June 9, 2025 • 65 mins
Download LUXY DATING APP: https://luxy.onelink.me/Ipdm/bwrimetw - the world’s most selective dating app for high-value singles. Find your perfect match today!
On this episode of Dear Tisia, we’re talking about love, power, and what happens when waiting goes way too far. Would you ever get down on one knee and propose to your man? A viral video sparks the question — and we unpack the real power dynamics behind who proposes and why.
Then we dive into another trending topic: what happens when someone finally gets the person they chased for years… and suddenly switches up? Is it love, or resentment in disguise? And as always, we answer your voicemails. From a woman who got ghosted and gaslit after a phone call exposed the truth… to someone questioning if lunch with “just a friend” is a red flag when it’s being hidden. Grab your tea, press play, and drop your thoughts in the comments:
💬 Should women propose to men?
💬 Do you believe some people pursue you just to punish you?
💬 Would you trust a “just friends” lunch you had to find out about?
💌 Got a question or need advice? Leave me a voicemail — your story might be featured on the next episode. Call Me Here
New episodes every week. Tap in. You’re safe here.
🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
On this episode of Dear Tisia, we’re talking about love, power, and what happens when waiting goes way too far. Would you ever get down on one knee and propose to your man? A viral video sparks the question — and we unpack the real power dynamics behind who proposes and why.
Then we dive into another trending topic: what happens when someone finally gets the person they chased for years… and suddenly switches up? Is it love, or resentment in disguise? And as always, we answer your voicemails. From a woman who got ghosted and gaslit after a phone call exposed the truth… to someone questioning if lunch with “just a friend” is a red flag when it’s being hidden. Grab your tea, press play, and drop your thoughts in the comments:
💬 Should women propose to men?
💬 Do you believe some people pursue you just to punish you?
💬 Would you trust a “just friends” lunch you had to find out about?
💌 Got a question or need advice? Leave me a voicemail — your story might be featured on the next episode. Call Me Here
New episodes every week. Tap in. You’re safe here.
🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs to hear this.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Okay, y'all, welcome back to episode two. Oh my gosh,
I know episode one was, but if you haven't watched
episode gonna hair run aback period. So I'll played on
my name. Welcome to episode two. This is gonna be
so good. Okay. So if y'all haven't liked and subscribed,
like and subscribe to my YouTube, we have some goals
(00:33):
that we have to get to, okay. So the first
goal we have this fifty thousand followers on our Apple podcast.
The second ones we need five hundred thousand, five hundred reviews,
So five hundred reviews and it better be five star.
Don't play with me. I don't need three, I need four.
I need five five star reviews, okay. And then we
(00:55):
need one hundred subscribers, one hundred thousand subscribers on both channels.
One hundred thousand subscribers on both channels, which does nothing
to a big dog. Okay, that's one hundred thousands nothing. Okay.
So we were on our way up. We already on
episode episode so I can't still believe that we're still here.
Oh my gosh, Like this is just so so exciting,
and I just feel so excited to let y'all in
(01:18):
on the real tt okay, baby, the real to see
a dear to see you Okay, from look from to
see you to the streets. All of the girls, girls,
this this is this is our playground.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So I'm so excited. We have our good sist Samara back.
Episode one was so good and episode two we got
our good sis Samir back. Anyways, Samirra is here with us,
and we're gonna go right into our red flag report.
Y'all know I love a red flag report. Okay, So
(01:50):
our red flag report today, cool girl. A video from
a TikToker user I think their name is Annie Ovo
shows a woman proposing to her man at a restaurant.
She gets on one knee and holds his hand, but
instead of saying yes, he looks upset and walk out.
(02:14):
Imagine imagine the day baby. Then her father steps in
and confronts the man, saying, you just gonna leave my
daughter hanging like that. He said he was gonna He
said he was gonna kill him too. He said, I'll
kill you. Imagine a grown man mad at the man
that his daughter that he raised, that she's looking to you,
(02:39):
for example, you talking about something you're gonna kill this
man because this man walked out as your your child,
your daughter, your seed. Okay, imagine, imagine walked out the
restaurant and you and you got and you're gonna do
You're gonna do my daughter like that. You're upset at
(03:00):
something that you made. That's your creation.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
That's when you what you have influenced or not influenced.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
And honestly, your behavior already tell you she's probably used
to huh.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Being treated like secondary.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Hello, you know what. And these are the same men
that have had women all throughout their life. The misogyny. Okay,
the men of a rolling stone popoised a rolling stone.
They been grown up seeing all these men, these women
in the house. Okay, you never can make a commitment.
And you and you at the I guess the engagement
(03:33):
party at the and your child, your daughter, you with
on one knee proposing to a man, and you said
you're gonna kill you. You said you're gonna do my daughter
like that. You should have been more concerned of your
child that god on bend the knee a woman okay
(03:55):
to propose to a man. I think the man walked
out with another girl handing hand when the the lord
jumpsuit that's took me out that she said, y'all need
to know anyone that she said, y'all need to know
anyway of a little jumpsuit. The man walked out. I said,
what was what in a polyamory? What is given ancestral polyamory.
I don't know what's happening, girl, How even about men
(04:16):
women proposing to men?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It can never be me, now you know I always
never say it can never be me because you never know.
But in this particular case.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
If I see you down on ben, I'm coming to
get you. Ain't no way and taking you to for psychological.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'm swinging it. I'm swinging in with my sisterhood cake
like this, covering you up and running you out. That
is no way, baby.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You know what, It's more indicative of how you get
them mm hmm. It's how you. You know, how you
find them and how you get them as how you
This is why I don't funk with. Look, they could
be a sponsor, hey little I don't know. They could
could have checked one day. But bumble, let's talk about bumble.
And I have qualms with bumble and this whole like
(05:06):
the woman has to reach out type ship.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Don't.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I'm telling you, when the woman reaches out, the men dumb,
they act different. They act different. And I'm telling you
as a woman, when you are pursuing that man and
you are saying that I want and you get on
bended knee, it's the bumble effect. Dumb men act exactly
how you have treated them, very dainty, very dainty. You
(05:30):
put them on a pedestal, and you saying I want
to be with you so badly that I'm gonna get
on bending knee in front of all of these people. Okay.
And then you're coming from a train wreck of a
family because your daddy, and you're acting like a loose
fucking goose when you are the one who bred a
child a woman that doesn't value, that doesn't know her value.
(05:51):
You know where she learned that from? From?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
You know what that? I used to say, Once upon
a time, I used to work in higher education, and
now you to work in DCPs schools, DC public schools,
the Lord's work, okay, and then I moved on to
higher edd and what I've learned. Also used to work
in some of the worst schools in Chicago where these
kids were coming in with guns, and you know, like
(06:15):
they were just coming to school to eat because they
weren't getting proper nutrition at home. They were eating flaming
hot chips and pickles and shit for breakfast. Okay. And
so we would talk to these kids and what we
will find out is that we would send letters home
from school. We would tell the these kids parents that
they were feeling that they were dropping out, that they
(06:36):
were you know, that they weren't coming. They had high
truancy rates. And you know what would happen We would
never see their parents. And as a coordinator, we would
have giveaways. We would be giving away computers, iPhones, all
types of shit. We would never see them fucking parents.
You want to know when them parents showed up when
their kids couldn't go the fucking prom, and them parents
(06:57):
would come up in there acting a clown fuol add
to the clown for And what we figured out is
that if you follow a crazy kid home, a crazy mama,
go open the door. If you follow a crazy kid home,
that's a crazy parent. It's going to open the door.
So while you out here, look, your daughter was crazy
enough to get on bend and knee, and you crazy
(07:18):
enough to cut up in this there restaurant, talk about
if you're gonna kill this man, that's.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Your child, that's your seed. It almost gives like guilt.
He's embarrassed, for sure. He's embarrassed for sure. Hm, my dad,
move forward, continue, my dad will lose his mind. Huh.
There's no way imagine there's I can't not for myself.
(07:42):
That's just it's notice.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You know, and and not get it in a perspective
of like sometimes the wait is a long time. Yeah,
sometimes you just maybe you you just want to move
forward so bad that you just like, hey, I spent
eight years with you. Let me just I don't know. Honestly,
it's a very hard it's a big disconnect for me
to figure out why a woman would be on her
(08:04):
knee proposing to a man.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I can't understand it at all.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
But that in a combo, or that dad acting crazy
like that in that restaurant, very crazy material. This is
the same man who never came on from Christmases, that
was wondering where the fuck you were when the baby
was looking out the window, when you said you was
gonna come, You left the mama and you was laid
up with Keisha. You told the you know, or you
was the dad that was cheating on the mama and
(08:30):
you out there with the mistress and the side chick
or whatever, you all on trips and the kid that's
what you saw in that restaurant or that man acting
crazy like that.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It's yeah likely she's probably been conditioned to fit in
whenever a man in her life finds it convenient for
her to fit in. Like, you know, you can tell
when a girl has never been put first by a man.
You can tell it's just crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And you know what, and I don't care what anybody says.
Only a father can teach you that. Yeah, for sure,
only a father can teach you that. I feel like
a mom can teach you about your feminine energy, about
your feminine aura, like just like how to control the
room and things like that. But when it comes down
(09:18):
to like importance and value and confidence, oh, you will
always look for the person that's not there. You ever
seen these moms and it'd be like, uh, I cook
and clean for you and blah blah blah, And the
child is like, daddy, my daddy bought me this lollipop.
And the mom is like, I fanned you, I cled
(09:40):
you a child, even just a psychological component of that.
A child is always looking for the missing piece. They're
always going to be looking for that disconnect. So whatever
isn't there is what they're going to be looking for.
And so that was a clear like daddy, you baby,
you wasn't around. Yeah, it also was given like you
reconnected in your your older years, Like look, as an adult,
(10:02):
you've been missing my whole fucking childhood. Okay, and then
now you want to pop up at this restaurant and
the goddamn bucket cap acting crazy a fisherman cap because
he was out here fishing everything but his damn children.
And that's just a sad day. Anyways, any woman out
please don't, please don't. It's one band, one sound, one band,
one sound. The more women we get proposing.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yes, get information.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
It's fucking formation. Please one band one sound. Now we
got to unite. The more women that are out here proposing. Okay,
we cannot let this be a normal practice. It's no harm,
no foul. But that's just the science of it. Even
if I don't agree with that practice. How you get
them is how you And there's so many stories now
(10:49):
about all I slid at my husband DMS and I
and we would be we've been married off in the sunset.
Never think you the exception, okay, don't thank you the
exception to the rule. More of the time you are
the rule.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yes, And you're not doing that man a favor by
taking away his pursuit.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Dismantling the hunter in him is what it's called.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
And the person like the hunt, like watching a man
be on the hunt for you is like so attractive.
I don't know about y'all, but for me, it's like, yes,
chase me down.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
So there is an actual hormone called vesipressing vesiprossing that
men need, Okay, men need it. And you see this
when men are in war. They bond over having to
overcome an obstacle and a trial together. This is a
hormone that's released in men when they have a quest
(11:47):
for they needed to survive, okay. And this is why
you see men that are indebted to each other for
life when they are veterans when they come back from
war because only them and let other the mother soldiers
know what the fuck happened. And this is the same
hormone that's released when a man has to has a
challenge for a woman, all right. You don't want to
(12:09):
have a man without the vessel pross period. Okay, you
don't want to have something floating around. And you know
how again, how you get them is the bumble effect.
I'm telling you, I have done the research. People, I'm
a professional fucking deader. Every app you can think of,
I've been on it, and I'm telling you it's something
about the psychology of the bumble effect where the woman
(12:30):
is reaching out to the man. The different conversations that
I've had from having to reach out first, Yes, and
the statistics of what has materialized into dates and actual
quality connection is little to fucking none.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
And I'm telling you like men who reach out to
me first, like if it does end up being something serious, like,
I'm so attracted to them. The attraction is just through
the roof.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
It's it's not easy to you know.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
And I'm not easy to like chase down either. So
if you can chase me down and keep me interested,
I'm interested with.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
A bumble of fact, got our good sis, Stand up, girls,
get your you know that black mama. Don't you know
you know that black mama? Look, get your get sweetheart,
get up, Get up, all right, I digress. Topic number
(13:33):
two in the Red Flag Red Flag segment is This
clip is from Trill going viral. Also shout out to Trill.
He's my castmate situation on tonight's conversation, So shout out
to Trill. Love him and love his work. He's a
married man, f y okay. He says, the worst thing
a woman can do is finally give a man a
(13:55):
chance who has been waiting forever to be with her.
According to him, once she says yes, that man is
going to make her pay for all the time she
made him wait, dragging her emotionally because of built up resentment.
His advice keep keep curving him unless you're ready to
(14:16):
get dragged. This is come on, Slap for this man.
Take a second, you know, a moment of silence. Clap
for this man. He ain't never lied. They what they say.
The definition of insanity is doing the same shit over
and over again, the same results, different result. Something is
(14:37):
not well about, And people think I'm crazy when I
get men in my DMS, Like I have a decent platform.
When I get man in my DMS and I open
your message and I can scroll up and see them
saying good morning, how and there's been no response. Something
is fucking scary about that, and the moment that they
have conquered you and you break and give them a chance,
(14:59):
that will waste your time in your life for the
for the duration he will wear you out. It's something about,
like I always tell people, and I don't care you
not Beyonce, and neither of mine. Right, you are not
the prettiest girl in the world to have a man
who got something going for himself. Only a loser is
(15:23):
going to chase you forever. I don't care. Sure, there's
a fine line between I like you.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
A lot and I have some self respect, and.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
You're trying to tell me a six figure earner, a
man who's doing halfway decent for himself, okay, got a
good job, whatever, it's gonna chase somebody over.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's that's not so.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I watch a lot of true crime, okay, and these
are yeah. I watch a lot of true crime. I
watch a lot of crime shows, a lot of First Fortyer,
a lot of who the hell that I marry a
lot of shit, right, And I'm telling you that these
men that just persistent, persistent, persistent psychology is off, baby,
The psychology or is off there's and and those be
the psychopaths and and the.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Serial killers and the narcissists and.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
The narcissists and the stalkers.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, and then also like think about think about as
a woman, when you are continuously like chasing a man
down that is not showing you any type of interest. Obviously,
that shows that you have low self esteem. Yeah. I
always tell people that low self esteem is something that
we try to tag on women, you know, like like
(16:34):
it's just a woman problem. There are a lot of
men out here with low self esteem, a lot of men,
and it shows up in different ways. But a man
talking to himself and your messages continuously with no response,
it's giving low self esteem. It's giving you don't have options.
If I had a son and he was doing something
(16:55):
like that, I'd have him in therapy.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
They like are you are you okay?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah? Well, because it's.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Like other folks like other things to focus.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
On, right, like healthy healthy people men and women go
where they're appreciated.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
And this this is what people think I'm crazy when
we talk about the fine line from the man like
being the prize. So people like, oh, he's sassy, he
thinks he's the prize. And stuff like that. Men women
love a man that other bitches won't. Okay, you want
that man to be in high demand, or not even
high demand, but wanted by other people. Imagine finding out
(17:33):
that the dude that you head over heels for is
talking to himself everybody's from everybody and talking to himself
and some girls DM okay, basically begging and pleading. It's
so unattracted.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Attractive, and we all see, like guys, we share our
messages with our friends. If you're in everybody's messages, it's
a really bad look. It's a horrible look.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
And I also think that it's what people don't realize too,
is that I see this as well in my group chat.
It's that the oh my gosh, the childhood friend, I
see this so much where he was you know, we
dated when we were in elementary school, and you know,
he just never went away and he the moment that
(18:20):
you give this, please stop giving your childhood friend. And
these men that you dated when you were twelve, when
you were twenty, and now you forty and you want
to date these men. I'm telling you because what happens
is that they think that they know you, right, so
you lack courtship, you lack romance, you lack and they're
(18:40):
gonna think that they I know Samir's favorite color, I
know she loves v amnise fool, I know she likes
this or whatever. And so you meet and you got
all of these high expectations because you think it's some fantasy,
because what are the chances that my childhood seeks sweetheart
and I found each other and you date him and
this the most low fucking budget, boring ass relationship that
you ever had in.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Your life because you don't me at all.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And guess what, You have sex with him fast because
you know this nigga. You have sex with him real quick.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Seems safe.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Yep, seems safe. You know him from the past. A
friend introduced, y'all, you have sex quick, and you the
relationship literally like you can't think of the time that
you went on a date because the man literally thinks
that he knows you and he has cut all the corners.
It is the worst mistake. So number one, don't date
these men that's being that's in your inbox and pursuing
(19:30):
you for years and years and years. And don't date
the childhood sweetheart that miraculously popped up in your life
and you logged onto your Facebook after you deactivated the account,
and this nigga was sending you messages from twenty two
thousand and five. Okay, don't trust me because I'm not
not your husband.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I'm not your wife. Please stop messaging me.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Literally, it's not me. It's a disaster.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Please. I've never entertained a childhood friend because I feel
like if there something that was supposed to be there,
Like I'm a big spiritual, if something was supposed to happen,
it would have happened, you know what I mean. But
it's just no, like and they do cut corners because
they feel like they know you. Do you know how
much I change in five years two years? I'm a
(20:16):
totally different person.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Rihanna said that one time did somebody call her on
camera and she was like, oh, you know, audition to
interview and she was like, yeah, Chris Brown brought me
this like like bleaned out chain and she was like,
I'm not her anymore. No, I'm not. I'm not like
this not even my style. It's not something that I
would wear. And it's just like these they think that
(20:40):
they know you, and they skip so many different steps,
and that's for the woman. They think that it's just
the most romantic thing, and it's this fairy tale and
it's all of this limerence, Okay, of this idea that
you've made about this man, and it's gonna be the
driest relationship of your fucking life. He's gonna skip so
(21:01):
many stuff. He's not gonna get to know you. He's
not many flowers or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
He almost feels like you owe him your time and
affection because he's.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Been there previously we chased so much.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
But then also, like I think this can also be
applied to my very solid rule, which is you cannot
spend the block on me because this is a reality.
This is a reality unless you are a very mature
man who's been in therapy doing the work. Usually, when
you leave a man, he's exactly where you left him.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
And we'll take a moment for that. He's exactly where
you left exactly. Y'all are not a Shanti and Nelly. Okay,
stop you not. You're not a Shanti and Nelli. Okay,
trust me, trust me. The Pooky and Ray Ray and
Tyreek that you're dealing with is not giving a Shanci
and Nelly. Okay, y'all think this is Look, you have
to have years apart and life changing moment. Mean, this
(21:58):
person has finished med school, they gone and got a degree. Look,
a parent passed away, something that changes the trajectory of
their life for them then to come back. If you
if y'all broke up at eight months later, that's the
same man.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Absolutely, that's the same years later. Very likely it's the same. Seriously,
And I think on top of that, like, you know,
we could even bring the brothers into this conversation, right,
Like I know, like brothers, y'all know, y'all have a
friend who probably has not changed since high school, probably
is into the same things. Like you're about to go
back to your hometown. You're doing the same same thing
(22:33):
with the same people. And so this this is the
point I'm going to drive home. Like you cannot think
that you can go back to a man and things
are gonna change. It's gonna be exactly the same.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And literally like they're waiting for that moment, that moment
for you.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
To let them.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And the craziest thing is that if you will meet
a guy and he'll you know, you'll you'll date him,
and let's just say, for example, y'all separate and you
think like, oh, well, you know, maybe I shouldive maybe
he's changing, or whatever the case may be. He is
more likely to make those changes for the woman that
is doing so, like she has standards and boundaries and
(23:12):
things like that. Patience compromise and the rider died and
I'm looking into the camera is the biggest scam of
the twentieth century. Okay, trust me, you don't want to
be I call it?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
What did I say?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Then? You don't want to be the patient girl. No,
you don't want to be, Oh, the casual kathy. Okay,
you don't want to be the casual kathy because the
casual kathy they're out there doing they fuck around and
end up with the high maintenance Hannah. Okay, I'm telling
you you don't want to be the casual kathy. That
is the biggest scam. If you be understanding and if
you be loving, if you if you build with them,
(23:47):
and you be right to die. I got questions like
where we going and why I got to die? Okay, period,
for I got questions for real. Don't want to be
that girl. And I think that so many women think
that if the more or that they show their men
their heart that the more they're gonna get out of him,
and it's actually that they want the woman. It's almost
(24:08):
like a child. Now they say, well, children don't want
you to be their friend. They want you to set
boundaries and rules and regulations. And it's the same thing
with a man when you're dating him. They need guidelines,
they need precautions, they need the dangers, they need to
fucking wet flow signs, slow down, do not pass, go,
do not collect two hundred dollars. They need that type
of structure in order for them to still feel like
(24:30):
they have like a challenge and an up here about
the moment that you lower that and you so patient
and understanding about everything.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I'm always gonna say this easy target, easy target. Empathy,
too much empathy, easy target, Especially if you hand out
empathy without this man proving dedication to you, not a
good idea. And then also when I think about how
men deal with other men, structure, respects, specs have to
(25:01):
be earned, you know what I'm saying, And so sometimes
you really have to deal with them in their own language.
And I think men will say the same thing. I
think they would agree with me.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Like and subscribe if you want to learn how to
talk man, because I teach. I'm the best teacher of
how to tell men to men. Okay, And the biggest
thing is shutting down your emotions and women to be
the less words that you use. The more a man
is going to understand what you are saying to him,
(25:35):
all of the emotions and the paragraphs and the eulogies
that you're writing. The more you men men clarity to
fill in the blanks. Okay, the more that a man
is gonna understand. You know what they say. If you
see a woman that y'all break up or y'all get
into a fight, and then you go outside and you
see she threw all your shit on, you know, she
(25:56):
throwing all your stuff. She's in love with you, and
you can probably get her back. If you go out
there and she packed your shit up neatly and in peace.
You will never hear from that girl. From that girl again, Okay,
you probably have zero chance of getting her back versus
the one that's cuckoo crazy. Okay, what they say, A
wise man said, don't argue with fools, because people from
(26:18):
a distant paint tale who everybody looked like a fool. Anyways,
I digress more the more news at the top of
the hour. Anyways, Trill ain't lying, Okay, he said what
he said. I absolutely agree. A man that continues to
pursue you and wants to get give a chance over
(26:40):
and over over again. The moment you give him a chance,
the moment he gonna play in your face. Period. Okay,
So this fragrance, this is the fragrance camera Frager's time. Okay,
So this is to mean London blue Heart, and then
I have a story time about this. Oncepon a time,
I went on a Brown Sugar Babe brand trip and
(27:01):
y'all know her Ai the Great. She is a fragrance
influencer and I have been following her for so long.
She's actually the influencer that helped me build up my
Bond number nine collection. She is, she know her shit
and she know her fragrances. Anyways, I met her at
one of my first brand trips with Brown Sugar Babe
and she smelled like the bossiest, sexiest woman I have
(27:27):
ever smelled in my life. And I asked her what
she was wearing and guess what it was. Zan zings
blue Heart to mean London Blue Heart. Y'all, it is
so freaking good. And for all you ladies that's like
you like these like Arabian ood kind of fragrances, this
is like a sexier, more mysterious version of that. And
(27:52):
it's just it's just so good. It's just so good. Anyways,
this is Blue Heart, Bye to Mean, to Mean London,
the Mean London, the bottle. Hopefully it's so beautiful, right
hopefully I am pronouncing right now. I told y'all all,
pronunciation police will be blocked. Okay, we don't do pronunciation
(28:16):
police over here. But anyways, y'all, y'all, I'd like to
do a little uh box spray first. This one is
so good and the longevity of this fragrance, the projection.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Is just oh yes.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
If you know that if there was a version of
this that also had pink pepper in there, let me say,
you ain't grown until you wore in pink pepper. Pink pepper?
Is it just really elevates? Anyways, I love this fragrance.
I opened it, I had already sprays and somewhares of it.
This is so good to mean London blue Heart looks
(28:51):
send me another bottle, thank you. Y'all have a couple
other ones that I'm on y'all Radar two as well,
But anyways, I love the projection. I love the profile
of this fragrance and also just the blend. The blend
is what makes the difference. This is why so many
people try to knock off a back rock yes and
never it never, It never works because it's about the blend. Anyways, okay, y'all,
(29:16):
now we're on to our Dear to See a segment.
Do not forget that you can write us at Relationship
restored dot com backslash dear to see You? Did I
say it right? Okay?
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Perfect?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
You can write us at relationship restore dot com backslash
dear to see You. You can write us and submit
your relationship questions. Okay, that could possibly be featured here
on live on the podcast. Okay, so perfect. So this
our first Dear to See a admission submission.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Is there to see you? So I've been talking to
this guy and we've been going on dates, hanging out. Basically,
we've been like, I guess a month then going on
two months. So long story short, everything was going good.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
But the other night he called and.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
We were supposed to be told me he was coming
to my house and he would meet me at my
house when I got back home. So I tried to
call him. He didn't answer, and then finally I got
an answer and it was a girl, and I was like, hey,
where's he at. She was like, oh, he's with me
right now and hung up the phone. And when I
asked him about it the next day, he said that
he wasn't with a girl, and no girl answered his
(30:34):
phone and we have not talked since. So I would
just like your advice on how would you go about
this situation?
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Thank, so many things are going on here. First of all,
she said just a month, a month or so, so
she said, just a month or so, ladies, please learn
how to fire fast. A month or so, ain't no
time to get this nigga out of your life. You know,
where there's smoke, that's fire. If it walked like a duck,
(31:04):
talk like a duck, it is a duck. It's probably
a duck. And I feel like as well that women
that I heard this all the time, everything was so
good upfront, It wasn't good. You probably just didn't you
just didn't really see you just didn't really know it
but it probably wasn't really that good. But with this situation,
I'm more so concerned about how he handled the conflict.
(31:28):
If he had no you said, you ain't talked to
his ass sense, imagine, imagine an innocent man. We all
know he ain't innocent. Everybody, everybody know a girl answered
that phone, and the girl that was dealing with him
answered that phone. He could tell you what he wants.
But we all know a girl answered that phone. So
trust your instinct. But look at his follow up. His
(31:50):
follow up would tell you everything you need to know.
I saw a girl the other day on ig and
she said, if you want to know, if a man
and chet knowing you put your lip gloss in the
side of uh his his card something like that, if
you come back and it's missing, it's because he don't
know who would belong to. So just using that in theory,
Just using that in theory. Okay, if an innocent man
(32:14):
didn't have a girl answer his phone, don't you think
he will be outside your fucking house like a Maria
singing in the ring. They will be trying to prove
to you that he that that baby that was what
you saw. I don't know what you're talking about follow
you gotta make peace with the debt, okay, And that
(32:36):
man is guilty as two left shoes.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Right, and he doesn't care and he and he tried to.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Always say you can't be both. You can't be a
cheater and nonchalant. Okay, imagine a cheater and you don't
give a fuck you gotta I don't give a fuck
ass cheater. It's like he ain't called you, he ain't
followed up paying anything, and he's a liar and he's
not being transparent and he being dishonest okay.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
And he's trying to make you feel like you're crazy,
like you didn't know what you heard.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
But you know what I was saying that if I
was thinking about this lie, I'm like, what would be
most convincing that if I wanted to the person answer
my phone, if I wanted to just not even confront
this issue, I probably would say that no woman answered
(33:24):
my phone too, because what you're gonna say is my cousin.
It was a cousin, it was a friend. The lady
next door answered like, I think his actual best bet
was I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
No, you can say it probably came off so smooth
when he set it off his lips, because he probably
does it all the time.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Probably does all the time. Yeah, I don't know Sean
about what you mean. So that was probably the best
lie he could have told, was that he has no idea,
because anything else leading to him trying to explain or
figure it out or prove a what it would incriminate
him and just really honestly be like a poor, poor
presentation exactly, so honestly that that was a decent life
(34:07):
for him to be, like, oh, no, what you're talking
about whatever, But imagine being a liar and you nonchalant
like you don't even you're not even calling back, trying
to fire fast run. He's not your husband, he's not
somebody that you ever want to be. Witness only been
thirty days. Women make the biggest mistakes of investing so
(34:28):
much upfront. You you did a thirty day bid, and
you've already been able to see that this man is
not honest okay, and that he he really don't care
at all. He ain't even called you back for a
follow up.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
To explain himself.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Was to apologize, to make it up a flower that was, Hey,
you can see my phone. We ain't even get no
car from you. I don't know, he ain't do any
of that.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Crazy.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
You ain't heard from him since.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Well, somebody shows you who they are.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Low. He probably living a double life. He probably a whole.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, yeah, and that just is what it is.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Listen, literally, firefast, you got, you're only doing thirty sixty days.
So many women want to know the why, Why, why
did he do that? Why? What's going on with him?
What's it really? And let me tell you this curiosity,
this is a real curiosity, killed them. I fucking cat.
The more that you become curious as to why a
man is treating you poorly, the more you deflect from
(35:29):
the truth of what is right. You don't need to
know why, why he cheated, why he lied, why he
ain't showing up, why he got some girl answering his phone? Okay,
the why distracts you from what actually is, and what
is is that he's not an honest person. And you got,
you only did thirty days in get Out. You have
seen a month movie get Out, get Out?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
And then I think on top of that too, right, Sometimes,
especially when women are trying to heal from a traumatic situation,
with the man. We get so hung up on the well,
why did they do that? The only thing that you
need to know is that you deserve better.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Simple, that's it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
That's it that like his wives had, like his wives
are what he's gonna have to work through in therapy
and probably for the rest of his life if he
continues to run from himself. All you need to know
is that somebody is out there who will treat you better,
and that's what you deserve. That's maturity and just stepping
away from something like that.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And one of the like most grown up woman boss
lessons that I've learned is that how people treat you
is about them and it's not about and the quick
yes that you stop internalize on what everybody else it's
not about you. I'm telling you, will float like a
(36:46):
butterflies thing, like a bee when you stop where letting
other people's treatment of you wear you down in life.
That's a them problem. Okay. I always say if I
went to a CVS or whatever, and I gave the
the woman cash to pay for a thing, and she
didn't put it in my hand and she threw it
on the ground, or she she threw it at me.
Imagine me walking out there thinking like, oh, does she
(37:08):
not like me? Does she want to that? Having a
bad day? She having a bad day and got nothing
to do with me. That's her baby daddy, her terrible marriage,
the kids is getting on her nerves. That got all
to do. You can't carry the weight of what everybody
else has going on and the moment it's such a
big girl woman. Lesson in life. If you learn that
(37:29):
lesson and learning fast, you will live such a lighter
life and a lighter present. What other people doing got
none to do things. So don't be looking for the why.
Don't be looking for why he do that? Oh my god,
maybe he haven't. Don't be so understanding, okay, y'all?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Something people even they might they might never talk to
you about it, But people are carrying stuff, dark stuff
that they're probably even a shame to share with you,
healing that they've never even touched because it's so tender,
you know, And a lot of the things that they
do to you are likely if you carry a light
like they realize that they're not at that point, and
(38:08):
they'll try to terrorize you a bit. But you gotta
let people like that go. You got to just walk away.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Walk away. It's really our superpower. It.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah, you talked about it. You gotta put on your
big girl pants though, Like at a certain point when
it comes to dating, like we were saying, you gotta
pull that emotion up out of it at heart, bring
it here and say my highest self would walk away
and not take this personally.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
But you know, I think it's interesting. It's like, what
would you do in this situation. There's something that turns
in your stomach as a woman, we can call it
intuition or things like that, but even before you get
to a red flat, there's a little pulpe that you
get in your stomach that's just like something about this
is ain't quite right. And when when your shit stops
(38:58):
turning or you never even experience to turn, you gotta
gotta do a gut check. You gotta really go back,
dig in that closet and get all that stuff out
of there to figure out why are you missing the
little steps before you even get to the red flag,
because that is what keeps you out of danger. Even
like all of the body parts, all the things that
(39:19):
we have a function, right, they say, the eyebrows is
to keep sweat from coming in your eyes, right, and
but there's so many functions of our body that keep
us from you know, that protect us and help us
flourish and stay healthy, and things like that, your into
which keeps you out of danger. Let me tell you
why I decided to become a coach instead of becoming
(39:39):
a therapist. Okay, because how you practice is how you play.
And I want to tell you.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
That sports analogy.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
You can't you can't come in and you didn't watch
the fucking game tape. Didn't watch the game. Then they
thought that you're gonna come and be able to defeat
your biggest companions.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
You thought you were gonna be able to execute.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Hello. How you practice is how you play. And this
is why I decided to become a coach versus a
therapist because I see women every day that spend three
five years on a couch and they come to me
and it was like, you helped me more in three
days and I've had in three years. Because you don't
have the skills to actually get off the couch and
do the fucking work. You can't play around, all right,
(40:22):
You actually have to practice the skill, to practice the
discernment and it's not fun.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
It's not it's hard work.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
It's hard working.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
You have to turn down opportunities, You have to cut
people out your life, when you have to set boundaries,
when you have to say no.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
And sit with yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
You don't how people have a difficulty with no. No,
I don't want to do that. I don't like that.
That's actually not what I want. Women, grown women that
have a have a hard time say that's not actually
what I want. I see this. I saw this in
the c suite, working with women who could look couldn't
advocate for their salary, couldn't advocate for a new position,
(41:00):
couldn't say, actually, you can add on more duties to
my job without adding on more money to my seeing
it all right, beautiful bright women, bright women who have
a hard time, you know. And this is little. We
ain't gonna get in this with Drake up this part.
But when people were talking about the whole Cassie thing,
she was why did she she's.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Why didn't she say she was uncomfortable?
Speaker 1 (41:25):
They can't even.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Make a decision about a man.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
You are the same woman.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Okay, Oh my god, you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Tell your manager that she wanted to take PTO and
you talking about a woman who's been psychologically run down
and abuse, and you talk about so she could have
just walked away. You don't advocate for yourself on a
daily fucking basis. You can't even tell yo, Mama, you
don't want to come to Thanksgiving dinner because she's a Hello.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
You can't tell your husband, hey, I need help.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
I need help. And you talk about some wild woman
that it was in her teen years couldn't walk a
child hello, And you cannot even advocate for yourself in
the smallest way every day. Anyways, I digress. We're getting
off that soapbox. Okay, yeah, you know what's so funny?
Dread And now we're talking about this the other day
because on a on a platform I'm on, I was
(42:17):
sharing with him that I run across a mini coaches
in my life, right, and that there was there are
women that you can tell that they've done the work
and it's in the past. And then there's women that
you can tell that have done the work and that
ships sitting right next to them. Okay, it's still in
a room. Do you know what this movie is about?
Speaker 3 (42:36):
You?
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Okay, you can see you can tell that there's women
that have done the work and that ship is behind them.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Okay, And you.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Can tell that there's women and that it's sitting next
to them. Baby, you ain't done what you thought that
you've done everything that you saying, how you act, and
you behave your problems, and that trauma is actually sitting
right next It's not behind you. You didn't move that.
And I've seen it so much, this fake therapy shit
that people are doing. I'm telling y'all a little looking
(43:05):
at the camera, Therapy is more than fucking sticky notes
on your mirror, for sure. Okay, therapy is more than
you talking about I am smart, I am beautiful, I
am love. It's way more work, and you gotta get
in the field, get in the booth and do the
real work. And some of y'all, trauma is not behind you.
It's sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
And let me tell you something. To some of the
most interesting, sexy, powerful, alluring women I've ever met in
my entire life, their skill is shaking it off like
something will happen, and the next day I see them
and they're just like bad bitch mode. Yep, you know
(43:42):
what it's like. I like, even since we're talking about sports,
I used to play basketball, and my favorite teammates and
some of my favorite athletes to this day are the
ones who you know, might have missed a shot down court,
but they got back down court and they figured out
all right. Next play next flax place, Next.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Play ladies, next play next place.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
If you're head in the game, keep your head in
the game and practice what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Absolutely practice and the reality of it. Like we said,
how you practice is how you play, and this is
the wh are we in a sports mode? The game
tape is pull up herble. These niggas can see. The
game tape is pull up able. These men can see
how you acted in your past, don't how no relationships
(44:33):
have worn on you, how they're wearing you down, how
they're still showing up, they're not buried. And then the
you know what I'm saying again, that trauma could be
sitting right next to you and not behind you in
that game tape. They can pull it up. It's on you.
When it's in you, it's coming out your pores and
everything that you're doing. So it's not that easy to hide,
you know. And I always say women's superpower is their intuition.
(44:55):
Men's superpower is that they are like a tsa German chepherd.
They can smell insecurity and being naive cross the room.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
It's like blood in the water.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
They know they know yourself.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
They know that you don't love yourself. They know that
you got daddy issues. They know that you love and
they know that you're gonna do anything that you will
be on your back quick. They know that if you
and I always tell people women, I could teach you
how to get some money out of men. Right, But
it's the way you do it. The men know if
you that girl that will do anything for the Chanel bag, Okay,
they know that you. It don't take girl, baby, It
(45:34):
don't take nothing for you. All you gotta do is
show a little smile, take you out to noble or something,
and you will do anything, you know, for the glitz
and the glam. Right, maybe the way that you gotta
be even if you want to live their lifestyle and
stop shaming women that want nice things. Okay, that's girls.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
We're allowed to have nice things. But at the end
of the day, like right, like if we're being real,
like the girls who are about their business. We can
get the Shanel bags. Give me commitment, Hello, give me,
give me commitment. That is so incredibly joy. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
The man that treated me the best, that was Morg
was a ups worker. Not the biley drive not the
dude that out they didn't drive a driver a Maserati Okay,
had both in his driveway. Generosity. Y'all should be looking
for kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness, intentionality, not that the bag will come.
The bag will come with it, right, but you want
(46:29):
somebody that actually cares about you, right. I never was
into the bad boy thing, you know. Oh I like
the bad boy That never was my thing. I never
I never fell into that because I'm always like, all
I care about is how how a man treat me,
you know, because that is what's gonna take you far.
And that's what's gonna get you out of when you
don't like your partner and you love them, but you
(46:49):
out of like somebody that's generous, honest, transparent, patient, considerate compromises.
That's what you need.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Gentle with you. Gentle Black women, especially y'all are like
our ancestral trauma calls for a new wave of gentleness.
It is it is critical for our collective healing. You
put your space in a man who is gentle with you,
handles you with care. You will think yourself. Your daughter
(47:21):
will thank you, your children will thank you.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
You know, hey, it's a cash Doll summer. I keep
telling people that we have a cash Doll summer. And
she's so beautiful cash Doll. I love I think you
follow me? I love you. Can we be friends? I
love cash Doll. Anyway, She's from Detroit. Cousin cousin Chicago
to Detroit. Y'all know, we' all cousins, but cash Dot
in an interview and she talked about how she her daughter. Okay, clarity,
(47:46):
I think it's her child. She was like, I can
accept this shit from this man because my daughter is
watching me. She said, Clarity gave me clarity. Y'all need
to have a cash dog. Look that baby ten months old.
She got a new nigga listens every It's a cash
Doll summer. Lead a zero, get with you and whatever
you what a next one man won't do and the
(48:07):
next man will. They both Now they haveing a co
parenting blended family situation at Disney World where all the kids.
It's a cash doll summer okay, lead a man okay,
and get you somebody that will and know your worth okay.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
And then they're also like to what I love, especially
because we all struggle in dating, Like no, like we
all have our days where I'm just where we're just like,
oh this sucks, you know. But when I see my
girlfriends around me making big girl decisions and practicing and
getting in the field and all this stuff, like I'm like, okay,
(48:41):
like she's doing it, I can do it. Yeah, We're
all like, we're all looking at each other. I'm looking
at you, You're looking at me. Like we got to
be strong for one another and set an example for
each other too, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Soll child up behind, no look, no black woman left
behind listen.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Kay?
Speaker 1 (49:01):
Yeah, absolutely our second Dear to see a submission.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
Dear to see you. I have been dating this guy
for it the last couple of years, and we have
a really great relationship, but things have been rocky sometimes,
and recently he has started texting this girl and they
have not necessarily been flirting, but he does and bite
her out to lunch or try to sometimes, and they
(49:30):
haven't gone anywhere together. But I don't know it makes
me uncomfortable in a way. Do you feel like guys
can have friendships with girls and it strictly be friendships.
He tells me that I have nothing to worry about,
and that he loves me and that they are just
strictly friends, and that he can be friends with girls,
(49:53):
and he has been pursuing me really well, but I
feel like he's hiding it from me in a way.
But he said it's because he feels like he can't
talk to me about things, and he also has gotten
frustrated with me because it's created some anxiety for me.
And he says that he's just tired of talking about things.
And I don't know. I don't really know what to
(50:15):
do at this point, because I do love him. He
says he loves me and he wants to try to
make it work, but with him doing things like that,
I feel like he's not giving it the space to
do that. But then he comes back and says that
he feels like he can't talk to me about things
and he's tired of having these conversations.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
This is so loaded. First of all, I think, well,
women don't understand about how men get on the road
to cheating. Cheating for men is just so it starts
off with them going to the gym, and that woman
at the gym is like, oh, did you get a
haircut today? Oh my gosh, I love your sneakers. It's
(50:57):
a little shit like that, right, And so it's just
always like these meniskilled kind of steps that like when
a man starts to really kind of tap out and
emotionally start cheating, that's just one thing, right. But when
she says she feels uncomfortable, but he's getting frustrated telling
her that there's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
That's what I heard.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
That's what I heard. Why you mad? Why are you
in your chest? Because they're clearly there's something else going on,
and a man that will not move around things and
make adjustments for something that something that's making his partner
feel uncomfortable. I don't care. You can call the controlling,
(51:38):
you can call unfollow the girl. Yeah, unfollow the girl.
If I actually don't follow her. Unfollow girls, I say, hey,
this is not making you know, a man is gonna
be willing to like take nothing else matters to him,
especially not some uh you in biding this woman to lunch?
That's the Hey, So you got a new haircut, Hay
(51:59):
bigca see you got a new haircut. That's what This
is the equivalent of inviting her to lunch?
Speaker 2 (52:04):
O crazy, crazy?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
What do you needs to go out to lunch for?
And also too, this is my thing about man outside
of like it being controlling or you're trying to, you know,
enforce your beliefs or something on him, he cannot weigh
the pros and the cons of life. And that is
a fucking liability. Okay, you don't want to be with
(52:27):
a man who cannot weigh pros and cons. And what
he's telling you is that he's an idiot and he
would rather go to lunch with a bimbo that he
works with than have a healthy relationship with his girlfriend
or a woman that he's pursuing. He cannot weigh the
pros and cons. And you want to know what a
man like that looks like. He's the same man that
(52:49):
y'all have a natural disaster. And now he doesn't know
how to make money outside of a relationship. When his
business goes to hell, okay, when he doesn't know how
to make a good investment. This is a man who
doesn't know how to weigh the pros and cons. Okayis around.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
He will leave trust to look after your children. When
you have to go somewhere, you.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
Will go after the side chick. That's whatever, that's cuter,
that's more fun, that's whatever. She gotta look. She got
the new BBL, she got the new bus down middle Park.
He gonna go after what's fun, cute, fast, and whatever,
because he has poor decision making skills, right, and you
need to take that and that is a life that
is what. That's what longevity in a relationship looks like.
(53:31):
He doesn't have good decision making. He like you said,
he's the same one that'll leave his kids around, all right,
that will go over was younger and funner and cuter. Okay,
he's the same an. It's gonna hit a midlife PRIs
and go by fucking corvette with all y'all life savings, right, okay,
because he has poor decision making skills.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Yeah. I think the men men that I enjoy seeing
like and for me it's like a I feel like
me personally. I can admire men without being attracted to
them romantically. The men I admire choose one woman. They
choose her, and they stick with her and they grow
(54:11):
with her, and that is maturity.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
They're just low key discreet. They're not at every day party.
Deny every rooftop face and everybody's face. I always say,
go for them, not the not the class clown or
the life of the party. You want the one in
the back. You want the one in the back. And
you're just like, hm hmm, what's going you know what's
(54:37):
going on with him? Discretion goes a long way. And
this is the same man that will have dick discipline, okay,
because dick discipline is a very big thing. And a
lot of these men slinging thing out the band from
left to right and with them and now your health
is on the hello, Hello, And they'll just do anything
with anybody. They don't have no discretion. If the opportunity
(55:01):
presents himself, there are he has bad decision making skills
gonna show up, and your family's going to show up,
and your relationship is going to show up, and your
sexual health is going to show up and everything everything
that you do. And also to this, oh, he says
he loves me. People think I'm the crazy. Love doesn't
mean a thing. I love tacos, I love long walks
on the beach. Okay, love is a Nolan void emotion.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Where you spend your time, emotion will grow. And if
you spend time with a man, you're being intimate with him,
you're going out on dates, and you're making memories, you
will grow to love them the same way I love
to grow. I grew to love my coworker because we
work together. We have the same crazy boss and we bonded.
That is nothing, but what love is. You want a
(55:46):
man that likes you, Okay, that appreciates you, that respects
respects you, that has adoration, adoration that hello, is patient kind.
This don't seem like none of that. Now she's questioning
whether she's overreacting or if he's not creating a safe
(56:06):
emotional place for their relationship, Dan ding Ding, it's the latter.
You're not overreacting at all. You're not overreacting at all.
He's not creating a safe emotional space for their relationship.
And again, when we talked about like, it's about the
follow up and how you respond. A man that's lyon's
gonna get angry, and a.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
Man that doesn't care about things that make you uncomfortable,
does not like you.
Speaker 1 (56:31):
Literally, he actually hates you. You hear these these man be
like a good man. Savannah's gonna be like, man, I
don't care. My wife told me to come home. I'm
coming home.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
If my wife say it ain't no boy's trips, I'm
not going on a boy's trip. It is what it
is because you can make good decisions, you can weigh
the pros and the cons and you know, hanging out
for a Dominican fleeing and the dr somewhere Okay, for
a boys trip. It's not worth coming home to an
angry white diamonds. Really, it's really not.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
It's not. And smart, like when you're smart, you know
these things. You know what I'm saying. I do think
that men who have seen positive representations of men who
have also executed this properly with their mothers in their lives,
like they they have these examples and they understand the
(57:22):
value of really listening to your wife. I understand, like,
hey like it, my wife actually doesn't eat that, and
so this will not be coming in my house or
just you know, like putting the emotions of their wife first,
because your wife is what makes your life comfortable. Absolutely,
your wife is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
It will be nothing will be well, nothing will be well.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
You'll be uncomfortable, And I like, I it is it.
It makes me cringe when I say, hey, that made
me uncomfortable, and they're like, well, I don't know what
your problem is. Reflect the period on the sentence is
that made me uncomfortable. Don't don't do that again? Yeah? Yeah,
(58:07):
And if they do it again, what did they say?
Fool me once? Shame on you fool me.
Speaker 1 (58:11):
It's like, look, can't fool me again. And you know what.
The last thing I want to say to this young
lady this is gonna sound weird, but hell, this is
my podcast. Is my shit, Okay, okay. So once upon
a time, this was right after my mother passed away.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
I was so desperate, and I'm a Christian woman, and
I never believed in like these like tarot card readers
and these spiritual people and blah blah blah, and these
card they can talk to people on the other side.
But y'all, my mother passed away suddenly, and I was
so desperate, and I went and I saw this this
hard reader palm reader. Asked lady, and she said to me,
(58:49):
she said she was like a medium. Like a medium.
Speaker 2 (58:52):
Yes, she was like a I think there's a difference. Yes,
I think you will gifts.
Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yes, she was like a medium. That's exactly what she was.
She was like a medium. And she said, you know
you got the gift right And I said huh. And
she was like, if you ever wanted to do what
I'm doing, all you gotta do is tap in in
my head. I was like, bitch, I don't do no witchcraft.
I don't do nothing like that. Whatever. But she you
know what the craziest thing is that I always felt
emotion off of people. I can go to a restaurant
(59:18):
and I will be telling them. I was like, Mommy,
that waiter sad. Yes, little antennas like I can feel
emotion from people that are sad. And the press, I
said to say, whomever you are that called in when
you opened that when when that voice no play, you
sounded hey? And this is my civic duty to tell
you this right. You sounded so sad. I could feel
(59:40):
the gray gloom over your life. Okay, I could hear
that you were hurting and just kind of under under
his thumb, you know what I'm saying. And I see
women like all day, every day, and I'm telling you
that that I felt it like it's something, and we both.
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Part.
Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
I think she's a Southern woman, she's from the like
heard that I heard the Southern from you, But no,
what I also heard, and I just feel compelled to
tell you, is that you got some ship on you
and you got to get it off of you. You
sound is so sad and you can almost hear her
voice like cracking. Yeah, like she sounded. So I don't
know who this man is, but I'm gonna tell you
(01:00:24):
that it ain't worth it, okayang than that you are
bigger than him and any man that's not willing to
make adjustments for you to feel comfortable. It's it's you
don't need them in your life. But it's important that
you understand that I heard it and Samira heard.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
It as well, because yeah, something it's on you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
And again, I don't claim to be no medium, I
don't claim to be no card reader or nothing like that,
but I felt that in my stomach, syst something is
on you, and it was sad and it was grey
and it was gloomy. And I pray that you get
that off, for you are your power back, but get
your power back. Retreat, build yourself back up, get into
(01:01:08):
your hobbies, Do not isolate yourself. Get with your friends,
your family, people that care about you. Get outside, okay, okay,
out anything that you don't like about yourself. You want
to make a couple of tweaks, ain't nothing to do, pilates,
lose a five or ten pounds whatever, whatever makes you comfortable. Right.
But I heard it on you. I heard it on
(01:01:29):
you and what it didn't feel good? And we both
heard it. We both heard it was God, yeah, something
something said and yeah, I needed to I needed to
tell you that. But I hope you feel better.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
And thank Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
No, seriously, seriously, And I just felt compelled to say
that because it's something something did sounded outside of a
dear to see you. Okay, I'm not bigger than the show.
You get what I'm saying, like I'm sing that, And
I think that was one of the things that really
as I climb up and get bigger numbers or have
(01:02:06):
a bigger platform, one of the best things that I
hear about myself is that people say I met to
see it in person, and she's exactly what. I don't
give a fuck about these numbers. I don't care about
a million followers. I've been up, you know what I'm saying,
and that I've been up in spirituality, I've been up
in my life. I've been up, and I've been up.
(01:02:26):
None of this stuff matters to me. But when I
see women, I feel compelled to come fishing for them.
And that is what I thought about this woman. Girl.
Something is on you and you just seem so gloomy
and gray. And I guarantee you whoever this man is
and worth none of them's tears and none of what
we just heard. Okay, get out of there fast.
Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Women.
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
We're like we are naturally, we are healers, we are
light carriers, right, And if you are in the presence
of a wrong man, it can become parasitic. It can
become parasitic because as if they're missing something, they are
going to drain your light until there's nothing left. And
I know that sounds like, oh my God, seriously, y'all,
(01:03:08):
And I think we've all probably come in contact with
somebody like that, you know, but you have to know
your power and you can call it all back.
Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
And what's thirty five, right? Thirty five? Who you choose
to love will change the trajectory of your life as
a thirty five year old single no children, I'm a
thirty seven year old single. For anybody that got something
to say, y'all all out here, taking dayt and advice
for who you choose to love will change the trajectory
(01:03:38):
of your life. And the more you wait, the more time.
I'm wiser, I'm smarter, I have more discernment, I'm more confident,
and I fucking know say what you want. I know
when I'm married once, I'm gonna marry right.
Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
Good, Okay, we're to see. It's gonna be at my wedding.
Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
Period.
Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
So you know, we know what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
You know what we're talking about. And it's also just
like the longer that you wait, the more you learn
about yourself, you just statistically make better decisions. Not telling
you what I heard, I'm telling you what I know, baby.
Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
And what are they what everybody is saying that men
are very interested in women who are a little bit
older for so many different reasons.
Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
We'll have to do a whole other episode about how
the young bulls baby been on our on our back.
We gotta talk about that, bro well, the young, the young,
the Hawaiians they are. But yeah, we'll touch on that anyways.
That's a wrap on episode two. Oh my god, so good. Okay,
Okay, y'all, welcome back to episode two. Oh my gosh,
I know episode one was, but if you haven't watched
episode gonna hair run aback period. So I'll played on
my name. Welcome to episode two. This is gonna be
so good. Okay. So if y'all haven't liked and subscribed,
like and subscribe to my YouTube, we have some goals
(00:33):
that we have to get to, okay. So the first
goal we have this fifty thousand followers on our Apple podcast.
The second ones we need five hundred thousand, five hundred reviews,
So five hundred reviews and it better be five star.
Don't play with me. I don't need three, I need four.
I need five five star reviews, okay. And then we
(00:55):
need one hundred subscribers, one hundred thousand subscribers on both channels.
One hundred thousand subscribers on both channels, which does nothing
to a big dog. Okay, that's one hundred thousands nothing. Okay.
So we were on our way up. We already on
episode episode so I can't still believe that we're still here.
Oh my gosh, Like this is just so so exciting,
and I just feel so excited to let y'all in
(01:18):
on the real tt okay, baby, the real to see
a dear to see you Okay, from look from to
see you to the streets. All of the girls, girls,
this this is this is our playground.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So I'm so excited. We have our good sist Samara back.
Episode one was so good and episode two we got
our good sis Samir back. Anyways, Samirra is here with us,
and we're gonna go right into our red flag report.
Y'all know I love a red flag report. Okay, So
(01:50):
our red flag report today, cool girl. A video from
a TikToker user I think their name is Annie Ovo
shows a woman proposing to her man at a restaurant.
She gets on one knee and holds his hand, but
instead of saying yes, he looks upset and walk out.
(02:14):
Imagine imagine the day baby. Then her father steps in
and confronts the man, saying, you just gonna leave my
daughter hanging like that. He said he was gonna He
said he was gonna kill him too. He said, I'll
kill you. Imagine a grown man mad at the man
that his daughter that he raised, that she's looking to you,
(02:39):
for example, you talking about something you're gonna kill this
man because this man walked out as your your child,
your daughter, your seed. Okay, imagine, imagine walked out the
restaurant and you and you got and you're gonna do
You're gonna do my daughter like that. You're upset at
(03:00):
something that you made. That's your creation.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
That's when you what you have influenced or not influenced.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
And honestly, your behavior already tell you she's probably used
to huh.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Being treated like secondary.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Hello, you know what. And these are the same men
that have had women all throughout their life. The misogyny. Okay,
the men of a rolling stone popoised a rolling stone.
They been grown up seeing all these men, these women
in the house. Okay, you never can make a commitment.
And you and you at the I guess the engagement
(03:33):
party at the and your child, your daughter, you with
on one knee proposing to a man, and you said
you're gonna kill you. You said you're gonna do my daughter
like that. You should have been more concerned of your
child that god on bend the knee a woman okay
(03:55):
to propose to a man. I think the man walked
out with another girl handing hand when the the lord
jumpsuit that's took me out that she said, y'all need
to know anyone that she said, y'all need to know
anyway of a little jumpsuit. The man walked out. I said,
what was what in a polyamory? What is given ancestral polyamory.
I don't know what's happening, girl, How even about men
(04:16):
women proposing to men?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It can never be me, now you know I always
never say it can never be me because you never know.
But in this particular case.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
If I see you down on ben, I'm coming to
get you. Ain't no way and taking you to for psychological.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'm swinging it. I'm swinging in with my sisterhood cake
like this, covering you up and running you out. That
is no way, baby.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You know what, It's more indicative of how you get
them mm hmm. It's how you. You know, how you
find them and how you get them as how you
This is why I don't funk with. Look, they could
be a sponsor, hey little I don't know. They could
could have checked one day. But bumble, let's talk about bumble.
And I have qualms with bumble and this whole like
(05:06):
the woman has to reach out type ship.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Don't.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I'm telling you, when the woman reaches out, the men dumb,
they act different. They act different. And I'm telling you
as a woman, when you are pursuing that man and
you are saying that I want and you get on
bended knee, it's the bumble effect. Dumb men act exactly
how you have treated them, very dainty, very dainty. You
(05:30):
put them on a pedestal, and you saying I want
to be with you so badly that I'm gonna get
on bending knee in front of all of these people. Okay.
And then you're coming from a train wreck of a
family because your daddy, and you're acting like a loose
fucking goose when you are the one who bred a
child a woman that doesn't value, that doesn't know her value.
(05:51):
You know where she learned that from? From?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
You know what that? I used to say, Once upon
a time, I used to work in higher education, and
now you to work in DCPs schools, DC public schools,
the Lord's work, okay, and then I moved on to
higher edd and what I've learned. Also used to work
in some of the worst schools in Chicago where these
kids were coming in with guns, and you know, like
(06:15):
they were just coming to school to eat because they
weren't getting proper nutrition at home. They were eating flaming
hot chips and pickles and shit for breakfast. Okay. And
so we would talk to these kids and what we
will find out is that we would send letters home
from school. We would tell the these kids parents that
they were feeling that they were dropping out, that they
(06:36):
were you know, that they weren't coming. They had high
truancy rates. And you know what would happen We would
never see their parents. And as a coordinator, we would
have giveaways. We would be giving away computers, iPhones, all
types of shit. We would never see them fucking parents.
You want to know when them parents showed up when
their kids couldn't go the fucking prom, and them parents
(06:57):
would come up in there acting a clown fuol add
to the clown for And what we figured out is
that if you follow a crazy kid home, a crazy mama,
go open the door. If you follow a crazy kid home,
that's a crazy parent. It's going to open the door.
So while you out here, look, your daughter was crazy
enough to get on bend and knee, and you crazy
(07:18):
enough to cut up in this there restaurant, talk about
if you're gonna kill this man, that's.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Your child, that's your seed. It almost gives like guilt.
He's embarrassed, for sure. He's embarrassed for sure. Hm, my dad,
move forward, continue, my dad will lose his mind. Huh.
There's no way imagine there's I can't not for myself.
(07:42):
That's just it's notice.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
You know, and and not get it in a perspective
of like sometimes the wait is a long time. Yeah,
sometimes you just maybe you you just want to move
forward so bad that you just like, hey, I spent
eight years with you. Let me just I don't know. Honestly,
it's a very hard it's a big disconnect for me
to figure out why a woman would be on her
(08:04):
knee proposing to a man.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I can't understand it at all.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
But that in a combo, or that dad acting crazy
like that in that restaurant, very crazy material. This is
the same man who never came on from Christmases, that
was wondering where the fuck you were when the baby
was looking out the window, when you said you was
gonna come, You left the mama and you was laid
up with Keisha. You told the you know, or you
was the dad that was cheating on the mama and
(08:30):
you out there with the mistress and the side chick
or whatever, you all on trips and the kid that's
what you saw in that restaurant or that man acting
crazy like that.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It's yeah likely she's probably been conditioned to fit in
whenever a man in her life finds it convenient for
her to fit in. Like, you know, you can tell
when a girl has never been put first by a man.
You can tell it's just crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And you know what, and I don't care what anybody says.
Only a father can teach you that. Yeah, for sure,
only a father can teach you that. I feel like
a mom can teach you about your feminine energy, about
your feminine aura, like just like how to control the
room and things like that. But when it comes down
(09:18):
to like importance and value and confidence, oh, you will
always look for the person that's not there. You ever
seen these moms and it'd be like, uh, I cook
and clean for you and blah blah blah, And the
child is like, daddy, my daddy bought me this lollipop.
And the mom is like, I fanned you, I cled
(09:40):
you a child, even just a psychological component of that.
A child is always looking for the missing piece. They're
always going to be looking for that disconnect. So whatever
isn't there is what they're going to be looking for.
And so that was a clear like daddy, you baby,
you wasn't around. Yeah, it also was given like you
reconnected in your your older years, Like look, as an adult,
(10:02):
you've been missing my whole fucking childhood. Okay, and then
now you want to pop up at this restaurant and
the goddamn bucket cap acting crazy a fisherman cap because
he was out here fishing everything but his damn children.
And that's just a sad day. Anyways, any woman out
please don't, please don't. It's one band, one sound, one band,
one sound. The more women we get proposing.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yes, get information.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
It's fucking formation. Please one band one sound. Now we
got to unite. The more women that are out here proposing. Okay,
we cannot let this be a normal practice. It's no harm,
no foul. But that's just the science of it. Even
if I don't agree with that practice. How you get
them is how you And there's so many stories now
(10:49):
about all I slid at my husband DMS and I
and we would be we've been married off in the sunset.
Never think you the exception, okay, don't thank you the
exception to the rule. More of the time you are
the rule.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yes, And you're not doing that man a favor by
taking away his pursuit.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Dismantling the hunter in him is what it's called.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
And the person like the hunt, like watching a man
be on the hunt for you is like so attractive.
I don't know about y'all, but for me, it's like, yes,
chase me down.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
So there is an actual hormone called vesipressing vesiprossing that
men need, Okay, men need it. And you see this
when men are in war. They bond over having to
overcome an obstacle and a trial together. This is a
hormone that's released in men when they have a quest
(11:47):
for they needed to survive, okay. And this is why
you see men that are indebted to each other for
life when they are veterans when they come back from
war because only them and let other the mother soldiers
know what the fuck happened. And this is the same
hormone that's released when a man has to has a
challenge for a woman, all right. You don't want to
(12:09):
have a man without the vessel pross period. Okay, you
don't want to have something floating around. And you know
how again, how you get them is the bumble effect.
I'm telling you, I have done the research. People, I'm
a professional fucking deader. Every app you can think of,
I've been on it, and I'm telling you it's something
about the psychology of the bumble effect where the woman
(12:30):
is reaching out to the man. The different conversations that
I've had from having to reach out first, Yes, and
the statistics of what has materialized into dates and actual
quality connection is little to fucking none.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
And I'm telling you like men who reach out to
me first, like if it does end up being something serious, like,
I'm so attracted to them. The attraction is just through
the roof.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
It's it's not easy to you know.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
And I'm not easy to like chase down either. So
if you can chase me down and keep me interested,
I'm interested with.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
A bumble of fact, got our good sis, Stand up, girls,
get your you know that black mama. Don't you know
you know that black mama? Look, get your get sweetheart,
get up, Get up, all right, I digress. Topic number
(13:33):
two in the Red Flag Red Flag segment is This
clip is from Trill going viral. Also shout out to Trill.
He's my castmate situation on tonight's conversation, So shout out
to Trill. Love him and love his work. He's a
married man, f y okay. He says, the worst thing
a woman can do is finally give a man a
(13:55):
chance who has been waiting forever to be with her.
According to him, once she says yes, that man is
going to make her pay for all the time she
made him wait, dragging her emotionally because of built up resentment.
His advice keep keep curving him unless you're ready to
(14:16):
get dragged. This is come on, Slap for this man.
Take a second, you know, a moment of silence. Clap
for this man. He ain't never lied. They what they say.
The definition of insanity is doing the same shit over
and over again, the same results, different result. Something is
(14:37):
not well about, And people think I'm crazy when I
get men in my DMS, Like I have a decent platform.
When I get man in my DMS and I open
your message and I can scroll up and see them
saying good morning, how and there's been no response. Something
is fucking scary about that, and the moment that they
have conquered you and you break and give them a chance,
(14:59):
that will waste your time in your life for the
for the duration he will wear you out. It's something about,
like I always tell people, and I don't care you
not Beyonce, and neither of mine. Right, you are not
the prettiest girl in the world to have a man
who got something going for himself. Only a loser is
(15:23):
going to chase you forever. I don't care. Sure, there's
a fine line between I like you.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
A lot and I have some self respect, and.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
You're trying to tell me a six figure earner, a
man who's doing halfway decent for himself, okay, got a
good job, whatever, it's gonna chase somebody over.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's that's not so.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I watch a lot of true crime, okay, and these
are yeah. I watch a lot of true crime. I
watch a lot of crime shows, a lot of First Fortyer,
a lot of who the hell that I marry a
lot of shit, right, And I'm telling you that these
men that just persistent, persistent, persistent psychology is off, baby,
The psychology or is off there's and and those be
the psychopaths and and the.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Serial killers and the narcissists and.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
The narcissists and the stalkers.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, and then also like think about think about as
a woman, when you are continuously like chasing a man
down that is not showing you any type of interest. Obviously,
that shows that you have low self esteem. Yeah. I
always tell people that low self esteem is something that
we try to tag on women, you know, like like
(16:34):
it's just a woman problem. There are a lot of
men out here with low self esteem, a lot of men,
and it shows up in different ways. But a man
talking to himself and your messages continuously with no response,
it's giving low self esteem. It's giving you don't have options.
If I had a son and he was doing something
(16:55):
like that, I'd have him in therapy.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
They like are you are you okay?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah? Well, because it's.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Like other folks like other things to focus.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
On, right, like healthy healthy people men and women go
where they're appreciated.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
And this this is what people think I'm crazy when
we talk about the fine line from the man like
being the prize. So people like, oh, he's sassy, he
thinks he's the prize. And stuff like that. Men women
love a man that other bitches won't. Okay, you want
that man to be in high demand, or not even
high demand, but wanted by other people. Imagine finding out
(17:33):
that the dude that you head over heels for is
talking to himself everybody's from everybody and talking to himself
and some girls DM okay, basically begging and pleading. It's
so unattracted.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Attractive, and we all see, like guys, we share our
messages with our friends. If you're in everybody's messages, it's
a really bad look. It's a horrible look.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
And I also think that it's what people don't realize too,
is that I see this as well in my group chat.
It's that the oh my gosh, the childhood friend, I
see this so much where he was you know, we
dated when we were in elementary school, and you know,
he just never went away and he the moment that
(18:20):
you give this, please stop giving your childhood friend. And
these men that you dated when you were twelve, when
you were twenty, and now you forty and you want
to date these men. I'm telling you because what happens
is that they think that they know you, right, so
you lack courtship, you lack romance, you lack and they're
(18:40):
gonna think that they I know Samir's favorite color, I
know she loves v amnise fool, I know she likes
this or whatever. And so you meet and you got
all of these high expectations because you think it's some fantasy,
because what are the chances that my childhood seeks sweetheart
and I found each other and you date him and
this the most low fucking budget, boring ass relationship that
you ever had in.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Your life because you don't me at all.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And guess what, You have sex with him fast because
you know this nigga. You have sex with him real quick.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Seems safe.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Yep, seems safe. You know him from the past. A
friend introduced, y'all, you have sex quick, and you the
relationship literally like you can't think of the time that
you went on a date because the man literally thinks
that he knows you and he has cut all the corners.
It is the worst mistake. So number one, don't date
these men that's being that's in your inbox and pursuing
(19:30):
you for years and years and years. And don't date
the childhood sweetheart that miraculously popped up in your life
and you logged onto your Facebook after you deactivated the account,
and this nigga was sending you messages from twenty two
thousand and five. Okay, don't trust me because I'm not
not your husband.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I'm not your wife. Please stop messaging me.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Literally, it's not me. It's a disaster.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Please. I've never entertained a childhood friend because I feel
like if there something that was supposed to be there,
Like I'm a big spiritual, if something was supposed to happen,
it would have happened, you know what I mean. But
it's just no, like and they do cut corners because
they feel like they know you. Do you know how
much I change in five years two years? I'm a
(20:16):
totally different person.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Rihanna said that one time did somebody call her on
camera and she was like, oh, you know, audition to
interview and she was like, yeah, Chris Brown brought me
this like like bleaned out chain and she was like,
I'm not her anymore. No, I'm not. I'm not like
this not even my style. It's not something that I
would wear. And it's just like these they think that
(20:40):
they know you, and they skip so many different steps,
and that's for the woman. They think that it's just
the most romantic thing, and it's this fairy tale and
it's all of this limerence, Okay, of this idea that
you've made about this man, and it's gonna be the
driest relationship of your fucking life. He's gonna skip so
(21:01):
many stuff. He's not gonna get to know you. He's
not many flowers or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
He almost feels like you owe him your time and
affection because he's.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Been there previously we chased so much.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
But then also, like I think this can also be
applied to my very solid rule, which is you cannot
spend the block on me because this is a reality.
This is a reality unless you are a very mature
man who's been in therapy doing the work. Usually, when
you leave a man, he's exactly where you left him.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
And we'll take a moment for that. He's exactly where
you left exactly. Y'all are not a Shanti and Nelly. Okay,
stop you not. You're not a Shanti and Nelli. Okay,
trust me, trust me. The Pooky and Ray Ray and
Tyreek that you're dealing with is not giving a Shanci
and Nelly. Okay, y'all think this is Look, you have
to have years apart and life changing moment. Mean, this
(21:58):
person has finished med school, they gone and got a degree. Look,
a parent passed away, something that changes the trajectory of
their life for them then to come back. If you
if y'all broke up at eight months later, that's the
same man.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Absolutely, that's the same years later. Very likely it's the same. Seriously,
And I think on top of that, like, you know,
we could even bring the brothers into this conversation, right,
Like I know, like brothers, y'all know, y'all have a
friend who probably has not changed since high school, probably
is into the same things. Like you're about to go
back to your hometown. You're doing the same same thing
(22:33):
with the same people. And so this this is the
point I'm going to drive home. Like you cannot think
that you can go back to a man and things
are gonna change. It's gonna be exactly the same.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And literally like they're waiting for that moment, that moment
for you.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
To let them.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And the craziest thing is that if you will meet
a guy and he'll you know, you'll you'll date him,
and let's just say, for example, y'all separate and you
think like, oh, well, you know, maybe I shouldive maybe
he's changing, or whatever the case may be. He is
more likely to make those changes for the woman that
is doing so, like she has standards and boundaries and
(23:12):
things like that. Patience compromise and the rider died and
I'm looking into the camera is the biggest scam of
the twentieth century. Okay, trust me, you don't want to
be I call it?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
What did I say?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Then? You don't want to be the patient girl. No,
you don't want to be, Oh, the casual kathy. Okay,
you don't want to be the casual kathy because the
casual kathy they're out there doing they fuck around and
end up with the high maintenance Hannah. Okay, I'm telling
you you don't want to be the casual kathy. That
is the biggest scam. If you be understanding and if
you be loving, if you if you build with them,
(23:47):
and you be right to die. I got questions like
where we going and why I got to die? Okay, period,
for I got questions for real. Don't want to be
that girl. And I think that so many women think
that if the more or that they show their men
their heart that the more they're gonna get out of him,
and it's actually that they want the woman. It's almost
(24:08):
like a child. Now they say, well, children don't want
you to be their friend. They want you to set
boundaries and rules and regulations. And it's the same thing
with a man when you're dating him. They need guidelines,
they need precautions, they need the dangers, they need to
fucking wet flow signs, slow down, do not pass, go,
do not collect two hundred dollars. They need that type
of structure in order for them to still feel like
(24:30):
they have like a challenge and an up here about
the moment that you lower that and you so patient
and understanding about everything.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I'm always gonna say this easy target, easy target. Empathy,
too much empathy, easy target, Especially if you hand out
empathy without this man proving dedication to you, not a
good idea. And then also when I think about how
men deal with other men, structure, respects, specs have to
(25:01):
be earned, you know what I'm saying, And so sometimes
you really have to deal with them in their own language.
And I think men will say the same thing. I
think they would agree with me.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Like and subscribe if you want to learn how to
talk man, because I teach. I'm the best teacher of
how to tell men to men. Okay, And the biggest
thing is shutting down your emotions and women to be
the less words that you use. The more a man
is going to understand what you are saying to him,
(25:35):
all of the emotions and the paragraphs and the eulogies
that you're writing. The more you men men clarity to
fill in the blanks. Okay, the more that a man
is gonna understand. You know what they say. If you
see a woman that y'all break up or y'all get
into a fight, and then you go outside and you
see she threw all your shit on, you know, she
(25:56):
throwing all your stuff. She's in love with you, and
you can probably get her back. If you go out
there and she packed your shit up neatly and in peace.
You will never hear from that girl. From that girl again, Okay,
you probably have zero chance of getting her back versus
the one that's cuckoo crazy. Okay, what they say, A
wise man said, don't argue with fools, because people from
(26:18):
a distant paint tale who everybody looked like a fool. Anyways,
I digress more the more news at the top of
the hour. Anyways, Trill ain't lying, Okay, he said what
he said. I absolutely agree. A man that continues to
pursue you and wants to get give a chance over
(26:40):
and over over again. The moment you give him a chance,
the moment he gonna play in your face. Period. Okay,
So this fragrance, this is the fragrance camera Frager's time. Okay,
So this is to mean London blue Heart, and then
I have a story time about this. Oncepon a time,
I went on a Brown Sugar Babe brand trip and
(27:01):
y'all know her Ai the Great. She is a fragrance
influencer and I have been following her for so long.
She's actually the influencer that helped me build up my
Bond number nine collection. She is, she know her shit
and she know her fragrances. Anyways, I met her at
one of my first brand trips with Brown Sugar Babe
and she smelled like the bossiest, sexiest woman I have
(27:27):
ever smelled in my life. And I asked her what
she was wearing and guess what it was. Zan zings
blue Heart to mean London Blue Heart. Y'all, it is
so freaking good. And for all you ladies that's like
you like these like Arabian ood kind of fragrances, this
is like a sexier, more mysterious version of that. And
(27:52):
it's just it's just so good. It's just so good. Anyways,
this is Blue Heart, Bye to Mean, to Mean London,
the Mean London, the bottle. Hopefully it's so beautiful, right
hopefully I am pronouncing right now. I told y'all all,
pronunciation police will be blocked. Okay, we don't do pronunciation
(28:16):
police over here. But anyways, y'all, y'all, I'd like to
do a little uh box spray first. This one is
so good and the longevity of this fragrance, the projection.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Is just oh yes.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
If you know that if there was a version of
this that also had pink pepper in there, let me say,
you ain't grown until you wore in pink pepper. Pink pepper?
Is it just really elevates? Anyways, I love this fragrance.
I opened it, I had already sprays and somewhares of it.
This is so good to mean London blue Heart looks
(28:51):
send me another bottle, thank you. Y'all have a couple
other ones that I'm on y'all Radar two as well,
But anyways, I love the projection. I love the profile
of this fragrance and also just the blend. The blend
is what makes the difference. This is why so many
people try to knock off a back rock yes and
never it never, It never works because it's about the blend. Anyways, okay, y'all,
(29:16):
now we're on to our Dear to See a segment.
Do not forget that you can write us at Relationship
restored dot com backslash dear to see You? Did I
say it right? Okay?
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Perfect?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
You can write us at relationship restore dot com backslash
dear to see You. You can write us and submit
your relationship questions. Okay, that could possibly be featured here
on live on the podcast. Okay, so perfect. So this
our first Dear to See a admission submission.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Is there to see you? So I've been talking to
this guy and we've been going on dates, hanging out. Basically,
we've been like, I guess a month then going on
two months. So long story short, everything was going good.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
But the other night he called and.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
We were supposed to be told me he was coming
to my house and he would meet me at my
house when I got back home. So I tried to
call him. He didn't answer, and then finally I got
an answer and it was a girl, and I was like, hey,
where's he at. She was like, oh, he's with me
right now and hung up the phone. And when I
asked him about it the next day, he said that
he wasn't with a girl, and no girl answered his
(30:34):
phone and we have not talked since. So I would
just like your advice on how would you go about
this situation?
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Thank, so many things are going on here. First of all,
she said just a month, a month or so, so
she said, just a month or so, ladies, please learn
how to fire fast. A month or so, ain't no
time to get this nigga out of your life. You know,
where there's smoke, that's fire. If it walked like a duck,
(31:04):
talk like a duck, it is a duck. It's probably
a duck. And I feel like as well that women
that I heard this all the time, everything was so
good upfront, It wasn't good. You probably just didn't you
just didn't really see you just didn't really know it
but it probably wasn't really that good. But with this situation,
I'm more so concerned about how he handled the conflict.
(31:28):
If he had no you said, you ain't talked to
his ass sense, imagine, imagine an innocent man. We all
know he ain't innocent. Everybody, everybody know a girl answered
that phone, and the girl that was dealing with him
answered that phone. He could tell you what he wants.
But we all know a girl answered that phone. So
trust your instinct. But look at his follow up. His
(31:50):
follow up would tell you everything you need to know.
I saw a girl the other day on ig and
she said, if you want to know, if a man
and chet knowing you put your lip gloss in the
side of uh his his card something like that, if
you come back and it's missing, it's because he don't
know who would belong to. So just using that in theory,
Just using that in theory. Okay, if an innocent man
(32:14):
didn't have a girl answer his phone, don't you think
he will be outside your fucking house like a Maria
singing in the ring. They will be trying to prove
to you that he that that baby that was what
you saw. I don't know what you're talking about follow
you gotta make peace with the debt, okay, And that
(32:36):
man is guilty as two left shoes.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Right, and he doesn't care and he and he tried to.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Always say you can't be both. You can't be a
cheater and nonchalant. Okay, imagine a cheater and you don't
give a fuck you gotta I don't give a fuck
ass cheater. It's like he ain't called you, he ain't
followed up paying anything, and he's a liar and he's
not being transparent and he being dishonest okay.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
And he's trying to make you feel like you're crazy,
like you didn't know what you heard.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
But you know what I was saying that if I
was thinking about this lie, I'm like, what would be
most convincing that if I wanted to the person answer
my phone, if I wanted to just not even confront
this issue, I probably would say that no woman answered
(33:24):
my phone too, because what you're gonna say is my cousin.
It was a cousin, it was a friend. The lady
next door answered like, I think his actual best bet
was I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
No, you can say it probably came off so smooth
when he set it off his lips, because he probably
does it all the time.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Probably does all the time. Yeah, I don't know Sean
about what you mean. So that was probably the best
lie he could have told, was that he has no idea,
because anything else leading to him trying to explain or
figure it out or prove a what it would incriminate
him and just really honestly be like a poor, poor
presentation exactly, so honestly that that was a decent life
(34:07):
for him to be, like, oh, no, what you're talking
about whatever, But imagine being a liar and you nonchalant
like you don't even you're not even calling back, trying
to fire fast run. He's not your husband, he's not
somebody that you ever want to be. Witness only been
thirty days. Women make the biggest mistakes of investing so
(34:28):
much upfront. You you did a thirty day bid, and
you've already been able to see that this man is
not honest okay, and that he he really don't care
at all. He ain't even called you back for a
follow up.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
To explain himself.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Was to apologize, to make it up a flower that was, Hey,
you can see my phone. We ain't even get no
car from you. I don't know, he ain't do any
of that.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Crazy.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
You ain't heard from him since.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Well, somebody shows you who they are.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Low. He probably living a double life. He probably a whole.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, yeah, and that just is what it is.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Listen, literally, firefast, you got, you're only doing thirty sixty days.
So many women want to know the why, Why, why
did he do that? Why? What's going on with him?
What's it really? And let me tell you this curiosity,
this is a real curiosity, killed them. I fucking cat.
The more that you become curious as to why a
man is treating you poorly, the more you deflect from
(35:29):
the truth of what is right. You don't need to
know why, why he cheated, why he lied, why he
ain't showing up, why he got some girl answering his phone? Okay,
the why distracts you from what actually is, and what
is is that he's not an honest person. And you got,
you only did thirty days in get Out. You have
seen a month movie get Out, get Out?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
And then I think on top of that too, right, Sometimes,
especially when women are trying to heal from a traumatic situation,
with the man. We get so hung up on the well,
why did they do that? The only thing that you
need to know is that you deserve better.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Simple, that's it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
That's it that like his wives had, like his wives
are what he's gonna have to work through in therapy
and probably for the rest of his life if he
continues to run from himself. All you need to know
is that somebody is out there who will treat you better,
and that's what you deserve. That's maturity and just stepping
away from something like that.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And one of the like most grown up woman boss
lessons that I've learned is that how people treat you
is about them and it's not about and the quick
yes that you stop internalize on what everybody else it's
not about you. I'm telling you, will float like a
(36:46):
butterflies thing, like a bee when you stop where letting
other people's treatment of you wear you down in life.
That's a them problem. Okay. I always say if I
went to a CVS or whatever, and I gave the
the woman cash to pay for a thing, and she
didn't put it in my hand and she threw it
on the ground, or she she threw it at me.
Imagine me walking out there thinking like, oh, does she
(37:08):
not like me? Does she want to that? Having a
bad day? She having a bad day and got nothing
to do with me. That's her baby daddy, her terrible marriage,
the kids is getting on her nerves. That got all
to do. You can't carry the weight of what everybody
else has going on and the moment it's such a
big girl woman. Lesson in life. If you learn that
(37:29):
lesson and learning fast, you will live such a lighter
life and a lighter present. What other people doing got
none to do things. So don't be looking for the why.
Don't be looking for why he do that? Oh my god,
maybe he haven't. Don't be so understanding, okay, y'all?
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Something people even they might they might never talk to
you about it, But people are carrying stuff, dark stuff
that they're probably even a shame to share with you,
healing that they've never even touched because it's so tender,
you know, And a lot of the things that they
do to you are likely if you carry a light
like they realize that they're not at that point, and
(38:08):
they'll try to terrorize you a bit. But you gotta
let people like that go. You got to just walk away.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Walk away. It's really our superpower. It.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah, you talked about it. You gotta put on your
big girl pants though, Like at a certain point when
it comes to dating, like we were saying, you gotta
pull that emotion up out of it at heart, bring
it here and say my highest self would walk away
and not take this personally.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
But you know, I think it's interesting. It's like, what
would you do in this situation. There's something that turns
in your stomach as a woman, we can call it
intuition or things like that, but even before you get
to a red flat, there's a little pulpe that you
get in your stomach that's just like something about this
is ain't quite right. And when when your shit stops
(38:58):
turning or you never even experience to turn, you gotta
gotta do a gut check. You gotta really go back,
dig in that closet and get all that stuff out
of there to figure out why are you missing the
little steps before you even get to the red flag,
because that is what keeps you out of danger. Even
like all of the body parts, all the things that
(39:19):
we have a function, right, they say, the eyebrows is
to keep sweat from coming in your eyes, right, and
but there's so many functions of our body that keep
us from you know, that protect us and help us
flourish and stay healthy, and things like that, your into
which keeps you out of danger. Let me tell you
why I decided to become a coach instead of becoming
(39:39):
a therapist. Okay, because how you practice is how you play.
And I want to tell you.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
That sports analogy.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
You can't you can't come in and you didn't watch
the fucking game tape. Didn't watch the game. Then they
thought that you're gonna come and be able to defeat
your biggest companions.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
You thought you were gonna be able to execute.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Hello. How you practice is how you play. And this
is why I decided to become a coach versus a
therapist because I see women every day that spend three
five years on a couch and they come to me
and it was like, you helped me more in three
days and I've had in three years. Because you don't
have the skills to actually get off the couch and
do the fucking work. You can't play around, all right,
(40:22):
You actually have to practice the skill, to practice the
discernment and it's not fun.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
It's not it's hard work.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
It's hard working.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
You have to turn down opportunities, You have to cut
people out your life, when you have to set boundaries,
when you have to say no.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
And sit with yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
You don't how people have a difficulty with no. No,
I don't want to do that. I don't like that.
That's actually not what I want. Women, grown women that
have a have a hard time say that's not actually
what I want. I see this. I saw this in
the c suite, working with women who could look couldn't
advocate for their salary, couldn't advocate for a new position,
(41:00):
couldn't say, actually, you can add on more duties to
my job without adding on more money to my seeing
it all right, beautiful bright women, bright women who have
a hard time, you know. And this is little. We
ain't gonna get in this with Drake up this part.
But when people were talking about the whole Cassie thing,
she was why did she she's.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Why didn't she say she was uncomfortable?
Speaker 1 (41:25):
They can't even.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Make a decision about a man.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
You are the same woman.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Okay, Oh my god, you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Tell your manager that she wanted to take PTO and
you talking about a woman who's been psychologically run down
and abuse, and you talk about so she could have
just walked away. You don't advocate for yourself on a
daily fucking basis. You can't even tell yo, Mama, you
don't want to come to Thanksgiving dinner because she's a Hello.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
You can't tell your husband, hey, I need help.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
I need help. And you talk about some wild woman
that it was in her teen years couldn't walk a
child hello, And you cannot even advocate for yourself in
the smallest way every day. Anyways, I digress. We're getting
off that soapbox. Okay, yeah, you know what's so funny?
Dread And now we're talking about this the other day
because on a on a platform I'm on, I was
(42:17):
sharing with him that I run across a mini coaches
in my life, right, and that there was there are
women that you can tell that they've done the work
and it's in the past. And then there's women that
you can tell that have done the work and that
ships sitting right next to them. Okay, it's still in
a room. Do you know what this movie is about?
Speaker 3 (42:36):
You?
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Okay, you can see you can tell that there's women
that have done the work and that ship is behind them.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Okay, And you.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Can tell that there's women and that it's sitting next
to them. Baby, you ain't done what you thought that
you've done everything that you saying, how you act, and
you behave your problems, and that trauma is actually sitting
right next It's not behind you. You didn't move that.
And I've seen it so much, this fake therapy shit
that people are doing. I'm telling y'all a little looking
(43:05):
at the camera, Therapy is more than fucking sticky notes
on your mirror, for sure. Okay, therapy is more than
you talking about I am smart, I am beautiful, I
am love. It's way more work, and you gotta get
in the field, get in the booth and do the
real work. And some of y'all, trauma is not behind you.
It's sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
And let me tell you something. To some of the
most interesting, sexy, powerful, alluring women I've ever met in
my entire life, their skill is shaking it off like
something will happen, and the next day I see them
and they're just like bad bitch mode. Yep, you know
(43:42):
what it's like. I like, even since we're talking about sports,
I used to play basketball, and my favorite teammates and
some of my favorite athletes to this day are the
ones who you know, might have missed a shot down court,
but they got back down court and they figured out
all right. Next play next flax place, Next.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Play ladies, next play next place.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
If you're head in the game, keep your head in
the game and practice what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Absolutely practice and the reality of it. Like we said,
how you practice is how you play, and this is
the wh are we in a sports mode? The game
tape is pull up herble. These niggas can see. The
game tape is pull up able. These men can see
how you acted in your past, don't how no relationships
(44:33):
have worn on you, how they're wearing you down, how
they're still showing up, they're not buried. And then the
you know what I'm saying again, that trauma could be
sitting right next to you and not behind you in
that game tape. They can pull it up. It's on you.
When it's in you, it's coming out your pores and
everything that you're doing. So it's not that easy to hide,
you know. And I always say women's superpower is their intuition.
(44:55):
Men's superpower is that they are like a tsa German chepherd.
They can smell insecurity and being naive cross the room.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
It's like blood in the water.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
They know they know yourself.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
They know that you don't love yourself. They know that
you got daddy issues. They know that you love and
they know that you're gonna do anything that you will
be on your back quick. They know that if you
and I always tell people women, I could teach you
how to get some money out of men. Right, But
it's the way you do it. The men know if
you that girl that will do anything for the Chanel bag, Okay,
they know that you. It don't take girl, baby, It
(45:34):
don't take nothing for you. All you gotta do is
show a little smile, take you out to noble or something,
and you will do anything, you know, for the glitz
and the glam. Right, maybe the way that you gotta
be even if you want to live their lifestyle and
stop shaming women that want nice things. Okay, that's girls.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
We're allowed to have nice things. But at the end
of the day, like right, like if we're being real,
like the girls who are about their business. We can
get the Shanel bags. Give me commitment, Hello, give me,
give me commitment. That is so incredibly joy. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
The man that treated me the best, that was Morg
was a ups worker. Not the biley drive not the
dude that out they didn't drive a driver a Maserati Okay,
had both in his driveway. Generosity. Y'all should be looking
for kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness, intentionality, not that the bag will come.
The bag will come with it, right, but you want
(46:29):
somebody that actually cares about you, right. I never was
into the bad boy thing, you know. Oh I like
the bad boy That never was my thing. I never
I never fell into that because I'm always like, all
I care about is how how a man treat me,
you know, because that is what's gonna take you far.
And that's what's gonna get you out of when you
don't like your partner and you love them, but you
(46:49):
out of like somebody that's generous, honest, transparent, patient, considerate compromises.
That's what you need.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Gentle with you. Gentle Black women, especially y'all are like
our ancestral trauma calls for a new wave of gentleness.
It is it is critical for our collective healing. You
put your space in a man who is gentle with you,
handles you with care. You will think yourself. Your daughter
(47:21):
will thank you, your children will thank you.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
You know, hey, it's a cash Doll summer. I keep
telling people that we have a cash Doll summer. And
she's so beautiful cash Doll. I love I think you
follow me? I love you. Can we be friends? I
love cash Doll. Anyway, She's from Detroit. Cousin cousin Chicago
to Detroit. Y'all know, we' all cousins, but cash Dot
in an interview and she talked about how she her daughter. Okay, clarity,
(47:46):
I think it's her child. She was like, I can
accept this shit from this man because my daughter is
watching me. She said, Clarity gave me clarity. Y'all need
to have a cash dog. Look that baby ten months old.
She got a new nigga listens every It's a cash
Doll summer. Lead a zero, get with you and whatever
you what a next one man won't do and the
(48:07):
next man will. They both Now they haveing a co
parenting blended family situation at Disney World where all the kids.
It's a cash doll summer okay, lead a man okay,
and get you somebody that will and know your worth okay.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
And then they're also like to what I love, especially
because we all struggle in dating, Like no, like we
all have our days where I'm just where we're just like,
oh this sucks, you know. But when I see my
girlfriends around me making big girl decisions and practicing and
getting in the field and all this stuff, like I'm like, okay,
(48:41):
like she's doing it, I can do it. Yeah, We're
all like, we're all looking at each other. I'm looking
at you, You're looking at me. Like we got to
be strong for one another and set an example for
each other too, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Soll child up behind, no look, no black woman left
behind listen.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
Kay?
Speaker 1 (49:01):
Yeah, absolutely our second Dear to see a submission.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
Dear to see you. I have been dating this guy
for it the last couple of years, and we have
a really great relationship, but things have been rocky sometimes,
and recently he has started texting this girl and they
have not necessarily been flirting, but he does and bite
her out to lunch or try to sometimes, and they
(49:30):
haven't gone anywhere together. But I don't know it makes
me uncomfortable in a way. Do you feel like guys
can have friendships with girls and it strictly be friendships.
He tells me that I have nothing to worry about,
and that he loves me and that they are just
strictly friends, and that he can be friends with girls,
(49:53):
and he has been pursuing me really well, but I
feel like he's hiding it from me in a way.
But he said it's because he feels like he can't
talk to me about things, and he also has gotten
frustrated with me because it's created some anxiety for me.
And he says that he's just tired of talking about things.
And I don't know. I don't really know what to
(50:15):
do at this point, because I do love him. He
says he loves me and he wants to try to
make it work, but with him doing things like that,
I feel like he's not giving it the space to
do that. But then he comes back and says that
he feels like he can't talk to me about things
and he's tired of having these conversations.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
This is so loaded. First of all, I think, well,
women don't understand about how men get on the road
to cheating. Cheating for men is just so it starts
off with them going to the gym, and that woman
at the gym is like, oh, did you get a
haircut today? Oh my gosh, I love your sneakers. It's
(50:57):
a little shit like that, right, And so it's just
always like these meniskilled kind of steps that like when
a man starts to really kind of tap out and
emotionally start cheating, that's just one thing, right. But when
she says she feels uncomfortable, but he's getting frustrated telling
her that there's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
That's what I heard.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
That's what I heard. Why you mad? Why are you
in your chest? Because they're clearly there's something else going on,
and a man that will not move around things and
make adjustments for something that something that's making his partner
feel uncomfortable. I don't care. You can call the controlling,
(51:38):
you can call unfollow the girl. Yeah, unfollow the girl.
If I actually don't follow her. Unfollow girls, I say, hey,
this is not making you know, a man is gonna
be willing to like take nothing else matters to him,
especially not some uh you in biding this woman to lunch?
That's the Hey, So you got a new haircut, Hay
(51:59):
bigca see you got a new haircut. That's what This
is the equivalent of inviting her to lunch?
Speaker 2 (52:04):
O crazy, crazy?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
What do you needs to go out to lunch for?
And also too, this is my thing about man outside
of like it being controlling or you're trying to, you know,
enforce your beliefs or something on him, he cannot weigh
the pros and the cons of life. And that is
a fucking liability. Okay, you don't want to be with
(52:27):
a man who cannot weigh pros and cons. And what
he's telling you is that he's an idiot and he
would rather go to lunch with a bimbo that he
works with than have a healthy relationship with his girlfriend
or a woman that he's pursuing. He cannot weigh the
pros and cons. And you want to know what a
man like that looks like. He's the same man that
(52:49):
y'all have a natural disaster. And now he doesn't know
how to make money outside of a relationship. When his
business goes to hell, okay, when he doesn't know how
to make a good investment. This is a man who
doesn't know how to weigh the pros and cons. Okayis around.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
He will leave trust to look after your children. When
you have to go somewhere, you.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
Will go after the side chick. That's whatever, that's cuter,
that's more fun, that's whatever. She gotta look. She got
the new BBL, she got the new bus down middle Park.
He gonna go after what's fun, cute, fast, and whatever,
because he has poor decision making skills, right, and you
need to take that and that is a life that
is what. That's what longevity in a relationship looks like.
(53:31):
He doesn't have good decision making. He like you said,
he's the same one that'll leave his kids around, all right,
that will go over was younger and funner and cuter. Okay,
he's the same an. It's gonna hit a midlife PRIs
and go by fucking corvette with all y'all life savings, right, okay,
because he has poor decision making skills.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Yeah. I think the men men that I enjoy seeing
like and for me it's like a I feel like
me personally. I can admire men without being attracted to
them romantically. The men I admire choose one woman. They
choose her, and they stick with her and they grow
(54:11):
with her, and that is maturity.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
They're just low key discreet. They're not at every day party.
Deny every rooftop face and everybody's face. I always say,
go for them, not the not the class clown or
the life of the party. You want the one in
the back. You want the one in the back. And
you're just like, hm hmm, what's going you know what's
(54:37):
going on with him? Discretion goes a long way. And
this is the same man that will have dick discipline, okay,
because dick discipline is a very big thing. And a
lot of these men slinging thing out the band from
left to right and with them and now your health
is on the hello, Hello, And they'll just do anything
with anybody. They don't have no discretion. If the opportunity
(55:01):
presents himself, there are he has bad decision making skills
gonna show up, and your family's going to show up,
and your relationship is going to show up, and your
sexual health is going to show up and everything everything
that you do. And also to this, oh, he says
he loves me. People think I'm the crazy. Love doesn't
mean a thing. I love tacos, I love long walks
on the beach. Okay, love is a Nolan void emotion.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Where you spend your time, emotion will grow. And if
you spend time with a man, you're being intimate with him,
you're going out on dates, and you're making memories, you
will grow to love them the same way I love
to grow. I grew to love my coworker because we
work together. We have the same crazy boss and we bonded.
That is nothing, but what love is. You want a
(55:46):
man that likes you, Okay, that appreciates you, that respects
respects you, that has adoration, adoration that hello, is patient kind.
This don't seem like none of that. Now she's questioning
whether she's overreacting or if he's not creating a safe
(56:06):
emotional place for their relationship, Dan ding Ding, it's the latter.
You're not overreacting at all. You're not overreacting at all.
He's not creating a safe emotional space for their relationship.
And again, when we talked about like, it's about the
follow up and how you respond. A man that's lyon's
gonna get angry, and a.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
Man that doesn't care about things that make you uncomfortable,
does not like you.
Speaker 1 (56:31):
Literally, he actually hates you. You hear these these man be
like a good man. Savannah's gonna be like, man, I
don't care. My wife told me to come home. I'm
coming home.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
If my wife say it ain't no boy's trips, I'm
not going on a boy's trip. It is what it
is because you can make good decisions, you can weigh
the pros and the cons and you know, hanging out
for a Dominican fleeing and the dr somewhere Okay, for
a boys trip. It's not worth coming home to an
angry white diamonds. Really, it's really not.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
It's not. And smart, like when you're smart, you know
these things. You know what I'm saying. I do think
that men who have seen positive representations of men who
have also executed this properly with their mothers in their lives,
like they they have these examples and they understand the
(57:22):
value of really listening to your wife. I understand, like,
hey like it, my wife actually doesn't eat that, and
so this will not be coming in my house or
just you know, like putting the emotions of their wife first,
because your wife is what makes your life comfortable. Absolutely,
your wife is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
It will be nothing will be well, nothing will be well.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
You'll be uncomfortable, And I like, I it is it.
It makes me cringe when I say, hey, that made
me uncomfortable, and they're like, well, I don't know what
your problem is. Reflect the period on the sentence is
that made me uncomfortable. Don't don't do that again? Yeah? Yeah,
(58:07):
And if they do it again, what did they say?
Fool me once? Shame on you fool me.
Speaker 1 (58:11):
It's like, look, can't fool me again. And you know what.
The last thing I want to say to this young
lady this is gonna sound weird, but hell, this is
my podcast. Is my shit, Okay, okay. So once upon
a time, this was right after my mother passed away.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
I was so desperate, and I'm a Christian woman, and
I never believed in like these like tarot card readers
and these spiritual people and blah blah blah, and these
card they can talk to people on the other side.
But y'all, my mother passed away suddenly, and I was
so desperate, and I went and I saw this this
hard reader palm reader. Asked lady, and she said to me,
(58:49):
she said she was like a medium. Like a medium.
Speaker 2 (58:52):
Yes, she was like a I think there's a difference. Yes,
I think you will gifts.
Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yes, she was like a medium. That's exactly what she was.
She was like a medium. And she said, you know
you got the gift right And I said huh. And
she was like, if you ever wanted to do what
I'm doing, all you gotta do is tap in in
my head. I was like, bitch, I don't do no witchcraft.
I don't do nothing like that. Whatever. But she you
know what the craziest thing is that I always felt
emotion off of people. I can go to a restaurant
(59:18):
and I will be telling them. I was like, Mommy,
that waiter sad. Yes, little antennas like I can feel
emotion from people that are sad. And the press, I
said to say, whomever you are that called in when
you opened that when when that voice no play, you
sounded hey? And this is my civic duty to tell
you this right. You sounded so sad. I could feel
(59:40):
the gray gloom over your life. Okay, I could hear
that you were hurting and just kind of under under
his thumb, you know what I'm saying. And I see
women like all day, every day, and I'm telling you
that that I felt it like it's something, and we both.
Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Part.
Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
I think she's a Southern woman, she's from the like
heard that I heard the Southern from you, But no,
what I also heard, and I just feel compelled to
tell you, is that you got some ship on you
and you got to get it off of you. You
sound is so sad and you can almost hear her
voice like cracking. Yeah, like she sounded. So I don't
know who this man is, but I'm gonna tell you
(01:00:24):
that it ain't worth it, okayang than that you are
bigger than him and any man that's not willing to
make adjustments for you to feel comfortable. It's it's you
don't need them in your life. But it's important that
you understand that I heard it and Samira heard.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
It as well, because yeah, something it's on you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
And again, I don't claim to be no medium, I
don't claim to be no card reader or nothing like that,
but I felt that in my stomach, syst something is
on you, and it was sad and it was grey
and it was gloomy. And I pray that you get
that off, for you are your power back, but get
your power back. Retreat, build yourself back up, get into
(01:01:08):
your hobbies, Do not isolate yourself. Get with your friends,
your family, people that care about you. Get outside, okay, okay,
out anything that you don't like about yourself. You want
to make a couple of tweaks, ain't nothing to do, pilates,
lose a five or ten pounds whatever, whatever makes you comfortable. Right.
But I heard it on you. I heard it on
(01:01:29):
you and what it didn't feel good? And we both
heard it. We both heard it was God, yeah, something
something said and yeah, I needed to I needed to
tell you that. But I hope you feel better.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
And thank Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
No, seriously, seriously, And I just felt compelled to say
that because it's something something did sounded outside of a
dear to see you. Okay, I'm not bigger than the show.
You get what I'm saying, like I'm sing that, And
I think that was one of the things that really
as I climb up and get bigger numbers or have
(01:02:06):
a bigger platform, one of the best things that I
hear about myself is that people say I met to
see it in person, and she's exactly what. I don't
give a fuck about these numbers. I don't care about
a million followers. I've been up, you know what I'm saying,
and that I've been up in spirituality, I've been up
in my life. I've been up, and I've been up.
(01:02:26):
None of this stuff matters to me. But when I
see women, I feel compelled to come fishing for them.
And that is what I thought about this woman. Girl.
Something is on you and you just seem so gloomy
and gray. And I guarantee you whoever this man is
and worth none of them's tears and none of what
we just heard. Okay, get out of there fast.
Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Women.
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
We're like we are naturally, we are healers, we are
light carriers, right, And if you are in the presence
of a wrong man, it can become parasitic. It can
become parasitic because as if they're missing something, they are
going to drain your light until there's nothing left. And
I know that sounds like, oh my God, seriously, y'all,
(01:03:08):
And I think we've all probably come in contact with
somebody like that, you know, but you have to know
your power and you can call it all back.
Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
And what's thirty five, right? Thirty five? Who you choose
to love will change the trajectory of your life as
a thirty five year old single no children, I'm a
thirty seven year old single. For anybody that got something
to say, y'all all out here, taking dayt and advice
for who you choose to love will change the trajectory
(01:03:38):
of your life. And the more you wait, the more time.
I'm wiser, I'm smarter, I have more discernment, I'm more confident,
and I fucking know say what you want. I know
when I'm married once, I'm gonna marry right.
Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
Good, Okay, we're to see. It's gonna be at my wedding.
Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
Period.
Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
So you know, we know what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
You know what we're talking about. And it's also just
like the longer that you wait, the more you learn
about yourself, you just statistically make better decisions. Not telling
you what I heard, I'm telling you what I know, baby.
Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
And what are they what everybody is saying that men
are very interested in women who are a little bit
older for so many different reasons.
Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
We'll have to do a whole other episode about how
the young bulls baby been on our on our back.
We gotta talk about that, bro well, the young, the young,
the Hawaiians they are. But yeah, we'll touch on that anyways.
That's a wrap on episode two. Oh my god, so good. Okay,
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.