how her longtime friend turned lover dropped a devastating secret: his “soon-to-be ex-wife” is pregnant. Can trust survive when the truth comes out too late?
😤 And one woman isn’t satisfied with the weakest apology of all time. After finding out her partner cheated years ago, she’s wondering: Is “I’m sorry” enough when the betrayal still cuts deep?
🚩 Plus, in the Red Flag Report, we dive into Love & Hip Hop drama after Yandy Smith admitted to having an emotional affair. Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating?
👇 Join the conversation in the comments — would YOU forgive any of these situations?
🩷Fragrance: Bond No. 9 Madison Avenue Eau de Parfum
Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in 🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
This episode of Dear Tisia is packed with real, raw questions about modern love, betrayal, and boundaries.
💌 A newly confident woman wants to know why men can talk endlessly but won’t actually plan the date — and what dating looks like when you’re abstinent.
💔 Another caller shares how her longtime friend turned lover dropped a devastating secret: his “soon-to-be ex-wife” is pregnant. Can trust survive when the truth comes out too late?
😤 And one woman isn’t satisfied with the weakest apology of all time. After finding out her partner cheated years ago, she’s wondering: Is “I’m sorry” enough when the betrayal still cuts deep?
🚩 Plus, in the Red Flag Report, we dive into Love & Hip Hop drama after Yandy Smith admitted to having an emotional affair. Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating?
👇 Join the conversation in the comments — would YOU forgive any of these situations?
🩷Fragrance: Bond No. 9 Madison Avenue Eau de Parfum
Call In Here: https://www.relationshiprestored.com/deartisiawrite-in 🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm gonna tell you this make up with me, how
you messed up with me if you was out here
laying around with other women. Blah blah blah blah. The
makeup needs to be as big as the mess up.
I will drag your ass. I will drag you. I
really have a like forgiveness thing the wrong part. Look,
this is a little toxic. I'm the wrong person. I
(00:21):
will drag you as it needs to be so big
before I'm like it softens the blow. I'm not an
easy person that forgives. And I think when I'm angry,
you'll hear loud and I'll be clicking, But when you
hurt me, I'll completely shut down. And so the makeup
is very, very very important to me. Welcome back to
(00:58):
Dear to See, y'all. So many people have written me
and said that we need more than one episode a
week because it's not enough. That just makes me feel
so good, So be patient with me. We're working on it.
We're working on it. So we have some subscription reminders
followed there to see a podcast on Apple and Spotify. Okay,
Apple and Spotify leave a five star review now one
(01:19):
nine two but five five star review subscribe to the
Relationship restored and dear to see a YouTube channel. It's
actually to see an XBS in case you're looking for it.
And then our goal is fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts,
one thousand reviews. We already have hit five hundred. We're
pushing our way to one thousand, and then we need
one thousand subscribers, one hundred one thousand. No, we need
(01:41):
way more than a thousand. Okay, we need one hundred
thousand subscribers on both channels. Okay, So in our Peanut
Gallery we have Bree. I always like to share how
I met the Peanut Gallery guest and brit and I
met at a content content mixer and ended up living
in the same building. We met at a content mixer,
(02:03):
and I'll never forget she was like girl that blazer. Like,
first of all, Bree, it's probably like five inches shorter
than me, but she was like that blazer and it's
just like this big curly hair and a whole bunch
of energy. And we ended up linking up afterwards. And
I was going through a housing crisis and she was like,
please come move to my area. And I look at
a lot of places and landing in breezebeldn anyways, that
(02:25):
is that. But bree you like do a million things
do I like? And she's good at all of them,
all of them, like bre you like, honestly like the
most resourceful, organized person that I know.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
You know, I literally said today, I was like, I'm
good at everything I try except makeup. Like I need
help with makeup, but like everything else, Yes, I'm like
dy Queen.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I figures it out.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I get it done. But makeup I use a little
like five products.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
That's it. I do not get into the whig business.
Do not get into the makeup business. It's just it's
starright out here. A lot of regular road. We have
some reviews listener reviews rare Jim. I rarely enjoy podcasts
as someone who's hosted her own, I deeply enjoyed Dear
to Sea. She does an excellent job at making you
feel like you're right in the room with her, even
(03:14):
when listening without visual She's down to earth and very
astute in her analysis. Much much needed. I always learned
something new listening to to see it on and off
ig love it. Thank you designs by Jay That's actually
one of my biggest goals like a key key making
the girls feel like they're in thees. Okay, so we
(03:36):
have a voicemail and it's entitled why won't these men
plan the.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Dates there to sea? This is alerty friends, after losing
one hundred pounds, Thank you so much for answering my
call with Ray. I actually ended up cutting him off.
I think like a week after I sent that call
in so before I even listening to you guys thing,
I was like, I'm not having it, not what I
need of my life at all. So thank you guys
(04:01):
so much. But I have kind of two things that
I wanted your opinion on your perspective. So I've been
getting back into the dating field. So I've been using
hitchin Facebook dating, and I've noticed this thing where I'm
having great conversations. I've been very selective on the kind
of men I even entertain, and I've been on several
amazing dates. But there are some men who were I'm
(04:23):
having great conversations with them, and I have this rule
where I want to have a date planned within a
week because I'm not going to be texting you forever.
But I feel like it just never happens and I
don't feel right as a woman asking the man to
plan a date, like, I just feel like that's not
something that I'm comfortable with. I don't know, just get
very much begging for me, so I never do it.
(04:44):
I don't know if that's wrong. It doesn't feel right like,
I don't know if that's not for me. So I
honestly just let the conversation die out. So I want
to know. I guess why do men do that? I
feel like I have my own theory, but I guess
I want to hear your perspective on that. And then
I heard in a past episode that you were abstinent
for a certain amount of time. Were you dating during
that time? And do you have any advice for women
(05:06):
who want to say abstinent while dating?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Oh, she got a whole bunch of questions in here,
number one, and I have a whole bunch of comments,
you know, the ADHDM me. I'm glad I got this
Q card. Okay, girl, because I'll lose myself lose by
trying to thought quick. Okay, So first of all, we
thanks for calling back. We're glad that you got off
that baby. We were glad that you you stopped talking
to him. Thank thank you, thank you, thank you. A
(05:31):
few things here. Yes, I was absident for five five
going on six years. I did date. I did date
in between there. The first thing I want to address
is like why don't men actually plan dates? And I
think there's a few things that I want to add
to this. First of all, I hate that women want
(05:52):
to find the why to everything that men do. It's
honestly it's exhausting, like why do you think this man?
And I'm telling you like it, it's gonna exhaust you.
I try to pour my energy into people that actually
want to be there. Once I started, I stopped figuring
out why this man didn't want to be with me,
(06:13):
why this man ghosted me, why this man wasn't around,
Like it just really just lightened my load and us
as women, we don't have the same emotional valves that
men have. So I think it's gonna be great that
if you just like, don't care about the why, you
care about what's present, who's present or not. Also, y'all,
(06:33):
I'm having an allergy issue, so you may see my
nose running, okay, So yeah, don't focus on the why,
focus on all the present men that are playing those days,
because that's what you said. You said that you've been
on some amazing dates, full stop. Let's keep it there.
Let's keep it there. You've done some great dates. We
don't care about people that are invisible and non compliant
(06:54):
and are not showing interest. We don't care about those people,
so we don't need to know the why. But what
I will say is that a lot of times, while dating,
women will give so much of a preview that they
don't want to see the rest of the movie. Like, girl,
you didn't let this man run down your phone, okay,
You then told them all your business. You then told
them where you're from, what you're like, what your mama
(07:15):
did to you when you was younger. You didn't share
so much upfront that they're really You're not interesting enough
for them to want to see you or hang out
with you. And I hope that that lands will. But
a lot of times we hang out and do too
much with men that they don't actually want to plan
the date. They don't actually want to get to know
you more because you just kind of overdumped, over shared.
(07:39):
I also think that dating is exploratory and men get
to know you, and I think I just talked about this,
he got to know you, and he wasn't curious enough
to hang out with you. Like, it could be nothing
really against you. If people have their own preferences, and
people have their own likes and dislikes. I think some
women think that they're like, like, when you start dating somebody,
(08:01):
that you're automatically a contender for them. And you have
to recognize that men are going to get to know
you and be like it could be subliminal things that
you don't even know that you're doing. And he can
be like, I don't even like that, Like I don't
I don't like I don't like that role rade you got.
I don't like the way you talk to that waitress,
I don't like the way you interacted with them kids,
(08:23):
like you don't feel motherly, like whatever it could be.
And so we have to accept that men are also like,
this is exploratory phase and they're just really trying to
get to know you. So those are my two sets.
Sometimes they just literally don't want to get to know you.
Sometimes you've given way too much of a preview up front,
and they they're not interested in seeing the movie. You know,
(08:44):
when it's time to roll and I also want to
say again, like, don't focus on people that are underperforming
and that are are not around and not there like
that is that is just like a mind fuck that
you just you just don't want to participating.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You Yeah, okay, well one, I'm the right person to
be in the peanut gallery for this waiting estance situation.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
For those of you who.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Don't know, my husband and I waited three years turned
into four thanks to COVID, and I was abstinent a
year almost a year before that, So five years similar
to Tissia with no sex, no, no, nothing of any
kind other than masturbation. I definitely masturbate it, because who
the hell can.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Make it through five years?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
But when I was dating, what I found to be
helpful to like not really feel boggled down by the
whole weight situation was I just focused on fun. Like
when you focus on having fun and just enjoying somebody's time,
sex is an addition to but it's not the thing.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
And like I said.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Masturbation right, like you you know how to take care
of you, so if you just focus on that. A
few tips though I did at the beginning made sure
that I wore either ugly underwear that I didn't want
a man to see, or I just didn't shave down
there because I knew I'm like, I'm not gonna be
getting all hot and heavy and then like exposing that, right,
(10:07):
nobody wants to see that. That was a way to kind
of hold me accountable until I was consistent with the
way and then eventually found my husband, and that was
a whole other journey. But you have to find like
what things make you not be abstinate. So if it
is if someone's you know, kissing you and you're in
a comfort of a home where you can have sex,
then you need to not be in no man's crib,
(10:28):
right and you need to not be letting no man
kiss up on you and rub on you and touch
on you. So it's almost like, don't take me to
the pregame if we're not going to the party, right,
Like I'm not trying to get drunk or take shots.
If I'm not going out and enjoying my whole night,
Like it just doesn't make sense. So kind of figure out,
like what your things are. I think that's number one,
And then I have a question. And this is for
(10:50):
both of y'all, but mainly you because you're here right now?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Is it wrong.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
To communicate the weak thing? Because my thought was like,
well maybe if he just doesn't know that you wanted
a date in a week, he could just be oblivious
and maybe there wasn't enough conversation for him to even
throw out the date card or you know, like is
that a problem to ask or tell me?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A week can be tricky, and I know that there's
like a lot of coaches online. It's like, if he
not doing this in a certain amount of time, I
do have like number just number of markers that I
have in my head about like you know, if you
haven't even asked for my phone number and this amount
of time or things like that. I think a week
can fly by if like I mean even we were
(11:32):
just talking about our week, It's like, wait a minute,
how does Sunday have all these things like things and
so like if you have tool working people with an
averagely social life, like a week can go by a
we can go by fast. But I think that they're
always in the windows that this person is gonna try
to see you or they're interested in see you, in
seeing you. So I think it's like listening to those
(11:54):
type of things as well. I do think that a
man trying to spend time with you is a one
of the biggest green flags of just something materializing, right,
Like that is like the biggest green fact flag. If
he's not trying to see you, he is not trying
to do anything else. Like there's no way men are
one their visual and they also just like they want
(12:17):
a preview to what they're gonna get and they're only
gonna know that if they're spending time with you. And
so if he's not trying to date you, like actually
go out and spend time with you, then he probably
isn't he's just not that interested. A lot of men
will hold space on your phone, you know. That is
my biggest thing. Get these men off your phone. I
(12:38):
do not allow men in my life that don't make
daily deposits. And that is just that you don't get
to come and drain me and dump your problems and
tell me about your baby mama and what your mama
did and how you hate your job and your car
broke down, and then you're not putting any deposits into
my life. And that is not just monetarily like oh,
it's going out on a date, but like you need
(12:58):
to be dependable, reliable, I need to be able to
call on you. It needs to be mutual, and I
think a lot of women find it to be like
adoration and like this man is like choosing them and
they're important and that they're like that man's person because
they're calling and that is cheap communication currency CCC. These
(13:21):
men liking your stories calling your phone all the time,
and it's so tricky because the women are like, we
fall asleep on the phone together? What tangible did he do? Like?
What are things that are tangible that this person has done?
And I think that communication is great because it allows
you allows for intimacy and getting to know somebody, But
it can be really tricky when all he's doing is
(13:43):
trying to call you and he's not planning a day.
And that goes for you long distance distance people too,
like he needs to be like, hey, am I coming
down there? Or are you coming down here?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that's think it.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Depends if you met someone in person or if you
exchange information virtually, because a man doesn't know what he's
missing until he's actually met you and experienced your area,
your energy, your vibe. So I feel like if you
went and you met them out. Like for me, men
have always been like, so when can I see you next?
Like they're like, I need more of this. But if
it's a connection over line, it's a little more tricky
(14:18):
because then they don't even know what they're missing. Yet,
they don't know you enough to know if they even
want to spend time with you, So it may take
more than a week for them to weed out if
you're someone that they do want to spend that physical
time with, which is difficult.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
And just the last thing is like really a gut
check on that, because you're having amazing dates, but you're
asking about why the other man did not plan a
date and you have to get out of that mentality.
I'm telling you, it will wear you out. And we
all have had that guy where it's it's like, wow,
he's so consistent, he's so sweet, he does everything right,
(14:53):
and you're not quite that attracted to him or something
off about him, and you end up being overthinking about
the one that's not calling you, the one that got
the swag, and he's the one that you like, really
are attracted to, and you're more focused on why he's
not planning the days and you got a good man
(15:14):
right in front of you, that that is you just
said you had an amazing dates. So while we worried about
that one, that one that's not planning it right, Like
we do that all the time. And I always release
that man to the general public. Okay. If you got
a good man that's planning all these days and give
you amazing dates. But you worried about Ray, Ray, release
him to the public. So that it's girls waiting. We
already know that the the ratio is quite quite off. Okay,
(15:38):
it's eleven eleven women and one man. Release him. Okay,
And and going, you know, dilly dally with the one
that you talking about some why he ain't planning to
day girl, We ain't got time for that. So there's
that AnyWho. Thanks for calling back. I'm glad you got
off of him. Don't worry about mister why not? Okay,
worry about the ones that are in front of you.
The like I said. One last thing though, is that
(15:59):
to your point, do not for men. I know it's
a big thing about when you should tell the guy
that you are abstinent or that you're not interested in sex.
That's that's a huge thing. I know that that's a
big thing. But what I will say is that how
he responds to that will tell you all you need
to know. Don't skip over it, don't don't flinch, don't
(16:22):
How he responds to the fact that he cannot access
you in a way that he wants to will tell
you all you need to know. Please listen for is
he gentle? Is he kind? Is he understanding? Is he curious?
Some guys just like, Okay, is this until we're an item?
Is this until marriage? Is this until? But watch his
body language if you ever get to a point where
(16:42):
you share like that'll tell you all that you need
to know. And it's not to shame anybody that. It's like,
I have an act of sex life and I can't
wait until you know this life. It's not to shame
that guy for that. But if you're somebody that's gonna
wait and he's into you, he gonna be on what
you are. And I ain't saying it's goning'll be easy,
but he'll be on what you on. So pay attention
(17:04):
to how he responds to the use yeah that part, Yeah, no,
for sure, O heays, Okay, we're on to the next one.
The second voicemail is he was my friend, but he
did but he hid a whole baby. He was my friend,
but he hid a whole baby. Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Okay, Dear to Sea, you may remember me calling into
your life a couple weeks ago. That night, I was
making oxtails and he said that they look clean, but
I shared that I had gotten out of relationship with
one man who had two kids and probably the best
co parenting relationship I had ever seen, where it was
(17:45):
a true like fifty to fifty. But I had ended
things with him for jealousy insecurity reasons from his part,
him going through my phone, trying to control who I
hung out with, a lot of mind games he was
starting to play with me when he would be upset
him ghosting me, and I had just gotten fed up
and I broke up with him not long after that
(18:06):
a friend that I had for four years strictly platonically,
our feelings had blossomed once he told me that EMM
and his wife had separated and that they had filed
for divorce. We took that next step in our relationship,
and for the last two months it was everything you
would want in a relationship. Consistency, affection, support, just speaking
(18:30):
life into each other, intentionality, flying in and out of cities.
It was exciting, just everything, and we had such a
deep trust and emotional connection for previously being friends for
four years, so we knew a lot about each other
until last night. He tells me that his wife that
he is separated from and still filing for a divorce,
even after they found out that she's in her second
(18:53):
trimester of being pregnant. So that means that he's known
for the last two months and intentionally kept it away
from me because he thought that I would leave him,
until finally he did confess it to me because he
couldn't hold it in anymore. And he reassured me that
he still wants to be with me and I'm still
his sole me, and that he loves me, he still
(19:14):
sees a future with us, and that this doesn't stop anything,
and they still want to go through the divorce. Apparently
he even told the wife about me as well. And
I'm just wondering if I should even consider being with
this man. Even if I did, how would I be
with this man bringing in a baby into this world
with his wife ex wife and she couldn't conceive for
(19:36):
those ten years that they had been together, and I'm
just hurt by the betrayal because he was my friend
first and he lied to me, he kept that from me.
I felt like he took away my ability to choose,
because had he told me that at the beginning of
us deciding to take that next step, I probably would
have stepped away and let him figured that out without
me clouding or me being involved in that scenario. I'm
(19:59):
just her little heartbroken, disappointed, and I don't even know
where what I should do.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
First of all, I remember you, and I remember them oxtails.
Remember them oxtails on that stove. Okay, they were very
clean and I could taste them through the screen. But
I also remember miss saying that the boyfriend at the
time had an issue with this friend. The boyfriend at
(20:27):
the time had an issue with this friend, and then
you broke up with the boyfriend and got with the
friend that he was he found in question. Let me
tell you what happens when you start flapping around in life, right,
And I hate to say it, but that's what you get, okay,
because you knew it was something going on with this guy,
not only he was still if you know, she said
(20:50):
soon to be ex wife. When we were talking about
this on the live, he was still married, and I
said that I have seen it so many times where
women will have this friend that's close, just close enough,
a guy that's in their life and maybe he has
(21:10):
flirted every now and again, but he's just a good friend, right,
and then as soon as things start getting murky, you're
the first person that he makes a move on because
he is comfortable with you, he knows you, he's close.
But I'm gonna tell you that it never ever works out.
And that's exactly what I said to you on the live,
that these men that are just helicoptering right around you
(21:34):
and they're just orbiting around and they're just close enough,
and then as soon as you something cracking that relationship,
they're like, oh my god, I've always wanted to be
with you. You've always been an ammal of my eye.
I'm telling you, I don't know nobody that walked down
the aisle with that kind of story. It never works
because then they finally get to pounce on you, they
(21:54):
finally get their hands on you, and then the whole
high of it is gone. And then they realize that
the a whole like dopamine hit of getting this girl
that was right next to you, Like it just never
ever ever works. And you know, we had an issue
with him still being married. But I told you on
the live that you were flapping around, that you just
were like out here doing anything, you know, and you
(22:18):
did talk about like some self esteem issue, some things
that were going on with you. My thing is that
the child and him knowing about the child, that that's
that's just that's just a whole, a whole nother ball game.
I know that emotions are involved. You're a married woman, Brie.
(22:39):
What do you think I was gonna say?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I feel like she answered it herself.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
She literally said, if he had told me about it
when he knew and was hiding it and gave me
the choice to choose if this is something I want
to do with or not, I would have stepped away.
But the thing is this baby, you still have a choice.
Like he told you, It doesn't matter if it was
two months or today.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
You still have a choice to either deal with that
or not.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
And if you said two months ago, your answer would
have been no, you need to go deal with that.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Why is that still not your answer? Why is this
a question?
Speaker 1 (23:07):
But you should let me, You should have given me
the choice, and they still stay.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
This is a choice, This is the choice right now.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I always say a head thought and a heart thought
are two different things. And like the head thought is
why would you take my choice away from me? Why
wouldn't you just be transparent and tell me, like we
could have moved forward with this, And then it's a
heart thought, like all things given, you still you still
are in love with this person, You still like them,
you still want to be with them. He's still telling
(23:38):
you're his dream girl, you're the love of his life
and all that kind of stuff, And I just think
it's real sticky. And we don't talk a lot about
how sometimes you're in such a rut, in like a
desperate place, that you will take garbage wrapped in a box.
You get what I'm saying, And that's what that was.
That was really kind of less stovers wrapped in a
(24:01):
box because it was close to you. You knew this
guy already, but you knew that man was marry getting
into a divorce, and now he got a whole baby.
And I really think it's a self check, right. You
got to make sure that you're doing things out of
pure intentions, right, And to me, it's almost like a
cousin of Palmer coming back around because you weren't in
(24:22):
the right kind of place when you did that. And
a lot of times this happens when women are dating
a guy who was cheating on the woman and now
you the other lady, and then they come and be
with you when you think it's not gonna happen to you,
You think you're the exception. It's like this was already
sticky and now you're stuck. It was a sticky situation,
and now you got the glue from it all over.
(24:43):
You ever tried to take that airport sticker that when
you get that bag on your luggage, that little tag
on there. You ever try to get that sticker off
your luggage and you gotta get gooby gone to get
it off. That's what happens when you deal with sticky situation.
You scraping and you're trying to get it's still on you, right,
And I think that this was sticky and and it
landed you in a sticky situation. I really think that
there's like an evolution and maturity that you have to
(25:05):
do for a woman you can't as a woman. You
can't just take anything. And I think that you should
have used a little better discernment in this and really
think about it. There's another woman at hand at play
in this, right and we don't know that.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Did she say that she couldn't conceive for ten years?
So they have not just a past marriage, they have
a long past relationship something where when you share having
and making a human with somebody, that is an experience
that you don't experience with a lot of people. Right,
So there's going to be a part of him that
(25:41):
is going to want to make it work with this woman.
You spent how many years with her, and y'all were
trying and trying and trying, and now you parted ways
and here's the baby, and you think his priority is
going to be you.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
But also too that is so spot on. But I
think also there's a social responsibility as women. Sometimes you
got to bow out of things, and we do not
bow out of You got a woman who was married
to this man. They are in the process of a divorce.
She tried to get pregnant for ten years, and now
she is pregnant and this man over here playing house
(26:12):
with you. I would have bowed out of that. I'll
take your ass back to your family and figure that out.
Because woman to woman I cannot imagine, and not just that,
I would be like, Wow, maybe it's y'all turn, Maybe
it's finally time. Maybe we were just playing around and
this wasn't right, and this is where you're supposed to be,
Like God ordain marriage. Y'all have to stop playing with
(26:36):
people marriages. I do not mess around. You have to
stop playing with people marriages. And that woman is pregnant
and he talking about some of you, my dream girl.
There's certain things that a man do that will make
you like look at them different and really lose respect
for them. And I know that it can get sticky
because you already have a relationship with him, But don't
you think it would be like that woman is pregnant, Yeah,
(26:58):
and you over here with me. You're not even in
the house with her. You're not nurturing her, you're not
helping her, and that's your child and you're still married
to her. It's something like you could keep with me.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
If he's doing that to her, he would do that
to you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I always absolutely the way that a man moves his
past history and what he's done. Don't think he won't
do that to you. Don't think that you are the exception.
So yeah, and then it's also it's like for me,
I live by it. If it's not a hell, yes,
it's a no. And it's like if the love and
the relationship with this man was what it was supposed
to be, Like if this was your husband the moment
(27:32):
he told you about the baby thing, you wouldn't even
be questioning it.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
It would be like the sucks.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
But this is the person I love, This is who
I'm called to be with, Like we're gonna figure it out.
The fact that you're writing in to ask means baby,
it's a no.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Let that go. Yeah, Yeah, she has some evolving and
just a good yo. Check yourself. And it happens to
women so much like there are so many phases and
things and whether it's in friendship, love work, that you
just have to check yourself and make sure that you're
coming from like a solid place. You know what I'm saying.
This is one thing I think is one of my
greatest strengths. I'm able to step back and be like, now, what,
(28:08):
like was that right? Like, you know, did you really
handle this with care. Did you move out of love?
Did you move out of confidence? And I feel like
you are flapping around when you were on the live
and you flapping around now and now this is just
a byproduct of it ain't right. Like if you ever
need a sign that this was not the right move
for you, this is it. This woman is now with
(28:28):
child after ten years of trying. Let that woman have
that baby and let her have that man. And I
would have wanted that man to say, hey this, I
know we started something and I truly enjoy you and
I love you and I care about you, but this
is like my godly duty and my obligation to my
(28:52):
now wife to figure this out. I know it's terrible,
I know it's wrong, but I gotta go. I would
have really respected him. If he's like, I'm not dragging
you through this. I'm not dragging you through this. But
he's greedy. Yeah, just like he was like, I want both,
I'll take both.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Please think you.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Don't worry about the kid that's coming you still in
my dream? No, No, no, no, no no, Why would have Sometimes
people got to bow out, and so girl b bow out,
bow out and let that woman enjoy her pregnancy and
whatever they got going on over there. Anyways, God bless you,
God bless you girl. It's what you get. This is
what happened when you play around. Okay, it's not a joke.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
It's flapping around for me.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
That's what happens, you know. Hm hmm. Anyho. Third voicemail
is you cheated and that's your apology? Oh dare to
see you?
Speaker 6 (29:46):
How do you feel about the apology to something disrespectful
not being as grand as you would like it to be.
I'm in a situation where I've been in my relationship
for quite some time and I found out a few
years that he cheated. Now I'm in a situation where
I'm willing to work on things. But the apology was
not what I wanted it to be. It's not as grand.
(30:09):
There were no flowers, there was no date, there was
no constant I want to work on this. It was
just I apologize and this will not happen anymore. All
I can do is show you through my actions. I
personally feel like the apology should be grant when you
do something so disrespectful in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So what would you do or what should I do?
Speaker 6 (30:33):
Moving forward? And keep in mind, we've been together for
quite some time. This situation happened in twenty twenty two,
it's now twenty twenty five. I think he feels like,
in his mind it was in the past, but I'm
just now finding out about it.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I'm the wrong person to ask, because I'm gonna tell
you this make up with me, how you messed up
with me if you was out here laying around with
other women, blah blah blah blah. The makeup needs to
be as big as the mess up. I will drag
your ass. I will drag you. I really have a
like forgiveness thing the wrong part. Look, this is a
(31:11):
little toxic. I'm the wrong person. I will drag you
as it needs to be so big before I'm like
it softens the blow. I'm not an easy person that forgives.
And I think when I'm angry, you'll hear loud and
I'll be clicking, and but when you hurt me, I'll
completely shut down. And so the makeup is very, very
(31:32):
very important to me, and I ain't mad at it.
I think what I will say is that sometimes people
are still processing, like he probably like, damn, I got
caught with this shit. Three years later, and he's probably
still processing what needs to happen in order for you
to feel feel like, you know, this is a true,
(31:54):
a true apology. I think that I'm sorry it is
not is not enough, but I think they you have to.
He said that he's gonna show it through his actions.
I wonder if he has started to see that through
his actions also applying appropriate consequences as well, Like did
you just let you said your long term partner? Was
(32:17):
he back in that bed after you found found out?
Was he did you switch up? You can teach people
how to apologize to you, Right, You're gonna have to
confine me and be outside my house, okay, singing a
round with a boombox, all right? Like what kind of
consequences did you have for him? Like was it an
access that was denied? Was it just emotional things that
(32:38):
you just kind of started to withdraw. Did you have
time like you know, saying like, okay, we can talk
about this at this moment, Like what was your actual
call to action when you found out that this person
has betrayed you? And it really you know, people skip
over counseling and things like that, but a lot of
people need a mediator to be able to get to
get through things. And if you say a long term partner,
(32:59):
you know, and I got questions about that, but you know,
long term partner, sometimes you need mediation to really figure
out some people's apology language is just not the same.
But they genuinely are sorry. They genuinely are sorry. So
you have thoughts on this.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
Oh yeah, I got thoughts on this.
Speaker 5 (33:18):
So you know.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
The first thing I thought about was like the grand
gesture of like flowers, gifts, whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
It's like, maybe anybody can buy you flowers, anybody can get.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You a gift.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Him doing that one momentary thing does not fix y'all
moving forward because it may have happened three years ago,
but there's a reason why it happened. Y'all should be
getting down to the bottom of why it happened, and
then how are we actually making sure it's not going
to happen again Because it may have happened and had
something to do with her and not saying that she
did anything wrong or deserves that, but there could have
(33:50):
been something that now she can be aware of and
that they both can talk about and communicate to get on.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
The other side of it.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But what he said of like, I'm going to show
you through my actions. I think that that is way
more valuable than some balloons, teddy bears, flowers, some shit
that will is here today, gone tomorrow. How is he
going to continue to show up for you and the
rest of your lifetime. So if this happened three years ago,
like Tissia said, getting a mediator, someone that can talk
about what really happened, because what really happened wasn't just
(34:20):
him having sex with somebody or I don't know if
it was physical or emotional cheating, but what he did
was he was laid, he was led astrade so much
so from you to go and give that part of him.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
To somebody else. Why So if he's like, hey, I'm
sorry that I did that.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Here's what I've done since that has happened, to make
sure that I've worked on myself. The reason why I
didn't share, because that's another thing. I'm like, I need context.
How did you find out?
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Did he tell you?
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Did he get caught?
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Like, how did you actually find out? Because then that
has a lot to do his character. So he's just
been walking around here acting normal for three years and
you had no clue.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
No Inkland, because that's another issue, because then that means.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
He's able to hide and not give his full self
to you in a way to where here you are
three years later with the.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Bomb dropped on you.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
So I kind of agree with him in a sense
of I am sorry, you know, I apologize, and I'm
going to show you with my actions that it's not
gonna happen again. That to me is more valuable. But
I do think as a woman, you need to share
how you need him to apologize. So I'm not a
fan of women thinking men can read their mind. I'm
not a fan of women thinking that if I act
(35:27):
this way, he'll know to do use your words and
use that energy right, like the same way where you're
like you gonna have to be outside with a boombox in
the rain?
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Why? Right?
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Like why why is he going to be that?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How are you acting and how are you talking? How
are you moving for him to do that? So I
think that that's another thing, is like you need to
let him know like, hey, this is how this affected me,
and this is what I'm gonna need for me to
be good. And if that means flowers, balloons, teddies singing
in the rain, cool, but it also needs to be
all the other stuff. It needs to be the day
to day action, because you don't forget about that overnight.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
You don't forget about that over a year.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
If it happened three years ago, she's probably gonna be
thinking about it for the next three years. So I
feel like it's a combination. Tell him what you need,
but at the same time, he got to put in
the action. That should be the right answer that I'm
going to show you with my daily actions.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That is commitment.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
So you know what I think is interesting is that
I think to everything you just said, Okay, everything that
you just said, but I think that so we're talking
about like flowers and romantic things and balloons and all
of that grand things that she will want him to do. Yeah,
(36:39):
and then we're talking about the like, hey, are you
actually a stand up guy? Are you actually gonna put
in the work that's a lifelong investment to re establishing
the trust from the betrayal that we have now in
our relationship. If both of those things were together, I
feel like when a woman is like I'm assuming that
(37:01):
this is like he was he had cheated, he cheated
in the past, right that romance, like, lets you know
that you're still invested in you and I as a woman.
So it's like, yes, you are sorry, you're gonna show
me with your actions, but you was just fucking rolling
around with Keisha and I found out about it, So
(37:22):
now make me know that I'm your main woman and
that you are now invested in that. And that's where
the teddy bears and flowers come into play. I just
don't understand why a man would think that he can
get caught and cheated and not do romantic things. And
it's not to say that those things are stand alone,
that there's no work, but it can't be an apology
if you didn't show up with something like how do
(37:44):
you say sorry? Take me to dinner, buy me something,
take me on a trip, let's do a vacation, something
like how you show up with nothing talking about I'm sorry?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
What about the fact that now that she knows that
he cheated as a man, don't you now then you're
in the other boat, and why don't you be a
little insecure thinking that, well, maybe she gonna step out
or do something because you did too.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
So it's also like this other energy, this other level
of like.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Oh, let me mark you, let me make sure that
the house is kept. So, like you said, my woman
isn't out wandering around. Maybe she gonna have somebody in
her ear. Maybe she gonna you know, just honestly, just
like she's not locked into the relationship anywhere. That's what
I'm saying, Like, I just can't see any grown man
in a life a long term partnership with a woman.
(38:30):
And she found out you cheated, and you just like, babe,
I'm sorry. It's gonna get better. I promise you. You're
gonna see a change out of me. Nah, buddy, you
you Yeah, a little bit of both like you yeah,
you need that other that other part where it's it's like,
you know, maybe you planned a movie date in or something.
I feel I feel you, friend, I feel you. I'm
(38:52):
I'm with you when you write okay, and I would
I would need some some gifts and some love and
some additional whatever to because yeah, I'm sorry isn't enough.
And when it comes to like infidelity, you still want
to be like do you still like me? Are you
still attracted to me? Are you still you know here
with me and Sally? Yeah? Girl, I feel you, I
feel you. What was the last part of her question.
(39:17):
Uh did she say, so what would we what would
we do? What would we do?
Speaker 5 (39:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I think bre you're right that you know, like communicating
to him, like what is it g what is it
gonna take for you to feel in a be in
a better place. I think that so many couples just
do not know how to navigate conflicts. And I think
it will be healthy to go to couple's counseling.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Especially because, like I said, the woman is gonna be
affected in a way where you might be out at
a bar one night and the right man look in
the right way saying the right things comes up to you.
And because this thing has happened, now you're psyche of
how you even picture and think of and respect your
man is different because now you have this information you
didn't have before. So it's not just for his sake,
it's also for your sake.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah. And I always use this analogy if you every
time you go somewhere, when you and I sat down,
we sat in this chair. We never thought about if
the chair was gonna break, never thought we sat down.
We have full trust in this chair. The moment I
go to a cookout, a show, a barbecue or anything,
and not sit in that chair and that thing fold
(40:20):
and break and I fall on that floor. I'm gonna
all for the maybe for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna be like, hold on, let me look, is
it okay? Can you hold all this way? Can I can?
I say, You're gonna That is how it works when
you break that kind of trust in a relationship. The
person's gonna be thinking to your point, not just about like, well,
you know, now I know my man cheated on me
(40:43):
and I'm out and this other guy trying to talk
to me. It may change my mindset, but now I
also know that like was it you that he was
cheating with? Was it you? Was it?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Like?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Now you're gonna be looking at girls differently, gonna be like,
what was your type? What was it? How did you?
Why did you do that? So so many things. You're
always gonna be like, is this chair gonna break?
Speaker 6 (40:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Is it? So it's just a mental mind fuck that
men have to like, you have to be invested in
that type of debt when you make that type of mistake.
And the craziest thing is that some relationships cannot handle
the withdrawal of the like you didn't make enough deposits
and it cannot handle that kind of withdrawal. And I
(41:19):
always say that when people like, oh, my husband cheated,
should I stay? What kind of deposits that man made?
Did you have a happy fifteen Cause if I have
a happy fifteen year marriage and my husband's self baby, ah,
I can't say I'm going nowhere because the relationship can
withhold the withdrawal that the cheatah made. Some of y'all
be with these men and it was a raggedy relationship
(41:40):
and then he go cheat and you definitely ain't got
no it's in the negative. You definitely ain't got no
money enough to withhold that kind of withdrawal. And so
it sounds like it sounds like they may have had
a decent relationship, but I wonder if it can actually
hold that type of, you know, betrayal, because I feel
like you're gonna be walking around this whole time thinking
about the chair gonna break.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Yeah, and that's natural.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
You know, the one time that chair break, you're gonna
be distrust. There's gonna be so much distrust around any
chair that you ever sit in. So that's just that,
And I think it's man you gotta watch what you
do because you don't know how long you're gonna be
in debt with that that type of mistake. You don't
know how long you come gonna be in debt, and
you cannot change how quickly somebody forgives you and what
(42:23):
their forgiveness journey looks like. So you gotta you know,
you gotta trey lightly. Hopefully she you know is a
Christian woman at least the tart of other cheek you
you don't forgive for God AnyWho? Any who? Yeah, but
make up with me how you messed up with me?
(42:45):
Make it. I will drag you. I'll never forget it. Baby,
you gotta you gotta show up. Okay, my apologies. It's
hard to apologize to me.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
It better be good. It better be good. Okay. My
favorite segment that beat you sound good segment. So Bri
and I are now fragrance friends until we've exchanged some
fragrance in the past. I actually think you're really like
this one. But this is by number nine. This is
Madison app This is a classic. If you are like
(43:16):
a floral a floral girl. The top notes are apple bergamonte,
and black currant, and then we have ros jasmine and
magnolia essence, and then the bass notes are petruly and
broxing and praying. I feel like it's like sweet spicy, you.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
Know, m.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
Sweet and space definitely gets it on the head. M hm,
smell like my name.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
It's like comforting. It's this is like like Kentucky Derby.
Like I want to say this like girly day party,
but it's like a step up. It's giving, like rich husband,
you're out at a picnic and you're just like at
his on his boat, you know, like it's just giving,
(44:09):
like floral rich girl activities, right, because there are deeper
notes in here, like if you're not a magnoiar girl.
But even like for truly Bergamot, y'all know how I
feel about Bergamont and pink pepper.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Okay, I don't even know these things existed.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
It's it's deep, but it's you know, it's girly. There's
so many floral scents in here. So anyways, this is
a classic. If you have never had bonner A nine
mass and af you know, they have just so many fragrances.
This is a classic, a classic. It's also in a
cute pink bottle. But I have probably like maybe like
you should wear this to the boat. Yeah, and it's
(44:46):
gonna be a night time. It's gonna be a night time.
So also, we're filming in the day. I'm not sure
if y'all know this, that may see a little little
switch up in the lighting, but we're filming in a daytime.
Usually I'm filming at night, but this is a daytime filming.
It's I got thinks later. I love it. I know
your prodict on bias. I love all the Franklins is.
I bought my money. But this is a really, really
(45:07):
good one and it's like girly, grown girl, grown girly.
So anyhow, now we're on to our stegment of our
red Flag report. Okay, I'm reading these right right. Emotional
affair and public emotional affairs and public drama. A new preview,
(45:30):
Oh my gosh, God bless them. A new preview from
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta has fans buzzing after Yandy
Smith admitted to having an emotional connection with someone outside
of her marriage too min DC's The clips, shared by
the show's official instagram on Tuesday, August twelve, captures Yandy
(45:54):
reflecting on a once close friendship that took a messy
turn and ended up online. I'm the man as the
closest thing she's had to a brother. Yandy explains they
fell out over a disagreement about her marriage. I felt
he was too involved in the things that were happening,
she said. The friend, reportedly NYC hairstylist Brian Jamison, according
(46:15):
to on Site, later blasted her on social media, accusing
her of cheating. The man alleged to be at the
center of her emotional connection is Michael Aduce sounds my Jurian,
though Yandy didn't name him directly in the episode. In
a confessional moment, Yandy says that if her marriage ever
(46:36):
falls apart, it will be because we tore down brick
by brick. The scene then cuts to a sit down
between Yandy and and DC's where he confronts her about
the situation. He expresses how deeply it affected him, and
he even suggests that the emotional affair is worse than
a physical one, looking visibly hurt when DC tells her
do the right thing, the ring won't come off ya let.
(46:59):
Yandy lay confirms, I've definitely had an emotional connection with
someone other than in DC's and we had to deal
with it. Okay, y'all, I am a reality TV stand.
I watch it all, Love, I have to lock up,
(47:19):
marry at first. I love is blind, Love Island, everything,
Naughty day, fiance, baby put a ring on it, Ready
to Love Baby. I watch it all. I watch it all.
But let me tell you this. Of course I'm watching
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. I saw this coming, and
(47:41):
it's unfortunate. I saw this coming. Let me first of all, Yandy,
I actually like you a lot, you know I it's
a lot of other people talking about you I'm treating Okay,
let me say this. What I have observed from the
clips on social media and on Ready on Love and
(48:02):
Hip Hop. What I have observed there was I think
it was a season or two ago where they had
really started to kind of crumble. And I think when
DC's was taking his ring off, Yandy had run, had
decided to run for like a political position like fu
(48:24):
an Alderman or congress woman or some shit. And her
husband found out when everybody else found out, and I said, oh, bitch,
you in trouble, You in trouble. I smelled all of
this happen in my observation. Okay, Yandy has lacked respect
from in DC's for so fucking long. And I'm gonna
(48:47):
tell you this, when a man feels like you do
not respect him, wrap it up. Pack your shit up, baby,
and wrap it up. It is a man wants respect
more than he wants anything. And I have seen on
so many occasions on this show how Yandy has lacked
to include her husband, how she has moved like a
(49:08):
boss woman without this man just he just there. So
he don't get fine, he just he's in the Peniat
gallery just they're watching the show, chiming in from time
to time. She has made so many moves without this
man's input. Okay, and so I ain't half surprised. I
smell this coming. I smell this coming, and I think
(49:29):
it has been Mendc's has been trying to like put
his foot in for now. We all know that Mendid
has been caught up in some stuff. And you know,
people said he was talking to this girl, he was
at the bar doing this. And now all these women
are coming out and I honestly I pray for them.
I pray that they find reparation, reparation. I'm looking forward
(49:52):
in this, okay, that it is repaired, all right, that
I pray that this is repaired. When other people started
getting in business, and I think it's in just because
she said that the friend was too involved. And the
part of it is like, keep people out of your
marriage and seek counsel in your marriage between you and God. Okay,
keep people out of your marriage, yes, but them friends
(50:14):
be seeing stuff before you see stuff, Okay. And so
if the last argument that you had was with your
friend about your marriage, I'm not saying that this person
was right, but you know, you gotta put a pin
in that. You gotta, you gotta you know, you gotta
put a pin in that.
Speaker 6 (50:33):
And so.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Especially if it's a good friend, because they gonna tell
you the truth and it may not sound yes, it
may not be nice.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
I'm not surprised that Yandy has had an emotional connection
with somebody outside of her marriage, because the whole world
has seen that. It just didn't quite seem like her
husband was her right hand to think about running for
a political party like I'm gonna be and your husband
(51:03):
is finding out what the rest that was like one
of the first time I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yes,
disconnect something something ain't something ain't quite right. And also
though y'all we all know that that men DC's got
out of jail and she asked him, what would you
have done that for me? Cause you know, you know,
(51:24):
Yandy waited while men DCS was in jail for years.
I think it was maybe four to five years that
man was in jail. Don't quote me, Okay, four or
five years that man was in jail. And when he
got out, they were filming, they were on the show,
and she said, would you have done this for me?
That nigga said, I don't know. Wow, So you know,
(51:44):
some shaky on both ends or whatever, but I'm not surprised.
I think it's been a lot of red flags. Its
been a lot of smoke leading to fire in that relationship,
and as soon as you start getting other people involved,
it's just it's just not right. And I do think
that emotional emotional cheating is worse than I do too.
(52:07):
Actually physical physical cheating.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah, because that takes intentional thought and time after time,
every conversation, every text message, every phone call, every time spent.
A physical thing is like it could be in the
moment thing happened once or you know, it's like you
get caught up in it, but emotional it's like you
are really going out of your way to build and
(52:32):
pour into this other relationship knowing what you're doing is wrong.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah, I absolutely agree. I'm praying for y'all, Andy and
and DCS and you know what, I think it's also
just a testament to like how she the control. I
think Yandy is just naturally a boss and she's just
very diligent with all the things that she does, just
(52:57):
like you, like you just you do all things well,
like the things that you invest in, you do well.
And I think Yandy she just started a restaurant and
closed the line of a skincare line, of all types
of different things that she does. It's a jack of
all trades. And I feel like she's just diligenent a
lot of things. But it's funny how even in the
demise of her marriage, she's like, if anybody gonna tear
it down, it's gonna be me and him. Like she
(53:19):
even want to control how the ends, Yeah, the downfall
of it. And you know, you gotta be careful because
well you don't watch this stuff. But the girl was
sitting in front of him was a Nick Cannon baby
Mama Jessica Rabbit, not Jessica White, Jessica White whatever. Anyways,
she was trying to tell her that when DC's was
out playing around and she said, oh, baby, dry your tears.
(53:44):
I know who that girl was. That was me messaging him,
Yandy Man, and looked like it was some other people. Anyways,
there's that the watch. But God bless you Yandy and
and DC's. I really truly prayed that they, you know,
really really figure that out and really do a deep
dive in their marriage. But you gotta risk you. Your
(54:05):
husband has to feel respected, you can you want to
know where you know, like this is your show and
he living in it. God bless him. That's it. There's
that
Speaker 5 (54:26):
M
I'm gonna tell you this make up with me, how
you messed up with me if you was out here
laying around with other women. Blah blah blah blah. The
makeup needs to be as big as the mess up.
I will drag your ass. I will drag you. I
really have a like forgiveness thing the wrong part. Look,
this is a little toxic. I'm the wrong person. I
(00:21):
will drag you as it needs to be so big
before I'm like it softens the blow. I'm not an
easy person that forgives. And I think when I'm angry,
you'll hear loud and I'll be clicking, But when you
hurt me, I'll completely shut down. And so the makeup
is very, very very important to me. Welcome back to
(00:58):
Dear to See, y'all. So many people have written me
and said that we need more than one episode a
week because it's not enough. That just makes me feel
so good, So be patient with me. We're working on it.
We're working on it. So we have some subscription reminders
followed there to see a podcast on Apple and Spotify. Okay,
Apple and Spotify leave a five star review now one
(01:19):
nine two but five five star review subscribe to the
Relationship restored and dear to see a YouTube channel. It's
actually to see an XBS in case you're looking for it.
And then our goal is fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts,
one thousand reviews. We already have hit five hundred. We're
pushing our way to one thousand, and then we need
one thousand subscribers, one hundred one thousand. No, we need
(01:41):
way more than a thousand. Okay, we need one hundred
thousand subscribers on both channels. Okay, So in our Peanut
Gallery we have Bree. I always like to share how
I met the Peanut Gallery guest and brit and I
met at a content content mixer and ended up living
in the same building. We met at a content mixer,
(02:03):
and I'll never forget she was like girl that blazer. Like,
first of all, Bree, it's probably like five inches shorter
than me, but she was like that blazer and it's
just like this big curly hair and a whole bunch
of energy. And we ended up linking up afterwards. And
I was going through a housing crisis and she was like,
please come move to my area. And I look at
a lot of places and landing in breezebeldn anyways, that
(02:25):
is that. But bree you like do a million things
do I like? And she's good at all of them,
all of them, like bre you like, honestly like the
most resourceful, organized person that I know.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
You know, I literally said today, I was like, I'm
good at everything I try except makeup. Like I need
help with makeup, but like everything else, Yes, I'm like
dy Queen.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I figures it out.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I get it done. But makeup I use a little
like five products.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
That's it. I do not get into the whig business.
Do not get into the makeup business. It's just it's
starright out here. A lot of regular road. We have
some reviews listener reviews rare Jim. I rarely enjoy podcasts
as someone who's hosted her own, I deeply enjoyed Dear
to Sea. She does an excellent job at making you
feel like you're right in the room with her, even
(03:14):
when listening without visual She's down to earth and very
astute in her analysis. Much much needed. I always learned
something new listening to to see it on and off
ig love it. Thank you designs by Jay That's actually
one of my biggest goals like a key key making
the girls feel like they're in thees. Okay, so we
(03:36):
have a voicemail and it's entitled why won't these men
plan the.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Dates there to sea? This is alerty friends, after losing
one hundred pounds, Thank you so much for answering my
call with Ray. I actually ended up cutting him off.
I think like a week after I sent that call
in so before I even listening to you guys thing,
I was like, I'm not having it, not what I
need of my life at all. So thank you guys
(04:01):
so much. But I have kind of two things that
I wanted your opinion on your perspective. So I've been
getting back into the dating field. So I've been using
hitchin Facebook dating, and I've noticed this thing where I'm
having great conversations. I've been very selective on the kind
of men I even entertain, and I've been on several
amazing dates. But there are some men who were I'm
(04:23):
having great conversations with them, and I have this rule
where I want to have a date planned within a
week because I'm not going to be texting you forever.
But I feel like it just never happens and I
don't feel right as a woman asking the man to
plan a date, like, I just feel like that's not
something that I'm comfortable with. I don't know, just get
very much begging for me, so I never do it.
(04:44):
I don't know if that's wrong. It doesn't feel right like,
I don't know if that's not for me. So I
honestly just let the conversation die out. So I want
to know. I guess why do men do that? I
feel like I have my own theory, but I guess
I want to hear your perspective on that. And then
I heard in a past episode that you were abstinent
for a certain amount of time. Were you dating during
that time? And do you have any advice for women
(05:06):
who want to say abstinent while dating?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Oh, she got a whole bunch of questions in here,
number one, and I have a whole bunch of comments,
you know, the ADHDM me. I'm glad I got this
Q card. Okay, girl, because I'll lose myself lose by
trying to thought quick. Okay, So first of all, we
thanks for calling back. We're glad that you got off
that baby. We were glad that you you stopped talking
to him. Thank thank you, thank you, thank you. A
(05:31):
few things here. Yes, I was absident for five five
going on six years. I did date. I did date
in between there. The first thing I want to address
is like why don't men actually plan dates? And I
think there's a few things that I want to add
to this. First of all, I hate that women want
(05:52):
to find the why to everything that men do. It's
honestly it's exhausting, like why do you think this man?
And I'm telling you like it, it's gonna exhaust you.
I try to pour my energy into people that actually
want to be there. Once I started, I stopped figuring
out why this man didn't want to be with me,
(06:13):
why this man ghosted me, why this man wasn't around,
Like it just really just lightened my load and us
as women, we don't have the same emotional valves that
men have. So I think it's gonna be great that
if you just like, don't care about the why, you
care about what's present, who's present or not. Also, y'all,
(06:33):
I'm having an allergy issue, so you may see my
nose running, okay, So yeah, don't focus on the why,
focus on all the present men that are playing those days,
because that's what you said. You said that you've been
on some amazing dates, full stop. Let's keep it there.
Let's keep it there. You've done some great dates. We
don't care about people that are invisible and non compliant
(06:54):
and are not showing interest. We don't care about those people,
so we don't need to know the why. But what
I will say is that a lot of times, while dating,
women will give so much of a preview that they
don't want to see the rest of the movie. Like, girl,
you didn't let this man run down your phone, okay,
You then told them all your business. You then told
them where you're from, what you're like, what your mama
(07:15):
did to you when you was younger. You didn't share
so much upfront that they're really You're not interesting enough
for them to want to see you or hang out
with you. And I hope that that lands will. But
a lot of times we hang out and do too
much with men that they don't actually want to plan
the date. They don't actually want to get to know
you more because you just kind of overdumped, over shared.
(07:39):
I also think that dating is exploratory and men get
to know you, and I think I just talked about this,
he got to know you, and he wasn't curious enough
to hang out with you. Like, it could be nothing
really against you. If people have their own preferences, and
people have their own likes and dislikes. I think some
women think that they're like, like, when you start dating somebody,
(08:01):
that you're automatically a contender for them. And you have
to recognize that men are going to get to know
you and be like it could be subliminal things that
you don't even know that you're doing. And he can
be like, I don't even like that, Like I don't
I don't like I don't like that role rade you got.
I don't like the way you talk to that waitress,
I don't like the way you interacted with them kids,
(08:23):
like you don't feel motherly, like whatever it could be.
And so we have to accept that men are also like,
this is exploratory phase and they're just really trying to
get to know you. So those are my two sets.
Sometimes they just literally don't want to get to know you.
Sometimes you've given way too much of a preview up front,
and they they're not interested in seeing the movie. You know,
(08:44):
when it's time to roll and I also want to
say again, like, don't focus on people that are underperforming
and that are are not around and not there like
that is that is just like a mind fuck that
you just you just don't want to participating.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You Yeah, okay, well one, I'm the right person to
be in the peanut gallery for this waiting estance situation.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
For those of you who.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Don't know, my husband and I waited three years turned
into four thanks to COVID, and I was abstinent a
year almost a year before that, So five years similar
to Tissia with no sex, no, no, nothing of any
kind other than masturbation. I definitely masturbate it, because who
the hell can.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Make it through five years?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
But when I was dating, what I found to be
helpful to like not really feel boggled down by the
whole weight situation was I just focused on fun. Like
when you focus on having fun and just enjoying somebody's time,
sex is an addition to but it's not the thing.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
And like I said.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Masturbation right, like you you know how to take care
of you, so if you just focus on that. A
few tips though I did at the beginning made sure
that I wore either ugly underwear that I didn't want
a man to see, or I just didn't shave down
there because I knew I'm like, I'm not gonna be
getting all hot and heavy and then like exposing that, right,
(10:07):
nobody wants to see that. That was a way to kind
of hold me accountable until I was consistent with the
way and then eventually found my husband, and that was
a whole other journey. But you have to find like
what things make you not be abstinate. So if it
is if someone's you know, kissing you and you're in
a comfort of a home where you can have sex,
then you need to not be in no man's crib,
(10:28):
right and you need to not be letting no man
kiss up on you and rub on you and touch
on you. So it's almost like, don't take me to
the pregame if we're not going to the party, right,
Like I'm not trying to get drunk or take shots.
If I'm not going out and enjoying my whole night,
Like it just doesn't make sense. So kind of figure out,
like what your things are. I think that's number one,
And then I have a question. And this is for
(10:50):
both of y'all, but mainly you because you're here right now?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Is it wrong.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
To communicate the weak thing? Because my thought was like,
well maybe if he just doesn't know that you wanted
a date in a week, he could just be oblivious
and maybe there wasn't enough conversation for him to even
throw out the date card or you know, like is
that a problem to ask or tell me?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A week can be tricky, and I know that there's
like a lot of coaches online. It's like, if he
not doing this in a certain amount of time, I
do have like number just number of markers that I
have in my head about like you know, if you
haven't even asked for my phone number and this amount
of time or things like that. I think a week
can fly by if like I mean even we were
(11:32):
just talking about our week, It's like, wait a minute,
how does Sunday have all these things like things and
so like if you have tool working people with an
averagely social life, like a week can go by a
we can go by fast. But I think that they're
always in the windows that this person is gonna try
to see you or they're interested in see you, in
seeing you. So I think it's like listening to those
(11:54):
type of things as well. I do think that a
man trying to spend time with you is a one
of the biggest green flags of just something materializing, right,
Like that is like the biggest green fact flag. If
he's not trying to see you, he is not trying
to do anything else. Like there's no way men are
one their visual and they also just like they want
(12:17):
a preview to what they're gonna get and they're only
gonna know that if they're spending time with you. And
so if he's not trying to date you, like actually
go out and spend time with you, then he probably
isn't he's just not that interested. A lot of men
will hold space on your phone, you know. That is
my biggest thing. Get these men off your phone. I
(12:38):
do not allow men in my life that don't make
daily deposits. And that is just that you don't get
to come and drain me and dump your problems and
tell me about your baby mama and what your mama
did and how you hate your job and your car
broke down, and then you're not putting any deposits into
my life. And that is not just monetarily like oh,
it's going out on a date, but like you need
(12:58):
to be dependable, reliable, I need to be able to
call on you. It needs to be mutual, and I
think a lot of women find it to be like
adoration and like this man is like choosing them and
they're important and that they're like that man's person because
they're calling and that is cheap communication currency CCC. These
(13:21):
men liking your stories calling your phone all the time,
and it's so tricky because the women are like, we
fall asleep on the phone together? What tangible did he do? Like?
What are things that are tangible that this person has done?
And I think that communication is great because it allows
you allows for intimacy and getting to know somebody, But
it can be really tricky when all he's doing is
(13:43):
trying to call you and he's not planning a day.
And that goes for you long distance distance people too,
like he needs to be like, hey, am I coming
down there? Or are you coming down here?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that's think it.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Depends if you met someone in person or if you
exchange information virtually, because a man doesn't know what he's
missing until he's actually met you and experienced your area,
your energy, your vibe. So I feel like if you
went and you met them out. Like for me, men
have always been like, so when can I see you next?
Like they're like, I need more of this. But if
it's a connection over line, it's a little more tricky
(14:18):
because then they don't even know what they're missing. Yet,
they don't know you enough to know if they even
want to spend time with you, So it may take
more than a week for them to weed out if
you're someone that they do want to spend that physical
time with, which is difficult.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
And just the last thing is like really a gut
check on that, because you're having amazing dates, but you're
asking about why the other man did not plan a
date and you have to get out of that mentality.
I'm telling you, it will wear you out. And we
all have had that guy where it's it's like, wow,
he's so consistent, he's so sweet, he does everything right,
(14:53):
and you're not quite that attracted to him or something
off about him, and you end up being overthinking about
the one that's not calling you, the one that got
the swag, and he's the one that you like, really
are attracted to, and you're more focused on why he's
not planning the days and you got a good man
(15:14):
right in front of you, that that is you just
said you had an amazing dates. So while we worried about
that one, that one that's not planning it right, Like
we do that all the time. And I always release
that man to the general public. Okay. If you got
a good man that's planning all these days and give
you amazing dates. But you worried about Ray, Ray, release
him to the public. So that it's girls waiting. We
already know that the the ratio is quite quite off. Okay,
(15:38):
it's eleven eleven women and one man. Release him. Okay,
And and going, you know, dilly dally with the one
that you talking about some why he ain't planning to
day girl, We ain't got time for that. So there's
that AnyWho. Thanks for calling back. I'm glad you got
off of him. Don't worry about mister why not? Okay,
worry about the ones that are in front of you.
The like I said. One last thing though, is that
(15:59):
to your point, do not for men. I know it's
a big thing about when you should tell the guy
that you are abstinent or that you're not interested in sex.
That's that's a huge thing. I know that that's a
big thing. But what I will say is that how
he responds to that will tell you all you need
to know. Don't skip over it, don't don't flinch, don't
(16:22):
How he responds to the fact that he cannot access
you in a way that he wants to will tell
you all you need to know. Please listen for is
he gentle? Is he kind? Is he understanding? Is he curious?
Some guys just like, Okay, is this until we're an item?
Is this until marriage? Is this until? But watch his
body language if you ever get to a point where
(16:42):
you share like that'll tell you all that you need
to know. And it's not to shame anybody that. It's like,
I have an act of sex life and I can't
wait until you know this life. It's not to shame
that guy for that. But if you're somebody that's gonna
wait and he's into you, he gonna be on what
you are. And I ain't saying it's goning'll be easy,
but he'll be on what you on. So pay attention
(17:04):
to how he responds to the use yeah that part, Yeah, no,
for sure, O heays, Okay, we're on to the next one.
The second voicemail is he was my friend, but he
did but he hid a whole baby. He was my friend,
but he hid a whole baby. Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
Okay, Dear to Sea, you may remember me calling into
your life a couple weeks ago. That night, I was
making oxtails and he said that they look clean, but
I shared that I had gotten out of relationship with
one man who had two kids and probably the best
co parenting relationship I had ever seen, where it was
(17:45):
a true like fifty to fifty. But I had ended
things with him for jealousy insecurity reasons from his part,
him going through my phone, trying to control who I
hung out with, a lot of mind games he was
starting to play with me when he would be upset
him ghosting me, and I had just gotten fed up
and I broke up with him not long after that
(18:06):
a friend that I had for four years strictly platonically,
our feelings had blossomed once he told me that EMM
and his wife had separated and that they had filed
for divorce. We took that next step in our relationship,
and for the last two months it was everything you
would want in a relationship. Consistency, affection, support, just speaking
(18:30):
life into each other, intentionality, flying in and out of cities.
It was exciting, just everything, and we had such a
deep trust and emotional connection for previously being friends for
four years, so we knew a lot about each other
until last night. He tells me that his wife that
he is separated from and still filing for a divorce,
even after they found out that she's in her second
(18:53):
trimester of being pregnant. So that means that he's known
for the last two months and intentionally kept it away
from me because he thought that I would leave him,
until finally he did confess it to me because he
couldn't hold it in anymore. And he reassured me that
he still wants to be with me and I'm still
his sole me, and that he loves me, he still
(19:14):
sees a future with us, and that this doesn't stop anything,
and they still want to go through the divorce. Apparently
he even told the wife about me as well. And
I'm just wondering if I should even consider being with
this man. Even if I did, how would I be
with this man bringing in a baby into this world
with his wife ex wife and she couldn't conceive for
(19:36):
those ten years that they had been together, and I'm
just hurt by the betrayal because he was my friend
first and he lied to me, he kept that from me.
I felt like he took away my ability to choose,
because had he told me that at the beginning of
us deciding to take that next step, I probably would
have stepped away and let him figured that out without
me clouding or me being involved in that scenario. I'm
(19:59):
just her little heartbroken, disappointed, and I don't even know
where what I should do.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
First of all, I remember you, and I remember them oxtails.
Remember them oxtails on that stove. Okay, they were very
clean and I could taste them through the screen. But
I also remember miss saying that the boyfriend at the
time had an issue with this friend. The boyfriend at
(20:27):
the time had an issue with this friend, and then
you broke up with the boyfriend and got with the
friend that he was he found in question. Let me
tell you what happens when you start flapping around in life, right,
And I hate to say it, but that's what you get, okay,
because you knew it was something going on with this guy,
not only he was still if you know, she said
(20:50):
soon to be ex wife. When we were talking about
this on the live, he was still married, and I
said that I have seen it so many times where
women will have this friend that's close, just close enough,
a guy that's in their life and maybe he has
(21:10):
flirted every now and again, but he's just a good friend, right,
and then as soon as things start getting murky, you're
the first person that he makes a move on because
he is comfortable with you, he knows you, he's close.
But I'm gonna tell you that it never ever works out.
And that's exactly what I said to you on the live,
that these men that are just helicoptering right around you
(21:34):
and they're just orbiting around and they're just close enough,
and then as soon as you something cracking that relationship,
they're like, oh my god, I've always wanted to be
with you. You've always been an ammal of my eye.
I'm telling you, I don't know nobody that walked down
the aisle with that kind of story. It never works
because then they finally get to pounce on you, they
(21:54):
finally get their hands on you, and then the whole
high of it is gone. And then they realize that
the a whole like dopamine hit of getting this girl
that was right next to you, Like it just never
ever ever works. And you know, we had an issue
with him still being married. But I told you on
the live that you were flapping around, that you just
were like out here doing anything, you know, and you
(22:18):
did talk about like some self esteem issue, some things
that were going on with you. My thing is that
the child and him knowing about the child, that that's
that's just that's just a whole, a whole nother ball game.
I know that emotions are involved. You're a married woman, Brie.
(22:39):
What do you think I was gonna say?
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I feel like she answered it herself.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
She literally said, if he had told me about it
when he knew and was hiding it and gave me
the choice to choose if this is something I want
to do with or not, I would have stepped away.
But the thing is this baby, you still have a choice.
Like he told you, It doesn't matter if it was
two months or today.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
You still have a choice to either deal with that
or not.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
And if you said two months ago, your answer would
have been no, you need to go deal with that.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Why is that still not your answer? Why is this
a question?
Speaker 1 (23:07):
But you should let me, You should have given me
the choice, and they still stay.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
This is a choice, This is the choice right now.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I always say a head thought and a heart thought
are two different things. And like the head thought is
why would you take my choice away from me? Why
wouldn't you just be transparent and tell me, like we
could have moved forward with this, And then it's a
heart thought, like all things given, you still you still
are in love with this person, You still like them,
you still want to be with them. He's still telling
(23:38):
you're his dream girl, you're the love of his life
and all that kind of stuff, And I just think
it's real sticky. And we don't talk a lot about
how sometimes you're in such a rut, in like a
desperate place, that you will take garbage wrapped in a box.
You get what I'm saying, And that's what that was.
That was really kind of less stovers wrapped in a
(24:01):
box because it was close to you. You knew this
guy already, but you knew that man was marry getting
into a divorce, and now he got a whole baby.
And I really think it's a self check, right. You
got to make sure that you're doing things out of
pure intentions, right, And to me, it's almost like a
cousin of Palmer coming back around because you weren't in
(24:22):
the right kind of place when you did that. And
a lot of times this happens when women are dating
a guy who was cheating on the woman and now
you the other lady, and then they come and be
with you when you think it's not gonna happen to you,
You think you're the exception. It's like this was already
sticky and now you're stuck. It was a sticky situation,
and now you got the glue from it all over.
(24:43):
You ever tried to take that airport sticker that when
you get that bag on your luggage, that little tag
on there. You ever try to get that sticker off
your luggage and you gotta get gooby gone to get
it off. That's what happens when you deal with sticky situation.
You scraping and you're trying to get it's still on you, right,
And I think that this was sticky and and it
landed you in a sticky situation. I really think that
there's like an evolution and maturity that you have to
(25:05):
do for a woman you can't as a woman. You
can't just take anything. And I think that you should
have used a little better discernment in this and really
think about it. There's another woman at hand at play
in this, right and we don't know that.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Did she say that she couldn't conceive for ten years?
So they have not just a past marriage, they have
a long past relationship something where when you share having
and making a human with somebody, that is an experience
that you don't experience with a lot of people. Right,
So there's going to be a part of him that
(25:41):
is going to want to make it work with this woman.
You spent how many years with her, and y'all were
trying and trying and trying, and now you parted ways
and here's the baby, and you think his priority is
going to be you.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
But also too that is so spot on. But I
think also there's a social responsibility as women. Sometimes you
got to bow out of things, and we do not
bow out of You got a woman who was married
to this man. They are in the process of a divorce.
She tried to get pregnant for ten years, and now
she is pregnant and this man over here playing house
(26:12):
with you. I would have bowed out of that. I'll
take your ass back to your family and figure that out.
Because woman to woman I cannot imagine, and not just that,
I would be like, Wow, maybe it's y'all turn, Maybe
it's finally time. Maybe we were just playing around and
this wasn't right, and this is where you're supposed to be,
Like God ordain marriage. Y'all have to stop playing with
(26:36):
people marriages. I do not mess around. You have to
stop playing with people marriages. And that woman is pregnant
and he talking about some of you, my dream girl.
There's certain things that a man do that will make
you like look at them different and really lose respect
for them. And I know that it can get sticky
because you already have a relationship with him, But don't
you think it would be like that woman is pregnant, Yeah,
(26:58):
and you over here with me. You're not even in
the house with her. You're not nurturing her, you're not
helping her, and that's your child and you're still married
to her. It's something like you could keep with me.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
If he's doing that to her, he would do that
to you.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I always absolutely the way that a man moves his
past history and what he's done. Don't think he won't
do that to you. Don't think that you are the exception.
So yeah, and then it's also it's like for me,
I live by it. If it's not a hell, yes,
it's a no. And it's like if the love and
the relationship with this man was what it was supposed
to be, Like if this was your husband the moment
(27:32):
he told you about the baby thing, you wouldn't even
be questioning it.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
It would be like the sucks.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
But this is the person I love, This is who
I'm called to be with, Like we're gonna figure it out.
The fact that you're writing in to ask means baby,
it's a no.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Let that go. Yeah, Yeah, she has some evolving and
just a good yo. Check yourself. And it happens to
women so much like there are so many phases and
things and whether it's in friendship, love work, that you
just have to check yourself and make sure that you're
coming from like a solid place. You know what I'm saying.
This is one thing I think is one of my
greatest strengths. I'm able to step back and be like, now, what,
(28:08):
like was that right? Like, you know, did you really
handle this with care. Did you move out of love?
Did you move out of confidence? And I feel like
you are flapping around when you were on the live
and you flapping around now and now this is just
a byproduct of it ain't right. Like if you ever
need a sign that this was not the right move
for you, this is it. This woman is now with
(28:28):
child after ten years of trying. Let that woman have
that baby and let her have that man. And I
would have wanted that man to say, hey this, I
know we started something and I truly enjoy you and
I love you and I care about you, but this
is like my godly duty and my obligation to my
(28:52):
now wife to figure this out. I know it's terrible,
I know it's wrong, but I gotta go. I would
have really respected him. If he's like, I'm not dragging
you through this. I'm not dragging you through this. But
he's greedy. Yeah, just like he was like, I want both,
I'll take both.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Please think you.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Don't worry about the kid that's coming you still in
my dream? No, No, no, no, no no, Why would have Sometimes
people got to bow out, and so girl b bow out,
bow out and let that woman enjoy her pregnancy and
whatever they got going on over there. Anyways, God bless you,
God bless you girl. It's what you get. This is
what happened when you play around. Okay, it's not a joke.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
It's flapping around for me.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
That's what happens, you know. Hm hmm. Anyho. Third voicemail
is you cheated and that's your apology? Oh dare to
see you?
Speaker 6 (29:46):
How do you feel about the apology to something disrespectful
not being as grand as you would like it to be.
I'm in a situation where I've been in my relationship
for quite some time and I found out a few
years that he cheated. Now I'm in a situation where
I'm willing to work on things. But the apology was
not what I wanted it to be. It's not as grand.
(30:09):
There were no flowers, there was no date, there was
no constant I want to work on this. It was
just I apologize and this will not happen anymore. All
I can do is show you through my actions. I
personally feel like the apology should be grant when you
do something so disrespectful in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So what would you do or what should I do?
Speaker 6 (30:33):
Moving forward? And keep in mind, we've been together for
quite some time. This situation happened in twenty twenty two,
it's now twenty twenty five. I think he feels like,
in his mind it was in the past, but I'm
just now finding out about it.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I'm the wrong person to ask, because I'm gonna tell
you this make up with me, how you messed up
with me if you was out here laying around with
other women, blah blah blah blah. The makeup needs to
be as big as the mess up. I will drag
your ass. I will drag you. I really have a
like forgiveness thing the wrong part. Look, this is a
(31:11):
little toxic. I'm the wrong person. I will drag you
as it needs to be so big before I'm like
it softens the blow. I'm not an easy person that forgives.
And I think when I'm angry, you'll hear loud and
I'll be clicking, and but when you hurt me, I'll
completely shut down. And so the makeup is very, very
(31:32):
very important to me, and I ain't mad at it.
I think what I will say is that sometimes people
are still processing, like he probably like, damn, I got
caught with this shit. Three years later, and he's probably
still processing what needs to happen in order for you
to feel feel like, you know, this is a true,
(31:54):
a true apology. I think that I'm sorry it is
not is not enough, but I think they you have to.
He said that he's gonna show it through his actions.
I wonder if he has started to see that through
his actions also applying appropriate consequences as well, Like did
you just let you said your long term partner? Was
(32:17):
he back in that bed after you found found out?
Was he did you switch up? You can teach people
how to apologize to you, Right, You're gonna have to
confine me and be outside my house, okay, singing a
round with a boombox, all right? Like what kind of
consequences did you have for him? Like was it an
access that was denied? Was it just emotional things that
(32:38):
you just kind of started to withdraw. Did you have
time like you know, saying like, okay, we can talk
about this at this moment, Like what was your actual
call to action when you found out that this person
has betrayed you? And it really you know, people skip
over counseling and things like that, but a lot of
people need a mediator to be able to get to
get through things. And if you say a long term partner,
(32:59):
you know, and I got questions about that, but you know,
long term partner, sometimes you need mediation to really figure
out some people's apology language is just not the same.
But they genuinely are sorry. They genuinely are sorry. So
you have thoughts on this.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
Oh yeah, I got thoughts on this.
Speaker 5 (33:18):
So you know.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
The first thing I thought about was like the grand
gesture of like flowers, gifts, whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
It's like, maybe anybody can buy you flowers, anybody can get.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You a gift.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Him doing that one momentary thing does not fix y'all
moving forward because it may have happened three years ago,
but there's a reason why it happened. Y'all should be
getting down to the bottom of why it happened, and
then how are we actually making sure it's not going
to happen again Because it may have happened and had
something to do with her and not saying that she
did anything wrong or deserves that, but there could have
(33:50):
been something that now she can be aware of and
that they both can talk about and communicate to get on.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
The other side of it.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But what he said of like, I'm going to show
you through my actions. I think that that is way
more valuable than some balloons, teddy bears, flowers, some shit
that will is here today, gone tomorrow. How is he
going to continue to show up for you and the
rest of your lifetime. So if this happened three years ago,
like Tissia said, getting a mediator, someone that can talk
about what really happened, because what really happened wasn't just
(34:20):
him having sex with somebody or I don't know if
it was physical or emotional cheating, but what he did
was he was laid, he was led astrade so much
so from you to go and give that part of him.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
To somebody else. Why So if he's like, hey, I'm
sorry that I did that.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Here's what I've done since that has happened, to make
sure that I've worked on myself. The reason why I
didn't share, because that's another thing. I'm like, I need context.
How did you find out?
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Did he tell you?
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Did he get caught?
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Like, how did you actually find out? Because then that
has a lot to do his character. So he's just
been walking around here acting normal for three years and
you had no clue.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
No Inkland, because that's another issue, because then that means.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
He's able to hide and not give his full self
to you in a way to where here you are
three years later with the.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Bomb dropped on you.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
So I kind of agree with him in a sense
of I am sorry, you know, I apologize, and I'm
going to show you with my actions that it's not
gonna happen again. That to me is more valuable. But
I do think as a woman, you need to share
how you need him to apologize. So I'm not a
fan of women thinking men can read their mind. I'm
not a fan of women thinking that if I act
(35:27):
this way, he'll know to do use your words and
use that energy right, like the same way where you're
like you gonna have to be outside with a boombox in
the rain?
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Why? Right?
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Like why why is he going to be that?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
How are you acting and how are you talking? How
are you moving for him to do that? So I
think that that's another thing, is like you need to
let him know like, hey, this is how this affected me,
and this is what I'm gonna need for me to
be good. And if that means flowers, balloons, teddies singing
in the rain, cool, but it also needs to be
all the other stuff. It needs to be the day
to day action, because you don't forget about that overnight.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
You don't forget about that over a year.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
If it happened three years ago, she's probably gonna be
thinking about it for the next three years. So I
feel like it's a combination. Tell him what you need,
but at the same time, he got to put in
the action. That should be the right answer that I'm
going to show you with my daily actions.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That is commitment.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
So you know what I think is interesting is that
I think to everything you just said, Okay, everything that
you just said, but I think that so we're talking
about like flowers and romantic things and balloons and all
of that grand things that she will want him to do. Yeah,
(36:39):
and then we're talking about the like, hey, are you
actually a stand up guy? Are you actually gonna put
in the work that's a lifelong investment to re establishing
the trust from the betrayal that we have now in
our relationship. If both of those things were together, I
feel like when a woman is like I'm assuming that
(37:01):
this is like he was he had cheated, he cheated
in the past, right that romance, like, lets you know
that you're still invested in you and I as a woman.
So it's like, yes, you are sorry, you're gonna show
me with your actions, but you was just fucking rolling
around with Keisha and I found out about it, So
(37:22):
now make me know that I'm your main woman and
that you are now invested in that. And that's where
the teddy bears and flowers come into play. I just
don't understand why a man would think that he can
get caught and cheated and not do romantic things. And
it's not to say that those things are stand alone,
that there's no work, but it can't be an apology
if you didn't show up with something like how do
(37:44):
you say sorry? Take me to dinner, buy me something,
take me on a trip, let's do a vacation, something
like how you show up with nothing talking about I'm sorry?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
What about the fact that now that she knows that
he cheated as a man, don't you now then you're
in the other boat, and why don't you be a
little insecure thinking that, well, maybe she gonna step out
or do something because you did too.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
So it's also like this other energy, this other level
of like.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Oh, let me mark you, let me make sure that
the house is kept. So, like you said, my woman
isn't out wandering around. Maybe she gonna have somebody in
her ear. Maybe she gonna you know, just honestly, just
like she's not locked into the relationship anywhere. That's what
I'm saying, Like, I just can't see any grown man
in a life a long term partnership with a woman.
(38:30):
And she found out you cheated, and you just like, babe,
I'm sorry. It's gonna get better. I promise you. You're
gonna see a change out of me. Nah, buddy, you
you Yeah, a little bit of both like you yeah,
you need that other that other part where it's it's like,
you know, maybe you planned a movie date in or something.
I feel I feel you, friend, I feel you. I'm
(38:52):
I'm with you when you write okay, and I would
I would need some some gifts and some love and
some additional whatever to because yeah, I'm sorry isn't enough.
And when it comes to like infidelity, you still want
to be like do you still like me? Are you
still attracted to me? Are you still you know here
with me and Sally? Yeah? Girl, I feel you, I
feel you. What was the last part of her question.
(39:17):
Uh did she say, so what would we what would
we do? What would we do?
Speaker 5 (39:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
I think bre you're right that you know, like communicating
to him, like what is it g what is it
gonna take for you to feel in a be in
a better place. I think that so many couples just
do not know how to navigate conflicts. And I think
it will be healthy to go to couple's counseling.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Especially because, like I said, the woman is gonna be
affected in a way where you might be out at
a bar one night and the right man look in
the right way saying the right things comes up to you.
And because this thing has happened, now you're psyche of
how you even picture and think of and respect your
man is different because now you have this information you
didn't have before. So it's not just for his sake,
it's also for your sake.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah. And I always use this analogy if you every
time you go somewhere, when you and I sat down,
we sat in this chair. We never thought about if
the chair was gonna break, never thought we sat down.
We have full trust in this chair. The moment I
go to a cookout, a show, a barbecue or anything,
and not sit in that chair and that thing fold
(40:20):
and break and I fall on that floor. I'm gonna
all for the maybe for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna be like, hold on, let me look, is
it okay? Can you hold all this way? Can I can?
I say, You're gonna That is how it works when
you break that kind of trust in a relationship. The
person's gonna be thinking to your point, not just about like, well,
you know, now I know my man cheated on me
(40:43):
and I'm out and this other guy trying to talk
to me. It may change my mindset, but now I
also know that like was it you that he was
cheating with? Was it you? Was it?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Like?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Now you're gonna be looking at girls differently, gonna be like,
what was your type? What was it? How did you?
Why did you do that? So so many things. You're
always gonna be like, is this chair gonna break?
Speaker 6 (40:59):
Like?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Is it? So it's just a mental mind fuck that
men have to like, you have to be invested in
that type of debt when you make that type of mistake.
And the craziest thing is that some relationships cannot handle
the withdrawal of the like you didn't make enough deposits
and it cannot handle that kind of withdrawal. And I
(41:19):
always say that when people like, oh, my husband cheated,
should I stay? What kind of deposits that man made?
Did you have a happy fifteen Cause if I have
a happy fifteen year marriage and my husband's self baby, ah,
I can't say I'm going nowhere because the relationship can
withhold the withdrawal that the cheatah made. Some of y'all
be with these men and it was a raggedy relationship
(41:40):
and then he go cheat and you definitely ain't got
no it's in the negative. You definitely ain't got no
money enough to withhold that kind of withdrawal. And so
it sounds like it sounds like they may have had
a decent relationship, but I wonder if it can actually
hold that type of, you know, betrayal, because I feel
like you're gonna be walking around this whole time thinking
about the chair gonna break.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Yeah, and that's natural.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
You know, the one time that chair break, you're gonna
be distrust. There's gonna be so much distrust around any
chair that you ever sit in. So that's just that,
And I think it's man you gotta watch what you
do because you don't know how long you're gonna be
in debt with that that type of mistake. You don't
know how long you come gonna be in debt, and
you cannot change how quickly somebody forgives you and what
(42:23):
their forgiveness journey looks like. So you gotta you know,
you gotta trey lightly. Hopefully she you know is a
Christian woman at least the tart of other cheek you
you don't forgive for God AnyWho? Any who? Yeah, but
make up with me how you messed up with me?
(42:45):
Make it. I will drag you. I'll never forget it. Baby,
you gotta you gotta show up. Okay, my apologies. It's
hard to apologize to me.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
It better be good. It better be good. Okay. My
favorite segment that beat you sound good segment. So Bri
and I are now fragrance friends until we've exchanged some
fragrance in the past. I actually think you're really like
this one. But this is by number nine. This is
Madison app This is a classic. If you are like
(43:16):
a floral a floral girl. The top notes are apple bergamonte,
and black currant, and then we have ros jasmine and
magnolia essence, and then the bass notes are petruly and
broxing and praying. I feel like it's like sweet spicy, you.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
Know, m.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
Sweet and space definitely gets it on the head. M hm,
smell like my name.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
It's like comforting. It's this is like like Kentucky Derby.
Like I want to say this like girly day party,
but it's like a step up. It's giving, like rich husband,
you're out at a picnic and you're just like at
his on his boat, you know, like it's just giving,
(44:09):
like floral rich girl activities, right, because there are deeper
notes in here, like if you're not a magnoiar girl.
But even like for truly Bergamot, y'all know how I
feel about Bergamont and pink pepper.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Okay, I don't even know these things existed.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
It's it's deep, but it's you know, it's girly. There's
so many floral scents in here. So anyways, this is
a classic. If you have never had bonner A nine
mass and af you know, they have just so many fragrances.
This is a classic, a classic. It's also in a
cute pink bottle. But I have probably like maybe like
you should wear this to the boat. Yeah, and it's
(44:46):
gonna be a night time. It's gonna be a night time.
So also, we're filming in the day. I'm not sure
if y'all know this, that may see a little little
switch up in the lighting, but we're filming in a daytime.
Usually I'm filming at night, but this is a daytime filming.
It's I got thinks later. I love it. I know
your prodict on bias. I love all the Franklins is.
I bought my money. But this is a really, really
(45:07):
good one and it's like girly, grown girl, grown girly.
So anyhow, now we're on to our stegment of our
red Flag report. Okay, I'm reading these right right. Emotional
affair and public emotional affairs and public drama. A new preview,
(45:30):
Oh my gosh, God bless them. A new preview from
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta has fans buzzing after Yandy
Smith admitted to having an emotional connection with someone outside
of her marriage too min DC's The clips, shared by
the show's official instagram on Tuesday, August twelve, captures Yandy
(45:54):
reflecting on a once close friendship that took a messy
turn and ended up online. I'm the man as the
closest thing she's had to a brother. Yandy explains they
fell out over a disagreement about her marriage. I felt
he was too involved in the things that were happening,
she said. The friend, reportedly NYC hairstylist Brian Jamison, according
(46:15):
to on Site, later blasted her on social media, accusing
her of cheating. The man alleged to be at the
center of her emotional connection is Michael Aduce sounds my Jurian,
though Yandy didn't name him directly in the episode. In
a confessional moment, Yandy says that if her marriage ever
(46:36):
falls apart, it will be because we tore down brick
by brick. The scene then cuts to a sit down
between Yandy and and DC's where he confronts her about
the situation. He expresses how deeply it affected him, and
he even suggests that the emotional affair is worse than
a physical one, looking visibly hurt when DC tells her
do the right thing, the ring won't come off ya let.
(46:59):
Yandy lay confirms, I've definitely had an emotional connection with
someone other than in DC's and we had to deal
with it. Okay, y'all, I am a reality TV stand.
I watch it all, Love, I have to lock up,
(47:19):
marry at first. I love is blind, Love Island, everything,
Naughty day, fiance, baby put a ring on it, Ready
to Love Baby. I watch it all. I watch it all.
But let me tell you this. Of course I'm watching
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. I saw this coming, and
(47:41):
it's unfortunate. I saw this coming. Let me first of all, Yandy,
I actually like you a lot, you know I it's
a lot of other people talking about you I'm treating Okay,
let me say this. What I have observed from the
clips on social media and on Ready on Love and
(48:02):
Hip Hop. What I have observed there was I think
it was a season or two ago where they had
really started to kind of crumble. And I think when
DC's was taking his ring off, Yandy had run, had
decided to run for like a political position like fu
(48:24):
an Alderman or congress woman or some shit. And her
husband found out when everybody else found out, and I said, oh, bitch,
you in trouble, You in trouble. I smelled all of
this happen in my observation. Okay, Yandy has lacked respect
from in DC's for so fucking long. And I'm gonna
(48:47):
tell you this, when a man feels like you do
not respect him, wrap it up. Pack your shit up, baby,
and wrap it up. It is a man wants respect
more than he wants anything. And I have seen on
so many occasions on this show how Yandy has lacked
to include her husband, how she has moved like a
(49:08):
boss woman without this man just he just there. So
he don't get fine, he just he's in the Peniat
gallery just they're watching the show, chiming in from time
to time. She has made so many moves without this
man's input. Okay, and so I ain't half surprised. I
smell this coming. I smell this coming, and I think
(49:29):
it has been Mendc's has been trying to like put
his foot in for now. We all know that Mendid
has been caught up in some stuff. And you know,
people said he was talking to this girl, he was
at the bar doing this. And now all these women
are coming out and I honestly I pray for them.
I pray that they find reparation, reparation. I'm looking forward
(49:52):
in this, okay, that it is repaired, all right, that
I pray that this is repaired. When other people started
getting in business, and I think it's in just because
she said that the friend was too involved. And the
part of it is like, keep people out of your
marriage and seek counsel in your marriage between you and God. Okay,
keep people out of your marriage, yes, but them friends
(50:14):
be seeing stuff before you see stuff, Okay. And so
if the last argument that you had was with your
friend about your marriage, I'm not saying that this person
was right, but you know, you gotta put a pin
in that. You gotta, you gotta you know, you gotta
put a pin in that.
Speaker 6 (50:33):
And so.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Especially if it's a good friend, because they gonna tell
you the truth and it may not sound yes, it
may not be nice.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
I'm not surprised that Yandy has had an emotional connection
with somebody outside of her marriage, because the whole world
has seen that. It just didn't quite seem like her
husband was her right hand to think about running for
a political party like I'm gonna be and your husband
(51:03):
is finding out what the rest that was like one
of the first time I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yes,
disconnect something something ain't something ain't quite right. And also
though y'all we all know that that men DC's got
out of jail and she asked him, what would you
have done that for me? Cause you know, you know,
(51:24):
Yandy waited while men DCS was in jail for years.
I think it was maybe four to five years that
man was in jail. Don't quote me, Okay, four or
five years that man was in jail. And when he
got out, they were filming, they were on the show,
and she said, would you have done this for me?
That nigga said, I don't know. Wow, So you know,
(51:44):
some shaky on both ends or whatever, but I'm not surprised.
I think it's been a lot of red flags. Its
been a lot of smoke leading to fire in that relationship,
and as soon as you start getting other people involved,
it's just it's just not right. And I do think
that emotional emotional cheating is worse than I do too.
(52:07):
Actually physical physical cheating.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah, because that takes intentional thought and time after time,
every conversation, every text message, every phone call, every time spent.
A physical thing is like it could be in the
moment thing happened once or you know, it's like you
get caught up in it, but emotional it's like you
are really going out of your way to build and
(52:32):
pour into this other relationship knowing what you're doing is wrong.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah, I absolutely agree. I'm praying for y'all, Andy and
and DCS and you know what, I think it's also
just a testament to like how she the control. I
think Yandy is just naturally a boss and she's just
very diligent with all the things that she does, just
(52:57):
like you, like you just you do all things well,
like the things that you invest in, you do well.
And I think Yandy she just started a restaurant and
closed the line of a skincare line, of all types
of different things that she does. It's a jack of
all trades. And I feel like she's just diligenent a
lot of things. But it's funny how even in the
demise of her marriage, she's like, if anybody gonna tear
it down, it's gonna be me and him. Like she
(53:19):
even want to control how the ends, Yeah, the downfall
of it. And you know, you gotta be careful because
well you don't watch this stuff. But the girl was
sitting in front of him was a Nick Cannon baby
Mama Jessica Rabbit, not Jessica White, Jessica White whatever. Anyways,
she was trying to tell her that when DC's was
out playing around and she said, oh, baby, dry your tears.
(53:44):
I know who that girl was. That was me messaging him,
Yandy Man, and looked like it was some other people. Anyways,
there's that the watch. But God bless you Yandy and
and DC's. I really truly prayed that they, you know,
really really figure that out and really do a deep
dive in their marriage. But you gotta risk you. Your
(54:05):
husband has to feel respected, you can you want to
know where you know, like this is your show and
he living in it. God bless him. That's it. There's
that
Speaker 5 (54:26):
M
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