May 2, 2023 • 30 mins
Couples on TikTok are showing off their 'double-income, no-kids' lifestyle — but also face harsh backlash. Plus, Are You Mistaking A ‘Textationship’ For A Relationship?
It's not uncommon for couples to share their lives on social media platforms like TikTok. However, when it comes to the "double-income, no-kids" lifestyle, some couples are receiving harsh backlash from those who believe they're promoting a privileged and selfish way of life.
While it's true that not having children can allow couples to have more financial freedom and flexibility in their lives, it's important to remember that not everyone can or wants to have kids. It's also important to recognize that there are many different paths to happiness and fulfillment, and what works for one couple may not work for another.
As for the concept of a "textationship," this refers to a situation where two people primarily communicate through text messages, rather than in person or over the phone. While this can be a convenient way to keep in touch, it's important to recognize that it's not the same as a fully-realized relationship.
If you're unsure whether you're in a textationship or a real relationship, consider whether you and the other person are regularly spending time together in person or over the phone, whether you're sharing meaningful experiences and emotions with each other, and whether you're both committed to building a long-term connection. If you're not sure about any of these things, it may be worth having an honest conversation with the other person to clarify your feelings and intentions.
Links:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/04/27/are-you-mistaking-a-textationship-for-a-relationship/?sh=7e9463b545e3
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/good-luck-dying-alone-couples-203000887.html
Check out all of the KOP Radio Network's talk and music offerings plus contact KOP for professional podcast production, imaging, and web design services at http://www.kingofpodcasts.com
Follow KOP on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok or Facebook @kingofpodcasts
Send a question, comment or topic to KOP to kingofpodcasts@yahoo.com and he will talk about it on a future segment of Depraved and Debaucherous.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/depraved-and-debaucherous--5267208/support.
It's not uncommon for couples to share their lives on social media platforms like TikTok. However, when it comes to the "double-income, no-kids" lifestyle, some couples are receiving harsh backlash from those who believe they're promoting a privileged and selfish way of life.
While it's true that not having children can allow couples to have more financial freedom and flexibility in their lives, it's important to remember that not everyone can or wants to have kids. It's also important to recognize that there are many different paths to happiness and fulfillment, and what works for one couple may not work for another.
As for the concept of a "textationship," this refers to a situation where two people primarily communicate through text messages, rather than in person or over the phone. While this can be a convenient way to keep in touch, it's important to recognize that it's not the same as a fully-realized relationship.
If you're unsure whether you're in a textationship or a real relationship, consider whether you and the other person are regularly spending time together in person or over the phone, whether you're sharing meaningful experiences and emotions with each other, and whether you're both committed to building a long-term connection. If you're not sure about any of these things, it may be worth having an honest conversation with the other person to clarify your feelings and intentions.
Links:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/04/27/are-you-mistaking-a-textationship-for-a-relationship/?sh=7e9463b545e3
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/good-luck-dying-alone-couples-203000887.html
Check out all of the KOP Radio Network's talk and music offerings plus contact KOP for professional podcast production, imaging, and web design services at http://www.kingofpodcasts.com
Follow KOP on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok or Facebook @kingofpodcasts
Send a question, comment or topic to KOP to kingofpodcasts@yahoo.com and he will talk about it on a future segment of Depraved and Debaucherous.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/depraved-and-debaucherous--5267208/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
We are all a little depraved anddebaucherous here. He's the king of podcasts
and once again the DEPREI of theDebauchris episode coming at you. Thanks listening
in the joys. Do appreciate youjoining me at dd Radio dot Live.
I'm just playing with the fiddling withthe controls. You're sorry about that.
(00:25):
I'm doing it as as we're atit, and I'm enjoying the fun of
it. We got a couple ofsubjects to talk about tonight. Are you
missing a tech station ship? I'mgoing to explain that really contrived phrase.
And how about doubled income? Nokids, These are two subjects where we
(00:46):
talk about here some new deating andrelationship traits here on de Paris of the
Debauchris, which you know it iskind of interesting just to look at and
focus and analyze. We're gonna talkabout both of these. Forbes actually put
a story out Mark Travers writes aboutpsychology. He writes about are you missing
a text? Asanship so t ext and then a text relationship solely on
(01:12):
texts for those of us that havebeen long enough using it's a messenger like
myself as a messenger going back tonineteen ninety four. This is where you
really realize texting now. It wasinstant messaging before, but then texting became
(01:32):
such a wonderful thing for everybody goingto communicate with First of all, the
palm pilots. Remember we had thebeavers with the texting in it, SMS
messaging, and then everybody has textingnow, and it's so easy with all
emojis and all these other good stuffand snapchatt and kick and all these other
places to go. It's ridiculous,but we have all these places now to
(01:55):
work off of to communicate even datingrelationship because for some reason people think there's
a real human component to texting somebodyback and forth. Okay, you know
you get catfish when you do that. You know you also can be talking
to somebody that is not even thereal person on the other side by doing
that, And so by doing thisyou have to realize this part. Now.
(02:17):
One of the things I've actually beeninterested in right now is I'm listening
to an audiobook on gas sliding,and I want to get and pull up
what the book is real quick forall of you just to go ahead,
and if you want to go andfall along with King of Podcasters, Uncle
cute podcasts. And you want tofind out what I'm in reading as of
late, then to feel free togo and just check it out with me.
(02:38):
At the moment, I'll tell youwhich book it is. It's called
gas Sliding, Recognize Manipulative and EmotionallyAbieuse of People and Break Free, and
the author is Stephanie Moulton Sarcus Andthe book so far has been really good
to get and read because you're reallygetting an understanding of And that's the stuff.
A subject I want to talk abouton a future episode is that by
(03:00):
letting yourself be in a fully textwritten communication, and this goes along with
everybody, even texting, when youmight have voice messages of going in between
one or the other where there's noreal interaction where you're not asking something in
real time and then getting an answerin real time where you can actually hear
someone's voice, you know, intimatethose sentiments with real emotion, with what's
(03:28):
actually being said behind them. Becausemy biggest problem has always been understanding with
somebody's saying in their texts and howsometimes my texting guess is construed. It
happens a lot. I can't tellyou how many times where I'll have somebody,
well, I have a girl thatwill just need to have to ask
me to explain. And I understandthe psychology of how it is with women
(03:51):
that you have to kind of explainyourself sometimes that maybe what is being said
might not be taken analytically but moreemotionally, so you have to take that
into a out And I think aboutthat, and I said to myself,
all right, I'm trying to getmyself somewhere with somebody to talk to them.
But it's like you have to realizeyou do the dig them in steps
(04:14):
because some girls just want to standtext. They do not want to talk
on the phone either of a fearof And the other thing I can't stand
was trying to do dates and onlytext leading up to the date. I
don't understand how people really feel comfortabledoing that when you might have pictures that
might not be the best representation ofthat girl and you never hear her voice
(04:39):
before. I guess people don't reallyunderstand how much of a difference there is
how appealing someone is when you're nottalking through the text and your medium in
person or maybe not, but forthe most part, I've always felt like
a lot of online dating, whenI get to me the person in person,
(05:00):
that girl in person, I geta better experience then everything else,
Like I get this where I'll goon a date you see either dinner,
drinks, whatever, something, movies, and always got a better impression of
the girl after the fact, whichis a good thing. But the thing
was I was gonna be on thefence on who she was and how she
(05:21):
was because of texting. And forthe guys out there, you know this
too. You want a woman tobe able to go and text back.
You want them to kind of matchalong with a dialogue that you're going along
with, or make it where you'redoing the less of the talking and she's
doing the most of it. Ican't tell you how many times I've gone
(05:41):
through different experiments talking different girls ontexts and trying to get them to go
ahead and come across and really openup and speak candidly. It's really hard
to get to do. But ifyou're getting a woman that is absolutely communicating
a lot through a text, Iguess that's not a bad thing because it
(06:02):
at least you know there's an engagementthere, and at least there's an interest
at a very good interest of them. But then you gotta ask yourself,
well, then, how good ofa chance is there you're gonna actually meet
somebody and all of a sudden you'reactually point to get that girl that got
to actually engage with you on aphone call or in person. It's too
many walls in front and in betweenthe chances of making something happen. That's
(06:27):
the biggest problem. I don't peopleto understand that too well, but that's
just how it is. So let'sgive it a story itself about text station
ships txtationship instead of a relationship.So March Trevers writes about that many people
come to therapy after the honeymoon phaseof their online deating, like four us
(06:50):
off. They'll say things like thisquote. My partner and I have been
texting for a long time, butwe've hardly ever engaged in the serious conversation
ever, says we've known each other, We've only been catching up on calls
with no plans of in person meetups. And this is what Mark is calling
(07:10):
a text station ship. So thetext stings created a new dating standard,
a relationship that is based on textingwith little to no face to face and
direction can be noxious, and therewas a study that was published in twenty
nineteen in communication studies face to faceto face relationship results and better relationship quality
than primarily text based relationships. Textstation ships can be addictive in their own
(07:35):
right, enabling you to fantasize abouta mystery person without knowing much about them.
The boosted excitement kicks in when youreceive that text notification in your imagination
feels into banks. Yeah, it'slike doublemine. You get that rush,
and it feels good when you getthe response back. Absolutely, But guys,
we're now stimulated by this. It'snot even the fact we see women
(07:59):
in a beautiful outfit and they're beautifuland they're all made up just for you,
and you're getting to spend time withthem, and maybe you get a
kissing to the night and maybe somethingmore. We're now stimulated by she wrote
back, and maybe she writes somethingmore than just hey, or how are
you or something. What I havelearned in my experience here, I'll be
(08:24):
honest with you, is I've learnedwith some girls you need to gorand show.
You need to overwhelm the girl withinformation, and I don't worry about
texting where I'm just typing away.I know those girls can do that on
my iPhone both hands and hold aStarbucks chilting in their hand however they do
(08:50):
it, and purses and bags andwhatever. But for me, I'm those
whole school guys that you know whenI'm not texting, Like I like the
shite feature my Android phone, whichI know along people a lot of people.
Vibe phones didn't have that for awhile. But I'll just swipe and
of my own swipe. I voicedthe text, and do I care about
typos? No, No, typostay in. Don't want to put an
(09:16):
asterisk after the typo? Sure,But that's what I do. Now I've
voiced the text, and then I'lljust ramble on and give a long one
the text of whatever is important orpertinent to the conversation, because I want
to be able to gage that thegirl's actually going to go and contact me
back or actually going to communicate more. Because I've done a lot of experimenting
(09:37):
where I'm doing direct messaging, becauseI'm doing online dating right now, and
maybe i'm doing all some sites thatmight be you know, kind of sweet
and kind of follily, but I'mjust not going to put that couple of
the out there. You can kindof just decode that for yourselves. But
my thing is it gives me achance to really just engage learn dialogue and
(10:00):
texting, and also give me achance to get talk to different girls at
different ages, just to kind ofunderstand adults, Okay, adults, don't
get your head in the gutter,adult women, and just trying to get
their modust up around it and tryingto understand them and understand if I can
kind of get where not so muchprofiling, but just trying to get an
(10:22):
idea of kind of the archetypes thatyou've heard of before, where there might
be some dating architects or some femalearchetypes of the kind of woman that when
I see them at at face valueand the pictures they decide to put up,
and I look at where they mighthave insecurities, they might have certain
(10:45):
things about them they want to portrayor position themselves as in terms of look
at the lifestyle I have, lookat me, look at me. I'm
a creator, I'm an influencer.I'm just an everyday person. I'm just
a homebody. You know, thingslike that. But yes, this didn't
help during COVID, But I'm surea lot of people did the same thing
(11:05):
during CODE where if you didn't geta person on a video call, which,
by the way, video calls tome not relevant at my age,
I just don't care. I rememberGirt turned off of the fact that she
wanted to show me like some kindof artwork, and we were you texted
for like three days and a coupleof phone calls, but then all of
a sudden she wanted to go intosomething that was just like didn't interest me.
(11:28):
I'm sorry, I told her,but yeah, and then she just
kind of ghosted after that, justdidn't like that. But I was like,
because at other things that I wantedto talk to her about instead,
who knows. All Now, thereare three ways he gives to escape from
a dead ended textationship. Broaden thescope by scheduling calls. So yeah,
(11:50):
actually trying to schedule time for acall, Well, you know what,
I'll tell some girls. You know, I'm free to talk after ten o'clock
at night. And that's also mekind of tying time where I'm doing podcasts,
I'm working on work from a fulltime, or I'm at the movies,
or i'm doing something else. Soyeah, I wouldn't put like necessarily
like an exact time, but I'llsay, you know what I am about
tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow morning, Thursday, whatever, you something like that.
(12:16):
Interactions on the phone and in personmeetings provide you with a window into someone's
personality and can help you the sideof the compass. You's right, but
you can also pick up on verbaland non verbal signals, ensuring that misunderstandings
are kept at bay. There weretwo Reevaluate your needs and express them clearly.
So really check in with yourself anyother person regularly to make sure both
(12:39):
of your intentions are clearly known andif you following the way things are over
text share that with them or ifyou wish to meet the person, make
that known. Planet in person datewill help gain clarity about whether this person
allies with the idea of who theyare in your head and by way texting.
I don't know if you notice this, but like I mean, all
the one hundreds of girls are maybeall the styles is the girls I'm talking
(13:01):
to? Like it? Every year? It does go through like that,
It really does, you know whenyou think about it. All the dating
sites, one thing I can tellyou is that you'll get some conversations going,
and I kid you not. Ifeel like I have to just say
the same things over and over,so all those kind of like I'm gonna
be honest, and maybe some ofyou guys do the same thing. Okay,
I got canned answer. Sometimes I'llget an answer and it's like I'm
(13:24):
doing, you know, work forcustomer service at a fundraiser, doing Zenttel
again to the marketing. Is youget this question, this is your answer,
this is your canned answer, thisis your prepared answer. So yeah,
you know what I got. Iuse Google Keep and I actually have
messages that are I just copy andcopy and paste because I really know what
he did for a living. Igot a whole thing set up. If
(13:46):
I wanted to say anything else,I'll see something else. So why are
you single? I'll have something elseset up, I honestly do. That
wasn't a while a girl actually catchon the that, But then if they
do, like they're just worried aboutfeeling that somebody's in secere. But the
truth is I up those words myselfjust because you're getting to hear you're the
fiftieth girl this month that here's thisstory. Well it's not my problem.
(14:09):
Maybe I won't be on this cycleas hamster wheel of dating, and maybe
I'll find somebody. But you know, I do this just to keep myself
busy. But it's just something that'sa bit of a hobby more than anything
else, because I really don't expectexpectations. It's just, you know,
keep yourself open out there. Maybethat right one will come along, puttle
(14:31):
bet on it. But it's stillthe due diligence of being out there and
being seen and being noticed and makeyourself noticeable so that can happen. Setting
a deadline there's another way of handlinga textation ship. So set boundaries,
a set of silent timeline of expectations. Set a clear expectation of having an
(14:52):
in person to date within this bandof a month. If your partner doesn't
initiate, this proves your expectations todrout a line and could be a good
basis you to decide whether you wantto further relationship or cut off. You
know what, I used to setup three times, It doesn't happen if
three times done. Plus I alsoconsider what time and when the girl wants
to go meet up. If it'sjust an initial date, yeah, middle
(15:13):
of the week, set ups thatan hour, half hour, whatever,
its just to meet up. Andmore than anything, if you do set
up a date, let me tellyou something. I'll give the girl three
times to reschedule. I'm very lenient, but I will say this, Guys
always have a plan BT. Sowherever you're going to go, whatever you're
(15:37):
going to do, remember that youhave a plan be in place so that
you're gonna go out anyway because you'realready planned to do it. And if
this girl does not show she's ano show, you're you know, answer
back. By the way, ifthe girl doesn't at least fifteen minutes,
at least a fifteen minute, whinn'tyou give that you stay where you're going
(15:58):
to be at for her to showup. And if she doesn't answer your
texts, calls, emails, whateveror or dms, or she doesn't respond
back when the fifteen minutes to sayhey, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna
make it. Without having to worryabout an explanation, just let her have
that. Okay, I can't makeit, all right, oh, prom
(16:21):
because you're gonna be better off thatyou have something else to do instead of
thinking that you had put planned yourwhole time with her. You need to
have a plan B, folks,very important and I've done that for a
long time. Long time. PlanB always. You gotta have an alternate
plan in case things don't work out. You have a club you're gonna go
(16:42):
to, You gotta bar you're gonnago to. You got some friends to
meet up with, Like you eventell he, hey, man, I'm
supposed to go on a date.You know, maybe I'll catch you with
you guys later, or you know, I'll legit all goes like if you
got friends, you make good point. You know what? You almost kind
of laying in the fact that eight, I might need you guys, I
might need you to hang out withif things don't go well, So just
(17:03):
give the heads out. What's yourfriends to help out with that too?
Textationships, texting is I'm glad Markwrote this because this is very important.
You need to understand that that humancomponent is going away and you're not getting
(17:25):
any better of a relationship by doingthis, because what you're creating is already
a handicapped on its own. He'snot wrong about a month is all you
need of talking and really it's justbased on engagement. It's based on interest.
She's got to be mutually interested.She's got to be matching up with
(17:47):
your interest to her. If shedoesn't get out as seriously, you don't
have to say anything else. Ifyou feel like there's nothing going on,
just stop texting, maybe take sometime to come back. But you know
what, she's got other people she'sdealing with. She's got other things on
her mind. You're not priority,so don't make her a priority either.
(18:10):
But I can't tell any times Ihave hundreds of one, hundreds of emails
or there somebody have text messages rightnow, which, by the way,
I also don't use my main numberus by use a Google Voice number,
and I've had that for years,and I'll put everything there. If I
need to go back and search anything, I can do that. That's what
Google Voice is good for. ButI can't tell any times I've gone through.
(18:33):
I'll have dialogue back and forth andthen just a fall off, yes,
second rejection and behind texts. Youdon't know what they're thinking. You
don't know why they to stop texting. You know what the reason is,
just as sill she's not interesting anymore. You've been rejected. Almost always,
(18:55):
that's what it is. But sometimesit's funny where you'll get a message like
all of a sudden, girl calls. You're gonna rate back, you know,
weeks later, months later, sometimestwo years later. But don't do
what I did. I remember agirl that I was talking to. There
was a website called The Big ofthe Beautiful. Yeah, that site part
of the Cougar Life of family ofwebsites. And when I went on there,
(19:22):
there was a girl was talking toand she was que but a lot
of things happened to her. Andthis is where I also learned that she
had a lot of emotional trauma.She had issues with the past boyfriends and
all this. But it's like I'mcatching when she's broken basically. But she
would text, mostly just messages onthe website, but she would always right
(19:45):
back, and then I would takea while. But then I know,
we started texting after don'note phone couldn'tget her meet up, and then we
just kind of split apart. I'dreach back out to her because I'm a
you know, I'm a gull ofand I was kind of like I wanted
to make something happen, so I'dgive her some time, some space,
(20:06):
reach back out, and we wouldjust do that. Well, I literally
met her almost one year to theday later, and it was a mistake.
We met up, no chemistry,know nothing. What was they doing
with her? What Mark Tiver sayshere, is it right? You get
this false expectation, this fantasy thatyou've put around, that you've kind of
(20:29):
made this person out to be.It's so easy to do that. It's
so easy to get that kind offantasy in your mind because all you're doing
is off of texts. And Isit and you have a couple of pictures
of work, off of pictures thatthey want you to see, or picture
they show you that you realize.Tell you this, man, one thing
I've asked about. And I don'tthink anybody likes this right here, but
(20:52):
I do it anyway. This isnot a popular opinion. But you know
what, if you want to tryto do something a little different, I'll
tell a girl a send me somepictures of view during the time you're with
your ex, not you with yourex, but during the time you were
with your ex before you broke up. Yeah, this is a controversial request,
(21:17):
but if you want to get tounderstand what this girl's going through and
why she is single and what happenedto her, because I think being empathetic
to her and realizing when she's tryingto rebound with you out of a long
relationship or a relationship just was bad. You should find out. You know,
you're a beautiful girl, you're single, what's going on? Because the
(21:41):
one thing I want to always lookat is the guy, especially if it's
an abusive guy and he's toxic andnarcissistic and manipulative, controlling. He's going
to make her dress and look inthe mold that he wants and it's not
gonna be much for input. Butwhat she will do, most likely is
(22:02):
she won't have a lot of piercings. She'll try to have her hair natural,
and she'll try to look sexy becausethis is what the guy wants.
This is what you need to seeof her in the state that she was.
What like, here's the thing.You don't want to be the jerk
boyfriend that she had. But theeffort that she put into being with that
(22:23):
boyfriend, the love she was puttingit to him, the attention, all
the efforts she put in. That'sthe girl you want. But you want
to treat her way better than shegot treated. She doesn't need to be
putting all that effort out and showingall that love and looking so beautiful to
(22:45):
a guy that is treating your likeshit, doesn't appreciate her, controls her,
abuses her emotionally, mentally, manytime, physically and sexually. Understand
this too, man Like, thereis a thing where I'm not saying a
lot of women are being abused likethat in that nature, but there are
(23:06):
quite a few that do get intothat, or they're just they're just mythed
they're frustrated because of a past relationshipand now they don't have an interest anymore
in dating, or they're just givingyou a chance. But the truth is,
understand why like you don't need necessarilybe the savior the rescue were here.
I'm not saying that. What I'msaying is you want to be able
(23:29):
to learn from the girl about whoyou don't want, how you want to
make sure you're not the same kindof guy that she was with, because
if you realize she just picked youand you're very similar to the same kind
of guy, but things are notgoing to go well. You want to
realize is she's looking at you uniquelywith the individual set of opinions and eyes
(23:56):
to say, hey, there's somethingunique and about you. She won't tell
you that, but Alici'll find outabout it. I'm telling you it's a
pretty good trick because you don't focusso much on her X. All you're
asking for is the last relationship.What do you look like when you put
(24:18):
the real effort out there, notyou and leggings or yoga pants and then
all justice west Oh, when youwent out, you went on dates,
and you were going out, andyou were looking good, and you were
justice in the eyes. You wereputting your best foot forward. You were
putting the effort. If more guysgot to see the girls when they were
putting that effort in to a shittyboyfriend, okay, and this guy,
(24:45):
like a guy by myself, weget to see you like. Remember,
there's a reason why guys go afteryou when you are in a bad relationship
or when you are even with somebodyelse on your arm. It's because you
are creating the appeal that we wanted. You're looking like the girl that we
(25:06):
wanted to be with because the guyis holding on to you, and now
we're jealous. Now we want whathe has absolutely and so if you can
give that guy that, ladies,you should build again. Be the same
kind of effort for the next guy. You have to overcome your trauma head
(25:30):
on, face forward, because itwasn't your fault that things happened with a
guy that it was. Sometimes theremight be, but you know what,
I'm going to give women the benefitof the doubt. It's not because of
what you did and how you're everyou're put out. You could have just
landed a guy that doesn't appreciate itand also punished you and gas let you
(25:56):
had abused you in so many differentways, mess with your head, mess
with your mind, mess with yourinsecurities. All of it made you broke
or made you depressed, made youunhappy, made you angry, made you
bitter, made you pissed. Youdon't want that guy to live rent free
in your head. I make thisa point very clear. So that's one
(26:18):
of the things I also talked about, just that if you do get to
a relationship. I have a friendof mine which I'm not going to name
names, but he was in what'scalled the double income note kids lifestyle.
So he works in a trade andshe is in the medical film. That's
(26:40):
all I'm gonna say about that.And for a long time they were living
together, no kids, no plansor kids, and they were having a
good old time together, travel enjoythemselves and you know, working busy lifestyles
but doing what they could to youknow, be there for each other without
(27:03):
needing to have a family around them. I don't think there's anything wrong with
that. I actually quite quite afew relationships of my cousins that were married
and though kids were involved, becausethis goes for people living together or they'll
bother of kids. Like remember thisalso goes for not just men and women,
(27:26):
this is also gay, queer,lesbian, transgender, Every kind of
relationship could be double income, nokids. So story came in from Yoah
who financed talking about that the mostbenefit to this lifestyle is dealing with few
(27:49):
or financial responsibilities. From forget havingthe budget for groceries, extra healthcare,
childcare, education costs, Christmas partiesand birthday parties and so on. You
could have more budget for fun activitieslike dining out or traveling or building to
your savings. And that's the partthey're looking at is there is a real
investment. If you're able to getwith somebody that is financially fiscally minded and
(28:14):
you enjoy each other's company, whenyou create the double income, no kids
relationship. Now this can be abusedbecause you know, I know if girls
that have gone out of this,but they'll have their job or their income,
but what they're also doing is they'realso studying for their career to build
something more. And there have beentimes where but any times we're listening,
(28:38):
if there's no real attachment, there'ssomething that's holding the girl into the relationship,
that's you know, they can breakit up, like you can make
a clean break as someone realize thatone of the ones they have this double
income no kids relationship and their incomegets better, just like the guys does
that sharing of the income and nokids to keep themselves attached, and that
(29:02):
just becomes like a starter relationship orjust a relationship in between transitional, and
then they'll find somebody else to bewith and then that's gonna be some bullshit.
And you know who gets through theold bat at the wrong end of
the stake. The guys, don'tThey always do that. That's how it
is. That's how it is.That's the show for the night. Thank
(29:26):
you for finding the shows you alwaysdo catching it. I do appreciate all
of you checking the shot each weekDD Radio dot Live. You know that's
where you find all it's going onwith the program and enjoying this great programming.
I hope you really enjoy me doingthe weekly content as doing the show
(29:48):
every three days the money Wednesday Fridayformat was just too much to work wealth
of. But now this format isgreat. I love it. The Bridge
and the Batris is part of theKing of Podcasts radio network, which you
can find all the programming, musicand talk at King of Podcasts dot com,
the website for division of the Baucher'sMeaty Radio dot line. You could
(30:11):
also find there where you can listento the show. Apple Podcasts, Amazon
Music, Spotify, and Google Podcastsand wherever you find podcasts. Plus you
can find all my social media whichis on Twitter, Facebook, TikTok on
Instagram at King of Podcasts. AndIt's all right to be a little appraise and debauchers
We are all a little depraved anddebaucherous here. He's the king of podcasts
and once again the DEPREI of theDebauchris episode coming at you. Thanks listening
in the joys. Do appreciate youjoining me at dd Radio dot Live.
I'm just playing with the fiddling withthe controls. You're sorry about that.
(00:25):
I'm doing it as as we're atit, and I'm enjoying the fun of
it. We got a couple ofsubjects to talk about tonight. Are you
missing a tech station ship? I'mgoing to explain that really contrived phrase.
And how about doubled income? Nokids, These are two subjects where we
(00:46):
talk about here some new deating andrelationship traits here on de Paris of the
Debauchris, which you know it iskind of interesting just to look at and
focus and analyze. We're gonna talkabout both of these. Forbes actually put
a story out Mark Travers writes aboutpsychology. He writes about are you missing
a text? Asanship so t ext and then a text relationship solely on
(01:12):
texts for those of us that havebeen long enough using it's a messenger like
myself as a messenger going back tonineteen ninety four. This is where you
really realize texting now. It wasinstant messaging before, but then texting became
(01:32):
such a wonderful thing for everybody goingto communicate with First of all, the
palm pilots. Remember we had thebeavers with the texting in it, SMS
messaging, and then everybody has textingnow, and it's so easy with all
emojis and all these other good stuffand snapchatt and kick and all these other
places to go. It's ridiculous,but we have all these places now to
(01:55):
work off of to communicate even datingrelationship because for some reason people think there's
a real human component to texting somebodyback and forth. Okay, you know
you get catfish when you do that. You know you also can be talking
to somebody that is not even thereal person on the other side by doing
that, And so by doing thisyou have to realize this part. Now.
(02:17):
One of the things I've actually beeninterested in right now is I'm listening
to an audiobook on gas sliding,and I want to get and pull up
what the book is real quick forall of you just to go ahead,
and if you want to go andfall along with King of Podcasters, Uncle
cute podcasts. And you want tofind out what I'm in reading as of
late, then to feel free togo and just check it out with me.
(02:38):
At the moment, I'll tell youwhich book it is. It's called
gas Sliding, Recognize Manipulative and EmotionallyAbieuse of People and Break Free, and
the author is Stephanie Moulton Sarcus Andthe book so far has been really good
to get and read because you're reallygetting an understanding of And that's the stuff.
A subject I want to talk abouton a future episode is that by
(03:00):
letting yourself be in a fully textwritten communication, and this goes along with
everybody, even texting, when youmight have voice messages of going in between
one or the other where there's noreal interaction where you're not asking something in
real time and then getting an answerin real time where you can actually hear
someone's voice, you know, intimatethose sentiments with real emotion, with what's
(03:28):
actually being said behind them. Becausemy biggest problem has always been understanding with
somebody's saying in their texts and howsometimes my texting guess is construed. It
happens a lot. I can't tellyou how many times where I'll have somebody,
well, I have a girl thatwill just need to have to ask
me to explain. And I understandthe psychology of how it is with women
(03:51):
that you have to kind of explainyourself sometimes that maybe what is being said
might not be taken analytically but moreemotionally, so you have to take that
into a out And I think aboutthat, and I said to myself,
all right, I'm trying to getmyself somewhere with somebody to talk to them.
But it's like you have to realizeyou do the dig them in steps
(04:14):
because some girls just want to standtext. They do not want to talk
on the phone either of a fearof And the other thing I can't stand
was trying to do dates and onlytext leading up to the date. I
don't understand how people really feel comfortabledoing that when you might have pictures that
might not be the best representation ofthat girl and you never hear her voice
(04:39):
before. I guess people don't reallyunderstand how much of a difference there is
how appealing someone is when you're nottalking through the text and your medium in
person or maybe not, but forthe most part, I've always felt like
a lot of online dating, whenI get to me the person in person,
(05:00):
that girl in person, I geta better experience then everything else,
Like I get this where I'll goon a date you see either dinner,
drinks, whatever, something, movies, and always got a better impression of
the girl after the fact, whichis a good thing. But the thing
was I was gonna be on thefence on who she was and how she
(05:21):
was because of texting. And forthe guys out there, you know this
too. You want a woman tobe able to go and text back.
You want them to kind of matchalong with a dialogue that you're going along
with, or make it where you'redoing the less of the talking and she's
doing the most of it. Ican't tell you how many times I've gone
(05:41):
through different experiments talking different girls ontexts and trying to get them to go
ahead and come across and really openup and speak candidly. It's really hard
to get to do. But ifyou're getting a woman that is absolutely communicating
a lot through a text, Iguess that's not a bad thing because it
(06:02):
at least you know there's an engagementthere, and at least there's an interest
at a very good interest of them. But then you gotta ask yourself,
well, then, how good ofa chance is there you're gonna actually meet
somebody and all of a sudden you'reactually point to get that girl that got
to actually engage with you on aphone call or in person. It's too
many walls in front and in betweenthe chances of making something happen. That's
(06:27):
the biggest problem. I don't peopleto understand that too well, but that's
just how it is. So let'sgive it a story itself about text station
ships txtationship instead of a relationship.So March Trevers writes about that many people
come to therapy after the honeymoon phaseof their online deating, like four us
(06:50):
off. They'll say things like thisquote. My partner and I have been
texting for a long time, butwe've hardly ever engaged in the serious conversation
ever, says we've known each other, We've only been catching up on calls
with no plans of in person meetups. And this is what Mark is calling
(07:10):
a text station ship. So thetext stings created a new dating standard,
a relationship that is based on textingwith little to no face to face and
direction can be noxious, and therewas a study that was published in twenty
nineteen in communication studies face to faceto face relationship results and better relationship quality
than primarily text based relationships. Textstation ships can be addictive in their own
(07:35):
right, enabling you to fantasize abouta mystery person without knowing much about them.
The boosted excitement kicks in when youreceive that text notification in your imagination
feels into banks. Yeah, it'slike doublemine. You get that rush,
and it feels good when you getthe response back. Absolutely, But guys,
we're now stimulated by this. It'snot even the fact we see women
(07:59):
in a beautiful outfit and they're beautifuland they're all made up just for you,
and you're getting to spend time withthem, and maybe you get a
kissing to the night and maybe somethingmore. We're now stimulated by she wrote
back, and maybe she writes somethingmore than just hey, or how are
you or something. What I havelearned in my experience here, I'll be
(08:24):
honest with you, is I've learnedwith some girls you need to gorand show.
You need to overwhelm the girl withinformation, and I don't worry about
texting where I'm just typing away.I know those girls can do that on
my iPhone both hands and hold aStarbucks chilting in their hand however they do
(08:50):
it, and purses and bags andwhatever. But for me, I'm those
whole school guys that you know whenI'm not texting, Like I like the
shite feature my Android phone, whichI know along people a lot of people.
Vibe phones didn't have that for awhile. But I'll just swipe and
of my own swipe. I voicedthe text, and do I care about
typos? No, No, typostay in. Don't want to put an
(09:16):
asterisk after the typo? Sure,But that's what I do. Now I've
voiced the text, and then I'lljust ramble on and give a long one
the text of whatever is important orpertinent to the conversation, because I want
to be able to gage that thegirl's actually going to go and contact me
back or actually going to communicate more. Because I've done a lot of experimenting
(09:37):
where I'm doing direct messaging, becauseI'm doing online dating right now, and
maybe i'm doing all some sites thatmight be you know, kind of sweet
and kind of follily, but I'mjust not going to put that couple of
the out there. You can kindof just decode that for yourselves. But
my thing is it gives me achance to really just engage learn dialogue and
(10:00):
texting, and also give me achance to get talk to different girls at
different ages, just to kind ofunderstand adults, Okay, adults, don't
get your head in the gutter,adult women, and just trying to get
their modust up around it and tryingto understand them and understand if I can
kind of get where not so muchprofiling, but just trying to get an
(10:22):
idea of kind of the archetypes thatyou've heard of before, where there might
be some dating architects or some femalearchetypes of the kind of woman that when
I see them at at face valueand the pictures they decide to put up,
and I look at where they mighthave insecurities, they might have certain
(10:45):
things about them they want to portrayor position themselves as in terms of look
at the lifestyle I have, lookat me, look at me. I'm
a creator, I'm an influencer.I'm just an everyday person. I'm just
a homebody. You know, thingslike that. But yes, this didn't
help during COVID, But I'm surea lot of people did the same thing
(11:05):
during CODE where if you didn't geta person on a video call, which,
by the way, video calls tome not relevant at my age,
I just don't care. I rememberGirt turned off of the fact that she
wanted to show me like some kindof artwork, and we were you texted
for like three days and a coupleof phone calls, but then all of
a sudden she wanted to go intosomething that was just like didn't interest me.
(11:28):
I'm sorry, I told her,but yeah, and then she just
kind of ghosted after that, justdidn't like that. But I was like,
because at other things that I wantedto talk to her about instead,
who knows. All Now, thereare three ways he gives to escape from
a dead ended textationship. Broaden thescope by scheduling calls. So yeah,
(11:50):
actually trying to schedule time for acall, Well, you know what,
I'll tell some girls. You know, I'm free to talk after ten o'clock
at night. And that's also mekind of tying time where I'm doing podcasts,
I'm working on work from a fulltime, or I'm at the movies,
or i'm doing something else. Soyeah, I wouldn't put like necessarily
like an exact time, but I'llsay, you know what I am about
tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow morning, Thursday, whatever, you something like that.
(12:16):
Interactions on the phone and in personmeetings provide you with a window into someone's
personality and can help you the sideof the compass. You's right, but
you can also pick up on verbaland non verbal signals, ensuring that misunderstandings
are kept at bay. There weretwo Reevaluate your needs and express them clearly.
So really check in with yourself anyother person regularly to make sure both
(12:39):
of your intentions are clearly known andif you following the way things are over
text share that with them or ifyou wish to meet the person, make
that known. Planet in person datewill help gain clarity about whether this person
allies with the idea of who theyare in your head and by way texting.
I don't know if you notice this, but like I mean, all
the one hundreds of girls are maybeall the styles is the girls I'm talking
(13:01):
to? Like it? Every year? It does go through like that,
It really does, you know whenyou think about it. All the dating
sites, one thing I can tellyou is that you'll get some conversations going,
and I kid you not. Ifeel like I have to just say
the same things over and over,so all those kind of like I'm gonna
be honest, and maybe some ofyou guys do the same thing. Okay,
I got canned answer. Sometimes I'llget an answer and it's like I'm
(13:24):
doing, you know, work forcustomer service at a fundraiser, doing Zenttel
again to the marketing. Is youget this question, this is your answer,
this is your canned answer, thisis your prepared answer. So yeah,
you know what I got. Iuse Google Keep and I actually have
messages that are I just copy andcopy and paste because I really know what
he did for a living. Igot a whole thing set up. If
(13:46):
I wanted to say anything else,I'll see something else. So why are
you single? I'll have something elseset up, I honestly do. That
wasn't a while a girl actually catchon the that, But then if they
do, like they're just worried aboutfeeling that somebody's in secere. But the
truth is I up those words myselfjust because you're getting to hear you're the
fiftieth girl this month that here's thisstory. Well it's not my problem.
(14:09):
Maybe I won't be on this cycleas hamster wheel of dating, and maybe
I'll find somebody. But you know, I do this just to keep myself
busy. But it's just something that'sa bit of a hobby more than anything
else, because I really don't expectexpectations. It's just, you know,
keep yourself open out there. Maybethat right one will come along, puttle
(14:31):
bet on it. But it's stillthe due diligence of being out there and
being seen and being noticed and makeyourself noticeable so that can happen. Setting
a deadline there's another way of handlinga textation ship. So set boundaries,
a set of silent timeline of expectations. Set a clear expectation of having an
(14:52):
in person to date within this bandof a month. If your partner doesn't
initiate, this proves your expectations todrout a line and could be a good
basis you to decide whether you wantto further relationship or cut off. You
know what, I used to setup three times, It doesn't happen if
three times done. Plus I alsoconsider what time and when the girl wants
to go meet up. If it'sjust an initial date, yeah, middle
(15:13):
of the week, set ups thatan hour, half hour, whatever,
its just to meet up. Andmore than anything, if you do set
up a date, let me tellyou something. I'll give the girl three
times to reschedule. I'm very lenient, but I will say this, Guys
always have a plan BT. Sowherever you're going to go, whatever you're
(15:37):
going to do, remember that youhave a plan be in place so that
you're gonna go out anyway because you'realready planned to do it. And if
this girl does not show she's ano show, you're you know, answer
back. By the way, ifthe girl doesn't at least fifteen minutes,
at least a fifteen minute, whinn'tyou give that you stay where you're going
(15:58):
to be at for her to showup. And if she doesn't answer your
texts, calls, emails, whateveror or dms, or she doesn't respond
back when the fifteen minutes to sayhey, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna
make it. Without having to worryabout an explanation, just let her have
that. Okay, I can't makeit, all right, oh, prom
(16:21):
because you're gonna be better off thatyou have something else to do instead of
thinking that you had put planned yourwhole time with her. You need to
have a plan B, folks,very important and I've done that for a
long time. Long time. PlanB always. You gotta have an alternate
plan in case things don't work out. You have a club you're gonna go
(16:42):
to, You gotta bar you're gonnago to. You got some friends to
meet up with, Like you eventell he, hey, man, I'm
supposed to go on a date.You know, maybe I'll catch you with
you guys later, or you know, I'll legit all goes like if you
got friends, you make good point. You know what? You almost kind
of laying in the fact that eight, I might need you guys, I
might need you to hang out withif things don't go well, So just
(17:03):
give the heads out. What's yourfriends to help out with that too?
Textationships, texting is I'm glad Markwrote this because this is very important.
You need to understand that that humancomponent is going away and you're not getting
(17:25):
any better of a relationship by doingthis, because what you're creating is already
a handicapped on its own. He'snot wrong about a month is all you
need of talking and really it's justbased on engagement. It's based on interest.
She's got to be mutually interested.She's got to be matching up with
(17:47):
your interest to her. If shedoesn't get out as seriously, you don't
have to say anything else. Ifyou feel like there's nothing going on,
just stop texting, maybe take sometime to come back. But you know
what, she's got other people she'sdealing with. She's got other things on
her mind. You're not priority,so don't make her a priority either.
(18:10):
But I can't tell any times Ihave hundreds of one, hundreds of emails
or there somebody have text messages rightnow, which, by the way,
I also don't use my main numberus by use a Google Voice number,
and I've had that for years,and I'll put everything there. If I
need to go back and search anything, I can do that. That's what
Google Voice is good for. ButI can't tell any times I've gone through.
(18:33):
I'll have dialogue back and forth andthen just a fall off, yes,
second rejection and behind texts. Youdon't know what they're thinking. You
don't know why they to stop texting. You know what the reason is,
just as sill she's not interesting anymore. You've been rejected. Almost always,
(18:55):
that's what it is. But sometimesit's funny where you'll get a message like
all of a sudden, girl calls. You're gonna rate back, you know,
weeks later, months later, sometimestwo years later. But don't do
what I did. I remember agirl that I was talking to. There
was a website called The Big ofthe Beautiful. Yeah, that site part
of the Cougar Life of family ofwebsites. And when I went on there,
(19:22):
there was a girl was talking toand she was que but a lot
of things happened to her. Andthis is where I also learned that she
had a lot of emotional trauma.She had issues with the past boyfriends and
all this. But it's like I'mcatching when she's broken basically. But she
would text, mostly just messages onthe website, but she would always right
(19:45):
back, and then I would takea while. But then I know,
we started texting after don'note phone couldn'tget her meet up, and then we
just kind of split apart. I'dreach back out to her because I'm a
you know, I'm a gull ofand I was kind of like I wanted
to make something happen, so I'dgive her some time, some space,
(20:06):
reach back out, and we wouldjust do that. Well, I literally
met her almost one year to theday later, and it was a mistake.
We met up, no chemistry,know nothing. What was they doing
with her? What Mark Tiver sayshere, is it right? You get
this false expectation, this fantasy thatyou've put around, that you've kind of
(20:29):
made this person out to be.It's so easy to do that. It's
so easy to get that kind offantasy in your mind because all you're doing
is off of texts. And Isit and you have a couple of pictures
of work, off of pictures thatthey want you to see, or picture
they show you that you realize.Tell you this, man, one thing
I've asked about. And I don'tthink anybody likes this right here, but
(20:52):
I do it anyway. This isnot a popular opinion. But you know
what, if you want to tryto do something a little different, I'll
tell a girl a send me somepictures of view during the time you're with
your ex, not you with yourex, but during the time you were
with your ex before you broke up. Yeah, this is a controversial request,
(21:17):
but if you want to get tounderstand what this girl's going through and
why she is single and what happenedto her, because I think being empathetic
to her and realizing when she's tryingto rebound with you out of a long
relationship or a relationship just was bad. You should find out. You know,
you're a beautiful girl, you're single, what's going on? Because the
(21:41):
one thing I want to always lookat is the guy, especially if it's
an abusive guy and he's toxic andnarcissistic and manipulative, controlling. He's going
to make her dress and look inthe mold that he wants and it's not
gonna be much for input. Butwhat she will do, most likely is
(22:02):
she won't have a lot of piercings. She'll try to have her hair natural,
and she'll try to look sexy becausethis is what the guy wants.
This is what you need to seeof her in the state that she was.
What like, here's the thing.You don't want to be the jerk
boyfriend that she had. But theeffort that she put into being with that
(22:23):
boyfriend, the love she was puttingit to him, the attention, all
the efforts she put in. That'sthe girl you want. But you want
to treat her way better than shegot treated. She doesn't need to be
putting all that effort out and showingall that love and looking so beautiful to
(22:45):
a guy that is treating your likeshit, doesn't appreciate her, controls her,
abuses her emotionally, mentally, manytime, physically and sexually. Understand
this too, man Like, thereis a thing where I'm not saying a
lot of women are being abused likethat in that nature, but there are
(23:06):
quite a few that do get intothat, or they're just they're just mythed
they're frustrated because of a past relationshipand now they don't have an interest anymore
in dating, or they're just givingyou a chance. But the truth is,
understand why like you don't need necessarilybe the savior the rescue were here.
I'm not saying that. What I'msaying is you want to be able
(23:29):
to learn from the girl about whoyou don't want, how you want to
make sure you're not the same kindof guy that she was with, because
if you realize she just picked youand you're very similar to the same kind
of guy, but things are notgoing to go well. You want to
realize is she's looking at you uniquelywith the individual set of opinions and eyes
(23:56):
to say, hey, there's somethingunique and about you. She won't tell
you that, but Alici'll find outabout it. I'm telling you it's a
pretty good trick because you don't focusso much on her X. All you're
asking for is the last relationship.What do you look like when you put
(24:18):
the real effort out there, notyou and leggings or yoga pants and then
all justice west Oh, when youwent out, you went on dates,
and you were going out, andyou were looking good, and you were
justice in the eyes. You wereputting your best foot forward. You were
putting the effort. If more guysgot to see the girls when they were
putting that effort in to a shittyboyfriend, okay, and this guy,
(24:45):
like a guy by myself, weget to see you like. Remember,
there's a reason why guys go afteryou when you are in a bad relationship
or when you are even with somebodyelse on your arm. It's because you
are creating the appeal that we wanted. You're looking like the girl that we
(25:06):
wanted to be with because the guyis holding on to you, and now
we're jealous. Now we want whathe has absolutely and so if you can
give that guy that, ladies,you should build again. Be the same
kind of effort for the next guy. You have to overcome your trauma head
(25:30):
on, face forward, because itwasn't your fault that things happened with a
guy that it was. Sometimes theremight be, but you know what,
I'm going to give women the benefitof the doubt. It's not because of
what you did and how you're everyou're put out. You could have just
landed a guy that doesn't appreciate itand also punished you and gas let you
(25:56):
had abused you in so many differentways, mess with your head, mess
with your mind, mess with yourinsecurities. All of it made you broke
or made you depressed, made youunhappy, made you angry, made you
bitter, made you pissed. Youdon't want that guy to live rent free
in your head. I make thisa point very clear. So that's one
(26:18):
of the things I also talked about, just that if you do get to
a relationship. I have a friendof mine which I'm not going to name
names, but he was in what'scalled the double income note kids lifestyle.
So he works in a trade andshe is in the medical film. That's
(26:40):
all I'm gonna say about that.And for a long time they were living
together, no kids, no plansor kids, and they were having a
good old time together, travel enjoythemselves and you know, working busy lifestyles
but doing what they could to youknow, be there for each other without
(27:03):
needing to have a family around them. I don't think there's anything wrong with
that. I actually quite quite afew relationships of my cousins that were married
and though kids were involved, becausethis goes for people living together or they'll
bother of kids. Like remember thisalso goes for not just men and women,
(27:26):
this is also gay, queer,lesbian, transgender, Every kind of
relationship could be double income, nokids. So story came in from Yoah
who financed talking about that the mostbenefit to this lifestyle is dealing with few
(27:49):
or financial responsibilities. From forget havingthe budget for groceries, extra healthcare,
childcare, education costs, Christmas partiesand birthday parties and so on. You
could have more budget for fun activitieslike dining out or traveling or building to
your savings. And that's the partthey're looking at is there is a real
investment. If you're able to getwith somebody that is financially fiscally minded and
(28:14):
you enjoy each other's company, whenyou create the double income, no kids
relationship. Now this can be abusedbecause you know, I know if girls
that have gone out of this,but they'll have their job or their income,
but what they're also doing is they'realso studying for their career to build
something more. And there have beentimes where but any times we're listening,
(28:38):
if there's no real attachment, there'ssomething that's holding the girl into the relationship,
that's you know, they can breakit up, like you can make
a clean break as someone realize thatone of the ones they have this double
income no kids relationship and their incomegets better, just like the guys does
that sharing of the income and nokids to keep themselves attached, and that
(29:02):
just becomes like a starter relationship orjust a relationship in between transitional, and
then they'll find somebody else to bewith and then that's gonna be some bullshit.
And you know who gets through theold bat at the wrong end of
the stake. The guys, don'tThey always do that. That's how it
is. That's how it is.That's the show for the night. Thank
(29:26):
you for finding the shows you alwaysdo catching it. I do appreciate all
of you checking the shot each weekDD Radio dot Live. You know that's
where you find all it's going onwith the program and enjoying this great programming.
I hope you really enjoy me doingthe weekly content as doing the show
(29:48):
every three days the money Wednesday Fridayformat was just too much to work wealth
of. But now this format isgreat. I love it. The Bridge
and the Batris is part of theKing of Podcasts radio network, which you
can find all the programming, musicand talk at King of Podcasts dot com,
the website for division of the Baucher'sMeaty Radio dot line. You could
(30:11):
also find there where you can listento the show. Apple Podcasts, Amazon
Music, Spotify, and Google Podcastsand wherever you find podcasts. Plus you
can find all my social media whichis on Twitter, Facebook, TikTok on
Instagram at King of Podcasts. AndIt's all right to be a little appraise and debauchers
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